The first time I saw the movie Dirty Dancing, I was six-years old. My mom had rented it from the video store, and decided to let me watch it with her. I was excited, because it was my first ever PG-13 movie. So, I was absolutely certain it would be filled with all sorts of naughty grown-up stuff (like curses and sex!), the likes of which I had never seen before!
In actuality, Dirty Dancing had a disappointingly minimal amount of curses (like 15, 20 tops . . . I know, because I counted). And while there was adult content, I was too young to understand most of it. (I’ll get to that later . . .).
Despite all of this, I was a fan of the movie, almost instantaneously, because the Dad in it, Jerry Orbach, looked kind of like my dad. And sort of acted and sounded like him too . . .
I hated Baby’s sister, though! She seemed like a total poopyhead!
So, I was kind of happy that, by the end of the movie, you find out that she’s a TERRIBLE dancer and singer, and nobody in her family really likes her. (That’s what you get for being a poopyhead, after all.)
Oh, yeah, and Baby’s sister didn’t get ANY of the boys! Not even that nerdy hotel manager’s son, Neil, or that rapist waiter, Robby.
Speaking of Robby, that whole rape/ abortion storyline completely flew over my 6-year old head. When the cast started talking about how, “Penny got knocked up by Robby, the creep,” I thought they just meant that he punched her or something. But she didn’t have a black eye, or anything! Weird!
So, why couldn’t she dance at the show? And why did they have to pay all that money for a doctor with a dirty knife to cut her? Why couldn’t she just put a bandaid on her boo boo, and have her mommy kiss it to make it better?
Newman from Seinfeld was in the movie too, and he did MAGIC TRICKS! He even cut Baby in half!
Who knew mailmen had magical powers?
When I was six, I thought it was really funny that, in order to get into the hotel employees’ dance party, Baby had to carry a watermelon.
But it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that she would have to do this, because none of the hotel employees at the party even ate the watermelons she brought! And no one there seemed particularly hungry . . . for food, at least.
Then the BEST part of the movie started! Baby and Johnny started DANCING! Except that, for some reason, the characters decided not to dance to cool music, like Madonna . . .
or New Kids on the Block.
Oh, give me a break! I was six. I didn’t know any better . . .
Instead, they danced to “Old People” music — like the kind Mom and Dad made me listen to in the car when we went out to dinner on weekends.
But that was OK, because Baby and Johnny got to dance in COOL places! Like on a log that reminded me of the balance beam at gymnastics parties . . .
. . . and in the POOL
. . . and on the FLOOR!
And Baby’s mom NEVER even yelled at her for getting her jeans dirty!
Plus, watching Dirty Dancing made me less embarrassed about being ticklish . . .
Then Baby had a sleepover with Johnny, and she got in trouble with her Daddy, because sleepover parties are supposed to be ONLY with girls! Silly!
Then, at the end of the summer, there was a Big Dance at the hotel, and Johnny said, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”
Suddenly, all of the hotel employees appeared out of no where! (Where did they come from?) They did this awesome dance to the song ”I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” which they all knew PERFECTLY, even though they never, ever practiced. . .
Baby even did THE LIFT without falling on her face! So, of course, her Daddy had to forgive her about the whole “sleepover” thing . . .
And they all lived happily ever after . . .
When we finished watching the movie, I asked my Mom if I could take “Dirty Dancing lessons.” She didn’t like that idea too much. So, signed me up for jazz instead. In hindsight, jazz dancing probaby wasn’t as much fun as “dirty dancing” would have been . . .
But I did get to wear pretty shoes . . .
After that first viewing, I went on to watch Dirty Dancing at least 20 more times, as I’m sure a lot of little girls from my generation did. However, just in case you haven’t seen the film, you can check out this really awful old-school trailer for it (complete with cheesy film-announcer narration). If you are one of those people who think that trailers give away the major plot points in movies today, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
They just don’t make ‘em like THAT anymore . . .