Shirtlessness is Godliness – My Take on the Top Ten TV Bods

[WARNING:  On most days, I try to imbue this blog with (moderately) intelligent insights and (sort of) insightful commentary about our pop culture world . . . This is NOT ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  Today is all about objectifying  male television stars, and objectifying them HARD!  So if you happen to be looking for intelligent insights or insightful commentary, you might want to head on over to CNN.com or MSNBC.com — because you won’t find any HERE!]

Are they gone yet?  Good!   Now that we’ve ditched the “mature and responsible adults,” and it’s just us girls, let’s TALK.  Let’s talk about abs of steel, arms of bronze, and skin of silk!  Let’s talk about shoulder blades, belly buttons, backs, butts, and happy trails —  all of it, just barely concealed by tight jeans, strategically placed foliage, soap bubbles, or flimsy peak-a-boo towels!  Ladies, here’s your chance to objectify men, the way they’ve objectified YOU for centuries! 

So, without further adieu, let’s put on our Pink Hard Hats, and DO THIS THING!

When it comes to watching TV, us ladies are LUCKY!  Because, while the FCC simply will NOT allow the exhibition of topless women on prime time television, it has NO TROUBLE AT ALL showing shirtless men!  Out of the countless bodies of work on the “boob-less tube” today, here are just ten of my favorites (in no particular order).

1) Lost’s Shirtless Sawyer (a.k.a Josh Holloway)

When Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on an uncharted island back in 2004, the male survivors immediately instituted a “clothing optional” policy. And BOY are we glad they did!  Snarky, nickname-giving, weapon collecting, bookworm, James Ford, a.k.a Sawyer, is definitely one of those guys who, most of the time, can’t be bothered with such daily inconveniences as putting on a shirt.  So whether he is building a raft to get off the island (which I guess is what he is pictured doing above ), engaging in hot bear cage sex with a fellow castaway .  . .

. . . or randomly taking a shower, while still wearing his jeans . . .

 . . . chances are Sawyer’s going to let you see his belly button, while he’s doing it.  And if that’s not a charitable contribution to society, I don’t know what IS!

2) True Blood’s Shirtless Jason Stackhouse (a.k.a. Ryan Kwanten)

While there aren’t very many characters on television who are shirtless MORE than Sawyer on Lost.  True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse definitely has the distinction of being one of the few.  This self-proclaimed male slut may not be the sharpest “tool” in the shed, but I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.  In fact, I’d probably handcuff him to it, so that he couldn’t leave!

Fans of the show will undoubtedly remember Jason Stackhouse’s “fine form,” as it was displayed during the outdoor, Shirts v. Skins, Football Game he played at “Cult Camp” for the Fellowship of the Sun, during Season 2.

And, of course, who could forget the “Sexy Dance” Jason performed for Lafayette back in Season 1, when he was hooked on Vampire Blood?

Shirtless AND pantless!  It doesn’t get much better than this, ladies!

3) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Stefan Salvatore (a.k.a. Paul Wesley)

Speaking of television characters hooked on Human Vampire Blood, here’s another one who isn’t a big fan of “the shirts.”  This broody vampire, with arms like tree trunks, and pects like a Greek God, generously regales us with his Body of Goodness each week on The Vampire Diaries.  Whether he’s doing chin ups to fend off blood cravings, dangling from a ceiling, while being tortured by a crazed team of rebel vamps, or gallantly retrieving a post-coital glass of water for his human girlfriend . . .

 . . . Stefan Salvatore tends to do it sans-shirt.  And thank Heaven for that!

4) Glee’s Shirtless Noah “Puck” Puckerman (a.k.a. Mark Salling)

Why didn’t any of my classmates look like this when I was in high school?  (Probably because they weren’t played by 27-year old actors with a team of personal trainers at their fingertips . . .)  This MILF seducing . . .

 . . . Mohawk wearing, Sweet Caroline singing, triple-sport playing bad boy, has a body to DIE FOR!  And he’s not afraid to show it off.  I can watch this ONE walk around, wearing nothing but a towel for HOURS!  You know what?  I think I will!

5) True Blood’s Shirtless Eric Northman (a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard)

No wonder True Blood‘s Eric Northman has an entire CALENDAR MONTH dedicated to him!  He’s an extremely well-preserved, centuries old, insanely tall Viking Vampire with a voice like silk, and a penchant for all things bloody.  Did I mention he enjoys taking baths?

Can you really blame Sookie Stackhouse for having sexual dreams about this vamp, even though she is currently involved in another relationship?

6) Supernatural’s Shirtless Sam Winchester (a.k.a. Jared Padalecki)

OK.  I’ll admit that I don’t actually watch this CW show, about two hot demon hunting brothers, one of whom is sometimes possessed.  It just seems too scary for me. (This, coming from a girl who reads and writes books about vampires and hot warlocks, and who watches countless hours of Vampire Television . . . Crazy, I know!)  However, when I was “doing research” for this blog entry, I found this . . .

AND THIS (also featuring a shirtless Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester) . . .

 . . . and figured I might just have to START watching, after all!

7) Grey’s Anatomy’s Shirtless Alex Karev (a.k.a. Justin Chambers)

This Hot (sometimes D-baggy) Doc, with a tortured past, and a sweet side to boot, looks just as good with his scrubs ON as OFF (We prefer them OFF, of course).    For a busy medical professional, Alex Karev gets LAID A LOT!  And for that, we are thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to see him like this . . .

Can you believe that the actor who plays this strapping male specimen is father to FIVE KIDS?

8 ) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Damon Salvatore (a.k.a. Ian Somerhalder)

Clearly, the fictional vampiric Salvatore brothers both possess the gene for AMAZING abs!  Damon, the older, wiser, and snarkier Salvatore, KNOWS he’s hot.  And while occasionally completely shirtless, Damon, unlike his brother, tends to prefer the “open shirt” look . . .

 . . . which leaves a bit more to the imagination, but can be just as sexy.  Did I mention our boy can DANCE?

(Yeah, they won’t let me embed this video.  Poopyheads!  But click the link and WATCH IT!  I promise you WILL NOT be disappointed . . .)

9) Smallville’s Shirtless Clark Kent / Superman  (a.k.a. Tom Welling)

Undoubtedly, if you are being cast in a teen drama about the origins of the Man of Steel, having a hot bod is a prerequisite.  Tom Welling delivers FOR SURE!  Kansas farm boy, Clark Kent, may spend a significant amount of time fighting crime and leaping tall buildings in a single bound, but he’s also hauled a lot of bales of hay in his day.  And that’s really paid off for him in the chest department, if you know what I mean . . .

10) Lost’s Shirtless Desmond Hume  (a.k.a Henry Ian Cusick)

Since we started with a Lostie, I figured another Lostie would be a good place to end.  This romantic, time,traveling Scotsman, who calls everyone “Brotha,” spent years underground, doing nothing put punching numbers into an aging computer and working out.  And it shows!  Aside from being super cut, Our Man Desmond is not afraid to get a little dirty.  And anyone whose watched Lost knows that a dirty naked body is usually a HOT naked body.

Perhaps the reason Desmond is always looking so fit, is that, based on the pictures paparazzi have of him, the actor who plays Desmond does nothing but run ALL THE TIME!  (Check Google Images, if you don’t believe me!)

Well, there you have it ladies!  Ten hot TV men, all of them at least HALF nude!  Your welcome.  Now I’m off to take a cold shower!  Until next time . . .

31 Comments

Filed under Shirtless TV Stars, Top Ten Lists

31 responses to “Shirtlessness is Godliness – My Take on the Top Ten TV Bods

  1. imaginarymen

    You are my hero ;-p

    That TB shirts/skins Jason pic is the BEST! The first time I saw that I just stared at my computer until my eyes glazed over. I don’t even go for really sculpted guys – but Ryan Kwanten’s body is SICK!!!

    I’m glad you gave each Salvatore his own entry, they are both so nicely shirtless in their own special ways! (i.e. Stefan in tanks, Damon in open shirts!)

    I don’t watch “Supernatural” but I sure loved “CuteDean” Jared Padalecki on “Gilmore Girls”!

    I can’t believe “Smallville” is still on.

    Wet, shirtless Sawyer is NEVER a bad thing.

    I’m totally enjoying your unofficial “Shirtless Men Week” I must say. I had one of my own a few months ago and it was quite satisfying.

    Damn woman, how’s a girl supposed to sleep now!??!

    • Thanks Amy! This post was INSANELY fun to “research” and write. And I’m not even going to admit how many times I’ve already watched the “Damon Dancing” video . . .

      Who needs sleep, when you can kickstart your weekend by getting up close and personal with Shirtless Salvatore Brothers, Stackhouses, Sawyers, Surgeons, Smallville Residents, Singing Faux High Schoolers, Supernatural Brothers, Scotsmen, and Sarcastic Viking Vampires? :)

      And, if you must sleep, at least you are guaranteed good dreams! ;)

      Off to scour your blog for this Shirtless Men article you speak of . . .

      • imaginarymen

        It was several posts in one week. It wasn’t intended but @ the end I realized “that’s alot of shirtless men!” There’s a Joel McHale, Apolo Anton Ohno, Brandon Flowers – can’t recall who else ATM.

  2. Amazon Annie

    Thanks Kjewls. A great fun blog. Even though all of the guys who are shirtless are young enough to probably be my sons, a woman can look and appreciate great art, right? I’m glad you chose guys who were men (even though many time they play “boys”) Many of the shirtless actors I enjoyed are older and probably way past the “six pack” age and thankfully don’t do shirtless anymore, leaving me with fond memories of when they were young and hot (hmmm….and so was I, lol)

    • For what it’s worth, Amazon Annie, Henry Ian Cusick is 43 and Josh Holloway is 40. And those two have bods to rival most of the 20 somethings on television today. I know . . . because I RESEARCHED!

      Thanks to the wonders of being rich, having good trainers, and (possibly) receiving some surgical enhancements, “hotness” has a much longer shelf life than it used to have. And when the bods DO eventually wrinkle or turn to flab, at least we’ll always photographs like these to remember what they looked like during their heyday . . .

      (Marlon Brando was a perfect example of this . . .)

  3. Kathy

    Fabulous list!
    You’re right when you said Ian is 43 and damn, if he’s never looked better! As a woman who’s a few years (cough, cough!) older than him…..please God, allow me to get lost on an island with Desmond anytime! ;)

    • Hey Kathy! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

      I agree with you that Henry Ian Cusick is in PEAK physical form. He may be 43, but that body is AGELESS! It must be all that running he does. And as far as getting “stranded” on an island with Desmond Hume, sign me up . . . because I am right there with you! :)

    • Erika

      …and that was BEFORE he became a tri-athlete! :)

      • That’s right Erika! It looks like Cusick was in the Tag the World Celebrity Triathalon. I guess THAT would explain all the pictures on the web of him running! :) I probably should have figured that out . . .

        Good for him! I ran a half-marathon once, but I think that’s about as far as I’ll go. It doesn’t help that I’m a lousy swimmer, and can’t ride a bike. Then again, I could always hitch a ride on the back of Desmond’s ;)

  4. Lola

    aww, you made my day!

    • Thanks so much, Lola! I’m always searching for ways to provide my blogging buddies with extra yummy eye candy ;) . . . This blog entry just seemed like the most obvious way to do it.

      If you had even a smidgeon as much fun reading “Shirtlessness is Godliness,” as I had writing (and “researching” :)) it, I feel I’ve done my good deed for the day!

  5. Buddy

    What does imbue mean?

    • Hey Buddy!

      Thanks so much for stopping by! Imbue generally means “to fill.”

      But you are totally right, I could just have easily used “fill” in that sentence, and not come off as such a “word snob.” I don’t intentionally use difficult words in my blog, but sometimes all those English classes I took in college get the best of me. It’s definitely something I will keep in mind for future entries. Thank you for asking.

    • Buddy

      I took English in college, in fact 2 years of it and still never heard of that word. Maybe it was due to the fact that i skipped most of my classes.. Oh well, thanks for the less. I will try and use that word tomorrow. For tonight, i think i will go and IMBUE my beer mug……WOW, what a ring to it

  6. LOL Buddy! Great use of “imbued.” Who would have thought my “Shirtlessness” blog posting would function as a vocabulary lesson? ;)

    And no worries about the typo. I knew what you meant. Even when completely sober, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mistyped something when commenting on somebody’s blog, and tried to fix it, only to learn that I had already sent it out.

    I’m not sure why WordPress doesn’t let us edit our own comments on other people’s blogs. It’s very strange . . .

    Thanks again for popping by. You made me smile. :)

  7. Daisychain

    For fear of sounding boring…

    I must say I regret the failure of the very sublime Mr. Williams to make it to the Top10 list. Personally, I’d remove the heavenly Mr. Chambers from the pecs and abs category (because, let’s face it, he’s a little barrel-chested, and the sprinkle of hairs neither here nor there), and have our GA cover man be Jackson Avery, whose perfectly defined abdominals are pause-button wearingly beautiful.

    But, if you were to make a Top10 arms and shoulders list, then Chambers gets my vote for No.1.

    • So, very true, Daisychain! Jesse Williams’ omission from this list is indefensible. My only explanation for it is that, if you check out the date when this article was written, it preceded my own personal TV love affair with Jackson Avery, by at least a few months. Just to give you an idea of how old this post is, LOST was still on the air then. :)

      And while I think Jackson Avery was already working at Seattle Grace at that time, he wore a woeful amount of clothing, in most of those early episodes . . . ;) Thank goodness for the Teddy Altman flirtation, and that shower scene a few weeks back. Were it not for them, it may have been months before I saw the light! :)

      Speaking of which, WHEN is our guy getting a love interest, already? In real life, someone who looks like that at an oversexed hospital like Seattle Grace would be screwing like a bunny rabbit. He’d be so busy, he’d barely have time for pesky little things like rounds and surgery! And yet, we’ve already seen him rejected by Cristina, and go virtually unnoticed by Lexie. What gives?

      So, you may be wondering where the heck my Grey’s recap is? And it’s on its way! I was unable to watch the show last night. :( But no worries. That just means I get to watch it on Hulu now, and collect more screencaps (and hopefully some GIFS)! :) It should absolutely be up by tomorrow. I apologize for the delay . . . and for omitting the fine and fabulous Mr. Williams from this list.

      (BTW, I had to giggle at your Justin Chambers – hairy / barrel chested — comments. Karev’s physique has aged a bit, since his first days at Seattle Grace. But considering he’s a 40ish actor, with 5 kids, who’s playing a womanizer in his early 30’s, I’d say he’s still doing pretty well, in the hot bod department. Though I recognize the picture I used here, is probably a tad dated. ;))

      • Daisychain

        Your justification is more than fair… and I personally would keep Sawyer on any shirtless men list for all time. He is a gift to all women-kind! :o)

  8. laNEY

    OWWWWW THEY ARE SOOOOOO CUTE

    • Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Laney! Clearly, I agree with your assessment. These men are GORGEOUS, even with their shirts on. (But, of course, I prefer them off!)

  9. MollsSUPERNATURAL

    Defiantly awesome must say i love love love Supernatural and Jensen aka Dean is so terribly sexy its maddening the show is friggin sweet and not only is he good looking some of the phrases he comes out with just makes you like him more. Supernatural isn’t too bad as far as scary goes it actually makes somethings less scary b/c it shows you how to kill them lol But god i could stare at Dean alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day so thanx for a little extra eye candy

    • Thanks MollsSUPERNATURAL! I’m always happy to help a fellow fangirl out in the eyecandy department! :) There are some guys who should just walk around wearing nothing but towels all the time. And Jensen Ackles a.k.a. Dean is definitely one of those guys! :)

  10. i love hotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttties they are yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy and sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy (LOL) :)

  11. ally

    i love ian somerhalder (a.k.a damon salvatore) & puck from glee there hotties with a capital H

  12. Johan

    I agree with many of you choices, but I am shocked, SHOCKED, that not one Teen Wolf man was choosen. Tyler Hoechlin, Colton Haynes, Dylan Obrien or Tyler Posey. The show is a smörgåsbord of sexiness.

    • Very true, Johan. There are a ton of great naked abs (among other parts) on Teen Wolf. But in my defense, if you look at when the article was originally written, I’m pretty sure Teen Wolf wasn’t around yet. :) I mean, LOST was still on the air. That should give you a hint as to the age of this post. ;)

  13. Howdy! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the fantastic work!

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