What Lies Beneath – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 3 Finale “Evil is Going On”

Tonight’s Season Finale dealt mainly with the types of things that are hidden beneath the surface.  They can be “hidden” in the literal sense,

Oh hi, Russell!  I didn’t see you there!

 . . . the geographic sense,

Welcome to Hicksville, U.S.A.

 . . . or the internal sense.

Inner Fairy

Inner Dick

However, perhaps, the most pernicious things hidden beneath the surface are secrets.  And it was those secrets that truly drove tonight’s episode.

Another F&cked Up Fairytale . . .

“Beam me up, Fairy!”

The episode opens with yet another one of those trippy fairy dream sequences that have become so prevalent, during the latter half of this season.  Sookie is frolicking in the forest, when she comes across what appears to be a giant chandelier, descending from the sky.

Don’t buy it, Sookie!  The monthly electric bill alone would kill you.

Sookie looks in awe at the beautiful alien chandelier for a few moments, before closing her eyes.  Then, unfortunately, the beautiful image is replaced by a much less attractive one . . .

No, this picture is not inverted.  That is actually how Bill’s head looked in the screencap.

Sookie is not at all happy to be woken up from Fairly Land, and she lets Bill know it.  “You f*ckin betrayed me again,” she growls at Bill.  (Damn straight, Sista!)

“I wuz jes trah-ing to pro-tect yuuu, AGIN!”  Bill replies.

They spar a bit longer.   However, when Sookie learns from Pam that the future love of her life (Eric) is outside getting one hell of a sun tan, she leaves Bill’s mopey butt, and dashes out of Fangtasia, to save her man.

What’s with Sookie doing so much running in this episode?  Can’t fairies fly?

They have wings, don’t they?

Sookie finds Eric, whose massive sunburn makes him look a bit like a teenager with a really bad case of acne.  In fact, it was probably the first time in Alexander Skarsgard’s life that he didn’t look the least bit sexy.

Don’t worry, Eric!  A few dabs of Proactive will clear that right up!

While Sookie pouts, and tries to figure out how to move the six plus feet of pure sex that is Eric’s bod, Russell taunts her mercilessly about not using her Fairy Glow Fingers to save him.  Though not AT ALL in a position to threaten, Ballsy Russell tells Sookie that he will kill everyone she loves, if she doesn’t use her magic.

I use this picture of Russell, because it’s the only I could find to show him burning.  But this screencap MASSIVELY overestimates his appearance.  Here is a more accurate represenation . . .

While all this is going on a delirious Eric is talking to the apparation of his daddy . . .

. . . who has taken time out of his busy Angeling Schedule to lecture Eric about being good, kind, and forgiving, and blah, blah, blah . . . I almost fell asleep typing that.

Papa Killjoy

Finally, Sookie figures out how to be a fairy!

She uses her Glow Fingers to toss Russell against a fence, and break the silver chains encircling Eric.  She then drags him inside.  As Eric is in desperate need of blood, Sookie has Bill bite her arm to release some.  She  instructs Bill to keep watch on Eric to make sure he doesn’t accidentally drain the life out of her, like Bill did a few episodes ago.  Ever, the gentleman, Eric maintains his control, taking just enough blood from Sookie’s arm to clear up the acne on his face.  The feeding scene is sweet, and VERY sexy.  MOMMY LIKE!

Yes, boys and girls, arm sucking is the Gateway to Sex!

Once Eric is back to his gorgeous self . . .

 . . . he informs the group that he has to go save Russell, because Ghost Dad told him to do so.  Pam, is not cool with that AT ALL.  “He killed your family.  Rip off his f*cking head,” she says. 

I love Pam.

The only LIVING being in the bunch, Sookie, reluctantly runs outside AGAIN, to grab Russell . . .

 . . . and bring him back inside Fangtasia.

But, alas, just when the party is really getting started, the vampires realizes that they must “go to ground.”  Eric asks Sookie to watch Russell, since she is the only human-ish person he can’t glamour.  Sookie does not care for this idea one bit.  “I’m not babysitting this f*cker, while you all take a nap!”  She whines.  (Have you ever noticed that they say f*ck a lot on this show?)

Bill offers to stay with her while she watches the Russell Steak thaw, but she denies his ass.

Adventures in Babysitting

In a fun, but slightly disturbing scene, Russell attempts to bargain with Sookie for his release, while she boredly reads the latest issue of US Weekly.  Interestingly enough, she requests: $7 million, Russell’s home in Mississippi, and  . . . the DEATHS of Bill and Eric.

But then she changes the subject, turning her attention to Russell’s prized container of Talbot Soup. . .

I taste delicious when sprinkled with some oyster crackers.

Sookie inquires why Russell has been carrying Talbot Soup around so long.  He admits that he hopes that Sookie’s fairy blood will help to restore Talbot from the viscous liquid he is now, to the adorable, fashion advice-giving stallion he was a few episodes back.  So, Sookie, laughing maniacally the whole time, POURS TALBOT DOWN THE SINK!

“Ick!  When’s the last time Eric had his pipes cleaned?  This place is rank!”

And that was when any hope I had of an Eric / Talbot Revenge Sex Reunion literally went right down the drain . . .

Sam’s Grand Redemption Tour

If you recall, during the last episode, a drunk and belligerent Sam made a buttload of enemies, by more or less insulting all of Bon Temps.  Then he screwed Tara . . .

Apparently, there is nothing like a good roll in the hay with someone just as f*cked up as you are, to help you see the world in a new light.  The following morning, Sam is all happy, perky, and well-adjusted.  He’s making his hot cakes, with bacon grease.  Because, “it’s all about the bacon grease.”

See, personally, I think hot cakes are all about the syrup . . . but that’s just me.

In fact, Sam is in such a good mood, he decides to give Tara a pep talk about starting a new life, and banishing the demons of her past.  (Because those who CAN do, and those who CAN’T teach . . .)  Sam also confesses to Tara that he is a shapeshifter, to which she responds “Shut the f*ck up!”

Coincidentally, “Shut the F*ck Up” just so happens to also be the title of Tara’s upcoming autobiography . . .

Once Sam is done rocking Tara’s world, he heads over to Terry’s house to apologize for calling him a headcase and firing him the night before.  When Sam finds Terry crying on the porch, he immediately thinks  its because of his own drunken rampage.

“You’re so vain.  You probably think this tantrum’s about you . . .”

As it turns out, Terry is crying tears of JOY!

Oddly enough, Terry seems to be the ONLY person living in Bon Temps who is GENUINELY HAPPY!  (Weird, I know.)  He shares with Sam his good news about his Devil Baby still being alive, and his future stepkids being OK.  But what pleased ME most was Terry’s positive report on Felix the Armadillo, who I have been worried about terribly, since he was mentioned once during Season 1 and then never again . . .

It lives!  Hooray!

Sam goes to visit Tommy next . . .

. . . but the little Doggie Dude is missing, and seems to have ransacked his living quarters.  At Merlotte’s, Sam learns that Tommy has also emptied out the ENTIRE safe of all cash.  So, Sam hunts down Tommy in the forest with his trusty gun.

 Talk about handling things the WRONG way!  It was so very obvious that Tommy took the money, because he had no other way of supporting himself, but dog fighting.  The kid can’t even READ for crying out loud!  All Sam had to do to get his money back, was rehire Tommy, and ask him to come back home.  But he didn’t.  He just threatened him . . . with a GUN!

So, when Tommy told Sam that the latter didn’t have the guts to shoot him, and walked away cash in hand, Sam called his bluff  . . . and shot him. 

Now, I know we are supposed to believe Sam KILLED his own brother over a bit of petty cash and some lame insults.  However, the scene didn’t fool me for a second.  I’m thinking Sam shot Tommy in the foot to incapacitate him.  This way, he could get back his money, and bring Tommy back home.  But, I’ve been wrong before . . .  (By the way, if both Sam and Tommy wanted to out run eachother, why didn’t each just shapeshift into a fast animal?)

Fang-intervention

“Is this thing on?”

Speaking of guns, up until this episode, Self-Righteous Witch Maxine Fortenberry was just about the last person I would have expected to purchase one.  That is, until the end of the episode, when she DID.  If you recall, last week, Maxine and Summer banded together to “save” Hoyt from the clutches of Vampire Jessica. 

Because Hoyt and Vampire Jessica are currently the cutest vampire / human couple on the PLANET . . .

 (remember, Sookie and Eric aren’t technically together . . . yet), we hope Maxine’s PLAN fails miserably.  So, far ait has.  Maxine’s Big Idea was to stage an “intervention” at Hoyt’s job . . .

Most Pathetic Attendance at an Intervention EVER!

Heading up the intervention is Hoyt’s high school guidance counselor, who has NO experience in psychological counseling whatsoever.  Hoyt, who, by the way, is looking INCREDIBLY sexy and buff, this episode . . .

 (maybe it all that vampire blood he ingested) . . . told the Intervention Crew in no uncertain terms that he loved Vampire Jessica, and anyone who didn’t approve of that, might as well get out of his life.  Mama Maxine tried to win him over with threats of disownment.  However, seeing as Hoyt is now financially independent, and has his own place, there was nothing Maxine could say to change his mind.  The fact that Maxine is such an odios poopyhead, certainly didn’t help matters .  . .Hoyt then gallantly told Summer that he wished her the best, and hope she met the perfect guy one day (a male porcelain doll, perhaps?), before stalking off. 

Later, in a very sweet scene, Hoyt surprises Jessica, by inviting her to live in a brand new apartment that he rented just for the two of them . . .

When Jess comments that she can’t live without him, Hoyt replies that she’ll never have to.  (Ummmm, yeah, except she’s IMMORTAL and your NOT, so . . .)  Logistics of vampire / human relationships aside, the way that statement was made, while the camera lingered on a strange item on Hoyt’s new living room floor, and the way the scene immediately shifted to Maxine and her “target practice” made me worry about Hoyt’s fate in a way that I haven’t before . . . particularly, since, another fairly major character from the books, unceremoniously bit the dust this week.

“My name is Jason”

Jason Stackhouse: Guardian and Protector of all things trailer trashy

After seeing the DEA piling into to squad cars, right outside the police precinct . . .

 . . . and speaking with Andy, who inadvertently revealed that there would be a raid on the trailers at Hotshot that day, Jason jumps into action.

He and Crystal head to Hotshot, to warn the all the inbreds to hide their meth and V stashes . . .

. . . though initially skeptical, the “Hotshots” eventually agree to hide their stash.  But then, a hopped-up-on-V, Crazy Felton leaps into the scene, inexplicably shooting Calvin Norris dead.  He then threatens to kill everyone, if Crystal doesn’t go with him, and leave town with the massive V stash.  Jason pulls out the classic, “You’ll have to kill me first,” line, but Crystal has other plans . . . 

I’ve gotta say, sex with Crystal must be FABULOUS.  

How else could she possibly get Jason to agree to become King of the Trailer Park?  Because that pretty much looks like the WORST JOB EVER.    Nevertheless, the position does have ONE job perk that Jason might enjoy.  This will probably be the only workplace on the planet where Jason Stackhouse is the SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM  . . .

In Other News . . .

Before I get back to Sookie, and the Main Event, lets get some of the less important (and less interesting) storylines out of the way, shall we. 

“Just keep smoking up, Tara.  Because if ANYONE needs to loosen up, it’s YOU!”

You know your character is going through a storyline dryspell, when it’s the SEASON FINALE of a show, and the most exciting thing you do during the ENTIRE HOUR is give yourself a bad haircut, one that makes you look a bit like Vanessa Huxtable from The Cosby Show.

 . . . which would be fine, if it were still 1988.

(Based on some of the message board comments, I know some of you out there really liked the new ‘do.  But it just really didn’t work for me.  Sorry!)

After not-so-subtly saying what sound like final goodbyes to Sookie and her mother (What?  NO Lafayette?), we last see Tara driving off into the sunset.  Hopefully, she’s just going to the beauty salon to FIX THAT HAIR, and isn’t gone for good . . .

Speaking of Lafayette .  . .

. . . he’s still tripping on the aftershocks of that V he took with Jesus.  And now, it’s making him see auras (?), secrets(?), hallucinations(?) — it’s hard to tell exactly what.  All I know is his visions involved Sam with blood on his hands, and an evil murderous Rene strangling, Arlene and warning Lafayette that he is INSIDE of her.  The fact that both visions are ostensibly TRUE (Sam shot his ex and her boyfriend, and, possibly Tommy.  And Arlene DOES seem to have a Devil Baby.), just makes this whole storyline even stranger.

Fearing he is going schizo like his mother, a very freaked out Lafayette seeks help from Jesus . . .

 . . . but THIS GUY comes instead . . .

The OTHER Jesus explains that Lafayette’s visions will calm down once Lafayette learns how to use MAGIC to control them.  Yes, apparently, Jesus is a WITCH . . . .

 . . . meaning, maybe, Lafayette is one too.  Geez, is ANYONE just plain human on this show, anymore?

Sookie de-friends ALL vampires on Facebook / joins Fairy Group.

“It’s complicated.”

Back at Fangtasia, Sookie is babysitting Russell still, when Alcide ARRIVES!

 . .. and he is looking so INSANELY GORGEOUS that Ginger can’t help but scream like a fangirl at the sight of him.

 .  . . OK .  . . that wasn’t why she screamed.  But that would have made a lot more sense. 

Alcide wasn’t even in werewolf form.  What the heck is so frightening about a modelesque hunk with perfect abs?  Seriously, Ginger.  Overreact much?  Did you forget you are working in the same room with someone who LITERALLY looks like this?

Anyway, apparently, Eric invited Alcide over to watch Sookie.  (This also didn’t make any sense, seeing as Eric himself appeared, just moments later.)  But, hey, no complaints here!  Alcide and Sookie flirt a bit, which is always fun to watch.  “You in trouble again?”  He asks wryly.

“When am I not in trouble,” she replies smirking.

Alcide REALLY turns on the charm.   And Sookie, who, at this point, is pretty much pissed at every other man on the show, is not immune.  “Why do you have to be such a good guy, right now?”  She asks.

“I am always a good guy,” replies Alcide matter-of-factly.

“I may be a GOOD GUY, but I can still do BAD THINGS with YOU, Miss Stackhouse!”

Unfortunately, Sookie’s and Alcide’s brief hot moment is interrupted by the return of the vamps, who have come to take Russell to his “final death.”

Still pissed, Sookie makes a point to rescind all preexisting vampire invites to her home.  This causes a smug smile to erupt on Alcide’s face, and causes Bill to glare at his would-be werewolf replacement.  “When you two are finished eye-f*cking eachother, can we go?”  Eric inquires impatiently.

(Honestly, I’d take a good eye f*ck from Alcide, any day!)

Wouldn’t you?

Outside Fangtasia, Alcide announces that his father’s debt to Eric has officially been paid off, and his time being Vampire B*tch is DONE.   Boy do we hope he’s lying, because we LOVE our, Alcide! 

“Oh, he’ll be back.  Even the toughest of werewolves can’t resist the charms of a fairy . . .”

Bill and Eric drop Russell into a cement pit.  Russell threatens that, when he gets out in 100 years (a “nap” for a vamp), he will wreak even more havoc on all of them.  Bill and Eric don’t really seem to care.

Eric is about ready to flip the switch, when Godric arrives AGAIN to bore us with his annoying pleas for peace and love.   Did you ever see those cartoons, where the angel sits on one of the main character’s shoulders, and the devil sits on the other?   But the angel is always so self-righteous and lame, that if you didn’t want to see the character sin before, you REALLY want him to sin, after the exchange is over? 

 Oh yeah, that’s Godric, in this episode . . .

Dear sweet, Godric.  You were so much more fun, when you tragically sacrificed yourself to the Sun, causing Sookie and Eric to almost have sex, as a result . . .

Ever the petulant teen, Eric disregards his “father’s good advice” and he and Bill flip the switch, covering Russell in cement.  (Wouldn’t it have been easier just to bake him in the sun, when the episode started?)  Then Bill surprises Eric, by offering him a hand to shake.  However, when Eric takes that hand, Bill tosses him into the cement, and flips the switch AGAIN!

Not cool, Vampire Bill!

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the so-called “kinder, gentler” vamp, steals Eric’s cell phone, and orders a hit on Pam, impersonating Eric to do it.  Next, Bill visits Sookie, explaining to her that he has killed Eric. Furthermore, he will kill ANY vampire who has tasted her blood, or just knows that she is a fairy (like Pam), because none of these vamps will ever be able to resist her once they know.  (Ummm, Bill?  Doesn’t that definition include YOU?)

(Why do I suddenly feel like I’m watching a Lifetime Movie, and the crazy stalker boyfriend who’s just been dumped has uttered the oh-so-cliched “If I can’t have her, no one can!” line.)

But Sookie, ever the glutton for punishment, is obviously turned on by stalker / murderer types.  Because she rushes right back into his arms.  And then Eric magically appears . . .

 . . . looking hotter than ever, with strategically placed bits of cement on his face and in his hair. 

Question:  If both Eric and Pam (as we find out later in the episode) could break through cement in a relatively short amount of time, aren’t we to assume Russell can too?

Eric has come to get back his phone, and to tell Sookie the truth about Bill.  Apparently, not only did he EXPLICITLY court Sookie, solely at the behest of Sophie Anne, who wished to procure a fairy for her collection.  He also orchestrated the whole vampire blood drainer attack from the pilot episode, to get her to feed him her blood, thus forging the initial connection between them.

WOW!  I really didn’t think Alan Ball had it in him, given his insane and irrational love for Vampire Bill.  And yet, Ball has managed to make the Bill character EVEN MORE DEVIOUS than he was in the books!  Color me impressed!

And I have to say, my heart really went out to Sookie, who was genuinely shocked and heartbroken by this admission.  Our Favorite Fairy promptly rescinded her home invitation to both Bill and Eric once again.  She then told Bill, in no uncertain terms, that she never wants to see him again.  “Go back to Hell where you came from you f*cking undead piece of sh*t!”  She yells tearfully. 

To his credit, Eric does not appear the least bit pleased with his moral victory over the Man Who Tried to Kill Him.  And it is Eric’s genuine guilt over hurting Sookie that makes me KNOW that those two have a genuine shot together.  “It pains me to see you suffer like this.  I thought you had a right to know,” the Viking Vamp says solemnly, before quietly leaving Sookie’s property. 

The episode ends with Vampire Bill, dumped, demoralized, and with nothing to lose, challenging Sophie Anne . . .

 to a . . . flying contest?

Something tells me Vigilante Bill is going to be WAY more fun to watch than Mopey Boyfriend Bill.  Just saying . . .

Oh, and then Sookie communes with the fairies, in the cemetery, while visiting her Granny’s grave . . .

 . . . she then disappears inside the Giant Chandelier . . .

So, that was it . . . That’s all the True Blood we’re going to get, until next summer.  I for one was expecting a more action packed finale, with a few more questions answered. Honestly, this didn’t really feel like “season ending” episode to me.

 And yet, there were parts of this episode I really liked  — most notably, the return of Alcide, and the final confrontation between Sookie, Bill and Eric, which, for me, had been a LONG time coming.  Not to mention that if Season 4 of True Blood is ANYTHING like Book 4 of the series on which the show is based, then we have A LOT of fun coming our way . . . ;)

Well, that’s all I have to say about “Evil is Going On.”  Now, it’s your turn Fangbangers.  What did you think of the episode?  Were you as underwhelmed as I was?  Or was there some brilliance to it all that I missed?  Perhaps, more importantly, what do you think will happen to our favorite Bon Temps residents, next year?  And how are you planning to pass the time, until then?

[www.juliekushner.com]

11 Comments

Filed under Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, True Blood

11 responses to “What Lies Beneath – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 3 Finale “Evil is Going On”

  1. Ok, so I haven’t watch the episode (I know I suck) and I still have to catch up on last weeks and probably the week before that. But I had to read the recap because I seriously miss this show and Eric (always Eric). But I will see the episode soon and share what ever thoughts I had on it soon :D

    • Hey M! Great to see you! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the last few Season 3 True Blood episodes! The finale wasn’t my favorite. However, all in all, I think it was a pretty solid season. Oh, and as for next Season? DOWN WITH BILL COMPTON! UP WITH ERIC AND ALCIDE! (yippee! :))

      P.S. Chuck and Blair the Perfect Pair is the BEST WEBSITE EVER! I can’t thank you enough for the early GG episode posting!!! I have two shows to recap within the next couple of days (GG and Mad Men). However being able to watch GG early, sans commercials, is going to make my life SO MUCH easier. Not to mention all the awesome screencaps I have to choose from! (I will give you guys full credit, of course!) Love you all!:)

  2. imaginarymen

    I was underwhelmed too. Especially coming on the heels of the amazing TVD premiere.

    I found the “Dr. Evil-ing” of Russell SO ridiculous! Stop taunting him and telling him how you’re going to kill him and just KILL HIM!! And WTF was w/ “100 years”?? Is that some arbitrary amount of time by which it will take him to escape cement? WHY DID THEY NOT KILL HIM???

    And Stephen Moyer – WHY do you make it so hard to love you when your acting in that cement scene was SO terrible I nearly had to cover my eyes??! He was like a pesty little brother. Everything Eric snarled Bill was all “yeah! What he said!!” UGH. That “Matrix” fight w/ Sophie Anne was over a decade too late for godssakes. Nice reveal that Bill is a sneaking, lying creep though.

    Jason as Mayor of Meth Town is too stupid for even Jason Stackhouse. AND he took off that hot blue denim shirt! Mommy NO likey!

    Sam making pancakes in bacon grease AND serving real maple syrup = awesome. Sam still being a dick and shooting his brother = not cool at all.

    And as if I need ANOTHER reason to hate on Tara – she didn’t even EAT the bacon soaked pancakes with real syrup!! Don’t let the “Leaving Bon Temps” sign hit your ass on the way out Tara!

    Bummed Jesus is a witch. I wanted him to not have a “secret identity.” Poor LaLa, thinking he was becoming like his mother. Plus I’m now convinced that Arlene is indeed carrying The Devil.

    Now all season you have ASSURED ME that Hoyt would be fine, that they would NEVER kill Hoyt, that he lived in the books and I shouldn’t worry about it and NOW you are saying YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOYT’S FATE!??!!?!? Great! How the f*ck am I supposed to get a good night’s sleep between now and next summer worrying about the future of darling hot perfect Hoyt Fortenberry?? WAAHHHHHHH!!!

    I am total Team Alcide/Sookie (SooCide? Alookie?) They have more chemistry in a 4 minute scene that she’s had in 3 seasons with Bill OR at all this season with Eric – yeah – I said it!!

    And I loved seeing Steve Newlin. I’m glad he’s still a recurring character of sorts.

    I feel like this was a kinda uneven season and this finale actually made me miss orgies around statues of meat (at least then we got to see SHIRTLESS JASON !!)

    Great recapping job all season of course! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!!

    • Your comment literally had me ROLLING ON THE FLOOR laughing! So, thanks for that.

      Yeah, I didn’t get the whole “100 years” thing either. The only thing I could think of is that they want to bring back Russell as a Big Bad in future seasons, so they purposely left the possibility open. Plus, Eric and Pam got out of the cement in what seemed like MINUTES! I raised this point to a colleague, who kindly reminded me that Russell had the added obstacle of being chained in place by silver . . . True . . . but, I still think he’s getting out.

      Actually, I think comparing that Sophie Anne / Bill flying scene to The Matrix is a KIND analogy . . . I was thinking something more along the lines of a Scooby Doo cartoon . . . But yeah, I’m THRILLED that Alan Ball put aside his man crush of Stephen Moyer long enough to make the character even more despised by fans than he already was. I feel a little better, now that the show’s head writer is “allowing” me to dislike a character I have ALREADY disliked, since Season 1.

      Hahahaha – Mayor of Meth Town! LOVE IT! How about this for a t-shirt? “My name is Jason Stackhouse. I am Mayor of Meth Town.” Let’s make the shirt panty dropper blue, so Jason can sport our favorite color on him ALWAYS!

      Yeah, I’m still not convinced Sam actually shot Tommy. But he’s still a dick, and a DUMB one. It was SO obvious that Tommy would have returned the money, if Sam just gave the kid his damn job back!

      LOL – the pancakes? THAT’s why you hated on Tara? Not the hideous haircut, and how she didn’t say goodbye to Lafayette? ;) Oh well . . . same result. Right?

      Yes, I’m bummed about Jesus too. It would have been nice to have another REAL human on the show. Andy and Terry Bellefleur are getting mighty lonely.

      Plus, the writers missed an excellent opportunity for comedy, by not making Jesus, THE Jesus, reincarnated. I would have found that hilarious. I imagine the religious right, WOULDN’T. And yet, I’m willing to bet very few of the religious right actually WATCH this show. So, I think it would be OK.

      Here’s my worry with Hoyt. (1) Calvin Norris was a big character in the books. And he’s died way before his time here, before we even got to really know the character — thus proving that not all characters that are “safe” in the books are safe on the show.

      (2) That whole Jess / Hoyt “We are so happy. We will be together forever” scene just sat with me the wrong way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m THRILLED for them. But, how many movies have you seen where a guy says that to his girlfriend or wife, right before biting the big one?

      But hey, if Maxine tries to shoot Jess and ends up shooting Hoyt instead, Jess will be on hand to turn him into a vamp. How AWESOME would a Vampire Hoyt be? And just imagine the guilt that biatch Maxine would feel about being responsible for turning her own son into a creature she hated.

      In fact, I can imagine a scene where a bereft Maxine actually BEGS Jess to turn Hoyt, so that her son will stay alive. OK . . . I’ve officially talked myself out of being worried for Hoyt. Baby Vamp Jess will protect him . . . ;)

      Hahah Team Soocide — sounds a bit too much like “suicide” for my taste, but it works. I actually really like those two together as well. Joe Manganiello’s sheer awesomeness plays a big part in that. But I can’t fully abandon my Eric. Let her have BOTH! :)

      Thanks again for cracking me up! :) You’re the best!

  3. Lola

    forgive me if i comment more than once, but i literally could not stop laughing when i read the line: “I wuz jes trah-ing to pro-tect yuuu, AGIN!” Bill replies.

    • LOL. Awww, thanks Lola! You’ve really gotta love Bill Compton and his oh-so-unique unique “British guy who tries to sound like he’s from the Deep South, but ends up sounding more like a cross between Hugh Grant and Foghorn Leghorn from Looney Tunes” accent!

  4. Lola

    okay, now for the real comment :)
    i totally agree with you that this didn’t feel like a season finale to me (i think that the whole “Now for the weather” news scene would have been a much better cliffhanger ending).

    here’s what i liked:
    Hoyt and Jessica were adorable; Anna Paquin got to channel kick-ass book Sookie instead of lame-ass TV Sookie; Lafayette got a superpower; Sam finally took care of Tommy and TARA GOT A HAIRCUT!!! (as a side note, it’s great to see a girl rock a natural hairstyle on TV but c’mon, there’s no way she took that weave out and just magically had that hairstyle underneath.)
    oh and i definitely think they’re setting us up for an Eric-Sookie relationship ;)

    and here’s what i didn’t like:
    -encasing Russell in cement made no sense at all to me. he even told them that 1) he’d spend his century of timeout plotting revenge and 2) he’d come kill them all the second he broke free. really, is that the best idea you could come up with, Eric & Bill?
    -i know that Tommy screaming “I can’t read!” was supposed to be dramatic and heart wrenching, but something about the way he said it…just made me giggle.
    -i don’t know how i feel about the treatment of some of the characters (now that i’ve read most of the books). Calvin was supposed to be a stand-up guy, but the TV turned him into a such a creeper–not to mention left him bleeding in a parking lot–and i don’t know about Claudine either. she’s pretty tough in the books, but in the TV show she looks like she wandered on set after shooting an ad for some kind of hemp cereal…idk, maybe i’m just more apprehensive that they’ll change Claude’s character into something worse…..

    • I’m with you, Lola! The writers of the show should have come up with a much better cliffhanger ending, particularly considering the show is going to be OFF THE AIR FOR A YEAR! Last Season’s “Kidnapped Bill” and Season 1’s “Dead Body in the Car that Might Be, Lafayette” endings were much more interesting and thought-provoking than this year’s “Beam Me Up, Sookie.” I mean, what danger is Sookie in now, really? Aside from her maybe running out of fairy dust . . .

      Russell’s “Back to the Weather, Tiffany” would have been a MUCH stronger ending. (Especially, since we KNOW he’s coming back, anyway.) You know what else would have made for a stronger ending? Vampire Eric running naked and frightened through the streets of Bon Temps toward Sookie’s house . . . ;) *cough Book 4 cough*

      I know a lot of fans were unnerved by the sight of Sookie laughing maniacally, while dumping Talbot Soup down the drain. And while, admittedly, it was a bit uncomfortable to watch, the action was definitely consistent with the “I’ve been through Hell and Back So Many Times I Don’t Care, Anymore” Sookie of the later Charlaine Harris books. And THAT Sookie is certainly more Kick Ass than the “Beaaaaaaaaal! Beaaaaal! Whiny Sookie” of early Season 3 . . . (all the more reason to bring on the Kick Ass Sookie / Kick Ass Eric coupling that we’ve all been waiting three seasons for!)

      I always laugh at television shows when a character, with no haircutting experience whatsoever, can cut her hair in a matter of minutes, in a completely straight line. I, myself, have long hair, and the only way I could come even CLOSE to doing something like that would be to put a brown paper bag over my head and cut along the dotted line.

      The whole “cement thing” WAS a pretty lame plot device. Personally, I think it would have been funny if Eric and Bill allowed the Russell cement block to harden, and then shipped it to Nan Flanagan and her crew of extras from The Matrix to be dealt with, as they desired.
      Haha, yes, Tommy’s confession reminded me of those “The More You Know” commercials they always put on NBC. When he said that, I half expected cartoon birds to fly down from the sky and give him a copy of The Cat in the Hat.

      The writers have definitely screwed up Calvin Norris (who I actually liked in the books), and have stolen ALL of Claudine’s coolness. But I have faith in how they’ll end up treating Claude. One thing TB does well is hot, sexed up men! ;)

      Awesome insight, as always, Lola! I will definitely miss talking TB with you this year!

  5. Matt

    Were you high when you watched the show and wrote your review? Why would Sam ask Tommy to come back to work for him when he is a shit worker and this is now the 2nd attempt to rob Sam and from seeing what was in his safe in Season 2, I’m sure its more than a little money….Why show the flashback scene with Sam killing those 2 thieves that betrayed him? Secondly, Eric DID NOT call Alcide over to babysit Sookie. It was his help with the concrete truck, location, etc. Lastly, Pam killed the guy Bill requested to kill her and SHE DUG ERIC UP…DUH!!!! ALSO, Russell was burned still and wrapped in much heavier silver.

    • Yes, as a matter of fact, I was super high when I wrote this review. Thank you so much, Matt, for setting me straight and sober, approximately three years after I wrote it. :) Binge watching the series, I presume?

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