The Three Faces of Witchipoo (and Eric Too) – A Recap of True Blood’s “Burning Down the House”

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“I’m back, and I remember everything, including what a poopyhead that cockblock Vampire Beeeeel is, and how he lied to, betrayed, and once, tried to eat Sookie.  Perhaps, SHE is the one with amnesia.  Is there a doctor in the house?”

Greetings Fangbangers!  This week’s installment of True Blood was all about multiple personality disorder  . . .

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Well . . . OK . . . that isn’t exactly true.  But we did get to explore the various versions of most of our characters, this week.   Let’s see, there was: Old Viking Vamp Eric, Amnesia Sometimes-Zombie Eric, and New and Improved, Best of Both Worlds, Eric . . .

There was, Witchipoo Antonia, Witchipoo Marnie, and Witchipoo What the F*&k is this B*tch Doing Talking to Herself, Like That?  Because That’s Just Creepy . . .

“I’m so confused . . .” 

We got Regular Jesus, and Weird Helmet-Head Jesus .  . .

Is this going to mess up my hair?

V-addicted Andy and Sober Andy . . .

Coincidentally, both of them always seem to make this facial expression  . . .

Alive Tommy and Dead Tommy . . .

 (Yes, I recognize that was in bad taste . . .)

And finally, Smart Sookie Who Loves Eric, and Dumb as a Bowl of Grits Sookie, Who Loves King Cockblock . .  .

Sometimes the truth hurts, Sookie  . . . 

So charge up those glow fingers, put on your weird demon mask, and prepare to make a run for the Anti-Human Electric Fence, because it’s time for another recap . . .

(Again, as always, special thanks to skarsgardfans.com for the glorious screencaps you see here.  I couldn’t have done this without you, you fabulous screencapper, you!)

The Most Fun You’ve Ever Had, During a Tolerance Convention . . .

The episode begins with all those zombie vampires, doing Witchipoos bidding, by trying to Kill Bill . . .

Now, THIS is the kind of convention I could support wholeheartedly!  Step Aside, Comic Con, I’m spending my vacation money on CockblockKillCon, next year!  Of course, there is that little problem of all those innocent humans getting murdered along the way,  But, hey, no convention is perfect, right?

(By the way, it is important to note that the episode began with this TOTALLY random shot of the LARGEST 1-800 Dentist poster, I have ever seen in my entire life.  Talk about product placement.  Are we to assume, based on when this advertisement appeared that 1-800 Dentist is on Team Eric?)

Unfortunately, it is during this convention, that we are forced to bid a fond farewell, to Young-Looking Hot Sheriff, who was somehow murdered, amidst all this Bill Killing Madness . . .

Goodbye Young-Looking Hot Sheriff . .  . we barely knew ye!

Things get a little crazy, at this point in the episode . . . You know, with all these extras dying, and stuff.  And it’s not until Zombie Eric finally wraps his arms around King Cockblock’s scrawny neck that things REALLY start to get interesting.

Insert porn music here . . . 

Sookie’s doing her Screaming Thing (“No, No, Beeeeel, Beeeeel!”), while Zombie Eric is doing his Killing Thing, and Bill is doing his Constipated Facial Expression Thing.  Everything is going great!  Eric even takes out a STAKE, and is ready to PUT IT IN BEEEEL’S HEART!  And then Sookie has to ruin it all with those damn Glow Fingers of Hers . . .

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And, in that moment, all of Witchipoo’s spells suddenly wear off . . .

“Dammit!  Who’s going to Kill Bill NOW?” 

But don’t despair, True Blood fans.  Because even the darkest of cockblock-shaped clouds bear a silver lining . . .  I mentioned that ALL the spells wore off, INCLUDING ERIC’S AMNESIA.

“You know, a thousand years of new/old memories are great and all . . . but where the f*&k is my Shower Sex?” 

 Suddenly, in the midst of all this blood and gore, Sookie and Eric are eye-f*&king eachother, like nobody’s business.  But the eyes Eric is using to try and impregnate Sookie, are NOT those dopey amnesia-ish eyes, he’s been sporting all season, but smart, wiley, sexy, “I want to ravage you, like the badass I am” eyes.

“Hey Eric, you are looking kind of bloody.   Might I interest you in a shower?” 

And if that wasn’t enough to clue you in to the fact that the Viking Vamp was back to his old self, the writers spelled it out for you, with a cheesy montage of Eric’s Greatest Hits . . .

Did I say “hits?” I meant “f*&ks.” 

After the main cast members escape the melee, a very bloody Nan begins the process of damage control, by glamouring the survivors, who are screaming in terror and yelping in pain.  Witchipoo is watching, and suddenly morphs into that Antonia chick from the flashbacks.  And, would you believe that evil wench is actually crying?

“Oh no!  I’m not crying.  I just have something in Marnie’s eye . . .” 

Speaking of crying . . .

Tommy, Can You Hear Me?   (Oops . . . guess not)

I genuinely hope Alcide wasn’t too attached to his car, because those front seats are TOTALLY going to have to be reupholstered, now that Tommy had to go and hack up blood and guts all over them.  (RUDE!)

“Anybody got a napkin?”

Alcide wants to taking Dying Tommy to the hospital.  But since Dying Tommy KNOWS he’s pretty much going to die anyway, he insists on being taken to Merlotte’s, which he has always considered his one true home.  When Alcide and Dying Tommy arrive at the bar, Sam is outside waiting for them.  Of course, he’s feeling all kinds of guilty about, you know, telling Dying Tommy he never wants to see him again, and . . . unwittingly letting his little brother get pummeled beyond recognition by an an asshat werewolf packleader, all while wearing his FACE . . .

Since Dying Tommy refuses to go to the hospital, and Alcide says it’s a man’s right to choose when he dies  (Now, THAT’S a controversial statement, if I ever heard one.), Alcide and Sam lay Tommy down on a dirty table in the bar.  (Classy!)  Then we get this sort of long, drawn out, extended Tommy death scene, complete with plenty of tears, lots of shivers and wheezing, discussions of the Great Beyond, and a maudlin exchange of “I love you’s” and “I’m sorry’s.”

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Honestly, I don’t think we’ve seen this over-dramatic of a death scene, since . . .well . . . EVER!  Correction . . . it actually kind of reminded me of THIS . . .

Most of the time, people on this show simply get their throats slit, or their hearts ripped out, and you just never see them again.

R.I.P. Grams . . . 

But I guess the writers of this show felt like Tommy’s life was crappy enough, that he deserved a send off, with some fanfare.  So, of course, we get to hear Sam tell Tommy he loves him, even if he stole his face.  And we get to hear Tommy say that meeting Sam was the best part of his life . . . which was probably saddest part of the whole scene, when you really think about it . . .  Because, you know, Sam spent half of Tommy’s life telling him what a worthless sack of sh*t he was .  . .

“You’re a worthless sack of sh*t . . . but I love you.”

After Tommy croaks, Alcide and Sam head to the car shop, in search of Greasypoo.  They find one of his minions there, and start pistol whipping, and kicking the crap out of him.

Tommy would definitely have approved . . .

“Tommy LIKE!” 

R.I.P. Tommy Boy . . . you naughty little dog, you!

Speaking of Greasypoo . . .

Trailer Trash Debbie and Greasypoo:  A Match Made in Dog Poopy

If you ask me, despite all his Big Talk about pack loyalty, and unity, and whatnot, Greasypoo has always been a bit jealous of Alcide, probably because the latter has a better ass, and WAY better hair than he does.

“How the hell does he keep that thing so firm?  The guy must eat rocks for breakfast!” 

But when Alcide directly disobeys his pack leader, by not letting him beat up Sam/Tommy, Greasypoo vies for revenge.  He gets this revenge by racing over to Trailer Trash Debbie’s house, and smoking a few joints with her, while he basically humps her leg.

As skeevy as he is, Greasypoo genuinely seems to have a knack for reading other mutts-i-heat.   And, let’s face it.  Trailer Trash Debbie isn’t all that hard to read.  Greasypoo plays on the psycho she-wolf’s insecurities about her relationship with Alcide, his insistence on not getting too entangled with the pack, and his desire not to have children with a drug-addicted wackadoo like Debbie.  Then he pretty much tells her that she should ditch Alcide, and start doing doggystyle with him.  Way to be subtle, Greasypoo!

Alcide is not amused . . . 

Now, I know Debbie’s supposed to be crazy, and insecure and all.   But I didn’t realize she was BLIND TOO.  I mean, seriously, Debbie?  Greasypoo over Alcide?  Have you LOOKED at your boyfriend’s ass, lately?  That juicy mound of flesh is the Eighth Wonder of the World, and you want to trade it in for Mr. Dances with A$$holes, here?  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Intervention – Fort Bellefleur Edition

*sigh*  Last week, we FINALLY saw the end to that ridiculous Evil Baby storyline.   And this week HOPEFULLY spared us from having to suffer from any more Andy on V Moments.  We start our little tale with Arlene and Terry shoving a vial of V right in front of his face, and reading him the riot act, about how he has the nerve to keep V around the house where Arlene’s kids are staying.  “I think it has a childproof cap,” notes Andy helpfully.

Nice try, Andy!  But if it actually had a childproof cap, you probably wouldn’t be able to open it . . .

Childproof cap or not, Terry knows that Andy remains in denial about his addiction.  And so he takes him to Fort Bellefleur, a fort the two cousins(?) used to hang out in together, when they were kids.  PTSD Terry, who, himself, is no stranger to addiction, forces Andy to admit that being high on V, does not, in fact, make him stronger, by engaging in a few shooting and wrestling competitions with him.  It’s all incredibly manly and homoerotic . . . or, at least, it would be, if Eric, Jason, or Alcide were involved, rather then Andy and Terry.

“I haven’t taken a dump since Season 4 premiered.  And I am VERY upset about it.” 

During this weird little intervention, we learn a bit about the kind of childhoods these two had, and how, like in most families, they both were jealous of one another, for their own reasons.  Eventually, Andy cracks and breaks down and cries, which Terry thinks is awesome, because it shows that (1) he’s finally hit rock bottom; and (2) he has a soul.  Then Terry kicks off his cousin’s trip toward sobriety, by forcing him to walk home alone.  Well, I guess it’s a lot cheaper than rehab . . .

“This intervention SUCKS!  Where’s that Dr. Drew guy, when you need him?”

Witches Need Motivational Speakers Too .  . .

Witchipoo and her top minion, return to the Moon Goddess Emporium with the two remaining zombie vampire sheriffs, in toe, both of whom she stores in the ladies’ room for convenience.  She is greeted there by her coven / group of hostages, who aren’t particularly happy to see her.  They are all getting kind of freaked out, because they can’t get cell phone reception in the Emporium, and if they try to leave through the front or back door, their hands will get burned off.

“This makes me VERY ANGRY.  Other things that make me VERY angry:  vampires, loud animals, the long line at the DMV, donuts, air, people who breathe funny, people who hold their breath, so as not to breathe funny, books, shoes, cable television, Ghandi . .  .” 

While the rest of the coven opt for techological means of escape, Holly pours through a spell book, in search of an appropriate cantation to get them out of there.  Tara seems skeptical of Holly’s methods, at first.  However, after Holly gives Tara her version of the “We are witches, hear us cackle” speech, Tara who “always has a lot of rage to spare, whether or not it is magical” decides to join in her witchy games.

“I would be smiling at you Tara, except that I just did a Botox Spell on my face  . . . Don’t judge!  They don’t pay waitresses what they used to, and if a girl ain’t got her youth, she’s got nuttin’!” 

Meanwhile, in Witchipoo’s office, girlfriend is talking to herself . . . no, seriously, Antonia leaves Witchipoo’s body, and she actually BEGINS to have a conversation with her better half.  Perhaps, the most shocking thing about this scene is that, as viewers, we always assumed that Antonia was the “Bad Guy,” while Marnie was just the “innocent vessel victim” in all this.  What we learn here, is that Antonia’s power has COMPLETELY corrupted the formerly weak Marnie, and now she wants to KILL EVERYONE!

“I’ll get you my pretty, and your little King Cockblock TOO!” 

Surprisingly enough, Antonia seems to be the voice of reason here, rightfully telling Marnie, that by putting all these HUMAN lives at risk, in addition to vampires, Witchipoo is no worse than those bloodsuckers, themselves.  Then MARNIE starts manipulating Antonia, by telling her how she should hate all HUMANS too, since none of them stopped to help her, all those years ago, while she was being burned alive at the stake.

 “Well, I’ve got to admit.  I HAVE had better days . .  .”

Antonia reluctantly agrees with her vessel’s assessment.  So, the two hold hands, call eachother “sister,” do a little Ring Around the Rosie thing, and suddenly they are back in the business of killing EVERYONE IN BON TEMPS . . .

Except for the Flying Monkeys . . . They can stay . . .

Guilty Jason, Hungry Jessica, and Farting Hoyt . . .

After a few mind-blowing rounds of Pickup Truck F*&k with Baby Vamp Jessica, the Guilt Monster lodges his head in Jason Stackhouse’s brain, and simply won’t leave.  Jessica reassures him that, since Jessica and Hoyt already broke up, what they did technically wasn’t cheating.  But, of course, Jason is still dating Hoyt, at least, in the bromantic sense, and therein lies the problem.

“Just say NO to Hot Pickup Truck F*&ks!  YES, YES, OHHHHHH YES!” 

Jason fondly recalls how he’s taken care of Hoyt his whole life, and can’t imagine stopping now.  He then has the audacity to ask Jessica to glamour him to forget that the two of them had sex, so he doesn’t have to feel guilty anymore . . .

Jessica, of course, is furious, and understandably so . . . “F*&king HUMANS!  I’m going to go eat someone,” she says, before stalking out of the truck.  YOU GO, BABY VAMP!

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Back at Jason’s house (who is looking FINNNNNNNE in his tight blue tank top, by the way) . . .

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. . . an extremely vulnerable Hoyt is chugging beers, and trying not to cry, as he begs his bestie to let him crash at HIS place, since he can’t bear the thought of staying in his Formerly Owned By Crazy Eyes Evil Baby Mama Haunted house without Jess in it.

Overwhelmed by guilt over his “affair,” Jason obliges his friend.  However, Hoyt’s constant boohooing about Jessica, combined with his apparently stinky bedtime farts, overwhelm Jason with frustration (and nausea).  So, HE asks to stay with Sookie instead.  Sookie, being the judgmental gal that she is, scolds Jason for not being more understanding of Hoyt’s loss.

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But, of course, this is the SOOKIE STACKHOUSE show.  So, within about a minute, Sookie has already forgotten about Jason’s problems, and is back on her own.  You see (surprise, surprise) Sookie needs Jason’s help.  We’ll get to the “why” and the “how” in a bit . . .

But for now, let’s move our focus to the both sweetest, and most jaw-clenchingly frustrating, scene in the entire hour . . .

This is the Part of the Episode, Where I Wanted to Punch Sookie in the Face . . .

Oh, come on, SOOKEH!  Let’s not act like you don’t deserve it . . .

When we last left Eric, he was blinkingly staring into Sookie’s eyes, with a look that says: I remember what it was like having Narnia Sex with you.  But I ALSO remember what it was like to watch my parents be murdered by Russell Edgington, and to avenge their deaths, by killing a sweet gay vamp named Talbot.

Just in case you forgot . . . here is a helpful reminder . . .

And yet, we weren’t 100% certain what Eric ACTUALLY remembered, or would be willing to admit that he remembered.  BOOK SPOILER:  This is particularly true of Sookie Stackhouse book fans, who undoubtedly recall Eric frustratingly and inexplicably lying to Sookie, by telling her he no longer remembers his Amnesia Time.  (He eventually comes clean to her about remembering, in the subsequent book.)

So, when Eric and Sookie sit down next to one another on that couch.  And Eric tells her that he remembers everything, and that nothing has changed, my little fangirl heart started may or may not have started to do engage in a little celebratory dance.

But then Sookie has to start blubbering on about King Cockblock (See?  There he goes again, ruining what could have been a spectacular pre-sex moment.), and how she still luuuuuuuuuves him, and that’s why she thinks her glow fingers were able to save him, and blah, blah, blah . . .

I’m sorry.  I just can’t take anything Sookie says seriously, while she’s wearing that ridiculous Preschool Picture Day hoodie . . . 

Eric is understandably not amused . . .

He reminds Sookie that she gave himself to him fully and completely (a.k.a They Banged . . . Like .   . . A Lot), therefore  . . .

Sookie more, or less, echoing her own words from her Threesome Dream replies that she never promised to be Eric’s.  Instead, he is hers.  Furthermore, she loves both him and Bill because only half of her actually has good taste . . .

Man, for a group of blood suckers, vampires have surprisingly rigid views when it comes to monogamy!  Eric looks crestfallen, when he learns that he is not the ONLY person that Sookie loves.  And when Pam rushes in to reunite with her maker, he can barely contain his sadness and disappointment from his progeny, even as he is warmly offering her a “welcome back” hug . . .

By the way, when Sookie ended Witchipoo’s curse on Eric, did she break Pam’s decaying curse too?  I wonder . . .

OMG!  They are going to KILL TARA!  *fist pumps, cheers, does happy dance* *sniffles, cries*

Later, the group reconvenes at King Cockblock’s house.  There they decide the best plan of action for defeating Witchipoo.  As it turns out, they want to blow her up, while she’s hanging out inside the Moon Goddess Emporium, of course!  I, of course, think this is a FABULOUS idea.  But then Sookie the Killjoy, has to get all “moral” on the team, with her “Wahhhhh, what about all the innocent people?  And what about TARA?”

“BEEEEEEEEL!  Don’t KIIIIIIIILLLL TAAAAAARAAAA!” 

To which, Eric, who has clearly got his snark back replies, “So, they bet on the wrong horse.”

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Indeed.  Of course, my favorite part of the exchange comes when King Cockblock starts ranting and raving like a lunatic about how much he wants Witchipoo dead.  And Eric glances knowingly over at a horrified Sookie, and says sarcastically, “Loveable, isn’t he?”

No Eric . . . no he is most certainly NOT loveable.  But YOU ARE!

Have . . .temporarily . . . lost . . . ability . . . to . . . form . . . complete . . . sentences. 

“You get the True Death . . . and YOU get the True Death . . .”

In what is becoming a fairly regular occurrence, the vampires find themselves once again forcibly silvering themselves during the day time, in Bill’s cubby hole, so as to prevent Witchipoo from forcing them to meet the sun.

Rather than sleeping however, Nan and Bill are again bickering like an old married couple about who’s FAULT it is that things went so very badly at the Tolerance Convention, which Bill had originally told Nan to call off.  (Ugh!  Why don’t these two just have sex already, and get it over with?)

Nan + Bill = Nill,  A match made in Cockblock Heaven!

Feeling disempowered, by the man she made King, Nan strikes back by hilariously ordering the True Death for any vampire who has the audacity to disagree with her, which is,  more or less, every silvered vampire in the room.  Good ole, Nan!  She gives out the True Death, the way Oprah gives out cars . . .

Of course, my favorite line of THIS scene goes to Baby Vamp Jessica, who said, “I don’t care, as long as I get to kill sh*t.”

My sentiments exactly, Jessica . . .

Jesus to the Rescue (Wow, that sounds kind of religious?)

So, Sookie and Jason confront Lala and Jesus about the whole, “The vampires and one annoyed TV Recapper want to blow up Tara” situation.  Sookie’s and Jason’s rescue Tara plan?  Storm the emporium before the vamps do, and take out Witchipoo.  But you know Jesus, and how he loves his Witchipoo.  He’s not down with that idea.  “Marnie is an innocent.  Let me separate her and Antonia, and we can send Antonia back where she came from.”

Well, isn’t that a peace-loving solution to this problem?  Sookie, Jason, Lala, and a TV Recapper look skeptical.  But they decide to let Jesus do his witch exorcism thing, just like he did with Lala and crazy-eyes lady, last week.

When Team Sookie arrives at the Moongoddess Emporium, they are shocked to find that it is being guarded by a cheesy forcefield out of some 70′s Star Trek film.  I mean, really, Witchipoo, this is 2011!  Get with the program!  Jason gallantly offers to go and battle the forcefield himself.  After all, he can do hand-stand pushups!  And he used to play football!  So, this is . . . well . . . NOTHING AT ALL LIKE THAT!

You got me!  I pretty much just wrote that joke, so that I could include this GIF in my recap again.  Are you mad? 

However, fortunately for Jason, Team Sookie nixes his “run straight into the forcefield swinging and hope for the best” plan in favor of the original sending Big Bad Jesus One.  Witchipoo, being the generous soul she is, decides to go outside, and meet Jesus half way.  But she isn’t just going to let him walk into the Moongoddess Emporium without proving his loyalty first.  After all, he’s been noticeably absent during the past few Team Witchipoo Outings.  And Little Miss All Vampires Must Die doesn’t exactly take kindly to instances of poor attendance.

Sorry, I’m late to your seance, Marnie!  My goatlicker grandpa ate my homework . . . 

So, Witchipoo demands that Jesus prove his loyalty by moving across the forcefield, himself . . .

I mean, that’s basically a suicide mission, isn’t it?

Well, it would be, except that Jesus just happens to be a SUPER LATINO!

Umm . . . yeah .  . . so, I really have no clue what the f*&k that ugly ass mask has to do with being Spanish . . . so I’m just going to take Lala’s word for it. 

That’s right, boys and girls.  In times of stress, Jesus apparently sprouts an ugly demon head and can somehow use it to walk past cheesy force fields from 1970′s Star Wars films.  Who knew?

This guy DID! 

So, Jesus is let back into the Witchipoo fold.  And it is there that he gets to talk to “Marnie,” and learn what us viewers have no already known for 20-minutes.  That sweet docile “Marnie” is just as batsh*t crazy and evil as Antonia, if not more so.  And SHE’S the one running the show NOW!

Hey Where Did Everybody Go?

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“Is this another dream sequence?  Is Baby Vamp Jessica going to walk out naked and start pulling down my pants?  Man, I hope so!”

Jesus sends the message telepathically to Sookie.  Now, it looks like Team Sookie is back to Plan B.  Run in and kill the b*tch.  And they may get some help doing just that.  Newly enraged witches, Holly and Tara band together and manage to put out a spell that temporarily breaks the forcefield.  Quickly, they run out to Team Sookie.  Team Sookie runs out to them, and . . .

Everyone disappears into thin air . . . literally . . . except for Hot Jason, who . . . you know . . .  is left all alone with his hotness . . . I guess.

This Episode of True Blood is Brought to You By . . . Leather Pants . . .

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If by chance you weren’t able to see the last scene of the episode, due to Hurricane Irene, or your DVR cutting off, or you getting zapped away into oblivion by some cheesy forcefield from a 70′s movie, worry not.  Because I can assure you that you’ve seen it already, at least once in your life, assuming that you have seen one of the following movies: The Matrix, Resevoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, any action movie ever, any gangster movie ever, any sports movie featuring a ragtag group of misfits who defy unthinkable odds to win the Big Game.

That’s right!  We’ve got Bill, Eric, Jessica, Nan, and Pam, putting aside their differences to walk in slow motion, while wearing black leather everything, and carrying bazookas, hand grenades, and other “Bad Ass Weapons.”  This is followed by a freeze frame shot, and a surprisingly decent cover of “Burning Down the House,” that I may actually add to my iPod, when this is through.

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Oh yeah . . . they went there.  My assumption is that the scene was a bit of playful self-mockery, and not meant to be taken too seriously.  So, if YOU had a good laugh at it, like I did, it probably served its purpose, just as much as the 1-800 Dentist advertisement did. ;)

It also really made me want to buy a pair of leather pants . . . or at least it would have, if I had legs like Vampire Jessica, or an ass like Eric Northman.  But since I have neither, I will stick with my comfy khakis.  Thank you very much . . .

And, there you have it, another episode of True Blood, dead and gone, like Tommy Boy.  (Too soon?)

Guess so  . . .

Believe it or not, there are only TWO EPISODES LEFT IN THE SEASON!

I’m DEAD SERIOUS, ERIC!  Just two! 

Next week’s TB installment, promises some more Witchipoo shenanigans, a lot of stuff being blown up, and undoubtedly plenty of instances of Sookie screaming BEEEEEEEEL!  You can check out the trailer for the episode here:

See ya then, Fangbangers!

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[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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9 responses to “The Three Faces of Witchipoo (and Eric Too) – A Recap of True Blood’s “Burning Down the House”

  1. East Coast Captain

    I don´t know what the hell just happened but old Eric never came back after Sookie zapped him, its like old Eric combined with Amnesiac Eric and Zombie Eric to create this new Eric. Its amazing.

    King Cockblock is really shining to those who say he´s boring well to each their own I suppose. He really is coming on his own my boy Beehl, he was wrong in sending the Viking but even he thought from the beginning to wipe out Marnie which Nan a Killblocker if you will said no.

    On the topic of Nan, I believe my theory and your theory of her being older than Eric might be true but we have to wait and see. She killed Blackburn who was a century younger than Eric.

    Getting back to Beehl, he´s very much the sadist I thought he was. Inside the cubby hole our heroes wait out the daylight strapped by silver and he´s ordering weapons like if he was ordering pizza while Nan is bitching at our heroes that they all will meet the true death. Plus there going to bomb the Emporium which is awesome, so let´s all put our feelings for the Team Eric and Team Bill aside for just one night next week and watch them just tear shit up!

    Look at Jessica brandishing a Rocket Launcher clearly Bill loves to spoil his vicious and murderous little girl. Then that walk, VAMPIRES UNITED!

    • You are right about, Eric. He’s become this Superhero Version of Himself: strong, yet romantic and caring, paternal yet tough, smart yet fun-loving, snarky yet sternly serious when he needs to be, broody, yet optimistic, murderous, yet oddly moral, sexy, yet SEXIER! ;) In other words, he’s now The PERFECT VAMPIRE. It’s just too bad Sookie’s too dumb to . . . OK . . . I’ll be good. I promise. ;)

      So, yeah, you know me. I’m always 100% on Team Vampire. And I TOTALLY want this crew to tear the stuffing out of Witchipoo. Plus, I think I could tolerate King Cockblock, if he somehow hooked up with Nan. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a solid love/hate relationship. Plus, it would keep him away from Sookie There’s always a chance she could be BI, right? ;)

      My problem is, I DON’T want my Jason, or Lala, to die. And if the vamps get their way, they just might, whether, by accident, or on purpose. Plus, that Witch Holly is sort of growing on me, I must say . . . So, I’m going to stick myself squarely on Team Kill Witchipoo, and let the chips fall where they may, I think. Just keep my human boys, safe, OK, Matrix Cover Band Vampires? ;)

  2. East Coast Captain

    PS. I wrote another oneshot on another vampire turning, Russell.

  3. Ali

    I went to work and I remembered I didn´t download TB and got angry… Then I received an email in my blackberry and just laughed to myself…. Seeing that “Witchipoo” made it to the title of a recap I knew I was in for a treat! A gorgeous recapper had made my day, once again

    Hey Jules. I must say I enjoyed this episode very much… Very good and funny parts. I didn´t enjoy Tommy dying, tho, I though they were gonna explore the whole skinwalker thing a bit more.

    Anywhoo…. I loooved Nan acting all like the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland: Off with their heaaads… I mean TRUE DEATH FOR YOUUUU.. haha priceless.

    I tought Jason was a capital douche telling Jess to wipe his memory. Boo Jason. Use her and toss her much? Not cool…. My baby vamp has had a few rough days…. That´s why I love her line in the dungeon… I don´t care, as long I kill Sh*t… Love her. And her matrix outfit… Oh my

    Talking about matrix…. I didn´t see Nan in that secuence … Did they kill her already? She was pretty annoying while they were all silvered, so maybe someone snapped and stab a pencil in her chest.. Just saying.

    LOL for your personality dissorders references… I didn´t get Jesus´either… what´s with the lame devil-ish mask he wore?

    hahaha and also awesome everything you said about Trailer Trash Debbie and Greasypoo…. How desperate could she be??? YIkes.

    Now I hate Aunt Petunia…. The Antonia girl was about to take the road and then Aunt Petunia shows she´s the one in charge…. Talk about a plot twist. And I don´t get where the hell did Jason go when his sister, his childhood friends and Jesus dissaparated along whith Witchipoo…. Suddenly he left? When the matrix team arrived he was nowhere to be seen…. I was a little lost in that part

    Can´t believe we are just 2 eps away from the season to be over…. But it had certainly been a blast reading every recap and sharing stuff about them. See u next week!

    • Hey there, Ali!

      I agree 100% about the whole Skinwalker thing being a HUGE missed opportunity (as was the whole WEREPANTHER thing . . . I mean, seriously, we had to sit through all those creepy gangbangs and got NOTHING to show for it AT ALL! What a crock?) And now Sam can NEVER turn into a Skinwalker, because his entire family is dead! LAME! Well . . . we haven’t seen Luna skinshift yet, so there’s always that. Hmmm . . . what would happen if Luna shifted into Sam, while she was with Sam . . How creepy would that be? ;)

      Vampire Nan really does crack me up sometimes, which is funny, considering what a generally humorless character she is. Actually, I tend to think of Nan as a more fun, female version of King Cockblock . . . no wonder they butt heads so much! :)

      And I’m inclined to agree with you about Jason, which is something considering he’s typically one of my favorite characters . . . telling Jess to wipe his memory of their mindblowing pickup truck f*^k was not only a douche move, it was also a REALLY cowardly one. I thought Jason was stronger than that. I mean, COME ON STACKHOUSE! It takes TWO TO SCREW! Jason, of all people should know that by now. It’s not like he was handcuffed to the truck . . . at least not THIS time. ;) Jason should be a man and accept the consequences of what, and WHO he did ;).

      You know, maybe I imagined Nan in the end sequence. Perhaps, she stayed home because she thought blowing sh*t up would look bad for her “political image.” If so, that puts her on the lame-o list with Jason, this week! :) Then again, maybe she’s sleeping in the trunk. ;)

      As for where Jason went after everyone disappeared . . . I don’t know. I guess he went home? After all, the Sookie gang first appeared at the Moongoddess Emporium during daylight, and the Vamp Matrix Crew didn’t come until it was completely dark outside. So, who knows how many hours have passed between now and then.

      I guess we will just have to wait until next week to find out. See you then! :)

      • Ali

        Ughh. You´re right. I had erased from my mind the whole werepanthers-wannabe-gang bang. Another storyline gone to the trash… And we had to watch the whole creepy thing..Not cool

  4. serendipity

    Hi Julie!
    I honestly don’t have much to say about this episode… (yes, you can laugh. I guess there’s a first time for everything ;) )

    That being said: Welcome back, you gorgeous viking vamp, you :D ! Or as you so eloquently said, a new, improved Superhero version of Eric, the best of both worlds, so to say ;) How on earth can Sookie resist? Why does she have to go all Vampire Diaries on him? No, Sookie, you’re not Katherine, nor are you Elena! It’s NOT okay to love them both! Before you know it, Eric will get a werewolf bite, and Bill will have to sacrifice himself to get the cure, leaving Sookie all alone to fall under Eric’s spell… Oops, wrong show… But…at least it wouldn get Beel out of the way :) Shouldn’t he be going to Peru sometime? You know, visit the Inca ruins by night?

    So, non-witchiepo-ssessed Eric certainly surprise me :o . “I remember everything” was certainly not book-canon. As far as I recall, he really didn’t remember, and it was only several books later that he finally does… I wonder how AB is going to spin this now…

    Finally, I did actually like Terry this episode. He’s really been growing out of his PTS-insecure-wacky self this season. Never though Arlene could be beneficial for anybody’s (mental) health and stability, but I guess he’s proved me wrong… :)
    I did NOT like Jason asking Jessica to compell him… No wonder she wants to go kill sh*t. Who’d blame her? I snickered at the last scene :D , but hey, it WAS HOT, right? (Didn’t see Nan there though.) Amazing this is almost the end of the season…

    Great recap, Julie, as always! I’ll be late commenting next week, as I’m going away on holiday (which you know already LOL), but you can be sure I will still do it. Better late than never, right? ;)

    • Hey Valerie! First let me say, your latest fanfiction chapter had me literally drooling over my keyboard. I don’t know how you do it. But you are AMAZING. That was seriously the hottest thing I’ve read, since, well, your last fanfiction chapter. If vampire fans haven’t read this one by now, they are SERIOUSLY missing out!

      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6941538/1/Shadowdancing

      I’m a bit behind on recapping, which, I’m afraid will eat up most of my evening. However, I absolutely plan to leave you a more complete review on your page tomorrow, once I have some time to *ahem* gather my thoughts . . . ;)

      So, here’s the thing, I actually LOVED that Alan Ball had Eric remember everything right away. After all, I always had this theory that, even in the books, Eric remembered everything. However, at the time he first got back his memory, he was too proud to admit to knowing how vulnerable he was, because admitting it would make it true. When Eric finally admitted to Sookie that he remembered what happened between them, I always took it more as a confession, than a realization. For Eric to come right out and admit to remembered illustrated a certain strength of character, we didn’t necessarily see in Book 5 Eric. By coming clean to Sookie, and still wanting to be with her, Eric was owning up to the person he’s been these past few weeks, rather than shunning it. He was embracing that side of himself that’s softer and more loving, while still continuing to be the strong, snarky vampire we all know and love. I thought that was pretty awesome for a proud guy like Eric to be able to do that, so soon after having been SO emasculated by Marnie SO many times this season.

      And then, of course, Sookie had to go and CRAP ON ALL THAT PROGRESS! MAN I WAS PISSED AT HER! WHAT THE HELL, SOOKIE? I really don’t think Book Sookie would have been so callous, had Book Eric admitted to remembering things when he did. On the contrary, Book Sookie would have rushed out and bought a bunch of icepacks, and lined them up outside the SHOWER she was going to rush and take with Book Eric. This way, when they were finally through “enjoying” one another’s company ;) (12 hours later), she would have something to put on her YAHOO PLACE! :)

      It’s funny you mention Terry’s growth throughout the series, and Arlene’s oddly positive impact on his well being. I was confused by this as well, and actually brought the topic up with my mother, who’s a fan of the show as well. She argued that Terry was the kind of guy who, given his history, never expected very much of his life. And Arlene was the first woman to come along and love him for who he was. As awful as she can be sometimes, Arlene truly DOES love Terry. And I guess she’s shown him that he IS worthy of love, and can have all those things he probably always wanted, but assumed he could never have (wife, family, job, children, sobriety). I had never thought of it that way. But when she said that, it actually made a lot of sense to me. So, there you go! :)

      As for Nan, Ali said the same thing, so perhaps, you both are right about her NOT being in Matrix Crew Ambush. I guess I just ASSUMED she would go, and imagined her there. Weird . . .

      Have an AWESOME vacation, Valerie! I will be expecting to hear all the juicy details upon your return. :)

      • serendipity

        Hi Julie!
        Thank you so much for your praise :D *happy dance*

        That definitely makes sense about Terry and Arlene! But I’m not to sure about Eric: I agree that his reaction upon remembering shows that he has a lot of character. I just don’t think book Eric remembered: he’d been nagging Sookie so much before about sleeping with before, and then afterwards seems genuinly frustrated that he doesn’t remember if something happened or not. So I tend to believe him…

        I’m also looking forward to what you and Amy will have to say on two sets of brothers in another vampire show (the time is shortening for season 3 yippee)!

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