[I didn't forget about you, my Pretties! A recap for Pretty Little Liars' "It Happened That Night" should be up within the next 24-hours. I promise to try and make it extra special snarky, and screencappy, so that (hopefully) it will be worth the wait.]
Welcome back, Werebangers! With a brand new, more than a bit porn-y, opening sequence . . .
. . . and a slew of new characters on both sides of the werewolf / hunter divide, Teen Wolf’s actors and writers have promised that this season will be sexier, darker, gorier, and more frightening than the last. So, of course, this begs the question: Did the first two episodes deliver?
Let’s review, shall we?
(As always, I’d like to offer a hearty were-banging thank you to my good pal Andre, for the awesome screencaps you see here . . . particularly the shirtless ones. )
Slippery When Wet
Jackson waits, while a school of female fish shove dollar bills in his underpants.
One thing can be said for the writers of Teen Wolf . . . they sure do know their audience. Opening the episode with a wet, ripped-shirted Jackson, emerging from a river, in all his rippling pectoral glory, was an absolutely ingenious move.
”Here’s the bite that I knew was there all along, but I’m going to pretend to be surprised about, so that you can look at my arm muscles, while I flex.”
In fact, I bet 98% of viewers were so aroused by the sight, they completely failed to realize that it had no significance to the plot, whatsoever.
Then again, lizards / shapeshifters enjoy the water . . . Like I said . . . brilliant.
You know what was slightly less brilliant? This . . .
Scott Receives an Ultimatum / Gets the Runs
Poor Scott! Only you (and some REALLY bad CGI graphics) can make the sight of a wolf-in-heat, rushing to hump his prime mate, look like a constipated crab on acid.
On one hand, I truly appreciated the effort the producers put into this scene. It would have been much easier for them to go with the tried and true “Superman Effect,” in attempting to illustrate that Scott . . . um . . . runs fast, now that he’s lupine. But we’ve all seen that before. I can guarantee that you’ve never seen this. So, it was something new . . . new and unintentionally hilarious. But new, nonetheless.
We interuppt this Constipated Crab Moment to bring you a flashback . . one that presumably takes place in the not-too-distant past, but definitely after the events of the season finale. Scott and Alli are hard at work sucking face in Alli’s car. (At least, I think it’s Alli’s. Scott still doesn’t have his own wheels, right?)
ALLISON” “Uh, Scott? I don’t know how to tell you this, but you kind of have dog breath.”
SCOTT: “Sorry. I ate a squirrel on the way over here.”
All of the suddden, Papa Arent rips Scott out of the car by his shirt, and pins him violently against the hood of the car, pressing the barrel of a gun right into his skin.
My first instinct was to think that this was a really dumb move on Daddy’s part. After all, threatening a horny werewolf like that is the surest way of getting your cajones chewed off. Then, I remembered that getting Scott to lash out is precisely Papa Argent’s modus operandi, just as it was with Derek, last season . . .
“Make . . . my . . . day . . . White Fang!”
One show of fang from Scott, would be all it took to permit Daddy to blow the former’s brain’s out under his so called “Argent Family Code of Honor.” But, Code or no Code, having a gun in your face, or in the face of your boyfriend . . . well . . . it kind of sucks. And I suspect it’s that generalized suckiness that prompts Allison to tearfully cut a deal with her father, while remind the latter that this not-so big, not-all-that-bad, wolf had actually saved both father and daughter’s life, in the not-so-distant past.
“I’ll never see [Scott] again,” promises the girl who goes to school with Scott, has a locker fairly close to his, and even, if I recall correctly, shares a couple of classes with him.
Papa Argent relucantly agrees to this compromise. (Papa Argent is kind of a moron . . . but hot, in that scruffy, middle-aged, Poor Man’s George Clooney-kind-of-way.) Once Daddy-o is safely out of the picture, Scott andd Allison share an angsty hug on the roof of the car, as Allison tries to politely ignore the fact that Scott recently peed himself . . .
Back in Present Day, Scott and his goofy crab legs sneak into Allison’s bedroom windo wfor an impromptu sex session. (Well, that didn’t take long . . . and I mean that in more ways than one.)
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for watching attractive people hump one another on my television screen. Who isn’t?
On the other hand, I feel like we get scenes like this, between Scott and Allison just about every other episode. Not to mention the fact that THEY ALWAYS LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! The same location . . . (Allison’s room / bed) . . . the same fumbling awkwardness to the tune of blaring pop music . . . the same . . . choreography. In fact, you could probably cut and paste any Sallison sex scene from any episode, into another episode, without anyone being any the wiser.
From Season 1
Now, I get that, as far as teen sex goes, monotony and awkwardness, is actually rather realistic. I just kind of wish that these two would change things up every once in a while . . . you know . . . for the fans! For example, have sex in Scott’s house sometimes (His mom DOES work the night shift at the hospital, after all.), try out a couple of different sexual positions (doggy style?), some rap music (Snoop Dog), a little role playing (Little Red Riding Hood), maybe even some fun costumes (dog collar).
In the couple’s defense, they do happen to be kind of pressed for time. Not two minutes into the pop song, Mama Argent comes back for where ever the heck she was prior to this moment, and barges into Allison’s room.
SCOTT: “Do you think we should . . . I don’t know . . . like invite her to join in?”
ALLISON: “Scott, that’s my MOM!”
SCOTT: “I know. But I don’t want to be rude!”
To say Mommy Dearest is suspicious of her daughter’s recent behavior is the understatement of the century.
That Mama Argent . . . she sure is one scary b*tch. From her severe, woman-discharged-from-the-Marines-for-beating-up-her-comrades haircut, to her monotone voice, to those big alien eyes, to the way she not-so-subtly thrashes about Allison’s room opening closets, peeking under beds, and just barely failing to locate the naked Scott, now-hiding on the rooftop . . .
Best Christmas Decoration EVER!
. . . I’m pretty sure this was the most frightening scene in the entire episode. And if you recall, this was an episode where SOME GUY GOT CHOPPED IN HALF!
Nevertheless, Scott somehow manages to escape from the Argent household undetected by the parental units. He always does!
Meanwhile, over in the hospital . . .
It could have been worse. She could have opted for a bath . . .
It’s safe to say that less than a week has passed since the events of last season’s finale . . . otherwise, Stiles REALLY needs a shower. According to Scott’s mom, my loveable little Yoda man has spent every waking minute (and more than a few sleeping ones) holding vigil at Lydia’s hospital bedside, as she recovers from the unfortunate “Alpha Mauling” she suffered, during her prom.
We find our hero, dozing on an uncomfortable chair, and engaging in a rather naughty conversation with some dream girl . . . or maybe boy.
“Oh Derek! You look so good wearing my t-shirt. Now take it off.”
“You’re SO dirty,” a sleeping Stiles muses, as a smile creeps across his lips. “You first. No, me first? Well . . .”
Needless to say, I would PAY to get inside that dream sequence. As a groggy Stiles awakens to hit the vending machine, we turn our attention to Lydia, who rudely (but wisely . . . we all know what 75% of the parents are like on this show) rejects her father’s offer to help her into the shower. As our heroine lathers herself, we notice that the water beneath her feet is becoming increasingly tinged with black goo. Not cool at all!
Rather than stepping out of the dirty shower and calling an attendant, like most normal people would do in this situation, “self-sufficient” Lydia decides to play plumber, digging into the disgusting drain with her bare hands. Now, the black water is almost up to her knees. She brings her hands upward to find piles and piles of . . . HAIR. Lydia cries in disgust, but she still doesn’t get out of the tub until SOME DEAD GUYS HAND GRABS AT HER FROM THE DRAIN . . .
Need a hand?
Cue the screaming . . .
I find it interesting that everyone on the show, including Stiles and Scott (who at this point is miles away) recognizes Lydia’s trademark screams. Stiles promptly abandons his happy reunion with the Reeses Pieces he freed from that stubborn vending machine, and rushes to his lady love’s side. But when he and the doctor’s arrive . . . wait for it . . . she’s gone! Oh, and the water is sparkling clean and hair free. Go figure!
Oh, P.S., in her haste to escape the Evil Man Hand, Lydia forgot something very important . . . her clothes. Way to go, Lady Godiva!
Always the smartest kid in the room, Stiles cleverly snags Lydia’s hospital gown, so that his doggy friend can track down her scent. Yoda then promptly reunites with Allison the Werewolf Slayer and Teen Wolf, in hopes of finding Lydia before the Argents do. The image of Scott riding with his head out the window like a Golden Retriever, sniffing the wind, will likely stay etched in my memory forever. In fact, I think it’s some of the best acting we’ve seen Tyler Posey do, since this show started. No joke.
“It’s hard to smell Lydia in the middle of all this gasoline and roadkill.”
Meanwhile, over at Kate Argent’s grave . . .
Some teenager is operating a crane to dig the hole in the ground that will eventually include the body of Kate Argent. We know this teenager is important, because he’s attractive. And no attractive faces go to waste on this show. (By the way, what kind of cemetery hires a 16-year old to operate heavy machinery like that in the middle of the night? That’s just bad for business.)
“Child labor laws are for wimps. My little brother delivers newspapers in his diapers.”
Random Teen Who We Don’t Know Yet, hears a gross munching sound, and finds a werewolf munching on the liver of one of the deceased.
The werewolf notices the teen, and easily upends the crane. Now, Random Teen We Don’t Know Yet is stuck under a crane in the grave he just dug for Kate Argent, just waiting to be eaten. But worry not, Random Teen! Derek is here to rescue you!
This almost makes getting buried alive worth it . . .
Just hanging out . . .
Elsewhere, Scott’s cute little doggy nose has led his search party to the area outside Derek’s house, sight of . . . well . . . pretty much every bad thing that’s ever happened on this show ever . . . Then again, it’s also where we first got to see this . . .
Stiles finds something he thinks might be a clue. “Hey! Is this a trip wire?” He exclaims excitedly.
And Stiles is supposed to be the Smart One . . .
Whoops! Next thing you know, Scott’s hanging from a tree. Thus, proving that even Yoda makes mistakes. The Argent hunters arrive shortly thereafter, and some threatening words are exchanged between Scott and Papa Argent. The latter intimates that he suspects Lydia of being a newly turned werewolf, and if he finds her, he’ll chop her body in half. What a swell guy!
Jackson’s “Time of the Month”
The following morning, the cops are on the lookout for Lydia and the graverobber who attacked Random Teen and ate some corpse’s liver at a cemetery. (Could the two be one in the same?) Stiles dad the Sheriff (Remember him?) questions Random Teen along with his father, a.k.a. The Guy who played Mitch Leery on Dawson’s Creek. I swear, Dawson’s dad hasn’t aged a day. He must be a vampire.
Or the Flash . . . same difference.
Derek approaches Jackson for help finding Lydia, since (1) the three of them are presumably all part of the same were pack now; and (2) well, Jackson DID date the girl, after all. But Jackson has no interest in becoming part of any pack OR helping his ex girlfriend not be chopped in half. Jackson is clearly a total sociopath . . . one who’s mean to homeless hippy werewolves.
He’s also bleeding profusely out of his nose and ears . . . black blood . . . kind of like the stuff Lydia found in her shower.
Ease up on the coke . . . man.
Some might say that getting a female period in your nose is the price you pay for being an asshat. But Derek clearly has a bigger heart than I do. He looks legitimately worried for Jackson, when he tells the latter that the excessive bleeding is a sign that his body is rejecting the werewolf bite.
“Your face may be all f*&ked up. But you’re ass is clearly open for business.”
This, of course, begs two questions: (1) Why is Jackson’s body rejecting the bite, when Scott’s didn’t? (Is it simply because there’s still wolfsbane in his system, or is there a more interesting reason, like, for example something in Jackson’s lineage?), and (2) What are the repercussions of this for Jackson? (Will he die? Will he eventually turn into the so-called “Abomination” hinted at in the trailers for this season? Will he need to constantly have tampons hanging out of his nose?)
Four Maulings and a Funeral
Back at school, we are reunited with some old characters . . . like that Creepy Chemistry Teacher everyone used to think was the Alpha, who REALLY has it in for Stiles, after the latter’s father tried to peg him for murder . . .
No reason for this picture. I just wanted to share with you the awesomeness that is Stiles’ t-shirt . . . and this is coming from someone who doesn’t ever want to have kids . . .
. . . and everyone’s favorite Crackpot Lacrosse Coach . . .
Separated at birth?
We are also introduced to some new characters, like the weird (but, of course, still attractive) guy with the camera, who seems to have a real hard-on for Allison. (Doesn’t everybody on this show?)
“I fulfill the show’s emo quotient.
I also might be a shapeshifter who takes pictures of people and thinks so I can assume their forms at a later time.“
There’s also a sweet scene in which Scott comforts a distraught Allison, as she prepares to attend her aunt’s funeral . . . you know . . . if you are into that sort of thing . . .
. . . sweet scenes, I mean, not funerals . . . though, of course, you might be into those too.
At Kate’s funeral, the press and that creepy camera guy are all hounding the Argents. Then this old guy comes and breaks creepy camera guy’s film cartridge, after the former snaps some pictures of Allison.
“Dammit. I knew I should have used my iPhone instead.”
Turns out, this is her grandpa, and he’s one scary dude. In fact, Grandpa Argent and his Crazy Eyes make Papa Argent look like Big Bird by comparison (Not Mama Argent though . . . she’s still the scariest.)
Stiles and Scott watch these events unfold before them, as the pair hide behind and old gravestone. Always trying to keep things positive, Stiles suggests that possibly Gramps and the rest of the Argents are just here for the funeral. But Scott knows better. “They are reinforcements,” he says glumly.
“You know, Stiles’ dad is kinda buff. Maybe’ HE’S the lizard.”
Then Stiles’ dad finds the scheming pair, and drags them back to a squad car. They aren’t there long though. A call comes in about someone attack an ambulance and eating it’s already dead passenger. Stiles and Scott, of course, immediately assume it’s Lydia doing the eating. How rude!
As soon as the two can get away, they form their own search party in the woods. “Just find her,” pleads Stiles, in regard to his lady love. (Sigh!)
Shortly thereafter, Scott smells wolf and takes off in the direction of the stench. Turns out, it’s not Lydia at all. It’s that dirty hippie wolf who’s been eating all the dead people. Go figure! The two tussle, but Scott eventually loses sight of the guy, until that is, the latter gets tripped up by, you guessed it, another trip wire.
Worst . . . gig . . . ever . . .
Enter the Argent Family . . .
He didn’t really need those pesky legs anyway . . .
Grandpa Argent has a big f*&king sword . . . I’m talking Medieval, Game of Thrones sh*t here. As he waves around his surrogate weiner, Gramps waxes poetic about Omega wolves, who, for whatever reason, lack pack affiliation, and therefore are weak, and easily killed. Dirty Hippie Wolf tries in vain to defend himself. He was just looking for the Alpha, he swears! He didn’t hurt anyone living . . . and therefore never ran afoul of the Argent’s precious Code.
Too bad for Wolfie, that Gramps doesn’t need no stinking Codes. He slices through Dirty Hippie Wolf’s bottom half like it’s butter. There’s this creepy moment where the wolf looks down at his now half-body with fascination, before bleeding to death.
“This is SO COOL! Oh wait . . . no it’s not. They cut off my balls too.”
Scott, who’s watching from a distance is understandably horrified.
“Derek, this is really not the time to get handsy.”
Fortunately, Alpha Derek has arrived to comfort him . . . and give him a big ole man hug . . . which probably would have been a lot more appreciated, if he had actually lifted a finger to save Dirty Hippie Wolf. He didn’t. But hey. You can’t blame a guy for wanting to literally save his own balls from being dismembered from the rest of his body.
Never one to give up a good teaching moment, Alpha Derek chooses this inopportune moment to remind Scott why it’s a REALLY good idea to be part of pack, if you don’t want to lose your legs. “Look at them. This is what they do,” Derek says fiercely, forcing Scott to look at the bloody corpse. “This is a declaration of war.”
Apparently Gramps thinks so too, as he tells an admittedly freaked out Papa Argent, in no uncertain terms that the “Code” ceased to exist the minute Kate Argent croaked. Weak wolves, new wolves, pansy wolves, naked chicks running around in the forest, Gramps wants to cut them all in half, just because he can.
“We’ll find them, and we’ll kill them. We’ll kill them all,” Gramps declares ominously.
Elsewhere, a naked Lydia emerges from the forest looking for a coat.
Stiles has never been so jealous of a coat in his life . . .
-SHAPE SHIFTED -
Nice knowing ya, Dawson’s Creek Dad (except . . . not really)
Now we’re at Random Teen’s house. (I told you this guy was important.) Apparently, his name is Issac and he’s getting a D in chemistry. That’s all we know about the character at this point. Oh yeah, and did I mention his dad’s a psychopath?
As far as depictions of domestic abuse go, this one is pretty top notch. You can feel the tension in Isaac’s body as he carefully evades his father’s seemingly harmless questions about his grades, like a soldier navigating his way through a field covered with landmines. And man, is Dawson Leery’s dad terrifying . . . Sure, he’s saying all the right things . . . encouraging his son to be honest, and telling him it’s OK that his grades aren’t up to par. But just below the surface there’s an undercurrent of viciousness, a killer’s instinct. When Bad Dad starts tossing plates at his son, we know immediately that this is far from the first time.
“Dawson would never put up with this sh*t.”
Then again, it IS probably the first time that Isaac has been able to HEAL himself from his father’s abuses. That’s right boys and girls. We have a new werewolf!
Upon realizing what has just occurred, Isaac escapes on his bike, with Bad Dad in hot pursuit. Part of me was waiting for the character to get into a car accident, because he dropped his ice cream cone on the front seat of the car, and bent down, like a total moron to pick it up . . . which, some of you might recall is precisely how Bad Dad’s Alter Ego, Mitch Leery bit it on Dawson’s Creek.
But Bad Dad’s fate is much worse. When he emerges from the car, he learns that something is watching him . . . and that something is definitely not a werewolf.
He kind of looks like This Guy . . .
Does the fact that I cheered just a little bit when that Lizardy Thing mauled Bad Dad in his car make me a bad person? That’s what you get for abusing hot twenty-somethings posing as teens . . . and, of course, spawning that turd, Dawson Leery . . .
New wolf Isaac rushes to his Alpha Derek for help, swearing up and down that he didn’t kill his father . . . though clearly, he can’t be too overwrought that the douchebag is dead.
Well, that’s one way to get a job, during the recession . . .
Elsewhere, Scott and Allison are making out again. Snore . . .
Oddly enough, I’m much more interested in what Allison’s parental units are doing on their so-called date night. Here’s a hint, it involves kidnapping Allison’s principal and sticking massively large guns in his face, until he promises to resign from his post.
“Coincidentally, this is also the size of my secret weiner.”
Watch out Beacon Hills High! Principal Gramps is coming to get you!
But she lost NINE POUNDS!
Poor Lydia. Being known as “That Naked Chick” who ran around in the woods for a weekend isn’t exactly garnering her the popularity she thinks she deserves . . . even though she did lose nine pounds! (Banshee diet, I guess.)
Her ex-boyfriend Jackson isn’t exactly offering her comfort either. The asshat basically tells her that if he had it to do over again, he wouldn’t save her life.
Oh, and P.S., she should watch out for the Full Moon. It’s not exactly a scene out of Lydia’s favorite movie, The Notebook.
Scratch and Sniff Lacrosse
Speaking of Full Moon preparations, Stiles knows exactly how to handle Scott’s “time of month” this time around . . .
Fifty Shades of Stiles?
Too bad it makes him look like an S&M fetishist in front of his coach . . .
In the locker room, Scott smells something aside from the usual B.O., dirt, and aftershave. There’s another wolf on the premises. The question is who? Scott has a plan to figure it out, one that involves playing goalie turning team practice, and rushing out of the goal to tackle and SNIFF all his teammates, until he finds the one that smells like dog.
Needless to say this is probably my favorite scene in the entire episode.
Coach Crackpot quickly asked Stiles what was wrong with his friend . . .
Weird Camera Guy passed the Scratch and Sniff test with flying colors. As did Danny, who got bonus points for smelling awesome. “It’s Armani . . . my cologne,” Danny exclaims proudly, as Scott fights off the urge to make love to him right there on the Lacrosse field. (It’s the one time during this episode that I wished MTV had smellovision.)
Jackson noteably escaped from practice, before Scott could smell him, probably because he worried about what the latter might find in his scent . . . wolf? death? Or something much worse?
Eventually, it’s Isaac’s turn to square off with Scott. Cue the matching colored contacts. It’s like love at first were-bite. “Please don’t tell anyone,” Isaac pleads.
Unfortunately, this conversation is cut short by the cops, who take Isaac in for questioning about his dead dad. Scott knows full well that the idea of a brand new wolf locked in a not particularly well-secured holding cell during a full moon isn’t good for anyone. “You know how I said I no longer have the urge to kill?” Scott muses to Stiles. “He does,” Scott said of Isaac.
It was an interesting moment, one that intrigued me quite a bit about Isaac’s character, and what type of wolf he will become. Clearly, this is someone who’s been abused and beaten down, emotionally and physically all his life. That kind of persistent torture makes you feel weak and powerless. It makes you vie for an escape, some avenue of control in your life. Derek likely saw this in Isaac, and knew that, as a result, he would be amenable to undergoing the transformation.
Yet, Derek’s decision to turn Isaac might not have been completely altruistic After all, he’s a packmaster at war, now. And to fight a war, you need good soldiers. I suspect that Derek also saw in Isaac exactly what Scott is seeing now . . . an untenable rage, bubbling just beneath the surface. That rage could make Isaac an excellent warrior. But it also makes him a potential loose cannon.
Nevertheless, Scott clearly feels a kinship with Isaac, that goes beyond mere pack membership. He sees him as a man who’s been wrongly accused. And he wants to help him, by breaking him out of the pokey . . . which, of course, means Stiles has to help him too.
Teen Wolf and Yoda to the Rescue
Back at school Stiles’ Sheriff dad is questioning Jackson, who also happens to be Isaac’s next-door neighbor. Jackson callously admits that he knew Isaac was a victim of abuse, but that this was “not his problem.”
Ugh! Jackson, you suck! I don’t care how good you look in a wet t-shirt. I hope your nose and ear bleed travels to your ass . . .
Back in chemistry class, Scott and Stiles are desperate to know what Jackson is telling the police about Isaac. And the best way to figure that out is an impromptu trip to the principal’s office . . .
Of course, Scott and Stiles haven’t yet been informed about the new principal at their school, but they are about to find out . . .
Principal Gramps clearly has done his homework on these too, especially Scott, who he notes is Allison’s “ex-boyfriend.” It seems pretty obvious that Gramps knows Scott’s a wolf. And yet, he doesn’t immediately chop him in half, like he did the Hippie Wolf. The question is why. I’m thinking it’s because he has bigger plans for Scott . . . plans that might just involve using him to locate the rest of his pack.
Ever the loyal friend, Stiles opts to take one for the team, by stewing in detention, while Scott dashes off to rescue Isaac, who has just been carted off to jail, just as he predicted. Of course, Derek magically appears at this moment, to help with the “war effort.” With his leather jacket, and dark glasses, Derek kind of looks like The Terminator . . . only hot . . . and without the Austrian accent.
Derek has something to show Scott . . . something that could seriously hurt Isaac’s murder defense, if the cops find it . . .
Elsewhere . . .
The Most Boring Sex Tape Ever
Jackson gets Weird Camera guy to lend him a video camera for 100 bucks so that he can make a solo sex tape. Just kidding. He wants to videotape his werewolf transformation. He flexes for the camera a few times, before heading to sleep. And that’s all that the camera catches . . . eight hours of Jackson . . . alone . . . in bed.
Needless to say, this tape won’t get as many hits on YouTube as the one Kim Kardashian made.
So, it appears Jackson is still 100% Grade A douchebag human . . . or is he?
The House of Hor-weres
The minute Derek alluded to Isaac having a worse motive to kill his father than run-of-the-mill battery, I thought the kid might have been sexually abused. The writers don’t necessarily go that far with the character. However, we do get to see Isaac’s dad’s unique idea of punishment, which, apparently, involved locking his son, in an icebox for extended period’s of time. Oddly enough, this gives Scott an idea . . .
Back at the Argent’s, Gramps and Papa are also discussing Isaac’s case, and whether or not they have enough proof to chop him in half. Allison tries to listen in, but they shut the door in her face, in a very Godfather-esque way. Allison does learn part of her family’s plan however. It involves a sheriff taking wolfsbane into Isaac’s cell, enough of which will kill him.
“You know, I like you a lot better, when your tongue isn’t permanently attached to my best friend’s face.”
Allison calls Stiles (Nice to see these two teaming up for a change.), and together they devise a plan . . .
Those Meddling kids
You remember last season how solid Alli was with a crossbow, right? Well, this week she uses those skills to put a flat tire in the wolfsbane carrying cop’s car, and to shoot him in the leg. I’ve never really been an Allison fan. But even I’ve got to admit that’s pretty bad ass.
Gives new meaning to the term “woody.”
Allison then heads to Isaac’s house (Isn’t that a crime scene? How are all these people just entering and leaving it, willy nilly?), while Stiles bounds off to jail to somehow save Isaac, who’s undergoing his first wolf transformation, as we speak.
In the basement of Isaac’s house, Derek again pitches his “Be All That You Can Be In My Pack” speech to Scott, who lectures his new packmaster on his seeming need to turn every lost soul in Beacon Hills into a werewolf, without properly informing them of the risks. “I can make you a better werewolf. I can teach you to use ALL your senses . . . not just your nose,” Derek teases his new pal, before heading off to the jail, himself.
Enter Allison. She and Scott share some kisses and more angst, before Scott finally convinces her to lock him in the icebox during his transformation. She hesitates, but ultimately obeys. Moments later, that THING arrives. It’s the same one that killed Not-Mitch Leery. It sidles toward Allison, and she screams, grabbing her teeny tiny knife for protection. (Where’s her crossbow?)
Scott hears her terror, and breaks out of his icebox, half-wolfed out, just in time to see the THING sprout lizard legs, crawl on the ceiling and exit stage left.
“What the heck is that?” We wonder. My pal Andre has an idea.
Of course, the more pressing question, for purposes of the show, anyway, is WHO is that? My early money is on Creepy Camera Guy, (1) because he already seems kind of obsessed with Allison; (2) because he’s on the same lacrosse team as Isaac, and probably knew about his home situation; and (3) because his appearance thus far in the series has been totally random and seemingly useless. (I mean, honestly, couldn’t Jackson have bought his own camera?)
Anyway, that’s my theory. What’s yours?
Meanwhile, at the jail, Derek and Stiles are shamelessly flirting with one another. Derek brags that he can easily distract the female guard with his hotness, while Stiles rescues Isaac. Stiles watches Derek charm the pants off of the lady cop, clearly jealous . . . though it is uncertain whether it’s Derek or the cop that are earning most of his jealousy.
“That boy is such a tease. I’m not letting him borrow my shirts anymore. That’s for sure. Fool me once, big guy!”
By the time Stiles gets to Isaac’s cell, two important things have happened (1) Wolf Isaac broke out of his cage; (2) Limpy, the wolfsbane carrying cop, who Allison shot, has returned to the jail. Isaac promptly attacks and disarms him, before turning his attention on a now-scared sh*tless Stiles. Worry not though, it’s Derek and his ruby eyes to the rescue.
All he has to do is show his teeth to Wolf Isaac, and the latter starts cowering in the corner. “How did you do that?” Stiles asks, breathlessly, passion in his eyes. (Yes, I know I’m laying it on thick. )
“I’m the Alpha,” Derek says confidentally, before exiting stage left.
I’m not sure if it’s that simple though . . . One could argue that Isaac submitted to Derek’s will, not because Derek is the Alpha, but because Isaac instinctively fears abuse from his parental figures. Would Scott have yielded in this situation? Or Jackson? Or Lydia? Only time will tell . . .
Stiles’ dad enters the jail, just in time to find Stiles standing awkwardly in a room filled with one unconscious werewolf, and one unconscious sheriff. “He did it,” Stiles exclaims adorably, pointing at Isaac.
It’s a brilliantly understated ending to a well-written pair of premiere episodes. Don’t you think?