Bon Temps Regurgitated – A Recap of “Let’s Boot and Rally!”

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Boot and Rally, Fangbangers!  It’s the mantra of champion partiers the world over.  After all, everyone knows that the harder you party, the greater the chance that your “fun” is going to come back and haunt you . . . one way or the other.

But the strong among us are the ones that can take a beating, dust ourselves off (rinse out our mouths, if necessary), and head right back out on the proverbial dance floor to do it all over again.

At least, I call that strong.   Others might call that stupidity . . . or alcoholism . . . whatever.

Anyway, this week’s episode of True Blood was all about the various ways in which people’s past can come back to haunt them.  It also explored how some of our favorite (and a few of our not-so- favorite) characters coped with these “haunting” experiences.

But enough philosophizing, let’s boot and rally on to another TB-cap!

REVENGE of the Orange Marzipan

When we last left our heroine Sookie Stackhouse, she was grinding her ridiculously drunk ass all over Alcide man candy, and cleaning his werewolf fangs with her tongue.

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Meanwhile, Ambiguously Gay Vampire Duo Bill and Eric stood outside Sookie’s window . . . watching.  (Quality Vampire Porn must be real hard to come by in Bon Temps, if even the King of Louisiana has to improvise.)

Eventually, Sookie and Alcide decide to move this party upstairs.  Sookie hitches a ride on Alcide’s massive torso, and up to the bedroom they go!

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Now, whether or not you’re a fan of Sookie and Alcide as a couple, you have to admit, this scene was pretty f*&king awesome.  There were grunts, groans, grinds, and kisses from both parties, and Alcide did this thing with his belt that had to be the best free advertisement for the Magic Mike movie I’ve ever seen.

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Then, Alcide whispers in Sookie’s ear that he’s “waited so long for this.”  And really, what girl doesn’t want to hear that, pre-coitus?

Sookie’s response?  Let’s just say it was explosive . . .

And now for the super slow-mo instant replay . . .

Oh, it’s SO over!  Eric and Bill are upstairs in a flash, for the post-game wrap up.

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Alcide thought he was getting laid tonight.   Instead, he got a pair of shoes that will match nicely with a pair of khakis, if he ever decides to wear them . . . (Alcide always seemed like more of a jeans and flannel guy to me.)

Downstairs in the kitchen, a still drunk Sookie is just finding it absolutely hilarious that her two ex-boyfriends have interrupted her sexcapades for yet another Vampire Investigation Mission.

She’s game, though!  Talk about a boot and rally.  Sookie’s so eager to get started on her mission, she can’t even be bothered to properly open her front door!

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 (I almost forgot that Tara broke that last week.  I wonder if Sookie’s homeowner’s insurance policy covers “Vampire Temper Tantrums” . . .)

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Meanwhile, in some random bunker .  . .

REVENGE of the . . . um . . . Evil Fire Thingy?

Terry and Noel from Felicity have been tied up by their wackjob comrade, who keeps babbling on and on about something called a “lfrite.”  Apparently, it’s like this Vengeance Fire Demon or something.  Wackjob Comrade says the “lfrite” is out to get Terry and his buddies, because of all those people they torched during the war.  Personally, I’m kind of hoping the lfrite goes ahead and takes vengeance on this lame storyline, by burning it to the ground.  But for now, it just takes Wackjob Comrade, while Terry and Noel from Felicity live to “lfrite” another day . . .

In other news . . .

REVENGE of . . . Jesus’ Head?

Lafayette is sad, because that weird party mask from last season, keeps making him do BAAAAD things, like almost put bleach in the soup at Bon Temps, and cut the breaks on Sookie’s car.  (Quite the kidder, that Weird Party Mask!)

So, Lafayette does what many people would do in this situation.  He prays to Jesus . . .

. . . well, not THAT Jesus .  . . although he was standing in front of a statue of HIM when he said the prayer.  THIS Jesus . . .

You know, the one Lafayette sort of / kind of killed last season, while under the influence of yet another dark force?  “Show me a sign that you hear me!”  Lafayette pleads.

Jesus does his former beau one better.  He gives him head . . . literally.  

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Now, that’s what I call a good boyfriend!

REVENGE of  . . . that Annoying Authority Storyline

In the immortal words of Vampire Pam, “Blah, blah, blah . . . Blood of Lilith, Blah.”

Christopher Meloni is trying to rally his troops against the imminent uprising of the Sanguinistas,  who may or may not be led by Eric’s hot but crazy sister, Nora, who’s spent the past three episodes or so, doing nothing but rocking back and forth on her knees, screaming and curling up in a fetal position.

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 (The character had such a promising start too!)

But personally, my money is on Salome being the REAL woman behind the rebellion / freeing Russell from his cement jail cell.

My favorite part of this whole Authority Storyline was when Mac from Veronica Mars called Bill and Eric to tell them she had activated the blow-up device on their leather S&M jock straps.

Why was that my favorite?  Because Mac from Veronica Mars is funny, and so are leather S&M jock straps, at least I think they are . . .

REVENGE of the Shapeshifter Haters with the Funny Masks

Ruh-roh, Scooby Doo!  There appears to be a gang of Supernatural Creature Killers on the loose, who keep offing all of Sam’s shifter buddies! (Man!  Sam’s pals and f*&k buddies just seem to drop like flies, every single season.  Remind me to un-friend him on Facebook . . .)

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Back in Season 1, we didn’t get to find out who the serial killer was,  until the second-to-last episode.

But this time around, these chumps are driving around out in the open with their stupid masks, like it’s friggin Mardis Gras.  They shoot both Luna and Sam, as a petrified Emma shifts into a baby wolf and skitters away.  I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Luna’s dead and Sam’s not . . . which means Sam’s probably going to adopt Emma, which means a lot more screen time for the child actress.  But hey, at least wolf girl is better than that vampire kid, right?

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Anything is better than that vampire kid . . .

REVENGE of Fangbanging Hoyt

One thing True Blood has always been missing is evidence of solid girl bonding.  I mean sure, Sookie and Tara were “best friends.”  But lets face it, they spent half of the screen time they spent together,  crying, yelling and screaming, usually at one another.

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After all, Tara isn’t exactly the kind of girlfriend you invite over for to watch a Ryan Gosling Movie Marathon, talk about boys, and dance around the room with, while you’re singing into your hairbrush.

But Vampire Jess is definitely that kind of girl, which was why it was so cool to see her take Tara under her wing, and show her all the awesome things the vampire world has to offer.

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And wouldn’t you know it, girlfriend even made Tara crack a smile or too, which is probably the most shocking thing I’ve seen in four plus seasons of True Blood.

Then, stupid Hoyt had to go f*&k everything up with his lame 80′s rocker clothes, and new-found fangbanging ways.  Damn, The Man!  Remember back when this was a REALLY likeable character?

That seems like ages ago, now!  Mama Fortenberry would definitely not approve!

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Tinkerbell’s REVENGE

Thank you, Fairies, for making Jason naked again . . .

. . . and for that weird (but oddly captivating) dream sequence where he wore He-man footy pajamas, and his mom told him to go get a blow job, because it “always makes him feel better.”

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You are officially, my heroes!

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Speaking of naked, Andy Bellefleur spent a second episode of the season in his birthday suit, thereby making him officially nude more than ERIC NORTHMAN, this season.

Not cool . . . Alan Ball . . . not cool at all . . .

And the moment you’ve all been waiting for . . .

The Return of Russell Edgington!

With the help of an extra large coffee and some Nutter Butters, Hangover! Sookie successfully un-glamored Alcide’s employee, simply by holding and fondling his hand a few times.  Now, that’s impressive (as were the hilariously petrified expressions the guy was making throughout the entire episode — LOVED HIM)!  Somehow or other this brings Sookie (her HAREM of men in tow) to the creepy old abandoned insane asylum where Russell Edgington has been biding his time, while his burnt up nasty face reforms.  The endless buffet of human shishkabobs certainly doesn’t hurt.

The episode ends with a final triumphant showdown between Big Bad Russell (who’s still looking a bit too feeble old mannish to be believable as genuine threat) . . .

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 . . . and one delicious Viking Vamp.

Vampire Househusbands of Bon Temps – The Reunion Special

Color me intrigued!  Until next time, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

3 Comments

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3 responses to “Bon Temps Regurgitated – A Recap of “Let’s Boot and Rally!”

  1. Serendipity

    Hi Julie! Sorry for not commenting on your TB recaps before, but I’ve been on holiday, and then it took me awhile to catch up on all that vampire, shifter and faerie stuff going down in Bontemps :) But I’m back now… to say that honestly, season 5 of TB is not really living up to any of my expectations so far (well, apart from Jason Stackhouse random flashing of various naked body parts which is always good ;) )

    Tara as a vampire was totally whiny in the beginning (making me wish that a) either Pam had botched the transformation altogether, b) Lafayette had gotten that stake in good or c) the suicide by tanningbed had actually worked… but she’s starting to go to normal now, and I’m kind of okay with her for the time being. The way she listened to Bill and deferred to Eric (without bitching), not to mention her little girlie bonding session with Jessica make me hopeful that they’ll make a half-decent vampire out of her yet…

    Speaking of masters and children, I loved the background we’ve been getting for Eric-Pam, and I’m a bit sad that he set her free (even if it was a touching scene). They were always so nice and snarky together, and I’ll miss that. But it’s awesome how they portrayed Eric as the bad-boy-with-soft-spot in those flashbacks, while still keeping him powerful enough to toss Bill and Lorena (who else?) out on their barely clad asses ;) Frankly, it’s what I’m missing in present day Eric: he’s has to kowtow to way too many people (king Bill (Jeez! still having difficulty with that one), and now he’s groveling before the authority… (I totally agree with you that it’s a boring storyline, AND that Salome is leading the whole Sanguinista movement. Duh). I have to admit that Charlaine Harris is also going down that road with Eric in her books, but at least she waited until the tenth installment. Ugh. I just want my Eric badass and on top of his game. Is that really so much to ask? ;)

    Honestly. Sookie is off her game too (was she ever on it, is the question?), but I was laughing so loud when she threw up all over Alcide’s shoes :D, followed by Eric’s dry comment. Alcide is a good guy, but I just don’t see him with Sookie (at least Charlaine never went there, even if she did introduce that tiger-guy called Quinn – let’s just hope he’s not about to show up, never did like the guy).

    Yawn for the Lafayette storyline – where IS that going? – and for the backstory of Terry. Is there a point, besides taking loads of detours to camouflage the fact that this season has no actual storyline? They exhausted the wolves (S3), the faeries and witches (S4) and the wacky maenad (S2), so now they’ve got no storyline left? I know the books too are about vampire politics, but it never was as boring as the whole Authority-Sanguinista BS for some reason….

    Here’s to hoping the whole story will go somewhere more interesting soon… sorry for the whine, Julie. I hope I didn’t bore you to tears as much as TB seems to be boring me :(
    At least your recaps provide me with more smiles than the latest episodes ;) Thank you :D

    • Hey Serendipity! I agree with you 100% The best aspects of this season, by far, have been finally getting to see the Eric / Pam backstory, the small increase in Tara’s (previously null) level of likeabililty, and anything relating to Jess and/or Naked Jason. (Well, I also have a soft spot for gay vamp Steve Newlin. That guy needs his own show!) Everything else has been a little, (How do I put this kindly?), ZZZZZ . . .

      Now, granted, Book 5 of the Sookie series was probably the weakest of the first seven (i.e. the books written prior to the show’s airing). And the fact that the writers opted not to turn Jason into a werepanther last season, pretty much eliminated all intrigue revolving around the “shifter serial killer” storyline. But still, I think this could have been a really good opportunity for the writers to genuinely divert from the source storyline, and create something that was 100% HBO’s own. Instead, they overstuffed the deck with WAY TOO MANY storylines that most fans don’t care one lick about.

      I mean, I like Terry and all, but as a SIDE character, who has a pet armadillo, twitches when he talks, occasionally makes funny comments, and has a whiny shrew of a wife. But this is the second season in a row, where a significant portion of series time is dedicated to a story about him, in which I have no interest. In that sense, I think TB makes the opposite error that TVD does, when it comes to character development. TVD is often accused of focusing too much on the core three, and giving short shrift to popular SIGNIFICANT leads like Caroline, Tyler and *mutters under her breath* I guess Bonnie. TB, on the other hand, somehow thinks it’s necessary that every single minor character on the show, regardless of lack of fan interest, have his or her own storyline and mystery.

      Now, Lafayette, on the other hand, has always been a favorite of mine. But this possession storyline is just AWFUL. I didn’t like it when they did it last season, and I don’t like it any better now. I feel like the writers are doing to Lafayette what they used to do to Tara that made her so unlikeable. Back in Season 1 Laffy Taffy and Tara were strong, sassy, funny characters, that didn’t take crap from anyone. Then, Tara became the perpetually mopey and pissed off victim. And now Laffy Taffy is the same way. I mean, seriously, how many FRIGGIN ghosts are going to possess this guy? Next up, they will probably have him swallow down “Lilith” or the “Lfrite.”

      And the Authority . . . sigh . . . another example of too much of a good thing. I always thought Nan Flanagan was a cool side character, and an excellent representation of the mysterious and seemingly all-knowing Authority. She was exhibited in small doses initially. And it always made you wonder more about her, and what made her tick. A little bit of mystery to a character can be very alluring! And now that I’ve seen the authority and listened to all it’s boring speeches, I kind of wish it stayed mysterious. :)

      Ahhh, but now I’m sounding all negative. I’d like to think that TB has just hit a rough patch, and with a fresh start, and a new show runner, will likely get back on track soon. For starters, I’m really excited to see what HBO makes of Book 7 of the Sookie series (the one with the vampire conference), as that one was always my favorite, and was more or less written to be seen on screen. In short, it would be really hard to screw up, since all the elements of a good season are all right on the page . . . which, I think, is exactly what TB needs right now.

  2. imaginarymen

    “Ambiguously Gay Vampire Duo Bill and Eric”
    “What’s everybody looking at??”
    “Nothing!”

    ;-0

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