Well HELLO there, fellow Gleeks! Welcome to my very first Glee recap, or, perhaps, more appropriately, Gleecap. Last night’s return to McKinley High, after a WAY TOO LONG hiatus, was jam-packed with: head-bopping tunes, oodles of teen angst, love triangles, and rivalries, with a heaping helping of track suit-wearing, rufie slipping, vogue-ing SUE SYLVESTER thrown in for good measure!
So, tie on those dancing shoes, put that “L” symbol on your forehead, and give yourself a triple slushie facial, because we are about to get started . . .
The More Things Change . . .
So, when we last left our Glee kids, they had just won Sectionals, and had seemingly been elevated to “cool status,” as a result. Finn and Rachel were dating. And Sue Sylvester had been suspended for repeatedly trying to sabatoge the efforts of Glee coach, Will Schuester. It only took about 10 minutes for the writers to undo ALL OF THAT! First, the Glee kids got slushied . . .
. . . then Sue Sylvester got reinstated at the school, by putting a rufie in the Principal’s drink, thereby causing THIS to happen . . .
(I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)
Now, the Glee kids MUST win Regionals or they LOSE their club. (Sound familiar?)
To further complicate matters, Finn (having recently been emasculated by Pregnant Quinn, who is now dating Baby Daddy Puck) is feeling smothered by New GF Rachel. He also seems to have lost his Mojo.
The good news? Mr. Schuester helps Finn get his Mojo back, by having him sing a song! Hello, I Love You, by the Doors, to be exact.
The bad news? This new-found confidence, along with the receipt of some puppy dog eyes from the scheming Brittany and Santana . . .
. . . cause Finn to dump poor Rachel.
But fear not, Gleeks, because when Rachel is dissed, she doesn’t get mad, she gets SINGY. And what does our girl decide to sing? None other than my favorite Angst Anthem, of course! (The song is a frequent companion of mine during late night elliptical workouts.) It’s All American Reject’s Gives You Hell!
And while I can’t show you this awesomely cathartic vent-fest in its entirety (The clip is not yet on YouTube), I CAN let you bask in the fabulousness of the SONG portion . . .
This is a LIBRARY, NOT CARNEGIE HALL!
Unfortunately, Mr. Schuester clearly didn’t love this rendition as much as I did, because he sent Rachel back to the drawing board, in search of a more “appropriate” song for Regionals. Rachel heads to the library, where she encounters Jesse St. James, the star songster of Vocal Adrenaline, i.e. New Directions’ main competition in the event. (Interestingly enough, St. James, is played by none other than Jonathan Groff, Lea Michele’s costar in the musical Spring Awakening).
St. James kind of comes off as a condescending prick – a guy who speaks only in dramatic monologues, and “gives impromptu concerts to the homeless.” And yet, the chemistry between these two is pretty palpable, particularly when they randomly decide to sing a duet together right there in the LIBRARY!
. . . complete with violin accompaniment!
I should mention that Lionel Richie’s Hello was a song I always hated. Mainly because the video for it featured that really creepy ceramic Lionel Richie HEAD . . .
But to Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff’s credit, their rendition TOTALLY ROCKED!
St. James then asks Rachel out on a date. So, when the wishy-washy Finn . . .
I see the resemblance. Don’t you?
. . . decides he wants Rachel back, she has a good excuse to say, “NO!”
Unfortunately for Rachel, Finn is a total Gossip Girl . . .
. . . and blabs to everyone about Rachel “singing with the enemy.” So, the rest of the bitchy Glee clubbers, give her an ultimatum: Dump St. James or you’re OUT OF THE CLUB!
Rachel rushes to St. James to tell him its over, but soon gets caught up in another super sexy moment with him. After Jesse promises to keep their relationship a secret, the pair share a firey kiss. And then firey turns SERIOUSLY DISTURBING, when we see that, unbeknownst to Rachel, Vocal Adrenaline’s EEVIL Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran (played by Rent’s Idina Menzel) . . .
is watching the pair and spurring St. James on, with the verve and intensity of a handicapper at a horse race!
Virgin Girls, Slutty Boys, and Recycled Songs
Speaking of horses, Mr. Schuester must be HUNG like one (bad transition, I know) because he was just drawing in the ladies from all over the place this week!
First, there was his new girlfriend, OCD Emma . . .
. . . who Will macked on immediately after deciding to end his marriage, in the mid-season finale episode. It turns out that Emma never quite got around to cashing in her V card. (I bet you can guess who’s going to be singing Like a Virgin in next week’s Madonna-themed episode!) Will grudgingly agrees to “take things slow.” However, a few minutes later he is seen getting all hot and heavy with Ms. Corcoran, his competition, and a woman he JUST MET!
Perhaps this was because, Vocal Adrenaline’s fan-tabulous rendition of Highway to Hell, got Mr. Schuester all hot, bothered, and ready to sin.
To further complicate matters, EEVIL Terri . . .
. . . intruded on Emma’s preparations for a romantic evening with Will to inform her that their New Couple’s song, previously belonged to the Old Couple. Specifically, Neil Diamond’s Hello also happened to be Terri and Will’s prom song.
(OK, I GET that “hello” was the theme of this episode. But did they really have to include this LAME ASS song in it, just to prove that point? There have GOT to be better HELLO songs out there! SERIOUSLY!)
Apparently, despite Will being a former Glee Club Member and a current Glee Coach, the dude has the World’s Dullest Taste in Music! (Then again, what do you expect from a guy whose ENTIRE movie collection consists of only TWO movies, one of which is Armageddon?)
Bad taste in movies, bad taste in music, bad taste in WIVES, and a cheater (though Emma doesn’t know that, yet) – these are all GREAT reasons to dump a Dude. But Emma ACTUALLY dumps Will, because she feels he needs the opportunity to learn what it is like to be single for a change. I agree!
Appropriately, this Hello- themed episode of Glee concluded with a song entitled Hello, Goodbye.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!
As a sly way to promote next-week’s Madonna-themed epi, after the credits rolled, we were treated to an “interesting” video featuring Sue Sylvester, paying homage to the Queen of Pop, by vogue-ing.
And while Jane Lynch was certainly amusing here, the FUNNIEST part of the video, for me, anyway, were the confused and mocking looks on the Glee kids’ (who were also in the video) faces, as Lynch hammed it up for the camera . . .
OK, now I must REALLY say goodbye to Hell-o! Until next week, Gleeks!