I REALLY did not want to like this trailer! It’s Tom Cruise — I have kind of a personal vendetta against him. You see, when I was a little kid, I luuuuuuved my Tom Cruise. Because, really, back then, what was not to love? He played a kickass fighter pilot in Top Gun, who played volleyball with his shirt off . . .
In Risky Business, he played an enterprising young high school student, with a hooker for a BFF, who danced around the house with his pants off . . .
And he played a brilliant attorney in A Few Good Men, who regrettably kept his clothes on, but still looked pretty darn good in a suit, while wiping the courtroom floor with Jack Nicholson. . .
“You can’t handle the truth . . . about what I’ve got under my shirt.”
I luuuuved Tom Cruise so much, I actually had a teddy bear named Tom Cruise, that I slept with every night.
But things started to go down hill, when Tom Cruise went and stole Joey Potter from Pacey Witter, who — anyone who has ever watched Dawson’s Creek knows — was obviously her soulmate.
Yeah, I know they were just actors reading from a script. Whatever, it still makes me MAD!
After that, my boy Tom went all CRAZY! Jumping on couches . . .
. . . calling Matt Lauer “glib,” and preaching a religion that truly believes that all the world’s problems could be solved — if only we could stop those pesky aliens from leeching onto the back of our skulls.
Needless to say, Tom and I aren’t exactly on good terms right now. So when I heard that he had a new movie coming out this summer, I REALLY wanted to hate the trailer. Except, I didn’t . . . See for yourself.
(ARGH! You know, it really dusts my doilies when movies and TV shows don’t let me embed their videos! I’m offering you FREE PRESS, people! If you don’t mind too much, just click on the YouTube link to watch. Otherwise, the rest of this post won’t make much sense . . .)
Let’s analyze, shall we . . .
:10 – Cameron Diaz is looking pretty good, I must say. Do you think she has had any work done?
:17 – Awww, look its Marc Blucas! You may remember this guy as Buffy’s one time boyfriend, Riley Finn, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You also might remember him as the cute, but kind of boring, other boy (the one who never ends up with the girl), in countless romantic comedies. And from the looks of it, he’s going to play the same role here. Don’t get too down on yourself, Marc. We still think you look good with your shirt off . . .
:22 – Don’t you hate it when some crazy Scientologist kills everyone on your plane?
:58 – Don’t you hate it when some crazy Scientologist crashes your plane into a corn field?
1:03 – Hey, Lost fans! It looks like Shannon isn’t dead after all. She’s alive and well, and getting married in a Tom Cruise movie.
How pissed would Lost fans be, if the show ended up being an evil plot on the part of J.J. Abrams and Co. to convert the masses to Scientology? What if Jacob was really L. Ron Hubbard reincarnated?
1:07 – I really hate to say this, but Peter Sarsgaard is starting to look kind of old. It wasn’t so long ago, that he starred in Garden State and looked like this . . .
1:20 – Don’t you hate it when your driving on a highway, and you can’t remove that pesky Scientologist from the hood of your car? They really need to make stronger windshield wipers for this express purpose.
1:34 – Do you realize that Cameron Diaz’s character, has just basically summarized what will likely be the ENTIRE first half of the movie for Marc Blucas’s character, in this trailer? Talk about leaving nothing to the imagination . . .
1;48 – “I’m the guy.” – Now that’s Classic Tom Cruise, right there! He’s even rocking the sunglasses.
This scene made me so happy, I might just stop calling him “the Scientologist” for the rest of this recap . . . Maybe.
2:00 – “Nobody follows us, or I’ll kill myself, and then her.” – Hmmmm . . . there is something wrong with this statement. Oh, yeah, generally, already dead people CAN’T kill other people . .. unless, of course, they are Freddy Krueger, or those creepy kids from the Japanese horror movies . .
I didn’t think this was THAT kind of film . . .
2:08 – This warehouse hiding, dual guns blazing Tom Cruise, reminds me a lot of his Mission Impossible days, no?
Sidenote: In case you were curious, the song they played during the second half the trailer was “Uprising” by Muse. It’s a nice addition to any iPod, in my opinion. This is an especially good song for those of you, who have a lot of untapped rage that needs releasing . . .
Did I mention the video for the song features a tribe of Angry Teddy Bears?
So there you have it. Knight and Day. It seems a bit predictable. And they definitely gave away too much of the plot in the trailer. But it also looks fun and funny enough to convince me to refrain from making bad Scientology jokes about Tom Cruise . . . for a few hours, at least.
Knight and Day hjacks theaters on June 25, 2010. Will YOU see it?