Monthly Archives: April 2010

Shirtlessness is Godliness – My Take on the Top Ten TV Bods

[WARNING:  On most days, I try to imbue this blog with (moderately) intelligent insights and (sort of) insightful commentary about our pop culture world . . . This is NOT ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  Today is all about objectifying  male television stars, and objectifying them HARD!  So if you happen to be looking for intelligent insights or insightful commentary, you might want to head on over to CNN.com or MSNBC.com — because you won’t find any HERE!]

Are they gone yet?  Good!   Now that we’ve ditched the “mature and responsible adults,” and it’s just us girls, let’s TALK.  Let’s talk about abs of steel, arms of bronze, and skin of silk!  Let’s talk about shoulder blades, belly buttons, backs, butts, and happy trails —  all of it, just barely concealed by tight jeans, strategically placed foliage, soap bubbles, or flimsy peak-a-boo towels!  Ladies, here’s your chance to objectify men, the way they’ve objectified YOU for centuries! 

So, without further adieu, let’s put on our Pink Hard Hats, and DO THIS THING!

When it comes to watching TV, us ladies are LUCKY!  Because, while the FCC simply will NOT allow the exhibition of topless women on prime time television, it has NO TROUBLE AT ALL showing shirtless men!  Out of the countless bodies of work on the “boob-less tube” today, here are just ten of my favorites (in no particular order).

1) Lost’s Shirtless Sawyer (a.k.a Josh Holloway)

When Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on an uncharted island back in 2004, the male survivors immediately instituted a “clothing optional” policy. And BOY are we glad they did!  Snarky, nickname-giving, weapon collecting, bookworm, James Ford, a.k.a Sawyer, is definitely one of those guys who, most of the time, can’t be bothered with such daily inconveniences as putting on a shirt.  So whether he is building a raft to get off the island (which I guess is what he is pictured doing above ), engaging in hot bear cage sex with a fellow castaway .  . .

. . . or randomly taking a shower, while still wearing his jeans . . .

 . . . chances are Sawyer’s going to let you see his belly button, while he’s doing it.  And if that’s not a charitable contribution to society, I don’t know what IS!

2) True Blood’s Shirtless Jason Stackhouse (a.k.a. Ryan Kwanten)

While there aren’t very many characters on television who are shirtless MORE than Sawyer on Lost.  True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse definitely has the distinction of being one of the few.  This self-proclaimed male slut may not be the sharpest “tool” in the shed, but I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.  In fact, I’d probably handcuff him to it, so that he couldn’t leave!

Fans of the show will undoubtedly remember Jason Stackhouse’s “fine form,” as it was displayed during the outdoor, Shirts v. Skins, Football Game he played at “Cult Camp” for the Fellowship of the Sun, during Season 2.

And, of course, who could forget the “Sexy Dance” Jason performed for Lafayette back in Season 1, when he was hooked on Vampire Blood?

Shirtless AND pantless!  It doesn’t get much better than this, ladies!

3) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Stefan Salvatore (a.k.a. Paul Wesley)

Speaking of television characters hooked on Human Vampire Blood, here’s another one who isn’t a big fan of “the shirts.”  This broody vampire, with arms like tree trunks, and pects like a Greek God, generously regales us with his Body of Goodness each week on The Vampire Diaries.  Whether he’s doing chin ups to fend off blood cravings, dangling from a ceiling, while being tortured by a crazed team of rebel vamps, or gallantly retrieving a post-coital glass of water for his human girlfriend . . .

 . . . Stefan Salvatore tends to do it sans-shirt.  And thank Heaven for that!

4) Glee’s Shirtless Noah “Puck” Puckerman (a.k.a. Mark Salling)

Why didn’t any of my classmates look like this when I was in high school?  (Probably because they weren’t played by 27-year old actors with a team of personal trainers at their fingertips . . .)  This MILF seducing . . .

 . . . Mohawk wearing, Sweet Caroline singing, triple-sport playing bad boy, has a body to DIE FOR!  And he’s not afraid to show it off.  I can watch this ONE walk around, wearing nothing but a towel for HOURS!  You know what?  I think I will!

5) True Blood’s Shirtless Eric Northman (a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard)

No wonder True Blood‘s Eric Northman has an entire CALENDAR MONTH dedicated to him!  He’s an extremely well-preserved, centuries old, insanely tall Viking Vampire with a voice like silk, and a penchant for all things bloody.  Did I mention he enjoys taking baths?

Can you really blame Sookie Stackhouse for having sexual dreams about this vamp, even though she is currently involved in another relationship?

6) Supernatural’s Shirtless Sam Winchester (a.k.a. Jared Padalecki)

OK.  I’ll admit that I don’t actually watch this CW show, about two hot demon hunting brothers, one of whom is sometimes possessed.  It just seems too scary for me. (This, coming from a girl who reads and writes books about vampires and hot warlocks, and who watches countless hours of Vampire Television . . . Crazy, I know!)  However, when I was “doing research” for this blog entry, I found this . . .

AND THIS (also featuring a shirtless Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester) . . .

 . . . and figured I might just have to START watching, after all!

7) Grey’s Anatomy’s Shirtless Alex Karev (a.k.a. Justin Chambers)

This Hot (sometimes D-baggy) Doc, with a tortured past, and a sweet side to boot, looks just as good with his scrubs ON as OFF (We prefer them OFF, of course).    For a busy medical professional, Alex Karev gets LAID A LOT!  And for that, we are thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to see him like this . . .

Can you believe that the actor who plays this strapping male specimen is father to FIVE KIDS?

8 ) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Damon Salvatore (a.k.a. Ian Somerhalder)

Clearly, the fictional vampiric Salvatore brothers both possess the gene for AMAZING abs!  Damon, the older, wiser, and snarkier Salvatore, KNOWS he’s hot.  And while occasionally completely shirtless, Damon, unlike his brother, tends to prefer the “open shirt” look . . .

 . . . which leaves a bit more to the imagination, but can be just as sexy.  Did I mention our boy can DANCE?

(Yeah, they won’t let me embed this video.  Poopyheads!  But click the link and WATCH IT!  I promise you WILL NOT be disappointed . . .)

9) Smallville’s Shirtless Clark Kent / Superman  (a.k.a. Tom Welling)

Undoubtedly, if you are being cast in a teen drama about the origins of the Man of Steel, having a hot bod is a prerequisite.  Tom Welling delivers FOR SURE!  Kansas farm boy, Clark Kent, may spend a significant amount of time fighting crime and leaping tall buildings in a single bound, but he’s also hauled a lot of bales of hay in his day.  And that’s really paid off for him in the chest department, if you know what I mean . . .

10) Lost’s Shirtless Desmond Hume  (a.k.a Henry Ian Cusick)

Since we started with a Lostie, I figured another Lostie would be a good place to end.  This romantic, time,traveling Scotsman, who calls everyone “Brotha,” spent years underground, doing nothing put punching numbers into an aging computer and working out.  And it shows!  Aside from being super cut, Our Man Desmond is not afraid to get a little dirty.  And anyone whose watched Lost knows that a dirty naked body is usually a HOT naked body.

Perhaps the reason Desmond is always looking so fit, is that, based on the pictures paparazzi have of him, the actor who plays Desmond does nothing but run ALL THE TIME!  (Check Google Images, if you don’t believe me!)

Well, there you have it ladies!  Ten hot TV men, all of them at least HALF nude!  Your welcome.  Now I’m off to take a cold shower!  Until next time . . .

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Filed under Shirtless TV Stars, Top Ten Lists

Dr. Bloodsucking Psychopath and Mr. Congeniality – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries “Miss Mystic Falls”

It’s official.  The Vampire Diaries has become my FAVORITE show of this season!  VD continues to amaze and shock me each week, with its sharp writing, solid acting, and unpredictable plot twists (the latter being kind of a big deal for me, because I tend to predict EVERYTHING!)  Not to mention, the writers of The Vampire Diaries continue to dream up new and inventive ways to show off Paul Wesley’s insanely hot arms and Ian Somerhalder’s insanely hot face!

All right, enough of this gushy stuff!  After all, “Miss Mystic Falls” was probably the LEAST warm and fuzzy episode of the entire season!  When promos for the episode suggested the exposure of Stefan’s dark side, they weren’t kidding!  The heretofore “kindler, gentler” Salvatore wasn’t just dark this week, he was downright terrifying!

Kudos to Paul Wesley for genuinely scaring the stuffing out of me tonight.  This guy made Norman Bates look like Mister Rodgers  . . .

So, without further adieu, what do you say, we stop gabbing and BITE into this awesome episode?

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends . . .

The opening moments of “Miss Mystic Falls” were filled with awkward exchanges and a generalized sentiment of mistrust.  First there was Vampire Anna . . .

 . . . who visited Damon on the pretense of apologizing for the whole “Stefan getting chained up and tortured, two weeks ago” thing.  But really, the whole purpose of the exchange, I THINK, was to let us viewers know that the writers have decided to scrap the whole Hidey Hole Vampires storyline.  (Good Call, VD!)  Anna explains that MOST of the aforementioned vamps skipped down last week, and therefore, could not have been responsible for the recent “blood bank” robbery that is now rocking Mystic Falls.  Damon sees Anna’s speech as the plot device it clearly is, and refuses to accept her apology. YOU GO, BOY!

Dear BFF Elena,

The good news is, I’m back.  The bad news is, I’ve decided to hate your guts . . .

Hugs and kisses!

Bonnie

Back at school, Bonnie, who has been largely MIA of late, runs into Elena in the parking lot.  These two haven’t seen one another since that time when Elena got Bonnie and her Granny to do that spell to seal up the Hidey Hole Vampire Tomb, the performance of which actually ended up killing Poor Granny.  Oh yeah, and it didn’t even work!  The vampires ended up escaping the tomb, anyway.  Insensitive Elena apparently decided to inform Bonnie of this fact, just days after she had to bury her own grandmother!

“What?  Who WOULDN’T want to know that their favorite relative had to die to further along a failed plotline?”

Given all that, I can’t really blame Bonnie for being icy to Elena, or for hating on the Salvatore brothers for the role they played in Granny’s demise.  I CAN, however, blame her for those weird bangs she was rocking during this episode.  Not cute!  Fortunately, for the girls, Caroline . . .

 . . . interrupts this love fest, to inform Elena that both she and Caroline are part of the Mystic Falls Founder’s Day Court, and are to compete in the “Miss Mystic Falls” pageant this year.  Elena had completely forgotten about the event, having only signed up for it to please her now-dead adoptive Mommy.

Meanwhile, Creepy Uncle John . . .

 . . . blackmails Damon.  Telling him that he will expose the Salvatore brothers as vampires UNLESS Damon agrees to help Creepy Uncle John find some weird ” invention” that a vampire stole from his ancestor, back during Civil War times.  Who stole the “invention,” you ask?  Vampire Pearl, of course!

As if poor Damon wasn’t having a crappy enough day, he returns home to find Stefan (despite his claims of being clean) leaning ravenously over an entire freezer, filled with blood stolen from the local blood bank!  Not cool!  Stefan, of course, promises Damon that he has everything “under control.”  However, when Elena calls to ask him to act as her escort for the pageant, he blatantly lies to her about his “drinking” — a very un-Stefan like thing to do.  Later, at school, Stefan comes very close to eating a teen with a bloody knee, and even attacks Alaric . . .

 . . . when the latter accidentally gets in his way.

The Thrill of Almost Touching, The Agony of Almost Eating . . .

Moments before the Mystic Falls pageant is set to begin, Damon, who has become convinced that Stefan’s new addiction will put them all at risk, informs Elena that Stefan is still consuming human blood.  When Stefan arrives on the scene, Elena confronts him about his lies.  Stefan responds by getting all pissy and wall-punchy . . . He then runs away, like a little bitch, leaving Elena to fend for herself during the pageant ceremonies . . .

“So, I’ve been behaving like a TOTAL ASS throughout this entire episode.  So, what?   I still look super sexy with my shirt off.  And NO ONE can take that away from me!”

When it comes time for Elena to be escorted at the pageant, Damon jumps in at the last minute to be her Knight and Shining Vampire.  And even though we all knew that this was going to happen, from watching the previews, I’m quite certain that the entire female VD watching population SQUEALED with joy when he appeared at the end of that staircase. 

Stefan’s bad behavior these past few episodes, has only further illustrated how much of a better match Damon is for Elena.  Need more proof?  Just check out the sultry and longing looks these two give one another during the “first dance” A.K.A “the prey circling, animal mating ritual.”  When Elena performs this “ritual” with Stefan during rehearsals, it seems stiff and awkward.  With Damon, it is PURE SEX!

“What?  Did you think I WASN’T going to find some excuse to include this picture in my recap AGAIN?  You clearly don’t know me at all . . .”

Despite all this sexiness, Elena actually DIDN’T become Miss Mystic Falls.  Caroline did .  . .

 . . . which was nice, because she CLEARLY wanted it so much more than Elena did.  However, it makes me worried for her, because Elena usually beats her at everything

Have you ever had someone who was always really nasty to you, and then, all the sudden, they started acting really nice?  So, you figured you must be DYING of some disease you didn’t know about, because that would be the ONLY way to rationally explain this person’s sudden change in behavior?   This is kind of how I think Caroline should feel about the world . . .  Seeing as VD is set to have two additional major deaths prior to the conclusion of Season 1, if I were Caroline, I would be getting myself on that All-Vervain diet, STAT!

Back in Whiny Bitch Land, Hungry Stefan is still brooding over his recent fight with Elena, when he encounters, pageant contestant, Amber, innocently catching some air.  Stefan forcefully drags Amber into the woods with him.  He then compels her to stand still and act blissfully calm, as he describes, emotionlessly, and in graphic detail, his overwhelming desire to rip her neck open and devour her whole .  . . 

Awww!  How Sweet!

 . . . and I’m thinking, “This is Stefan!  He’s not ACTUALLY going to bite her.” 

Stefan then compels Amber to run, and she does.  And I think, “Phew!”

But then . . . Stefan does his fast Running Man Vampire thing, and HE BITES HER!  Not just a little, either.  Stefan bites Amber right on her carotid artery.  You know . . . that part of your neck, which, if it bleeds, makes you . . . like . . . DIE . . . and stuff.  Fortunately, it’s DAMON TO THE RESCUE!

UNFORTUNATELY, Stefan throws Damon INTO A TREE and KNOCKS HIM OUT!  But then Bonnie appears, out of no where, and does that creepy, possessed, eyes-rolled-back in her head thing, she likes to do, every once in a while, on this show.  Suddenly, Stefan gets this really bad headache (from looking at Bonnie’s bad bangs?).  So, he lets go of Amber, in search of some Vampire-Sized Advil . . .

Later that evening, Stefan and Elena fight over his addiction, and Stefan THROWS ELENA AGAINST A WALL!  Elena hugs Stefan, telling him that everything is going to be all right. And, just when I’m thinking I’ve walked in on a “Bad After-School Special About an Abusive Relationships” . . .

 . . .Elena STABS STEFAN IN THE BACK!!!!! 

Then Damon magically appears. 

He helps Elena carry an unconscious, and, slightly evil, Stefan (who, I hate to say it, STILL looks kind of sexy, wearing that now, appropriately-titled, “wife beater”) . . .

 . . . into a sort of “holding pen,” where they will undoubtedly attempt to force him into Human Blood Withdrawal.  (Poor Stefan!  Always tied up or incarcerated, it seems . . . both in the books and on TV).  Damon offers to take Elena home, but she refuses.  In the final moments of the episode, the pair sit together in silence, forced to endure the suffering of the man they both love . . .

In Other News . . .

1) Jeremy reconnected with Anna (and, like Bonnie, got a kind of sucky-looking 90’s era haircut . . )

2) Pearl and Damon teamed up against Creepy Uncle John (hereinafter “CUJ”).  To cement their bond, Pearl handed over to Damon the “invention”  CUJ was looking for.  Surprise, surprise!   It appears to be YET ANOTHER magical piece of jewelry . . . The only difference here, is that no one has any clue what this one is actually supposed to DO!

That’s all for now, VDers!  Tune in next week, when Elena and Damon become overwhelmed with passion for one another and start making out hardcore on the staircase of the Salvatore home. 

OK, OK, I’m lying . . . for NOW . . . but IT’S COMING.  I CAN FEEL IT!

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Filed under The Vampire Diaries

Too DIVA-licious? – A Recap of Glee’s “The Power of Madonna”

“Psst!  Sue!  I don’t really know how to tell you this . . . but your HIGH BEAMS are showing . . .”

Could there ever POSSIBLY be such a thing as TOO MUCH MADONNA?  The Verdict is still out for me on that one.  But one thing is for sure, Glee definitely put this question to the test,  during last night’s episode .  . . With a total of EIGHT musical numbers from the Madonna catalogue, and countless other Madge songs blaring in the background throughout the episode, there was literally little room for anything else during the hour.  In fact, the plot took SUCH a backseat during “The Power of Madonna,” that I felt less like I was watching a musical teen dramedy, and more like I was at concert featuring my favorite Madonna cover band . . .

In terms of the musical numbers, Glee TOTALLY outdid itself last night!  I have NO DOUBT that the show’s inevitable Madonna-themed album will remain in high rotation on my iPod for perpetuity.  And, as if that wasn’t enough, some of the costumes and choreography on these numbers were (dare I say it) BETTER than the original music videos on which they were based!  Here were my four fave performances of the evening . . .

1) Express Yourself

The first singing number of the evening, was a Girl Power-Infused, Pastel-Colored, Beltfest, that would have made the Divine Miss Madonna, herself, PROUD!  Sure the “rationale” behind the song, “BOYS are MEAN, GIRLS RULE!” was a bit cliche and juvenile, but the flawless performances by our female Gleeks, more than made up for this.  Once again, while, unfortunately, I can’t show you the musical number in its entirety, you can at least listen to it, HERE . . .

2) The Borderline / Open Your Heart Mash-up

While, the on-screen chemistry between Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff is admittedly sizzling, there is just something about the screentime she shares with Cory Monteith, that is incredibly honest and sweet.  Plus, now that these two have that sort of “unrequited love” thing going for them again, I may just have to go back to rooting for this couple to “re-couple.”  The “story” behind the mash-up, is that Rachel has just admitted to Finn that she is still dating Jesse St. James, star of Vocal Adrenaline, and the Gleeks’ arch rival.  Finn sort of/ kind of tries to be supportive, but more or less just ends up sulking.  (After all, don’t all boys only want what they can’t have?) 

 I imagine the number was supposed to be a sort of dream sequence, taking place jointly in the minds of both characters.  Otherwise, the Madonna music video-attired class mates bustling around in the background, and the LOUD SINGING IN THE LIBRARY  .  .  .

 (Really Glee?  Again?  McKinley High doesn’t have other places for its students to break into song . . . like, say . . . THE BATHROOM )

. . . would just be completely bizarre.  You can listen to the lovey-dovey, brooding fabulousness HERE . . .

3) Like a Virgin

Not to toot my own horn or anything  . . .

. . . But I TOTALLY called the use of this song, the minute Emma “came out” as a “Big Ole Virgin,” during last week’s episode.  In terms of a natural and seemless meshing between storyline and singing, “Like A Virgin” clearly won the award last night.  Three virginal Gleeks: Rachel, Finn, and Emma, all decided to do the DEED last night, with their respective sort-of significant others Jesse, Santana, and Will.  Only Finn actually did it.  (But he lied to Rachel, and said he didn’t.)  Conversely, Rachel DIDN’T DO IT, but told Finn that she did. 

Emma also didn’t do it (not quite sure WHY though . . . of the three relationships on-screen, this one seemed the healthiest, Will’s Man Sluttiness aside).  However, she DID decide to get “counseling” for her problem.  (I’m assuming when she says “problem,” she’s referring to her OCD, and not her Virginity, as the latter is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to “kick” than the former . . . just saying.  Also, it would kind of be a dick move on Will’s part, to refer Emma to a counselor, just so he could get laid . . . ).  Anyway, here’s the song . . .

4) Like a Prayer

Sure, the finale ensemble number had no correlation to the episode’s storylines whatsoever.  But, in this case, it sort of didn’t have to.  It just worked.  I LOVED how Kurt and Mercedes got oodles of solos, during this episode.  After all, my girl Mercedes kind of had a point when she griped that, lately, all they have been letting her character do is “belt the high notes at the end.”  (Something tells me — with these two now on the Cheerios, and a romantic storyline for Kurt on the horizon — that we are going to be seeing a lot more of this dynamic duo, in the coming weeks.) 

Oh, and are any of you ACTUALLY buying that Jesse St. James transferred schools and joined the Gleeks, just to be with Rachel (who he really just met), and not to please his Nazi Vocal Adrenaline Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran?

A close (and very smart) friend of mine commented on how IDIOTIC Will Schuester was for BLINDLY going along with this.  And I think she has a point.  On the other hand, in a SANE world, who in their right mind would go so far as to TRANSFER SCHOOLS just to commit an undercover Glee Sting Operation for your coach?  REAL PEOPLE in the REAL WORLD simply wouldn’t even consider this an option to be concerned about.  Then again, this IS a school where teachers rufie their principals, so that they can blast Madonna through the speakers during school hours . . .

 . . . so maybe Mr. Schuester should have seen this one coming . . .

Speaking of Shady Glee Narc D-Bags, in addition to seeing Kurt and Mercedes in the forefront, during the final song, it was nice to see Jesse St. James withering away in the background.  Two weeks and that dude is already starting to grate on my nerves .  . .

In other news, we FINALLY learned the source of Sue Sylvester’s obsession with berating Will’s hair.  Apparently, following the release of Madonna’s 1986 True Blue album, Sue, then “age 6” (I’m thinking more like “age 16”), tried to bleach her hair and had a terrible accident, as a result.  This Hair Catastrophe has forced Sue to keep her hair short, ever since.  So, when it comes to Will’s highly-gelled coiff, Sue is simply jealous.  While this surely sucks for Sue, I can’t help but agree with Will, that her current ‘do is TOTALLY Florence Henderson!

A Very Brady Haircut!

Well, that’s all I’ve got!  See ya next week, Gleeks!

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Filed under Glee

“The Last Recruit” a.k.a. The NOBODY-Centric, Connect-the-Dots Lost Episode

Up until this point, Lost has had more loose (and dead) ends than Bat-Sh&t Crazy Claire’s hair . . .

Someone get this girl a flat iron!

But that all changed (sort of), during this week’s nobody-centric Lost installment.  Because someone in the writing department FINALLY decided to tie together all those darn flash-sideways scenarios that have been plaguing us for weeks on end!  Here’s how they did it . . .

If you recall, at the end of last week’s episode,  heretofore mild-mannered Desmond the Time Traveling Know-It-All . . .

(Maybe HE will be able to explain this to us when it’s all over . . .)

 . . . shocked EVERYONE by running down Wheelchair Locke . . .

. . . with his car in Flash-Sideways world.  Now, most of us would agree, that purposefully mowing over paraplegic substitute teachers with your motor vehicle is not a very nice thing to do.  But as it turns out, there was a method to Desmond’s madness.   Our pal Dessie simply wanted Locke to make some new friends . . . which makes the hit-and-run TOTALLY OK!  (Seriously, Desmond?  You couldn’t have just sent the poor dude a Facebook invite?)

Anyway, massive overreaction aside, Sideways Locke is carted away in the ambulance, with his new pal, Professor Ben riding along side him.  (I thought only FAMILY was allowed to do that.  But what do I know?)

And I have to say, I am totally in LOVE with this slightly effete, curmudgeony, skittish, BIG NERD version of Ben.  The only time I could ever imagine Island Ben . . .

 . . . riding with a virtual stranger in an ambulance, is if he wanted to steal that stranger’s heart . . .

No . . . I mean LITERALLY rip out his or her heart and STEAL IT . . .

Anyway, as Locke is being wheeled into the hospital, he is met by another patient on the adjoining gurney, namely Pregnant Sun, who is accompanied into the hospital her doting Boyfriend / Baby Daddy Jin . . .

When a half-conscious Sun sees a completely unconscious Locke lying next to her, she COMPLETELY FLIPS OUT!   WHY?  Is it because a part of her remembers his evil, voice-snatching island alter ego, MIB, from another dimension?  Or is she simply shocked to learn that Mr. Clean is, in fact, a real person . . .

Later, we learn that Sun pulled through the operation, and gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who may or may not be named Ji-Yeon in this timeline.

Meanwhile, Buddy Cop Bromantics, Sawyer and Miles . . .

 . . . are hanging at the police station, having just arrested Running Kate.

As Sawyer interrogates Kate, the sexual tension between them sends sparks pff the screen and into your living room.  You can tell Sawyer totally just wants to handcuff Kate to the wall and make a “bad cop porno” with her.  After all, it’s not as though these two haven’t done THAT before . . .

Honestly, I kept waiting for the “bow chick a wow, wow” music to start playing in the background, and for Sawyer to take off his shirt . . .

But alas, all clothes remained disappointingly ON.  The scene wasn’t a TOTAL loss though.  Kate hinted that the reason Sawyer passively helped her to escape the FBI agent on her tail back at LAX, was that he didn’t want to call any attention to the fact that he had taken a secret impromptu trip to Australia.  Sawyer doesn’t deny this.  In fact, he tells the possibly murderous Kate, “I like YOU.”  (Well DUH!)

Cockblock Miles totally ruins the moment, however, by telling Sawyer that they have to go an arrest Bad Ass Sayid for shooting Keamy and all those other goons, who were responsible for putting Sun in the hospital.

Sayid tries to make a run for it, but Sawyer, who is cleary the BEST COP IN THE WORLD, catches and cuffs him, just like he did earlier to Kate.  The only difference here, is that Sawyer and Sayid never had Bear Cage Sex in another dimension . . .

Meanwhile, Sane ALSO Pregnant Claire . . .

 .  . .  is heading to the adoption agency to make plans to give up her baby, when she is encountered by an increasingly creepy Desmond, who, seems to have been following her since he ran into her at the airport earlier.  Desmond invites Claire  to accompany him while he goes to visit his lawyer.  Claire, though clearly SANER in this timeline, is just as STUPID as ever, and agrees to Creepy Dessie’s request.  And who’s Dessie’s lawyer, you ask?  Well, Undead (but still boring) Ilana, of course!

Turns out Ilana was LOOKING for Claire.  You see, she was having a meeting with Dr. Jack and his previously nonexistent son . . .

 . . . to read Christian Shepard’s will, which happens to mention Claire in it, because, like Dr. Jack, Pregnant Claire was also Christian’s child. 

 Unfortunately, this dysfunctional family reunion can’t last too long, because Dr. McDreamy Jack gets called away on an impromptu brain surgery (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?). He takes his son along for the ride, and asks him if he minds “hanging out” for a while.  (YEAH!  Because brain surgeries take NO TIME AT ALL!)  Of course, in case you haven’t guessed by now, Jack’s patient is none other than Locke, who Jack suddenly seems to recognize, as he observes him on the operating table.

But where the heck was HURLEY?

MEANWHILE ON THE ISLAND . . .

(1) Sawyer, Kate, Lapidus, HURLEY (There he is!), Sun, Jack, and Crazy Claire (who only got to come because Idiot Kate — who Claire recently tried to KILL — insisted that Looney Tunes be included, because she’s clearly “such a nice girl.”) . . .

“It will be like a SLEEPOVER!  We can put on mud masks (I am already wearing mine), and braid eachother’s greasy, unwashed hair!”)

 . . . anyway . . . the group ditched MIB, and hopped aboard an abandoned yacht in search of a quick and painless island escape.  Wishy Washy Jack, however, ultimately opted to jump ship and return to the island, because  . . .  who the heck knows what his crazy rationale was for doing that!  Something about the island “not being done with him yet.”  WHATEVER!  Jack obviously attends the same Island Academy of Stupid, as Kate and Claire.

“I CAN’T Leave NOW!  It took me WEEKS to establish this even of a base tan!”

(2) Even though MIB left Desmond alive in the well, Zombie Sayid, may or may not have KILLED him at MIB’s request.  I’m guessing NOT . . .  because I think there is hope for Sayid’s humanity, yet.  As the always optimistic Hurley said, “People DO come back from the darkside.  Look at Anakin!”)

“OK, Hurley.  I love you.  But maybe that was a bad example.  You DO know those were PREQUELS, right?”

(3) Jin and Sun FINALLY reunited!  

And Sun remembered how to speak English!  And at first it was SWEET, and then it got kind of nauseating . . . And then, Sawyer gave Kate this longing, unrequited love-type look, and I melted into an ooey gooey puddle all over again.

(4) Oh!  And Widmore’s Team Subbie . . .

 . . . led by Zoey (Why the heck is this mediocre actress getting SO MUCH play on this awesome show, when she is SO NOT TINA FEY?)  . . .

IMPOSTER!

 .  . . busied itself by generally being crappy to EVERYBODY.  First, it broke its promise to Sawyer’s crew, by holding it at gunpoint.  Then it BLEW UP MIB’s crew!  These guys are SO EVIL they make Crazy Claire look like Alice in Wonderland  . . .

This is a photo of Claire, after a LONG overdue visit with her personal stylist . . .

(5) MIB (possibly) secured Jack as his titular “Last Recruit.”   He did this by, first, informing him that the image of Jack’s dad — who Jack kept seeing on the island — was none other than Smokey himself;

and, then by rescuing him from being blown to bits by the Team Subbie bomb.  MIB LITERALLY carries Jack on his back to get him out of harm’s way.  “You’re with ME now,” explains MIB, as he leans (lovingly?) over a dazed Jack in the episode’s chilling final moments.  (Long term romantic relationships have begun over much LESS  . . .)

“Yes, I’ll marry. you.  But, just so you know, I DON’T DO WINDOWS!”

That’s all she wrote folks.  Tune in next week, when we will HOPEFULLY find out what happened to Sideways Hurley and Libby (if anything), as well as Island Desmond.  I’m secretly hoping they will also finally OFF that annoying Zoey character, next week, and replace her with something more exciting to watch, like, for example, paint drying on a wall  . . .

 

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The Many Faces (and Bodies) of Matt Damon . . .

Not only does Matt Damon star in my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEO OF ALL TIME . . .

 . . . he’s also one of the most versatile actors out there!  The guy’s played everything from a prejudiced high school D-Bag, to a sociopath, to a certified genius, to a kick ass fighting machine, to an Angel of Death, to THIS GUY . . .

And let’s not forget his Oscar-worthy performance as a “differently-abled” puppet in the “riveting” Team America: World Police.

(OK . . . that wasn’t really him.  But it was pretty darn amusing, nonetheless .  . .)

Let’s take a look at his BODY of work, shall we?

School Ties (1992)

Although his first official role was in the 1988 coming of age tale Mystic Pizza, starring a young Julia Roberts (His SOLE job in the film was to say “MOM, do you want my green stuff?” while eating a lobster), Matt Damon wasn’t truly able to demonstrate his acting chops until four years later.  In 1992, he was cast as the conniving, weasely, generally D-baggy, prejudiced preppy cheater, Charlie Dillon, opposite Brendan Fraser in the film School Ties.  The film was about a Jewish boy (Fraser) who enrolled in a stuffy Catholic New England prep school on a football scholarship.  And while we all HATED Charlie for the senseless torture he inflicted on Fraser’s character, we grudgingly had to admit that the dude looked pretty damn fine without his shirt on . . .

Courage Under Fire (1996)

The only movie poster in this tribute that doesn’t ACTUALLY feature Matt Damon on it.  Damn you, Poopyhead Movie Poster Maker!

Damon lost 40 POUNDS (almost an entire Olsen twin!) for his role as the opiate-addicted Gulf War soldier, Specialist Ilario.  The transition between his buff bod in School Ties and his frighteningly thin physique in this film was truly shocking.

Watching this, I was truly conflicted.  I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to give Damon an Oscar for his heartwrenching performance, or buy him a pizza . . .

Good Will Hunting (1997)

My absolute FAVORITE Matt Damon performance remains his dramatic turn as the titular Will Hunting, a Bostonian custodian working at Harvard, who just so happens to be a genius.  Matt’s take on Hunting was at times hilarious (“You like apples?  I got her number!  How do ya like them apples?) . . .

 . . . and, at other times, poignant.  I cried like a baby during some of those Robin Williams therapy scenes.  (And it wasn’t just because William’s insanely hairy arms freaked me out, which they DO, by the way).  But what impressed me most about this film, was that Matt Damon not only starred in it, he also wrote the screenplay (which went on to win an Oscar), along with BFF Ben Affleck.  The screenplay was based on a short story Damon had penned while he was a student at Harvard.

Hot AND Smart (Me Likey!)

And while I am QUITE certain Matt Damon was shirtless at some point during Good Will Hunting (him and Minnie Driver got it on quite a bit in that film), a picture of said shirtlessness, doesn’t seem to appear in Google Images.  Grrrr . . .

The Rainmaker (1997)

That same year, Damon starred, alongside the diminutive, but always adorable, Danny Devito, in the film adaptation of a popular Grisham novel, about an idealistic young lawyer who took on a big bad corporation and won. (Wait.  Isn’t that what every Grisham novel is about?)  Lack of originality aside, The Rainmaker, thanks largely to Damon’s inherent likeability, was actually a pretty good film.  But it would have been MUCH better, if Damon’s character didn’t stay dressed THE WHOLE TIME!

Rounders (1998)

In Rounders, Damon and Ed Norton played two hardcore gamblers, addicted to the seductive world of underground poker.  (The film just so happened to be made a year prior to Norton’s SPECTACULAR performance in Primal Fear.  If you haven’t seen it yet, rent it NOW!)  Again, I DISTINCTLY remember some naked Matt Damon scenes in this film.  And AGAIN, my internet search came up empty.  What’s the deal, Google Images?

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

That same year, Damon played the titular Private Ryan, a World War II soldier, who THE ENTIRE CAST spent THE ENTIRE FILM trying to save.  Wouldn’t you?

Honestly, I’m not even going to bitch about the lack of skin in this film.  Because, even a Shirtless Connoisseur like myself can agree that the battlefield is no place for public nudity.  Except, of course, if it’s the Battlefield of LOVE!

The Talented Mr. Ripley

In this psychological thriller, Damon once again plays the titular character, a young sociopath con artist who becomes obsessed with inhabiting the life of Jude Law’s character, Dickie Greenleaf (now THAT is a porn name, if I ever heard one).  And you know what?  Matt is shirtless in this film A LOT!  But to be honest, things start out a bit .  . . unimpressive.

Banana Hammock, anyone?

Fortunately for us (but unfortunately for Dickie, who Damon’s character promptly murders), as Mr. Ripley becomes further and further enmeshed in Greenleaf’s life, his “body of work” vastly improves . . .

Ahhhh, much better!

Dogma (1999)

In Kevin Smith’s dark comedy, Dogma, Matt played Loki, and Angel of Death eager to get back in the good graces of the Man Upstairs, after having literally fallen from Heaven.  At first, the pop culture spewing character was kind of likeable, and then he wasn’t (dude just kept killing people), and then he sort of was again, and then Ben Affleck’s character killed him.  Truthfully, there wasn’t a lot of skin in Dogma (Matt Damon’s skin, anyway).  However, he did show fans a lot of wing!  (And that’s gotta count for something.)

Oceans Eleven (2001) [and 12 . . . and 13 .  . .]

Damon held his own as a professional pickpocket in this casino heist caper that will always go down in history for me as having the HOTTEST MALE cast of all time!

Knowing a cash cow when they saw one, the producers of Oceans Eleven (which was a pretty awesome film, by the way), got this group of eyecandy back together for not one, but TWO more sequels!  (It’s just too bad, I have to watch both of them on mute, because their scripts were AWFUL!)  And again, Matt Damon . . .  fully clothed the whole time.  WHY?

The Bourne Identity (2002) [and The Bourne Supremacy, AND The Bourne Ultimatum]

To many, Matt Damon initially seemed an unlikely choice to play Jason Bourne — a fictional character from the Robert Ludlum book series, about a man programmed by (the government?) to be a ruthless killing machine.  But those “many” were proved wrong, in 2002, when The Bourne Identity hit theaters.  Damon’s Bourne was the ultimate action hero!  Unlike his other, typically verbose, characters, Bourne was the strong and silent type.  He  kicked ass first, and took names later!  Like Oceans, the Bourne franchise continued with TWO sequels, with another rumored to be on the way.

 With those tight black shirts, and tight pants, Matt Damon proved that sometimes WEARING the right clothes can be sexier than wearing none at all.  (Rarely, but it happens .  . .)

The Departed (2006)

For my final Matt Damon selection of the evening, I chose the fantastic and modern Scorcese mob flick, The Departed, which, like many of Damon’s other films, featured an all-star cast, including the likes of Jack Nicholson and Leonardo DiCaprio.  Like his role in School Ties, Damon’s character in this film was kind of weasely and D-baggy.  As Colin Sullivan, Damon played a Mob Golden Boy working undercover as a mole within the Massachusetts State Police Department.  If any other actor played the role, Sullivan would have undoubtedly been so unlikeable, as to be nearly unwatchable.  However, Damon lent a vulnerability to the role, that made audiences, if not root for the character, at least sympathize with him somewhat.  (AGAIN!  GOOGLE!  WHERE ARE MY NUDIE PICS?)

Disappointed that I haven’t provided you with more shirtless pics of Matt Damon?  As a consulation prize, I leave you with this clip of Matt Damon impersonating Matthew McConaughey TALKING about being shirtless.  (McConaughey, now THERE’S a man who could never be accused of wearing too much clothes.  I didn’t even have to TYPE “shirtless” next to his name in Google Images, for half the pictures to come out all nudie!)

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Wall Street 2 – Money Never Sleeps (Anatomy of a Trailer)

Back in 1987, Oliver Stone directed a little film called Wall Street.  The film starred Michael Douglas as the iconic movie villian, Gordon Gekko.

Wall Street illustrated, in graphic detail, how an individual’s lust for power, when coupled with insane amounts of money, can spread, like a cancer, tainting all those it touches. 

And yet, what people remember the most about the film, was not its underlying message, or a particular plot point, or even Daryl Hannah’s massive shoulder pads and big 80’s hair . . .

No.  What people tend to remember about Wall Street was a little speech that Douglas’s Gekko made early in the film — a speech that was appropriately entitled “Greed is Good.”

Corporate America lapped up this speech, boy!  (You KNOW those folks at AIG and Goldman Sachs were taking notes!)  In fact, CEOs and financial executives were so in love with Gordon Gecko and his words, that they simply stopped paying attention for the rest of the movie!  They forgot that “Good Greed” completely ruined Charlie Sheen’s character, Bud Fox, and that Gekko was carted off to jail at the end of the film.  And in the past couple of years, we have learned that Gekko was simply WRONG!  Greedily treating America as a “malfunctioning corporation” didn’t SAVE our economy, it destroyed it!

Despite it being 23-years old, I can’t think of a film more relevant to the current state of our nation than Wall Street.  So, of course, I was very interested to learn that Stone was helming a sequel to the film, set to hit theaters this fall.  You can watch the trailer for it here:

You know what?  I was a little skeptical at first, but color me impressed!  This looks pretty darn good!  Based solely on the trailer, Stone seems to have done a nice job balancing the sleek, polished “look and feel” of the original Wall Street, with the fast-paced, high voltage, aesthetic of modern times . . .

Not only is The Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil,” a GREAT song to include in any trailer (Just TRY and listen without bobbing your head in time with the music.), it’s particularly appropriate for THIS one!  After all, if a little part of all of us wasn’t just a twinge enamored with the oily, and, quite possibly soulless, Gordon Gekko, this franchise wouldn’t be anywhere near as successful as it ultimately became.

:10 – I couldn’t help but smirk watching Gordon Gekko’s updated, post-jail break, version of the original “Greed is Good” speech.  Many would agree that since Gekko’s time, Greed HAS, in fact, become “legal.”  Just don’t ask this guy about it . . .

I wonder how this film will address (if it does at all) the current economic climate.  Has the recent economic recession even happened in Gekko’s world?

:24 – If I had to choose a favorite moment in the trailer, it would be the one where Gekko, having spent upwards of 20 years in prison, retrieves his personal belongings upon leaving the Big House.  His prized possession?

Zack Morris’s HUMONGOUS Saved by the Bell cell phone!

:50 – It looks like Bud Fox 2.0 will be played by none other than Shia Lebeouf, who you may remember from the Transformer films, or the latest Indiana Jones franchise installment, or Disturbia.  But, just in case, you aren’t familiar with him or his work, here’s a very nice picture of him shirtless . . .

 . . . and another one of him suggestively eating a banana . . .

(Hmmmm . . . wonder how his girlfriend feels about THAT one?)

The original Bud Fox, Charlie Sheen, seemed to be MIA during this trailer . . .

BAD BUD!

However, I have read that he will reprise his original role in the film during a brief cameo appearance . . .

:52 – Carey Mulligan, with her pixie face, and wise beyond her years demeanor  (must be because she is British), . . .

 . . . co-stars in the film, as the estanged daughter of Gekko, who just so happens to be the fiance of Lebeouf’s character.  In other words, she will likely play a smarter, less slutty version of Daryl Hannah’s character from the original film.  Oh, and her character is supposed to have, like, principles, or something . . .

The rest of the trailer proceeds more or less as what you would expect from a Wall Street sequel.  We watch as Lebeouf’s character confronts, and quickly becomes seduced by the charismatic Gekko and his upper-crust lifestyle, which, apparently, continued to thrive untarnished in his absence.  (At least we know they SOLD all of Madoff’s stuff!  So, hopefully, this won’t happen to him, if HE ever gets out.) 

The protagonist quickly becomes taken into the fold.  We witness the character’s eyes light up, as his handles a check in his name for $1.45 million.  And we just KNOW he’s a goner!  We then see evidence that his relationship with the young FEMALE Gekko . . .

 . . . will begin to crumble, as a result of his growing greed.  Throw in a little bit of Josh Brolin . . .

 . . . a dollop of Frank Langella . . .

 . . . some motorcycle stunts . . .

 . . . and a few great Gekko one liners (“Why don’t you start calling me Gordon?”) and that’s pretty much the trailer in a nutshell.

Wall Street 2 STEALS into theaters September 24, 2010.  Will YOU see it?

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The Vampire Diaries: Who’s Getting Staked? (Contains Some Spoilers)

Who will be cropped out of this picture, in time for Season 2?

If you’ve read this blog .  . . um . . . EVER, you probably already know that I am kind of what you would call a CRAZY OBSESSED fan of The VD.  So, of course, when I was reviewing the E! Online Weekly Spoiler Chat and found this . . .

“Any info about the death of a major character on The Vampire Diaries?
I can tell you that there’ll be not one, but two major deaths by the end of season one, and that the two goners often have overlapping storylines. Any guesses?”
 . . . needless to say, I was intrigued.
Fans of The Vampire Diaries know that one of the main staples of the show,  is its habit of awarding at least one unlucky cast member (typically a “one-episode wonder”) the Senseless Death Award, each week.  However, the show genuinely surprised many (myself included) during mid season, by bestowing this “prestigious award” upon none other than Vicki Donovan . . .
 
 . . . a series regular, whose storylines regularly entwined with most of the main characters, including Jeremy Gilbert (He briefly dated her.), Matt Donovan (She was his brother), and Damon Salvatore (He TURNED HER INTO A VAMPIRE!!!!).  After that happened, VD fans quickly learned that NO ONE is safe in Mystic Falls (unless, of course, you happen to own that Ring of Immortality, which is seemingly being passed around on the show, like a bad virus).
 
My spoilery sources have already informed me that castmembers definitively safe from the stake, include:
Elena Gilbert (duh);
Stefan Salvatore (DOUBLE duh);
Damon Salvatore (THANK THE LORD!); and
Tyler Stratton (meh).
Additionally, I have read that the dying cast member(s) will be DEAD, DEAD.  In other words, no vampiric rebirth for him and/or her . . .
So, without further adieu, let’s take a look at which VD castmembers are potentially on the chopping block; and analyze why the writers might decide to send those particular characters to that big ole’ Blood Bank in the Sky . . .
 Bonnie Bennett
 Why she might be a goner:  Bonnie was a major player in early VD episodes, but she’s been kind of MIA of late.  Could the writers be trying to prepare us for a more permanent absence of this character?
 
Why she might be safe:  With all these Sexy Shirtless Fangtastic men in her life, Elena REALLY needs a good gal pal to put everything into its proper perspective.  And the shallow, sometimes-bitchy, Caroline doesn’t really measure up, in this respect.  Plus, Bonnie is FINALLY getting a handle on those awesome witchy powers of hers!  It would be a real shame if the writers axed the character, before us fans got a chance to see her reach her full supernatural potential . . .
 Caroline Forbes
 Why she might be a goner:  Let’s face it. Caroline’s relationship with new beau Matt is kind of played out.  I just don’t see much chemistry between this platinum blonde duo.  And since it is unlikely that Caroline will align herself with Damon again, and equally unlikely that she will be able to make a successful play for Stefan, romantic opportunities for this gal are already few and far between.  One thing we know about writers for CW shows, they DESPISE a single gal!
 
Why she might be safe:  Every high school drama needs its resident mean girl.  And, right now, Caroline is the closest thing that VD has to one.  Sure, lately, the character seems to have retracted those claws that she exhibited in earlier episodes.  However, if the writers ever decide to change that, I have real easy fix for them in my “Matt Donovan” explanation, below . . .
 
 Aunt Jenna
 Why she might be a goner?  I hate to say it, but this character is boring and grating.  For one thing, the actress who plays her was terribly miscast.  (She looks and acts more like a high school pal of Elena’s, than any sort of legal guardian for her.)  Plus, the writers have tried to pair Aunt Jenna with literally EVERY age-appropriate suitor on the show, to NO AVAIL!  Bumping off Aunt Jenna would be a great way for the writers to erase their obvious mistake . . .
 
Why she might be safe?  Those poor Gilbert kids.  They just can’t win!  First they lost both of their parents simultaneously in a freak car accident.  Then Jeremy’s girlfriend died.  (As if that wasn’t bad enough, he later found out that she was killed by his sister’s boyfriend.)  Then Elena found out that she was adopted, after her then-teenage mom was turned into a vampire by her boyfriend’s brother (and future love interest, I hope).  For the writers to kill off yet another Gilbert guardian just seems too cruel!  Who would get custody of the minor Gilberts then?  Creepy Uncle John?
 
 Matt Donovan
 Why he might be a goner:  Remember how, earlier, I suggested that it would be in the writers’ best interest to turn Caroline bad?  Well nothing says “downward spiral” like the death of your Golden Boy Boyfriend . . . Aside from that, Matt is just a nice guy.  And “nice guys” don’t exactly fare well in towns run by vampires and other assorted supernatural creatures . . .  Sometimes, for me, anyway, this character seems a bit out of place on VD.  It’s almost as if he was plucked out of another show (Friday Night Lights, anyone?) and plopped right in the middle of Mystic Falls.  Thirdly, Matt’s function on the show seemed largely to be the stable human male in Elena’s life.  The one willing to perpetually wait in the wings for her, while she literally tasted more exotic men.  The removal of Elena’s “safety net” might cause her to seriously re-evaluate her decision to “hang with all the vamps.”  That would be an interesting turn of events, indeed.
 
Why he might be safe:  With Stefan becoming hooked on human blood and starting to keep secrets from Elena, Elena may need to fall back on her “safety net” sooner than she initially expected.  And it wouldn’t hurt the writers to add a human male to the preexisting vampiric love triangle that is Stefan,Damon, and Elena.  Love square, anyone?
 
 Jeremy Gilbert
 Why he might be a goner:  The look on the younger Gilbert’s face when he learned from Elena’s diary that Stefan had killed Vicki, and Damon had erased that fact from Jeremy’s memory, was BEYOND PISSED!  And we all know what testosteroney male teens do when they are REAL PISSED . . . stupid stuff, that’s what!  Seeing as the sources of Jeremy’s anger are two blood thirsty vampires, doing “stupid stuff” just might get him killed . . .
 
Why he might be safe: Jeremy has become quite the fan favorite, of late. Not to mention that his baby-faced good looks likely bring a younger demographic to the show, which might be lost without him.   Jeremy is popular enough with fans, that his death just might spark a fan revolt.  Plus, I think Elena’s little brother has a lot more stories left in him.  His relationship with his sister has yet to be fully explored.  Ditto regarding his relationship with Vampire Anna (unless, of course, the writers decide to kill her too).
 
 Alaric Saltzman
Why he might be a goner:  Poor Alaric is a history teacher.  And everyone knows that in teen horror shows and flicks, the teacher is always the first to go!  Plus, we already know, based on foreshadowing, that the Isobel / Alaric / Damon storyline will be coming to a head during the season finale.  The death of Alaric would punctuate that storyline with a tragic ending — one that would ripple outward — effecting all of VD’s main characters.
 
Why he might be safe:  I was just starting to LIKE Alaric!  His growing bromance with snarky vampire Damon has been awesome to watch!  I can envision a number of future storylines in which self-proclaimed vampire hunter, Alaric, uses his unique knowledge of the supernatural to help Elena and Co. combat the many assorted monster baddies that are sure to plague Mystic Falls in future episodes.  Besides, didn’t that professor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer stick around, throughout most of the show’s duration?
I’ve decided not to include . . .
Vampire Anna,
Vampire Pearl, or
Julie Cooper Nichols Matt’s Slutty Mom in my analysis, as none of the three could be characterized as “series regulars.”  However, it goes without saying, that none of THEM are completely safe from an untimely finale demise either . . .
 
And with that, I would like to leave you with, not one, but TWO sneak peaks of next week’s upcoming installment of The Vampire Diaries, “Miss Mystic Falls.”  Enjoy!

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