Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

Well, summer’s definitely here, folks!  It’s almost 90 degrees outside, where I’m from.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hot and bothered.   So I figured, what better way to beat the heat OUTSIDE, than to steam things up INSIDE, where at least an air conditioner, and a few systematically placed ice cubes, can cool you off?

A few days ago, my blogging buddy, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, hosted something she lovingly referred to as the TV Boyfriend Olympics.  During said “Olympics,” Amy and a “distinguished panel of judges” voted on the best television scenes, featuring the TV stars we LOVED to watch get together and almost get together.  The sheer awesomeness of her post, and the undeniable guilty pleasure I had “judging” the scenes, gave me an idea . . .

So, this morning, while many of you were probably out on the beach, working on your tans, I was INSIDE, culling through hours of hot television sex scenes, in search of the most notable ones. (Or rather, the most notable that DIDN’T require me to register with YouTube as someone who likes “dirty” videos.  I’m pretty sure YouTube sends THAT registry list to the government  . . .)  It was a tough job, but someone had to do it . . .

So, without further adieu, here are my picks for the first annual TV Sex-y Awards.

The “Most Bizarre Place to Get Lucky” Award goes to . . . (drumroll please)

KATE AND SAWYER on LOST for “Bear Cage Sex.”

Don’t you hate it when you are trapped on on an island you THINK is deserted, but it actually ends up being filled with a weird group of Others who throw you in a cage, and force you to eat nothing but massive looking dog food crackers shaped like fish?  Kate and Sawyer actually don’t seem to hate it all that much . . . In a few moments, you will understand why.

Honestly?  I don’t understand how these two DIDN’T end up together, at the end of the series.  Can you imagine JACK SHEPARD doing it in cage?  He’d probably be too concerned with how many bacterial infections you could get from those steel bars, to really get in the mood.

“When is the last time you think they windexed those?  That dude with the beard just didn’t look very clean.  Maybe they’d be willing to give us some paper towels to put down first . . .”

The “Best Use of Camera Effects to Simulate Sex, Without Upsetting the Censors” Award goes to . . .

CHUCK and BLAIR on GOSSIP GIRL for “Limo Sex”

I remember literally drooling the first time I watched this scene, which took place during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  In it, Chuck takes a highly vulnerable Blair to a Gentleman’s Club he wishes to purchase.  Once there, the typically buttoned-up and straight-laced, Blair surprises him, by getting up on stage and performing a tasteful, but highly provocative, strip tease.  During the limo ride home, the pair do it for the first time. 

Upon watching the scene again, I was surprised by how little the producers actually showed, sex-wise.  In fact,  when compared to many of the others scenes shown here, this one was surprisingly tame.  And yet, something about the scene made it seem deliciously X-rated.  I’m thinking it was the jump cuts and old-school video effects that caused us fans to imagine a raunchiness that wasn’t necessarily there.  Watch and you’ll see what I mean . . .

The “Best First Time” Award goes to . . .

PACEY and JOEYon DAWSON’S CREEK for “High School Ski Trip Sex”

I’m pretty sure the scene I’m about to show you RUINED virginity loss for young women everywhere.  Most first sexual encounters are awkward, painful and uncomfortable.  Joey’s and Pacey’s was PURE PERFECTION. 

After watching an entire season of longing looks and “Will they?  Won’t they?”  Followed by ANOTHER season of coupledom that was frequently marred by petty fights and the annoying romantic advances of boring hangers on (cough, cough Dawson cough), it was REALLY nice to see Joey and Pacey finally able to get some unadulterated loving.  And as for Joey’s pre-sex speech?  Well, foreplay just doesn’t get much better than that!

The “Most Realistic First Time” Award goes to . . .

SETH and SUMMER on THE O.C. for “Not-So-Hot at Having Sex”

He was desperately in love with her since the sixth grade.  She . . . thought he was a major loser . . . But then, he seemingly moved on.  And the thought of Seth dating another girl stirred up feelings in Summer that she didn’t know she had.  Remember how I said earlier that most “first times” are awkward, painful, and uncomfortable?  So was their’s . . .

The “Most Uncomfortable to Watch Sex Scene” Award goes to . . .

MEREDITH and GEORGE on GREY’S ANATOMY in “There’s No Crying in Sex!”

Speaking of awkward . . . how would you like it if you finally got the chance to do it with the girl or guy of your dreams?   But then, the mere thought of consummating a relationship with you made the object of your desire burst into tears .  . . and not tears of joy, either . . .

Note:  Asking someone if they are “almost done,” during sexual activity?  NOT A TURN ON!

The “Dirtiest (and not in a good way) Sex” Award goes to . . .

VAMPIRE BILL and SOOKIE on TRUE BLOOD in “Doing It with the Dead Sex”

Remember how I told you Dr. Jack Shepard from Lost would be too finicky to engage in Bear Cage Sex with Kate?  Well, you could just imagine how he’d feel, when faced with the prospect of banging a naked corpse in a cemetery, especially when said corpse had just spent the last several hours buried in the dirt.  In this next scene, Sookie, believing her beloved Vampire Bill to have died permanently in a fire, heads to his gravesite to pay her last respects.  It is there that she has a rather “unexpected” encounter . . .

The “Undead Dudes Make the Best Lovers”  Award goes to . . .

ELENA and STEFAN on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES in “I Love You, Even if You Are Old and Fangy, Sex”

My squeamish thoughts regarding the last video might give you the mistaken impression that I think sex with vampires is gross and wrong.  TOTALLY UNTRUE!  Sex with vampires can be unbelievably hot, particularly when the vampire in question has Hypnotic Arms of Steel, like Stefan Salvatore.  Watch and be entranced . . .

(This one is un-embedded, unfortunately.  Just click the internal link to see it.)

The “So Hot, We Wish it Wasn’t Incest” Award goes to . . .

BOONE and SHANNON on LOST in “Step-Sibling Sex”

You know who else plays a vampire on The Vampire Diaries?  THIS GUY . . .

Unfortunately, the sex scenes he’s been in on that show, so far, have almost universally involved, compulsion, violence, and girls that were NOT Elena.  But to hold a a TV Sex-y Award “show” and NOT include the Sex Master himself, Ian Somerhalder, would be pure sacrilege.  So, I figured, the least I could do was show a scene where he got it on with his sister.  Just TRY not to be aroused by this one . . . I DARE YOU!

The “Sex Scene That Made Me Hungry” Award goes to . . .

SERENA and NATE on GOSSIP GIRL in “Do You Really Expect Me To Put That in My Mouth? Sex”

“I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

You see, to me, food and sex DON’T mix.  In fact, food is what you abstain from a few hours BEFORE sex, to avoid unfortunate incidents and “Pudgy Tummy.”  But, then again, I’m not Serena and Nate.  Is it wrong that, when I was watching this scene, I was paying more attention to the waffles and strawberries the couple was eating, than I was to the couple themselves?  Because, let me tell you, those were some JUICY strawberries . . .

(Yet another poopy non-embedder.  Click that link!  You won’t regret it!)

And, finally, The “Best Post-Coital Conversation” Award goes to . . .

LOGAN and VERONICA on VERONICA MARS in “We Just Did It.  Now Let’s Chat About Hookers Sex”

It’s fitting that the last award of the day would go to an “After Sex” scene.  And if any couple deserves a moment to lie together peacefully and spoon, its Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls.  Fans of Veronica Mars know that this couple’s “epic” relationship was most certainly never dull.  When these two weren’t bashing in the headlights on one another’s cars, getting eachother suspended for drug use on school grounds, protecting eachother from mobsters, rapists and serial killers, breaking eachother out of jail, and testifying in court against people who killed their friends, Veronica and Logan were just an ordinary couple looking for some “alone time.” 

Unfortunately, the show was only three seasons long.   And Veronica and Logan were “coupled” for less than half of it.  This didn’t leave much time for these two to do those “normal things” that most couples do.  That’s what makes the quiet and contemplative moment that the pair shares in this scene so special . . .

Well, there you have it folks.  This year’s First Annual TV Sex-y Awards has officially came and went.  I think I’m going to take a cold shower now . . .

 

 

7 Comments

Filed under Sex on Television, Television Super Couples, Top Ten Lists

7 responses to “Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

  1. I love this post and just can’t stop laughing. Ah, I’ve missed good tv talk, I’ve had books on the brain way too long now.

    • Hey Girl from the Ghetto!

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! Trust me, this was A LOT of fun to write! Nothing beats the heat, like an afternoon spent watching YouTube videos featuring sexy television stars getting it on in FCC-approved ways! 🙂

      And there is certainly no shame spending time with intellectual pursuits like book reading, as opposed to . . . well, this post may be many things . . . but “intellectual” probably isn’t one of them. 😉 I’ve really enjoyed reading about your experiences at the BEA Convention. It sounds very impressive and exciting.

      I think one of the few positive things about a summer without our favorite TV shows, is that we ALL get the opportunity to read more. After all, reading more makes us better writers . . . 🙂

      Thanks again for your kind words and generous praise!

  2. BEA was exciting, my gosh, that’s why I blogged about four times this week, hee hee hee.

  3. Amazon Annie

    Thanks KJewls this was a great blog. People take sex WAY too seriously. Your awards made all these sex scenes fun…and for sure that’s what sex is supposed to be FUN! Thanks for the laughs…and the hot sex scenes.

    • Thanks so much Amazon Annie! You are right! Sex IS fun, and can be FUN-ny too! Unless, of course, you are Sookie, and you are having sex in a cemetery with a dirty naked corpse, who keeps wanting to leave massively ugly hickeys on your neck . . . Then (and maybe only then), sex is just plain creepy . . . 😉

  4. imaginarymen

    Holy heck – I thought I commented on this!

    First of all – thanks for the shout-out and link fellow Awesome Blogger!

    What an awesome idea for a post! I think you should make it an annual event. I’m sure there’s some people who will give you *plenty* to post about next year.

    Like THIS guy:

    http://vampirediariesonline.com/ian-somerhalder/ian-somerhalder-damon-vampire-diaries-picspam/

    (BTW – that “THIS GUY” line you do – kills me EVERY time!!)

    What is interesting about the P/J, S/E ones are that the females are the initiators – interesting choice on shows aimed at teen girls (and run by a gay man … hmmmmm)

    What I really love about the Stefan/Elena one is actually all the eye contact they have with one another leading up to the actual act. That and Paul Wesley shirtless, OF COURSE. I am a girl and I do have eyes after all ;->

    Ohhh “A Winter’s Tale”!! I think I pretty much had that scene memorized! I loved that they wove actual P/J moments that we’d seen, with ones we hadn’t to make it really be a fleshed out real romance and relationship leading to that important moment. I love that she echoed back his “10” line, I loved the little lift at the end and her sexy giggle.

    I also admit to loving it so much bc the Dawson/Joey weirdos HATED IT so much ;-p Yes, I’m a petty bitch. No argument here!

    Oh Seth Cohen – you almost made it to TVBoyfriend-dom, but then – your show started to suck and you stopped being adorkable and started annoying me. Loved Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle though!

    And for the record, I totally lost your Boone/Shannon dare ;-p I forgot how annoying she was! I may have to re-watch S1 of “Lost” now bc of my newfound Ian Somerhalder love.

    And a post about hot sex scenes and NO Jason Stackhouse?!?! Is that because they either involve acts behind dumpsters, acts that seem to end up in murder, acts in churches with married women or pretend rape attempts??

    Oh *Jason*

    ;->

    • Hey Amy!

      Thanks so much for the kind words and the yummy picspam! I am really enjoying this scruffier side of Ian we are getting to see during the TVD off season. You know what a 5:00 shadow signifies to me? Someone who was up all night doing . . . 😉 It’s like Pure Sex through Facial Hair. Here’s hoping we get to see some of THAT in Season 2 of TVD

      (Can vampires still grow hair? Wow, I just thought of another vampiric perk . . . no shaving! How great would that be during bikini season?)

      Oh, and here’s ALSO hoping Damon gets it on with Elena (or even Katherine) so that he can win a Sex-y next year!

      Interesting point about Joey and Elena being the initiators in their respective sex scenes. You know . . . come to think of it . . . Shannon and Blair ALSO initiate in their’s. GIRL POWER!

      Regarding Winter’s Tale, if you go on YouTube, there is actually a version of the Joey / Pacey sex scene, where the video creator interspersed the scenes Joey referenced into her speech, so that you can actually see everything play out all at once. It’s worth a watch, but I think it takes a bit too long, and kind of kills the mood . . . I found myself fast-forwarding to the f-ing after just a few minutes. No patience, I tell ya ;).

      In all honesty, of all the clips I posted here, the Shannon / Boone one is the one I have been rewatching the most lately. This is actually the second time I posted it. (You may also recall it from my “All About Ian” blog). And yes, Shannon is manipulative, whiny and super annoying, but Ian . . . WOW . . . I love the “Oh crap, she’s right,” vulnerable face Boone makes when Shannon accuses him of being in love with him. I also ADORE the orgasmic eye roll and the whisper of “Shannon” (which sounds like something else) when she starts kissing his neck. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. No wonder the actors started dating in real life after this . . .

      Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle should have totally had their own show! THEY would have made this list for sure (Horsey sex award). Randomly, everytime I tried to find a Ryan and Marissa scene, it was BLOCKED for explicit content. WTF? What made them so much racier than, say, Bill and Sookie?

      Yes . . . Jason Stackhouse . . . indeed . . . But I must say, for a sexy guy, he had some seriously UN-SEXY sex scenes on TB season 1 and 2. That violent one with slutty Maudette, the “high frolicking in the woods one with Amy Burley” and that one behind the dumpster that you mentioned. The only real hot one, was the one in the church . . . Based on the promos for this season, however. I think this will change. . .

      Fabulous input as always . . . off to watch the Shannon / Boone vid again!

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