Beware of the Creeper (and DON’T squeeze the grapefruits)! – A Recap of Pretty Little Liar’s “To Kill a Mocking Girl”

“Smile!  I want to take your picture!  This way, I can photocopy it 1000’s of times; wallpaper my bedroom with it; and tongue kiss your image while performing various pagan rituals in the nude.  Sound good to you?”

A few weeks back, when I started watching Pretty Little Liars, I honestly chose it because there wasn’t much else on television at the time.  I figured it would be a guilty pleasure — good for a few laughs and snarky one liners made by me, at the characters’ expense.  But, now, I am three episodes in, and all I can say is . . . WOW!  This show is WAY better than a summer replacement on the “Good Little Christian” cable network, has any right to be . . .

Did I mention it has more attractive, yet VERY creepy, men than an episode of The Bachelorette?

It’s enough to turn a straight girl, gay!

Let’s get on with the recap, shall we?

The Blair Bitches Project

When the episode opens, the girls inexplicably decide it would be a GREAT idea to head out into the dark and creepy woods — very close to where their friend Ali very likely met her demise (assuming she’s actually dead, of course) — in order to “pay tribute to her memory.”  This is undoubtedly because these girls were all too young to have seen The Blair Witch Project.  Therefore, they have no idea just how frightening “dark and creepy woods” can be.  (Consequently, they also probably have never experienced the unique joys of “shaky cam,” or of being able to look up a crying college student’s snot-filled nose on a very big screen.)

Might I interest you in a tissue?

The girls abandon their plans, upon hearing some disturbing noises in the woods, and receiving a highly threatening message from the mysterious “A.”  A says that it is “open season on liars” and that they are “being hunted.”  (It is the sort of message that, upon receipt, a teenage girl would absolutely bring to the cops if: (1) she wasn’t starring on a TV show dependent on her NOT behaving like a logical human being; and (2) the one “cop” in town that could help wasn’t the, quite possibly INSANE, Deputy Douchey.)

“I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!  And teenage murder suspects . . .”

Hanna Goes for a Little Drive . . .

When the episode begins, Hanna wakes up to find that, once again, Deputy Douchey has spent the night in her home, and had his “grapefruits squeezed” by Hanna’s mother.  (Way to go, ABC Family!  That was a nice little euphemism for “third base” you snuck in there.  Don’t think, for a second, that the kiddies watching at home didn’t notice!) 

While I spent a good portion of last week’s recap reviling Deputy Douchey, and his one-note, mustache twirling, “Cop Gone Wrong” villiany, I must admit that he looks pretty darn good without his shirt on . . .

And his grapefruits aren’t half bad either . . .

Deputy Douchey (who, apparently, loves being shirtless so much he’d feel quite at home on an episode of True Blood) taunts Hanna, when she accuses him, in no uncertain terms, of using Hanna’s mother to get the “inside scoop” on Hanna and her friends.  After Douchey leaves the room, Hanna’s mother magically appears.  Wise Hanna explains to her mother that regularly boinking an arresting officer, just so Hanna can beat the petty shoplifting charge with which he saddled her, seems like a wee bit of an overreaction. 

Hanna’s mother explains that she just loves squeezing his grapefruits this is a “touchy subject.”  (Uh huh . . .  “the subject” is not ALL she’s touching, these days.)  While they argue, Creepy Deputy Douchey stands just out of sight, sporting a facial expression suspiciously similar to that of  THIS GUY . . .

Coincidentally, Mini Me is the pet name Deputy Douchey has for his “grapefruits.”

At school, Deputy Douchey interrogates Hanna once again.  But without the other girls as witnesses, his questions take a highly inappropriate, (bordering on sexual harrassment) tone.  He basically insinuates that Hanna MUST have killed Ali, because she used to be a little pudgy and isn’t any more.  And if weight loss isn’t a motive for murder, I don’t know what IS! 

In a surprisingly smart moment for this heretofore kind of dim-witted character, Hanna realizes that Deputy Douchey’s knowledge of her recent “transformation” comes from personal and private items he found in her home (while having his grapefruit squeezed), and not things of public record, like, for example, the school yearbook.  She calls Deputy Douchey out on this, by saying, “Is THAT how most cops crack their cases?” 

You GO, Former Fat Girl!

Later, in a surprisingly smart moment for an even DIMMER-witted character, Hanna’s mom notices Deputy Douchey snooping around Hanna’s stuff, recognizes that she is being played, and kicks him to the curb!   “SQUEEZE YOUR OWN DAMN GRAPEFRUITS, DEPUTY DOUCHEY!”

Speaking of grapefruits . . .

 . . . apparently, Hanna’s boyfriend, Sean, doesn’t want her squeezing his.  At a big keggar party, Hanna brings Sean to some “romantic” shed, straddles him, and starts to unbutton his shirt.  He rebuffs her advances, and calls her desperate.  Then, in a mind-boggling attempt at courtesy, he offers her his jacket before leaving her now-suicidal ass alone. 

To make matters worse, Hannaa gets a text message from A saying that “Hefty Hanna never gets her man.”  Is it any wonder she freaked out, stole the keys to Sean’s car, and crashed it into a tree? 

Well, actually . . . it IS kind of a wonder, because normal people just don’t react that way.  But it sure makes for great TV!

Spencer’s Sister hates Spencer’s guts, but LOVES the Russian Revolution!

Careful Spencer!  We all KNOW what happened the last time this Crazy Chica didn’t get her man . . .

When we last left our good pal, Spencer, she was swapping spit with her sister’s hot fiance, Wren, while, unbeknownst to either of them, Spencer’s sister looked on in horror.

Melissa quickly kicked Wren to the curb.  Now she is playing the guilt card for all its worth, ripping into Spencer every chance she gets, and forcing her parents to cancel all her wedding arrangements for her, because she is “too upset” to do it on her own.  But she did change her Facebook status on her own!  So THAT’s something!  (This reminds me . . . there should really be a separate status on Facebook that says:  Single . .  . because my sister is a better kisser than I am.)

Clearly having seen the One Tree Hill episodes featuring the “Crazy Nanny Carrie” storyline, Spencer knows her sister is NOT one to be messed with.  So she goes to visit Wren in hopes of squeezing his grapefruits getting him to clear her name, regarding the whole “kissing thing.”  (“He started it!”) 

Having been exhiled from La Casa de Uptight and Unfriendly, Wren is now crashing on his friend’s couch.  And he seems . . . different.  Gone are the argyle sweaters  and the too neatly combed hair.  Gone is the heavy British accent. (This actually might not have been intentional on the actor’s part.)  As a result, Wren seems to be an even better match for Spencer than he was before — younger looking and more genuine.

Wren claims he tried to help get Spencer back into her family’s good graces before he left, but to no avail.  “Perhaps my biggest mistake was falling in love with the wrong sister,” he admits. 

 Awwwww!  I was skeptical at first, but the idea of these two together has really grown on me.  I really want it to work out between them . . . even if that means a life spent living in fear of the wrath of Crazy Nanny Carrie  . . .

Later, a stressed out Spencer, who is too busy having sex dreams about Wren to write her OWN paper on the Russian Revolution, heads to her sister’s laptop and steals hers.  Mind you, her sister’s paper is SIX YEARS OLD.  She has graduated COLLEGE and yet her HIGH SCHOOL assignment is still easily accessible form her laptop. 

Now, I’m assuming that Melissa has purchased at least one new laptop between 2004 — when she wrote the paper — and now.  Because I HAD a laptop in 2004 . . . and it looked kind of like this . . .

OK . . . I’m exaggerating  . . . A LOT!  But, needless to say, Spencer’s sister’s laptop looked pretty new.  This means that she had to have LOVED her high school history paper on the Russian Revolution, SO MUCH that she took the time to transfer it over to her new computer all those years later.  Now, I’ll admit, there were one or two papers I wrote in high school that I kept around after graduation.  (There was one in particular about the way the show Dawson’s Creek dealt with loss of virginity among teens about which I was particularly fond.)  But a paper on the Russian Revolution?  COME ON!

We all know THIS little lapse of judgment is going to bite Spencer in the ass very soon.  Don’t we?

Give Me Shelter from the Slut

Speaking of Crazy Ladies, Aria’s got her hands full with quite a doozy of one, herself.  Apparently, Spencer’s father’s mistress, once a student of his, is now a teacher at the same college where he is a professor.  And her office just happens to be right across the hall from Daddy-O. 

“An apple for the teacher?  Or, perhaps, you’d prefer a squeezed grapefruit?”

To make matters worse, this mistress, named Meredith, seems intent on aggressively insinuating herself into Aria’s dad’s life, repeatedly stopping by unannounced whereever Aria’s father might happen to be at the time.  When Aria confronts Meredith, and calls her out on her stalking, Meredith DOESN’T deny it!  In fact, she basically tells Aria that it’s going to keep happening.  Furthermore, she implies that, because Aria is in high school, she can’t do anything about it. 

 Older fans of Pretty Little Liars might recognize the actress who plays Meredith, Amanda Schull, from her starring role in that very adorable dance film from a little while back, Center Stage . . .

Younger fans might remember Schull from the ABC Family Original Movie, Sorority Wars, which aired fairly recently.  In it, interestingly enough, Schull plays the nemesis of Lucy Hale, the girl who plays Aria on Pretty Little Liars.  Apparently, these two are just destined to hate one another on the small screen. 

 Infuriated by this recent turn of events, and by the fact that her mother continues to be kept in the dark about her father’s affair, Aria dashes off to Mr. Ezra Fitz’s apartment (How did she know where he lived?).  In a very sweet, and surprisingly chaste moment, the pair simply stand in silence, and hug one another close.  Aria cries silently, her head buried in Ezra’s chest, as he gently strokes her hair.  (And I am sighing, and getting all girly for the SECOND time, since this episode has begun.  What are you doing to ME, Pretty Little Liars?)

Emily, Two Psychos, and a Probable Lesbian = The Most Intense Love Square EVER!

“DUDE!  Ease up on the vulcan death grip, and I MIGHT let you watch me and Maya make grapefruit juice together . . . emphasis on MIGHT.”

Emily’s storyline was by far the most intense of the evening.  It started innocently enough, with more flirtation, touching and sexual innunedo exchanged between her and Miss “I Have a Boyfriend Back Home” Maya.  When her boyfriend, Ben, invites her to a “parent-free” party, Emily nonchalantly asks Maya to come with.  Ben is obviously annoyed by the invitation, but SEEMS to brush it off (emphasis on “seems”). 

To further complicate matters, Emily keeps getting intense looks from Toby Cavanaugh, older brother to the now-blind Jenna.  Toby was shipped off to boarding school the year before, for setting fire to the Cavanaugh garage, which, if you recall . . .

 . . . Ali did, not him. 

Spencer remembers Toby and Ali having a heated conversation, which implied that Ali had some very detrimental dirt on Toby.  After his conversation with Ali, Toby took the rap for setting the garage fire, even though it seems like he knows that it was the girls who did it.  Toby (pictured up top)  is actually kind of cute, in a “Norman Bates from Psycho” sort of way . . .

Come to think of it, Toby WAS hiding near the SHOWERS during this next scene . . . hmmm.

Later, in the girls locker room, after having taken a shower, Emily hears a noise, and is surprised to find her boyfriend, Ben, there.  In a disturbing, and seemingly out-of-character scene, Ben pushes Emily up against the locker and forces himself on her, ignoring her repeated cries of “NO!”

Out of the shower nowhere, Toby Cavanaugh comes and pushes Bad Beater Boyfriend Ben out of the way, clocking him hard in the nose.  A highly freaked out Emily extricates herself from the brawl and escapes, quickly dumping Ben on her way out.   

Later, at the keg party, a newly single, Emily arrives with Maya as her “date.”  The two enter into a photo booth (Riiiiiight!  Because every kid who throws a party when his parents are out of town, takes the time to rent a “photo booth” for the event . . . paid for with his parent’s credit card, of course.)

One thing leads to another, and, before you know it, these two are making out hard core, while the photo machine just snaps away.  While the pair is still inside, SOMEONE snatches the photographic kissing evidence . . . But who could it be?

Later that night, on her way home, Emily finds Creepy Toby Cavanaugh playing with an old-fashioned camera.  She thanks him from saving her from Bad Beater Boyfriend  Ex-Boyfriend Ben.  Toby says little, but is clearly crushing on our girl, Emily.  Later, blind Jenna, who overheard the exchange, DEMANDS that Toby explain why Emily thanked him.  “It’s not what you THINK!”  Toby insists.

Is it though?  The next scene shows a disembodied hand photocopying Emily’s and Maya’s purloined makeout pictures and plastering them all over his or her entire wall.  Could the wall belong to Toby?

Did I mention that “Dead” Ali’s bracelet has mysteriously appeared in the woods, since the last time the girls visited . . . even though Ali was purportedly buried with it?

Ooh!  This is getting good . . .

 

12 Comments

Filed under Pretty Little Liars

12 responses to “Beware of the Creeper (and DON’T squeeze the grapefruits)! – A Recap of Pretty Little Liar’s “To Kill a Mocking Girl”

  1. Pingback: All Around the World News

  2. I had a feeling about this show and I’m glad I tuned in. I love the cast and there over the top secrets. I want to know the whole story. And it’s making me kind of sad when it takes it’s fall I think of the fall hitus. Other than this show.. tur Blood id on the map (I just, as in just barely, watched the first two episode… long story short I forget to watch tv on Sunday. True story)
    Hehe on the Bachelorette, why did this girl do this show? Probably nothing to do.

    These girls have no pop culture reference install in them. It’s a shame. Really going into the SAME woods that Alli “died” in. Talk about creepy… And then the noise, yikes. Like really ladies, it’s not that important. Beside Allie was a bit of a witch lol 🙂

    I think Deputy Douchey, took it a little far this time (but in the last 3 episodes when hasn’t he). Especially with Hanna. Sleeping with her mom and then the whole “maybe you killed her because you were fat and you wanted to be Allie” crap. Like way to be sensitive, jerk. I’m glad he mom kicked him to the curb, it was long overdue.

    Lmao to every “grapefruit” joke in this post—one word awesome. Honestly this show is a bit raacy for this channel and I’m surprise they’re letting them get away with a lot of things. It’s growing up, awww.

    Deputy Douchey is hot too bad I can’t get passed his awful attitude. Boo, on my part. Plus his facial expressions are horrible. At least Dr. Evil, had more than two 🙂
    I cheer for Hanna when she stood up for herself with the cop because the guy was basically saying you did it confess. All the crap she had on him, go Hanna!

    Ok please, tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that Sean is gay because he’s vibe. It’s like he’s with her because they were friends at one point. Or please don’t let it be that he wants Hanna because she was tight with Allie, that’s messed up. But the whole stealing his car was a big WTF. I wouln’t have done the same thing (I don’t know who would?) But I was actually happy she crashed his nice-parent-bought-car.

    By A. msgs are getting better IMO

    Spenccer is becoming my favorite character, for some unknown reason. I think I feel bad for her because she has to be perfect like all the times. And her sister’s a whore. How can she blame it all on poor Spencer? It’s not her fault that Wren “fell for the wrong sister”. Can I say I love these two?? Melissa can rot. On the paper, that’s really gonna bite her in the ass. But cant say she didn’t deserve it. I have paper from way back when (the oldest one is from 2005), but they’re on my email. So why Melissa wasting valuable space on her computer are beyond me.

    Lmao “This reminds me . . . there should really be a separate status on Facebook that says: Single . . . because my sister is a better kisser than I am.”

    Wren’s getting hotter or is that just me?

    Aria: Oh I was ready to kick the mistress in the face when I saw her. Has she no shame. Trying to destroy a family. What is her deal? Apparently Aria’s dad is good in the sack if she wants him this badly. Aria, should have told her mom. Scre her creating father. All he seems to care about is work and himself. The Mistress is pretty old when she was in Sorority Wars.

    I wasn’t paying attention when Aria went to Mr. Teacher apartment. Maybe he slipt her a piece of paper with this address. I’m still not sure about them couple-wise. Maybe they’ll grow on me.

    Emily and her multiple partners… She’s full on lesbian, right? Because if that’s the case then creepy old bro Cavanaugh has no shot in hell with her. And Ben trying to force himself on her was like a random moment. I almost feel bad for Toby, but he’s so creepy I can’t. Because, yes, this guy is the replacement for the original Norman Bates.

    I wanted a photo booth… for some random party that I may throw in the future. Btw they did this on WF too the first season (and probably a lot of other teen shows). I think Jenna and her cane took the pics lol

    I don’t trust Maya, there’s something off about her. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I

    Anyways loved, loved the recapsas per usual 😀

    • PLL is the ideal show for summer, isn’t it? It’s juicy, fast-paced, and unintentionally hilarious, with just a hint of trashtastic-ness thrown in for good measure. I’m actually glad its only around for the summer, because I kind of feel like we both wouldn’t have caught it, if it had aired during prime time. (Ex. I think it would be on opposite Glee, if it kept this timeslot.)

      (YOU FORGOT TB?! LOL. It happens. Once, I forgot The Vampire Diaries was on, and, later that night, had to scour the internet for hours to find the episode, in order to get my recap completed in time. It was pure torture! Based on your recent comment to my “Dark and Broody Men” posting, it looks like you got to watch it since then. Great episode right?)

      You are SO right! The PLLs are seriously lacking in their pop culture knowledge. An entire episode, and the only TV related reference we got was about Snookie from the Jersey Shore? Puh-lease! Someone needs to sit these girls down and school them in the art of quality 90s television and movies. (I bet Holly Marie Combs, Laura Leighton, and Chad Lowe, would be able to show them a thing or two, seeing as they know from experience . . .)

      LOL re: Deputy Douchey’s creepy two-dimensional villiany, and two-dimensional face. Too bad we can’t put a more facially adept head on that body. Because DAMN what a nice body he has! Who knew there was a six pack hiding under those cheap suits Douchey always wears.

      Awww, glad you enjoyed all my “grapefruit” humor. I worried a bit about “Grapefruit Overkill,” but, found I really couldn’t help myself. It was just too easy!

      I too got the gay vibe off Hanna’s beau Sean. I don’t care HOW religious he is, no hot blooded American teenager would be able to resist the slut nuts Hanna was tossing Sean’s way, in that shed. Speaking of couples, like you, I am also slowly becoming a Spencer / Wren shipper. (ANYONE is better than Crazy Nanny Carrie!) I’m not really looking forward to Spencer’s inevitable “plagiarism is bad” upcoming storyline, though. It’s been done WAY too many times before, to be even remotely interesting now . . . (Note to Spencer: More making out with Wren, less Russian Revolution, k?)

      I would probably like Aria / Ezra more, if Ezra did something about that awful hair of his. What’s the deal with that skunk he has on his head?

      Good call on Jenna’s Cane of Destruction taking the Emily’s slobbery makeout pictures form the photobooth! That loud ass Evil Cane is clearly up to no good! I bet if you opened that cane up, you’d find Emily’s pictures, Ali’s bracelet, Ezra’s home address AND Deputy Douchey’s missing grapefruits!

      Thanks again for your kind words, and awesome input! Talk to you soon!

  3. imaginarymen

    Um yeah – I’m gonna need to see that Dawson’s Creek paper you wrote. You know my email ;-p

    Speaking of outdated references – when Maya made that one about Brad Pitt in ep 2 (I think) I was going “Whaaa??” and following celebrities is like breathing to me! I do it all the time!! However, referencing a Jen Aniston quote from several years ago seems – well – not that “hip and now” PLL writers!!

    They could not have cast a creepier looking guy to play CreepyToby.

    Thanks for reminding me Deputy Douche was on “Popular” that’s totally how I know him.

    Laura Leighton’s forehead and eyebrows are starting to scare me. It’s like she went to the Botox doctor and said “give me the Marcia Cross”!!

    I really REALLY don’t like Spencer. Everything about her bugs me enough to make me root for annoying PoorMansJolieMeganFoxMaybeDatingPaulWesley annoying sister.

    The stuff in the woods was like a cheapo ABC Family version of “Lost”!

    • LOL – I long ago ditched the computer that helped create the infamous Dawson’s Creek paper. However, I did keep a hard copy! I’ll have to see if I can find it . . .

      That’s right! I forgot about Maya’s Brad Pitt reference! I’m now convinced the character is a 35-year old NARC, who is posing as a high school student, and targeting some coke-snorting lesbian crime ring believed to exist at the school. Her hairdo is older than I am!

      The picture of Creepy Toby at the top of this blog post literally gave me nightmares. I can just imagine the casting call sheet for this character. “Creepy Norman Bates-esque teen. Must have low unsettling voice, and look capable of eating babies as well small pets.”

      THE MARCIA CROSS! – ROFL. If there is a “Botox Injection Handbook” out there somewhere, I bet her face is on the cover . . . right next to Heather Locklear, and the entire female cast of the old Melrose Place.

      Oh no! I could never EVER root for Crazy Nanny Carrie! (If you ever watched those One Tree Hill episodes, you would know why.) She could be fighting over a guy with Bin Laden, and I STILL wouldn’t root for her!

      I’m pretty sure your commentary this week was funnier than my actual recap! Thanks for the Friday morning laughs . . .

  4. Anastasia

    “He basically insinuates that Hanna MUST have killed Aria…” Aria = Ali.

    In the book the Noels? (keg party) own the photo booth – they bought it from a closing down carnival or something.

    By the way, I did some research and basically they’ve taken the characters from the book, but changed the story a bit (a lot actually, as A in the book is not A in the tv series). In the book Jenna is an innocent and doesn’t say things that make the girls think she’s A.

    You can watch season one here: http://www.surfthechannel.com/show/84092.html

    • Thanks for the typo correction, Anastasia! It was much appreciated. It’s amazing how much you can miss when you are typing these recaps up at 3am.

      I had also heard that they had changed the identity of “A” (at least the first “A” ;)) from the books to the series. think this was a good decision on the writers’ part, as it retains the “mystery” of the show, even for those who have already read the series. It also gives the writers a bit of leeway, in allowing the characters to dictate their own stories. So, for example, if two actors have more chemistry in the series, than their characters do in the books, a new plotline can be added to put those characters together romantically . . .

      I’m very excited to see where the show will go next season. I can’t believe it’s almost January already! It seems like only yesterday, that I started watching this series over the summer.

      Thanks again for your continued kindness and PLL book expertise! 🙂

  5. Anastasia

    Things do get a bit odd at 3am, like everyday words start to look funny, and you’re wondering if they’re spelt right.

    I heard Ezra leaves (not sure if it’s in the same way as the book – that is a pretty embarrassing scene that happens as his exit), but he comes back ^^.

    Found out that link doesn’t work – not for free anyway-, found another one: http://episodeninja.com/watch/category/pretty-little-liars-season-1/

  6. please send me hot photo
    thank you

    • Hi Daruosh! I’m not sure which hot photo you are seeking. However, I’m always happy to share my pictures. 🙂 Please feel free to “grab” any photo you like from this blog, but right clicking on it, scrolling down to the word “Save As” and saving the picture you choose to your desktop. I hope that helps!

  7. CRAZYLOVE345

    I laugh every time i hear that word now! Grapefruits! LOL
    Toby saved the day from Ben totally sexually assualting Emily but why was he in the locker room, I have to wonder? Did he see Ben go in or something? Jenna definately creeped me out “Why is she thanking you?’ Jealous much?
    Hanna, sweetheart, get some self confidence! Geez! You aren’t that pudgy little girl anymore…..Can’t believe I’m saying this, but Alision is right! (i think my brain just went blank saying those words in that order) You need to stand up for yourself!
    Wren won my heart (or what wasn’t already Ezra’s, but you know what I mean). He obviously has deep feelings for Spencer and thats sweet 🙂 “Perhaps my real mistake was falling for the wrong sister.” Aww!!!
    Ezra in the last few minutes completely wiped my mind of all thoughts at that moment. (But did Ezra ever tell Aria where he lived….weird) He was just so sweet and loving, not like that dude we saw being seduced and uncomfratable in his classroom (that was akward when Mrs. Welsh walked in). I loved it how Aria snuggled into his arms and he kisses her forehead. Really, PLL, stop making me want to melt every time I see Spren and Ezria together!

    • YAY, Team Spren! (Awesome SHIP name, BTW) Between those two’s smart sexiness and the sweet seductive quality of the Ezria relationship, PLL sure knows how to write solid teen romances. If only they weren’t so fickle about keeping couples together!

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