You say you want a REVOLUTION? – A Recap of True Blood’s “I Smell a Rat”

Why does one bad apple  vampire have to spoil it for the whole bunch?  You see, up until this point on the show, Humans and Vamps?  They were getting along JUST FINE! 

Sure, there was a certain fringe group of humans that weren’t all too keen on letting the vampires play in their Human Games . . .

But they were just a bunch of religious wackjobs.  And no one cares what religious wackjobs think, anyway. 

That was before THIS happened . . .

Special thanks to Carol for this awesome GIF!

Suddenly, those “religious wackjobs” were starting to sound mighty convincing to a lot of people.  As a result, many of our friendly neighborhood vampires found themselves having to take certain “defensive” measures, to maintain the “status quo” . . .  And that was when all the POO really started to hit the fan.

Secrets were revealed, loyalties tested, and plenty of supernatural creatures were forced “out of the closet,” in the process.  In fact, so much went on during this episode, that I don’t even know where do begin.  Wait . . . yes, I do  . . .

Everybody Loves a Good FAIRY tale . . .

After weeks upon weeks of hinting and speculation, Bill finally revealed to Sookie, “her TRUE Nature” (or as Bill calls it, her “Nashahhhhh.”) When she finally finds out, Sookie is less than pleased.  “I’m a FAIRY?  How f*cking lame!”  Sookie gripes.

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

You know Sookie, there are a lot of WONDERFUL things about being a fairy.  After all, every time a bell rings, there’s a chance you may get your wings . . .

Oh, that’s angels?  Nevermind . . .

So, anyway, apparently, vampires just go CRAZY for fairy blood!  In other words, to Vampire Eric and Vampire Bill, Sookie tastes something like this .  . .

This begs the inevitable question as to whether Bill loves Sookie for her spunky, mind-reading, big-boobed self, or because her blood tastes like something he would order at Baskin Robbins.  Bill, of course, claims it is the former. 

“It is not your blood I love.  It is the way you scream ‘BEAAAAAAAAAL’ that really makes my heart flutter and my ear drums burst into flames.

Bill begins to wax poetic about how much he LUUUUUUVES Sookie, and wants to protect her for all eternity, and blah, blah, blah.  While he speaks, you can literally hear the violins playing in the background.  Super small ones . . .

When there’s a WILL, Vampire Eric gets his way .  . .

Meanwhile, Eric is at Fangtasia, drafting his Last Will and Testament with a lawyer, while Pam (who is looking FABULOUS, in her smokin hot purple leather dress, by the way) looks on, in not-so-silent protest.

“Let’s see, the rest and residuary of my Estate goes to Pam.  My heart .  . .

. . .and my weiner . . .

. . . belong to Miss Stackhouse.  But to whom shall I leave my crown?

Of course!  Lafayette – a King’s Crown for my favorite QUEEN!”

Vampire Pam is disappointed in her Maker.  It’s not like Eric to just roll over and “play undead,” just because some Big Gay Vampire King is mad at him.  She thinks he’s acting like a total pussy, and tells him as much.  But Eric, convinced he is about to meet his Maker . . .

Yeah . . . that one too, I guess.

 . . .  is determined to make his final arrangements.  He immediately asks SlutBall Yvetta to act as his witness, while he signs the will  . . .

Poor Dumb Yvetta!  She actually believed Eric was going to leave all his fortune to HER, just because the pair had a few good rolls in the coffin.  OK, a few good SIX-HOUR rolls in the coffin, but still . . .

“But you PROMISED!”  Yvetta whines, like the whorish Dancing Baby she is . . .

“I promised you a job and lots of good sex.  That’s all,” insists Eric, causing poor Yvetta to wet her diaper, before storming out in tears.

Out, Out, Damn Spot!

“Dammit!  This is the THIRD shirt I’ve lost to Vampire Guts.  If only there was a way to cope with tough-to-remove stains like these . . .

Thanks Tide!”

When we last left Tara, she was being rescued by Jason Stackhouse . . .

. . . who turned her abusive ex-boyfriend, Franklin . . .

 . . . into THIS . . .

Poor Franklin, if only he could have used his “Mad Texting Skills” to dial 911, things might have worked out differently for him . . .

We love you too, Franklin . . . you creepy psycho stalker, YOU!

Now, Jason, has had SOME experience killing EGGS . . .

 . . . but virtually NO experience, killing VAMPIRES (well, unless you count poor, Vampire Eddie, but that was purely for recreational purposes  . . .)

“Did I ever tell you about this time I drank Vampire Blood and got this massive boner for HOURS?  Good times!”

 So, the elder Stackhouse was, understandably,  a little freaked out . . .

I can’t believe I’ve killed such a brilliant texter!  Oh the lack of humanity!

So, Tara, who is VERY experienced in the art of Vampire Cleanup, takes charge, instructing Jason to pick up Franklin’s guts . . .

. . . dump them in his truck, and drive them FAR FAR AWAY! 

While Jason is handling the first load, Tara takes some time to pay her last respects to the love of her life  . . .

Nothing says loving like a LOOGEY!

“Oh, Tara!  How I’ve longed to taste your spit again!”

Jason and Tara then ride back to Jason’s house, where Fairy Sookie is waiting for them, and looking for some protection.

Sookie Plays Shrink . . .

“I should really charge by the hour for this!”

Poor Sookie!  She came to her brother’s house looking for safety, and some R&R  — after being on the run from vamps, werewolves, and maenads for THREE SEASONS without any breaks.  But NO ONE will let the Poor Fairy rest!  All they want to do is talk her ears off about their petty little problems.  First up is Tara, who wants to give Sookie the play-by-play in her neverending “Why I hate vampires” saga . . .

“He made me wear an ugly dress.  And he was a VERY bad kisser!  It was TERRIBLE!”

Next up was Jason, who inexplicably stayed clothed for the entire episode.  And for that reason, he must be PUNISHED!

“Bad for him.  Good for US!”

Jason finally admitted to Sookie that HE  broke killed Eggs, not Andy.

Take that, recent outbreak of Salmonella Poisoning!

Sookie responds by giving Jason the WORST ADVICE EVER!  “Tell Tara.”

Seriously?  What good could it possibly have served for Jason to tell Tara about Eggs, just moments after she suffered the traumatic experience of watching her abusive boyfriend die right in front of her, AGAIN!

And yet, tell Tara, Jason did, just moments before the fiesty femme was about to give him a Gratitude F*ck, for saving her from being murdered by Franklin.

“See this, Jason?  This is your chances of getting laid during this episode going down the drain . . .”

“Sh&t!  Not AGAIN!”

Tara dashes out of that room, faster than you can say “blue balls.”

Next, Vampire Eric comes to visit Sookie . . . TWICE!

The first time Vampire Bill is there.

The second time, he is in SOOKIE DREAMS!

“Woo hoo!”

Both times, the message is the same.  “Sookie, you want me, and my sexy body . . .

“Who doesn’t?”

 . . . and don’t trust Bill.”

In the first encounter, Sookie more or less blows off Eric.  And yet, she is noticeably distraught, when he not-so-subtly alludes to the very real possibility of him meeting his “final death.”  It is likely Sookie’s anguish over THIS first encounter, that causes her to DREAM of Eric that night.  And that dream . . . well . . . it deserves it’s own BOLD SUBHEADING, don’t you think?

Why aren’t MY dreams like THIS?

Sookie is dozing on the couch, when she awakens to find Eric perched on its armrest, peering down at her.  “Will your blood ever wear off?  I’m tired of dreaming of you.”


(Hey Sookie, if you ever get tired of dreaming of Eric, I’d gladly take those pesky dreams off your hands for you.  No problem.)

“It’s not just the blood.  You KNOW you have feelings for me,” whispers Eric, as he leans in closer.

“Ew,” replies Sookie, but her rapid breathing, and “f*ck me” eyes  say something else entirely.

Dream Eric then leans in and kisses her gently.

In spite of herself, Sookie closes her eyes and moves in closer.  “You know you like this,” probes Eric, kissing the side of her neck, “and this,” he continues, kissing the front of her neck.  “And you know you can’t trust Bill.  That’s not my blood talking.  It’s your survival instinct,” concludes Eric, as he leans in to bite Sookie’s neck. 

Sookie sighs in ecstacy, and then (unfortunately) wakes up with a  start.  She HAS to go see Eric to engage in a hot six-hour sex session with him find out why he said he was about to die, and she can’t trust Bill.

Hallelujah!  Dreams CAN come true!


Sookie sneaks out from the “grounding” Papa Bill Compton enforced on her, and heads off to Fangtasia to visit Eric.

Time for dessert!

Sookie begins the meeting with all intentions of talking business, but Eric is much more interested in enjoying the Sookie Stackhouse Tongue Special, for his “Last Supper.”  Eric moves in close to Sookie, invading her personal space with gusto, just like he does in ALL of my favorite scenes, “If I meet the true death without at least having kissed you, Sookie Stackhouse, it would be my biggest regret.”


“That’s what I did during this scene!”

“Why does it sound like you are saying good bye,” whispers Sookie.

“Because I am,” responds Eric mournfully.

And then he leans in . . . and kisses her .  . . for REAL!  And guess what?  She KISSES HIM BACK!  And I’m not talking that peck on the lips, “I’m just humoring you, but you really remind me of of my grandpa,” kissing, either.  I am talking REAL, HONEST TO GOODNESS MAKING OUT, complete with arms fondling backs, and bodies squeezed tightly together like two halves of a delicious peanut butter sandwich.  In short — It’s the moment Sookie and Eric fans have been waiting for.  And it. is. AWESOME!

But then Pam (who I usually adore, but not today) has to come and screw it all up.

Pam implores Eric to either give Sookie up to Russell, or USE her, to save his own life.  (Note: There was some talk earlier in the episode, of Sookie’s blood permitting vampires to walk in the sun.  However, Bill assured Eric that the effect was only temporary.)

In the final scene of the episode, Eric shocks all of us, by carrying Sookie into a dungeon (the same one where he held Lafayette prisoner during the early part of Season 2), and chaining her to a wheel, by her neck. 

Who knew Eric was so into S&M?

Sookie immediately concludes that Eric has betrayed her.  But has he?  Or is he just doing this to save HER life?  Only time will tell . . .

Tommy Makes His Move (But So Does Hoyt!)

Back at Merlotte’s, our favorite Baby Vamp and Teen Shapeshifter are working HARD, and getting dirty together on the floor . . .

 Mmmmm, KINKY!

Unfortunately, Arlene the Ass isn’t helping them AT ALL!  Instead, that b*tch is  watching TV . . .

And who’s on the tube, you ask?  It’s Looney Tunes Hatemonger, Steve Newlin, of course!

For those of you just tuning in, Steve Newlin was one of the main villains of True Blood‘s Second Season.  He is the leader of a Vampire Hate cult called the Fellowship of the Sun.  The oddly charismatic Steve even briefly indoctrinated Bon Temps own Jason Stackhouse into his Sick Sad Cult World . . .

Fortunately, however, Good Ole’ Jason couldn’t keep it in his pants, as per usual . . . And when he started doing the horizontal mambo with Steve’s wife, Sarah . . .

 . . . Steve decided he didn’t want Jason in his little club anymore.

So, anyway, Arlene is busy not-cleaning, and watching Steve Newlin peddle his hate, when she suddenly blurts out, “It was only a matter of time before one of y’all got caught on film.”  (“Y’all” obviously referring to Jessica and the rest of her vampire kind.) 

OH NO, she DIDN’T!

Well, needless to say, Jessica doesn’t like that comment very much . . .

OK.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I loved this scene.  But the whole “Vampire gets mad and pushes the bad guy (or girl) against the wall, super fast” thing?  It happens EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.  And it’s getting kind of old.  Why can’t they just drop kick the bastards, and be done with it?

Apparently, Jessica has a little something she wants to say to her Good Ole Pal, Arlene.  “OK.  We get it.  You don’t like vampires.  Well I don’t like narrow minded skinny bitches with bad dye jobs.  But at least I’ve got the courtesy to keep my mouth shut about it . . . most of the time,” seethes the  Baby Vamp.

Meanwhile, Tommy, who has been watching this entire exchange take place, is clearly turned on . . .

“Damn!  This is better than the porn I watched on PayPerView last night, and charged to Sam’s credit card.”

“You don’t think he knows, do you?”

After Arlene scampers away, like the whiny coward she is, Tommy moves in for the “kill,” telling Jessica how hot her fangs and rage issues are to him.  But Jessica is still hung up on Hoyt, and she tells Tommy as much.  “Then why are you here with me and not him?”  Tommy asks, with surprising amount of bravado, seeing as Jessica has given him NO REASON whatsoever to believe she’s interested.

“If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy, come on Vampire let me know!”

“Because this is my shift.  Duh!  Because Hoyt is too good for me,” Jessica pouts.

Never much for self-respect  (You know what they say about lying down with dogs, after all .  . .), Tommy responds, “But I’m not too good for you.”

Then, Jessica leaves his ass.  BURN! 

Ummm, Tommy.  I have a book recommendation for you . . .

Meanwhile, Hoyt is in the car with a VERY HORNY Summer .  . .

Summer is ready to do it with Hoyt, because she thinks screwing him will save their dead-in the-water relationship.

“I have a mouth like a hoover, if that helps!”

To Hoyt’s credit, he doesn’t enjoy his Summer.  Instead, he grows some balls, and finally kicks the antiquing, porcelain doll collecting, freako to the curb.

“Does this mean no more biscuits?”

Immediately after ditching Summer, Hoyt rushes to the bar to profess his love to Jessica!

But she once again blows him off . . .

When Hoyt storms out, Tommy rushes after him, to rub salt in his nemesis’ wound .  . . so Hoyt decks him.  Then Tommy turns into THIS . . .

. . . and attacks Hoyt.  (Ummm . . . weirdest fight over a girl, EVER!)

When Jessica comes outside, and sees Hoyt being attacked by Doggy Tommy, she easily tosses him into the trees, like he’s a random piece of dust that got on her shirt.  It is the coolest thing EVER! 

 (Another note: It’s uncertain at this point, whether Jessica KNOWS what Tommy is.  Perhaps, she just thought Hoyt, was being attacked by some random mangy mutt.  Perhaps not . . .)

As Naked Tommy looks on sadly from the bushes, Jessica tells Hoyt she loves him too.  She then forces him to drink her blood, to heal his Tommy bites.

Awwww yeah!  It’s only a matter of time, before these two are de and re-virginizing eachother regularly once again.  And I for one, couldn’t be happier . . .

I’m sorry, Tommy!  I know things haven’t exactly been easy for you during this episode.  Fortunately, however, I have something that is sure to cheer you right up . . .

You’re welcome!

Sam Merlotte Gets “Lost”

While Tommy was busy getting beat up by a girl and rejected, his dog partner in crime, Sam, was equally busy altering his entire personality from the past three seasons — by snapping at everyone, drinking heavily, and experiencing flashbacks.  Since when did Sam Merlotte become Sawyer from Lost?

“Is this another Flash-Sideways?”

Just like a certain, Flight 815 survivor, apparently Sam Merlotte was somewhat of a con artist in his “past life.”  In fact, he made most of his cash by robbing banks and jewelry stores, using his shapeshifting abilities to sneak in and out unnoticed.

“And to think, all this time, I’ve been relying on my good looks and great abs to get me in the door . . .”

In Sam’s little flashback, he seems to have a girlfriend . . .

Yeah, bye bye is right, b&tch!

The girlfriend is played by Arielle Kebbel.  And if you know the actress, you knew the character was a goner, the moment she appeared on screen.  After all, Arielle bears the dubious distinction of being the girl who’s character gets tragically killed in EVERY SINGLE supernatural TV show or horror movie in which she is featured . . .

This is DEAD Arielle Kebbel in The Vampire Diaries.  Believe it or not, she actually played a VAMPIRE in that one . . .

Anyway, apparently, Arielle (or whatever her name was in the episode) was only using Sam, so that she and her boyfriend could get his money and booty .  . .

 . . . runoff, and live Trashily Ever After.  When I heard this, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another blonde brat who tried to do the EXACT SAME THING to the man who loved her . . .

Yeah . . . her.  Apparently, it was LOST Day on True Blood . . .

So, b&tchy Arielle and her beau escape with poor Sam’s moolah, while Sam lies writhing on the floor, plotting his revenge.  He gets it the next night, when he arrives in dog form at the couple’s campsite.  (Really?  A campsite?  All those jewels and cash, and these two couldn’t afford a hotel?  What gives True Blood?)

So, Sam morphs back into human form, and holds a gun at Bad Boyfriend’s head . . .

Sam then knocks the dude unconscious and waves the gun over his prone form.  Then Arielle takes out a gun and holds it at Sam’s head.  Not thinking clearly, Sam instantly shoots his so called lady love dead.  In anguish, he then shoots the boyfriend to cover his tracks, and leaves the campsite. 


So, NOW we know why Sam was on the run from the cops during the first season!  It all makes sense now!  I just wonder why he never got around to changing his name, seeing as “Sam Merlotte” may or may not still be wanted for murder . . .

Speaking of Murderers .  . .

Arlene FINALLY tells Terry that the baby in her belly is not his, but rather Evil Rene’s.  And you know what?  Terry is AWESOME about it . . .

He offers to raise the baby as his own, and give it so much love, it can’t possibly turn evil.  (Awwww, I heart HIM!)

And yet, Arlene STILL wants to get rid of the baby.  So, she asks her new “Wiccan” friend Holly to help her out in this regard.

Arlene is a total Poopyhead!

In fact, that’s what I think I will call her for the rest of the Season .  . .

Have a nice trip, boys!

Lafayette’s and Jesus’ story this week, started with a miraculous rescue . . .

 . . . and ended with a “trip” that looked like a Disney World ride . . .

“Hey, isnt that the old hag from Snow White?  Weird!”

It all started when Trailer Trash Barbie . . .

  . . . Crystal, along with Jesus . . .

 . . . and Lafayette were driving around with a half-dead Calvin Norris in the backseat.  Since there didn’t seem to be any time to get to a hospital  (And lets face it, with the exception of Jesus, NONE of those folks have an ounce of health insurance.), Lafayette decides to take the whole gang to his house.  There, he feeds Calvin some of that vampire blood he has been dealing.  Calvin heals almost immediately, but then disowns his daughter for letting two gay guys feed him V.  Talk about ungrateful!

“Them f*ckers is a WHOLE NEW DIMENSION of trash!”  Lafayette muses. 

Trash . . . the final frontier.

Alone again, Jesus, who despite being all holier than thou, and “I can’t date a drug dealer,” just episodes earlier, begs Lafayette to take V with him. 

Remembering how much he LOVED the stuff last time . . .

 . . . Lafayette agrees, and the two have this weird theme park-esque tripping sequence, where they proceed to tell eachother about their family roots, both of which seem steeped in freaky voodoo-type magic.  But the absolute weirdest hallucination of them all was THIS GUY . . .

Apparently, Jesus has an evil grandfather of some sort.  (Hope his name isn’t Judas . . .)

And finally . . .

Bat sh*t crazy Russell . . .

 .  . . picked up some random male prostitute, holed up with him in a random hotel, and talked to him as if he was Talbot, before staking him.

“Oh, Russell!  This is BEYOND offensive!  I am WAY cuter than this guy!  And you did it in a seedy motel, with COTTON sheets instead of silk.  If my guts weren’t trapped in that vase of yours, I’d be ROLLING OVER in my grave!”

Oh, and I almost forgot . . .

After Jason uninvited Bill to his apartment, because Bill gave him WAY TOO MUCH crap for accidentally letting Sookie, a GROWN woman, escape, Crystal . . .

 . . . snuck into Jason’s house, and revealed herself to be one of THESE . . .

Watch out Tara, I smell a CAT FIGHT in your future . . .

So, there you have it folks, another spectacular installment of True Blood is in the can.  Can you believe there are only two episodes remaining, before we bid this fabulous Season adieu?



Filed under True Blood

23 responses to “You say you want a REVOLUTION? – A Recap of True Blood’s “I Smell a Rat”

  1. Amazon Annie

    Hi KJewls, there is never much to add to your fantastic recaps of True Blood. You bring back every single one of the great, funny, sexy, gross, interesting, and peculiar that happen in each episode. However, you forgot to mention my favorite line in the show. I know we are not too happy with Pam for breaking up the Sookie and Eric love fest… but in her own inimitable blase style, Pam tears Eric away from Sookie with a line that is SOOOO Pam and really left me laughing.
    “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, Vampire Emergency, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! It was hilarious, and it did the trick. (although we weren’t too happy about it)
    Thanks for the great recaps!

    • So true, Amazon Annie! That was a fantastic line. In fact, Pam and Lafayette probably tie one another for having the best one-liners on the show. However, my favorite True Blood quote of all time still goes to Andy Bellefleur, “Conscience OFF, Dick ON!”

      Gets me every time . . . 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by, and for helping me keep my quotes straight. 😉

  2. Carol

    Finally some action for us Team Eric 😀

    I wish Beeaall would just be gone. I don’t know what Alan Ball is thinking. He can’t keep stealing Eric&Sookie scenes like that. For real.

    Sookie reaction about being a fairy was priceless. I thought it was lame too, just sayin’

    As much as I love Pam, she should have choosen a better moment to interrupt, right? But her scenes were great as always.

    Jessica & Tommy. Er.. just.. don’t. I like you, Tommy, but Jessica is meant to be with Hoyt. And Hoyt, darling, whatta fuck were you thinking? You should have broken up with Summer long time ago. The final scene with this new triangle (.. well…) was great. Hoyt is going to have sweet dreams, for sure.

    I like Arlene sometimes, but her.. racism… is getting in my nerves. And all the baby and Terry stuff too. Terry is being so sweet, makes me wanna hug him. Speaking of Terry, he talking to Sam was so funny.

    Lafayette and Jesus tripping. Awesome. Weird. But awesome nevertheless.

    Sam in the flashback was so.. neat and such. I liked him better that way, if you ask me.

    But Russell wasn’t so great this episode. The random guy/Talbot scene was so.. urgh.

    Not worth commenting again, Crystal, Tara and Jason’s scenes. Just this: Jason, why you weren’t shirtless? I do not approve, y’know.

    • Woo hoo! All those Sookie / Eric kisses this week were kick ass, right? 🙂 It just makes me all the more excited for Season 4. OUR Team’s Season! 😉

      Do you find it ironic that the most S/E friendly episode of the Season just so happened to air the day after Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer tied the knot? Interesting . . .

      Yeah, being a fairy IS pretty lame. The thing is, it didn’t seem nearly as lame in the books, as it does on TV. I think it’s because they pumped up “Sookie’s secret” WAY TOO MUCH for WAY TOO LONG. So, people who hadn’t read the books, got all excited, and started speculating wildly about what she was. And when they found out, they were like, “Huh? Sookie’s Tinkerbell? THAT’S what I’ve been waiting three years to find out? Oversold that one a bit, didn’t you, Mr. Ball?

      I ADORE Pam, but she needs to get a girlfriend ASAP. Only then will she stop cockblocking our Eric . . . Plus, it would give her more screentime, which would be FAB! Think they will make us wait two years for the introduction of Amelia?

      I do like the Jess / Hoyt / Tommy triangle. But I agree, there is no better match for Jessica than Hoyt. Hoyt balances Jess out, and calms her down. Tommy and Jess are just too much alike. It’s kind of a shame, because, if he was up against ANYONE other than Hoyt for Jessica’s heart, I would totally be Team Tommy. But he isn’t . . . so I’m not.

      Terry was ADORABLE during this episode! He barely even flinched, when he found out the baby wasn’t his! That guy is superhuman (and not in a vampire / werewolf / werepanther / shapeshifter / or fairy way, either). Arlene does NOT deserve HIM! 🙂

      I think my favorite part of the Lafayette and Jesus tripping scene was when the little miniature religious figures started dancing, and the two guys started dancing with them. SO CUTE! Yes, I’m apparently twelve years old . . .

      I’m with you, Carol. Edgy, Shades-of-Grey Sam = Sexy Sam, in my eyes. I like how Alan Ball is giving the character a past and a darkside. Sam had neither in the book. And this is a nice improvement.

      Yeah, I could have done without the random Russell scene this week, particularly after his AWESOME performance last week. I like my Russell FUNNY crazy, not CREEPY crazy, you know?

      I blame Sookie for Jason’s shirt being on all this episode, when Tara gave him plenty of reasons to remove it. If she hadn’t given him that AWFUL advice, regarding telling Tara about Eggs, we would have been treated to a GREAT SHIRTLESS MAKEOUT SCENE. I am sure of it. Boo SOOKIE!

      Awesome insights, as always Carol. It was great chatting with you.

  3. imaginarymen

    Wow. I LOVED this episode. I may need to watch it again. You know why it was so good? It was about the characters we KNOW and CARE about and are invested in – and they interacted WITH ONE ANOTHER!! So f*ck off Vampire Royalty and Authority and Magisters and blah blah blah Vampire Emergency Blah Blah!!!

    Jason-Sookie, Jason-Tara, Tara-Sookie, Hoyt-Jessica, Terry-Arlene, Good Sam-Bad Sam, Pam-Eric, Eric-Sookie, Bill-Eric…LOTS happening in this ep and lots of great development of these characters and their ties to one another.

    Oh I don’t know how many times I wailed “Jason!! No! No! JASON!!” at my screen! Just in the reveal scene alone to Tara (which was fabulously acted by Wesley/Kwanten). And oh poor Dumb Jason – always trying to do the right thing, always failing. Him and his big dopey hands. LOVED him kicking Bill out of the house though and HELLO Blue Panty Dropper Button-up!! Yum.Me!!

    Also causing me to wail?: “Hoyt! Hoyt! Yay Hoyt! Jessica! Jessica! NO NO NO JESSICA! F*ck off Tommy!! No! Bad Tommy! HOYT NOOOOOO NOOOOO!!! Yay Jessica!!!” You KNOW my DeadHoytPhobia. Whew, that was a close one. (Also glad UselessMakerBill is finally giving BabyJess SOME guidance.)

    And I will be HAPPY to make Jason and Hoyt biscuits now that Summer is gone – ANYTIME BOYS!!!

    The Eric dream was HOT as was the EricMakeOut. Sookie you little Fairy Hussy! Poor Pam, Eric should know she’s feeling about him the way he felt about Godric. Her bitching about his “windy farm” was hilarious and his snarl about her “lack of sentiment” – whoa! Don’t mess w/ broody, deathwishy Eric after he’s just had his SookieFaceSuckInteruptus!

    Thank you for identifying Sam’s Flashback Girlfriend! Although I can’t believe you used TWO “Lost” references AND a TVD one and did not “THIS GUY!” Ian Somerhalder! Julie, for shame ;-0

    For some reason I was a little too happy to see Steve Newlin. I guess bc I always remember that scene where Jason had dinner at their house and Steve smarted, “my wife doesn’t just make her pudding for ANYONE Jason.” That and he reminds me of the Shirts and Skins football game 😉

    Crystal = Ugh. All she does is whine and yell. Good casting for her eyes though. They look like panther eyes.

    I so hope Jesus doesn’t turn out evil. I really don’t want him to be evil, although the V was such a bad idea, I was yelling at the screen again except instead of “No! Jason!” It was “No! Lafayette!!!” The dancing w/ the figurines was totally hilarious as was Lafayette saying something like “look at Mary! You go girl!”

    My fav exchange though may have had to been this one:

    Bill: Now that you’re Russell’s butt boy
    Eric: Not anymore

    He didn’t even DENY IT! Hee!!!!! I can’t believe Bill whipped out a “Sookeh is Maaaane” too. Poor Stephen Moyer – even he must roll his eyes when he sees that in a script.

    Only two eps left?? And its just getting good :-((((

    Great recap for a fabulous episode!

    • One of these days, you and I are going to watch a True Blood episode together. The entire living room where we are watching will echo with laughs, squeals, and Character-Name screams . . .

      Yes, I am a LOUD TV-Watcher too! And I probably emoted in the same places you did during this episode. SQUEALS of joy for the Eric / Sookie scenes, groans for Beaaaaaal, and Pam’s FaceSuckInterruptus, NOOOOoosssss! — For Jessica, when she ALMOST lied and told Hoyt she didn’t love him, and bigger NOOOOOOOOssss! for Jason, when he made the dumb ass move of telling Tara about Eggs. How great were those two in that scene? Never has Tara seemed more vulnerable or relatable than she was in those moments.

      You are right! This was a great missed opportunity to THIS GUY Ian Somerhalder, especially since he played a key part in both the Vampire Lexie murder scene, AND the Shannon LONG CON scenes to which I was referring (clearly, he was on my mind ;)).

      In my defense, my head was SWIMMING after this episode aired. It was a great episode to watch, but a VERY TOUGH episode to recap!

      So, much happened, and all the stories intertwined. And I predict, the episodes are only going to get better and more complex, in the next couple of weeks. How Alan Ball manages to tie all these seemingly unrelated storylines together by the end of each season is beyond me.

      Thanks for making me giggle with your fab comments, and those episode-related SCREAM-at YOUR-TV moments. From one fangirl to another, YOU RULE!

    • Cherie

      Haha! I’ll forever love Steve Newlin for his, “Honestly, what do they see in you?” comment to one Sookie Stackhouse.

      • LOL. That WAS a great line!

        I guess, as one of the few humans on the show, Steve is one of the few men immune to Sookie’s “fairy dust.” I also giggled during this week’s: “If I wasn’t a good Christian, I’d say, HAHA TOLD YOU SO!”

        I’ve been a big fan of Michael McMillian’s since he starred in “What I Like About You,” alongside the GORGEOUS Nick Zano. So, I am always happy to see him working, and on my TV screen again. 🙂

  4. when i saw Sam’s flashback i was like: “wait, i’ve seen this before…” lol 😉
    this is a great write-up (as always!) but i have to point out one thing & that’s how good Kwanten looked in that powder blue button down. it’s a great replacement for Vampire Eric’s panty-dropper sweater & it really helped me ignore Bill throughout most of this episode.

    • imaginarymen

      OK Julie that’s two votes for naming Jason’s shirt some variation of Blue Panty Dropper!!

      Your readers have spoken!!

      (did I mention this week how much I LOVE Jason’s bed head look this season? Bc I DO. Too bad it’s wasted on dippy Crystal ;-(

    • Yay! Thank you, Lola. I was a bit worried about my Lost references, as I’m not sure how much crossover there is in the two show’s fanbases. I thought to myself, “Am I really going to make TWO references to a canceled TV show on here (one of them – the Shannon one – from the show’s first season)? What if nobody gets it?”

      Then I thought: (1) It’s Josh Holloway! Once they see his picture, they will be so hypnotized by his beauty, they won’t care if they don’t get the reference; and (2) LOLA will get the reference! 🙂 So, your presence here, of course, is much appreciated. 🙂

      And yes, like you and Amy, I too liked Jason’s Bra-Removal Blue Button-Down Shirt. It’s just that with all the SHIRTLESSNESS we usually get with Mr. Stackhouse, I may be just a tad spoiled, and, therefore, less able to appreciate his clothing, than I would otherwise be . . .

      That being said, I never have trouble ignoring Beeeeaaaal. I’m an expert! 🙂

      • imaginarymen

        I for one am quite pleased with “Jason’s Bra-Removal Blue Button-Down Shirt” so I hope to see him in it, and you using that – in future episodes!

        Also “I’m an expert at ignoring Bill Compton” HAS to be a shirt for our store!!!

  5. I don’t know if I dare to write it, but Sookies reaction of beeing a fairy in my eyes also was the proper description of most part of the episode…

    The V trip was just so booring. Didn’t they have anything else to fill up time with? Some more sweet Sookie / Eric moments for example 😉 Anyhow, Lafayette deserves some luck and I hope thas Jesus guy will give it to him…

    And Sams flashbacks into his past? Where will that lead? Nowhere I guess. Just another way to past time.

    And the panther/Chrystal? Awfully animated…

    And could they please stop making Pam try to speak swedish? The windy shithole she spoke about I guess was supposed to be one swedish island, but it was nearly impossible to hear if she said the name of the island or someting entirely else. I need to get my episodes with subtitles I believe..!

    Now to the good things!

    At least we got what we wanted for some long! Yep, some Eric / Sookie love. Didn’t he “kind of kidnap” her in the books too? It’s time to read them again I think, I can’t remember what’s from the books and what isn’t :o)

    Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah… awesome Pam! 😀 didn’t like her interrupting the hot kissing scene, but wow she got some good one-liners! In the books she and Sookie actually became close, wonder it that ever will be the case in True Blood?

    Jessica finally admitting her love to poor Hoyt. Time for them to make up for good…? Young Tommy hasn’t had any problems getting laid during the season so I don’t know why he has to be chasing after Jessica! Btw. whatever happened to Hoyts mother? I can imagine she would love him beeing hooked up to the doll (dull..!) girl…

    A nice recap as usual..!
    Oh, Is it you that have done the animated Franklin picture? Thinking about borrow it to my blog…

    Looking forward to next episode, because everytime I think one episode hasn’t been satisfying enough, it’s always followed by another one perfect enough to take my breathe away!

    Have a nice week.

    • Based on some of the other reviews I’ve read, a lot of people shared your dissatisfaction with this particular TB episode. (AWESOME Sookie / Eric moments aside.)

      I too giggled at the CGI graphics used to make Crystal into a werepanther. They used REAL wolves for the werewolf scenes. How hard would it have been to use a real panther too? (Especially for a short scene like that one, where all the big cat had to do was stand there and look pretty.)

      And while I liked PARTS of the tripping scene with Laf and Jesus (like the cute dancing figurines), I agree with you that it ran on a little too long. We get it, they both had relatives that dabbled in the magic and the dark arts. They didn’t need to make it into an entire movie.

      It’s funny that you mentioned Mama Maxine Fortenberry. Good thinking! I actually read in one of the episode descriptions that Hoyt’s Mommy Dearest fights very hard for Hoyt to take back Doll Girl Summer, over Vampire Jessica. We ALL KNOW she’s going to LOSE that battle though . . . 😉

      Good point about Tommy. Perhaps, the reason he’s so hung up on Jess is BECAUSE she shows no romantic interest in him, unlike the slutty girls he screwed in previous episodes. Guys always want what they can’t have. (I guess girls do too.)

      In terms of Sam, I think the whole flashback thing was to illustrate his darkside, which, based on his recent heavy drinking and bar brawling, seems to be coming back in full force, lately. Maybe Alan Ball is planning to give the character a drinking problem? Who knows?

      Oh, and in terms of the Franklin “Mad Texting GIF,” I found it online. So, of course, you are more than welcome to use it! Enjoy!

      Thanks so much for stopping by! It’s been great chatting with you! 🙂

  6. Cherie

    Every bone is my body liquefied when I saw The Kiss (yes, it deserves capitals)! Ahh, to have Viking lovesick puppy eyes looking at me 🙂

    Despite the slight annoyance at Pam interruptus, at least there was a beat before she came back into the room – unlike useless Aunt Jenna and HER interruptus of another Kiss!

    It will be interesting to see if and when they introduce the bad ass fairies. I can see how the relevation that Sookie is a fairy is a bit anticlimactic for some viewers, but in all fairness fairies as they are described in Sookie bookverse are more complex and interesting than presented on True Blood so far.

    And one plot hole that continues to drive me up the wall… Sookie wants to know if Bill is attracted to her for her fairy blood, yet she has NEVER QUESTIONED IF DRINKING HIS BLOOD ON THE NIGHT THEY FIRST MET MIGHT HAVE PLAYED A ROLE IN HER ATTRACTION TO HIM. Gah! I’m sure the blood bond is only one aspect of the relationship, but I know it is the first issue I would have raised if I was Sookie.

    Welcome back Steve Newlin! I loved him for his, “Honestly, what do they see in you?” comment to one Sookie Stackhouse and want him to stir up lots of trouble.

    • You have the best turns of phrases, ever, Cherie! 🙂 I can always spot a fellow writer, when I see one. My “body liquefied” when I saw Eric and Sookie FINALLY kiss too! That’s the perfect way to describe my reaction! 😉

      You raise some good points about the fairy plotlines. Although, admittedly, the “fairy stuff” was far from my favorite set of plotlines from the Sookie books, I agree that it was much more interesting than it has been portrayed here. Hopefully, as the seasons progress, we will delve into these storylines more. I am particularly eager to meet HOT Claude, Nial, and, of course, good ole crazy Dermot, for what could be an intriguing TVD Vampire Katherine / Elena-esque storyline, if you catch my drift ;).

      I also see what you mean about Sookie never questioning that HER attraction to Vampire Bill might have a little something to do with her hidden V – addiction, and not “true love.” Heck, SOMETHING has to explain why she’s drawn to that boring vamp . . . And that’s as good of an excuse as any:)

      • Cherie

        Awww, thanks!

        And I definitely catch your drift… I think introducing the doppelganger you have in mind would make certain fangirls very happy 🙂 Plus it would give a certain actor the opportunity to play very much against his current type on the show!

        Something another blog pointed out that I have to share… Jason is so clueless that he didn’t realise that breakfast of SCRAMBLED EGGS he gave Tara as a peace offering maybe wasn’t the best idea. Hehe!

  7. Your recap is hilarious, just the best that I’ve read or seen on the web so far. I’m sorry I missed all the others! I was doing the Lafay dance, too, at the same time you did. Totally look forward to more Eric/Sookie hook-ups, though, sadly, we may not get any this season. The Jess/Hoyt thing also looks terrific – wonder if Hoyt is going to be into V, in more than one way, as well?

    I’m so glad I stumbled onto this site and look forward to reading your past and future recaps!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by, and for your kind words, Chris! (I’m blushing a little. :))

      I just love meeting smart avid True Blood fans, like yourself, and obsessively over-analyzing the show with them. (You probably noticed this, based on my LONG comments to my own post 😉

      And Sookie / Eric fans? Well, let’s just say, WE are the BEST True Blood fans around! 🙂

      You raise a really good point about Hoyt possibly becoming addicted to V. I never would have thought of that, but it’s definitely possible — especially when you consider HOW MUCH blood he ingested from Jessica, in order to heal. Calvin Norris only needed a drop, and his injuries were WAY worse than Hoyt’s. Sookie has taken more than both combined, but SHE’S a fairy, so perhaps her tolerance is higher?

      I’m at work right now, but I had a few moments to check out your blog. It looks fabulous! I can’t wait to get home, so I can take a closer look. Thanks again for commenting! See you around the blogosphere. 🙂

  8. Cherie

    News alert! And spoiler alert for the books.

    The synopsis for the 11th Sookie Stackhouse novel is now up on Amazon UK. Here it is:

    With her knack for being in trouble’s way, Sookie witnesses the firebombing of Merlotte’s, the bar where she works. Since Sam Merlotte is now known to be two-natured, suspicion falls immediately on the anti-shifters in the area. But Sookie suspects otherwise and she and Sam work together to uncover the culprit – and the twisted motive for the attack. But her attention is divided. Though she can’t ‘read’ vampires, Sookie knows her lover Eric Northman and his ‘child’ Pam well – and she realises that they are plotting to kill the vampire who is now their master. Gradually, she is drawn into the plot -which is much more complicated than she knows. Caught up in the politics of the vampire world, Sookie will learn that she is as much of a pawn as any ordinary human – and that there is a new Queen on the board.

    Very interesting… looks like Sookie’s telepathy may no longer be the bargaining chip it once was. Thoughts?

    • Oooh! Thanks so much for posting this! I kept checking back on Charlaine’s website, and waiting for her to post the first chapter to “Dead Reckoning,” but I didn’t even think to look around for the synopsis. Good sleuthing!

      Is it just me, or does it seem like Harris will be pushing for an ultimate Sam and Sookie coupling in the final book? I’ve suspected this for a little while now, and this most recent synopsis only seems to confirm my suspicions. Now, I could be wrong (and I sort of hope I am). However, the way, Harris treated the S/E relationship in “Dead in the Family” just seemed a little “off,” especially for a die hard S/E fan like myself.

      It also seems like, for the past few books, Harris has been hammering home the idea that Sookie wants OUT of supernatural politics. And every other one of Sookie’s prospective suitors aside from Sam (ex. Eric, Bill, Alcide, Quinn), seems pretty steeped in them. I just hope if Harris does decide to go in this direction, that she creates something resembling ACTUAL heat between Sookie and Sam during the last three books. Because, as it stands right now, Sookie and Sam seem more like brother and sister than lovers to me.

      Thanks again for posting this awesome information here. I can always count on you for the inside scoop on upcoming books. Speaking of which, have you read Mockingjay — the third book in the Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Game series? I just finished this morning, and would love to pick somebody’s brain about it. It seemed like the type of series that would be right up your alley ;).

      • Cherie

        You need information, I deliver, I’m easy like that 🙂

        To tell you the truth, I actually think Charlaine is building up Sam to be a surprise Big Bad. Notice how she always described his red-gold hair as being like a “halo” around his head? In fact, I think just about every time she mentioned his hair, even within the same book , she used this term. So I thought it was a very important character change when Sam had a haircut in Dead in the Family and thus his “halo” was removed. Charlaine even made a big deal of Sookie noticing this physical change in Sam, hence why I think this has larger significance. Also, I think hair is an indicator of character in Sookieverse. For instance, Sookie’s blonde hair is often linked to her good nature and (in earlier books) innocence.

        Over-analysing as usual??? Who knows! I do love a good conspiracy theory, even if it just involves hair or lack thereof.

        I definitely agree that Charlaine is setting up for Sookie’s eventual decision to divorce herself largely from the supernatural world. I actually am leaning towards Alcide as a suitor. (And I say this as an unashamed Eric girl). Alcide, like Sookie, straddles the line between supernatural and human being. He is a two natured supe whose thoughts transmit through to Sookie but are less tangible than those of an ordinary human being, so her telepathy isn’t as big an issue as with a normal man. And he is capable of doing “human” things with Sookie that a vamp never could, like potentially having babies.

        I think that the first day Sookie and Alcide met was very revealing. They share breakfast together (something she could never do with Eric or any other vampire) and Sookie has a taste of what a normal life with a man could be like.

        In Dead to the World, there is also the following passage:

        “I glanced over at Alcide and sighed. This man was just about perfect in many respects. I liked the way he looked, I understood the way he thought, and he treated me with great consideration and respect. Sure, he was a werewolf, but I could give up a couple of nights of month. True, according to Alcide it would be difficult for me to carry his baby to term, but it was at least possible. Pregnancy wasn’t part of the picture with a vampire. Whoa. Alcide hadn’t offered to father my babies…”

        True, he has lied to her in the past, but his positive character traits have remained intact throughout the series, and becoming pack leader has given him a new maturity. Aside from Eric, Alcide is the only viable person for Sookie for me. But again, it is all a matter of opinion! 🙂 My Sookie-Stackhouse-series-obsessed friends all argue for different people very strongly.

        Ohh, I plan to purchase the third Hunger Games book this weekend! I will take my thoughts to your Hunger Game Dream Cast post…

      • Hey Cherie! Thanks for the awesome analysis! I REMEMBER that passage in Dead to the World, where Sookie pondered “normal” life with Alcide, versus, “night” life with Bill or Eric! I really loved those first few scenes with them together in the books. Such GREAT CHEMISTRY! And that True Blood scene a few weeks back — where Sookie and Alcide almost kissed on the porch, and admitted how much easier life would be for both of them, if they could just love one another — reminded me of just how great.

        I’ve always been a huge fan of Alcide’s. And there are plenty of scenes in the book that would support a Sookie / Alcide Union.

        The only elements of the book series that I think would hinder an ultimate coupling between them are:

        (1) his subconsciously blaming Sookie for a CERTAIN female’s death, even though he never for sure found out for sure whether she did it; (2) his blaming Sookie for not preventing his father’s death, during the first battle for pack leader (at the end of Book 5, I think?); and (3) that scene where HE became pack leader and screwed those wereladies in public, as part of the “ritual” to “spread his were-seed” – YUCK!

        He’s still a great character, though, and VERY sexy! The fact that I will now forever picture him as Joe Manganiello will only cause me to like him MORE in future books, I’m sure.

        I love your ideas about Sam being “bad” too. Very interesting! I wonder if, as a shapeshifter, you can “shift” into other humans’ forms or VAMPIRE forms, in addition to animal shifting. If so, perhaps, Sam could have been responsible for many of the bad acts committed throughout the series – always FRAMING others for his misdeeds, and skipping out, while his “clone” accepted punishment. That would be pretty cool, as a plot device. But Sam fans would GO NUTS and revolt, I think!

        I guess we will have to wait and see! Thanks for giving me so much more food for thought. It just makes me even more excited for the next Sookie book! 🙂

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