Tonight’s Season Finale dealt mainly with the types of things that are hidden beneath the surface. They can be “hidden” in the literal sense,
Oh hi, Russell! I didn’t see you there!
. . . the geographic sense,
Welcome to Hicksville, U.S.A.
. . . or the internal sense.
However, perhaps, the most pernicious things hidden beneath the surface are secrets. And it was those secrets that truly drove tonight’s episode.
Another F&cked Up Fairytale . . .
“Beam me up, Fairy!”
The episode opens with yet another one of those trippy fairy dream sequences that have become so prevalent, during the latter half of this season. Sookie is frolicking in the forest, when she comes across what appears to be a giant chandelier, descending from the sky.
Don’t buy it, Sookie! The monthly electric bill alone would kill you.
Sookie looks in awe at the beautiful alien chandelier for a few moments, before closing her eyes. Then, unfortunately, the beautiful image is replaced by a much less attractive one . . .
No, this picture is not inverted. That is actually how Bill’s head looked in the screencap.
Sookie is not at all happy to be woken up from Fairly Land, and she lets Bill know it. “You f*ckin betrayed me again,” she growls at Bill. (Damn straight, Sista!)
“I wuz jes trah-ing to pro-tect yuuu, AGIN!” Bill replies.
They spar a bit longer. However, when Sookie learns from Pam that the future love of her life (Eric) is outside getting one hell of a sun tan, she leaves Bill’s mopey butt, and dashes out of Fangtasia, to save her man.
What’s with Sookie doing so much running in this episode? Can’t fairies fly?
They have wings, don’t they?
Sookie finds Eric, whose massive sunburn makes him look a bit like a teenager with a really bad case of acne. In fact, it was probably the first time in Alexander Skarsgard’s life that he didn’t look the least bit sexy.
Don’t worry, Eric! A few dabs of Proactive will clear that right up!
While Sookie pouts, and tries to figure out how to move the six plus feet of pure sex that is Eric’s bod, Russell taunts her mercilessly about not using her Fairy Glow Fingers to save him. Though not AT ALL in a position to threaten, Ballsy Russell tells Sookie that he will kill everyone she loves, if she doesn’t use her magic.
I use this picture of Russell, because it’s the only I could find to show him burning. But this screencap MASSIVELY overestimates his appearance. Here is a more accurate represenation . . .
While all this is going on a delirious Eric is talking to the apparation of his daddy . . .
. . . who has taken time out of his busy Angeling Schedule to lecture Eric about being good, kind, and forgiving, and blah, blah, blah . . . I almost fell asleep typing that.
Finally, Sookie figures out how to be a fairy!
She uses her Glow Fingers to toss Russell against a fence, and break the silver chains encircling Eric. She then drags him inside. As Eric is in desperate need of blood, Sookie has Bill bite her arm to release some. She instructs Bill to keep watch on Eric to make sure he doesn’t accidentally drain the life out of her, like Bill did a few episodes ago. Ever, the gentleman, Eric maintains his control, taking just enough blood from Sookie’s arm to clear up the acne on his face. The feeding scene is sweet, and VERY sexy. MOMMY LIKE!
Yes, boys and girls, arm sucking is the Gateway to Sex!
Once Eric is back to his gorgeous self . . .
. . . he informs the group that he has to go save Russell, because Ghost Dad told him to do so. Pam, is not cool with that AT ALL. “He killed your family. Rip off his f*cking head,” she says.
I love Pam.
The only LIVING being in the bunch, Sookie, reluctantly runs outside AGAIN, to grab Russell . . .
. . . and bring him back inside Fangtasia.
But, alas, just when the party is really getting started, the vampires realizes that they must “go to ground.” Eric asks Sookie to watch Russell, since she is the only human-ish person he can’t glamour. Sookie does not care for this idea one bit. “I’m not babysitting this f*cker, while you all take a nap!” She whines. (Have you ever noticed that they say f*ck a lot on this show?)
Bill offers to stay with her while she watches the Russell Steak thaw, but she denies his ass.
Adventures in Babysitting
In a fun, but slightly disturbing scene, Russell attempts to bargain with Sookie for his release, while she boredly reads the latest issue of US Weekly. Interestingly enough, she requests: $7 million, Russell’s home in Mississippi, and . . . the DEATHS of Bill and Eric.
But then she changes the subject, turning her attention to Russell’s prized container of Talbot Soup. . .
I taste delicious when sprinkled with some oyster crackers.
Sookie inquires why Russell has been carrying Talbot Soup around so long. He admits that he hopes that Sookie’s fairy blood will help to restore Talbot from the viscous liquid he is now, to the adorable, fashion advice-giving stallion he was a few episodes back. So, Sookie, laughing maniacally the whole time, POURS TALBOT DOWN THE SINK!
“Ick! When’s the last time Eric had his pipes cleaned? This place is rank!”
And that was when any hope I had of an Eric / Talbot Revenge Sex Reunion literally went right down the drain . . .
Sam’s Grand Redemption Tour
If you recall, during the last episode, a drunk and belligerent Sam made a buttload of enemies, by more or less insulting all of Bon Temps. Then he screwed Tara . . .
Apparently, there is nothing like a good roll in the hay with someone just as f*cked up as you are, to help you see the world in a new light. The following morning, Sam is all happy, perky, and well-adjusted. He’s making his hot cakes, with bacon grease. Because, “it’s all about the bacon grease.”
See, personally, I think hot cakes are all about the syrup . . . but that’s just me.
In fact, Sam is in such a good mood, he decides to give Tara a pep talk about starting a new life, and banishing the demons of her past. (Because those who CAN do, and those who CAN’T teach . . .) Sam also confesses to Tara that he is a shapeshifter, to which she responds “Shut the f*ck up!”
Coincidentally, “Shut the F*ck Up” just so happens to also be the title of Tara’s upcoming autobiography . . .
Once Sam is done rocking Tara’s world, he heads over to Terry’s house to apologize for calling him a headcase and firing him the night before. When Sam finds Terry crying on the porch, he immediately thinks its because of his own drunken rampage.
“You’re so vain. You probably think this tantrum’s about you . . .”
As it turns out, Terry is crying tears of JOY!
Oddly enough, Terry seems to be the ONLY person living in Bon Temps who is GENUINELY HAPPY! (Weird, I know.) He shares with Sam his good news about his Devil Baby still being alive, and his future stepkids being OK. But what pleased ME most was Terry’s positive report on Felix the Armadillo, who I have been worried about terribly, since he was mentioned once during Season 1 and then never again . . .
It lives! Hooray!
Sam goes to visit Tommy next . . .
. . . but the little Doggie Dude is missing, and seems to have ransacked his living quarters. At Merlotte’s, Sam learns that Tommy has also emptied out the ENTIRE safe of all cash. So, Sam hunts down Tommy in the forest with his trusty gun.
Talk about handling things the WRONG way! It was so very obvious that Tommy took the money, because he had no other way of supporting himself, but dog fighting. The kid can’t even READ for crying out loud! All Sam had to do to get his money back, was rehire Tommy, and ask him to come back home. But he didn’t. He just threatened him . . . with a GUN!
So, when Tommy told Sam that the latter didn’t have the guts to shoot him, and walked away cash in hand, Sam called his bluff . . . and shot him.
Now, I know we are supposed to believe Sam KILLED his own brother over a bit of petty cash and some lame insults. However, the scene didn’t fool me for a second. I’m thinking Sam shot Tommy in the foot to incapacitate him. This way, he could get back his money, and bring Tommy back home. But, I’ve been wrong before . . . (By the way, if both Sam and Tommy wanted to out run eachother, why didn’t each just shapeshift into a fast animal?)
“Is this thing on?”
Speaking of guns, up until this episode, Self-Righteous Witch Maxine Fortenberry was just about the last person I would have expected to purchase one. That is, until the end of the episode, when she DID. If you recall, last week, Maxine and Summer banded together to “save” Hoyt from the clutches of Vampire Jessica.
Because Hoyt and Vampire Jessica are currently the cutest vampire / human couple on the PLANET . . .
(remember, Sookie and Eric aren’t technically together . . . yet), we hope Maxine’s PLAN fails miserably. So, far ait has. Maxine’s Big Idea was to stage an “intervention” at Hoyt’s job . . .
Most Pathetic Attendance at an Intervention EVER!
Heading up the intervention is Hoyt’s high school guidance counselor, who has NO experience in psychological counseling whatsoever. Hoyt, who, by the way, is looking INCREDIBLY sexy and buff, this episode . . .
(maybe it all that vampire blood he ingested) . . . told the Intervention Crew in no uncertain terms that he loved Vampire Jessica, and anyone who didn’t approve of that, might as well get out of his life. Mama Maxine tried to win him over with threats of disownment. However, seeing as Hoyt is now financially independent, and has his own place, there was nothing Maxine could say to change his mind. The fact that Maxine is such an odios poopyhead, certainly didn’t help matters . . .Hoyt then gallantly told Summer that he wished her the best, and hope she met the perfect guy one day (a male porcelain doll, perhaps?), before stalking off.
Later, in a very sweet scene, Hoyt surprises Jessica, by inviting her to live in a brand new apartment that he rented just for the two of them . . .
When Jess comments that she can’t live without him, Hoyt replies that she’ll never have to. (Ummmm, yeah, except she’s IMMORTAL and your NOT, so . . .) Logistics of vampire / human relationships aside, the way that statement was made, while the camera lingered on a strange item on Hoyt’s new living room floor, and the way the scene immediately shifted to Maxine and her “target practice” made me worry about Hoyt’s fate in a way that I haven’t before . . . particularly, since, another fairly major character from the books, unceremoniously bit the dust this week.
“My name is Jason”
Jason Stackhouse: Guardian and Protector of all things trailer trashy
After seeing the DEA piling into to squad cars, right outside the police precinct . . .
. . . and speaking with Andy, who inadvertently revealed that there would be a raid on the trailers at Hotshot that day, Jason jumps into action.
He and Crystal head to Hotshot, to warn the all the inbreds to hide their meth and V stashes . . .
. . . though initially skeptical, the “Hotshots” eventually agree to hide their stash. But then, a hopped-up-on-V, Crazy Felton leaps into the scene, inexplicably shooting Calvin Norris dead. He then threatens to kill everyone, if Crystal doesn’t go with him, and leave town with the massive V stash. Jason pulls out the classic, “You’ll have to kill me first,” line, but Crystal has other plans . . .
I’ve gotta say, sex with Crystal must be FABULOUS.
How else could she possibly get Jason to agree to become King of the Trailer Park? Because that pretty much looks like the WORST JOB EVER. Nevertheless, the position does have ONE job perk that Jason might enjoy. This will probably be the only workplace on the planet where Jason Stackhouse is the SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM . . .
In Other News . . .
Before I get back to Sookie, and the Main Event, lets get some of the less important (and less interesting) storylines out of the way, shall we.
“Just keep smoking up, Tara. Because if ANYONE needs to loosen up, it’s YOU!”
You know your character is going through a storyline dryspell, when it’s the SEASON FINALE of a show, and the most exciting thing you do during the ENTIRE HOUR is give yourself a bad haircut, one that makes you look a bit like Vanessa Huxtable from The Cosby Show.
. . . which would be fine, if it were still 1988.
(Based on some of the message board comments, I know some of you out there really liked the new ‘do. But it just really didn’t work for me. Sorry!)
After not-so-subtly saying what sound like final goodbyes to Sookie and her mother (What? NO Lafayette?), we last see Tara driving off into the sunset. Hopefully, she’s just going to the beauty salon to FIX THAT HAIR, and isn’t gone for good . . .
Speaking of Lafayette . . .
. . . he’s still tripping on the aftershocks of that V he took with Jesus. And now, it’s making him see auras (?), secrets(?), hallucinations(?) — it’s hard to tell exactly what. All I know is his visions involved Sam with blood on his hands, and an evil murderous Rene strangling, Arlene and warning Lafayette that he is INSIDE of her. The fact that both visions are ostensibly TRUE (Sam shot his ex and her boyfriend, and, possibly Tommy. And Arlene DOES seem to have a Devil Baby.), just makes this whole storyline even stranger.
Fearing he is going schizo like his mother, a very freaked out Lafayette seeks help from Jesus . . .
. . . but THIS GUY comes instead . . .
The OTHER Jesus explains that Lafayette’s visions will calm down once Lafayette learns how to use MAGIC to control them. Yes, apparently, Jesus is a WITCH . . . .
. . . meaning, maybe, Lafayette is one too. Geez, is ANYONE just plain human on this show, anymore?
Sookie de-friends ALL vampires on Facebook / joins Fairy Group.
Back at Fangtasia, Sookie is babysitting Russell still, when Alcide ARRIVES!
. .. and he is looking so INSANELY GORGEOUS that Ginger can’t help but scream like a fangirl at the sight of him.
. . . OK . . . that wasn’t why she screamed. But that would have made a lot more sense.
Alcide wasn’t even in werewolf form. What the heck is so frightening about a modelesque hunk with perfect abs? Seriously, Ginger. Overreact much? Did you forget you are working in the same room with someone who LITERALLY looks like this?
Anyway, apparently, Eric invited Alcide over to watch Sookie. (This also didn’t make any sense, seeing as Eric himself appeared, just moments later.) But, hey, no complaints here! Alcide and Sookie flirt a bit, which is always fun to watch. “You in trouble again?” He asks wryly.
“When am I not in trouble,” she replies smirking.
Alcide REALLY turns on the charm. And Sookie, who, at this point, is pretty much pissed at every other man on the show, is not immune. “Why do you have to be such a good guy, right now?” She asks.
“I am always a good guy,” replies Alcide matter-of-factly.
“I may be a GOOD GUY, but I can still do BAD THINGS with YOU, Miss Stackhouse!”
Unfortunately, Sookie’s and Alcide’s brief hot moment is interrupted by the return of the vamps, who have come to take Russell to his “final death.”
Still pissed, Sookie makes a point to rescind all preexisting vampire invites to her home. This causes a smug smile to erupt on Alcide’s face, and causes Bill to glare at his would-be werewolf replacement. “When you two are finished eye-f*cking eachother, can we go?” Eric inquires impatiently.
(Honestly, I’d take a good eye f*ck from Alcide, any day!)
Outside Fangtasia, Alcide announces that his father’s debt to Eric has officially been paid off, and his time being Vampire B*tch is DONE. Boy do we hope he’s lying, because we LOVE our, Alcide!
“Oh, he’ll be back. Even the toughest of werewolves can’t resist the charms of a fairy . . .”
Bill and Eric drop Russell into a cement pit. Russell threatens that, when he gets out in 100 years (a “nap” for a vamp), he will wreak even more havoc on all of them. Bill and Eric don’t really seem to care.
Eric is about ready to flip the switch, when Godric arrives AGAIN to bore us with his annoying pleas for peace and love. Did you ever see those cartoons, where the angel sits on one of the main character’s shoulders, and the devil sits on the other? But the angel is always so self-righteous and lame, that if you didn’t want to see the character sin before, you REALLY want him to sin, after the exchange is over?
Oh yeah, that’s Godric, in this episode . . .
Dear sweet, Godric. You were so much more fun, when you tragically sacrificed yourself to the Sun, causing Sookie and Eric to almost have sex, as a result . . .
Ever the petulant teen, Eric disregards his “father’s good advice” and he and Bill flip the switch, covering Russell in cement. (Wouldn’t it have been easier just to bake him in the sun, when the episode started?) Then Bill surprises Eric, by offering him a hand to shake. However, when Eric takes that hand, Bill tosses him into the cement, and flips the switch AGAIN!
Not cool, Vampire Bill!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the so-called “kinder, gentler” vamp, steals Eric’s cell phone, and orders a hit on Pam, impersonating Eric to do it. Next, Bill visits Sookie, explaining to her that he has killed Eric. Furthermore, he will kill ANY vampire who has tasted her blood, or just knows that she is a fairy (like Pam), because none of these vamps will ever be able to resist her once they know. (Ummm, Bill? Doesn’t that definition include YOU?)
(Why do I suddenly feel like I’m watching a Lifetime Movie, and the crazy stalker boyfriend who’s just been dumped has uttered the oh-so-cliched “If I can’t have her, no one can!” line.)
But Sookie, ever the glutton for punishment, is obviously turned on by stalker / murderer types. Because she rushes right back into his arms. And then Eric magically appears . . .
. . . looking hotter than ever, with strategically placed bits of cement on his face and in his hair.
Question: If both Eric and Pam (as we find out later in the episode) could break through cement in a relatively short amount of time, aren’t we to assume Russell can too?
Eric has come to get back his phone, and to tell Sookie the truth about Bill. Apparently, not only did he EXPLICITLY court Sookie, solely at the behest of Sophie Anne, who wished to procure a fairy for her collection. He also orchestrated the whole vampire blood drainer attack from the pilot episode, to get her to feed him her blood, thus forging the initial connection between them.
WOW! I really didn’t think Alan Ball had it in him, given his insane and irrational love for Vampire Bill. And yet, Ball has managed to make the Bill character EVEN MORE DEVIOUS than he was in the books! Color me impressed!
And I have to say, my heart really went out to Sookie, who was genuinely shocked and heartbroken by this admission. Our Favorite Fairy promptly rescinded her home invitation to both Bill and Eric once again. She then told Bill, in no uncertain terms, that she never wants to see him again. “Go back to Hell where you came from you f*cking undead piece of sh*t!” She yells tearfully.
To his credit, Eric does not appear the least bit pleased with his moral victory over the Man Who Tried to Kill Him. And it is Eric’s genuine guilt over hurting Sookie that makes me KNOW that those two have a genuine shot together. “It pains me to see you suffer like this. I thought you had a right to know,” the Viking Vamp says solemnly, before quietly leaving Sookie’s property.
The episode ends with Vampire Bill, dumped, demoralized, and with nothing to lose, challenging Sophie Anne . . .
to a . . . flying contest?
Something tells me Vigilante Bill is going to be WAY more fun to watch than Mopey Boyfriend Bill. Just saying . . .
Oh, and then Sookie communes with the fairies, in the cemetery, while visiting her Granny’s grave . . .
. . . she then disappears inside the Giant Chandelier . . .
So, that was it . . . That’s all the True Blood we’re going to get, until next summer. I for one was expecting a more action packed finale, with a few more questions answered. Honestly, this didn’t really feel like “season ending” episode to me.
And yet, there were parts of this episode I really liked — most notably, the return of Alcide, and the final confrontation between Sookie, Bill and Eric, which, for me, had been a LONG time coming. Not to mention that if Season 4 of True Blood is ANYTHING like Book 4 of the series on which the show is based, then we have A LOT of fun coming our way . . . ;)
Well, that’s all I have to say about “Evil is Going On.” Now, it’s your turn Fangbangers. What did you think of the episode? Were you as underwhelmed as I was? Or was there some brilliance to it all that I missed? Perhaps, more importantly, what do you think will happen to our favorite Bon Temps residents, next year? And how are you planning to pass the time, until then?