I gotta say, given the build up this whole “Lockwood Curse” has had since the end of last season, Mason’s big drooly “Presto Chango,” this week, was kind of “all bark, no bite,” wasn’t it? I mean, literally . . . he snarled, he barked . . . he made googly eyes at Tyler, like he was the boy’s “b*tch” (no pun intended). He just didn’t . . . you know . . . bite.
To be honest, that was a little disappointing. You see, I thought for SURE that random ho-bag, Amy (who is NOT to be confused with my fabulous blogger pal, who shares the same name, BTW), was a prime candidate to become Dog Meat / win the Senseless Death of the Week Award.
I was wrong . . .
This is not to say that there weren’t ANY fun things about “Bad Moon Rising.” For example, I thought the “B” plot was quite intriguing . . . or, perhaps, I should call it the D and E plot . . .
I’ll have what SHE’S having . . .
So, without further adieu, what do you say we chain ourselves to our minivans, and bark at the moon?
Or . . . maybe we’ll just get started with the recap, instead?
Return of the “Rick”
Hey, boys and girls! Guess who’s back with a Brand New Nickname, and a “Useless” New Girlfriend?
Our episode begins with one of TVD’s classic Pow Wows of Sexiness and Plot Explanation. Said Pow Wow is held, of course, at the typical headquarters for such events, namely, the Salvatore Brothers’ Casa de Rich and Awesome. Joining our usual trio of attendees to the Pow Wow is Alaric Saltzman, who, suddenly, everyone is referring to as “Rick.”
This makes Alaric the only character on this show to actually have a nickname (except for Damon, who I sometimes refer to as “My Boyfriend.”)
If you want him, you will have to get through me first . . .
Why did they invite Alaric, you ask? Because it was the third episode, and the writers figured it was about time Matt Davis had some lines. You see, the Salvatore brothers . . .
in their infinite wisdom (and insane hotness), recalled that Alaric’s former wife, Isobel
Known aliases: Elena’s Bio Mom, Heartless Vampire B*tch
. . . was a doctoral candidate at Duke University, who studied “folklore.” Apparently, said “folklore” didn’t only include vampires. It also included lycanthropes or, more specifically, werewolves.
Kudos to the writers for providing us a (sort of) explanation here, as to why our favorite Vampire Detective Agency (Stefan and Damon) has been so unbelievably slow in figuring out what the rest of us have known for about half a season now: namely, that the Lockwood’s are, literally, Dirty Dawgs!
“I’ve been on this planet 160-odd years, and I’ve never seen one. If werewolves exist, where the hell are they?” Damon inquires, throwing in a dash of his trademark “Eye Thing” for good measure.
“My mouth may be talking about wolves, but my eyes are TOTALLY undressing Elena, right now . . .”
And then, just in case his youthful charm and unmatched good looks had made you temporarily forget, Damon chose this moment to remind fans just how OLD of a fogey he really is, by making, not one, but TWO Lon Chaney (Junior and Senior) references, and one Bela Lugosi one. Now, while I knew that Bela Lugosi was the original Hollywood Vampire . . .
He’s not too bad looking — definitely NO Salvatore brother, though.
. . . I’ll admit, I had to Google the two Lon Chaneys. Apparently, the younger one played Wolfman in movies (hence, the reference here). Also apparently, when he wasn’t in costume . . . Wolfman was actually kind of hot.
The Lost Salvatore Brother?
As for his father . . .
. . . well, I’m sure he had a really nice personality.
Anyway, recognizing that having werewolves in Mystic Falls would be, in Damon’ words, “not good” for our little Scooby Gang, Damon and Alaric decide to take a trip down to Duke to “borrow” Isobel’s research on the creatures.
Damon and Alaric: Together again. How bromantic!
Meanwhile, Elena, who is desperate to find out why she looks so much like Vampire Katherine, sees Isobel’s research as a possible treasure trove of information on the subject of her doppelganger.
So, despite the fact that, Damon, the vampire she is desperately attracted to and can’t stop thinking about hates, is going on the trip, Elena decides to tag along. Unfortunately, for Elena, Stefan . . .
. . . has to babysit Baby Vamp Caroline . . .
. . . and can’t come along. But that’s OK! Elena can still use Stefan to make Damon jealous!
OK, Elena. Now, I actually like the whole “meanspirited-ness” thing you have going on during this episode. So, I’m going to give you an “A” for effort. But here’s a little hint: when you are trying to prove to someone that you are “so over them,” you might want to try . . . oh. . . I don’t know . . . NOT staring longingly at that person, while you are MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. . . just saying.
What Elena was doing . . .
What Elena was thinking . . .
While Elena is OUTSIDE tonguing Stefan and eye-f*cking Damon, Alaric / Rick is inside, hitting on Useless Aunt Jenna . . .
However, when things get too close for comfort, suddenly Alaric is all “I’m not ready for a relationship. It’s not you it’s me, blah, blah blah.”
(Honestly, I’m not really sure why we are supposed to CARE about whether Alaric dates Useless Aunt Jenna. I guess it’s just a way for Alaric to kill time, while he waits for his TRUE LOVE, Damon, to realize that he exists . . .)
Picspam courtesy of http://fyeahteambadass.tumblr.com/
“You hate me, huh? That sounds like the BEGINNING of a love story, to me . . . not the end of one.”
During the ride to Duke University, a Super Sulky Elena rides in the back, while the Ambiguously Gay Duo, Damon and Alaric, keep the seats warm, up front. Damon (who clearly feels that one and 1/4 episodes is MORE than enough time to get over someone trying to MURDER YOUR BABY BROTHER) inquires into the current status of Elena’s “forgiveness” of him. “You know this pretending to hate me thing, is getting a little silly,” jokes Damon, as he aims his best “Eye Thing” into the back seat of Alaric’s car.
When Elena replies with the obvious — that the murder of one’s brother requires a mourning period more substantial than a commercial break — Damon notes that there is a very big asterisk next to that statement.
(Ahhh, Damon. Between your obscure fogey film references, and your use of archaic grammatical symbols, you really are proving yourself to be elderly today, aren’t you?)
Elena uses this opportunity to pose to Damon the question fans have been pondering since the Season Premiere, namely: Did Damon see the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality on Jeremy’s finger, before he decided to break the little guy’s neck?
To this inquiry, Damon responds, “Elena, I SAW the ring. It’s a big tacky thing. It’s hard to miss!”
THANK YOU, DAMON! It’s HIGH TIME someone FINALLY noticed how majorly UGLY this ring is!
More Caroline-y than EVER BEFORE!
Speaking of Ugly Ass Rings, is it any wonder that Caroline bitched about the lack of stylishness of her brand new Vampire Sunscreen one? “I have to wear this ring for the rest of eternity,” whines Caroline. “Shouldn’t I at least get to choose what it looks like?”
(Given the Salvatore brothers TERRIBLE taste in jewelry, I’d be inclined to say “Yes, you should, Caroline.”)
But, perhaps, I should backtrack . . .
At the opening of the episode, Caroline is avoiding Matt (who wants to go down to the old Lockwood Swimming Hole for Tyler’s outdoor party) because she can’t go out in the sun, without frying like bacon . . .
Stefan, recognizing that Bonnie’s witchy powers can make a Vampire Sunscreen Ring, and that being with Matt is Caroline’s one link to whatever humanity she has left, tries to convince Bonnie to do the spell. But Bonnie doesn’t want to do it, because she is a total asshole worried that Caroline will hurt someone again, if allowed to walk in the light.
(Ummm Bonnie, what time of day did Caroline kill someone last week? That’s right . . . AT NIGHT! And, therefore, you think that not making the ring for your supposed best friend is going to save lives because . . .)
Hello, there, person who is a FEMALE, a MINORITY, and a WITCH. Perhaps, you’d be interested in learning a thing or two about TOLERANCE of other species . . .
Ultimately, Bonnie agrees to place a spell on Caroline’s ring, but only after she ANNOYINGLY lectures Caroline about the whole “not killing people” thing, like the lame ass Debbie Downer-witch she’s become. Then, after instructing Caroline on the importance of preserving all life, Bonnie nonchalantly risks burning Caroline to a crisp, by ripping open the shades to her bedroom, and LETTING THE SUNSHINE IN!
Keep smiling, and shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure . . . that’s what friends are for!
Once Caroline is cleared for Sun Worship, Papa Stefan (ever the understanding parent) allows her to attend Tyler’s party, provided she feed on bunnies with him first . . .
“You don’t want to eat ME, do you Caroline? Might I interest you in some Tasty B*tchy Bonnie-witch, instead?”
When a stressed-out Caroline unloads all her neuroses on poor Stefan, during their morning hunt, he notes wryly that “when someone becomes a vampire, all their natural personality traits are amplified.” (NEW VAMPIRE RULE ALERT!)
Upon hearing this, Caroline correctly notes that she will now be an “insecure, neurotic, control freak on crack.” And, to prove her point, when Caroline reunites with Matt at the Swimming Hole, she goes BALLISTIC on Slutty Amy, for flirting with her man.
Matt . . .
. . . far from being turned on by the sheer extent of her girlfriend’s devotion, stomps away from Uber Possessive Caroline in a pouty huff.
Meanwhile, Tyler . . .
. . . has become suspicious of Uncle Mason, after seeing the latter lurking around an old underground “slave cellar.” It is this suspicion, perhaps, that causes him to ignore Uncle Mason’s warning that it’s a Full Moon. And if Tyler doesn’t get all his friends off the property by nightfall, “someone will wind up wasted, and dead at the bottom of the lake.”
(Well . . . that pretty much sounds like every horror movie, I have EVER SEEN!)
“Pull it out, Baby! It hurts (SO GOOD)!”
Over at Duke University, Isobel must have been pretty darn important, because her office looks like a Mansion / Ancient Artifact Museum. And her old student / assistant, Vanessa . . .
(played by Courtney Ford)
. . . seems literally willing to guard the place with her life. Moments after the gang arrives, Vanessa shoots a crossbow in Damon’s and Elena’s direction. The immortal Damon gallantly steps forward to take the proverbial “bullet” on Elena’s behalf. While Alaric struggles to disarm Courtney, Damon and Elena engage in a thinly veiled sexual conversation over the phallic arrow lodged beneath the muscle fibers of Damon’s perfect abdominals . . .
“Pull it out! Pull the damn thing out! It hurts so good! YES! YES! YES!” Damon whines, as Elena straddles him, rocks back and forth a bit, and, finally, breathing heavily, yanks the big stick out of his midsection.
(Thank you for this, writers. Clearly, you know how to give this Pervy Fangirl EXACTLY what she wants, while still sticking to your TV-14 rating.)
Watching this scene, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another vampire / human encounter on television. This one also involved a morally ambiguous vamp “taking a bullet” for an ambivalent human female, and forcing said female to bodily remove the offending weapon from the vampire’s body . . .
I’m referring, of course, to the scene in True Blood, during Season 2. In that scene, Eric tricked Sookie into sucking a bullet from his stomach, so that she would be forced to swallow his blood, and, thereby, be bonded to him forever . . .
“That b*tch i SOOOO DEAD!” Damon remarks, referring to the woman who just crossbowed him.
“If you kill her, I will never talk to you again,” threatens Elena, childishly.
“You are starting to manipulate me,” Damon notes wryly.
“And I LOVE being manipulated. Just ask Vampire Katherine . . .”
When Vanessa has calmed down enough for Alaric to unhand her, the grad student admits that, having reviewed Isobel’s research, she freaked upon running into the Definitely Dead Damon Salvatore, and Elena, a girl who LOOKED just like Vampire Katherine.
Later, as the crew begins poring through boxes of Isobel’s research, Elena and Vanessa bond over boys and vervain plants. “He is a first rate, jackass,” Elena whispers to Vanessa, looking over her shoulder at Damon.
Damon overhears and smiles.
“So THAT’S the pet name she plans to call me, when we’re doing the NASTY, tonight! Daddy LIKE!”
Later, Damon sidles up to Elena to continue their Flirt Fest 2010. “It’s a bummer we aren’t friends anymore, because I could tell you what I know,” he coos.
“Now who’s manipulating?” Elena replies, trying to hide the smirk on her face.
Mental F*cking = all of the heat, none of the STDS!
Unfortunately, Vanessa has to ruin all the fun, by launching into a seemingly endless monologue of Plot Explanation Sans Sexiness, which seems to be the only purpose, thus far, for her character being on this show. Vanessa explains to us that some Aztec curse made vampires Creatures of the Night, and werewolves Servants of the Moon. She also describes the two species as mortal enemies. “According to legend, a werewolf bite can kill a vampire,” remarks Vanessa.
(And what exactly does it do to humans? Turn them into wolves? Give them a gnarly tattoo? I guess we will find out soon enough . . .)
The “Serious” Vampire Look
While Elena and Damon are flirting over at Duke, Stefan and Caroline seem to be flirting with one another, back home. Just as Stefan teased Caroline earlier about her neuroses, Caroline playfully taunts Stefan about his excessive seriousness, and the stern looks he keeps giving Mason, at the swimming hole. And I’ll be darned if the friendly teasing doesn’t cause the usually Serious Stefan to crack a smile or two.
Eventually, however, Caroline runs off to find Boy Toy Matt.
Apologizing for her earlier bad behavior, Caroline promises her beau “no more drama,” and then pulls him into the woods for a substantial makeout session, under the light of the Full Moon.
While the pair are going at it, Stefan receives a call from Elena, in which she relays to him the information she uncovered about werewolves, and the unique brand of danger they pose to vampires. Ever the concerned Papa, Stefan rushes off to protect Caroline.
Meanwhile, Tyler is in the woods making out with Slutty Amy, a.k.a. Boy Toy Matt’s Sloppy Seconds. Apparently, the girl had taken Caroline’s mind control command to “go after someone single” literally. To Tyler’s credit, when Slutty Amy awakens from her compulsion, and ditches Tyler’s ass, he doesn’t go into a rage, like Season 1 Tyler would probably do.
(I guess the writers are trying to make this Teen Wolf more likeable, after all . . .)
“Oh, come on! How could you NOT like me? I wear pajamas to my own keggar! Now, if that doesn’t make me a Loveable Dork, I don’t know what does!”
Down in the underground cellar, Mason has chained himself to some rocks, to protect Tyler and his friends from his Wolfy Wrath. However, upon hearing his cousin’s voice above ground, Mason decides to relocate . . . to also ABOVE GROUND. Mason eventually chains himself to his van . . . which to me seems like THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER!
So let me get this straight . . . you were concerned about hurting the teens located MANY FEET ABOVE YOU. So, you decided to . . . come to ground level and be CLOSER TO THEM?
“If this car’s a rockin, don’t come a knockin'”
When the Full Moon finally hits the sky two things happen that should surprise presisely NO ONE. (1) Caroline vamps out on Matt and tries to eat him; (2) and Mason, upon turning wolf, breaks free of the chains attaching him to his van.
Fortunately, two more FAIRLY predictable things happen, to prevent anyone from getting hurt: (1) Stefan tackles Caroline to the ground, before she has a chance to finish her Matt Sandwich;
“This is me, playing the HERO again . . . and looking Super Sexy in my Hoodie of Hedonism.”
and (2) Tyler stares down Wolfy Mason, preventing him from attacking Stefan and Caroline.
“This is ME, doing my Endzone Dance, because my character is FINALLY relatively sympathetic.”
When it is all over, Tyler confronts a VERY DIRTY and VERY NAKED (but still tasty) Mason about his wolfishness (See picture above). Nearby, Caroline compels Matt to forget that she ate him. Stefan then gives him vervain, to protect him from being a future Snack de Caroline.
Then, Papa and Baby Vamp engage in a conversation about the difficulties associated with protecting the humans they love from their own vampiric darksides. Following that conversation, Caroline purposefully ruins her relationship with Matt, in order to protect him from her.
To see her break down in tears after Matt dumped her immortal butt was truly heartbreaking. In making this decision, Caroline has performed a truly selfless act, one that not even the Saintly Stefan was capable of accomplishing. The question is . . . now that she no longer has Matt to keep her on the straight and narrow, where will Caroline find that ever important link to her humanity?
“Hint: It sure as hell won’t be from ME!”
Vampire Katherine’s arrival in Caroline’s room at the end of the episode, followed by her threatening, yet intriguing pronouncement — “Don’t be frightened. We are going to have so much fun together!” — certainly didn’t bode well for the future of Vampire Caroline’s soul . . .
The Darker Side of Elena
After a lame-o scene, during which Alaric makes Useless Aunt Jenna his official Lame Ladyfriend, we are returned to the MAIN EVENT . . .
Upon arriving home from Duke University, Damon corners Elena, once again, by the car door. Their mutually beautiful faces are just inches away from locking lips.
“Road trips work well for us,” remarks Damon, glibly. “You know I chipped away at your Wall of Hatred.”
A scene from Damon and Elena’s FIRST road trip. Ahhh, memories!
Throughout most of the Duke trip, Elena has been trying to get Damon to spill the information he has on Vampire Katherine — information that, hopefully, can help Elena understand why she looks so much like her. “Friends don’t manipulate friends,” Elena mutters, early on in the trip, when Damon, once again refuses to share.
And yet, at the end of the night, Damon is feeling remarkably generous. Sensing some softening in Elena’s resolve against him, he tells her that Katherine’s last name was “Petrova,” and hands her a book on the Petrova lineage. “Men snoop too, you know,” he says slyly.
But then, he becomes serious . . .
“You have every right to hate me. I understand. But you hated me before, and we became friends. It would suck if it was gone forever. Is it is it gone forever?”
“Of course, it’s not gone forever. I LOVE YOU, you Big Fangy Lug! Thank you for the book, Damon,” Elena replies, demurely.
And that’s when Elena finally works up the courage to ask Damon directly the question that has been plaguing us all. “Did you know Jeremy was wearing the ring, when you broke his neck?”
Damon admits that he didn’t.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (I still refuse to believe it.)
Elena tears up at the admission, but thanks Damon for being honest. “You have lost me forever,” she whispers.
NOOOOOOOO! (I refuse to believe THAT too!)
Now, it is Damon’s turn to be hurt and angered. “You knew that already. You used me today. I thought friends didn’t manipulate friends,” he says, throwing Elena’s own words from earlier in the evening back in her face.
But Damon knows the unspoken response to that too. Elena was OK with manipulating Damon, because she doesn’t consider him a friend . . . not anymore.
“You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks,” remarks Damon, before walking away.
She TOTALLY deserved that.
Don’t worry, Damon. You’ll get her back, eventually. Sexy television characters, like you, are ALWAYS forgiven for your evils. So, for now, just go back to La Casa de Rich and Awesome. Relax. Pour yourself a drink . . .
or TEN . . .
Be sure to practice your trademark “Eye Thing” in front of the mirror . . .
Tomorrow is another day . . .