Love is a Battlefield – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Sacrifice”

Oh, the games we play . . .

No matter which “Ship” you cherish, whether it be Delena (awwwwww yeah!), Kefan, Taroline, Maroline, Jonnie, or Lonnie (heck, there was even some Alarjenna in there, for crying out loud) . . . this episode had something in it to feed your specific desires.  Well . . . except for Stelena fans . . . The Sacrifice kinda sucked for you, didn’t it?

Sorry, Steffy!

And yet, in addition to being about sexual tension and foreplay, The Sacrifice was also about . . . you guessed it . . . sacrifices . . . namely the ways in which we are willing to risk our own lives and happiness for the people we love.  It’s just that . . . well . . . talking about the SEX is WAY more fun!  So, I’m probably going to focus on that part, if that’s all right with you?

Well, what are we waiting for?  LET’S DO IT! 😉

Elena Stalks Warlocks, while Jenna Eats Alaric’s Chunky Monkey

 

Oh, Useless Aunt Jenna, aside from trying to off yourself, THIS might be the most useful thing you’ve done in TWO SEASONS . . .

When the episode opens, Elena is in bed dreaming of Damon (just like I do, every night) when she is awaken by a rustling sound, and the visage of a mysterious being, hovering by her bedroom door.

“My name may be Jonas, and I may be a Brother, but this sure as hell ain’t no Camp Rock!”

Was what she saw real?  Or was it simply part of her dream?  Elena isn’t sure.  Now, if this was the film Inception, she could find out, by just spinning a top . . .

 . . . but it isn’t, so she heads down the hall to investigate.  What Elena finds, shocks her . . .

It’s Alaric, and he’s sporting some some serious wood Chunky Monkey . . .

Useless Aunt Jenna tries to feign embarrassment, over being caught in flagrante, by the teenage girl, over which she is supposed to be “legal guardian.”  And yet, Auntie J can’t seem to wipe the sh*t-eating grin off her face that says, “I TOTALLY HIT THAT!”  (Can you blame her?)

Meanwhile, Evil Jonas Brother from Another Mother is completely perving out in Elena’s room, stealing her highschool cheerleader pictures, some jewelry, a comb, and quite possibly, some “lady items.”

Elena goes to bed feeling violated.  Little does she know that having seen her sort-of mom get it on, is about to become the least of her problems . . .

Meanwhile, the Brothers Salvatore are making yet another visit to Katherine’s Tomb . . .

“Yep.  We’re Awesome!”

After spending some time “Chatting with the Kat” (This would be a great name for a talk show, by the way.), Damon and Stefan head over to Elena’s house.  When Elena opens the door and sees the brothers, she gets this big puss on her face, that makes me want to punch her a little bit.

  SERIOUSLY?  Would YOU have Puss Face, if THIS was on your doorstep?

What . . . is . . . wrong . . . with . . . this  . . . girl?

Puss Face aside, Elena ultimately invites Damon and Stefan into her home.  (She may be bratty, but is not blind, after all.)  Let the Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation ensue . . . 

Damon and Stefan explain to Elena their Grand Plan to (1) steal the moonstone from Katherine’s tomb; and (2) use Bonnie’s witchy powers to release the doppelganger damning spell from it — thereby, saving Elena’s life, in the process.  “Yep, we’re awesome,” says Damon, clearly proud of himself. 

Wouldn’t YOU be?

Alas, Wet Blankety Elena is not down with the plan.  She tells the boys that she’s not prepared to risk the lives of everyone she cares about, including the two of them.  Upon hearing Elena admit that she cares for him, Damon perks up instantly . . .

You like me!  You REALLY like me!”

And, if I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I saw him do the Eye Thing, in celebration of Elena’s important declaration . . .

Speaking of Eye F*&king . . .

Screw Condoms — Witches and Warlocks Do It with THEIR MINDS!

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?”

Back at school, Bonnie and Luka are hitting on one another / talking about Witch Stuff.  Bonnie gripes that, when she tries to do important spells (like that one where she passed Elena a note, in the last episode), her nose bleeds, and she faints.  This makes her feel like a total LOSER.  Fortunately, Big Bad Warlock, Luka . . .

 . . . he of the incredibly LAME super cool Salt Lifting Powers . . .

 .  . . has a solution to this problem.  It involves Air Sex intermingling the powers of Witch and Warlock.  So, Bonnie and Luka trade necklaces, and close their eyes.  Suddenly, it’s really windy outside, and Bonnie’s breathing all heavy, and making this KILLER O FACE!

The “spell” was so intense that everyone walking within 3 miles of it got an STD!  Then Mini Gilbert shows up, wondering why he suddenly has this intense urge to smoke a cigar . . .

The answer, my friend, is blowing you in the wind . . .

Then Bonnie, who is still clutching Lukas’ balls necklace, receives a text from Damon, who, undoubtedly is wondering why all of Mystic Falls High got screwed by Bonnie’s brain, when all he got from her were a few headaches. 

Busy girl . . . that Bonnie . . .

Elena Cock Blocks Rose – YIPPEE!

This mildly homoerotic picture is for the men that read my TVD recaps .  . . all two of you . . .

When Elena arrives at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and runs into a half-naked Rose, who mistakes her for a pre-sex DAMON, I get kind of pissed off . . .

But, then, I remember that Damon is busy trying to save ELENA’S life.  And, therefore, has NO interest in screwing this vamp floozy again.  That makes me feel much better . . .

Thanks silentwilight tumblr!

As it turns out, Elena has a proposition for Rose, one that DOESN’T involve that Man Stealer getting naked with a certain Hot Vampire she secretly luuuuuuuuves!  You see, Elena has figured out that Slater (who, unbeknownst to Elena, staked himself to death, in the episode prior) has information about Klaus that he might be willing to share with Elena.

“Rose!  Your friend is super hot.  I’d totally be willing to come back from the dead . . . again . . . to see her.”

Since, unlike EVERYBODY ELSE ON THIS SHOW, Rose can give two figs whether Elena lives or dies, Elena figures she can get Rose to take her to the “Vampire Almanac.”  In return for this favor, Elena offers to get Rose a Sunscreen Ring, so that she can finally walk around in daylight, like EVERY OTHER VAMPIRE IN MYSTIC FALLS! 

 VAMPIRE FAIL!

Recognizing that there is little chance of her EVER getting screwed by Damon again (YAY!), Rose reluctantly agrees to help her much more loveable nemesis . . .

However, when Rose and Elena arrive at Slater’s house, they find him . . . sort of indisposed . . .

Oops!

As if on cue, some gothy chick named “Alice,” who looks kind of a like a Poor Man’s Lelee Sobieski, runs out of the closet, in tears . . .

Come on!  Let’s not pretend the writers had any other reason for naming the character, Alice!

Surprisingly, however, “Alice” is actually NOT a vamp.  She’s just a wanna-be, who slutted around with Slater for a bit, in hopes that he would change her into a vampire.  Knowing an opportunity when she sees one, Elena asks “Alice” to help her hack into Slater’s computer, in return for Rose turning her.  Alice agrees, and makes me giggle, by admitting that Lame-O Slater’s computer password was “Kristen Stewart.”

And . . . the annoying Twilight references continue . . .

Having become bored, looking at Vampire Porn on Slater’s laptop, Elena decides to reveal to Alice (and Rose) her real reason for wanting to see Slater.  Elena asks Alice to spread the word in Vamp Town that the Petrova Doppelganger is “alive and ready to surrender” a.k.a commit suicide, to save the rest of the cast of this show from certain death, at the hands of Santa Klaus. 

Realizing that she f*&ked up royally, and basically sucks at life / undeath, Rose immediately phones Damon, so that he can come to Elena’s rescue . . . AGAIN.

Speaking of f*&king up, royally . . .

The Werewolf Diaries

Poor Tyler!  When it comes to supernatural creatures, werewolves certainly seem to have gotten the short end of the fun stick in TVD world, haven’t they?  Think about it .  . . vampires live forever and can control people’s minds.  Witches and warlocks can have mind sex, and give people they are mad at killer migraines.  What do werewolves get, except monthly pain, hairiness, and bad tempers?  In short, being a werewolf is about as much fun as having really bad PMS . . .

After some prodding from Caroline, Tyler agrees to show her his “plan” regarding how to deal with his first wolfy transition, during the upcoming full moon.  He takes his future girlfriend down to the Lockwood Dungeon – the same place Mason chained himself, a few episodes back, and where Caroline’s mom was kept when she temporarily learned that her daughter was a vampire. 

 Truthfully, the Lockwood Dungeon looks more like an S&M Parlor than anything else, with its wide assortment of whips and chains, and deep scratches on the wall . .  .

But WAIT!  There’s MORE!  As it turns out, Mason kept . . . you guessed it . . . a DIARY.  (What is it with these Mystic Falls people and their need to chronicle every moment of their lives on paper?  And why the heck are NONE of them blogging?)

Mason’s old diary chronicles every excruciating moment of his first werewolf transformation.  The process, which takes HOURS, by the way (the werewolves in True Blood and Twilight must come with fast-forward buttons) sort of sounds to me like the way new mothers describe the birthing process — except, instead of popping out a baby, these guys just sprout hair out of their backs . . .

As if the written description wasn’t bad enough, Mason conveniently webcammed the horrifying event.  Getting a dark glimpse into his future, as he watches the “movie” with Caroline, causes tears to come to Tyler’s eyes.  “I can’t do that,” exclaims a terrified Tyler.  “Whatever that was.  I can’t go through that.”

Caroline comforts Tyler, by promsing him that he will not have to go through this alone.  In doing so, she takes on the role Stefan did for her, when she first went vamp.  Tyler is clearly appreciative.  However, before things can get too sexually intense for Baby Were and Baby Vamp, the doorbell rings.  And I bet you will never guess who it is . . . (She says, sarcastically.)

IT’S MATT!  And, SURPRISE, he wants Caroline back.  Then, in a moment that probably occurs at least once in EVERY SINGLE TV SERIES, we see Caroline and Matt close to kissing and making up, when . . . suddenly . . . Tyler is at the door too!  So, of course, Matt figures that these two are doing it, which, as we all know, they eventually will be . . .

Nevertheless, it’s nice to see Poor Matt having a potential storyline again.  It’s only taken a season and a half . . .

Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Operation Save Elena AGAIN is in full effect . . .

Jonnie Be Good

“Pull my finger.”

Before Damon got Rose’s distress call, he was busy with the rest of the Scooby Gang, plotting the theft of the moonstone from Katherine’s tomb.  Damon hopes Bonnie can use her witchy powers to vampire-proof the tomb, long enough for Stefan and/or Damon to go in, grab the moonstone, and leave, before Katherine can get out.   The assumption is that Katherine, having not fed since the last episode, would be weakened, and, therefore, at a disadvantage. 

“Please!  You think I’d be able to look this good, WITHOUT skipping a few meals?  Starvation is my specialty!”

 Mini Gilbert / Scrappy Doo rationally argues that if he went into the tomb, no spell would be needed, as he is human, and, therefore would not have to worry about being locked inside.

Good boy!  Now roll over and play dead . . .

Damon, however, quickly trashes this idea, calling attention to Mini Gilbert’s youth and general wimpiness.  (I know you Jeremy Fans are TOTALLY giving me the Stink Eye, right now.  But even YOU GUYS have to admit, that, while adorable, Jeremy hasn’t exactly proven himself to be the best physical specimen, when it comes to Vampire Fighting. . . .)

“It’s OK guys . . .  getting choked and beaten up repeatedly is all part of  my Master Plan.”

“Maybe, I can better the plan,” offers Bonnie.  (Well . . . it certainly can’t get much worse than what you have now!)

Bonnie’s “plan” is to burn Katherine’s picture . . .

 . . . along with . . . if I recall . . . a necklace of hers.  By burning these objects, while closing her eyes and mumbling creepy-sounding gibberish, Bonnie can great a dust that will temporarily incapacitate Katherine — thereby, giving the Salvatores more time to enter the tomb.  Unfortunately, while performing the spell, Bonnie gets another one of her famous nosebleeds . . .

This is a sign that, either Bonnie is working too hard, or that she is secretly a Cokehead.  I haven’t decided which.  Either way, the event is significant enough to cause Loverboy Jeremy to become concerned for Bonnie’s safety . . .

Bonnie assures Jeremy that she will be just fine once she gets in contact with her drug dealer.  To prove it, she lets Jeremy smell her breath, and suck on her finger.  (I make fun, but, seriously, the scene was HOT with a capital “H.”   And I say that as someone who is NOT on Team Jonnie.)

While Bonnie is snorting cocaine distracted, Jeremy steals some of her “Magic Dust,” and skips out to Katherine’s tomb, all by his lonesome . . .

Once inside the tomb, a surprisingly resourceful Jeremy shoots a dart of some sort at Kat, and incapacitates her with the coke Magic Dust.  Katherine falls backwards, in a very dramatic, cartoon villain-esque way, allowing Jeremy to run past her into the tomb.  And just in case you didn’t know he was in danger, SCARY MUSIC begins to blast VERY LOUDLY in the background, as Jeremy tries in vain to find the moonstone.  Of course, just when he grabs hold of it, THIS happens . . .

Tastes like chicken!  (Thanks, F-yeah Steven R. McQueen Tumblr!)

While Jeremy is nursing ONE HELL OF HICKEY, Damon is rushing to Elena’s rescue.  Also, Old Vamp Elijah and Evil Jonas Brother from Another Mother are holding hands, and “conjuring” . . .

“You’re skin is so soft, Jonas.  What kind of moisturizer do you use?”

Having groped Jonas for awhile, Elijah now magically knows where Elena is “hiding.”  Hurry, DAMON!

“Get You’re Ass Out that Door, Before I Throw You Over My Shoulder, and Carry You Out!”

Yes, please!  (Thank you Delena’s DestinyTumblr!)

Damon arrives at La Casa de Dead Slater, and he looks PISSED!  He’s so pissed, in fact, that he barely notices “Alice” fawning him like a total fangirl (which, by the way, is EXACTLY how I would act in Damon’s presence).  Damon wastes no time getting up in Elena’s personal space and working his Crazy Eyes on her . . .

Those eyes were made for compellin’, and those lips were made for smoochin’!

Elena tells Damon, in no uncertain terms, that she does NOT want to be saved.  “Get your ass out that door, before I give you the best screw of your ENTIRE LIFE throw you over my shoulder, and carry you out myself,” Damon growls, his voice exuding sex.

Elena moves to slap Damon, as she has done SO many times in the past. (These two like it ROUGH!)  But Damon quickly grabs hold of her, and pulls her in closer.  Their eyes lock, as Elena struggles bodily with a stalwart Damon.  “Damon, let go of me,” she squeals.

Elena tries to wriggle out of Damon’s grasp.  But it’s completely obvious that the harder they fight one another, the more turned on they get.  Suddenly, both of their eyes are closed.  Elena’s neck is tilted upward, as Damon’s lips move closer to hers.  These two are so close to kissing you can almost taste Elena’s Lipsmackers, and the liquor-tinged blood on Damon’s hot breath.  

“Don’t ever do that again,” intones Damon, looking deeply into Elena’s eyes.    (Don’t listen to him, Elena.  DO IT AGAIN!  DO IT AGAIN!  DO IT AGAIN!)

In short, it . . . is . . . AWESOME!

Damon and Elena Mating Dance – Take TWO!

But then Slater’s cronies show up, and Elijah pops in behind them, and kills them like the Extras they clearly are . . .

And the Senseless Death Award goes to . . . Random Vampire Dudes . . .

(At some point during all of this, Rose runs away like the wimpy b*tch, she clearly is . . .)

Sayonara Sucka!  (DE-FTW Tumblr)

Damon then turns his attention to Elijah.  “I killed you.  I thought you were dead,” Damon snarks.

Then, something TOTALLY confusing happens.  Elijah runs away too!

Huh?

Later Big Bad Vamp admits to Jonas, that he realizes that Damon and Stefan would both give up their lives to keep Elena safe.  And, since it is Elijah’s ultimate goal to bring Elena to Klaus, “safe” is exactly how he wants her . . . at least, for now. 

So, in order to ensure Elena’s safety, he spared Damon’s life as well .  . . (I’m still not sure why Elijah didn’t just compel them all to give up Elena . . . but . . . whatever.)

Surprise, Surprise – Katherine’s got a Plan B . . .again

“I RULE!”

When Bonnie and Stefan arrive outside the tomb, they are surprised to find the moonstone, tauntingly tossed outside of it.  Stefan snatches it up, just as Katherine arrives, with her new hostage Jeremy under her arm.  Now, Stefan and Bonnie have the moonstone, but have to open the tomb, anyway, to rescue Jeremy, which is exactly what Katherine wants.  So, a sly Bonnie uses Luka’s necklace to channel his power, as well as hers.  She then begins attempting to open the tomb with her spell . . .

However, since this spell does not involve Mind-F*&king or Playing with Salt, Luka is not much help.  Within a few moments, Warlock Jr. is writhing on the floor of his home in pain . . .

 . . . and Bonnie’s about to pass out (AGAIN) too . . . “I can’t do it.  I’m not strong enough,” whines the Bonster, as she falls to the ground . . .

Bored of playing this game, Katherine strong arms Jeremy, and begins to walk further into the tomb.  In an impetuous moment, Stefan tackles Katherine, freeing Jeremy (which, of course, is exactly what Katherine wanted him to do).  Jeremy dashes to Bonnie’s side, as Stefan finds himself trapped in the tomb with the girl he used to screw, all those years ago . . .

(Thanks again, Steven R. McQueen Tumblr!)

Back at the Gilbert House, Bonnie and Jeremy tearfully admit to having risked their own lives to save eachother’s.  In addition to being kind of in luuuuuuuve with one another, the pair are also feeling mighty crappy about the ways in which each of their respective dumb acts, resulted in Stefan getting trapped in the tomb, as Katherine’s Sex Slave . . .

Squeeeeee!  I can’t wait until next week!

“Don’t act like this is one-sided,” demands Jeremy, moving in closer to Bonnie for the third time this hour.

Jeremy runs his hand across Bonnie’s cheek.  “You could have died today,” he whispers.

“And you almost did,” cries Bonnie.

The two move in even closer.  They are CENTIMETERS AWAY from one another now.  “I can’t,” says Bonnie inexplicably, before dashing out the door.  OUCH!

Ummm . . . Jeremy . . . I think you may have dropped these . . .

“That right there was the biggest mistake you ever made .  . .”

Awwwwww yeah . . . they’re at it again!

When Elena arrives home, and learns from Jeremy what happened to Stefan, she dashes off to the tomb, with Damon hot on her heels.  Outside the tomb, the pair bicker heatedly, like a married couple, as Stefan listens on sadly, from inside the tomb.  Damon calls out Elena for the stupid risk, she took with her life, by going to Slater’s house.  Elena responds that after all the times that Stefan and Damon have risked their lives to save hers, how could they possibly question, her decision to do the same?  (She’s kind of got a point there, Damon . . .)

In an almost complete mimic of their earlier scene, Damon and Elena begin to bodily struggle with one another again.  “Let go of me,”  Elena yelps, for the second time this hour.

Then, suddenly . . . they stop . . .

“Are you done?”  Damon asks breathily.

“Yes,” mutters Elena.

Elena tries to move away, but Damon blocks her path, moving in for a kiss AGAIN.  And . . . then she leaves . . .

When it’s all over, a saddened Stefan talks to a determined Damon across the tomb’s invisible magic divider.  Damon promises to get Stefan out.  And then Stefan asks for two more favors, which, if you know Kevin Williamson, and you’ve ever watched a little show called Dawson’s Creek, you know are going to result in BIG THINGS for Delena . . . and BAD THINGS for Stelena . . .

Pacey and Joey started out this way too . . .

Stefan asks Damon to (1) keep Elena away from the tomb; and (2) protect Elena, should anything happen to him.  Damon (as one Pacey Witter did YEARS before him) solemnly agrees to both, before exiting stage left.

A very glib Katherine then tells Stefan that he just made the biggest mistake of his life . . .

Dawson Leery agrees . . .

But Damon doesn’t think it’s a mistake at all . . .

See you next week, my fellow Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com]

24 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries

24 responses to “Love is a Battlefield – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Sacrifice”

  1. Rene

    Your review ROCKED IT!! I just love these now. Even though I am a total Jonnie fan LOL. I know you don’t mind if we agree to disagree on that its cool. My favorite parts were with those two though. Elena/Damon well not so much. I think Damon needs a more feisty woman to me he was Hotter with katherine. Maybe its just me and my way of seeing romances. As far as the episode I gave it a 7 out of 10. It wasn’t bad but there was almost too much happening at once and all together Caroline and Tyler’s plotline should have gone on the back burner. I am also a fan of Rose (I miss Lauren Cohen on supernatural) and I think she was cute with Damon. That is just my two cents even though I am not sure I would see them together for any amount of time she was a good booty call for him LOL.

    • Thanks so much, Rene! So, based on your comment, I can see you are on Teams Jonnie, Kamon, and Ramon? 🙂

      One of the great thing’s about TVD, for me anyway, is the care with which the writers create all of these really distinct relationships between the characters. There’s literally at least one couple out there with which EVERY fan can relate. The fact that you and I both love the show so much, but have such vastly different “SHIPS” is a testament to the show’s fabulousness.

      And I must admit I am coming around to Team Jonnie a bit, after this week’s episode. That last scene, in particular, was brilliantly acted by Steven R. McQueen. Though, I must say, Bonnie’s wishy washy behavior with respect to Jeremy each week is quite bothersome. Stop blubbering, and make up your mind, Bonster! 🙂

      The mind-f*&k scene between Bonnie and Luka was “interesting,” but, as of yet, I’m not really seeing too much natural chemistry (beyond what’s written in the script) between Kat Graham and Bryton McClure. Perhaps, that will change, as time goes on . . .

      While I really enjoyed this episode, I agree with you that sometimes TVD can be a bit over-ambitious in the sheer amount of plots they try to cover in a single hour. (Recapping TVD can be really overwhelming, for that reason!) It’s almost as though the writers are trying to please EVERY fan, EVERY episode . . . which they do, don’t get me wrong . . . but some content inevitably gets lost in the shuffle.

      That being said, next week’s episode looks GOOD! I’m so glad our show is BACK . . . for a little while, anyway!

      Thanks again for your kind words and comments. I love talking CW TV shows with you! 🙂

  2. Rene

    Thanks and yes over ambitious is the word 🙂 I have to say regrettfully I will be missing tomorrows SPN so I look forward to your review. I feel kind of bad but if at all possible I would get out of my appointment for tomorrow night because I hate the cold and my show is on BRRR 😦 I just hate to break a promise so I am counting on you for a detailed recap. Thanks bunches in advance.

    • Ooh, I feel terrible about this. But I’ve actually never watched Supernatural. *ducks and blushes.* I know I absolutely should start, because it does seem like a pretty awesome show. And we all know how I love me some Sexy Brooding Bad Boys!

      Who’s Supernatural recaps do you read? I’m always in the market for new programming, and those would probably give me a good taste of the show. 🙂

      • Rene

        Oh NO I thought you did Spn too!! Okay well I haven’t read recaps in a while but there is a lady named Alice that does them on blogcritics.org site. She is pretty cool I actually met her a the spn con this year. Normally I get links to alot of reviews because I use Google Alerts on Gmail and I highly rec it if you don’t want to miss the hot off the press stuff from your faves. It’s why I was first posting here LOL this time at least. Darn it now I gave away my secret LOL.

  3. Oh SuddenlySmokingHot Jeremy, I just can’t quit you! Just like I can’t quit these recaps – getting the message it was up in my inbox was like getting an early Xmas present, especially with the snow you’ve added to your blog!
    Bonnie, if you don’t hit that soon, I will! Although I am VERY MUCH looking forward to the awkward I-almost-kissed-but-didn’t-because-for-some-inexplicable-reason-you-couldn’t-despite-eye f**king-me scenes next week.

    Though seriously, I feel like Bonnie’s no-kissing rationale wasn’t explained very well. She can’t because Elena won’t approve? Because his actions resulted in Stefan being trapped in the tomb and she isn’t really in the kissing mood? She is the female equivalent of Edward Cullen in terms of c*ck-blocking herself and this is the real reason she hasn’t gotten any yet on screen, not so much that her suitors pretty much drop like flies? She knows that Jeremy is subliminally in love with Spidey but doesn’t know it yet?

    Damon has an Eye Thing, and I think Jeremy has a Jaw Thing – a single clench and *plip* there go my panties!

    Interesting point about Bonnie: tapping into Luka’s powers without his permission or knowledge, particularly given the fate of her Grams, was really morally ambiguous behaviour. I would actually be more interested in the Bonnie/Luka dynamic if it was less about being in a love triangle and more about them caring about each other as friends but potentially double-crossing one another for a power grab when it suits them.

    I felt a little cheated about Naked Alaric really being boxers Alaric. It fizzled the funny a little for me. We didn’t need a shot of his lower half; just the implication he was naked would have been enough for me to have non-good girl thoughts! Must admit, Useless Aunt Jenna’s sh*t-eating grin made me like her a teensy, eensy, weensy little bit more. It further proves her uselessness as a guardian, but she shared my sentiments exactly! Agree about Elena’s puss face throughout most of the ep. Hell, if I had seen Alaric naked, I wouldn’t have looked shocked/sour, my reaction would have been to grin with glee and whip out a Polaroid that would be an even more essential tool than a stake to keep on hand in Mystic Falls, what with the shirtless hot men moments aplenty.

    The Delena moments were sexually charged, particularly on Damon’s end. I got the impression he just wanted to grab her and plant one on her. It was pretty selfless of him to protect her from herself even though it obviously made her insane with frustration and anger, in spite of how desperately he wants to be back in her good graces since snapping Jeremy’s neck. Him making her safety the priority is step one on the path to becoming worthy of her in my books.

    Trevino is killing it, which is a big compliment from me because I wanted a piano to fall on his head ala my favourite Zombie Kill in Zombieland in season one. I also like the hook that wolf transformations are slow and painful in this mythology, rather than the fursplosions (TM Cleolinda) in New Moon and True Blood.

    BTW, Tyler watching the wolf vid was like a pregnant woman watching a really horrific birth scene… ignorance is bliss in this situation, I think.

    Fave parts of recap:
    Who knew that eating someone’s Chunky Monkey could sound so laden with sexual innuendo?

    Airborne STDs – kinda like monogamy being contagious in SATC!
    Reappearance of Scrappy Doo comic image. So cute and true in regards to Jeremy’s character. I disagree on the wimpiness part though, as you probably would expect from my Jeremy-loving heart by now – ineffectual, maybe, but he is brave enough to go into perilous situations without a second thought for his own safety.

    Tastes like chicken line was rockken like dokken (points if you get that reference :))

    Camp Rock reference tickled me because of my trashy dance movie obsession.

    Crying Dawson makes me all happy and sunshiny inside, because I am a terrible, horrible human being who still loves her some Pacey even after all these years 🙂

    Sorry, sorry, sorry about the length of this post – think of the length as proportionate to the awesomeness of this recap!

  4. Oh, one other thing I forgot to mention. I am a sucker for the small details, and one of the things that often impresses me about this show is the little stuff. Jeremy’s method of collecting the Magic Dust was the exact same movement a cokehead would do when preparing a line to take in, and therefore is a great little callback to his druggie days. So the Bonnie snorting comments were kind of fabulous for me in that context

    • Your comments always make my Friday mornings, Cherie! I’m with you on Bonnie’s JerBlocking! WTF? I mean, sure, dating a supernatural person can certainly have its disadvantages. But Jeremy already knows about Bonnie’s powers, and is mildly supportive of them (though arguably a bit protective of her, as a result of them). So, this isn’t a “I can’t date you, because I’ll have to lie to you about who I really am, and may accidentally end up physically hurting you,” situation, like the one someone like Caroline or Tyler might face in the future.

      And, maybe I’m wrong. But I highly doubt Elena would mind half as much as Bonnie thinks she would, the idea of her bestie dating her little brother. After all, two years is really not all that much of an age difference. And besides, Jeremy has already joined the Scooby Gang in full force. So, Elena and him are, more or less, in the same social circle.

      My best guess as to why Bonnie is so wishy washy about starting a relationship with Jeremy is her bad track record with humans in general, and men specifically. When you think about it, EVERYBODY Bonnie has loved, or even been attracted to, has croaked! Come to think of it, every woman Jeremy has ever loved has croaked too! So, perhaps, this makes them the perfect Grim Reaper Pair! 🙂

      I love what you said about Luka. You bring up a really good point about Bonnie’s non-permissive “power theft” from him. The pair’s mutual ability to do this to one another, coupled with Luka’s having a Creepy Bad Ass for a dad who makes him do naughty things on occasion (that sounded dirtier than I meant it to), will make the dynamic between Bluka all the more interesting – romantic or not. I now have a whole new appreciation for Little Richie from Family Matters. So, thanks for that!

      Furplosion! That’s absolutely perfect! The term brings to mind puffballs and stuffed animals, as opposed to the Scary Hairy images, I usually associate with “wereing.” (Though admittedly, I always found the True Blood wolves fairly adorable.) I’m actually puzzling out a young adult novel about werewolves, and the furplosion image, might be just what I need to get my head in the proper frame of mind to write it. So, thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you for all your help! 🙂

      • I guess Bonnie also knows that Jeremy is the type of person who wouldn’t stop putting his life in danger to protect her’s, particularly because he still mistakenly seems to feel invincible because of his magic ring. But THANK GOD he called her on the crush not being one-sided. I mean, I’m not in the habit of touching the mouths of my platonic male friends with showing the beginning of a witchygasm face 🙂

        It is actually slightly hilarious how paternalistic and patronising a lot of the Scooby Gang are towards Jeremy, considering he is one year, two TOPS younger. You’d really think he was an infant by their reactions… and we know that baby face Jeremy belies the Hello Biceps Jeremy underneath 😉

        Oh, another Julie novel?! EXCITEMENT! The other two were pretty damn amazing 🙂

  5. PaFree

    Seriously, you are awesome! I love to read your recaps! I just giggle and giggle through the whole thing. Highlights from this one-the Camp Rock reference, as a mom to an eight year-old, it was fab and also the air sex thing between Jonnie and the “everyone walking within 3 miles of it got an STD”..hilarious 🙂 As a Delena fan, I abs loved the angry moments with these two…when they finally do hook-up, it’s gonna be on fire and my DVR will blow up! 🙂 And wowza at the preview for next week’s ep, Stefan is going to be a naughty, naughty vamp and I can NOT wait!

    • Thanks so much PaFree! You are so sweet! And, I must say, I loved the image that this part of your comment etched in my brain:

      “When they [Delena] finally do hook-up, it’s gonna be on fire and my DVR will blow up!”

      I can definitely see this happening in my home as well. In fact, when Delena do it for the first time, I might physically blow up, myself! 🙂

      And am I the only one who thinks the chemistry between Stefan and Katherine is SMOKING? Their bad girl / good boy- who’s secretly fighting his dark side dynamic intrigues me in a way Stelena, sweet as they may be together, doesn’t quite as much. I love when Dark Stefan comes out to play. So, I am DEFINITELY looking forward to his self-destructive “fall off the wagon” next week. Those clips from the promo were SUPER STEAMY!

      Oh, and I was really happy that someone got my Camp Rock reference. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I kind of liked Camp Rock. *blushes* Sure, the plotlines were a bit contrived, and a lot of the songs came out of no where. But the music was snappy. And there’s just something about those Jonas Brothers that makes me smile. Man, I’m really embarrassed to have admitted that. You don’t think less of me now, do you? 🙂

      • PaFree

        I won’t tell anyone that you secretly fawn over the Jo Bros, if you won’t tell anyone that I had bad thoughts about Zac Efron throughout the High School Musical trilogy…and worst of all…I CRIED at the end HSM 3…I am SO ashamed! hahaha

  6. that was great! aweseome recap. i definitely look forward to reading more of them.

    • Thanks so much, cnoury! I’m so glad you enjoyed the recap. TVD is one of my all-time favorite shows, and I hope my little blog entries about its episodes, do it justice! 🙂

  7. Pingback: Vampire Diaries Sensory Overload Sundays – Jeremy’s Jaw Thing Edition « myspideysenseistingling

  8. katoributa

    I absolutely LOVE your recaps! I’ve read others and I believe that yours is the best of them all. You include photos, vids, gifs, nicknames, etc…and you put a lot of sarcasm and humor in them. It definitely makes for a very enjoyable read. Honestly, I recently came across your recap around season 2 episode 4, and I liked it so much that, on the same night, I went back to your very first TVD recap and read through all of them in one sitting! I probably stayed up till 5am! And I had work the next morning at 9am! >_< TVD and Ian Somerhalder (I'm never one to obsess over celebrities, but he's an exception – he's so f*cking gorgeous and just plain awesome!) are my current obsessions. The last obsession I had was this one Korean drama I watched earlier this year and before that was Buffy (huge Spuffy fan here). Anyways, keep up the fantastic work. I look forward to your next one. ^_^

    • Awww, thanks so much katoributa! Your comment just made my weekend! That might very well be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me on here. 🙂

      Clearly, you have AMAZING taste – being a TVD, Ian S., and Buffy / Spuffy fan! 🙂 I can certainly relate to staying up all night reading blogs, writing recaps, and obsessing over my favorite shows. I’ve spent many a bleary-eyed morning, wishing I went to bed earlier. *blushes* But chatting with fellow fans like you on the web, make all the sleepless night worth it. 🙂

      I have so much fun watching and writing about TVD! The beautiful people, the great acting, the sometimes bizarre, but always fun plots, the intentional (and sometimes unintentional) humor, the Shirtless Somerhalder . . . It just makes recapping so easy ;).

      Thanks again for your kind words, and your subscription. I’ll try my best to continue to do you proud! 🙂

  9. Loved this and your tribute to Ian Somerhalder. This episode was good, but definitely transitional. Elena and Damon’s tension are leading to… something! (I assume it will begin with her understanding that Damon is doing all this for her own good in spite of her making her angry thus showing that he cares for her on a deeper level than her approval of him.) Stefan and Katherine are stuck in the tomb which will surely lead to… something! (You have no idea how many times I’ve watched the preview for the next episode.) Elijah wants to keep Elena safe because of… something! Jonas wants Luka to connect with Bonnie because… you get the idea. And then there’s Tyler and Caroline. Oh awesomeness.

    On another note, I too noticed how homoerotic the fire between Elena and Rose was.

    http://thecountchronicles.blogspot.com/

    • I can definitely see what you mean about this being a transitional episode. Everything we got to watch this week, seemed to be leading up to Katherine’s and Stefan’s communal tombing (and yeah . . . I wore out the Replay button on that YouTube promo too!), Tyler’s werewolf transition, Elijah’s Evil Plan, Bonnie’s . . . whatever, and Damon’s rescue attempt of Stefan / play for Elena’s heart?

      That being said, I think tomorrow night’s episode will be INSANE! 🙂

      In terms of Elijah, I always assumed that he wanted to keep Elena safe, so that he can bring her to Klaus alive, and let The Big Cheese sacrifice her himself. But, now that you mention it, there might very well be more too it than that. It’s entirely possible that Elijah has his own plans in store for Elena, and those plans might not involve her dying at all. (Perhaps, they might even involve her becoming . . . undead.) I guess we will just have to wait and see . . .

      LOL re: your reference to the “fire” between Rose and Elena. Is it wrong that I would be LESS annoyed by a Rose and Elena hookup than I was by that AWFUL Damon and Rose one? Yeah . . . I’m such a girl! 🙂

      Just a few more hours until Doppelganger Tomb Sex . . . YIPPEE! 🙂

  10. sassyfran

    Well I have to say I stand my belief that the tomb sex is in Someone’s head. I do not think it will really happen. Stefan is too hooked on Elena to go there OR he might do something to get her to let him out. I Just don’t see it being real also because Previews are Notoriously misleading. I said it yep.

    • You may be right, sassyfran. But is it awful of me to hope you are wrong? *ducks* 🙂

      I agree that it would seem highlu out of character for Stefan to do something so rash and, lets face it, wrong to Elena — the supposed One True Love of his Life. But, then again, Stefan can surprise us sometimes. (I’m, of course, thinking his Bloodaholic episodes from last season, and the way he attacked that Miss Mystic Falls contestant. Dark Stefan has been known to come out to play on occasion. And, once he’s out, there’s no telling what sort of self-destructive things he’ll do . . .)

      Plus, I really do hate when promo creators use “dream sequence” scenes, and pass them off as reality, just to entice the unsuspecting viewer. It’s such a cruel and slimy thing to do, in my opinion. And yet, no matter how many times it happens, I continue to fall for it. Probably because I ALWAYS really want the dream sequence to be true life, and force myself to believe its so, if ony for the short time between episode airings. (Remember the episode where Stefan dreamed of Damon kissing Elena, while the two were snuggling up and playing pool? Yeah . . . I really wanted that one to be real too.) :).

      Oh well . . . I guess we will have to wait and see. Just a few more hours . . . 😉

  11. sassyfran

    Hey its me Rene from last week. I decided to use my wordpress blogs this week which is under a different user name LOL. Any who just remembered about your reviews. I will come and check it out in a bit; I am sure I will love it.

    • Hi Rene! I absolutely remember chatting with you! 🙂 WordPress is just picky about new screennames, which is why your last comment didn’t post automatically, like your others have in the past. I love talking about TVD with you, and very much look forward to it! Enjoy your weekend!

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