Welcome back, my Pretties! Oh, how I’ve missed you. Heck, I’ve missed THIS SHOW! With its Text Messages from the Great Beyond . . . its Creepy Characters, Who Always Pop Up at Precisely the WRONG Moment . . . its Villain “A,” who seems to gain increasingly ridiculous superpowers, with every episode . . . its suprisingly steamy romance scenes . . . its RAMPANT MALE SHIRTLESSNESS. Did I mention the shirtlessness?
Well, HELLO Fitzy! Welcome to the NAKED CLUB!
Though it got off to an admittedly slow start, this week’s season premiere of Pretty Little Liars definitely succeeded in giving us the best this show has to offer, with, not one, but TWO “I love you” declarations, multiple couple-y exchanges, a whole lot of Grade “A” craziness, and the return of two VERY frightening monsters . . . one with Furry Caterpillars Where His Eyebrows Should Be . . .
. . . the other, a BONAFIDE ZOMBIE!
Man, this show is getting SCARIER than TVD!
Let’s review, shall we?
(Oh, and before I begin, a very special thanks to THIS spectacular website, for providing the Most Comprehensive Collection of Pretty Little Liars Screencaps on the planet! Unless, it’s a GIF, if you see a picture in this recap that you like, it’s probably from THERE.)
People Not to Be Trusted #1 – Police Boy Garrett
Reason: Because we KNOW where THAT tongue has been!
The season premiere begins EXACTLY where the Season 1 finale left off. Our fabulous foursome have just left the church, where Purple-Faced Creepy Pedo Ian, who was last seen hanging from the rafters of the Church, has seemingly vanished into thin air, making our protagonists (who actually called the police, for a change) look like, for lack of a better term, “Pretty Little Liars.”
Outside the church, the girls talk nervously to one another, trying to convince themselves that what they saw was real . . . and that Creepy Pedo Ian is REALLY no more. But the doubts are already starting to creep into their brains. Did they really see what they THOUGHT they saw? Or has “A” been playing tricks on them again?
Meanwhile, seemingly the ENTIRE town of Rosewood has come out for this fun-filled local event. After all, it’s not every day you get to see the dead body of a neighbor of yours, hung from the church ceiling, like a Christmas Tree ornament!
YAY! Hangings are FUN!
Unfortunately, for the people of Rosewood, Dead Body Watch is simply not in the cards for them. This corpse has gone on vacation (probably with the dude from that old movie, Weekend at Bernies!).
Suddenly, the PLL girls are the MOST HATED KIDS IN TOWN! How DARE they get their neighbors all excited about the opportunity to see their FIRST Dead Body (well . . . second, if you count Alison’s), and then NOT deliver! FOR SHAME! Fortunately, Police Boy Garrett swoops in to rescue them, before the tomatos and smelly shoes start being thrown.
“Come with me,” says Police Boy gallantly.
Like Aria, I began to question Police Boy’s motives, the minute he refused to allow the teens to tell their parents they were heading down to the police station. Granted, Police Boy’s superiors probably TOLD him to do this, in order to prevent the girls’ parents from immediately instructing them to ask for attorney representation, thereby stopping the investigation in its tracks. But still . . . how many horror movies have YOU seen, where the innocent teens enter a cop car they think is safe, only to find out that the “Mild-Mannered Police Boy” in the front seat is really an INSANE PSYCHO KILLER?
My suspicions GREW, along with those of the rest of the girls, when Police Boy DID NOT, as promised, take the girls to the police station, but rather DROVE THEM TO A DESERTED STREET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND FORCED THEM OUT OF THE COP CAR!
Well girls . . . it was nice knowing ya!
Fortunately, for the PLLs, Police Boy actually seems LESS interested in ripping out their throats, and eating their faces for late night snack, and more concerned with COVERING HIS OWN ASS. Remember, Police Boy Garrett has A LOT to hide from his superiors. For starters, he’s in a relationship with the decidedly underage Creepy Blind Jenna (though the PLL girls don’t know this, yet). He had also orchestrated the girls’ botched attempt to blackmail Creepy Pedo Ian into confessing to Alison’s murder, using the disturbing Snuff Porn-like video “A” sent to them (along with 10 Gs) as bait . . .
The girls promptly agree to keep their mouths shut about the video. After all, none of the cops seem to believe anything they say, anyway.
Oh, and I bet you will never guess who was conveniently lurking in the shadows,
watching hearing this ENTIRE exchange take place, almost as though she had ORCHESTRATED THE WHOLE THING HERSELF?
So, much for finding a DESERTED PLACE WHERE NO ONE CAN OVERHEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE, Police Boy! If Blind Jenna could hear you, chances are other people could have too!
People Not to Trust #2 – PLL PARENTS!
Allow me to introduce you to the Swell Parents of PLL, from left to right: Mama “I Hit on My Students’ Teachers” Montgomery, Papa “Sleeps With Students” Montgomery, Papa “Win at All Costs” Hastings, Mama “Favors Her Older Daughter” Hastings, Mama “Slutty Thief” Marin (where’s Hannah’s absentee dad?), and Mama “Homophobe” Fields.
After suffering through hours of police investigation, the PLL girls head to Spencer’s house for a slumber party, except not much slumbering is occuring. And when they head downstairs to get some coffee and refreshments, ALL their parents are there. And they have some BAD NEWS.
Remember how last season, the cops thought Spencer was a TOTAL wackadoo liar, who might have actually been responsible for Alison’s death? Well, now, apparently, in the wake of the Ian Thing, the blame has spread to all FOUR of the girls. Now, the cops suddenly think the PLLs are OBSESSED with Creepy Pedo Ian, and are blaming Alison’s death on him, to cover up for their own wrongdoing.
However, instead of working on getting the girls FOUR SEPARATE attorneys, like normal parents would do in this situation, the PLL Sucky Parent Club decide that the key to solving their kids’ problems is to have them ALL SEE THE SAME SHRINK TOGETHER! Their rationale for this? Apparently, the PLL Sucky Parent Club believes that the mere act of seeking professional help will make the kids look more LIKEABLE in the eyes of the cops and the press.
Never mind that these kids are actually WANTED FOR MURDER. Don’t worry about the fact that they have all been TRAUMATIZED BY THEIR FRIEND’S DEATH, and may actually NEED psychological counseling on an INDIVIDUAL basis to cope with this. All that’s important to THESE parents is that their kids LOOK sympathetic to the cops. Parenting FAIL!
By the way, since when did the mere act of going to a shrink make a person more likeable? Don’t get me wrong. There’s absolutely NO SHAME in seeking professional help for personal issues. I just don’t see the relationship between getting help, and looking “less guilty” during a police investigation. Just sayin’.
Speaking of “awesome” parenting, did I mention that Abs Toby came to visit Spencer that morning, and her loving dad SLAMMED THE DOOR IN THE POOR GUY’S FACE?
That’s right, Pops! This is EXACTLY what you should do when you are worried that your daughter might be having a nervous breakdown, SYSTEMATICALLY ISOLATE HER from all her friends / sole support system. Great idea!
With parents like THESE, is it any wonder I am always making this face?
People Not to Trust #3 – Blind Jenna (but we already knew that)
In the subsequent scene, we see Blind Jenna and Police Boy Garrett cuddled together in Police Boy’s cop car for a little Makeout / Stakeout Session outside “Dead” Ali’s house, where they are inappropriately leering at Ali’s older brother, hot shirtless Jason, as he conveniently undresses in front of an open window. Remember JASON, ladies? Because, I sure do . . .
For reasons, I simply cannot understand, Police Boy and Blind Jenna are not NEARLY as excited about Jason’s return to Rosewood as I am. In fact, Jason makes them nervous . . . very nervous. This, apparently, has something to do with a “Jason Thing” they don’t want anybody to find out about. Wait a minute . . . a JASON THING? So, let me get this straight. The PLL girls had a Blind Jenna Thing. And Blind Jenna and Police Boy Garrett have a JASON THING! That’s a whole lotta “things”!
People Not to Trust #4 – Bushy Eyebrows Noel
At school, Aria is excited to learn that her mom is moving back home to try and patch things up with her dad. And blah, blah, blah. I think I fell asleep during that scene.
Even THEY look bored.
But things get interesting again, when we get to English class, and Aria is forced to confront Fitzy for the first time since the “Ex Girlfriend Jackie Incident.”
Now, I know Fitzy is supposed to be this “cool” teacher and all. And he probably didn’t want to stir up any more speculation regarding his relationship with Aria than probably already existed, particularly considering he was LEAVING HIS JOB SO HE COULD DATE HER.
But I still think Aria’s main man should have said SOMETHING about the extremely cruel Hangman Chalk Drawing on the board, with the word “liars” more or less spelled out beneath it, in obvious reference to the PLL girls’ statements regarding Creepy Pedo Ian. I mean, that was just an inappropriate thing for a student to do. (Though, even I’ve got to admit, it was pretty damn funny!)
What can I say? I couldn’t resist!
English class goes from bad to worse for our female heroines, when Bushy Eyebrows Noel returns from his suspension, seemingly primed for revenge against Aria and Fitzy. The twin caterpillars on his forehead nearly do a little Dance of Joy, when he turns toward Aria, and leeringly asks her, “Miss me?” I literally got chills . . .
People Not to Trust #5 –
Mona Your Fellow Classmates
In the hallways, the PLL girls find themselves the subject of some pretty harsh ridicule, as a result of the publicity they garnered from the Ian Thing. And when Hanna’s so-called pal Mona overhears the gossiping, I half expected her to join right along. (Remember when Mona told the whole school that Hannah had liposuction? Good times!) But Mona surprises me, by sticking up for her friend publicly in front of her detractors. “I don’t know what’s more pathetic,” begins Mona. “People who gossip, or people who LISTEN to gossip.” (And MONA would know!)
After the girls leave, Mona then tries to cheer up her downtrodden pal, by remarking on one of the “gossipers’ Flat Asses, and how bad they look in skinny jeans. And I must admit, the exchange made me like Mona just a little bit more. So, we all know she’s going to have to screw it up soon, right?
People Not To Trust #6 – FITZY(?)
Meanwhile, in the same hallway, Spencer and Aria are marveling over how popular Bushy Eyebrows Noel has suddenly become. (Perhaps, the caterpillars on his forehead possess some weird mind control powers over the masses?)
Fitzy interrupts the exchange, calling Aria back into his classroom to
have wild and crazy sex on top of his desk “talk about her English paper.” Aria seems skeptical of the request, but ultimately complies.
Like Mona before him, Fitzy wins some points with me, by not immediately jumping into his “you have to forgive me” for lying about my ex-girlfriend routine. Fitzy’s no dumby. He’s heard the gossip about the Ian Thing, and can see how Aria and her friends are being treated at school. He offers Aria comfort and support, and wants her to know she doesn’t have to go through this alone.
But Aria is still really hurt about the Jackie Thing, and feels as though it has irrevocably changed things between her and Fitzy. Fitzy insists to Aria that NOTHING has changed, and that he still loves her. (Easy for HIM to say. HE wasn’t the one who had the run-in with the dreaded Ex.) When Aria doesn’t respond to his statement in kind, Fitzy wonders out loud whether they are over. Aria says that she doesn’t know. Then she dashes from the room.
No sex in the English class room for Fitzy! Thanks for playing! Better luck next time!
People Not to Trust #7 – Abs Toby’s Family (and Spencer’s)
Hanna and Aria aren’t the only ones having lousy days. Spencer is having one too. First, she goes to sneak a visit to Toby’s and is told by Blind Jenna that Toby’s parents have forbade him to see her. Of course, it is uncertain whether this is the TRUTH, or if Blind Jenna is just saying this so her little rape victim can’t get laid away from home. “Whatever little ‘thing’ you had with him is over,” seethes Blind Jenna, before slamming the door in Spencer’s face.
At the Hastings’ house, Police Boy Garrett is questioning an annoyingly inconsolate Melissa about Creepy Pedo Ian’s disappearance. Spencer arrives home, and Melissa starts screaming at her, telling her that as soon as Creepy Pedo Ian returns
FROM HELL! the two of them are leaving town. Because Melissa DOES NOT want her Satan Spawn baby consorting with the likes of Spencer. NO SIR!
Rather than trying to convince their older daughter that their younger one isn’t EVIL, Spencer’s parents just stare dumbly at the wall in front of them. This prompts Spencer to (correctly) note that, even though the Hastings have TWO daughters, they are only protecting one. YEAH, SPENCER! You tell that Crazy Nanny Carrie from One Tree Hill and her two middle-aged minions what’s what!
People Not to Trust #8 – Emily’s Mom (and the Creepy Realtor)
Emily is sitting in her bedroom watching internet porn . . . er . . . I mean the creepy tape showing Blind Jenna raping Toby. A realtor comes by. He’s helping Emily’s mom to sell and/or rent out the house, so that the Fields’ family can go and be with their dad on the army base in Texas. The realtor seems creepily interested in Emily’s personal memorabilia, like her childhood pictures, and her Wall Height Chart. And yet, he tells her that she will have to remove all personal affects from her home in order to help it sell better. Emily scowls . . . eager to return to her Rape DVD.
People We Can TOTALLY Trust #1 – ADORABLE LUCAS!
I smell bromance!
My SECOND favorite scene in this week’s season premiere just so happened to be one of the shortest. In it, Adorable Lucas drives a Lovestruck Caleb back into town, and drops him off at a nearby hotel. As Caleb is exiting the car, Lucas leaves him with these parting words, “Listen, I don’t know what you did to Hanna . . . but don’t do it again.”
We now return to our regularly scheduling programing of UNTRUSTWORTHY characters . . .
People Not to Trust # 9 – Shrink Anne Sullivan
I have to say, I don’t blame Hannah the least bit, for preferring Retail Therapy to THIS Grief Counseling B.S., and trying to skip out on the session. For one thing, why on Earth would the parents agree to let their kids attend grief counseling TOGETHER. How can a teenager POSSIBLY feel comfortable letting out their deepest darkest feelings, while the three people who’s opinions of them matter most are listening?
Beyond that, I didn’t trust THIS shrink, AT ALL, from the minute she appeared on screen! And, as the episode progressed further, I grew to trust her less and less. (Way to give a warm fuzzy message to the kiddies about seeking professional help for mental issues, ABC FAMILY!)
I don’t think it is any accident at all that this counselor’s name is “Anne Sullivan,” as in the noted teacher of blind and deaf heroine and phenomenon, Hellen Keller. Just out of curiosity, who ELSE do we know that’s BLIND on this show?
Anywhoo . . . not much happens during this first therapy session. The girls just awkwardly rehash how they grew apart, following Alison’s initial disappearance, and reunited, after her body was found. Ms. Sullivan notes that, under psychiatrist / patient privilege everything the girls say in the counselor’s room is private. The girls seem tempted to divulge their deepest darkest secrets. But, ultimately, they don’t.
And . . . judging by what happens later in the episode, that’s probably a GOOD THING!
Outside the therapist’s office, the girls find a local paper, featuring the four of them on the front page. To their chagrin, the article suggests that Ian skipped town on Melissa, and the foursome knew about it / attempted to cover it up. Apparently, Ian’s car was found in the woods, abandoned, with $10,000 stowed away in the backseat . . . i.e the blackmail money the girls attempted to offer Ian during the finale.
SURPRISE! It’s time for another text from “A.” This one says, “I spy a liar.” OK, I’m sorry, A, but that was just lame, particularly for a FIRST post hiatus text message.
The only thing that makes SPENCER feel better about this moment is that Toby seems to be there waiting for her.
Except, as it turns out, he’s NOT waiting for Spencer . . . he’s waiting to pick up Blind Jenna from some appointment he had to attend.
(You know, this ENTIRE episode seemed to point to Jenna and Police Boy Garrett working together as “A.” Of course, knowing this show, this probably means that neither of them are “A.” Still, this devilish duo DOES seem to always be around when “A” is doing her nastiest deeds.)
People Not to Trust #10 Caleb(?) and Mona (I knew she’d somehow wind up back on this list.)
Hannah comes home from an afternoon of shopping and head shrinking to find Caleb waiting for her in her kitchen. After making sure her daughter is OK, Mama Marin rises to leave the two lovebirds alone. Poor Hanna is CLEARLY affected by her Virginity Removers unexpected return to Rosewood. But she stays strong, and tries to remain stoic. “You not allowed to . . . look at me like that,” scolds Hannah, as the Caleb Puppy Dog Eyes begin to work their magic on her recently iced over heart . . .
FINALLY, Caleb gets to tell Hanna about the Goodbye Letter he gave to Mona to deliver to her. FINALLY, he gets to tell her how he feels, and how truly sorry he is for SPYING ON HER for Batsh*t Crazy Blind Jenna! (It SURE took him long enough!) “Most of my life, I have felt alone . . . even when I was with people . . . until I met you . . . If you let me, I will make it up to you . . . I love you,” Caleb explains, his eyes welling up with big hearty man-tears, as he speaks.
Oh, hormones! How you wreck me!
Though moved by Caleb’s words, Hanna stays strong, unable to get past the VERY personal way in which Caleb betrayed her. For those of you who have forgotten . . .
Caleb is crushed by Hanna’s refusal to forgive him, and her seemingly cold response to his love declaration. But he understands why Hanna feels the way she does, and accepts it . . . for now. “Goodbye, Hannah,” he tells her sadly before exiting the house, for what he probably believes will be the last time.
It is not until after Caleb leaves that Hanna finally allows those long suffering tears to escape her eyes.
I’ve gotta be honest. The whole thing is pretty darn depressing. And yet, things are about to get worse for poor Hanna!
Our heroine heads immediately to the local coffee shop to confront Mona for failing to give Hanna Caleb’s letter. I must admit, when Mona first threw away Caleb’s Goodbye Love Letter to Hanna, I was the first one to accuse her of doing it out of petty jealousy. And yet, upon being confronted, Mona’s assertion that she did it to protect Hannah’s heart from being broken again seemed surprisingly genuine. (I can’t BELIEVE I’m actually saying something nice about Mona today. What’s wrong with me?)
That being said, those MASSIVE Eiffel Tower earrings and that CLOWN lipstick HAVE TO GO!
Hanna wasn’t about to forgive Caleb, and she’s CERTAINLY not going to forgive her best friend for HER betrayal. For a split second, I actually found myself feeling bad for Mona, who, let’s face it, really doesn’t have any other friends to fall back on, after this. But then THIS happened, and ALL that good will, I had just built up for Mona went flying RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!
HOLY MOTHER OF UGLY CATERPILLAR EYEBROWS! Mona is swapping spit with Bushy Eyebrows Noel! Hell has obviously frozen over . . .
People Not to Trust #11 –
Crazy Nanny Carrie Spencer’s Sister, Melissa
Remember back when the PLL girls orchestrated a date night for Emily and Maya, when their parents wouldn’t let them see one another?
Well, as it turns out, Emily is ready to return the favor, by orchestrating a little secret date time at HER house for Spencer and Abs Toby. Spencer prepares for her Big Night Out by stepping into something a bit
sluttier more comfortable . . .
So, of course, Cockblock Melissa has to come in and RUIN EVERYTHING!
Apparently, Melissa suffers from some kind of Multiple Personality Disorder. Just a few hours ago, she was AFRAID TO LET SPENCER NEAR HER BABY, afraid that the mere proximity would cause her precious child to contact Pretty Little Cooties. But now, suddenly, Melissa is the PERFECT Big Sis, promising not to rat Spencer out for going on her secret date, and telling Spencer that she “believes her” about Ian. “I know he would NEVER leave me
to bang more underage chicks, like Ali, and you, and Blind Jenna,” coos Melissa nauseatingly.
She then lets Spencer in on a little secret, the name of her future child. It’s “Taylor.” Damn it! That was going to be the name of MY future child, if I ever decided to have kids. Well, SCRAP THAT! (By the way, remember this little tidbit of info, because it’s going to become important later.)
Suddenly, Melissa wants to know EVERYTHING about Spencer’s adventures with “A.” (How convenient!) Not able to say no to her SHREW of a sister, who so rarely acts like a human being, that Spencer really must take advantage of the rare moments when this occurs, the younger Hastings sister reluctantly texts Emily to cancel her date with the Tobster.
Back at Emily’s house, Toby does carpentry work for Emily (OK, when did the character formerly known as Creepy Toby suddenly become the PERFECT SPECIMEN of man).
And though he is clearly disappointed about being ditched by his girlfriend, the Tobster still manages to share a sweet moment with Emily, promising her that all is forgiven between them, and that the two will still be friends, even after she leaves for Texas. (Repeat after me: AWWW!)
People Not to Trust #12 – YOURSELF (around a Shirtless Fitzy)
SQUEE! It does SQUATS TOO!
So, remember when I told you that the Adorable Lucas scene was my SECOND favorite one in the hour. Well, THIS one was my favorite. This, of course, had nothing at all to do with the dialogue between Aria and Ezra, and EVERYTHING to do with THIS . . .
OK ladies! For those of you out there who have EVER tried to make the argument that Fitzy and Aria have NOT done the deed yet, this episode should absolutely, positively prove you WRONG! Because here’s the thing, had Aria not ALREADY made herself EXTREMELY familiar with Fitzy’s “goods” there is NO WAY IN HELL that she would have been able to carry on a semi-intelligent conversation with him for three minutes, while he was looking LIKE THAT! It’s scientifically impossible!
Holy heck! Who knew THAT was underneath all those geeky sweatervests and button down shirts Fitzy always wears. If I was a guy and looked like him, I’d never wear clothing AT ALL!
But I guess I should at least somewhat mention the conversation that took place in this scene. Fitzy thanks Aria for coming to see her. He encourages her to talk about all the crap that’s going on in her life. He promises her that she is not alone, because she has him, basically saying all the right things to get back into his girlfriend’s
panties good graces.
Then Fitzy allows Aria to play Twenty Questions with him. She starts peppering him with questions about his relationship with Jackie. Was he on the rebound, when he met her? He says he wasn’t. And yet, he WAS technically still in love with Jackie, on that fateful day when Aria and Fitzy banged in the bathroom . . .
Hmmm . . . interesting.
Fitzy realizes he probably screwed up by saying that, so he uses his poetry skills to try and dig himself out of the massive hole into which he just dug himself. “There is not one moment when we were together when I was ever thinking about ANYBODY other than you,” he offers. “You know what I love about Saturdays?” He adds. “It’s looking up and realizing we have the WHOLE DAY to be together.”
Well played, Fitzy. But, unfortunately it wasn’t enough. When everyone’s favorite Naked English teacher asks Aria to spend the day with him, she declines. She doesn’t even agree to CALL him the next day. OUCH! Maybe the sex isn’t that good?
As Aria is leaving Fitzy’s place, she gets a text from “A.”
It’s a photograph of Fitzy’s home office. Apparently, “A” has removed the spare key from under his mat, and took the liberty of letting him or herself inside. I vaguely recall Police Boy Garrett snatching that key last season. Intriguing . . .
People Not to Trust #13 – THE WORLD!
Together once again, the PLL’s make a joint decision to spill their guts to Shrinky Dink Anne Sullivan. They even plan to show her the Rape DVD of Blind Jenna (wonder how Abs Toby would feel about that), and the Snuff Porn Ali and Ian film, both of which are currently stored on Emily’s computer. (Note: Important.) The foursome schedule an appointment with Shrinky. However, just when they are about to show her the video, Hannah notices an interesting diploma on the wall. It’s Fitzy’s.
I have to admit, when I first noticed the diploma, I didn’t make the right connection. My first thought was that Anne Sullivan was Fitzy’s MOM! (Though now I see, the age difference is a bit too small for that.) After a few moments, however, I realized what the PLL’s did. That “A” had clearly stolen Fitzy’s diploma, and put it in Anne Sullivan’s office, as a warning to them against spilling the beans to her about what they knew.
The question is, who else, aside from the PLL’s would realistically make an appointment with a grief counselor, in order to have access to her office. Once again, all signs point to Blind Jenna . . .
“It always comes back to me, doesn’t it?”
Suitably freaked out, the girls rush out of Shrinky Dink’s office, making sure to take Fitzy’s diploma with them. This pisses off La Shrinka ROYALLY, and she responds by telling all the PLL’s parents that they shouldn’t hang out together anymore. WOW, that’s pretty much the WORST ADVICE a grief counselor could give a group of girls who are EXPERIENCING LOSS, DON’T TRUST ANYONE, and ASIDE FROM ONE ANOTHER FEEL COMPLETELY ALONE. And yet, all the PLL parents think this is a FABULOUS idea.
No wonder teens don’t listen to their parents! The adults on EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY teen-oriented show I watch SUCK SERIOUS ASS!
I am REALLY hating this Shrink Lady. So, much so, that when she was getting stalked as she left her office, I was kind of hoping “A” would kill her. Except “A” would never do that, because Shrink Lady is CLEARLY in cahoots with “A.” Because, think about it WHO ELSE would want to separate the PLL girls, so that she or he can work on them separately and make their lives miserable. It wouldn’t be the first time “A” tried to break up the PLL crew!
Be afraid, PLLs! Be very afraid!
Speaking of afraid, Spencer is home alone, and hears a noise in her kitchen. For a few dreamy seconds there, I was kind of hoping it was the same person who made the NOISE in her kitchen LAST TIME this happened!
Come back, Dr. Wren! I MISS YOU!
But Spencer’s had kind of a bad day. So, she doesn’t think her intruder is Drunk Wren, at all. Rather, she’s convinced it is SOMEONE TRYING TO MURDER HER. And so she takes a page out of the Scream handbook, and does THIS . . .
Except the Psycho Killer actually ends up being ABS TOBY!
(Hey, Spencer got to make use out of that slutty top, after all!)
“I had to see you,” Toby whispers in Spencer’s ear sweetly, as the two rush into one another’s arms for a tearful embrace.
I really do heart these two. I especially loved when Toby left the house after
sex with Spencer their date, and protectively told Spencer to “lock the door.” Spencer’s response, “yes sir,” was so flirtatiously cute, and so “un-Spencer,” it totally gave you an idea of how smitten these two individuals are over one another.
Alas, things in the Hasting’s household can never stay sweet for long! Spencer soon finds a new text message on her sister’s cell phone (Why did that asshat leave it home, after she JUST got it back?). It’s from a blocked number. The text says something about the person not being able to tell Melisssa his or her whereabouts, because it is “not safe yet.”
A freaked out Spencer, immediately texts all the PLL’s with an SOS. The foursome sneak out of their houses and meet up in a random greenhouse. (Who the heck has a random greenhouse, in Rosewood? Just sayin’.) The girls immediately wonder whether IAN is alive and well, and texting Melissa. To test this theory, they ask him a question they ASSUME only Ian would know, the name of his future child. The texter responds correctly, “Taylor.”
Except, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure that text WAS from Ian. After all, considering how much “A” knows about all the girls that nobody else does, who’s to say she couldn’t have picked up that specific piece of information about the name of Melissa’s future baby. Regardless, the PLL girls are understandably pissing in their pants now.
But the real kicker comes at the end of the episode when GLOVED HAND reappears. This time he or she has made an appointment with the Fields’ realtor to see their house. While there, the person ERASES EMILY’S ENTIRE HARDDRIVE, including all the incriminating DVD’s thereon.
OK, I’m sorry, but Emily must be a friggin moron. Why the HELL would you leave your VERY VALUABLE laptop out in the open when LOTS OF RANDOM people would be stopping by to SEE YOUR HOUSE? Didn’t what happened to Spencer’s laptop at the dance last season teach you anything?
More interesting than Emily’s stupidity though, is the fact that Gloved Hand HAS to be an adult. After all, a Realtor wouldn’t in good faith show a home for sale to a TEEN, like Jenna, Mona or Noel, would they? This little clue would serve to point a finger to some of the OLDER suspects on the show, like, for example, Police Boy Garrett, Ali’s brother, Jason, Anne Sullivan, or even Fitzy. Then again, “A” could still be a teen who merely HIRED someone to do this for him or her.
“OK . . . now, I’m totally confused!”
And, there you have it: our first Season 2 PLL episode, in a VERY LARGE nutshell. Did it live up to your expectations?