A Whole Lotta’ Naked Going On – A Recap of True Blood’s “You Smell Like Dinner”

“Hey!  I know you!  Aren’t you that chick from the Harry Potter movies?”

“Woah . . . on second thought, maybe not.”

Happy July 4th, Fangbangers!  You know, i think it’s actually rather fitting that this particular episode of True Blood aired on the Eve of our nation’s birth.  After all, it featured, among other things, a political revolution . . .

Coincidentally, this is also what Vampire Bill looks like, when he loses at Paintball.

. . . a “family barbecue” . . .

“If this is dinner, I can’t WAIT for dessert!”

 . . . lots of drinking . . .

 . . . bonfires . . .

 . . . fireworks . . .

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. . . and enough Hot Naked Man Meat to fill a nude beach!

So, pop open a beer, break out the sparklers, and throw some steak on the barbecue, because it’s time to get all hot and bothered with your favorite spunky waitress, and her smoking hot vampire pals . . .

Jason Stackhouse is NOT a Lollipop!

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When we last left the World’s Most Adorable Policeman, Jason Stackhouse, he was chilling in a cooler, thanks to his trailer trash budies in Hotshot.  He wakes up open-shirted, tied to a bedpost, and with the strange sensation that someone’s tongue is on his skin.

“Woohoo!  Sounds like SOMEONE had a great night!”

Then, he turns to his side, and realizes that the person doing the licking is this creepy teenage boy named Timbo.

You can definitely tell how much growing up Jason has done, since last season.  The old Jason and most rational human beings would have totally freaked out at the prospect of a boy with questionable hygiene slobbering his saliva all over his bloody forehead.  But New and Mature Jason seems to take his situation in stride.  “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the licking.  I’m just more of a bandaid kind of guy,” Jason explains calmly.

Of course, there are some things you just can’t bandaid.

Here are these two creepy kids that knocked our Jason unconscious, tied him to a bedpost, and started drooling all over them.  And Jason is just calmly chatting with them, much like a mild-mannered dad would talk to a kid who just spilled milk on the countertop.  I don’t know whether to hug him, lick him, or slap him in the face for being so blase about his own safety.

Yet, ultimately, Jason seemed to have the right idea.  He sensed his captors’ reluctance over holding him prisoner. And, by sweetly telling the inbred how much he loved and cared about him, Jason eventually got Timbo to agree to loosen his makeshift handcuffs.

Enter Batsh*t Crazy Felton and his shotgun!

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Sweet naive dumb Jason immediately starts worrying about his trailer trash girlfriend, Crystal, who he supposedly stole from this Dipsh%t, last season. 

I never saw what all the fuss was about with her . . .

Oddly enough, it’s Felton that sets him straight.  Just as Jason calmly tried to explain to the Hotshot teens that tying people up and licking them against their will is “not a very polite thing to do,” Felton explains to Jason that when you are tied to a bedpost, and have a fully-loaded shot gun up your nose, it isn’t exactly the time to be thinking about sex.  Who says you can’t learn anything from watching True Blood? 

Man, this Felton guy seems to be a bit smarter than we once thought.  So, when Felton tells Jason that he is about to be f*&ked . . .  well . . .

Creepy Crystal makes her appearance later, and SURPRISE, she’s in on the whole thing.  Yeah, I wasn’t that surprised either.  She leans over Jason’s bed and coos in his ear that this is the only way the two of them are going to “be together forever.”  And suddenly, I’m wondering whether I accidentally switched over to one of those Lifetime movies . . .

“Together forever?  So, you’re a vampire now, too?”

Then Andy comes to town.  And there is hope in our hearts that he will save the day, and his partner from a life of inbred idiocy.

“MY HERO!”

 But nope.  He’s just there to pick up his next fix of vampire blood investigate V-dealing in Hotshot.  Crystal stuffs some gauze into Jason’s mouth, so he won’t scream.  I can think of worse things she could have put in there.  Meanwhile “Criminal Mastermind” Felton instructs some geezer to hand over the V to Andy, so that he leaves Hotshot, without conducting any further “investigation.”

 With Andy out of the picture, the time has come for Crystal and Felton to reveal their TRUE intentions for kidnapping Jason.  “We are going to make a baby,” Felton explains, as he starts unbuttoning his pants.

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(Hmmm . . . yeah . . . I’m thinking that’s not scientifically possible, Felton.  You get an A for effort, though!)  As it turns out, it’s Crystal who’s going to be boinking our boy Jason to make a baby.  Apparently, the only real bullets coming out of Felton are the ones in his shotgun.  So, if Crystal wants a werepanther kid, she’s going to have to screw another werepanther.  Rather, than choose any of the other 150 brothers and male cousins she’s humped in the past, Crystal opts instead to “put a little Stackhouse in her.”

Can you blame her?

But wait . . . you might be thinking to yourself  . . .  Jason isn’t a werepanther?  Well, that’s when things get REALLY beastly, folks.  Poor Jason, the final scene of his story makes getting licked by Timbo seem like a Naked Picnic in the Park . . .

Remember when the only thing Jason had to worry about, was whether his girlfriend would kill his gay vampire friend for V?  Those were the days . . .

Both Crystal and Felton immediately morph into werepanthers, and start RAVAGING Jason Stackhouse’s half-naked body WITH THEIR MOUTHS!

Meanwhile, back at Sookie’s House . . .

Eric Psychoanalyzes Sookie, Panties Fall Across the Land

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When we last left our FAVORITE TB couple to be, Eric was clutching Sookie’s bathrobe, and our girly parts her heart strings, when he said those three words every woman wants to hear . . . but only if someone who looks like Alexander Skarsgard is saying them: “You . . .  are . . . mine.”

If anyone out there was still doubting Sookie’s and Eric’s capacity for Smoking Hot Coupledom, this scene should have bit the naysayers in the neck, once and for all.  The snarky, witty, and sexy banter shared by these two is unmatched by any other two characters on this show (with the exception, perhaps, of Vampire Pam, and . . . well . . . anybody). 

Each line was more titillatingly clever than the next.  Each passionately frustrated look the pair shared pushed them ever closer to ripping one another’s clothing off, and getting down and dirty, right on the staircase of Sookie’s recently-renovated home.

Speaking of the staircase, that’s where we begin our episode.  Sookie is rushing down the stairs away from her lover pursuer.  Note to Sookie:  Never attempt a foot race with a vampire.  You will ALWAYS lose.  Of course, when you are with Vampire Eric, even “losing” is winning, in a way. 😉

Within seconds, Eric is in front of her once again.  “That is no way to treat your landlord,” Eric snarks.

THIS is how you treat your landlord.

“What do you want from me?”  Sookie whines. 

“Everything,” replies Eric calmly (Coming from the guy who was able to bone Yvetta for six hours straight, without tiring, I’d say that’s a pretty fair trade.)

Sookie then explains to Eric that, when he purchased her house, SHE didn’t come with it.  “Then, I seriously overpaid,” replies Eric.  (Hmmm . . . I wonder if Eric had his attorney include “Sookie” in the Real Estate Contract, as a pre-condition for purchasing the home.)

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Thus begin our Sookie Psychoanalysis Session.  Though not technically related to Sookie’s inner Id, Eric begins the discussion with a long erotic description of what Sookie smells like.  “Your blood is like sunshine in a pretty blonde bottle . . . That is what vampires smell, when they smell you.”

I’ve got sunshine .  . . on a cloudy day  . . . when it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May.  I . . . guess . . . you . . . say . . . what can make me feel this way .  . .  SOOKEH!

Eric than offers Sookie the best sex of her life protection from the Evil Sunshine Sniffing Vampires of Bon Temps.  “I bought this house, because I care about you,” he explains.

“I’m just asking you to consider my offer.”  (Oh!  COME ON, SOOKIE!  Consider his offer, dammit!)

Eric’s psychoanalysis kicks into full gear, when he asks Sookie to recall the time that Vampire Beeeeel first announced that she was his.  “How did it make you feel?”  Eric inquires, in his best impression of a REALLY hot version of Dr. Phil.

“It made me feel nauseous angry,” explains Sookie.

“But it also made you feel safe.”  Eric replies. 

It is at this point in the scene that Eric launches into his surprisingly deep analysis of “The Two Sookies.”

Sookie #1

Sookie #2

Listen to Eric explain the difference between the Two Sookie’s was like listening to an interview with Alan Ball, if Alan Ball was a studly Viking Vamp you desperately wanted to screw, in which he explained the driving motivations behind a sometimes-VERY confusing character.  Suddenly, Sookie makes sense to me! 

Thank you, Eric Northman!  Now, let’s go have sex.

According to Eric, there is one part of Sookie that is desperate to live out a normal boring human existence, as a waitress in Bon Temps, and another, supernatural, mind-reading, vampire-loving, ass-kicking, fairy Sookie who wants to be Eric’s sex slave wants more from her life.  I suspect this assessment of Sookie is correct, and explains why she sometimes seems to shun the very supernatural existence in which she regularly gets herself embroiled. 

But enough of that Psychological Mumbo Jumbo, let’s get back to the FLIRTING!  Sookie wants to know if Eric thinks her legs will just magically open for him, just because he wants them to do so.

They sure seem open to me.

“Well, that was saucy!” Eric exclaims, as the dirty pictures of an open-legged Sookie begin invading his brain at full force.

Daddy like!

Whereas Vampire Bill always seemed put off by, and frustrated by Sookie’s “un-ladylike” potty-mouthed back talk, Vampire Eric is intrigued and impressed by Sookie’s sharp wit, and take-no-prisoners attitude.  In fact, he encourages it, as he believes that it is Sookie’s mental toughness that will ultimately keep him save when he cannot do so. 

In other words, TEAM ERIC, FTW!

Why Can’t You Pay My Beeeeeel?

Speaking of “He Who Does Not Belong with Sookie,” Sookie rushes to a now fancy-schmancy King Bill’s house only to be accosted by a Creepy Gun Toting Security Detail.  Not yet aware that Bill has been made King of Louisiana, Sookie is clearly taken aback by this rude interruption of her attempt to Cry to Daddy that Eric was Mean to Her.  (I thought she didn’t trust him anymore?  Hmmm.)

When one of the Men in Black informs Bill that his former play thing is on the premises, His Majesty allows little Sookie to pass onto his property.   “Yeah . . . y’all stand down!”  Sookie explains, as she stomps off to Bill’s.  (Sometimes Sookie bugs me, but I ADORED her this week.  Anybody else feel the same way?)

When Sookie arrives at Bill’s house, he is conveniently finishing up his “Kingly Duties” of Boning that Sophie Anne – lookalike  / Witch Spy from last week. 

“Dude!  Stop calling me Sookeh!  It’s really rude!”

The stench of sex is fresh in the air, as an all fanged up “Katerina,” who is part of his “security”  (What exactly is she securing, his weiner?), exits the premises.  Man, what a douche Bill has always been become.  Could you imagine screwing a guy, and promptly being told to leave so that the REAL object of his affections can have her turn?  And what about Sookie?  I mean, I understand, Bill wants to show his ex what she’s “missing,” but really, that was just gross.

BEEEEEEEEEL (you ought to be ashamed of yourself)!

Anywhoo . . . Sookie’s all pouty-lipped and baby faced, when she asks Bill for help with the whole “Eric Situation.”  She really knows how to work this guy.  Unfortunately, Bill claims that there is nothing he can do about Sookie’s little “situation.”  Thankfully Unfortunately, Eric has some “friends in high places,” so Bill’s hands are tied.

Nice buddy!  Way to rub it in!

Bill “helpfully” suggests that Sookie crash at another human’s house, while everything gets sorted out.  However, Sookie, who’s way smarter than Bill, knows that this will immediately result in Eric’s buying that house too.

Now, I own your friends too!  I smell an orgy!

Before sarcastically bidding “his Excellency” goodbye, Sookie inquires of her former beau how he ended up becoming King.  At this point, fans are sitting at the edge of their seat, unless, of course, they already watched the episode last week on HBO GO they want to know how Bill became King too.  But, alas, Sookie was just teasing us.  “Nevermind,” she tells Bill disgustedly.  “Every time I learn something about you I end up wishing I didn’t know it.”

But WAIT!  Bill is staring at the floor, DEEPLY and INTENSELY!  I sense a FLASHBACK!

It’s 1982, do you know where your Beeeel is?

We see Vampire Bill dressed in a ridiculous Billy Idol costume, and we briefly wonder if it’s Halloween.   But no.  Bill is actually a punk rocker, looking for a “taste.”  He hits on a bartender for a bit.  And the two of them head outside for a “drink.” 

Now, Bill is making Bartender’s neck into his own personal chew toy.  Bartender is terrified, and screaming out in pain.  But, lest you think our Vampire Bill is an insensitive Punk Rocker, he promptly heals the bites, with his own blood, and glamours the Bartender to forget what happened.  Heck, Vampire Bill even has time to give the dude with “F*&ker” written on the back of his vest some helpful nutritional advice.  “Take Vitamin D and iron supplements,” he instructs him kindly.

Weirdest back alley makeout session, EVER!

Out of the shadows emerges a familiar face . . .

It’s NAN!  Apparently, before the days when the head of the Vampire League had the Men in Black doing all her dirty work, she was forced to make house calls at seedy night clubs.  She’s been following Punk Rocker Bill around for a while.  Nan is impressed with Bill’s self-control.  He eats like a Super Model: never finishing a meal, and never leaving over as much as a crumb of evidence.

She wants him to join her little vampire club.  They plan to start a new era of vampires who live happily among humans.  To do that, she apparently needs a group of Billy Idol wannabes to infiltrate the government, with their excessive hair gel and nose rings.  Bill seems to be precisely the man for the job!  Umm .  . . yay?

Long Live the Queen . . .  well . . . maybe not

“Hey, what the heck is this?  I was supposed to stick around until Season 7!  I want my money back.”

Flash forward to sort-of present day.  Queen Sophie Anne and Bill are preparing to battle one another.  Their fangs are bared.  They are each wearing their best Evil Vampire Faces.  Then Bill, pussies out, and brings in the goon squad.

This isn’t about honor.   It’s about revenge.  You see, Bill blames Sophie Anne for what happened between him and Sookie . . . even though, let’s face it, if it weren’t for Sophie Anne, Bill would have never MET Sookie, in the first place.  Talk about an ingrate! 

Enter Big Bad Vampire Nan.  As it turns out, she had a reason to want Queen Sophie Anne dead too.  Sophie Anne was dealing V behind the Vampire League’s back.  And NO ONE crosses the Vampire League, and lives to tell the tale.

BILL:  “I am so turned on by you right now.”

NAN:  “Thanks, but no thanks . . . I don’t do dead guys.”

Recognizing that Bill’s murder of Sophie Anne was more than just business, Nan asks Bill what it is about Sookie that makes every supernatural creature in Bon Temps fall all over themselves trying to get into her pants.  Bill tells Nan that, as it turns out, there is nothing special about Sookie at all . . .

After Bill’s nose grows tree-sized, a la Pinocchio, Nan warns him that if he lies to her, he will end up just like Sophie Anne.  Ooh from your lips to Alan Ball’s ears, Nan!  Nan then pays Bill for his loyal service to the American Vampire League by dubbing him King of Louisiana.  “Now, go clean yourself up . . .” instructs Nan, making a hot shower Bill’s first kingly duty.  “You are covered in Queen.”

Now, that was just in bad taste!

Speaking of getting bloody . . .

Devil Baby 2 , Arlene 0

I’ve gotta say.  This is the most adorable Evil Spawn I have ever seen!

Over at Merlotte’s, Sookie is introduced to Devil Baby Mikey for the first time.  She coos and coddles him appropriately, telling the proud parents . . . well . . . one of them is proud at least . . . that Mikey is the cutest little baby she has ever seen. 

“How are you so attractive AND related to Arlene?”

Sookie unintentionally freaks out Arlene by implying that the baby is an “Old Soul,” and that she can read the baby’s mind.  Arlene starts screaming at Sookie for no reason, protesting that she loves her Devil Baby, no matter what her thoughts might be saying to the contrary.  After Sookie leaves, Arlene stares at the baby, and it . . . GIVES HER PINK EYE?

I don’t know, as far as Devil Baby tricks go .  . . this one was kind of lame.  But, hey, he’s just a baby.  I’m sure his head will be spinning around and spewing green goo in no time! 

After declaring her giggling son totally rotten, Arlene rushes off to the bathroom to flush out her eyeballs.  Meanwhile, Sweet Naive Terry just hugs his baby tighter, reassuring him the most, even if he is the Devil Incarnate.  Terry is such a nice dude.   I’m really hoping Devil Baby takes pity on him, and spares his life, after chopping up Arlene’s body into little tiny pieces and mixing it with his Baby Food, don’t you?

“I second that emotion.”

Speaking of people who work at Merlotte’s (Yep .  . . bad transition . . . I know . . .)

More Naked Sam and Naked Tommy . . . meh.

You know, I never thought I’d say this, but I can do with LESS nudity in the Sam Merlotte storyline.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  You are saying, “But, TV Recapper .  . . you LOVE all of Hollywood’s Naked Creatures!  Half of your blog is filled with them.”  This is all true.  But Sam, Tommy, and their shifter pals are naked so much, I feel like I’ve walked into a nudist colony, whenever they are on screen.  I like my nudity to be surprising, titillating, and, if at all possible, a precursor to sex.

Nudity for nudity’s sake just isn’t as much fun.  Sorry, but that’s how I feel.  So, anyway, Sam and Luna have just finished their wild pony ride.  They are lying naked in the forest.  Sam puts the moves on Luna, by telling her she is too beautiful not to have a story, and, blah, blah, blah . . .

Luna flips out, turns into a horse, and runs away.

Later, she changes her mind and comes back to Merlotte’s for some more Sam shaped nookie, promising to open up to him about her pants her past.  Sam, who could really care less about Luna’s past, and was just pretending to care about it so that he could get laid, gratefully agrees, and kisses Luna some more. Zzzzzzz . . .

Later, at a Shapeshifter Bonfire we learn that Luna is a Skinwalker.  This means that she can shift into not only any animal, but into any HUMAN as well.  (Maybe she can shift this into a more exciting storyline.)    True Blood took a page out of TVD in creating Luna’s Skinwalker story.  Apparently, you can only become a werewolf Skinwalker by killing . . . only, this time, the person you murder has to be a member of your own family.  And since Luna’s mom died giving birth to her . . . well .  . .

“Been there . .  . done that . . . have the back scars to prove it.”

Uh oh!  There is someone in the woods watching the Shapeshifter reunion.  It’s Naked Tommy.  Apparently, he’s been lying about the whole “being a cripple” thing, so that he can continue to get love from Maxine. 

Now, that’s the face of a loving woman!

But, alas, what Tommy really wants is the love of a good woman Shirtless Sam . . .

“I can make you happy, Sam!  We can take the phrase ‘screwing like bunnies’ to a whole new level.”

Sam agrees to try to make things work with his half-brother.  And if I cared at all, I would sigh and say awwww . .  .

Tara’s Back AND WAY LESS ANNOYING than she used to be . . .

“I must say, Tara, becoming a lesbian has done wonders for your fashion sense!”

If this season has made me grow increasingly less fond of Sam Merlotte, it has had the opposite effect on Tara Thornton.  I was so thrilled, when a newly-long haired, well-dressed, smiley, well adjusted Tara surprised Sookie in her backyard.  (Too bad those fairy hallucinations were behind her.  But they went away quickly enough that they didn’t bother me too much.)

Though, admittedly, their relationship seemed strained all last season, Tara and Sookie easily seemed to pick up where they left off, gossiping like school girls, while making plans to eat ice cream and talk about boys. . . and girls.  But, of course, Sookie was a bit distracted by her new beau, to truly give proper attention to her best girl.  After all, Eric had clearly been making himself at home in her house by: cleaning out her refrigerator . . .

Coincidentally, this is EXACTLY how my fridge looks . . .

 . . . and purchasing new “furniture.”

“Hmmm . . . I just kind of hoped assumed he would sleep in my bed.”

Desperate to nip this Eric Thing in the ass bud, Sookie promptly bids adieu to her bestie, and heads over to Fangtasia.

Vampires Eat Who they Want

If Sookie thought she was going to get sympathy from Vampire Pam or Vampire Jessica for her “awful plight of having a Hot Viking Vamp in her bed,” she was wrong.  The Fangtasia vamps have their own problems, having to “hold their fangs” every day, among dump species-ist picketers, who will jump at the chance to catch a vampire behaving badly on camera, so that they can post it on YouTube . . .

Vampire Pam has absolutely no interest in helping Sookie out of her little jam.  Instead, she instructs her to “consider his offer.”  And why not?  Eric is good looking, rich, and “cares about [Sookie] . . . he really does.”

So, why not let Eric play with Sookie’s puppet strings, every once in a while, if it means keeping her safe?  Pam wonders.  “My Fairy Princess . . . you are going to have to be somebody’s, or you won’t BE,” Pam tells her, in no uncertain terms.

“Dance puppet . . . DANCE!”

The thought of being Eric’s puppet for all eternity makes Sookie have to pee.  So, off to the bathroom she rushes.  In there she finds Vampire Jess biting a dude who is most definitely NOT HOYT!

Apparently, Hoyt’s comment that he “doesn’t do that sh*t,” when Jess offered to heal his wound with her blood made the Baby Vamp MAD . . . HORNY MAD!

“Grrr!  I’m so mad at you, I could have sex with this guy, right in the public restroom!”

When Sookie attempts to offer Jess some “maternal” advice about who she should and shouldn’t be biting, Baby Vamp basically throws a “You’re not my Mommy,” back in her face.  Even though I’m NOT a Vampire Bill fan, at all, I kind of like how Jess feels enough of a kinship with him, to be angry at Sookie on his behalf for dumping him.  It shows a fierce loyalty on her part.  Of course, it wouldn’t hurt, if she spared some of that loyalty for her own boyfriend.  “I’ll eat who I want,” pouts Jessica, as she stomps out of the bathroom.

HELLO AMNESIA ERIC!  (We’ve been waiting for you!)

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Based on the events of this episode, I would say we definitely have BILL to thank for bringing Amnesia Eric to life.  Now, whether he KNEW what was going to happen to Eric (he did have a spy in Marnie’s Coven, after all), and did it intentionally, to get revenge on his frenemy for “buying Sookie” remains to be seen.  Anywhoo, we see that Big Bad King Bill has summoned Eric to his castle.

Bill wonders if Eric would be willing to reconsider his purchase of Sookie’s home and the promise of hours and hours of mindblowing shower sex in her newly renovated bathroom .  Eric says (more or less), “Heck NO, King Chump!  You’ve had your chance with the Fairy Princess.  It’s my turn, now!”

“Yes . . . I’m awesome.  I know it.”

King Bill informs Eric that the new coven in town practices “necromancy.”  In other words, they have the power to control the dead . . . which, of course, includes vampires.  Eric boredly offers to get Pam on the case, reminding Bill that he is MUCH older and hotter than Bill, and therefore knows better the risk these witches can cause.  But Bill, who might suspect what will become of Eric later in the episode demands that Eric put a stop to the coven’s evil doings HIMSELF. (SO BOSSY!)

Cut to the coven meeting . . .

Hello, GORGEOUS!

Lafayette and Jesus are there.  And Tara is there too.  She’s not down with the whole Creepy Wiccan thing, and would much prefer to read Good Housekeeping instead.  (Hmmm . . . I wonder if they have any good Cage Fighting tips in there.)

Marnie spends most of the meeting rudely not talking to any of her followers, until suddenly she perks up and decides that, since the clan has graduated from bringing dead birds to life, the next stop is DEAD HUMANS!

Enter, one very sexy Dead Human . . .

“Y’all looking for a Dead Body?”  Eric inquires, doing his best interpretation of a Country Bumpkin. 

Eric then spots Good Ole Laffy in the crowd, and gives him a seductive wink for old times sake.  “Oh, Lafayette.  I didn’t know you were a witch.”

“Oh, honey!  I will be whatever you want me to be.”

Eric tells Marnie in no uncertain terms that their coven is not to convene ever again.  And if it tries to do so, he will find out about it, because “[he] is everywhere.”  (Oh, if only he were.)  Ignoring Eric’s orders, Marnie instructs the coven to join hands and begin chanting.  Eric then lunges for her, taking a big chunk out of her neck.  Enter Cage Fighter Tara, always one to rescue the weak and feeble-minded.  Unfortunately, even her Bad Assedness is no match for the Big Bad Viking Vamp . . .

“Wow, that is quite a grip you have.  No wonder Sookie can’t resist you.”

Ever the good cousin, Lafayette, who, up to this point, hasn’t been joining in the Wiccan games begins chanting alongside his coven mates, in hopes of rescuing Tara.  Just like last time, Lafayette’s chanting, combined with the rest of the group, has an effect on Marnie.  Like a woman possessed (which, of course, she is), her eyes glow, and she starts chanting in Latin.  Oh, she also gets a much prettier face . . . for like two seconds . . .

“Hey, it’s cheaper than plastic surgery!”

“Hey, she’s kind of sexy.  I’d hit that.”

A bewildered Eric walks off in a daze, making sure to take off his shirt and jacket as he leaves.  (Why?  Because he loves his fans, that’s why!  Does there have to be a logical / plot-oriented reason?)

Cut to a few moments later . . .  Sookie is driving in her cute little yellow car, when she finds a cute little Half-Naked Eric wandering in the woods.

“Hey Roomie!  What’s for dinner?  Aside from ME of course!”

“Excuse me, miss.  I seem to have lost my cool black jacket.  Could you help me find it?  I think it’s hiding in my pants.” 

When Eric claims not to know Sookie at all, she assumes he’s kidding around with her . . . that is . . . until he looks her right in the eye, and says this:  “Why do you smell so good?”

That’s right, Fangbangers!  Amnesia Eric is here to stay . . . and he’s in desperate need of a shower!

See ya next week, Tiny Humans!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]