“Excuse me, we’re feeling a little crispy up here!” – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 4 Finale “And When I Die”

So, I was thinking of making a life-sized sculpture of this image, and putting it in my living room as a coat rack.  (I’d only actually hang coats on the Bill side, of course.)

Greetings Fangbangers!  Can you believe another season of True Blood has already come and gone?  It seems like only yesterday that Sookie was off playing with the fairies . .  .

 . . . and Baby Vamp Jessica was still dating Hoyt . . .

 . . . and half the characters on this show were STILL ALIVE . . .

3/8 of the people in this picture no longer have beating hearts for Eric Northman to yank out and sip on . . .


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But, of course, it wasn’t yesterday.  It was twelve weeks ago.  And A LOT has changed since then (most of it in the last hour of the season).

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So, round up your favorite ghosts, tightly secure your demon headgear, and for, heaven sakes, LOCK YOUR DOOR, because it’s time for the FINAL True Blood recap of the season . . .

(Oh, and as always, special thanks to skarsgardfans.com for all the brilliant screencaps!)

I Guess He REALLY Didn’t Like Those Eggs .  . .

“PLEASE STOP!  I promise I’ll scramble them next time!” 

Lala hasn’t been himself, since he woke up this morning.  He keeps giving Jesus the stinkeye, and not eating his eggs.   Jesus thinks something is up with his lover, but he doesn’t want to pry, because that’s not what “good boyfriends” do . . .

“Are you mad, because I insisted on wearing my Demon Helmet, while we had sex?” 

Ever the peacemaker, Jesus apologizes to Lala for pressuring him to use his TRULY AWFUL “gift” of inconveniently opening his mouth whenever angry ghosts are passing by.  But still, Lala does not respond.  So, Jesus just sadly kisses him.  But when he does, he SMELLS SOMETHING ROTTEN .  . .

“Did you forget to brush your teeth again, this morning, Lala?  Because that sh*t is RANK!” 

It smells like WITCHIPOO!

“Dammit!  I knew I should have put on my Ghost Deodorant before crawling into Lafayette’s mouth.  So STUPID!”

Of course, since we already knew that Witchipoo possessed Lala, after last week’s episode, this was no surprise at all.  OH NO!  Witchipoo is in Lafayette’s body. I’m bored SHOCKED!  Lalapoo then stabs Jesus with his fork, and somehow manages to drag him into his house and tie him to a chair.  Is this the beginning of a fun, S&M Brujo Sex Game, perhaps?  I’m thinking not . . .

“If this is going to be a Sex Game, let me know.  Because I really want to go grab my hat.” 

But Jesus and Lalapoo aren’t the only ones who are having a rough morning . . .

Tara Forgets the Number One Rule of How to Stay Alive as a TV Character: NEVER Talk About Getting Old.

“Since I knew we were going to have a discussion about getting old, I thought I’d get into the mood, by wearing this ugly ass grandma nightgown.” 

Tara (who spent the night at Sookie’s, because I don’t even know if she has a home anymore) heads into the kitchen to find Sookie all distraught and weepy.  What else is new?

 

You see, Sookie has had this stain on her kitchen floor for years.  And she just can’t seem to get rid of it . . .

Yeah, that’s really gross.  Sorry about that.  I tried to help, by making it smaller . . . 

Sookie admits to Tara that she’s been feeling Granny’s presence lately.  And she’s not “feeing her” in the sweet spiritual way people usually say they “feel” their dead loved one’s presence.  Nope.  She’s feeling Granny in the creepy, “I keep seeing her dead body on the floor, and am worried she’s going to get up from there and start baking pecan pie” way.

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Then, randomly, Sookie starts talking about how she wants to one day become an old lady sitting on the porch with her grandkids.  You know, because seeing a dead bloody old lady on your kitchen floor inspires nostalgia, or something.  Then,Tara says she hopes to be an old lady on that porch, right along side Sookie . . .

Yeah, you just pretty much signed your death warrant, right there, Tara.  (Or should I say, “Tarapoo.”)  You see . . . Sookie?  She’s the main character of the show.  She can talk about being old all she wants, and nothing is going to happen to her.  But YOU talk about getting old, and it’s pretty much a surefire trip to the grave or vampirism, for you.  And we all know how much you HATE those vampires!

“Whatchu talkin’ about, Recapper?” 

Speaking of graves (and dead people) . . .

Is Maxine Fortenberry Going to Adopt EVERYONE on This Show?

“Poor Tommy Boy!  I never did get to teach him the right way to wear my makeup.”

A word of warning, Kiddies!  This is what’s going to happen to you, if you’re a screw-up.  The only people who will end up attending your funeral are the two people you impersonated, and the one you had sex with, while you were impersonating one of them.  In all seriousness though, I’m kind of disappointed that Jess didn’t attend Tommy’s funeral, because those two were good buds, back in the day . . .

In fact, Jess was the only “friend” Tommy never screwed over probably because he REALLY wanted to get in her panties.

Maxine and Sam commiserate over how much they are going to miss Tommy, even though he kind of treated them both like crap, most of the time.  It’s interesting how tolerant Maxine was of Tommy, and all his flaws, when she was always so INTOLERANT of her own ridiculously well-behaved son, and HIS life choices.

“YEAH!  Take that, Mom!” 

Still, it was super sweet of Maxine to offer Sam the right to call her Mom, since he no longer has any family members to call his own.  Here’s hoping that the growth Maxine has undergone this season, will enable her to make amends with her own son in Season 5.  Because something tells me that man is going to need some SERIOUS motherly love, next season  . . .

“Motherly love?  Who needs motherly love?  I just want to start getting laid again, DAMMIT!” 

After the funeral, Sam and Luna start making out again What else is new?, and chatting about how wonderful their lives are, now that Greasypoo is dead.

“So, you’re a Skinwalker, right, Luna?  Would it be terribly awkward if I asked you to shapeshift into Natalie Portman?  I’ve really always wanted to bang her.” 

Then Luna, who clearly watches more television than Tara, warns Sam that if they keep acting cheesy and overly happy, the world will come along and poop on them again.  Well, at least she knows what she’s getting into . . .

Speaking of people who are constantly getting their ass kicked by life . . .

Why Jason Should Seriously Consider Investing in Body Armor . . .

“Well, this feels familiar.  But hey!  At least I’m not getting straddled and screwed by underage, inbred, and toothless werepanthers.  So . . . PROGRESS!” 

Jason decides to come clean to Hoyt about having sex with Jess.  And when Hoyt asks him “how,” he starts describing it rather graphically, by listing the various positions in which Jess and Jason got to know one another in the biblical sense.  You know, because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR . . .

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“Would you like me to draw you a diagram, Hoyt?  Because I could draw you a diagram.” 

Then, Hoyt starts kicking Jason’s ass, like . . . a lot . .  . and Jason just sits back and takes it.  Because, I guess that’s what friends are for too . . .

“If you were planning to have sex with my ex-girlfriend, the least you could have done was invited me over for a threesome.  That’s what your SISTER would do!” 

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In a parting shot to Jason, that truly seems to hurt him more than the sucker punches and groin kicks ever will (Well, maybe not the groin kicks.  I hear those are TERRIBLE!), Hoyt tells his former(?) best friend that he will never find true love, because something inside of him is missing . . .

Oh, don’t you worry, Jason!  Whatever is missing inside of you, I will gladly go in there and fix it. 😉 

That night, Jessica heads to Jason’s house dressed as a Slutty Red Riding Hood.  (Did I forget to mention that it’s Halloween in Bon Temps?  Well, it is!)

“My what a big penis popsicle stick you have!” 

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“The better to poke you with, my dear.”

She wants to screw!  So, they do!  And it’s GOOD!

Why do I suddenly feel like I’m watching a porno entitled “Little Red Riding Pussy?” 

Meow?

After sex, Jessica wants to bolt, so she can go eat something.  And it’s a TOTAL role reversal, because Jason is adorably pouting, and wondering whether she wants to leave because, he’s not a good lay (AS IF?!), or because he is “missing something inside,” like Hoyt said he was.  Jessica comforts him by telling him that he has sexy hip bones (among other things).  It’s just that she’s not ready to be in a serious relationship yet, after what happened with Hoyt.  And, oh yeah, she still wants to EAT other people . . .

“Well, OK . . . as long as you brush your teeth, afterwards.” 

Jason tries to act like he’s cool with it.  But, honestly, I’m not sure he means it.  He definitely seems like he wants more from the relationship than just sex.  Because, when you think about it, aside from him being a huge Man Slut, back in Season 1, Jason is actually a REAL “Relationship Guy” . . . someone who always seems to really love the women he dates . . . even that Nutbar Crystal!

I never said he had good taste . . . 

To make matters even more awkward, the “new not-so-couple”, keep talking about Hoyt, in the context of their sex lives, which is actually kind of creepy  . . .

“Come on, people!  You know you want a piece of this!”

Shortly after Jessica leaves, there’s a knock at the door.  And poor Jason gets all giddy, because he thinks Jessica has changed her mind, and decided to spend the night.  But it’s DEFINITELY not Jessica at the door.  It’s THIS GUY. . .

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That’s the preppiest f*&king vampire I’ve ever seen!

So, how does the HEAD of the Vampire-Hating Fellowship of the Sun end up becoming a fanger, himself?  I don’t know.  And we are probably going to have to wait until Season 5 to find out.  But am I the only one wondering whether this whole scene was just a Big Fat Tease?  After all, this IS a Halloween episode.  And it wouldn’t be hard for a guy like Steve Newlin to head over to some costume shop to purchase some realistic retractable teeth, in order to scare the  stuffing out of the man who screwed his wife back in Season 2.

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Just a thought . . .

You Killed JESUS!  You Bastard!

“Seriously, Lalapoo, what kind of chair is this?  This is the most uncomfortable chair I have ever sat in!  Of all the chairs in this place, why did you have to tie me up in this ugly piece of crap?  It’s giving me a wedgie.  Plus, I’m in SCRUBS!  No one should have to die in scrubs .  . . SO UNFLATTERING!” 

Lalapoo is trying to convince Jesus to give up his Really Nifty Helmet Head Power.  But Jesus is not down with that.  He says you can’t trade magic like Pokemon cards . . .

Little does Jesus know that Lalapoo has a MASSIVE Pokemon card collection, back in the Moongoddess Emporium.  And that’s where he/she gets all her powers from!   Jesus doesn’t want Lala’s inner Witchipoo to hurt his boyfriend, so he starts doing that weird chanting thing again.  And then LALAPOO STABS HIM IN THE STOMACH!

BEEEEEEEEEELLLL  JEESSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUSSSS!”

Sorry, wrong Jesus.  Thanks for coming, though!

So, it turns out, you CAN trade magic powers like Pokemon cards.  Because now LALAPOO is wearing that ugly helmet.  But here’s the weird thing.  It suddenly MATCHES LALAPOO’S outfit?  Who knew Demon Helmets had such great fashion sense?

Pretty in Purple

Matching abilities aside, as far as Evil Head Gear goes, Demon Hat is, at best, a second place finisher, for me.  I mean, I don’t know about you, but my heart will always belong to the Ribcage Hat .  . .

Speaking of weird outfits . . .

Alert the Media – Sookie Actually Goes to Work (and spends the entire time hitting on Alcide)!

So, did it occur to you that Sookie hasn’t showed up at work this ENTIRE season?  It sure didn’t occur to Sam, who assumed she was just “going through some stuff” when she ditched her shifts for an ENTIRE WEEK!  Sookie reminds Sam that he sort of / kind of fired her.

And Sam tells her that he wasn’t himself that day.  He was Tommy.  So, he decides to give Sookie her job back, provided she wears Playboy Bunny ears for Halloween.  Sounds like a fair trade, right?   I mean, at least she didn’t have to wear something AWFUL, like those zombie costumes Terry and Arlene were wearing, right?  (Oh . . . wait . . . you’re telling me they CHOSE to look like that?  Never mind then . . .)

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By the way, want to ensure your kid gets knocked up at an early age, Arlene?  Let her dress up like THAT for Halloweeen . . .

Sookie takes off her bunny ears FAST, when Alcide arrives at the bar to tell her, he’s not necessarily in love with her, but they should date anyway, because they are WAY less crazy than all the other wackadoos in this town.  At first, I thought that sounded like a really unromantic proposition.  Then, I remembered what Alcide’s ass looks like . . .

 . . . and his BEAUTIFULLY SEXY NIPPLES . . .

. . . and decided it was a great offer . . .

Sookie didn’t take it though.  Because she’s still all about BEEEEEELLL and ERRRRRIIIIC.  More on that later.  Anyway, Alcide can’t stay and hit on Sookie much longer.  He just got a call from one of his construction workers.  Apparently, a vampire glamoured him, dug a BIG FAT HOLE right in the middle of the CEMENT parking lot, and left.  I bet you know who was in that HOLE, right?

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That’s right, boys and girls.  Big Bad King Russell is back in action!  Hide your newscasters!

The question is, which vampire was desperate enough to break him out, when so few people knew where he was buried in the first place?  Well . . . I have one idea.  And you’re not going to like it . . .

Pam is SUPER TIRED of Sookie’s Fairy Vag . . .(Wouldn’t YOU be, if you were her?)

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You know, I’m so glad that Alan Ball decided not to kill Screaming Ginger this Season, like Charlaine Harris did in Book 4.  Because, if he had, Pam would have had no one to ride on her coffin . . .

Or hug Pam, while she freaked out over F*ckin Sookie (Yes, I’ve decided to call her that for the rest of the recap, once again) and her tendency to make all the male cast members on this show turn to mush (more on that later.)

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I don’t mean to be a hater.  But Pam CRIED TOO MUCH, THIS SEASON.  That’s SO not Bad Ass . . . just sayin’.

Because, rest assured, Pam definitely needed a hug.  I just hope she didn’t take all that pent up anger and use it to shoot a rocket launcher at Sookie . . .

 .  . . to do something crazy, like free Russell Edgington.  Because Eric would REALLY never forgive her for that one . . .

While we are on the subject of murderers . . .

When Your SERIAL KILLER Ghost Boyfriend Tells You to Be Afraid . . .

 . . .  BE VERY AFRAID! 

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(You’ve gotta admit, as far as psycho serial killers go, this one was kind of charming . . .)

Surprise!  All season Arlene’s been worried that her baby is an Evil Spawn possessed by Papa Vampire Killer, Rene . . .

So, you can imagine Arlene’s surprise, when Rene’s Ghost DOES come to see her, right after that whole SUPER ANNOYING Baby Storyline has ended.  Even more surprising, he’s being NICE!  He just wants to warn Arlene that her second husband might very well be just as big of a sociopath as her first one, so she should RUN . . . AWAY .  . . FAST . . .

“Wait . . . why am I hugging you?  You’re the one he’s talking about!” 

Actually, that’s not exactly what Ghost Rene said.   Ghost Rene simply said that the Ghosts of Terry’s past won’t stay buried forever.  I kind of take that meaning literally.  After all, Terry is a war veteran who cracked up, after serving his country.  He’s probably killed a LOT of people, who aren’t too happy about it.  What I’m saying is, I don’t think it was a coincidence that Arlene and Terry dressed up like zombies this year for Halloween .  . . I think it was meant to foreshadow a future storyline.

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In other Ghosts of the Past News (perhaps not so ghostly . . . yet) Noel from Felicity Terry’s old war buddy, Patrick, is back in town to see Terry.  And he seems to be pretty darn hot.  How did he manage to stay so hot? up to something not-so-kosher . . .

Like stealing Felicity away from Ben, perhaps?

All Those Ghosts Together in One Place, and NO ONE Thought to Do The Thriller Dance?  FAIL!

That’s better!

Waitress / Resident Witch Holly is sparking a doobie, while talking to F*&kin Sookie about how the town feels weirder than usual tonight.  She’s saying all this while she’s dressed as a fairy . . . you know, because fairy’s AREN’T scary.  HAHA!

“I am SO high right now, I’m starting to think this outfit actually looks good on me.”

Then, Tara the Killjoy comes by to tell the girls that Jesus is not-so-much alive anymore.  And Lala, is not-so-much Lala, as he is Witchipoo.  (Talk about KILLING A GOOD BUZZ!)  So, the threesome race to the cemetery, while Holly dopily digs through her purse / Emergency Eitch Spell Making Kit (Buy them at CVS for $4.99), for something to combat possession . . . Or whatever it is you call it, when someone flies into your mouth.  Then, forces you to kill your boyfriend, and wear his weird hat.

“I only make constipated faces, because I care.” 

At the cemetery, Charlie’s Lala’s Angels arrive to find that Lalapoo has helpfully stripped the Viking Vampire and King Cockblock, and tied them to some vaguely phallic-looking object (a tree?).  Sound familiar?

And yet despite being silvered and in GREAT DANGER, King Cockblockand his New Boyfriend, Viking Vampire still manage to find time to flirt with one another . . .

Ah!  The fresh bloom of Old and Decrepit Love!  So sweet!

The group try to distract Lalapoo by saying silly things to him / her, like “Revenge won’t bring you peace,” and other such B.S. (SO UNTRUE!), while Holly tiptoes around circling the area in salt.  You know . . . because every good barbecue requires a nice heaping helping of salt.

“Shhhh!  Be very, very quiet . . . I’m hunting Lalapoo!” 

Oh, yeah, I said “barbecue,” didn’t I?  id I forget to mention that Lalapoo LIT THE NAKED VAMPIRES ON FIRE LIKE A BIG OLE WEINER-FILLED SHISH KABOB?  Well, he/she did!

“So, I know weiners are supposed to shrink in the “cold and wet?”  Does that mean that they ENLARGE in the “hot and dry?”  In that case, hey Sookie!  Get a load of my HOT ROD!” 

Then F*&kin Sookie does her little glow finger thing, and temporarily knocks  out Lalapoo, which only causes him/her to put on that nifty Demon Hat AGAIN . . . (Sheesh!  Boring!  A little variety in headgear wouldn’t hurt, Lalapoo!  Tim Gunn would NOT approve!)

“Ooooh, you’ve got to . . . let your body VOGUE to the mu-sic.” 

Now, as much as I didn’t want my Eric to become casserole, I’m actually kind of glad F*&kin Sookie’s Cure All Glow Finger’s Didn’t Work, this time.  I was getting SUPER tired of the writers always using her lightbulb hands to get out of the various messes they created for themselves his season.

Then, the girls started chanting, something that sounded suspiciously like, “Friends, Romans, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your Dead Ears.”  And in the most unintentionally hilarious scene in the entire episode, all the DEAD inhabitants of the cemetery, started WADDLING TOWARD LALAPOO, including, you guessed it, Sweet Old, Perpetual Muumuu-Wearing, Adele Stackhouse . . .

. . . and the oddly likeable (even though she really is the one who got us into this mess, in the first place), Antonia . . .

. . . who, after an entire season, FINALLY got to wash her face.  And you know what that means for Witchipoo, right?

So, first Antonia puts out the fire that’s been grilling our vampires.  And then Adele reaches into Lalapoo’s mouth, and removes the “poo” from it . . . the WITCHIPOO, that is . . .

Oh, that is gross! I mean, you just KNOW that, up in Heaven, Adele is BAKING PECAN PIES
WITH THAT HAND!

So, Lala is now un-poo’ed, and writhing on the floor.  But, other than that, he’s OK . . . you know, other than being TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE.  At this point in the story, I’m REALLY looking forward to something TRULY AWFUL happening to Witchipoo, to pay her back being such a HEINOUS ASSHOLE the entire season . . . something like THIS . . . (Sorry, I couldn’t find a version that was in English.  But I think you will get the idea . . .)

Instead, we got this ANNOYING ASS therapy session, courtesy of Grandma Stackhouse, in which we learned how SAD AND LONELY, POOR Witchipoo was; and how, now, she can be at peace with herself and her Ghost Friends, and blah, blah, blah . . .

Cry me a river, Toots! 

And then Marnie just got to WALK OFF INTO THE MOONLIGHT with her new see-through pals.  SERIOUSLY?

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You got that right, Witchipoo!  You deserved WAY WORSE!

Cue F*&kin Sookie crying AGAIN, about how lonely SHE is, and how grandma can’t leave her again.  And will someone please call the WAAAAAAH-MBULANCE, for this one!   So, Grandma Stackhouse tells her kin “Shut the f*&ck up . . . You’re friend just HAD A WITCH YANKED OUT OF HIS MOUTH, WHO KILLED HIS BOYFRIEND.  HAVE SOME FRIGGIN RESPECT!

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You know, because “we’re all alone in the end.” This is either the wisest, or most depressing piece of advice, I have ever heard.  I haven’t decided yet . . .

Then Eric and King Cockblock interrupt this lame touching moment to remind everybody that “Hey, we’re still here . . . naked .  . . and chargrilled . . . please HELP!”

Speaking of our Ambiguously Gay Vampire Duo . . .

Slumber Party at King Cockblock’s House!

“You HAD to get me a robe that matched, yours?  You mean to tell me, you didn’t have ONE single robe in your closet that didn’t look exactly like the one you are wearing?  You’re a KING, for crying out loud!” 

OK, now I like a good threesome as much as the next girl.  But I’ll be the first to admit that I HATED this scene, which began with Eric and Cockblock sucking Sookie’s arms AT THE SAME TIME!  (I guess she felt that, by having one suck before the other, she’d be PLAYING FAVORITES!  Heaven forbid!)  I hated how these two supposedly strong vampires, were looking at this Whiny FAIRY all moony and dopey eyed, as she gave them each her trademark Losing Game Show Contestant Speech, for the 85th time, since this series has started.

Here’s how it went down (at least, in my head):

“Eric you are great at sex.  Bill you are great at . . . playing Wii.  You both did a fairly adequate job of being my boyfriend.  But, unfortunately, you are both out.  Thanks for playing, ‘Let’s Get into Sookie’s Pants.’  Better luck next time!”

The only mildly funny part, was when Bill offered Sookie to Eric, “out of the goodness of his heart,” clearly expecting Eric to do the same thing.  Instead, Eric grabs Sookie’s arm, drags her toward the door like an excited toddler, and says, more or less, “COOLl!   YIPPEE!  I WIN!”

But he didn’t win.  He lost.  Bill lost.  They all LOST . . . Then, Sookie cried . . . AGAIN . . .

I’ve decided that, next season, I’m going to play a drinking game, where I do a shot every time someone on this show cries.  (Two for F*&kin Sookie).  Coincidentally, I have a feeling I’m going to need to have my stomach pumped A LOT next summer. 

In completely unrelated news . . .

Andy Must REALLY Like Fairies . . .

Sorry for the TOTAL lack of transition.  I just had no where else to put this completely random scene.  You see, last week Andy had sex with a real fairy.  This week he propositioned a FAKE Fairy (Holly), to be his girlfriend.  You know, because he is lonely, and two days sober . . . and stuff.   (Now, if that’s not a TOTAL catch, I don’t know what is . . .)

 I’m just glad SOMEONE chose to f*&k a fairy that wasn’t F*&kin Sookie . . .

Anywhoo, on to my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE scene of the evening . . .

“Hi, Nan and Gay Storm Troopers . . . Bye Nan, and Gay Storm Troopers.”

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Yeah, so, after Cockblock and Viking are rejected by Sookie, they go to Cockblock’s office to make out discuss business.  Then, Nan shows up with her, (as Eric calls them) Gay Storm Troopers.

(In case this hasn’t already been made TOTALLY clear, I LOVE ERIC!  He had ALL the best one liners of the finale.  Save the one about the Fairy Vagina . . . and well . . . the one that Cockblock is about to make, in a few minutes.)

Anywhoo . . . Nan has, apparently, been sent by the American Vampire League to KILL Eric and Cockblock for Conduct Unbecoming a Fanger. . .

 She gets to do this, even though she’s already been fired by the AVL for, you know, sucking at her job and stuff . . .   But Nan has plan that will allow Eric and Bill to live.

They can join her in her little Mutiny against the AVL.  (Hmmm . . . maybe SHE was the one who orchestrated Russell’s “release” from cement?)  Correction:  They MUST join in the mutiny, or Fairy Sookie is VERY, VERY DEAD.  “Come on, I see the way you both look at her like, puppy dogs,” says Nan.   (And you have to admit.  Girlfriend has a point.)

Unfortunately, for Nan, Eric and Cockblock don’t see it that way.  Eric takes off all THREE Gay Storm Troopers heads, so fast, you would think he was just opening three bottles of soda (which is kind of what it looks like).  And I just wish I had an animated GIF for it, because it was the MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

So, remember when I told you that Cockblock had a great one-liner in this episode?  (Well, aside from his “Eric as brain-damaged” line, which, admittedly, was pretty funny too.)  Here it is . . .

And you know when he said it?  Right after he did THIS, that’s when . . .

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I bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you?  Oh wait. . . you did?  Never mind then . . .

Let us not forget ERIC’S additional awesome one-liner to finish the scene.  (It almost makes me forget how goofy he looked wearing Bill’s robe and mooning over Sookie . . . almost.)

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Speaking of b*tches . . .

Say Goodbye to . . . well, EVERYONE!

Poor Lala certainly isn’t one of them.  (But don’t worry, I’ll get to them later.)  He’s in Sookie’s bed, inconsolate over the loss of Jesus.  But since it’s Halloween Jesus is able to pop in, and give him a sweet goodbye, reminding Lala that it’s not his fault that he’s dead.    Well, actually, if only Lala knew how to keep his mouth shut, literally, Jesus might still be alive.  But hey, let’s not be picky, all right?  The boy is hurting here.

Ever the pragmatist, Jesus tells Lala that he’s actually HAPPY that his life ended the way that it did.  Because now he never has to end up old and hanging out with F*&kin Sookie on that damn porch!, dying of cancer, and suffering from bed sores.  At first, I thought Jesus was just being nice to Lala, by saying all this.   I mean NO ONE wants to die in their late twenties, from a psychopath’s stab wound, all because of a stupid ugly helmet, right?

Then I remembered that Jesus was a hospital orderly at an old age home / mental institution.   He watched people rust out and fade away for a living.  So, the notion of getting old must have scared the beejeezus out of Jesus.  And in that sense, maybe he really DOESN’T mind dying young . . .  I hope not, for his sake, at least.

And yes, I’ll admit that even MY cold, cold heart was touched when Jesus told Lafayette that, because he is a medium, and Jesus is a ghost, in some sense, they will always be together . . .

All together now . . . AWWWW! 

OK.  Well, now that you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy in side, I’m going to go ahead and DESTROY that feeling.  You know why?  Because, after all that F*&KIN Sookie has been through in her life, she STILL DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO LOCK HER DOOR.  And that’s why THIS happens . . .

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Did you catch all that?  Here’s what happened, Trailer Trash Debbie WALKED RIGHT INTO SOOKIE’S KITCHEN, AND SHOT AT HER.  Then,  Tara rushed in front of the bullet, Secret Service Style, and kind of lost her head (Too Soon?).  Then Sookie straddles Debbie, yanks the gun from her, and SHOOTS HER POINT BLANK IN THE FACE!

So, to recap my recap . . . Jesus is dead . . . definitely .  . . as are the Gay Storm Troopers, Nan, Trailer Trash Debbie and Witchipoo . . . along with Rene and all those lame ghosts in the cemetery who wouldn’t do the Thriller Dance for me.  Russell Edgington is now UNDEAD, and so is Steve Newlin  . . . MAYBE.

Tara may also be dead . . . or . . . undead, depending on who hears Sookie’s Sounds-Like-A-Drowning-Cat screams for help (Heaven forbid she call 911, like a NORMAL person): Lala the Ghost Sucker, who sometimes sucks up Witch Doctors, Sookie’s vampire non-boyfriends, or . . . NOBODY.

Sorry, Tarapoo!  Maybe next time if there is a next time you will learn not to talk to Sookie about visiting her on the porch when you get old .  . .

And that was the Season 4 True Blood Finale, in a nutshell.  So . . . let’s talk about it.  Did you think it was Fangtastic?  Or did it SUCK?  Sound off in the comment section below.

Oh, and since I suspect I won’t be seeing some of you for awhile unless you watch The Vampire Diaries.  You really should watch The Vampire Diaries.  Please watch The Vampire Diaries, or I will have to bite you! I wanted to thank all of my fabulously fun, and brilliant readers and commenters for making this one heck of an awesome Summer TV Viewing Season.  I couldn’t have done this without you!

Until next time . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][FangirlsForever]

27 Comments

Filed under True Blood

27 responses to ““Excuse me, we’re feeling a little crispy up here!” – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 4 Finale “And When I Die”

  1. East Coast Captain

    Kjewls, where you been I´ve been in suspense the entire day.

    This episode was both great and depressing. King Cockblock was very funny who knew he could burn so brightly. He and his new BFF the Viking really hit it off.

    I didn´t know but Marnie being an evil witch all she needed was for somehow to tell her to knock it off like Gran and Antonia who just talked. I liked the exchange between Gran and Sookie it was needed a bit of closure.

    Those were pretty one liners from Cockblock but Eric beats in that area like always.

    Its a shame Nan was destroyed so soon, over 800 years old, she could have been hanging with the Viking and Godric in Medieval Europe once upon a time. But we were half right she is almost as old as Eric slightly two centuries younger than him but how convinient that Bill killed another vampire with centuries on him.

    Jessica is reveling in her vampiness, that sex scene was beyond hot. But next. So Stevie, an Anti Vampire crusader has joined the ranks of undead so it seems. Bill did say there are millions of vampires and more vampires are created each night. But he is a vampire those fangs are very realistic even for a costume prop SO we have to wait and see for those who are skeptical of his undead status. So who is the father or mother of Steve? Maybe Russell or even Nan maybe she kept him all these months and recently turned him but she did say she didn´t want to be a mother after a talk with Bill´s kid.

    While I agree with Pam, that scene with her and Ginger was touching.

    So what does Bill have to forgive her for? I also was a little eye raising at that scene but dude these two powerful immortal vampires reduced to THAT!!!!

    But my most favorite scene of the finale would be the very ominous and suspenseful scene earlier that Alcide gets a call and he´s wide eyed and then later in the garage and he notices that one of his men has been glamoured. Then a giant hole and I could vaguely hear Darth Vader´s theme in my head and I´m like HOLY MOMMA RUSSELL IS BACK! That scene was so badass because they didn´t even show Russell they just showed his mess and his theme.

    But the fallout from the finale is the massive debate over Tara whether she is alive, dead or will be undead.

    • Aww, sorry to keep you waiting, East Coast Captain. 😦 I did leave a comment on my last recap that I was going to be late! 🙂 It’s just this whole “not sleeping, so that I can recap” thing. It gets to me sometimes. And I didn’t want to write my last True Blood finale of the season, while half comatose. 🙂

      You bring up a great point about Nan. Bill really shouldn’t have been able to off her as easily as he did. But I think one of Nan’s biggest flaws, and what did her in, is the same flaw that enabled Bill to evaporate Queen Sophie Anne so easily . . . arrogance. Nan was never able to believe that someone would possibly have the NERVE to try to kill her (even though, without her fancy AVL title, she was no longer anybody special in the vampire community).

      Nan is smart, and good with words. She’s someone who typically can get her way, just by throwing her weight around, and talking circles around people. I’m sure she assumed that the minute she mentioned F*&kin Sookie’s name, Eric and Bill would just fall at her feet, and say, “Please, don’t hurt SOOKEH! We’ll do whatever you want.”

      Nan never expected that they would turn around and kill her Gay Storm Troopers, or worse, shoot her. And therefore, she let her guard down. That ended up being a fatal error for her.

      Now that I think about it, it would make sense for Nan to both rescue Russell and turn Steve Newlin, before she tied. Nan was seeking a revolution of vampires, and the invocation of a new order. Russell would quickly ruin any public good will the current regime of vampires had built within the community. This would pave the way for the revolution. Once the NEW VAMPS had taken over, I suspect Nan thought that Steve Newlin would be a good puppet for her to make the New Face of Vampirism, just as she made Bill King this season. Steve has a following and a recognizable face. Perhaps Nan reasoned that the best way to end human’s hatred of vampires would be to turn the #1 Vampire Hater into a Vampire Himself. Just a thought . . .

      (After all, in early episodes, Nan and Steve would often face off on the news about the righteousness or lack thereof of vampires. So, they already knew one another quite well.)

      Speaking of Russell, I love that you heard the Darth Vader theme song when you saw the cement hole in the parking lot. That should TOTALLY become Russell’s theme song. That would be hilarious. And all his evil vampire minions / gay stormtroopers could wear t-shirts that said “And back to the weather, Tiffany!”

      As for Tara, sources say the actress is signed on for Season 5. So, it looks like we may , in fact, be down another cast member, as we once thought. But we may very well be down another HUMAN in Bon Temps . . .

      By the way, TVD in two days (as if you needed reminding) . . . 😉 Delena and Stetharine, here we come! 😉

  2. F#&ckin’ Sookie. Why not just choose them both? Besides that, how old are these vampires? They don’t know the oldest girl trick in the book? When she said “Don’t neither of you try to stop me either” Then stood wistfully at the door, it meant “CHASE ME, BITCHES!!!” Now, she’ll be complaining all next season how they didn’t even try.

    • NOW THAT would be a storyline I’d like to see! Can you imagine if, next season, suddenly NO ONE WANTS F*&KIN SOOKIE? That would be pretty amazing. Hey, Grams DID say it’s cool to be alone. Perhaps, it was a PROPHECY!

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Seric fan, through and through. But Alan Ball’s Sookeh’s repeated emasculation of Eric this season just made me want to zap her with a pair of glow fingers, sometimes. 🙂 After all, I prefer my Eric ripping out hearts, wacking off heads, spouting out hilarious one-liners, and engaging in twelve-hour sex sessions . . . not wearing monogrammed pajamas, and holding girls’ hands on a couch, while staring deeply into their eyes, and reading them poetry. Just sayin’ 🙂

      Thanks again for all the kind words and great press, Angela! I absolutely adore your Facebook site. I’ve actually started to visit it daily, even though I don’t have Facebook, if that’s any indication. 🙂

  3. serendipity

    Hey Julie!

    Do you know? I actually thought this felt slightly anticlimactic for a season finale 😦 I mean, last year we were in suspense about the fate of Eric and king Russell Edgington, frying to a crisp in the sun, and not-yet-king Bill’s betrayal of F*cking Sookie (yes, after this episode, I’m definitely adopting that epithet 😉 ), and that felt slightly more… epic, shall we say? Witchiepoo, while being quite proficient as a badass throughout most of the season, just sort of … fizzled out. Hasn’t she realised that revenge is best served cold? She should take a page out of Eric’s book: after all, he’s waited for a thousand years to get back at Russell Edgington…

    … and still didn’t get it right! Well, it looks as though his past might be back to bite him in the ass next season. Big time. I had already read somewhere that they were going to bring Russell Edgington back, so the king-shaped hole in the parking garage didn’t come as that much of a surprise to me :).
    And so we can only assume someone ‘un-cemented’ him. It had to be a vampire, since the guard was glamoured. At first I thought that the most likely suspects were the ladies (typical: ‘cherchez la femme’ as the French say, and they do know about that sort of thing LOL). There’s Pam of course, but she sounded more sad than mad at Eric, so I’m hoping she hasn’t gone totally off her rocker by breaking out her maker’s arch nemesis. Besides which, she wasn’t a totally innocent bystander in his downfall, and I wouldn’t trust this king as far as I could throw him). Nan might be our best bet: after all, she is thoroughly pissed with the AVL, and this goes a long way towards some VERY BAD publicity (and now she isn’t the one who has to worry about the vampires’ image anymore).
    The only question in that case is: how did anyone know where to find this hidden treasure? As I recall, only Eric, Bill and Alcide were there for that bit of construction work. The only way I see this happening, is for one of Russell’s ‘children’ to respond to his/her maker’s call and dig up Daddy Dearest. They do have that nifty tracking-your-maker sense, as Jessica demonstrated with Bill in season 3. Now I don’t suppose Nan was one of those children: that would be too much of a coincidence, although you can never be sure; he’s old enough to have sired almost any vampire on the planet… If that would be the case, then Eric and Bill have just made one hell of an enemy by reducing the lady to gloppy red goo… But Eric should be old enough himself to realise that there must at least be some children of Russell still around… 😦

    But apparently Eric isn’t even old enough to not make a fool of himself where F*cking Sookie is concerned :(. I’m now totally convinced that AB must really hate Eric! I like the idea of a reformed rake as much as the next woman, but this is going over the top. Book Bill is always sort of sappy with his ‘I will always love Sookie’ on repeat, but Book Eric never is. He’s still his own man, and he always remains slightly badass. While this sappy Eric was sort of okay with me while he had amnesia, I don’t like him too much now. And why would F*cking Sookie? She admits as much in this final episode: she liked Amnesia Eric, but she fell in love with evil vampire Eric as he was before. AB seems determined to keep this love triangle going, but unlike what’s the case in ANOTHER vampire show, this triangle is definitely starting to feel bent out of shape. Also it’s way off book-canon 😦 (yes I know, no assumptions there, but this season’s witches and amnesia-Eric and Trailer Trash Debbie storyline made me think we were back on track). At least that b*tch is DEAD (as my favourite vampire would say).

    Speaking of the dead…Tara. I don’t know. From the bloody puddle spreading on the floor, I’d have said she was quite dead, but maybe we cannot assume too far. Who will fall into every trap known to man if Tara isn’t there to do it next season? So perhaps she will live yet. Bill and Eric are fairly close by… and wouldn’t it be ironic that Tara would be rescued by a vampire’s blood after trying to kill them off this whole season? Also, it would make for an actual love-quartet, because we all know the power of the blood… Who would you want her to go for? Bill or Eric? Either would make F*cking Sookie quite jealous LOL Give her a taste of her own medicine 😉

    So, thanks for an amazing season of great, greater, greatest TB recaps, and I’ll definitely be following you over to TVD (or hadn’t you guessed 😉 )!

    • Hey there, serendipity! 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by. Brilliant insights, as always. 🙂

      I’m with you about Witchipoo’s return being COMPLETELY unnecessary. I mean, to go through all the trouble of bringing her back, just to have Grams pluck her back out of Lala’s mouth at the 30 minute mark, pat her on the back, and walk her off into the moonlight was such a strange narrative choice on the writers’ part, don’t you think? It almost seemed like the only reason they brought her back was to kill Jesus. Man, if I was Kevin Alejandro (the actor who plays Jesus), I’d be PISSED!

      And yes, I don’t understand why the writers feel like they have to make Eric SAPPY, just to prove he loves Sookie. I understand that they needed him to be a bit more docile as AMNESIA Eric, so that Sookie could let her guard down enough to realize she was ALWAYS in love with him. But once he got his memories back, why not keep him BAD ASS. I mean, Eric and Sookie have ALWAYS had great chemistry. Like their epic “Let Me In” scene from Season 3, or their epic KISS at Fangtasia later that season. And the conversation the two had when Sookie first found out that Eric bought her house right out from under her was SUPER sexy. So, why mess with a good thing? I just don’t get it . . .

      Oooh, you quoted Damon Salvatore in your comment! Mommy LIKE . . . a lot! 😉

      OK . . . I just had to get that out . . . back to the show. I loved your suggestions about Russell Edgington’s return, who brought it about, and what it will mean for Eric and Bill (who, of course, the AVL still wants dead . . . So, I guess that means “King Cockblock,” is just “Cockblock” again, right?) One thing I will say about this season finale, which definitely had its faults, is that it made me very intrigued for next season. And this actually says a lot, considering, Book 5 was probably one of my least favorite EARLY books (Early as in Books 7 and before) in the series. Because, here’s the thing. I don’t think Alan Ball is going to follow Book 5 AT ALL (the big change they made with Jason’s character pretty much cemented that)! In fact, if I had to guess, I’d say this season is going to be mainly about Russell’s return, the vampire revolution, a few fairies, and . . . zombies? Since you’ve also read the books, I’d actually love to hear your predictions on this, whenever you have a spare moment.

      You know, when I first saw the skin on Tara’s head flopping away in the wind, I immediately assumed she was dead too. But then I read all those interviews with Rutina Wesley this morning, and now I’m not so sure. My first thought was that Tara would make for a SUPER annoying vampire, just like she was usually a super annoying human. But, hey, vampirism can CHANGE PEOPLE. Look at Caroline Forbes! 🙂

      And, is it weird that I probably wouldn’t mind a Bill / Tara relationship, weird as it may seem? I mean, it WOULD finally get Bill away from SOOKEH. And maybe Tara wouldn’t be so angry all the time, if she was getting laid! I mean, think about it. She was WAY less annoying back in Season 2, when she was screwing Eggs . . . at least until that Pesky Maenad got in the way. 😉

      So, of course, I’m thrilled that we will both be watching TVD this season. I’m sure we have PLENTY more intriguing, highly analytical, convos ahead of us . . . 🙂

  4. WxxETink

    ODG I cannot wait for season 5!
    I mean, STEVE NEWLIN A VAMPIRE?
    But, it’s like you’re in my mind, I thought too about Halloween…
    although, I don’t wanna see Sarah again…
    And about Alceed and Sookie, BAD IDEA!
    She should be with Bill, that’s what’s right.
    Also, I liked Jesus…
    he shouldn’t die…
    To end, I’d like to say that I’m SURE Tara will drink a vampire’w blood, Russel is back, so it was a huuuuuge mistake to kill Nan, and J+J again (Jessica-Jason), SO HOT!
    Jessica is disappointed from Hoyt, so everything Jason says, she is like ”…watch what you are going to say…”
    but, he understands, and they look great together…
    ❤ 😀 😉

    • Hey there, WxxETink! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I’m pretty psyched about Season 5 too. And I’m with you . . .bring on Steven Newlin (vampire or human . . . either way is fine with me) . . . but leave Sarah Newlin at home. After all, our Jason is TAKEN (even if he and Jessica aren’t “exclusive” yet). I’m guessing Sarah probably left Steve, after Season 2, anywa, given all that happened between them. (Plus, I always got a bit of a gay vibe off of Steve, for some reason. I mean, he REALLY liked Jason a LOT, before he hated him . . . didn’t he?)

      So, I didn’t know you were a Sookie/ Bill fan, WxxETink. 🙂 That’s kind of cool. I guess the fandom is pretty evenly split on that “issue.” 😉

      Oh, and no doubt, Russell will DEFINITELY want to get revenge on Eric and Bill, for the whole CEMENT thing, not to mention what Eric did to Poor Talbot. I would be sleeping with one eye open, if I were both of them. 🙂

      And of course, bring on more JASSICA ! 🙂 They had some of the best sex scenes this season! And you are right, they LOOK picture perfect together. I just kind of hope the writers bring in a new love interest for Hoyt, so that he and Jason can be friends again . . .

      Thanks again for sharing TB with me, and, of course, our mutual love of Ryan Kwanten. You rock, WxxETink! 🙂

      • WxxETink

        Of course, you’re right, Hoyt needs a new girlfriend IMMEDIATELY!!! (Oh, thanks for replying!! :D)
        But, I would suggest Jessica to glamour Hoyt to be OK with it (after a while, of course) without telling Jason, so everybody would be fine.
        (of course he would understand, but that’s another story)
        Oh, and same to you, you’re AWESOME!
        And Ryan Kwanten too!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

      • WxxETink

        Oh, and AGAIN I forgot, Steve absolutely has a man-crush on Jason!
        The way he looked at him when he was naked said it all.
        But, I wish this just stays theoretical, because it would be reaaaaaaaaaally weird!!!!!!!
        😉

  5. Ali

    First of all, Jules, I had this huge carving for pecan pie when I began to read..Thank you very much!

    And I would like to make a special comment about your “God forbid” lines… haha they were awesome.. like God forbid F**king Sookie has any favoritism or God forbid she calls 911. LOL

    And aparently AB was reading our comments about Tarapoo… Since he decided shes was the chosen one with the cliffhanger role. Although I have to agree with serendipity, quoting “Who will fall into every trap known to man if Tara isn’t there to do it next season?”… You know it sis!

    The one liners… That was awesome…Eric was just amazing, And Pam´s and King cockblock lines were pure win. Loved it all.

    As for the dead…. Trailer Trash Debbie: hell yeah! but Jesus 😦 Didn´t see that one coming. And why in the world did Witchipoo walked away so unharmed…That B*tch had to suffer! to suffer hard!!! not cool! The gay startroopers had a better and more awesome death than her. I was seriously pissed to watch her walk away so calmly. Boo!

    So, I must say i really enjoyed this season, but I also have to say the frist and the last episodes were kinda blah. Just saying

    what do you think for next season? Zombies? Weretigers? Maybe a vampire -centered season is just what we need, don´t you think? It would be kinda refreshing, to have a show about vampires focused in vampires 😀 And now that the Reverend is an inmortal as well, that could be a cool twist, nevermind Russell… which I have to admit is as a cool character as it gets

    See you around…in the TVD recaps (even I have to confess I don´t watch it, but I may start just to hang out with you) and of course in Glee recaps (that one I do watch)… Love you

    • Hey Ali! You know I’ve actually never had pecan pie, before! Can you believe it? Is it really “so good you want to eat the whole thing,” or is it only that way, when Dead Grams makes it? 😉

      Before we start, I’m totally going to hop on my TVD soapbox for a bit. I hope you don’t mind. Ali, I think you would REALLY like TVD. Sure, there is less blood, nudity, and sex in it than there is on True Blood, but there’s way more of all of that stuff on it than on Glee! 🙂 Also, it’s probably the most attractive cast on television. 🙂 So, you will definitely like WHAT and WHO you see. Also, the acting and writing are both pretty great. And, if that hasn’t sold you . . . well . . . we will get to talk about it together, every week. 😉 Fun right?

      OK . . . off my soapbox now. Thanks for putting up with me. 🙂

      LOL about Tarapoo. I thought the EXACT same thing you did when she got shot. I said to myself, “WOW, I killed her, just by adding “poo” to her name. That’s pretty impressive. 🙂

      Oh, and you are absolutely right about the Gay Stormtroopers getting a cooler, and more fitting death than Witchipoo. I, for one, would have LOVED to see her head pop off like a shaken up soda bottle. Heck even Big Boy Roy got a cooler final hurrah, being de-hearted and all. 🙂

      So, predictions for next season . . . hmmm . . . good question. I love your idea of a vampire-focused season. And I think the storyline with the AVL trying to kill Eric and Bill, the vampire revolution, and Russell’s reign of terror, could be a really great one. After all, Russell was a pretty hilarious villain in Season 3, way better than that annoying Maenad from Season 2, for sure. (In Season 2, I much preferred Jason’s Fellowship of the Sun storyline to the Maenad one, which I guess is another reason I’m looking forward to Season 5.) Actually, of all the villains on this show, I actually think Rene was the most frightening, because he was HUMAN, and NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Those brutal first season waitress murders just resonated with me, in a way, nothing else really has since then. But I guess the overall tone of the show was different back then.

      Other storylines for next Season . . . unfortunately, I think we will see more fairies. I just hope they will be cooler than the ones we’ve seen so far. Alan Ball has already mentioned that we will get to see Hooligans (the fairy strip club from the books), next season, which, I guess could be fun. I also DO think zombies are going to come into play, based on Rene’s warning to Arlene, and her line about zombies being the new vampires.

      As for weretigers, while I DO think we might get to see Quinn around the Season 5 finale for a certain . . . competition ;), I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t play a part in this season. After all, I’m tired of the Everybody Loves F*&kin Sookie Show. And I really WOULD like to see her actually BE single for at least half of the season.

      How about you? Where do you see Season 5, going Ali? 😉

      Oh and, of course, before I “go,” I must thank you being such an awesomely loyal Fangbanger / Werebanger with me this summer. As I’ve probably said many times, your comments never fail to make me smile.

  6. Ali

    Ughhh I hate that wordpress does not allow you to edit the comments..And of course the mistakes are only noticed after posted…. Anywhoo 😀

    • Not to worry, Ali. Your comment looked perfect to me. 🙂 (And for the record, I make typos in my comments and on my blog all the time. There’s no shame in it. 😉 In fact, I think it adds character. At least, that’s what I tell myself . . .;))

  7. Awesome re-cap! My favorite lines were:

    1. Pam & the fairy vagina line. AHHHH *holds sides while tears stream down my face* that line made my week. Go Pam.

    2. Eric & Nan & the gay storm-troopers I. Love. Eric. Period. His hot body, his attitude, his lines. I love everything about him, except when he’s too nice, doesn’t feel genuine.

    Can’t wait for Season 3!

    • Hey Becca Leigh! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I agree. That Fairy Vagina line was awesome! You know, I make jokes about weiners and balls on this blog all the time. I’m dirty like that. 😉 But there’s something about the word “vagina” that makes me blush and giggle like a school girl. Why is that? 🙂

      And I totally share your love of the Big Viking Vamp. But you are right, he’s at his best when he’s being a bad ass. This mooney, lovey, dovey stuff, just doesn’t suit him. So, I’m hoping he cuts that out next season, and goes back to eating / killing people, snarking at them, and being slutty . . . you know, all the stuff he does best. 🙂

      Bring on TVD Season 3 and TB Season 5! I have a feeling both will be epic.

  8. MarBar

    Last week I mistakenly thought “Soul of Fire” was the season finale and I was very impressed with it. Little did I know that there was ONE MORE episode for me to enjoy this year (yippee!!). I had but one wish for the finale; rough, up against the wall, Seric sex. I did not get my wish but it’s alright because it was a damn good episode.
    The scene where Bill and Eric were both hoping Sookie would pick one of them was hilarious. Why she didn’t just say yes to Eric and run off with him to Sweden is beyond me. &*#$in Sookie indeed.
    I’m so sad to see Jesus go. Lala and Jesus were the only happy functioning supportive couple on the series.
    Ten points to Sookie for pulling trigger on Trailer Trash Debbie. That was badass and I love her for it.
    I’m thinking Tara might not be gone… Won’t Bill and Eric feel her anguish and rush to her side? If Tara has a bit of a pulse and manages to swallow some blood she should be good. Right?
    My favorite part of the episode: how Eric and Bill are all buddy buddy now. Love it. “WE are not ****ing puppy dogs.” WE. hehe
    Two more days until the TVD PREMIERE. I have been waiting all freakin’ summer for this and I miss Damon too much! I can’t wait to see if the Delena relationship has progressed due to Stefan’s absence. Or will they start the episode right where they left off. It would be a very TVD thing for them to do. I don’t think more then a year has gone by in TVD time since the series started two years ago.

    • Hey there, MarBar! Thanks so much for popping in! You know, now that you mention it, “Soul of Fire” definitely had a finale feel to it. It’s kind of like with TVD Season 2, where “The Sun Also Rises” could have just as easily been a finale as “As I Lay Dying.” I guess to be a supernatural show, you really do have to deliver twists and cliffhangers, each week.

      “Why didn’t [F*&Kin Sookie] just say yes to Eric and run off with him to Sweden” – YES! I CONCUR! That overly dramatic exit speech by Sookie was just SOOOOO unnecessary! I mean she was THIS CLOSE to having really awesome SHOWER SEX for the REST OF HER LIFE, and she just TOTALLY BLEW IT!

      I also agree that Lala and Jesus were the only healthy couple on the show. Poor Lala! Things just haven’t gone well for him, ever since he watched Jason do a strip tease, while wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, back in season 1, have they? 😉

      Oh, and you are right. It takes some SERIOUS GUTS to shoot someone IN THE FACE, while you are sitting on their lap. I mean, think about all the brain matter you’d get in your hair! 🙂

      As for TVD, I’ve heard that the Season 3 premiere takes place approximately four months after the Season 2 finale, which when you think about it, is almost REAL TIME! 🙂 In the clip the CW released today, Elena mentioned to Damon that she kept trying to talk to him “this summer” about Stefan, and he kept basically off the topic. So, from that I inferred that (1) those “four months” might very well have been the SAME four months TVD was on hiatus, and (2) Damon and Elena have been “hanging out” a bit during that time. SQUEEE!

      Sounds pretty good, right? Is it Thursday yet? 😉

  9. LG

    Re next season: are we really thinking Eric and Bill are just going to let Sookie go? They became a really fun team in the finale, but I mean, there’s got to be some attempts to get each other out of the way so the winner can get back his Sookeh, no?

    If it was up to me, not only would Eric and Sookie be a pair, Anna Paquin and Alexander Skarsgard would be, too. Don’t they just seem so much better together than Anna and Steve?

    Actually, if it were up to me it would be me and Alexander Skarsgard … 🙂 A younger, hotter me. 🙂

    • Hey LG! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! 🙂

      Oh absolutely! Though Bill and Eric are probably going to have their hands full, between Russell, Steve Newlin, the AVL, the fairies, and maybe the zombies, I DEFINITELY think Eric, at least, will be forever scheming to work his way back into Sookie’s pants. 🙂 (Remember how he got her to drink his blood back in Season 2, with the magic bullet trick? Or how he requested a kiss before “dying” in Season 3? Or how he BOUGHT HER HOUSE right out from under her in Season 4? Oh yeah, there is going to be some more of that, for sure.) 😉

      And as for Anna and Alex getting together in real life . . . well . . . ALEX is single now. Stranger things have happened. 😉 Of course, why let Anna have Alex, when you can take him for yourself? 😉

  10. Ali

    Hello again… Well, back then when I lived in the U.S. I just LOVED Pecan Pie. I bought it at Publix and, literally, it had to be the whole thing for myself. It is that good. Now I live in Venezuela and we don´t have it here.. Boo! But It sure is delicious.

    And for TVD…. You definitely Sold it good…. I´m on board. Even though I should watch the first 2 season first, but in case i don´t get the time to do that, you have to be patient with me if I comment or ask something that everyone knows (blushes).

    And now that we have the Poo Power (killing people just by adding Poo to their names) I realized I kinda like the cast right now, I don´t think anyone is bottering that much in order to kill them (well. maybe the whole fairyland could be Fairyland-poo), but now that you mentioned Hooligans I think it would be fun to watch too…. Unless they make up a super boring storyline surrounding it, in that case hell to the no. The fact that I like the things and the cast as they are now makes me very excited about season 5…. It will be kind of like season 3….(my fav season so far, with season 1) where everythings is about vampires and power fights and lust, blood, sex and awesomeness. I´m definitiley expecting some xombies as well and f**king fairies, but I hope they don´t eclipse our glorious vampires.

    Hopefully F**king Sookie single for a while and Vampire-Tara would be a couple of refreshing things.

    See you on thursday then! It´s a date….Well, actually see you on friday, when you recap after, for God´s sake, have some sleep!!! 😛

    • WxxETink

      Wouldn’t it be nice if there were Mermaids in season 5?
      I thought about it, and I am sooooo obsessed with Mermaids in general, imagine in True Blood!!!
      ❤ ❤

      • Ali

        LOL. I love mermaids too….Specially the mean ones like in the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie… But I´m not sure that there´s any mermaid or merpeople in the books… Let our experts enlighten us 😉

      • Hmmm . . . while I don’t recall there being any merpeople in the books, per se, I do seem to remember some villainous underwater fairies appearing at some point later in the series (Book 9, perhaps?) Does that count?

      • Nice idea, WxxETink! I could definitely be down with mermaids . . . particularly if hot shirtless mermen were ALSO involved in the storyline . . . 😉

        I do think that mermaids and mermen, generally, are supernatural creatures that don’t get enough love in Hollywood. (Except . . . well . . . there was that TV show “H20.” And you never know when Hollywood might decide to adapt that to American audiences ;))

  11. imaginarymen

    “Ambiguously Gay Vampire Duo” I want to watch THIS show next season!!

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