The Rise of Evil Louis-bot – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “I Am Number Nine”

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Greetings, Upper East Siders!  First off, though I most certainly missed posting this recap by November 7th, I wanted to take this super special opportunity to wish you a Very Happy Limoversary.  Not sure what a Limoversary is, GG fans?  Well, I’ll give you a hint . . .

That’s right, GG’ers, four-years ago today, Chuck and Blair were getting busy in the backseat of one very lucky limo.  And despite all the time that has passed, I’m still 100% convinced that this scene remains one of the best television love-making scenes of ALL TIME.  Don’t believe me?  Well, then I suggest you give it another look .  . . for old time’s sake . . . of course. 😉

To this day, every time I hear the song “With Me,” by Sum 41, it still makes me a little tingly .  . . which is probably why it remains on high rotation on my iPod, over four years after it was released . . .

While the GG writers regretably did not pay direct homage to this Chair-gasmic moment, in “I Am Number Nine,” it is sort of fitting that this episode aired on Limoversary.  In fact, it could be easily argued that Episode 6 has allowed Chuck and Blair to come full circle in their relationship from where they were on that fateful, November 7, 2007.

Just as that split second, when Chuck turned toward Blair in the limo, and asked her, “Are you sure?” catapulted the pair from sexually-tense frenemies into the Glorious Abyss of Genuine Coupledom .  . . so too did Chuck’s Epic Apology Speech this week provide a clean slate for the pair . . . enabling them to start fresh.  And this moment, Chair fans — much like the Limo Scene that preceded it — is one we will inevitably look back on as the event that ultimately enabled Chuck and Blair to form an even more perfect union than the one they once had . . .

Speaking of weddings, Blair, apparently still thinks she’s having one with Louis-bot . . .

And that means she’s gotta get herself a bridesmaid . . .

So ya wanna be a bridesmaid?

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(OK . . . what exactly is Blair wearing on her head, here?  Because it vaguely resembles a man’s jockstrap?)

I’m not going to say too much about Blair’s Fierce Minion Bridesmaid Competition, since about 98% of the scenes relating to this storyline appeared in the CW promos for the episode.  (See, and this is why I always prefer Canadian Promos!  Riddle me this, American Promo Writers: Why on Earth, would you promote a television program, by only showing scenes from one, rather insignificant and not particularly entertaining portion, of an upcoming episode?)

While I’m in a gripey mood, let me continue on this whiny track, for just a few more moments.  Now, I understand that there can be only one Maid of Honor at Blair’s wedding.  And that honor should absolutely go to Serena.

Friends that lay together . . . stay together. 

But, who the heck told her she had to limit herself to ONE bridesmaid?  Is that a Royal Wedding Thing?  Because, from where I come from, women who through large weddings can have up to eight bridesmaids.  And this means ALL of Blair’s minions could have easily been included in the wedding.  (And besides, more bridesmaids, means a better Bachelorette Party and Bridal Shower, both of which we all know Blair wants very much.)

“It would take all three of us to afford you a really good stripper for your Bachelorette Party.  But, since we didn’t win the competition, you will be stuck with THIS GUY . . . “

Also . . . Crazy CHARLIE/Ivy/Call Me Serena?  SHE’S Blair’s choice for Bridesmaid?   Really?  It would have made more sense, if Blair selected DAN!  At least he actually talks to her, on occasion . .  (Plus, I hear he looks mighty pretty in a dress.)

“Why do you keep picking on me, Recapper?   What did I ever do to you?” 

(Sorry, Dan.  You just have a habit of posing for a lot of really ridiculous screencaps.  I can’t help but use them against you.)

That said, it was fun to reunite with the minions again (minus Nelli Yuki, of course).  Puss Face Penelope, in particular, has always been a minion, near and dear to my heart.

As for the Bridesmaid Competition itself, my favorite part, I think was when Blair yelled “cover that baby bump,” to her prospective bridesmaids, as they fumbled with a mannequin version of Blair, and one of the minions (I think it was Jessica) said, “What Baby Bump?”

It’s true.  When are they going to start putting the basketball up Blair’s designer dress, so that she actually looks to be with child . . . Lately, all it seems like all they are doing differently with her, is making her dress a tad more grandma-like, than usual.  (See outfit above.)  And wearing grandma clothes does  not a baby mama make . . .

For the record, I’m pretty sure, my grandmother actually owned this shirt. 

Anywhoo  . . . after the girls braved the “physical portion” of the competition, the second part, involved attending the episode’s “Party of the Week,” and being the first to kiss the Most Eligible Bachelor in attendance.  And I bet you will never guess who THAT was?

Nope . . . guess again!

It’s NATE ARCHIBALD! 

To make a long story short, Charlie / Ivy / Call Me Serena ends kissing Nateypoo first.  And, as a result, she  is the one that ultimately wins with the so-called coveted position of Blair’s bridesmaid.  (This is only after Penelope accidentally FALLS into a member of the waitstaff, an infraction that apparently merits instant bridesmaid disqualification.)

Actually . . . these two look kind of cute together.  Don’t you think? 

Now, how Faux Charlie got herself into this unique predicament, is another story entirely . . .

Catch a Cougar by the Toe

While I enjoy Elizabeth Hurley has an actress, and think her character Diana has become a fun little, pot-stirring, addition to the cast, I can’t say I’m all that enthused about her “relationship” with Nate.

“Would you like me to sing you a lullabye, before I kiss your winkie, goodnight?” 

I mean, really, how many times can a person screw on a wooden desk top, before it starts getting boring .  . . (not to mention, all those painful ass splinters).

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Yes, Chuck . . . we KNOW!

 For me, more interesting than anything Diana had to do involving Nate and Faux-Charlie this week, was her surprising decision to help Serena out with HER problems (more on those later), and, of course, her awkward little meeting with Chuck.  (“You look very familiar . . . MOM!”)  I’m just glad he didn’t hit on her, because that would have REALLY made me gag.

“Excuse me, you look very familiar.  Have you ever breast fed me?”

But back to Diana and Nate . . . It’s the eve of the launch party for Diana’s online Gossip Rag, The Spectator.  Nate is suddenly SUPER interested in him and Diana taking their “relationship” public, as opposed to just f*&king on all PUBLIC surfaces.  In fact, he takes things one step further, by insisting Diana take HIM as her date to the launch party.  But Diana isn’t having it, and makes some lame excuse about not mixing business with pleasure.

“But mixing business with pleasure is the only reason I took this job.  You didn’t think I actually wanted to WORK, did you?” 

Then Diana makes the mistake of having Charlie/Ivy / Call Me Serena and Nate deliver her party invitations for her.  Faux Charlie inevitably bails on her invitation delivery, opting instead to participate in Blair’s Bridesmaid Competition. (She hopes to cover the Blouis Nover Going to Happen Royal Wedding, first hand, for the Spectator.)  This results in Nate, picking up her slack, and ultimately delivering an invitation to Diana’s ACTUAL date to the party, and sort-of boyfriend, the much more age appropriate, but decidedly less attractive, “Keith.”

“I’d tell you off, right now, but I have about 30 marshmallows in my mouth . . .” 

Nate, of course, is furious (or, at least, as furious as his baby brain cells allow him to be).  And Faux Charlie, who knows nothing about Nate screwing Diana (though, honestly, I don’t see how anyone in the Upper East Side could NOT know, given what massive sluts these two are), and thinks only that Nate is hung up on some random girl, decides to use Nate’s heartbroken-ness to win Blair’s Bridesmaid Competition, by gallantly offering to go to the Spectator Launch Party as Nate’s date, to help make his lady love jealous.

The plan works.  Faux Charlie successfully shoves her tongue down Nate Archibald’s throat (Hmmm . . . I wonder if she got a contact high from that?) right in the middle of Diana’s Big Launch Party Speech (RUDE!)  Seeing Nate kiss another woman clearly has an effect on Diana, who stops mid speech to gawk at the not-so-couple.

“Call me, Diana.” 

But Diana gets her revenge later by (1) calling out Faux Charlie for only kissing Nate as part of a “game;” (2) ultimately, deciding to go public with her relationship with the guy who is LITERALLY young enough to be her son, on HER website, of all places;

and (3) threatening Faux Charlie to keep her grimy imposter paws off her Nateypoo, or else she will reveal the Faker’s true identity . . .

Game, Set, Match.  Diana: 1 / Faux-Charlie: 0

The Only Thing Dan Will Ever Have in Common with Mark Zuckerberg . . .

“It’s all in the hair . . .” 

Who knew there was such a commercial market for Dair Fanfiction?  Apparently, Dan’s book, “The Inside” is number nine on the Best Seller’s list.  But when he meets with Serena’s boss about his writing the screenplay for the film (a condition of his giving her the movie rights), she peppers him with TERRIBLE story demands, like that the movie be made into a musical, and contain a new adorable orphan character, a la Oliver Twist . . . since Dan hasn’t really been the “outsider” he claims to be,  since around the second episode of Season 1 . . .

“Come on, Dan!  Haven’t you always been looking for an excuse to showcase your kickass dance moves?”

Donut Dan — who undoubtedly had dreams of Ryan Gosling playing his character — balks at the idea, and storms out in a huff.  (Wow, it didn’t take long for HIM to become a DIVA.)  Enter Serena, who convinces Dan to give up the idea of writing the screenplay, because he’s “too close to the subject matter.”  Besides, he should be planning his second novel . . . which, undoubtedly, will be another Dair fanfiction .  . .  Serena then promises to look out for Dan’s best interest, with respect to the screenplay for Inside, which, if we all know Serena, inevitably means, she’s about to let him down . . .

“Not to worry, GG fans, there are OTHER ways I can satisfy Dan.  I’ve been told I have a mouth like a hoover.

Enter Serena’s b*tchy boss.  As it turns out, she never planned on letting Dan write the screenplay after all.  And had brought up all those lousy story ideas on purpose, just to scare him off of the project.  She’s had Aaron Sorkin lined up to write the thing, all along!  Go figure!

This, of course, makes Serena feel like total crap, for the unwitting part she played in selling her ex-boyfriend down the river.  But she feels like even WORSE crap, when she learns that it is her boss’ intention to make Dan’s thinly veiled character the VILLAIN of the piece, a la Mark Zuckerberg’s character in the social network.

OH THE HORROR!

Honestly, I don’t see what the big fuss is about over this?  Dan, himself, said that his character was selfish, self-absorbed, and uber judgmental.  So, what’s the big deal, if the film about the movie portrays him as such.  After all, wasn’t it Dan, himself, who argued for his ability to take “creative license” in making all his friends and family look like crap in HIS book.  By “Zuckerberg-ing” Dan, wouldn’t Aaron Sorkin and co., just be returning the favor?

Just saying . . .

Nevertheless, Serena is desperate to keep her promise to Dan.  And she finds help in doing that, from the most unlikely of sources . . . DIANA.  Apparently, Diana has some dirt on Serena’s boss, that’s simply too juicy to be avoided.  With the snap of Diana’s fingers, she gets Serena’s boss to kill the film project.  Unfortunately, this also has the effect of getting Serena fired, which, of course, is exactly what Diana intended.

“I talk like a phone sex operator, and scheme like a soap opera villainess.  You can learn a lot from me, S.” 

If this was an HBO show, these two would definitely be doing one another . . .

You see, Diana somehow believes that her BIGGEST competition in the media market, is some pimply-teen named Gossip Girl, who runs a free website, which details the lives of the same five people every day.  And Diana hopes to run this girl out of business, by hiring Serena to write her own autobiographical blog for the Spectator.  (That’s funny.  I didn’t know Serena could write . . .)

And if this first blog entry is any indication, SHE CAN’T! 

Serena is hesitant at first.  However, she loves the idea of letting the public know the REAL her, and ultimately accepts.

“XOXO, THIS, Gossip Girl!”

The only problem is that Humpty Humphrey is a selfish bastard, and, upon learning his precious film project has been killed, blames SERENA for doing this on purpose so that SHE won’t look bad on film.  Sorry, Serena!  No good deed goes unpunished.

But hey, at least Dan’s lame book isn’t on the Best Seller List, anymore!  Better luck season, buddy!

“Hey, now we’re both has-beens!” 

And now, finally, the storyline you’ve ALL been waiting for . . . Well, at least it’s the storyline I was most eager to recap . . .

The Incredible Shrink-ed Chuck

Look at me . . . all evolved, and surrounded by books that aren’t porno magazines . . .”

Haha.  I love how Louis-bot went from Soggy Sponge to Cheesy Cartoon Super Villain, in the matter of one week.  I guess the GG writers thought we needed to see Louis-bot as evil, so that we would know he wasn’t the right man for Blair.  But, come on!  Give us fans a little credit!

“With a name like Blouis . . . it has to suck!” 

We’ve always known that Louis-bot isn’t the right man for Blair.  For starters, he ISN’T CHUCK! He’s also a FRIGGIN ROBOT!  So, there’s really no need to underestimate our intelligence, by temporarily turning Louis-bot into a mustache twirling cretin, for the sake of this plot.

*Insert evil, heavily accented, laugh here* 

Nevertheless,the story begins with Chuck describing to his new therapist his surprisingly phallic dream about chasing some unattainable skyscraper.  (Somehow, when I used to picture Chuck’s dreams, I always figured they would regularly feature various instances of sex with Blair . . . well hoped they would, is more accurate.

Dream a little dream of us . . . 

 Though Chuck immediately assumes that the skyscraper represents the unattainable love of his supposedly departed parents, Lady Shrink thinks his subconscious is hiding some deeper loss.  *cough Blair cough*

That’s right, boys and girls. Blair is apparently the p*nis-looking architectural structure of Chuck’s fantasies . . .

Chuck knows it . . . his shrink knows it . . . and every single person who has ever watched GG knows it.  It’s just that no one is ready to talk about it quite yet . . .

Lady Shrink leaves the session more than a bit frustrated with her client’s apparent emotional blockage.  Then, out pops Louis-bot and his overtly effeminate umbrella.  Most villains tend to have an evil pet, who they lovingly stroke, while making plans for world domination.  But the umbrella seems a more fitting evil accessory for this cyborg.  Besides, robots usually don’t know how to take care of animals.

OK . . . so, watching the scene again . . . it appears that, Lady Shrink is actually the one holding the girly umbrella, not Louis-bot.  That won’t stop me from pretending it’s his, though.  Because that’s just how I roll . . .

Louis-bot has an EVIL JOB for Lady Shrink to do.  And he pays her to do it, with a big fat envelope of cash, which he hands to her in broad daylight, without any apprehension at all that someone, like say GOSSIP GIRL, could have easily witnessed the exchange.  SUPER VILLAIN FAIL!

I love how, in honor of his new evil persona, Louis-bot has been programmed to speak with a bizarre accent that is twice as incomprehensible as the one he usually uses to utter his dialogue.  I know we are supposed to be terribly frightened by Louis-bot’s maniacal plans to catapult Chuck into Crazy-dom.  And yet,  when the cyborg bleats out things like: “Tuhhhhhn Chack eeentooo tha monzterrr hez beeeeen fur tweenteee yeurz.  Fiynd heez fooze and liiiiiight eet.”   (Translated as: Turn Chuck into the monster he’s been for twenty years.  Find his fuse and light it.) I can’t help but giggle uncontrollably . . .

( . . . which is odd, because I usually find any form of a European accent on a man incredibly attractive . . . French, in particular.)

The next day, Lady Shrink pops by Chuck’s house for an impromptu un-therapy session.  And she immediately starts doing Louis-bot’s bidding, by attempting to invoke anger in Chuck, over his current situation.  “You have to face the fact that you didn’t let Blair go, you lost her to someone else.”  Lady Shrink prods . . . words alone that could have sent the Chuck of Old barrelling into a drunken rage, a season ago . . .

But, rather than lashing out in anger, New Chuck reacts with remorse to Lady Shrink’s accusations.  He even goes as far as to admit to Lady Shrink that, all this time, he’s been holding on to the Harry Winston ring with which he prepared to propose to Blair a couple of seasons ago . . . It’s a romantic gesture, for sure.  But also a symbolically problematic one, since the ring represents the Chuck and Blair of the past.  And, if these two individuals are ever going to find their way back to one another, which, of course, they will, they have to do it, as the individuals they are destined to become, not the ones they used to be.

LADY SHRINK: “I’m so turned on by you, right now.”

CHUCK: “I know.  . .” 

Lady Shrink is visibly affected by Chuck’s highly sentimental gesture, the ease with which he opened up to this sold out shrink, and Chuck’s sincerity toward completing his healing process.  As she leaves the Empire Hotel, Lady Shrink texts Louis-bot to tell him the plan is a no-go.

Louis-bot is FURIOUS that his plans for Blair-domination have, once again, been foiled.  He later accosts Lady Shrink at the dog park, when she tries to return the money-filled envelope to him.  Of course, Chuck is out there walking Monkey at the same time.  (Monkey  = TOTAL CHAIR FAN), and overhears MOST of the conversation.  But New Chuck no longer gets mad, when things don’t go his way, he gets even.

“We’ll show them.  Won’t we, Monkey?” 

At the Spectator Party, where, of course, Lady Shrink is also in attendance, Chuck begins in Old Chuck fashion, by accusing Lady Shrink of using hypnosis to rape him, a notion that really shouldn’t be funny at all, but is funny . . . at least in this context.

Dammit!  He wasn’t supposed to remember that .  . .” 

When Lady Shrink denies it, Chuck tells the truth that Louis-bot has been paying Lady Shrink to reveal confidential information about her and Chuck’s therapy sessions together.

“Clearly, I have been traumatized.  Would anyone here like to give me a hug . . . BLAIR!” 

Upon hearing this announcement, Lady Shrink is embarrassed and disgraced; Blair is furious; and Louis-bot looks like he needs an oil change.  Of course, Diana is thrilled, because this would be a pretty awesome “cover” story for her online tabloid.

BUSTED! 

When Blair confronts Louis-bot about this accusation, he doesn’t deny it,  deciding instead to admit to Blair that he has found the paternity test, which suggested that Blair doubted the her baby was his, and may have been looking for a way out of marrying him.  (No word on the OTHER obvious reason one would get a paternity test . . . that she f*&ked some other guy, at the same time she was f*&king you.)

Ummm . . .  so I guess the paternity test confirms the baby is half-robot, after all.  BUMMER!

Blair makes up some B.S. about wanting them both to have the peace of mind of knowing that they belong together.  Louis responds that he needs Blair to see that Chuck is “wrong for her.”  (Yeah, Louis-bot. Go watch the first two seasons of Gossip Girl, and try and make that statement again, with a straightface, would you?)

Then Blair accuses Louis-bot of TURNING INTO Chuck, and storms off.  (HE WISHES!)

Lady Shrink redeems herself a bit, at least, in my eyes, by taking the time to tell Chuck how threatened Louis-bot is by Blair’s love for him.  She also admits to him that, even though she tried to provoke him, Chuck chose, instead to actually make her wack-therapy session productive, by letting go of his past.  “Continue down that road, and you may find some kind of peace,” instructs Lady Shrink, as she hands Chuck back his ring.

“Will you marry me, Chuck Bass!”

Aha!  So, Lady Shrink is Team Chair, after all!  It kind of makes me wish Louis-bot wasn’t able to so easily corrupt her, as she probably could have been a REALLY AWESOME therapist for Chuck, under other circumstances.

That night, a man comes to Blair’s house to apologize, and she assumes it’s Louis-bot.  BUT IT’S SOMEONE WAY BETTER!  Watch and learn, GG’ers!

Poignant  . . .touching . . . and absolutely perfect, this scene has secured my fate in a Happily Ever After for Chuck and Blair, even if such an ending might still be very far away.  It was super nice of GG writers to read our blogs, tumblrs and message board comments, about all the unresolved baggage between Chuck and Blair, and address it in one, sweeping, well-acted, by Ed Westwick,  and all encompassing monologue by the inimitable Chuck Bass.

There was an apology for that terrible moment in Chair history, when Chuck struck out at a glass window WAY TOO CLOSE to Blair’s head, upon learning that she was someone else’s fiance . . .

. . . an apology for the missed connection at the Empire State Building, to which Blair arrived, following Dorota’s giving birth, to accept Chuck’s proposal of marriage, only to find him long gone . . .

. . . an apology for Chuck’s trading Blair for a hotel .  . .

. . . an apology for the games Chuck and Blair played with one another throughout much of Season 2,  during which neither felt comfortable saying those very important three words, and eight letters to one another, out of fear of getting their hearts broken . . .

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And, of course, perhaps, most importantly, there was this . . .

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Blair likely didn’t know how much she needed to hear these apologies from Chuck, until she heard them.  And her reaction to these words is a perfect mix of admiration, adoration, acceptance, and sadness.  I simply adore how Chuck told Blair he knew that she would be an amazing mother, because she never gave up on people, even when they deserved it.  I also loved Blair’s subtle admission that she would continue never to give up on Chuck.  And though, it was hard for me to hear as a Chair fan, I was proud of Chuck  for his maturity, in deciding that he would try to live for himself from now on.

And yet, like Blair, I wanted something more.  I wanted Chuck to tell Blair that he still loved her, and would always love her, even if they spent the rest of their lives apart.  Perhaps, it wouldn’t have been the most MATURE thing to say.  And it certainly would have gone against the notion of “closure” Chuck was obviously aiming for, in making this speech.  Yet, I think it would have had a bigger impact on Blair than Chuck thinks it would . . . and would have gone a long way toward getting her out of this sham of a marriage with Louis-bot.

Speaking of Louis-bot, he’s skipped town, so that Blair and him can spend some time apart.  Can I get a HELL-YEAH!

The episode then ends on a horribly depressing note, with Chuck walking to Harry Winston in the rain (no uber-effeminate umbrella for this guy, no sir!) . . .

 . . . and placing that SUPER EXPENSIVE ring on its door step, where surely no one will steal it .  . . after all, this is the Upper East Side, after all.   (Coincidentally, I’m going to Harry Winston, tonight.  Anyone want to join me?)

While “I Am Number Nine,” didn’t exactly end on a high note, next week’s promotion does give us some hope that next week’s episode will be a bit,  lighter, a bit naughtier, a bit maskier, and . . . dare I say . . . a bit CHAIR-IER?

Check out the CW promo here:

Not surprisingly, the Canadian promo is a bit more telling, not to mention, enticing . . .

Am I right?  Or am I right?

Until next time, Upper East Siders.  XOXO!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

12 Comments

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12 responses to “The Rise of Evil Louis-bot – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “I Am Number Nine”

  1. Amelia

    Hey Julie!!!
    Although Chair’s scenes have been few in number this season, the quality, vulnerability, and overall emotion in the two main scenes from this season just blew me away. The apology was everything I expected and more. It was so thorough and concise. Not to mention heartbreaking hearing Chuck going down the list of all the things that went wrong with their relationship. Did you notice how Chuck couldn’t even look Blair in the eye out of shame and guilt when he said, “I’m sorry for treating you like property.” sigh. It was such a huge thing that Chuck didn’t apologize out of fear of losing her like back in S3, but because he felt that these unspoken demons that have been haunting them had to be said outloud. They both needed to hear it.

    Also, at first I was sad about the ring,since it’s been such a huge part of the Chair narrative. But, as I thought about it, maybe this ring signifies everything that went wrong with Chair, pre-apology. Now that Chuck is focusing on fixing himself before he can be the right man for Blair again, I’m more optimistic about what’s to come. Perhaps later on, there will be a new ring that represents Chair falling in love all over again.

    In the S4 finale, all they remembered is the darkness and pain they’ve been through, without any recollection of the good and happy times they had shared. As GG said, sometimes the end feels like the beginning. So I think that in due time, Chuck and Blair will remember all the good times they had, just like we remember them.. and it will contribute to this new revival of Chair. (Some flashback episodes would be cool,though… of the
    “missing” Chair scenes from their first summer of dating)
    I’m glad that they are stretching this reunion, because I know that it will be absolutely beautiful. It can’t be rushed; I just need to see a real proposal by the season finale. That’s all I need. Right now, they can continue this DB/BL stuff, but we all know that all roads lead to Chair.

    • So beautifully put, Amelia! You are absolutely right. Chuck’s speech to Blair, in many ways, felt like a love letter, not only to their relationship, but also to Chair fans . . . who have stuck by the couple, and supported it, even through some of these extremely dark moments. Watching Chuck Bass evolve has really been my favorite thing about Season 5 of Gossip Girl.

      This was a huge moment for Chair. And Westwick and Meester both knocked it out of the park, as usual. I agree with you that this speech, and possibly even his getting rid of the ring, were necessary so that this couple can start fresh. How exciting it will be to watch Blair fall in love, all over again, with this new Chuck, during the second half of the season, as her wedding inevitably goes down the tubes? 🙂

      Hmmm . . . and I wonder what type of ring Chuck will get Blair when he finally proposes for real. The Harry Winston ring was pure Chuck Bass, representing, as it was, the ultimate in opulence and prestige. Personally, I would love it if Chuck’s second ring has a bit more of a personal touch to it . . . something that really screams Chair, or maybe even speaks somehow to a particular moment in their relationship, like this one.

      If I were Harry Winston, I would start making that ring (and LOTS of knockoffs of same) right now. Because you know there will be a ton of GG fans, who will one day want something like it for their own wedding . . . 😉

      • Amelia

        Aww,thanks so much. You have such a way with words,so hearing you say that my ramblings are “beautifully put” is so nice of you. 😀
        “How exciting it will be to watch Blair fall in love, all over again, with this new Chuck, during the second half of the season, as her wedding inevitably goes down the tubes?” –
        I hope that is what happens, but this is GG. They’re definitely going to throw some DB in the mix right after Louis is out of the picture.
        I’m so conflicted about this ring,though. I’m 60% glad that it’s gone,since it seems to be such a bad omen, but the other 40% of me is dying on the inside,because it has such sentimental value- that ring has been through hell and back. However, I am excited to see ring 2.0, and how different it will be.

        LOL,you’re so right! I’d love to have a ring similar to this Harry Winston ring. So gorgeous!

  2. sassyfran

    Bravo Bravo Jewls, Awesome as Usual. So much information so little time LOL. I loved your review of Elizabeth Hurley’s portrayal of Diana LMAO !! It’s funny I had to look up her name to even recognize her the night she showed up; I do love her accent but like you said somehow they are better on men LOL. Okay not all the time I love Thandie Newton’s accent but I digress. I am definitely a CHAIR fan after reading your recaps all this time. I wonder how long they are going to draw out this darned wedding charade? Oh and I think she only go to pick one Bridesmaid because Louis family gets to choose the others. I mean Blair doesn’t have real friends besides Serena anyway right? There are probably young ladies that have waited all their lives to be in Louis Royal Wedding back in Monaco or something or maybe he has lots of nieces/cousins LOL. I know in our Western society it seems wrong but I gotta wonder. The Bridesmaid Games were lame though I did love the Chuck apology OH and is Ed getting HOTTER ever year? Wow he looked good last night. I am certain that Serena’s boss played by Michael Michel, Love HER, has a sexy past with Diana, I just bet your bottom dollar on that. 🙂

    • Hey sassyfran! I do wonder if we are ever going to find out what exactly it was that Diana had on Serena’s boss to make her drop that movie option, like a hot potato, especially after snagging someone like Aaron Sorkin to write the screenplay.

      You know what’s funny? I NEVER would have had ANY interest in ever reading a book or film, like the fictional “Inside,” until that piece of information got out. Aaron Sorkin is awesome! And as for Dan . . . he totally deserved to be Zuckerberg-ed!

      (For the record, and maybe it’s just because I like baddies, I don’t think Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal of Zuckerberg in the Social Network was 100% evil. Sure, he wasn’t exactly someone you’d want to invite into your social circle. But he seemed more socially awkward, and naive, than anything else, as far as I was concerned . . . Now Justin Timberlake’s character, on the other hand . . . ;))

      I think you may be right about Blair only being allowed to have one bridesmaid, and one maid of honor for her wedding. Perhaps, it’s European custom. After all, from what I recall, Princess Kate only had Pippa as HER bridesmaid. And I have no doubt that she had friends and family members up the wazoo, who would have literally been willing to chop off their right hands for a chance to be part of that wedding . . . 😉

      Oh, and can I fangirl a little bit, over the fact that you said, I’ve influenced your decision to become a Chair fan. *squeeeeeee* 🙂 I’m so honored to hear this, you have no idea. And you are absolutely right. Ed Westwick is like a fine wine. He gets a lot better with age. You know, I always thought Chuck Bass was sexy, but it wasn’t until recently, that I’ve actually started to consider him genuinely hot. 🙂

      And, if the changes we’ve seen in his face and body over the past two years are any indication, he’s only going to get better! 🙂

  3. Maria

    Full disclosure- I actually kind of liked Steve Zuckerberg in the Social Network. Guess it’s my nerdly background showing. But yeah, no one’s earned the right to be portrayed as a judgmental douche as much as Dan Humphrey.

    The CB scene almost made me cry, and your retelling of it (especially the internal monologue you gave Chuck, about how he would always love her even if they spent the rest of their lives apart), also almost made me cry. Maybe I’m PMSing, I dunno. These two just slay me.

    Your translation of Louis’ conversation with the therapist was spot-on. Honestly, if the promo hadn’t been titled “Time Bomb”, I’m not convinced I ever would’ve identified the word “fuse” out of that garbled mess of words.

    LOL at all the references to Dair fanfiction (to be fair, before he wrote that, he also wrote Derena fanfiction- he’s not super imaginative, that guy).

    Fantastic recap, can’t wait for next week!

    Oh, and happy limoversary to you too! I could stare at that gif all goddamn day. It’s just… perfection.

    • Hey Maria! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

      I found Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg mildly sympathetic as well. For one thing, as awful as what he did to his best friend was, I genuinely feel like the action came out of a mixture of his lack of business acumen and Sean Parker’s (Justin Timberlake’s character’s) Svengali-like influence on him. Who knows what happened in real life, but in the movie, that was my impression.

      Plus, he was so socially awkward and nerdy, that you couldn’t help but root for the guy, especially when he stood up to those adorably arrogant Winklevi and those stodgy University officials at Harvard . . . 🙂

      Long story short, I guess I find faux-Mark Zuckerberg, less self-righteous, and more relatable, than Dan was in this episode. 🙂 (Shhhh . . . don’t tell anybody.)

      Now, on to Chair . . .

      Though, of course, Chair is endgame . . . (it HAS to be!) . . . I really do believe, at this point, that Chuck feels like he’s lost Blair for good, and has reconciled himself with the fact that he is doomed to love her from afar for the rest of his life. Haven’t we all been there once or twice? Thinking we will never get over a particular loss . . . or never love again? It’s happened to me more times than I’d like to admit.

      But, in Chuck’s case, (and in Blair’s case), I think it’s true. These two ARE soulmates. And they will never love ANYONE the same way they’ve loved eachother. How sad, for Chuck to have to accept that about himself, and feel as though he’s never really going to be happy again? And yet, on the other hand, how mature, and selfless is Chuck for willing to step back and let that happen, because he feels that doing so will ensure that at least ONE of them will be happy?

      Whenever I start to doubt the GG writers, all I have to do is watch a Chuck and Blair scene, and all my faith is restored.

      But we’ve GOT to get rid of Louis-bot. The fact that Blair is carrying his spawn, literally hurts my heart. Do you think it will come out talking like Louis-bot? Heaven forbid! 🙂

      There really has to be some sort of mix-up. Doesn’t there? 🙂

  4. Maria

    Crap, I have to double-comment, because I wanted to chime in on how much hotter Ed Westwick keeps getting.

    Which is… much.

    He went from kind of sexy in a sleazy, creepy way in S1, to an oddly magnetic, more refined creepiness in S2, to full-scale hotness in S3, and he hasn’t slowed down since. I would do dirty things to that man, for serious..

    Okay, I sound like a total creeper, so I’m just going to stop now.

    • Yes, early Season 1 Chuck, definitely had a bit of a creep factor to him, didn’t he? I think his rendezvous with Little J had something to do with it . . . oh, and the HAIR . . . I wasn’t a fan of the hair!

      But now . . . wow. The hair, the body, the smile, the less douchey, more elegant wardrobe, his husky voice, that makes him perpetually sound like he just got out of bed. It’s all pure sex, as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

    • Amelia

      ..Sorry for butting in, but this is the most accurate description I’ve ever heard of Ed. Endless LOLs!
      I actually liked the S1 hairstyle infinitely better than the S2 style. He looks better and better every season, and don’t get me started on his British accent… *ovariesexplodinggif*

  5. megan

    Ah, as always I loved the recap. I’m going to go all out Chiar shipper fangirl on you, Julie, and say I 100% agree with you about that final scene. Could that have been more perfect? Some were saying “it’s closure” (*cough* Ban fans *cough*) but it was anything but. Just looking at Blair’s face through his epic apology you could tell she wanted him to tell her more…that he wanted and still loved her. Sure, for Chuck he’s still growing, but I think he definitely had a shot at taking her on that grand piano again with the way she was looking at him. 😉 I definitely agree that that scene cemented Chuck and Blair are meant to be. They just are and we all know it. Oh, and on the baby stuff- they’re still being way too vague and I don’t want to spoiler anything but if you want to be spoiled I’d read what Safran told Ausiello this week. In the end I just know it’s going to be Chuck and Blair and i’m so happy. Now whether I can watch any of the in-between (like this God awful wedding and Louis-Bot, with Humpty mixed in) remains to be seen, but I’ll definitely catch your recaps.

    By the way, I appreciate the TVD Damon and Caroline gifs mixed in with the amazing CB gifs. My favorite character on TVD and my favorite couple on TV, who could complain!

    • Hey Megan! You bring up an excellent point about Blair. I think when Chuck came to see her at the end of the night, she definitely thought that he was going to profess his love for her, and kiss her. And as much as Blair wanted and needed to hear that poignant and heartbreakingly beautiful apology from Chuck, I do think there was a part of her that was disappointed that Old Chuck didn’t take over, and have his way with her, as he’s done so many times, after their fights in the past.

      I suspect that Blair’s first thoughts, upon seeing Chuck leave were, “Wow . . . after all these years, he’s really letting me go. But what if I don’t want him to?”

      I think at this point, both Chuck and Blair FEEL as though they have obtained closure on their relationship. But saying you are going to “let go,” and actually doing it, are two very different things. Of course, as Blair goes through with this wedding, she will be thinking about that Harry Winston ring (I’m sure she’ll find out on Gossip Girl what Chuck did with it, and it will break her heart.), and how this COULD have been her wedding with Chuck. Personally, I hope that Blair is the one that stops the wedding, and that SHE is the one to make the Big Speech to Chuck, this time, about the mistakes SHE has made in the relationship, and why she thinks they can make it right this time..

      How perfect would that be? 🙂

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