Greetings, my Pretties! And Happy Truth Up Day! Considering how, most PLL episodes revolve around the lies various characters tell, and the secrets they keep, I thought it was kind of fitting to have an episode that focused on truth, for a change. “The Naked Truth” was all about characters stripping down, spilling their guts, and coming clean. So, open up your blacklight pen, and power up your photo shop, because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Change your attitude . . . Change your coat
Don’t you just hate it when someone uses your phone to take a naked picture of
themselves someone else, and then sends that picture to the ENTIRE SCHOOL?
Maybe not . . .
Our episode begins in the Principal’s Office, where Hanna and her mother are facing child pornography trafficking charges. And yet our favorite blonde still can’t be bothered to put her cell phone on vibrate. Awk-warrrrrd . . .
*cell phone begins to play “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO*
HANNA and KATE: (in unison) “That’s not mine.”
PRINCIPAL: “Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle YEAH!”
Want even more awkward? How about the fact that everyone in this room answers to the same last name?
Anywhoo . . . Evil Stepmonster Mommy thinks Hanna should be expelled for sending the nudie shot, in question, which, of course, Hanna denies taking, in the first place. Through it all, Evil Stepsister Kate sits in silence crying crocodile tears, and wondering whether the principal is picturing her naked, while he’s talking to her. (Yes, Kate. He absolutely is!)
“I’ve already printed out a copy for my wallet!”
Rather than expel Hanna for a crime she swears she didn’t commit, Mr. Principal decides instead that the two girls should air out their own differences, while in the same group at the school sponsored lock-in type event, “Truth Up Day.”
Meanwhile, back at Spencer’s house, the rest of the PLL girls are very confused about the Pretty Little Red Peacoat they retrieved using Ali’s old storage claim tag, under the pseudonym Vivian Darkbloom.
ARIA: “It’s only one color . . . and doesn’t come with any loud patterns. Lame!”
SPENCER: “Where’s the matching hat? I need my matching hat!”
EMILY: “I bet Maya would think I looked hot in that jacket . . .”
Emily seems unusually tense about the whole situation. “I feel like we are in a bad place,” she warns.
Spencer, of course, is having none of that. “We are in my living room, Emily. We are holding a coat,” she retorts . . .
Game, set, match, for Spencer, on that one . . .
Since the peacoat in question is not really Ali’s style, the girls suspect that Ali used it to perpetuate her Vivian Darkbloom identity, in hopes of bringing down “A,” once and for all.
While fondling the dead girl’s coat, the girls notice a slip of paper containing a telephone number, in one of the pockets.
“Who the heck writes down telephone numbers, anymore? That’s what cell phones are for! Silly, Vivian Darkbloom!”
The girls promptly dial the number, and leave a message, claiming to be “friends of Vivian’s,” which, isn’t a lie . . . at least, not exactly . . .
From Boil-n-Baggies to Bags of Pills to Bad Intentions . . .
At school, everyone is looking at Hanna like she’s a TOTAL PERV!
Meanwhile, Emily is SUPER pissed at the principal, for keeping her off the swim team, based solely on that whole, the “PLL Girls Touched the Ali Murder Shovel” thing . . . Also at school, Holden should really learn to keep his school bag closed, especially, if that’s where he wants to hide his drugs.
“Oh, hello there, Holden’s Drugs. Fancy meeting you here!”
“It only works, if you pull on the end,” says Holden to Aria, as the two tug on opposite ends of a ream of paper. And my mind immediately goes to dirty places . . .
A few feet away, someone trips over Holden’s bag, sending the telltale pill bag flying out into the open. “Oh Hol-den! You have some ‘splaining to do!”
Upon seeing the pills, Aria gets that look on her face, that actresses tend to reserve for Lifetime Movies and After School Specials . . .
*insert dramatic, Drugs are BAAAAAAD, music here*
Meanwhile, Blind Jenna is canoodling with Bushy Eyebrows Noel . . .
Please excuse me for a moment, while I go hurl . . .
OK . . . I’m back now.
Then, Spencer runs into Facelift Vampire Jason at the school, you know because he’s a
diddler of teenagers “mentor” and stuff. He tells Spencer that she should give her dad a “message” that he’s been awaiting his call. But Facelift Vampire Jason says “message” like most of us would say threatening, scary things like, “knife through the throat,” “bullet wound to the head,” and, in Facelift Vampire Jason’s case, “bite on the neck.” So, you really can’t blame Spencer for being a bit concerned, on her father’s behalf, douchey as said father might be . . .
“I want to suck your blood, chew off your face, and give your father a ‘message.'”
“Oh no! Not a ‘message’ . . . anything but that!”
Then, Aria’s mom comes by to beg Facelift Vampire Jason to be a chaperone at Truth Up Day. (Because that’s just what high schools need at their sleepover events, more bloodsucking vampire chaperones!)
That’s Aria’s mom, doing her best vampire impression . . .
At first, Facelift Vampire Jason says “no dice.” It’s really hard to suck on teenagers, with all those pesky chaperones around. But when Aria’s mom casually notes that Spencer’s parents might be there, he promptly changes his mind. Hey, maybe he will get the chance to deliver his “message” after all!
At Hanna’s house, Hanna’s mom confronts her about the whole pervy child porn picture thing. She reminds Hanna that she would crush anyone who tried to hurt her daughter. But she needs to know who’s during the “hurting,” before she can start doing the “crushing.”
“I’ll give her a ‘message’ she’ll never forget.”
Hanna looks genuinely distraught, but flawlessly so. (As an ugly crier myself, I’m always seriously jealous of those people with a talent for “pretty crying.” And Hanna is a Gorgeous Crier.)
Hanna wants her mother to know that she didn’t do this totally awful thing. Yet, if she spills the beans about “A,” she will be potentially putting yet another person she loves in danger. And she definitely doesn’t want to do that. So, instead, she continues to suffer in silence . . .
“Why not just skip the step, and jump out the window?”
Awkwardness abounds, as the students arrive at Rosewood, armed with sleeping bags, and cellphones that have been forcibly turned off. A misty chill hangs in the air between Aria and Holden, now that Aria thinks Holden is a High School Drug Lord. Glares are exchanged between Hanna and Evil Sister. And Facelift Vampire Jason growls with fangy rage, when he learns that Spencer’s dad won’t be present at the event. But, hey, at least he could deliver his “message” to Spencer’s mom!
“You and your messages better stay away from me. I’m a lawyer!”
Oh, an then there’s Blind Jenna creepily playing the piano in the music room. First the flute, now the piano. Is there any instrument in the world this girl doesn’t play? Next, we will probably see her with a tambourine, or massive-sized harp . . .
“I guess Three Blind Mice would be an inappropriate song to request.”
Also in the group with Blind Jenna — and led by Spencer’s mom, and Facelift Vampire Jason — are Caleb and Aria. It’s fun to get to see these two interact with one another, for a change.
I’d ship it, but I’m pretty sure Hanna would beat me up, if I did . . .
Emily and Mona are in Hanna’s mom’s group. And these two are saucy little duo. When Mama Marin suggests the students take a step forward, if they don’t want to be “here” . . .
. . . Mona suggests this, instead . . .
As for Emily, she decides to take multiple steps forward for every statement Mama Marin makes, because she thinks just one, is simply not enough . . . (She’s also probably one of those girls, who always cheated at “Mother May I,” when she was a kid. I HATED those girls. I played “Mother May I” fair, dammit!)
Emily’s real gripe, of course, is against the Principal for continuing to keep her off the swim team. The fact that he happens to be there at the time, allows her to direct her dagger glare at his smug face. “Message” sent . . . and received.
“I’m currently experiencing a pain where my heart is supposed to be. Is this guilt, or just indigestion?”
The Principal calls Emily over, and basically tells her she’s not on the swim team, because she’s a bad seed, sucks, and pretty much deserves everything she gets . . . How’s that for making students feel “welcome” at their school!
“This is why, in high school horror movies, the principal always dies first. Just sayin'”
Mona watches this exchange from a far with interest. You could just tell she’s cooking up a plan in that devious little mind of hers . . .
Speaking of not feeling welcome, Aria conveniently forgets to turn off her phone, which allows her to get yet another text message from “A.” This time, the target seems to be Aria’s “new friend.”
So . . . who’s the friend? Is it Beard Boy Holden, or Techno Boy Toy Caleb? Always more questions . . .
The Blame Game
In Hanna and Evil Stepsister Kate’s bouncy ball tossing group, Kate whines that people at her new school aren’t “nice people.” (Yeah, Kate, because YOU’RE a real sweetheart!) Bushy Eyebrows Noel takes opportunity to leer at Kate, and tell her how nice she looks, all “nekkid.” The Caterpillars that live above his eyeballs seem to agree . . .
The whole exchange causes Hanna to blow up, and ask her group whether they really think she’s a bully. Ooh . . .here’s a hint, Hanna. Don’t ask questions, if you REALLY don’t want to know their answers . . .
Fortunately, Caleb is waiting for her on the roof, with a hug, some words of encouragement, and a little tongue . . .
“Oh honey. You are just too good in bed to be a bully!”
Oh, did I mention that Caleb put the smackdown on puss-faced Blind Jenna in group, after she started b*tching and complaining about how terribly SHE gets treated at school?
It was pretty effing awesome, I’m not going to lie. In fact, I haven’t had this much fun during a PLL episode, since Hanna slapped Jenna in the face . . .
OK . . . so that might have seemed REALLY rude, back then. But now we know the wench had it coming . . .
During a brief break, Emily takes the time to apologize to Mona for the way Ali used to bully her. Mona claims she’s WAY past that “That was like, two personalities ago!” She exclaims, nonchalantly.
But the look on her face seems to suggest that Mona’s still holding on to quite a bit of baggage from her outcast days. However, for now, she’s Emily’s greatest savior. Why? Because Mona happens to know that the Principal takes bribes from members of the football team, to keep them on the squad despite bad behavior. And she’s got the mad hacker skills to prove it!
Viewers for whom Mona remains their chief “A” suspect, got a ton of clues, in their favor, this week. For starters, she’s clearly computer savvy, as we already know “A” to be. She has the motive of years of bullying. And, as we heard in this episode, when Mona contacted Emily on the loud speaker, she’s pretty adept at disguising her voice, as necessary.
“Computers are my only friends . . .”
Additionally, Mona’s previous job working in the Principals office clearly gave her access to a ton of information about all of the students of Rosewood High, most notably the PLL girls . . . not to mention all the additional scoop she must have dug up by being Hanna’s bestie.
But does this make Mona too obvious of a choice? I think so . . . a reveal of Mona as “A” would probably disappoint many fans, for that very reason. But hey, she did manage to get Emily back on the swim team, with her scheming, blackmaily ways. So, yay for that!
In slightly less positive news, Aria and Beard Holden broke up their faux-lationship . . . presumably, because of the whole “drugs thing.”
What a shame! I was just starting to like their fake dates! I really hope they fake make-up soon!
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Regarding the room where everybody anonymously wrote their secrets using a blacklight pen . . . a few of those secrets bear very special significance to our story . . . (Also, it just looks really cool. So, I’ve decided to share the picture with you.)
Well, we can be pretty sure none of the PLL girls wrote the “never been kissed,” secret. But Aria might be the virgin!
. . . despite regular efforts to make it not so . . .
As for the “I’m afraid of my dad,” confession, my money’s on Holden. It would certainly explain the bruise on his stomach, and why he never seems to want to go home. It also might explain his actions at the end of the episode. ;) As for the taunting, “I know who killed Alison Dilaurentis . . .” well, I’m going to go with Jenna or Mona for that one. Both girls seem like such obvious “A” candidates that they just HAVE to know more than they are letting on . . . (assuming, of course, that neither is actually “A.”)
A Match Frowned Upon by the Gods
Upon overhearing her mother fighting with Facelift Vampire Jason about truth, justice, and the illegitimate bastard child way . . . Spencer makes the Spencer Face . . .
Then, she remembers that time when Melissa and Facelift Vampire Jason got caught making out in their car, and Ali responded by making all these naughty incest jokes.
“A match frowned upon by the gods,” Ali quips. “This is more interesting than the guy who kills and eats his dates.”
More interesting, indeed. But, for the record, I happen to think that Facelift Vampire Jason does kill and eat his dates . . . I mean, he is a vampire, after all . . .
Later that night, Spencer confronts Facelift Vampire Jason with the fact that they might very well be half siblings. He doesn’t deny it . . .
Spencer understandably feels hurt and betrayed about being left out of the loop on this. After all, given the younger Hastings’ siblings penchant for dating older men, there’s a good chance that Spencer could have ended up doing a lot more than make out with Facelift Vampire Jason, if left to her own devices . . .
And though Spencer gave her mom a bit of a verbal smackdown, at the end of the episode, it’s her father that really has some explaining to do . . .
Now, Spencer that’s no way to talk about the newest additions to your family tree . . .
Speaking of “rotten fruit under the family tree” . . .
Busted by a Birthmark . . .
One of the problems with using photoshop to improve the quality your sexts is that, eventually, the person to whom you sent the picture is going to actually have to see you naked. Evil Stepsister Kate just never figured that the person seeing her naked was going to be the same girl she was trying to screw over . . .
Get thee to a dermatologist, STAT!
I absolutely adored the scene where Hanna got Kate to admit that she was the one, who sent that naked picture of herself to the whole school on Hanna’s phone. And when Emily and Aria emerged in unison from the bathroom stalls, smiling and holding out matching cell phones that had recorded the conversation, I’m not embarrassed to say I did a little dance of joy . . .
I also loved seeing the smug, and self-righteous look wiped right off of Mama Isabel’s face, when she found out from the principal exactly what her “sweet daughter” had done . . .
Where’s Caleb? (And why is your hand on my leg?)
Now, that the whole “Porno Kate” situation has been properly handled, Hanna becomes concerned that Blind Jenna and Bushy Eyebrows Noel might be after Caleb, because (1) of what he said to Blind Jenna in group; (2) because they seem to be working for “A,” and he has their phone. Though, admittedly, I’m not quite sure why she sent Aria to find him, as opposed to going herself . . .
“If we are playing hide-and-seek, Aria, you are very, very bad at this game . . .”
Walking right past Caleb, as he types away in front of an OPEN WINDOW, Aria finds herself on the creepy, windy rooftop, screaming Caleb’s name . . . and not in a sexy way, either . . . The minute she walked past that heavy door, held open by a rock, I just knew she was going to get locked up there by “A.” What I didn’t expect was for Bushy Eyebrows Noel to start yanking on her legs, while she climbed a ladder, like the villains always do, in those action flicks.
Then, this happened . . .
Never has Beard Boy Holden looked hotter than when he drop-kicked Noel in the nuts, to rescue Aria from his clutches. It was 100% awesome sauce! In fact, I may have to stop calling him Beard Boy, and start calling him Fight Club!
But Aria’s on to him . . .”Did someone jump you like that? Is that how you got the bruises?” She wonders out loud . . .
Well, Holden, I’m sorry that you probably have an abusive dad and/or regularly used to get your ass kicked by people who don’t approve of your choice of mate. That sucks! But hey, at least you have a better nickname, now!
In other news, at the end of the night, Emily’s and Aria’s regular calls from “Vivian” and “Vivian’s friend” to the number in Ali’s peacoat seem to have paid off. Though, at first, someone who sounded suspiciously like Mona told them to piss off, when they called. This time, the person on the other end of the line actually agrees to meet with them.
The plot . . . it thickens.
Oh, and as for Techno Boy Toy Caleb, he may be great at cracking cell phones, playing hide-and-go-seek, and being Hanna’s savior, but he sure is crappy at guarding his personal items. Boyfriend is dumb enough to fall asleep at the school, with his precious laptop exposed to the world.
Is it any wonder the damn thing gets stolen in the middle of the night?
Next week, on Pretty Little Liars . . .
Until then, my Pretties!