Dads . . . scientifically speaking, we can’t live without them. Though, by the end of this episode, three out of four of our Pretty Little Liars may have been wishing they could do just that.
Not Emily. Her dad is awesome . . . which is probably why the writers are going to kill him off, just to make us cry. Meanies!
I’m still not quite sure how I feel about “Father Knows Best.” Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t a bad episode, by any means. It gave us some solid insights into each of the girls’ families (Hint: Spencer’s family is CRAZY!), while providing us with some interesting clues as to A’s identity.
And yet, I kind of felt as though something was missing. Perhaps, it was because the girls had little time in the midst of all their family drama, for their usual fun snarky interactions with one another.
Maybe it’s because not one of the girl’s significant others actively appeared in the episode.
(I refuse to count that ridiculous shot of possibly-Toby on the motorbike.) All I know is that I left the episode hungry for a bit more camp, and A-related chaos . . .
That said, I’m seriously considering replacing “Clowns” with “Dolls” at the top of my list of Things that are Supposedly Meant for Kids that Give Me Nightmares . . . It’s been nearly 24-hours, and just thinking about that doll hospital still gives me chills . . .
So grab your dad, and strap on your favorite dress, and, for heaven sake, hide all those creepy dead girl pictures you have in your lock drawer, because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Emily Fields and the Case of the Missing Maya . . .
It’s a few days before Rosewood High School’s annual Father/Daughter Dance. While Emily’s obviously psyched that her father traveled all the way from Texas just to attend, erstwhile-girlfriend Doobie-Lovin’ Maya’s recent disappearance has her feeling more than a bit distracted. Fortunately for Emily, her dad is the most awesome dude on the planet, and is completely understanding of Emily’s predicament.
When Emily admits that she suspects Maya St. Pothead of possibly running away to San Francisco, so as not to have to attend Druggie Daycare, Papa Fields even shares with us a tale of his own days as a teenage runaway. How cool is that? That’s almost as good as your parents admitting to you that they used to smoke pot, when they were your age. Not that I know this from experience or anything . . . 😉
Anywhoo, culling from his experience as a Teenage Bad Ass, Papa Fields cleverly suggests to his daughter that Marijuana Maya probably headed to the nearest bus station. He reasons that bus transportation tends to be the quickest and cheapest way to get out of town in a pinch. I liked how Papa Fields immediately offered to drive Emily down to the bus station, so that she could look for her friend, rather than immediately calling Maya’s parents, which would have been (in my opinion) a betrayal of her daughter’s trust.
Some might argue that Maya’s parents — who were undoubtedly extremely worried about their daughter — had a right to know this information. And yet, it wasn’t really Papa Fields’ information to give. Plus, if it turned out that Smokey St. Germaine had never gone to the bus station, the Fields’ “tip” would have done nothing more for the St. Germaine’s than get their hopes up about their daughter’s safe return home.
At the bus station, Papa Fields shows off his awesomeness again, when the man on duty at the ticket booth is less than helpful in providing Emily with information. Papa Fields plays the Army Card, and immediately gets Ticket Man to change his tune. Suddenly, he absolutely remembers
a totally stoned looking Maya purchasing a ticket to San Francisco, before, possibly, getting into a strange unmarked car and driving away. It’s not exactly the news Emily wanted to hear, but at least it’s something . . .
Later on in the episode, Emily misses a phone call from Maya’s cell phone. But when she calls the number, back she learns that the voicemail box is full.
Well, that sucks . . .
You know what else sucks? That Emily has to find out at the father/daughter dance that her awesome dad is going to be deployed to Afghanistan for six months.
Why do I have a sinking suspicion the writers are going to kill off the best dad on this show, just to tug at our heartstrings, around sweeps week? Here’s a hint for you, PLL writers: DON’T DO IT!
In other news, Gloved Hand takes a newspaper from a bin with Maya’s picture on the front page, and the words “Missing” emblazoned across the top.
Silly Gloved Hand! We already knew Girlfriend was missing. You couldn’t have found something a wee bit more EXCITING and A-like to do besides reading yesterday’s news? Just sayin . . .
Hanna Marin and the Case of the Police Report that will NEVER DIE . . .
You know how sometimes after a celebrity is big and famous, someone will come out of the woodwork with an old nudie picture of the actress from her starving artist days, and it creates a whole big “SCANDAL?” Well, that’s kind of what happened to poor Hanna and her dirty little shoplifting secret. That darn police report just keeps popping up everywhere, doesn’t it?
Now, it’s prompting Mama Marin to make more Not-So-Secret Meetings with Deputy Douchey, who suggests that Mommy Dearest steal her own daughter’s phone, to find out what exactly she’s been hiding.
Then again, maybe she just wants another excuse to get him naked . . .
But hey, at least Mama Marin kinda cares about her kid. The same can’t be said of Papa Marin, the guy who supposedly moved into town and enrolled his stepdaughter in Hanna’s school, so that he could spend more time with Hanna. And yet, oddly enough, can’t be bothered to attend the Father/Daughter dance with EITHER of his kids, despite living right down the block from the school . . .
Feeling more than a bit guilty, Mama Marin offers to attend the dance in her ex-husbands place . . . which sounds like a super sweet idea, until Hanna gets wise to her mother’s rendezvous with Deputy Douchey, and throws her cell phone in a sink filled with soapy water, in protest.
Hanna Marin: Enemy to All Technological Devices . . .
Though the bold move solved the immediate problem of having Deputy Douchey or Mama Marin learn about “A,” it did little to solve the larger problem of the “Police Report.” Oddly (and suspiciously) enough, it’s Mona who suggests that “the best liar of the group” confess to sending the report to Hanna, herself, as a way to stage an “intervention” on Hanna against future shoplifting excursions.
I found it interesting that the girls immediately chose to crown Aria as “Best Liar” of the bunch. I guess that’s true, somewhat. This meta moment, was followed by another one, in which Aria hilariously confessed to Mama Marin, “A stand for Aria. A stands for Anonymous. I am A.”
Could that be true? Random Hot Guy at the end of the episode certainly seemed to think so, when he saw Aria wearing Ali’s alter ego “Vivian Darkbloom’s jacket” in the street, and immediately referred to her as “Vivian.” Upon seeing this case of mistaken identity play out, one can’t help but notice that Ali’s “Vivian Darkbloom” wig, does bear a striking resemblance to Aria’s natural hair color, style, and texture.
Hmmm . . .
In other news, as good of a liar as Aria might, in fact, be, Mama Marin apparently doesn’t buy her story, which is why she teams up with Aria’s mom at the end of the episode to find out once and for all who this “A” person is, who has been torturing their daughters. This can’t end well . . .
Aria Montgomery and the Case of . . . Lots of Pouting . . .
It was basically more of the same, in Arialand. There, the littlest PLL girl, struggled with the notion of having to “play nice” with her pops, despite knowing that he tried to permanently cock block his own daughter, by shipping her lover off to the Big Easy. With both Pops and Daughter being stubborn as mules, it was up to Mama Montgomery, and formerly crazy, but now seemingly perfect, Little Brother Mike to keep the peace.
Mommy did her part, by convincing Aria to attend the dance with her dad, despite her protests. As for Mike (who would like you to know that he’s a REAL man, who shaves now . . . yessiree!) . . .
. . . he subtly and politely asks Aria, whether all the trouble that her dating Fitzypoo is causing the Montgomery family is worth while.
She replies that “When you love someone it’s worth fighting for.”
I wonder if Little Mikey has ever been in love. I find the character intriguing, and was kind of disappointed when they unceremoniously dropped his storyline earlier in the season. I hope they revisit it soon . . .
Lest you think Little Mikey is on Team Dad, he also has some choice words for Papa Montgomery, later on in the episode, about how the latter might not be really giving his daughter a chance, by actually listening to what she has to say, in regards to Fitzy.
Nonetheless, despite the rest of the families’ encouragement, the Father/Daughter Dance does not go well for the Montgomery duo. In fact, it all ends, pretty sh*tty, with Aria huffily refusing to take a picture with her father, arguing that, “I’m not your little girl, anymore.”
Now, I’ve certainly never been a fan of Byron Montgomery’s. But, I have to say, my heart went out to him just a smidge in this scene. Maybe it’s because my dad isn’t around anymore. And I would do absolutely anything to get to take my picture with him again, dance with him, and have him call me his “little girl.” But I guess that makes me a bit biased . . .
What do you think, my Pretties? Was Aria’s treatment of her dad at the Father/ Daughter dance overly harsh? Or did the punishment meet the Ezria cockblocking crime?
Spencer Hastings and the Case of “Which of My Family Members is a Murderer?”
As screwed up as the rest of PLL girls families might be, Spencer’s family definitely takes the wackadoodle prize!
When we last left Spencer, she was stupidly heading off alone in a car with her surely-psycho sister, sans cell phone.
This week, she’s already in the car. And so far, Melissa has not yet bludgeoned her with a butcher knife.
I take that as a good sign . . .
Anyway, Spencer’s still wondering why Melissa ditched her to go hang out with Police Boy Garrett. (I’d say, Spencer should be THANKING her for doing that, because it enabled her to have more makeout time with that Hot Doc, Wren. But that’s neither here nor there.)
Melissa makes up some excuse about wanting to talk to the Police Boy about her supposedly murderous husband Dead Creepy Pedo Ian. I, for one, don’t buy it.
If you are feeling guilt about Marrying a Psychopath, tell your shrink, or your priest. Don’t tell the Local Police Boy. How exactly do you think he’s going to heal you, by handcuffing you, and telling you to “Get Up Against the Wall and Spread Em?”
“Well, I’d certainly enjoy that.”
That said, even though I don’t trust Melissa, I don’t think she’s “A” either. If she was, she probably wouldn’t have admitted to her sister, that she threatened the dead girl, by sending A-like texts to her, when the latter started making out with her boyfriend in public places. The setup . . . the motive . . . it all just seems a bit too simplistic too me.
Plus, having Melissa end up being “A” after learning all the suspect things she did, just three episodes prior would be more than a bit anticlimactic for fans, I suspect. That said, at least now we know why Melissa was in that video on A’s phone. And why Jonah traced one of the cell phones that called Ali to the law firm where Melissa used to intern.
When the rest of the PLL girls, learn Melissa’s excuse, they immediately want to turn her in to the cops. But the ever-loyal Spencer, asks for more time to clear her sister’s name. And why not? When her equally psycho dad would make just as solid of a suspect in Ali’s murder! Boy, when they were handing out family members in Heaven, Spencer Hastings must have been in the bathroom. There sure are a lot of runts in her litter, aren’t there?
Speaking of Spencer’s dad, like Aria’s not-so-proud papa, Spencer’s sire is also trying desperately to make amends for past wrongs. Check out the I’m Sorry I Fathered a Bastard Big Brother of Yours and Never Told You About It Designer Necklace. Spencer’s not quite sure how to react to this token of monetary affection. So, she starts by snooping around her dad’s office, while he’s out playing tennis.
There, she finds a number of naughty things, including
porn a copy of a check made for $15,000 to cash . . . which just so happens to be precisely the amount of blackmail money Ali had lying around, and a folder filled with a bunch of creepy photographs of Ali.
“Why is every male I know a TOTAL PEDO?”
One thing she didn’t find in dad’s drawer, was a gun. You know, because “A” already STOLE that . . .
And where does Spencer confront her dad about all this? You guessed it, the Father/Daughter Dance.
“Out of all my legitimate children, you were always my second favorite.”
After she drops the bomb shell, she then dashes outside to see a mysterious leathered up figure riding past her on a motorcycle, “Toby?” She stage whispers.
But whoever it is just rides right past her . . .
Now what the hell was the point of that?
Once at home, Spencer admits to finding the incriminating items in Daddy-o’s drawer. He explains them both away, by saying that he used the money and the pictures to hire a private investigator to find Ali, shortly after she went missing. He claims that because he knew Melissa was threatening the girl earlier, he was hoping he might be able to clear her name.
I don’t know, it all sounds a bit too convenient for me. Besides, since when do you need 80 pictures of a girl to send to a private investigator? Shouldn’t one or two suffice? And besides, why exactly did Papa Hastings have SO MANY pictures of Ali, on hand, in the first place It’s all a bit creepy, if you ask me. Unless, of course, he ends up being HER father too . . .
While rifling through his now thoroughly searched drawer, Papa Hastings finally figures out that SOMEONE has stolen his gun . . . someone who has a key to his home and his lock drawer.
Once Spencer assures him she’s not a gun thief, Papa Hastings call the cops.
It’s not until they arrive that a frantic Melissa — who claims to have been “watching television” in the “no television” cabin — escapes back to her home in Philly. Wow, someone really has something to hide, doesn’t she? Melissa’s parting words to Spencer are that, if things get too tough, “I will always be around to protect you.”
Why is that statement, when coming out of the mouth of a freakazoid like Melissa, not at all comforting?
Now, I remember . . .
Newsflash: Dolls are Scary.
So, do you guys remember Jonas ? The guy who bilked Spencer and Facelift Vampire Jason out of a crapload of money, just to give them the address to some old abandoned law firm? Well, apparently, the guy’s been withholding some information.
Apparently, Melissa’s phone wasn’t the only one threatening Ali. She was also receiving calls from another number. . . one in a nearby town called Brookhaven . . . a telephone that “A” likely dialed, while standing in front of the Creepiest Doll Hospital ever. (Of course, in Doll Hospital’s defense, this is probably the first Doll Hospital, I have ever seen . . .)
Looking in the window, the girls immediately recognize the dolls as highly similar to the blackmail-bearing Chuckie dolls they received from “A” last season. The plot . . . oh how it thickens.
In other news, Aria apparently didn’t dress weather appropriate for the Doll Hospital excursion. Fortunately, Dead Ali’s alter ego’s red coat is still waiting in the trunk of the car. The minute she puts it on, from the back, Aria looks exactly like the infamous “Virginia Darkbloom.” Special Hot Guest Star must think so too, because the minute he sees her, he starts calling her “Vivian.”
That Dead Ali! She sure did get around, both literally, and figuratively, in her short life, didn’t she?
And that (aside from the obligatory showing of Gloved Hand READING A NEWSPAPER) was Father Knows Best, in a nutshell.
Next week on Pretty Little Liars, Toby returns, Blind Jenna gets a super eye patch, and Hanna BLOWS UP. It’s all just another day’s work for “A” . . . You can check out the trailers for the episode here:
See you next week, My Pretties!