Thank you, PLL, for reawakening my childhood fear of being murdered in my sleep by my neighbor’s Ugly Doll Collection . . .
Greetings, my Pretties! This week’s installment of PLL was definitely not for the faint of heart. It featured ghosts . . . things that go bump in the night . . . ugly evil demon dolls . . . ugly evil demon kids . . . old ladies that talk like the witch from The Wizard of Oz . . . one VERY dead fly, the sister from hell, and worst of all, MONA KISSING CALEB!
But those of you who watched the episode hidden behind pillows, or with your hands covering your eyes, did so at your peril. After all, next week’s episode features A’s big reveal. And that means this one was chock full of clues as to his or her true identity. So, be brave, my Pretties. And follow me toward another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Better ease up on those pain meds, Spencer . . .
Oh, dear, sweet, sexy accented Dr. Wren! Not only are you insanely easy on the eyes, you also dole out the GOOD pain meds to your girlfriends . . . even though the only injury they’ve suffered recently is getting a few sprigs of glass in their palms.
“Your love is my drug, Doctor . . .”
We begin this episode with the usually-uber-alert Spencer, passed out and drooling, on the Hastings’ living room couch. Suddenly, there is a loud crash in the living room, followed by the sound of someone noisily thumbing through Spencer’s purse. As it turns out, that someone just so happens to be Dead Ali (who we would expect to be a lot more stealthy, given all we know about her).
Not to mention the fact that . . . oh, I don’t know . . . she’s DEAD!
This is actually the third time we’ve seen Ali appear to one of the girls, while they are in a “less than sober” state. The first time we experienced this was with Hanna, when she was in the hospital, after having been hit by A’s car.
The second time, it was Emily’s turn, when “A” locked her in a garage, and she asphixiated on the fumes. (Don’t be surprised if Aria ends up with a concussion, next week, after some rough sex with Fitzy goes south, so that she can see Ali too . . .)
What’s intriguing about all these Beyond the Grave exchanges is that, as the viewer, you are never 100% sure they are the hallucination they claim to be. After all, following these sequences, Ali always seems to leave the “sleeper” in question, with some sort of souvenir of her presence. And yet, since the Liar in question believes herself to be dreaming, she never gets the opportunity to ask “Ali” the questions she would likely ask her, had she encountered her in a more lucid state.
Take for example Spencer, our resident super sleuth. She is so frustratingly dense, during this exchange with Ali, I nearly threw my shoe at the television.
And because she failed to ask “Ali” a single pertinent question, throughout the entire exchange, it was up to Ali, herself, to offer the cryptic comments and clues we will inevitably be analyzing, this week. Proponents of the “Melissa is A” theory, will undoubtedly harp on Ali’s comment that Spencer “deserves a good sister,” thereby not-so-subtly implying that Melissa is NOT one. Well, I could have told you that . . .
Best . . . sister . . . EVER!
And yet, merely being a horrible person, with a terrible personality, and few redeeming qualities, doesn’t necessarily make you a murderer . . . nor does it make you a relentless stalker of your little sister and her friends. Does it?
More intriguing, to me, anyway, was THIS comment . . .
I thought Ali’s choice of the word “parked” was a rather unusual one. It’s just not the type of phrasing you would expect a teen like Ali to use . . . It’s kind of old-fashioned, and, for lack of a better term, “nerdy.” Given that, I can’t help put think that Ali used the word “parked” specifically to make reference to a certain car . . .
The most obvious car reference would seem to point to Police Boy Garrett, who’s car was most recently spotted in front of Not-so-Blind Jenna’s house, and has literally seemed to follow Spencer everywhere she goes this season. But it also could be referring to the car Spence purchased for Toby. If you recall, Toby returned this car to Spencer’s driveway, when he left town. And, as far as we know, he hasn’t retrieved it yet.
Another car that played a major role in the series was the one that hit Hanna at Mona’s party, back in Season 1. And of course, we can’t forget Fitzy’s car, site for many a passionate make out session, throughout the course of the show . . .
Ali’s parting words to Spencer were that she was “getting warmer,” which I guess, after two season of seemingly endless wrong turns, on Spencer’s part, regarding this mystery, must be nice to hear.
I mentioned earlier that Ali always seems to leave something behind following these “dream sequences,” that causes the Little Liar, as well as the viewer to question whether the scene actually occurred in real life. This time, however, it wasn’t what Ali LEFT BEHIND that was important, but, rather, what she took. Presumably, Spencer’s pain medications were in her purse when she fell asleep. And yet, when she wakes up, not only are they on the counter in front of her, they also seem to be a couple of pills short. Oh Ali . . . don’t you know abusing drugs could kill you? Er . . . nevermind . . . pill pop away, Pretty Little Corpse . . .
In which Emily, Hanna, and Aria’s parents all get BUSTED . . .
It’s a bad day for being sneaky, this week, on PLL . . . a lesson Emily, Hanna and Aria’s parents all learn the hard way, when they try unsuccessfully to hide pertinent information from their friends and lovers. First up is Emily, who receives an angry, “How could you rat me out to my parents?” type text from the still-missing Maya.
OK . . . now I’m positive something is fishy about her disappearance. First of all, how would Maya know that Emily had contacted her parents, if said parents had no way of reaching her, since even Emily couldn’t pinpoint her exact location? Second of all, why is Maya texting Emily from her own cell phone? Isn’t she the least bit concerned that Emily will trace the call, and tell her parents exactly where she’s hiding? It just seems odd that Maya felt the need to send an e-mail from an “Undisclosed Sender,” and yet seems more than willing to use her actual phone to send a text.
My theory? “A” has Maya’s cell phone, and she’s been the one sending messages to Emily. But, if that’s true, where’s Maya?
Speaking of cell phones, Hanna gets busted for disobeying her mother’s implied “no cell phone” rule, when she stupidly fails to keep the darn thing on vibrate, while hanging out in the Marin kitchen . . . with her mother.
Hey, nobody ever said Hanna was the sharpest tool in the shed, right? I have to say, for a character who’s supposedly “good at lying,” Hanna really botched this one. It would have been easy for her to simply say she had been holding on to a friend’s phone, and forgot to return it. But instead, her excuse is, “Mona needs to keep in touch with me?”
Well . . . I guess that one’s actually kind of true . . . particularly, if Mona ends up being “A,”
which I really hope she isn’t, because BOOOO-RRRING. And yet, as annoyed as Mama Marin might be with her daughter’s deception, she can’t quite justify confiscating a phone for which she (1) didn’t pay for; and (2) isn’t footing the monthly bill. So, instead, Mama Marin simply rolls her eyes, mutters under her breath, and sends her daughter off to school.
In other parental unit news, Aria inadvertently learns her parents want to ship her off to a Fitzy-free boarding school in Vermont, upon finding a telltale application on her mother’s desk, at school. Understandably, the littlest liar is livid.
You could feel the tension in the Montgomery home, as Aria clomps around in her wedge shoes, passive aggressively avoiding her mother’s attempts at casual conversation.
Now, while Aria might be the best liar of the foursome, she’s definitely not the most adept at hiding her feelings. So, of course, it isn’t long before the pint-sized brunette is letting Mommy Dearest know exactly what she thinks about the whole “let’s ship Aria off to boarding school” plan. It’s a terrible idea. And I think, deep down both of Aria’s parents know it. Even if we take at face value Mama Montgomery’s statement that the decision was not based solely on Aria’s determination to continue dating Fitzy, applying for a school a thousand miles away, isn’t exactly the kind of thing you do for a sixteen year old, without broaching the matter with her first.
While I think most PLL fans agreed wholeheartedly with Aria that her parents were in the wrong, in terms of how they addressed this situation, I was surprised by how divided the fanbase was, regarding how Aria ultimately responded. In a move that would have made Expert Blackmailer “A” proud, Aria venomously threatened to expose her father’s erstwhile affair with a student, should the Montgomerys decide to actually ship her off to boarding school.
Having perused the message boards a bit, following the episode, I noticed that while a good number of you applauded Aria for standing up to her parents, and blatantly exposing their hypocrisy (particularly her father’s).
There was also an equal number of you who thought Aria took things much too far. You were shocked by her seeming willingness to put her boyfriend before her father’s career, and her family’s financial stability.
In Aria’s defense, I don’t think Aria had any intention of actually ratting out her father . . . just as I don’t think Aria’s parents would have ever gone through with their plans to ship her off to boarding school, without first discussing the matter with her. Rather, I think Aria made her threat predominately out of anger, and also as a way of making herself be heard, by two people (again more-so her father than her mother) who have made a habit out of not listening to her point of view.
*insert hissing noise*
Regardless of Aria’s true intentions, the Montgomery’s were clearly crushed by what they viewed as their daughter’s betrayal. Mama Montgomery even went so far as to say she was ASHAMED of Aria, which, as any one who has a parent can tell you, is about the most hurtful thing a parent can say to his or her kid.
Throughout these past two seasons, the Montgomery family’s relationships with one another have continuously disintegrated. What we have now is a family in crisis . . .
But hey, at least we’re getting laid, right? 😉
To catch a predator
(by making out with your best friend’s boyfriend) . . .
Oh Mona! If you are going to go through the trouble of sending yourself fake text messages from “A” (which most of us assume is what she’s doing, whether or not it’s because she’s actually “A” herself, or simply out of desperation to be the unofficial fifth liar), the least you could do is make them seem moderately realistic.
Why would “A” suddenly decide to use MONA to break up Hanna and Caleb? It just doesn’t seem to be A’s style, especially when it would be much more mentally devastating to blackmail one of the other girls to do it, or, better yet, force Hanna to do it herself, as “A” had previously done with Spencer and Toby.
I also find it increasingly odd that, despite Mona’s increasingly erratic behavior, not one of the girls has ever suspected her of being “A.” This is particularly strange, when you consider how practically everybody else in Rosewood has earned a slot on the suspect list, at least once, including family members and significant others of most, if not, all of the liars. I would have at least expected Spencer to consider the possibility. She usually suspects EVERYBODY! Those pain medications must really be dulling her senses . . .
I blame the evil horse sweater . . .
Perhaps the reason the girls are all missing the neon pink flashing, “I’m a Suspect!” sign over Mona’s head is because Spencer’s sister, Crazy Nanny Carrie has been acting SOOOO frigging guilty. When Spencer finally confronts her with that video of her storming around Ali’s room, just hours before the dead girl’s demise, Melissa really has nothing to say in her own defense, aside from, (1)”Well, EVERYONE wanted Ali dead so . . .,” and (2) I’ve got dirty videos of you b*tches too, so F-U.”
It’s not exactly a rousing defense. So, when Mona conveniently suggests that she make out with Caleb in front of Melissa, to see if she takes the bait, and text the info to Hanna, the rest of the girls blindly go along with it . . . even though poor Caleb looks like he’d rather make out with the old lady from that denture commercial. “We are doing this for Hanna,” says Mona solemnly, before aggressively raping Caleb’s face with her tongue.
Poor Caleb! He was so horrified by the experience, he literally bolted from the car, and walked home alone. This, of course, gave Mona . . . er . . . I’m sorry, I mean “A” . . . the perfect opportunity to text Hanna the “bad news.” (Don’t you think the real “A” would have at least sent a picture as proof?)
Moments later, Mona’s back at Hanna’s house, supposedly wanting to shower the so-called “ickiness” of Caleb off of her body. Sure you do, Mona . . . sure you do . . .
He sees dead people. (How original!)
Upon learning that Ali communicated with “A” via the classifieds, and may or may not have met her in front of that Creepy Doll Hospital, before she died, the girls decide to take a little field trip there. When they arrive there’s a creepy kid staring at that from the window, who must have been cast in this role, because he is the perfect mixture of (1) the kid from The Sixth Sense; (2) the kid from The Shining; and (3) a Chucky doll come to life.
As for the owner of the hospital, she’s just some old lady. (Old ladies are scary too!)
When the girls question the Old Lady about the voodoo doll in the window (the same one “A” sent Ali), she claims not to sell them.
She’s also rather cagey regarding whether or not she keeps records of prior doll purchases. And while Old Lady doesn’t seem to be particularly forthcoming with information, Creepy Kid Seth is just a fountain of knowledge. Claiming to have some sort of “Sixth Sense” about people, Creepy Kid Seth reports meeting with Ali prior to her death. He even knows exactly how she died, despite the fact that the cause of her death was not recorded in the papers.
But the most intriguing piece of information of all that Creepy Kid Seth offers the PLL girls is that a “dark-haired couple” was out to hurt Ali. Now, of course, a “dark haired couple” could refer to any number of pairings on this show. (And I’ll list them all, in just a bit.) But Creepy Kid Seth eliminates one pair from the suspect list right away (Blind? Jenna and Policeboy Garrett) by assuring the PLL girls that “the girl is not blind.” (Or DOES he?)
Other couples that fit Creepy Kid Seth’s description, and, might have been out to hurt Ali include:
Melissa and Dead Pedo Ian (Creepy Kid Seth specifically noted that the female had hair like Spencer’s.)
Melissa and Policeboy Garrett
Mona and Bushy Eyebrows Noel
Mona and Lucas
Jenna and Toby (though Toby’s hair seems more reddish than dark)
Maya and Noel
Fitzy and Jackie
Fitzy and Aria (Don’t kill me. I’m just mentioning all the possibilities here . . .)
“Vivian Darkbloom” (i.e. Ali’s twin) and . . . Dead Pedo Ian or Duncan Donuts?
Well, now that narrows things down, doesn’t it?
To see, or not to see . . .
I mentioned earlier that Creepy Kid Seth’s assertion that the female in the couple wanting to hurt Ali was not blind, may or may not exclude Blind Jenna from the list of suspects. I say this because Jenna’s blindness has been a subject of debate among PLL fans, ever since that time when she used a mirror to put on her lipstick. And yet, faking eye surgery would be a pretty tough feat to pull off.
Jenna’s blindness gets called into question again, when she takes off the bandages from her post-surgical eye, this week, and immediately erupts into tears. Toby, of course, assumes the worst, and moves to comfort his step sister. But we never get to hear Jenna’s response.
At school, the following day, Hanna, never one to beat around the bush, asks Jenna right up front whether or not she can see.
This time, she pretty explicitly states that the operation was a failure. Yet, according to Jenna, the mental clarity she gained from this experience has convinced her to “forgive the girls” their Jenna thing, in hopes that the former enemies can move past their grudges and hatred for one another. Do we believe her when she says this? Perhaps, more importantly, do we believe her when she says this?
I don’t know about you, but I was definitely fearing Jenna, toward the end of the episode, when she shocked everyone, by aggressively killing a fly on her window, wiped it off with a tissues, and winked at the camera . . . her sight clearly restored.
The question is, how long has Not-so-Blind Jenna been able to see. Has she been playing us all along, as many suspected? Was she actually blind, but regained her sight, as a result of the operation? (And if so, why is she lying to the girls, and possibly Toby?) Another possibility is that Not-so-Blind Jenna wasn’t lying at all to the girls. She merely hadn’t fully regained her sight until the end of the episode.
I suspect we’ll learn the answer to this question, next week. But, of course, I’d be eager to hear your theories on the subject . . .
Another intriguing thing Jenna does this week is turn the infamous Page 5 of the Autopsy report in to the police. She plays dumb as to its contents, when broaching the matter with Toby. But, by the end of the episode, it’s pretty clear she knows exactly what’s on them, and WHO they will incriminate in Ali’s murder . . .
To screw, or not to screw . . .
Throughout most of the episode, Aria and Fitzy still find themselves walking on egg shells around one another, as Fitzy nervously awaits the fallout from his decision not to take the Associate Dean position in Louisianna. He expects the worst, and gets it, when the class he teaches is mysteriously ripped from the college curriculum. (I thought he just taught Freshman English? How does a college take Freshman English off its curriculum?)
Fitzy and Aria are certain that this is Evil Papa Montgomery’s doing. But I’m not sure how realistic that is . . . I mean, it’s one thing for a popular professor to have enough influence on the university to help someone get a job; it’s quite another for that same popular professor to have enough influence to COMPLETELY CHANGE THE COURSES THAT THE COLLEGE OFFERS.
Anyway, long story short, Fitzy and Aria finally bang one another, on that darn couch Fitzy loves so much . . . a little detail that I found surprisingly fitting.
Their “Sex Song” was a really awesome cover of Wicked Games . . . the epitome of sex songs, in my humble opinion. It’s white hot! (I also really liked the lace tank top Aria was wearing pre-bone. Does anyone know where I could get me one of those?) But is it really goodbye sex? Only time will tell . . .
Welcome to the Dollhouse . . .
While Aria is cashing in that much-abused V-card, the rest of the PLL girls are heading back to the Creepy Doll Hospital to show “I See Dead People” Seth a video of Melissa, in hopes that he could possibly ID her as the dark-haired woman who “wants to hurt Ali.” Unfortunately, when they arrive at the “Hospital,” no one is there . . . or are they. Not two seconds after the girls enter the place, a doll starts eerily chanting “Follow me . . . end up like me,” over and over again. (I’m not going to lie, I almost peed my pants.)
As the girls move through the dark corridors of the place, we see a pair of eyes follow them, from beneath one of the dolls . . . or is it a mask?
The voice they hear is coming from a closed cabinet. And when they open it . . . ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE . . .
As if the dead Ali doll recreation wasn’t frightening enough, the whole place literally starts falling down around them, as the girls run screaming from the exit. Can you blame them?
Now, I don’t know about you. But if I had just got home from that Doll House of Horrors, the absolute last thing I would want to do is go searching through some creepy dead girl’s bag in the home of her possible killer, Crazy Nanny Carrie. (They’ve decided to turn it over to the police, after all.) And yet, that’s exactly what the girls are doing, when they hear Melissa, herself, and Policeboy Garrett enter the home from the kitchen. Did I mention they are tonguing one another? (Crazy Melissa SURE DOES get around! Oh, and Policeboy Garrett seems to have recovered from being dumped by Jenna pretty quickly.)
Then again, he got a very early start . . .
In just one of the many shocking twists of the evening, both the Gross Makeout Couple, and the girls are interrupted from their machinations, by a knock on the door. It’s the police . . . they’ve come to arrest Policeboy Garrett . . . the question is why? My first thought, was that they were going to bring him in for questioning regarding the fire at Jenna’s house, or Maya’s disappearance. After all, it did appear to be his police badge that “A” planted right outside, Facelift Vampire Jason’s recently exploded house.
And yet, Policeboy Garrett actually ends up being arrested for Ali’s murder . . . which likely means that something on Page 5 of the autopsy report Jenna turned into the police, coupled with additional evidence, served to incriminate him . . .
EXCEPT, WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DARN THING SAID!!!
In the final moments of the episode, “A” is seeing paying off both the Old Lady and Creepy Kid Seth for their “work” at the Doll Hospital, thereby calling into question everything they said earlier on in the episode, including the whole “Dark-haired couple” comment . . . which basically leaves us back at square one, in terms of suspects. Brilliant . . .
Next week on PLL, the moment we’ve all been waiting for arrives . . .
Feel free to check out (and massively over analyze) the trailers for the episode, below . . .
Last chance, my Pretties. Choose your villain wisely . . .
Tune in next week to find out of you’re right. I know, I will!