May Sweeps and April Fools – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Do Not Go Gentle”

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“Oh, how I miss the good old days, when I only had one personality, and when my biggest problem was that my girlfriend’s teenage niece accidentally caught a glimpse of my Chunky Monkey.”

Ever feel used and abused by one of your favorite television shows .  . . like the writers treated you like a cheap tissue, blowing their nose on your tummy, and tossing you in the trash?

That’s kind of how “Do Not Go Gentle,” made me feel, this week.  Of course,  this is not to say it wasn’t a well-written, bold, and game changing episode.  It was!  And yet, I still somehow ended the hour with a not-so-fresh feeling . . .

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Shameless excuse to use Damon shower gif?  CHECK!

Then again, when you think about it, this wasn’t even TVD’s first Fake Death at a School Dance Episode.  (Remember what didn’t happen to Bonnie during “The Last Dance?”)

So, perhaps, I’m a bit at fault for coming into the episode so patently unprepared for emotional manipulation.  On a lighter note, I now have about four more pictures, of hot boys with single tears streaming down their cheeks, for my ever-growing Soulful Crying Collection!  So, HOORAY FOR ATTRACTIVE ANGST!

Let’s review, shall we?

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(As always a Big Bloody thank you to Andre, one of my favorite Fangbangers, for all the awesome screencaps you see here . . . including a few admittedly obscure screencap requests made by THIS lazy recapper . . .)

Faux-bekah Strikes Again

We begin our episode over at La Casa de Richer and Awesomer But Not as Well Furnished.  Klaus is hard at work, painting something that, I suspect is supposed to look moody and avant garde, but to me vaguely resembles a big pile of poop . . . literally . . .

This is why you shouldn’t chew on girls who eat beans for dinner . . .

Faux-bekah has just returned from her little pow wow with Psycho-Ric, and wants to “bond” with Klaus.  For the record, Barbie Klaus is acting so completely unlike the real Rebekah (She’s all prim, proper and prissy, now . . . Her accent has even changed) that it annoys me a bit that Klaus isn’t at all suspicious.

“I’m showing you mine.  So, whip it out, and show me yours.  Come on.  Don’t be shy.  It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.  I used to change your diapers.  Oops . . . I mean, our mom used to change your diapers . . . But I’m not your mom, no sir!  Now, bend over and let me spank you on your knee for pooping on that piece of artwork.”

I mean, this is the SISTER he’s known for 1,000s of years (thereby making this at least ten times worse than all those times Katherine fooled Stefan and Damon into thinking she was Elena).  And it’s not as though Klaus is a stranger to bodily possession.

Yet, we get no indication that Klaus is the least bit wise to the fact that his sister is now his mother . . . not even the slightest snarky remark, or eyebrow raise.  I’m starting to think that crushing on Stefan . . . er . . . I mean Caroline, has negatively impacted Klaus’ IQ.

“There’s something different about you, I just can’t put my finger on it.  Oh, wait . . . I know.  You cut your hair and your personality.”

Anywhoo, after the “siblings” discard what is supposedly the Very Last Deadly to Originals Stake together, Klaus starts to discuss the idea of skipping town.  Unfortunately for him, Faux-bekah isn’t  having it.  “But I want to go to the dannnnnnnnce,” she pouts, like the perpetual early 40-something pretending to be the perpetual teenager that she actually is.    (It’s all so very Freaky Friday.)  “And, besides, don’t you want a chance to see Caroline?  I know you looooooooove her.”

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Klaus actually finds this ridiculous argument compelling.  So compelling, in fact, that he agrees to stick around for Mystic Falls’ annual Bloodbath Prom, based solely on the hope that his Prom Queen Crush will dump the football jock, and acknowledge his Hybrid King existence.  Sigh . . .

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After pretending to be “Real Alaric” during a phone conversation with Damon, Psycho Ric meets up with his new girlfriend, Faux-Bekah, again, who  then quickly returns to her old Esther body, by temporarily staking Rebekah.  “WHY?”  I yell at my television.  Just so she can do more of that witchy chanting stuff?  BO-RING.  I don’t know . . . I had the opportunity to parade around as a younger, hotter, version of myself for a few days, while awaiting the destruction of an entire species, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  Just saying . . .

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From a storyline perspective, I was also a bit disappointed at how quickly the form of Faux-Bekah was discarded.  For one thing, it make last week’s big twist so much less impactful than it could have been.  Also, personally, I was interesting in seeing how well Claire Holt could pull off the dual role for a more extended period of time.  Of course, I understand this whole possession storyline to some extent was a been there/ done that rehash of last season’s Alar-klaus fiasco.  But still, it would have been nice if Faux-Bekah stuck around a bit longer.

Girlfriend, can’t catch a break . . . EVER.

On a much more shallow note, there’s just something about the way the actress who plays Esther puffs out her lips when she talks that really bugs me.

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If this episode was a more Faux-Bekah centric one, we could have easily sidestepped this inconvenience . . .

In other news, Jeremy’s back in town.  He’s still wearing the ring, but he’s not a psychopath yet . . . at least as far as we know.  He’s also been spending a lot of time with Matt, which is nice.

Since Mini Gilbert has never been particularly sporty, Matt suggests the young stud take up interpretive dance.

Team Human has to stick together, after all.  As long as neither of these guys bring up the fact that they both used to bone eachother’s sisters, I think they will be OK.

Speaking of Matt boning Elena, what was the deal with Caroline telling Matt to stay away from Elena?  That was kind of pushy!  Now, granted, I don’t want Matt and Elena to get together either.  But I was annoyed on Matt’s behalf that Caroline was the one telling him not to “go there.”  After you break up with someone, you officially waive the rights to have any sort of say in who they date next.  That should be like a law . . .  or something.

Wow, I think this is the first time I’m taking Matt’s side over Caroline’s!

Perhaps, this has something to do with the fact that Caroline and I are no longer on the same team, shipper wise.  And I’m consequently a little mad at her . . . OK, make that A LOT mad.

Shipping Stelena has painful consequences on this blog . . .

“He’s your Epic Love.” *gag, puke, groan*

Last week, we all got to hear Rose’s argument as to why Elena should be with Damon.

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This week, we got Caroline’s rebuttal.  And it basically boiled down to this:

Caroline, because I am mad at you, you get to be the victim of an unflattering screencap.

(1)     Stefan’s and Elena’s love is EPIC.  Ummm . . . NO.  Actually, THIS is epic . . .

Stefan and Elena are more . . . um . . . sweet, I guess?   I don’t want to offend Stelena fans out there.  But I do take offense to the use of the word “epic,” predominately as a result of the clip above.  Stefan’s great and all.  But he’s no Logan Echolls . . . sorry.

(2)    It’s Stefan’s turn.  *snort, giggle*  Yes, last week, Damon’s “turn” involved some super hot dry humping and almost-sex, at a motel that probably actually did rent by the hour.  Stefan’s “turn” -involved a half a slow dance, a lot of crying, and some G-rated hugging.  Long story short, if this was carnival game, and I was Stefan, I’d ask for my red tickets back.  That wasn’t a “turn,” it was a taste test .  . .

Anyway, Caroline’s “super argument” convinces Elena to ask Stefan to Bloodbath Prom.   He accepts gratefully, thinking, “Hey, maybe I could get some action, under the bleachers, while my ex-girlfriend reminisces about the time I almost ate her there . . .”

Sorry, Stefan . . . this isn’t that kind of episode.

Damon, of course, hasn’t gotten the memo about how lackluster Stefan’s “turn” is going to end up being.  So, he broods and pouts a bit, telling Stefan not to accidentally stab Elena with his corsage . . .

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You know, because if she bleeds, he might be tempted to eat her again . . . and not in the “good way.”

Woefully without a date to the Bloodbath Prom, Damon decides to stalk the Good Doctor Crazy Nanny Carrie at the hospital, since she’s the only person on this show, aside from Sheriff Forbes, who actually seems to go to work.  Damon informs Crouching Tiger, Hidden Psychopath, that Alaric hasn’t been taking his “Be a Good Boy,” medication, which means he’s now a “Very Bad Boy.”

In real life, this probably thrills the Lady Doc, who, let’s face it, always seemed like the kind who liked it rough.  Of course, for purposes of this storyline, she has to pretend to be appalled.

“That’s hot . . .  um . . . I mean . . . Oh, no.  How terrible!”

One Big Silver Phallus to Rule Them All

Not enough phallic imagery in the first twenty minutes of this episode?  Worry not!  Lady Esther, is about to take her BIG POWERFUL STICK (i.e. the Originals Killing Stake), and thrust over and over again, into Alaric’s ring, until it oozes silver stuff, thereby rendering, it EVEN BIGGER AND MORE POWERFUL.

“I’m going to need a bigger condom . . .”

Woo!  I need a cold shower, after watching that . . .

Shameless . . . THAT’S ME!

In all seriousness though, the idea of linking the Immortality Ring to the Stake, to prevent it from burning up instantly upon use, thereby rendering it recyclable, was a pretty brilliant move on Esther’s part . . . not to mention clever plotting, on the part of the show’s writers. . .

Dance Karma’s a B*tch . . .

Elsewhere in Mystic Falls, Stefan picks up Elena for the dance, and the two make some highly meta jokes about how super deadly dances happen to be, in this town.  Of course, all this seeming self-awareness would be a lot more meaningful if Stefan and Elena were actually smart enough to take their own advice, and . . . wait for it . . . NOT GO TO THE DANCE WHERE ELENA IS PERPETUALLY IN DANGER, AND HER FRIENDS ALWAYS DIE.

Speaking of meta, resident Alpha Male, Tyler Lockwood rarely gets to exhibit his intelligence on this show (except for that one time, when they randomly decided to put him in Advanced Placement History class).  However, this week, for whatever reason, the writers decided to throw Tyler a bone (Cheesy Wolf Joke Alert), and allot to him, what was, in my opinion, the funniest line in this entire, otherwise rather depressing, episode.

It all starts, with Tyler arriving at the 20’s themed dance, all decked out in his gangster finery, and ready to sweep Caroline off her feet with his mad “swing dance” moves.  (His snooty mom probably made him take ballroom dance lessons, as a kid, or something.)  Caroline, of course, is petrified that Klaus will sniff out (another dog joke) his sire, and make him do something awful, like lick his boots or something.

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But Tyler Lockwood is not afraid.  Ripping off all your clothes, and turning into a werewolf, over and over again in the woods, will do that for a guy.  “What’s he [Klaus] going to do?” Tyler snarks.  “Draw you another picture?”

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That My Little Pony drawing  .. .  man, Klaus really was asking for it when he made that.

“I wuv you, Cawoline!”

Back in my high school, that was the kind of thing that got your head shoved in a toilet.  In addition to Klaus’ “gift” to Caroline not exactly being the most manly way to show a lady your affection, we often forget that Tyler too is an artist.  But, unlike Klaus, he draws DUDE stuff .  . . like bloodthirsty werewolves, and naked ladies with big titties.  In other words, in the male pissing contest for Caroline’s affections, Tyler sort of wins this round.

It IS a dance.  So, we have to get all this cheesy, cuddly, coupley stuff out of the way, before we can starting ripping people’s faces off and killing sh*t.  We see Bonnie having a grand old time with her Not-Brother (who kind of still IS her brother) Jamie.

The Lannister family approves!

I’m pretty sure it’s the only time I’ve seen her smile all season.  Then Jeremy arrives, and looks jealous for about two seconds.  Then, he remembers that his ghost girlfriends were about ten times better in the sack than Bonnie ever was.  So, he goes back to play with Matt some more . . .

While Stefan and Elena slow dance, Elena tries to apologize to Stefan for occasionally tongue kissing, and often dry humping, his brother.

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Stefan says he doesn’t care.  He’s just happy to have a date.  Way to set the bar low, Steffie-poo!  Then, Damon comes and cockblocks the pair, which doesn’t particularly bother me, because someone is ALWAYS cockblocking Damon and Elena.  Remember, as Caroline said, it IS Stefan’s turn . . . and being cockblocked is just one of those things that “turns” with Elena on a non-pay-cable show will inevitably include.

 “Sorry to interrupt . . . oh, wait. .  . no I’m not.”

Apparently, Damon actually has a REAL reason for interrupting Stelena time, aside from just pure not wanting it to happen.  Psycho Alaric has gone rogue, and Damon wants to murder the guy, in order to put his “good self,” out of his misery.  This, of course, pisses off Jeremy, because this will be the third father figure he’s lost since the series started.  (Fourth, if you are like me, and always considered Useless Aunt Jenna to be more paternal, than maternal.)

Would you like some salt with your vampire?

Outside the dance, Esther gets Elena to come with her, because Elena’s a moron she wants to save Alaric’s life, psycho or no psycho.  The rest of the Scooby Gang, run off in pursuit but find they are trapped inside by . .  . wait for it . . . a ring of salt.  SALT!  That’s great!  Who knew this year’s Bloodbath Prom theme would end up being Vampire Barbecue?  Throw in a little hot sauce, and some grilled veggies, and we can make a mean shish-kabob . . .

“This reminds me of the 80’s, when I used to do a lot of coke.”

Damon’s the Cockblock King this week, he interrupts Jamie’s and Bonnie’s incest perfectly normal .  . . make out session  . . .

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 . . . to tell them that the Bonnie’s weird chanting, and nosebleed services are needed to move the salt.  Personally, I would have gone with a plain old vacuum, but that’s just me . . .

Now, we are in some weird creepy cemetery.  (I bet with their super high death toll, there are as many cemeteries in Mystic Falls as most towns have Starbucks.)  It’s here that we learn Esther’s Big Bad Plan.  Apparently, in order to kill all the vampires, she wants to  . . . wait for it . . . turn Alaric into a vampire.  Yes, because a vampire hater, who MAKES LOTS OF VAMPIRES isn’t hypocritical at all.

“Who wants to make some S’Mores?”

Seriously?  Is there some rule that no one on this show can stay human, aside from Elena?  Isn’t part of the aura of vampires the fact that they are so SPECIAL, and so much cooler than us humans?  The problem is, in a town where seemingly about 80% of the population is something supernatural, it’s the humans that are special.  Vampires are kind of, been there, bit that, you know?

Here’s another issue I had with this whole Psycho Ric storyline.  We now learn that the real reason, Alaric’s become all crazy and Founder’s Council killing, is not because The Ring Made Him Do It, but because Esther, herself starting chatting his ear off every time he died?  Huh?  So, is that what we are supposed to believe happened to Samantha Gilbert too?

And if Alaric was really nurtured to believe that vampires and all their friends don’t deserve to live, each time he died, was there really ever an alter ego, at all  . . . or has Alaric been secretly psychotic all this time?  As clever as I thought this whole ring twist was at first, I found Esther’s part in it a bit confusing, and more than a bit frustrating.

Small town boy . . . small town life

Speaking of frustration . . . well, at least of the sexual variety, Klaus gets a verbal and emotional beatdown by Caroline, who, for all her keeping his horse pictures, and secretly mooning over him, in previous episodes, really does seem “just not that into him,” when he manages to pull her aside for one “Last Dance” at the prom.

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She does, however, seem at least intrigued by his suggestion that, one day, her “small town life,” will no longer satisfy her immortal vampire urges.  Now THAT’S a storyline I’d like to see explored further . . .

Nonetheless, it is Tyler who Caroline reaffirms her love for at the end of the dance.  And the Alpha Male even earns some extra points, by offering to sacrifice himself on the Scooby Gang altar, just so Klaus could die.  Yeah, Tyler definitely won this round against his Vampire Papa.  The question is, can he win the war . . . and, even if he does, will he survive to reap the spoils of his victory?

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The rest of the Scooby Gang runs into Klaus, while his now blue-balled self is stalking away from Caroline.  Once again, Klaus is forced to join forces with Team Scooby for a common goal.

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Behold . . . the Eye Candy.

Failing to realize that Plot Device Bonnie is already trying to break the salt barrier, so the vampires can rescue Elena . . . again, and stop Esther and Nouveau Ric, Klaus starts strangling her new beau-not brother Jamie.

You better not hurt me, or my Cousin Skeeter will kick your ass . . .

It shouldn’t be hilarious ..  . but it totally is.

Yes, I’m fully aware that I’m a terrible human being.

Wow, they weren’t kidding.  She really IS just a Human Plot Device!

It’s been three seasons, now.  It’s time the writers deeper into their bag of tricks for spells their witches can do to save / ruin the day at the end of every episode.  For example, I’m really tired of the one where they bleed on a piece of paper, and the blood travels around to “find stuff.”  I know, it’s supposed to be all intense and visceral.  But it always just looks like bad finger painting to me.  It would have been better (or at least funnier) if they had Klaus draw another pony picture, and the horse GALLOPED off the page to Elena’s rescue.

Of course, all the vampires are still busy licking salt, so Token Humans Jeremy and Matt have to go out to the creepy ceremony to save Elena . . . This can’t end well . . .

Back at the cemetery, Esther snatches Elena’s blood and feeds it to Alaric.

Coincidentally, Elena’s O face . . . and Elena’s OH NO face are strikingly similar . . .

She then kills him, helpfully informing Elena that, during Alaric’s transition, he will become “Good Alaric” for one final time.  Then, Jeremy and Matt pop up, and try to shoot Esther, which, of course, doesn’t work . . . because she’s an evil witch ghost DUH!  But surprise!

Crossbows RULE.  Just ask this guy . . .

Good Alaric rises to kill the biatch.

“NO MOTHER’S DAY CARD FOR YOU!”

Hooray . . . for now.

In other good news, now that Queen of the Vampire Haters is dead, Bonnie can move the salt with her mind.  The Scooby Gang is FREE!  But before they can leave to grab Elena, Klaus and Stefan, must fight like the gay lovers they truly are.

“We never touch anymore . . . except when you’re strangling me, or trying to stake me in the stomach.”

Klaus, once again, bemoans his lost friendship with Stefan . . . and by “friendship” he means all the great hot ripper sex they used to have.  Unfortunately, for Klaus, Stefan rejects him too . . . so the sex must not have been as good for Stefan, as it was for Klaus.

“Screw you, Recapper.  I’m an Adonis in the sack!”

Wow, duped by Beks, hated by his own mother, and rejected by both Caroline and Stefan . .. this REALLY isn’t Klaus’ episode, is it?

Worst . . . Funeral . . . EVER!

“Shouldn’t someone like say a speech or something?”

“No, no . . . just stare it him.  The depressing -want-to-slit-your-wrist-music will do all the work for us.”

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It’s maudlin emotional manipulation time, when we learn that Alaric, like Caroline’s dad before him, is not going to complete his vampire transition, so as to save his friends from his own murderous impulses.  This is followed by a massively tear jerking moment, in which the entire cast of the vampire diaries, stares longingly at Alaric, and gives the character, and presumably the actor, a fond adieu.

But that’s not all, we also get, single-tear soulful crying moments, first from surrogate son Jeremy, who’s been through this WAY too many times before . . .

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 . . . then from super crier, Elena . . .

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 . . . and finally, from Alaric himself, as bromantic team Bad Ass buddy Damon, joins Alaric in his self-imposed prison for one final glass of scotch, or bourbon, or whatever the heck is these two’s liquid of choice these days.

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In my absolute favorite scene of the entire episode Damon . . . the King of the Single Tear Cry apologizes for killing Alaric  . . .  twice, while Alaric playfully teases Damon about the cheeseball romance novel dream death he gave Dear Rose,  last season.  A few, alcoholic jokes are exchanges, before Alaric finally passes out from the sedative Meredith gave him.  And a lonely, and bereft Damon exits the “jail” stage left.

And if the episode ended here, I would have been happy . . . very happy.  Not because I want Alaric to be dead, of course.  But because I think this would have been a fitting and poignant send off, for a much beloved character . .  . (who’s going to be starring on another show on the CW soon, anyway) . . .

But nooooo .  . . we still have about five minutes left in the episode.  And it only takes about five minutes for everything to go to hell in a bloody hand basket . . .

“Hey, remember that time when I ate you in this gym?  Good times!”

After a couple sweet scenes, featuring various Mystic Falls’ couples comforting each other, in the wake of the “loss of Alaric” Matt and Jeremy: (“Let’s do shots for the Dead Alcoholic,)”

Bonnie and Not-Brother Jamie: (“I’m so sad about Alaric, even though I’ve shared maybe two scenes with him, since the pilot episode. Dad’s not home.  Let’s screw.”)

And Stefan and Elena: “Here’s the gym where I made you feel really bad, by turning off my emotions, and trying to eat you.  Feeling bad makes you human.  Let’s screw.”) . . .

. . . annoying ass Esther returns again . . .

. . . just we thought we were finally rid of that pucker lipped ho.  This time, she’s in Bonnie’s dreams.

Mother Effer (Or should I say, “Mother Esther?”)

Poor Bonnie . . . always a plot device  . . . never a bride.  Off she goes in her Esther-induced trance to almost dead Alaric’s jail to give the leaving Damon, one of her famous migraines . . .

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“One of these days, I’m going to invest in a really good helmet.”

 . . . and to force feed herself to Alaric.  In the final moments of the episode, Alaric awakens as a Robot Vampire version of himself, armed with a big weiner stake, and out for revenge.

Buffy Alaric VAMPIRE the Vampire Slayer

Silly Scooby Gang . . . you should have let Damon break his neck, when you had the chance.

Next week on TVD, more BAAAAAD Alaric beating people up and breaking sh*t  . . .

. . . at least, until they kill him again . . . probably for good this time.  But since they had the funeral already (and Alaric’s already died about 85,000 times since the pilot episode), this one is probably going to be a bit anti-climactic.  Alaric Saltzman has officially become the Boy Who Cried Dead.

Did I mention we already have a webclip?

One things for sure, with only two episodes left in the season, TVD is going to really have to up its game to wow its increasingly tough to please fanbase.  We’ve seen it all, these past three seasons: murder, cannibalism, sex, sacrifice,  death, destruction, doppelganger hijinks.  What can they possibly throw at us now? 🙂  You’re guess is as good as mine . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

22 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries

22 responses to “May Sweeps and April Fools – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Do Not Go Gentle”

  1. Maryam

    Love your recaps. Hopefully these last 2 episodes live up to all the hype. Team Damon!

    • Thanks so much, Maryam! I hope they live up to the hype as well. So far, TVD has a pretty good track record with Season Finales. 😉 Team Damon, For the Win!

  2. serendipity

    Hi Julie! Did I detect a note of sarcasm in this week’s recap? 😉 I didn’t mind at all, you know. You were amazing, as always 🙂 Admittedly, I didn’t have very high expectations for this week either, after last week’s hot Delena motel make out and the Stefalaric bonding over who’s got the darkest alter ego. This week was bound to be a little bit of a let down. And it’s true: decade dances are notoriously lethal, as is every other festivity that is held in Mystic Falls in fact. Strangely enough, nobody seems to have picked up on that little tidbit 😉

    Anyway. Caroline kind of annoyed me too this week. Why did she suddenly turn team Stelena, after pushing Elena into 1/ letting go of lost causes (i.e. Stefan) in The Birthday, and 2/ recognizing her feelings for a certain blue-eyed Salvatore? (totally random style side note – I did like Elena’s hair in that convo lol). Also, I kind of missed Elena telling Caroline about the motel make-out… I think I’d have like to hear how Elena brought it up LOL

    And what’s with Caroline warning off Matt? He’s sort of always been Elena’s friend, so why would he suddenly stop now? They seem to have been rebonding a little over the past few episodes, which is totally fine by me as long as they don’t make them get back together as a couple. That would be a big no-no.

    Concerning Stelena… I laughed at the way you talked about ‘Stefan’s turn’. I was afraid they were going to go for a Stelena kiss this week, but I’m glad they didn’t. The vibe between Elena and Stefan is starting to feel more like very good friendship, while the attraction between Elena and Damon is clearly off the charts. Then again, I’m probably biased 😉 A lot 😉 😉 There’s got to be something there that all those Stelena fans see, but I don’t. Stefan’s sweet. He’s always been very accepting and supporting of Elena, not questioning her every move as Damon habitually does. Now that can be comforting and safe, and I guess with Elena losing people left, right and center, it’s very tempting to go for Stefan again. But Damon’s shown that he can be there for her too, after Stefan’s departure and Jenna’s death. And if this season has proven anything, it is that Stefan too has a very dark side, that is frankly more dangerous than Damon’s can ever be. Do they honestly expect us to believe that it took Stefan 30 (!) years last time to get over his bloodaddiction, even with Lexi helping him, and that now he’d be over it in, what? A matter of weeks, or not even that if we take TVD’s slow timeline into account…. Now I’m a sucker for romance any day of the week (no kidding;) ) but even for me, that’s taking the influence of Elena (cherchez la femme?) a little too far.

    You’re right about the ring. If it was Esther who drove Alaric batty by whispering in his ear each time he died, how did the exact same thing happen to Samantha Gilbert? At least Ric died so many times that we lost count, which gave Esther ample time to brainwash him. But Samantha Gilbert? We can’t honestly believe that she died so often. We only know of the once, when Damon killed her. Esther can’t have gotten to her that quickly. And frankly, what good would it do Esther anyway? So Ric would have killed off the Councilmembers. That wouldn’t have diminished the number of vampires; rather the opposite, since at least they knew of the existence of the supernatural threat. And does this mean that she got to Jeremy too or not? In short, color me confused on the subject.

    I agree with you that Ric’s last hurrah would have been awesome if that had indeed been his LAST hurrah. But. Even suspecting (as I did – boy, we get skeptic by watching this show) that his death would somehow not be final, it really moved me. You didn’t see me, but I think I too had the single tear there 😉 It’s so sad to be saying goodbye to Alaric. Because even if they keep him (not a given, I guess, seeing his new show Cult) he’s never going to be the same, and I’ll miss him. I’m a little sad that they didn’t allow him to die dignified, the way he wanted. I guess he’d have preferred Damon to snap his neck. The Damon-Alaric moment was poignant, and their bond was made very clear in light of last week’s episode: Damon obviously didn’t tell Elena about the Rose-dream (and it got him major brownie points lol) but he did tell Ric. That was awesome. Why they had to mess it up is beyond me.

    On the final note, there’s another poster. http://www.vampire-diaries.net/tv-series/see-exclusive-elena-focused-may-sweeps-poster-at-eonline Guess you saw it? Hmm… not sure what it means though… I hope it’s Elena’s future with Damon (the rose is always a Damon symbol in the books 😉 ), but is that Elena the vampire or Elena the human? I hope it’s NOT Elena’s pulling a Sookie on us and decide to fly solo… Many people seem to think Elena will be turning at the end of season 3. I don’t know how I’d feel about that. Last year I wouldn’t have minded, but she’s fought so hard, and so many have been sacrificed to keep her human that it seems a shame, somehow. But if Klaus stays alive (has to stay alive? No bloodline discussions this week) and wants to cart her off with a permanent drip in her arm, I don’t know what she’d choose…

    Anyway. Thanks for a great (snarky lol) recap. Talk to you next week!

    • Hey serendipity! It just occurred to me that this is probably the last decade dance we will get on this show (unless they do one for Jeremy’s senior year).

      Granted, TVD’s timeline moves slower than anything. So, it will probably be another two seasons before the writers even think about these kids graduating high school. (Of course, they could probably have them all get left back, since no one goes to class.) But Elena and co. are definitely seniors.

      Actually, I think it’s kind of interesting how rarely that aspect of the show is addressed. Most high school shows make such a big deal about it. Whereas in most cases, college is the death knell of most high school shows, I kind of think it could work here. A new locale with new characters, and new supernatural problems, might be just what TVD needs to re-energize the franchise.

      You are right. I too would have loved to see the scenes where Elena told Caroline about making out with Damon, and Damon told Alaric about what he did for Rose, respectively. Perhaps, these will end up in the deleted scenes . . . or someone’s fanfiction? 😉

      Of course, I’m just as biased as you are when it comes to the Love Triangle. But yeah, my impression of Stefan’s and Elena’s scenes this week was more “paternal” than romantic. During their scenes together, Stefan seemed to be effortlessly gliding into the Elena’s Father Figure role that so many other have abandoned (though not by choice). Now, of course, that’s what she seemed to need at the time. But wow, for a guy . . . even a vampire guy . . .being Dad Zoned, has to be worse than being Friend Zoned right?

      Not that I’m complaining. 😉

      I also kind of feel like Esther the Vampire Hating Ghost Whisperer plot twist was confusing and unnecessary. It also put “Good Alaric” in a kind of bad light, since it made it seem like his alter ego, wasn’t so much an “alter” as it was his “Id.” And the fact that Esther seemed to be pushing her “charges” to kill Council Members, as opposed to hunting down the Originals themselves, seems like a waste of time. In short, I’m not really sure the writers thought this storyline through, when they first created it. I feel like it was written more for the Big Twists and shock value, than for anything else.

      Maybe they will somehow do a “spell” to save Alaric from himself, next week. The actor did say that he was going to remain recurring cast member. If that’s the case, and Alaric just ends up leaving town, or becoming a “Friendly Ghost” who occasionally helps out the Scooby Gan, then I guess it would be OK that he didn’t die this week. But if Damon or one of the other characters ends up staking Alaric, while he’s foaming at the mouth evil, this week’s entire “funeral” concept will have been for nothing. They really should have given him a “Rose” ending, and had Damon snap his neck, if that’s how this is going to go down.

      The poster definitely SEEMS to suggest Elena the Vampire, and Elena choosing “herself.” If that’s the case, it could make for an interesting season. After all, as we know from the books, Vampire Elena (for the limited time she actually was a vampire) was an entirely different animal than human Elena. And SHE bonded with Damon quite well. 😉 (Now that’s a book storyline, I wouldn’t mind seeing).

      On the other hand, I feel like a lot of the “danger” inherent in the show’s concept would be lost if Elena was a vampire, since so many of the storylines revolve around the rest of the cast protecting her. Besides, who’s even left human to be in danger anymore, aside from Jeremy (who has his ring), and Matt? One of the fun things about this show, was it’s foothold in reality . . . humans interacting with vampires, and the danger inherent in these two species interacting. But if there aren’t any human characters left, it will become something else entirely . . . It will become Breaking Dawn, Part 2. 😉

  3. KROY

    Your recap was Great Julie.

    Bonny as a plot device – Totally agree..She is absent from entire episodes of TVD and here we have her playing the Human Blood Bag for Psycholaric with WitchMama Esther appearing in her dreams leaving her with Moony eyes (when she should have been thinking of herself getting steamy with the man/brother/yuck sleeping with her with his clothes on)….Btw Esther could have forced either Jeremy or Mat to go inside and serve as Bloodbag to Alaric the way she forced Elena’s blood to ooze out of her..

    Did anyone notice that Bonny’s nose is not bleeding anymore? Either the spells are not complicated or Bonny has been practicing her magic out alone somewhere..Since we know neither is the case, I wonder why the sudden change..Not that I dont think its for the best. She looked really horrid with her nose bleeding after any lameass spell.

    Bonny and Jaimy’s incestuous relationship when I think about it >Gross. i liked it when Damon Cock Blocked the heavy action when Bonny was letting Jaimy “Put HIS GRAFITTI on HER” oblivious to another witch doing a salt spell around the area at that time. And yes, it would have been better for Matt and Jeremy to get someone to vaccume clean the area than try to be Geoffery Baratheon/Lannister.

    I like Jaimy for the gentleman and human that he is..But Bonny is making me very angry lately..and giving Damon the witchy Migrane again even when she was all hypnotized herself did it for me..Ive lost patience with Bonny as a character.

    Probably, I should not blame her for being a really Bad Witch or a Plot Device on a Vampire show..Maybe she is in the Wrong show afterall..She should have been on “THE SECRET CIRCLE” instead..Probably would have given her more footage if not anything else..She needs to speak with Kevin Williamson ASAP for the switch!

    Psycholaric or rather the new Buffyalaric towards the end was pretty darn cool..Ive been waiting for Mat Davis to play a Not so good avataar since I was very impressed with his performance as AlarKlaus in the previous season. He actually bangs Elena against the lockers in the next episode. Pretty Good..Ive been feeling like doing bodily harm to Elena ever since she has been toying with Damon’s Heart ( I Heart Heart Heart Heart Damon) and well Stefan’s Switch ( I absolutely like Ripper Stefan). I think I will cheer for Buffyalaric when he tries to hurt Elena..I know he wont succeed because of the Salvatore Boys and Klaus but that gal needs to be shaken up a little.

    Stefan and Elena were sweet in this episode.. They are sweet most of the time which is why I miss the sparks that Elena shoots up when she is with Damon. With Stefan, Elena seemed almost powerless to control the situation and take hold of her life even in this episode. With Damon, she has some power because she feels He is Powerful but He will screw up when its always she who screws things more than anyone else on the show.

    But I was Happy in the previous episode when they made out (Sizzled and Burned my TV Screen) and later Damon said, he wont be helping her this time. In my mind I was replaying the scene wherein Damon admitted to her that he loved her and she rejected him and said that it could be a problem.

    In my mind the dialogues for last week were:
    Elena: Stefan thinks I have feelings for you
    Damon: Do you
    Elena: Yes
    Damon: Maybe thats the problem!

    I would have loved for Damon to have said the above lines last week and Elena to be on her own this week but here she is with Stefan again who wants to right the wrongs by eye-fing her in the gymnasium..Urghh..Im positively Disgusted!

    Klaus> While I like the parts of him as being lonely and needing a friend..yet being a very old and powerful vampire must mean that he has turned off his humanity switch and yet I see him craving for Love, Friendship and Attention just like Rebekka. Not Done Writers! There has to be more to him if we are to believe that we need to get rid of him because he is evil.

    Klaus should really not talk about his friendship with Stefan anymore since Stefan has rejected his friendship on so many occasions that Im beginning to think Klaus doesnt have any self respect>Its kind of Like Rebecca which is just Sad and Bad!

    Right now, Im beginning to think that he is a lonely kid with an inferiority complex. Not happening!

    I like Klaus though. In fact I like Klaus, Elijah and Rebecca and see no need for them to be extinct..

    Tyler this week was AWESOME!Infact the Pony Picture Line was Fabulous.Well done. I like him to be Funny. alpha aggression + Fun could be a heady Irressistible Mixture. Im sure Caroline agrees.

    Speaking of….

    Caroline lecturing Matt seemed just wrong. I like Caroline but after having slept with several male characters on the show, I hardly see her moral policing on Matt. It seemed forced and unnecessary, especially coz Matt seems soo…. Harmless around Elena. Caroline, I dont mind you looking out for Elena or being there for her as a friend but Please dont do the moral policing or say cheesy lines like Stefan is your Epic Love especially when Elena told us that she DOESNT KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS last season to Stefan.

    Writers: Please dont make Caroline more judgemental than she already is. I forgave her for calling Damon a Vampire Gigolo. Afterall, she was hardly in a position to say it even back then.

    Despite that I like Caroline and think Forwood works great for me..Dont ruin that..

    Ok, I totaly am a Damon fan..However, Jeremy was looking really Hot in this episode. In fact he has been looking like he has been working out much. Its sad that he has lost all his girlfriends and his parents and now a Parental figure. Some serious case of Bad Luck with him. Feel bad for him, even for Elena sometimes but Elena enjoys the affections of one and all around her and she treats some of the people who love her like dirt (I didnt like what she did to Jeremy, Damon and also Rebecca and Elijah).

    Matt and Jeremy together made me miss Damon and Alaric together when Alaric was really him. That last scene with the two together with single eyed tears really made me emotional. That makes me feel that Damon has really No one left to care for him in the world. He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lonely with no one to Love or Care for him. The only Love – Hate relationships in his life are Stefan and Elena and the two are just impossible around him, treating him as second priority. Sad! The guy deserves some serious, honest Loving.

    I want Rebecca, Elijah and Katherine back in the game and more screen time for Delena. I want Elena Gilbert to be thrashed (even if its for 30 seconds). I want WitchMama to be gone for Good. I want Damon Shirtless..Please..Please..;)….(Am I asking for too Much)

    Waiting for next weeks episode..

    • Hey Kroy! Thanks so much for your kind words, and kickass hilarious commentary. I was giggling the entire time I was reading it. You are absolutely right? Why WERE Jamie and Bonnie sleeping together, with their sweaty dance clothes on? I get that Jamie might not have wanted to pressure his sister . . . er . . . I mean his new girlfriend, into doing anything he didn’t want to do. But he could have at least taken off his shirt. After all, Jamie’s abs are probably the best thing about the character. Why not at least show them off?

      And Bonnie . . . she’s in her own house, for crying out loud! Why not put on a nighty? It would be more comfortable, not to mention, more sanitary. (All that beating must have itched something fierce, under those heavy blankets. Plus, it would have made the whole trance scene that much more hysterical, if Bonnie was wearing PJ’s and bunny slippers when she did it.

      I know I’m hard on Bonnie sometimes . . . OK . . . all of the time. But really, sometimes, it seems like the writers TRY to make the character unlikeable . . .

      Oh, and you are absolutely right. If Esther was worth her salt (hint, hint, wink, wink) as a witch, she would have fed Jeremy or Matt to Alaric, immediately upon “killing him” rather than waiting until after her own re-death to do it. Then again, I’m not sure why I’m surprised. These Originals aren’t exactly the best at making plans that actually work . . . (except for Elijah . . . I love Elijah . . . no matter how many times he dies, he can do no wrong, in my book).

      I too thought Matt Davis was great as AlarKlaus. When the ring storyline started, I was kind of hoping they’d explore Alaric’s vampire hating darkside, thereby making him a more three-dimensional character. And I was kind of happy that the writers didn’t take the easy way out, by making it a simple possession storyline. That said, I’m not so sure how much I like PsychoRic, or RoboRic (as he appears in the previews). I always preferred my villains to be a little more tortured and complex, and a little less Frankenstein.

      Then again, tortured and complex villains always seem to fail miserably on this show (See, eg. Klaus). So, perhaps, Nouveau Ric the Killing Machine will end up being the greatest threat Mystic Falls has ever known . . . at least for one episode.

      And I agree with my fellow commenters. This:

      Elena: Stefan thinks I have feelings for you
      Damon: Do you
      Elena: Yes
      Damon: Maybe thats the problem!

      . . . was full of win. And I say that as a full on Delena shipper. I do think Damon needs to toy with Elena a little bit, after all she’s put him through. I’d like to see HER pine over him for a change . . . even if it’s just for one or two episodes, before they both give up the games, and end up back in the sack, where they belong. 😉

      Jeremy DID look super hot in this episode! WOW. The 1920’s were VERY kind to him, ineed. 😉 He should start dressing like that all the time . . . make it a fashion statement, or something. Ditto for Matt and Tyler. They both looked great. As for the women, I adored all the dresses, but was less crazy about the hair styles. I get that this was how women wore their hair at the time. I just thought the look aged the actresses unnecessarily . . .

      Oh, and by the way, I think your wishlist for the last two episodes is full of win. I don’t think you are asking for too much at all! 🙂

  4. LG

    Nice recap of a really contrived episode. Esther’s been fueling the Psycholaric fire? Puh-leeeze. I will say, I didn’t expect that Alaric would be turned. I know he’s going to be in a new series and I thought they had found a pretty nice way to write him out of TVD — except for that EXTREMELY CHEESY candlelight vigil. And then they pull this sh*t with Bonnie. And since when do binding spells require salt on this show? And if they do, it’s not that hard to move salt. I know you’ve said you don’t watch Supernatural, but spirits blow holes in salt barriers all the time. (BTW, you really should watch Supernatural. The chemistry between the brothers is perfect, and Misha Collins … I am SO IN LOVE with that man, even if he probably doesn’t look as good shirtless as Jared or Jensen.)

    I love KROY’s imagined Delena dialogue. 🙂 And Caroline’s “argument” for Elena asking Stefan is completely nonsensical.

    Next week will supposedly feature a frank discussion between Stefan and Damon. Yeah, I’m worried it will result in a Sookie-solo-situation. I guess we’ll see. There’s obviously no point in trying to predict what will happen on this show, since the writers seem to suffer from near-total amnesia of what’s gone before.

    See you next week. Thanks for your dedicated recapping!

    • Hey LG! I’m so glad to see you felt the same way I did about this episode. I found myself in an unusually grumpy mood, after “Do Not Go Gentle” aired. so, of course, I worried that my frustrations would come out in my recap. (As you can see, they TOTALLY did.) I’m relieved that my fellow Fangbangers understood where I was coming from, and weren’t offended by the grouchiness of this recap. 🙂

      I probably should go out and get myself those Supernatural DVD’s. I do love me some hot snarky brotherly bonding, and smart snappy meta dialogue, which, from what I hear, the series has in full force. Plus, on totally shallow note . . . I have this one picture on my blog of Sam and Dean wearing nothing but towels, that I still drool over to this day . . .

      As much as I would LOVE for Elena to choose Damon (imagine all the hot sex and makeout scenes we’d get in season 4, if this was the case!) I actually don’t think I would mind too much of Elena “chose herself.” (It would certainly be better than her choosing Stefan . . . again.) For one thing, I think it would turn the tables on the love triangle. Let Stefan and Damon attempt to move on, and have Elena pine after, and pursue, THEM for a change.

      Damon, in particular, has always played right into Elena’s expectations of him, by ALWAYS loving her unconditionally, and always behaving conveniently badly, just when she starts to recognize they might have a future together. In short, as Damon has said, himself, he’s made things too easy for her. As a result, he’s always been on the losing end of that relationship. It’s high time Damon starting WINNING, dammit. And I think, the minute Elena starts to realize that Damon might not always be there to play into her bad boy fantasies, is when she’ll finally figure out just how much she needs him . . . in her bed. 😉

  5. Nina Lisa Tomlinson

    Just a quick note for Kroy: Bonnie’s nose hasn’t been bleeding since last season. She *did* go off and practice all her spell casting, and returned better and stronger.
    Great recap, as usual, Julie!

    • You are absolutely right, Nina. Though I just love using that horrible bloody nose screencap at every opportunity (I can be kind of a bully, in that way :)), I feel like the writers have conveniently allowed Bonnie’s “nosebleeds” go the way of those annoying “diary voiceovers,” and Damon’s “crow,” into television extinction. 🙂

      For a while, this could have been attributed to Bonnie channeling all her “witch sisters,” thereby enabling her powers to function like rechargeable batteries, never flagging. But now she’s on her own, powers wise. So, I guess, as you said, her lack of nosebleeds is simply the result of good, old-fashioned, practice. (Either that, or she’s invested in some really good noseplugs. :))

  6. imaginarymen

    I’m so glad we’re on the same page Blogging Pal – what is UP TVD writers?? Everything feels so thrown together this season. They under-use characters they hyped up (ahem, KLAUS), they make “the witches can do anything” their “out” for any contrived plot point – and who are we supposed to be rooting for here? Not Esther and now not Nouveau Ric (LOVE THAT, btw!) – so ARE we rooting for Klaus and Rebecca bc killing them means killing all the Salvatores and Caroline (oh and Tyler – snooooooze ;-)? But we keep getting told how terrible the Originals are – yet lately all they do is paint and plan parties!!

    This also reminded me of the Pacey/Joey/Dawson Hate Triangle (I don’t call it love bc it was hateful!) in that after three seasons – Delena fans got their “moment” last week – and so it seems like the show is “throwing a bone” by just shifting her back to Stefan this week. This makes Elena seem mean, manipulative AND flaky and makes me question why EITHER brother would want her. And frankly, the triangle is tired. What’s so great about Stefan Salvatore anyway?? (I’m looking at you Klaus – please read “He’s Just Not That Into You”.)

    Mb they are burned out or just treading water until the finale but it all seems very tired this season – especially when it held such promise at the end of the last one. I wish they’d followed our “Ripper Redux” series to see how this SHOULD have been done!

    • Hey Amy! First off THIS . . .

      “We keep getting told how terrible the Originals are – yet lately all they do is paint and plan parties!!”

      I love it! You have to tweet it, or put it on a t-shirt, or something. It is just pure perfection!

      And while we are on the subject, I feel like they really could have gotten a better “stand-in” artist for Klaus. I mean, come on, the guy’s had a thousand years to practice! He really should be able to pull together something better than those caricatures of yourself that you can buy on the beach for ten bucks. And that Poop Mural was just awful. I guess it was supposed to look like a Jackson Pollack. To me it looked more like what happens to Jackson Pollack, when he eats too many beans.

      As for Klaus and Stefan, I feel like you hit the nail on the head. Klaus’ obsession with Stefan feels inauthentic, sad, and creepy, mainly because the writers never really took the time to establish that relationship between the characters. We got that one flashback scene from the twenties, and that was it. Had the writers actually taken the risk of truly exploring Stefan’s dark side, in the opening episodes of Season 3 (as WE had suggested ;)), Klaus’ crush would make a lot more sense

      I also agree with you that Elena’s “taste testing” of the brothers, over the course of these past two episodes, doesn’t necessarily endear her to me. I mean she’s known these guys for almost two years. This isn’t Match.com! 🙂

      I still have faith in these writers that they can pull a Hail Mary, and re-invigorate the franchise. I just feel like they are going to need a real game-changing moment in the season finale, in order to do it.

  7. Amelia

    Hey Julie!!
    Your recap of an otherwise disappointing episode was great, as usual!
    I am also annoyed by Caroline’s judgy antics this episode, and this season, actually now that I think of it. It’s a shame, because Caroline is one of my favorites, but her role these days is to just lecture everyone on their lives, which gets irritating at a certain point. also her team! Stelena wasn’t cool either.
    ALSO idk HOW the writers are expecting me to ship Klaus/Caroline when Klaus is SO SO gay for Stefan, since the first moment they laid eyes back in the ’20s. Now, I just need Stefan to stop being in denial of his feelings. You ever notice that when Klefan are having drama Stefan all of a sudden is interested in Elena again?
    As far as the Alaric death, it’s depressing that Elena and Jeremy have lost SIX parental figures since S1. That’s just appalling. Also the death of Dalaric is depressing as well 😦 WHY TVD WRITERS, WHY?!!
    Tyler was the best, forever LOLing at his snark at Klaus about horse paintings, my thoughts exactly, Tyler!

    In unrelated news, are we finally going to get a full GG recap this week since the non-judging-breakfast-club and chair are scheming again?! WITHOUT the donut? I understand the Dair of it all is making it difficult to do a complete recap these days, but surely you can make an exception this week, right? LOL 🙂

    P.S: VERONICA MARS REFERENCE FTW. This isn’t the first time Stelena was referred to as an epic ship on the show, if I recall correctly, they proclaimed themselves as epic in episode 2 WOW.”We met, we talked, it was epic.” “I met a girl, we talked, it was epic, then the sun came up and reality set in..”
    And now with Caroline saying that Stefan is Elena’s epic love, give me a break. No couple deserves to called epic as much as LoVe from VM, point blank, period. I’m actually offended for Logan and Veronica right now.
    talk to you soon xoxo

    • Hey Amelia! You are absolutely right about Caroline. One of the things, I always loved about her character in the first two seasons, was how open and entirely NON-judgmental she was. She was very “sexually adventurous” with Damon in Season 1, and, as a result, was always supportive of Elena’s and Bonnie’s romantic relationships. She had a somewhat absentee dad, and strained relations with her mother. Therefore, she never made Matt feel bad about coming from a broken home. When she became a vampire, she learned, firsthand, about the power of bloodlust, and never made Tyler feel guilty or monstrous for being a werewolf.

      But, suddenly, in Season 3, she’s judging everyone and everything. Not only is it inconsistent, it’s simply not an attractive turn for her character to take. Leave the judgments and eyebrow wagging to Bonnie, Caroline! 🙂

      Personally, I would LOVE to see a flashback where Klaus and Stefan got all drunk and bloodlusty, back in the 20s, and finally gave into their mutual passion for one another. It sure would explain A LOT about the way they are around eachother now. (Personally, and maybe this is just the True Blood fan in me, I’ve always assumed most vampires over a certain age to be bisexual . . . if for no other reason than, after 100 years of “doing” the same thing, why not try something new?)

      Stelena fans would revolt, of course. And I doubt the CW would let the writers go there. But I still think it would make for a great scene.

      I’m glad you liked my Veronica Mars reference. A few weeks back, they ran a marathon of the series on Soapnet. And it has absolutely reawakened my obsession with the LoVe ship. 🙂 As far as I’m concerned, this is the ONLY TV couple that will ever be allowed to describe themselves as “EPIC.” And this is coming from a diehard Pacey/Joey, Chuck/Blair, Damon/Elena fan. Those ships all have their own adjectives. But EPIC remains the property of one Logan Echolls. Shame on you, Caroline!

      Speaking of Chuck and Blair . . . I truly am sorry about my dereliction in GG recapping duties of late. I hate to seem like one of those fairweather fans, that only recaps when my ship is on top. But really, GG’s problems of late have been much greater than the assassination of Blair Waldorf’s character, and this ridiculous emphasis on Dair. (I mean, those two took up at least HALF of the three episodes, while Chuck got relegated to one or two short scenes.) Serena and Lily have been total shrews lately. Lola’s a bore. The Cece’s will storyline dragged on much too long. And even Chuck’s “Are you my mother?” storyline, with it’s ridiculous weekly plot twists, is starting to become laughable . . . and not necessarily in a good way.

      I worried that if I recapped these past episodes, the blog posts would come off sounding more like whiny diatribes, than snarky fun episode analysis. That said, the previews for next week’s episode enticed me in a way that I haven’t experienced since “Riding in Town Cars with Boys.” The NJBC reunited . . . the snarky self-referential commentary . . . Blair seeming like her old self again (Her impersonation of Diana was SPOT ON and HILARIOUS. And I adored the amused and aroused reaction shot of Chuck that followed.) . . . and, perhaps, most importantly, NO DONUT!

      If the actual episode is anywhere near as good as the previews were, I have no doubt that I will be inspired to give GG it’s recapping due again . . . (though it may be a little later than usual . . . my real life schedule has gotten a bit messy of late . . . another reason my recapping energies have been flagging).

  8. Ah your recaps are always a delight. I poked a lot of holes in this episode, but I didn’t mind it. I guess I’ve given up trying to make too much sense of TVD. :-/ I really don’t mind Jamie and Bonnie, because they aren’t blood relatives, they didn’t even grow up together (like Matt and Elena), and Jamie wasn’t even taken in by Abby that long ago. I find it significantly less weird than dating a vicious supernatural creature.

    I also like Stelena–not that I’m against Delena, I cheered when they made out last week. I would rather have a supportive partner than a partner who goes over the edge at any moment. To me that is more tedious than exciting. Stefan’s support is unusual for a “teenage” couple. That said, I wasn’t completely moved by the Stelena scene because it’s like, hello? Stefan has done super horrible things lately, yikes.

    I won’t say anything about Caroline and Klaus (they’re the only pairing I strongly dislike, as they are), but I am always up for some Klefan. I hope their relationship moves forward and doesn’t continue the “never gonna give you up” from Klaus’s perspective. Then again, I’ll take that over nothing. I should have trusted you when you said last week that Klefan would never end, if Klaus has anything to do with it.

    Unfortunately, I don’t find Alaric to be convincingly menacing. I liked him as “Klaus,” but here it seems he’s trying too hard. And how many characters’ dark sides have we explored? Stefan’s, Damon’s, Tyler’s–maybe Bonnie is next. That’s getting old, to me. I like the actress who plays Esther (obviously more than you do, haha), but Esther confused and annoyed even me in this episode. I didn’t mind the fact that she tried to whisper to Alaric in the afterlife, that reveal was actually cool to me, but then… did anything else make sense? Why? Was this her backup if she didn’t succeed in killing all vampires the first time? I don’t know… And the funeral was hilarious. Damon/Alaric was amazing, but the rest just felt awkward, including Jeremy’s fake-looking tear.

    Well, until next time. 🙂

    • Hey Noelle! You bring up a good point. In a world where 17-year old humans date 175-year old vampires, there really is no such thing as a dating taboo. 🙂

      I guess my issue with Jamie is how artificial his relationship with Bonnie seems. I mean, if the writers wanted to give Bonnie a love interest, why bring in someone out of no where, whose only connection to her, is the fact that he was raised by HER mother?

      And what about Jamie’s life pre-Bonnie? Did he simply spend all his time chopping wood, half naked, in Abby’s back yard? Doesn’t he go to school? Have friends? A girlfriend back home? Something? If Bonnie is a plot device on this show, Jamie is a plot-device of a plot-device with incestuous overtones . . . Poor guy! He should have stuck to My Cousin Skeeter. 🙂

      I will admit that Stefan was uncommonly supportive and understanding with Elena, this week, which was exactly what she needed. It was also one of the first times, I saw Stefan really act HIS AGE. But, like you, this didn’t necessarily sell the Stelena relationship with me. For one thing, “supportive” and “romantic” aren’t necessarily synonymous. For another, as you said, everyone seems to be forgetting how Stefan treated Elena for the entire first half of this season . . . even my fellow Delena shipper, Rose. Stefan’s love is “pure?” Really? Because it sure didn’t look that way, when he was threatening to drive her off the Wickory Bridge . . .

      As for Klaus, I’m still waiting for him to have a Lifetime Movie Moment, in which he ties Stefan naked to a chair, dangling over a vat of burning lava, and screams at him over and over again, with tears streaming down his face, “IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, NO ONE CAN!”

      I also agree with you about preferring AlarKlaus, over Nouveau Ric. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I prefer my villains intelligent, manipulative, and subtly menacing. Nouveau Ric’s Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining routine doesn’t really do it for me, which is why I would have preferred a fond farewell at the end of THIS episode, to whatever the writers probably have cooked up for the next one.

      Ah the single tear cry . . . :), I know it’s incredibly cheesy, but I adore it, in all it’s cheesiness. Plus, I feel like the makeup department probably spends a ridiculously long time trying to pull it off.

      I can just picture it now. “No . . . it has to drip SLOWLY down his face. That was too fast. The fans won’t be able to convert it into an animated gif. Do it again. Mr. McQueen, stop squinting. Heaven forbid we have an Ugly Cry on this show!”

  9. Oh, Jewels, it’s been WAY too long! I genuflect at your feet every time I make it over here to read your recaps! I only aspire to one day be as funny a recapper as you are! Comparing the salt lick to a line of cocaine? Priceless! I’m wishing at some point Damon goes on a bender and just takes what he wants–lol. Yes, poor Stefan and his vanilla relations–you’d think after going “dark” for most of a season he would bring some heat to the party, but NOOOO! And since everybody makes the Nannie Carrie jokes, and we’re constantly subjected to school dances, why not go all the way *wink* and do a tribute to Stephen King’s Carrie and just bring a bucket of pig’s blood to one of these dances and douse, oh, say Elena? Then Bonnie could set the place on fire, and the guys (pick all of them) could have a pissing contest to put it out! I’m in a weird mood! lol ANYWAY! I always laugh out loud reading your recaps, and enjoy them so much! xoxo

    • Hey mak! Thanks so much for accolades. You are so sweet. I was blushing, as I was reading. When I was writing this recap, I feared it would come off as more whiny than funny. So, I’m thrilled that I succeeded in making you laugh.

      As sad as the whole “Salt Lick Barrier” storyline was, you can bet that if this show was on HBO or Showtime, instead of the CW, all the vampire boys would have totally snorted it together, and spent the remainder of the episode high as kites. Now THAT’S a High School Dance I would have liked to have seen! 😉

      Stefan, in particular, probably could have used a little nose candy to “lift his spirits.” It might have made his “turn” with Elena, a lot less like what you would expect to see at an elementary school Father/Daughter dance.

      Ooh, I would LOVE to see the CW do a homage to Carrie. It would fit perfectly with the tone of the show. And I honestly think Bonnie is headed in that direction, with all the abuse the writers have heaped on her character lately. She could be next season’s Big Bad! 🙂

  10. East Coast Captain

    WHat if Meredith becomes Stefan´s new love interest? The irony wouldn´t be dismissed. Paul would be comfortable with her since they are married in real life.

    But I hope Katherine becomes his love interest.
    Alaric is definitely dead this time since he is now the big bad.

    • I’m with you on Katherine being the best match for Stefan, East Coast Captain. But I’m starting to wonder whether the writers will be bold enough to make it happen. (Perhaps, if Elena chooses Damon at the end of the season, this could work.) Speaking of which, where is Katherine, anyway? Come back, girlfriend!

      As for Meredith, I kind of feel like her temperment is too similar to Stefan’s to generate any real heat between them. In the books, Meredith and DAMON had an interesting love/hate relationship that, if the series had taken a different turn, could have manifested itself in a short-term relationship, or a hot one-night stand. The pair did have a couple decent scenes in this episode.

      Of course, I want Damon with Elena, and no one else. But if Elena ends up “choosing herself,” I think I’d be OK with Damon taking a brief turn on the Crazy Nanny Carrie train, if only, because I know it would make Elena insanely jealous. 😉

      • KROY

        Haha..Awesome Julie..Interesting case of swapping that would be: Paul (Stefan) with Nina (Elena) and Ian (Damon) with Torry (Meredith)..Fireworks @ Mystic Falls..;)
        I miss Katherine and Elijah..Want them back on the show..

  11. Andre

    So here I am this is me
    And Jule.
    *Hey that rhymes*

    Before I go on have a look at my newest zoological youtube video (Aagin, your cuteness antibody level must be high enough to survive it):

    I must say I am a tiny bit disappointed by your recap:
    It was not snarky and sarcastic enough. After that episode your recap should be so full of it that it would ooze out of the computer screen.

    You know some Delena fan on youtube once asked me what I would do to make the show more authentic. And this is what I wrote:
    But to make it more authentic… there isn’t much left to be saved to be honest. The full moon stuff would be a ban, not a curse, without it the rabid wolf would one day overthrow its “host.” Jeremy would have depression and that he hangs out with people so fast is because he feels so alone. Witches would wage a war against the Originals, Klaus would be abusing Karoline and Karoline would always make excuses. Delena would be a very unhealthy relationship.
    Bonnie would start searching for other witches. There would be a vampire rebellion bend on binding and imprisoning the Originals. We would need a good character that wants to kill the Originals and thereby Stefan, Damon, Karoline and Tyler. So far this is portrayed as something only a bad guy would do. The werewolves would be the result of a failed witchattempt to create a weapon against someone they perceive as an enemy but in truth its them who mess everything up.
    Of course plenty of things shouldn’t have been done in the first place. Michael would still be around respectively younger vampires would pose an actual threat to the Originals. At least one vampire/human/werewolf would have noticed the different versions of the sun and moon curse and there would be another definitely separate species who would be too powerful for all other three combined, possibly even more than one so to explain why they don’t reign supreme. The current supes would be zeros.

    You know, if you ask me this show is not gonna get better and everybody who is not romance novel material is just a tool now and not allowed to be actual human beings.
    Only Elena is allowed to not be able to take it anymore, not Jeremy, or Matt or Bonnie, only Elena. Everybody else is reduced to robots. That’s why I nearly groaned when I heard Elena’s “I can’t stand it no more” speech. That would be believable if other characters had said that before.

    This episode was basically pretty boring for me. I couldn’t even feel sorry anymore for the characters. Not on this show, not with the way it is written. It is far too much too fast and this makes you desensitized. That’s why I thought that the forest scene was also just dumb. Not to mention, if she combined the stake with that ring, this would basically mean that the ring cannot be destroyed by supernatural means. So it could still simply rot or being burned. Oh well, its TVD it is full of fantastic and original ideas that are all well thought through.

    There was nothing clever about that move of hers. She should have done that with Michael’s weapon if she had turned him for that purpose and knew that only that special wood could kill them.
    And why didn’t she do the same thing with John or Jeremy? After all I guess we can assume that with the other Gilbert back in 1912. Man she is lazy and dumb, not even one contingency plan in sight as it seems. Her death, her third so far was the best example. She told Elena herself that Alaric might/will be his old self for a while and didn’t even consider that he might temporarily turn against her. Not to mention that why is normal Ric back because he is in transition? She is like those supervillains
    And I heard rumors about a new villain in season 4. Oh gosh I hope it’s not Alaric. But then again, I hoped the vampires wouldn’t be created by a witch and look how that turned out.

    I had totally forgotten about the last dance when Bonnie didn’t die. I guess if you are fixated on romance and only have everything revolve around that your choices get limited very fast.

    I also wondered what it was Klaus was about to draw. Perhaps a mountain top or something it looked just weird.

    Anyway, basically you are right of course that the fact that Klaus didn’t notice anything odd about “Rebekah” is very strange. But this is TVD and background depth and consistency when it doesn’t serve the vamp-romance is not a strength of this show. I doubt that the writers care for that at all.

    When Esther was preparing the dagger I was immediately thinking that she has to “die” to return to her body. Shortly I hoped that Alaric had actually “killed” her but no she immediately awakened. And although I didn’t ask why I think you have affair point what all this was about anyway? What was that good for? Even for TVD standard this was pointless.

    I also don’t want Matt and Elena to be together and hopefully the writers aren’t that ridiculous (albeit I wouldn’t put it past them) to actually try to have Matt to woe Elena again. That is …. I have no word for that actually. I know this is “the Elena show” but something like that would make me quit it once and for all. I am pretty sure it would make me quit, this Elena centeredness is boring and sickening enough as it is. Well that and if Matt would date Elena again his survival chances would be close to zero now.
    And I also found Caroline’s behavior annoying. I mean who is she too judge anybody and give anybody advice? Look at her “boyfriends.” She basically took years to figure out the good guy just to end up with Tyler and now possibly Klaus. She is definitely an equally bad judge on that as Elena is. That is probably the reason why she is more popular, because she embodies the typical romance novel chick, plus she “just does it,” never mind of course that her actions more often than not lead to disaster, but hey on the Elena show that is the right thing to do.

    As for Delena vs Stelena. I will never get what you see in a sick relationship like Delena. And I wouldn’t put any stock in either Rose’s or Caroline’s comment. Not on this show. They will both be yesterdays news pretty soon.

    The whole indestructible stake stuff came too late in my eyes. She could have done that already with Michael’s stake centuries ago. This show cannot get any credit more for things like that. Too late too slow, all of it in that regard.

    I found Tyler’s statement that he was jealous much better than the picture stuff. I mean despite what Caroline said he had valid reason too. Not that Caroline is worth it.
    Anyway I think you confuse Tyler and Jeremy. Yes Tyler did draw (a trait Klaus probably didn’t have coincidentally, right now he is an extreme version of Tyler, and of course more white) but he drew Comic book style superheroes. The one with the wolf pictures was Jeremy.

    And speaking of him:
    On a normal show Jeremy’s comment about not taking the ring off until his sister stops dating vampires would be a sign of hope, but not here. Hope in the way that someone sees this whole mess as what it really is, but since everything in this show is about Elena this will not be happening. No… only bad guys or misguided people must want the vampires to be gone.

    Speaking of having them gone:
    So Michael became a vampire to hunt vampires? When did Esther manage that? Shortly before she was killed? Wow, seems she was a bit faster on realizing what she did. And now that I think of it, shouldn’t she have been better off with a simple sealing or protection spell? Damn this whole origin stuff for the vampires gets more and more stupid the more I think of it.
    And Michael…. LLLLOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    He was supposedly created to hunt vampires from the start and in more than 1000 years he didn’t manage to do that? How on earth did he ever manage to have his family under his heels when he was still human?

    I get why you would want to slash Jeremy and Matt but something like that will never happen. TVD is too much playing safe and inside the box, not even remotely touching its edges (unlike GoT).

    And that salt stuff. I just thought, what? Are they ghosts now or what? And I also asked myself, how Esther managed to get all those salt. I mean, look at how much there is. The line is very thick and – supposedly encircling the whole school – would need several sacks full of salt? Did Esther teleport it there or what? Does she have slaves now too? Was it Psycho Alaric (why didn’t that guy just use a gun to commit his murders)? Even he would need time.
    And since humans can walk in and out of it, shouldn’t at least one of them have stepped onto the line and broken it? Or team human get the idea? Well not really of course since they are just bad tools now. Seriously it’s a party full of teenagers – officially at least – and no one gets drunk and stumbles over that leg thick line of salt?

    And speaking of cemeteries:
    Seriously, the spot Esther got killed is the same the Salvatores have their crypt on? Can it get any more cheesy and stupid? Why this constant focus on the three main idiots?

    “Seriously? Is there some rule that no one on this show can stay human, aside from Elena? Isn’t part of the aura of vampires the fact that they are so SPECIAL, and so much cooler than us humans?”

    Not on this show girlfriend. Elena must be special no matter the cost.
    And her whining about that Esther is no better than Klaus. I would slap Elena for that and tell her that she is the biggest danger here. Seriously what does that stupid little girl actually know? How many vampires has she met? Should all live, no matter how vile, just to safe her two psychotic boyfriends, her neurotic friend and the biggest douchebag in town?

    Oh and Tyler is soooo noble now. Sorry douchebag unlike Jeremy I did not forget that you are a potential rapist so I am not buying it. It would be more thrilling to have someone speak turkey with him and tell him that him dead might not be so bad after all. Or simply ask him what would be so bad about him. If this show doesn’t follow the real world anyhow they at least could give it more facets.

    And Damon apologizes…. *spit on it and shoot Damon with Van Helsing’s weapon*
    Too late and not enough. This was just another example of the shows ridiculous focus on forgiveness. Damon had killed Alaric without a single thought, just like with Mason Lockwood. Such a guy cannot be trusted.

    And yeah, should Alaric die, his death would be as anticlimactic as the rest of the show has become.

    I am pretty close to the limit actually and can only stomach so much.

    Before I end, watch this:

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