Pop open that bottle of champagne, and start singing Auld Lang Syne, because another New Year has just begun in Atlantic City. It’s 1923. And despite the fact that some of our “old acquaintances” have gone “mysteriously missing” (R.I.P. Jimmy and Angela Darmody) . . .
Here at TV Recappers, we still think it could shape up to be a pretty awesome year. Below are ten reasons why . . .
Because (be honest) you didn’t know what a 3-in-1 was either . . .
Meet Gyp Rosetti. He just got a flat tire on the way to AC. To add insult to injury, now one of his henchman is sassing him, by indirectly implying that he’s an idiot for not knowing that 3-in-1 is another name for oil. (Well, I didn’t know that. Did you know that?) So, Gyp Rossetti does what any of us would do in such a situation. He beats the guy to death with a tire iron, and then “inherits” his adorable dog. Wait . . . WHAT?
We’ve all seen this kind of thing before, in mob movies . . . a scene designed to show the mobster’s volatile temperament, his mean streak, and his penchant for bashing the crap out of things with tire irons and/or bats and/or pistols. Deniro did it in The Untouchables . . .
Pesci did it in Goodfellas . . .
But neither of them adopted a dog at the end of the scene. And dogs make everything better, don’t they? Yes, even tire-iron beatings . . .
Because you are as baffled as I am that Mickey Doyle has managed to survive yet another episode . . .
From the moment he pulled the trigger on surrogate son, Jimmy Darmody, we all knew it was only a matter of time, before Nucky Thompson fully embraced his gangster persona. We see that persona, in full force, as we watch Nucky interrogate a rather pitiful looking thief, who had the misfortune of stealing booze from Mickey Doyle’s warehouse, while the latter was out taking a leak. “Which one of you was doing your job?” Nucky asks pointedly, in a line of questioning that alternately rewards the thief for his “work ethic,” while decrying Mickey Doyle’s inability to “keep it in his pants” until after his shift is over.
“Ooh,” we’re all thinking to ourselves. “Mickey Doyle is really going to get it this time.”
After all, this is the guy that’s been thrown off a balcony by Jimmy, and beaten within an inch of his life, by pretty much every gangster on this show. Mickey Doyle is a cat with nine lives, but he already seems to have used up at least seven of them . . .
Make that eight, because despite Nucky’s seeming respect for the thief, it wasn’t enough to keep him from having Manny Horvitz shoot the latter in the head, moments after he gave up the name of his accomplice. And Mickey? Well, it seems that he will live to be bad at his job, another day . . .
Because Jimmy Darmody would be rolling over in his grave, if he knew his kid was calling that wackadoodle “Mommy” . . .
Oh little Tommy. I’ve got some good news for you, and some bad news. The good news is that you’re a cute kid. Both of your parents were hot, and that makes you a winner of the gene lottery. Here’s some more good news. You’ve got the Best Caretaker Ever in Richard Harrow . . . a guy who, not only, will take you to the carnival, whenever you want to go, he will also win you every prize in the place, because he’s an excellent shot (more on that later).
But here’s the bad news. You’re grandmother’s a TOTAL nutbar. She’s raising you in a whorehouse, and forcing you to call her “Mommy.” You might not remember this, Tommy, but things didn’t exactly work out so well for the last guy who called Gillian Darmody “Mom.”
Here are a couple of tips for you, Tommy. Stay away from the Nutbar. Keep Harrow by your side. And emancipate yourself from the whorehouse the minute you’re old enough to buy your own juice boxes . . .
Because you knew Nucky was boning Billie Kent, the minute she drank out of his champagne glass . . .
Every good gangster has a mistress. Now, Nucky Thompson, is no exception . . .
I don’t know. I get that Margaret can be a bit of a cold fish sometimes. And I’m sure Nucky is still holding a grudge against his wife for the whole “gave my multi-million dollar tract of land to the church” thing. But I just can’t support this Billy Kent person. She just seems a bit too Lucy Danziger 2: Electric Boogaloo for my taste.
Maybe he should go a blonde, or a red head, next time . . .
Because Van Alden is getting better and better, every day, and in every way (just ask him) . . .
It’s not easy being a salesman. Just ask Arthur Miller, and now, Van Alden, who is still living under the assumed name of “George Mueller” with his baby’s caretaker, who, sometime in the past year, made a little mini-Van Alden of her own with him . . . weird.
The way to every woman’s heart, is her through her lemon . . .
Apparently, being a door-to-door iron salesman is the 1923 equivalent of telemarketing. Nobody wants your product, and everyone is constantly slamming the door in your face. Given all that, you can certainly understand why Van Alden’s “I’m great. I’m wonderful. Everybody likes me,” daily affirmations have done little to lift his spirits.
But Van Alden’s luck might just be changing, when he unwittingly saves an enemy of Al Capone’s from meeting his demise on New Year’s Eve. By way of thanking him, the proud gangster purchases no less than TWENTY FOUR of Van Alden’s ridiculous irons. (I guess they could be used as weapons . . . just ask Gyp Rosetti). Van Alden is thrilled, believing that this windfall will be enough to win him the coveted Salesman Prize, which will give him enough loot to buy the “wife and kids” a new house . . .
Unfortunately, just like Charlie Brown, Van Alden seems like one of those guy’s who’s destined to have the football pulled out from under him, just when he’s about to kick the field goal. One of the poor guy’s colleagues ends up taking the prize, based on a technicality, leaving Van Alden to shuffle home empty handed.
DOH!
Somewhere in Heaven, Agent Sebso is pumping his fist in triumph. “That’s what you get for baptize/murdering me,” he cries.
Because that little dog is your new favorite character on the show (obviously) . . .
What can I say? I’m a sucker for a cold wet nose. And as much as I would have loved to see the tough-as-nails Gyp Rosetti cuddling a cute pooch with one hand, while kicking the crap out of people with another, for an entire season, for the pup’s sake, I’m kind of glad he ended up giving the canine to Mrs. Schroeder-Thompson, toward the end of the episode. Somehow, I just can’t picture Tire-Iron Killer Guy cleaning up dog poop, and buying kibble . . .
Because Al Capone and Nucky Thompson make New Years’ Resolutions they know they can’t keep (just like YOU!)
Forget “losing ten pounds” and “exercising more,” when a gangster makes a New Year’s Resolution, lives are typically at stake, when he inevitably breaks it. And, if history is any indication, I’m thinking Al Capone’s resolution to “think first, kill later,” and Nucky’s promise to “only sell liquor to Arnold Rothstein,” aren’t going to last much past midnight on January 1st . . .
Because you’ve been secretly wishing all year that someone would invite you to a party, where they give out free gold jewelry to everyone in attendance . . .
Now, I get that the Thompson’s New Year’s Party was “Egyptian-themed.” But honestly, couldn’t they have found a cheaper way to pay homage to King Tut, than giving their 100 plus party guests gold baubles. For example, they could have dressed Driver Eddie up as a mummy, by wrapping him in toilet paper. Or they could have made everyone wear those stupid pharaoh hats.
Just sayin . . .
Because you are secretly hoping Margaret is still humping Owen Sleater, and you fear this makes you a Bad Person . . .
Right . . . because Owen’s inquiry to Margaret about whether the house needed “more champagne,” wasn’t TOO filled with sexual innuendo, was it?
I mean, as sexy is This Guy might be . . .
. . . can you really blame Margaret for seeking out the “pot of gold” at the end of this rainbow . . .
Show me your Lucky Charms, Owen . . .
Because you may or may not have clapped when Richard Harrow got his revenge against Manny Horvitz, and you KNOW this makes you a Bad Person . . .
Don’t wait up, Mrs. Manny Horvitz. Something tells me, the Butcher won’t be home for dinner . . .
Until next time, my fellow Boardwalkians . . .
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TV Recappers Anonymous 
I must say, for a staunch Jimmy Darmody fan (I’ll miss those baby blues! but man, what Bordwalk watching chick wouldn’t??), I was pretty skeptical about the new season and whether they’d be able to carry on with the same energy the show had in the last 2 seasons, but I’m happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised! It’s definitely a different flavor, with some of the main characters missing (namely Eli and Chalky White), but it didn’t lesson my interest or enjoyment. When the episode opened up, I admittedly was rolling my eyes at the whole angry-gangster-with-a-chip-on-his-shoulder-beats-shit-out-of-unsuspecting-stranger-who-admittedly-opened-mouth-and-inserted-foot, but him taking the dog absolutely redeemed that scene for me. It was so twisted! And I feared for the dog the entire time it was in Rosetti’s…um…care, and I breathed a welcome sigh of relief when he gave it to Margaret (a sigh for the dog, not for Margaret — as Damon would say “that bitch is dead!”) Speaking of good old pious Margaret, I have to say, she is SO getting on my nerves with the whole I-shut-up-and-play-the-dutiful-wife act. I mean, she’s married to one of the richest gangsters in Atlantic City and likely the entire Eastern seaboard, she gets to bone Owen Slater (and we all no she is SO still boning him, or at the very least engages in serious eye-f*cking with him on a daily basis), she gets to do all her philanthropist, guilty Christian conscience sh*t, so what is her damage?? I loved her character in the first season (calling out Lucy Danziger in the dress shop and using the word “cunny” in casual conversation was likely the coolest thing she’s ever done and ever will do on the show), and then she just slowly got more pious and more irritating as the show progressed. I don’t know where the writers went wrong with that one. I do feel for her position as an oppressed (still rich as balls) woman in 1920s society, and I thought the closing scene with her watching the female pilot was touching, but her high-horse attitude still irks me. The ever enigmatic (and always weird) Van Alden finally found himself a lady and stopped that pesky self mutilation habit, but is still somehow a complete and total loser. He used to be so intimidating and such a threat to our beloved gangsters Nucky and Jimmy, and now he’s reduced to a door-to-door iron peddler. Poor guy. I do hope that somehow his connection with the flower-shop guy (i.e. guy with a horridly obvious fake Chicago accent) gets him an “in” to the wide world of organized crime. His strict set of values fit very firmly into his career and his role as a Prohibition officer, but now that he’s got a family to feed (yeah, when did that happen?) and a house to buy, I wonder if he will be so quick to judge those who choose to make their money through less than legal means. It would be interesting to see his character kind of turned upside down in that way. As for my favorite character (though Owen is a close second, probably because he’s so yummy :D) Mr. Richard Harrow, all I have to say is GODDAMN THAT BITCH IS CRAZY! I swear, when she walked in on little Tommy talking about Angela, I thought she was gonna go into epileptic convulsions. And I was relieved that she didn’t pull out the claws (well not too bad) on my Richard. But I think what she said to him and his time spent with her and Tommy are really what led to his act of revenge at the end of the episode. As I understood it, the premiere of season 3 takes place a year and a half after the events of season 2, which is a long time to let an act of revenge go unfulfilled and I think for Richard there was definitely a buildup leading to his murdering Manny Horowitz. I feel like his revenge was really in the service of Tommy, rather than Jimmy and Angela. Yes, Manny Horowitz murdered Angela and was the prime reason why Nucky murdered Jimmy (although there were SO many other reasons for Nucky to murder him), but all of that happened a year and a half ago. Right now, Schizo Mommy, Gillian, is trying to replace the memory of Tommy’s REAL mother with her cracked version of parentage. Right now, she’s passive aggressively telling Richard, I will fuck with you if you ruin my evil plans to raise my grandson as my second little Jimmy and subsequent evil plans to sexually assault him. And I think it’s all of this that makes Richard finally break. Manny took Tommy’s parents away, thus forcing him to be stuck with Schizo Mommy Gillian and I think it’s revenge for THIS and not Jimmy and Angela’s deaths alone, that Richard Harrow was seeking. It’s revenge for the consequences of Jimmy and Angela’s murders, not the murders themselves, that finally led Richard to kill Manny Horowitz. And though the guy was a brutal killer, I did think the scene between Horowitz and his wife was touching, so you can understand my complete SHOCK when Richard came up and just shot him right in the face. Well that’s all my comments for tonight! As always, loved your post and can’t wait to read more!!!
Damn! You said everything I wanted to say! I wish I could write such comprehensive comments, I love it!
Hey Kaleigh! Thanks so much for stopping by, and for your brilliant and super insightful comment. You bring up a great point about that scene between Manny and his wife. I think that’s one of the things I love about mob stories, in general, and Boardwalk Empire specifically. As brutal and heartless as some of these characters seem, the writers always manage to show the humanity in them.
Manny was a loving husband to his wife. Richard Harrow was loyal to Jimmy, and is an excellent caretaker to Tommy. Jimmy always made an effort to do right by the people he cared about, even though he never quite succeeded. Al Capone cares deeply about his hard of hearing son. Owen pines after Margaret like a shy teenager, and is always kind to her kids. These gangsters really are the ultimate “bad boys that good girls hope to redeem.”
I also like your logic about Harrow ultimately deciding to kill Manny, not after what happened with Jimmy, but after he saw what kind of an impact it was going to have on Tommy’s life. I wonder if he will go one step further and eventually attempt a hit on Nucky. That would be interesting .. .
That said, I was sad to find out that this was Harrow’s “visit with a friend” on New Year’s Eve. The poor guy really needs to start hanging out with men over the age of 8, and women who aren’t psychotic incest lovers. Perhaps, that escort who was giving him the eye in the brothel will be just who he needs to cure his loneliness. He deserves a little happiness in his life, after all he’s been through.
So, you think Margaret is going to get whacked a la Adrianna on the Sopranos? It would certainly be a big twist for the Season 2 finale. Although, I think it would be kind of fun to see Margaret fully embrace her lifestyle, like Nucky did, and become a SHE-Gangster. 😉 As annoying as her holier than thou attitude can sometimes be, I think it would be fun to watch her boss around hit men, and order whackings, all while petting her adorable new puppy. 🙂
Also, just curious, did you ever post a recap of True Blood’s season 5 finale? Or did you not want to tackle the disaster that was the end of the season? 😀 Also, counting down the days until The Vampire Diaries (and all the glorious recaps) picks up on October 11th!
You caught me, Kaleigh . . . There was no TB finale recap on this blog this year. Lord
VoldemortBILL-lith really killed the final hour for me. And like my mommy always said, when you have nothing nice to say . .. 😉If Bill Compton is Season 6’s BIG BAD, I will be BIG BORED. 🙂
Splendid recap – as hilarious as usual! And thank the lord that Regina/Scruffy the dog is now in safe hands even if Gyp’s hand-over to Margaret looked like a passive-aggressive threat. Reading into the whole Marge/Owen scene, I’d say that she’s stayed with her vow that ‘this will never happen again’ and I think he married Katy. So we’re back to Margey giving him the cold shoulder and Owen giving her his rampant smoulder whenever she’ll give him the time of day. She clearly wants more Owen lovin’ but like she confessed in church, she thinks he’s ‘a bad man’. But hey, someone who isn’t a bad man is Dr Mason (although he’s damned snarky); he may not be as outrageously humpable as Owen Strangleyhands but he’s a challenge and the dirty way he was looking her up and down while chewing her out is pretty promising!
Ooh, I never thought of the doctor as a potential love interest for Margaret. 😉 Very good catch, Ava!
I did like how Margaret was smart enough not to disclose his identity to the hospital CEO. (She craftily referred to him as “an older man,” when he’s probably not much older than Margaret herself . . . it’s a description that will hopefully throw the CEO off the scent, if he plans on trying to axe the doctor who has been spreading rumors about the hospital.)
I’m still partial to Owen though . . . I mean, just look at him! And yet the couple’s ship name doesn’t bode well for the pair . . . Mowen . . . ick! 🙂
So Kaleigh said everything for me already lol. Just needed to add a thank you for the Owen pics!!!! ( * . * ) :drool:
Haha, yes Insidious Miss . . . something tells me those Owen gifs will become a regular staple of my Boardwalk Empire recaps this season . . . whether or not Owen actually appears in the episode I’m recapping. 😉
Thanks boardwalk is the only show beside new girl i watch that you review. Love your reviews. Lol
Aww, thanks so much Andrea. As a fellow Boardwalk Empire and New Girl fan, I can tell you have excellent TV taste. (You get extra points, if you share my love for Nick Miller. :))
Frankly I think that the most healthy thing Nucky’s done in ages was get involved with Billie Kent. Margaret is an emotionally abusive nightmare. She’s unresponsive to any affection he might show, completely unconcerned for him as a human being and yet totally willing to use his love for her and her children to get what she wants. And let’s not forget she cheated on him first. But not before kicking him out of that side of her life. Which is insane. Nucky may not be a looker in the conventional sense but his old girlfriend All-ID Lucy certainly wouldn’t have stuck around so long if he didn’t have quite a lot to offer a girl. She wasn’t just lying back and thinking of Mink.
I think Margaret has no heart but desperately wants others to think that she does. Billie on the other hand I think had a big heart that she was desperately trying to get rid of but couldn’t. She didn’t fall for any of Nucky’s “you need me,” talk but once it became clear that what he actually meant was “I need you,” that started to turn her head. Had she lived, Billie would have come to love Nucky in spite of herself