Whose Team are YOU on? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Catch Me If You Can”



In a world where TV Viewers are defined, not only by the shows that they watch, but by the couples they ship while they are watching them, “Amazing Race”-type plotlines, like the one found in this week’s TVD episode, are not only encouraged, they are inevitable!  Just like with Real People, competition brings about both the best and the worst attributes of our characters.  It highlights their strengths, exposes their weaknesses, and awakens their basest instincts.

freaking hungry

Who will win the Race for the Vampire Cure?  Who will defeat their adversaries in a Battle to the Death?  And who will end up sucking . . . blood?   Only time will tell, Fangbangers.  Time . . . and this recap, of course!

[Special thanks to Andre, whose snark and awesome screencaps know no bounds!]

Team Hunky Arms and Human Teddy Bear

When we last left the World’s Cutest Ambiguously Gay Duo, Mattykins and Jer Bear, they were in a bar, surrounded by freshly turned newbie vamps.

at the bar

Silly Matt!  Don’t you realize that wearing a varsity jacket to a bar not only tells everyone you are underage, it also tells them you are “not yet legal?”

Jer Bear, aside from occasionally erupting into a murderous rage against his own sister, is still, for all intents and purposes, a “Good Guy.”  So, of course, he balks at the idea of killing “innocents.”

jeremy arms

This makes Klaus mad!

3 5 mad klaus aunquesea

And when Klaus gets mad, everyone suffers . . . especially Mattykins, who the newbie vamps have just been compelled to believe is a tender juicy steak with eyes, ripe for the chewing.

matt meat

meat with eyes

Run Matt, Run!  The Sexy Cabin is waiting!

run matt run

The “Run Through The Forest” sequence at the beginning of this episode has a fun sort of video game quality to it, in which each of our resident “heroes” takes turns rescuing Damsel in Distress Mattykins from a nameless, faceless, Vampire Zombie Type.

sad matt

“I feel so used!”

First Jeremy does his “Cross-Bow” thing.  Then, Damon does his “Heart Tugging” thing . . .

3 11 bloody heart

open heart surgery

Then, Elena pops up out of literally nowhere, and does . . . well, whatever it is she does . . .

leave him alone


“Gee thanks, ex-girlfriend!  As if the past five minutes haven’t emasculated me enough!”

The video game ends and the sex games begin with Mattykins, Elena and JerBear returning safely to Sexy Cabin.  There, the only monsters they will have to battle are the ones they invite inside . . . provided they don’t screw up, and spring for pizza again . . .

pizza girl one

Team Hunky Arms and Sexy Eyes

jer damon

“Our plans are lame, but our hotness makes up for it.”

Back inside Sexy Cabin, Jeremy has regrettably come to the conclusion that, cuddly though he may be, Human Teddy Bear Mattykins is more of a liability than an asset in the Race for the Cure.  It’s time to trade him in for an “Older, More Vintage” model . . .

wet damon 2

damon soulful crying

Elena is not entirely cool with this . . . until Damon tells her that she is cool with it.  Then, she decides it’s a Great Idea!

happy elena

So, Damon and Elena have sex!

sexy delena 2

delena sex real

(Actually, they don’t.  But I was annoyed by the lack of Delena in this episode, particularly after their triumphant “I Love You” exchange, last week.  And I decided to use a little poetic license.  So, sue me!)

Team Lonely Hearts

rebekah reading

“Dear Diary . . . blah, blah, blah Elena . . . blah, blah, blah Feelings .  . . blah, blah, blah SO SAAAAAAAAAD . . . blah, blah, blah I’M FREAKING HUNGRY!”

Sprawled out on her ex-boyfriend’s bed, and waiting for him to emerge from the shower in all his shirtless, muscle-y, glory, Rebekah probably wishes she was reading Fifty Shades of Grey or Gone Girl, or any other book about dysfunctional relationships that isn’t Stefan’s Mopey Diary.  Yet, she gallantly endures the tedium of Stefan’s writing.  Because, when it comes to the Race for the Cure, knowing thy teammate is almost as important as knowing thyself.  And besides . . .

stefan abs

stefans back


 . . . when he’s not perpetually Boo-Hooing over Elena, This Guy is actually kind of HOT!  Who knew?

what i look like when


Yes, I do, Stefan.  You look goooood.

Without a vampire hunter or a witch on their side, Rebekah and Stefan decide that their key to winning the Race for the Cure is finding Silas’ headstone.  You know, because hunks of cement beat live human beings any day, and twice on Sundays.

Gravestone Eyes

“Go Team Stebekah!”

From the get-go, there’s a lot of sexual tension between these two.  They are both really close talkers, and enjoy invading each other’s personal space.

personal space


I just haven’t decided yet if that’s because these two have good chemistry with one another, or if they are both just REALLY, REALLY HORNY!

rebekah heart

“I didn’t mean to do it!  I swear, I thought it was his weiner!”

Team Bloody Nose and Brillo Pad Hair

sleepy bonnie

Oh crap!  Are these two staring at candles again?

candle stare

“It’s just so . . . beautiful!  I think I’m going to write an emo song about it.”

4 10 nod off

Fortunately, Lizard Forbes is on the case.  She uses her badge to combat the boredom of Bonnie and Professor Flower Child.


“Scenery chewing is a federal offense.  You’re under arrest, douchebag!”

fanboy 2

“Cool!  I’m getting arrested.  This is totally going to up my street cred!”

Honestly, I’m so thankful to Lizard Forbes for saving this scene that it almost makes me forget about that time she tried to have her own daughter killed, just because she turned into a vampire . . .

you suck laurrrrde

Bonnie, of course, wants to know why the Lizard has so rudely interrupted her intense game of Candle Staring.  To this inquiry, Lizard replies, “Ask your father.”

In the wise words of Yoda, “Thickening . . . the plot is . . .”

bonnie's dad

“Honestly, I just really hate candles.”

All Hail, Kol Mikaelson!

all hail kol

good to see mate


I hate to say it, but I think, right now, Kol is the only one on this show with any good sense.  I mean, come on . . . “raising the dead,” “curing immortality,” “more powerful than an Original Vampire?”  It’s SOOO obvious this Silas guy is being set up as the show’s Next Big Bad, just in time for Klaus to get his spinoff.  So why does the entire Scooby Gang seem intent on giving this guy a wakeup call?

surrounded by idiots

(Also, I’m pretty sure Professor Shane is actually a disembodied Silas, whose working to get back into his own body, to re-activate his dormant powers.  But that’s neither here nor there . . .)

Anywhoo, Team Hunky Arms and Sexy Eyes head back to the bar to pick up chicks continue their “hunting expedition.”

enter the bar

Hunting Rule 101: When trying to catch your prey by surprise, it’s probably a bad idea to stand under a BIG BRIGHT LAMP, while carrying a HUGE CROSSBOW.

So, this bar . . . it’s not exactly the kind of place you want to toss back a few beers, and sway drunkenly to “Sweet Child of Mine.”  For one thing, check out the floor . . .

bloody floor

“Something’s wrong,” remarks Damon, sagely.

Gee!  Ya think?

You know what I like to do, when I go to a bar, and the floor looks like that?


Yeah . . . I think that’s probably the normal response.  Certainly not, “Let’s go hang out in the freezer,” which is exactly what Jeremy and Damon ended up doing . . .

dead baby vamps

This is what happens to people who hang out  in the freezers of bars with bloody floors . . .

want a drink

“Chill out, guys!  Get it . . . chill?  Because we’re in a freezer.  Whatever!  Socrates and Jesus both thought that joke was hilarious!  You millennials have no sense of humor!”

In the freezer, Damon and Jer Bear find That Other Lost Original Who Isn’t Elijah . . .

elijah wont show


hide from elijah

At first, Kol actually behaves pretty peaceably.  He calmly explains to the duo a simple formula that even they can understand.  And here it is . . .

                     awakening Silas = bringing about the Apocalypse

bringing about the Apocalypse = BAD


thinking damon bitemesomerhalder

Damon and Jer Bear ponder this for a moment, and decide,  “Nah, Apocalypse, Shmockalypse.  We should wake Silas anyway . . . after all, it’s FOR ELENA!”

happy elena

So, Kol is forced to take matters into his own hands . . .

strangle head

“Is it Friday yet?”

Bonnie Bennett is THE CLOSER

dont do it


Wanna get a man to confess to the mass murder of twelve townspeople?  Put him in the room with a Really Pissed Off Witch!  Bonnie went all Dark Willow on Professor Shane’s ass in the Mystic Falls interrogation room, this week.

dark willow

And it actually gave me a great idea for a TV show.  Think about it.  What are the two most popular kinds of television dramas out there today?  Police procedurals and Supernatural shows.  So, why not combine those two for a show about a witch who uses dark magic to force confessions out of serial killers?  Not bad, right?

damon approves

Except, was I the only one who was a bit disappointed that Bonnie’s first Descent into Evil featured her doing nothing more than setting a small trash can fire, and giving Professor Shane would looked like a Really Bad Case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?

bonnie shane 1

bonnie shane 2


Seriously?  Dark Willow would have blasted Professor Dimbulb’s ass to the next century for saying all the crap he was saying about Bonnie’s Grams!


The Bennett witch just gave him a glorified paper cut . . .

my hand

“Dammit Bonnie!  Now I’ll never be a hand model!”

eye roll

And yet, I think this scene was important because it foreshadowed two future plotlines: (1) Bonnie’s inevitable descent into Dark Willow 2: The Straight-to-Video Version “Bad Witch” territory; and (2) her developing her own motives for getting the cure, based upon a desire to bring her grandmother back from the dead.

Team Klaus and Elena?

klaus elena

While Caroline was out “shopping,” or whatever the f&*k she was doing throughout this episode . . .

3 2 caroline not prost - honorinrevenge

I never said she was, Tyler.  Thou doth protest too much?

 . . . Matt had the unlucky job of being the Obligatory Delena Doubter of the Hour.  There he was, in Elena’s ear, telling our heroine that her boyfriend is BAAAAAAD news . . .

damon and matt

“Payback’s a b*tch.”

We interrupt this “scintillating conversation” for an Important Phone Call . . .

vampire emergency

It’s Jeremy!  Kol has KIDNAPPED DAMON!


Desperate times call for desperate measures.  And Elena actually ends up going to Klaus for help, which is weird on so many levels . . .

santa klaus

“Hey Elena!  Come sit on Santa Klaus’ lap, and tell him how much you want the Vampire Cure for Christmas.”

Interestingly enough, Klaus and Elena are actually on the same side, in this instance.  Though they each have their own reasons, these two BOTH want the cure, and they BOTH want to keep Jeremy Gilbert alive and safe . . . at least for the time being.  So, Klaus agrees to call in a “brotherly favor” on Elena’s behalf . . .

kol on the phone

“Sup, bro?”

klaus on the phone

“Oh, the usual . . . just torturing and manipulating people for my own personal gain.”

stabbing self

me too

“No sh*t!  Me too!”

It’s a real testament to Klaus’ stupidity arrogance that he seems to truly believe that he can get Kol to STOP trying to murder Jeremy, just because he asked nicely.

draco malfoy facepalm

Kol gives Klaus his “word” that he won’t touch Jeremy Gilbert.  And he does keep his promise . . . by compelling Damon to kill Jeremy for him . . .


Team ?


More Whisper Talking and Eye F*&ks for these two, as they scope out Professor Nerdy Pants’ office for Silas’ headstone.

crazy sex good

Rebekah and Stefan then enter into that age old question that teen dramas cope with, time and time again.  Is no frills sex possible, on a consistent basis?  One night stands are one thing.  But can you repeatedly bone the same individual, without “catching the dreaded feelings” for that person?

stefan shrug

Stefan and Rebekah seem primed to test that theory, right there on Professor Needle Weiner’s desk. But then, Some Random Guy comes and grabs Silas’ headstone, which, conveniently, is precisely what Team Lonely Hearts had broken in to find!

random strangled

The question is, who sent this guy, and what team is HE ON?  Unfortunately, Some Random Guy would rather chew off his own tongue, and kill himself than let you find out . . .

stabbing self 2

This is usually how I feel on Sunday nights . . .

Team Zombie Damon?

zombie damon

“Must . . . Kill . . . Jer Bear . . .”


“But he’s SO CUTE . . . and has really nice arm muscles.”

zombie damon 2

“Must . . . kill .  . . him . . . anyway.”

I always find the concept of vampire compulsion fascinating.  You see, unlike humans, vampires KNOW they are being compelled.  So, there’s this interesting dichotomy between what they WANT to be doing, and what they are ACTUALLY doing.  The moment Damon hunts down Jeremy at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, he realizes that Kol has compelled him to murder Jeremy.  And yet a part of him WANTS to obey, while the other part is WARNING Jeremy to run away from him, and / or shoot him in the heart.  Damon’s babbling on about this like a Crazy Person, as he chases the vampire hunter through that old underground railroad place where Tyler used to do his “Werewolf Transformation Thing.”

big bad vampire out here

It’s a TOTAL Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde conundrum!

Jeremy ends up shooting Damon in the BRAIN, instead of the heart, which only places a temporary bandaid on the problem.  (I guess he’s not really a zombie, after all!)

borderline braindead


Then, Elena pops up to tell Damon he should fight the compulsion to kill Jeremy because he loooooves Elena so much.  “It worked for Stefan,” she helpfully implies . . .

Damon eye roll

Here’s some helpful advice for you, Elena.  Please don’t be one of those girls who always talks about your Old Boyfriend with your New One.  Guys hate that!  How would YOU feel, if Damon started comparing sex with you to the sex he’s had with the 20,000 other women he’s laid before you?

2 21 the cry hungoverdelena


Also, let’s not compare apples to oranges here.  Stefan was able to fight the compulsion to EAT ELENA.  That’s very different from fighting a compulsion to EAT ELENA’S BROTHER.  Stefan loved Elena.  Damon loves Elena.  Damon . . . likes Jeremy very much.  Hence, these are two totally different situations.  Comprende?

nodding oh yeah

Speaking of Stefan, Elena ends up calling him for help.  And though he first balks at the idea, Baby Salvatore conveniently arrives in the “forest” just in time to stop the bullet Jeremy shoots toward Damon’s heart AND break his brother’s neck, thereby putting him out of commission long enough for Elena and Jer Bear to make a quick escape.

youre welcome


Since Damon will remain compelled to kill Jeremy, until Kol is either daggered or permanently killed, Stefan ends up draining Damon of blood and locking him in that convenient cage in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, where Stefan and Damon always lock each other when one or the other of them is “being bad.”

2 22 prison warden stefan

“Your turn!”

This seems to happen at least once or twice per season . . .

Team Stelena Team Stefan and PRIDE

what i look like when


Elena heads over to La Casa de Rich and Awesome to check on Damon.  Needless to say, Stefan is not happy to see her.  And her repeated requests are met with stone cold denial . ..

whatever you want


There still remains the risk that Elena might free Damon, as a result of the sire bond.  And Damon will inadvertently kill Jeremy.  So, in a sense, Stefan is protecting Elena and Damon from themselves.  But that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it.

And Elena, well . . . sometimes, she just doesn’t know when to SHUT UP . . .

2 16 damon says stop talking

She has to go nag Stefan about palling around with his ex, Rebekah, when, really, she should be thrilled that he’s FINALLY moving on, like she already has.  She lectures Stefan about his bad attitude . . .

isnt you


And yeah, we can all see where she’s coming from.  Stefan has been acting like a bit of a douche this week . . Why does that make him more attractive to me?  Clearly, I have issues.

douchebag jar misomeru

But for Elena to say that Stefan’s behavior is “out of character” for him, is kind of out of line.  After all, the guy is what, 160 some odd years old?  And Elena has known him for . . . maybe two of those years?  Elena never really knew Stefan as the Ripper, or the depressive, who spent years underground trying to kick his human blood drinking habit cold turkey.  And most of all, Elena never knew Stefan as a humanin love with a girl named Katherine Petrova.

kefan dance

So, who is to say what’s “normal” and what isn’t for Stefan?  He was in his right, telling her that this is how he looks when he isn’t in love with her . . . even if his words are OBVIOUS lies . . .

2 16 lie

This is the “Everybody Loves Elena” show, after all . . .

But Stefan and Damon aren’t the only characters who are having a bad day.  Rebekah has a confrontation with Kol, during which she almost daggers him, and HE almost STAKES HER . . . permanently.  Ouch!

hot kol 2

Though Klaus comes to his siblings rescue, his presence isn’t exactly comforting to Rebekah, especially, when that presence advocates the murder of her own brother . . .

dagger sib


Honestly, with all the stress they’ve been under, can you blame Stefan and Rebekah for wanting to end their day with a little No Frills Sex?

no feelings no attachments

stebekah 1


not but fun


Now, maybe it’s just me.  But, somehow, I don’t see the “Girl Who Loved Too Easily” . . .

laugh at

 . . . and Broody McCryFace . . .

stefan crying gif

 . . . being successful in this whole “Friends with Benefits” undertaking.

Of course, I could be wrong . . .

In Other News . . .

Klaus has just threatened to take Jeremy on one of his “Let’s Murder, Roadtrips.”

gilbert clan


And we all know how those tend to work out . . .

2 22 bloody stefan

So, Elena has another idea.  “Let’s KILL KOL!”  She tells Jeremy excitedly.

You know, because directly murdering twelve innocent baby vamps is WRONG.  But indirectly murdering 5,000 of them is TOTALLY cool!

happy elena

Yeah . . . remember back when Elena thought that Kol might be the Daddy of the Sire Line that made Damon and Stefan; and she wanted to protect his life at all costs?  That’s OK, neither does she!

Next week, on TVD . . .

See you then, Fangbangers!


[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]


Filed under The Vampire Diaries

12 responses to “Whose Team are YOU on? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Catch Me If You Can”

  1. East Coast Captain

    Well it was certainly a great episode Stefan won some great points with me. It seems Stefan has chemistry with all females except Elena and I wonder why?

    Bonnie going Dark Willow? Can´t imagine that ending well…for Bonnie and trying to bring Grams back from the dead? Yeah she´ll be all god like for a few episodes but she isn´t invincible despite what Shane said. Yeah I can´t imagine that ending well either especially if a witch who is supposed to be a servant of nature breaks nature´s probably most sacred rule, the dead are supposed to stay dead, I can imagine that having severe consequences for Bonnie.

    Great episode in general.

    • Hey East Coast Captain! Good point. I think the writers were missing some major opportunities, by keeping Elena and Stefan saddled to one another for three seasons. Hopefully, now that he’s claiming to be “no longer in love with her,” we’ll get to see him “sow his wild oats” with other members of the cast, with whom the actor might share more chemistry.

  2. East Coast Captain

    Oh yeah earlier this season Grams appeared and warned Bonnie not to mess with Dark Magic, I think Bonnie will find out why…the hard way.

    • Andre

      Doubt it, when you really think about it witches have never been the servants of nature on this show. Would that be true we would see witches that actually combat vampires and not serve them all the time.

  3. serendipity

    Hey Julie!
    I have to admit that I too prefer Stefan slightly evil and not pining after Elena. I certainly agree with East Coast Captain in that he seems to mesh better with nearly everyone lately (certainly with Caroline and Rebekah) than with Elena. I hope they will explore this a little further…

    Elena on the other hand was quite annoying this week, mostly for her attempt at guilttripping Stefan (really, Elena? You truly want to turn into Katherine, keeping both of them shackled to you? Move on already), but also Damon (you won’t kill Jeremy because you love me? I quite agree with your remarks on that point). Also, I know Damon is focused on finding the cure, but if you won’t even kiss the girl you’re risking the end of the world for, then why did you ask her to come to you in the first place? Was it only to send Elena away with her ex?

    Kol was indeed the voice of reason this episode, as he has been last week, with his warning about apocalypses… I wonder why none of the others ever stop to wonder if this cure won’t be another sun and moon curse… That said, I don’t like Kol. Never have (and not just because he has the unfortunate tendency to stab Damon in the gut whenever they meet, although that might have something to do with it).

    Also, Bonnie? Come on, girl. For someone who has lived through a lot, she sure is gullible. She’s totally been hyponotised by Shadypants… perhaps he has a trigger word or gesture to keep her under control, because girl gives in every single time! That said, I do like her very gradual descent into darkness, even if we can all see where she’s going to end up. It’s more believable that she almost gets tangled up in it by accident, all the while thinking she’s doing a good thing (getting her magic back without needing those judgmental spirits).

    But I’m still a bit confused about the whole mythology this season. I get it that waking up Silas will mean waking up dead people, but is that indiscriminately (all dead people, including undead vampires, will be ‘alive’ again?) or does whoever raises Silas get to choose? From what Shane said, he would raise everyone who had died in service of his resurrection, but then he cannot possibly promise the resurrection of Bonnie’s grams, can he? Well, I guess all will be explained in due course…
    Till next week 🙂

    • Hey Serendipity. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who was pissed at Elena this week. For someone who claims not to want to pit the Salvatores against one another, she’s sure been doing a banner job of just that. From nagging Stefan and trying to prevent him from moving on, to inadvertently implying to Damon that Stefan loves her more, because he can “fight compulsion for her,” it’s a wonder the TWO of them didn’t wash their hands of her, at the end of the episode.

      That said, I get why the writers didn’t want to end, last week’s “come to me” conversation with sex, as they assumed it would be too similar in structure to Delena’s “First Time” episode. But come on! Throw us Delena fans a bone here, by beginning THIS episode with it. Morning shower sex in sexy cabin? Yes please!

      Hmmm . . . you bring up a good point about who precisely Silas will be able to raise, when he becomes Shane comes back from the dead. I mean, I guess you could argue that Bonnie’s grandma died in service to Silas, since it was her death that helped Bonnie to recognize the extent of her powers, and the dangers associated with them, which she will need for this journey. But what about Hayley’s parents? Clearly their deaths had nothing at all to do with Silas. And yet, Shane still promised to save them.

      Personally, I think Shane is a bit fat, curly headed liar. 😉

      • serendipity

        Hmmm, I’m not sure about your last remark… Who knows, maybe Shane did kill Hayley’s parents (or have them killed) in one of his attempts to jumpstart some witch’s expression magic…. After all, he does know where they are buried. So why would he even know that if he didn’t have anything to do with their deaths? Maybe he needed to kill 12 regular werewolves as well as 12 humans, 12 hybrids, and maybe even 12 vampires… Perhaps Kol already did that for him last week? Wouldn’t it be ironic that the one Original who doesn’t want to wake up Big Bad Silas inadvertently helped Shane’s plan along? That would be just like TVD 😉

  4. Andre

    Ok, Julie, what competition was there in this episode? I don’t get that, at all. Like I wrote in my E-Mail in my eyes this episode should be called “Plot Device Lane.” Because that’s what it was to me. One plot device after another.
    And yeah I know how my comments can look to other people and especially shippers. But what should I do? Lie? I respect you and therefore I cannot lie (believe me I tried) and I try to find good stuff in these episodes now and occasionally there is but then the writers just do the bad stuff again. I guess the only appeal this show has now is when you are a shipper, but when you are not this show has nothing to offer you anymore, not storytelling wise at least. Looks are not enough in my eyes to keep interested in a show. So I basically do not understand why this show remains popular with long time fans. I tried to understand it so hard it hurts but it’s just not working. All its many flaws are just too overwhelming. And I am apparently not the only one all you notice the flaws as well and most here would never date such assholes (including Elena, but more to that later). So really why watch it? What reason is there? What appeal do these characters have? You can’t tell me that when you look inside yourself you wouldn’t know why you watch this show.

    But before I go into this episode and the recap, there is good news:
    Breaking Dawn Part 2 has been nominated 11 times for the Golden Razzie Awards:
    Do I think the film deserves it? No. It should be at least 12 nominations, one extra for worst battle scene. If you have to break so many rules for a scene it just isn’t good filming.

    One thing first though. I think you and your viewers can be happy I didn’t watch the first episodes of this seasons. I saw some over reviews and seriously…
    To give an example: Elena was way too much in control of herself at the start. She was fresh from the change, there was a bleeding Matt on the ground in episode 1 and she wasn’t even tempted? All other vampires they had shown so far fresh from the transition Katherine, Damon, Stefan, Tyler, Caroline, Abby. They were all ravenous for blood, even days or weeks afterwards they had enormous trouble controlling themselves. Stefan ate his father, Damon couldn’t control himself either, Vicky was trying to eat Tyler and Jeremy, the people, next to Matt, she cared most about. Caroline couldn’t even be near Matt at first so ravenous was she, Abby nearly ate Jamie (where is he anyway?) and Tyler had to see a helpless victim once and he already couldn’t control himself. And now Elena suddenly has so much control as a fresh vampire? Because she is so compassionate? Stefan was compassionate, and while Damon wasn’t the hero many paint him to be, he wasn’t a compassionless shrewd back in the days either. Neither was Vicky or Abbie. And Caroline was a control freak. All of them had immense trouble coping with their bloodlust, but not Elena? I wouldn’t mind such stuff would the writers keep it consistent, but no, instead of adapting Elena to the show universe they adapt the show universe to Elena.
    You once wrote that the writers don’t want the show to be compared to Twilight, well than maybe they shouldn’t have turned Elena into a Bella Swan rip-off.

    As for my snark… well it’s pretty hard to not be snarky with episodes like that. Seriously what are the writers doing? This seems like an entirely different show when compared to season 1 and early season 2. What happened?

    The entry fits my hypothesis that the show is there to attract new viewers instead of keeping old ones. When you look at the entry you clearly see that the state of Mystic Falls is no longer mentioned and that now, as ever, everything revolves around Elena. That Jeremy had his first, and possibly only, speaking part in the entry showed that his involvement would be bigger than usual. But only so much. The assortment of scenes serve the same purpose of attracting new viewers. By showing all these scenes in fast pace is there to show them what is important and what happened over the last few episodes thereby new viewers won’t feel as though they are left out. And this might explain why the writing is so blatantly bad and inconsistent and why they fill the people and stories with useless details but at the same time never go deep with its main characters. Every fan that keeps watching this stuff for some time won’t stop anyway if they hadn’t stopped now, so why should the writers/Plec care? They chose not to spend time on them and their realistic portrayal, all they care about is selling their product in my eyes.
    And I wish it would really be that this is all just entertainment and stories and nothing more. But when does it ever work that way? Either shows represent the state of a country or they make opinions and so it’s not just stories.

    “I feel so used!”
    That sentence of yours was pure gold. Because that is exactly what this was.

    Speaking about used: Where were Caroline and Tyler this episode? Elena knows that Caroline’s ex and Tyler’s former best friend (let’s face it when did they last talk to each other?) is in mortal danger but these two are nowhere to be found? Even if not caring about Matt, they have several vampires on their trail and they don’t ask for any backup? They could have fought Damon to protect Jeremy. So no sense in this episode again. Only plot devices and unnecessary “drama.”

    This whole charade of Klaus is so stupid. What was that stuff good for except create drama? If Klaus sets every vampire after Jeremy and Jeremy gets killed (the vampires would at least defend themselves), there will be no map to the cure anymore and what will Klaus do then? Search for another hunter? At let’s say they killed Matt, what then? He could have just used Matt as a hostage and force Jeremy to stake every compelled vampire one after another. Easy solution and he would have the map to the cure in no time.
    And speaking of all this stuff: Back when they first heard of it, they never actually tried to find it? Spend no time on it? Supposedly they were convinced that the Cure could wipe them out and they did nothing? Klaus had who knows how many witches and they could compel other vampires to look for it, but still they did nothing? The writers had them spread these stupid stories about the sun and moon curse (which makes no sense since at least some vampires should have noticed the different versions and the ones older than 500 years would have known it to be a hoax) but something that is way more important, which could still kill Klaus even with the curse triggered, on that they spend no time?
    This is not just inconsistent writing, it is plain laziness.
    And this stupid stuff with Damon not guessing what would be happening… there to make him look like the hero again. Well since I am not a Delena it doesn’t work with me. If at all it makes him an idiot. Klaus daggered his whole family, slaughtered families for not getting what he wanted, slaughtered his “precious hybrids” in a hissy fit and Damon seriously thinks that this rampaging maniac would keep his word? He didn’t keep his word with Elijah (who is physically dangerous to him) and so now he should do it with Damon?
    In my eyes you have to be an idiot to fall for this cheep plot of the writers and consider Damon a hero. That isn’t even Damon from season 1 anymore. That one at least would have been smart enough to see that coming. Now this season is not even consistent with Da…. You know? Screw this. They are not consistent with anything except for the need to create more pointless drama.
    When taken the characters of this episode who were also in season 1, they all would attack their current counterparts.
    Damon 1.0 would probably stake, de-heart or at least seriously beat his 4.0 self up for his stupidity and being so whipped by Elena. Remember, this is the guy who complained that Edward was so whipped and asked what was so special about Bella. Well that is the same situation we have with Damon and Elena now. All of a sudden she loves Damon so thoroughly after making him second choice for 3 seasons. Plot device.
    Speaking of her. Elena 1.0 would at the very least slap and curse at Elena 4.0 for all her stupidity in this episode alone. Also she would tell her that it is no fucking business of hers who Stefan dates or to be upset about Stefan not caring about her anymore (not that I would believe that this will last for more than a few episodes) since she a) broke up with him and b) wasn’t exactly sensitive about it or was a nun when he wasn’t with her.
    And Jeremy 1.0 would have thrown all sorts of profanities at his 4.0 self, especially for not getting laid now that he has this body or for not being upset for all this crap or the fact that he was constantly in danger thanks for Elena or that she had his mind-wiped again. Of course season 1 Jeremy probably would be like this now:

    I think I told you but not the rest here: Rumors have it that both Trevino and McQueen were both down for Jyler but apparently Williamson never did it because he had already a coming out story in Dawson’s Creek. Dawson’s Creek ended 6 years prior to TVD. And if Williamson didn’t want a coming out story, well take a guy that is out. Nobody would have had trouble believing any of the two characters to be bisexual. Not with Tyler’s slightly androgynous lip area and Jeremy’s stoner behavior.
    And as far as I know even Forewooders would not have minded a short stroll down the Jyler lane.

    “Gee thanks, ex-girlfriend! As if the past five minutes haven’t emasculated me enough!”
    Very fitting. I think we all know the writers don’t like good guys, but what exactly is the purpose of this? And why is Roerig in the show anyway now? Why doesn’t he leave?
    And how did Elena make it there? How did she find them? I can’t even remember anyone telling her where the three went last episode.
    And how did they get so fast to the Lakehouse? Where was that bar? The lakehouse is supposedly deep in the woods so how did they get there and how well do they know that area? What is this? Stargate unlimited? Did they jump through a wormhole? Or did they have a witch that teleported them? I know the writers don’t care about background but even for them this is ridiculous.

    “Our plans are lame, but our hotness makes up for it.”
    I could kiss you for that. At least I don’t have to point that out. TVD reminds me more and more of what Bill Maher said about America (no offense to you Americans here):

    His Jessica Simpson comment fits TVD like it is here pretty good and would be like this:
    Sometimes it’s so stupid it embarrasses you but how about them abs.

    And shouldn’t Jeremy at the very least be angry with Damon for all this shit? But noooooooooo. Again Damon is forgiven in a second and everybody treats him like the hero, he never was and never will be. Just to feed you Delenas and of course make more Delenas.
    Seriously, trusting Damon to keep Jeremy save? The person that got him into this mess in the first place? And what good does it to get Matt out of there? The vampires are there to kill Matt and not the others. There would be no reason to stay around the lake house anymore when Matt is gone.

    “Sprawled out on her ex-boyfriend’s bed, and waiting for him to emerge from the shower in all his shirtless, muscle-y, glory, Rebekah probably wishes she was reading Fifty Shades of Grey or Gone Girl, or any other book about dysfunctional relationships that isn’t Stefan’s Mopey Diary. Yet, she gallantly endures the tedium of Stefan’s writing.”
    That is not just your Rebecca who feels that way, trust me. And when actually was Stefan ever ok with someone reading his diaries? Correct me if I am mistaken but isn’t an integral part of diaries that people don’t read it? People other than the author.

    ” . . . when he’s not perpetually Boo-Hooing over Elena, This Guy is actually kind of HOT! Who knew?”
    Well yeah. You know he really should get out of town and let Damon have Elena. You read right. After all what is so great about her now anyway? Even Tyler was smart enough to notice that he was sired but Elena apparently had to be told several times and still thinks her feelings are not affected or anything nor that it would be save to go to Damon now. You know these days I found this video:

    I do not agree with everything she says, but let’s say Elena would be a real character and not this Bella Swan rip off: Elena is a horrible person, a dump of toxic waste in a clean pool. Her pure existence throws deadly waves and kills lots of people.
    And yeah, this show is bullshit. And all you fans cannot change that. Having your ship in charge does not make it a good show.
    Not that I ever think that Elena is more than a price for guys right now but let’s assume she would be a real person. Keep in mind that what I write now is based on the premise that Elena is a real character:
    Elena sucks major ass.
    The way she is written she really treats both guys like fashion trends. I tell you Julie, Damon is only gonna be a temporary fashion trend. He might be “the guy” now but the day will eventually come that Elena will swap guys from one minute to the next again and that day might very well be in this season. She does it all the time, with her family, with her friends, with her allies.
    She not only went to Elijah when she was pleased to do so, she didn’t keep her words, she took Jeremy’s free will away and acts as though it’s a sacrifice and then talks about Caroline having to respect her dad’s choice, a hypocrisy you yourself pointed out and rightly so. She constantly takes Matt for granted and puts him in mortal danger, she didn’t fill in Jenna on the whole mess despite Jenna living in the same house as she did and therefore being eventually in the line of fire sooner or later. Either she goes from one brother to the other or when she wasn’t really with either one of them, for a few episodes, she never did make a clean break, basically she kept both of them at arms lengths. She expects all her friends to help her no matter what and never be mad at her. When was the last time she helped them? She doesn’t really have a respect for other people’s lives and privacy, she did nothing to comfort Bonnie after all this crap since start of season 3 and always expects her help. She acts misunderstood all the time, learns absolutely nothing, has no ability of self-reflection anymore and has no moral compass.
    All of that and probably more Elena would be if she was a real character, but she isn’t. She is a price for the guys and a Bella Swan rip-off.
    Even Katherine is better than she is at least she admitted to wanting both guys. And I really hope that mysterious “third party” mentioned in this episode is not Katherine or Elijah. Sure Elijah would still be a batter choice but still it would just be another example that the writers cannot think outside of the Mystic Falls box.

    Let’s move on to the next topic.

    Don’t even start with me about the headstone. Not only is it incredibly stupid to hide a big stone like that in your office, these two vampires with their super hearing didn’t even think about simply checking the walls by knocking against them and listening for altered echoes that would indicate a hidden object? Oldest trick in the book and the writers can’t think of that? Because the two were definitely long enough in the office to do that and we with our human hearing would have been capable of pulling that trick off. Or did the writers again not care to have the plot running again? For that they could have these two talk earlier because of their stupidity and the guy still could have checked for the stone in places the two idiots didn’t think of. And who knows whether he is actually compelled.

    “Fortunately, Lizard Forbes is on the case. She uses her badge to combat the boredom of Bonnie and Professor Flower Child.”
    Gosh, why do they even bother with this? Just make Bonnie a total slave to Shane’s will and be done with it. No one with eyes thinks that Bonnie is anything more than a token and a magical negro.

    Before I go one ranting one thing:
    You gotta admit that not everyone could do that hairstyle but it looks really good on Kol:

    Damon is suddenly an old vampire? He isn’t even 200 years old and since when does that count as old among vampires?

    “I hate to say it, but I think, right now, Kol is the only one on this show with any good sense. I mean, come on . . . “raising the dead,” “curing immortality,” “more powerful than an Original Vampire?” It’s SOOO obvious this Silas guy is being set up as the show’s Next Big Bad, (just in time for Klaus to get his spinoff.) So why does the entire Scooby Gang seem intent on giving this guy a wakeup call?”
    Totally agree with you. But please don’t remind me of the Klaus spinoff. Any other character on this show can get a spinoff, but not this overgrown baby. Apparently Plec does listen to fans when they kiss her fat ass.
    And speaking of that:
    Going to the bar, my ass. That was just convenience so they could have Kol slaughter them all. After all bars like this aren’t exactly in the middle of nowhere. And your Hunter 101 was so fitting to this crap. Seriously everybody here could probably write a better scene than that. Why are these idiots even trying? Or do they and this is the best they could come up with? And Damon thinks something is not right? Whom did he consult to get to that conclusion? A pre-schooler?

    The only thing remotely smart, with a big emphasis on remotely, was when Kol slaughtered the vampires. But tell me if I am wrong: Aren’t dead vampires grey and with bulging veins? Did these vampires feed on heavily botoxed old ladies before dying?
    And speaking of Elijah, you will love this:

    “At first, Kol actually behaves pretty peaceably. He calmly explains to the duo a simple formula that even they can understand. And here it is . . .

    awakening Silas = bringing about the Apocalypse

    bringing about the Apocalypse = BAD


    Damon and Jer Bear ponder this for a moment, and decide, “Nah, Apocalypse, Shmockalypse. We should wake Silas anyway . . . after all, it’s FOR ELENA!””

    This is what I meant: Everything has to be adapted to Elena, everything is, at least superficially, about here. And you know this scene made me think one thing:
    Kol should replace Klaus. But maybe that would be bad, because Julie Plec would probably just turn him into another overgrown baby prone to hissy fits. Seriously I just want to:

    But nonetheless Kol just turned out to be another plot device to give the main lamers information. Why doesn’t he tell them his biography while he is at it?
    And his little story about the cult is totally OOC. What does a homicidal vampire like him care? What evidence did he have to believe that story? Were these cult members super strong and slaughtered several of his vampire buddies?
    Not that I think that the writers, or Jer and Damon, actually thought of that, since that would require a level of complex mental processing I doubt they are capable off. So basically you are totally right with the reason why these two idiots don’t get the message. The writers probably won’t even let them consider Kol’s words.

    And Damon could throw Kole against a wall? What was it with that older=stronger stuff? Seriously these writers are not adapting the three lamers to the world; they adapt the world to them all “For Elena.” Bad storytelling big time:

    And what is it with the show and biological parents? Why do they have to stack Bonnie against her dad as well? We already had that with all the others; stop that, at least once!
    And yeah, Bonnie is weak-minded, or to be more precise: the show’s magical negro who happens to be called Bonnie is weak-minded.
    And man her hair got flat didn’t it? I think locks look better on her.
    Wow Bonnie’s father is totally useless but Shane can control her. Mmh a black dad who cannot control his own rebellious kid who leans towards the darkside. Yeah so not a cliché.

    And just in case people really think there could be no such thing now, if you don’t believe me, maybe you believe him:

    You know once said that I always say that this show is racist and I think there is very good reason to think that. All my reasons for that can be found here: http://fav.me/d5qi4v0
    But to make it short:
    Nearly every non-white character that is more than just a statist on this show is dead. The only ones who are still alive are that old guy and his granddaughter from season 1, Bonnie’s cousin Lucy, the witch from New Orleans, Abby and Bonnie’s dad and Jamie. And of course Bonnie. And of those only two are still on this show. Lucy was never mentioned again, despite her stating that Bonnie could contact her for help any time, Jamie just disappeared, Abby abandoned Bonnie, the witch from New Orleans is also no longer mentioned despite the fact that Elena is still sired and Bonnie’s dad was ignored for three seasons. And the old guy and the granddaughter also never mentioned. Oh right there was this one girl hitting on Matt, also disappeared.
    Also all the non-white people of this category died violent deaths either as sacrifices, in combat or in service to someone else. Always a white person. One could say that many of these whites are vampires, but they are WHITE vampires, so they definitely would be treated differently than non-white vampires would in the human world. Also the white vampires and other whites had heroic deaths or calm ones, like John or Caroline’s dad. But non-whites never.
    And despite the fact that there is no racism, no one on the founder’s council is non-white? And what Ms. Mystic Falls was ever non-white? I know in this part of the US whites are the majority, but this is ridiculous.

    The only non-black witches so far are Maddox who worked for Klaus and the Original Witch Esther. Maddox seems to be the only true exception, and his number (one) is so small as to not derail the main point. As for Esther, she is a powerful, bad-ass witch of enormous power (and incredible incompetence when it comes to plans). Please don’t tell me that a witch of that power, who can put a centuries-long curse on Klaus and defeat death (yet still talk to ghosts) is on the same level as the black witches who are relegated to servitude and often die in the name of that service! If anything, the contrast enhances the pattern.
    And speaking of the death of black witches:
    There are a few black characters with more than statist roles who are not witches. So few, in fact, you can identify them: Harper, Jamie, Connor, the one girl hitting on Tyler to get close to Matt in season 2 and that one girl and her grandpa in season 1 and Caroline’s snack.

    That they are magical negroes fits perfectly, look at the definition:
    In order to show the world that minority characters are not bad people, one will step forward to help a “normal” person, with their pure heart and folksy wisdom. They are usually black and/or poor, but may come from another oppressed minority. They step (often clad in a clean, white suit) into the life of the much more privileged (and, in particular, almost always white) central character and, in some way, enrich that central character’s life.

    With such deep spiritual wisdom (and sometimes — though not always — actual supernatural powers), you might wonder why the Magical Negro doesn’t step up and save the day himself. This will never happen. So enlightened and selfless is he that he has no desire to gain glory for himself; he only wants to help those who need guidance…which just happens to mean those who are traditionally viewed by Hollywood as better suited for protagonist roles, not, say, his own oppressed people. In fact, the Magical Negro really seems to have no goal in life other than helping white people achieve their fullest potential; he may even be ditched or killed outright once he’s served that purpose. If he does express any selfish desires, it will only be in the context of helping the white protagonists realize their own racism and thereby become better people.
    This can work somewhat as An Aesop about tolerance and not dismissing individuals from underprivileged groups, and it’s certainly an improvement on earlier tendencies to either never depict minority characters at all or make them all villains. However, ultimately it’s usually a moral and artistic shortcut, replacing a genuine moral message with a well-intentioned but patronizing homage to the special gifts of the meek. Minority characters still all too often aren’t portrayed as the heroes of their own stories, but as helpers of standard white, able-bodied, middle-class heroes, and they aren’t depicted as, you know, actual people with their own desires, flaws and character arcs, but as mystical, Closer to Earth plot devices.

    Now can anybody here say that Bonnie and the other witches how they are for nearly 2 seasons would not fit right into that? Sure she was “a friend” to Elena for years but still. Not only did her father never appeared for a long time, neither was her mother mentioned until season 3, we barely know where she lived and know practically nothing about her life. She constantly helps Elena, never being angry at her for long, despite having good reasons for it and never stepping up for herself since early season 2. Not only that, but the extent of her magical powers was and is shown inconsistently, often making me ask, why she e.g. cannot perform a simply spell against eavesdropping but was able to figure out centuries old curses. But still every time a spell is convenient there suddenly is one.

    As for racism in general: Does every character have to be exceptional? No! But when a show only has none-whites in stereotypical and subordinate roles, then something is wrong.
    The show also never confronted the Salvatores for their role in the past South, it never gave Bonnie any good role, it had revisionist history, completely eradicating America’s indigenous population, especially by having Klaus being the son of one and him looking nothing like an Indigenous person of that time.
    Now you could say that this is a story about vampires, werewolves and witches, so why being so strict and care about it. Sure. You could say so. But please, anybody, could you please explain why this ridiculous Eastern-European story needed to exist in the first place? I tell you: Because The Original family HAD to be white. They would not cast or write non-white characters. Also this world is not some distant past or total fantasy world by directly tied to our world, to American history specifically.

    So what is there left that would explain Bonnie’s treatment and that of all other non-white characters on the show?
    I can think of only one: racism.

    “So, why not combine those two for a show about a witch who uses dark magic to force confessions out of serial killers? Not bad, right?”
    Good idea, but it will never happen. To high quality and thought provoking.

    “Except, was I the only one who was a bit disappointed that Bonnie’s first Descent into Evil featured her doing nothing more than setting a small trash can fire, and giving Professor Shane would looked like a Really Bad Case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?”
    I wasn’t disappointed. No way would they ever have Bonnie do something independent now. So I don’t think she would really do something for herself.

    So the spirits are torturing grams to punish Bonnie? Yeah that makes sense. That makes so much sense, I can’t believe I would ever doubt that.

    If Jeremy would at least hold a grudge against Damon after that but not even that the writers do. At least they had Matt telling it how it is, to speak turkey with Elena. But still their constant need to portray Elena as someone good and worth protecting adds its acidic taste to this whole stuff. Whatever they led Elena learn from this it won’t last, it never ever does.
    And you know this “the old Elena would have never left Jeremy alone with Damon” was BULLSHIT. The old Elena forgave Damon full blown murder. Who are these writers? Four year olds?

    “Desperate times call for desperate measures. And Elena actually ends up going to Klaus for help, which is weird on so many levels . . .”
    Totally agree. Of all the people Elena goes to Klaus? For that I would want to electrocute Plec and the rest of her staff. If they have a magical plot device, at least use it and get Elijah for help. Only a complete idiot trusts Klaus; that was clear ever since season 2 and now they do it over and over again every character on this show? This is clear evidence that all of this happens because Plec likes this maniac and feeds the Klarolines. That is why she gives him a show of his own. Because this time viewers kiss her fat ass instead of calling her out on the shit she does.

    And where is Elijah? He is not there because he cannot stand his siblings? What? Honorbound Elijah would be stopped by that?

    ” It’s a real testament to Klaus’ (stupidity) arrogance that he seems to truly believe that he can get Kol to STOP trying to murder Jeremy, just because he asked nicely.”
    You are so right

    ” Kol gives Klaus his “word” that he won’t touch Jeremy Gilbert. And he does keep his promise . . . by compelling Damon to kill Jeremy for him . . .”
    Kol should really be the actual antagonist of this show. This sentence and the fact that he said he would take Jeremy out be ripping his arms off (albeit it might be debatable whether Jeremy than dying of blood loss would count as “killing him”) was about the smartest thing that was done and said in this episode.

    ” The question is, who sent this guy, and what team is HE ON? Unfortunately, Some Random Guy would rather chew off his own tongue, and kill himself than let you find out . . .”
    Stuff like that was pretty much the final straw in this episode.
    I know the writers don’t care with background or consistency between episodes but the thing with Matt’s bitten neck is ridiculous. The fangs of these vampires are so long they should have slashed several veins now. Matt should be bleeding all over the place or have internal bleeding, he should be on deaths doorstep. Like I said nothing unusual since Andy back in season 2 also just walked away from Damon snacking on her neck. But either way Matt had a bite in the neck and was just fine but a little cut into the hand makes Jeremy loose massive amounts of blood and sweating? There aren’t even close to as many tissues and blood in your hand as in your neck.
    And Rebecca could catch Stefan’s thrown dagger without getting up, but a simple human can move faster than two vampires? Another plot device!

    And personally I don’t think that there is any question regarding buddy fucks on this show: they don’t exist. Friends don’t fuck friends and only bad or ambiguous people have random sex. The good guys never do that. Or can you tell me at least one instances were random sex didn’t involve at least one person who was at least ambivalent? Just one?

    “Damon’s babbling on about this like a Crazy Person, as he chases the vampire hunter through that old underground railroad place where Tyler used to do his “Werewolf Transformation Thing.””
    Jeremy is hiding underground? Where the reduced mobility and for him will give Damon with his strength and even bigger advantage? Plot device.
    Why do they even bother with this shit of trying to make us think Jeremy would actually shoot Damon? Sure in real life Jeremy probably would but if you saw this show for more than a season you would have to be a complete idiot to think that Damon was ever in any mortal danger.
    It was all just there to make Damon a hero, everything he did in the episode. Some sort of “tragic hero” to be precise. After all, Klaus could have compelled Damon last episode or the one before and would have his map already.

    “Then, Elena pops up to tell Damon he should fight the compulsion to kill Jeremy because he loooooves Elena so much. “It worked for Stefan,” she helpfully implies . . .”
    Hm, interesting mistake you made there. Maybe not all is lost and you are not a Delena shipper yet, only a fan.
    You see Elena implied no such thing. Damon stated that he thought Elena would say that he could fight the compulsion because Stefan did. But Elena said that Damon could do it because she loved him and he loved her and that he would do anything for her.
    Personally I think it would have been better what you suggested because this stuff there is not simply the old “right girl saves bad guy” trope it is actually just copying of the stuff from season 3:

    Familiar scene? Because it is. They basically just switch Damon and Stefan now. The way they did with Klaus and Tyler. Both guys fight it because of their “love” and both are still compelled one way or another.

    ” Hence, these are two totally different situations. Comprende?”
    No, sorry I have to totally disagree on that one. I think this mistake is based on your previous mistake. Damon fought the compulsion not for Jeremy but for Elena, because he “loves” Elena. Also back then Stefan still loved Elena. Look at the video.
    Was your inner Delena at work again?

    Oh and since you had a gif of Stiles. One piece of advice:
    Never read the Teen Wolf comic. It’s not worth it. Seriously, it isn’t.

    Locking Damon up was the only good storytelling these writers did in this episode. The only one that makes sense and is not just there for stupid Drama. The other element that was at least tolerable was Stefan telling Elena off for her stupidity

    ” And Elena, well . . . sometimes, she just doesn’t know when to SHUT UP . . .”

    ” She has to go nag Stefan about palling around with his ex, Rebekah, when, really, she should be thrilled that he’s FINALLY moving on, like she already has. She lectures Stefan about his bad attitude . .”
    She should be and I also don’t like this stuff but not for the same reasons as you do. . As sick as all this is, Stefan is the most mature person among the three lamers. He had every reason to be pissed at Elena when you take her love statement at face value. And who does she think she is? She broke his heart, cheated on him and now she thinks, she still has any saying in what he does and not does? Selfish, little bitch. And that the writers are still trying to sell her as some sort of heroine or is it heroin? Nah, where is the difference in this show right?

    “But Stefan and Damon aren’t the only characters who are having a bad day. Rebekah has a confrontation with Kol, during which she almost daggers him, and HE almost STAKES HER . . . permanently. Ouch!”
    And you know all these daggering… wasn’t there this thing about the spell? You know when one vampire daggers another they would die? And the daggers need the ash of the tree, each time for usage, the ash should be all spent my now.

    And Rebecca is shocked and Kol’s behavior but not Klaus’? So the psychopathic brother who wants to kill you because he is scared of something that is supposedly of apocalyptic proportions is too shocking but the psychopathic brother who abuses you and daggers you just because he didn’t get what he wanted his ok?
    If the writers would at least use that.

    The stuff connected to the afterlife in Shane’s office is identified by Rebecca as Hopi, Han and Polynesian. Or on other words: Native, Chinese and Pacific Islander. Or in even other word: stereotypes for finding mystic stuff. Yeah these writers are so original, they use the trope Magical Native, Magical Asian and Magical Tropic people all at once. And we are supposed to believe that Rebecca is into other cultures? The most childish of them all? Even more than Klaus. The one that has a pathological fear of being alone actually explored other cultures? When? She has been undaggered, more or less, for a few months now and totally occupied with teenage drama and before that she was at Klaus’ heels all the time. When did she explore other cultures? Also she doesn’t come along anywhere as someone who did that. Was the whole bullshit plot convenience again or another lame ass attempt of saying “look people our girls are not stupid?”

    Because, after all at the end of the episode (where do they get all these weapons anyway?) Elena has a plan. Yeah… Considered the capricious nature of this show’s writing this time it might even work. Maybe than the writers will say, look people we are not sexist.

    ” . being successful in this whole “Friends with Benefits” undertaking.

    Of course, I could be wrong . . .”
    No I think you are totally right. All this show is about is Elena, Stefan and Damon, so no way will Stefan move on. He will take Damon’s former place and be the back-up brother for some time now.

    “You know, because directly murdering twelve innocent baby vamps is WRONG. But indirectly murdering 5,000 of them is TOTALLY cool!

    Yeah . . . remember back when Elena thought that Kol might be the Daddy of the Sire Line that made Damon and Stefan; and she wanted to protect his life at all costs? That’s OK, neither does she!”

    Well it is going towards episode 14, the writers have to rush things so they can turn everything around again. 😉

    But yeah it is stupid.

    You know, did you notice that we agreed on more terms regarding an episode than ever this season?

    Also I was wondering: You didn’t mention Damon’s statement that he doesn’t want to kill Jeremy at all. I thought you would at least mention it.

    And the promo:
    So “family is important” is back again… Barff

    • We did agree on quite a bit this week, didn’t we Andre? From our mutual Elena frustration, to the surprising (comparative) intelligence of Kol, to Stefan’s sudden growth of a backbone, to why Elijah is hot (AWESOME video, by the way. I forgot how unapologetically bad ass Elijah was, before he became The Gentleman Vampire.) 🙂

      Speaking of videos, I love that you included a Bill Maher one in your compilation. He’s the best, isn’t he? His “New Rule” rants at the end of his show, are some of the few TV monologues that can have me inappropriately laughing out loud every week.

      Perhaps, the reason you liked this recap more than my last one is that, in woefully Delena free episodes like this one, my snark factor gets driven into overload, without any shipper sentimentality to reign it in. 😉

      You raised some interesting questions here. Regarding Kol, and his insistence not to wake Silas, I suspect there is more to that story, than just a bunch of crazy cult humans acting out in the past. Going along with my theory that Silas and Shane are actually one in the same person, I believe that Kol actually “met” Silas in the past, and had to deal with his wrath, firsthand. Granted, at that time, Silas was probably in another body.

      Continuing on with that theory, I am further positing that the “mystery man” who ate out his tongue, rather than tell Stefan and Rebekah who sent him, may also have been an emissary of Shane / Silas, who the latter sent to retrieve the stone, immediately upon being arrested. We’ve already seen that Shane is a pretty clever hypnotist. But because Bonnie was “out” for the five hours she was under his control, we don’t actually know the extent of what he can do with that power. I’m thinking Mystery Man’s suicide was an example of just that. Besides, part of what makes “working for Shane” so alluring for all these people, is the promise that, even if they die in his service, their deaths will not be permanent. This guy might well have thought the exact same thing.

      Oh, and I still believe there’s a difference between how Stefan fought compulsion to keep from eating Elena, and what Elena expected Damon to do. Yes, Elena’s logic was that the mere act of loving her should be a balm to ALL compulsion. But I feel like the reason Stefan was able to fight compulsion in that instance, was because it involved killing Elena, and ONLY killing Elena.

      In Stefan’s situation, the correlation was a direct one. “I love Elena. But this guy told me to KILL her. I definitely do not want to kill the woman I love. Hence, I can fight this compulsion.”

      In Damon’s situation, the correlation was indirect. “I love Elena. But this guy told me to KILL her BROTHER. I would obviously prefer not to kill the brother of the girl I love. But . . .”

      See the difference? 😉

      • Andre

        There is a difference between the compelled Damon and compelled Stefan situation, however the reason for both fighting the compulsion was their “love” for Elena, so the reason for fighting it is the same, and in either case not totally different.

        Actually I would have preferred it if Stefan would really go solo and at least for the rest of the season would say “screw these bitches.” But noooooooooooooooooooooooo, the writers apparently cannot have that with any main character (Bonnie, Matt and Jeremy don’t count) and so they had to pair him up with an even crazier bitch like Rebecca.

        No idea why they don’t bring Elijah back. That was the only good one of the Originals, the rest are overgrown children.

        And if you like Bill Maher:

        I guess you are right that this recap is better because there is less Delena, because I said it once and I say it again: Delena ruins your recaps. Not only is it the second worst ship on the show (the first is of course Klaroline) but every time you write about that you are dangerously close to those crazy Twihards, defending it no matter what.

        In generally TVD seems more and more stupid to me the further it progresses, it’s just another generic example of the current vampire craze:

        What the author says about the messages of the books also fit TVD:
        “A common one that you all should be familiar with is that we should love a boy despite the fact that he is acting like a complete asshole towards you and treat an abusive relationship like its true love. ”

        This might not be a problem with the viewers and commentors here since all of them are adults as it seems and, at least should (let’s face it you can be 70 and still be an idiot) have, formed their own opinions and don’t treat these relationships seriously. And even when I don’t understand the appeal of these relationships. Simply physical appeal is not enough for me. Sometimes TVD seems to be trying hard to be good and original but it seems to me just like any other rip-off. It’s full of copying and “been there done that” even within itself:
        Heightened emotion of the vampires – This theme is very reminiscent of the vampires in Anne Rice’s vampire chronicles who are also subject to extreme states of emotion.

        Vampires are descended from first vampires (called the Originals) and if the progenitor of a vampire line is killed all its descendents die also – This is also very similar to Anne Rice and mirrors what was portrayed in her novel Queen of the Damned in which it was stated that should the vampire Queen Akasha die all her descendents would die also, and they nearly did, had another vampire not eaten the Queen’s heart and thereby became the new Queen of the Damned.

        A witch is responsible for the creation of the Vampires – Now this feature could really be another example of the show’s treatment of witches as mere tools, but the main topic is the same as in the before mentioned novel Queen of Damned in which witches were also there before vampires and are directly or indirectly (depending on the readers viewpoint) responsible for the creation of the vampires.

        The “vampire-werewolf-war” and the near extermination of the werewolves – This is very similar to the first Underworld movie, the main difference is that in the movie the extermination is still going on and in the show it was stated that the vampires had hunted the werewolves to near extinction centuries ago. This is also similar to what was stated in the fourth book of the Twilight Series, Breaking Dawn, where it was said that the European werewolves, called Children of the Moon, where hunted to near extinction by the Volturi vampires. Also the “instinct” to attack vampires first and foremost is also reminiscent of Twilight and Underworld, especially in the third Underworld movie the bestial first generation werewolves attacked vampires the whole time despite having no reason to do so apart from self-defense.

        The lethal bite of the werewolves – Not exactly the same but it is similar to what was stated by the vampire Selene in the first Underworld movie. When asked by newly infected Lycan Michael on whether a bite by her would transform him into a vampire she answered that it would kill him because no one ever survived a bite from both species and the Lycan scientist in the movie stated that it seemed that both species were meant to destroy each other even on a cellular level. While never stated so, in the newest Underworld movie this topic was still used, as being evident by one of the main vampires of the film who had died during the Lycan attack. Since his body was barely harmed and considered that the Lycans fought without weapons this suggests that he was killed by bite. A werewolf bite in The Vampire Diaries was portrayed similar to a form of nasty infection, although the skin-reaction between Damon and Rose was very different. In Damon’s case it looked rather like a blood poisoning while in Rose’s case the affected skin looked rather blistered and infected.

        The older vampires are the stronger ones – This is at the same time similar to Anne Rice’s vampires who get stronger with age and the White Wolf game line Vampire: The Masquerade where older vampires had thicker vampire blood and where therefore stronger. Which of the two concepts was used for The Vampire Diaries I cannot say since it was never clarified why older vampires where stronger.

        Native Americans as werewolves – The werewolves encountered by the family of first vampires when they were still human were referred to as “Indians” by the Original vampire Elijah, something that is similar to Twilight and its portrayal of the Quileute werewolf pack, also in a deleted scene for season 2 it was stated that the werewolf gene passed down via the male line, something also in line with Twilight where nearly every werewolf is male and the sole female werewolf is menopausal suggesting that the trait can only be passed via the male line.

        The main two vampires where born and raised in the Virginia of the American Civil War, thereby belonging to the so-called slave states of the USA – This is very similar to the character Bill in the series True Blood (as well as the book series The Southern Vampire Mysteries which are the basis for the show) except that Bill was from Louisiana and not Virginia. It could be that the Civil War area was used in favor of the Renaissance of the books because US-American viewers might more easily identify with this time period, or in general are more familiar, or it was just another example of cashing in on what was used by someone else already.

        To become a vampire you have to die with vampire blood in your system – This reminded me of the TV series blade in which the human was infected with vampire blood (or in whatever the vampire virus was contained) and then had to die before being raised as a vampire. Having to drink the blood of a vampire to become a vampire was also used in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, albeit somewhat inconsistently.

        Vampiric compulsion – So similar to the glamouring in The Southern Vampire Mysteries, it is hard to believe that it is coincidence. Either it’s from there or they both have it from another source.

        Vampir-Werewolf hybrids – Underworld, without any doubt. The TVD hybrids are nowhere near as dangerous as the three in Underworld but the similarity of the concept is clear. It also was featured in the RPG Werewolf the Apocalypse albeit these “Abominations” where more like undead werewolves, while the TVD hybrids were rather portrayed like a slightly mutated strain of vampires since apart from the bite and the eye color they never used their werewolf side in any way.

        Elijah was able to determine that Elena was lying in season 3 – Since this happened long after Teen Wolf got aired and already established this trick and such a thing was never done before this particular episode of TVD despite the thing that the vampires hearing abilities were stated already in season 1, I think the chances are very good that they simply copied it from Teen Wolf.

        The wolf comes out when the werewolf in human form is angry – Twilight, the only difference is that here it’s not a full transformation but only the eyes, which could easily be explained by budget limits.

        Again let’s just assume Elena is an actual person:
        Then it’s pretty hard for me not to say that she deserves such an asshole as Damon or a living time bomb like Stefan. She basically screws up everybody’s live and still acts as though she is a hero. She barely considers the actual impacts of her actions beforehand and doesn’t make a clean cut.
        The only characters on this show that you should really be sorry for in my eyes are Bonnie, Jeremie and Matt. And even there it’s difficult because they all have pretty much been reduced to plot devices now. But either way, all of them lost much more than the others and so far got nothing of it. Tyler at least got a girlfriend and immortality, but what about the other three? Nothing. Even the supernatural status of Bonnie and Jeremy is still rather a curse than any blessing, in both cases making their lives even worse because they get constantly shoved into the crossfire without any fault of their own.

        It could be possible what you theorized about Silas and Shane as well as the meeting with Kole, but I think there are at least two points to consider here:
        a) We are nearing episode 14 and around that number the show usually takes a turn like always
        b) Except for killing one of the main three permanently or having them go really solo, we can’t put anything past these stupid writers and producers.

        I believe that Silas is badass when I see it and I believe that he stays badass when I see it for more than 5 episodes. We all know how much Plec and her sycophants ruined Klaus and how they cannot deal with more than just stereotypes, so whether Silas will be any good…. I doubt it. I seriously doubt it.

        Perhaps that mystery man was from Silas/Shane as some sort of back-up plan but if he was really compelled (with a big IF) who was the one compelling him? Wouldn’t be surprised if he was send by Katherine, after all in season 3 she also was only a plot device. As evident by the fact that she had just disappeared.

        It could be that there is a hithertho unknown faction however even then I doubt that much will come. If there is one thing the writers can or will not write about it is the wider vampire and werewolf communities. So far we didn’t really get further than “word spreads” when it comes to “them” acting independently. It is rather that the main characters go to them but rarely does anybody come to them. No actual reaction, not from the vampires, the werewolves and seriously not from the witches. This is another reason why I think this show is lame and don’t get why people don’t see that. E.g. the plan with putting Klaus in stasis in the last seasons would have been smart in my eyes had they tried it earlier, since apparently they knew it was possible due to Michael. But no. They had to make it so late. And this fake plan with the hybrids putting Klaus in cement. The wider vampire community should have tried that already after at least hundreds of them suddenly dropped dead after Finn’s death, but no. Not one bit. Further evidence I think, that the writers even can’t or won’t put a world bigger than Mystic Falls into consideration.
        This writing is just so bad. Why does this stupid show even get a spin-off. Seriously are most of the viewers so stupid not to notice that?

        Speaking again with Bill Maher’s words, this could be applied to TVD as well:



  5. Great summary of The Amazing Fear Factor Race! I’ll be brief since I’m doin this from my phone–I’m down with the Shane-Silas connection, think Team FWB is gonna implode, already ordered flowers for Mayor Rudy Tooty Dead and Fruity’s funeral, & WTF kinda stupid plan is killing Kol when he PERSONALLY has Stake 2.0!? Oh, and yeah, we were robbed of a perfectly good Come To Me booty call! lol

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