That was Kol-d! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “A View to a Kill”

defans jeremy hulk

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JerBear, SMASH!

“If you’re going to be bad, be bad with a purpose.”

bad purpose 2

These are the sage words of advice “Mostly Reformed” Villain Damon Salvatore offers “Most-of-the-Time” Villain Klaus Mikaelson, while their respective friends and lovers are out trying to murder Klaus’ brother Kol.

A little ironic . . . don’t ya think?

thinking damon bitemesomerhalder

But is Damon right?  Are TV characters who do bad things for good reasons always redeemable, while those who do bad things for bad reasons are, in the words of Damon, himself, “just dicks?”

douchebag jar misomeru

Take for example the now dearly departed, Kol Mikaelson.  Here’s a guy who, make no mistakes, has been doing some pretty bad things lately.  Let’s see . . .

He killed a group of innocent newbie vampires in a bar (though, let’s face it, they were all pretty much goners, regardless).

dead baby vamps

He threatened his own sister with the True Death.

hot kol 2

He made Damon stab himself.

stabbing self

He compelled Damon to kill Jeremy.

zombie damon

He terrorized Elena and Jeremy in their own home.

kol rampage

Trust me, Santa is definitely not putting Kol on any Nice List, this year.

santa klaus

And yet, ostensibly speaking, Kol had good reasons for doing all of these things.  He was doing them to try to avoid what he believed was the arrival of the END OF THE WORLD.

The Scooby Gang, on the other hand, murdered Kol, and, by extension THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS of vampires . . . not all of whom were definitively terrible people, by the way . . . because they wanted to . . . make it easier for Elena to resolve her romantic feelings for Damon and Stefan?

stefan shrug

Hmm . . . maybe Damon’s wrong.  Perhaps, the difference between a redeemable TV villain and an irredeemable one really just comes down to . . . whose name is higher on the credits?

happy elena

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, special thanks to Andre,  whose screencaps are .  . . wait for it . . . to DIE FOR, MWAH-HAHAHA!]

Vampire Walk of Shame

pissed stef

“Oh crap!”

Those of us out there who have had the unfortunate experience of making a Bad Decision after a night of drinking, can certainly relate to Stefan’s desire to “dress and dash” at the first morning’s light,  in order to avoid the inevitable “awkward conversation” that typically follows such Bad Decisions.  Super vampire speed can come in pretty handy, in such situations!

hush little

*tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe, door open, squeeeeeaaaak*

Unless, of course, you are making Bad Decisions with other vampires.  Then, you are kind of screwed . . .

hello mate

“Hello, Guy Who just F*&ked My Sister.  Care for a spot of tea?”

Stefan learns this the hard way, when he tries to make a quick escape from Rebekah’s bed, only to find himself face-to-face with her brother, Klaus .  . . who, let’s face it, always seemed to have a not-so-secret crush on Stefan.

3 11 klefandiaries love never dies

Talk about awkward!

Fortunately for Stefan, Klaus isn’t there to take a walk down Memory Sex Lane.  He actually just wants Rebekah’s Make-the-Originals-Take-a-Nap Dagger, so that he can put down his pesky brother Kol.  Rebekah has a few choice words for Klaus,  in response to his request, and they rhyme with “Yuck Foo” (or, at least they would, if this show was on cable, instead of the CW).

sookie shut the fuck up

Stefan, on the other hand, is a bit more receptive to Klaus’ argument.  After all, daggering Kol, at least, at the present moment, seems to be the key to . . . wait for it . . . SAVING ELENA.

happy elena

Something in the Water

Caroline is inexplicably on hiatus again, this week . . .

3 2 caroline not prost - honorinrevenge

This means that Bonnie must take on her job of . . . having highly unnatural sounding telephone conversations with other members of the cast, with the sole purpose of re-hashing the plot of last week’s episode . . .

previously on

“Previously on The Vampire Diaries . . .”

strangle balloon

“I’d rather strangle this balloon than be having this conversation.”

I thought the show’s annoying helpful new intro took care of this . . .

“I’m stuck in the house, because Damon is compelled to kill Jeremy.  But I want Jeremy to kill Kol.  Because killing Kol means killing his entire vampire line.  And killing lots of vampires means Jeremy’s tattoo can grow.  And Jeremy’s fully grown tattoo equals a map to the vampire cure,” rambles Elena, as she essentially makes my “job” as a recapper completely useless.

3 5 angry fixed at zero other nat and gace

Thanks a lot, biatch!

I’m not going to lie.  I cheered when the newly-vervained water supply burned Elena’s dainty plot-spoiling fingertips.  Girlfriend had it coming . . .

ayeeee

“Ayeeeeeeeee . . .”

Mayor McSad

im a witch

“Do you have any idea how many supernatural creatures live here?  You do realize that by vervaining supply, you are going to ensure that none of them can shower, right?  Do you know how bad this place is going to stink, in about two days?

whistle

*whistles*

Taking a page out of the movie Footloose, Bonnie’s dad unilaterally decides that teenagers dancing leads to death.  So, he opts to cancel the school’s annual decade dance.

dont dance

Unfortunately, in this case, dude’s probably right.

TVD’s Decade Dance episodes are almost always their most bloody.  And this one will be no exception . . . In fact, it can be argued that this episode’s body count is the highest in TVD history . . .

Bonnie’s pretty pissed about the whole “no dance” thing.  (She blew up those 99 damn red balloons for nothing!)

grrrr owl

bonnie kol

“Oddly enough, this is the most action I’ve had since I stopped sleeping with my almost brother.”

And I imagine her No Dance rage had a bit to do with her going all Stephen King’s Carrie on Kol, when he tried to accost her in the hallway by the lockers.

pop balloon

“NO!  Not popped balloons!  Anything but popped balloons!  Please Bonnie, have mercy on my soul!  (Maybe you could just give me a papercut, like you did that Shane guy.)”

Now granted, Bonnie does some pretty cool witchy things, by the end of this episode.   So, I’ll give her a break here.  But it must be said, that, just like with last week’s “gave Shane a paper cut,” moment, Bonnie’s “defense” against Kol’s advances is pretty Magic Lame.  Popping balloons?  Slamming lockers?  Around these parts that’s what we call a Temper Tantrum.

And yet “All Powerful Original Vampire” Kol was on his knees, inexplicably screaming in anguish from this lackluster demonstration.  So, Not-Yet-Dark-Willow 2.0 must have been doing something right. . .

dark willow

Damon Salvatore’s Revenge Sex Handbook, and other items on my Must Read List

nice floor

Dirty, pride-wounded, and half drained of blood, Damon is still looking mighty hot, as he naps on the floor of the Makeshift Correctional Institution for Wayward Salvatores.  Stefan treats his brother like a dog, throwing  blood vial treats on the floor by his face, and offering him probably piss warm re-bottled tap water to drink.  (Important later)  What’s the matter, Steffy?  You couldn’t spring from some Poland Spring?

wet damon 2

Oh how the mighty hath fallen!  Big Bad Klaus has been relegated to the job of babysitter/ prison warden, while Stefan heads out looking for Rebekah’s Make-the-Originals-Take-a-Nap Dagger to use on Kol.

prison warden

“Peekaboo!  It’s your friendly neighborhood prison warden!”

the show

He shares with Damon gossip about Stefan’s sexcapades with Rebekah.  And I’ll be damned if big bro doesn’t seem just the slightest bit proud of his brother’s newfound sluttiness!

damon approves

“Look whose taken a page out of my Revenge Sex Handbook,” muses Damon.

First Katherine, then Elena, and now Rebekah . . . these two bro vamps sure do seem to enjoy dipping their pens in the same company ink, don’t they?  Speaking of Salvatore Sex Buddies . . .

Elena’s Master Plan

Stefan is pissed off enough at Elena to remove her picture from his cell phone, but not pissed enough to delete her from his contacts entirely.  So, when Elena calls Stefan, the generic “Male Silhouette” pops up on his phone, instead of his ex-girlfriend’s smug face.

I thought it was pretty hilarious that, when Elena started detailing her plans to Stefan on how she planned to kill Kol, Stefan turned on his motorcycle, so Klaus couldn’t hear them.

whaaat

“Previously on The Vampire Diaries . . .”

moto

“Wait, I’m turning on my motorcycle so Klaus can’t hear us.”

whaaat

“WHHHHHAAAAT???!”

screaming stef

“I SAID, I’M TURNING ON THE MOTORCYCLE, SO KLAUS CAN’T HEAR . . . oh, fudge!”

Riiiiight, because the Original Vampire’s Super Hearing is strong enough that he can hear telephone conversations going on UPSTAIRS and OUTSIDE HOUSE WALLS, but not telephone conversations that are DROWNED OUT BY THE DULL ROAR OF AN ENGINE.

Damon eye roll

Anywhoo, Elena wants Stefan to use the Make-Originals-Take-a-Nap dagger on Rebekah (or, rather, have Matt do it for him), so that Jeremy can kill Kol, and Bonnie can “do something” to Klaus.  And, just like that, the Band is back together again . . .

Happy House Guests and Maneaters

All two people who shipped Elena and Kol as a couple were probably thrilled that it was her job to hit on him in her home, while Matt helped Stefan look for Rebekah’s dagger, and JerBear headed off in search of BonBon.  Kol tries to smooth, by waxing poetic about “music” and yammering on about the classy alcoholic beverages of yesteryear.  But let’s face it, he’s no Elijah . . .

hi im elijah

video games

ELENA: “Yooooo hooo, I’m flirting with you, and plying you with alcohol!  It’s your job to love me!  Don’t forget what show you’re on!”

KOL: “Shut up, wench.  I’m in the middle of beating Grand Theft Auto.”

ELENA:  “You’re sooo not surviving this episode . . .”

Why not stick to what you do best, Kol?  Making people stab themselves, and clocking them on the head with baseball bats?

kol bat

Meanwhile, Rebekah is rocking out to the song “Maneater,” while whining about the lameness of 80’s fashions.  Having missed every single decade dance, since the show’s inception, Rebekah seems more resigned than dejected, when she learns that this one was canceled.

rebekah heart

And yet, try as she might to look nonchalant, when Stefan presents her with the idea of attending the dance anyway, the perpetual 17-year old’s face lights up, like a kid on Christmas morning . . .

go to the dance

“If this were really an 80’s movie, you’d be the bitchy girl, who, dated James Spader, and got screwed in the end, while Molly Ringwald got the boy.  But since you were sleeping during that decade, we can pretend it’s the other way around.”

Villain Bonding Session

In my second favorite scene in the episode (we’ll get to my favorite soon enough), Klaus randomly asks Damon for advice on how to get the girl of your dreams to fall in love with you, despite the fact that you occasionally murder people she cares about . . .

blonde vamp

damon-compels-caroline-gif

“Been there, done her . . .”

As I mentioned at the beginning of this recap, Damon advises Klaus that the key to being a redeemable villain is doing bad things for good reasons.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t help Klaus all that much.  After all, he’s the guy that killed Aunt Jenna, because he wanted to build himself a Slave Army, and killed Tyler’s mom and twelve hybrids, because he was Having a Bad Day . . .

3 9 better klaus cry

Cheer up, Klaus.  Redemption is overrated, anyway . . .

Worst .  . . Family Meeting EVERRRRRR!

Sucky is when your dad confiscates your cell phone and your car keys, so you can’t go out and play in the Save Elena games with your Scooby Gang.

got your phone

“I got your phone, and you can’t have it, Nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nahhhhhh.”

SUPER SUCKY is when your ex-boyfriend barges in and tries to kill your vampire mother, so she suffocates you, and drugs you, so you can’t leave the house . . .

stop talking

“Ew, mom, your hand stinks.  Who have you been eating?”

Ode to the 80’s

Unlike some of the other decades this series has represented, you can tell that the 80’s is one that a majority of the show’s writers have actually lived through, and thoroughly enjoyed, tacky wardrobe choices notwithstanding.  Paul Wesley (speaking in Stefan’s voice, of course), who, himself is an 80’s baby, seems almost wistful, as he describes movies like Say Anything, The Princess Bride, and The Breakfast Club.

80s movie

I gotta say though, I kind of thought they’d go with a Pretty in Pink reference, especially given the locale .  . .

pretty-in-pink-fb

But I guess that’s not really a “Dude Movie,” not even for “sensitive vampire dudes” like Stefan . . .

Though I bet Edward Cullen would just eat that sh*t up .  . .

EdwardCullen

And while, as far as plot points go, this scene did little to advance the main story, it did serve to reveal a side of both Rebekah and Stefan that we haven’t seen before . . . their shared sentimentality and sense of nostalgia.  Plus, I thought it was a little kinky that Rebekah’s “koala corsage,” was grabbing at her boob the whole time they danced . . .

dancing

copping

Upon learning that Rebekah has conveniently hidden the dagger in her boot, Stefan gets right to business, cleverly suggesting the pair practice The Breakfast Club Slide (Is that a Thing?  I didn’t know that was a Thing?), as a way to get her barefoot.

breakfast club slide

She sees right through his evil scheme, though . . .

Ruh Roh!  Nice knowing ya, Steffy!

beating up stefan

Except . . . wait a minute  . . . Rebekah’s totally COOL with giving her little bro the Big Sleep . . .

. . . if it means getting a chance to use the vampire cure on herself, that is . . .

wanna be human

Sorry Matt Donovan, Dagger Finder!  You’ve just been rendered entirely useless, for yet another episode . . .

always a bridesmaid

“Always a bridesmaid . . .”

Speaking of Originals, who know they’ve been betrayed . . .

Burning MAD!

After phoning Brother Klaus to give him the 411 on his so-called allies, Kol angrily barges back into Casa Gilbert to tell Elena he’s denied her phony request for a truce.  He stabs Elena with some wood, tries to chop off Jeremy’s arm on the carving table, gets sprayed in the face with vervain water, and chases Elena and JerBear around the house a bit, like he’s the Wil E. Coyote, and they are the Road Runners.

baked jeremy

“Anybody hungry?  I thought I’d make some Hunter’s Stew, heavy on the hunter.”

And just like the Wil E. Coyote, Kol makes one VERY stupid mistake . . .

Hey buddy, question for you.  Why would you bring THE WEAPON DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY TO KILL ONLY YOU to the house of the people who REALLY WANT TO KILL YOU?

draco malfoy facepalm

“I’m a mini villain, and even I know that’s a bad idea.”

And kill him they do!  While Kol is being distracted by vervain water and shiny objects (like Elena’s boobs), Elena grabs the stake from him, tosses it to JerBear, and allows the latter to finish the job.

burning kol

“Stop drop and roll, buddy.  Just stop, drop and roll . . .”

KABLOOEY,  Hot Kol has just become REALLY HOT KOL .  . .

And then ASH KOL . . .

And then DEAD KOL . . .

No spinoff for you, little man!  That’s what you get for not being nice to Elena on the Everybody Loves Elena show. . .   Better luck, next series!

happy elena

Klaus the Mime

Hey guys, Kol’s dead!

You know what that means.  That’s right.  An uncompelled Damon has earned his Get of Jail Free card from the Correctional Institution for Wayward Salvatores.  More importantly, now he can go back to screwing Elena.  YIPPEEE!

sexy delena 2

In other news, Bonnie went all Witchy Roid Rage on her parental units, and made it back to Casa Gilbert just in time for a furious Klaus to land on their doorstep, and realize his brother is Definitely Dead this time . . . not just taking a 500 year nap, like last time . .  .

burn house

Klaus, of course, is hopping mad, and threatens to blow Elena’s house down, like the wolf in the Three Little Pigs story.  Actually, he threatens to BURN it down.  Honey, your brother already tried that.  It didn’t work out so well for him.

burning kol

Turns out, Klaus didn’t really want the cure to make Elena human, and make more hybrids.  He wants to DESTROY IT!

(Really, Klaus?  You go through all that trouble to find something, and then you want to throw it away?  Wouldn’t it have just been easier to go along with Kol’s plan, and prevent the cure from being found at all?)

funny kol face

“Now you tell me?”

In an unintentionally hilarious moment, Bonnie leads Klaus into the Gilbert living room, and inexplicably uses some witchy juju to LOCK HIM IN . . .

fist pump

“Klaus, you’re doing it wrong.  Clearly, in your thousand years of time on Earth, you never spent time at the Jersey Shore.  A fist pump looks like this.”

stefan salvatore fist pump best

Cue Klaus screaming and banging his fist against the air.  That homeless mime, who I see every day outside the subway would be SO impressed.  Screw the Originals spinoff.  I want to watch a show that features new guest stars every week coming to talk to a faux-imprisoned Klaus at the Gilbert Home.  Imagine all the hijinks!  They could call it “Klaus in a Box.”

lonnie oh my feelings

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Speaking of funny . . .

You wouldn’t like JerBear when he’s angry . . .

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome the Scooby Gang reunites for my favorite scene of the episode.  At first, nothing much happens.  Damon and Elena hug and kiss, but can’t do much else, because all those pesky other people are there watching.

Delena-Hug-3-2x12-damon-and-elena-18786642-500-254

Stefan pops in to inform everyone that their former nemesis, Rebekah, has now joined the Scoobies. And why not?  After all, Rebekah has already paid the membership fee, by getting a Stefan injection . . . if you catch my drift . . .

stebekah 1

Elena, of course, thinks this idea is crap.  Because she’s the fairest one of all, gosh darn it!  And she’s not going to have to put up with another lady who has intimate knowledge of which Salvatore brother has the bigger weiner.  No sir!  Not on the Everybody Loves Elena Show! she doesn’t trust Rebekah.

Damon and Stefan exchange words about their lady loves.  Stefan issues a particularly below the belt sire bond comment.

oh hell to the no

The two are about to beat the crap out of one another for the 85,000 time this series  . . .

punching stefan

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 . . . when . . . MY FAVORITE PART OF THE EPISODE HAPPENS!

JerBear starts growling, and ripping off his shirt, like he’s just been told he got the starring role in Hulk: The Musical.  And I start laughing hysterically at his expense, until I see his muscles all covered in dead vampire tattoos.  Then, suddenly, I fall silent, mesmerized by the hotness of it all.

muscles 2

muscles 1

x marks the spot

BabyScared

Surely, the sight of Jeremy’s naked chest makes the death of thousands of vampires, worth it?  Doesn’t it?

nodding oh yeah

Next week on The Vampire Diaries, the Scooby Gang goes camping on Lost island!  (Here’s hoping Damon and Elena have sex in a bear cage.)

KateSawyer cage

See you then, Fangbangers!

waves

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

12 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries

12 responses to “That was Kol-d! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “A View to a Kill”

  1. Elizabeth

    I LOVE your recaps! I make sure to read them every week after a new episode.

  2. East Coast Captain

    I was disgusted by everyone in this episode Elena above all else. I know you are a staunch Delena fan but according to Paul Wesley he thinks Elena should end up with…herself. I agree she just killed tens of thousands of vampires by killing Kol. She is so compassionate yet she is the most devious character unconsciously speaking.

    What is so wrong with Stefan sleeping with Rebekah? Elena has slept with Damon who has equally harmed Elena´s family in the past. Such hypocrisy on her part.

    Dark Bonnie? Dark Willow lite. Dark magic is definitely something not to be trifled with. I believe that will lead to her downfall as witches are nature´s servants if they break the rules and Bonnie might attempt to bring grams back from the dead which is a more sacred rule, the dead are meant to be dead.

    • ami

      elena just doesn’t like Rebekah. she didn’t even like her when she was with stefan. Rebekah is the reason for her being a vampire.

      • Hey ami! I was thinking about what you said, and trying to recall the circumstances that prompted Rebekah to do what she did in the season 3 finale. It’s interesting that Rebekah was standing on that bridge in front of Elena’s car, presumably to seek vengeance against Elena for her role in “killing” Klaus. And, yet, Klaus was actually alive in Tyler’s body the entire time.

    • Hey East Coast Captain! That’s interesting that Paul Wesley admitted he believes that Elena should stay single (especially, since she’s a vampire now. Forever is a LONG time to be alone.) Do you recall what his reasoning was, behind making that statement? I’d be curious to know.

      It will be interesting to see what consequences befall Bonnie, when she turns completely to dark magic. She’s already lost her powers, lost her grandmother, and seen her grandmother tortured, beyond the grave, as a result of magic. Ouch! What will they come up with for her next?

    • Andre

      At least I wasn’t the only one. Seriously, the worst parts of this episode where the ones with Elena and the ones that could have been awesome, but again they weren’t.
      My comment to this recap/episode will come later and is even for my standards pretty long.

      As for Bonnie…. If she will be punished than not for the fact that witches should be servants of nature, that will only be a convenient excuse. Because lets face it if TVD had played that Trope even almost remotely seriously, the witches would have acted along time ago but nothing happened. So I think if Bonnie dies or looses magic all together it will only be because its inconvenient to have her on the show, respectively incovenient to have the show’s magical plot device on the show (Bonnie is solely defined by her being a witch there is nothing else) when its not needed. And even then it might only be temporary because the show needs a magical plot device and what this show can’t do is bringing new people in.
      And I stay with what I said: Kole should have been the antagonist of the show and not the whiner baby Klaus.

  3. Fab recap, as usual! OMG that Hulk gif at the beginning? I laughed my butt off! Now see, we differ on the whole Kol spinoff thing. I thought the set himself up PERFECTLY for flashbacks if the damn spinoff gets picked up. He mentioned N’awlins 3 times from his past! You were sure right about the writers being children of the 80s. There were more 80s cliches than you could shake Stake 2.0 at! I mean, the title alone–Duran Duran would have made great lookin Lost Boys! And is it high time cell phones got credit as cast members on this show or what? The plots would be dead in the water without them! lol I was gonna make a comment about Stef getting busted by Klaus in just a hoodie and no pants, but I’ll refrain! Lookin forward to next week’s Sex in a Bear cage on Lost Island…I think you have something there!

    • Hey mak! 🙂 Great point about Kol. They definitely laid the foundation for his appearance in flashbacks (and Finn’s, for that matter), with his seemingly throwaway comment that “[They] all lived in New Orleans.”

      And Julie Plec did say that flashbacks would be a weekly part of the story.

      In Veronica Mars, Dead Lily became a series regular, and SHE only appeared in flashbacks. 🙂

      That said, I guess, given the nature of this “cure,” there’s also the possibility that Kol, who died in service of it, will somehow be brought back from the dead just in time for the April backdoor pilot to air. 😉

  4. Andre

    Ok, now it’s my turn. It took me a bit longer to comment than usual.

    First the synopsis for the next episode:
    “Shane leads an expedition to a desolate island off the coast of Nova Scotia, where he believes the secret of the cure lies hidden. On the trek to the island’s interior, Rebekah and Elena continue their bitter rivalry, Stefan does his best to keep the peace, and Damon accuses Shane of leading them into a trap. Bonnie and Jeremy try to figure out the message of the Hunter’s mark, while Shane reveals more of the legend of Silas and the witch Qetsiyah, along with his own personal history. Back in Mystic Falls, Tyler confronts Klaus, and Caroline is caught up in the violence that follows.”

    I am so not surprised. Of course it’s in North America, where else should it be right? Man this is convenient. And are we to assume that man seemingly attacking Jeremy is an “Indian”… Yeah, not gonna comment on that now, I will save that for the next episode. We will see.

    Now to the episode and your recap:

    “These are the sage words of advice “Mostly Reformed” Villain Damon Salvatore…”

    Ok, looks like this was some bad attempt to be snarky and you don’t really think that this statement on Damon’s part is really “sage.” :/
    So we definitely agree that it is BS. I think you hit a mark there when you say that “the difference between a redeemable TV villain and an irredeemable one really just comes down to . . . whose name is higher on the credits.”
    Think about it, many characters did far less worse things (and far less often) than the main four but they just get killed and Plec herself once stated that she wondered how much people would forgive Damon. Well apparently a lot of people forgive Damon everything. Not that this suprises me the way the writers also write him. Since its Damon of course the writers will act as though he is so smart and so wise, despite the fact that nothing in his behavior or past actually justifies that. Or can anybody here name a reason why he should know about actual restraint or how to train somebody in combat? Why should the guy who had no stable relationship and is an emotional gummi bear (the Disney version) be an expert of feelings? How should this guy know about doing good things when he supposedly spent 150 years avenging himself on his brother? Something the writers seem to have forgotten also. Actually, is there anything that they haven’t forgotten about the background of these characters?
    Seriously, what are they doing? What are they thinking? Be bad with purpose makes you worth forgiving? What do these writers smoke? Is that what they believe? This is, again, bullshit. There is no such thing as bad without purpose. You always do something with an intention and therefore a purpose in mind. The only question is how far in advance you plan.
    Not to mention that this is the same as saying “it’s ok what he does to you as long as he does it out of love” or “for the greater good”. Or the even better known “the end justifies the means,” which is especially obvious with Damon and his portrayal since the start of the show and more and more obvious with the other characters, of course here the chant is “FOR ELENA!!!. No matter what he does, no matter how he behaves he is always forgiven, in-show and out-show alike and he is treated like a hero, as if his going about things is a good way and the problem is that they do it time and again and no one ever calls him out for this. The only differences between the characters in this regard is how often they do it.
    But this is not the right way; it is definitely wrong. These things not only make what someone does not one bit better but it’s actually a very slippery slope into darkness. Well it is in real life, but this is TVD so of course it is presented as something good and right. And this is what bothers me about shows such as this. According to them you have to be the bad guy to tell inconvenient truths and good guys only tell you what you want to hear. So in a perverse mix of morals the bad guys are the good guys and the good guys are the bad guys. What the fuck???!!!!
    So Bill Maher is bad according to these writers because he tells inconvenient truths?

    and:

    (Actually he seems to describe the writers as well: they are unable to end bad things)

    Not only this, that he “loves Elena” is always the reason why people forgive Damon time and again no matter how abusive he is and how his goodness, the little he has, is basically just there because of Elena, at least Stefan tried for himself long before Elena came along even if Lexi had a huge part in it, but Damon did no such thing, he barely even tried, he kills without remorse.

    And maybe his actions are a sign of love, but they are not a sign of respect and they are definitely a sign of patronizing. He doesn’t offer advice, he doesn’t offer council, he offers orders and nothing else. And these idiot writers give him one talent after another. Think about it: how would that guy actually know about love and feelings in general? How does he know how to train someone or even how to kill vampires the way a human hunter would? Why should Lexi’s take on things be worse than his? Why? Any reason for this? No. He is just grafted this way and nothing more. This is not even a character anymore. Are there even any real characters left in this show?
    Seriously, what are these writers thinking? They target this stuff at teenagers and they throw out such crap?
    Of course one could say, and many probably would, that this is just fiction, not to be taken seriously. Yeah, I heard that before, but think about it. Is that true?
    Look at this:

    And this:

    And this:

    (Ps. The author actually likes the Hunger Games, however what she says has merit in my eyes and is especially fitting for TVD)

    Finally this:

    I chose these examples for a reason because TVD is perfectly in line with many problems shown in it. But who actually calls them out for it?
    And let’s face it, who actually takes the time and really researches things? How many people actually learn more than what they see in fiction?
    Not many as it seems. So fiction definitely has a big role in shaping perceptions and attitudes.

    What is wrong with Delena and TVD is general is the same that Maher said about Michael Jackson:

    They haven’t done anything good in a long time and people still reward them for it. It’s “fragile, overindulgant, childish, indebt, on drugs and over the hill.” And the, possibly, worst is they are surrounded by people who tell them that “they are great” and their “destructive behavior is totally normal.” This episode in many ways was like an essay I once read about typical werewolf tropes and how they could be awesome and the same is true for this show. There are so many things that when used right could be very good and actually make it a good show but they waste them. Totally waste them all in favor of their stupid and dysfunctional families and relationships.
    For instance the whole stuff with resisting the compulsion could as well be explained with Stefan fighting something similarly strong for a long time and restraining himself to drinking less nutritious animal blood, while Damon pretty much satisfies his hunger whenever he wants. But no, they have to make it about “love” again.
    The same with the sire bond, instead of the magical enslavement it was at first they suddenly had it as some sort of gratitude.
    The same with witches, they were the only ones who could stand against vampires and now they are their slaves.
    They wasted all these and other opportunities, the last one was Connor, time and again.
    The show could be awesome, but they choose not to be. Or better at least Plec seems to think its awesome and never listens to constructive criticism.
    I like a low storytelling standard; but in parodies, not in shows that want to be taken seriously.

    The intro to this episodes is clear evidence that these writers are not capable or willing to write anything non-Delena or Stelena for more than a few episodes in mind, no matter what direction:
    “Unlikely alliances are formed”????!!!!!!
    MY ASS!!!!
    Alliances with Klaus have been formed one way or another time and again since the end of season 2. So only idiots would still call that “unlikely.”

    You know what I instantly disliked about the first Stefan scene?
    When he wakes up, he looks around and has a questioning face. As if he doesn’t know where he is or what he has done. In the last episode he was totally sober and knew exactly what he did and now the writers/director have him act as if he was drunk or on drunks or something? Do they no longer check what they did with the characters in the last episode?

    I think it would have been great had Rebekah said FUCK YOU to Klaus. But no, not here. On this channel you can rip people to pieces, cut their heads off, rip their hearts out but swearing is not allowed:

    You know you’ve got a point:
    Where is Caroline? Will we know tomorrow or will it stay a secret? Seriously, they have a 80s theme dance (where do they get all the money? Seriously is there any doubt that this show is there to make viewers forget about money and economy?) and the one person who is neurotic about it and uses such events to relieve stress, somehow anyway, doesn’t show up and the magical negro/plot device fills her role? What? Are the writers trying to convince us that they suddenly care about Bonnie being there for more than just magic? Yeeaaaahhhhh rrrrrriiiiiiigggggghhhhhttttttttt. I believe that when Johnny K. returns from the dead.

    “I’d rather strangle this balloon than be having this conversation.”
    Totally understandable, who wants to know what happened in the last episode. The writers don’t care so why should we as viewers. Right?

    Now there is suddenly vervain back in the water supply and the new mayor has his “sources”…
    Plot convenience!!!!!
    Just like when they had all that vervain blown up with the church. Seriously it was just there to get the status quo back and the main lamers could get about their business without being constantly hunted and present as their lame ass drama. What else could it be? That pastor was able to capture Rebekah but he was so stupid to collect all the vervain? And now vervain is back to add some “suspense” to it.
    Not to mention that they treat this stuff as though it’s so difficult to get vervain. Not that I expect the writers to have that knowledge, but just for the viewers who are hardcore enough to have followed my comment until now:
    Vervain is another name for the genus Verbana which contains about 250 species, with the majority native to Americas and Europe. So not exactly a genus with few species. Even if with “vervain” they mean Verbena officinalis or Common Vervain which is native to Europe, that one is widely naturalized outside of Europe and is considered an invasive plant so it most likely is very robust and could easily grow in Mystic Falls or be used as an ornamental plant, which it sometimes is in real life.
    Just to make clear how ridiculous all this is in a fictional universe that is so close to our own.

    “Do you have any idea how many supernatural creatures live here? You do realize that by vervaining supply, you are going to ensure that none of them can shower, right? Do you know how bad this place is going to stink, in about two days?“
    That’s a pretty good point. Wasn’t vervain in the water supply in season 2 as well? How did they shower?

    If just the speech of Bonnie’s dad would have any lasting consequences. It was another small bit of realism. But this is TVD, the show to advocate, rich, white, beautiful people with rich, white, problems. So of course they are not gonna deal with real issues or actually do something that would actually expose what a dysfunctional world they created.

    “And yet “All Powerful Original Vampire” Kol was on his knees, inexplicably screaming in anguish from this lackluster demonstration. So, Not-Yet-Dark-Willow 2.0 must have been doing something right. . .”

    So suddenly Bonnie can actually take on an Original vampire. Well nothing is gonna come out of it. As the good Magical Negro that she is she would never kill an Original on her own accord. No, only when it is convenient for her white superiors, then Bonnie will do it. Or can anybody here give me a reason for not trying to kill Kol except that it would interfere with Elena’s plan?
    And wow she can stand up against Klaus. But the Magical Negro doesn’t really act on her own accord. Bonnie is no more free than she was before. And in season 2 they needed 100 witches to give Bonnie the power to stand against Klaus and that power could kill her, but apparently “expression” is far less dangerous. How convenient. These writers suck. Not even black magic they can get right.

    Not to mention that her current “storyline” is currently totally in line with her Magical Negro portrayal. Not only does she not actually take on any Original by herself and try to kill him, all the interactions between her and her family is not about Bonnie herself but about her status as a witch. Look back people and you will see that every storyline she had since season 1 revolved around her status as a witch and not her status as a person. The writers could just as well erase the name Bonnie and replace it with witch and it would make no difference whatsoever, because that is what she is: the show’s witch. Bonnie is the shows convenient plot device to get things going and which can be discarded when it’s no longer needed.

    ” Riiiiight, because the Original Vampire’s Super Hearing is strong enough that he can hear telephone conversations going on UPSTAIRS and OUTSIDE HOUSE WALLS, but not telephone conversations that are DROWNED OUT BY THE DULL ROAR OF AN ENGINE.”
    TVD, they don’t care about consistency. I doubt they care about anything other than selling their product.

    “Anywhoo, Elena wants Stefan to use the Make-Originals-Take-a-Nap dagger on Rebekah (or, rather, have Matt do it for him), so that Jeremy can kill Kol, and Bonnie can “do something” to Klaus. And, just like that, the Band is back together again . . .”
    You know when she said that she also said: “Vampires can’t use the dagger.”
    That is what these stupid writers let Elena say. Despite the fact that in this very episode only minutes before that they had Rebecca referring to the many times Klaus daggered her. Are the Originals suddenly not vampires anymore?

    “ELENA: “Yooooo hooo, I’m flirting with you, and plying you with alcohol! It’s your job to love me! Don’t forget what show you’re on!”
    KOL: “Shut up, wench. I’m in the middle of beating Grand Theft Auto.”
    ELENA: “You’re sooo not surviving this episode . . .”
    Why not stick to what you do best, Kol? Making people stab themselves, and clocking them on the head with baseball bats?”

    Making Elena kill herself? Way too realistic and smart. It could actually kill Elena and this will not happen on this show.
    I think you are right with your fictitious dialogue. When somebody is not actually crazy for Elena one way or another that person is going to die or simply disappear from the show.

    “If this were really an 80′s movie, you’d be the bitchy girl, who, dated James Spader, and got screwed in the end, while Molly Ringwald got the boy. But since you were sleeping during that decade, we can pretend it’s the other way around.”
    The eighties and Stefan’s talk just another nostalgia tour. Well are the good ol’ days really that good?
    You know what this reminds me of? This:

    “In my second favorite scene in the episode”
    Your second favorite scene? Oh I think I know what your favorite scene was.

    Wow that sentence of Klaus about Elena just overlooking what Damon had done to her is the first smart sentence we heard him use. But then again he is the bad guy now and so of course they must have Damon talk about forgiveness and stuff so Damon must be right. The same as with hallu-Katherine. What she said was absolute truth and so was what hypnotized Jeremy said. But noooooo. Not on this show. This is TVD and the truth about the three lamers must be presented as something bad, as a lie and the true lie, the true pathology, must be portrayed as healthy.
    And all this stuff is there for Klaroline also. Man this is pathetic.
    Speaking about pathetic: What is the reason for Klaus loving Caroline? What is it? She mumbles about not wanting to die and suddenly Klaus is in love? You know for a show that doesn’t want to be compared to Twilight they write so much of it exactly like Twilight.
    Copying Elena and Damon is about the worst thing anybody could ever do. They are horrible and disgusting people. Next to them Jace and Clary from the Mortal Instruments are paragons of morality and rationality. Even Finchel is less annoying than Elena and her dead suitors and that says something.
    And Damon’s “I am the bad guy speech” is so ridiculous. First you don’t have to be the bad guy to get things done and second there is no such thing is “no reason” or “no purpose.” Damon did plenty of bad stuff simply because it was fun to him. Portraying him now as the misunderstood hero is bullshit. He is not, he never was and only a deluded Delena or general Damon fan would ever think that. And such people would never even consider that this is true what I just wrote.

    Good that you didn’t fall for this bullshit.

    By the way, I stopped watching Glee. This show is just no good in my mind anymore. Various reasons can be found in the following videos (not 100% identical, but at least 90 %):

    (Actually what she says about Finchel is one of the main reasons I can’t stand Stelena and Delena, or any of the three lamers: Overexposure. There is too much of them. I am sick of it. Get them in the background, give other characters and actors a real chance, stop rerunning the same lame “drama triangle” over and over again. ENOUGH!!!!)
    So Glee is irrelevant for me now. I am giving DTLA and Being Human a chance now. They have eyecandy as well and should anybody think Darryl Stephens is not eye candy, watch this:

    Also over here the Berlinale Filmfestival starts on 07Feb2013 so I will be pretty busy with films. 🙂
    I hope I will be able to see this film:

    “SUPER SUCKY is when your ex-boyfriend barges in and tries to kill your vampire mother, so she suffocates you, and drugs you, so you can’t leave the house . . .”
    Wow Jeremy can control himself around Elena the whole time but he freaks out with Bonnie’s mom. Wow, so realistic and believable. Absolutely no sign of bad writing.
    (no need for the sarcasm sign here, too obvious)
    Interesting, the white parents quickly accepted their supernatural kids, but the blacks don’t… Hm? Coincidence? The show doesn’t have a good record in that regard. Not with the way they treated Bonnie and her family and basically every non-white person so far.
    I guess this whole thing with Bonnie and the expression is the supposed rebelling of her. Well maybe it could be a good storyline if it would actually be anything more than her typical Magical Negro role in which she basically does something a big white character wants her to do, even if it’s just a big white and fat woman with the initials J.P.

    ” Unlike some of the other decades this series has represented, you can tell that the 80′s is one that a majority of the show’s writers have actually lived through, and thoroughly enjoyed, tacky wardrobe choices notwithstanding. Paul Wesley (speaking in Stefan’s voice, of course), who, himself is an 80′s baby, seems almost wistful, as he describes movies like Say Anything, The Princess Bride, and The Breakfast Club.”
    And you know what this talk about the eighties reminded me also off?
    This:

    (nice devil isn’t he?)

    Well not this particular scene but rather the movie Easy A:

    where the protagonist had a liking to the romance scene in 80s movies.

    The gifs you have look like the scenes shown in the film, are they from Easy A?

    ” And while, as far as plot points go, this scene did little to advance the main story, it did serve to reveal a side of both Rebekah and Stefan that we haven’t seen before . . . their shared sentimentality and sense of nostalgia. Plus, I thought it was a little kinky that Rebekah’s “koala corsage,” was grabbing at her boob the whole time they danced . . .”
    Actually I saw nothing I didn’t know already. I already knew that the writers made Stefan a nostalgia freak and Rebekah longs for high school. The 80s stuff was totally irrelevant to me and will be, take my words.

    “And kill him they do! While Kol is being distracted by vervain water and shiny objects (like Elena’s boobs), Elena grabs the stake from him, tosses it to JerBear, and allows the latter to finish the job.”

    Why can’t Kole compel Elena to kill Jeremy? I mean since she is a vampire now chances are good that she has no vervain in her blood.
    I noticed just in this episode: Kole has a barely suppressed Australian accent did you notice? Are the actors that bad or do the writers not care or are they doing that deliberately?
    And apparently some people cannot keep British and Australian accents apart:

    Idiots, “british” (technically English) and Australian can be easily told apart and if someone is not sure just check the actors. Both Kol and Rebecca are played by Australians.

    Seriously, why couldn’t they have written Klaus the way they did Kole? Why do they waste potential and good writing on secondary characters and write the major ones so badly?
    No, having a mutual interest and thereby working together is not an alliance at all. Of course not. How could anybody ever think that Elena is in alliance with Klaus?

    Of course Elena is a Mary Sue vampire. The fact that they try to hide that with that stupid scene with Kole speaks only that at least some writers noticed what a monster they created and now they are trying to dispel that and wash their hands clean. You know just like they tried to hide their racism by having Bonnie’s father travel a lot so to get attention away from the fact that their racism made them ignore him for three seasons.

    Wow looks like Kole had his own group of slaves, ups “witches” of course, they are not slaves. Slavery doesn’t exist in TVD. It never did.
    Well, the servants of nature running around with an Original vampire… What could possibly be wrong with this picture? Well nothing of course, since this is TVD and here the run of the mill witch variety is black and serves white ubervampires whenever there is an opportunity. Seriously only idiots think that the choice of “Africa”, “Haiti” and “New Orleans” is coincidence (think of Haitian Vodou, Lousiana Voodoo and West African Vodun). All three regions are in the average mind associated with the stereotype of witchcraft, black people and voodoo/vodun/vodou. Es evident:

    Wow. That story of Kole sucked just like the one in the previous episode. And I wonder when the writers will start to tell the viewers that evolution didn’t happen and that the world is only 6000 years old. Seriously, we already had the family issues, that gays and single moms have no place, that black people cannot be anything different than servants, that people were smarter before books came along, that the modern world doesn’t bring anything good, that women need to stay in relationships, that being a “true believer” is very important because it shows you the truth, history and thereby archaeology unreliable and now there is faith. Faith is the true way, it has nothing to do with superstition. All these blood massacres and persecutions. That wasn’t faith, it was something else, it was atheism of course, people that lost faith are the stupid and dangerous ones.
    Wow, next stop: Promoting creationism! And with good reason, creationists do so much good things for western culture:

    Wow, imagine it; it is so good its proponents are rewarded with the Golden Crocoduck each year.

    Even Penn & Teller said in 2003 how great it is:

    Wouldn’t be surprised if the writers go against science in general and preach that evolution makes you an atheist. Not that this is a correct assumption to begin with:

    And just in case someone here things I imagine things:
    Just ask yourself how often the past has been romanticized and white washed on this show and how often it was shown realistic and critical? And how often did this show actual react to serious issues and didn’t play them down from the start? Any example come to mind where they were actually serious about important topics?

    You know, when I heard Jeremy say “that is Bonnie” at the door I thought “If that is Bonnie, I’ll suck my own dick.”
    And I meant it, but I didn’t have to, because I knew it couldn’t be Bonnie. TVD is not capable of not using stereotypical scenes like that.

    Wow, Kole couldn’t evade an arrow. So realistic.

    Wow a plan of Elena worked, for the first time in who knows how long. Well we can’t call this show sexist then can we? Actually yes we can. Even more so. Not only was it the first time for a very long time, if ever. Kole was also surprisingly physically weak. He should have been able to throw Elena around like a doll, no way should she be able to press him against a wall or surprise him with any attack. Wow, these Originals must have run into some black witch, no wait, witches are nearly always black here so that was unnecessary. Anyway, they must be under some spell to be so weak that Elena can suddenly keep Kole out. Remember the days when Elijah could crash a door with some stones? And now Kole has trouble shoving Elena away. A witch I tell you it must be a witch.

    And isn’t it astounding that a running around figure in a room full of wood causes no other fire?
    A with must have enchanted it. Perhaps Emily.

    (Really, Klaus? You go through all that trouble to find something, and then you want to throw it away? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to go along with Kol’s plan, and prevent the cure from being found at all?)

    Klaus is hurt because his homicidal brother is dead. Yeah, “family is important” is definitely back.
    Like I said, turn now that we are nearing the 14th episode. Suddenly Klaus doesn’t care anymore and just wanted to destroy the hybrids…. Yeah, soooooooo surprising.

    “Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome the Scooby Gang reunites for my favorite scene of the episode. At first, nothing much happens. Damon and Elena hug and kiss, but can’t do much else, because all those pesky other people are there watching.”

    I knew it. 🙂

    “Elena, of course, thinks this idea is crap. Because she’s the fairest one of all, gosh darn it! And she’s not going to have to put up with another lady who has intimate knowledge of which Salvatore brother has the bigger weiner. No sir! Not on the Everybody Loves Elena Show! ”

    That is the actual reason. No other reason is there from the writers POV. Rebekah dares to come between Elena and her men. And again she acts like it is any business of hers whom Stefan screws. She acts hurt. This egoistic little bitch and she is portrayed as the hero:

    “The two are about to beat the crap out of one another for the 85,000 time this series . . .”
    Clear over exposure. Been there done that. They simply can’t end bad stuff. The same thing over and over again. They screw the same girl and then are mad at each other and get violent. And said girl doesn’t do anything to stop it.

    “JerBear starts growling, and ripping off his shirt, like he’s just been told he got the starring role in Hulk: The Musical. And I start laughing hysterically at his expense, until I see his muscles all covered in dead vampire tattoos. Then, suddenly, I fall silent, mesmerized by the hotness of it all.”

    I guess that is the reason why there are no pics of Bonnie and Damon admiring Jeremy’s body. You can’t blame that on me, they are there. 😉

    It takes time to work for Kole’s line to die off and the tattoo to spread? Shouldn’t at least Kole’s death have some effect on it right away? And Finn’s line died off about one hour after his death. And even if someone doubts that, at least two vampires did. And if Stefan had time to tell Rebecca at least 1 hour must have passed and at the very least the tattoo should have grown a little bit. At least they didn’t make it that Kole didn’t sire any vampires. But despite this second mass death of vampires I tell you the bigger vampire community will not react. Also it was all just so McQueen could show of his body, not that I mind that, and to have the whole thing sped up. Not that anybody things that Klaus will die. Not that he has his own show now.
    I like McQueen’s body, but that is all there was. Such things can be done better and when I want to see naked male flesh and nothing else I would watch porn.

    One final thing before I forget it:
    Rebecca whines about wanting to be human, so did Damon, so did Stefan, so does Elena. But there is one problem:
    THEY ARE NOT ACTING LIKE IT!!!!
    They just whine and nothing more, they do not even integrate with normal humans and such, they do not act like normal humans. They alienate themselves time and again and now they whine about their status.
    Do it like in Being Human:

    But no, they don’t even try that.

  5. Amanda Russell

    Literally, funniest recap of I have ever read! Props to the writer 🙂

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