Risk and Reward . . . according to
that teacher with a SERIOUS case of the Crazy Eyes Coach Finstock, these are the two principals that guide the stock market.
And while that’s true, I would argue that the concept of Risk and Reward guides every aspect of human existence.
Think about it this way . . . Throughout our lives, we are faced with about a million choices, everything from the small (What am I going to eat for lunch today? How should I wear my hair?), to the huge (What career path will I take? Do I want to get married, and have kids?)
Some choices are riskier than others. The riskier the choice, the bigger the reward you reap, if you succeed in taking it. But if you fail, the consequences you suffer from making a riskier choice, are inevitably much larger than the ones that stem from making a safe choice . . .
This week on Teen Wolf, the members of our Scooby Gang all engaged in some pretty risky behaviors. Did their risks pay off? Would you have made the same choices they did? Are you feeling lucky, Wolfbangers?
No? Well, on to the recap, anyway . . .
[As always, special thanks to Andre, for the awesome screencaps . . . and for instinctively knowing things like that I’m going to make fun of Allison for misspelling “logos.” And making it about ten times easier for me to do that.]
Stiles Stilinski: Sex with a minor in a room filled with glass bottles, and expensive wine? YES. Unprotected sex? NO!
Stiles’ perpetual celibacy, and frustrating . . . shirtfulness (?) . . .
. . . particularly in a world where all his male co-stars seem to REALLY love the ladies, and HATE cotton . . .
. . . have pretty much become a running gag on the show.
But in the opening moments of Episode 2, Season 3, it seems like Stiles might be able to FINALLY cash in that much-treasured v-card . . . or at least show us a little peek of skin, while attempting to do so . . .
Invited to the party of a childhood friend, who he hasn’t seem in quite some time, poor Stiles’ eyes seem in danger of popping out of his skull, when the same girl with whom he once played Power Rangers, is now mauling his face with her tongue, pushing him into a basement wine cellar, and aggressively propositioning him for no-frills, first time, sex.
Since Stiles is arguably the moral backbone of this show, I instantly feared that our hero would end up going all “After School Special” on Heather, lecturing her about the need to make ones first time “special,” by doing it with “someone you love” . . .
Yes, yes . . . I know, that’s technically the “right answer.” But Stiles is a hormonally charged teenage boy, for crying out loud . . . a teenage boy, who has just been offered sex with a hot teenage girl! For Stiles to act any other way than exactly how he did (excited, yet fumbling and ridiculously awkward), would be unrealistic for the character . . .
Stiles’ “I’m about to get laid” dance . . .
But lest you think Jeff Davis and co. have NO sense of moral responsibility, condoms instantly enter the scene . . .
Indeed, both Heather and Stiles agree that there is “No Glove, No Love,” as far as they are both concerned . . . even if the only “glove” available, might well be about ten sizes too big for Stiles . . . and might just fit around his weiner like a Where’s Waldo hat . . .
Stiles took a risk coming down to the cellar with Heather. And in running back upstairs to collect the condom, he juggles between two more risks: (1) the risk of STDs and/or Heather prospectively appearing on the next season of Teen Mom versus (2) the risk of her getting brutally mauled by an unseen supernatural creature, in the two minutes it takes him to retrieve a condom from her upstairs bathroom.
“NOOOO! Now, I’ll never get to learn what it feels like to have sex with Dylan O’Brien! Thanks a lot, Unseen Bottle Breaking Killer!”
Sorry Stiles . . . no reward for you . . . not this time, anyway . . .
Now, about that mauling . . . On first glance, it appeared like some unforeseen force was breaking all the wine bottles at Heather’s feet. (Would someone tell me again, why she was barefoot?)
(Does NO ONE wear shoes on this show?)
But, if you recall, after Heather was taken through the window, Stiles returned to a squeaky clean cellar.
This scenario presents the possibility that (1) the broken bottles were merely a hallucination, inflicted on Heather, to cause her to move back up against the window (making her easy pickings for whatever was on the other side); and (2) since, as far as we know, Heather is a human, with no relation to the wolfpack world, there may be another big bad lurking in Beacon Hills other than the Alpha Pack . . . possibly the one that is exerting its influence on all the animals in the area . . .
But really, all that’s just plot filler. The importance of this whole scene, for me anyway, was that poor Stiles, still remains sans popped cherry . . . and we never got to see him take off his shirt. A moment of silence, please, dear Wolfbangers, for another chance to see Stiles pects, crashed and burned . . .
But hey, look on the bright side! Thanks to Heather (well, actually, Heather’s “big boned” brother . . . though it’s probably best we don’t think about that) now every girl (and guy) in Stiles’ economics class, thinks he has an extra large package . . .
Perhaps, there’s some hope for our unlucky-in-love hero yet . . .
Isaac Lahey: Trust undead psycho hipster? NO! Willingly get spine-raped by undead psycho hipster? YES!
I’ll confess I wasn’t exactly on Team Isaac last season.
But I must admit, the kid is growing on me . . .
For an abused child with MAJOR daddy and trust issues, Isaac comes off as surprisingly innocent and childlike . . . a guy who is so deathly in need of a father figure, that he is seemingly willing to trust any weird wolf man, or hot biker chick with advanced weaponry, who shouts orders his way.
Well . . . almost anybody . . . There are some folks even Isaac doesn’t like . . .
And while Isaac’s bizarre innocence, in the face of a life filled with literally nothing but sh*t, is risky and dangerous, it’s also oddly refreshing . . .
Because Isaac could have just as easily become a sullen broody loner like Derek, or a sassy sociopath like Peter . . .
Instead, he’s Ronald Weasley with fangs . . .
Though Isaac clearly has qualms about being molested by Peter, so that the latter can “read his mind” regarding the possible whereabouts of Boyd and Erika, he quickly agrees to do it, simply because Derek told him it was cool . . .
“Whatever you say, Sexy!”
And what about Peter? The big bad of Season 1 (and half of Season 2), who made his grand entrance to a THEME song, now sports super tight hipster pants, walks with a sassy swagger, and has the mustache of a gangster from HBO’s Boardwalk Empire?
It seems that Teen Wolf is following in the TVD tradition of converting former Big Baddies into uncomfortable allies, just in time for the Bigger Bad to come along . . .
My theory? By the second half of this season The EVIL Alpha Pack will also inevitably join forces with Derek & Co., just in time to battle whatever the heck it was that pulled Heather from the window of her wine cellar . . .
But I’m getting ahead of myself here . . . The important thing is that “EVIL” Peter Hale is back. And though he’s not nearly as evil as he used to be, boyfriend looks goooooood . . .
OK . . . so you know, when you were a little kid, and you’d go to the doctor to get shots. And the doctor, or your mom, or whoever was standing next to you at the time, would always say something like, “This hurts me, more than it hurts you?”
And, even as a little kid, you knew that was a load of crap, because THAT PERSON, wasn’t the one getting BLUDGEONED WITH A NEEDLE IN THEIR ASS!
Well . . . in this case, mind raping Isaac really did seem to hurt Peter more than it hurt Isaac . . .
I mean check out that facial expression . . . That is most definitely the opposite of an “O” face, if you catch my drift . . .
More like an “OH NO!” face . . .
Based on doing . . . whatever the f*&k it was Peter did to Isaac, he figured out that Baby Wolf had, in fact, stumbled into the Alpha Pack’s lair, and located Boyd and Erika!
But . . . he had no clue where they actually were . . .
And the pair would pretty much be dead, in less than twenty four hours, if the Scooby Gang didn’t do something to rescue them . . .
Yeah . . . mind rape is totally overrated . . .
Derek Hale: Accept help from the two pretty girls who tried to have you killed last season? NO! Accept help from Stiles, and that new-fangled toy called the Internet? YES!
If you are one of the five people who have read my Teen Wolf fanfiction, you know that I find the Derek / Allison dynamic interesting. I mean, think about it. Allison was raised on fear and hatred of werewolves. Derek was raised on fear and hatred of the hunters, who he grew up believing had murdered his family. Allison blames Derek for the death of his mother. Derek blames Allison for going psycho in Season 2, and trying to kill him, and his entire pack.
There’s angst there . . . tension . . . a lifetime of hatred. And yet, at their core, Allison and Derek are very much alike. They are both products of tough and aggressive upbringings. They mask angst and sadness, with physical toughness, and violence. They are both trying to be better than those that came before them, but aren’t quite sure they have enough emotional strength, and “goodness” in them to accomplish that . . .
That’s why, even though the scene during which Allison and Lydia confronted Derek with the matching marks on their arms, and were brutally rebuffed by him, was pretty much filler, it was also, oddly, one of my favorite scenes from the episode . . .
Crystal Reed and Tyler Hoechlin somehow managed to convey all that complexity in the two short scenes they shared with one another. Derek, understandably, couldn’t bring himself to accept Allison’s help, or her explanations regarding the possible origins of the symbol on her arm . . . (He needed to hear the same information relayed to him again, later, by Stiles, before he was willing to act on it . . . a decision, which arguably lost him crucial moments in the rescue of Boyd and Erika.)
As for Allison, though she was willing to put aside her personal feelings to bring this information to Derek, she couldn’t do so without reiterating her disgust of what he represents . . .
But beneath all this, I saw something else growing between these two characters . . . grudging respect, and maybe, just maybe a hint of sexual tension.
Do I think the writers will go there with Derek and Allison, this season? Maybe not. But the opportunity exists. And the writers would be unwise to completely ignore it . . .
P.S. How did the Biker Chick manage to brand the bank logo on the girl’s arms, just using her bare hands? Was she a tattoo artist from the future? It would certainly explain that weird light saber-y weapon she de-wolfied the twins with, last week.
On a lighter note, I love that Derek Hale is a 24 year old guy, who . . . even though he literally may have been raised in a barn . . . at least went to high school . . . and yet still seemingly has no clue how to search for things on Google.
It looks like someone needs to get some private tutoring lessons from Stiles, STAT! Am I right, Sterek fans?
Isaac Lahey: Risk death by allowing ones self to be submerged shirtless into a bath of ice water? YES! Risk death by allowing ones self to be submerged pantsless in a bath of ice water? NO!
As if last week’s stomach splicing, and nipple electrocution, and this week’s, spine splicing weren’t painful enough, Poor Isaac was forced to endure even more torture, in the latter half of this week’s episode, when the Scooby Gang tried to DROWN HIM IN AN ICE BATH TO PUT HIM IN A TRANCE, just because THIS GUY told them to do it?
Yikes! Who knew werewolf hypnosis was so complicated? Whatever happened to swinging a pocket watch in front of someone’s face, and telling them they were getting sleepy?
Anywhoo, with little encouragement from the rest of the gang, Isaac gladly took off his shirt, like the good little MTV Heartthrob he is destined to become, but kept his pants on . . . because . . . you know . . . shrinkage . . .
Perhaps, he felt self conscious, under the watchful eye of Stiles and his XXL condom stash . . .
Trance-fied, VERY cold, and shrinkage free Isaac reveals to the rest of the wolf pack some crucial information about Boyd’s and Erika’s whereabouts . . .
. . . but also that Erika might not be so much . . . um . . . alive . . . anymore.
In other news, there appears to be another mysterious she-wolf incarcerated with Boyd . . .
As Yoda would say, “Thickening . . . the plot is . . .”
Derek Hale and Allison Argent: Break into abandoned, Alpha Pack-filled, bank with little plan or forethought? YES! Heed the warnings of others? NO!
Stiles Stilinski is my hero, not only because he’s better at doing Fake Google Searches than Allison Argent . . .
But also because he somehow managed to make the logic leap, from a picture of his dad in a newspaper article about an old bank heist, to eventually getting the old floorplans for that bank, and being able to determine exactly how the crooks broke in, all those years ago . ..
I’m telling you . . . in an alternate universe, Stiles and Derek are detectives in a crime procedural buddy cop comedy that my mom watches, after Law and Order SVU. . .
Need proof? How about this scene, where Derek proves to Stiles that he can break through a wall of concrete, simply by giving his more diminutive pal, a fist bumping high five . . .
Now, that must have been some pretty impressive fisting . . .
Not as impressive as this fisting though . . .
Yet, fisting or no fisting, Derek ultimately decides to bring Scott on his rescue mission, instead of Stiles, because “logical thinkers” tend to be major buzz kills on rescue missions . . . even logical thinkers with big weiners . . .
Allison also figures out that the Alphas are hiding Boyd and Erika in the old abandoned bank. And how just she get in, you ask? By walking in the front door, of course . . .
“That was easy.”
Hmmm . . . maybe Stiles isn’t as great of a thinker as I thought. After all, he just got bested by the girl who doesn’t know how to spell “logos.”
Boy this bank is becoming a Teen Wolf Reunion special. First, Allison runs into the school shrink from last season, who rushes her into a cleaning supply closet for her own safety. Though, honestly, I’m not really sure how safe that closet is, considering the state of Allison’s new “roommate.”
Ouch Erika . . . looking a little rough, aren’t we? Someone’s in need of a SERIOUS makeover.
What? She’s dead? NOOOOOO! Not Erika! Someone get that biker chick to jump start her nipples, like she did for Isaac?
She’s dead too? Ohhhh . . . never mind. Nice knowing ya, Wolf Barbie . . .
Talk about Bad Timing. Not two seconds after Scott and Derek arrive at the bank, do Stiles and Peter, back home, realize that the Alphas have actually lured Scott and Derek there, as part of an EEEEEVIIIIIL plan.
You see, this bank is made of some weird material that scatters moon light. And the Alphas have basically been keeping Boyd, Erika, and . . . Mystery Girl there for three months (I hope they at least let them shower), preventing them from turning into a werewolf, just so Derek’s busting through the ceiling would expose them to the moonlight, making them go super apesh*t.
That’s a whole lotta work, just to kill a couple of wolves, you probably could have just pounced on and killed on your own, right?
Except, here’s the thing . . . last week, we learned that the Alpha’s ultimate goal is to have Derek snuff out Scott, as a potential threat. And, perhaps, getting him to do that will involve manipulating Derek into joining their pack. From what we’ve learned in the past, the Alphas in this pack, all murdered members of their entire pack, in order to become part of this one. Perhaps, it was the Alpha’s intent to capture Derek’s entire pack, and make them all moon-crazed, so Derek would have to put them down, thus inadvertently rendering himself eligible for membership in the ULTIMATE Alpha Pack.
I suspect they didn’t count on Isaac getting away, or Erika . . . possibly committing suicide to save her pack, or getting mortally wounded while trying to escape to warn Derek?
I’m still guessing here. But if the pack’s ultimate goal is to strong arm Derek’s loyalty, it makes sense that the other female wolf they captured, has even stronger ties to Derek than Boyd, Erika, or even Isaac . . .
She is . . . wait for it . . . his BABY SISTER!
Huh . . . you say . . . but I thought Derek’s sister was DEAD?
I thought everyone in Derek’s family was dead . . . well . . . except for Derek . . . and now Peter . . . and well . . .
YOU THOUGHT WRONG!
You could just smell the sibling rivalry in the room . . . along with the ammonia from the cleaning closet, and the stench of three-month unwashed werewolves. This is going to be GOOOOD!
Boyd and . . . CORA . . . that’s her name by the way, warn Derek and Scott to leave, before they fully wolf out.
But then, someone traps them in place with a circle of MOUNTAIN ASSSSSSSHHHHHH . . .
Who would do such a thing? Who would betray our heroes?
Mrs. Morell, you traitorous hussy! And after your friend the vet worked so hard to almost kill Isaac in an ice cold bath to help him find you!
Some people just don’t know how to show gratitude . . .
Worry not, Wolf Friends. Allison, fresh out of her ammonia closet / grave is here to rescue you. She pushes aside the mountain ash, freeing those two rabid werewolves from captivity, and saving Derek and Scott from inevitable demise . . .
I mean, so what if these two end up devouring all of Beacon Hills? At least our two sexy stud muffins are safe, right? Priorities . . .
Derek, who has never exactly been one for subtlety, decides this is the perfect time to force Scott to tell Allison about that time her dearly departed mother tried to murder his ass . . . AWK-WARD. . .
“Whatchu talkin about, Derek?”
Meanwhile, back at the Martin House, Lydia wakes up screaming . . . again.
Oh no, Teen Wolf! Are you trying to tell me that this entire episode was Lydia’s dream? No? Maybe she’s upset, because she just found out they canceled Smash?
“But I LOVE musicals!”
Tune in next week to find out.
See ya then, Wolfbangers!