The Importance of Being an Ugly Ass Baby Doll – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “More Bad Than Good.”

hungry

Greetings, Werebangers!  This week on Teen Wolf, Stiles learned how to read, Allison learned how to shoot, and Scott learned how to roar.  We also got to see a lot of people naked (Both girls and boys!), and learned a word in Spanish!

la loba

“La Loba”

All in all, I’d say it was a pretty successful hour of television.  Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, all of the screencaps you see here are courtesy of Andre the Awesomesauce! Thanks Andre!:)]

Because having ten fingers is totally overrated . . .

When we last left Peter and Derek, they were both mostly naked . . .

derek body

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clap

And having millions of bolts of electricity shot through their body at painfully regular intervals .  . .

electroshock therapy

electrifying

boo nolan

This week, Peter and Derek are exactly where we left them . . .

vlcsnap-2014-01-14-19h17m35s198

. . . except now they have company.  Hello, Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman of a Super Villain from Every Comic Book and Tom Clancy Novel Movie Adaptation I Have Ever Seen.  Pleasure to make your acquaintance . . . again.

weel keeel

mr_clean

This incarnation of Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman is kind of chatty.   He keeps babbling on about something called La Loba.  “Where is La Loba?”  He demands.  (My helpful friends at Google Translate tell me La Loba means “The She-Wolf.”  It’s also a song by Shakira.  But since the latter can easily be found on YouTube or ITunes, we assume Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman is referring to the former.  This show is called Teen Wolf, after all.)

sour wolf

Derek and Peter, half of whom are really smart guys (cough, cough, Peter only, cough), are completely baffled by Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman’s inquiry, probably because, being naked, they lack easy access to their iPhones and Google Translate.  And, of course, Mr. Strongly-Accented Henchman is much too glib to translate for them.

ep 7 in spanish

This is a shame, because I suspect, if they knew what Mr. Strongly-Accented Henchman was seeking, they could be much more helpful.  I mean, who knows more She-Wolves than a pack of werewolves, right?  We’ve already met a few of them ourselves.  (Kali – dead, Laura – dead, Cora – playing Lady Mary on the show Reign MIA, Derek’s mother, supposedly dead, but probably not).

keen werewolf senses

Unfortunately for the Hales, Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman seems much more interested in administering “electro-shock” therapy, waving around chainsaws, and doing his best impersonation of Benicio del Toro’s character in Savages than extracting actual information from our heroes . . . at least, until his Mommy comes home.

throw mama from the train

Mommy Bad Guy may not be much to look at.  She’s wearing the ugliest wig I’ve ever seen, and appears to have taken her wardrobe cues from Tyler Perry’s Madea. 

frumpy mom

tyra

But she’s a much more effective interrogator than her son.  “WHERE IS THE SHE-WOLF?” She asks immediately.

ep 9 obviously stiles

Finally, someone willing to translate!  But despite now having all the necessary information, Derek and Peter still won’t answer.  Well, now they are just being obstinate!

mr. stubborn

Peter offers alternative form of payment.  He’ll sing for his captors, which, is actually something I’d really like to hear .  . . Teen Wolf Karaoke, a great idea for a spinoff show, if ever there was one.  But Mommy Bad Guy doesn’t strike me as one very appreciative of the arts.  So, instead, she cuts one of Peter’s fingers off.  I think it was his middle finger.  Very fitting, under the circumstances . . .

thumbkin

I think it’s facing in the wrong direction.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Beacon Hills . . .

The Douchebag Cometh

After surprising one another in the woods, and making each other scream like little girls . . .

ahh stiles

Apparently, the Big Bad Wolf is sometimes still afraid of Little Red Riding Hood . . .

stiles dancing at gay bar melchiors

 . . . Scott and Stiles come upon what they believe to be Werecoyote Malia’s lair.  It’s small.  It’s dark.  It’s dingy and poorly furnished.  It’s basically my old dorm room . . . minus a few shot glasses, broken Christmas lights, and cheaply framed movie posters.

dorm

love college

The guys call Stiles’ dad for backup.  So, of course, Scott’s asshat dad has to show up too.   You know that guy who no one ever remembers inviting to their parties, but, somehow he always ends up showing up anyway to clog your toilet bowl, and eat up all your Tostitos and dip?  That’s 100% Scott’s dad.

le douche

What’s worse, Scott’s daddy dearest brings Malia’s highly unstable father along for the ride, for seemingly no other reason than just to be a prick.  Daddy McCall claims he’s helping Malia’s dad gain “closure.”

malia dad

Naaah . . . being a prick seems like a much more logical explanation to me.

nodding oh yeah

It’s Hard Out There for a Kitsune Girl Named Kira

At school, New Girl Kira is adorably awkward, and a big ole nerd, with the “couple of hours of research on Bardo” she “typed up” for Scott . . . just because.

you knew that

This, coupled with the fact that her dad totally harshes on her game, by embarrassing her at every opportunity, and, pretty much treating her like she’s an eight-year old girl experiencing her first crush on a boy, I assume, is supposed to make us like her.

research for boyi so want to hit that

Translation : “Can you and I have sex soon?”

my daughter totally wants to hit that

“My daughter is not the best communicator, Mr. McCall.  What she’s really saying is that she wants to bone you, ASAP.”

she absolutely wants to hit this

“I’m not 100% sure.  But I think Kira might be sexually attracted to me.”

Except .  . . remember the last love interest that was adorably awkward and a big ole nerd?

heart of darkness

And we all know what happened to her . . .

evil jenny

darach

Suffice it to say, I’m not going out to buy any Team Skira t-shirts, until I’m 100% certain this adorably awkward nerd and her dad aren’t this season’s Foxy Big Bads . . .

big bad

Fool me once, shame on you, Teen Wolf.  Fool my twice . . . well, you know the rest.

Kira’s dad loses even more Cool Points with me, by picking on newly illiterate Stiles, of all people, to read in front of the class.  Last week, Stiles was only illiterate about half the time, usually when he was dreaming.  Now, it appears he’s gone full-on Prime Candidate for Hooked on Phonics. I don’t know about you, but, to me, this is starting to look a whole lot less like a Nemeton-Induced Bardo problem and a whole lot more like a Brain Tumor Problem.

what about you

reading is hard

“Couldn’t I start with something a bit easier . .  . you know, like a Dr. Seuss book . . . or Twilight.”

falling words

And wouldn’t that be the ultimate twist?  To have a seemingly supernatural problem on the show explained by completely mundane, scientific, means?  Vision problems, mood swings, personality alterations, sudden illiteracy, memory loss, difficulty concentrating, distorted realities . . . these all just happen to be symptoms of a brain tumor . . . just saying . . .

not a tumor

Standing in front of the classroom, as the words on the page in front of him, literally fall to his feet, Stiles begins to understandably have a panic attack, and rushes from the room.  (Where’s Lydia to stick her tongue down your throat, when you need her?  Am I right?)

stydia kiss3 screwyapic

make it stop please

ignore problem

Scott rushes to the restroom to help his suffering bestie.  However, his method of curing Stiles (having the tearful and panting boy count his fingers) is not nearly as fast acting, or fun to watch, as Lydia’s solution.  Eventually, however, it works.

no extra digits

“See no extra digits. . . unless I pull down my pants.  Do you want me to pull down my pants?  Because I’d do that for you, Stiles?  That’s what friends are for.”

no dont pull down your pants

“Thanks for the generous offer. But I would strongly prefer your not pulling down your pants.”

Meanwhile, Kira offers to bring Scott and Stiles the bags they left in class during their hasty departures, because she’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer, when it comes to her plans to get into Scott’s wolfy pantalones.

i so want to hit that

“Yoo hoo,  I have your book bag.  Will you please have sex with me now?”

Ease up, Kira, honey.  You are on a show with an extremely limited female population.  Chances are, assuming you don’t die in the next episode or so you’re eventually going to be able to hit that, regardless.  So, maybe trying playing a bit hard to get . . . let the wolf come to YOU. Just saying.

hes-just-not-that-into-you-photo

As payback for her over-eager Flirtation Gambit, Kira gets attacked in school by one extremely territorial were coyote.

i want my doll

“I want my doll!”

baby doll stealing

“Come here and let me eat you, you baby doll stealing turd!”

(With all the teens that get murdered in Beacon Hills on a seemingly daily basis, you would think the school would finally wise up, and invest in a decent security system.  You know, something that would prevent wild, possibly rabid, animals from just popping in, and roaming the locker rooms for a good ten to twenty minutes, before anyone bothers to discover them.)

malia

“Can I see your student ID?”

Were Malia stalks Nerdy Kitsune Kira all the way to the boy’s(?) locker room, even going as far as to jump through glass to get to her.  This would be a really good time to turn into the eight-tailed fox we all know you to secretly be, Kira!

But she doesn’t.  Instead our heroine(?) assumes the damsel in distress role, just like Darach Jenny did before her and waits patiently for Scott to come to her rescue, which of course, he does.  Pushing down an entire row of steel lockers with the same ease that you and I would knock down a row of dominoes, Scott scares off the pretty chick from The Secret Circle the were coyote, and offers future love interest Kira a protective hug.

flick

“Fear not, possible villain!  I will save you from the Pretty Chick from The Secret Circle.”

That’s when the two teens notice what Malia was really after, a creepy baby doll that is peeking out of Scott’s now ripped gym bag.  Now, for most teen girls, carrying around ugly baby dolls in your gym bag would be a total deal breaker in a prospective mate.  But not, Kira.  She’s in loooooove.  You know what?  I take back what I said earlier?  Big Bad Were Fox or not, these two wackadoodles totally deserve one another.

i want my doll scary doll

“Hi, I’m Chuckie.  Wanna play?”

Hey, Look Who Didn’t Die?!

Confession time.  I’m a bit in love with Peter Hale.  How many guys do you know would be able to get their favorite finger chopped off one minute, and be able to calmly make jokes about it in the next?  I mean, the guy asks his captors for antibiotic ointment, and makes it sound like a pick-up line.  Now, that’s talent.

always been the alpha

Up above our sexy naked wolves heads, it begins to rain bullets. Seconds later, Derek and Peter find themselves face-to-face with their leather-clad, gun happy, rescuer.

raining bullets

im back braeden

It’s Braeden!  Remember her?  She’s the one who awesomely rescued Isaac on a motorcycle in the Season Premier, and got her neck chopped into baked ziti for her trouble . . .

soon dead

We all mistakenly thought Braeden was dead, but it appears that she was just home recovering from a really bad boo-boo.  By the way, does anybody really die on this show?  Plot twists like this make me question everything. I mean, maybe Kanaima Master Matt is still alive . . .

drowning matt

Or Kali . . .

kali

Or that Creepy Chemistry Teacher . . .

mr harris

Or Boyd . . . nah, Boyd is definitely dead.

growly boyd

noticing me

Braeden explains that she was hired to rescue Derek by Deucalion, thus proving that the Recession impacts everyone . . . even supernatural, ass-kicking emissaries.  I mean, seriously, would YOU work for the guy who made a spaghetti and meat sauce dinner out of your neck?  Because I wouldn’t .  . .

job

Because saving Sassy Peter Hale wasn’t in the job description, Braeden contemplates leaving him behind.  Then, she remembers, that with Stiles in full-on angst mode this Season, Peter is our show’s sole remaining shot at comic relief.   And so, she goes above her pay grade in service to us, Werebangers.

evil peter pan

Thanks Braeden!  If I could afford to pay you I would.  But since I can’t, I hope you will settle with my not permanently and horribly disfiguring you like your last boss did.  Deal?

Actually, that just gave me an idea!

lightbulb-idea

Maybe Braeden can borrow Isaac’s ridiculously metrosexual scarf to cover up her hideous neck wounds!  Braeden would have more self-confidence. Stiles wouldn’t be able to make fun of Isaac anymore.  Everybody wins!

negativity and scarf

isaac scarf

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You’re welcome, Teen Wolf.

Braedan wisely suggests to her wolf charges that they blow this popsicle stand, before the rest of the cast of Once Upon a Time in Mexico return to finish what they started.  But Derek says no.  The gang can’t leave without their Mysterious Magical Object of the Week.

sexy derek face

*Sigh* Derek . . . you never learn.  Do you?

Speaking of people who can’t seem to leave well enough alone . . .

What’s shakin’, Baby Doll?

Back at school, Stiles is explaining to Scott how Malia was probably after the creepy doll in his bookbag, when WHAM, Malia’s dad magically appears and rips the ugly thing from Stiles’ and Scott’s fingertips like it’s The Ring That Rules Them All and He’s Smeagol.

here i go again

What the hell?  Does this guy have a police scanner in installed in every room of his house?  He just seems to magically pop up anytime anybody mentions his daughter’s name.  It’s almost as if he’s psychically connected to the word.  Say it three times, and he appears . . . like Bloody Mary . . . or the Candyman . . . or Beetlejuice.

Malia’s dad is convinced this doll-loving coyote murdered his family.  And he wants it dead, which is why he’s casually roaming the halls of Beacon Hills High carrying a gun, like it’s no big thing.  Seriously, this school NEEDS A METAL DETECTOR, and maybe a petting zoo.  It’s becoming like Dangerous Minds up in here.

dangerous minds

Scott and his Scooby Gang decide they need to save Malia and get her to turn back into her human form, before her dad inadvertently murders his own flesh and blood in the woods.  But how?  Their first idea is to incapacitate Malia, by shooting her with a tranquilizer gun, and pulling her out of harm’s way.  The problem, of course, is that former expert marksman, Allison, has officially become the worst shot ever.

big shoot

Option 2, get Scott to ROAR Malia back into humanity, using his newfound nifty Alpha Powers that we so far have yet to see.  But that option is problematic too, for two reasons.  (1) Scott is having some serious performance anxiety when it comes to  . . . um . .  . erecting his inner Alpha; and (2) he’s terrified that once he goes Alpha, he’ll get all Manic Gorilla-ey like Peter, murder all his friends, and pretty much remain a monster for all eternity. ..

ep 6 alpha

Quite a pickle . . .

But surely, there must be someone out there who can help Scott learn to Roar like baby Simba in The Lion King, or Katy Perry in that video, where she hangs out in the jungle?  But who?

baby simba

“Hakuna Matata?”

The Bash Brothers

To be honest, I’m not quite sure what beating the crap out of Scott has to do with getting him to harness his Inner Alpha.  But it sure as heck is fun to watch . . .

take it like a bitch

what he said

*insert bad 90’s video game music here*

wham bam

It would be nice to see Scott fight back a little bit though . . .

is this the part where i turn green or gorilla y

“Is this the part where I turn green and start smashing things?”

smash 2

I mean, seriously, dude, you are supposed to be the King of the Jungle . . . the epitome of the Alpha Male.  For heaven sakes, grow a pair!

Meanwhile, the stakes are getting higher, as Malia’s dad busies himself booby-trapping the entire woods around Beacon Hills with coyote traps.  Dude needs a job . . . bad.  The good news is that I hear this church in New Orleans is looking for a new Priest . .  .

priest

Nom-nom, tastes like Allison.

While gearing up to tranquilize Malia, and flirting with Isaac over vials of pee (Sexy!), Allison once again finds herself in a Dream World being tortured by Sweet Auntie Kate.  This time, Allison fantasizes that she’s a corpse with exposed entrails, and an oddly-still beating heart.  Kate is the lead surgeon  / person performing her autopsy?  Oh yeah, she’s also the leader of a pack of vampire-fanged cannibals, who start hungrily munching on her insides, like they are at the Sunday Breakfast Buffet at Dennys.

yummy

this is embarrassig

“Feeling kind of exposed here?  Can someone pass me a towel?”

eating

*insert sloppy eating sounds*

When Allison wakes up, she’s pointing a tranquilizer gun at Isaac’s head.  That’s odd?  She didn’t have a gun in her dream . . .

dont shoot

“Is this foreplay?”

Follow that Doll!

Sheriff Stilinski arrives at Malia’s dad’s house to scold him for potentially chopping off all the pretty manicured toesies of the nice lady joggers in Beacon Hills with his Big Mean Coyote Traps.

busted

“Busted.”

home shopping network

“I have what you would call a Home Shopping Network Problem.”

While there, the two notice a break in the doggie door of the Tate family home that was most certainly not caused by the family dog.

cute dog

“I’m innocent!”

It’s Were-Malia.  She took that damn doll again!  Now, not only is the Scooby Gang on her tail, but deadly daddy is en route as well.  Start your engines, boys!  It’s time for a Chase Scene.

good day for dead coyote

“Say hello to my little friend.”

Because Lydia and Stiles are clearly the Velma and Daphne of this Scooby Gang,  (I leave it to you to decide which is which.)  they, of course, are the ones who finally figure out Were Malia’s true motivations with regard to the Ugly Ass Doll.  Apparently, Ugly Ass Doll belongs to her dead baby sister.  And all the poor little Coyote is trying to do is bring it back to the site where she died, and pay her coyote-ish respects.  Is that too much to ask, dammit?

girls together

i just want to be loved

“See, I’m misunderstood.  I just want to be loved.”

big bad of this ep

The twist:  The real Big Bad of the episode is . . .  wait for it . . . ME!  MR.COYOTE TRAP!

Now, all the Scooby Gang has to do is help Malia get to the car wreck, before her father murders her canine ass.  Easy, right?  Maybe not . . .

Within seconds, Isaac and Lydia both have their toesies stuck in coyote traps.  Allison can’t shoot.  Stiles can’t read the instructions to dismantle the traps.   And Scott can’t roar.  This is one sorry ass Scooby Gang, if I ever saw one.

and another one down

And another one down . . .

another one down

another one down . . .

another one bites the dust

another one bites the dust . . .

With just ten minutes left in the episode, Allison, Scott and Stiles must cure their psychological demons fast.  Allison, with some encouraging words from her “anchor” Isaac, starts talking to herself in French, and, just like that she’s CURED!  Hooray.

so tired

Nighty, night Papa Tate!  Have a nice nap!

alli

“Back to being awesome.  Thank you very much.”

Unfortunately, Stiles still can’t read.  So, his anchor Lydia has to go with a Plan B.  “Words are so last season,” Lydia explains to Stiles.   “Geniuses like you and me, don’t need to read.  We just know stuff, because the plot makes it so.”

makethemwonder143

Source

And so, Stiles The Genius calmly dismantles the trap from Lydia’s toesies.   And small children everywhere learn that reading is for losers, and totally unnecessary for your survival, provided you have a pretty red head at your side to solve your mental problems for you.  Thanks, Teen Wolf!

halloween scaring kids silent-boulevard

As for Scott, well . . . you held him down, but he got up!  Already brushing off the dust.  You hear his voice, you hear that sound, like thunder going to shake the ground.   I’m tired of quoting this song.  But, long story short, you are going to hear him roar, dammit!

alpha now

Mufasa would be proud, Young McCall . . . (Pumba and Timon too.)

Bamn!  Were Coyote Malia presto change-os back into the pretty chick from The Secret Circle. 

why am i naked

“Where’s the rest of my coven?  How did I get here?  Why am I naked?  Whose the guy with the fugly face?”

i did it

“Hey I didn’t make disparaging comments about you when you were in canine form!”

She returns to her dad, and everyone lives happily ever after . . . apart from about 7 or 8 years of intense psychological damage, and the fact that this is an 18-year old girl with the education level of a fourth grader. 

your pretty daughter

hugs

DAD: “I’m going to try really hard not to blame you for inadvertently bringing about the rest of our family’s death.”

MALIA: “Cool, I’ll try really hard not to blame you for very purposefully trying to murder me for the past nine years of my life.”

The good news is that now Stiles can have company in his Hooked on Phonics Class!  But wait . . . magically, at the end of the episode, Stiles can read signs on dashboard mirrors.  He’s cured!

i can read

ep 10 happy stiles

Sorry Malia, looks like you have to remain a lone wolf, after all . .  .

And now for your weekly cliffhangers. . .

In their former captors’ casa, Derek and Peter find a box filed with  . . . wait for it .. .

mountain ash

Haha, I knew I’d get use out of that ridiculous gif again.  Anywhoo, inside the . . .

mountain ash

 . . . is a trinket with a mysterious symbol on it . ..

pretty

So, basically all that mountain ash was just really expensive bubble wrap . . . Sorry boys!

(Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sure that trinket will end up being Super Important.  I’m just being obnoxious for the sake of being obnoxious.  Just call me, Sassy Peter.)

Elsewhere, someone pulled up a plant from the nemeton, causing fireflies to escape and turn into . . . Firefly People?

firefly people

Got any bug spray?  Something tells me Beacon Hills is about to need A LOT of bug spray . . .

Until next time, Werebangers!

 hi stiles

 

 

 

 

 

8 Comments

Filed under Teen Wolf

8 responses to “The Importance of Being an Ugly Ass Baby Doll – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “More Bad Than Good.”

  1. East Coast Captain

    I have to say the humans kicked butt this episode but the werewolves weren’t so bad either glad to see Scott finally found his roar. But I always liken him to that reluctant hero who is going to spend years proving his worth that’s how they go but hey at least he got to see a hot naked chick. So it makes me wonder if Malia is some sort of skinwalker because unless she was bitten how did she become a werecoyote? Though I think the reason she stayed in that form was psychological more or less.

    Hmm…Papa Stilinliski and Agent McCall there sons are best of friends but they are not wonder why.

    Glad to see Deaton again.

    It’s awesome.

    • I’d love to see the GIF, after Scott pulls down his pants, to release his extra digit, for Stiles… Off to read a book now, because big knives scare me! // #ExcellentRecap

      P.S. Listening to the Mortal Kombat theme song while reading this recap? Perfect.

  2. Andre

    Ah, what a funny recap, with the right amount of snark, BUT, as you probably guessed I cannot keep my mouth shut and have to massively comment. But don’t worry, I can make it worthwile.

    Hello, Mr. Strongly-Accented Generic Henchman of a Super Villain from Every Comic Book and Tom Clancy Novel Movie Adaptation I Have Ever Seen.
    LOLOL Yeah that whole interrogation scene was so goofy until mommy dearest showed up. They even had a chainsaw and Derek and Peter are so dumb that they do not even know what “La loba” refers to. Which is incredibly dumb since both are allegedly so knowledgeable in werewolf ways so you would think that they can put one and one together and conclude that “loba” refers to something wolf related since werewolf means “hombre lobo”, but I guess that would be too much to ask for two former Alphas, or current Alphas, or any Alpha on this show. Before I return to that scene, just one quick comment:
    The Alphas on this show make me think of Tywin Lannister’s king comment. That could easily fit these Alphas:

    Every man who must say I am the Alpha is no true Alpha.

    These Alphas are a joke, if we weren’t told that they are Alphas time and again who would ever know? Barely anyone follows them, they are incompetent morons and they stop being Alphas on a regular basis. Convenient that the twins suddenly aren’t Alphas anymore right (Deaton’s “explanation” makes no sense whatsoever)? Gosh forbid then Scott would no longer be special, or can anyone here actually say that the “True Alpha” has so far been different from any regular Alpha? I see no difference in power or intelligence level.
    And with all this stuff and ignoring of former characters, do the writers sort of want to return to the start of this show and try to retell it different again? I mean that would explain Kira and Scott’s instant attraction, or his sudden werewolf problems, that are easily solved.

    But back to the henchmen: They are a landmark in this show in that they are the very first Latinos we ever saw here. Not just pseudo-Latinos like Scott and his mom who show no cultural traits (yes even after Mrs. McCall’s maiden name was revealed). No; true-life Latinos. And mommy dearest might be our first actual matriarch. Someone who actually seems to be in charge, not someone going behind the back of their brothers (Kate) or nutballs who might make independent decisions but who only come along as equal to their men (Mrs. Argent) in status and not superior as the title matriarch implies, or they are shadows from the past, glorified females of which we know next to nothing (Talia). And both the real-life Latinos and the matriarch are the bad guys… hm… sends a pretty clear message don’t you think?

    PS. I thought of Shakira as well, albeit I guess “La loba” referred to Cora’s absence, something that is just ignored as it seems. Like so many on this show now. Looks like this will be my last season unless this seriously gets better.

    PSS. I think this “she-Wolf” is better:

    Now Malia’s lair… I think it’s safe to say that to Jeff Davis our protagonist is not a guy named Scott McCall who became a werewolf but it’s a werewolf who happens to be called Scott McCall. Because the actual human-who-became-a-werewolf Scott would know how to pacify a dog since he works for a vet, but this guy here doesn’t. Nope for some reason he knows how a werecoyote ticks despite there being no evidence of Scott ever learning anything about wildlife and especially not coyotes. He just knows it for no reason whatsoever, apart from it being a “werewolf-thing” I guess. So, like I said, he apparently is a werewolf first and everything else second as it seems, which would explain a lot of weirdness later on in the episode.

    What’s worse, Scott’s daddy dearest brings Malia’s highly unstable father along for the ride, for seemingly no other reason than just to be a prick.

    Naaah . . . being a prick seems like a much more logical explanation to me.

    That is probably his purpose in the episode, plus being a convenient tool for adding drama and getting the daddy to school later on. Albeit I have no idea why that would be necessary since the guy seemed pretty crazy last episode already and would probably keep his eyes and ears everywhere.
    But either way, although I am not familiar with Californian or FBI procedure, I am sure you can’t just bring a guy to a crime scene like that.

    At school, New Girl Kira is adorably awkward, and a big ole nerd, with the “couple of hours of research on Bardo” she “typed up” for Scott . . . just because.

    This, coupled with the fact that her dad totally harshes on her game, by embarrassing her at every opportunity, and, pretty much treating her like she’s an eight-year old girl experiencing her first crush on a boy, I assume, is supposed to make us like her.

    Yeah I guessed too that is what is supposed to make us like her. And you know, currently Kira is a kind of shy, possibly sexually inexperienced, nerdy Asian girl, with a slightly overbearing parent, who crushes on the jock white boy in class immediately … where have I heard that particular Asian stereotype before?

    And Kili and Tauriel were more subtle than Scott and Kira:

    And remember what these two did was obvious because it happened in Middle-Earth where there must be some romance involved when two members of the opposite sex who are not related and sexually reproductive talk to each other.
    Although granted who wouldn’t want to bone Aiden Turner, even if he did get smaller:

    And as for him being smaller… that could be handy in certain positions that would require to stimulate certain female body parts.

    Except . . . remember the last love interest that was adorably awkward and a big ole nerd?
    Yeah and let’s hope this new nerd turns out to be better than the last one. Is there something in werewolf fluids that makes people dumber? Since after having sex with Derek for… reasons … Jennifer seemed to get dumber each episode. Of course you know what that means right? No Sterek sex ever, since then Derek would probably make Stiles dumb… hm, maybe that would explain a few quirks in Lydia’s character, especially her change of wardrobe in the latest episode after she had sex with Aiden again.

    I don’t know about you, but, to me, this is starting to look a whole lot less like a Nemeton-Induced Bardo problem and a whole lot more like a Brain Tumor Problem.

    It does, I agree. And what exactly has this to with the state between two lives or like in this case life and death? Seriously, where are the demons and all? The only one so far having stuff like this, is Allison. And when you think about it, Scott has it really easy. He only has a rebellious shadow and some hallucinations (the anger management issues are apparently unrelated) and nothing more. He has no danger of losing his mind or killing someone like Allison and Stiles.

    And wouldn’t that be the ultimate twist? To have a seemingly supernatural problem on the show explained by completely mundane, scientific, means? Vision problems, mood swings, personality alterations, sudden illiteracy, memory loss, difficulty concentrating, distorted realities . . . these all just happen to be symptoms of a brain tumor . . . just saying . . .

    Oh Julie come on, that would be far too smart. What is next you demand? That Derek becomes smart, Stiles tops Danny in the lockerroom and female werewolves get respect on this show?

    Scott rushes to the restroom to help his suffering bestie. However, his method of curing Stiles (having the tearful and panting boy count his fingers) is not nearly as fast acting, or fun to watch, as Lydia’s solution. Eventually, however, it works.

    That was a pretty well done scene if you ask me. Shot great, good acting and actual suspense. I also had in the back of my mind Posey saying: “Dylan, you can’t out act me, haven’t you seen the intro of the show? I am the main character who gets most from this season.”
    Seriously, the more I watch this the more I wonder why on earth Scott is the protagonist and why I should give a crap about him. Can anyone give me an answer?

    “Thanks for the generous offer. But I would strongly prefer your not pulling down your pants.”
    JULIE!!! Don’t be so cruel. Stiles hasn’t had any sex so far, the guy must have an incredible case of blue balls.

    Meanwhile, Kira offers to bring Scott and Stiles the bags they left in class during their hasty departures, because she’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer, when it comes to her plans to get into Scott’s wolfy pantalones.
    Again: that is familiar. Not just regarding Kira but also Scott, even in An American Werewolf in London the nurse seemed to have been turned on by her boyfriend being a bloodthirsty monster:

    As payback for her over-eager Flirtation Gambit, Kira gets attacked in school by one extremely territorial were coyote.
    Again: Strangely familiar.

    With all the teens that get murdered in Beacon Hills on a seemingly daily basis, you would think the school would finally wise up, and invest in a decent security system. You know, something that would prevent wild, possibly rabid, animals from just popping in, and roaming the locker rooms for a good ten to twenty minutes, before anyone bothers to discover them.

    Another reason why I might stop watching this. This show started pretty well in season 1 with its curfew and all, but now… it’s like on some daily soap where they don’t care. Actually this show has more and more similarities with The Vampire Diaries and Glee.

    This would be a really good time to turn into the eight-tailed fox we all know you to secretly be, Kira!
    Well I think that one way or another they will do it the same as with Jennifer last season, first show this and that and later show the opposite. Think about it, if Jennifer is the Darach, why does she bother about rabid Boyd and Cora? She could have beaten them easily with some wolfsbane.

    Pushing down an entire row of steel lockers with the same ease that you and I would knock down a row of dominoes
    And like the typical damsel in distress Kira, doesn’t care about this. Well at least the scene was well acted and shot, especially the coyote was the best actor. And apparently has a good manicurist, since its claws were so short.

    Big Bad Were Fox or not, these two wackadoodles totally deserve one another.
    Stuff like that makes me think of season 1 Allison whenever I see Kira.


    We all mistakenly thought Braeden was dead, but it appears that she was just home recovering from a really bad boo-boo. By the way, does anybody really die on this show? Plot twists like this make me question everything. I mean, maybe Kanaima Master Matt is still alive . . .

    Or Kali . . .

    Or that Creepy Chemistry Teacher . . .

    Or Boyd . . . nah, Boyd is definitely dead.

    I start to ask the same and I must say it gets on my nerves. You can’t have a show like this and then always do a cop-out when it comes to death (Peter should have stayed a one-time phenomenon). If you do that no one will care about what you are doing and it becomes another shallow escape fantasy for people too scared to just watch porn.
    Not to mention, now Deucalion is “Back” and rescues these two? Why?
    And considered that she is back I must say: PLOTHOLE!!!
    Seriously, how is that possible? Didn’t the dumbass Alpha pack depose of the body after slashing her throat?
    Even when 2/5 of them are dead they continue to look dumber and dumber. They were idiotic enough last season, does it have to get even worse now?

    And yeah, Boyd is definitely dead, considered how much they basically ignore his death, unless convenient for plot of course, he probably is dead forever. Actually I think had Goliatley not quit (interestingly Erica could not return but Jackson can… yeah so not sexist) Boyd probably would have been the first to die. At least it would explain why Erica’s death is so ignored.
    Btw. What happened with his body?

    I mean, seriously, would YOU work for the guy who made a spaghetti and meat sauce dinner out of your neck? Because I wouldn’t …

    You are not a plot device on a supernatural teen show so you can act in a way that makes sense and is actually beneficial to your survival. But Braeden wouldn’t do that, because she is a) an extra and b) an African American in a teen show so of course she is just a tool, she follows in the grand tradition of Deaton and his teenage, female and even dumber and more spineless archetype:

    Which is part of the grand tradition of the magical negro:

    Because saving Sassy Peter Hale wasn’t in the job description, Braeden contemplates leaving him behind. Then, she remembers, that with Stiles in full-on angst mode this Season, Peter is our show’s sole remaining shot at comic relief.
    You bring up a good point here, one I am sure many here asked themselves time and again:
    Why is Peter still here? Why is anyone even associating with this guy? Especially Derek. The guy killed his sister, and never even apologized, and still he runs around with him? Why? What does he need him of all people for?

    Maybe Braeden can borrow Isaac’s ridiculously metrosexual scarf to cover up her hideous neck wounds! Braeden would have more self-confidence. Stiles wouldn’t be able to make fun of Isaac anymore. Everybody wins!
    Well I am sure it would look better on her than him simply for the reason that in her case wearing it makes sense.
    But if you think Stiles would not know what to make fun of regarding Isaac, you know the most useless werewolf on the show; you don’t know your beloved Stiles very well. There is so much more to make fun of regarding Isaac in this episode alone.

    Once Upon a Time in Mexico return to finish what they started. But Derek says no. The gang can’t leave without their Mysterious Magical Object of the Week.
    Speaking of “Mexico”: Where the heck are these two dumbasses? In the episode afterwards they seem to be back in Deacon Hills, so where are they now?
    And as for the magical object… more on that later.

    *Sigh* Derek . . . you never learn. Do you?
    Julie come on, of course he doesn’t. Every sentences or statement that even remotely suggests that Derek is capable of learning is absurd in itself. The guy is currently so dumb you have to ask yourself whether he is the illegitimate love child of George W. Bush and Sarah Palin (Palin was a beauty queen once so naturally he physically takes after her).

    Back at school, Stiles is explaining to Scott how Malia was probably after the creepy doll in his bookbag, when WHAM, Malia’s dad magically appears and rips the ugly thing from Stiles’ and Scott’s fingertips like it’s The Ring That Rules Them All and He’s Smeagol.
    Once again: If Stiles figures stuff out and sacrifices stuff to achieve things and Scott barely does, why is Scott the main character? Why?

    As for Malia’s dad: Plot convenience, nothing more if you ask me. He needs to be there and Jeff Davis apparently could not think of a better way to have him there, even when what you had suggested about police scanners would have worked much better. Just cut out some useless Allison and Isaac stuff and that’s it.
    Btw. Why are these two together now? What do they have in common? Why are they even attracted to each other now?

    But that option is problematic too, for two reasons. (1) Scott is having some serious performance anxiety when it comes to . . . um . . . erecting his inner Alpha; and (2) he’s terrified that once he goes Alpha, he’ll get all Manic Gorilla-ey like Peter, murder all his friends, and pretty much remain a monster for all eternity. ..
    1) Like I said, what is so special about Scott?
    2) Why would he fear to be like Peter? He saw several Alphas and they didn’t look like him, all crazy Alphas were just tools, dumb idiots or manic because of some stuff in their past causing it. Scott has nothing of that, so why does he think he could be like that? Because of his shadow? Trust me we come to that.

    To be honest, I’m not quite sure what beating the crap out of Scott has to do with getting him to harness his Inner Alpha. But it sure as heck is fun to watch . . .
    The way I understand it, it was supposed to work like this:
    Accept who you are and you will be strong, you will see you have a wonderful gift or it will go all wrong allegedly like with Peter (so Peter still looks like this shaven gorilla bull-dog thing? And how do the twins even know that?) and Malia (why is she a coyote?). Kind of like in Frozen:

    Which might sound good, except for a big problem: That is not the same. It was clearly established, when it’s convenient for the plot, that werewolfism on this show means you have to constantly keep your act together or you will attack everyone and everything in sight. As a matter of fact, that was with what they marketed the show back in season 1:

    But now Davis seems to disregard what he did there, the only thing they have seemingly kept is the magical power to woe girls:

    Which reminds me of a certain werewolf film:

    But either way, trying to get Scott to accept who he is by beating him and claiming for him to just let go is like throwing a hungry shark in a tank with a bleeding cow. It will get bloody and lethal. The werewolfism in this show is not something you can and should just accept, it is at best a two-edged sword, a destructive force that must be constantly kept in check. This is why all the sexual references and the menstrual cycle references suck so much in my eyes since it thereby treats these two things as evil and destructive forces. So making Scott turn by beating him up is simply dumb since in such a situation emotional control would be even weaker. But like I said, Davis seems to disregard that whenever it suits the plot.

    The Mortal Kombat music is funny in two ways:
    1) It fits the cheesiness and idiocy of the whole scene.
    2) The film and the show share a cast member. Remember who it is?

    But personally I prefer this song:

    Not for this scene, simply in general.

    Meanwhile, the stakes are getting hire, as Malia’s dad busies himself booby-trapping the entire woods around Beacon Hills with coyote traps. Dude needs a job . . . bad.

    I rather wonder where he got all those traps and when he set them. Such a thing takes hours if not a full day and buying them is expensive.

    While gearing up to tranquilize Malia, and flirting with Isaac over vials of pee (Sexy!), Allison once again finds herself in a Dream World being tortured by Sweet Auntie Kate.
    I guess the symbolism regarding Allison’s heart is obvious but I think something else is more obvious here: Despite Kira’s talk about angry deities/demons (which are two different things entirely) Allison seems to be the only one who actually is haunted by such things. Stiles doesn’t have it and Scott sure as hell doesn’t.

    While there, the two notice a break in the doggie door of the Tate family home that was most certainly not caused by the family dog.
    Where was the show’s current example of animal cruelty (cutting of a dog’s tail is equivalent to ripping out a human’s tongue) that episode?

    Because Lydia and Stiles are clearly the Velma and Daphne of this Scooby Gang, (I leave it to you to decide which is which.) they, of course, are the ones who finally figure out Were Malia’s true motivations with regard to the Ugly Ass Doll.

    Again, why is Scott the “hero?” Why is it that we are supposed to cheer for that guy? What is he doing to begin with? He does nothing to proof that he is so special as is constantly claimed, as a matter of fact I think would he be a girl he would be like the stereotypical YA heroine, constantly claimed to be special but doing nothing to proof that, which of course he does already, but also being totally passive, which, since he is male, Scott cannot be, not officially at least. He surely is not an active hero like Davis seems to claim.
    He isn’t even a reluctant hero, the definition of that is:
    A reluctant hero is a tarnished or ordinary man with several faults or a troubled past, and he is pulled reluctantly into the story, or into heroic acts. During the story, he rises to the occasion, sometimes even vanquishing a mighty foe, sometimes avenging a wrong. But he questions whether he’s cut out for the hero business. His doubts, misgivings, and mistakes add a satisfying layer of tension to a story.

    In many stories, the reluctant hero is portrayed as having a period of doubt after his initial foray into heroism. This may be brought about by the negative consequences of his own heroic actions, or by the achievement of some position of personal safety – leaving the audience to wonder whether he will return to heroism at the moment when he is needed the most.

    I can see why you might think that he is a reluctant hero but he isn’t in my eyes. Scott’s reluctance doesn’t stem from true fears or consequences of his actions, or better it makes no sense since he had no problem keeping control last season when Allison had left him already, but from him not giving a damn. Something he had done ever since season 1. In season 1 and 2 he faced some actual perils but even then that was the reason he was forced to act (and let’s face it who here did not wonder why Peter wanted Scott for his pack, including Peter?), when there is no actual incentive Scott does shit on his own, in season 1 he rather went to lacrosse than trying to catch Peter. And now and in last season it was no different. You can’t even say that he needs something to balance stress out or anything since there is no stress. Like you said last recap, he doesn’t face the same troubles Allison and Stiles face. The transformation he easily has under control and what happened to him did not make him crazy and/or severely hinder his life like Stiles and surely did not get people nearly killed like in Allison’s case.
    And now he is all Alpha now. This isn’t a peril or something, heck learning to swim is more difficult than that.

    And all the poor little Coyote is trying to do is bring it back to the site where she died, and pay her coyote-ish respects. Is that too much to ask, dammit?
    So basically the current mess is all our heroes’ own damn fault. I would not mind this if they would actually show signs of that realization, at least once.

    Within seconds, Isaac and Lydia both have their toesies stuck in coyote traps. Allison can’t shoot. Stiles can’t read the instructions to dismantle the traps. And Scott can’t roar. This is one sorry ass Scooby Gang, if I ever saw one.
    While Lydia’s “trapping” (Malia’s dad must have bought cheap ones since you would think Lydia’s leg would have been trapped right away) at least brought some actual suspension the trapping of Isaac was so idiotic that I couldn’t care one bit what happened to him. He is a werewolf dammit and we already saw him performing feats of strength that are way bigger than the one needed to get out of that trap.
    Not to mention that this whole “Allison can’t shoot” drama was so melodramatic that I just rolled my eyes. Not only did it show Deaton once again as the magical negro, it was also totally unnecessary, since they had four muscle packed werewolves on their side so they could have easily wrestled Malia to the ground, even if it would be only Scott and Isaac. If someone feared allegations of animal abuse: they could have circumvented that easily by having one of them ambush Malia and then do a close-up.

    Allison, with some encouraging words from her “anchor” Isaac, starts talking to herself in French, and, just like that she’s CURED! Hooray.

    When did she ever speak French on this show? Stuff like this you establish earlier and not in the fourth season. Another reason why I think the writers now make the rules and data up as they go along.

    And so, Stiles The Genius calmly dismantles the trap from Lydia’s toesies. And small children everywhere learn that reading is for losers, and totally unnecessary for your survival, provided you have a pretty red head at your side to solve your mental problems for you. Thanks, Teen Wolf!
    You know Davis once said that he has this belief that when you show a certain world on TV the real world will eventually follow… makes you wonder what sort of world he actually wants to create.

    As for Scott, well . . . you held him down, but he got up! Already brushing off the dust. You hear his voice, you hear that sound, like thunder going to shake the ground. I’m tired of quoting this song. But, long story short, you are going to hear him roar, dammit!

    Bamn! Were Coyote Malia presto change-os back into the pretty chick from The Secret Circle.

    And he just does it, he somehow just overcame his “problems”, because… no idea. Seriously, what was there that made him or any of the three overcome their problems? How does that relieve them from the magic affecting them?

    And that isn’t even the biggest plothole here. That is the effect of Scott’s roar. Since I don’t get why that worked. Peter could force Scott to change since due to “siring” him Scott was a member of his pack, albeit unwillingly. Similar Scott had officially joined Deucalion’s pack when Deucalion made him change. But not only is Malia not part of Scott’s pack, she isn’t even a wolf, she is a coyote and at least based on the Kanaima, when you do not turn into a werewolf you do not play by the same rules. So why did that work?

    She returns to her dad, and everyone lives happily ever after . . . apart from about 7 or 8 years of intense psychological damage, and the fact that this is an 18-year old girl with the education level of a fourth grader.
    Well no one would really think they will invest so much thought into the damsel-of-the-week. They do not even care for Isaac’s legal status. Or Boyd’s and Erica’s parents, or their deaths, or Laura, or Cora’s absence or… you get the point.

    In their former captors’ casa, Derek and Peter find a box filed with . . . wait for it .. .

    Haha, I knew I’d get use out of that ridiculous gif again. Anywhoo, inside the . . .

    . . . is a trinket with a mysterious symbol on it . ..

    So, basically all that mountain ash was just really expensive bubble wrap . . . Sorry boys!

    (Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sure that trinket will end up being Super Important. I’m just being obnoxious for the sake of being obnoxious. Just call me, Sassy Peter.)

    So our first famous over actor of the show returns. Btw. Speaking of overacting, if someone tells you this movie is good:

    That person is lying. The movie was even worse than Lone Ranger and of course Keanu Reeves as a “Japanese half-breed” with next to no facial expression didn’t make the dumb and shitty story and waste of costumes and effects any better. Seriously, Kirsten Stewart was better than him.

    But from underacting to overacting and “Mountain Ash”:
    That last scene was so stupid for me for one reason:
    These guys are so duuuuummmmmmbbbbbbbb.
    You know maybe I would not thing so had they ever established the range of mountain ash barrier. Why didn’t these idiots just kick the table over and spilling the content? Let’s say that the box didn’t open, why not smash it open with a tool and if its open but the (apparently quite stable) container was simply covered by mountain ash, why don’t they use some clothes (to have a legitimate reason to have them be shirtless) to take it out? Seriously, these guys are just so idiotic. Does Davis really think this is smart?

    Well that was my take on the episode.

    And one last thing, I discovered a new and cool superpower. The Power to dry and get dressed in 2 seconds:

  3. East Coast Captain

    Granted Andre that Alphas can lose their abilities under certain circumstances I agree that a ”True” Alpha is no different than an Alpha who received their power by killing another one. How about the werewolves are dumber than a box of rocks. Loba is ”She wolf” or ”female wolf” in Spanish. But Peter’s snark is the best. Though Derek certainly is an older version of Scott. But it’s entertaining watching the show despite the characters needing seriously development even Stiles needs to be developed more.

    I would explain that Scott’s roar must be something well imagine a Tiger or a Lion both evolved on different continents in fact I think Lions exist outside of Africa in the Middle East and certain parts of Asia however both can produce a natural offspring despite being different so a were coyote would belong to the same class as werewolves. ”Shapeshifter”

    Aside all that I like Scott and Kira the kid needs to grow more.

    Come on Andre that’s not fair to Posey, I think he and O’Brien are good friends in real life. 🙂

    But in all seriousness I believe Scott has been confirmed to be part Latino like he is in real life. His mother’s maiden name is Delgado which is a common Spanish surname.

  4. Andre

    What exactly is entertaining about the show in your eyes?

    And like you said, there is no difference between the “True Alpha” and the regular “Alpha”, so why did they make such a big fuss about it last season? Seriously what is special about Scott apart from his level of stupidity?
    He surely isn’t especially virtuous or anything, Stiles would have a better claim on that than Scott. Scott so far is a pretty shitty friend.
    And Derek and Peter know this and that but at the same time they are dumber than straw.

    Your “shapeshifter” argument is very weak in my eyes for 2 points:
    1) Tigers and lions do not produce offspring in the wild.
    2) Shapeshifter is an incredibly broad term, encompassing beings even shifting from material to immaterial. Even within Teen Wolf it was clear that Kanaimas and werewolves adhere to different rules, so why does the roar work on Mila?
    It simply doesn’t change the fact that the way the roar was presented here contradicts its previous representations. And since no character pointed that out leads me to the suggestion that Davis doesn’t care/notice that he introduced another plothole/contradiction.

    The problem with Scott and Kira growing is a problem of the whole show:
    It leads “Teen” to a ridiculous degree. The characters are clearly older and they are still supposed to be 17/18? Look at Arden Cho, she is clearly a woman in her mid-20s.

    I am aware that Posey and O’Brien are allegedly good friends but it doesn’t change the fact that the way it is now there is no in-show reason for Scott being the main character.

    But in all seriousness I believe Scott has been confirmed to be part Latino like he is in real life. His mother’s maiden name is Delgado which is a common Spanish surname.
    You realize that this sentence suggests that you cannot differentiate between Scott McCall and Tyler Posey right?
    Both are racially speaking full white, Latino is an ethnic category based on culture and not on looks, even if both Davis and Posey are apparently to uneducated to realize that.
    And even if we finally know that her maiden name was Delgado, so what? She could have immigrated to the United States as a child from Spain and that is not what most US-Americans associate with “Latino.” In addition what traits do she and Scott show of being members of any Latino ethnicity? None as far as I can tell, so they are not Latinos.
    And lets just assume Scott is a Latino, think about it! Is that what you want?
    Because while pretty much everything is handed to him on a platter, the person that is represented to us is:
    Not particularly smart
    Very unreliable
    Comes from (at least until season 3) from a lower class home and a broken home
    Emotionally quite unstable
    A constant time bomb just waiting to get off (when its convenient for the plot of course)
    Is rather defined by his body than his personality
    Is basically there to be a sex object
    Doesn’t that remind you of a certain stereotype?

    • East Coast Captain

      As you know Andre I’m not good with grammar so forgive me if I confused you. Of course I can differentiate.

      What is it about Teen Wolf that is entertaining? It is a show about kids getting into this weird and dangerous situations and coming up with a solution at the last minute. I find that funny.

      Scott obviously came from a middle class home, a house, a car in the driveway. His parents are divorced, he resents his dad because it seems he cares more about the job that’s a lot of people in real life. A broken home can mean any number of things, a house containing a family that is set apart due to tensions and certain problems. ex: a kid’s parents constantly fight and he/she feels lonely, depressed, angry. that is a product of a broken home, who may usually get away from the problems by doing bad things (drugs,drink,etc…). broken home can range from a project in NY, a suburb, or ironically, a 5-story mansion

      The werewolf stereotype many of them are these unbelievably good looking people wit

      • Andre

        I wouldn’t mind if these “teens” would come up with stuff at the last minute if it would make sense, but more often than not it doesn’t.

        And I wasn’t referring to any werewolf stereotype but what I listed were a pretty common Latino stereotype.

  5. Of course, I know you noticed that the decoration on top of that jar (which vaguely looks like a coptic jar to me) matches the tattoo on Derek’s back . . .

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