Death Becomes Them – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Orphaned”

a lot like death

This was a pretty bloody one, Werebangers! It appears that no one was safe from the Grim Reaper’s mighty scythe this week on Teen Wolf ...

Not these rejected extras from the cast of Sons of Anarchy . . .

corp

Or this unfortunate pack of nomadic hippy Buddhist werewolves (who inexplicably cobbled enough money to send one of their own to Prep SCHOOL?) . . .

deader

I guess selling alcohol to minors is a more lucrative undertaking than we thought . . .

hate my job

Too soon?

Not Beacon Hill’s increasingly sparse population of cops (which may be a bit of a secret relief to Sheriff Stilinski, seeing as the entire station house looks roughly the size of a bathroom) . . .

dead guy on floor

Or loveable, possibly autistic, banshees with really cool hair . . .

strang

And certainly not Evil!Macauley Culkin . . .

slice

Macaulay-Culkin-5393890

. . . and his EVIL-I-ER girlfriend . . .

deda aga

But all was not Doom and Gloom in this week’s episode entitled “Orphaned” . . .

There were golden farts . . . (which, BTW, are way funnier than clear farts)

gold fart

And happy reunions . . .

face off

And there was hugging . . .

stydia

. . . lots . . .

hug 1

 

. . . and lots . . .

hug pet

. . . of hugging . . .

another hug

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, a big hearty shout out to Andre for the spectacular screencaps you see here. Capturing all 31 Flavors of Scott McCall’s Confused Facial Expressions is by no means an easy job! But someone has to do it.]

trademark scott face

scott bullet

scott wolfed

ephemeral

There’s Just Something About a Mixtape . . .

More impressive than anything else that happened in this episode, to me, anyway, was the fact that someone on Teen Wolf’s production crew was able to find (1) a store that still sells cassette tapes; and even more shocking, (2) a car with a built in tape deck.

tape deck

Screw the Deadpool! That jalopy Kate was sleeping in was clearly a classic. She could have raked in some serious G’s selling that thing!

And while Kate at least seems old enough that she would know what to do with the strange clear plastic rectangle placed before her while she slept . . .

ep 8 hungry kate

Not born yesterday . . .

I’m thinking the highly specific instructions on the tape . . .

instructions

. . . came in very handy for Evil!Macauley and Co., who probably assumed they had inadvertently stumbled upon the protype for the iPhone 6.

gives me joy

Psst! Jeff Davis, your age is showing . . .

And while I like to consider myself more a descendant of the MP3 Generation (OK . . . so, maybe I’m more of a Compact Disc Child, but there’s no need to point fingers.), I must admit there’s something a bit more personal about a lovingly compiled mixtape, than the “cool playlist” you uploaded to all your Facebook Friends on the cloud last week, in less than three minutes. For one thing, mixtapes make it that much more difficult to ignore your friends’ and significant others’ more idiosyncratic music tastes . . .

gave her a mix tape

“If I have to fast forward through another Justin Bieber song, I’m going to scream!”

crying jess

But I digress . . . a lot . . .

This week’s Teen Wolf episode opens to a flashback to 25 years earlier, when people still used cassette tapes four weeks earlier, when Hobo Kate woke up in a run-down sports car on a rainy night to find a new tape in her heretofore completely ignored tape deck . . .

Undoubtedly eager to hear some new Werejaguar Workout tunes, Kate quickly slips the tape into the cassette deck and presses “play.”

seth wanna play theocalltheway

So, of course, you could imagine how pissed off she is to find that the substance of the tape is much less “Jock Jams” and much more “National Geographic: Werewolf Edition,” complete with the trademark sleepy voice of some guy straight out of central voiceover casting for The Discovery Channel . . .

bad mix tape

Kate’s out for REVENGE!

So, she text messages all her cuddly bear friends . . .

carebear stareee mama bear bear in supermarket

And the group head out on an Assassin Murder Spree . . .

“Who made me this crappy mixtape, that doesn’t include a single song by Katy Perry?” She demands furiously! (Come on, we all know Kate’s a big fan of “Roar.”)

roaring

The Biker dudes are clueless, offering up only the fairly unhelpful informational tidbit that Evil!Macauley received the same mixtape, and was equally annoyed because it included no songs by One Direction.

tok

So Kate and the Bad News Bears eviscerate their asses. (But in Papa Bear’s defense, he at least looks like he feels kind of guilty about it . . .)

hang in there

blood on face

“Poor guy! He had great style. Remind me to ask Mason what gets blood stains out of leather?”

Little Orphan Violet

You ever see the straight-to-video sequel to Annie, where Annie’s slightly less nauseatingly adorable bunkmate Violet gets told by Miss Hannigan to “make these floors shine like the top of the Chrysler Building” one too many times, and decapitates her drunk ass with a thermal cut wire, before escaping the orphanage to seek vengeance on evil adults everywhere?

annie

No?

Your loss. That was a damn good movie!

Back at school, Violet gets an evil glint in her eye, when she finds herself getting strong-armed by Deputy Parrish, a.k.a. Jordan Parrish, and it’s not just because he looked so good naked in the promos . . .

arrested

phoenix

He’s on the Deadpool! And worth a cool $5 million.

parrish

Papa McCall takes this opportunity to taunt Violet about her parent-less-ness, as he offers a paternal wink back at his son Scott, perhaps, reminding him that having a “sh*tty, alcoholic, absentee dad,” is way better than having no dad at all . . . kind of . . .

ep 8 mean scott

Meanwhile, over at the Vet . . .

Is it Rabies?   Because it kind of looks like Rabies . . .

cant hold him

Douchebag Brett is naked on Deaton’s operating table.   (Hey Deaton, how are you getting all the hot males to disrobe for you?)   He’s frothing at the mouth, and seizing something fierce. Stiles and Derek are trying to hold him down, but failing miserably, because Kate has kidnapped Derek’s Were Balls, and Stiles is . . . well . . . Stiles.

der funny face ha

out of shape stiles

It just occurred to me that these two haven’t had the opportunity to share much screentime of late, so it’s kind of nice to see them grunting and sweating on each other, for old time’s sake . . .

big sterek 2

Then, Peter comes and clocks Douchebag Brett in the face, like it’s his job . . .

evil peter pan

Derek seems suspicious. Then again, maybe he’s just jealous of Peter’s hypnotic baby blues . . .

wolfing again

“You have beautiful eyes. I used to have beautiful eyes, before I had slightly less beautiful red eyes . . . and then I had beautiful blue eyes again (Sniffle).”

torn up derek 2

Deaton then takes the opportunity to cut into Douchebag Brett’s tummy and emit a noxious gas.

gold fart

Too much Taco Bell?

“Three things that don’t wish to be hidden, the Sun, the Moon, the Truth,” Douchebag Brett chants . . .

Hey, Werebangers, that sounds like the annoying catch phrase of the about-to-be-killed? Doesn’t it?

nodding oh yeah

Deaton remarks that the phrase is actually Buddhist, which causes Derek to make the connection between these targeted werewolves, and the only over 18 Asian woman he knows, aside from Kira’s mom . . .

sato

Derek, that’s a little racist. I’m not going to lie . ..

Mo Money, Mo Problems . . .

Back at school, Scott finds Evil!Macauley’s Deadpool stash conveniently hidden in his gym locker. (Dude was a professional assassin, but didn’t think to invest in a safe deposit box for his millions of dollars in Benefactor dough? What a schmuck!)

money bag

dollar signs

Scott then stealthily lies to Liam about finding the money. Though, I’m not sure how he managed to explain to the Beta wolf why, if he “found nothing,” in the killers locker, he still decided to leave the lockers with his massive red gym bag in tow.

no idea what im doing

“I find smelly gym socks a major turn on. It’s a True Alpha thing.”

Also, not to be nitpicky, but with a serial killer on the run, wouldn’t even the most rudimentary police officer think to immediately commandeer all of the contents of said killer’s locker as evidence?

sheriff do not remove

Just saying . . .

Back at the McCall House, Mama McCall is pleading with the electric company to turn her power back on. Apparently, she’s three months late on her bills, despite the fact that she’s pretty much the only employee still alive at the Beacon Hills Hospital. Now, if those aren’t grounds for a major raise, I don’t know what is!

fridge

Not to mention the fact that Scott’s dad, the Big Fancy FBI Guy, has been crashing on the couch for months, basically rent free. Hello? Child support!

5 20 pay back time

All of this is a roundabout way of saying, Scott’s kind of poor, but probably shouldn’t be . . .

Either way, that Deadpool money currently sitting under his bed (and right under Big Fancy FBI Guy’s nose) is looking mighty appetizing to him, right about now . . .

under bed

Friends with (Death) Benefits . . .

The whole dynamic Liam shares with his froshie pals is honestly a bit confusing. We are led to believe that Mason is his adorable gay best friend for life, despite the fact that the two kids apparently didn’t attend the same school until just a few months prior. Maybe . . .

confused liam

(Help me out, Lacrosse Fans. Is this generally a fall sport, or a spring one?   Because we know the season just started.)

Granted, Mason and Liam could have been childhood neighbors, who were lifelong friends, despite NOT going to the same school. But that doesn’t explain the pair’s being supposedly so tight with Garrett and Violet. Two “kids” who seemingly transferred to Beacon Hills High for the sole purpose of crashing Liam’s and Mason’s lame weekly “Movie Nights.”

the new class

“Hey, who is up for watching Teen Wolf 2? I hear the guy from Arrested Development was awesome in it?”

No matter. After the events of this week’s episode, it is pretty safe to say, after the events of this week’s installment of Teen Wolf, the bromance between Mason, Liam and Garrett is DUNZO!

bust

unfriend you

runn blood on groun

“Wait, let me get some salt. It will wash the blood stains right out of this concrete!”

Nothing says, “you are no longer part of my social circle,” like throwing your former pal into a really, really deep water-logged Hole of Schmutz, not unlike the place where James Franco chopped off his arm in 127 Hours . . .

in mud help

can't sit with us

“You can’t sit with us.”

Follow my nose . . .

follow your nose

By the way, did you know that Froot Loops are all the same flavor. As someone who has eaten froot loops, just about every day, since she got her first baby teeth, and literally just learned this five minutes ago, I feel your pain, if your mind has just been blown . . .”

In this week’s installment of Teen Wolf, Malia fully cements herself as part of the pack, by proudly becoming the last cast member to be inappropriately stalked by Derek on school grounds . . .

your trn

yumm

Since, Derek’s schnoz has been a bit on the fritz lately, and Malia is an old pro when it comes to smelling poo in coyote caves, and fear in lacrosse stands, everyone’s favorite Former Alpha recruits the sassy werecoyote for a little school day game of “Find the Buddhist Were Pack and warn them of impending death.”

Malia is more than happy to go along for the ride, since her boyfriend Stiles spends every even episode with Lydia, and this is one of them.

malia nails

Finding a bullet in the grass leads Malia to determine that Brett’s pack of Buddhist wolves has gone into hiding. (I hope they brought Froot Loops!)

Thinking like her boyfriend . . .

think like stiles

. . . leads Malia to determine that the pack is hiding in place infused with Buddhist meaning . . .the easternmost point in Beacon Hills.

east point

(Congratulations Malia, your nose has officially just become more useful to the Scooby Gang than Lydia’s annoying screaming . . .)

lyd screams

Too bad you and Derek are already too late.

deadest

In your defense, attractive Were-cousins. A pack that thinks lying out in an open field is an effective hiding strategy kind of deserve to bite it . . .

I’m guess Evil!Macauley and Violet poisoned their food supply with the yellow fart wolfsbane?

macaulay_culkin

That sucks. What’s worse, I bet all this could have totally been avoided, if they just ate Froot Loops, like I said in the first place. . .

Amidst the wreckage, Derek finds one lone survivor. Braden the Mercenary . . .

located her

“Well, I’m not technically a werewolf, so wolfsbane doesn’t work on me. Also, I can’t die yet, because you and I haven’t boned, Der Bear. Didn’t you watch the Comic Con trailers?”

“I like you. I’m going to keep you.”

like you

going to keep

Deputy Parrish (Please don’t end up being evil, Deputy Parrish. Because, the way Meredith looked at you, in this week’s scene, it kind of seemed like you might by the Benefactor, i.e. Evil. And I really don’t want you to be evil. You are so pretty!) gains major points with our Scoobies, by (1) having a little self-deprecating sense of humor about his impending demise . . .

5 dollars kill self large

. . . and not being above using a bit of bribery to get Stiles and Lydia into Eichen House, where they will once again seek Meredith’s help in determining which of Lydia’s dead friends was lucky enough to be the code to crack the final third of the Deadpool list.

I think Stiles has even developed a little man crush on the guy . . .

hi stiles

Meredith, however, is slightly less charmed, and understandably so. After all, what good has helping the Scooby Gang got her so far, apart from being targeted by the Benefactor, and berated by the Ginger.

leave me alone

go away

She never even got to bone Isaac, for crying out loud!

isaac scarf

 

I wouldn’t help them if I was you, either Meredith . . .

That said, I probably wouldn’t have gone as far as this banshee in making my refusal known. “No means no,” for sure.

strang

But self strangulation, means, “Definitely not.”

(Assuming Meredith actually did strangle herself. Does anyone else smell the possibility of foul play? Follow your nose . . .)

she did

stydia

We’ll miss you, Meredith.   Here’s hoping a smirking Daniel Sharman clone is waiting for you in that big Banshee-Friendly Eichen House in the Sky . . .

meredith

It’s an Evil!Macaulay Kabob (Tastes like Chicken!)

Elsewhere on campus, Evil!Macaulay is engaging Scott in some good old-fashioned blackmail.   “Stop my boo from getting transferred to Alcatraz, and I won’t let your Mini-Me get poisoned to death,” he offers helpfully.

hoodie man

As the two sort-of enemies head out on their dastardly stakeout, we know Scott means business, because he’s wearing a hoodie . . .

I don’t think I’ve seen Scott wear a hoodie in the entire four seasons of this series. I like it . . .

2 9 you hot big

But by the time Scott and Evil!Macauleyreach the car transporting Violet, which is conveniently being chaperoned by Deputy Stilinski and Papa McCall, natch . . ., the Berserkers have already done Scott’s job for him . . .

sleeping

I’d say this car has been successfully stopped. Wouldn’t you?

“Violet’s already gone,” Scott warns.

But Douchey Evil!Macauley isn’t smart enough to take no for an answer, he starts showing off his mad fencing skills to the Berserkers, who, for the record, seem less than impressed. (Of course, that may be because their helmets make it difficult to enjoy all the fancy swordplay to its fullest.)

slice

R.I.P. Garrett, best of luck in Home Alone 7 . . .

Violet, you’re turning Violet!

Upon learning that Kate is responsible for kidnapping Violet, and Violet is the only person left alive (haha), who knows where Liam has been stored, Deaton and Scott call upon Chris Argent, who brings the pair to a place conveniently called “Argent Arms.” Talk about a sh*tty hiding place for someone named “Argent!”

argent arms

Apparently, no one in Beacon Hills ever played the game hide and seek as a child.

“I thought we could do this later,” Kate muses, upon being confronted.

tumblr_n9q3heOpV01qggrzoo7_250

That doesn’t mean her and her Bears aren’t up for a fight. And while the Grizzlies don’t quite kill Scott and Chris (because Kate won’t let them) . . .

. . . they do toss them around quite a bit. And Scott gets tossed right into Violet . . .

deda aga

“At least now you can be reunited with your parents . . . and your boyfriend . . . and your boyfriend’s parents. And three-quarters of the cast of this episode. Hey, I wonder if they have Movie Night in Hell.”

Somewhere in Beacon Hills, Mason is coming up with some really great tips to get Berserker Murder Stains out of denim jackets . . .

Coming Soon to a Coffin Near You . . .

Upon determining that the third key to the Deadpool might not be someone who is already dead, but rather someone who will die before the show’s hiatus, Stiles and Lydia quickly uncover the list using Derek’s name, a good guess, seeing as the character has “fake died,” at least twice every season.

derek

A few interesting things to note about the third list. First, it includes Liam, despite the fact that the Teenier Wolf was only bitten a few weeks ago at most, after all this killing started. (You recall, he was bitten when Scott was trying to save him from Wendigo Sean, after the latter was tracked down by The Mute.)

malia hale

confused liam

This means that either the third list was created sometime after the first two, OR that the Benefactor has some Banshee-like powers of omniscience.

Second, the list refers to Malia as a “Hale,” as opposed to “Tate,” the name of her surrogate dad on the show. Malia’s true parentage is particularly rare known fact on this show, one that, at least we are led to believe is still a mystery to Malia herself, her clueless biological father, Peter, and, pretty much, everyone in Beacon Hills apart from The Scooby Gang.

smirky peter

Given that, it seems strange that The Benefactor would be so willing to give that information out to every assassin of supernaturals, within a 20 mile radius . . .

Speaking of Peter, I don’t recall seeing him on the list (did I miss him?), which would seem to make him a prime suspect as The Benefactor, one who could have easily coordinated the “heist” of his own money, and used it to eliminate the supernatural competition, rendering him Alpha Supreme in Beacon Hills.

lit your fire

Of course, a smart Benefactor, who also happened to be of supernatural origin would put himself on the list to avoid such suspicion . . .

Someone like this guy?

handsome thank you

Then again, perhaps, the true Benefactor is someone a bit more surprising . . . someone who has flown a bit more under the radar recently . . . a person whose smart enough to frame a fellow former Teen Wolf villain as his (or her) pawn . . .

gerard scott

mom bat

ep 10 shirtless danny

Just a thought . . .

Here’s Howling at You, Kid!

Right about the time all hope seems lost for Sexy But Illegal Liam, he gives out a howl, leading Scott to uncover his location, and bring him back to Deaton’s for the “golden fart” treatment, just in time . . .

howl

resc

It is at the vet’s office that Scott has his annual epiphany. “No one else should die on this show . . . not even the extras,” Scott announces determinedly.

great power

Yeah, good luck with that . . .

Elsewhere, in a dank, dirty sewer, two rats make a deal with one another. One seeks control and acceptance back into her family fold, despite the monster she has become . . .

take a shower found me pete and kate

The other seeks . . . wait for it . . . POWER.

always been the alpha

Next week on Teen Wolf, everyone gets the Ebola virus and dies.

surprised-face

Nah, I’m just monkeying around.

Get it, monkeying . . . Ebola virus?

eye roll jackson

Too soon?

nodding oh yeah

Until next time, Werebangers!

dancing stiles again

7 Comments

Filed under Teen Wolf

7 responses to “Death Becomes Them – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Orphaned”

  1. I thought Peter was on the 2nd third.

    • Andre

      I checked all three lists and his name was never shown. Of course we never saw the third one in full, so maybe that is the reason. Or they simply forgot him.

  2. Andre

    Well, it looks like this gets dumber and dumber. Elements are introduced without any sense, plot convenience and holes en masse and … you will see.

    This was a pretty bloody one, Werebangers! It appears that no one was safe from the Grim Reaper’s mighty scythe this week on Teen Wolf …
    Not when you are completely expendable, not even remotely interesting or important for the overall plot. Or was anyone who died actually important and could not have easily been replaced by some other cut-out?

    Or this unfortunate pack of nomadic hippy Buddhist werewolves (who inexplicably cobbled enough money to send one of their own to Prep SCHOOL?) . . .
    Well, this is Teen Wolf, unless it’s convenient for the plot money rains down from the sky every Thursday. That is how the gangers got all the money to bail out Derek in episode 1, that is the reason why the twins could finance luxurious motorbikes even without the Alpha pack… btw. where did those actually live when they were in town?
    Maybe they pretend Brett lives with his parents, but considered how little thought they put into this the first explanation can be just as likely.

    Not Beacon Hill’s increasingly sparse population of cops
    Actually I have the hypothesis that the average Beacon Hills cop is actually a drone that is under the control of queenbee Sheriff Stilinski and reproduces asexually via a process of cloning and spontaneous mutation, so that they don’t all look alike. Thereby they can replenish their numbers for each season.

    But all was not Doom and Gloom in this week’s episode entitled “Orphaned” . . .
    I know I asked this before, but who picks the names for these episodes? Who was orphaned in this episode? No one.

    Capturing all 31 Flavors of Scott McCall’s Confused Facial Expressions is by no means an easy job! But someone has to do it.
    Trust me it’s actually pretty easy. Scott looks dumbfounded so often that all you need to do is making a random mouseclick and voila you got a fitting screencap of Scott looking confused.
    But seriously, does the director think this is good acting?
    No wonder the fans preferred Stiles from the start.

    More impressive than anything else that happened in this episode, to me, anyway, was the fact that someone on Teen Wolf’s production crew was able to find (1) a store that still sells cassette tapes; and even more shocking, (2) a car with a built in tape deck.
    That is something I wondered as well. Just like all the other tapes in this episode. Seriously I cannot even remember anymore when the last time was that I saw a tape in real life.
    Well I thought that and about the fact that Kate still had the razor blade… is this supposed to have happened right after she escaped? How long was she held captive?
    Plus, as typical, for a woman on the run she seemed pretty well manicured didn’t she?

    four weeks earlier
    What? Then why did she still have that blade? Was she seriously in captivity for about 1 year?

    So, of course, you could imagine how pissed off she is to find that the substance of the tape is much less “Jock Jams” and much more “National Geographic: Werewolf Edition,” complete with the trademark sleepy voice of some guy straight out of central voiceover casting for The Discovery Channel . .
    I knew they were referring to the Hales before the “not all children would become werewolves” thing. And with that they make things up again since they never mentioned before that even if your parents are werewolves you might not be one. Plus we got another plothole since apparently Beacon Hills is in Northern California. How on earth do you get from “Mexico” to there in less than a day in episode 1 and 2? Supersonic jeep?

    Kate’s out for REVENGE!
    And: Kate is officially stupid now. Some guy says something on a tape and she just acts accordingly with no suspicions at all. Looks like I was right: Becoming a supernatural on Teen Wolf does lower your intelligence.

    So, she text messages all her cuddly bear friends . . .
    Why do these two action figures act according to her orders? And where did she get them to begin with? Bear skulls aren’t exactly common in Mexico.

    The Biker dudes are clueless, offering up only the fairly unhelpful informational tidbit that Evil!Macauley received the same mixtape, and was equally annoyed because it included no songs by One Direction.
    Ok, fine, here you got one:

    Now, suffer 😀

    So Kate and the Bad News Bears eviscerate their asses.
    All these assassins and … you know fuck it, they all suck so what suspense is there to begin with? Heck one of them is so close and he doesn’t hit Kate better? I know he is bleeding and all but seriously.
    Where does “the Benefector” get these idiots? From a sort of sale out? Get one mediocre one and twenty shitty ones for free?

    and it’s not just because he looked so good naked in the promos . . .
    What? You mean that will come in this show? Great as if we hadn’t had enough Jackson rip-offs!

    , perhaps, reminding him that having a “sh*tty, alcoholic, absentee dad,” is way better than having no dad at all . . . kind of . . .
    Considering how Davis & Co portrayed families on this show I think you got it right. The whole thing with Scott and his father reminds me awful lot of the whole redemption dad routine. As if the show wasn’t heteronormative enough as it is.
    Also Violet really sucks. That was a totally bad pokerface and apparently if these two guys are called the Orphans than “The mute” is also an official name and so this sucks even more since such an assassin is pretty easily recognizable and trackable.
    And how would the benefactor even know of Jackson 2.0? The list was made before he was bitten by the plothole. Did the “mute” tell him or what?

    Then, Peter comes and clocks Douchebag Brett in the face, like it’s his job . . .
    1) Don’t these idiots have some restraints? I thought they might have such things for the larger and possibly dangerous dogs the vet surely has to treat from time to time.
    2) And why is Derek surprised about Peter’s strength? Why shouldn’t Peter have strength? They are both Betas and he has more muscles and is taller than Brett. Seriously his whole weakness makes no sense whatsoever. And is he siphoning Derek’s strength right now or what?

    Deaton then takes the opportunity to cut into Douchebag Brett’s tummy and emit a noxious gas.
    A cut at that place would never release gas since there are only millimeters until you hit bone. A cut into the manboobs makes much more sense. But Teen Wolf hasn’t made sense for a while now.

    Three things that don’t wish to be hidden, the Sun, the Moon, the Truth,” Douchebag Brett chants . . .
    And then they say that the truth cannot long be hidden. My answer: No, but circumvented and overshadowed by myths and lies. Seriously, shouldn’t American writers know… ok, that was a stupid question, of course they wouldn’t know that.

    Hey, Werebangers, that sounds like the annoying catch phrase of the about-to-be-killed? Doesn’t it?
    That and the attempt of pretentious writers to try and sound hip and progressive even though they have no idea what they are talking about.

    Deaton remarks that the phrase is actually Buddhist
    How does he know that? Oh right, he is a magical negro.

    Derek, that’s a little racist. I’m not going to lie . ..
    I didn’t think of that, but it can be perceived that way. But also: How do they know of that woman? Shouldn’t she be dead by now? Seriously, how do they know of her? At this moment in the episode I still thought that maybe she is already dead but… you will see later.

    Back at school, Scott finds Evil!Macauley’s Deadpool stash conveniently hidden in his gym locker. (Dude was a professional assassin, but didn’t think to invest in a safe deposit box for his millions of dollars in Benefactor dough? What a schmuck!)
    No, Dude was supposed to be a professional assassin, but I think none of the writers ever saw a professional anything or they would have never written this stupid plot convenience.

    Though, I’m not sure how he managed to explain to the Beta wolf why, if he “found nothing,” in the killers locker, he still decided to leave the lockers with his massive red gym bag in tow.
    Answer: plothole. Something you see in every movie, just not so obvious as these here.

    In those at least other things distract from it, but here in Teen Wolf they do not even try to hide it. You notice it right away.

    And apparently not only the assassins suck but the cops now as well:
    The lockers weren’t searched immediately? Think about it: Garrett could have cleared them already. Sure he didn’t since Scott needs to be in the center and as such others are dumbed down instead of making Scott smarter.

    Also, not to be nitpicky, but with a serial killer on the run, wouldn’t even the most rudimentary police officer think to immediately commandeer all of the contents of said killer’s locker as evidence?
    No problem Julie, that is not nitpicking. Nitpicking would be when you point out that Scott doesn’t even remotely look like a teenager or that the actor playing younger Derek had brown eyes while Hoechlin has blue eyes. What you pointed out here is simply showing the glaring plotholes this has. And this show has a lot of plotholes in each episode.

    Back at the McCall House, Mama McCall is pleading with the electric company to turn her power back on. Apparently, she’s three months late on her bills, despite the fact that she’s pretty much the only employee still alive at the Beacon Hills Hospital. Now, if those aren’t grounds for a major raise, I don’t know what is!

    Not to mention the fact that Scott’s dad, the Big Fancy FBI Guy, has been crashing on the couch for months, basically rent free. Hello? Child support

    Yeah that writing really does suck. I think they did it just as some poor attempt at showing they still do the same show as in season one and therefore came back with the money thing. The thing they just ignored for an entire season. And oh look, Scott is so troubled by it. Yeah maybe he shouldn’t spend so much money on clothes and his motorcycle then. And that is why the money was lying around in the locker room and they are suddenly poor again, to have some hastily made up dilemma for Scott.

    The whole dynamic Liam shares with his froshie pals is honestly a bit confusing. We are led to believe that Mason is his adorable gay best friend for life, despite the fact that the two kids apparently didn’t attend the same school until just a few months prior. Maybe . . .
    There is no maybe, it is just another plothole, caused by the fact that these two are just copies of Jackson and Danny and the writers and especially Davis didn’t care about this fact, or to make them new characters. I mean look at them, in the first scene we saw them here Mason was even shouting exposition again, just like Danny did.
    Sure it would at least be something if the two were at least fuck buddies and since Jackson 2.0 seems destined to replace Scott, so the white pseudo-Latino is replaced by the uberwhite Anglo, at least that would make him somewhat less stereotypical and an actual step towards what Davis promised the show would be, but this is Davis and the guy can’t deal in anything but stereotypes for shit now.

    But that doesn’t explain the pair’s being supposedly so tight with Garrett and Violet. Two “kids” who seemingly transferred to Beacon Hills High for the sole purpose of crashing Liam’s and Mason’s lame weekly “Movie Nights.”
    And another plothole. They are going to rush this season as much as the previous ones with gullible idiots claiming that they take their time and let things develop when in truth they don’t.

    And speaking of plotholes:
    Shouldn’t a guy with IED freak out much more when being hit and seeing a dagger come at you? Serioiusly, shouldn’t Jackson 2.0 wolf out all the time?
    That car should be damaged after purposefully hitting him. Plus Garrett is stupid. He attacks Jackson 2.0 like that? He knows the guy is a werewolf apparently and he does it like that? Why not just drug him some way? So what he doesn’t have a wolfsbane dart?

    Finding a bullet in the grass leads Malia to determine that Brett’s pack of Buddhist wolves has gone into hiding. (I hope they brought Froot Loops!)
    They were there the whole time? Then why do they come up with this Nemeton thing after all? This stuff makes no sense.
    And this is bullshit, how come Malia doesn’t know how to identify scents? She figured out sex and dancing but not that? She is a plothole, a walking talking plothole. Nothing about her character makes any sense whatsoever.

    . . . leads Malia to determine that the pack is hiding in place infused with Buddhist meaning . . .the easternmost point in Beacon Hills.
    Actually Derek figured this out. Which makes no sense and when you think about it, it’s pretty stereotypical regarding Buddhists (as if they were that easy to understand) and reveals that other pack as complete morons.
    Also apparently these two idiots needed to figure out that the other pack is hiding. I was:
    Oh yeah, they are hiding, what gave it away genius? I mean who would have ever thought that right?
    Also, how come the two giant action figures don’t leave tracks? Malia could smell them a few episodes ago.
    Also the other pack has new powers that explain why Malia never noticed them. That is BS for two reasons:
    1) Malia lived around there for years and a group of 10 or so people constantly meeting would have never escaped her attention.
    2) Demarco had problems on the full moon, so how could his scent and that of the others be hidden all this time except for convenience to hastily fill that plothole?
    These writers suck. Plus they said in season 1 already that the human scent could be totally different and they had other things hinting in that direction so why do they act so surprised now?
    And apparently not only is Satomi, or whatever her name was, still alive here (which would mean she is at least 120 years old) but how does Derek know about her and the camp but not riddle demon? Plus stuff like this makes me think the writers are racist since apparently according to the flashback, her throwing the burning bottle at the car and burning the Jackson rip-off of that episode counts as more to her than the fact that she apparently was nowhere to be seen when Riddle-demon slaughtered the entire “internment camp.” I checked it twice, not a single flashback to the dead people, just the Jackson rip-off.
    So not surprised about the writers’ priorities.

    A pack that thinks lying out in an open field is an effective hiding strategy kind of deserve to bite it . . .
    This example is one of those that show that character stupidity is only an explanation so far. Not more.
    However I wonder how they died to begin with as the sucker twins obviously are incompetent.
    Btw. Where did Brett go to?

    Amidst the wreckage, Derek finds one lone survivor. Braden the Mercenary . . .

    “Well, I’m not technically a werewolf, so wolfsbane doesn’t work on me.
    So it really was her. I thought I was mistaken. Also, apparently she is still a plothole, no matter whether she is a werewolf (or general supernatural) or not.

    Meredith, however, is slightly less charmed, and understandably so. After all, what good has helping the Scooby Gang got her so far, apart from being targeted by the Benefactor, and berated by the Ginger.

    But self strangulation, means, “Definitely not.”
    (Assuming Meredith actually did strangle herself. Does anyone else smell the possibility of foul play? Follow your nose . . .)

    Isn’t it incredible how our smart and selfless heroes only think of Meredith possibly being targeted now? Not to mention that by this they ruined everything, again. What sort of person hiring assassins lets the two walking alarm systems who are precogs run around and warn people instead of killing them first? If s/he knows who is a supe or not and even tells the idiotic goons about the Alpha pack, then we are supposed to belief that s/he doesn’t know that?
    Plus I think they truly are implying now that she hanged herself. Either this is a badly done ruse, since it is impossible to hang yourself in a room like that, or they are serious about this and didn’t notice/care. Not to mention that anyone capable of doing an authorized autopsy would be able to tell the difference between a person hanging herself and being strangled.

    lsewhere on campus, Evil!Macaulay is engaging Scott in some good old-fashioned blackmail. “Stop my boo from getting transferred to Alcatraz, and I won’t let your Mini-Me get poisoned to death,” he offers helpfully.
    And boy was the intelligence level of the episode dropping from there on, not that it was of high intelligence to begin with.
    Scott is so stupid, of course the guy wants his girlfriend out of custody. Or are we supposed to belief that he just checked that because he wasn’t sure and therefore asked?
    Btw. Standing between busses, yeah absolutely not suspicious at all.
    And wow are these sunsets fast in that universe. It was bright daylight when Violet was brought to the car and now it is deepest night? How long did they wait with transporting her? And shouldn’t you have something better than a car to transport an assassin? Just a thought you know.
    And Scott’s hoodie is seriously stupid. Why doesn’t this idiot use some towel for his head or something? And since it’s dark already why not a ski mask? Why not anything? Everybody will recognize him this way.
    Also, Garret is a professional assassin so why can’t he stop them himself?
    And when the action figures were there. So not surprising. Come on, just throw Derek at them, plot armor will make him defeat them again.
    And as for Garrett’s “fencing”… I thought he couldn’t get any more idiotic, but these moves there…. That is not attacking, that is bad dancing. Also humans invented something a long time ago that could help you, they are called:

    For crying out loud, they have Afghanistan, they have “internment camps” so apparently WWII, so this is gun crazy America, there must be some 24 hours store or some gun crazy neighbor around from whom to steal one of them.
    And now Scott doesn’t have to kill him… convenient.

    and Violet is the only person left alive (haha), who knows where Liam has been stored
    How exactly would she know that? Was that a plan they came up before?

    Deaton and Scott call upon Chris Argent, who brings the pair to a place conveniently called “Argent Arms.” Talk about a sh*tty hiding place for someone named “Argent!”
    Well, Kate is supernatural now and as such she is stupid.
    You know for a few seconds I hoped Deaton might be the benefactor, you know to make him more than a magical negro, but it’s obvious that he isn’t so I should just give up hope on this show altogether.
    And boy was that fighting and all shitty:
    Why does Scott tell Chris about the action figures? Argent killed one of those things before.
    And why doesn’t Scott just roar to get rid of them like in episode 1?
    Back in season 1 I might have liked this fight scene, but knowing what I know now, it’s just lame. I mean, come on, if these things can punch through walls so several of Chris’ bones should be broken by now, at least. And Scott’s alleged Alpha strength or general werewolfiness is nowhere to be seen. But look, they finally get their hands on some cat roar tapes. Albeit I think it sounds more like a cougar than a jaguar.

    Upon determining that the third key to the Deadpool might not be someone who is already dead, but rather someone who will die before the show’s hiatus, Stiles and Lydia quickly uncover the list using Derek’s name, a good guess, seeing as the character has “fake died,” at least twice every season.
    I of course don’t watch spoilers or anything of this show anymore. But wasn’t Derek in the trailer for the season 4b? So why bother with this now? Why pretend that he might die when he clearly won’t?
    Not to mention why does Lydia’s deus ex machine power let her know it’s Derek’s name? Seriously no matter how you look at it, using Kate’s name makes more sense.

    First, it includes Liam, despite the fact that the Teenier Wolf was only bitten a few weeks ago at most, after all this killing started. (You recall, he was bitten when Scott was trying to save him from Wendigo Sean, after the latter was tracked down by The Mute.)
    Like I pointed out already.

    This means that either the third list was created sometime after the first two, OR that the Benefactor has some Banshee-like powers of omniscience.
    I think it’s just another plothole. Just like with Malia’s last name. Maybe it’s not but I don’t have much hope for this show left.

    Speaking of Peter, I don’t recall seeing him on the list (did I miss him?)
    I checked it and I could not find him on any of the three parts.

    rendering him Alpha Supreme in Beacon Hills
    Only if Scott would not be on the list, since technically he would need at least to kill him to become an Alpha. Since the writers would not include a plothole to make him a “True Alpha” as they did with Scott. At least not the same one since even Teen Wolf viewers probably could never be so gullible to belief Peter is a good person.

    Then again, perhaps, the true Benefactor is someone a bit more surprising . . . someone who has flown a bit more under the radar recently . . . a person whose smart enough to frame a fellow former Teen Wolf villain as his (or her) pawn . . .
    Well Gerard is supernatural now, at least partially. So he is probably too stupid now and so is Danny since he had, at least allegedly (David the coward did of course not deliver on his promise), sex with a werewolf.
    And allegedly this season no one is supposed to raise from the dead again… so probably no Mrs. Argent aka the fake matriarch. Plus if she would be alive she would be a werewolf by now, so also stupid…. Wait a minute, that kitchen knife killed her but Kate survived a slashed throat?

    Right about the time all hope seems lost for Sexy But Illegal Liam, he gives out a howl, leading Scott to uncover his location, and bring him back to Deaton’s for the “golden fart” treatment, just in time . . .
    I so couldn’t get into this BS with Jackson 2.0.
    I mean it’s not as though he couldn’t get out of there easily. Plus, why does he still have that wound? Derek’s healed pretty fast, then again they were never consistent.
    Not to mention, how did he get in there? The scenes do not suggest that he was conscious when he came into the well, so did Garrett lower him? If yes, where is the rope? Did he throw him there? If yes, did the shock wake him up? Since otherwise he should have drowned.
    And if he was seriously stabbed with that “rare” wolfsbane… yeah shouldn’t Jackson 2.0 show signs already? Brett did much faster. Plus, he stabbed into the lungs, it probably entered the blood stream already and getting to the heart won’t really do much. Isn’t it great when writers don’t know what they are talking about? It just adds so much drama to everything.
    Seriously wolfsbane or not, if the stuff takes that long to affect him he could easily climb out of there. You know considered how they say Jackson 2.0 has IED and anger makes you stronger as a werewolf, the well thing would have been a pretty good time to show that. But of course, the IED was just a plot device so they don’t think of that.

    Plus, despite what this show claims:
    Kids have more than just hurting someone else or themselves, they also have temper tantrums or hurl stuff across the room, or pout or anything. This is BS here!!!

    Also for so allegedly being concerned about Jackson 2.0 Scott sure as hell looks pretty uninterested.

    And werewolf or not, how can a simply roar from there, lead Scott to him? Is that a psychic scream?

    It is at the vet’s office that Scott has his annual epiphany. “No one else should die on this show . . . not even the extras,” Scott announces determinedly.

    Yeah, good luck with that . . .

    Pff, as if. Plus do these idiots realize that by including werewolves and “wendigos” they basically let Scott say that now they will protect people that can snap every month unless they do some serious steps to keep calm and ravenous man-eaters that could also turn on you unless their cravings are sated…. You know, I am totally on the side of the bad guys here, since this sounds as though Scott will turn Beacon Hills into this:

    Plus: Why is Scott talking about watching people die? He wasn’t around most of the time… oh right Scott must be important.

    Elsewhere, in a dank, dirty sewer, two rats make a deal with one another. One seeks control and acceptance back into her family fold, despite the monster she has become . . .

    The other seeks . . . wait for it . . . POWER.
    I already pointed out how stupid it is to have Kate not be able to control her other self. Also I remember to have read that female werewolves, which in the end is what she is (the cat motif is just stereotyping again), are either especially receptive for the evil side of werewolfism or especially troubled by werewolfism in general. In either way a truly non-femine werewolf body is often treated as something that should not be, something several readers here and the show are also guilty off.
    Teen Wolf is very much in line with this quote from a thesis paper I own:
    In The Dresden Files, Cursed, and Skinwalkers, the virtuous, “good” girl’s body is shown as less abject/grotesque than the “bad” girl who revels in her werewolf-iness and the power it gives her.
    Which is exactly what we had so far in season 1, 2, 3b and 4a. Only 3a is an exception with Kali looking less monstrous then Cora, however with Kali being a much more capable fighter, and thereby technically being much less feminine according to heteronormative society standards, and quickly killed by uberfeminine looking Jennifer.
    However, they all follow another pattern:
    Another pattern is that the more integrated and pleasurable a female character finds the condition of being a werewolf, the more sexual and evil she is shown to be. “Good” girls are not happy to be made werewolves: they resist, cry, and ask to be killed. The “good” female does not let her body become grotesque, but attempts to discipline it.
    But back to the episode at hand:
    If Kate wants the Argents back to power and glory… How? There are only two left. And shouldn’t she be angry with Scott then or something? When he is shoved into the spotlight anyway, at least have it make sense. Seriously if not for him most Argents would still be alive and it seemed that she at the very least cared about her family.
    And Peter just wants “power” the all time used and always poorly defined “power.”

    This is all like reading Twilight again.

  3. Lax is a spring sport, but I’m not sure something like that matters in Teen Wolf continuity.

    • Andre

      Well considered what else they ignored even of their own canon and how little they seem to know of canine physiology and behavior I doubt that this info about lacrosse bothers them.

    • Thanks gcabot. And so true. Other things that don’t matter in terms of Teen Wolf continuity, werewolf powers, banshee powers, kitsune powers, the existence of Allison Argent, Boyd, the mysteriously disappearing Isaac Lahey 🙂

      • Andre

        Let’s hope Isaac stays away. Does anyone really want him back? Seriously if this what we got where Davis’s big plans for Isaac… well lets say I do not want to see what Davis considers a bad plan.

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