Entering the Bone Zone – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Promise to the Dead”

this isnt good for scott

50 Shades of Bone

Welcome back, Werebangers. This week on Teen Wolf a number of our favorite Beacon Hill residents finally got laid . . .

who dad

sexin

While others just got boned . . .

tapped

“Worst date everrrrrrrrr!”

We experience episodes like this around this time every season of Teen Wolf. You know, the ones after the main mystery of the season has been solved . . . where the Beacon Hill Scoobies are just trying to catch their breaths, and possibly engage in a little R-rated action, before the inevitable Finale Cliffhanger turns everything to sh*t once again . . .

wake up stiles

Stiles: “So, whose turn is it to get possessed by an evil demon and commit evil acts over which you have no control, and therefore won’t have to pay any consequences?”

Scott: “I think it’s mine.”

Stiles: “Good luck with that, buddy.”

Finally, Stiles’s dad has enough down time to take Stiles and Malia out to savage the local deer population . .

deer

. . . or just eat some pizza. That works too . . .

nommy

“Tastes like Deer .. . and cheese.”

Scott finally took Kira on a date in what is undoubtedly the most morbid, ugliest, most dangerous, friend-dyingest place in Beacon Hills . . .

boyd kicking ass

“Consider yourself haunted.”

Liam’s lower lip quivered . . .

lip quiv

. . . while he tried to sleep . . .

more mist

. . . while he lifted weights . . .

crying

. . . while he played video games with his friend . . .

misty eye

. . . while he got eaten by a Berserker and died. . .

confused liam

Just kidding about that last one . . . for now.

Basically, it was your average day in Beacon Hills . ..

With one or two exceptions.

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, a big hearty thanks to my good pal Andre, whose screencapping talent, passion for all things supernatural, and trademark snark, mean that one day he will (and should) write and produce a teen show TV show that rocks 100 times harder than Teen Wolf, and we can all say we met him here. :)]

Third Eye Not-So Blind

You know what really pisses me off? When I’m captured by a wendigo, and he spends five minutes yammering on about how much better I’m going to taste when I’m nervous.   You know what makes me nervous? BEING EATEN BY A WENDIGO!

not enjoying self lets talk about food

You know what makes me bored and annoyed? Listening to a wendigo talk about eating me. It’s like those annoying food commercials where the two obnoxious dad types try to make hip jokes about their slushies . . . or when the Wendy’s girl and her friends have nothing to talk about during their lunch break except how delicious their hamburgers are.

T.J. Jagodowski, left, and Peter Grosz, right wendys girl

JUST EAT IT, AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT, MMM-KAY?

still talking about eating you so hungry

I’m not going to lie. I cheered when Deaton clocked this guy’s ass, and carted him off to Eichen House . . . a place that seems to be a Rite of Passage for all residents of Beacon Hills. After all, we all go a little mad sometimes. Am I right?

diet time eatus interruptus damnit

we all go a little

The idea of there being a floor of the nut house, dedicated entirely to supernatural creatures (and yet, Malia and Meredith got to stay on the regular floor. . . weird) presents a lot of really fun possibilities for next season. Are you listening, Jeff Davis?

I mean, just check out this Samuel L. Jackson-looking guy? How cool is he!

samuel jack

I’m thinking something along the lines of an X-Men villains-type storyline, where all the creepiest, and most disturbing of supernaturals stage an awesome breakout from Eichen House, and proceed to terrorize Beacon Hills residents, just because it’s fun . . . and because they can!

bad x men

And because Stiles, who is most definitely a comic book fan/ fan of the X-Men series, would have so many funny / meta things to say about a group of big bads like this that come from his and  Malia’s Alma Mater of Wackjobs, Eichen House . . .

winky stiles

Anyway, Deaton — being the kind of guy whose clearly not capable of just rescuing a girl from being eaten by a Wendigo, and then heading home to binge watch old episodes of True Blood on Netflix (the early seasons . . . naturally . . . back when the show was still good, and I was still recapping it) — decides to go have a nice chat with creeptastic creeper, who, at first, appears to be sporting a massive gunshot wound in his forehead, but actually just has a really bloody nasty ass third eye . . .

crazy huose head wound yucki see you

BabyScared

WHHHHHY? WHY Teen Wolf? Why must you be so unnecessarily grotesque? Can we go back to the annoying dude eating the teenage girl? That’s starting to seem downright pleasant about now in comparison to this.

lets talk about food

“I told you I’d grow on you.  Would you mind terribly if I nibbled on your left ear?”

So, why did Deaton choose to ruin all of our dinners by visiting Third Eye Guy? Apparently, he believes Triclops here will somehow help Deaton SEE the way to save Derek from Inevitable Death By Inexplicable Loss of Powers . . .

der funny face ha

Instead, Triclops just makes Deaton take a nap . . .

coma man

If all Deaton wanted to get out of this trip was a little extra shut-eye, popping a few Ambien would have been easier (and way less gross). Just sayin . . .

In dream land, Deaton dreams of the bone zone, which is not only where Der Bear first lost his Mojo, it’s also where Scott . . . well, more on that later . . .

shouldn't have had beans for dinner

“Is this IKEA?”

Anywhoo, just when it looks like Deaton will enter The Big Sleep, everyone’s favorite Banshee Alarm clock pops by to give him a “friendly wakeup call.”

let me talk

lyd screams

And they all lived Deaf-Ever-After . . .

Scott’s Down with O.P.P . . . (Other People’s Property)

This season on Teen Wolf, Peter’s Blood Money Duffle Bag got more action from Scott than Kira did.

money to fondle

So much money fondling . . .

dollar signs

Sometimes Scott fondled the money by himself . . .

2 17 elena steals cash moonstone

Sometimes he fondled the money while Liam watched . ..

sad liam eyes

Sometimes Scott and Stiles took turns fondling the money . ..

what do we do

This week, Scott’s mom found the money (probably because Scott’s brilliant idea of hiding it, involved pushing it under his bed, open, with massive wads of cash tumbling out of it) . . . and began to fondle it with Scott.

under bed

this is me fondling

AWK-WARD!

Scott’s arguments as to why the McCall’s should keep the money: (1) we need it; (2) its true owner already has enough v-neck shirts and doesn’t need more; (3) hiding millions of dollars in a rather easily accessible vault is a piss poor investment strategy; and (4) its true owner is a rotten excuse for a human being who repeatedly tries to murder me  . . .

are quickly shot down by Mama McCall’s moral imperative.

bloodmoney

Bloody money has cooties  . . . See?  Check out the masssive cooty on this stack of G’s.”

Why was that particular pile of cash bloody, anyway? If the deadpool notifications are to be believed, the assassins had money wired to their bank accounts immediately following verification of the kill. There was no physical cash payout.

kill not confirmed

Even if the killers immediately cashed out their earnings, that bank money would presumably be “clean.’ Garrett and Violet succeeded in making at least two kills, of which we are aware. Did they then just keep cashing out the money , shoving it into the same duffelbag, and using the unmarked bills in that duffelbag to wipe off the blood from Garrett’s hockey stick? Wouldn’t a bottle of hydrogen peroxide been a more sanitary cleaning method?

creepswack

No matter . . . when Scott tries to return the money to Derek, he doesn’t want it.   “Peter’s a moron,” Derek muses. “He should have invested the funds in a death trap apartment complex and become a slumlord, like I did. Serves him right, spending the money on something stupid, like World Domination. Finders, Keepers, I say. YOLO.”

better take

Oh sweet Derek, you may be dying, but your getting laid by a non-psychotic female, for a change, is making you so much more enjoyable to be around . . .

yolo der

Cockblocks of the Screaming Kind

Dear Braeden . . .

im back braeden

Please don’t take this the wrong way . . .

I like you. I like that you taught Derek to use a gun, and, in doing so, made him about 50 times less useless in fights than he ever was as a plain vanilla werewolf.

machine_gun_cat

I also think its cool that you are a confident, strong woman, who isn’t afraid to show off your assets . .. even, and perhaps, especially, the physical ones . . .

But your choice of post-coital wardrobe this week, made me laugh out loud . . .

what they wear

You see, I understand that, as consenting adults, you and Derek occasionally fornicate. (I would fornicate with Derek too, if I were you . . . like, all the time . . . sooooo much fornicating.)

sex me now 2

And then, after it’s over, you go to sleep . . .

my day for sleeping

See, for example, Stiles and Malia. This is a couple that clearly has sex with one another, and sleeps together. But they’ve been dating long enough to have given up the need to “dress for the occasion.”

night gowns

Sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend is sometimes just sex.  To celebrate the occasion, they wear nightclothes. Simple . . . comfy . . . cute.

kissin

You know, I wouldn’t mind as much, if Derek and Braeden slept naked (They both totally seem like the type), and had to grab for some quick blankets to cover their unmentionables, when the inevitable screaming intruder popped by . . .

cock blocing

But Braeden wears THIS to bed?

her outfit

You see, this is how I know a man wrote this episode, one who has never had to suffer through the agony of wearing a lacy bra, with underwire, lots and lots of padding, and boyfriend-style underwear that rides up your ass crack every time you take a really deep breath . . .

118247_521

Rest assured, Jeff Davis. The only women who sleep in THAT OUTFIT live inside a Victoria’s Secret catalog .. .

Maybe that’s why Lydia was screaming at them, and not the whole, “Derek’s dying. This is a family show. Therefore, I’m not going to let you two screw tonight . . .”

Perhaps, she was saying . . .

fashio pol

“FASHION POLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!”

Meanwhile, in a more G-rated section of town . . .

Nightmare on Liam’s Street . . .

Poor Liam. Sometimes I get the impression that the character thought he was going to be cast as one of The Warblers on Glee . . .

2 9warblers

Or Matty’s nemesis on Awkward . . .

tvb matty pointless times

And he simply stumbled onto the wrong television set!

Now, he’s growing hair in weird places, and being dreamstalked by what kind of looks like Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and all he’s thinking about is whether all this murder and wolf metamorphosis is going to interfere with his dream to win Sectionals and/or finally summon the courage to ask Emo Senior Jenna to prom . . .

tvb sad matty

Now, I like the refreshing realism of having a character like Liam, actually experience the effects of being slightly traumatized by the types of horrific events the rest of the Scoobies seem to shrug off every day . . .

more mist hey there sleepyhead

“Hey there, Lonely Boy.  I’ll sleep over and play video games with you.”

I also like how Scott noticed Liam was dissing his bromantic buddy, Mason (Who still doesn’t seem to get that Liam and his new friends are supernatural, despite that whole “saving the werewolves from the dog whistle music” thing last week.), and cautiously instructed him against being a “lone wolf,” as the little tween is likely going to need his friends more than ever in the coming seasons . . .

lols

crying

can i spot you

“Need a spotter, Liam?”

Part of me just wishes Liam’s Berserker hallucinations this week, had a bit more of a payoff . . .

Like, for example, the writers could have blessed the Berserkers with Freddie Krueger-type powers, whereby if they succeeded in killing Liam in the dream, he’d also die in real life. So, then, Liam would be forced to become addicted to caffeine pills, so that he wouldn’t fall asleep, and those pills had the unintended impact of turning him into SPEEDHEAD I.E.D WOLF. . .

 

time to experiment

Hey, it could happen. . .

In other unrelated news, guess who has two hands and is no longer poor . . .

this guy dad

This guy!

It turns out Eichen House has given the Stilinskis the old One of Our Staff Members Tried to Murder You discount on their insane asylum bills . . .HOORAY!

dancing stiles again

It’s been forever, since Stiles and his dad, and the girl Stiles is currently shagging got to share a nice meal together . . .

Papa Stilinski is ready to go all out. He even asks Malia about her favorite food . . .

deer eat

“Bambi’s Mother . . .”

Why so judgy, Stilinskis? Venison is actually considered a delicacy in many parts of the world . . .

bambi

But hey, pizza is good too . . .

pizza-delivery-boy

The date to end all dates, literally. . .

Correct me, if I’m wrong, but I thought Scott and Kira already had a few first dates. . .

Like the time they road tandem on Scott’s motorcycle . . .

moto

Or the time they slow-danced at Lydia’s grandma’s lake house . . .

smack lick

Both of those things seem way more romantic than “Sitting in the dark, poorly furnished place where Boyd bit it . . . which still smells like Derek and Braeden Sex .  . .”

ephemeral

I also liked how Scott, tried to pump some romance into the fact that, just like the McCalls, Derek was actually too cheap to pay for his electric bills . . .

He strings the whole place up with candles, and makes Kira use her electric powers to get them to run . . .

bad date she does it ights them all

“There’s also an exercise bike in the corner of the room, you can peddle to make the air conditioner work.  Starting riding!”

Beware, Kira! These are the kind of guys that mysteriously seem to have “left their wallet at home,” every time the two of you go out for Valentine’s Day Dinner . . .

borrow money

The type of guys who convince you to help them pay for medical school, only to ditch you less than a year later for the hot nurse, they met while doing their internship . . .

(On the other hand, from the looks of it, there’s a good chance neither of you are going to live to see college, let alone medical school . So, carpe diem! You go kids! Watch that Star Wars DVD, knowing full well that you are going to be kidnapped AGAIN, before they even finish those black moving screen opening credits . . .)

really sexin party crash off to church

“Now your balls match my face, Scott.”

blue balls

In which everyone gets pep talks . . .

“Hey Liam! This is crazy.”

trust alph

“I know you and I used to beat the crap out of one another on the lacrosse field, because I you totally ruined my coaches’ car.”

trust alph 2

“But, we are both secret teen wolves with anger issues, and I have a massive man-crush on your Alpha.”

“So, let’s be friends, maybe?”

pensive lia

Awww, Buddhist Wolf is so sweet! Can we adopt him, Werebangers? Can we?

nodding oh yeah

Meanwhile in the stands of yet another lacrosse game, Papa Peter comes to Daughter Malia with a proposition.

pete and ma

evil peter pan

“Kill Kate for me, and I will introduce you to your mother . . . the Desert Wolf . . . who may or may not be Kate.”

drinking to get

“I think I liked it better when my father was just a random redneck, and I’d eaten the rest of my family.”

Hey, has anyone seen Scott?  Or Kira?  Uh-oh!

Speaking of Peter . . .

It sounds like the beginning of a joke . . . a hunter, a werewolf, and a berserker walk into a sewer . . .

finding stuff berserklooking good peter hale

But then, suddenly, this happens . . .

not having fun

. . . and this happens . . .

still not

. . . and Chris Argent isn’t laughing anymore.

reallly not

There’s nothing like being bested by a moron in a bear costume and his metrosexual pal to lower one’s self esteem . . .

got nothing

(By the way, since when do the Berserkers work for Peter too? I thought they were Kate’s pets.)

But then Deputy Parrish comes to save the day . . .

helping parrish

He starts by un-boning Argent (Re-virginizing?)

And then he tells him, “Hey remember that time those Samurai things murdered your daughter? You should be kind of pissed about that, and use that anger to drive you, and make you kill yourself slightly less.”  (“You might also consider making some friends your own age, like those douchebags you used to hang out with in Season 1, who seemed to magically disappear after a couple of episodes.”)

teen wolf hunters

know about allison

“Thank you for reminding me,” Chris Argent replies. “I was starting to think she was just away on a study abroad program, because no one seemed to notice that she and her boyfriend are MIA. I AM really pissed about it! In fact, I’m so pissed, I’m going to be much less of a pussy from now on.”

demons die

“Sounds good,” replies Deputy Parrish.

“Thanks sexy Phoenix guy,” Argent replies . . .

“No prob, seemingly normal human who hangs out with so many teenagers that it’s slightly disturbing . . .”

phoenix

And they all live happily ever after . .. at least once they get out of the nasty sewer . . .

Living slightly less happily ever after? Scott . . .

Rise Darth Berserker!

Having awoken in a bed of bones, Scott and Kira know that their not-so-hot date is about to get a lot not-so-hotter . . .

at the chruch

OK, Kate. You’ve gotten our attention. Care to explain the motive for your madness? (Please make it better than Meredith’s. Please make it better than Meredith’s . . .)

heres my motive

“I hate Scott, basically.   He gets all the screentime on the show. His being turned into a werewolf coincided with my niece and my sister-in-law biting it in short order, my father going wacky, and my brother totally losing his nerve to fight. They call him the true Alpha. But I think he’d be better known as the True Life Ruiner. What’s worse, I don’t really get the boner everyone has for this guy? He’s crap at fighting. I just handed his ass to him a few moments ago, again! He can’t even turn into a gorilla. What good is he?”

Not going to lie. As far as motives go, Kate’s is pretty darn rock solid.   It’s more sane than Meredith’s, “Peter made me do it in his coma,” motive. And more sympathetic than the assassins “It would make me $25 million richer, motive. And Peter’s egomaniacal, “He’s the only thing that stands between me and world domination” motive.

always been the alpha

That said, making Scott wear an ugly Halloween costume is humiliating, but I don’t think it rises to the level of a good vengeance plan . . .

Wait . .. what’s that you say? Kate’s going to make Scott a Berserker? So, he is finally forced to become the heartless monster he always feared becoming? And his friends wouldn’t recognize him, would plot his demise, and might (but wouldn’t likely) succeed?

i got you a hat like mine

“Hey, check it out!  Matching hats!  We’re twinsies!”

this isnt good

Oooooh . . . that’s cold.

Until next time Berserk-bangers . . . er, I mean, Werebangers!

stiles with wolf hat

1 Comment

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One response to “Entering the Bone Zone – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Promise to the Dead”

  1. Andre

    How do you do it, that you can make an enjoyable recap from such a lame episode. There was exactly one thing I liked and in typical Teen Wolf way, they mess it up.

    Welcome back, Werebangers. This week on Teen Wolf a number of our favorite Beacon Hill residents finally got laid . . . While others just got boned . . .
    And I didn’t care about any of them, since two of them are creepy when you think about it for more than a second and all three lack any actually chemistry or even a basis, or can anyone here tell me why they are together to begin with?
    It seems as though currently all main cast have to be paired up with someone.

    We experience episodes like this around this time every season of Teen Wolf. You know, the ones after the main mystery of the season has been solved . . . where the Beacon Hill Scoobies are just trying to catch their breaths, and possibly engage in a little R-rated action, before the inevitable Finale Cliffhanger turns everything to sh*t once again . . .
    No, no we don’t. Season 1 and 2 were nearly over by this time and didn’t had any of this and last season at this time the three main idiots were put into an icebath to skip about half a day because the writers are lazy and the whole drama was pretty unnecessary and totally overhyped. Which I think will happen next episode as well.

    Finally, Stiles’s dad has enough down time to take Stiles and Malia out to savage the local deer population . .

    . . . or just eat some pizza. That works too . . .
    I saw the episode on Saturday and already cannot remember them eating pizza anymore, the episode was that uninteresting to me.

    Scott finally took Kira on a date in what is undoubtedly the most morbid, ugliest, most dangerous, friend-dyingest place in Beacon Hills . . .
    Well he is a white guy that people think is a Latino due to his looks and she is an Asian stereotype so you cannot expect that they get anything done right unless the plot says so.

    . . . while he got eaten by a Berserker and died. . .
    If only that had happened instead of everything else.

    mean that one day he will (and should) write and produce a teen show TV show that rocks 100 times harder than Teen Wolf, and we can all say we met him here. 🙂
    I doubt it, US producers claimed this here to be progressive. They would not be able to handle a show I would want to make. It would be full of feminism, breaking of gender and ethnic stereotypes and would have true fight scenes, homoeroticism and actual Latinos in heroes roles.
    Aka, everything Teen Wolf doesn’t have.
    However, once I am done with some bad books I will do a bunch of drawings as a Teen Wolf reboot as some sort.
    The Alpha pack and the Kanaima get a redesign. Noshiko will be… I have to search for a good name and Kira will be a monster, Erica will be tough, Boyd slender and smart, Isaac will be dead and the rest you will see.
    To make it short, it would be more like this:

    I’m going to taste when I’m nervous. You know what makes me nervous? BEING EATEN BY A WENDIGO!
    Technically it was fear, however, you have to ask yourself how such a high stress level would make anything taste better.
    But it also reveals another problem:
    Remember Scott’s “no one will die anymore” statements from a few episodes back? This is one of the helpless victims he wants to live in peace with and protect. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
    Plus: Look how many bodies apparently are in his store house. How often does he need to eat people, that blond guy from before was so hungry he attacked a guard, so how many people did he capture and kill? Is he in Beacon Hills also? How can all those deaths/disappearances stay unnoticed?

    I’m not going to lie. I cheered when Deaton clocked this guy’s ass, and carted him off to Eichen House . . . a place that seems to be a Rite of Passage for all residents of Beacon Hills. After all, we all go a little mad sometimes. Am I right?
    Actually he “returned” him to Eichenhouse. And not only did that scene make me ask: “How does this guy about the deadpool?” Was he on the list (I cannot remember) if yes he is apparently in Beacon Hills (see my comment above).
    And if he had to be returned, does that mean he managed to break out? He doesn’t seem to have superstrength or anything so how crappy is that place?

    PS. Correct me if I am wrong: This was the first time that we ever heard Deaton’s first name. And we still don’t know where he lives and how is job can pay for all his gimmicks.

    The idea of there being a floor of the nut house, dedicated entirely to supernatural creatures (and yet, Malia and Meredith got to stay on the regular floor. . . weird) presents a lot of really fun possibilities for next season. Are you listening, Jeff Davis?
    That might be his idea. Of course none of these cells look even remotely as if they could hold even the average werewolf. Also: was this special ward there all the time (the talk about the three-eyed guy suggests so)? If yes, wasn’t there a certain someone back in season 3b who surely could and would have used these “people” to his full advantage?

    I’m thinking something along the lines of an X-Men villains-type storyline, where all the creepiest, and most disturbing of supernaturals stage an awesome breakout from Eichen House, and proceed to terrorize Beacon Hills residents, just because it’s fun . . . and because they can!
    Aka an Arkham or Belle Reeve rip-off (Smallville) where everyone wants to kill Scott, because…. Just because. I doubt there will be a reason.
    And wouldn’t all the nutjobs above them just be convenient snacks for these monsters?

    decides to go have a nice chat with creeptastic creeper, who, at first, appears to be sporting a massive gunshot wound in his forehead, but actually just has a really bloody nasty ass third eye . . .
    Oh great another concept from a non-American mythology, because this show was so good at using those so far and staying true to the source material.
    Btw. I didn’t find it creepy at all, for me it looked silly.

    So, why did Deaton choose to ruin all of our dinners by visiting Third Eye Guy? Apparently, he believes Triclops here will somehow help Deaton SEE the way to save Derek from Inevitable Death By Inexplicable Loss of Powers . . .
    Which is something I do not care about since I think Derek is a useless character whom I would only have a connection to if I would belief what the show literally tells me. Which I luckily do not.

    Instead, Triclops just makes Deaton take a nap . . .
    Which apparently happened with other people before and yet the “warden” did not have any safety measures… yeah this facility is a bloodbath waiting to happen with such incompetent people running it.

    Anywhoo, just when it looks like Deaton will enter The Big Sleep, everyone’s favorite Banshee Alarm clock pops by to give him a “friendly wakeup call.”
    If just all she did was scream at him, but apparently he just heard her. Why her of all people? Because the plot says so, not because it makes sense. Seriously why should they have a special connection of any sort? They don’t spend much time with each other and they are not dying either.


    This season on Teen Wolf, Peter’s Blood Money Duffle Bag got more action from Scott than Kira did.

    Tells you something about their relationship doesn’t it?

    This week, Scott’s mom found the money (probably because Scott’s brilliant idea of hiding it, involved pushing it under his bed, open, with massive wads of cash tumbling out of it) . . . and began to fondle it with Scott.
    Makes you wonder what she was doing all the time that she only found it now. Then again the timeline on this show is totally screwed so he might have hidden it there only three days ago for all we know.

    Why was that particular pile of cash bloody, anyway? If the deadpool notifications are to be believed, the assassins had money wired to their bank accounts immediately following verification of the kill. There was no physical cash payout.
    Not only that but considered that the bag was in Garrett’s locker at school, how did blood get on it in the first place? Was it in the car when he stabbed that blond werewolf? If yes her blood must have been even more fountain-like than blood in Ninja Assasins.

    Even if the killers immediately cashed out their earnings, that bank money would presumably be “clean.’ Garrett and Violet succeeded in making at least two kills, of which we are aware. Did they then just keep cashing out the money , shoving it into the same duffelbag, and using the unmarked bills in that duffelbag to wipe off the blood from Garrett’s hockey stick? Wouldn’t a bottle of hydrogen peroxide been a more sanitary cleaning method?
    Well I think it was just a cheap plotdevice to show that the money is dirty and drove some of the show’s screwed moral messages down our throat. You know considered that Davis never wanted to make this an issues show he sure as hell created a lot don’t you think?

    “Peter’s a moron,” Derek muses. “He should have invested the funds in a death trap apartment complex and become a slumlord, like I did. Serves him right, spending the money on something stupid, like World Domination. Finders, Keepers, I say. YOLO.”
    You know apart from being annoyed that they once again show their sexism by ignoring Cora I asked myself:
    If all the money was Peter’s why didn’t he use it before? Of course the reason is that they only made it up for this season, but they do not even try to give us an explanation.
    Also how much does the building coast (and keeps draining money, after all flooding your apartment will ruin a lot), how much money does Derek have and why did he live in that ruin first and he and his sister where on the run if they had that much money? Not to mention if they had that much why was Peter in that creepy asylum or whatever that was? One of the bazillion questions this season so far brought us and that shows how crappy the writing is. Well that and the fact that Scott was so stupid that he though Derek buried the money in the floor instead of connecting the dots and saying that Derek owns the building, showing once again what a moron he is.


    Oh sweet Derek, you may be dying, but your getting laid by a non-psychotic female, for a change, is making you so much more enjoyable to be around . . .

    And isn’t it convenient how the show just ignores his years of posttraumatic stress disorder?

    But your choice of post-coital wardrobe this week, made me laugh out loud . . .
    And considered that she is a professional bounty hunter slash magical negro you would think she has something a tad more appropriate for sudden fights. Plus this suggests some other things… but I safe that for future comments.
    Plus both of them don’t seem to think much of the fact that Lydia for the first time this season screamed again.
    And neither does Lydia….

    You see, this is how I know a man wrote this episode, one who has never had to suffer through the agony of wearing a lacy bra, with underwire, lots and lots of padding, and boyfriend-style underwear that rides up your ass crack every time you take a really deep breath . . .
    Well what do you expect from the writers? To do their homework and think outside their own narrow mindsets? Surely not, that would require actual effort.

    Now, he’s growing hair in weird places, and being dreamstalked by what kind of looks like Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and all he’s thinking about is whether all this murder and wolf metamorphosis is going to interfere with his dream to win Sectionals and/or finally summon the courage to ask Emo Senior Jenna to prom . . .
    So he is exactly like Scott in season 1? Wow these writers are lazy. Now they recycle their own characters.

    Now, I like the refreshing realism of having a character like Liam, actually experience the effects of being slightly traumatized by the types of horrific events the rest of the Scoobies seem to shrug off every day . . .
    Actually that the others just shrug it off seems more realistic to me than Jackson 2.0s constant hallucinations, that make him a schizophrenic by the way, since I have no idea why he has them. Their flashbacks suggest that it has to do with the fight on the hospital roof but what happened there that would trigger this? That he was tossed around? He seemed to have recovered from that rather quickly and get back into action, so why do they haunt his waking moments now? Can anyone explain this to me?
    Also wouldn’t a character with I.E.D be a bit more… you know angry about all this? Do the writers even know that they gave him that disorder?

    Part of me just wishes Liam’s Berserker hallucinations this week, had a bit more of a payoff . . .
    What? Consequences inconvenient to the planned plot? Julie come on you know this is Teen Wolf, if they ever did that they haven’t done it for a long time.

    Like, for example, the writers could have blessed the Berserkers with Freddie Krueger-type powers, whereby if they succeeded in killing Liam in the dream, he’d also die in real life. So, then, Liam would be forced to become addicted to caffeine pills, so that he wouldn’t fall asleep, and those pills had the unintended impact of turning him into SPEEDHEAD I.E.D WOLF. . .
    That would require being consistent, spend effort and have good ideas, clearly not something Teen Wolf does now. If it were different they would have come with something better than the literal deus ex machina last episode.


    It turns out Eichen House has given the Stilinskis the old One of Our Staff Members Tried to Murder You discount on their insane asylum bills . . .HOORAY!

    Why? Seriously, why? How can they afford this?

    Correct me, if I’m wrong, but I thought Scott and Kira already had a few first dates. . .
    Like the time they road tandem on Scott’s motorcycle . . .

    Or the time they slow-danced at Lydia’s grandma’s lake house . . .

    Both of those things seem way more romantic than “Sitting in the dark, poorly furnished place where Boyd bit it . . . which still smells like Derek and Braeden Sex . . .”
    Pretty good point. I think it was all just to have them be there for what came next. I mean was Derek suddenly so generous that he bought all those light bulbs for Scott? That generosity sure as hell didn’t come along before.

    I also liked how Scott, tried to pump some romance into the fact that, just like the McCalls, Derek was actually too cheap to pay for his electric bills . . .
    I think in his case it was rather him being a Scrooge McDuck with abs. In Scott’s case:
    “Hey Scott if your mom needs to work so much and is in need of money why don’t you sell your bike and use cheaper clothes to save some money? Just a thought you know.” You know Scott doesn’t really come along like someone who is struggling with money.

    So, carpe diem! You go kids! Watch that Star Wars DVD, knowing full well that you are going to be kidnapped AGAIN, before they even finish those black moving screen opening credits . . .)
    You know I really had to think about whether they ever had been kidnapped and then I remembered last season. Wow they ignored the effects of that so much I started to ignore it. I think I will need the next hiatus to refresh my memory with all the pointlessness of season 3a and b to get back on track.

    “Hey Liam! This is crazy.”

    “I know you and I used to beat the crap out of one another on the lacrosse field, because I you totally ruined my coaches’ car.”

    “But, we are both secret teen wolves with anger issues, and I have a massive man-crush on your Alpha.”
    “So, let’s be friends, maybe?”

    Awww, Buddhist Wolf is so sweet! Can we adopt him, Werebangers? Can we?
    I called this the “Moment that ruined Kate’s moment” on the episode. Just a another pointless “I have a boner for Scott moment” that has no basis and basically tells us what we should belief about Scott even though the writers did shit to actually proof Scott is as special as everyone claims he is.
    Seriously this “he saved us” BS is just that BS. He didn’t safe them, he didn’t get them killed and that is a massive difference. I already wrote last time how BS their entire operation was but this here is especially BS because it is the same stuff we had with the Motel California episode and pretty much everything else: Someone else does the work (here Lydia, Malia and Stiles) and Scott gets the credit. Tells you a lot about the alleged virtue of our True Alpha that he never points that out doesn’t it?

    “Kill Kate for me, and I will introduce you to your mother . . . the Desert Wolf . . . who may or may not be Kate.”
    Why does he think she can kill Kate? Do Peter’s Hale genes finally have become active and he has turned stupid like Laura, Cora and Derek? At least that would be some explanation.

    PS. Horray for Teen Wolf once again telling us that biological parents are very important and adoptive ones don’t count at all.

    Hey, has anyone seen Scott? Or Kira? Uh-oh!
    No, and apparently no one cares. You see when they got kidnapped it was pretty dark, when Stiles and Jackson 2.0 point out that they haven’t texted back and think they make-out it was apparently late afternoon (do they think they fucked for more than 12 hours?) and now it’s darkest night again (is that a lacrosse thing?) and they don’t find it odd that they haven’t heard of them for such a long time? What makes them think these two, who barely even had petting so far, would fuck like rabbits?


    It sounds like the beginning of a joke . . . a hunter, a werewolf, and a berserker walk into a sewer . . .
    But then, suddenly, this happens . . .

    . . . and this happens . . .

    . . . and Chris Argent isn’t laughing anymore.

    There’s nothing like being bested by a moron in a bear costume and his metrosexual pal to lower one’s self esteem . . .
    It does sound like a joke and considered that what happens means that a) the berserkers are bulletproof or b) Peter is terrible shot and therefore cannot kill that 2 meter action figure with a machine gun, or whatever that was, I would say it really is a joke. I haven’t seen such bad aim since the Underworld animees:

    Seriously Michael is at the wall and these dumb bitches seem to hit nothing.

    By the way, since when do the Berserkers work for Peter too? I thought they were Kate’s pets.
    Hush Julie, don’t point out the obvious plotholes. The wrath of the groupies will come upon you. 😉

    But then Deputy Parrish comes to save the day . . .

    He starts by un-boning Argent (Re-virginizing?)
    1) How can his phone have no reception down there if apparently daylight can come in?
    2) If the metal won’t move at all no matter what he tries, why does Chris scream when Perish pulls?
    3) Can’t they at least give him another eye color than the wolves and samurai knockoffs?

    “You might also consider making some friends your own age, like those douchebags you used to hang out with in Season 1, who seemed to magically disappear after a couple of episodes.”
    Julie, hush, no pointing out the plot holeys! The groupies:

    Oh shit, they are here.

    Also Perish gets briefed about Allison, but Scott doesn’t tell his dad?

    “Thank you for reminding me,” Chris Argent replies. “I was starting to think she was just away on a study abroad program, because no one seemed to notice that she and her boyfriend are MIA. I AM really pissed about it! In fact, I’m so pissed, I’m going to be much less of a pussy from now on.”
    She really could be just studying abroad to be honest. It really does make no difference.

    Btw. Shouldn’t Chris have bleed to death a long time ago already? At least be inconscious? Seriously he is bleeding all over the place.

    Having awoken in a bed of bones, Scott and Kira know that their not-so-hot date is about to get a lot not-so-hotter . . .
    I really want to know what cars they built in Teen Wolf since apparently they are so fast that they can go from North California to “Mexico” in less than 12 hours without any problems.

    “I hate Scott, basically. He gets all the screentime on the show. His being turned into a werewolf coincided with my niece and my sister-in-law biting it in short order, my father going wacky, and my brother totally losing his nerve to fight. They call him the true Alpha. But I think he’d be better known as the True Life Ruiner. What’s worse, I don’t really get the boner everyone has for this guy? He’s crap at fighting. I just handed his ass to him a few moments ago, again! He can’t even turn into a gorilla. What good is he?”
    Not going to lie. As far as motives go, Kate’s is pretty darn rock solid. It’s more sane than Meredith’s, “Peter made me do it in his coma,” motive. And more sympathetic than the assassins “It would make me $25 million richer, motive. And Peter’s egomaniacal, “He’s the only thing that stands between me and world domination” motive.

    Yeah Kate was the only thing I liked about the episode. He motives make sense, they actually fit what was shown in the show, especially her question what is so special about Scott, he reactions here made sense. It is almost as if this was from a different show.

    That said, making Scott wear an ugly Halloween costume is humiliating, but I don’t think it rises to the level of a good vengeance plan . . .
    Wait . .. what’s that you say? Kate’s going to make Scott a Berserker? So, he is finally forced to become the heartless monster he always feared becoming? And his friends wouldn’t recognize him, would plot his demise, and might (but wouldn’t likely) succeed?

    Fearing it always? He only feared it for a few episodes in the entire show. It was never consistent and the first time we saw it he was in “Bardo” and then it was ignored. So I do not give much credit to this becoming anything good. I do not even know what this is good for. It was episode 11. Do they want to make Scott a villain next season half?
    Not to mention that you have to ask yourself how Kate knows how to do this and how Mayans can make such things. Imagine the logistics to find bear skulls that big down there.

    Well we will see next episode.

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