Presto Chango – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s Season Finale “Smoke and Mirrors”

presto chango iii

Game of Bones . . .

Have you ever seen a children’s magic show? By design, a children’s magic show has to be different from its adult counterpart. You see, children generally don’t have the patience for the pomp and circumstance of adult magic shows . . . the “mood music,” the attractive scantily clad assistant, the table that spins in the center of the stage for no apparent reason than to make the audience dizzy.

Because of this, children’s magic shows tend to consist of a variation of the same magic trick, over and over again. “Presto chango.” This hat is empty.

“Presto chango.” Now there is a rabbit in it.

make bunny cry

“Presto chango.” We poured milk into a rolled up newspaper.

“Presto chango.” Now it’s dry.

“Presto chango.” This is a blank coloring book.

“Presto chango.” Now it’s filled with the colors the audience shouted at the magician, a moment earlier.

blue just pretty

Season 4 of Teen Wolf, in general, and the aptly titled “Smoke and Mirrors” finale, specifically, felt a bit like watching a children’s magic show . . .

“Presto chango.” There’s a deadpool.

“Presto chango.” Just kidding!

all contracts terminated

“Presto chango.” Derek’s a man werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s a kid werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s dying. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s not dying, and is an actual wolf.

thats me

“Woof.”

“Presto chango.” Scott’s a berserker. “Presto chango.” He’s better now.

ephemeral

“Presto chango.” Liam’s petrified of berserkers , and doesn’t want to be a member of the pack. “Presto chango.” “I’ll die for you, Scott McCall!”

confused liam

Back in my early season recaps of Teen Wolf, one of the aspects of the show I always complimented was the way in which its writers never felt they had to underestimate their fans intelligence, by spoon-feeding them information they could figure out on their own. But there’s a difference between providing the audience with only some of the pertinent information, and providing them with none. When you do the former, you are treating your fan like she’s smart. When you do the latter, you are treating your fan like she’s . . .well, a child.

teacup humans

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always, special thanks to Andre, who faithfully recapped this entire season of Teen Wolf, without grumble or complaint, and even indulged my Deputy Parrish fantasies and thinly veiled requests for pictures of him naked, without judgment or mocking.]

Scott McCall and the Temple of Relationship Doom

Not to be a Debbie Downer (I promise I’ll try to make the rest of this recap more upbeat.), but I was so incredibly disturbed by the scene where Berserker Scott beat the crap out of Kira that I think it may have colored my perception of the rest of the episode. My main issue with the scene is that I have this sneaking suspicion that Scott’s actions will have no repercussions in his relationship with Kira, next season. “He didn’t mean it,” she’ll say. “He wasn’t himself at the time.”

why do i suddenly feel like i fell into an after school special

“This is all starting to feel very Afterschool Special.”

In this particular instance, it may be true. But how many times have you heard an abusive boyfriend or husband use the same excuse? “I wasn’t myself . . . I was angry . . . I was drunk . . . I haven’t been sleeping.”

his eyes

“I was wearing a funny hat.”

Even Stiles, who actually wasn’t himself, back in Season 3, when he was possessed by the Nogitsune, was willing to take some responsibility for the havoc “his body” wreaked on the town. “I was there. I saw everything. And a part of me enjoyed it,” Stiles admitted to Malia earlier this season.

stiles no

If the writers were to have Scott make a similar confession to Kira, could they allow Kira to willingly continue the relationship, without sending a terrible message to fans everywhere?

that didnt take long

Ummmm . . . .

Anywhoo, back in the Temple of Relationship doom, Kate is Villain Monologuing about how this cave has magically imbued her with the power to create Berserkers, and make them 100% loyal to her, because . . . um . . . bears really like jaguars, I guess.

i dont good

“Are they still considered six-pack abs, if you have to wear them as a t-shirt?”

She tells her pet Scott to stab Kira in the chest, and he does.

pre stab

“Good Bear / Dog. You get a cookie . . . or should I say, another bone.”

Has the Mexico Department of Tourism Gotten Wind of This?

In the season premiere, the Scooby crew all took a nice little road trip to Mexico to save Derek from Kate’s clutches . . . and also to tussle with a Mexican crime syndicate. Now, in the finale, they are heading back to Mexico to “save” Scott and Kira . . .

town of mexico

Apparently, if you are looking for a place where your adult friend can get turned into a teen, and your teen friend can get turned into a mindless bear zombie, Mexico is the Vacation Destination for you!

more dancing stiles

“Cancun, baby!”

Did I mention they have Chimichangas?

Papa Stilinski is totally not cool with Stiles and his friends heading off to certain death in Mexico. “I get it. You need a vacation. But why not somewhere like Daytona Beach, Bermuda, New Orleans, Vegas . . . a Giant Maze where bug-like creatures chase you around for sh*ts and giggles . . .”

“Nope, viva la Mexico,” replies Stiles. “Also, I’d very much like some guns, please.”

noooo

ep 7 in spanish

“What’s that you say, Stiles? You would like to take your trustee bat to the Murder Church? Yes, you can take your bat,” replies the Sheriff.

“I said GUNS . . . G-U . . .”

“All right, sonny boy, now you run along and play . . .”

stiles alphabet 1 allisonargents stiles alphabet2 allisonargents

Speaking of guns . . .

All Paws on Deck

For trained bounty hunter, Braeden, murder is like playing golf. You bring every gun you own, everywhere you go, and then carefully select the best one for the circumstance at hand . . . hopefully, before someone shoots you in the face.

all the guns

“You’re going to need a really big backpack.”

. . . which, I guess, makes Derek her caddy.

i make this look good

For a hero, Derek seems surprisingly cool with his impending demise.

dont die

DEREK: “They’ve got that little guy, with the pretty boy face now. Clearly, I’m being phased out, sent off on the ice floe, like the Eskimos do to old people.”

BRAEDEN: “But if you’re dead, we can’t have sex in your poorly furnished apartment, while Lydia screams in our ear anymore.”

DEREK: “You’re over 18, (I hope. I mean, you are, aren’t you? Because, I never actually asked). Maybe they’ll send you on the ice floe too . . .”

BRAEDEN: “Hmmm . . . I’ve never had sex on a block of ice before . . .

Also packing for the trip are Stiles and Malia, the former of whom helpfully offers Malia a pair of his besties dirty underwear so that she can pick up his scent . . .

underwear

. . . which would be very helpful, if Scott was trapped under something heavy, and the only part of his body out in the open air was his crotch . . .

um no thanks

Malia rolls her eyes, and decides to sniff his pillow instead. Smart girl!

febreeze

Last week, Liam was all, “No thank you,” to the opportunity to be a series regular on a show that involved him willingly walking into the jaws of death every week. “Please keep me in mind when there’s an opening on Dawson’s Creek,” he said.

sad liam eyes

“I have soulful eyes.  I can totally be broody like Dawson, or misunderstood and charming like Pacey.”

But then that other wolf guy gave him a pep talk, and he changed his mind . . .

(Also, he Googled Dawson’s Creek, and learned it’s been off the air for over 10 years.)

let me come

“I’d very much like it if you tied me up, and strapped me to the roof of your car, so that I can come along on this Super Fun Suicide Trip with you all,” Liam offers, shrugging off the second full moon of his werewolf existence like it no big deal . . .

im in

“Hey, can I come too? I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to be good or evil in this episode Maybe I should go back into a coma, so Meredith can tell me what I’m really thinking,” chimes in Peter.

Now, THAT’S what I call a road trip. But wait . . . SOMEONE’S MISSING . . .

Not Without My Lydia . . .

snort

“Kind of smells like Scott’s crotch . . .”

really sexin

Back at school, Lydia is snorting one of Kira’s jackets, when this happens . . .

wanna study

“Hey Lydia, I was hoping I could borrow your calculus notes.  You see, I have this big exam on Monday, but Kate’s had me out late every night eviscerating innocent flesh, and I just haven’t had the chance to sit down and study.

RUH-ROH!

I get that it’s the weekend. But I love how no one noticed the GIANT BEAR BONE ZOMBIE THINGY wandering the halls in broad daylight . . .

Mason’s at the school too, because he’s human, and not friends with Scott, which means he still has to do boring things on this show like eat nasty cafeteria food, dissect frogs, and, in this particular instance, “attend Study Group.”

lyd phone hume

Also, because every cute red-headed high school teen needs a gay best friend . . .

Stiles tries to get the group to wait for Lydia.   But Peter seems to be in a very big rush to leave her behind, so he can save two teens he doesn’t like very much. Yeah, because THAT doesn’t seem suspicious at all . . .

lets ride

So, the Scooby Gang leaves without Lydia, which is pretty much what they’ve been doing all season, probably because she’s not dating Stiles or Scott . . . also, maybe, because of the Screaming Thing, which is super unpleasant . . .

scream

Mason eventually finds Lydia’s cell phone in the hallway . . .

berserker screen

“Cool screensaver, is that from an app?”

. . . and then, he finds Lydia, just not in the way he would have hoped.

in there

“Bet you never thought you’d wind up back in the closet, huh?”

“That guy, in the hallway . . . the one who beat me up. He had a really great Halloween costume. But I’m not sure if he was supposed to be Shredder from the Ninja Turtles movies, or someone from Game of Thrones. Think I should ask him?” Mason inquires.

“Not human,” Lydia remarks ominously of their burly captor . . .

Humanity is overrated . . .

As the full moon rises, all of our Scoobies appear to be becoming a bit more feral.   En route to Scott, Peter is doing a pretty good job of convincing Malia that murder is totally OK, provided it’s for a good cause, like, for example, to help out the person you occasionally bone. “Also, losing control and becoming an animal is OK, if you want to kill the Bear-Looking thing, that may or may not be Scott, so I can become Alpha, because . . . wait for it.”

always been the alpha

Meanwhile, in the other car, Derek is offering up a slowly wolfing out Liam, his very favorite cereal box toy, to help him control his animal urges.

toy

“I think it was supposed to come with a matching decoder ring, but I accidentally threw it out with my box of Lucky Charms.”

When that doesn’t work, he teaches him the Latin Alphabet.

help me

“Not impressed.”

When that doesn’t work . .. it’s all about the Buddhism, baby!  I’m thinking, The Sun, the Moon, The Truth would make for a great phrase to put on a Teen Wolf t-shirt, don’t you?

Meanwhile, back in temple, Kira is self-mutilating, because the spirit of her Mom told her it would make her feel better. And it works! She’s healed! (And the negative messages for kids, just keep on coming . . .)

i can help self mut 2 success

“Thanks for making me a cutter, Mom.  You’re the best!”

Derek gets sent on the ice floe . . .

Our gang barely manages to park outside the church, when Derek gets his intestines sliced open by a Berserker. It’s the kind of wound you see humans in movies suffer, and you just know they are about to bite it. But Derek . . . well, I guess he’s sort of kind of human now.

dying der

torn up derek 1

The Scooby Gang makes sure to put on their best sad faces for all of two seconds, before leaving Derek to die, and rushing off to rescue their REAL Hero, Scott.

To Stiles’ credit, he looks sad for at least FOUR seconds . . .

sad stiles

Braeden stays with the dying Derek, though . . . possibly because now she has no caddy to hand her guns in battle . . .

But then Kate and the Berserkers arrive, and it’s every man (and woman) for themselves . . .

here they are

And the CAVALRY IS HERE! Hello Deputy Parrish, Crazy Mexican Crime Syndicate, Chris Argent . . . We missed you! Well . . . at least I very much missed one of you!

phoenix

I love how there are thousands off bullets being shot off in every direction, and every single one of these “trained shots” is totally missing the Berserkers. I get that the bone armor is probably pretty effective in warding off bullets. But there are enough openings in the Berserker wardrobe that one would think even a novice marksman could get in a few lucky shots on. . .

THE STOMACH . . .

Berserkers tummy

THE ARMS . . .

band hand

THE EYES . . .

his eyes

Maybe not all of these shots are kill shots, but they would at least do a better job at disarming the Berserkers than, whatever the heck it is they are doing in this scene . . .

shoot at

“Pretending this is the carnival game where you have to shoot water into a clowns mouth until the balloon on his head pops . . .”

Having slightly better luck against the Berserkers on the home front. . .

Bombs Ove Beacon Hills

I’m pretty sure my favorite part of the episode was the scene where Lydia and Mason, kamikaze themselves (and their baseball bats) at the Berserker. I mean, Mason even came up with his own battle cry, which sounded like ArRRAHHIIAHIHIHI! It was awesome.

battle cry

Then, Sheriff Stilinski added to the comedy, by engaging the Berserker in a friendly game of catch . . . with IEDs of course. I very much enjoyed the Wil E. Coyote facial expression the Berserker had while he’s holding on to the bomb and knowing he’s about to go kablooey . . .

front toward enemy wil e coyote

“Front toward enemy? I don’t get it. Why would you want to play catch with your enemy? Wait a second . . . Awwwww sh*******t.”

explode

S.O.S. – Save Our Scott

Inside the temple it’s a Berserker versus Scooby showdown. Stiles finds a newly-healed Kira, who warns Stiles that (1) Scott is a Berserker; (2) Lydia was left behind on purpose, so that she couldn’t warn the others before they killed Scott.

he kind of

“My boyfriend physically abused me, which caused me to voluntarily cut myself, which, if this was another show, would make you very concerned for my well being.  But this is Teen Wolf, so SAVE SCOTT!”

Meanwhile, everyone seems to be working pretty hard to murder our newly-turned Doesn’t Care Bear . . .

carebear stareee

“STOP! It’s our fearless leader Scott, in that Shredder costume!” Stiles warns, just as “Scott” is attempting to strangle little lost Liam.

In that moment, Liam looks into the face of the thing he fears most and sees EYES . . .

hey scott what up

“Hey, I’d know those bushy unplucked verging-on-unibrow eyebrows anywhere! That’s my surrogate daddy!”

Since mantras had worked so well on Liam, he decides to use one on Scott . . . the same one Scott used on him to help control his change, earlier in the season. “Scott, you are not a monster. You are a werewolf, just like me.”

damn hat off break on through

And . . . presto chango . . . Scott has, once again accomplished the impossible, and broken the Berserker curse . . . now, if he could just wax those eyebrows . . .

Minutes after coming back to himself, Scott sees Peter and immediately figures out that HE has been behind Kate’s plans all along. (For a dumb-dumb, Scott can be pretty insightful, when its plot convenient.) And he’s PISSED! So, he runs toward Peter, and Peter runs toward him, and the two of them embrace one another in a snazzy dance move I like to call the “Flying Hug of Death.”

lets dance bitch

“Let’s dance.”

pretty funny

“Think happy thoughts .  . .  You can FLY. You can FLY.  You can FLLLLYYYY.”

Meanwhile, outside . . .

Blah, Blah, Blah, Stuff Happens, Blah, Blah, Blah . . . NAKED DEREK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, just when everything seems like it’s going to crap, Derek turns into an actual wolf, and attacks Kate with what at first seems like puppy licks, but is actually gnashing teeth . . .

running tackle hug

“Tee hee, that tickles.  Wait.  Why are you biting off my tit?”

He doesn’t kill her though, because . . . she hosts Wolf Watch . . .

Then Kate’s own brother, Chris, shoots her with a yellow-tipped bullet. Kate looks super offended, but this also doesn’t kill her . . . because . . . Wolf Watch.

im sad

“My feelings = hurt.”

THEN DEREK APPEARS NAKED, AND I START DROOLING, AND MY MIND TURNS TO MUSH . . .

howl 2345 hello baby berserker die

(I don’t think anything really important happened at that point anyway . . . except for maybe that whole, Derek kills a Berserker by smushing his face with his bare hands thing.)

Back in the Church . . .

FINISH HIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scott and Peter fighting was like something straight out of the Mortal Kombat video game. Five minutes of, punch, punch, punch, kick, fly, punch, throw, fly, punch . . .

4 10 nod off

And I started looking at my nails and thinking, my nail polish is really chipped. I should invest in a better top coat . . .

Then Scott, had Peter on the ground FINALLY. . . and I’m like the announcer from the Mortal Kombat video game. “FINISH HIM . . . FINISH HIM . . . FINISH HIM.”

punch punch fight finish him

But he doesn’t . . . lame.

Also, lame is how Chris totally has a chance to, if not kill, at least disarm, Kate. And he willingly lets her go, only so he can leave the show head off with the Mexican Crime Syndicate to find her again . . .

emasculated

“Feeling alone and emasculated . . . wondering if I remembered to DVR My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, before I left the house.”

How it ends . . .

Stiles comes back home, and gets grounded . . . big time.

groundedstiles

Malia decides her favorite food is pizza, after all . . .

nommy

Coach tells the boys that he’s seen things in Mexico that would knock off their genitals. (I smell a prequel!!!!)

coach

Kira gets a tail . . . well . . . actually a piece of the glass she mutilated herself with, but . . . details.

tail

*sigh* Memories . . .

Lydia gives Parrish a book that looks surprisingly skinny for a bestiary (abridged version, perhaps?), and tells him she’d like to try and help him figure out that he’s a phoenix what he is. (Meanwhile, Parrish patiently waits for Lydia, to leave, so that he can check his database to confirm that she’s had her 18th birthday, before he invites her over to his place for some . . . bestiarying.)

helpin you

Peter ends up in Eichen House, and he has a roommate!

lololol

“I bet he snores and farts in his sleep too.”

(So maybe my guess about the X-Men Eichen House breakout is not so far off after all . . .)

Until next season, Werebangers!

dancing stiles moon

 

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One response to “Presto Chango – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s Season Finale “Smoke and Mirrors”

  1. Andre

    Before I start, one thing I found out:
    Back in the days there indeed was something wrong in Lydia’s lake house. They posted the fixed scene online:

    Although it doesn’t actually explain Lydia’s actions since she acts as though she is suddenly poor or anything and if the house needs to be in perfect condition than it makes even less sense that her mother was so cool about the scratches downstairs or that the gang brought Jackson 2.0 there.

    But whatever, let’s go to the episode at hand:
    Once again I must ask myself, who names these episodes? The entire season there was this problem. How is that here related to smoke and mirrors? That everything can change suddenly because the writers want to and don’t care about substance?

    Season 4 of Teen Wolf, in general, and the aptly titled “Smoke and Mirrors” finale, specifically, felt a bit like watching a children’s magic show . . .
    “Presto chango.” There’s a deadpool.
    “Presto chango.” Just kidding!
    “Presto chango.” Derek’s a man werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s a kid werewolf. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s dying. “Presto chango.” Now, he’s not dying, and is an actual wolf.
    “Presto chango.” Scott’s a berserker. “Presto chango.” He’s better now.
    “Presto chango.” Liam’s petrified of berserkers , and doesn’t want to be a member of the pack. “Presto chango.” “I’ll die for you, Scott McCall!”

    That truly fits this mess of plotholes that they presented us here. I cannot make sense of all this crap, not even if I would just belief what they literally told us, since what they say usually doesn’t match what they show us.

    Back in my early season recaps of Teen Wolf, one of the aspects of the show I always complimented was the way in which its writers never felt they had to underestimate their fans intelligence, by spoon-feeding them information they could figure out on their own.
    To quote a certain fat and now dead king:
    “Those were the days.”

    But there’s a difference between providing the audience with only some of the pertinent information, and providing them with none. When you do the former, you are treating your fan like she’s smart. When you do the latter, you are treating your fan like she’s . . .well, a child.
    Aka, what they did the entire season. I doubt this was intentional, I rather think that they threw in all their raw ideas and didn’t know what to do with them, just like they never could handle more than a handful of characters. Now mix that with the fact that they want to promote and keep certain characters no matter what (Jackson 2.0, Peter, Kira, Derek and Malia) and you end up with this mess that we see here. This was the worst Teen Wolf did so far. Both regarding the episode and the season. As bad as season 3a was at least it had some novelty plus to it and the last episode was directly tied to the rest of the season. This final episode was rather a sort of desperate attempt to get rid of certain characters and plotlines in a rush without much thought on how to do it.


    Not to be a Debbie Downer (I promise I’ll try to make the rest of this recap more upbeat.), but I was so incredibly disturbed by the scene where Berserker Scott beat the crap out of Kira that I think it may have colored my perception of the rest of the episode. My main issue with the scene is that I have this sneaking suspicion that Scott’s actions will have no repercussions in his relationship with Kira, next season. “He didn’t mean it,” she’ll say. “He wasn’t himself at the time.”

    I doubt we will see even those sentences. They will just brush it under the rug since who cares about true psychology right? Teen Wolf certainly doesn’t seem to anymore. And considered that they wanted to do this like season 1 again I think they truly failed.
    And of course there will be no repercussions, just like Allison’s death apparently had no lasting impact on Scott or anybody past Kate and Chris for that matter.

    Plus when Scott stabbed Kira I didn’t feel anything. She is a main cast member and this is not Game of Thrones so why should she have ever been in danger.

    In this particular instance, it may be true. But how many times have you heard an abusive boyfriend or husband use the same excuse? “I wasn’t myself . . . I was angry . . . I was drunk . . . I haven’t been sleeping.”
    And this is not all, since technically such excuses are used pretty often in vampire and werewolf related fiction as it seems, well when the vamps and weres are the love interests that is. One of the genre’s troublesome traits.

    Even Stiles, who actually wasn’t himself, back in Season 3, when he was possessed by the Nogitsune, was willing to take some responsibility for the havoc “his body” wreaked on the town. “I was there. I saw everything. And a part of me enjoyed it,” Stiles admitted to Malia earlier this season.
    Which is one of the reasons I sometimes wondered whether there was some sort of war behind the scenes going on between the writers. When they focused on normal people they tended to be pretty good e.g. in season 3b but when it came to the supernaturals they usually got dumber and dumber.
    Plus, it once again shows that Stiles should be the main character and not Scott and I wonder whether Scott only is so they can claim that a “Latino” (not that he is one) is the main character here.
    Not to mention that it fits since someone like Stiles might really have felt a sort of freedom not having to be responsible for his actions and actually having power. When you think about it, the same would be true for Scott, but for him they will not go there since he has to be some sort of B-level shining hero or something. I am really not sure what he is for them.

    If the writers were to have Scott make a similar confession to Kira, could they allow Kira to willingly continue the relationship, without sending a terrible message to fans everywhere?
    Probably not, but I doubt they even think in that direction.

    Anywhoo, back in the Temple of Relationship doom, Kate is Villain Monologuing about how this cave has magically imbued her with the power to create Berserkers, and make them 100% loyal to her, because . . . um . . . bears really like jaguars, I guess.
    Which really makes no sense whatsoever. Not only does La Loba not mean “the Bone woman” as is implied here, but it doesn’t make any sense. Why would anyone call her either? She is cat based and why would she be so well known in the area? And by whom anyway? The coyotes? No one lives there for miles. And to have that reputation she would have needed to be spotted many times and in connection with bones and then you have to ask yourself why the Caldaveras didn’t kill her already.
    And why is there a ritual for making berserkers in a Mayan temple anyway? Why not jaguar warriors? Plus at the start of the episode they once again stated what they said in season 3b, the berserkers are people clad in bear skins and not bone so why where these here stated as berserkers from the very first moment on.
    And what where they doing there anyway before Kate came along?
    The whole thing just reeks of plothole and being made up as they go along. Nothing about this is anything more than plot convenience. Her being cat based doesn’t even make any sense.

    She tells her pet Scott to stab Kira in the chest, and he does.
    Keep that in mind, I am going to have a tangent later.

    In the season premiere, the Scooby crew all took a nice little road trip to Mexico to save Derek from Kate’s clutches . . . and also to tussle with a Mexican crime syndicate. Now, in the finale, they are heading back to Mexico to “save” Scott and Kira . . .
    Or to be more precise they are somewhere in California that the makers disguised as Mexico and you really have to ask yourself where this is supposed to be since they seem to get from there to Beacon Hills pretty fast and the Mayan Civilization did not actually extent that far north to where the Mexican border is today.

    Papa Stilinski is totally not cool with Stiles and his friends heading off to certain death in Mexico. “I get it. You need a vacation. But why not somewhere like Daytona Beach, Bermuda, New Orleans, Vegas . . . a Giant Maze where bug-like creatures chase you around for sh*ts and giggles . . .”
    “Nope, viva la Mexico,” replies Stiles. “Also, I’d very much like some guns, please.”

    You know what could be really handy here? A dad in the FBI!!!!
    Can anybody tell me a good reason why they haven’t told Scott´s dad yet?

    For trained bounty hunter, Braeden, murder is like playing golf. You bring every gun you own, everywhere you go, and then carefully select the best one for the circumstance at hand . . . hopefully, before someone shoots you in the face.
    But wouldn’t it be smarter to… I don’t know bring a wide range or at least your most powerful or versatile with you? You know against the allegedly powerful berserkers whose bone armor for some reason can withstand bullets.
    Who knew that bone is such a strong protection against bullets.
    Makes you wonder whether Aerith would still be alive if Sephiroth hadn’t stabbed her through the lower back.

    PS. In this scene Braeden directly says that she is human…. Then how is she still alive? A slashed throat is pretty fatal, so why is she still around?

    For a hero, Derek seems surprisingly cool with his impending demise.
    That is common for brainless idiots.

    Also packing for the trip are Stiles and Malia, the former of whom helpfully offers Malia a pair of his besties dirty underwear so that she can pick up his scent . . .
    . . . which would be very helpful, if Scott was trapped under something heavy, and the only part of his body out in the open air was his crotch . . .
    Malia rolls her eyes, and decides to sniff his pillow instead. Smart girl!

    The actual problem here is not what to sniff but rather that Malia needs that at all. She has been around Scott for some time now, several times, even visited his room more than once so why on earth does she need something to pick up his scent? They clearly rely on her to keep his scent in mind down in “Mexico” so why would she need this? If she cannot remember his scent already, why would she be able to do now?

    Last week, Liam was all, “No thank you,” to the opportunity to be a series regular on a show that involved him willingly walking into the jaws of death every week. “Please keep me in mind when there’s an opening on Dawson’s Creek,” he said.
    Don’t worry, he will be a regular next season, which thankfully is a while away.


    “I’d very much like it if you tied me up, and strapped me to the roof of your car, so that I can come along on this Super Fun Suicide Trip with you all,” Liam offers, shrugging off the second full moon of his werewolf existence like it no big deal . . .

    Again, keep that in mind, I will have a tangent on it later.

    “Kind of smells like Scott’s crotch . . .”
    Again: Why do they even need smell samples of these two? Do they have the memory of a goldfish?

    I get that it’s the weekend. But I love how no one noticed the GIANT BEAR BONE ZOMBIE THINGY wandering the halls in broad daylight . . .
    Well this is Beacon Hills were people don’t care about all the dead people, or the rampaging shadow ninjas, or naked people, or serial killer etc. etc. I think you get the point.

    Mason’s at the school too, because he’s human, and not friends with Scott, which means he still has to do boring things on this show like eat nasty cafeteria food, dissect frogs, and, in this particular instance, “attend Study Group.”
    And he is the black, gay best friend of Jackson 2.0 so he is a convenient plot device.

    Stiles tries to get the group to wait for Lydia. But Peter seems to be in a very big rush to leave her behind, so he can save two teens he doesn’t like very much. Yeah, because THAT doesn’t seem suspicious at all . . .
    Well Braeden is a magical negro, Derek stupid beyond meaure and since Stiles had sex with Malia he is infected with the typical werewolf stupidity that seems to affect everyone in town… wow talk about infectious… so no one will catch on to that.

    So, the Scooby Gang leaves without Lydia, which is pretty much what they’ve been doing all season, probably because she’s not dating Stiles or Scott . . . also, maybe, because of the Screaming Thing, which is super unpleasant . . .
    And super unreliable as it seems. We had three banshees so far and all of them had their powers only working when convenient for the plot.

    Mason eventually finds Lydia’s cell phone in the hallway . . .
    “Cool screensaver, is that from an app?”

    So she took a picture of the berkserker before running away? Someone seems to have her priorities wrong here.


    As the full moon rises, all of our Scoobies appear to be becoming a bit more feral. En route to Scott, Peter is doing a pretty good job of convincing Malia that murder is totally OK, provided it’s for a good cause, like, for example, to help out the person you occasionally bone. “Also, losing control and becoming an animal is OK, if you want to kill the Bear-Looking thing, that may or may not be Scott, so I can become Alpha, because . . . wait for it.”

    Stupidity really does seem ingrained into these werewolves and all that have sex with them.

    Meanwhile, in the other car, Derek is offering up a slowly wolfing out Liam, his very favorite cereal box toy, to help him control his animal urges.
    Maybe it would have been smarter to have either Braeden or Malia in the car with them, you know someone that actually has a chance of keeping Jackson 2.0 in check.

    When that doesn’t work . .. it’s all about the Buddhism, baby! I’m thinking, The Sun, the Moon, The Truth would make for a great phrase to put on a Teen Wolf t-shirt, don’t you?
    And why does that work? Why does Jackson 2.0 respond to that of all? Did anyone ever mention it before to him?

    Also does that kid look as if he has IED?
    That is IED:

    Does that look as if Jackson 2.0 is affected?


    Meanwhile, back in temple, Kira is self-mutilating, because the spirit of her Mom told her it would make her feel better. And it works! She’s healed! (And the negative messages for kids, just keep on coming . . .)

    I think something else is more weird here than “self-mutilation helps:”
    Why is this necessary? They claim that the “foxes” are similar to werewolves in that pain triggers their healing, which is partially contradictory since pain also makes the werewolves human, but why then isn’t Kira healing already? Why does she need to cut herself again to trigger it? Back when Scott was stabbed by Gerard it was starting to heal around the blade, Gerard said so, so the pain from the stab wound did not trigger the healing already? Why? You can’t even call that learning to heal since its at most triggering a biological reflex. The whole thing is just so made up to have “drama”…
    And you know what? Back in season 2 they said that electricity can actually prevent the healing of werewolves, so would the writers be smart they would have had Noshiko or at least Kira use that against their enemies.

    PS. Aren’t hallucinations like that a sign that you are a schizophrenic?

    PSS. Isn’t that the same situation we had with Allison? When daughter can’t do it, mom shows up with advice… Which we never had for the guys you know. Plus this is another reason why I think Kira is just the “Asian” version of Allison.

    Our gang barely manages to park outside the church, when Derek gets his intestines sliced open by a Berserker. It’s the kind of wound you see humans in movies suffer, and you just know they are about to bite it.
    I was only:
    They didn’t see that thing coming towards then when they arrive?

    The Scooby Gang makes sure to put on their best sad faces for all of two seconds, before leaving Derek to die, and rushing off to rescue their REAL Hero, Scott.
    Aka for the guy we are supposed to care more.

    To Stiles’ credit, he looks sad for at least FOUR seconds . . .
    Wow in the Teen Wolf verse that means you must be heartbroken. After all they do not even mourn for actual friends.

    But then Kate and the Berserkers arrive, and it’s every man (and woman) for themselves . . .
    You know werewolfism or here werejaguarism really seems to make you stupid. They just waltz in so obviously they could as well have screamed HERE WE ARE!!!
    Had Kate just used her speed, strength and agility Braeden and Derek would be dead now.

    And the CAVALRY IS HERE! Hello Deputy Parrish, Crazy Mexican Crime Syndicate, Chris Argent . . . We missed you! Well . . . at least I very much missed one of you!
    And Chris seems to be in pretty well shape for someone being stabbed in the guts…

    I love how there are thousands off bullets being shot off in every direction, and every single one of these “trained shots” is totally missing the Berserkers.
    Yeah apparently Meredith is not the only one who went to the sale out of cannon-fodder where the slogan is: By a mediocre one and get 100 shitty ones for free.

    I get that the bone armor is probably pretty effective in warding off bullets.
    Actually no, it isn’t. The ribcage is no more thicker than a human one and they get penetrated by bullets all the time.
    Even with Peter’s talk about the bear-spirit bound to them this is really beyond absurd. Not to mention that if they are so hard to kill, why did no one ever use them as shock troops in past wars? There should have been plenty of bears around to make berserkers.

    But there are enough openings in the Berserker wardrobe that one would think even a novice marksman could get in a few lucky shots on. . .
    THE STOMACH . . .
    THE ARMS . . .
    THE EYES . . .
    Maybe not all of these shots are kill shots, but they would at least do a better job at disarming the Berserkers than, whatever the heck it is they are doing in this scene . . .

    Which makes Parish’s moaning about how their armor is too strong incredibly stupid. At the very least the stomach is open to bullets and they only wear normal pants and not some sort of bulletproof trousers.
    Also Chris allegedly killed some of them in the past so where is that expertise now?

    I’m pretty sure my favorite part of the episode was the scene where Lydia and Mason, kamikaze themselves (and their baseball bats) at the Berserker. I mean, Mason even came up with his own battle cry, which sounded like ArRRAHHIIAHIHIHI! It was awesome.
    And stereotypical: the black guy has to be willing to sacrifice himself for the white lady….

    Then, Sheriff Stilinski added to the comedy, by engaging the Berserker in a friendly game of catch . . . with IEDs of course. I very much enjoyed the Wil E. Coyote facial expression the Berserker had while he’s holding on to the bomb and knowing he’s about to go kablooey . . .
    At least one of them had the idea to use explosives against them, even though an explosion being able to rip that one apart should also have destroyed a big part of the hallway, if just the other idiots down in Mexico would have thought of that…. Hm, maybe Sheriff Stilinski never slept with anyone who had sex with a werewolf.

    Lydia was left behind on purpose, so that she couldn’t warn the others before they killed Scott.
    Then why not just kill Lydia? Seriously, they would have had plenty of opportunity during the entire season.

    Meanwhile, everyone seems to be working pretty hard to murder our newly-turned Doesn’t Care Bear . . .
    That is working hard? Then what is working soft for them?

    the same one Scott used on him to help control his change, earlier in the season. “Scott, you are not a monster. You are a werewolf, just like me.”
    My tantrum:
    IF THESE WOULD BE ANY BIGGER OF A HANDJOB TO JEFF DAVIS AND HIS INFATUATION WITH THESE JACKSON RIP-OFF’S THE CUM WOULD FALL ON THE MOON. THIS ONE HERE MAKES SCOTT COME OUT OF IT? NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND OR HIS BEST FRIEND, WHICH HE KNOWS FOR MUCH LONGER, NO THIS KID THAT HE KNOWS FOR 6 WEEKS MAXIMUM (LIKE YOU SAID, THIS WAS HIS SECOND FULL MOON) IS THE ONE THAT MAKES SCOTT BREAK FREE AND LATER SUDDENLY FIND HIS STRENGTH!!! THIS KID HE BARELY KNOWS… HE CAN STAB HIM GIRLFRIEND AND HAS NO PROBLEMS WITH IT, HE DOESN’T EVEN SEEM TO FEEL GUILTY OR ANYTHING, AND HE CAN JUST ATTACK HIS BEST FRIEND, THERE ALSO NOTHING, AT ALL. BUT THIS GUY HERE… DAVIS AND HIS CROONIES JUST SUCK SO MUCH!!!!!!

    And . . . presto chango . . . Scott has, once again accomplished the impossible, and broken the Berserker curse . . . now, if he could just wax those eyebrows . . .
    Which makes it the most easiest to break spell ever… seriously, just like that?

    Minutes after coming back to himself, Scott sees Peter and immediately figures out that HE has been behind Kate’s plans all along. (For a dumb-dumb, Scott can be pretty insightful, when its plot convenient.)
    Yeah, but only then and even that is rare. Then again, you don’t need to be a genius not to trust Peter-

    And he’s PISSED! So, he runs toward Peter, and Peter runs toward him, and the two of them embrace one another in a snazzy dance move I like to call the “Flying Hug of Death.”
    Yeah… didn’t you just feel the drama and the suspense? Especially with Peter’s ridiculous new face. Why on earth did he not become the big hunk from season 1 again?

    Apparently it has nothing to do with being an Alpha. And wasn’t Peter pretty strong suddenly earlier this season?

    And Scott didn’t even fight back until Jackson 2.0 made his puppy eyes. Seriously what was wrong with that idiot?

    So, just when everything seems like it’s going to crap, Derek turns into an actual wolf, and attacks Kate with what at first seems like puppy licks, but is actually gnashing teeth . . .
    And apparently the same woman that in season 1 stayed cool during Peter’s and Derek’s attacks is now totally helpless against Derek. And you can’t even say because Derek is strong and all, since the wolf didn’t even run or anything or showed any strength, not in the least. So why is she not fighting at all? Oh yeah, she is a bad woman and unlike the bad Deucalion, who is a man, she must be punished. At least this is how this looks. Or at least than it would have some sort of meaning. Personally I think it was simply to get it done.

    He doesn’t kill her though, because . . . she hosts Wolf Watch . . .
    Which is probably the only reason she is here.

    THEN DEREK APPEARS NAKED, AND I START DROOLING, AND MY MIND TURNS TO MUSH . . .
    And I am totally unmoved by all of it.

    except for maybe that whole, Derek kills a Berserker by smushing his face with his bare hands thing.)
    Back in the Church . . .

    To show that he is important even though he is a completely useless character.
    Plus what was about all of this evolving thing, which was also delivered in a pretty misogynistic way against Kate, and how that was what he did? And why was he evolving of anything? What pointed towards this? He didn’t change or anything, nothing at all. Was him using weapons something towards this? Why? How? What? Nothing about this makes any sense. And if you are that strong then, why did we never hear of that before?
    Oh yeah, because they made it up now.


    Scott and Peter fighting was like something straight out of the Mortal Kombat video game. Five minutes of, punch, punch, punch, kick, fly, punch, throw, fly, punch . . .

    I disagree. Mortal Kombat is like this:

    Ok on the other hand it really is lame just like Mortal Kombat. It should have been more like this:

    But he doesn’t . . . lame.
    Of course not. They must hammer down Peter’s idiotic comment on how Scott is incorruptible. For one calling Scott and idiot was the only true sentence here and second the rest is entire Bullshit!!!!
    How is Scott incorruptible? When you look back he constantly lost control in season 1 and 2 and in comparison he was the least controlled werewolf here (btw. Kate’s troubles seem to have vanished). He would have nearly killed Stiles back in season 1 and look what his second moon did to Scott. How is this guy suddenly incorruptible? What was ever shown to justify this? And when was he actually ever tempted to kill someone? When Deucalion commanded it? That would not count, not that it would not have worked to make Scott kill Jennifer if not for the lunar eclipse (something you would think is common knowledge among werewolves). Or with that one hunter two episodes ago? That came so out of nowhere that it makes Scott look pretty unstable when it comes to it.
    So yeah, once again the whole thing is totally messed and made up.

    Also, lame is how Chris totally has a chance to, if not kill, at least disarm, Kate. And he willingly lets her go, only so he can leave the show head off with the Mexican Crime Syndicate to find her again . . .
    I really have nothing to say about that, it was too stupid. Also wasn’t there some wolfsbane that is actually deadly to werewolves like the one in season 1 with Derek?
    And apparently that bullet here was the yellow plant Chris got a few episodes back… from the other hunters I get… which they did not mass produce and use… gosh these guys were so stupid.


    Stiles comes back home, and gets grounded . . . big time.

    And Malia has no problems with it… yeah she seems like such a great girlfriend. And how come Stiles gets punished again and Scott never gets punished? Seriously it didn’t happen ever since season 2… at least I cannot remember, so it cannot have happened often.


    Coach tells the boys that he’s seen things in Mexico that would knock off their genitals.

    Isn’t that stereotyping?

    Kira gets a tail . . . well . . . actually a piece of the glass she mutilated herself with, but . . . details.
    Which just tells me how much she is not a fox from Japanese folktales. Since having one tail is completely common and only two tails are something on the first step of special. See?

    Only one again:

    Here again:

    One tail per fox each. (It does have its upsides to live in Berlin 😀 )

    Not only that but her first tail is a “shuriken” apparently. Also called a “ninja star”… as if she didn’t have enough stereotypes.

    Lydia gives Parrish a book that looks surprisingly skinny for a bestiary (abridged version, perhaps?), and tells him she’d like to try and help him figure out that he’s a phoenix what he is.
    Not just that but when you show that one back to back with the one shown on screen in season 2 than it doesn’t look anything alike.
    And look at the detailed drawing of the Kanaima… that surely was not from them. That was implied from the episode, that this is the printed version of the original. And no one back in season 1 said “yeah we know what he will look like, just like now just with wings”… seriously that was the dreaded Kanima’s alpha form? They were afraid of that? That is just painfully stupid and makes me wonder whether any of the makers actually watch and watched the show they are working for….

    Peter ends up in Eichen House, and he has a roommate!
    Yeah great idea, let the guy with obvious telepathic abilities and the guy with who knows how much knowledge and all be in one cell… yeah because that is a smart idea.

    Until next season, Werebangers!
    Let’s hope it will be better than this one… if I will watch that at all. I need some serious good fiction right now, especially since I still haven’t finished Clare yet….

    This season was the worst Teen Wolf ever did. It was full of plotholes, made no sense, was such a giant handjob to Davis and his colorism. Its stereotyping, badly written and nothing of what Davis & Co. ever claimed it would be.

    I hope the next show you recap is better than this crap.

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