Category Archives: Top Ten Lists

And the EYES have it! – A Celebration of the Small Screen’s Dreamiest Peepers

I SEE YOU!

They say that the “Eyes are the window to the Soul.”  And that may very well be true . . .   But, lately, I’ve come to realize that a nice pair of peepers might very well be a window into something else . . .

My PANTIES! 

(Get it?  Because when I look at guys with beautiful eyes .  . . nevermind.)

There’s just something about an actor with really large, intense, and expressive eyes that makes you fall instantly in love with whatever character he’s playing.  You’ll fall for him, regardless of what selfish, evil, dumb, or generally douchebaggy thing he happens to be doing at the time.  Because even when the character is behaving badly, his eyes make him look like he’s feeling really guilty about it . . . Or, maybe they don’t make him look guilty at all.  But you’re so charmed by those pretty irises, you just plain don’t give a damn!

Today, I’d like to honor (in no particular order) some fabulous television actors, whose mesmeric eyes have the power to make me forgive them for all their evil deeds, and, occasionally, make me forget my own name . . .

[Note: As always, not all the YouTube clips included in this post are embedding-enabled.  So, if you want to watch them all (and I HIGHLY recommend that you do!) just click on those internal links, and AWAY YOU GO! :)]

(1) Ian Somerhalder  (Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries)

If you thought that I would be capable of writing an entire blog post about TV Eyes, without including Ian Somerhalder somewhere in it, you’ve clearly never read this blog before.  (WELCOME, New Friend! :)) In his role as Damon Salvatore, Ian’s eyes literally have the power to make thousands of women do his bidding.  (And I’m not just talking about the Fangirls at home, either . . .)

And yet, even without all that vampire mind control magic behind them, Ian’s eyes still have a very sensual power that’s entirely their own.

With them, he can charm you . . .

 . . . or make you fall in love . . .

 . . . or make you cower in fear . . .

. . . or break your heart . . .

Not bad for a single day’s work, right?

Cheers, You SEXY BEAST!

(2) Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman from True Blood)

Unlike Damon Salvatore, True Blood vampire, Eric Northman doesn’t have the luxury of simply using his hypnotic eyes to get a drink, save his loved ones, or get the girl.  After all, he’s the SHERIFF of AREA FIVE!  He’s got a community to run . . .  a business to keep afloat . . .

 . . . a “child” to keep in line . . .

. . . and enemies to vanquish . . .

But that doesn’t mean our favorite Viking Vampire can’t have a little fun along the way . . .

This is a guy who understands his power over women, and KNOWS how to use his eyes to get what he wants . . .

But with stares like these, can you really blame women (and men) from becoming puddy, under his gaze?

I’ll take your silence as a “NO” . . . 😉

(3) Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester from Supernatural)

Dean Winchester may not be a vampire — like his eye-catching compadres, Damon and Eric — but he has staked a few of them, in his day!

If demons spy these intensely determined baby blues heading their way, they better run FAST!  Because Dean Winchester has a Take No Prisoners attitude, when it comes to protecting his family, and a No Tolerance Policy when it comes to EEEEEVVIL!  He’s tough.  He’s snarky,  He’s super BAD ASS!  And yet, he’s very HUMAN. 

 

So, when Deam falters, or cries, or when those big saucer-sized eyes of his beg you for forgiveness, it will melt your heart . . .

(4) Mark Salling (Noah “Puck” Puckerman from Glee)

Noah “Puck” Puckerman doesn’t DO vampires.  He isn’t one.  He doesn’t fight them.  And I strongly suspect that he thinks that the entire Twilight series is for pussies.  And yet Puck shares one very important thing in common with undead bloodsuckers and debonair demon fighters.  His sexy eyes have power.  And they MEAN BUSINESS!

Oh, and Puck can do something those supernatural boys CAN’T!  He can SING!  Check out how Puck’s Eye-F*cking /Neil Diamond-crooning combination makes the typically uptight Rachel Berry turn to complete mush, in this next clip . . .

(5) David Boreanaz (Seeley Booth from Bones)

Lest you brown-eyed girls and boys think this article is biased toward men with eyes of blue and green, I’ve included a smoky eyed gentleman in this list, for your personal viewing pleasure.  We first met David Boreanaz as that bleeding-heart romantic bloodsucker with a soul, Angel, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer . . .

A few years later, “Angel” got his own show.  As a result, Boreanaz’s chestnut-colored orbs were rewarded with significantly more screen time, to meet their brood and smoulder needs.

Then after years (centuries?) of traversing in the Land of the Undead, Boreanaz was converted to “mere mortal” status, when he landed the role of FBI Agent Seely Booth on the crime procedural show Bonens.  Sure, Booth might not be as dark, broody, murderous or tormented as the eye candy previously mentioned on this list, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a catch!

*clears throat, loosens collar*

Booth is smart, tough, funny, a tiger in the bedroom, a charmer with the ladies, and a major fan of Classic Rock.  Did I mention he wears cool socks?

Woah, he has a Magic 8 Ball on his desk TOO?  I really have to start watching this show!

And if all that hasn’t sold you yet, this next clip most certainly will.  (And remember, focus on the EYES . . . just the EYES! ;))

 

(6) Julian Morris (Wren from Pretty Little Liars)

Julian Morris and those GORGEOUS peepers of his have been breaking my heart ALL YEAR!  I first encountered him in the role of Wren on Pretty Little Liars . . .

*Sigh*  He was just so ADORABLE . . .

and CHARMING . . .

and BRITISH . . .

and GOOD AT GIVING BACK RUBS!

And then, suddenly . . . POOF . . . he was GONE!

Then Julian Morris landed a role on the new ABC mockumentary, My Generation . . .

 . . . which got canceled after two episodes . . .

And so, with Pretty Little Liars returning to ABC Family in January, I would like to use this part of my post as an unofficial plea to bring Julian Morris’ eyes back to my TV!  Consider the following clip as evidence in support of my argument . . .

So cheesy, and yet, so VERY HOT!

(7) Chace Crawford (Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl)

Dear, Sweet, Nate Archibald!  Of all the scheming, conniving, lying and backstabbing characters on Gossip Girl, he is probably the most innocent and honest (some would say naive).  Sure, he was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth.  But that doesn’t make Nate arrogant, or cocky, or shallow . . .

At his core, Nate is a bleeding heart.  He values honesty and friendship.  But, above all else, Nate values romance.  And to understand the extent of Nate’s innocence, kindness, and capacity for puppy love, all one needs to do, is look into those translucent baby blue eyes of his . . . 

Admittedly, Nate’s probably not the smartest guy on this list.  But he’s definitely one of the sweetest.

(8 ) Michael Pitt (Jimmy Darmody from Boardwalk Empire)

By the time I started watching Michael Pitt as the Ivy League college kid, turned grizzled war veteran, turned hardened gangster, Jimmy Darmody on Boardwalk Empire,  he and I were already rather well acquainted . . .  After all, he was the guileless freshman football player, Henry, who won Jaded Jen Lindley’s heart on Dawson’s Creek . . .

Then, I got to see even MORE of him in the admittedly bizarre, but compulsively watchable, independent film The Dreamers, during which Pitt spent most of the film’s two-plus-hour running time butt naked, and engaged in kinky sex with an odd, but very attractive brother / sister duo . . .

I bet your wishing YOU saw it now, huh?

(I also saw him in M. Night Shlamalamadingdong’s AWFUL film The Village.  But we need not bring up such atrocities.  This is a TRIBUTE post, after all.) 

Please, don’t shoot me!  I promise not to bring it up again!

 When I revisited Pitt a few years later, in the role of Jimmy Darmody, I was impressed by how much he had grown, both as a human, and as an actor . . .

Who knew that cute little twerp, Henry, would grow up to be such a Rockin’ Bad ASS?

Yet, through all that growth and change, and despite all the diverse roles that comprise Michael Pitt’s impressive repertoire The Village, notwithstanding, one thing that remains a constant are his boyishly innocent puppy dog eyes  . . .

 .  . . even when those eyes are looking at you, like they want to put a cap in your ass .  . .

(Warning:  The following clip contains violence and offensive language.  But it’s REALLY AWESOME!  Viewer discretion advised.)

After all, if your life is destined to be cut short by a cold-hearted gangster, staring into those cobalt blue globes is definitely the way to go.  I mean, it could be worse . . .  Your last vision could end up being THIS . . .

(9) Jesse Williams (Jackson Avery from Grey’s Anatomy)

OK .  . . so you’ve just been shot by Jimmy Darmody, and lived to tell the tale.  But now you have to go to the hospital.  Who’s face would you most like to see peering over you, as you lay half-conscious on the operating table?  Because I know what MY answer would be .  . .

For me, Jesse William’s Dr. Jackson Avery has been the BEST thing about this season of Grey’s Anatomy, HANDS DOWN!  He is brilliant and cocky. 

He can be heroic. 

And he’s a loyal friend, who is more than willing to punch out the lights of the boy, who treated you badly.

Did I mention that he looks like THIS?

One thing I’ve always liked about Grey’s Anatomy, is that the show NEVER shies away from male objectification.  Those Grey’s writers, Boy!  When they’ve got it, they FLAUNT IT!  In fact, this season, there was an ENTIRE episode dedicated to Jackson Avery’s eyes and body, and their almost vampiric ability to get women to cater to his every whim . . . Not that there’s anything wrong with THAT!

(10) Matt Lanter (Liam Court from 90210)

This brooding bad boy of West Beverly is the Dylan McKay of 90210‘s next generation.  Like that other Lusty Lothario, Liam is not exactly the best at vocalizing his feelings.  He also has some MAJOR daddy issues, and an intense temper to match. 

And yet, beneath all that angst, when it comes to the girls he loves, Liam really is just an old softie . . .

With his supple skin and chameleon-like eyes, who’s hues range from grey to almost purple, Liam definitely has no trouble getting the girls to take notice of him.  And what nubile young high school student doesn’t want to reform a Hot Rebel with a Cause?  Especially, when he looks like THIS, beneath the sheets . . .

So, there you have it, 10 fabulous TV stars, and 20 amazing and awe-inspiring eyeballs!  What more could a TV Fangirl ask for? 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Sexiest Eyes on TV, Top Ten Lists

Party on, Team Delena! – My Top Ten Damon and Elena Moments from The First Half of The Vampire Diaries’ Second Season

Shortly after The Vampire Diaries aired its first Season Finale, I “came out of the closet” on this very blog, as a firm and vehement supporter of Team Delena, or, as I like to call it “The TVD Mother Ship.”  I then went on to cement my fangirl allegiance to this fabulous television couple, by analyzing their ten most sizzling Season 1 moments. 

Well, now we are nearly halfway done with Season TWO of The Vampire Diaries.  With eleven new episodes under our belt, and an interminably LONG mid-season hiatus staring us down, like an unfed Stefan Salvatore . . .

 . . . I thought it was high time we revisited this topic again!  Wouldn’t you agree?

Source

(I’ll take that as a “Yes!”)

Admittedly, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest of seasons for us Delena fans.  For one thing, there was that whole “Damon sort of/ kind of temporarily killed Elena’s little brother” thing that happened in the season premiere  . . .

The aforementioned event not only forced us to endure OODLES of annoying smack talk from Stelena fans the world over, it also royally PISSED OFF ELENA (understandably so).  As a result, Damon (and the rest of us) were subjected to Elena’s “Poopy PussFace” virtually nonstop, for at least the first three episodes . . .

 

Suffice it to say that Poopy PussFace and Happy Couples generally do not mix . . .

And yet, we’re talking about a couple that’s one-half vampire here.  And when you’re already undead, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you MORE AWESOME . . . 

For me, the fact that Damon and Elena endured the unfathomable angst and drama of the “Jeremy Neck Snap,” and yet STILL managed to muster up all the fire, energy, and super sexy moments they shared, during the first half of Season 2, only serves to show the sheer strength of their relationship.  Because when two people can survive something like THAT, and still manage to constantly eye f*ck eachother, and invade one another’s personal space like nobody’s business . . . now, that’s a couple who’s playing FOR KEEPS!

And now that I’m off my soap box, we can start this post in earnest. 

So, without further adieu, I bring to you, my Top Ten Delena moments from the first half of Season 2 of The Vamprie Diaries . . .

[Note:  As you probably know by now, the CW is SUPER finicky about its clip embedding.  So, when you see the YouTube screens, simply click on the internal links included within them.  That should direct you to the Delena-filled video you desire. 🙂  Sorry for the inconvenience!]

10. Pillow Talk

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2 X 11

Setting the Scene:

After returning from a “Kamikaze Death Mission,” which involved attempting to give herself up to the EEEEEEVIL Santa Klaus, in order to save the people she loves from certain death, Elena seems determined to put herself in harms way, yet again.  But when she tries to leave home with the stolen Moonstone, in order to “rescue” Stefan from Katherine’s Hot Sex Den, Elena is shocked to find that Bonnie (at Damon’s bidding) has charmed the windows and doors, thereby making Elena a prisoner in her own home.

Enter a very glib Damon Salvatore, who seems very much looking forward to a day filled with gloating, flirting, and, if all goes well, a friendly game of Tonsil Hockey with his good pal / hostage, Elena Gilbert.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (After being on the receiving end of one of Captive Elena’s infamous Death Stares) “Awwww come on, Pouty!  At least give me two points for ingenuity.”

ELENA:  “Do you think this is funny?”

DAMON: “Yes, Elena.  I find hilarity in the lengths I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.”

And later  . . .

DAMON: (To Jeremy, when the latter inquires as to where Bonnie is) “She’s on moonstone duty, and I’m on (inclines head toward Elena) Elena Patrol.”

Still later  . . .

DAMON: (To Elena, after being called away by Alaric, on yet another Team Bad Ass Mission) “You should get out.  Enjoy the sun.  Oh . . . wait . . . You Can’t.”

ELENA: *throws pillow at his head*

Why it made the list:

This small scene truly represents the lighthearted, fun nature of the Damon and Elena relationship.  For me, this is one of things that differentiates Delena from Stelena.  When Elena is with Stefan, she is definitely sweet and romantic, but nearly always, serious.  Damon brings out a certain feistiness in Elena.   He makes her blood boil.  And from my experience, when a guy makes you hot emotionally and mentally, he makes you hot sexually, as well . . .

Stefan tends to act tentative and cautious when he’s around Elena.  It’s almost as if he’s afraid he’s going to break her, or something.  Damon has no such qualms about giving back to Elena, whatever she dishes it out, be it a witty barb, or flying fist, or a pillow.  Damon respects Elena.  She is his equal, and he finds that incredibly sexy.  Check out the way Damon’s eyes light up, when he sees Elena for the first time in this scene.  Watch how he plops on the couch, and places an arm around her, as if the pair are out on a date, and not on “House Arrest.”

But, perhaps, more important than how Damon behaves, and what he says, is how he acts and what he does.  Damon obviously feels it is his duty to protect Elena.  He shows that in this scene, by willingly going on Elena Patrol.  After all, Damon knows that Elena would do the same thing to protect HIM, if he was in danger. 

Damon and Elena can banter and snipe at one another all day long.  But that doesn’t obscure the fact that these are two people who care deeply for eachother, and are each unconditionally willing to sacrifice their own lives for the other’s safety.

9.  It’s Too Late to Apologize . . .

Episode: “Plan B” – 2 X 6

Setting the Scene:

Katherine’s plans to use Boy Toy Mason and the Moonstone as her keys to wriggle off the top of Santa Klaus’ “Most Likely to Be Gutted Like a Fish” list, were thwarted when Stefan, Elena and the Scooby Gang stole the Moonstone, and Damon murdered Mason in a vengeance- fueled rage . . . 

But Damon REALLY effed things up, when he called Katherine to gloat about it.  Katherine, who was definitely not used to losing, decided to make ELENA pay for Damon’s crimes, by compelling Useless Aunt Jenna to try to off herself with a kitchen carving knife. 

Up until this point, Stefan and Elena had “fake” broken up, in order to keep Katherine from using Elena as a pawn in her Dirty Little Games.  But, since Katherine went after Useless Aunt Jenna anyway, Elena tearfully decides that she needed to break up with Stefan for real.  Damon witnesses the heart-wrenching breakup scene, and feels deeply responsible for the unhappiness of his brother, and the woman he loves.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (Calls out to Elena, as she is rushing out the door) “Elena!”

ELENA:  *turns and looks at Damon*

DAMON: (Near tears) “I riled Katherine up.  I wasn’t thinking . . . I DIDN’T THINK . . .”

ELENA: “It doesn’t matter, Damon.  She won.  Katherine won.”

Why it made the list:

This scene truly exemplifies how much Damon has grown as a character, since we met him in early Season 1.  Here’s a guy who’s love interest has just BROKEN UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.  He should be OVER THE MOON.  Now’s his chance to SWOOP IN AND MAKE HIS MOVE.  But Damon isn’t happy about Elena’s breakup with Stefan at all.  In fact, he’s devastated over it.  He feels guilty about the pain his hubris and rage have unwittingly caused his brother, the possible one true love of his life, and her family.

When Damon calls to Elena in this scene, he is almost in tears.  Her being in pain, causes him twice as much pain.  And though few words are exchanged between Damon and Elena in this scene, volumes are implied.  With his sad eyes, Damon tells Elena he is sorry for the part he played, not only in Jenna’s compelled suicide attempt, but in Elena’s breakup with Stefan too. 

In turn, Elena looks at Damon with compassion and forgiveness.  She does not blame Damon for what happened to Jenna, or what happened between her and Stefan.  As far as Elena is concerned, this is her fight, and her’s alone.  And yet, she can’t help but be touched by Damon’s remorse, as it is a surefire sign of his growing humanity – something she not too long ago feared that he might have lost forever.

8. Paradise by the Dashboard Light

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

Elena is still UBER pissed at Damon for the whole “Jeremy Neck Snap” thing.  But, Damon and Alaric are going on a Werewolf Research Roadtrip to Duke, and Elena desperately wants to tag along.  She hopes to collect some intel from the school, as to why the heck she looks exactly like Katherine.  Despite her supposed anger at Damon, sexual tensions between the Bad Boy Vamp and the Good Girl are super high, throughout the trip.  Could this mean that Elena is starting to forgive Damon for his recent sins?  Or is she merely using him to get the information she needs, as Katherine did 140 some odd years ago?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: “You are not going to be able to hate me forever.”

And later . . .

DAMON: “You have every right to hate me.  I understand.  You hated me before, and we became friends.  It would suck, if that was gone forever.  So, is it?  Have I lost you forever?”

Why it made the list:

Even though Elena tells Damon at the end of this scene, that he has lost her forever, we can tell, based on the way she looks at him, and acts around him, that this is not true.  Elena was so angry with Damon for “killing” Jeremy, at this point in the season, that she desperately wanted to hurt him.  And she did so by toying with his affections for her, and using them to get information about Katherine. 

But remember, boys and girls, Nina Dobrev, may be an actress, but ELENA isn’t.  And her body language . . . ((1) the way she stared deeply into Damon’s eyes when he cornered her by the car; (2) the way her breath caught when he leaned close to her; (3) her obvious feelings of gratitude toward Damon, when he gave her the Petrova Book; (4) and the way she took a pause to ponder what Damon said about how their friendship — having initially grown from hatred — would likely be able to sprout from that same place again) . . . well, it doesn’t lie.

It’s also worth noting the extensive amount of thought Damon has obviously given his relationship with Elena, even at this early stage of the season.  He obviously values her, not just as a prospective love interest, but as a friend, and fellow partner in crime,  And Damon would rather be friends with Elena than nothing at all . . . Given how much in love with her he obviously is, and the very selfish things he has done in the past, his willingness to maintain a completely platonic relationship with the woman he loves says volumes about his growing character . . .

7. The Face Rape

Episode: “The Return” 2 X 1

Setting the Scene:

The season premiere pretty much seemed like it comprised Damon’s WORST DAY EVER!  First, he learned that the woman he kissed on Elena’s porch was NOT actually Elena, but rather the EEEEEEEVIL Katherine, who had spurned Damon all those years ago.  When Damon confronts Elena about the faux-kiss, not only does she have no memory of the event occuring, she acts as though kissing Damon Salvatore would be the most awful thing in the world that could happen to her.  (MORON!)

Damon gets rejected AGAIN, when, after a rousing bout of sex with Katherine . . .

 . . . SHE tells him that SHE never loved him, and was only using him to get into his brother Stefan’s pants, all those years ago . . .

So, Damon responds by doing what most boys do, when they get rejected, multiple times, by multiple women, within the same 24-hour period . . . he gets TOTALLY WASTED!

But then . . . rather than drunk dialing (or drunk texting or drunk e-mailing) Elena, like most boys would do, Damon takes his humiliation one step further, by showing up in her bedroom uninvited . . .

 Potent Quotables:

ELENA: “Thanks for . . . umm . . . looking out for us . . . for me.”

DAMON:  “You’re surprised that I thought you would kiss me back.  You can’t imagine that I would believe that you would want to . . . that what we’ve been doing here means something.  You’re the liar, Elena.  There is something going on between the two of us. and you know it.  And you are lying to me, and you are lying to Stefan, and most importantly, you are lying to yourself.”

ELENA – “You are better than this . . . I care about you . . . I do . . . I care about you.”

Why it made the list:

Some of you might be wondering why, as a Delena fan, I would possibly include this painful, relationship-shattering scene in my countdown.  But here’s the thing . . . while horrible and painful, this scene between Damon and Elena is important to Delena fandom, as it is the very first time BOTH Damon and Elena express their feelings for one another.  That’s right, I said BOTH . . . because Elena DOES admit to caring about Damon in this very scene.

Instinctively, Elena understands the pain Damon has undergone in this episode.  And she knows that he is coping with it, in a self destructive way.  She fears for him, and, at least initially, tries to take care of him, as a mother might take care of an unruly child. 

But Damon, drunk and bitter, as he may be, sees Elena’s care and concern for what it is . . . the underpinings of love.  When Damon confronts Elena with HER feelings toward him, she is clearly not ready to accept them mentally.  But emotionally, we see something click inside Elena.  And had Damon been more sober, had he gone for a sweet and gentle kiss, as opposed to the Face Rape, had he NOT lashed out at Jeremy in anger, there’s no telling what COULD have happened between Damon and Elena in this scene . . .

6. Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Episode: “Kill or Be Killed” – 2 X 5

Setting the Scene:

Wolfy Mason MAJORLY screwed over Stefan and Damon, by outing them as vampires to Caroline’s mom, Sheriff Forbes.  The vampire-hating Sheriff then shot up Damon and Stefan, and locked them in a dungeon for interrogation.

The Sheriff is just about to stake the uncooperative vampires, when her own daughter arrives and outs HERSELF as a vampire to her mother. 

The distraction allows Damon to get the upper hand, and an opportunity to finish off Sheriff Forbes . . . but he doesn’t.  “Relax, you’re my friend,” he tells her sweetly.

Rather than murder the Ole’ Battle Axe, Damon decides to keep her entombed, until the vervain ingested has left her system.  This way, they can compel her to forget what had gone down.  And they all live happily ever after.  (Well . . . not Mason . . . but that’s another story entirely . . .)

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “What you did for Caroline’s Mom . . . that’s the Damon who was my friend.”

DAMON: “Hey  . . . Stefan didn’t drink the People Blood . . . if you’re curious.  But he needs to.  And deep down, you know it.”

Why it made the list:

This scene really marks the first time we see Elena admitting that she is starting to forgive Damon for what he has done to Jeremy.  By telling Damon that he has done something honorable — something that reminds her of their former friendship — Elena is acknowledging that she no longer sees Damon as lacking humanity, and she no longer “hates” him.  Elena appreciates the sacrifice of pride Damon made on Caroline’s behalf, and the way in which he still considers Caroline’s mother “a friend,” despite the fact that she tried to have him killed.  If Damon can forgive someone like Caroline’s mom for what she did to him, shouldn’t Elena be able to forgive Damon for what he did to Jeremy?

5. Break Me, Stake Me, Anyway You Want Me

Episode: “Brave New World” – 2 X 2

Setting the Scene:

Caroline has just turned vamp, after having fed on Damon’s blood, prior to being smothered to death by Katherine.  Remembering what happened to Vicki Donovan, Damon views the tempestuous Caroline as a major liability to his way of life.  And so he plans to remove the “un” from Caroline’s “undead” status . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA: (about Caroline) “Damon, she’s my friend!”

DAMON:  “Whatever happens, it’s on YOU.”

Why it made the list:

Like the previous example, here we see Damon making a personal sacrifice, based on his strong belief in the power of friendship.  Despite the fact that Damon sees Vampire Caroline as a liability — a danger to herself and others — Damon decides not to harm her, because doing so would hurt ELENA.  Last season, we learned about how important trust is to Damon Salvatore.  This season, we learn how much he also values friendship. 

Oh, and did you notice the heavy sexualized breathing and eye f*cking Damon and Elena were doing, as she thrust her body into his, in order to deflect that phallic stake from Caroline?  SUPER HOT!

4. Shot Through the Heart

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

While searching through Isobel’s office at Duke University, Damon and Elena encounter one of her former students, the VERY ambitious Vanessa.  Vanessa recognizes both Damon and Elena (Katherine?) from Isobel’s research, and doesn’t trust the pair as far as she can throw them.  Did I mention girlfriend is REALLY handy with a crossbow?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “Pull it out . .  I can’t reach it Elena.  Just pull the damn thing out.  It hurts . . .”

ELENA: “You are not going to kill her.  You touch her, and, I swear, I will never speak to you again.”

DAMON:  “What makes you think that has any power over me?  Because I took an arrow in the back for you?  You are severely overestimating yourself.

ELENA: “Right . . . I forgot that I was speaking to a psychotic mind, who snaps and kills people.”

DAMON:  “You are trying to manipulate me.”

ELENA: “If by manipulate you mean ‘tell the truth’ . . . then fine . . . GUILTY.”

Why it made the list:

This Delena scene was FUN with a capital “F,” and sexy with a capital “S.”  The obvious analogies to sex that were made as Elena was ejecting that LARGE BOW from Damon’s back would be totally comical, if both parties weren’t obviously so turned on by them.  I loved how Damon saved Elena’s life here, ONCE AGAIN.  And, yet, she still found time to berate him, and basically call him a psychopath.  Most guys would be infuriated by this, but Damon was clearly enjoying the back and forth of it all.  With Elena pissed at him, the banter was likely one of the things he missed most.

When Damon and Elena are done thrusting their large members at one another, they get into a surprisingly deep discussion of manipulation and the sexual and emotional power each member of the pair has over the other.  Later, we learn that Elena might have been using this power to her advantage,  But at this moment, Damon doesn’t seem to mind being used one bit. . .

3. The Lover’s Quarrel

Episode:  “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Damon and Elena return together from Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus.  Once home, they learn that Doofus Stefan inadvertently got himself “stuck” in Katherine’s Hot Sex Den.  Elena immediately wants to rush the tomb and save Stefan from Hot Sex with Katherine.  But Damon would rather Team Delena have their own Hot Sex first . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “How could you let this happen?”

DAMON:  “What are you talking about? I was too busy saving YOU from your kamikaze mission!  It was the right call, Elena.”

ELENA:  “Right call?  How is any of this the right call?”

ELENA: “Damon, let go of me!  LET GO OF ME . . . Let go of me.  Please!”

DAMON:  “Are you done?”

And later:

STEFAN:  (To Damon)  “Promise me .  . . whatever happens . . . you will protect her.”

DAMON:  “Promise.”

Why it made the list:

Aside from the obvious groping, thrusting, heavy breathing, and personal space invasion (all of which was AWESOME, by the way), what stuck out most for me about this scene was the way Damon and Elena effortlessly assumed a sort of husband and wife dynamic with one another.  Stefan hadn’t even been trapped for 10 minutes, and already Damon and Elena were bickering like an old married couple.  For me, this scene provided a very nice glimpse into what I have no doubt will be the future of our Delena pairing: namely, clever partnerships, followed by heated arguments — arguments which will inevitably devolve into the most mind-blowing makeup sex known to man . . .

2. The Fiercest Foreplay

Episode: “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Remember earlier, when I referenced Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus?  Well, Damon found out about the Mission from Tattletale Rose and he was NOT HAPPY . . . (He WAS very horny though . . .)

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I said we are leaving .  . . You do not get to make decisions, anymore.”

ELENA:  “When have I ever made a decision?  You and Stefan do that for me . . . Now this is my decision.

DAMON:  “Who’s going to save your life, while you are out there making ‘decisions’?”

ELENA:  “You are not listening to me, Damon.  I do not want to be saved, not if it means that Klaus is going to kill every person that I love.”

DAMON:  “Get your ass out the door, before I throw you over my shoulder, and carry you out myself.”

Why it made the list:

Elena’s body language is the most intriguing aspect of this scene.  By the time we get to episode 11, we already know how Damon feels for Elena.  He has made his feelings known on more than one occasion.  Yet, while we have gotten inklings of Elena’s sexual attraction to Damon before, never have they been this pronounced.  Watch how Elena inclines her head toward Damon, as if waiting for a kiss.  Watch the passion burn inside of her, as they lock eyes, and she feels the heat from his strong grasp surge through her body.  For the first time, Damon and Elena seem equally engaged in their struggle for emotional, mental, and sexual domination.  He clearly wants it, but, now so does SHE . . .

Let’s not forget, from a mental perspective, that Damon and Elena are both basically there for the SAME reason.  They want to save EACH OTHER from certain death.  In her struggles, Elena is trying desperately to prove to Damon, that she is not just the weak little nyphette, everyone assumes her to be.  She can act rashly, to save the people she loves,  just as easily as Damon can.  D

espite Damon’s words to the contrary, somewhere in those struggles, he begins to see that Elena might actually have a point.  Elena’sMarytr-Like Hero Complex might just directly match up with Damon’s.  And that’s a super hot prospect for both of the parties involved . . .

1. I Put a Spell on You (a.k.a. Damon Tells Elena He Loves Her)

Episode: “Rose” – 2 X 8

Setting the Scene:

Stefan and Damon (but mostly Damon) have just brought Elena back home, after she was kidnapped by Rose and Dead Trevor, and ALMOST re: kidnapped by EEEEEVIL Elijah . . .

During the kidnapping, Elijah removed Elena’s vervain necklace so that he could compel her to tell him where the precious Moonstone was currently hiding.  Somehow, during the staking of Elijah and all the fighting, and vampire fast running, Damon was able to retrieve Elena’s vervain necklace.  And so, Damon’s come through Elena’s window to return it to her . . . but not before he tells her something VERY IMPORTANT!

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I just have to say something . . . Because what I am about to say is probably the most selfish thing I have ever said in my life . . . I just need to say this once.  You just need to hear it.  I love you, Elena.  And it’s because I love you that I can’t be selfish with you.  And why you can’t know this.  I don’t deserve you.  But my brother does. (*He moves to kiss Elena on the lips, rethinks it, and goes for the forehead*) I wish you didn’t have to forget this.  But you do.”

Why it made the list:

Gosh, how could this scene NOT make the list?  It was by far the most beautiful, romantic, enticing, and heartbreaking moments I have ever experienced on television.  I doubt even the staunchest Stelena fans didn’t tear up, as they watched Damon give Elena his heartfelt speech, chastely kiss her on the cheek, and cry softly, as he compeled her to forget the entire life-changing moment.

What’s so ironic about this scene, is that everything Damon says, seems to contradict what’s actually happening on the screen.  Here is Damon saying he’s about to do something selfish.  Yet, by keeping his love for Elena a secret from her, because he feels unworthy of any feelings she might have for him in return, Damon is performing the most selfless act imaginable. 

 Damon tells Elena that he does not deserve her.  And yet, his willingness to give up his own happiness, for her safety, and the happiness of his brother, shows Damon to be more than worthy of Elena’s love.

Time and time again, this season, Damon has reiterated his desire to protect Elena, and keep her safe and happy, above all else.  And if that’s not humanity, embodied in the form of True Love, than humanity simply doesn’t exist . . .

And, there you have it:  My Top Ten Delena Moments of the first half of Season 2.  What were YOURS?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Damon and Elena, Delena, Television Super Couples, The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 2 of 2)

A couple of days ago, I came up with a list of the top ten plotline cliches featured in teen-oriented television dramas.  In the first installment of this blog entry, I posted the first five of these cliches.  That list included: (1) the Pregnancy Plotline; (2) the Death of a Peripheral Character Plotline; (3) the Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline; (4) the Cheating on a Test  / Plagiarism Plotline; and, finally, (5) the “Bad Influence” Plotline.

This installment will focus on the following popular Teen Television Cliches: (1) the Love Triangle; (2) the Summer in Europe; (3) the Love / Hate Relationship; (4) the School Ski Trip; and, of course (5) the Prom.  So, without further adieu, what do you say we take off our creative thinking caps, embrace conformity, and get started?

1) “Can’t we all just . . . have a threesome, instead?” – The Love Triangle Plotline

The Storyline:  Girl meets boy.  Boy is attractive. 

Boy is also nice and sweet, albeit a tad boring (and, sometimes, a bit of a whiny b*tch). 

Or, conversely, Boy is total douche; 

but Girl’s parents love him;

He looks “good on paper.”

and Boy is sure to make Girl a very wealthy, but very bored, housewife, some time in the not-so-distant future, if she plays her cards right.

But then . . . Other Boy magically appears.

Unlike the original Boy, Other Boy is a little dangerous . . .

Maybe he’s from the wrong side of the proverbial “tracks” . . .

Or, perhaps he has a reputation for being a bit of male slut . . .

 . . . or a criminal.

 Or maybe he has a bit of a mean streak, so Girl isn’t sure she can really trust him.

But there is just something about the way Other Boy makes Girl feel . . .

She smiles and laughs more when she’s around him. 

(Click the internal link to watch.)

He makes her more fun!

And Other Boy continues to believe in Girl, and support her, long after everyone else has seemingly abandoned her (including the original Boy).

So, what’s a Girl to do, when she wants them both?

Who does she choose?  Well, that depends on the season . . . the Television Season, that is . . .

Examples: Joey, Pacey, and Dawson (Dawson’s Creek); Veronica, Logan, and Duncan (Veronica Mars); Marissa, Ryan, and Luke (The O.C.); Elena, Damon, and Stefan (The Vampire Diaries); Rory, Jesse, and Dean (Gilmore Girls); Blair, Chuck, and Nate (Gossip Girl); Peyton, Lucas, and Nate (One Tree Hill); Emma, Sean, and Peter (Degrassi: The Next Generation); Felicity, Ben, and Noel (Felicity); Casey, Cappie, and Evan (Greek); Lyla, Tim, and Jason (Friday Night Lights)

Why it’s a cliche?  Three words (One of them is a contraction).  Because . . . It’s . . . AWESOME!

When it comes to successful teen drama plotlines, The Love Triangle, is a surefire WIN!  After all, what girl wouldn’t want to have two totally hot guys, who are complete opposites of one another fighting over her!  Aside from allowing female fans to vicariously fulfill their deepest fantasies, Love Triangles provide the added benefit of making Teen Television watching a TEAM SPORT!  Boys have football and basketball.  Girls have  THIS . . .

Yes, boys and girls, choosing sides in a Love Triangle War is SERIOUS business!  (Girls have been shot over WAY less!)  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sheer intensity of THESE fan-fueled debates  . . .

About Blair, Chuck and Nate

About Elena, Damon, and Stefan

About Felicity, Ben, and Noel . . .

(The above video debate between these two twenty-somethings kind of goes off the rails, after the first five minutes.  But I love their obvious enthusiasm for a show that’s been off the air now for nearly a decade!  I also love their accents . . . and the very impressive “Portrait of Ben” one of them created.  Scott Speedman, himself, would be proud!)

2) “Go to Europe . . . because no one could possibly ‘find themselves’ in the States!”  – The Summer in Europe Plotline

“When in France, do as the French do . . . French kiss!”

(Here we go again!  Internal link clicking time!)

The Storyline: It’s close to the end of the Season.  Our female protagonist’s life is a mess!  It’s just jam packed with unresolved love triangles, family issues, and massive blowout fights with former friends.  And what better way is there to deal with all of your problems, than to run away from them?  So, our female protagonist jaunts off to Europe (usually Paris), leaving pining boys and cliffhangers in her wake . . .

 Once there, our female protagonist sees the sights . . .

and miraculously FINDS HERSELF!  When she comes back, she’s a COMPLETELY different person, than when she left.  Who knows?  She might even have a new completely random, doesn’t belong on the show at all boyfriend!

Examples: Serena and Blair (Gossip Girl); Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek); Brenda and Donna (90210); Holly (What I Like About You)

Why it’s a Cliche?  The main character’s temporary departure from his or her home base is a great way to bring about a Teen Television Drama’s summer hiatus.  If us fans are forced to spend an ENTIRE summer away from our beloved gang of characters, at least we can sleep better knowing that they aren’t hanging out with one another EITHER!  Plus, filming a scene or two “across the pond” makes for a great excuse for the show’s writers to say to their producer, “I’d like an all expense paid European vacation, please.  What!  It’s for THE SHOW!”

A summer in another country is also a pretty good excuse to suddenly change the entire personality and demeanor of a character, without any rational explanation whatsoever .  . .

“I got my new girlfriend and a frontal lobe lobotomy in Prague.  Doesn’t everybody?

3) “He Loves Me  . . . He Hates My Guts . . . He Loves Me . . .” – The Love/ Hate Relationship Plotline

The Storyline: He’s a playboy, and a real ladies man.  But he comes across as mean, and kind of shallow.  She’s a Type A personality, who comes across as cold and a bit uptight. 

They butt heads from the moment they first appear on screen together.  They fight, and call eachother names.  They insult one another, and play nasty tricks on eachother. 

But there is a passion boiling beneath the surface, that both he and she are trying desperately to deny. 

At the time, he and she are both involved with other people.  Their significant others notice the sexual tension laced beneath their supposed hatred, and try in vain to ignore it.  But the tension only grows.  Jealous and longing looks become prevalent.  Lingering touches, and moments of out-of-character “niceness,” between the two make each member of the pair begin to question their feelings. 

The guy in this scenario typically recognizes his feelings for her first. 

(You know the drill . . .)

But he usually keeps this to himself, out of fear of being ridiculed by the new object of his desires.  Then the two are placed in a dramatic situation.  Suddenly their mutual passion for one another overtakes them.  And they both give in to their desires.

Examples: Joey and Pacey (Dawson’s Creek); Buffy and Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer); Veronica and Logan (Veronica Mars); Seth and Summer (The O.C. – sort of . . . well . . . she hated him); Elena and Damon (The Vampire Diaries); Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl)

Why it’s a Cliche?  You know how everyone always talks about how hot Makeup Sex is?  A couple fights, and then they make up.  All that angst and sexual energy, built up from all that red-faced arguing, is just kindling for the inevitable Orgasmic Fire of “Getting Back Together.”  And THAT’S from a fight that might last a day!  You can just imagine how hot Makeup Sex would be if the couple fought nonstop for TWO SEASONS!

4) “When the temperatures get COLD, the action gets HOT!” – The Ski Trip Plotline

The Storyline:  I’m going to be honest, this one was less of a “storyline” and more of a “plot convention.”  (Hey!  YOU try to come up with ten of these things . . . It’s not as easy as it looks.)  But did you ever notice how virtually EVERY teen drama features at least one ski trip?  BIG THINGS always happen on ski trips too!  People get drunk, get laid, get raped, or cheat on their significant other!   And someone ALWAYS hurts their foot, and conveniently can’t ski!

Examples:

Dawson’s Creek:

Jenn hurts her foot, gets wasted, and almost screws Gay Jack. 

Pacey and Joey do it for the first time!

Boy Meets World:

Cory hurts his foot too!  And makes out with Linda Cardellini!

Other fabulous shows featuring wild and crazy teen ski trips include Degrassi: Next Generation (Darcy gets date raped), and What I Like About You (Holly comes to terms with her feelings for Vince).

Precisely NONE of these characters were ever shown ACTUALLY skiing . . .

Why it’s a Cliche?  There’s just something about being away from home and your parents . . . about sleeping in a log cabin, right next to the fire.  You relax.  You let your guard down.  You get a little slutty and make bad choices.  (Except in the case of Pacey and Joey . . . that choice was GOOD!)  Plus, it’s WAY cheaper to film on location in some fake ski lodge than say . . . taking your entire cast and crew to Europe.

5) “Question:  What happened at Prom?  Answer: EVERYTHING!” – The Prom Plotline

The Storyline: It’s the event of the WHOLE season!  The entire cast will be in attendance!  But not everybody is going with the person they WANT to be going with. 

 A couple will break up.  A couple will get back together. 

Someone will win prom queen. 

 

Someone’s heart will be broken. 

A couple will finally do it. 

Another couple will ALMOST do it, but decide to wait . . . Oh, and someone will get wasted and make an ass of herself.

Examples: Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., 90210, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl

Why it’s a Cliche?  For every high school girl, the Prom is the culminating social event of her entire pre-college academic career.  Even the most jaded of high school students (and I, myself, was already pretty jaded by that time) can’t help but dream of having the perfect dress, the perfect limo, the perfect Prom date, and the perfect slow dance.  For most of us, with all that build up and preparation, Prom itself ends up being pretty anti-climactic.  (The Post Prom Beach Trip, on the other hand . . . now, THAT ROCKED!).  But if we CAN’T have the perfect Prom, at least we can get the joy of seeing our television friends experience it for us.

So, there you have it – Ten Trashtastic Teen Television Cliches for your viewing pleasure!  Doesn’t it all make you feel OLD?

 

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Filed under 90210, Boy Meets World, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Felicity, Gossip Girl, Greek, nostalgia, teen dramas, Television Super Couples, The O.C., The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists, Veronica Mars, What I Like About You

OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 1 of 2)

It is probably no secret to anyone who has ever stopped by this blog before (or even just examined the above “collage”), that I am a sucker for Trash-tastic Teen Television.  I have been a fan of these types of shows since the age of eight.  That was when I first decided that I desperately wanted to be a teen.  And I have no doubt that I will remain a fan, long after I have cruised past “old age,” and am forced to squint through my coke bottle glasses, and smile through my dentures, at the sight of some pipsqueaks (who bear a suspicious resemblance to my grandkids) attending prom on my small screen.

“That is one hot threesome.  Oh, when I think back to my first threesome . . . ah memories!”

Having been around the “teenage television” block quite a bit since my eighth birthday, I have come to notice a few patterns among my favorite teen dramas.  Over the years, I have watched in wonder, as certain storylines traveled across decades,  time zones, and networks, just to reach my lowly television set, over and over (and over and over) again . . .  So I’ve decided to investigate these storylines, in hopes of FINALLY figuring out what makes them so “gosh darn special!”

1) “Hit me with a baby, one more time!” – The Pregnancy Scare and/or Actual Pregnancy Plotline

The Storyline: Our teen female protagonist has sex . . . usually for the first time.  Her partner is either a long, LONG time boyfriend, with whom she has been discussing doing the deed for the ENTIRE season . . .

 Or, conversely, he is a one night-stand, who she (a) barely knows; or (b) seemingly despises.  There is never any in between. 

In the very next scene, our protagonist learns that she has missed her period.  She is FLIPPING THE F&CK OUT!

She keeps her discovery a secret from everyone, except for her best friend.  And the best friend is inevitably the one who convinces the protagonist to take the pregnancy test.

Regardless of the pregnancy test’s ultimate result, inevitably there comes a time when our protagonist has to have “The Discussion” with “The Maybe Baby Daddy.” 

 Sometimes, he takes it well . .  . usually, he doesn’t . . . at least, not at first.

Now, if the protagonist ends up not being pregnant . . . well then . . . THAT’S IT!  Our protagonist is RELIEVED!  She feels brand NEW!  She’s CHANGED!

She will pretend this whole little sweeps week episode never happened (or, in the case of Manny Santos, and Degrassi, the U.S. will pretend this whole episode never happened . . . by NOT AIRING IT, until about 3 years after it was actually filmed).  However, if our protagonist IS pregnant . . . we get stuck with a baby storyline for ALL ETERNITY (or at least it will seem that way  . . .)!

Examples: Brenda on 90210 (not actually pregnant); Andrea on 90210 (actually pregnant / had baby / raised baby); Summer on The O.C. (not actually pregnant); Manny on Degrassi: The Next Generation (actually pregnant / had abortion); Liberty on Degrassi: The Next Generation (pregnant / had baby / gave baby up for adoption); Emma on Degrassi: The Next Generation (not actually pregnant / feeling left out because EVERYONE else on her show actually was); Blair on Gossip Girl (not actually pregnant);  Georgina on Gossip Girl (To Be Determined?); Amy on Secret Life of the American Teenager (actually pregnant / had baby / is raising baby); Quinn on Glee (actually pregnant / had baby / gave baby up for adoption).

Why it’s a cliche?

“Hey there, boys and girls!  I’ve got a message for you!  Premarital sex is BAAAAAAAAD!”

Teen television programs tend to be written by adults.  And even the most hip and forward thinking adults, don’t like to think about their 15-year old kids f*c*ing eachother’s brains out like bunny rabbits on acid. 

So they ever so subtly try to scare the crap out of their kids, by showing them how having sex once can RUIN THEIR LIVES FOREVER!  It doesn’t really work . . .

This storyline is SO overdone that precisely NO ONE is shocked or dismayed by the prospect of a female protagonist  . . . missing her period.  Hey writers, want to REALLY scare your kids celibate?  Give your television characters crabs. 

That will permanently glue your teen’s legs shut for sure!

2) “OH NO!  You killed .  . . what’s his name again?” – The Death of the Peripheral Character Plotline

 

The Storyline:  There is this recurring character on your favorite show that has becoming increasingly annoying, of late. 

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you just think the character really sucks. 

And you can’t wait for him or her to leave your television screen ALONE! 

You spend WAY too much time bashing this minor character on online message boards, and in snarky recaps of the show.  In those messages, you may or may not beg the show’s writers for said character’s untimely demise. 

Then the character actually DIES. 

And you’re secretly happy that you got what you wanted. 

But NOW you’re convinced you are very sh*tty person.  Because, REALLY, what kind of nice, normal person is HAPPY when someone dies, real or fake?  Even though very few of the characters on your show seemed to like this character any more than you did, while he was alive, they all make a big show of mourning and /or having a funeral for him or her.  

Your favorite character will inevitably give the eulogy for this character.  And it will be all warm, and fuzzy, and heartfelt . . . and, of course, totally depressing. 

And YOU will surprise yourself by crying like a baby when you watch it (probably out of guilt for openly hating the character so much . . . or . . .  maybe the scene just reminds you of a dead relative).  After the episode airs, the show’s entire cast will COMPLETELY forget that this dead character ever existed . . .

Examples: Scott on 90210, Abby on Dawson’s Creek; Rick on Degrassi: The Next Generation, Johnny on The O.C., that dude Serena supposedly “killed” on Gossip Girl, Percy and Reed on Grey’s Anatomy (not technically a teen show, but still . . .), Vicki on The Vampire Diaries

Why it’s a cliche?  The “Very Special” Dead Person episode of any teen show is sure to be a ratings grabber, no matter how unlikeable the soon-to-be dead character was before he met his demise.  Plus, killing any character on their show (even if it’s just a one-episode guest star) allows producers to run that oh-so-original . . . “SOMEBODY WILL DIE!” promo the week before their episode airs, and you know how ALL producers LOVE that promo! 

3) “Hot for Teacher!” – The Inappropriate Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline

The Storyline:  The protagonist has a crush on his or her very attractive (yet obviously lonely, and very desperate), teacher. 

The teacher makes a lame ass attempt to rebuff the protagonists affections, but fails miserably. 

Soon the student and the teacher are doing the horizontal mambo together in secret. 

Someone always finds out.  Someone always exposes them for the sluts they both are. 

It always ends badly . . .

Examples: Pacey and Miss Jacobs on Dawson’s Creek, Paige and Mr. O on Degrassi: The Next Generation, Dan and Miss Carr on Gossip Girl, Aria and Mr. Fitz on Pretty Little Liars

Why it’s a cliche?  Forbidden love is HOT!  And cougars are all the rage!  Plus, who HASN’T had a crush on one of their teachers and indulged in a naughty fantasy, or two (or twenty) involving same? 

 Mine was my freshman history teacher in high school.  He was pretty young, compared to most of my teachers at that time . . . probably in his mid-to-late twenties . . . and single.  Actually, he kind of looked like this . . .

 . . . only he was a wee bit older . . . and he generally wore shirts (unfortunately).  Coincidentally, Mr. Devlin, if your reading this . . . 😉

4) “Cheaters never win, and winners never . . . whatever.” – The Cheating on a Test / Plagiarism Plotline

Storyline: The protagonist REALLY needs to pass a particular test or ace a certain paper.  He or she is under a lot of external pressure to do so. 

 But something happens, so that he or she doesn’t have time to do the appropriate amount of studying and /or research.  He or she is tempted, upon receiving answers to the test or a pre-written paper, to . . . CHEAT!

The protagonist struggles with whether or not to enter into the dark evil world of “school crime,” but ultimately does. 

Because the character cheated, he or she does so well on the test or paper that his teacher inevitably wants to enter him or her in some national competition of some sort related to the aforementioned paper or test.  Smothered by guilt, the character eventually comes clean.  He or she then gets in trouble . . . 

But not in nearly as much trouble as the character would, if caught, in . . . say . . . the REAL WORLD . . .

“It can’t possibly be worse than when I got that awful haircut . . .”

Examples: Felicity on Felicity, Andie on Dawson’s Creek, Rusty on Greek, Lindsay and Daniel on Freaks and Geeks, Spencer on Pretty Little Liars

Why it’s a cliche?  One word:  schadenfreude.  You see, here’s the thing . . . every teen show has that one uptight overachieving character, who always gets A’s, is super judgmental of all of her “less brilliant” friends, and never seems to do anything wrong.  Admit it!  It’s kind of fun to see tight asses like that crack under the pressure . . .

Make that VERY fun!

5) “I’m gonna do real bad things to you .  . . and make you DO real bad things!”  – The “Bad Influence” Plotline

The Storyline: Our protagonist is going through kind of a “rough patch” in his or her life.  He or she is therefore looking to let loose, and have some sort of emotional and/or physical release.  In walks a character who is fun, adventurous, and more than a little dangerous. 

Our protagonist starts hanging out with the “dangerous” character a lot. 

(Click the internal link to watch!)

Before you know it, he or she is behaving just like the “dangerous” character, and getting into all sorts of trouble as a result.   

 The protagonists other friends are jealous of all the fun their typically boring protagonist is now having.  But they are also worried.  Inevitably, the moment comes when protagonist is about to get into a cr*p load of trouble with the “dangerous” character. 

 The friends stage an intervention of sorts. 

It works!

 The dangerous character rides away on the evil broomstick by which it came.  All is, once again, right (and boring) with the world . . .

Examples: Abby influencing Jen on Dawson’s Creek, Georgina influencing Serena on Gossip Girl, Damon influencing Caroline on The Vampire Diaries, “The Freaks” influencing Lindsay on Freaks and Geeks, that character Paul Wesley played on Everwood influencing Hannah on Everwood, that character Paul Wesley played on The O.C. influencing Ryan and Seth on The O.C.

Why it’s a cliche?  Everybody’s got a dark side.  Secretly, we all want to be a little “bad” sometimes.  The good news is that we can do it safely and vicariously, by watching our favorite “good” television characters “go bad,” albeit temporarily.  They have fun while doing it . . . and so do we, at least until their lame friends bring them back to earth.

Well, that’s all the teen television cliches I have for tonight.  But please tune in tomorrow, when I tackle love triangles, love-hate relationships, prom, the ever enlightening “trip to Europe,” and, of course, the dreaded ski trip  .  . .

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Filed under Freaks and Geeks, Glee, Gossip Girl, Greek, Pretty Little Liars, The O.C., The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

“I Prefer MY Men Dark, Broody, and a Little Bit Evil.”. . . My Picks for TV’s Top Ten Brooding Bad Boys

 

What good girl doesn’t secretly want a bad boy by her side to rescue her from the monotony of a life spent being well-behaved?  Now, in the real world, dating a guy like this is the quickest way to a broken heart — if you’re lucky — and a black eye, the slammer or the morgue — if you’re not.  But in TV land, the girls who win the hearts of the baddest baddies fare quite well, actually (not to mention have the best sex lives)! 

 For girls like me, who are desperate to experience the thrills of the darkside, without any of the risks or guilt attached, TV Brooding Bad Boys are our salvation.    And because I am so grateful to these fictional bad asses, who’s mere existence has managed to keep me on the straight and narrow all these years, I have decided to pay tribute to some of the best ones in this post . . . 10 to be exact.  (They are in no particular order. although I may have saved the best for last.  After all, playing favorites with bad boys is the surest way to get burned . . . literally.)

1) Don Draper – Executive Bad Boy

TV Show: Man Men

Who plays him?  Jon Hamm

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Let’s see.  He accidentally killed the REAL Don Draper, and then stole his identity.  Now, he smokes and drinks like a fish (and usually drives afterward).  He also cheats on his (soon-to-be ex) wife . . . ALOT, sometimes with married women, sometimes with coworkers and/or his kids’ teachers, and sometimes with random flight attendants he meets on business trips.

Why he’s broody?   On occasion, Don actually feels guilty about all the sleeping around he does (It’s rare, but it happens).  He also had a miserable childhood, with a drunken dad who abused him mentally and physically, and a prostitute biological mom who named him after a private part.  To top things off, Don’s wife can be a real cold b*tch sometimes.  And despite being model gorgeous, she actually strikes me as a kind of snoozy lay.

Why we love him anyway?  Don Draper is nothing, if not flawed.  But he is also a brilliant ad man, with a keen sense of business acumen.  When he wants to be, Don is actually a pretty great dad to his kids.  But Don’s “parenting” goes beyond the walls of his home.  The advertising executive’s paternal nature extends to his younger colleagues, particularly Peggy Olson, whose ambition and intellect he encourages, and whose career got a jump start, thanks to his willingness to put his own job on the line for her.

2) James “Sawyer” Ford – Castaway Con Artist Bad Boy

TV Show: Lost

Who plays him?  Josh Holloway

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Sawyer made his living as a con man who bilked little old ladies out of their pension checks, and slightly younger ladies out of their inheritances and hard-earned dough.  On the island, he initially kept to himself (aside from the occasional fist fight).  Left to his own devices, he survived by hoarding his fellow castaways possessions (including some very pricey drugs, and quite an impressive weapons stash).  He also used Shannon’s painful and highly traumatic asthma attack as an excuse to get Kate to kiss him for the first time.  It was hot, but kind of heartless too . . .

Why he’s broody?  Like Don Draper, Sawyer had a pretty f-ed up childhood.  When Sawyer was a little kid, a con man bilked his parents out of their life savings.  Sawyer’s father became so depressed as a result, that he killed Sawyer’s mother before turning the gun on himself.  To make matters worse, Sawyer is stranded on a deserted island where he is constantly fending off the unwelcome advances of Polar Bears, sadistic birds, black smoke, and those wackadoo Others.  Oh, and did I mention the object of his desires keeps ditching him to make out with this lame ass pompous doctor?  You’d be pretty pissed off too . . . I bet!

Why we love him anyway?  Sawyer may be a con artist, and a thief . . . and he sure likes to beat the sh&t out of people!  But he looks GREAT with his shirt off!

As the seasons of Lost progressed, Sawyer also proved himself to be an excellent leader, and a staunch protector of those he loved, most notably, Kate, Juliette, and, yes, even Hurley.  He even stopped beating people up so much.  (Well, at least he was more selective about it.)  Oh, and the nicknames!  I loved all those nicknames!

3) Noah “Puck” Puckerman – Mohawk-Wearing Bully Bad Boy

TV Show: Glee

Who plays him?  Mark Salling

Why he’s a Bad Boy?   At the start of the show, Puck was your basic jock bully (with a mohawk, of course).  He LOVED tossing slushees in the faces of the Glee kids, and tossing nerds in the dumpster.  He also got it on with a quite a few of his mom’s friends.  But Puck’s worst offense, by far was screwing “Celibacy Club President Quinn,” while she was dating his friend.  He also kept their rendezvous a secret, even after Quinn became pregnant, and Finn agreed to take responsibility for Puck’s baby . . .

Why he’s broody?  You know, I could explain it to you.  However this video says it better, than I ever could . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Ummm . . . did you WATCH that video?  Did it not make you fall in love with Puck, and make you want to give birth to all of  his mohawk-wearing babies?  By the end of Season 1, Puck came a long way toward redeeming himself.  Not only did he stop throwing nerds into dumpsters, he also became really close with the Glee kids, most notably Rachel and Mercedes.  And when it came down to it, Puck really stood by Quinn, and supported her throughout her pregnancy, even going so far as to stand by her side, as she gave birth.  Now if that’s not a Redeemed Brooding Bad Boy, I don’t know what is!

4) Chuck Bass – Upper East Side Bad Boy

TV Show: Gossip Girl

Who plays him?  Ed Westwick

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Oh, Chuck!  How are you a bad boy?  Let me count the ways.  Before you met Blair Waldorf, you bedded so many random women, that you made Don Draper, Sawyer, and Puck look like priests. 

You tried to date rape Jenny Humphrey in the pilot episode (an incident we ALL wanted to forget about, and almost did, until you repeated the feat during the Season 3 finale.)  Along with Blair Waldorf and the rest of your Scooby gang, you have schemed (and succeeded) to ruin the lives of MANY of Manhattan’s elite, sometimes even those in your own social circle.  And you’ve callously broken Blair’s heart a few more times than us fans would have liked . . .

Why he’s broody?  Despite being born into privilege, Chuck hasn’t had the easiest life.  His mother died giving birth to him (or so he thought).  And Chuck’s father blamed him for his mother’s absence all his life, constantly denigrating the young man’s worth and ability.  Then his father died, which always sucks. 

On the romantic side of things, particularly in the earlier episodes, Chuck constantly found his love for Blair unrequited or blatantly ignored.  And once he FINALLY got her, Chuck had to keep screwing things up.  So  he lost her, over and over again, due to his own insecurities, hubris, and fragile ego.

Why we love him anyway?  He’s Chuck Bass!  The only man who can refer to himself in the third person constantly, without it ever becoming annoying.  And as cold and callous as he may sometimes seem, Chuck LOVES Blair, possibly more than any television character has ever loved another.  He loves her unconditionally, despite her flaws and idiosyncrasies.  Chuck is always willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Blair’s, as he does in this adorable scene.

(Click the internal link to watch.)

5) Ryan Atwood – “Bad Boy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks”

TV Show: The O.C.

Who plays him?  Benjamin McKenzie

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Ryan hails from Chino.  Based on what the show’s writers would have you believe, growing up in Chino makes you automatically bad news.  During the pilot episode of the show, Ryan got himself involved in a teensy bit of grand theft auto.  (It wasn’t really his fault, but still . . . .).

  Oh, and believe it or not, Ryan likes to beat the sh&t out of people EVEN MORE than Puck and Sawyer!  In fact, I’m pretty sure he did it at least once during every single  episode of The O.C!  If I recall, toward the end of the show’s run, he even got into cage fighting for a while, so that he could get PAID to beat the sh*t out of people.  Smart business move, Ryan!

Why is he broody?  NOBODY does broody like Ryan Atwood!  Don’t believe me?  Check out this clip from the show’s pilot episode . . .

This guy is the epitome of the strong, silent and ANGRY type.  And with good reason!  Growing up poor with an absentee father, a drunk mother, and a delinquent brother, Ryan didn’t have many opportunities growing up.  At least, that is, until saintly public defender, Sandy Cohen, took him into his home and under his wing . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Grand theft auto and butt-kicking notwithstanding, let’s face it, for a bad boy Ryan wasn’t .  . . all that bad.  He was sweet and protective of his friends, particularly Seth and Marissa, the latter of whom he got out of more jams than I can even count.  He also had this staunch code of honor and integrity, that he never seemed to waver from, no matter how far he got from his Chino roots. 

Sure, Ryan could be a little stiff and quiet at times . . . . OK .  . . most of the time.  But every once and a while, he would let loose and show his sweet side.  And when that happened, no heart was safe . . .

6) Alex Karev – Dr. McBad Boy

TV Show: Grey’s Anatomy

Who plays him?   Justin Chambers

What makes him a Bad Boy?  OK.  I’m not going to lie.  A lot of times Alex Karev can be kind of a dick, both literally and figuratively.  There was that one time, when he posted all those pictures of Izzie in her undergarments all over the hospital.  And that other time when he unwittingly gave George syphilis, by sleeping with the nurse he had a thing for.  Giving of STD aside, Alex was kind of mean to George in general.  He was always calling him names and denigrating his manhood, whenever he got the chance. 

Oh, and Alex cheated on Izzie . . . like A LOT!

Why he’s broody?  Alex had an abusive father, who beat the crap out of him regularly.  (Anyone else noticing a pattern here?)  He also has really bad luck with the ladies.  His girlfriend Rebecca went all crazy and bipolar on his ass.  The other love of his life, Izzie, cheated on him with a ghost (Oh, I am serious!).  She also got cancer . . . and he married her, thinking she was dying.   But then she went into remission . . . and then she inexplicably dumped his ass.  I think Alex has a right to be a little pissed off at the world?  Don’t you?

Why we love him anyway?  Alex is a fighter.  He speaks his mind, and tells the truth, when no one else has the guts to do it.  Plus, he’s an amazing doctor, who has a fabulous way with kids and teens, in particular.  Unlike some of the other doctors at the hospital, Alex speaks their language, and doesn’t talk down to them.  For that reason, they often trust and respect him.  And for a D-bag, he can be surprisingly sweet and romantic, as illustrated here . . .

7) Eric Northman – Immortal Viking Bad Boy

TV Show: True Blood

Who plays him?  Alexander Skarsgard

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Eric is a very old, and very powerful vampire, who always gets what he wants.  To him, humans are food to be consumed, and toys to be used for his amusement.  Eric is currently involved in the shady and underground business of selling highly addictive vampire blood to humans and other assorted creatures.  He’s betrayed his colleague Bill more times than I can count, in order to get what he wants.  He kidnapped Lafayette and beat him into submission, until the latter agreed to become one of his blood pedaling minions.  Eric also tricked Sookie into drinking his blood so that she would have hot sex dreams about him all the time.  (And that’s a BAD THING?)

Why he’s broody?  In truth, Eric’s not all that broody.   And if he was, he probably wouldn’t admit it.  But he does have a very soft spot for one Sookie Stackhouse, which has heretofore remains unrequited.   And Eric is not a man used to not getting his girl.  At the end of Season 2, we witnessed a vulnerable side to Eric that we hadn’t seen before.   He lost his beloved maker, Godric to the sun, and cried tears of blood to mourn the loss.  Thus, proving that even a “cold blooded” vampire like Eric can suffer from a broken heart.

Why we love him anyway?  Let’s face it.  Eric is just super sexy!  His witty banter with Sookie never fails to make me drool.  Eric also has a great sense of humor, and can lighten even the darkest of moments with his wit and charm.  Plus, Vampire Eric is a really good guy to have on your side, when you are faced with a group of evil supernatural creatures who wish you dead.  And you never know when that might come in handy.  Did I mention he would be an excellent accessory to any bathtub?

8 ) Logan Echolls  – Spoiled Little Rich Bad Boy

TV Show: Veronica Mars

Who plays him?  Jason Dohring

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Logan Echolls takes the term juvenile delinquent to a whole new level.  Like many on this list, Logan enjoys giving a good ass whipping, but that’s not anywhere close to the worst thing on his rap sheet.  Let’s see, during the show’s three seasons he (1) bashed the headlights on Veronica’s car; (2) brought GHB to a party; (3) blew up the local community pool; (4) orchestrated and videotaped “bum fights” for profit; (5) screwed his good friend’s mom and his girlfriend’s enemy; and (6) got himself arrested so he could beat up a known criminal who hurt Veronica. (I’m sure there’s more, but I only have so much blog space . . .)

Why he’s broody?  Logan’s dad was a famous actor, but also a sadistic psycho killer who slept with and then murdered Logan’s girlfriend, Lily.  Then his mother promptly killed herself.  Logan soon found himself to be a suspect in Lily’s murder.  Once he was cleared of that rap, he became a suspect in some gang member’s murder.  Then, later, he was a rape suspect. 

In fact, every time something bad happened in Logan’s general georgraphic vicinity, he became an automatic suspect.  After just a couple of episodes spent hating her guts, Logan fell in love with Veronica.  The problem was, there almost always seemed to be another guy (Duncan, Piz), another girl (Hannah, Kendall, Parker), another dead body, or another one of Logan’s bullheaded actions, standing in the way of the couple’s happiness.

Why we love him anyway?  Logan and Veronica were made for eachother!  Their witty banter was timeless.  Logan alone had enough one-liners to fill a Joke Bible . . .

 The sexual tension that emerged from Veronica’s and Logan’s once mutual hatred of one another could power cities.  No matter what the current state of their relationship was, Logan was always willing to risk everything to save Veronica, be it his happiness, his future, his life, or his freedom from legal prosecution. 

And what girl wouldn’t want that dedication in a guy?

9) Pacey Witter – Bad Boy from the Creek

TV Show: Dawson’s Creek

Who plays him?  Joshua Jackson

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Pacey was pretty much the worst student ever!  It was a wonder he even graduated!  He was also in many ways the ringleader of the Creek crew.  For the most part, they were pretty straight laced to the point of being kind of boring (I excuse Slutty Jen Lindley from this list of course).  But Pacey was always the one trying to lure them over to the darkside, with parties (gasp), and drinking (double gasp), and ditching school!  (OMG!) 

OK . . . so maybe he isn’t that much of a bad boy.  But I couldn’t imagine doing a “boy list” without including the boy that officially started my TV fangirl career.  And, of course, there was that time he banged his English teacher in the bushes and ended up inadvertently making a sex tape from it . . .

Why is he broody?  Like many of the boys on this list, Pacey is a product of a dysfunctional family — a drunken dad who abuses him, a brother who verbally berates him, and a mother and sisters who ignore him completely.  Due to his poor grades and upbringing, Pacey believes himself to be destined to a life on the Creek, doing menial labor for minimal wage.  To make matters worse, he spends a good portion of Season 3 head over heels in love with Joey Potter, a woman who he believes to be completely out of his league, and who also seems to be very hung up on his best friend, Dippy Dawson.

Why we love him anyway?  Pacey is by far, the kindest hearted, most romantic, sweetest, and most loyal boy on this entire list.  Not only did he beat up boys for his lover, Joey ( most of these guys did that at one time or another), he also took care of her when she needed a friend, taught her to drive, saved her family’s business, bought her a wall, picked her up from a bad date in the middle of the night, and took her on a three month voyage without ever pressuring her into sex.  In short, this man is MY HERO!

10) Damon Salvatore – The “I Like to Bite” Bad Boy

TV Show: The Vampire Diaries

Who plays him?  Ian Somerhalder

What makes him a Bad Boy?  What doesn’t make this guy a bad boy?  He’s a VAMPIRE!  He controls humans’ minds and drinks from them regularly.  He breaks peoples necks for no apparent reason at all.  He made Caroline his feeding vessel and sex slave for a couple of episodes.  

(Click the internal link to watch.)

 He tortured Vicki and made her think his brother, Stefan, was doing it.  Then he killed her. 

(No embedding on this clip either.  You know the drill.)

After that, he turned her into a vampire and she went nuts.  So he had to dispose of the body.  He also continually tries to steal his brother’s girlfriends.  (But we actually really like him for that .  . .)

What makes him broody?  Damon has been pining over the same girl for a century and a half!  (How’s that for dedication!)

So, he risks his undeath to find his dream girl, only to learn that she doesn’t want to be found.  His own brother basically tricked him into becoming a vampire.  And now that same brother is dating a woman who looks exactly like the girl he fell in love with all those years ago.  Did I mention that Damon is in love with this new girl too?

(Here we go again, click away . . .)

Why we love him anyway?  Damon is beautiful and sexy.  He is also strong, intensely masculine, and hilariously funny.  The elder Salvatore Brother really does try to protect Elena in every way he knows how.  Damon knows that Elena can redeem him.  And deep down, he truly wants to be redeemed.  Oh, and he looks really hot with his shirt unbuttoned. . .

So, there you have it, Ten Brooding Bad Boys viewed from the perspective of the blogger that loves them all.  In every life a little darkness must fall.  And if you have to have darkness, at least let it come in the form of a hot sexy man who loves you, like no one else will . . .

Sweet Dreams, fellow Good Girls!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Dawson's Creek, Glee, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Lost, Mad Men, The O.C., The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists, True Blood, Veronica Mars

Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

Well, summer’s definitely here, folks!  It’s almost 90 degrees outside, where I’m from.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hot and bothered.   So I figured, what better way to beat the heat OUTSIDE, than to steam things up INSIDE, where at least an air conditioner, and a few systematically placed ice cubes, can cool you off?

A few days ago, my blogging buddy, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, hosted something she lovingly referred to as the TV Boyfriend Olympics.  During said “Olympics,” Amy and a “distinguished panel of judges” voted on the best television scenes, featuring the TV stars we LOVED to watch get together and almost get together.  The sheer awesomeness of her post, and the undeniable guilty pleasure I had “judging” the scenes, gave me an idea . . .

So, this morning, while many of you were probably out on the beach, working on your tans, I was INSIDE, culling through hours of hot television sex scenes, in search of the most notable ones. (Or rather, the most notable that DIDN’T require me to register with YouTube as someone who likes “dirty” videos.  I’m pretty sure YouTube sends THAT registry list to the government  . . .)  It was a tough job, but someone had to do it . . .

So, without further adieu, here are my picks for the first annual TV Sex-y Awards.

The “Most Bizarre Place to Get Lucky” Award goes to . . . (drumroll please)

KATE AND SAWYER on LOST for “Bear Cage Sex.”

Don’t you hate it when you are trapped on on an island you THINK is deserted, but it actually ends up being filled with a weird group of Others who throw you in a cage, and force you to eat nothing but massive looking dog food crackers shaped like fish?  Kate and Sawyer actually don’t seem to hate it all that much . . . In a few moments, you will understand why.

Honestly?  I don’t understand how these two DIDN’T end up together, at the end of the series.  Can you imagine JACK SHEPARD doing it in cage?  He’d probably be too concerned with how many bacterial infections you could get from those steel bars, to really get in the mood.

“When is the last time you think they windexed those?  That dude with the beard just didn’t look very clean.  Maybe they’d be willing to give us some paper towels to put down first . . .”

The “Best Use of Camera Effects to Simulate Sex, Without Upsetting the Censors” Award goes to . . .

CHUCK and BLAIR on GOSSIP GIRL for “Limo Sex”

I remember literally drooling the first time I watched this scene, which took place during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  In it, Chuck takes a highly vulnerable Blair to a Gentleman’s Club he wishes to purchase.  Once there, the typically buttoned-up and straight-laced, Blair surprises him, by getting up on stage and performing a tasteful, but highly provocative, strip tease.  During the limo ride home, the pair do it for the first time. 

Upon watching the scene again, I was surprised by how little the producers actually showed, sex-wise.  In fact,  when compared to many of the others scenes shown here, this one was surprisingly tame.  And yet, something about the scene made it seem deliciously X-rated.  I’m thinking it was the jump cuts and old-school video effects that caused us fans to imagine a raunchiness that wasn’t necessarily there.  Watch and you’ll see what I mean . . .

The “Best First Time” Award goes to . . .

PACEY and JOEYon DAWSON’S CREEK for “High School Ski Trip Sex”

I’m pretty sure the scene I’m about to show you RUINED virginity loss for young women everywhere.  Most first sexual encounters are awkward, painful and uncomfortable.  Joey’s and Pacey’s was PURE PERFECTION. 

After watching an entire season of longing looks and “Will they?  Won’t they?”  Followed by ANOTHER season of coupledom that was frequently marred by petty fights and the annoying romantic advances of boring hangers on (cough, cough Dawson cough), it was REALLY nice to see Joey and Pacey finally able to get some unadulterated loving.  And as for Joey’s pre-sex speech?  Well, foreplay just doesn’t get much better than that!

The “Most Realistic First Time” Award goes to . . .

SETH and SUMMER on THE O.C. for “Not-So-Hot at Having Sex”

He was desperately in love with her since the sixth grade.  She . . . thought he was a major loser . . . But then, he seemingly moved on.  And the thought of Seth dating another girl stirred up feelings in Summer that she didn’t know she had.  Remember how I said earlier that most “first times” are awkward, painful, and uncomfortable?  So was their’s . . .

The “Most Uncomfortable to Watch Sex Scene” Award goes to . . .

MEREDITH and GEORGE on GREY’S ANATOMY in “There’s No Crying in Sex!”

Speaking of awkward . . . how would you like it if you finally got the chance to do it with the girl or guy of your dreams?   But then, the mere thought of consummating a relationship with you made the object of your desire burst into tears .  . . and not tears of joy, either . . .

Note:  Asking someone if they are “almost done,” during sexual activity?  NOT A TURN ON!

The “Dirtiest (and not in a good way) Sex” Award goes to . . .

VAMPIRE BILL and SOOKIE on TRUE BLOOD in “Doing It with the Dead Sex”

Remember how I told you Dr. Jack Shepard from Lost would be too finicky to engage in Bear Cage Sex with Kate?  Well, you could just imagine how he’d feel, when faced with the prospect of banging a naked corpse in a cemetery, especially when said corpse had just spent the last several hours buried in the dirt.  In this next scene, Sookie, believing her beloved Vampire Bill to have died permanently in a fire, heads to his gravesite to pay her last respects.  It is there that she has a rather “unexpected” encounter . . .

The “Undead Dudes Make the Best Lovers”  Award goes to . . .

ELENA and STEFAN on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES in “I Love You, Even if You Are Old and Fangy, Sex”

My squeamish thoughts regarding the last video might give you the mistaken impression that I think sex with vampires is gross and wrong.  TOTALLY UNTRUE!  Sex with vampires can be unbelievably hot, particularly when the vampire in question has Hypnotic Arms of Steel, like Stefan Salvatore.  Watch and be entranced . . .

(This one is un-embedded, unfortunately.  Just click the internal link to see it.)

The “So Hot, We Wish it Wasn’t Incest” Award goes to . . .

BOONE and SHANNON on LOST in “Step-Sibling Sex”

You know who else plays a vampire on The Vampire Diaries?  THIS GUY . . .

Unfortunately, the sex scenes he’s been in on that show, so far, have almost universally involved, compulsion, violence, and girls that were NOT Elena.  But to hold a a TV Sex-y Award “show” and NOT include the Sex Master himself, Ian Somerhalder, would be pure sacrilege.  So, I figured, the least I could do was show a scene where he got it on with his sister.  Just TRY not to be aroused by this one . . . I DARE YOU!

The “Sex Scene That Made Me Hungry” Award goes to . . .

SERENA and NATE on GOSSIP GIRL in “Do You Really Expect Me To Put That in My Mouth? Sex”

“I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

You see, to me, food and sex DON’T mix.  In fact, food is what you abstain from a few hours BEFORE sex, to avoid unfortunate incidents and “Pudgy Tummy.”  But, then again, I’m not Serena and Nate.  Is it wrong that, when I was watching this scene, I was paying more attention to the waffles and strawberries the couple was eating, than I was to the couple themselves?  Because, let me tell you, those were some JUICY strawberries . . .

(Yet another poopy non-embedder.  Click that link!  You won’t regret it!)

And, finally, The “Best Post-Coital Conversation” Award goes to . . .

LOGAN and VERONICA on VERONICA MARS in “We Just Did It.  Now Let’s Chat About Hookers Sex”

It’s fitting that the last award of the day would go to an “After Sex” scene.  And if any couple deserves a moment to lie together peacefully and spoon, its Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls.  Fans of Veronica Mars know that this couple’s “epic” relationship was most certainly never dull.  When these two weren’t bashing in the headlights on one another’s cars, getting eachother suspended for drug use on school grounds, protecting eachother from mobsters, rapists and serial killers, breaking eachother out of jail, and testifying in court against people who killed their friends, Veronica and Logan were just an ordinary couple looking for some “alone time.” 

Unfortunately, the show was only three seasons long.   And Veronica and Logan were “coupled” for less than half of it.  This didn’t leave much time for these two to do those “normal things” that most couples do.  That’s what makes the quiet and contemplative moment that the pair shares in this scene so special . . .

Well, there you have it folks.  This year’s First Annual TV Sex-y Awards has officially came and went.  I think I’m going to take a cold shower now . . .

 

 

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Filed under Sex on Television, Television Super Couples, Top Ten Lists

Shirtlessness is Godliness – My Take on the Top Ten TV Bods

[WARNING:  On most days, I try to imbue this blog with (moderately) intelligent insights and (sort of) insightful commentary about our pop culture world . . . This is NOT ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  Today is all about objectifying  male television stars, and objectifying them HARD!  So if you happen to be looking for intelligent insights or insightful commentary, you might want to head on over to CNN.com or MSNBC.com — because you won’t find any HERE!]

Are they gone yet?  Good!   Now that we’ve ditched the “mature and responsible adults,” and it’s just us girls, let’s TALK.  Let’s talk about abs of steel, arms of bronze, and skin of silk!  Let’s talk about shoulder blades, belly buttons, backs, butts, and happy trails —  all of it, just barely concealed by tight jeans, strategically placed foliage, soap bubbles, or flimsy peak-a-boo towels!  Ladies, here’s your chance to objectify men, the way they’ve objectified YOU for centuries! 

So, without further adieu, let’s put on our Pink Hard Hats, and DO THIS THING!

When it comes to watching TV, us ladies are LUCKY!  Because, while the FCC simply will NOT allow the exhibition of topless women on prime time television, it has NO TROUBLE AT ALL showing shirtless men!  Out of the countless bodies of work on the “boob-less tube” today, here are just ten of my favorites (in no particular order).

1) Lost’s Shirtless Sawyer (a.k.a Josh Holloway)

When Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on an uncharted island back in 2004, the male survivors immediately instituted a “clothing optional” policy. And BOY are we glad they did!  Snarky, nickname-giving, weapon collecting, bookworm, James Ford, a.k.a Sawyer, is definitely one of those guys who, most of the time, can’t be bothered with such daily inconveniences as putting on a shirt.  So whether he is building a raft to get off the island (which I guess is what he is pictured doing above ), engaging in hot bear cage sex with a fellow castaway .  . .

. . . or randomly taking a shower, while still wearing his jeans . . .

 . . . chances are Sawyer’s going to let you see his belly button, while he’s doing it.  And if that’s not a charitable contribution to society, I don’t know what IS!

2) True Blood’s Shirtless Jason Stackhouse (a.k.a. Ryan Kwanten)

While there aren’t very many characters on television who are shirtless MORE than Sawyer on Lost.  True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse definitely has the distinction of being one of the few.  This self-proclaimed male slut may not be the sharpest “tool” in the shed, but I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.  In fact, I’d probably handcuff him to it, so that he couldn’t leave!

Fans of the show will undoubtedly remember Jason Stackhouse’s “fine form,” as it was displayed during the outdoor, Shirts v. Skins, Football Game he played at “Cult Camp” for the Fellowship of the Sun, during Season 2.

And, of course, who could forget the “Sexy Dance” Jason performed for Lafayette back in Season 1, when he was hooked on Vampire Blood?

Shirtless AND pantless!  It doesn’t get much better than this, ladies!

3) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Stefan Salvatore (a.k.a. Paul Wesley)

Speaking of television characters hooked on Human Vampire Blood, here’s another one who isn’t a big fan of “the shirts.”  This broody vampire, with arms like tree trunks, and pects like a Greek God, generously regales us with his Body of Goodness each week on The Vampire Diaries.  Whether he’s doing chin ups to fend off blood cravings, dangling from a ceiling, while being tortured by a crazed team of rebel vamps, or gallantly retrieving a post-coital glass of water for his human girlfriend . . .

 . . . Stefan Salvatore tends to do it sans-shirt.  And thank Heaven for that!

4) Glee’s Shirtless Noah “Puck” Puckerman (a.k.a. Mark Salling)

Why didn’t any of my classmates look like this when I was in high school?  (Probably because they weren’t played by 27-year old actors with a team of personal trainers at their fingertips . . .)  This MILF seducing . . .

 . . . Mohawk wearing, Sweet Caroline singing, triple-sport playing bad boy, has a body to DIE FOR!  And he’s not afraid to show it off.  I can watch this ONE walk around, wearing nothing but a towel for HOURS!  You know what?  I think I will!

5) True Blood’s Shirtless Eric Northman (a.k.a. Alexander Skarsgard)

No wonder True Blood‘s Eric Northman has an entire CALENDAR MONTH dedicated to him!  He’s an extremely well-preserved, centuries old, insanely tall Viking Vampire with a voice like silk, and a penchant for all things bloody.  Did I mention he enjoys taking baths?

Can you really blame Sookie Stackhouse for having sexual dreams about this vamp, even though she is currently involved in another relationship?

6) Supernatural’s Shirtless Sam Winchester (a.k.a. Jared Padalecki)

OK.  I’ll admit that I don’t actually watch this CW show, about two hot demon hunting brothers, one of whom is sometimes possessed.  It just seems too scary for me. (This, coming from a girl who reads and writes books about vampires and hot warlocks, and who watches countless hours of Vampire Television . . . Crazy, I know!)  However, when I was “doing research” for this blog entry, I found this . . .

AND THIS (also featuring a shirtless Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester) . . .

 . . . and figured I might just have to START watching, after all!

7) Grey’s Anatomy’s Shirtless Alex Karev (a.k.a. Justin Chambers)

This Hot (sometimes D-baggy) Doc, with a tortured past, and a sweet side to boot, looks just as good with his scrubs ON as OFF (We prefer them OFF, of course).    For a busy medical professional, Alex Karev gets LAID A LOT!  And for that, we are thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to see him like this . . .

Can you believe that the actor who plays this strapping male specimen is father to FIVE KIDS?

8 ) The Vampire Diaries’ Shirtless Damon Salvatore (a.k.a. Ian Somerhalder)

Clearly, the fictional vampiric Salvatore brothers both possess the gene for AMAZING abs!  Damon, the older, wiser, and snarkier Salvatore, KNOWS he’s hot.  And while occasionally completely shirtless, Damon, unlike his brother, tends to prefer the “open shirt” look . . .

 . . . which leaves a bit more to the imagination, but can be just as sexy.  Did I mention our boy can DANCE?

(Yeah, they won’t let me embed this video.  Poopyheads!  But click the link and WATCH IT!  I promise you WILL NOT be disappointed . . .)

9) Smallville’s Shirtless Clark Kent / Superman  (a.k.a. Tom Welling)

Undoubtedly, if you are being cast in a teen drama about the origins of the Man of Steel, having a hot bod is a prerequisite.  Tom Welling delivers FOR SURE!  Kansas farm boy, Clark Kent, may spend a significant amount of time fighting crime and leaping tall buildings in a single bound, but he’s also hauled a lot of bales of hay in his day.  And that’s really paid off for him in the chest department, if you know what I mean . . .

10) Lost’s Shirtless Desmond Hume  (a.k.a Henry Ian Cusick)

Since we started with a Lostie, I figured another Lostie would be a good place to end.  This romantic, time,traveling Scotsman, who calls everyone “Brotha,” spent years underground, doing nothing put punching numbers into an aging computer and working out.  And it shows!  Aside from being super cut, Our Man Desmond is not afraid to get a little dirty.  And anyone whose watched Lost knows that a dirty naked body is usually a HOT naked body.

Perhaps the reason Desmond is always looking so fit, is that, based on the pictures paparazzi have of him, the actor who plays Desmond does nothing but run ALL THE TIME!  (Check Google Images, if you don’t believe me!)

Well, there you have it ladies!  Ten hot TV men, all of them at least HALF nude!  Your welcome.  Now I’m off to take a cold shower!  Until next time . . .

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