TV Recappers Anonymous Plays the Less Ambitious Movie Titles (and Taglines) Game!

Oh, the games we play when we’re bored . . .

While getting my daily “news” dosage for the day, I came upon a fun little article in Entertainment Weekly.  It was about this game everybody has apparently been playing on Twitter lately, called #lessambitiousmovies.  Here’s how you play:  (1) Find an “exciting” movie title; (2) change the words around a bit, to make it into a completely mundane (and stupid)  one.  It’s THAT EASY!

Or is it?  You see, I was playing this game with my friends today, when it simultaneously occurred to all of us that most modern day movie titles are already pretty unambitious.  This is even the case for genuinely good movies, with decidedly intricate plotlines.  Think about it.  How could one POSSIBLY further dumb down titles for movies like The Town, Black Swan, Toy Story, Tron and How Do You Know?  Is it just me, or does Hollywood need to take a SERIOUS crash course in creativity?

Gee, I wonder what THIS movie is about!

Nevertheless, my friends and I did come up with a few Less Ambitious Movie Title ideas, which I’ve decided to share with you today because there’s been nothing on TV lately, and I have absolutely NOTHING ELSE TO WRITE ABOUT.  What I’ll do is give you a little intel on the original film first, and then share my “New and Improved” Less Ambitious Version.  Sound good?   OK, here goes . . .

1) Ghostbusters

What it was about:  A bunch of out of work comedians (most of whom used to be on Saturday Night Live) wear khaki jumpsuits, carry around what look like vacuum cleaners, and suck up goblins and ghouls, on the streets of New York City.

Less Ambitious Version: “Roastbusters”

What it’s about NOW:  Ummm . . .  vegetarians, maybe?

New and Improved Tagline:  “I ain’t afraid of no ROAST!” 

2) The Sixth Sense

What it was about:  Little Haley Joel Osment sees dead people (SPOILER ALERT:  Bruce Willis may be one of them.)

Less Ambitious Version: “The Six Cents”

What it’s about NOW:  The pocket change you always have on hand, but are perpetually forgetting to use . . .

New and Improved Tagline:  “The heartwarming tale of Nickel and his good pal, Penny (based on a true story).”

3) Die Hard

What it was about:  Bruce Willis, again!  This time he’s battling terrorists, shooting people, and blowing sh*t up for two hours, all the while making snarky comments, and flexing his muscles to show us how cool he is.  (In other words, if you are watching this film, and you are female, you may grow a weiner, as a result . . .)

Less Ambitious Version:  “Diet Hard”

What it’s about NOW:  Bruce Willis is really cranky, because all he’s eaten all day is a salad and two peanuts.  So, he starts blowing sh*t up . . .

New and Improved Tagline:  “Twelve extra pounds.  One cop.  The odds are against John McClane.  And he’s STARVING for a donut!”

4)  127 Hours

What it was about:  A hiker gets his arm stuck under a rock for 127 HOURS.  So, he chops it off . . .

Less Ambitious Version: “127 Seconds”

What it’s about NOW:  Do the math.  That’s just a little over two minutes.  It doesn’t really have time to be about anything.  But it WILL star a hot guy . . . because I say so . . . and it’s my movie, dammit!

New and Improved Tagline:  “By the time you finish reading this, the movie will be almost over.”

5) Field of Dreams

What it was about:   A bunch of dead baseball players (including the voice of Darth Vader) tell Kevin Costner to build a baseball field in his backyard.  He does . .  .

Less Ambitious Version:  “Field of Streams”

What it’s about NOW:  Running water, running water, and more running water.

New and Improved Tagline:  “This movie is so good, it will make you pee.”

6) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

What it was about:  Jim Carey had a bad breakup with Kate Winslet.  So, he had her surgically removed from his brain.  I’m not kidding . . .

Less Ambitious Version:  “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Kitchen”

What it’s about NOW:   Jim Carey is a compulsive neat freak, who is obsessed with keeping his kitchen clean . . .

New and Improved Tagline:  “His floors are so clean, you can eat off them.  (But if you do, he’ll KILL YOU!)

7) Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie)

What it was about:  A perky cheerleader battles vampires in her California high school.  She also says the word “like” a lot . . .

Less Ambitious Version:  “Buffy the Violin Player”

What it’s about NOW:  It’s kind of self explanatory.  Don’t you think?

New Tagline:  “For all the tools who like to get played, and the girls who like to play them . . .”

8)  Flashdance

What it was about:  A factory working teen tries to become accepted into a prestigious dance school.  She falls in love, in the process (SHOCKER!).

Less Ambitious Version:  “Flashy Pants”

What it’s about NOW:  Hot pink sparkly pants, and the girls who wear them . . .

New and Improved Tagline:  “It’s kind of like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants .  . . except without the ‘sisterhood,’ or the ‘traveling.’  Oh . . . and the pants are WAY sluttier!”

9) The Forty-Year Old Virgin

What it was about:  Steve Carell is a middle aged salesman of electronic equipment, who can’t seem to get himself laid.  Hijinks (not to mention, some REALLY NASTY BACK WAXING) ensue.

Less Ambitious Version:  “The 40-Year Old Merchant”

What it’s about NOW:  Steve Carell sells paper for a company called Dunder Mifflin.  He doesn’t get laid all that often (because he’s kind of a jackass).  But at least he’s not still a virgin!

New and Improved Tagline:  “It’s kind of like Death of a Salesman . . . except nobody dies at the end.”

10)  The King’s Speech

What it was about:  Colin Firth is going to be King, but he stutters like crazy!  Geoffery Rush to the RESCUE!

Less Ambitious Version:  “Larry King’s Speech”

What it’s about now:  It’s not really a movie, per se . . . more like every episode of Larry King Live ever aired .  . . back . . . to back . . . to back.

New and Improved Tagline:  “He may be retired, but he’s still not shutting the hell up . . .”

So, there you have it:  Ten Less Ambititous Movie Titles and Taglines.  Now it’s your turn to play!  (Feel free to leave your “new” film suggestions in the comment section below  .  . .)

[www.juliekushner.com]

7 Hot Guys and 7 (well . . . actually 8) Holiday Movies: Tis’ The Season for Sexy!

Because we all need “a little Christmas,” right this very minute . . .

So, what symbolizes the start of the Holiday Season for you?  Is it the sight of multi-colored lights strung across your Christmas Tree?  The massively jaw-dropping increase on your Visa Bill?  Television’s sudden saturation with So-Sweet-You-Could-Barf Christmas movies?  For me, it is actually none of these things.  Nope . . .when I think of the holidays, I think of holiday movies.  And when I think of holiday movies, I think of the hot guys in them . . .

If you were expecting a more intellectual answer than this, CLEARLY you’ve come to the wrong blog!

Fortunately, Holiday Season 2010 is JAM PACKED with silver screen sexiness that will be sure to “rev up your Santa Sleigh” and make you wish that movie theaters came equipped with mistletoe.  So, without further adieu, it is my pleasure to bring to you Seven Sexy Stars who will be “coming” to a theater near you, this Christmas . . . (in no particular order).

(1) Garrett Hedlund – Tron Legacy and Country Strong

This adorable 26-year old Minnesota-born actor is already making himself at home in movie theaters across the world.  Currently, you can catch him as the heroic Sam Flynn in the sci-fi fantasy thriller, Tron Legacy.  And, as far as I’m concerned, any guy who can wear a “light up” spandex jump suit and make it look sexy (as opposed to REALLY creepy) is already a hero in my book!

And if THAT image didn’t convince you to go see the film, perhaps this one will . . .

You can watch the trailer for Tron Legacy here:

If Garrett Hedlund’s sexy gravel-dipped voice in the above trailer made your heart sing, I have good news for you!  Starting January 7, 2011, you can catch Garrett SINGING in the upcoming film Country Strong, which also stars Gwyneth Paltrow, and Gossip Girl‘s Leighton Meester.

Below is a clip from the film, featuring Garrett as singer/songwriter Beau Hutton, singing an impromptu duet with Leighton Meester’s character, Chiles Stanton.  Now, I’m not usually a fan of country music, but I’ve gotta say, this is GOOD!

Garrett Hedlund: a hot guy, with a great body, and amazing voice.  And he’s in not one, but TWO films?  YES, PLEASE! 

(Heck, this guy can even make LEOPARD PANTS look good!)

2) Cam Gigandet – Burlesque

OK . . . so I saw Burlesque in theaters, during the Thanksgiving break.  And I’ll be the first to tell you that, with the possible exception of “Best Song,” it’s probably not going to win any Oscars this year.  HOWEVER, the sight of 28-year old, Cam Gigandet, in the film, clad in nothing but a strategically placed box of Famous Amos cookies (Can you say, “Best Product Placement EVER!) is worth the price of admission ALONE. 

Good ole,’ Cam!  So many movies . . . so little clothes . . .

You can check out the trailer for Burlesque here:

3) Jake Gyllenhaal – Love and Other Drugs

Dashing, debonair, smart, sexy, charming, and adorably cute, is there anything (or, for that matter, any ONE) 30-year old Jake Gyllenhaal can’t do? 

Taylor Swift’s hearty breakfast

In addition to offering a “WHOLE LOTTA NAKED JAKE” . . .

. . . Love and Other Drugs is actually supposed to be a pretty darn good movie, in it’s own right.  Just ask my blogger pal, the Always Brilliant Amy!

You can check out the trailer for Love and Other Drugs here:

4) Armie Hammer – The Social Network

If you haven’t seen The Social Network by now . . . step away from your computer . . . and GET THEE TO A THEATER, GO!

This Aaron Sorkin-written, David Fincher-directed, more or less, true tale of Mark Zuckerberg’s founding of Facebook, was amazingly well-acted, riveting, extremely well-written, and surprisingly informative.  This is the type of film you will still be talking about with your friends weeks after you’ve seen it.  And there is already Oscar Buzz surrounding its director, actors, and screenplay. 

But enough of all that smart stuff, you came to this post for the Man Candy, right?

You’re welcome!

In The Social Network, 24-year old Armie Hammer plays not one, but TWO characters!  Thanks to some mind-boggling special effects (not exactly the type of thing you’d expect from a smart, dialogue-driven film about Facebook, right?), Armie Hammer plays BOTH of the handsome, wealthy, and dignified, but ultimately outsmarted, Winklevoss twins .  . .

Double the flavor.  Double the fun!

During, the film, one of Hammer’s characters can be quoted as saying, “I’m 6’5” 220, and there are two of me.”

Christmas gifts don’t get much better than that . . . You can catch the trailer for The Social Network here:

5) Paul Rudd – How Do You Know?

I knew I was in love with Paul Rudd, ever since he sat on the staircase of an opulent mansion, and made out with his sort-of, kind-of sister, in Clueless.

Too bad I was pre-pubescent at the time.  Otherwise, the two of us could have really started something beautiful, I think!  After all, this 41-year old actor has everything a girl could possibly want in a Fake Boyfriend! 

He’s hilariously funny, insanely cute, unabashedly dorky, and self-depracatingly charming.  He also, apparently, shares Cam Gigandet’s dislike for clothing, which is always a good thing . . .

Given all that, is it any wonder that Paul turns Reese Witherspoon’s head in the new film, How Do You Know?

You can watch the trailer for it, here:

6) Mark Wahlberg – The Fighter

Hey Marky Mark!  You can come play with MY Funky Bunch, ANYTIME!

This 39-year old Brooding Badass, who based the HBO hit series Entourage on his own awe-inspiring beginnings, is not only an Academy Award-winning actor, he’s also a singer-songwriter, a television and film producer, and, perhaps, most importantly,  a former underwear model . . .

Under WHERE? 😉

Wahlberg is already gettting rave reviews for his portrayal of real-life professional boxer, Micky Ward, in The Fighter.  You can check out the trailer for the film here:

7) James Franco

In a recent post, I poked a little bit of fun at 32-year old James Franco’s generalized “stoner mentality,” his brief period od soap opera “stardom,” and the Academy’s controversial decision to have him host the Oscars.  But, all kidding aside, James Franco is receiving rave reviews for his portrayal of Aron Ralston — the hiker forced to amputate his own arm with a dull knife, after being trapped under a bolder for weeks — in the film 127 Hours . . .

Sure, watching a guy SAW HIS OWN ARM OFF might not exactly be this shallow shirtless male-oriented blogger’s idea of a good time.  But when the guy doing the sawing looks like THIS . . .

 . . . I may be able to make an exception. 

Besides, the more Oscar-nominated films I see before the New Year, the better chance I have of winning my annual Oscar Pool, come February.  And Mama needs a new fake plastic award to put on her MANTLE!

You can watch the trailer for 127 Hours here:

So, there you have it, seven holiday films (well .  . . actually eight), and seven sexy holiday stars, who are sure to put you in the Spirit of Giving (and TAKING!) this year.  Now, don’t you be telling people I didn’t get you anything for Christmas!

Happy Holidays, fellow fangirls (and boys)!

[www.juliekushner.com]

James Franco is Hosting the Oscars . . . Seriously.

So, by now, you’ve probably all heard that the 83rd Annual Academy Awards (set to air February 27, 2011 on ABC) will be co-hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway.  And I’m willing to bet that you’ve had at least one debate with your friends recently, as to why that is or isn’t a good idea.

Perhaps, you’ve even read the interview, in which Franco explained his decision to accept the job hosting the Awards, by saying, quite eloquently, “Why not? . . . I don’t care.”

“Yeah . . . umm . . . I guess I’ll do the Oscars.  Whatevs.  I mean, I don’t have to . . . like . . . get up early for this, do I?”

“So, who the heck is James Franco?”  You might be asking yourself . . . Well, for starters, he’s the guy in that movie about that dude who chopped of his own arm . . .

 

All kidding aside, I heard 127 Hours was actually quite good.  I’m just too much of a Big Baby to go see it.

He also played a supporting role in the 2008 Harvey Milk biopic, Milk, alongside Sean Penn . . .

Tight jeans + Porn Star mustache = Super Sexy

Although these are the two roles for which James Franco is most well-known, he’s been in plenty of other stuff too.  Here are just a few of Franco’s “Greatest Hits:”

James played The Hot Guy in Freaks and Geeks . . .

He was also The Bad Guy in Spiderman 3 . . .

Check out Franco’s Awesome, “Bad Guys Don’t Botox” Face

He was The Stoned Guy Who’s Not Seth Rogen in The Pineapple Express . . .

And he was That Weird Guy Who Killed People, and then Painted About it on General Hospital . . .

But all of the aforementioned roles mean nothing, if Franco can’t host a decent Award Show, right? 

And so, without further adieu, I would like to present to you my argument as to why James Franco has all the qualities one needs, in order to be a FABULOUS Oscars host (complete with photographs, videoclips, and . . . well . . . not much else).

Like all the best Oscar Hosts, James Franco has the ability to stay “cool” under “pressure” . . .

He’s also real good with THE LADIES . . .

Franco is funny (though not always intentionally) . . .

He’s precise!

He’s hardworking . . .

 . . . not to mention, INTENSELY DEDICATED to his “craft” . . .

And James can be VERY articulate . . . when he puts his mind to it . . .

(Warning:  The below clip contains a bit of what your Mommy would call, “Harsh Language.”)

So, let’s put our Franco-fied doubts to rest, shall we?  When it comes to hosting the Oscars, our main man James, is going to do just FINE!  And if not?  Well . . . who doesn’t like to watch a good train wreck, every now and then! 😉

See you February 27th, James!

[www.juliekushner.com]