The promos promised us Open Season on Originals . . . a veritable Vampire Bloodbath . . . our heros, armed with more stakes than they had targets. “The odds ever in their favor.”
What we got was one lowly kill, of a character who’s claim to fame was literally being a Creepy Mama’s Boy. Also, dude couldn’t fight worth a sh*t. (Let’s face it, my grandma would have put up more of a fight than Finn did.) Then again, in his defense, if you had spent the last 900 years napping, you’d probably be a bit off your game too.
. . . oldest trick in the book . . . And yet, I manage to fall for it Every Single Time.
Shame on me.
Petty frustrations aside, there WAS definitely some fun to be had during “The Murder of One.” For starters, we were treated to a rather clever twist on the concept of “Vampire Family.” (So, which Original do you think sired Rose?)
Mommy?
In related news, our Scooby Gang reached new levels of stupidity, when it willing ARMED the serial killer . . . again. (They really would have been better off hiding the stake in the soapdish . . .)
So, stroke . . . er . . . I mean sharpen your woody . . . and chain up your half-naked pet vampire. Because it’s time for another TVD-cap . . .
(As always, special thanks to my expert screencapper, Andre for the filled with awesomesauce screencaps you see here.)
“Shhh . . . be very, very quiet. We’re hunting Originals.”
“Elena, please stop hounding me for sex. You are starting to sound a little desperate.”
Truth be told, Damon is acting a little cagey, when Elena pops by the site of Alaric’s “house arrest,” to drop off the latter’s Breakfast of Psycho Killer Champions. The dark-haired vampire seems unusually eager for the love of his life to leave. In fact, he pretty blatantly rebuffs her attempts to cross the threshhold into the apartment.
(And we all know how much Damon and Elena generally enjoy their bedroom rendezvous.)
Something is definitely UP, but what could it be?
Perhaps, Bad!Alaric has gone on a rampage, and destroyed the house? Or, maybe the two bromantic buddies are having a dance-off. Maybe, Damon and Alaric are watching a Lifetime movie together. And they have just reached the part where Tori Spelling finally escapes her wife beating-shrew of a husband, and finds her way into the waiting arms of the mildly attractive B-list actor, who loved her all along . . .
“Funny . . . I always thought the most dangerous weapon in the world was in my pants . . .”
It isn’t until after Damon closes the door in Elena’s face, that we find out what he’s really hiding . . . It’s his morning wood . . .-en stakes, that is. That’s right, boys and girls! It turns out that Psycho Killer Alaric Saltzman is a whiz with a buzz saw! (Take that, crazy family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.)
And Damon? Well, he can whittle like nobody’s business! Their Herculean efforts (combined with Stefan’s griping and complaining about his wood not being sufficiently erect) turn an old lame wooden bridge sign, into no less than TWELVE lean, mean, Originals- killing machines . . . (Though part of me thinks they could have had more, if they made them a little smaller. Silly men – always so preoccupied with the size of their sticks . . .)
Then, because five whole minutes have passed in the episode without anyone having done anything stupid, Damon and Stefan convince Psycho!Alaric to not only NOT turn himself in to the cops, but also to wear his “Jamaican Me Crazy” ring, for sh*ts and giggles. Then . . . they actually GIVE this lunatic a stake!!! Can you believe it?
Speaking of Psycho!Alaric, Elena tells Caroline that she should TOTALLY forgive him for murdering her father. After all, it’s not his fault that he has REALLY bad taste in jewelry!
“It could be worse, he could have a Jamaican Me Crazy Nipple Ring . . .”
Just like it’s not Caroline’s fault that she used to sometimes drink her favorite B Positive Blood from peoples’ necks, instead of using a straw, like the rest of us . . .
After all, everybody knows that if Elena chose to turn her back on her friends and lovers JUST because they were serial killers, she wouldn’t have any friends at all! (Plus, she’d pretty much never, ever get laid.)
Caroline is super impressed by Elena’s Mother Theresa-esque attitude toward supernatural murderers. So, she vows to be more tolerant of her father’s stake-wielding, cold blooded killer, in the future. All together now: Awwwww!
As it turns out, Elena and Caroline aren’t just frolicking in the woods for their health. They have a date with destiny! Stefan has gathered the entire Scooby Gang . . . and Matt . . . in order to indoctrinate them into Team Kill Originals.
“No, Damon! Everytime you make us play shirts versus skins, Vampire Killers, you always make us be skins. It’s not fair!”
“I can take off my pants, if that helps. (I’m not wearing any underwear.)”
And why shouldn’t everyone get to play? There are plenty of stakes to go around! Plus, since Mommy Original Witch’s spell has succesfully linked the family’s lives together, all the group needs to do is manage to kill ONE Original, and the rest of them will die shortly thereafter.
Now, surely, this stalwart crew of monsters, murderers and . . Matt . . . can manage to kill one measley vampire, right?
Well . . .
On one hand, I adored the lighthearted nature of this “training” scene. I smirked when Elena got to “roleplay” Klaus. And I smiled again, when Caroline, (a.k.a. Klaus Bait) got to roleplay Rebekah. My only gripe with this scene was that I thought there should have been a whole lot less planning, and a whole lot more . . . STABBING of things. Just sayin.’
Little does the Scooby Gang know that an Originals-Killing opportunity is closer at hand, than they think. As it turns out, The World’s Most Self-Loathing Vampire (though, it could be argued that his vampire-eating, father hated himself more), did not actually leave town, as initially suspected. In fact, he’s wandering around the Mystic Falls’ town square, RIGHT NOW. It is here, where brother and sister dearest, Klaus and Rebekah corner him, and drag him back to their family lair.
“Check out those pects! Have you been working out?”
But Klaus and Rebekah are no dummies. They know, full well, that they can catch more flies with honey, than with Finn-egar. (See what I did there?) Knowing that Finn will not guard his life, to save his own siblings, they opt to offer him another reason to live . . . a.k.a. his lover girl, Sage . . . the boxing mind raper. (Well, we all know who wore the pants in THAT relationship.)
Personally, my impression of Finn has always been that the only woman he’s ever dreamed about being horizontal with, is the one who breast fed him. But hey, at least cares enough about Sage to put off whacking himself, long enough to accompany her to the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls for some bottom shelf tequila. Ahhh, true love!
“He always shouted out, ‘Mommy,’ whenever we had sex. I thought it was a cute pet name . . . until that time, when his mother tried to climb into bed with us . . .”
Well, hello, there, Bondage Damon!
Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon and Alaric (Wait . . . they are letting the Psycho Killer out of the house now? What happened to house arrest?) . . .
Then again, maybe some fresh air wouldn’t hurt . . .
. . . are busy hiding their Originals-killing stakes. When Damon decides to hide his in the fire kindling, Alaric hilariously reminds him of the “Moonstone in the Soapdish” incident. Crazy Train is right, Damon.
Hiding valuable objects in plain sight might not be the best idea, in this instance. . .
Unfortunately, Damon is about to have bigger problems than merely choosing a poor hiding place for his surrogate weiner. Suddenly, Alaric has been knocked out cold, by an unseen force.
Alaric: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”
Alaric’s alter ego: “Suck it up, loser! We’ve got people to kill!”
Next thing you know, Damon is being staked in the gut, to the point of unconsciousness. “Hello, lover,” coos Rebekah, as she drags her “ex boyfriend” out of the house. Well, that’s one way to let a guy know you are interested . . .
Sometime during the commercial break, Rebekah, the sadist – who was none too happy to learn that Damon had used her body for sex, and then mind-raped her too boot (I don’t know, sounds like a pretty great time to me) has taken the opportunity to chain Damon to her ceiling.
Now, that’s a lot of heavy hardware to have just “lying around” your new mansion. In fact, it made me wonder where one goes to purchase such a contraption. (Something tells me an S&M sex shop wouldn’t do particularly good business in an old-fashioned town, like Mystic Falls. Then again, considering about ¾ of the people we’ve met who live there are bloodthirsty vampires, witches, and werewolves, perhaps some intrepid entrepreneur capitalized on what he saw as a good business opportunity.)
Question, fangbangers: Does the fact that I was turned on by the sight of an open-shirted Damon chained to the ceiling make me a bad person? I strongly suspect that it does. Then again, unless this is the first recap of mine that you are reading, you probably already knew I was a bad person, anyway, and have decided to withhold judgment against me for it. So, thank you for that.
You know what’s nifty about the Salvatores? (Yes, I just used the word “nifty.” 1954 has been calling me ever since I typed it, asking that I return the word to its proper decade.) They even bleed pretty. Back in “As I Lay Dying” the makeup department did a pretty awesome job of making the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder genuinely look like a sickly vampire, mere moments away from suffering the True Death.
But this time, Bondage Damon just looked like a gogo dancer at an S&M themed strip joint . . . one who’d been splattered with red body paint to accentuate his perfectly muscled abs.
Klaus must have noticed this too. Upon seeing Damon Salvatore, The Extra Large Christmas Tree Ornament Version, he suggested that Rebekah HANG HIM UPSIDE DOWN. Now, that is something I would have liked to have seen! (I suspect Ian and his agents would likely have disagreed to that though.) The implied method to Klaus’ awesomeness madness is that an upside down Damon can be bled for vervain much faster than one that is right side up, which would make him a quicker candidate for compulsion.
Rebekah balked at the idea . . . not necessarily because it was a bad one . . . but, more so because it was Klaus’ idea. And Rebekah can torture her ex boyfriends just fine, without his help, thank you very much. Also, I suspect, based that Rebekah was much more interested in torturing Damon and making him bleed, than actually . . . oh, I don’t know . . . making him do something useful for the Original’s cause. Such motivation (or lack thereof) is kind of consistent with who Rebekah is as a character, I think. She’s never really been one to concern herself with mundane things like “goals, plans, and . . . logic.”
In other words, it’s all “id” all the time, for this chick . . .
Mystic Falls, we have a problem . . .
Unlike Bonnie, who never seems to pick up her cell phone, or return anyone’s calls (It looks like someone got a bad cell phone plan at Witchmart), Damon is usually rather chatty.
So, when Alaric has no clue where Damon has gone, and the latter is not answering his phone, Stefan knows that something is drastically wrong. He tells Elena to hold off on staking Finn in the town square, because the Team is in trouble.
Upon hearing about that Damon might have been captured by the enemy, Elena immediately campaigns for a rescue mission. “Please Stefan,” she says “Rescue your brother, because I strongly suspect he is half naked, and, back when you were chained to a ceiling half-naked by older vampires, he dropped everything to go out in the rain and rescue you. Also, I’m in love with the guy, and would very much like to bone him” Elena says (more or less).
Stefan replies, “Meh, maybe later. Killing Originals is wayyyy more important than my brother’s life. He’ll understand” (failing to realize, of course, that because Damon has been captured BY AN ORIGINAL, this would be an excellent opportunity to kill two birds with one stake.)”
Elena pouts in frustration. But will she defy her exes instrustions to rescue his brother? Only time will tell . . .
Damn you, promo makers. DAMN YOU!
Rebekah may not be her brother’s equal, when it comes to Concocting Plans of World Domination / Vampire vervain draining, but she can definitely hold her own, when it comes to psychological torture. Later on in the episode, we see a fully drained and rather pale Damon, still chained alone in the grand hall area, when a “mysterious female figure” approaches him. It’s “Elena.” “Elena” looks at Damon with obvious concern, as he weakly motions for her to free him from his chains.
“If you wanted to be kinky, Damon, a pair of fuzzy handcuffs would have been much cheaper.”
Damon’s body collapses into Elena’s, as the two stumble dramatically toward the exit, calling to mind a similar situation that occurred back in “As I Laying Dying.” But Damon is too weak from loss of blood, and he falls to the floor, zapped of strength. “I’m not leaving you,” Elena says heroically, cupping her lover’s face in her hands, as she offers him her wrist. “Drink, she says.”
And drink he does. It’s so sweet and erotic, that you really can’t blame the pair for wanting to make out, afterwards, despite the fact that they are minutes away from being discovered and killed by ORIGINAL VAMPIRES. (What can you do? The tongue wants what it wants.)
Then, Damon awakens to a triumphant looking Rebekah, who clearly planned the entire hallucination.
Well . . . that BITES! I throw my shoe at the television, in disgust . . .
Between a Rock and a Klaus Place
Damon may not be having the best day, but it might give him comfort to know he isn’t the only Team Scooby, who’s stuck being an Original’s b*tch, this week. Klaus has Bonnie, who he has been holding under duress to perform the spell that will unlink the Original siblings lives. When Bonnie claims not to know any such spell, Klaus threatens Jeremy’s life (via Kol, who’s secretly watching the future serial killer), and the life of her errant mother.
This recap has been brought to you by Apple iPhone . . .
Suddenly, Bonnie’s memory returns to her. (It’s a miracle!) She mumbles a bit over the blood of the Originals, and it starts to escape in separate directions. And, just like that, the spell has been completed. Well, that was easy . . .
How many friggin candles does this chick have? Seriously, she must light about 30 in every episode. And they are always these boring white ones too. A little color wouldn’t hurt, ya know?
On the way out of Klaus House, Bonnie catches sight of Bondage Damon, and opts to leave him there rotting, when Klaus reminds her of what he did to her sorry excuse for a mother.
Clearly, someone hasn’t been attending the Elena Gilbert School of Supernatural Forgiveness. Once Bonnie is outside the house, she calls Elena to let her know that Klaus still has her lover boy.
After that, the stresses of the day overtake Bonnie, and she cries until snot pours out of her nose . . . literally. I guess this means that snot and tears are the new nosebleed. Look on the bright side Bonnie, it will save you a lot of money on dry cleaning. And hey, life could be worse: SOMEONE COULD HAVE LEFT YOU CHAINED TO THE CEILING, HALF NAKED, AND ON THE VERGE OF DEATH!
The Wild and Wacky World of Vampire Genetics
It’s too bad the Scooby Gang doesn’t watch The Vampire Diaries. If they did, they would have known about the whole separation spell having already been completed. It would have saved them a stake . . .
Over at The Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, lovebirds, Sage and Finn, are enjoying shots of tequila. Apparently, the 1,000ish year old Finn was a “tequila virgin,” up until this point. (Yikes. What a way to live! No wonder he was always wanting to die!)
“The more of these I drink, the more you look like my mother.”
A few shots later, Finn has decided to save his own life . . . which, of course, means he’s about to get shanked . . . That’s just how this show works. But before Finn can be killed, we have to endure a discussion between Finn and Sage about how many people they’ve each turned. Finn seems to suggest he turned ONLY Sage, and did so out of loooooooove.
Sage, on the other hand, was a vampire-turning slut, converting humans left and right, whenever the mood hit her. She even recently turned some dude in the bar, on the way to the bathroom . . .
With the help of Plot Device Matt, Stefan slips some vervain into Sage’s and Finn’s tequila. When they go outside to investigate. Stefan stakes Finn, and he goes kablooey. Sage cries, and snots, like Bonnie did earlier.
“Listen honey, I know you’re hot for me, but this is just ridiculous.”
And Stefan leaves, triumphant, thinking he’s just killed Klaus. Sucks to be him . . . But hey, it could be worse, he could be CHAINED TO THE CEILING HALF NAKED . . . or . . . even worse than that . . . he could be Finn . . .
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila . . . floor.”
Who will save YOUR soul?
When Stefan learns from Elena, via Bonnie, that Klaus is not-so-much-dead, he’s furious, and finally ready to retrieve his brother, so that he can personally kill Klaus. (Well, it’s about damn time!) Shortly thereafter, Sage arrives to avenge her loverboy Finn’s death, along with that random vampire she turned in the bar. Fortunately, for Stefan, the pair start coughing up blood, and die, before they can do any real damage.
This looks like the before picture in a Botox commercial.
Maybe she died of a broken heart, mused Caroline “B Positive” Forbes, who was there for moral support. Nahh, if vampires could die of a broken heart, all the vampires on this show would have been dead a long time ago . . .
Eventually, Elena and Caroline figure out the “loophole” to their little plan. Apparently, when an Original dies, he takes his entire bloodline along with him. Well, hello BIG TWIST!
Of course, this means that ONE of the Original’s holds the key to the Salvatore Brothers’ and Caroline’s mortality. After all, these three vampires come from the same “bloodline.” Damon’s blood turned Caroline. Katherine’s blood turned Stefan and Damon. And Rose’s blood turned Katherine.
The question is . . . which Original turned Rose? Because that’s the one our Scooby Gang can’t kill. Personally, my money’s on Elijah, the Original, who’s continued existence for all eternity is the least likely to have a negative impact on the Salvatore Brother’s lives. (If you recall, both Rose and Trevor were working for Elijah, during their first appearance on the show.) This also gives Daniel Gillies, a “get back on the show” free card for the rest of the program’s run, which makes me very happy.
In other news, Tyler clearly comes from Klaus’ bloodline, which kinda sucks for Caroline, who’s pretty much destined to lose two love interests in a single episode. But hey, at least she’s not CHAINED TO A CEILING, HALF NAKED. 🙂 Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
Meanwhile, over at Klaus House, Stefan comes to rescue Damon. “This went much differently in my head,” the Elder Salvatore brother jokes.
It went differently in my head too . . .
Stefan admits to killing Finn, and offers to make a deal with the Devil. Eight Original Killing Stakes in exchange for Damon. (Sounds like a good deal to me!)
But Klaus is smarter than I am, and knows there must be more than eight stakes left over. So, he evilly compels Damon to try to break free from his chains, causing the poor guy excruciating pain . . . scratch that . . . MORE excruciating pain.
Someone needs a nap . . .
It really has not been a good episode for Damon. Has it? He then compels Damon to tell him the actual number of stakes remaining, which, as we know, is eleven (since the stake in Finn is gone, gone, gone).
Interestingly enough, it’s actually scorned lady Rebekah, who ultimately shows Damon mercy, offering up Damon’s freedom as a sign of good faith, while Stefan retrieves the remaining stakes, and brings them back to Klaus. Drats, foiled again, Scooby Gang. But hey, look on the bright side, Klaus might end up being your “daddy,” and then you’ll be glad you didn’t kill him / commit suicide.
Heart-to-Bloody Heart
In the aftermath of this twist of fate in Kill Klaus games, Rebekah balks at Klaus’ complete inability to mourn his brother’s passing. Klaus calls Finn pathetic, and better off dead. (Well, we certainly won’t be having HIM speak at the funeral.) Rebekah notes sadly that, for all their manipulations the Salvatore brothers are willing to risk their lives for one another, whereas the Mikaelsons only seem to give two craps about one another, when they are magically linked.
Klaus pouts, promising Rebekah that he will make his own family, who are magically inclined to love him, no matter how many people he kills, or cheesy horse pictures he draws. That’s the spirit Klaus! Everyone knows there’s no better friend than a love slave . . .
Speaking of love slaves, Stefan’s kind of bummed that he can no longer focus all his life energy on killing Klaus, anymore. This means, he’ll have to finally cope with what a douchenozzle he’s been to everybody this season. That makes Stefan sad.
Stefan is also finally going to have to cope with the consequences of his recent actions . . . and one consequence in particular . . . the fact that his departure paved the way for Elena to fall in love with Damon.
“Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel something for him,” says Stefan solemnly to his lady love.
Elena claims she doesn’t know what she feels. But everyone else in Mystic Falls does . . .
Bad!Alaric strikes again.
Earlier on in the episode, Caroline had an awkward, “It’s OK that you killed my dad,” conversation with Alaric, who was supposedly “cured” from being a serial killer by some of Bonnie’s magic “Serial Killer Be Gone” soup.
“It’s OK, Alaric. My father will always live on in my memories. We shared so many good times together.”
During that conversation she talked about the folks that she killed, back when she first turned vamp . . . like that random high school kid Connor, and her mom’s police boy partner . . . “We all have blood on our hands,” Caroline mused. sympathetically.
“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?”
But Alaric’s got bigger problems now than “blood on his hands.” He’s also still got psychopath on the BRAIN. (Bonnie Soup = FAIL!) Alaric comes to THIS painful realization, when Damon comes to collect his Originals killing stake, and Alaric learns that he’s stolen it . . . from himself. (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?)
Maybe it’s hidden in your Chunky Monkey.
Two weeks from now, on TVD, Elena will finally admit her feelings for Damon on a Vampire Road Trup. Then, the two will share a bed together, and have “finger sex.” *sigh*
(This better not be another dream sequence, or someone’s going to get a stake up their ass, courtesy of one very angry TV Recapper.)
Dead Rose will also appear, thanks to Ghost Whisperer/ Future Psycho Killer Jeremy. In other news, Tyler’s back. And he’s wasted no time reuniting his tongue with Caroline’s.
Greetings, My Pretties! I think the theme of “A Kiss Before Lying,” is best stated by the late Ali herself, when she asks Hanna (in her trademark “Ali” way that is both insulting and mysterious, at the same time). “Aren’t you just sick and tired of being you?”
In a literal sense, the line refers to Ali, herself. After all, at the time, she was wearing a wig and masquerading as a fictional literary character, and quite possibly — if the conspiracy theorists are to be believed — masquerading as her own twin sister.
But, in a way, this episode showed us that all the PLL characters have created alternate identities for themselves, to some extent.
Let’s see: there’s Hanna and her mom, who must pretend that they are wealthy through natural means, and not, as a result of theft. There’s Aria, who must pretend she’s dating Holden, instead of Fitzy. There’s Spencer, who’s trying to portray herself, as tough and strong, while, on the inside, she is literally wearing Toby’s under shirt, and falling apart at the seams.
There’s Maya, who’s trying to show herself as being “cool and laidback,” while, in reality, she’s still rocking some serious resentment toward her girlfriend’s mother, for getting her shipped off to druggie camp. And, finally, there’s Evil Stepsister Kate, who’s hiding a literally UGLY past, during which her now-flawless face was covered with ugly boils. And, if my theory is correct, she’s also hiding a series scheme to take down Hanna, once and for all . .
“I’m going to ship you to the glue factory, just like this horse . . .”
As for the episode title itself, “A Kiss Before Lying,” two couple’s exchanged kisses this week, Emmaya and Ezra. Fitzy and Maya . . . what lies are they tellings their loved ones about their identities? Could either of them be “A”? 😉
So shake up your boil-and-baggy, throw on your favorite wig, and practice your favorite Air Hockey Victory Dance . . .
. . . because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Spencer Hastings Smells Like Cheeseburgers . . .
“What? You don’t like it? It’s my new Ode de McDonalds’ perfume . . .”
So, I have this new theory that Caleb Rivers is a werewolf. Why? Because he has a creepily good sense of smell. Just last week, while on yet another phone hacking excursion with the PLL girls, Caleb kindly informed Emily that she smelled like mulch . . .
This week, Caleb got Spencer to stop crowding him, by informing her that he could tell she had a cheeseburger for lunch . . . even though it was already dinnertime! Now, that’s impressive . . .
Anyway, contrary to my own interest in Caleb’s latent lupine tendencies, I think the real point of the scene was to show (1) that the PLL crew still couldn’t figure out what the heck is in Ali’s Secret Box; (2) that Dead Ali takes the best fake license picture, ever . . .
Seriously . . . it’s like one of those Glamour Shots!
. . . and (3) everybody is still freezing out Hanna, due to the whole “she put the flashdrive in a blender, but Caleb secretly made a copy” thing . . .
Have you ever called all your friends at once, and none of them answered? So, you developed this paranoid fear that all of them were together having fun without you? Well, that’s pretty much EXACTLY what’s happening to Hanna, right now.
“Hmm . . . well, Ali’s dead, so I can’t call her. Mona’s probably out shopping for more sweater sets. Lucas is an ONLINE GAMBLER! So, I can’t hang out with him . . .”
We watch as each of the PLL girls, and Caleb, receive calls from Hanna, one right after another, and subsequently ignore them.
Eventually, Spencer takes pity on Hanna (after cynically noting that she is always the last one called), and actually picks up her phone. Cue the idiocy of Emily, who chooses that exact moment to break glass on the floor, and Aria, who chooses to yell “EMILLLLLLYYYYYY,” in a ridiculously loud voice, so that Hanna can hear her.
(She might as well have just yelled, “HI HANNA! It’s ARIA! We are all here at Spencer’s house, rubbing up against your boyfriend! And you aren’t invited! Sucks to be you!)
“Umm, I’ve got go hang out with my family,” Spencer blurts out awkwardly, before hanging up the phone.
In other news, Aria has inexplicably begun lying, not just to her parents, about continuing to see Fitzy, but to her friends as well. “There are certain situations where you have to lie to your friends, even if you hate doing it,” Aria tells Spencer in a private moment, after everyone else has left the house.
Aria’s actually talking about herself. But Spencer assumes the confession relates to the secret all of them are currently keeping from Hanna. So, she lets it slide . . .
Speaking of Spencer, the poor girl is clearly on the verge of an Abs Toby-fueled emotional breakdown! She’s wearing his t-shirts . . . sitting in his abandoned car . . . deathly afraid to be alone . . . all the post breakup depression signs are in full force. It’s interesting to see this more vulnerable side of Spencer. After all, of all the girls, she seemed to be the most independent, and the least reliant on significant others to make her happy.
And yet, perhaps, that’s precisely the point. Unlike the other girls, who are all rather quick to fall in love, and open their hearts to new people, Spencer is a bit more guarded and closed off. So, the fact that Toby was really able to wiggle his way into her heart, is something that Spencer does not take lightly, nor can she let it go, so easily. “I don’t know how you are holding it together,” Spencer cries to Aria, as the two embrace.
Spencer, I’m really sorry your sad. We all love Toby, really we do. But . . . might I make a suggestion?
Sorry, I just couldn’t resist . . .
Fitzy and Aria generate some real heat, while Holden and Aria order some fake appetizers . . .
I love all these TV shows, where couples do things together while driving, like making out, and sometimes even, having full-on sex. And nobody stops to think that maybe this is a bad idea . . .
Fortunately, (since this IS ABC Family, after all) Aria’s mouth doesn’t stray far enough from Fitzy’s to go some place more X-rated. Yet Fitzy definitely closes his eyes, and turns his head, for a good five seconds, in order to return the favor.
And we all know how “easily distracted” Fitzy can be . . .
While it was definitely sweet to see Aria and Fitzy together again, doing coupley things (even though, for obvious reasons, those “things” are restricted to secret car rendezvous), there’s something about the way the pair has to continuously sneak around and look over their shoulders all the time, that’s a bit sad. It must make them FEEL like they are doing something wrong, whether or not they believe they actually are.
Oh, and did I mention that Byron the Bad Dad is trying to get Fitzy shipped off to Louisanna for an “Associate Dean” position, at Hollis’ satelite school?
“Whachu talkin’ about, Recapper?”
*insert evil laugh here*
First of all, what kind of self-respecting university gives an Associate Deanship to a 24-year old, with less than one year of teaching experience? Second of all, Byron’s a moron, because he’s pretty much inviting his daughter to runaway with an older man and elope in the bayou. He also seriously needs to get laid, because his man-crush / fixation on Fitzy is getting a bit ridiculous. Third of all . . . well . . . I think this picture pretty much says it all . . .
After Aria’s and Fitzy’s Secret Car Ride, she rushes back to Holden, just in time for Bad Dad Byron to take them home. While Bad Dad leaves the car to make a clandestine call to his secret underage girlfriend get some money from the ATM, Aria and Holden work to get their story straight about what they fake ate for dinner, during their fake date. They also make plans for their next fake date, which just so happens to be their third one of the week.
I kind of love that ABC Family is “cultured” enough to have it’s characters do a little eyebrow raising and tongue wagging at the notion of the “third date,” which is referred to by some single adults as the “sex date.” Though I suspect the line was not meant to imply that Aria and her friends share the same custom as their older counterparts, I do think ABC was providing a little wink to some of it’s viewers, who are college age, and above . . .
Of course, Aria and Holden aren’t having sex. They are just eating a lot of fake garlic bread, with extra butter. It’s a good thing Bad Dad Byron doesn’t share Caleb’s superpowers. Otherwise, he would have totally been able to “sniff” out this particular lie . . .
“One of you smells like Fitzy’s car, and the other one smells like Fight Club. I wonder which is which?”
In which Maya teaches us about the pot-smoking tendencies of jazz musicians . . .
I guess I should really start listening to jazz music . . .
So, Maya and Emily are back together. By the time we reunite with them, they are already cuddled in Maya’s bed bantering, back and forth about Emily’s disappointment about being off the swimteam . . .
On one level, Maya’s being pretty cute and supportive of her girlfriend, while attempting to find humor the bad situation that is Emily’s expulsion from the team, due to both her being a suspected murderer. And yet some of Maya’s “joking” suggestions about how to seek vengeance against the team do seem just a smidge “A” like, don’t they? Like putting Nair in their shampoo bottles for example . . . Just sayin’ . . .
In other news, Fitzy apparently isn’t the only couple capable of creating heat. Emmaya was so racy this week, it practically came with it’s own “parental discretion is advised” label . . .
In addition to plotting against the swim team, and fondling one another, Emily and Maya also briefly discussed Mama Field’s visit to Rosewood, and what impact that would have on the couple’s relationship. Apparently, Maya still hasn’t quite warmed to the woman who got her shipped off to druggie camp. (Gee, I wonder why?)
Back at school Emily gets a message from “A” attached to her locker . . .
Just kidding! The note is actually from HER MOM!
“Haha! Suckassss!”
It IS interesting that “A” and Emily’s mother happen to have the same handwriting, though. Don’t you think? I also think the wording of the red-herring message is interesting, considering that Emily, herself hasn’t been tortured by “A,” since her greenhouse encounter. It’s also important to note that of all the romantic relationships on this show, Emmaya seems to be the only one “A” hasn’t tried to break up. Hmmm . . . suspicious . . .
Anywhoo, when Emily’s mom offers to take Emily’s friends out for dinner, Emily instead suggests new/old girlfriend, Maya. And you could just see Mommy Dearest’s face crumple into a million pieces at the suggestion. But she quickly recovers, and agrees to date, promising to give Maya another chance . . .
To say Emmaya and Mom’s date doesn’t exactly go well is the understatement of the century. Right off the bat, Maya angers Emily for engaging in odd conversation about “cell phone apps” with A’s probable new lacky, and Blind Jenna’s new beau, Bushy Eyebrows Noel.
“Emily . . . Emily’s mom . . . two women on this show that I haven’t dated yet. Might I interest you in a threesome?”
When Maya promises Emily that Noel is a “nice guy,” the disdain is written all over Emily’s face. The latter observes wryly that “his smile takes up half of his face.” I’d like to add that his eyebrows take up the other half . . .
Have you ever a friend who, for whatever reason, just continuously said rude and inappropriate things in front of your mother? And you just knew that your mother couldn’t stand her, which made meetings between the three of you super uncomfortable?
I’ve actually had this experience a few times, which is why I was cringing throughout this dinner scene . . . From Maya’s backhanded compliment to Mrs. Fields about her ability to control and dominate those less powerful than herself . . . to her insistence that Mrs. Fields probably only listened to conservative music, and wouldn’t listen to jazz, because jazz musicians were potheads . . . to her leaving the phone on LOUD, while at the dinner table . . . to her repeated references to “druggie camp” . . . and the stalker boyfriend she had there, it was as if every word out of Maya’s mouth was specially designed to piss off Mama Fields. And if Mama Fields’ pursed lips smile, and raised eyebrows were any indication, her plan worked splendidly. (I think I smell another Byron Montgomery, in the making.)
When a frazzled Mama leaves the table (probably to call her shrink, or her priest, or something), Emily really lets Maya have it for her bad behavior . . .
At first, Maya is extremely defensive, when confronted with the accusation that she is deliberately sabotaging Emily’s relationship with her mother, and, by extension, Maya’s relationship with Emily. She genuinely doesn’t seem to think she did anything wrong. Then, she goes on the offensive, by accusing Emily of picking a fight with Maya, simply because she’s concerned about Maya dating boys.
Though my instinct was to side with Emily on this one (respecting my elders, was one of the very first lessons my parents drilled into my head, back when I was really young . . . and it stuck, in a big way), Maya’s response to the accusation made me wonder, if, perhaps, she really wasn’t aware of how rude she was being. Having grown up in a hippie-type household, it’s highly possible that Maya was simply raised differently than Emily and I were. Perhaps, in her house, parents and adults speak to one another as equals, and are brutally honest with eachother, even when it’s hurtful. Then again, my parents probably wouldn’t ship me off to juvie, just because they found a doobie in my bag. So, who knows?
Maybe all of this weirdness is simply because Maya is “A” . . .
Emily must have been giving all of this some serious thought, because she shows up at Maya’s house, before school the following morning to apologize for her (comparably small) part in their argument . . .
“This would probably be a bad time for me to ask you, if you had any weed, right?”
Emily opens the conversation by admitting to Maya that she was uncomfortable with the notion of Maya dating boys, but only because she’s uncomfortable with the notion of Maya dating anyone besides her. (Let’s temporarily forget the fact that Emily has had five romantic relationships on the show, aside from Maya . . . two of them with boys.) In return, Maya admits that she probably was acting out against Emily’s mom, because she’s still pissed at her for getting her shipped off to druggie camp. But when it comes to dramatic apologies, Maya certainly doesn’t mess around . . .
OMG! Maya just redecorated her ENTIRE room to look like an underwater wonderland, JUST BECAUSE Emily missed the pool. Talk about romantic. (Of course, you do know, Maya, that whatever you do for Valentine’s Day and her birthday, is going to end up being a SERIOUS letdown, by comparison.)
If there was ever an appropriate time to exchange “I love yous” with your significant others . . . this is that time . . .
Annnnnnd . . . then they had makeup/ underwater wonderland / “we just said I love you for the first time” sex . . .
The first rule of Fight Club is you never talk about fight club . . . with Aria.
Anyone else think that if Aria went into fight club with Holden, she’d kick his ass. Girlfriend is small . . . but scrappy. Just ask Fitzy!
So, Aria and Holden are out on another ‘fake date” . . . which ends up being a “real date,” because both of their “fake dates” conveniently canceled at the same time. (For the record, this was the first time I started to wonder whether Holden actually has nowhere else to go, while Aria is off with Fitzy, and simply uses the “fake date” as an excuse to get out of the house. It would certainly explain his awkwardness, when Aria announced that her date was canceled, as well as his insistence that he and Aria see one another as much as possible. More on that, in a bit . . .)
Studies show that a good way of determining whether someone is lying is to watch their eyes when they talk. Liars tend to avert their eyes, when speaking to you, by looking above you, or to the side of you, while they are speaking. See above.
One of the fun things about watching Aria and Holden play air hockey together, was how genuinely innocent and angst-free it was. So many relationships on this show, are filled with drama, tears, breakups, and “A” manipulations. But these two just seemed to enjoy spending time together, and felt comfortable enough with one another to be genuinely goofy.
So, of course, Holden had to make things dark, by showing off his MASSIVE TUMMY BRUISES, right?
OK, so I have a few theories as to where Holden got that bruise on his stomach. Here they are, in no particular order:
(1) Holden is secretly Tyler Durden from Fight Club.
(2) Holden suffers physical abuse at home. And goes on fake dates with Aria, simply to get out of the house, because he is terrified of being alone with his abuser. (See above)
(3) Holden is also involved in a Forbidden Relationship, only those who are opposed to it are A LOT more upfront about their dissatisfaction than Bad Dad Byron and his sleazy “associate deanship” plans . . .
(4) Holden has been hired by Blind Jenna to do the N.A.T. club’s dirty work (just as Caleb was, earlier on in the season). Generally, he just spies on the girls. But once, she had him pick up Ali’s secret box. The bruise is from where Hanna hit him with her car, during his getaway . . .
Do you guys like any of these? I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts . . .
You take the high road, I’ll take the NAKED road . . .
Toward the beginning of the episode, Hanna’s mom warned Hanna to play nice with Evil Stepsister Kate, or they’d both end up looking like trash. Obeying her mother’s wishes might be easier said than done for Hanna, especially when she’s being freezed out by all her friends and her boyfriend, and continues to receive texts like this one from “A” . . .
So, remember when Ashley Marin stole money from that old lady, and hid it in a lasagna box. And then the old lady DIED? Yeah, I thought the PLL writers forgot about that too. But apparently, “A” remembers . . .
Of course, it’s not the reference to the lasagna box in A’s message that confuses Hanna, it’s the reference to her techno boy toy Caleb, who, as far as she’s concerned, stopped investigating A’s phone, when Hanna “blended” the flashdrive containing all it’s intel. Not wanting to break their pact with Caleb, the rest of the girls are frustratingly evasive with Hanna, when she inquires about this . . . even going as far as to suggest that A is just flat out WRONG.
Silly little liars! Everyone knows that A is NEVER wrong, especially Hanna . . . So, she pulls Spencer aside, and asks her flat out, whether the rest of the girls are blowing her off, because they are mad about what she did with the flashdrive. Spencer denies this, but awkwardly so. (Breaking up with Toby, has apparently turned Hanna into a really sh*tty liar.)
And a sh*tty litte dresser . . .
This prompts Hanna to angrily remind Hanna that she did what she did to protect Caleb, and she would do the same thing for any of the little liars. Oddly enough, in actually, that’s exactly what the rest of the liars THINK they are doing for her.
Meanwhile, Hanna is trying to figure out what exactly Kate is up to that is prompting her to be so sickeningly sweet to Hanna and her friends. (We’ll find out soon enough.)
“Is your head going to start spinning around, and start spewing out green stuff? Or are you more of a Paranormal Activity, watch me while I sleep, and then throw me into a video camera after you eat my heart out, type demon?”
Meanwhile, Spencer is just trying to figure out where the f*&k she remembers Evil Stepsister Kate from, aside from the ill-fated wedding . . .
(I suspect the costume department wanted Spencer to wear a ridiculous Sherlock Holmes hat, while she was doing her investigation, just to add to the humor of this plotline.)
Later, in gym class, the show producers make a point to show us how Hanna puts her cell phone in her bag, which she then stupidly throws into her locker, WITHOUT LOCKING IT . . .
Then we see Kate lingering, an oddly long time in front of her locker, as if she can’t get it open. Though everyone else is already in their gym uniforms, she is suspiciously still dressed. And you’ll see why that’s important, in a little bit. Of course, it’s this moment when Spencer finally figures out exactly where she knows Kate from . . .
Apparently, Melissa was Kate’s camp counselor, back when Kate was a loner loser with a Face Bug Bite problem. And Spencer has the pictures to prove it! I do love when Spencer gets into protective mode for her pals. I think we all could use a friend like Spencer in our lives.
Anyway, spencer not-so-subtly warns Kate that if she mistreats Hanna, Spencer will expose her for the Bug Bitten B*tch she is. Of course, Spencer strongly suspects that Kate will ruin her own reputation, long before this can happen, simply by being her awful, nasty, self . . .
“Ooh, I should really threaten you back, but I can’t think of another horse metaphor to use . . .”
I actually think that Spencer’s words were what inadvertently gave Kate the idea to steal Hanna’s phone, if she hadn’t been planning to do it, already . . .
Later that night, Spencer and Hanna meet up at Spencer’s house. Spencer is happy not to have to spend another night alone sniffing Toby’s undershirt. And Hanna is just happy she’s let back into the ‘inner circle.” Spencer even rewards Hanna, by showing her the promised picture of Evil Stepsister Kate and her Evil Bug Bites. Hanna is impressed with her friend’s super sleuthing, not to mention VERY pleased with the results . . .
But the friendly outing goes south fast, when Hanna finds the picture of Ali’s faux-license in Spencer’s phone, and realizes precisely what Caleb and the rest of the PLL girls have been hiding from her, these past few days . . .
Hanna later confronts Caleb with this discovery, who perhaps doesn’t feel quite as guilty as he should, since he’s still not sure why Hanna was so adamant about him not investigating the phone in the first place. Hanna then tells Caleb about the whole “money in the lasagna box” thing, and admits that the person who’s phone he has, is the one who’s been taunting her with knowledge of this information.
I was kind of glad Hanna trusted Caleb enough to tell him this, especially since she hasn’t been able to tell any of her friend, and I know the secret has been weighing heavily on her, for quite some time. I also love that Caleb (a) accepted the information without any judgment, and (b) immediately went into protective boyfriend mode by heading straight to Blind Jenna’s house to threaten her against hurting Hanna. (I guess he assumes this is her phone.)
Of course, Police Boy Garrett intercepts Caleb the minute he sets foot on Blind Jenna’s porch. Clearly, business is very slow in the Rosewood Police Force, since Police Boy Garrett seems to have nothing better to do than to hang out in coffee shops, and sit outside Blind Jenna’s house for hours, waiting for visitors.
“Hey, Caleb! I’ve been sitting in this cop car doing nothing all day, and I’m super board. Wanna sit with me. We can watch Blind Jenna’s window, and play Angry Birds on my iPhone!”
Did you catch how Police Boy Garrett made reference to Caleb’s former job working for “A” as Blind Jenna’s spy, and how he’s since been replaced by someone else? I actually think this seemingly throwaway line was important for two reasons. (1) Continuity, yay! Caleb’s shady past is another thing the writers seemed to have conveniently forgotten, up to this point. (2) Who exactly is Blind Jenna’s new henchman? Is it Noel, as the PLL girls seem to suspect? Or is it someone closer to the PLL girls . . . like Maya . . . or Holden?
Oh! Good news! Spencer and Hanna kissed and made up. Well . . . they didn’t really kiss, but, you know what I mean . . .
They’ve also uncovered a potentially HUGE clue about Ali’s death . . .
Hanna recalls seeing Ali wearing a black wig, and masquerading as someone named Vivian Darkbloom, while at a beauty salon. (Don’t you think a beautician would figure out that the person who’s hair they are working on was wearing a wig, when they . . . oh . . . I don’t know . . . TRIED TO WASH THEIR CLIENT’S HAIR?)
Now you see it . . .
Now, you don’t . . .
Suspecting that Ali might have used the new look and fake identity, in order to investigate her stalker “A.” Super Sleuth Spencer researches the name Vivian Darkbloom on the internet. She quickly discovers that Vivan Darkbloom was a character in the book Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov, and is also an anagram for the author’s name. Ahh . . . I love with PLL gets all nerdy and literary!
I read Lolita. The book was both fascinating and skeevy at the same time. Surely, it can’t be an accident that the show’s writers choose to reference a book about an older man who falls in love with a tempestuous and manipulative early teen, considering how many age inappropriate relationships exist on this show . . .
Hanna recalls stealing the book from Ali, for some inexplicable reason. (Weird . . . Hanna is probably the least literary of the four girls.) But when she retrieves it, out falls some old claim ticket “Vivian Darkbloom” had for a storage locker. Spencer calls the number and makes an appointment to retrieve the contents of the locker, since the REAL Vivian Darkbloom never will . . .
Ahhh . . . the plot . . . it thickens . . .
Over at school, everyone’s gossiping about a phone message that was apparently sent to the entire student body from . . . wait for it . . . Hanna Marin. Yes, because apparently Hanna Marin is a child pornographer . . .
Honestly, I’m a bit annoyed at the rest of the PLL girls for even thinking, for a second, that Hanna would do something so patently disgusting, especially when she had so much riding on not rocking the boat with Evil Stepsister Kate. Of course, the minute Hanna insists that she DIDN’T send the picture, the girls immediately assume that “A” did. Personally . . . I think Kate sent it herself.
I mean, think about it, Kate gets to look like the poor innocent victim, while Hanna looks, to use her mom’s own words, “like trash.” Hanna could get expelled for doing something like this, and possibly even face criminal charges for child pornography. It would also MURDER her relationship with her dad. Beyond that, the picture looks totally posed, and almost too perfect to be candid. So, I’m thinking that Kate used Hanna’s phone to snap it herself, while the rest of the girls were in gym class . . .
It’s been a good year for us Delena fans on TVD, hasn’t it? (And, judging by where things left off, next year promises to be EVEN BETTER! YIPPEE!)
After an admittedly shaky start (Jeremy Neck Snap Incident, anyone?), us stalwart D&E fans fans were eventually rewarded for our patience, with a Season 2 Smorgasbord of Tasty Delena goodness. Within just the first 10 episodes of the Season, we were treated to multiple phallic encounters . . .
. . . passionate exchanges . . .
. . . near kisses . . .
. . . and, of course, one VERY SPECIAL (but equally frustrating) declaration of love . . .
Having experienced the joy of all that, who would have thought that the scenes I just described would ultimately end up being just a precursor to all the FABULOUS Delena Decadence that was to come?
And it is for this reason that, while I had already crafted a list of the Top Ten Delena Moments of Season 1 . . . and followed that up with a SECOND list, featuring the Top Ten Moments of the FIRST half of Season 2 . . . I simply couldn’t resist writing a THIRD article, focusing on the Top Ten Delena Moments of the SECOND half of Season 2. After all, far be it for me to deny my fellow Delena fans, the opportunity to relive the ecstasy of THE FIRST KISS . . .
What follows are my favorite Damon and Elena scenes from the last eleven episodes of TVD’s second Season, starting from “The Descent,” and ending with “As I Lay Dying.” So, without further adieu, let Sweet, Sexy, and Swoon-worthy Nostalgia BEGIN!
10. “Be the Better Man, Damon.”
Episode: “Daddy Issues” – 2 X 13
Setting the Scene:
Team Save Elena (a.k.a. The Scooby Gang) has been making some questionable decisions lately. And it’s been trying Damon’s already-limited patience, BIG TIME. First, Stefan comes up with the “brilliant idea” of inviting Known Vampire Hater Uncle/Father John, and Elena’s Evil Bio Mom Vampire Isobel back to town, so that they could “join the team.” Damon and Elena don’t trust either of these two sorry excuses for parents, as far as they can throw them. However, both recognize that John might have information the two could use to defeat Klaus. “Be the better man,” Elena cautions Damon for the first time that evening, before Damon meets John at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls to exchange a few words.
Damon DOES, somehow, manage to hold his tongue, when speaking to John (just barely). Not long after, however, Elena gets a call from Stefan, informing her that the werewolves (Jules and Wereoaf Brady) are holding Vampire Caroline hostage. As a condition of Caroline’s safe release, the werewolves wish to “strike up a deal.” They will return Caroline, in exchange for resident werewolf, Tyler Lockwood.
Upon hearing this, Damon, (who, up to this point, had been completely kept out of the loop, regarding the whole “Tyler is a werewolf” thing) is FURIOUS about this recent turn of events. And he is not at all shy about sharing these feelings with Elena . .
Potent Quotables:
Damon: (about Tyler) “He’s a werewolf. He needs to die. I’m willing to kill. It’s win/win!”
And later . . .
Damon: “You need to stop doing that . . . assuming I’ll play the good guy, because it’s YOU who’s asking.”
Elena: “Be the Better Man, Damon.”
And still later . . .
Damon: (to Uncle/Father John) “First Dad Duty? Ground your daughter . . . keep her here.”
Elena: “I’m coming with you!”
Why it made the list:
“Daddy Issues” was an important episode in the Delena canon, because it, in effectively introduced us to a completely different character, one who we hadn’t seen up to this point. Ladies and gentleman, meet Ponytail Elena. (She will appear again in “The Last Dance,” home to TWO MORE of our Top Ten Delena Moments. Coincidence? I think not!)
While Hair Down Elena might not be sure, at this point in the game, of her feelings for Damon, Ponytail Elena already has a pretty good idea she wants him BAD! (Remember that look of jealously flashing across Ponytail Elena’s eyes, when Andie hit on Damon for the first time? Or the look of triumph on Ponytail Elena’s face, when Damon initially rejected her?) Not unlike Katherine, Ponytail Elena knows EXACTLY what she needs to do to get her way . . .
It was interesting seeing THIS scene back -to-back with the earlier one in the episode, in which Elena instructs Damon to be “kinder and gentler” in his discussion with Uncle/Father John. In both scenes: (1) Elena pleads with Damon to be “good.” (2) He balks. (3) She asks him to be the “Better Man.” (4) He balks AGAIN, but reluctantly agrees. (5) She demands to follow him whereever he is going.
However, the DIFFERENCE between these two scenes is why this one made the list, and the previous one didn’t. Unlike in the first scene, this time, Ponytail Elena is more brazen with her manipulation of Damon. Observe how the Petrova Doppelganger gently places both of her hands on Damon’s arms affectionately, and looks up at him with her puppy dog eyes, when she asks him not to kill Tyler.
Also different from the first scene, is Damon’s reaction. All Damon has to do is take one look at Elena’s hand positioning, and he knows EXACTLY what she’s trying to do. “You need to stop doing that,” he demands, eyes blazing.
I love how Elena, naively, acts as if she isn’t aware of her manipulation of Damon “Doing what?” She asks innocently.
However, the minute he makes mention of it, Elena guiltily removes her hands from his arms. She’s no dummy, that Ponytail Elena! Damon’s response to Elena “(Assuming I’ll play the Good Guy, because it’s YOU who’s asking”) is the closest we’ve come to seeing Damon admit his feelings for Elena directly to her, ever since he told her he loved her, and compelled her to forget it, during “Rose,” back in episode 8.
And yet, the fact that Elena is behaving this way, to begin with, illustrates that she probably already has a pretty good idea of Damon’s feelings for her. When affection doesn’t work, Elena falls back on her catchphrase, “Be the Better Man, Damon,” she tells him, for the second time that evening. The phrase almost acts as a hypnotic trigger for Damon, working on him instantly. Damon will always obey this command of Elena’s, no matter how much he may hate doing so.
And why not? After all, it’s Damon’s incorrect belief that Stefan is a “Better Man” than he is, that keeps him from more actively pursuing Elena, in the first place! At this point in the series, Damon still believes he doesn’t DESERVE Elena. We see this at the end of the episode when the “Better Man” line makes it’s third appearance. “I’m in love with a woman I can’t have,” Damon tells Andie, during the pseudo-couple’s infamous Bathtub Scene. “I have to stay together (read “in control of my emotions”) to protect her, which means, I can’t be who I AM!”
As the series draws to a close, Damon will gradually come to learn how wrong he is in this assessment. But, for now, the elder Salvatore Brother will just have to rejoice in the mini victory of having let Ponytail Elena know that he has her number.
And, hey, she DID want to “come with him” to rescue Tyler, didn’t she? Only this time, Damon said “NO!”
“Nice try, Sweet Cheeks! It’s called ‘playing hard to get.’ Get used to it!”
So, you might be wondering why I included this scene at the top of my list, especially since it seems to show more of a manipulation of Damon on Elena’s part, than actual affection. Well . . . I don’t think that’s ALL it shows.
In “Daddy Issues,” more than any episode we had seen in Season 2 (at least up to THIS point in the season), Damon and Elena are relating to one another in that same super-close, married couple, type way, we witnessed during KEY Season 1 Delena episodes, like “Bloodlines,” and “Blood Brothers.” And, don’t forget, this is POST Jeremy Neck Snap Incident! So, that’s saying a lot!
Yes, they are bickering . . . and arguing . . . and Elena seems to be getting on Damon’s nerves a bit. But beneath all that, are two people who are on the same page. They understand how eachother think. And they subconsciously take comfort in eachother’s company. Why else would Elena keep following Damon around for the ENTIRE first half of the episode? Where was STEFAN during all that time? HMM?
9. Damon asks for Elena’s forgiveness
Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2 X 22
Setting the Scene:
Having been bitten by Teen Wolf Tyler, during his werewolf transformation, Damon believes himself to be doomed to die a painful and ugly death by were-rabies. If Rose’s rapid disease progression is any indication, Damon has a few days to live at most, and just hours, before he begins showing signs of dementia. Despite all this, Damon has made the selfless, but tragic, decision not to inform Elena of his impending death. “The last thing [Elena] needs is another grave to mourn,” Damon tells Stefan, when his younger brother first learns of the fatal bite.
And yet Damon has one dying wish: that Elena forgive him for going against her wishes, and force-feeding her his blood, prior to The Sacrifice. (He did this, so that if Klaus, in fact, killed her, she would at least return as a vampire.)
Thanks to Uncle/Father John sacrificing his soul . . . and his life, for Elena’s, Elena was revived following the Sacrifice, and was able to retain her humanity. And yet, Elena has still not verbally forgiven Damon for his actions. In this scene, Damon arrives at Elena’s house, the morning after John’s and Jenna’s funeral, in hopes of obtaining the absolution he so desperately needs from the woman he loves more than life itself.
Potent Quotables:
Damon: “I want to apologize . . . please . . . Elena feeding you my blood, I was wrong. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need it.”
Elena: “And I need some time . . . maybe a lot of time.”
Damon: “Sure . . . of course . . . take all the time you need.”
Why it made the list:
This short simple scene is important, in that it functions as the first step in the journey Damon and Elena take toward mutual forgiveness, acceptance, and possibly much more, during the final episode of the series. The tragedy of this scene, as mentioned above, is that Elena doesn’t know that Damon is dying. Yet, he refuses to tell her.
Damon “needs” Elena’s forgiveness, so that he can die in peace. And yet, he doesn’t want that forgiveness to come from a place of PITY (Take THAT, Pity Kiss THEORISTS!), or guilt. In the epic words Damon himself used last season, in explaining the reason he didn’t compel Elena during the pair’s trip to Georgia, “I wanted it to be real.”
The OLD Damon might have become frustrated with Elena’s stubborness, and refusal to forgive him. (I mean, it’s not like she actually turned into a VAMPIRE, or anything!) Remember how quickly Damon started to pout and complain, when Elena refused to forgive him for the Jeremy Neck Snap Incident, earlier on in the season? But this is a different Damon from the one we knew back then. This Damon truly is “a Better Man.”
Notice how, throughout the scene, even though Damon is obviously going through a TON of personal sh*t, his focus is always on Elena. Watching her linger over Aunt Jenna’s room in the morning, Damon IMMEDIATELY knows the anguish Elena is feeling, upon seeing that bed empty. “It will get easier,” he tells her comfortingly. “Then again, you already knew that.”
And even when Elena refuses to forgive Damon, and he realizes that there is a good chance he will die without receiving that forgiveness, Damon still considers Elena’s feelings to be of the utmost importance. He even manages to smile at her, and say, “Take all the time you need,” when deep down, he knows that his own time is slowly running out . . .
The fact that Damon and Elena started the episode in THIS sad place, however, makes where they end up, by the end of the episode, all the more miraculous . . .
8. Elena rescues Damon . . . from himself!
Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2 X 22
Setting the Scene:
Damon’s time is running out. His were-rabies has now set in at full force. He’s feeling weak, is in an incredible amount of pain, and is beginning to have difficulty distinguishing his flashback hallucinations (featuring Katherine) from reality. That’s the BAD news.
The good news is that Damon’s hallucinations have been oddly therapeutic for him. He finally sees that he was personally responsible for his decision to turn vampire, back in 1864. Neither Stefan, nor Katherine forced him to do it. He has to find Elena, and tell her this (as well as FINALLY confess his true feelings for her), before it’s too late.
Elena needs to find Damon too. She found out about his werewolf bite from Stefan, and feels terrible about the way she treated him earlier that day. (See scene above.) Elena wants to let Damon know that she forgives him for feeding her his blood prior to the Sacrifice. She also knows that Caroline’s AWFUL mother Lizard Forbes wants Damon dead. And Elena wants badly to rescue Dying Damon from that b*tch.
Eventually, Damon and Elena do find one another. But Damon just so happens to be in the throes of one of his most vivid hallucination, when the reunion occurs . . .
Potent Quotables:
Elena: “Damon . . . come on . . . come on . . . We need to get you out of here. We have to hide you.”
Katherine: (in flashback, after puncturing her neck, and allowing blood to drip from it) “If you want it, take it. It is your choice to make.”
And later . . .
Elena: (as Damon bites Katherine / Elena) “Damon, you don’t have to do this.”
Why it made the list:
This scene works on two levels. On one, we have Damon, just hours away from death, finally coming to the realization that he is personally responsible for his decision to become a vampire. On another, we have Elena, who, after two seasons of being rescued repeatedly by Damon, finally has the opportunity to put her own life and safety on the line, to rescue him right back.
On some level, Damon and Elena have been searching for one another, the entire episode. It was Damon’s instinctive knowledge that Elena was looking for him outside, that prompted Damon to send Alaric for blood, knock out Lizard Forbes, and escape his makeshift cage in the basement of La Casa de Rich and Awesome. Likewise, it was Elena’s need to find Damon, and comfort him, during his final moments, that prompted her to break through the glass of the police station with that chair. (I wonder who’s going to end up having to pay for THAT!)
Of course, once Damon finds Elena, he shifts right back into hallucination mode, and can only see Katherine. In the hallucination, Katherine’s words to Damon are direct. She tells him that the decision to become a vampire is his choice to make. And by biting down on Katherine’s neck, and taking her blood, he makes that choice. Yet, in the present day, Damon is biting on Elena’s neck. Her words to him are symbolic too. She tells him, “You don’t have to do this.”
And though she’s referring to BITING HER, Elena’s words also apply to biting KATHERINE back in 1864. Damon didn’t HAVE to do that. He didn’t have to become a vampire. And he WOULDN”T have become one, if he hadn’t made that choice. The anguish on Damon’s face, upon waking from his reverie, and realizing that he has bitten and hurt the woman he loves, is truly heartbreaking.
But what is sweet about the scene is Elena’s reaction. Yes, Elena is in pain. Yes, Damon hurt her. But Elena isn’t angry at Damon for what he did, or worried for her own safety.
Like Damon’s actions at the beginning of the episode, Elena’s actions here are completely selfless. All she cares about is protecting Damon, and getting him to safety. The way Elena holds and comforts Damon in this scene, you can tell just how much she truly cares about him. And this show of affection is only a precursor of what’s to come later on in the episode . . .
7. Elena Comforts Damon after Rose’s Death
Episode: “The Descent” – 2 X 12
Setting the Scene:
Damon earned the ire of Big Bad Wolf Jules, when she began to (correctly) suspect that he had killed her werewolf buddy, Mason Lockwood, a.k.a. Tyler Lockwood’s Hot Uncle.
The elder Salvatore brother moved even further up Wolf Girl’s Poopy List, when he and Alaric cornered her in the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, and (under the guise of hitting on her) were-rufied her drink with Wolfsbane.
Fast-forward to the next Full Moon. Jules, in werewolf form, barges into La Casa de Rich and Awesome, intent on chopping on some Salvatore skin. (Can you blame her? YUMMY!)
However, instead of sinking her teeth into Damon, Jules’ pointy choppers land smack dab on the backside of Damon’s most recent Screw Buddy, Vampire Rose.
As a result of the bite, Vampire Rose contracts some bizarre form of were rabies. (Then again, isn’t all were rabies, by definition bizarre?). Shortly thereafte, Rose, pretty much, starts going apesh*t. (She looks pretty hideous too.) Rose uses her Sick Time, constructively, by chasing Elena around La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and trying to eat her. (Personally, I prefer to spend MY sick time watching bad daytime television. But, that’s just me . . .)
When that fails, a wacked-out Rose breaks free from La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and starts chowing down on innocent Mystic Falls residents. Damon eventually finds Rose, and brings her back to the house. However, Rabies Rose’s days of eating the Good People of Mystic Falls are numbered. And Damon knows it.
Using his vampiric powers of dream walking, Damon sits Rose down in her lap, like the unruly baby she has become. Being the Generous Mercy Killer he is, Damon creates for Rose a warm fuzzy (read “extremely cheesy”) dream, in which she and he are frolicking through the meadow.
When Rabies Rose is feeling sufficiently blissed out, he stakes her, but not before shedding a few tears, on her behalf.
In THIS sweet and poignant Delena scene, Elena, having learned of Rose’s death, arrives at La Casa de Rich and Awesome to check up on Her Future Lover . . .
Potent Quotables:
Elena: “I came back to make sure you are OK.”
And later . . .
Elena: “Damon I’m your friend.”
Damon: “I’m well aware of that.”
Elena: “And a friend usually knows when their friend is hurting.”
Damon: “What do you want to hear? That I cared about Rose? That I’m upset? Well, I didn’t. And I’m not.”
Elena: “There you go, pretending to turn it off, pretending not to feel. Damon, you’re so close. Don’t give up.”
Damon: “I feel, Elena, OK? And it sucks! What sucks even more is that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after ME.”
Elena: “You feel guilty.”
Damon: “That would be human of me, Elena, and I’m NOT HUMAN! You’re one to talk about giving up. That’s all you’ve done is give up! Go home! There’s been enough doom, gloom, and personal growth for one night.”
Why it made the list:
You’ll notice that in this scene, unlike the ones that preceded it, I transcribed practically the ENTIRE conversation between Damon and Elena in the “potent quotables” section. That’s because every line of this scene is heavily laden with meaning. In fact, with the exception of the final scenes of “As I Lay Dying,” Damon’s and Elena’s exchange during “The Descent” is probably the most honest exchange they have with one another the entire season.
Just as, in the earlier scene I posted from the finale, where Damon instinctively knows what Elena is going through, when she stares at Jenna’s empty room, Elena, having experienced Rose’s demise along with him, knows exactly how hard it was for Damon to ultimately end her life.
We’ve seen many scenes in which Elena has pushed Damon away, for one reason or another. However, this time, it is Damon trying to do the pushing, and Elena vying for closeness.
Ahem?
But Elena makes a mistake, when she calls Damon “her friend.” Of course, she’s trying to be helpful. However, reminding Damon of their “just friends” status, during this difficult time in Damon’s life, is like rubbing salt in the wound.
(Then again, perhaps, this is a case of thou doth protest too much? Maybe Elena is already starting to feel a closeness to Damon beyond friendship, and needs to reiterate the “just friends” nature of their relationship to convince herself that this is the case? Wishful thinking on my part? Maybe . . . but maybe not. ;))
When Damon denies having any feeling about Rose’s death, however, Elena goes for the “Better Man,” card again. Though she doesn’t use those exact words, by telling Damon that he is “so close” to humanity, that is, in effect, what she is saying. And Elena is right. Rose’s death did cause a sort of emotional breakthrough of sorts in Damon.
But these emotions scare Damon, because, as he admits to Andie, in the following episode, they make him feel out of control. They also cause him to remember how much he misses being human. “That would be human of me, Elena. And I’m NOT human,” he argues. (Talk about a case of “Thou doth protest too much!”)
But even though Damon commands Elena to leave for a third time, during the scene, Elena refuses to go, without giving Damon the comfort she so desperately knows he needs. She hesitates as she turns to leave, looking at him intently for a few beats before pulling him in for a deep Full Body Hug. Elena’s show of affection surprises Damon, and, eventually moves him to tears.
But Damon isn’t the only one who needed to feel closeness in that moment. While Elena may have decided to hug Damon, in a friendly and comforting way, the look she gives him, when she pulls back from the hug, hints that she might have felt something deeper during it, than she initially expected.
For a few moments before she leaves, we see Elena stare pointedly at Damon’s eyes and lips. She does this so intently, that, the first time I watched this scene, I really did think that she might kiss him. But, alas, our first Delena kiss was still quite a few episodes away . . .
6. “I’ve got moves you’ve never seen!”
Episode: “The Last Dance” – 2 X 18
Setting the Scene:
Though he has not yet shown his “true face” to the Scooby Gang, Klaus has not been shy about expressing his desire to “capture” Elena, and use her in his Wacky Sacrifice Ritual. By compelling one of her classmates, Klaus delivers a creepy message to Elena that she should expect to “meet” him at the sixties-themed dance being held at the high school. Rather than avoid the dance (which, to be honest, would have made a heck of a lot more sense), the entire Scooby Gang, Elena included, decides to attend. Their plan is to draw Klaus out, and then kill him . . . somehow.
Needless to say, tensions are high. And no one is more tense than Elena. That is, until . . .
Potent Quotables:
Why it made the list:
Damon: “How you doin?”
Elena: “Umm . . . freaking out a bit. You?”
Damon: “Cool as a cucumber. Come on . . . remember the last Decade Dance. The vampires were all ‘Arrrghhhh’ and you were all ‘Ahhhhh!”
Elena: “Right . . . and . . . we won.”
Damon: “Yes, we did.”
Elena: “You’re good at this.”
Damon: “I’ve got moves, you’ve never seen.”
You know what I actually just noticed about this scene? (And it’s something that I had never picked up on, in the 20 or so times I watched it before hand.) There’s this little moment, before Stefan leaves to go talk to Caroline, that he gives Damon a bit of a head nod, actually ENCOURAGING him to dance with Elena!
Dear old Selfless Stefan . . . you have no idea what you are getting your “girlfriend’ into! Doesn’t Baby Salvatore know that no girl can resist a Dancing Damon?
Least of all . . . Elena . . .
Still, you might be wondering why this scene ranks so high on my list, when the ones preceeding it are so much more “emotionally intense.” But, actually, the fact that this scene WAS SO LIGHTHEARTED AND SIMPLE is precisely why it earned such a high ranking.
The Delena Dance of Season 2, much like the one in Season 1 that preceded it, allowed us a glimpse into what Damon and Elena will be like as an ACTUAL COUPLE. In just a few short seconds of grooving together, Damon and Elena, illustrate all the fun, sex appeal, wit, good humor, and understanding that is going to make Delena such a force to be reckoned with in season 3.
I love the look of shock and arousal that crosses Elena’s face, when Damon first whirls her into his chest. As we’ve seen often with Elena, when she comes in close contact with Damon, she often seems mesmerized, by his mouth in particular.
And, though Damon is trying to play it, “cool as a cucumber” (his words, not mine), we can see that he isn’t exactly immune to Elena’s charms either. There’s a brief second where Damon loses himself in the movement of the dance, and forgets all about Klaus, the Sacrifice, and all his schemes. In that moment, these are just two beautiful people who are insanely hot for one another.
That being said, when Elena openly admits to Damon that she is “freaking out a bit,” Damon immediately becomes refocused on the task at hand: Operation Cheer Up Elena! And Cheer Elena up he does, through a combination of fun, un-self-conscious goofiness . . .
. . . good humor, and logical reasoning. Damon immediately is able to set Elena at ease, and make her smile, in a way, few members of the Scooby Gang are able to do. But in addition to being really funny, Damon’s “The vampires were like Arrrgh, and you were like Ahhh,” was also a wise and reassuring statement. In other words, “We beat the bad guys before, and we will beat them again.”
Of course, once Damon has sufficiently calmed Elena down, and converted her from Brooding Damsel in Distress to Giddy High Schooler Dancing with Hot Boy, Damon ramps up the charm, dipping her, pulling her close to his body and face, and whispering seductively in her ear, “I’ve got moves you’ve never seen.”
“You’re good at this,” Elena admits breathlessly, looking very much like she wants to makeout with him right there on the dance floor.
Well, isn’t that the Understatement of the Year . . .
5. “I can’t lose you.”
Episode: “The Last Day” – 2 X 20
Setting the Scene:
Not willing to accept that Bonnie’s death (through the exhaustion of all her witch powers) is the ONLY way to kill Klaus, Elena defies the wishes of the ENTIRE Scooby Gang, by de-staking Elijah, and bringing him back to life.
Elijah claims to have a plan to save Elena’s life, while still allowing Klaus to proceed with the Sacrifice Ritual. Then, once Klaus is in the throes of a werewolf transformation, and is in a weakened state, ELIJAH will stake KLAUS with the same dagger Elena used to stake HIM in “Crying Wolf.”
The problem is that Elijah’s Big Plan to “save” Elena seems . . .what’s the right word . . . oh yeah . . . LAME! It involves some sort of Romeo and Juliet-esque elixir he cooked up, that would make Elena APPEAR to be dead, throughout the Sacrifice Ritual, when, in fact, she is really alive. Having never used the elixir before, Elijah can’t guarantee that it will work.
The idea of taking such a gamble with Elena’s life sickens Damon. So, he stalks off to his room to sulk. Elena (who LOVES Damon’s bedroom, more than any other room in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, including, apparently, Stefan’s room) immediately follows Damon there, so that the two can screw like bunny rabbits “talk.”
Potent Quotables:
Elena: “You disappeared.”
Damon: “I don’t want to hear anymore.”
Elena: “I need you to understand why I’m doing this.”
Damon: “Why? It clearly doesn’t matter what I think.”
Elena: “I’ll be FINE, Damon. I’ll drink the elixir. Bonnie will kill Klaus, and all of this will finally be over.”
And later . . .
Damon: “You think it will work . . . You WANT it to work . . . Why am I the only one who’s convinced it WON’T. There has to be another way.”
Elena: “There isn’t.”
Damon: “You are going to die, Elena.”
Elena: “And then, I’ll come back to life.”
Damon: “That is not a risk I am willing to take.”
Elena: “But I am . . . it’s my life, Damon. My choice.”
Damon: “I can’t lose you.”
Elena: “You won’t.”
Why it made the list:
I’m just full of controversial picks today, aren’t I? Here’s the scene where Damon FORCE FEEDS Elena his blood, and stakes Stefan, and I’ve got it as number 5 on my Delena list. But, hopefully, after you rewatch the scene, you will see why. You see, I feel like there’s a real parallel between this scene, and the scene that takes place between Damon and Elena at the end of “The Last Dance,” right before Elena decides to stake Klaus. (See #3 below.)
Both scenes, begin with Elena entering Damon’s room. Both scenes involve a discussion between Damon and Elena, regarding the best way to go about saving her life, during the Sacrifice.
In “The Last Dance,” Elena REFUSES to put Bonnie’s life on the line to save her own. Here, Damon refuses to put Elena’s life on the line for Elijah’s harebrained scheme. “There HAS to be another way,” each party says to the other, more or less. Both scenes climax (see what I did there?), during a moment of intense intimacy between the couple. And, just when it seems like the two are finally in agreement with one another, there’s a moment, where you see one of them making the decision to do something they know the other person will HATE.
As I mentioned earlier, Elena LOVES Damon’s room, and adores his bed. And whenever he is upset, she loves to go and find him there, so that she can “reach out and touch him.” There’s an interesting dichotomy in the scene between how close Damon and Elena come to one another, and how far away their ideas as to the best course of action remain. Throughout the scene, though Damon and Elena, both take physical steps toward one another, psychologically, they remain more far apart than ever.
Using her “Be the Better Man” trick, Elena attempts physical contact with Damon, to bring him back from the brink, when he is at his most heated. Damon is angrily and accusatorily pointing a finger at Elena, when Elena affectionately grabs his hand in both her own, bringing it closer to her face, and massaging it, as she speaks.
There’s a moment where Damon looks down at his and Elena’s now clasped hands. He knows EXACTLY what Elena is trying to do. And yet, he loves her so much, that he can’t resist her. His pointed finger relaxes into Elena’s embrace. His body posture softens, as he appeals to Elena’s obvious care and concern for his well being, “I can’t lose you,” he tells her, in all honesty.
“You won’t,” she assures him, eyes widened and dilated.
Elena really believes at this point that she has reached Damon . .. and that he will go along with whatever she says, just like he has so many times in the past. Except, sometime between Elena’s grasping of his hand, and her final promise to him, Damon comes to his decision to force-feed Elena his blood. But even as he is making this decision, a part of him knows he will live to regret it.
“Oh crap! I’m really about to f*ck up now, aren’t I?”
4. Damon revives Elena
Episode: “The Sun Also Rises” – 2 X 21
Setting the Scene:
As far as Klaus is concerned, the Sacrifice Ritual was a success. Aunt Jenna and Jules each gave up their lives as the vampire and werewolf sacrifices, respectively. As the Petrova Doppelganger, Elena also gave her “life” to Klaus, when he bit into her neck, and drained her of a significant portion of her blood.
After snapping the neck of the witch performing the ritual, Damon picks up an unconscious Elena and carries her to Stefan. But Stefan does not wish to take Elena home just yet. He wants to stay and make sure that Bonnie and Elijah defeat Klaus, once and for all.
So, Damon carries Elena back to La Casa de Rich and Awesome in his arms. At this point, her fate is still unknown. Is she dead? Will she come back a vampire, and spend eternity hating Damon for the role he played in her transformation? Or has the Scooby Gang somehow managed to find some way for Elena to return to life as a human? Damon is about to find out . . .
Potent Quotables:
Damon: “Come back as a vampire, and I’ll stake you myself. So, DON’T. Because I can’t stand the idea of you hating me forever.”
Why it made the list:
It’s hard not to see this scene as blatant foreshadowing for a future Damon and Elena union, in the truest sense of the word. I mean, who can ignore the symbolism, of Stefan asking Damon to take Elena home, himself, so that HE can stay and make sure Klaus is dead. (Shades of Stefan’s choice in the season finale, much?)
And then, watching Damon literally carry Elena through the darkness and the fire, to the safety of the home SHE owns, which is also his. Then, of course, Damon CARRIES ELENA ACROSS THE THRESHOLD of the mansion. It doesn’t get much better than that, folks!
The look of love and affection on Damon’s face, as he hovers over Elena’s unconscious body, gently running his hand across her face, and through her hair — unable to take his eyes off her for even one second — is as beautiful, as it is heartbreaking. Who WOULDN’T want a guy to look at them like that? And though the words Damon says to Elena, as he awaits her fate, might seem callous on the surface, they are actually the most romantic words he’s uttered throughout the entire episode.
Contrast these words to Damon’s “I can’t lose you,” in the earlier scene. Damon force fed Elena his blood, because HE couldn’t bear the idea of living without her. That gesture, and the thought process behind it, while romantic, is also somewhat selfish.
Here, Damon’s thoughts are ONLY for Elena. He now knows that SHE would rather die than be a vampire. And even though it would literally KILL Damon to live on Earth for even a moment without Elena, he would be willing to stake her himself, if he knew that was what she truly wanted.
Of course, there’s another aspect to Damon not wanting Elena to become a vampire. He “can’t stand the idea of [her] hating him forever.” This is also a departure from the Damon we’ve grown to know and love for two seasons. In “The Last Dance,” Damon was heard telling Stefan, that he didn’t care whether Elena hated him, as long as he was able to keep her safe.
Now, we see that this isn’t the case at all. Elena’s thoughts and feelings matter to Damon. And from now on, he will fight just as hard to protect them, as he will to protect her life.
The other part of this scene that I loved was the intimate and powerful expression on Elena’s face when she awakens from “death” to find Damon hovering over her. A commenter on my recap of this episode wisely noted that Elena died staring at Stefan, during The Sacrifice, and awakened staring at Damon. There is certainly something poetic about that.
Additionally, there lies within the meaninful look Elena gives Damon the possibility that she remembers his confession of love for her during the “Rose” episode. After all, were it not for John’s sacrifice, which, as you can see, happens AFTER Elena awakens, not before, Elena, having died with Damon’s blood in her system, would have reawakened a vampire. And VAMPIRES remember all instances of compulsion from their lives, as Caroline taught us, following HER vampiric reawakening . . .
So, does Elena remember Damon’s compulsion of her to forget that she loves him? It’s indeed possible. In fact, that very knowledge is hinted at, during the finale, and in my NUMBER 1 Delena moment of the Second Half of Season 2.
3. “I will always choose you.”
Episode: “The Last Dance” – 2 X 18
Setting the Scene:
Damon may have saved Elena’s life the night of the sixties dance, but he did it by breaking her heart . . . albeit temporarily. When Damon and the rest of the Scooby Gang learned that Klaus was possessing Alaric’s body, they determined, to their chagrin, that they had unwittingly provided him with information on their secret Klaus-Killing Weapon: Bonnie and Her Awesome Witchiness. Now AlarKlaus was after Bonnie. He wanted her out of the picture, to ensure himself a “Stress Free Sacrifice.” And he wasn’t going to let up, until she was dead . . .
So, Bonnie and Damon came up with a devious plan. Bonnie would pretend to exhaust her witchy powers, during a faux attempt at defeating Klaus at the dance. Then she would play dead . . . kind of like a dog. But the scheme had a complication: in order for KLAUS to believe that Bonnie was dead, Elena had to believe it too. And in order for ELENA to believe that Bonnie was dead, Gossip Boy Stefan couldn’t be let in on Bonnie’s and Damon’s plan either.
When Elena found Bonnie’s “dead” body in the school snack room, she was inconsolable. And when Damon arrived back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, seeming not the least bit upset about Bonnie’s so called “loss of life,” an enraged Elena slapped him across the mouth . . . HARD. It wasn’t until after Elena almost took off his BEAUTIFUL face that Damon finally decided to come clean to the woman he would do literally ANYTHING to protect.
Damon admitted that Bonnie wasn’t really dead. She was just hanging out in a tomb with Elena’s brother “resting her eyes.” This made Elena feel like a bit of an idiot. It also gave her a good excuse to enter Damon’s room AGAIN, under the guise of “apologizing” . . .
Potent Quotables:
Elena: “I understand why you did what you did. I mean, Klaus was fooled and . . . Bonnie’s alive.”
Damon: “Here’s to duplicity.”
Elena: “Let’s get one thing straight, Damon. Bonnie will not die for me. I will not let that happen . . . We’ll find another way [to kill Klaus].”
Damon: “I hope so.”
Elena: “Look, I shouldn’t have hit you.”
Damon: “Apology accepted.”
Damon: “Let me be clear about something, if it comes down to you and the witch again, then I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always choose you.”
Why it made the list:
Earlier, I showed you the scene in which Damon made the decision to force feed Elena his blood to save her from certain death. In my analysis of that scene I told you that it directly paralleled the scene from “The Last Dance,” in which Elena, after having an equally emotional and honest conversation with Damon, made the (as it turns out, not so hot) decision to de-stake Elijah. Like the first scene, this one worked on two levels. On one hand, it was yet another romantic bedroom scene for Damon and Elena, in which the pair let one another understand just how well they understood one another, and how much they cared for eachother. On the other, it was a deceptive scene, because, at the very moment when it seemed like the couple had come to an understanding, one of its members was plotting to do something very stupid.
It was interesting watching Damon’s and Elena’s reactions to one another throughout the scene. For instance, when Elena comes into Damon’s room, he clearly expects her to lecture him on not telling her his plans regarding Bonnie’s fake death. Aim when Elena admits that she understands exactly why he did what he did, Damon is a bit taken aback. But he is also clearly impressed by the object of his affections foresight, and understanding that sometimes the ends DO justify the means.
“Here’s to duplicity,” Damon says. (As in, “YAY, I don’t have to apologize anymore, for doing something that I don’t think was wrong at all, and would do again in a second.”)
Elena again uses her trusted tactic of initiating physical closeness with Damon to make her point about not wanting Bonnie to die. And though Damon does seem to bend a little, to Elena’s wishes (“I hope so,” he offers doubtfully, when Elena assures him that they will find another way to kill Klaus), we know that Damon’s position on the subject remains essentially the same.
Now comes the time for Elena to apologize for the Face Slap Heard Round the World . . . Elena clearly feels terrible about doing that to Damon, and wants him to know this. When just moments ago, Elena was stalwart and strong in ensuring Bonnie’s continued livelihood, suddenly she seems shy, contrite, and a smidge coquettish. As Elena apologizes, she dips her head downward, and self-consciously runs her hand through her hair.
Of course, this works. Damon can never stay mad at Elena for long. And he accepts her apology almost immediately. But then he makes the statement, that, while incredibly romantic, seals both of their fates, “I will always choose you.”
Upon hearing this, we see Elena go through a wide range of emotions in a very short amount of time. There is awe at the grandness of Damon’s remark, flattery, at the extent of his feelings for her, a deep affection for the man willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. It’s a powerful experience for Elena. But then . . . she SIGHS . . .
For me, the above-illustrated facial expression of Elena’s mimics the one Damon made, when he realized that he was going to force feed Elena his blood, and, in doing so, jeopardize his relationship with her. Likewise, Elena realizes that there is no way she will ever be able to convincce Damon to save Bonnie’s life over her own. And so, in this moment, she decides to de-stake Elijah.
Three times, before Elena leaves Damon’s room, we see her hesitate and turn back toward him, wanting to admit what she is about to do. There’s a big part of Elena that knows that de-staking Elijah could end up being a huge mistake. And that part of Elena wants to confess her plans to Damon, so that he can talk her out of them. But, ultimately, Elena’s desire to protect her friends . . . well . . . at least to protect Bonnie . . . wins out. And so, she leaves Damon’s room with a firm sense of purpose.
Examining this scene, side by side with the scene from “The Last Day,” even the casual viewer can see how truly alike Damon and Elena are in their way of thinging, their fierce protectiveness of others, and their courage in the face of all opposition. One thing is for sure, as a couple, these two will be unstoppable!
2. The Cuddle
Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2 X 22
Setting the Scene:
Having finally found a were-wolf bitten Damon, just hours away from death, Elena rushes him to the comfort of La Casa de Rich and Awesome. Huddled together in Damon’s bed, Damon and Elena silently vow to make every last minute between them count. Now is not the time for secrets.
No words can be left unsaid. No apologies can be left unspoken. No emotions can be left unburdened. But will these two intimately linked individuals — who have shared so much together, during the short time they have known one another — be able to confess their true feelings for one another, before it is too late?
Potent Quotables:
Elena: “It’s OK, Damon. I’m right here.”
Damon: “Elena, get out of here. I can hurt you.”
Elena: “No, you won’t. I’m here until the very end. I’m NOT leaving you . . . It’s OK . . . It’s OK”
Damon: “It’s NOT OK. All those years, I blamed Stefan. And no one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice . . . Tell Stefan I’m sorry, OK?”
Elena: “I will.”
Why it made the list:
As you might have noticed, Damon and Elena have been dancing around true displays of affection for one another, all season. There have been forehead kisses, hugs, hand and shoulder grabs, and even a little grinding on the dance floor. But it took Damon being moments from Death, for Elena to really give herself to him completely.
It is no accident that again, in the final moments of the Season 2 finale, Damon and Elena are huddled together in Damon’s bed. Watch as Elena lovingly holds Damon in her arms, cradling his body close to her with one arm, as she delicately blots the sweat from his brow with another.
Elena saw what Rose went through in her final hours. She recognizes the possibility that Damon, in this sickened state, could be a real danger to her. But Elena cares for Damon so much, that she is willing to put his needs before her own. And despite Damon’s pleas that she go, for her own good, Elena refuses to leave Damon’s side, even for a moment.
For Damon’s part, we can see in his eyes, how much he NEEDS Elena to be near him. And the fact that he asks her to leave, shows just as much selflessness on his part, as Elena’s staying does on hers. Because Damon has a lot to say to Elena. He has come to the realization that he is to blame for his own situation, and he needs Elena to know this before he dies. He also needs Stefan to know this.
Such is their honest relationship with one another that Elena never lies to Damon, and tells him that he’s going to survive this. She doesn’t sugar coat things for him. When Damon asks her to apologize to Stefan, she doesn’t tell him, “You can do it yourself, because you are going to live.” Rather, she just pulls him closer to her, and tells him that she will.
It’s tragic that it took a lethal illness to bring Damon and Elena to this place. Yet, it is somehow fitting. After all, Damon’s and Elena’s relationship has always been one built on intense emotions and extreme situations. And, sometimes it takes the threat of losing something to finally force you to realize that you can’t live without it.
1. THE KISS!
Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2 X 22
Setting the Scene:
[See description for #2 above. THIS spectacular scene takes place just one “commercial break” after THAT one. ;)]
Potent Quotables:
Damon: “This is even more pitiful than I thought.”
Elena: “There is still hope.”
Damon: “I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.”
Elena: “No, you don’t”
Damon: “I do, Elena. And it’s OK. Because if I would have chosen differently, I wouldn’t have met you. I’m so sorry. I did so many things to hurt you.”
Elena: “It’s OK. I forgive you.”
Damon: “I know you love Stefan. And that it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.”
Elena: “I do.”
Damon: “You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.”
Elena: “I like you now. Just the way you are.”
Damon: “Thank you.”
Elena: “You’re welcome.”
Why it made the list:
I don’t think it was a surprise to any of you, that this ended up being my number one scene. I mean, really, could Delena fans have asked for anything more. I mean, I couldn’t have been happier, if Damon and Elena stripped naked and had their way with one another, as the final credits were rolling (which is totally how Season 3 is going to end, by the way).
Season 1 ended with Damon kissing Elena . . . except it ended up NOT being Elena, but Katherine. So, it was extremely fitting that Season 2 would end with a REAL Delena kiss. The kiss itself was beautiful. The way that Elena snuggled up close to Damon, looked lovingly at his face, and leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the lips. While it was happening, Damon awoke from unconsciousness, a real life Sleeping Beauty, with a small but beautific smile on his face. His eyes fluttered, and his mouth opened into a slight “O” shape. He wasn’t expecting this. And then, he THANKED HER, for giving him the greatest gift she could ever give him.
And yet, for many fans, there was just as much of a gift in the words that preceded the kiss, as in the kiss itself. Damon has never been much for apologies. And yet, he is able to apologize twice to Elena in this episode, once at its beginning for the force-feeding, and here, for ALL of his wrong doing throughout the two seasons. So, when Elena FINALLY gives Damon the forgiveness he has been waiting for, it is a total and complete forgiveness. Completely gone are the grudges of seasons past. Elena and Damon are finally, once again, on an even playing field.
And it is because Damon and Elena are in this open and honest place, that Damon can FINALLY admit to Elena that he loves her, and allow her to REMEMBER it, thereby completing the circle started in Rose.
Back then, Damon made Elena forget his love, because he deemed his confession, “The most selfish thing he ever did.” But Damon’s new confession of love is not in the least bit selfish, because he doesn’t expect Elena to love him in return. Heck, he doesn’t even expect to live out the hour! Damon repeats Elena’s words to him from the Season Premiere. “I know you love Stefan . . . it will always be Stefan,” but he says them with no bitterness or ire. He’s made peace with his little brother, and Elena’s love for him. He simply believes that Elena has a right to know that he loves her more than life itself. Because that kind of love is a gift to be cherished, even if it cannot be returned.
Except . . . maybe it can, because Elena’s cycle of always pushing Damon to be the “Better Man” is closed in this scene too. That ends with Elena’s declaration that she likes him now, just the way he is, troubled, headstrong, impulsive, and deeply worthy of someone’s love. The threat of losing Damon has caused Elena to realize just how much she needs him in her life. And though Damon IS in fact a Better Man than the one we met in the pilot, he is still a flawed character.
But it are these flaws that bond Damon and Elena, and will undoubtedly continue to bond them throughout Season 3, as they cope with the guilt of their growing bond with one another, in Stefan’s absence, and struggle to ascertain what they mean to one another. In many ways, “As I Lay Dying,” was an end. An end of the Season, an end of the Sacrifice, and end of a very important period of personal growth for Damon. But in many other ways, it is a turning point.
And when Damon sits up in his bed at the end of the episode, and looks at Elena with new and healthy eyes, some would say his new life is just beginning . . . and so is hers.
So, there you have it, folks: my picks for the Top Ten Moments from the final 11 episodes of Season 2 of TVD. Which ones were YOUR favorites?
P.S. Has the TVD hiatus left you hungry for more SHIPPER-friendly Top Ten Lists? If so, be sure to check out my super talented, and often hilarious, blogger pal Cherie’s analysis of the Top Ten FORWOOD moments from Season 2. Trust me, you won’t regret it! The post is made of awesome. 🙂
Welcome back to McKinley High, Willy Wonka Kurt! Oh, how we missed your weird hats and increasingly bizarre wardrobe choices. May you never be saddled with the ignominy of a school dress code EVER AGAIN!
After last week’s “meh” episode, I think many of us Glee fans were hoping that this week’s Gaga-inspired 90-minute extravaganza would pack enough of an emotional, feel-good, punch to make us forget that “Night of Neglect” ever aired. And I’m proud to say, for this Gleek, at least, “Born this Way” delivered BIG TIME!
From the slightly preachy (but still important) overarching theme of acceptance, to the variety of fun and well-produced musical numbers, to the genuinely heartfelt, character-driven moments, this was an episode that hit every single mark that “Night of Neglect” missed.
So, what are we waiting for? Grab a chair, put on that unflattering white t-shirt that exposes your deepest darkest insecurities, and let’s get on with the recap!
It’s almost time for Nationals. And our Glee kids need to work on their dance moves! This sounds like a job for Mister Schue’s Rump-Shakin’ Booty Camp!
Yep, Will definitely strikes me as one of those people, who always make weird facial expressions, when they dance. . .
Unfortunately, for one Gleester that shall remain nameless . . .
And shirtless . . .
The term “dancing” actually means “wobbling around Weeble-style, while flapping your arms impatiently, like a bird who’s too fat to fly.”
This, of course, is SUPER embarrassing for Finn. But it’s even more unfortunate for Rachel, who has the bad luck of dancing behind Finn at Booty Camp . . .
If I didn’t know any better, I would think she was laughing at Finn’s dancing . . .
Finn accompanies Rachel to the doctor, who confirms her biggest fear: Her nose is broken. (Way to go, FINN!) On the bright side, Doctor Schnoz says this would be a PERFECT opportunity for Rachel to get a nose job to fix her “deviated septum.” (Isn’t that what they ALL say?)
Finn is completely against the idea of Rachel getting a nose job. (Then again, he might just be afraid she will ask him to pay for it, since this is, after all, ALL HIS FAULT.) Rachel, however, upon hearing that having the surgery might actually expand her vocal range, while making her more marketable as an actress, due to her “enhanced appearance,” seems open to the idea . . .
I smell a Life Lesson approaching . . .
Puffy Pyramid Nipples (and other things we’d like to change about the Glee kids.)
“Come on Finn! Let me cop a feel! My first girlfriend was in love with YOU, and my second one ended up being a lesbian. You are pretty much my only hope of getting to Second Base, before I graduate.”
Rachel’s Nose Job Dilemma sparks controversy among the Glee kids. (Riiight, because whether someone chooses to have cosmetic surgery, should TOTALLY be up to the members of their after-school club.) Heading up Team Schnoz Keeper we have Mr. Schue, Puck, and, of course, Finn.
Batting for Team for Team Schnoz Chopper Upper are Mercedes (who believes that the thing that makes you different, is also the one that crushes your spirit) and Santana.
In classic Santana Style, the latter proceeds to detail all the things that, according to her, the other Glee kids SHOULD want to change about themselves . . .
Santana Lopez: Making people feel like crap, since 1994 . . .
You can always count on Sue Sylvester and Santana Lopez to fulfill Glee‘s weekly quota of Politically Incorrect / Slightly Racist / Definitely Prejudiced jokes. But since Sue was “absent” this week, Santana got stuck doin the job, all by herself. Fortunately, she got them all out of the way in a single scene. Always one for efficiency (I expect she’s this way in bed, as well. Right Brittany?), Santana potentially offends the entire Asian, Jewish, and “differently abled” population, by calling Tina out, for the shape of her eyes, Rachel, for the size of her nose, and the wheelchair-bound Artie, for the generally not “useful” nature of his legs.
But my favorite diss of all, just so happened to be the one directed at Finn . . . and his “Puffy Pyramid Nipples.” But Santana didn’t just name Finn’s rare “nipular condition,” she went on to describe it in great detail. “They look like they’re filled with custard. You could dust them with powdered sugar, and they could pass for some sort of dessert.”
*clears throat*
All this talk about dessert, must have made Trouty Mouth Bieber Wanna Be Sam very horny hungry, because he uses this as an opportunity to fondle Finn’s man boobs. (See picture at the top of this section.)
Sam Evans: Inappropriately grabbing at other people’s nips since 1996.
Since we are already on the topic of equating food with sex . . .
Ever since LAST WEEK, when Will (1) got dumped by Gwyneth Paltrow; and (2) found out that Emma was single again AND had never consummated her marriage to Dr. Carl, he has CLEARLY been putting some serious effort into breaking the wrought iron padlock on Emma Pillsbury’s pantalones! I mean, why ELSE would he spend multiple lunch hours SCRUBBING EMMA’S FRUIT FOR HER?
“Rub my raspberries, Will, HARDER . . . HARDER!”
Alas, I think our Schue is starting to get a bit impatient with the virginal object of his affections. And so, he broaches with Emma the subject of her getting laid professional help for her obsessive compulsive disorder. Unfortunately, like most addicts, Emma is not quite willing to admit that she has a Sex Grape Washing Problem. “I wasn’t born this way,” Emma explains, as if that changes ANYTHING!
But WAIT . . . maybe it DOES!
“The Glee kids shouldn’t be insecure about their trouty mouths, eagle beaks, and puffy pyramid nipples! Because they were BORN THIS WAY,” Will thinks to himself. (Hey, isn’t that the title of a LADY GAGA SONG?)
“I was born with a slab of raw meat on my head . . .”
And so begins Schue’s quest to teach his Glee kids a lesson about ACCEPTANCE . . . through singing, of course!
Santana Saves the Gay Day!
While most of the Glee kids seem to be struggling with insecurities based on their personal appearance, Santana is coping with a much deeper issue, her closeted homosexuality. Public labels aside, our Queen B*tch still wants very badly to reunite with the love of her life Brittany, who is still dating Artie. And, somehow, Santana thinks if she wins the title of Prom Queen, she will also win back Brittany. But how does someone so HORRIFICALLY MEAN get elected to Prom Queen? Well, by doing something REALLY nice, of course!
Santana decides that if she wants to win the support of her fellow Gleeks, she needs to get Kurt out of Dalton Academy, and back into New Directions, in time for Nationals. But to do that, she needs to “tame” Big Bully Karofsky. When Santana catches Karofsky ogling Sam’s ASS in the hallways at school, she develops an idea . . .
Santofsky?
Santana invites Karofsky out to lunch, and gives it to him “straight.” “I know you are gay . . . I saw you checking out Sam’s ass,” she tells him matter-of-factly. Though Karofsky initially denies Santana’s accusations, when she comes out of the closet to HIM, and offers that the two gays be eachother’s “beards,” in order to use their joint popularity to win Prom King and Queen, Karofsky agrees. Of course, the fact that Santana threatens to OUT the guy in front of the whole school, if he doesn’t comply with her demands, certainly adds to the persuasion aspect.
“I SO want to Slushee you, right now!”
At Santana’s instruction, Karofsky issues a not particularly heartfelt, but VERY convincing, apology to the Glee kids for bullying them all. He claims to have been “cured” of all meanness, by the love of a good lesbian woman. Together, Santana and Karofsky vow to put a stop to bullying in their school, by starting a sort of Anti-Bullying Guardian Angel Association called . . . get this . . . the “Bully Whips,” complete with RIDICULOUS UNIFORMS, who’s flashy hideousness would make Kurt proud . . .
“Those Bully Whips berets are ‘GORGE’, but a bit plain for my taste. Do you think they come in rainbow colors?”
Speaking of Kurt, in furtherance of Santana’s Master Plan, Karofsky reaches out to him, by way of an apology. Promptly, another school meeting is called to determine if Kurt feels safe enough under the same roof as Karofsky to return to McKinley High. Kurt’s awesome dad, Burt, is in attendance . . .
. . . as is Doctor Arzt fromLost Karofsky’s dad, Principal Figgins, and the seemingly omnipresent Mr. Schue . . .
After hearing promises from both Karofsky, himself, and the “reformed bully’s” father, that he is a “changed man,” Kurt asks to speak to Karofsky privately.
“You’re not going to try and kiss me again, are you, Karofsky? Because, in case you haven’t noticed, I have an INSANELY HOT BOYFRIEND, now. Just sayin.'”
Kurt may be young, but he’s had enough life experience to know bullsh*t, when he smells it. And so, with some gentle anal probing, Kurt eventually gets Karofsky to come clean about his and Santana’s nefarious plans to rule McKinley High from the inside of a closet. Kurt is admittedly impressed . . .
“It’s all so deliciously EEEEEVVVIIILLLL!” Mwah-ha-ha-ha!”
However, Kurt still thinks the viewing audience Karofsky must become educated in the Ways of the Gay. And so, as a condition of Kurt’s returning to McKinley High, he makes Karofsky promise to start with him a chapter of PFLAG – Parents, Friends, and Family of Lesbians and Gays. Karofsky agrees, and the Public Service Announcement Portion of the Episode is almost over.
Cut to the next day, where all the paperwork has miraculously been filed, Burt Hummel received a FULL refund on his MASSIVE private school tuition payment, and Kurt is back at McKinley High . . . somewhere only he knows . . .
But WAIT! Blaine is there TOO . . . and so are the REST OF THE WARBLERS!
“How could that be? I thought the Warblers were only allowed off campus for musical competitions and select trips to the Gap?”
Random Warbler 1: “What’s with all these men in long hair, skirts, and makeup? Is this a Drag Queen School?”
Random Warbler 2: “Umm, actually . . . I think those are REAL girls.”
Random Warbler 1: “Blaine? I have a feeling we are not in Dalton anymore.”
Now, isn’t this sweet? Blaine, who by now has undoubtedly forced his poor enslaved Warblers to sing for so many of his crushes, they are probably all plotting to kill him in his sleep, has commandeered his posse to sing a fond farewell to erstwhile Dalton-ite Kurt, to the tune of Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know.”
“Hop inside my Extra Large Mouth, and I will take you for a ride you will never forget.”
I’m going to paste a link to this performance here. Be prepared to be moved to tears, and Ugly Cry Faces . . .
“I can’t believe Kurt is leaving the Warblers!”
“I can’t believe they didn’t put me in this scene!”
After the song, Kurt gives Blaine one final embrace, before sort of, but not really, saying goodbye to him until 3:00 p.m., when they will meet in Blaine’s bedroom and make sweet, sweet love to one another.
So, I guess it’s fitting that the next scene features Kurt singing Sunset Boulevard’s “As if We Never Said Goodbye.” (Although, actually, the song’s lyrics seem to more accurately reflect Kurt’s feelings about McKinley High, than Blaine.)
(To be honest, I was never a big fan of the “Show Tunes,” so I kind of tuned out on this one. I liked the sentiment though!)
In other news . . .
Follow Your Heart (Not Your Nose.)
So, remember when I told you that Rachel was considering getting a nose job to fix her “deviated septum?” Well, as it turns out, she doesn’t want just ANY OLD NOSE, she wants Quinn’s nose. Rachel even goes so far as to invite Quinn with her to her Rhinoplasty consultation, so that Rachel could ascertain what she would look like with Quinn’s nose on her face. (It’s kind of like that movie Face Off . . . only with less Nicholas Cage.)
Given all that, it makes sense that Quinn and Rachel decided to take time off from fighting over Finn and decided to fight over Puck sing a duet mashup of TLC’s “I Feel Pretty” and Westside Story’s “I Feel Pretty.” Oh yeah . . . this one made me cry too!
You can find a link to their performance here. (Just be sure to have your Kleenex handy!)
It’s not until Rachel passes out PICTURES OF HERSELF wearing her new nose, that Team Schnoz Keeper REALLY starts to up its game. First, Finn tells Rachel she is beautiful. (All together now: “Awwww!”)
thenm, Tina tells Rachel that she has decided to be an Asian Sex Symbol, and proceeds to make out with Mike Chang in front of everyone!
(OK . . . so that wasn’t really helpful to Rachel. But, honestly, this is about as useful as we’ve seen these two character be, in the past season and a half.)
Then Puck accosts Rachel in the Lady’s Room to tell her that chopping off her nose would be an affront to Hot Jews EVERYWHERE!
With Kurt’s help, Puck stages a Barbra-vention at the Eagle Rock Plaza Mall in Glendale, California. some mall in Ohio.
What’s a Barbra-vention, you ask? Well, basically, it’s a remake of Artie’s Safety Dance Number (which took place at the SAME MALL) where Puck, Kurt, and a whole bunch of strangers, dance around the food court to Duck Sauce’s song “Barbra Streisand.”
Never heard of the Barbra Streisand song? Oh, it’s a very eloquent tune . . . and by “eloquent” I mean it contains THREE WORDS (well . . . actually, one name, one consonant, and one vowel). Please allow me to teach it to you. It goes, “Woooooooooo Woooooooo, BARBRA STREISAND.” And . . . that’s it.
No, I’m NOT kidding you, Damon Salvatore! It’s actually a pretty good song. But I must admit, hearing it didn’t make me not want a nose job. To each his own, I guess . . .
Long story short, Rachel ended up not getting a nose job. Team Schnoz Keepers, for the WIN . . . and, of course, Barbra Streisand.
In other sing-y and dance-y news (And, yes, I recognize what a LAME segway that was!), Finn and Mike showed off their respective lack of singing and dancing ability in their performance of Sammy Davis Jr.’s “Gotta Be Me.” During the performance, Finn sang well and danced REALLY badly, while Mike dance well, but didn’t sing at all. In other words, it was exactly like EVERY OTHER MUSIC NUMBER IN WHICH MIKE CHANG HAS TAKEN PART SINCE THE PILOT . . .
You can check out a link to the performance here:
(Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything at all against Sammy Davis, Jr., may he Rest in Peace. But, since this week’s Glee song selection did appear to be a bit 60’s tune heavy, does anybody else think Genesis’ “I Can’t Dance” would have been a slightly modern (and way more fun) choice for this duo? Just a thought . . .)
But it wasn’t just the students at McKinley High who were staring down their insecurities, Emma Pillsbury was too!
Who’s Down with OCD? (Yeah, you know Emma!)
(By the way, special thanks MUST go out to the Wemma Love Tumblr for (perhaps unknowingly) helping me out MAJORLY with this recap. Every awesome Will and Emma GIF you see here, undoubtedly comes from THERE. So, if Wemma is your SHIP, you now know where to sail . . .)
So, as you recall, Will has spent much of the episode trying to get Emma to admit she’s got a problem with the Excessive Cleanliness Thing, and that it is keeping her from having hot Schue Sex living a happy and productive life. But when Will encourages Emma to join the rest of the class in making a t-shirt that portrays her biggest insecurity, she DOESN’T (at least, initially) choose “OCD.” Instead, she chooses . . . THIS . . .
At lunch, Will REALLY lets Emma have it for the whole Ginger / OCD Thing! In fact, he gets all up her grill with his dirty, unwashed fruit, and accuses her of being an “expert of deflection,” who’s afraid to face her own biggest insecurities.
“My fruits may be dirty, but I assure you that my tongue is very clean.”
The Tough Love seems to work on Emma, who, at Will’s coaxing, seeks professional help for her compulsions, even going as far as to accept medication to minimize their symptoms. At the end of the episode, Emma DOES find the courage to proudly wear her “OCD” t-shirt. After getting INSANELY turned on by watching Emma “strip” into said shirt (Dont’ hold your breath Schuester . . . those legs have been closed for 32 years. And it’s going to take a lot more than some choice words and a pill to pry them open.), Will happily grabs her ungloved (baby steps!) hand, and leads her on to the dance floor. And, for those of you wondering what WILL’s biggest insecurity is, well . . . wonder no more!
(It gives the term Butt Face a whole new meaning!)
Speaking of Butt Faces . . . In Lauren Zizes’ news . . . (I’m sorry, guys. She just REALLY bugs me.)
Quinn Gets the Sympathy Vote (?)
Now, if you went to (or currently go to) high school with girls like Quinn and Santana, you are probably not surprised that either of these girls has their heart set on Prom Queen. But you MAY be surprised to hear that Lauren Zizes wants the title as well. After all, she was Little Miss Toddler’s in Tiaras back when she was three. So clearly, she has the pedigree for the job . . .
Being the Whipped Puppy he seems to become, everytime he comes within three feet of Zizes, Puck decides to help Lauren win the crown.
PUCK: “Hey, Selfish! Ever think of doing something for ME, for a change?”
LAUREN: “Oh, you’re still here? I could have sworn our characters would be broken up by now.”
PUCK: “Word.”
Initially, Lauren actually looks like she has a good shot at winning the title. After all, she’s clearly a fan favorite among the outcasts and misfits. But then, Lauren has to go and fight dirty, by digging up an old picture of Quinn from her middle school days, and posting it all over the school . . .
Ummm . . . yeah, so apparently Quinn’s real name is “Lucy”, and she used to be (gasp!) not-so-hot. She also was given the unfortunate nickname Lucy Caboosey, by some of her crueler classmates. So, when it came time to go to high school, Quinn changed schools . . . and her name . . . and her NOSE (How do ya like them apples, Rachel?) She also, obviously, went on a MAJOR starvation diet. And that’s how Quinn became the shallow biatch we know and love(?) today.
Well, of course, Quinn is MORTIFIED to have this intel out in the open . . .
As luck (and karma) would have it, however, Lauren’s plan to ruin Quinn’s chances at becoming Prom Queen end up backfiring!
(I know! I can’t believe I’m actually rooting for Quinn, either! I guess my frustration with Glee’s recent Zizes Overload does this to me.)
Once the school sees what Quinn USED to look like, they instinctively find her more likeable and relatable. Suddenly, she’s gone from being someone to despite and envy, to an Inspirational Figure. (Take THAT, ZIZES!)
In a sweet final moment of the episode, Finn turns to girlfriend, Quinn, and shows him the Lucy Caboosey picture he now keeps in his wallet. “This is the only picture I have of you, where I can really see you,” he explains.
Then they makeout . . .
. . . which kind of makes me want to go dig up photographs of MY AWKWARD STAGE (assuming I’m not still in it), so that I can show incriminating pictures of myself to hot boys, and they will start making out with ME too! (Hey, it could happen!)
Moments before the final dance number of the evening, which, as promised by The Schue at the beginning of the episode, is to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way,” we get to see what everybody put on their Insecurities T-shirts. I think my favorite of these came from Brittany (who’s shirt said “I’m with Stoopid, with an arrow pointing to her head) and Puck (who’s shirt ALSO said “I’m with Stoopid, with an arrow pointing to his other head). L
ess impressive was Artie’s shirt that said “Four Eyes” (Zzzzz), and Tina’s shirt that said “Brown Eyes” (Really? Because, last I checked, THREE QUARTERS of the population has those). Here are is a composite of the rest of the Gleek’s shirts . . . (Thanks oddles, GLEEIFS Tumblr!)
Not taking part in the dance number is a pouty Santana, who is still lodged firmly in the closet, despite the fact that Brittany made her a “Lebanese” t-shirt. (Get it? Lebanese? Don’t forget, this is Brittany we are talking about here!)
Santana: You don’t get a say in who I date anymore. Brittany: Why not? Because I’m dating somebody? Because you’re Lebanese, and I think I’m bi-curious? Santana: No, because I said I love you. You didn’t say you love me back. Brittany: I do love you. Clearly, you don’t love you as much as I do, or you’d put this shirt on, and you would dance with me.
Wait . . . did she say “dance?”
Although there was no Horizontal Mambo for Brittana this week, there was a final tribute to Lady Gaga. And you can enjoy it, in all its “Be Yourself” Glory, by clicking on this external link:
So, my fellow Gleeks . . . tell me . . . what’s on YOUR Insecurities T-shirt? 😉
“OK, men of Gossip Girl! The race to my bed (and into my panties) begins RIGHT NOW! On your mark . . . get set . . .GO!”
Welcome back, Upper East Siders! Congratulations on surviving yet another interminable GG hiatus! To reward your patience, Blair, Chuck, Serena, Dan and the rest of the gang (which, obviously, does NOT include Vanessa, because Vanessa sucks Monkey Butt) wish to share with you five BRAND NEW hours of makeouts, makeups, breakups, betrayals, conspicuous consumption, fights, schemes gone horribly awry, and, hopefully, at least one or two SUPER HOT SEX SCENES . . .
And while this week’s episode of Gossip Girl, wasn’t exactly the most action-packed I’ve seen, it did set the stage for what looks like it will be a riveting final third of the season.
So, slip into that ugly gold unitard, and smile for the camera . . . because this recap is about to begin!
Bed-ridden, Befuddled, and Bound for the Slammer . . .
“Have you really been in BED for the entire hiatus, Blair? How have you NOT flunked out of college yet?”
The episode begins with the media camped outside the van der Woodsen’s home, as a result of Lily having FINALLY turned herself into the police, for forging her daughter’s signature on a legal document stating that Boring Ben statutorily raped her, back in the day. Thank the LORD that storyline is FINALLY over!
SAYONARA, SUCKA!
Dorota, who knows how much Blair enjoys hearing about people who’s lives are worse than hers, traipses into Blair’s bedroom clutching the live news footage. But Blair wants NO part of Serena’s Family Shame. She is DEPRESSED, and, apparently, hasn’t left her bed for THREE WEEKS. Of course, Mama Eleanor and Step Papa Cyrus haven’t noticed, because that would require a level of parenting simply unheard of on this show.
“We have a daughter? So, THAT’S who’s been using the guest room all this time!”
Interestingly enough, Blair’s depression seems to have been triggered by the Saliva Swapping she engaged in with Dan Humphrey, about a month back . . .
That’s funny. This image caused widespread depression among most Chair fans too! Go figure!
Dorota, who assumes that Blair has “taken to her bed,” because she was fired from / quit her ridiculously unrealistic job as editorial assistant at W Magazine, gently reminds Blair that “Carmela Soprano” i.e. Edie Falco, didn’t become truly successful until age 40 . . .
The things you learn from watching Gossip Girl . . .
AGE FORTY?! That’s like 92, in GOSSIP GIRL YEARS! Fortunately, for Blair, she’s not going to have to wait that long. As if, on cue, the phone rings. It’s Epperley! Remember THAT useless plot device of a character?
“Cheers!”
Back from her Epic Quest for Love in Bali, and ready to work once more, Epperley is now working on a photo book entitled “Modern Royalty,” which will feature photgraphs’ of Manhattan’s most elite families. Now you would think that Blair, being a Waldorf, and the daughter of a famous fashion designer, would be the perfect person to be featured in that book. But, conveniently, NO! Epperley instead wants Blair to WORK at the shoot.
“You have GOT to be kidding me?”
It’s a real testament to how much Blair Waldorf has grown over the seasons, that, not only is the Queen B, NOT upset over her family not being featured in the book, she is also TOTALLY willing to help Epperley with the event. Soon after this phone conversation takes place, we learn that “hiring” Blair was not Epperley’s idea at all, but CHUCK’S!
“Game on, BITCHES!”
That’s right, boy and girls! After having had his head lodged firmly up his ass, for the past five episodes, during that whole Raina Thorpe / Bass Industries nonsense, Chuck Bass has FINALLY remembered what (or, perhaps, I should say WHO) is important in his life. And, now, he will stop at NOTHING to get what he wants . . .
“Someone told me something that made me want my own legacy, not my father’s. I can’t convince Blair of her place in it, until she’s feeling powerful again,” Chuck tells Epperley over the phone.
Chuck spends most of the early part of the episode calling various cast members to inquire after Blair. “What has she been up to, while I was chasing a poorly written storyline Raina? Has she been seeing anyone?” He wonders.
Watching these first scenes, I, of course, was THRILLED that Chuck was, once again, making a much-needed play for Blair’s heart (It’s about DAMN TIME!).
Yet, already, I feared Chuck wasn’t going about things the right way. Note to all you prospective suitors out there: If you want to know what the girl of your dreams has been doing while you were “away,” and whether or not she still feelings for you, ASK HER! Otherwise, there’s a good chance you won’t get the whole story. Unfortunately, Chuck’s inability to get the “whole story” was what ultimately foiled his chances at long-lasting romance, this week.
“DOH!”
Meanwhile, over in Brooklyn, Dan and Mini van der Woodsen are wearing matching Farmer Flannel Shirts . . .
Weird . . .
With Nate over at the Bass Penthouse boning Raina, Poor Lonely Boy is lacking a dumping ground for his Girl Problems. The sensitive (and currently storyline free) Mini VDW seems like a solid choice for the job of Dan’s Shrink of the Week. “I kissed Blair,” Dan confesses, causing Eric (an obvious Chair fan) to double over in hysterical laughter.
Though Dan claims the kiss meant nothing, he does seem more than a bit curious as to how Blair felt about it, since she supposedly said NOT ONE WORD, after it occurred. (Not a good sign Dan . . . NOT a good sign.) Eric of course, sees right through his stepbrother’s false bravado. “Omigod,” he exclaims, “You are ASS BACKWARDS crushing on Blair!”
“Well, duh! Isn’t EVERYBODY on this show?”
Meanwhile, back at Lily’s place . . .
You Stay Classy, van der Woodsens!
Meet Lily van der Woodsen, and two of her FIVE husbands. Eat your heart out, Big Love!
While, the Waldorfs may not be “”sophisticated” enough to be included in the “Modern Royalty” book, Soon-to-be Convict Lily and Slutty Serena sure ARE! However, since it is technically the “Rhodes” family, and not the van der Woodsens’ who will be featured in the book, this gives Lily’s Evil Mother Cece an excuse to invite Lily’s estranged older sister, Carol, to be included in the picture. Though Carol seemingly wants NOTHING to do with Lily’s hoity toity Manhattan lifestyle, she, apparently, isn’t disgusted enough by it, to give up the opportunity to have her picture featured in a book celebrating the most Most Obnoxiously Wealthy Families in America.
“What do you say we have a Botox Party to celebrate? For old time’s sake?”
Blatant hypocrisy aside, Sister Carol won me over immediately, due largely to her unparalleled ability to rip Lily’s upper crust lifestyle to shreds, in a manner that was both extremely effective and undoubtedly hilarious. Ways in which Carol verbally slayed Lily included: (1) referring to Dr. VDW and Rugus as husbands numbered 1 and 5, respectively; (2) talking to Serena about her mother’s Brazilian wax jobs; (3) coming up with increasingly creative ways to “subtly” make reference to Lily’s impending jail time; and (4) suggesting that the theme for the family picture be Chicago, a broadway show, which also stars a hardened female criminal.
So, why would the “Modern Royalty” book want a dysfunctional family like Lily’s featured within its pages? Actually . . . they don’t. The book publishers call to cancel the photo shoot, shortly after Carol enters the building. Feeling sympathetic to a heartbroken Lily, Dr. VDW promises her that he will “work on it.”
Good Luck, Charlie!
Oh, look! Another seemingly innocent blonde, who’s about to become corrupted by the UES lifestyle, and will eventually go batsh*t crazy, and try to ruin Serena’s life, as a result. Because we’ve never seen THAT before, right?
Downstairs, in the lobby of the high rise where she lives, Serena is accosted by a young woman who looks SO much like her, they could be related. “My family is not talking to the press,” asserts Serena haughtily, who’s self-absorbed arrogance convinces her that everyone in the world is a reporter, who’s life’s purpose is to interview HER.
As it turns out, “Charlie” is NOT a reporter! And she IS related to Serena. In fact, she’s Carol Rhodes’ daughter, which makes her Serena’s cousin. Curious about the EEEEVVVIL branch of her family that her mother never allowed her to meet, Charlie decided to secretly follow her mother to New York City, and find out about the van der Woodsen’s for herself. So, Serena decides to bond with her long-lost relative the only way she knows how having sex with her: They go SHOPPING!
Though not as deliciously nasty as Carol, the socially awkward Charlie also endeared herself to me, with HER characterization of the van der Woodsen family! When asked by Serena, why her mother thought the VDW’s were “toxic,” Charlie replied, “Both you and your brother spent time in a mental institution. Your dad gave your mom Fake Cancer. And your mom sent some teacher to prison, just so you could get into a fance boarding school.”
“You forgot the part where my mother and I slept our way through every eligible (and some not-so-eligible) bachelors in the tri-state area!”
Meanwhile, Lily and Carol are, back at the house, strolling down memory lane as they flip through pictures of the failed pilot episode starring these two as teens them, from when they were growing up together, back in the 80’s.
This segways into a random discussion about a childhood dance routine (which Lily and Carol actually PERFORM for the camera . . . and it looks a little something like this) . . .
. . . and . . . get this . . . the Gold Unitards they wore during it. Suddenly, Lily and Carol are ready to Spend Obscene Amounts of Money on Things They Don’t Need too . . . like Gold Unitards, which NO ONE over the age of FIVE should wear . . . trust me! Of course, while shopping, Lily and Carol run into Serena and Charlie . . .
AWK-WARD!
Carol immediately begins scolding Charlie, in public, rambling on about how she doesn’t want HER daughter tainted by this Terrible Horrible Filthy Rich lifestyle to which the rest of the “Rhodes” family is already accustomed. She then forces Charlie to return all the FABULOUS clothes she purchased (not to mention the priceless “family heirloom” Serena gave her) and head back to their spaceship HOUSE BOAT in Miami, ASAP.
But just when it seems like all hope of a family reunion is lost, Serena overhears CeCe remind her daughter Carol that SHE too has been receiving checks from Grandma Cruella Deville. for YEARS! Serena tells Charlie this, which quickly prompts the young woman’s rebellion / decision to stay on the Upper East Side for a little while to cause more trouble for the Gossip Girl cast, like all recurring guest stars inevitably do“get to know her family.”
“Toto, I don’t think we are on the House Boat, anymore!”
Experiencing guilt over being such a hypocritical BIATCH to her own baby sister, Carol ultimately agrees to let Charlie stay with the VDW’s. (She even promises to visit Lily, while she’s in jail and smuggle her in pot brownies. I KNEW I liked this chick, for a reason!)
Of course, this is not before Carol ominously refers to some “event” that resulted in Charlie having to leave college, and warns her sister, Lily, to “watch out for [Charlie].” Later, we see Carol leering at Charlie, as she flirts with Dan Humphrey, for the first time. UH OH! I think we all know where THIS is going . . .
“I REFUSE to be ignored, Lonely Boy!”
Oh, and just in case you actually cared, the van der Woodsen / Rhodes ultimately got to take their picture for the Modern Royalty book. Dan was in the photograph, but Raccoon Zombie Jenny wasn’t, or Chuck, for that matter. How RUDE!
Hey! Where are the Gold Unitards I was promised?
Speaking of family affairs you don’t really give two craps about, Nate Archibald is going to help Raina go on a mission to find her long lost mother, who, as we know, is (unbeknownst to Raina) burnt to a crisp, and dead as a doornail.
I hope they bring a shovel!
Finally, in the story you’ve all been waiting for . . .
Chuck wins back Blair . . . and loses her . . . again . . . in a matter of minutes
DAN: “Are you here to fight for Blair’s honor?”
CHUCK: “Nah, I just need to use your bathroom. I have to piss like a racehorse!”
No one’s secrets are safe on Gossip Girl. And when Blair admits to Epperley that she has experienced a “kiss that profoundly changed her,” Epperley immediately texts that information to Chuck. So, of course, Chuck heads out, to find out who owns the “life changing lips” in question. He visits Humphrey first. And, within, minutes, the latter is just rambling on and on (and on . . . and on) about how WONDERFUL Blair is. Chuck puts two and two together, and figures out that Dan Humphrey’s lips are the “Evil Culprits.”
“Yes, he can kiss you. But the question is, can he give you HOT LIMO SEX?”
Determined to show up the competition, Chuck gets Epperley to invite Dan to the “Modern Royalty” photo shoot, under the guise of his being featured in the “up-and-comer” section. Poor Misguided Humpty Dumpty immediately assumes that it was Blair that got him included in the book. So, of course, he is thrilled at the prospect of her returning his affections.
“She likes me! She REALLY likes me!”
However, upon arriving at the shoot, Humphrey learns from Blair, herself, that this is NOT the case.
“DOH!”
In fact . . . get this . . . Dan’s kiss was ONLY life-changing, in the sense that it made Blair realize that she NEVER WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN! (Ouch!) In fact, the only man she EVER wants to swap saliva with, for the rest of eternity, is . . . wait for it . . . CHUCK BASS!
But then, OF COURSE, Chuck, being CHUCK, has to go SCREW EVERYTHING UP, by confronting Blair with his extremely snobbish, and arrogant, scheme to show her that “Humdrum Humphrey” is not part of “their world.”
(Dammit CHUCK! You were SO CLOSE! Why did you have to go and a be a . . . word that rhymes with your name, and starts with “F?” )
“Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he’s not a child,” argues Blair, before stomping off.
In an attempt to right his wrongs, Chuck later brings Blair into his dressing room and screws her brains out, like only he can shows her the original Princess Diana dress he bought for her (sweet . . . yet . . . at the same time . . . slightly morbid?). You see, Chuck wants Blair to be in his photo for the “Modern Royalty” shoot, because SHE is his family . . .
All together now . . . “Awwwwwww!”
“We can build our futures together,” says Chuck.
“That’s funny. Because, this morning, I came to same conclusion. I was ready to be with you. I thought you changed, but I can see you are not ready,” says Blair sadly.
She then exits stage left, leaving Chuck and his beautiful dress, all by themselves, thereby forcing the Big Bass to pose solo for the loneliest family portrait EVER!
Man, these characters can be SO frustrating sometimes!
Later, Blair confronts Dan, to apologize for the dirty trick Chuck played on him, and for telling Chuck that their kiss meant absolutely nothing, RIGHT IN FRONT OF DAN! TO Dan’s credit, he takes rejection REALLY well. (I mean, given his history on this show, he’s GOTTA be used to this by now . . .)
Heck, Dan was just happy Blair compared kissing him to kissing a DOG instead of a TOAD . . . (Talk about setting low standards for yourself!)
But wait! SOMEONE was listening in on Blair’s and Dan’s private conversation! Golly gee, I wonder who it could BE?
SURPRISE! It’s MAN-NESSA, the Psycho Stalker who Lives to Snoop, and who just so happened to be present at the photo shoot, as part of her NefariousPlan to Continually Cock Block Every Male on this Show! internship.
GG fans, I’m seriously thinking of starting a campaign to get this character hit by a BUS? Anybody with me?
But it’s not bad enough that Man-nessa eavesdrops on Dan’s and Blair’s conversation. SHE then decides, despite the fact that both members of the lip-locking party explicitly tell eachother that the kiss they shared meant nothing, to CALL SERENA and rat them out to HER!!!!
I’m serious about the whole Hit by a Bus Thing, by the way . . . Or, maybe Chuck can throw her off the Empire State Building! That would be pretty cool, right?
The inability of Man-nessa to stay out of my favorite characters’ lives for any extended period of time, even though NOBODY LIKES HER ON THE SHOW, is doing something strange to me . . . it’s actually making me MISS THE RACCOON ZOMBIE!
Oh, the horror!
At the end of the episode, Dorota tucks a very distraught Blair back into bed. “Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota?” Blair whines. “All I ever wanted was a simple fairytale. Kate Middleton has it! And I have much shinier hair than she does! Although, she does have a better assortment of hats . . .”
To this, the wise Dorota replies, “Destiny is full of surprises.”
And then, in a not-so-big-surprise at least if you read the spoilers, like I do, Prince Louis emerges from his limosine, outside Blair’s home, carrying the shoe she left him in Paris, in true Cinderella fashion . . .
It looks like the race for Blair Waldorf’s heart, just gained another runner! Better lace up those sneakers, Bass and Humphrey, because it looks like this one’s going to be a MARATHON. XOXO!
ELENA: “Psst . . . Bonnie . . . so I have this plan that’s going to make Delena fans and Bamon fans totally want to kill one another. It’s going to be SO COOL! Are you interested?”
BONNIE: “That depends . . . does it involve me having blood gushing out of my nose, and making constipated facial expressions, while I shoot bolts of light out of my fingertips? Because I really hate that . . .”
ELENA: “Umm . . . welllllll . . . yeah . . . But you also get to butt hump Damon on the dance floor, for a little while!”
BONNIE: “I’m IN!”
“Make Love . . . Not War.” That’s a saying you always hear people say, when they talk about the 60’s . . . and about the hippies, who made that era an extremely “groovy” (not to mention, REALLY SLUTTY) time to be alive. So, it’s fitting that this episode of TVD, which centers around a 60’s dance, was chock full of both love AND war. But you don’t really care about that, do you? You just want to watch Damon wiggling his butt in tight leather pants!
Shame on YOU! I was trying to teach you a HISTORY LESSON! Now, I know how Alaric feels (the REAL one)!
Yes, there was definitely something for EVERYONE in “The Last Dance.” For example, no matter what SHIP you are on, your favorite couple probably AT LEAST danced together tonight. (Except for Forwood! Sorry Forwood fans!) Your favorite character probably had at least one BAD ASS moment to shine on screen! And the character you HATE the most, probably had at least one scene, where he or she was either flatly rejected, or (SURPRISE!) thrown up against a wall!
Have you ever wondered who Steven R. McQueen pissed off in the TVD writer’s room, to ensure that (1) all Jeremy’s girlfriends get whacked; and (2) he gets his ass pummeled each week, by everyone from invisible witch girls, to middle aged men in Coke bottle glasses, to skinny 14-year old boys?
Though not quite as “plot heavy” as last week’s installment, “The Last Dance” was still an action-packed hour, complete with twists, turns, fights, cliffhangers, deaths, rebirths, and enough AWESOME Delena eye-f*&king to impregnate an entire COUNTRY of TVD fans, just from watching the show! romance to fuel fanfiction writers for the next YEAR AND A HALF, AT LEAST!
So, only one question remains, Fang Bangers, “May I have this dance?”
Playing House with AlarKlaus
You know what I really hate? When evil old vampires possess my History teacher, and he compels me to stab myself repeatedly in the knee! That just really sucks! (It also makes wearing short skirts very difficult.)
Well, that’s ONE way to get rid of cellulite!
When the episode begins, we check in on AlarKlaus, who, apparently, has moved into Alaric’s house (which I guess makes sense . . . I just thought someone of Klaus’ stature would choose more fancy digs, than what one can purchase on a high school teacher’s salary). Bunking with AlarKlaus is the kidnapped Katherine, and Klaus’ gay lover Sumo Warlock. It sure sounds like a party to me!
After railing on Alaric’s admittedly boring as all heck “Safari Sam” wardrobe . . .
Chunky Monkey, notwithstanding . . .
. . . AlarKlaus (who’s new voice and accent makes him sound much less like Yoda than he did last week . . . which is refreshing) starts trying to glean information about the Scooby Gang from a very grumpy-looking Katherine. Unfortunately, Katherine’s been kind on the outs with the Scooby Gang, ever since THIS happened . . .
and THIS . . .
. . . and let’s not forget THIS . . .
So, she doesn’t have very much information to GIVE!
In fact, the Katherine we see this week is a VERY different vamp, from the confident, in charge, villainess we saw in “Plan B,” who single-handedly maneuvered a Useless Aunt Jenna Suicide Attempt AND a Stelena Breakup, AND a Tyler werewolf curse activation, all without even breaking a sweat!
The Katherine of “The Last Dance” is someone who has very much been beaten at her own game — rejected by BOTH Salvatores, betrayed by her best (only?) friend, and kidnapped by AlarKlaus. It’s odd seeing a character who was once seemingly willing to DO anything, and betray ANYBODY, in order to stay alive, literally begging her tormentor for death. And yet, in requesting to be put out of her misery, the usually sly Katherine makes yet ANOTHER mistake! Because now that Klaus knows what Katherine WANTS, he’ll definitely make sure she doesn’t get it.
“I’ve been searching for you for 500 years. So, I’ll be sure to make your death take at least half that long,” AlarKlaus explains to a petrified Katherine. And that’s how AlarKlaus came to compel Katherine to stab herself in the leg . . . over . . . and over . . . and over again. “And if you get bored . . . switch legs,” he offers. “Don’t be so glum, Kat! The fun is just beginning!”
FUN, indeed!
FIRST he makes hilariously true jokes about Alaric’s bad wardrobe, and THEN he makes Katherine do the vampiric equivalent of a rat caught in a trap, who is forced to chew off its own legs. It’s OFFICIAL! AlarKlaus is about ten times cooler (not to mention, hotter) than the Useless Aunt Jenna-dating Alaric will EVER BE!
Ahhh, but can he DANCE?
It’s Time for a Knock-Knock Joke!
DAMON: “Knock, Knock!”
ELENA: “Who’s there?”
DAMON: “Damon”
ELENA: “Damon who?”
DAMON: “Damon, who wants to get into your pants.”
ELENA: “You may enter . . . them.”
Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome (which, thanks to some quick and dirty paperwork, has hereby, been redubbed Elena’s Casa de Rich and Awesome) the Salvatore brothers are standing on the front porch, waiting to be “invited” into the home that has LITERALLY been in their name for centuries. Last week, when Damon half-jokingly told Elena that he would be “really pissed” if she refused to invite him back into his own house, I just KNEW that comment was going to come back and bite him in the ASS!
And bite, it DID! Because while Elena let Stefan into the house, without giving him much thought or attention, for that matter, when it came Damon’s turn, she decided to use this as an opportunity to engage him in some HIGH QUALITY flirtation and eye f*&king, before he “crossed the threshhold” into HER home (and, inevitably, her panties).
“What are we twelve?” Damon asks, feigning annoyance, when he is secretly LOVING all the attention he is getting.
“One of us is,” says Elena, flirtatiously, blocking the door, and posing seductively, in a manner that would make doppelganger Katherine proud!
Elena makes Damon promise that he will OBEY the “owner of the house,” before allowing him to enter. Upon hearing this statement, my mind immediately fills up with KINKY S&M images of these two . . .
“Damon, you’ve been a VERY BAD BOY! You must OBEY ME! Say my name, B*TCH!”
Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot. Bonnie is at the house too. And because it’s Mystery Meat Day at the cafeteria, Elena and Bonnie have decided to make their biannual pilgrimage to school. Damon doesn’t want Elena to leave. He’d much rather OBEY her some more upstairs in one of the bedrooms. But Elena knows that the plot of this week’s episode requires her to attend at least one class, and lunch. So, she insists. “Next to Bonnie is the safest place I can be,” Elena offers helpfully.
Painfully Obvious Foreshadowing Moment #1
Journey to CougarTown
*sings* “Caroline’s mom has got it going on. She’s all I want, and I’ve waited for so. . .” Ick, nevermind!
Back at Caroline’s house, Matt Donavasshole has arrived. But he’s not there to visit to his girlfriend, like a normal red-blooded teenage boy would, he’s there to visit her, not particularly feminine, mother.
MATT: “Ms. Forbes, are you trying to seduce me?”
LIZ: “That depends . . . is it working?”
Apparently, Sheriff Lizard Forbes would very much like for Matt to keep boning her daughter, and playing dumb (Well, that part should be easy for him, at least!) about all the information Caroline told him last week. That’s right boys and girls! Lizard Forbes, not only knows HER own daughter’s secret, she also knows DAMONS . . . and STEFAN’S . . . and ELENA’S . . . and TYLER’S (Way to be discreet, CAROLINE!)
“I just need you to buy me some time, while I figure out how to dig myself out of this ridiculous Black Hole of a Plotline the writers have dug for our now ridiculously unlikeable characters.“
I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand this storyline AT ALL! I suspect the point of this conversation was to make fans of the show HATE Matt less. After all, he’s only doing what Caroline’s MOM wants him to do, right? Right?
WRONG! The fact that Matt is chosing his girlfriend’s MOTHER, over his actual girlfriend just makes him a Mama’s Boy, not to mention a TOTAL WEINERFACE POOPYHEAD!
At least last week, when I thought Lizard and Donovasshole actually had a PLAN, behind their manipulation and betrayal of Caroline, I was intrigued by their newfound villainy. Now, I’m just confused . . . and bored. In fact, let’s just forget the aforementioned scene ever happened, OK?
POOF! It’s been forgotten!
Don’t Know Much About History (But Know a Ton About Being CREEPY!)
Wanting to “lay eyes on his precious doppelganger,” AlarKlaus decides to head to school. Normally, of course, this would be the absolute WORST place to find Elena, since, as I mentioned, she’s NEVER THERE. But Elena IS at school today. So, when AlarKlaus, under the guise of Alaric, arrives at his history class, it gives him the perfect opportunity to ogle and leer inappropriately at Elena, the daughter of his ex-wife, and adopted daughter of his now-ex girlfriend. (Umm, yeah . . . because that’s not incestuous at all!)
“Care to join us, Elena? We were playing pin the tail on the Chunky Monkey.”
The funniest part of this scene, of course, was that, unlike vampire Stefan, who, during the pilot episode, was a walking encyclopedia of dates and events. New History Teacher AlarKlaus doesn’t remember a THING about the 60’s! He’s been around so darn long that individual decades don’t even register on his radar!
Not only can AlarKlaus not teach worth a DAMN, he also doesn’t know ANY of his students’ names, or what he was teaching in class the day before! Of course, nobody in the class, least of all Elena, thinks there is anything at all strange about this. Of course, I attribute this to the fact that the REAL Alaric is an alcoholic, who goes out drinking with Bromantic Buddy Damon every night, and always shows up to class wasted . . .
At lunch “Dana” or as I like to refer to her “Creepy Compelled Girl from the Promos,” asks Elena if she is going to the 60’s dance tonight. She then tells her that a “hot guy named Klaus,” who DOESN’T look like her history teacher, wants her to save the “last dance” for him.
“3 scenes, 3 lines. You know what that means, don’t you? SAG CARD, HERE I COME!”
By the way, did anybody else find it strange that AlarKlaus was “human,” in the sense that Bonnie would be capable of killing him rather easily, were it not for the use of a Protection Spell . . . and “human,” in the sense that he could, enter Elena’s house without an invitation (more on that later) . . . but “vampiric” in his ability to compel others? Now, maybe this is because compulsion is something that occurs in the mind, and not the body. And yet, I’ve always considered it to be an exclusively VAMPIRE power, which would mean that someone inhabiting Alaric‘s body, shouldn’t have been able to do it. Any thoughts?
The knowledge that Klaus has invaded Mystic Falls High and miraculously compelled an Extra to play his “wingman,” makes Elena cry we, we, we, we, we all the way back to her Casa de Rich and Awesome, to tell the rest of the Scooby Gang the bad news. I smell a Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation!
“Well Hi, There, Super Villain! Wanna kill me? Here’s HOW!”
So, remember how Damon used to be a member of the Let’s Kill All the Vampires in Mystic Falls Committee?
Well, it seems Klaus has taken a page out of the Salvatore Playbook, and has decided to join team Save Elena from Klaus . . .
It ends up being a BRILLIANT MOVE on Klaus’ part, actually. Not only is the Scooby Gang COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that AlarKlaus acts ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE ALARIC, they also proceed to carefully detail for him their Klaus-killing plan. Even though, presumably, Alaric himself, has probably heard it before (most likely during one of his and Damon’s LONNNNG nights of binge drinking).
“I’m the Plan of Attack,” says Bonnie, like the humble gal she is.
When AlarKlaus challenges Bonnie’s ability to kill a Big Bad Vampire like himself Klaus, Bonnie gladly proves him wrong, by doing THIS . . .
Look on the bright side, Damon. At least it wasn’t a Wall Slam!
After his fun with the Scooby Gang, AlarKlaus heads back to Alaric’s crib and proceeds to play with himself “Safari Sam’s” toys. Said toys include a SERIOUS arsenal of BAD ASS WEAPONRY . . .
(As we already knew.)
. . . and of course, lots of top quality liquor. (See, I told you he’s an Alchy!)
AlarKlaus worries out loud that Bonnie (or as he lovingly refers to her, the Witch B*tch) might actually be able to defeat him, by murdering Alaric’s body. So, Sumo Warlock comes up with the “brilliant” idea to “protect” AlarKlaus through a spell.
Alert the media! It speaks!
Once protected, Klaus can provoke Bonnie into using all her powers, thereby causing her to croak, just like the Great Witch Prophecy of Emily Bennett had said she would.
“Screw you too . . . EMILY!”
And this brings us to the night of the Next Last Dance . . .
Dance with the Devil (and everyone else on this show TOO!)
It’s 60’s Dance Night, and our Scooby Gang is trying to “blend in with the crowd,” and have fun, while, at the same time, “tracking down and kiling Klaus.” ALMOST everyone in the gang does a great job with the whole “Blending In” thing . . . except for . . . well . . .
You know you are a Major Buzzkill, when EVERYONE ELSE AT THE PARTY is wearing hot pants, and hippie outfits, and YOU show up dressed as an ASSASSINATED PRESIDENT, Matt DONAVASSHOLE! It’s called a THEME dance, not Halloween! Just sayin’!
Outside the dance, a still extremely concerned Jeremy tries to give Bonnie his Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality. (Gee, I wonder why he would think she would be in danger?)
Bonnie declines Jeremy’s “marriage to life” proposal . . .
DEN-IED!
. . . arguing that the ring only works on HUMANS and, as a witch, Bonnie is NOT exactly human. You know, for all the MASSIVE hatred of all things supernatural, Bonnie has exhibited in the past, admitting that she is somewhat of a “monster” herself, is a MAJOR step in the right direction for our girl, Bonnie! And you know what THAT means, don’t you?
Painfully Obvious Foreshadowing Moment #2
Meanwhile, a very efficient AlarKlaus, has already begun the arduous task of Making the Compelled Humans Do His Work For Him.(LA-ZY!) First, he “hires” “Dana” to give Elena the song dedication we witnessed in the promo. Then, he commandeers “Dana’s 14-year old date and his rather wimpy looking friends” to “make some extra extra credit.” AlarKlaus then slips this Second String Geek Squad some of Alaric’s gnarlier vampire hunting weapons (which reminds me, where the heck did AlarKlaus HIDE THOSE? In his TIGHT PANTS? A man purse, perhaps?) to carry out this week’s Mini Gilbert Smackdown.
But still, through it all, Damon is not impressed, and he tells AlarKlaus as much . . .
While, AlarKlaus goes and cries in his punch bowl, at Damon’s rejection of his villainy, Damon himself tries to IMPRESS his lady friends, with his Mad Dancing Skills, the excellence of which we are already well aware . . .
Unlike AlarKlaus, who’d much prefer a more “prim and proper” decade, like the 20’s, Damon genuinely seems to feel at home in the 60’s. (I attribute this to the leather pants.) And when he sees that his soon-to-be lover Elena is not enjoying herself quite as much as she should be, he sets out to change that, in one of my FAVORITE Delena moments of the episode . . .
In a move that many of us Delena fans would like to view as a “foreshadowing of things to come,” Damon QUITE LITERALLY spins Elena away from Stefan’s arms, and into his own. Elena is shocked, and pleasantly surprised by the gesture. So, she shows her appreciation, by ogling Damon’s manparts, and staring at his eyes and lips, as if she would very much like to swallow them all whole.
(Might I remind you that THIS is Ponytail Elena! And, as we learned in “Daddy Issues” Ponytail Elena is ALWAYS down for Sexy Times with Damon!)
“You are very good at this,” says a Breathless Elena, as the tension of being stalked by Klaus starts to leave her body, and a DIFFERENT kind of tension, begins to build DOWN BELOW. Damon further diffuses Elena’s discomfort, by offering up a bit of that patent snarky humor of his we all enjoy so much . . .
“Remember the LAST Dance we went to, where the vampires were all like ‘Arrrrrgh’ and you were all like ‘AHHHHHH?”
I’m not even making that up! Damon ACTUALLY says these words to Elena! And it’s pretty friggin hilarious! But Damon is not just saying it, to give fans of the show a little Season 1 flashback . . .
Memories . . . like the corners of my mind . . . misty water-colored memories . . . of the way we were!
He says it to remind Elena that she’s on the SCOOBY GANG! And the Scooby Gang ALWAYS wins in the end! GO TEAM!
Having already swept Elena off her feet, Damon turns his attention to more practical matters. And so begins his Ass Grind Fest with Bonnie Bennett, while the pair whisper Sweet Klaus Magical Murder Schemes in one another’s ears . . .
Ponytail Elena, of course, is NOT AT ALL COOL with this! No one is going to ASS GRIND with Damon, besides HER! “What are THOSE TWO up TO?” Ponytail Elena asks Jeremy pointedly, her kitty claws, ready to scratch Bonnie’s eyes out . . .
Ooh, I bet Damon LOVES it when she gets jealous!
A Broody Jeremy leaves the dance promptly. So, Sensitive Stefan, always the group’s unofficial shrink, rushes to comfort him. It is there, that Jeremy finally spills the beans on Bonnie’s Deadly Witch Sacrifice Plans. So, of course, Stefan blabs to Elena. And Elena confronts Bonnie. And it becomes this BIG OLE Game of Telephone, Scooby Gang style!
Elena pulls Bonnie aside, and tells her, once and for all, that she is NOT dying to save Elena’s life. But Bonnie notes, not unkindly, that Elena would do the same thing for her. And Elena can’t deny this . . . There is crying, and hugging, and all sorts of HO-mantic goodness . . . and all while Poor Jeremy is getting his ASS HANDED to him, by a bunch of twerps, for the 85,000th time this season. But when Damon and Stefan come to his rescue, they figure out pretty quickly that the twerps were compelled, and that this is all ONE BIG TRAP.
Meanwhile, “Alaric” has come outside to inform Elena and Bonnie that “Klaus has Jeremy.” They quickly follow him back inside the school. Ruh-ROH!
The Showdown!
I love how INCREDIBLY long it took Elena and Bonnie to finally figure out that Klaus had possessed Alaric’s body. In fact, when AlarKlaus, who was clearly SO DONE pretending to be a mild-mannered history teacher, started verbally threatening them in the hallway, their first thought was that he was COMPELLED by Klaus to do it. “Are you still on vervain, Alaric?” Elena inquires.
Finally, AlarKlaus gives up being cryptic, and grudingly SPELLS IT OUT FOR THE GIRLS . . . “I’ll give you a hint, I’m not Alaric,” AlarKlaus admits. (Well DUH!) Now that all their secrets are finally out on the table, AlarKlaus comes clean about the fact that it is BONNIE he wants to murder this evening, not Elena. So, Bonnie starts going all witchy on his ass. But thanks to Sumo Warlock’s protection spell, it isn’t quite as effective as she would have hoped. “If you kill this body, I’ll just have to go and get myself another one . . . maybe Jeremy’s,” Klaus notes . . .
“You mean, there’s a scenario out there, where I might actually WIN a fight, for a change? HELLS YEAH!”
(Hmmm, now the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality protects Jeremy from Death by Supernatural Beings. I wonder if it protects him from possession by Supernatural Beings . . . interesting . . .)
Knowing a lost cause when they see one, Elena an Bonnie dash off in retreat. Outside, the school, we see Damon employ a similar Divide and Conquer Vampire Trick to the one we saw Klaus use on Elena and Bonnie, earlier. (I swear there must be a Vampire Playbook out there, somewhere!)
“GO FIND STEFAN,” Damon instructs Elena. (And she falls for it . . . AGAIN!)
Where’s your head at, girlfriend? Keep this up, and the next thing you know, you’ll be hiding important ancient artifacts in soap dishes!
Alone again with Bonnie, Damon begins to describe to her his plan for Elena’s survival, in earnest . . .
The Big Battle Scene between Bonnie and AlarKlaus takes place in some student lounge. It’s not much of a battle, really. Because the pair NEVER so much as lays a finger on one another. We see Bonnie do her, nose bleed, raised hand, glaring thing. Alaric gets thrown around the room a bit, Mini Gilbert style, but always gets up unscathed.
Then, vending machines start exploding, and my heart goes out to the students at MysticFalls High. Because I know just HOW LONG school days can be, when you can’t get your $.75 pack of pretzels, or your $1.00 Diet Coke with Lime!
Umm . . . Bonnie? I don’t know how to tell you this, but your nose is like REALLY BLEEDING, and you’ve got some lightning sparks in your hair . . .
Speaking of Bonnie’s hair, I’ve just figured out the REAL benefit of witchy fighting: NO BAD HAIR DAYS! You can save the world, and still look like you just stepped out of a salon! (Well . . . as long as you plug up those unsightly nose bleeds, that is!)
Anywhoo, Elena arrives on the scene just in time to see AlarKlaus disappear into thin air, and Bonnie drop dead . . .
Now, if you’ve read these recaps before, you know that Bonnie and I aren’t exactly the best of “pals.” But you’ve really gotta hand it to Nina Dobrev, and her Mad Acting Skills. Because when she rushed onto the scene, and started bawling over Bonnie’s lifeless body, I must admit, I grew a bit teary-eyed, myself.
Moments later, the Salvatore Bro’s rush onto the scene, with Damon instructing Stefan to get Elena away from the body, so that he can DO HIS BUSINESS. Being the Good Little Boy that he is, Stefan complies.
Meanwhile, Damon gently closes Bonnie’s eyes, and carries her down to some weird candlelit room. (What’s with witches and candles anyway? Can someone explain this to me?) Damon finds Jeremy in the parking lot, and solemnly directs her to Bonnie’s underground grave. When he gets down there, Bonnie opens her eyes . . .
SURPRISE! Bonnie’s NOW A FLESH EATING ZOMBIE! She’s ALIVE! Haha, fooled you, TVD fans! Aren’t accidental deaths meant to manipulate the audience into having FEELINGS for a character they may or may not have originally given two craps about HILARIOUS!
Now, that you’ve totally flipped your sh*t, it’s time for a little product placement. You see, apparently, Jeremy brought his little mini laptop with him to the dance (DORK!)! I’ll show you how he plans to use it in a bit. Meanwhile, let’s go check on Elena, who’s not in on the “SUPER FUNNY” Death Fake Out, YET . . .
Back at Elena’s Casa de Rich and Awesome, Stefan is trying in vain to comfort his girlfriend, who is still completely inconsolate over the not-so-much-death of Bonnie. When Damon comes home from “burying the Witch Bitch,” a tearful Elena, really lets him have it, “You knew she was going to DIE,” Elena insists.
“Yes,” replies Damon. *facepalm*
(See, if I were Damon, my first words, upon entering the house, would have been. “HAHA, BONNIE’S ALIVE! APRIL FOOL’S!” I mean, talk about burying the lead!)
Not surprisingly, Elena slaps Damon for his insensitive words . . . HARD!
And THAT’S when Damon FINALLY decides to tell her the truth: that Bonnie had to make Klaus BELIEVE she was dead, so that he would stop trying to attack her. Damon’s reasoning for keeping this from Elena was that, he believed that, if she knew what was going to happen, she probably wouldn’t have put on as believeable a Cry Face, as she did that evening. (Well . . . it WAS a good Cry Face!)
Elena happily rushes to her room and heads online. Back in the Bat Cave, Jeremy has set up his underground WiFi connection, which allows Elena and Bonnie to SKYPE together! YAY! Lamest Best product placement ever!
You can just imagine the tagline on the inevitable commercial that will result from this, “Have you faked your own death? Are you bored and lonely, living life underground, while all your friends and family are having fun upstairs? SKYPE can HELP!”
(Which reminds me . . . doesn’t Bonnie have parents? Aren’t THEY going to start to wonder, why she never came home from the dance? Aren’t there ANY good parents on this show?)
And YES, I am looking at YOU, Useless Aunt Jenna! Little Miss, I’m Going to Live on Campus for a Week, While the Two Children in My Care Get Beat Up, and Psychologically Tortured, at a School Dance, and one of them somehow “Purchases” a MANSION!
AHEM!
Oh, DON”T even get me started!
Downstairs, at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Stefan is pouting, because Damon didn’t let him in on the Oh-So-Funny plan he and Bonnie had to PUNK Elena. Damon rightfully argues, that had he told Stefan, Stefan would have undoubtedly gone blabbing to Elena, and ruined everything.
“Don’t get me wrong Stefan, I don’t mind being the Bad Guy,” Damon begins. “I’ll make all the Life and Death Decisions while you worry about the collateral damage. I’ll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I’ll be the one to keep her alive.”
Harsh words, Elder Salvatore . . . but true. I actually think THIS moment represents a real turning point for the Stefan-Elena-Damon love triangle. But not for the reasons you might think. Remember back in “Rose,” when Damon told Elena that he loved her, but ultimately compelled her to forget it, because he felt that Stefan was more DESERVING of Elena’s love, than he was?
Who am I kidding? Of COURSE you remember! It was EPIC!
Well, THIS is the first time we’ve seen Damon actually question whether or not that is actually true. Here, BOTH Stefan and Damon are coming to the realization that Damon MAY, in fact, be better equipped to save Elena, than Stefan is. After all, Damon is willing to hurt Elena, in order to keep her safe, whereas Stefan might not be capable of doing so. Interestingly enough, Stefan never contests Damon’s accusations against him. Rather, he seems to take them to heart, in a very personal way.
And I think that it is THIS realization on Damon’s part, that allows him to be as upfront with Elena, about his feelings for her, as he is in the next scene. While Damon does not go QUITE as far, as he did in “Rose,” in that he does not verbally use the word, “love” to describe his feelings for her, the words Damon does use are JUST as powerful of an indicator of that emotion.
I’ll let you watch the scene in full first, so you can get the complete impact. And then I’ll make a few choice comments . . .
Watching this scene again, I’m struck by how very HONEST both Damon and Elena are with one another, about their true intentions. In hindsight, you can almost SEE the moment, when Elena makes the decision to do what she does in the final scene. Once she’s decided, she all but telegraphs to Damon, her choice, as if begging him to say the thing that will stop her. “Let me get one thing straight, I will NOT let Bonnie die for me,” says Elena. “There has to be another way.”
You can try to hide your true feelings from Damon. But Flirty Hair Pulls of Lust don’t LIE, Elena!
But Damon loves Elena so very much, that he can’t hear what she is trying to tell him in this moment, which is tragic on so many levels. “Let me get one thing straight,” he begins, “If it comes down to you or the Witch again, I will gladly let her die. I will ALWAYS . . . CHOSE . . . YOU.”
Just as Damon realized that he HAD to keep his plans regarding Bonnie a secret from Elena, in order to protect Elena’s life, Elena now realizes that she has to keep her decision from Damon, in order to protect Bonnie’s life. And it is because they are both such similarly passionate people — who are willing to sacrifice everything forthose they care about — that Damon and Elena will NEVER agree on the lengths they should go to keep Elena safe.
I think my favorite moment of the scene, was the very final one. This is after all the confessions have been made, when Elena realizes that her next move is going to be a major betrayal of Damon’s love for her.
After saying good night to Damon, Elena turns back toward him, and looks him straight in the eye. (For a second there, I REALLY did think she was going to kiss him.) Clearly, there was SO MUCH that Elena wanted to say to Damon: about his feelings for her . . . about HER feelings for him . . . and about the sacrifices people make for ones they love. And I actually think Elena came EXTREMELY close to telling Damon her plans regarding Elijah. But in the end she knew that she couldn’t. Instead, Elena leaves Damon’s room, sad, confused, and resigned to her fate.
As Damon watches Elena go, he too has left a lot unsaid, regarding just how much he truly loves her, and how much it kills him to see her in pain, especially when he is the one causing it. And yet, now that Damon is FINALLY starting to realize how much he truly deserves Elena, there’s a good chance HE may unburden himself to her completely,someday soon. Hopefully, that day will come sooner, rather than later.
But first . . . he will have THIS new development to deal with . . .
As you recall, the Rhythm Method of Murdering Vampire Originals has one small catch . . . “pull out” too late, and you’ve got another pesky little vampire bun in your oven! That’s right boys and girls! Thanks to Elena, ELIJAH HAS RETURNED!
Speaking of Elijah, next week, we get to see him in Flashback Mode, complete with a Brand Spanking OLD haircut! Oh, and did I mention the TITLE for next week’s episode? It’s called “Klaus.” Yes indeed, the REAL Voldemort will be showing his face on your television screen VERY SOON! You can check out the extended preview for the episode, right here:
In the epic words of Elijah himself, “I believe the term you are looking for is ‘OMFG.'”
Between a Rock and a Klaus Place
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