Nice Knowing Ya’ CLOSET! – A Recap of Glee’s “I Kissed a Girl”

Greetings Gleeks!  You know one of the benefits of writing a late Gleecap, as I’m often inclined to do, is having the hindsight of having already read a few message boards on the subject.  And boy, did this episode make a whole lot of people angry, for a variety of reasons . . .

Some of you were put off by how the writers handled Finn’s outing of Santana.

Others were frustrated by the sheer lack of Brittana, throughout the hour, thereby making the title of this episode, somewhat of a misnomer . . . if you catch my drift.

Still others of you were annoyed at how the episode brushed off Santana’s actual coming out to her parents.

Source 

And, finally, a whole boatload of you were TOTALLY GROSSED out by the Puck / Quinn / Shelby storyline.

But, hey, at least it’s not half as bad as Puck’s storylines with that Lauren Zizes chick.  Right?  RIGHT??

Who knew a show about singing and dancing high schoolers could be so divisive?  Let’s Gleecap, shall we?

The Slap Heard Round the World School

Last week’s Gleeky installment ended with Santana (or, according to her, her alter ego, “Snicks”) clocking Finn (a.k.a. Fetus Face, a.k.a. Hamburglar) in the face for inadvertently outing her to all of Lima, Ohio.

I know I posted it before, but it bears repeating . . . 😉 

This week, Santana’s facing down suspension, not to mention a big fat “NO” to competing in Sectionals.  Finn shocks his erstwhile nemesis by claiming the entire slapping debacle to be nothing more than a little impromptu acting.

Apparently, Finn is a much better actor than he is a dancer  . . .

“It was fake.  HAHA!  Just kidding!  LOL and such!” He says, though his face currently bears a big red handprint on it, with the words “Santana was here, B*TCHES,” written in a mixture blood and lipstick across his cheek.”  (Not really . . . but there should have been.)

No one’s more shocked by this than Santana, herself.  So, she confronts Finn outside the principal’s office to slap him again, only this time in the ass find out what sort of evil plan he has up his sleeve.  Now, here’s where things got a bit messy in the Glee fandom . . .

Source

Finn says a whole lot of pretty schmoopy stuff to Santana, about why he’s so intent on helping her more fully “de-closet herself.”  He says SO MUCH schmoopy stuff in fact, that part of me kept waiting for the DRAMATIC BUT SAD violin to provide backup music for his speech.

Unfortunately, Violin is still in the closet, but only because no one has outed her yet.  Finn?

He tells her she’s awesome . . . and that by hiding her Gay, she’s hiding some of her awesomeness, right along with it.  It also makes her act like a bit of a tool.  Finn also claims that he cares about Santana deeply, since her’s was the first bun to accept his hot dog . . .

Finally,  he claims he doesn’t want her to kill herself, like the kid he recently read about in the news.  But through all these sweet,  if slightly patronizing, words, Finn fails to say the one thing Santana fans really want to hear: I’M SORRY I OUTED YOU, BEFORE YOU WERE READY TO COME OUT ON YOUR OWN.

DOH! 

Because, the fact remains that the REAL reason Santana has to come out of the closet now is because Finn THREW her out of it, albeit inadvertently so.  Therefore, whether Finn believes that Santana SHOULD come out of the closet,  is really beside the point.  By not apologizing to Santana for what he did, it could be argued that Finn feels justified in outing her, simply because the ends satisfy the means.  If this wasn’t the writers’ intention, they probably should have shown a bit less Preachy McPreacherson, and a bit more remorse, from our male lead .  . .

Going Girly . . .

The next step in Finn’s Let’s Blow Up Santana’s Closet plan is to have both the New Directions kids and the Troubletones sing what he terms “Lady Music,” i.e. songs by girls, about girls.  Finn hopes that this will show Santana just how much support she has from her Glee social circle.

First up to sing are Kurt and Blaine, who launch into a slightly subdued version of Pink’s “Perfect.”  It was a sweet rendition.  Though, I must admit, I found myself a bit distracted during it by Kurt’s bizarre HALF sweater.

Source 

Specifically, I couldn’t help but wonder whether Blaine might have ripped the other half off of him, during . . . ahem . . . rehearsal.

Then, of course, there was Santana’s reaction . . .

Source 

Awww, Santana!  Kurt SACRIFICED A HIDEOUSLY UGLY SWEATER for YOU!  Show some respect!

You can check out the entire performance of “Perfect” here:

Meanwhile . . .

Puck Gets Lucky . . .

Puck’s Lady Song is “I’m the Only One,” by Melissa Etheridge.  Like many of Puck’s solos,  this song is well-suited for the character’s gravelly sex voice, preference for guitar accompaniment, sheer love of repeated pelvis grinding, and overwhelming desire to dedicate whatever song he sings to his current love interest / conquest.  Everytime I watch Puck do one of these songs, I worry that he might impregnate me through the television screen . . .

Source 

As many of you know, I’m a HUGE Puck fan.  So, of course, I enjoyed this performance.  I did have two complaints, however.  (1) Puck’s shameless eyef*cking of Shelby came across as a bit creepy to me .  . . I’m not quite sure why.

(2) At some point, during the past two weeks, Puck’s Mohawk seems to have morphed into a furry woodland creature, named Spanks.

Keeping a  furry woodland creature on your head, during the act of eyesex constitutes animal cruelty, in my book . . .

Animal cruelty aside, Shelby calls Puck during school, when Baby Beth falls and cuts her lip open.  Puck successfully takes charge of the situation.  And, as a reward, wins SEX.  HOORAY!

How convenient of Shelby to wait until Puck had already “helped her” in more ways than one, to decide, “this is immoral .  . . We can’t do this.”  On second thought, maybe what Shelby did was kind.  After all, at least Puck won’t have to worry about these .  . .

 . . . unlike, say, somebody else  we know at McKinley High who has to wear them ALL THE TIME .  . .

Prior to this, Quinn had, more or less, offered Puck “sure thing sex.”  But Puck, shockingly enough, turned her down because . . .  well, because she’s been a wackadoo, baby stealing, ASSHAT, for pretty much, this entire season  .  . . THAT’S WHY.  Actually, I believe his words were, “I’d rather raw dog a beehive.”  Now, THAT’S something I’d like to see . . .

All that aside, since he’s a 29 year old  teenager with Super Sex Stamina, who still has a few rounds left in him, after his one-time romp with Rachel’s bio mom (ICK!), after being rejected by Shelby, Quackers Quinn starts to look pretty darn tasty . . .

“Try no to be too alarmed, if I yell out the name “Shelby” during our Big Moment . . . um . . . it’s my dog’s name.  Yeah, that’s it!” 

Hate Sex is hot, isn’t it?  Unless, of course, you lack a condom, and your sperm have already shown themselves to be expert swimmers . . .

“Not to worry,” says Quinn (more or less), “teen pregnancy is awesome.  And I would know .  . .”

Apparently, Quinn has given up the notion of stealing Beth from Shelby, because .  . . wait for it . . . she’s decided to make another Baby.

Seriously?   Someone get this girl a strait-jacket, PLEASE!

 Fortunately, for Quinn (and us), Puck doesn’t want to play these baby-making games.  He tells her how lost she’s become, since her first baby.  And yet he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she will safely escape the HELL that is Lima, and go on to do something great with her life like marry a billionaire and/or make a famous sex tape that earns her a reality TV show, and millions of dollars in endorsements.  Clearly, this is precisely what Quinn needed to hear.  And, for about two seconds, all seems good with the world.

So, why then, did Puck feel the need to poop on all that progress,  by confessing his affair with Shelby to Quinn.

Personally, I think Spanks made him do it.  DAMN YOU, SPANKS!

Elsewhere, in SueTown . . .

Everybody Loves Cooter . . .

“Why would someone assume I’m a friend of Ellen just because I’m mannish and highly aggressive and have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girl’s sport and I married myself? It just doesn’t make sense.” Sue writes in her faithful diary, during one of the funniest bits of dialogue, in the entire episode . . .

Source 

Did you know Sue has a Black Booty Call book, that’s annotated with helpful reminders of certain celebrities’ prowess between the sheets?  Personally, I’m hoping Fox decides to sell this one on Ebay.  Surely, many of us fellow star-screwers can benefit from knowing that Dan Quayle is “too needy,” Matt Lauer is “a crier,” and Oliver North is “a biter.”

Source 

Of course, for the present, Sue only has one man in mind to help her combat gay rumors, and win the congressional election.  And that man’s name start’s with a “C” and is a derogatory name for a woman’s body part.  (NO!  Not THAT name . . . the other one . . . Callalily.  (Just kidding.  It’s Cooter.)

“But wait!”  You say.  “Unacceptable!  He belongs to the Beiste!”

Well, that’s what she thought too . . . until she was picking up her usual chickeny dinner (I thought Breadsticks delivered?) . . . and ran into the Old Coot on a date with a certain Congressional Candidate.  Poor Beiste is devastated.  And, what’s worse, Cooter admits that he’s dating Sue, because Beiste isn’t .  . . um . . . curing his Man Pain.  Yep, apparently someone on this show still hasn’t cashed in that shiny V card.  Unfortunately, for Beiste, night time weightlifting sessions (NOT a euphemism for sex), do not equal a “romantic relationship,” as far as Cooter is concerned.

Source 

It looks like SOMEONE has just been punted into the dreaded Friend Zone.  I smell a solo song number.  Don’t you?

I hereby present to you “Jolene.”

Ultimately,  Sue ends up losing the Congressional Election to Burt Hummel.   But will she lose her Cooter to the Turducken loving Beiste, who has decided to battle for his love, one chicken breast at a time?  Only the writers know for sure . . .

I’m Coming Out (I Want the World to Know)

Finn’s tribute to Santana is a slow, sultry, and oddly poignant version of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”  It came as a pleasant surprise for me, because I’m not usually a huge fan of Finn’s voice.  I also always tend to prefer Glee songs that offer a unique take on an already popular song, as opposed to merely covering it, karaoke style.  So, this really worked for me.  Santana must have felt the same way, since her the iceberg around her heart melted enough by the end of the performance, to offer Finn both a hug and heartfelt thanks.

All together now . . . “Awwwww.”

You can catch the performance, in it’s entirety, here:

Outside by the lockers, some douchebag leers at Santana, and decides to make her his “personal challenge.”  This prompts the rest of the Glee girls, to systematically rip him a new one, in a show of sisterly solidarity.  Then, back to the Glee room they go, to perform YET ANOTHER Katy Perry song.  This time it’s the titular “I Kissed the Girl.”  And while none of the girls actually kiss during it, there is a whole lot of ass grabbing . . . You know, if you’re into that sort of thing . . .

Source 

Check it out . . .

We never get to see Santana actually come out to her parents, though we are told that they are “fine with it.”  Wait . . . what?  I thought that seeing Santana come out to her parents and make out with Brittany was supposed to be the WHOLE POINT OF THIS EPISODE?

Santana did come out to her grandma, though . . . That didn’t go so well . . .  “I want you to know me . . . who I really am,” Santana says to this woman, who she’s loved dearly and admired her entire life.

Source 

So, of course that evil wench has to go, and squash her heart like a bug . . .

How dare Santana make her asshat grandma uncomfortable, by telling her what’s in her heart?  She should have kept it a secret, and maintained the lie of their relationship . . . that would be MUCH better.  It’s interesting (and sad) how Grandma seems more willing to accept that her daughter might be pregnant, while still in high school, than gay.  Eventually, Grandma kicks a tearful Santana out of her house, and tells her never to return.

Then, as soon as Santana leaves, the Glee fandom knocks down the old lady’s door, and proceeds to beat the crap out of her homophobic ass.  Good times! 🙂

Santana returns to school the next day, subdued, but determined to keep on fighting for her own happiness.  She sings k.d. lang’s “Constant Craving,” while Puck and Shelby stare moodily at one another, and Crazy Quinn plots the teacher’s untimely death.  Other than that awkwardness, the performance serves as a poignant finale to the journey Santana underwent, during the episode . . .

In other news . . .

When Stuffing a Ballot Box, Don’t Forget to Count the Ballots . . .

Sue wasn’t the only person to lose an election this week, Kurt lost one too . . . but for lack of cheating trying.  It’s student election time at McKinley and Kurt is convinced that he is going to lose to Brittany, because, unlike her, he refuses to go topless on Tuesdays.  (Can we get Blaine to go topless on Tuesday’s instead?   Or Puck,  for that matter?)

Convinced that an election loss will kill his chances of getting into NYATA college, Kurt contemplates stuffing the ballot box.   But Rachel, Blaine and Finn convince him to “be good.” The ballots are secret, but, the benefit of this being a TV show is that we get to see who everyone votes for.  Santana and Quinn show Cheerios spirit (and a little Lebanese Lady Love, respectively) by voting for their Britt . . .

Source 

 . . . while most of the other Gleeks seem to support Kurt.

However, when Kurt ends up winning the election by 190 more votes than there are actually STUDENTS IN THE SCHOOL, Principal Figgins cries foul.   This is the worst election scandal since Bush v. Gore!  Kurt is called in for questioning, and threatened with suspension.  There’s only one problem .  . . he didn’t do it.

You know who did?   Rachel . . . . you know, because she needs her Gay Best Friend for college nights on the town, and stuff.  (Who doesn’t?)

Of course, Brittany ends up winning the election, fair and square.   (HOORAY for Pixie Sticks and Public Nudity!)  Kurt concedes graciously,  telling Brittany to “rule awesomely,” even though he’s quite certain now that he won’t get into college now, and will be forced to spend the rest of his life in Lima,  singing oldies songs for tips at the local Johnny Rockets . . .

And here’s the kicker . . . Rachel might not get into NYATA now either.  Her election rigging is going on her permanent record.  She’s suspended from school for a week, and . . . wait for it . . . she’s BANNED FROM COMPETING IN SECTIONALS!!

Source 

This is terrible.  The New Directions are probably going to have to have that little leprechaun kid do all the solos now . . .

Next week on Glee, SHIRTLESS SAM is back, and . . .

Yeah, I missed everything else, after I saw that.  It’s a girl thing.  What can I tell you?  Anywhoo, feel free to check out the trailer for next week’s Glee installment, entitled “Hold on to Sixteen” here:

So . . . tell me . . . what did you think of “I Kissed a Girl?” 😉

Until next time, Gleeks . . .

Source 

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

Dodging the Bully – A Recap of Glee’s “Mash Off”

[Fashionably Late . . . Again?  (I’m afraid this is becoming a habit.)  The Recap for Gossip Girl’s “All the Pretty Sources” is well under way.  Wondering when you can expect it?  I’d say most probably before midnight (EST), tomorrow, Tuesday, November 22nd.  My sincere apologies for my recent lack of timeliness.  (Chuck got me very drunk last night . . . just like Dan.)]

Source

Greetings Gleeks!  This Very Special Episode of Glee was all about the unintended consequences of bullying.  But lest you think the entire episode was a TOTAL downer .  . . there was also a sizeable portion of it that was about Puck’s weiner.

Get it?  A sizeable portion . . . because Puck’s wei  . . . nevermind.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Pucker up, for the Puck-ster

It’s a weekday, which means Puck must be in love with a new woman.  At least, this time, it’s not that annoying asshat, Lauren Zizes . . .

“What the f*&k was I thinking?” 

As Puck and the show’s writers go to great lengths to remind us, he’s EIGHTEEN now.  So, it’s TOTALLY OK for him to want to taste the forbidden fruit that is adopted mother-of-his child / substitute teacher / rival Glee club director, Shelby Corcoran . . .  I smell a musical moment, don’t you?

Though not necessarily the best sounding cover song Glee has ever done, “Hot for Teacher,” was definitely good for a few laughs . . . with Puck gyrating to the rhythm of his old school guitar, and crooning / yelling in that sexy, scratchy voice of his.  Meanwhile, Blaine and Mike Chang repeatedly grabbed their grotches, wiggled their hips, and awkwardly waved their hands behind him, in an odd little cross between the original Van Halen music video on which this was based, and . . . a rousing game of Simon Says?

Oh, and, of course, Finn was making his classic, “I’m on the drums” face, the whole time . . .

He didn’t participate in any of the dancing though . . . (Gee, I wonder why?)

Feel free to check out the original “Hot for Teacher” below, and compare the two for yourself . . .

Anywhoo, Puck attempts to win Shelby’s heart by giving her a baby pumpkin, instead of the usual “apple for the teacher” type deal.  Have any of you out there ever actually eaten a baby pumpkin?  Do they taste like regular pumpkins?  I don’t know . . .  They are more interesting than apples though . . . because, really, anybody can get you an apple.  Baby pumpkins, on the other hand, are only available when they are in-season.

But I digress . . .

Puck proceeds to make his plea for Shelby’s love by (1)  reminding Shelby how hot they both are . . .

Well . . . I agree with half of that statement. 😉 

(2) listing all the May / December celebrity romances that have worked . . . like Ashton and Demi for example . . .

WHOOPS.  Nevermind!  It looks like the script for this show was written a few weeks too early.  Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal ARE still together though, last time I checked.  So, he got that one right . . . at least.

(3) And offering to be a REAL father to Baby Beth . . .

But perhaps the most controversial thing Puck did to win Shelby’s love was to out Quinn for all those awful things she did to get Baby Beth taken away from Shelby by Child Services.

Now, assuming Puck did this, because he thought Shelby had the right to know, and not just as a ploy to get into her thong (which is debatable), I’m all for it.  However, something tells me that Quinn isn’t going to feel the same way as I do, when SHE inevitably finds out . . .

I’d say the sweetest part of this storyline was when Puck told Shelby that she was meant to be Beth’s mom, even going as far as to say that’s why Puck and Quinn got drunk and boned one another about a year a so ago, unprotected, and against their better judgment.  Well, that’s ONE way of looking at it . . .

“Come on, let me stick it in, ya!  It’s for a GOOD CAUSE!” 

Things We Never Knew About Burt Hummel . . .

“I’m a better dancer than my son-in-law . . . though, admittedly, that’s not saying much.” 

Did you know Burt Hummel has a baboon heart?

Did you know he married a donkey?  Well, now you do!  Thanks, Sue Sylvester!

I know . . . I know . . . neither are these things are true.  But I honestly think Sue Sylvester’s so-called negative advertising campaigns against State Congressional hopeful, Burt Hummel, were some of the funniest moments of this episode.  And while I’m 100% against bestiality and donkey / human marriages, I think there is entirely too much prejudice nowadays against people with animal parts . . . Just sayin’.

“Is this what having a stroke feels like?”

Brittany said the above line to compliment the mash-up / duet rival Glee club directors Will Schuester and Shelby Corcoran performed to two songs (both named “You and I”).  The performance was meant to  convince the two groups to get along with one another long enough to compete in one giant Mash Off, before they find themselves competing against one another, for real, during Sectionals.  Nevermind the fact that, as was mentioned last season, neither musical group appears to have the minimum number of participants required for a team to enter into the competition.

Well, I was definitely twitching after the song was over.  So, maybe Brittany was on to something there.  While this was definitely not my favorite musical number of the episode, I did appreciate the creativity of combining a popular Lady Gaga song with an old 80’s country song that most Glee viewers (myself included) had probably never heard before.  The lyrics of the two songs dovetailed surprisingly well with one another, and the resulting song sounded a lot better than you would think it would .  . . but not much.

That didn’t stop me from twitching though . . . maybe it’s a Schuester thing.  He bugs me sometimes, what can I say!

Sorry, Schue!  It’s true!

Santana’s got balls (and she’s not afraid to throw them)

Upcoming Mash-off competition aside, it seems the New Directions and the Troubletones weren’t satisfied having only ONE opportunity to kick eachother’s asses.  And so evolved the brilliant idea that the two groups should meet up in the gym, and pelt eachother with their balls .  . .

 . . . dodgeballs that is.

 Source

The Mash-up of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot,” and “One Way or Another,” provided a perfect soundtrack for the surprisingly intense game.  Plus, the action shots of Gleeks playing dodgeball made for some of the best choreography we’ve seen on the show, in quite some time.  For example, did you guys know Blaine can fly?

Source

“Weeeeeeeeeeeee!”

Kurt likey . . . A LOT! 

Now, while Kurt might have SERIOUSLY enjoyed watching his boyfriend soar over his head, in those uber short and much-too-tight gym shorts, he definitely was NOT a fan of the Troubletones decision to mercilessly pelt Little New Guy Rory with dodgeballs, long AFTER they had already won the game.  Kurt scolded his opponents for their bad form, as he dragged a bloody Rory off the battlefield, while throwing a SERIOUS “I’m judging you” face in his former friends’ direction.

Mommy Dearest (and not so Dearest)

I have to say, I respect Rachel Berry a whole lot more, now that I know she writes her own college recommendations, so that all her “recommenders” have to do is sign them.  (For all you prospective college applicants out there, it really is the best way to go!)  Of course, there is one other big thing that Rachel did during this hour to make me respect her.  But, more on that later . . .

“While we are on the subject, MOM, I am also looking for a surrogate, to carry my baby in her belly for nine months, in exchange for $20,000.  Would you be interested?” 

Given the disappointing way in which Shelby’s Season 2 run-in with bio-daughter Rachel ended, it’s nice to see these two working toward forming a genuine relationship with one another, this Season . . .  When Rachel comes to Shelby, to get her to sign a pre-written college application, the latter surprises her bio daughter with plenty of kind words, encouragement, and the type of pride only a real mother, can show for her daughter.  She even offers to writer Rachel a college recommendation BY HERSELF.  HOORAY!

But then Shelby inadvertently makes Rachel feel like crap, by telling her daughter that, because she’s so friggin perfect, less-than-perfect people who are applying to performing arts school against her (like say . . . Kurt), don’t have a shot in hell of getting in, and, will, therefore, probably end up flipping burgers for the rest of their lives. . .

Dear Kurt, Sorry I ruined your life.  And yes, I would like fries with that.  Love, Rachel. 

Putting that aside though, it was a  Genuinely Touching Moment . . .

If looks could kill . . . 

On the other end of the parental unit relationship spectrum are Quinn and Shelby.  Shelby never exactly seemed to be Quinn’s biggest fan, anyway.  But now that she knows about the whole Baby-napping Scheme, she’s REALLY Anti-Quinn.  Eventually, a confrontation ensues, in which  Quinn calls Shelby out for “whoring out” Baby Berry, back when she was a teen (OUCH!).

And Shelby calls Quinn out for . . . um . . . well, basically, just being an incredibly sh*tty human being.  (QUADRUPLE OUCH!)

Shelby also tells Quinn that she doesn’t trust her around Baby Beth, anymore.  Sorry Quinn!  Perhaps, you should have gone with a different tactic . . . like making out with Shelby, and giving her baby pumpkins . . . Better luck, next illegitimate child!

Topless Tuesdays and Other Campaign Promises . . .

It’s campaign speech time, at McKinley High.  And just like in real government, all the candidates seem to be making promises they can’t keep.  That weird, mullet-wearing, red headed guy from the hockey team says he promises that all students will be able to boss around their teachers from now on.

Source

Brittany wants to protect high school students in Lima from tornadoes, and promises to go topless every Tuesday.  Way to give back to your community, Brittany!

Source 

Rachel promises to withdraw from the race, and get everyone to vote for Kurt . . .   Wait, WHAT?  Rachel is going to give up an opportunity to be the best?  I must have walked into someone’s alternate universe Kachel fanfiction!

In all seriousness though, I think Rachel took to heart Shelby’s words about how the Type A, overachiever, ALREADY has the resume to get into the college of her dreams, while Kurt does not.  It was a super sweet, suprisingly un-Rachel like thing to do.  And Kurt was just as shocked as the rest of us . . .

As for Kurt, his campaign speech is kind of a downer.  I mean, fighting against childhood obesity, and bullying is great . . . but eliminating dodgeball?  Seriously?  Wouldn’t it be easier to just use softer balls, like Kurt’s those squishy ones that Nerf makes?  My personal opinions aside, I loved Kurt’s speech, simply because Blaine’s “Supportive Face,” while he was making said speech was SUPER hot.  And we wouldn’t have had the chance to see it, otherwise . . .

Source 

After the speeches, Kurt and Rachel FINALLY ended their seemingly interminable election-based fight.  Not only was the reunion scene between the pair extremely touching, I’m just thrilled that these two characters will finally be able to regularly interact again.  After all, Rachel’s and Kurt’s friendship is my favorite completely platonic relationship on this show . . . heck, it might actually be the only completely platonic relationship on this show . . .

Reunited and it feels SO GOOD! 

Out and Not So Proud . . .

Oh, Santana.  As a character, I adore you to pieces . . . most of the time.  You are hilariously funny.  You constantly make fun of Finn.  You have a spectacular singing voice.  And you are one of the most complex, and consistently written, characters on this show.  But if I REALLY knew you, or, worse, attended high school with you, I’m pretty sure, I would hate your guts .  . . and keep a voodoo doll of you in my locker, to stab at, whenever I was having a particularly bad day.

Throughout the episode, we watched Santana be mercilessly evil to Finn, and his new sidekick Rory.

Source

It eventually got to the point where even her fellow Troubletones were begging her to stop.  But she continued, with what was probably the meanest, most underhanded,  apology ever.  And that’s when Finn snapped, outing Santana as a lesbian in front of the whole school.  Whether intentionally, or unintentionally done . . . whether provoked or unprovoked  . . . whether he thought Santana’s sexual preference was a secret or common knowledge, what Finn did was VERY, VERY wrong.  And it ended up producing some pretty serious consequences for Santana . . .

Source 

As it turns out, one of Burt’s and Sue’s congressional opponents has a daughter who attends McKinley High, and that daughter recorded Finn’s and Santana’s conversation.  Ultimately, Santana’s secret ended up being used by this opponent in a negative campaign advertisement against Sue, in order to imply that the Cheerios coach was ALSO a lesbian.  In a surprisingly poignant moment, the usually ascerbic Sue, Burt Hummel, and Will Schuester call Santana into Sue’s office to show her the advertisement, and offer her their support.

Source 

Santana, understandably, is inconsolate.  “This can’t be happening to me,” she cries, as she makes a mad dash down the hallway  “I haven’t even come out to my parents yet.”

Source 

And the Winner of the Mash Off of 2011 is . . .

The Mash Off Competition takes place before Santana really has time to heal, or process the many ways in which her life is about to change.  The New Directions are up first, and SURPRISE, it’s another 80’s music mash-up.  (Way to be HIP, Mr. Schue!)  This one is a mixture of the songs “I Can’t Go For That,” and “You Make My Dreams.”  It was a fun performance, for sure.  But, for me at least, the best part about it, by far, were the ridiculous curly wigs, weird heavily shoulder padded suit jackets, and over abundance of pink all the guys wore during the musical number.  Hysterical, with a capital H!

Source 

Oh, and did youu catch the befuddled facial expressions of all the females in the audience.  PRICELESS!  As for the women, they all vaguely resembled Pebbles Flintstone . . . though, I’m not exactly sure why . . .

See, for yourself . . .

But the winners of this competition, hands down, just like in the dodgeball competition that preceded it, were the Troubletones.

Source

Source 

With Santana and Mercedes at the helm, the group’s mashup of Adele’s “Rumor Has It” and “Someone Like You,” was breathtakingly beautiful, and enchantingly mesmerizing, with just a smidgeon of slit-your-wrist, depressing.

Source 

Naya Rivera expertly portrayed, all of the angst, sadness, and inner turmoil of her character’s unfortunate outing, in every word she sang, and every expression that crossed her face.

Then, when the performance was over, and Santana leapt off the stage, to slap Finn extra hard, right across the mouth, for the inadvertent role he played in her embarrassment and discomfort, I had genuine tears in my eyes . . .

Source 

In the next installment of Glee, if the promos are any indication, Santana will come out to her parents, and the rest of the cast will get laid.  Can I get a HELL YEAH!  You can check out the promo for “I Kissed a Girl,” here . . .

 So, tell me  . . .  what did you think of “Mash Off?”

Did you enjoy the Adele number as much as I did?  Do you agree with me that the Troubletones kicked New Direction’s ASS this week, in every way possible?  Are you shipping Shelby / Puck . . .  or do they make you want to upchuck?

 Are you pro or anti-dodgeball?  And, most importantly, Team Santana, or Team Finn?  Feel free to sound off in the comment section . . .

Annnnd . . . that’s what you missed, ON GLEE!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

Unfinished Business – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Ghost World”

“Hi, is this 911?  I have an emergency.  I may have just impregnated a ghost through eye-f*&king.” 

Fangbangers, do you find yourself living hopelessly in the past . . . 2010, to be exact?

Are you still wearing your “Jeremy & Anna Forever” t-shirt to bed every night?

Do you still feel 50% cheated by that scene in “Brave New World,” where Tyler took off his shirt, like a Good Boy . . .

. . . but Mason had to wear that ugly tank top thingy?

“I prefer to call it a Bro, or a Manzierre!” 

Do you still send Damon Salvatore hate mail for whacking Lexi in “162 Candles?”

And, perhaps most importantly, are you the ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET who actually misses the TOMB VAMPIRES?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then “Ghost World” was the episode for you . . .

(Once again, all the awards go to Screencapper Extraordinaire Andre, for all the glorious, non-gif, images you see here.)

Reunited and it feels so . . . burny.

When we last left our good friend, Damon Salvatore, a Ghost Mason Lockwood was gleefully, and invisibly, tossing him around the room, for sh*ts and giggles.

Source

 This week, the fun continues, as Mason ties poor Damon to a chair with silver chains, takes off his Magic Sunscreen Ring, and lets the sun shine in to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.

“I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened to me . . .” 

“You guys really need to get more creative with your torture techniques, ‘tied to a chair’ is fast becoming as cliched as The Wall Slam.”

Damon’s torture scene is a macabre homage, both to Damon’s torture and subsequent murder of Mason last season, which just so happened to occur, while the latter was strapped to the EXACT SAME CHAIR, and Caroline’s dad’s “Aversion Training” session on his daughter.

“The sun will come out, tomorrow.  Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sunnnnnnn.” 

Of course, this time, things are just a little bit funnier, because Damon still has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who’s doing this to him.  Enter Ripper Stefan to take advantage of the situation, by poking, prodding and tickling his captured brother.  I mean, that’s just cold . . .

STEFAN: “This is HILARIOUS!”

DAMON: “Laugh all you want, Brother Dearest, but in about 10 minutes, someone is going to do this to YOU!” 

Though we never see it happen, we can assume that either (1) Mason got bored of playing with his new vampire toy; or (2) Stefan finally got up off his lazy bloodsucking ass to help.  Because, mere moments later, Damon is sunburn free, and cruising around Mystic Falls in his hot sports car, looking for answers . . .

“Greetings Blondie . . . Witchy”

Meanwhile, outside La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Mystic Falls is engaging in, SURPRISE, yet another town celebration.  This one is called the Night of Illumination.  I swear, the reasons for these town parties, get more ridiculous every week.  At this rate, next week, we’ll probably learn that someone from the Fell family invented toilet paper, and have a Potty Party, in his honor . . .

Speaking of the Fells’, they do seem to be the one Founding Family that gets the shortest shrift on this show, don’t they?  If Mystic Falls was Hogwarts, the Fells’ would probably be Ravenclaw.  (Oh, and just in case you were curious, the Gilberts are Gryffindor.  The Forbes are Hufflepuff.  And the Lockwoods, of course, are Slytherin.)  I only mention this, because “Ghost World,” marked our first, and last introduction to Tobias Fell, Head of the History Department, and soon-to-be winner of the Senseless Death of the Week Award . . .

R.I.P. Tobster!

Anywhoo, Tobias is waxing poetic about lamps in Mystic Falls, or some other useless crap,  while Ghost Anna is adorably mocking him.

“This guy is going to be so much more interesting, when he’s a corpse.” 

Meanwhile, Jeremy is trying his best not to look like a total freak show, while, at the same time, chatting up and holding hands with his new “Imaginary Friend.”

Alaric is standing nearby, and clearly notices something is up.

“Well, Jeremy may be nuts.  But on a lighter note, I definitely prefer his imaginary girlfriend to his real one.  This one is way less cheesy.”

Source

However, having been on this show for three years now, he’s long ago learned not to call attention to other people’s bizarre behaviors.  To do so, inevitably causes you to end up with a stake through your heart, burnt to a crisp, or, in the case of Tobias Fell, strung up in a tree, like a Big Ole Bloody Christmas Ornament . . .

We wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Yearrrrrrr  . . . 

Speaking of freak shows, Bonnie and Caroline are having a VERY serious conversation about how Bonnie’s boyfriend might be cheating on him with the female version of Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Caroline, who has clearly watched way too may episodes of Dr. Phil and Oprah, is really pulling for Bonnie to express her anger over Jeremy’s ghostiality.  (It’s kind of like bestiality only with .  . . well, you get the idea.)

And Bonnie is angry.  But she’s also a bit humiliated.  I mean, rejection is hard to take, no matter what.  But when your competition is INVISIBLE, and lacks a PHYSICAL BODY, that’s pretty darn harsh.

Here comes Damon in his swanky convertible.  He’s driving with the top down, of course, because he CAN.   (Oh, the joy of Sunscreen Rings, and vengeful ghosts who get bored of torturing you, before the first commercial break.)

*wipes drool from computer monitor* 

Damon wants Bonnie and Caroline (but mostly Bonnie, because this is SOOOO her fault) to know that he is none too pleased about how SOMEONE’S recent spellcasting, has enabled Mason Lockwood to “break on through to the other side” (That’s a song, right?) and spit roast Damon in his own home.  “When I kill someone, they are supposed to stay dead,” explains the undead vampire, matter-of-factly.

Source

(Careful, Damon!  I don’t think Alaric would like that remark very much . . .)

Source

Speaking of people responsible for this mess, Mr. I Did Some Spell to Bring My Sister Back into this World, so She Could Try to Murder My Ex Girlfriend, Matt is listening in on this exchange, and looking more than a bit guilty.

“Uh oh, it’s Bonnie and Caroline.  Maybe if I pretend I’m a ghost, they won’t see me.” 

But when Caroline and Bonnie interrogate him as to his knowledge of the Return of All Dead Characters to This Show, Matty Boy is pretty clueless.  Of course, this is not all that surprising, considering we are talking about a guy who took nearly three years to figure out that most of his friends were no longer human . . .

Source

Then Bonnie’s bookbag, and her spellbook falls out, which makes me think, she should probably find a safer place to store it.

“Read ME!” 

(Hmm . . . I wonder if ancient spellbooks come in e-reader versions for your Kindle, Nook or iPad.  Witches ARE pretty tech savvy, nowadays.)  The book opens to some specific spell, that Bonnie must immediately go and chant.  It’s time for more Scary Latin Muttering . . . but no nosebleeds.

I’m starting to think Bonnie’s nosebleeds have gone the way of Damon’s occasionally becoming a crow, and Elena actually writing in her diary . . .

Speaking of diaries . . .

Oooh . . . now EVERYBODY can see DEAD PEOPLE!

Elena, Jeremy and Alaric are eating OUTSIDE the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  (I feel like they started shooting OUTSIDE the Mystic Grill, in the hopes that some of us would be fooled into thinking the gang is actually at another restaurant.  But us TVD fans are a wily bunch, and will not be so easily duped.)  Elena is perusing Stefan’s diary, and begging Jeremy to summon Lexi from the dead, so that she can SAVE STEFAN’S SOUL.

“Yes, I do carry around all 2,500 of your diaries, with me everywhere I go.  Do you have a problem with that?” 

It’s interesting how Elena is totally cool with bringing the dead back to Earth, if they save precious Stefan, but not if they (1) make out with Jeremy, or (2) try to roast Elena in Alaric’s car.  It doesn’t work, both ways, honey!

Then Stefan arrives, to taunt Elena about reading his diary, and to make some Damon-y jokes about eating people during the Night of Illumination.  Him and Elena then have THIS exchange, which is, more or less, a variation on the same conversation they’ve had every week, ever since Stefan became Klaus’ b*tch, back at the beginning of the season . . .

Source

After blowing off Elena’s suggestion,  Jeremy eventually excuses himself to the public restroom, because, apparently, this is where all the cool ghosts, like to hang out.  Of course, Anna is there waiting for him.

Source

VERY Dramatic Music starts playing the background.  And I’m wondering if there’s a speaker in one of the toilets.  How romantic!  Jeremy monologues about how he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to play Ghost Whisperer with Anna, but that he simply must make out with her, before the Ghostbusters come, and turn her into a steaming pile of ectoplasm.

Source

The pair then make out.  It’s pretty awesome, especially because I’m a Jeremy / Anna fan.  But I’m still kind of wishing their first kiss in two years took place somewhere other than a public restroom . . . because public restrooms tend to smell like pee . . .

We then cut back to a number of scenes, in fairly quick succession.  First, there’s Bonnie and Caroline, who have returned to that All Powerful Witch Burning Site, so that Bonnie can conduct the spell her spell book suggested to her.  She starts chanting.  Fortunately,  WE get to leave, before it starts getting too annoying.  “I don’t like this,” says Caroline, when the lights start getting all flickery.

Yeah, we feel ya, Caroline.  We don’t like it either . . .

Meanwhile, INSIDE the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Damon is trying to kiss and make up with Alaric, who’s being all pouty and toddler-like.  “I don’t like you anymore,” huffs Alaric, as he sticks his tongue out at Damon, and blows him a raspberry. 🙂

ALARIC:  “Shhh . . . I’m just playing hard to get, so that he’ll want my Chunky Monkey even more.”

DAMON:  “I heard that, you know!”

ALARIC: “DOH!” 

“But remember when you did like me, and we both conspired to kill Mason Lockwood.   Well, he’s back.  And I think he’s a little pissed off,” Damon replies, offering his ex-bromantic buddy, his best version of the Eye Thing, in hopes of winning his favor.

Elsewhere, Stefan has taken a break from the Ripper / Elena comedy hour, and is off to find his car.

We’re now back in Spellville with Bonnie unfortunately.  At least, she’s finally finished chanting (THANK YOU, WRITERS!)  But here’s the weird thing.  Her GRANDMA is standing next to her . . . as in the same grandma who died casting a spell with Bonnie to open that tomb, back in Season 1.

“Are you up for a game of Ring Around the Rosie, by chance?” 

 (If I recall correctly, Grandma’s death was the plot point that first ended my “friendship” with Bonnie.  After that, she got an ugly haircut, and started hating on vampires, and literally giving Damon a headache, every chance she got.  Now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure I’m thrilled about Grandma’s return.)

But, that’s not all.   Now, Elena has walked in on Jeremy and Anna kissing.

Source

And she can SEE Anna.

ANNA: “Busted!”

JEREMY: “I swear, Elena, it’s not what it looks like.   Anna just had something in her teeth, and I was helping her get it out.”

ELENA: “With your tongue?” 

Back at the bar, Mason sits down next to Alaric and Damon to do a shot, and break a glass on Damon’s head.

MASON: “Come here often?”

DAMON: “Of course, I come here, often.  This is the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls!  Where else would I go?” 

ALARIC: “Don’t mind him.  I think it’s his time of the month, if you catch my drift.”

And Damon and Alaric can SEE him.  Outside in the parking lot, Lexi has bashed Stefan’s head into a car window.  And HE can see her TOO . . . before he falls unconscious, at least!

 Source

In other words, this sh*t just got REAL!

“I get by with a little help from my GHOSTS”

Back in Spellville, Bonnie is blubbering.  And Grandma is basically telling her to shut the f*&k up, so that the two of them can start cleaning up the MAJOR mess this teen witch has made.  It seems that Bonnie’s act of sending Vicki back to the Demon Dance Club From Whence She Came, has opened some portal between this world and the next, giving basically EVERY ghost with “unfinished business” a free multi-day admission into Mystic Falls.

Since Vicki obtained HER ability to cross over from the Original Witch, and the Original Witch is tied to Elena’s necklace, Granny says that the girls need to get that necklace back, and destroy it, in order to close the portal.   Caroline calls Elena, who’s still in the smelly bathroom, reading Jeremy the riot act for cheating on her friend with Ghost Girl.  Basically, Elena thinks that Jeremy is setting himself up for a World of Hurt, by getting caught up in a relationship with a Dead Girl, that is simply NOT REAL.

Source

The OBVIOUS IRONY of Elena’s arguably hypocritical statements are completely lost on her, at this point . . .

After rudely leaking to Gossip Girl Caroline the details of her brother’s ghostly smooch, Elena is determined to help Caroline and Bonnie find her necklace, so that she can banish Ghost Girl Anna to the Great Beyond.  She tells Caroline that Damon has the necklace, and then hangs up the phone to stomp out of the bathroom angrily.  (SHE SHOWED THEM!)

“Geez, Ripper Stefan.  When is the last time, you brushed your teeth?” 

But then, Elena runs into Lexi, who’s all about SAVING STEFAN FROM RIPPERDOM through an Aversion Therapy that ALSO seems remarkably similar to what Caroline’s dad put her through, a few episodes back.  Lexi has even locked Stefan up in that same dungeon, where Caroline was once a prisoner.   Now that it’s in HER best interest, Elena is TOTALLY PRO GHOST!  In fact, she even calls back Caroline, to put a stall on the whole “destroy the necklace” thing.

Did I mention that Lexi has magical mystical ghost powers now?  Yeah . . . apparently, all she has to do is stare at Stefan, and his body is painfully leached of all human blood.   According to her, he is now at the equivalent of being “Nine Months Sober.”  Convenient, right?   I guess this is how the writers plan to get around the whole “last time, it took Stefan 30 years to come back to himself.”

Lexi, apparently, is really big on the whole “Tough Love” thing.  She’s stone cold, as Stefan screams in pain, as the veins in his arms and face bulge out, and his body gets soaked in sweat.  In fact, she almost seems to enjoy it!  It takes a real “special” woman to be able to be able to stomach this, even once.   And we know that Lexi has performed this little “service” for Stefan quite a few times, by now.

Among other things . . . 

Elena is having a bit more trouble coping with watching her lover boy in pain.  (Personally, I just wish Lexi had taken off his shirt, before she started.  I don’t know about Stefan, but that would certainly make this experience  a lot more enjoyable for ME!  That was one thing the Tomb Vamps got right!)

Source

Things get particularly difficult for our heroine, when Stefan starts pleading for her to help him, while claiming that he loves her.  But when Elena doesn’t budge, Stefan’s true Ripper persona shines through.  And he hurts Elena in a way that only he can . . .

Source

Wow, Ripper Stefan!  Why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel?

Believe it or not, there’s actually a point to all this angst, and pain, and moaning.  The idea is that by forcing Stefan to feel SOMETHING, even if its hatred, anguish, or a desire to die, Lexi can reawaken the part of him that FEELS.  I’m just wondering what they’ll do when Stefan has to go to the bathroom.  Vampires still do that, right? 😉

Of course, Stefan.  What goes in, must inevitably come out . . . 

Back at the bar, Mason claims he wants an apology from Damon for murdering him in cold blood.  Alaric thinks this is pretty hilarious, and so do I.  Damon’s not really big on the whole “I’m sorry,” thing.  In fact, the only person he EVER really says he’s sorry to, is Elena.  And that’s because he LOOOOOOOOVES her.  But Damon doesn’t LOOOOOOVE Mason, which is why Mason get’s THIS, instead: “I do a lot of things I don’t have to do.  I didn’t HAVE to kill you.”

“I just did it because it was FUN!” 

Mason finds this awkward attempt at apology kind of hilarious, and so do I.  I notice that Ghost Mason, in general, is much more happy-go-lucky guy than his living incarnation.  Screwing Lady Gaga is, apparently,  GREAT for one’s well being. 

Smiley, shiny, happy Mason admits that his “unfinished business” comes from him knowing that Tyler has turned hybrid, and pretty much gone “gay for Klaus.”  Having missed out on “Baby’s first, second, and third werewolf transformation, as well as Baby’s First Taste of Human, Mason is not about to miss another milestone in his nephew’s life.”  When Mason first arrived in Mystic Falls, it was to provide a positive male influence in Tyler’s life.  Since that idea got shot to hell, the least he figures he can do, is kill Klaus, so that Tyler won’t turn out to be a TOTAL EVIL DOUCHEBAG.

“I’m arm wrestling for your SOUL!” 

So, Mason has decided to HELP Damon kill Klaus.  He’s chosen to help his former enemy, because he knows that they have the same goal.

Source

After all, killing Klaus will not only save Tyler’s soul, it will also save Stefan’s, by breaking the compulsion Klaus has put on him.  Additionally, it will keep Elena from becoming a human bloodbag, for all Klaus’ hybrid minions.  All in all, a pretty good deal, right?

Source

That being said, part of me wishes Mason actually took the time to TALK to Tyler, and give him some advice, in person.  Because THAT would have been a great scene to watch . . .

Anywhoo, apparently the “tools” to kill Klaus are located where almost everything in Mystic Falls seems to be located, lately . . . the Lockwood cellar.  Damon tentatively follows Mason there.  And just like the rest of us, he can’t help but be a bit skeptical of his former enemies motives, bringing the vampire into a dark enclosed space on property that used to belong to his family.  “You think I’m leading you into a trap, don’t you?”  Mason asks smugly.

Source

“The thought crossed my mind,” Damon admits.

Mason is FINALLY able to prove to all of us that he’s a Good Guy, when a security system in the Lockwood cellar, shoots Damon’s with large wooden stakes (MAN, this is REALLY not a good episode for Damon, is it?), and the former werewolf, singlehandedly rescues him.  You know, I’m kind of bummed Mason couldn’t stick around longer.  I think he would have made a really nice addition to Team Badass . . .

Further down, in the cellar, however, Damon finds himself unable to pass, because . . . wait for it . . . he hasn’t been “invited in.”

Hottest . . . mime . . . EVER! 

So, Mason continues down the path, by his lonesome, and sees . . . well . . . I’m not going to tell you, yet. 😉

It’s Not in the SOAPDISH!

Hilarity ensues, when Bonnie and Caroline, unable to get in touch with Damon, start tearing through his house, in search of Elena’s necklace.  Caroline makes me literally roll on the floor laughing, when she searches for the SUPER important artifact in Damon’s soapdish, which, most of us remember as the AWFUL hiding place the Elder Salvatore chose for last season’s all-important Moonstone.  Poor Damon!  He’s just never going to live that down, is he?

DAMMIT!  It was ONE TIME!  LET IT GO, ALREADY 

(Again, kudos to the TVD writers, for their adherence to continuity, and their obvious ability to laugh at their own, sometimes inexplicable, plot points.)

Meanwhile, in what is perhaps the LEAST happy of the TVD Ghostly Reunions, Frederick and his Tomb Vamp friends (or, as I used to not-so lovingly call them, the Hidey Hole Vamps), have returned to seek vengeance against the Founding Families, for keeping them entombed all those years.

“We’re BAAAAAAAACK!  Did you miss us?  No?   Well, WE DIDN’T LIKE YOU, EITHER!” 

The Tomb Vamps successfully manage to publicly lynch poor Tobias Fell (Oh, if I lived in Mystic Falls, I would have moved away YEARS ago.  How often do things like this happen here, and no one says anything?), AND crash Carol Lockwood’s car at the Night of Illumination, before SOMEONE finally musters up the courage to stop them . . .

Everyone is in danger of being made into tree ornaments by the Tomb Vamps, but they’d prefer to yell at Jeremy than to  . . . you know . . . run.  When Jeremy calls Bonnie, Caroline picks up the phone, and tells him that, if he doesn’t watch out, he’s going to lose EVERYTHING.  Well . . . actually, he’ll just lose Bonnie, but, whatever.  Then, Elena arrives to chime in.  She turns her ire on Anna, accusing her of holding Jeremy back from having sex with real live human girls.  She also accuses Anna of stealing her necklace, which, so far, no one has found.

Anna denies this, but only because she’s a liar, liar, pants on fire . . .

Source

Once Elena has left — probably to go moon over Stefan some more — Anna admits to stealing the necklace.   Wait . . . hold up . . . wasn’t the necklace in La Casa de Rich and Awesome, after Damon retrieved it, and returned it to Elena, at the end of “The Reckoning?”

Source

Man, someone needs to install a new security system in that place, now that EVERY WITCH, VAMPIRE, ORIGINAL, GHOST, WEREWOLF, and their mother can seemingly just walk in, whenever they feel like it.

Anna tells Jeremy that she did this, because she hasn’t found her mother on the Other Side, and she doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

Source

Then, she gives Jeremy the necklace and starts crying.  But I’m not crying.  Nope, not me.  No sir.  It’s just raining on my face . . . and I have something in my eye . . . Did I mention I was recently chopping onions?

Yeah, so Jeremy heads off to find Bonnie, so he can give her that stupid necklace . . . a piece of jewelry that I only like when Damon uses it to
flirt with Elena . . .

Otherwise, that necklace can KISS MY ASS!

Caroline and Bonnie are driving toward the necklace, when Caroline asks to be let out the car, so that she can kick some Tomb Vamp booty, and save her Possible Future Mother-in-Law, Carol Lockwood from a possible vampiric demise. You GO GIRL!

Source

“Please hold your applause, until after the recap.”

Without giving even a second thought to the safety of her supposed best friend, who, under normal circumstances would be NO MATCH for the much older, stronger, and more plentiful Tomb Vamps, Bonnie drives back home. (Nice one, WITCH!)

And they all just DISAPPEAR!

Back at Spellville, Jeremy finds Bonnie and gives her the Phantom Necklace, which she promplty tosses into the fire.  More Latin Chanting with Bonnie and Grandma ensues.  “You are stronger than all of this.  I am so proud of you for screwing everything up, as royally as you did this week,” Granny says.

 

They are holding hands.  Then, suddenly, they aren’t.  Grandma is gone.  The portal is closed.

Elsewhere, Mason disappears, conveniently before telling Damon the importance of whatever the f*&k it is he has found inside the Lockwood cellar.  (So much for helping Tyler!  Something tells me Mason’s business is still “unfinished.”  So, the poor guy will probably still be lurking around in Purgatory for awhile . . . hopefully shirtless.)

Lexi disappears too, after hearing from Stefan, how lame it is that she has nothing better to do with her Purgatory time, than to save his life.  He’s got a point.  But Ripper Stefan really has to stop calling his exes pathetic.  It can’t be good for their self esteem . . .

Source

In the seconds before she vanishes, Lexi reminds Elena that Stefan is still “in there,” so she musn’t give up hope.  Elena nods agreeably, telling the disappearing Lexi that she knows exactly what to do now, thanks to her.  Who knows?  Maybe if Elena turns Ripper Stefan upside down, and shakes him really hard, Good Stefan will fall out of his mouth . . .

Open wide and say, “Ahhhhhh!” 

Anna disappears too, but just before she does, she meets up with her mom, and they hug, vanishing into thin air mid-embrace  All together now, “AWWWWWW!”

 

Source

Caroline’s kicking Frederick’s butt, when he fades out too . . . bummer.

“Come back!  I’m not done emasculating you!”

After all the Special Guest Stars ghosts are gone, things wrap up pretty fast.  Bonnie tearfully dumps Jeremy’s ass for preferring to make out with the air in the men’s room, than make out with her . . .

“Wait . .  . before you go . . . would you mind taking off your shirt for me, one more time, so I have something to remember you by?”

 Thanks!

Oh, did I mention that after all that hand-holding and chanting the Original Witch’s Necklace (which, according to Lexi, represents Stefan’s LOVE for Elena) . . .

STILL hasn’t been destroyed!

Who would have ever thought that, out of all the vampires, witches, ghosts, and werewolves on the show, the biggest badass of all would be a piece of cheap costume jewelry?

Then, Elena tells Stefan that she is not giving up on him yet, but if he doesn’t clean up his Ripper act soon, she’s going leave his ass to rot in the Torture Chamber.  Then she  .  . . leaves his ass to rot in the Torture Chamber.  But this time, I’m pretty sure it’s only temporary . . .

Source

“Well  . . . I am getting a stiffy from you leaning over me, and touching my face like that.  Does that count as ‘having feelings?'”

In my FAVORITE moment of the episode, Alaric and Damon finally “kissed” and made up, after Damon called him to explore the Lockwood cellar with him, admitting that, aside from Elena, he had no one else to call. “Sometimes I do things I don’t have to do.  I didn’t have to kill you,” says Damon with a smile, repeating the same pickup lines he used on Mason earlier.

Of course, Alaric calls him on it.  And of course, Damon has a response for that too.  “I didn’t mean it with him,” he says adorably.

I hereby take back all the mean things I’ve said about this sweet Chunky Monkey, since he started fighting with my Damon.  I guess sometimes I do things I don’t have to do, either. 🙂  Oh, and you want to know what Mason saw in the cave that seemed to shock him so much . . . It was . . . wait for it, LAME CAVE PAINTINGS.

Yeah, I was disappointed too.  But, I actually think a history nerd, like Alaric, is going to absolutely eat this sh*t up.  So, more power to him, I guess . . .

And that was “Ghost World” in a nutshell.  I just have one question though.  Where was Useless Jenna in all this?  Are we expected to believe that she had NO unfinished business at all?  Oh, wait, I know!  She was the one who stood at the door of the portal, and told Vicki and the Original Witch, along with all the Evil Tomb Vamps, to just COME ON IN!

It all makes perfect sense now . . . 

Next week on TVD, we get a flashback to the lives of the Original Vampires, BEFORE they were vampires.  And we all know what that means, ELIJAH IS BACK B*TCHES!

You can check out the trailer for the episode here:

By the way, did you catch DAMON DANCING in it?  Can I get a HELL YEAH?

Until next time, Fangbangers . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]