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Were you prepared for THIS? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Homecoming”

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It looks like someone just found out Charlie’s Angels was canceled . . .

Howdy, Fangbangers!  Well, it looks like we have bit, staked, compelled, danced, and de-hearted our way through another mid-season finale of The Vampire Diaries.  And man, was this episode a doozy!  For me, “Homecoming” struck me very much as the unofficial sequel / bookend to one of my favorite TVD episodes, of all time.  Of course, I’m referring to the epic “Masquerade.”

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Think about it.  Both episodes featured a major black tie optional event at the Lockwood Mansion.  Both episodes featured a plan, concocted by the Scooby Gang to take down a significant enemy, in which most of the main characters played a significant role.

Both episodes contained a number of shocking twists, turns, and fake outs, as the show wound its way toward its epic conclusion.  And both episodes offered up some doppelganger hijinks, which resulted in Elena being absent for a key portion of the action.

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Of course, there was one very important difference between “Masquerade” and “Homecoming.”  In “Masquerade,” the Scooby Gang’s ultimate goal was to KILL Katherine (or at least entomb her for a few million years).  But in “Homecoming,” Katherine ended up being, arguably the most important secret weapon the Scooby Gang had against their REAL enemy . . . Klaus.

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So, slip into your favorite dress or suit, and choke back a few bags of blood.  Because it’s time to attend “Homecoming” . . .

(Andre, as always . . . the screencaps were amazing!  Thank you!)

The Body

White Oak Daggers .  . . all the BEST Originals are wearing them.”

We begin this episode, with Stefan calling his boyfriend, Klaus, from La Casa de Rich and Awesome, to inform him that his Daddy’s dead, and to ask him what he wants to do with the body.

“I’ve been missing our nightly phone sex chats, Klaus.  You haven’t forsaken me for that Teeny Bopper Wolf, Tyler, have you?

The fact that this episode both begins and ends with a phone call involving the care and maintenance of Original corpses is just one of the many brilliant touches to this multi-faceted little gem of an episode.   Another interesting irony of this scene?  Stefan’s words actually end up being TRUE, by the episode’s end.

But, since we are just at the beginning, let’s try not to get too much ahead of ourselves here . . .

As it turns out, Stefan’s phone call to Klaus is actually the SECOND STEP, in the longest, most drawn out, Scooby Gang plan to murder its Big Bad . . . EVER.    We flash back a bit, at this point, to just about twenty or so minutes earlier, during which our stalwart crew engages in one of its trademark Pow Wows of Sexiness and Plot Explanation.  (We haven’t had one of THESE in a while.)

During this exchange, we learn that, Stefan is the only person who could successfully lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls, with the promise of Mikael’s death.  However, since Stefan has been compelled to obey, and be more or less honest with the Original Hybrid, Mikael must ACTUALLY be dead, in order for him to make this phone call.

So, Mikael graciously allows Elena to stake him, since, as a human, she is the only one who can do so with White Oak Ash Temporary Murder Weapon, without meeting her maker, herself.  Elena quickly does the deed, without much fuss.

“Oooh, yeah.  A little to the left.  That feels good.”

Then, Stefan makes his phone call, during which a very depressed, and clearly conflicted Rebekah, confirms the existence of her father’s corpse to Klaus.

“Well, of course it’s him!  How many thousand year-old vampires named Mikael do YOU know?”

Did I mention that Mikael’s “Big Bad Klaus Killing Weapon,” is nothing but another, slightly more phallic stylish, looking dagger?  Yeah . . . that disappointed me too.  I was hoping for some gruesome, gory, step-by-step dismemberment process, or something equally sexy or complex.  Not a an ornately hand-crafted wooden weiner  .  . .  So, much for Originals being “hard to kill.”

“Did someone say, ‘hard?’ 😉

Oh, and the worst part?  ANYONE (including your grandma), can hold and wield this dagger.  So, it doesn’t even possess any cool, non-Original vampire-murdering properties, like its slightly smaller predecessor.  LAME!

Just a small quibble . . .  I’ll return to Positivity Town, now.  Thank you, very much . . .

The Bonding

In a show of false bravado, Rebekah paints her toenails, as she waits for her Bad Dad to wake up, so that he can head off to kill her Big Bad Bro.

“You know, I haven’t had a good pedicure, since 1921.  THANKS Klaus!”

You know, I have to say, out of all the characters on the show, Rebekah wins the dubious award this week, for Character Whose Life Sucks the Most.  I mean, imagine helping your dad — who you’ve been taught to hate, your entire life — to kill your brother, because that brother killed your mother, and, to some extent, your ENTIRE FAMILY.  I mean, it’s not exactly the type of situation they make Hallmark cards for . . .

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What the f*&k are Hallmark cards?”

“Nothing you say matters to me,” says Rebekah, as her father returns to the living, though both vampires in the room, know this to be a lie.

No matter how awful our family members might be (and Rebekah’s are clearly the most awful of all), we are always subconsciously seeking their approval . . .

Mikael then asks where his precious peni$ dagger is hiding.  And Rebekah responds that Elena has it, the unspoken implication of that statement being, “I want to make sure you don’t try to impregnate kill me with it, you A$$HAT!”

“Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.”

Mikael, ever the warm and loving soul he is, promises Rebekah that he wouldn’t use that dagger to kill Rebekah . . . only her mother-killing brother.  “And [Klaus] will die for what he did,” explains Rebekah calmly. “But you did this to us, when you turned us into vampires.  YOU destroyed our family, not him.”

So, THERE!”

These were pretty strong words coming from Rebekah . . .  words that make me wonder how many thousands of years she must have spent in therapy to come to this very conclusion. 🙂  And while, Rebekah’s accusations clearly impact her father, I can’t help but wonder whether Rebekah too easily brushes aside her brother’s evil acts, as the mere result of his being an Original .  . .

Because yes, we are ALL a product of our families.  And Mikael’s behavior toward Klaus definitely scarred him for life, as we saw in last week’s “Ordinary People.”  Of course, Klaus would NOT have had all this power, to do all these bad things, had it not been for the spell that turned him into a vampire in the first place.  On the other hand, there are plenty of vampires who have bad dads, but don’t behave like Klaus . . . Caroline, being the most notable one.

Take THAT, fellow Bad Dad Vamps!”

But to some extent, Klaus’ own siblings, Rebekah and Elijah prove this point as well.  Because while both are generally pretty scary indiviuals, neither of them is Klaus . . .

“Yeah, I know.  I’m bad ass.”

This super intriguing scene, is followed by a super dull one, during which Bonnie mopes a bit about the fact that her ex-boyfriend would rather bang dead chicks than her.

“I know it might be fun to take time out of your busy Klaus-killing, Damon flirting schedule to talk about our feeeeelings.”

However, lest you think this TVD moment was nothing more than a two-minute waste of your precious pre-hiatus air time, I’d like to propose that this scene was actually MILDLY important, in that it hinted at the episode’s theme.

When Elena encourages Bonnie to open up and discuss her feelings about her Tragic Break-up with Jer Bear, Bonnie refuses, due to the fact that Elena is Jeremy’s brother, and will love him unconditionally, no matter what.

“Awww . . .”

“So, what,” you might be thinking.  “Jeremy wasn’t even IN this episode!  What do his Ghost F*&ker tendencies have to do with “Homecoming.”  Ahhh . . . true.  But the key word in Bonnie’s statement isn’t “Jeremy,” it’s “brother.”

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Do you see where I’m going with this?  Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome . . .

The Contingency Plan

Honestly, this picture has nothing to do with this section of the recap at all.  Consider this my way of expressing my own personal dissatisfaction at the lack of Damon shirtlessness, of late . . .

Damon and Elena are having sex making out making wolfsbane grenades, while Elena cautions Damon about the fact that more than half of the members of their Kill Klaus Team are untrustworthy vampire douchebags.  Fortunately, Damon is well aware of this fact, which is why he has a Super Top Secret Kill Klaus Contingency Plan.  HOORAY!

But before Damon can reveal, anymore, Ripper Stefan stops by to borrow a tie.  Apparently,  all Stefan’s regular ties are lame.  I love how becoming a Ripper has seemed to awaken Stefan’s latent fashion sense gene.  (Have you notice, his hair has improved, since he went “bad?”)  Now, since Stefan believes himself to be Season , Damon, he also apparently, wants to raid Damon’s Season 1 wardrobe  . . .

“Might you be so kind as to lend me a pair of boxer briefs?”

And yet, I’ve actually never seen Damon OR Stefan wear any sort of tie that wasn’t black . . . So much for pushing the fashion envelope!  Now, Klaus on the other hand, there’s a guy, who probably has some crazy ass ties . . .

“I once wore this tie, made entirely out of champagne glasses.”

Anywhoo, Elena seems to be in a pretty sassy, Katherine-esque mood, of late (an aspect of this episode, which will prove to come in very handy later).  So, she helpfully suggests that Stefan stay home from the dance, since he seems incapable of properly dressing his new evil self.

“I’m sorry, Stefan.  Damon no longer has any ties.  We’ve ruined all of them during our hard core screwing, fighting and biting sessions . . .”

Stefan jabs right back at his ex-girlfriend, reminding her that he has been compelled to protect her . . . and that her track record, both for BIG PLANS, and school dances . . . well . . . it pretty much sucks.

(Technically, this is true.  All three dances that Elena attended with Stefan, ended with her almost getting killed.  There was, however, one dance that ended decidedly better . . .)

In fact, Stefan “worries,” that without his company, Elena might find herself murdered by the homecoming queen.  Touche, Stefan .  . . touche!

“What’s that supposed to mean?  You think I’m not hot enough to win homecoming queen?”

Quick to stick up for his soon-to-be girlfriend, Damon helpfully reminds Stefan that, since he’s Klaus’ bitch, HE’S the one more likely to inadvertently screw up the Gang’s plans, with his compulsive (and compelled) honesty, when it comes to responding to Klaus’ questions and requests.

But Stefan retorts that only ONE person in the room has illustrated a habit for letting HER humanity get in the way of their plans . . .

“Ooh, what do we have here . . . Stefan Salvatore’s number? DELETE!”

Ahh . . . humanity.  If brotherhood is the theme of this episode, “humanity” is it’s buzzword, both in it’s literal, and its more metaphoric sense . . .

All Hail Evil Blood Sluts

Over at the school, two NON humans, Caroline and Tyler are glittering-up the gym together.  (Unfortunately, this is not a euphemism for sex.)

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Tyler suggests they ditch the glitter and go eat some people who genuinely enjoy being chewed on by vampires.   (Hmmm . . . hickeys from Damon and Tyler?  YES PLEASE!)

“Or I could just spray glitter all over your boobs.  Take your pick.”

Prissy Caroline is APPALLED by ths concept — overtly sexual as it may be — and chastizes Tyler for hanging out with, and being adversely influenced by, as Caroline calls her, That Evil Blood Slut Rebekah.

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“OH HELL TO THE NO!”

Tyler promptly moves himself even further into the dog house, by telling Caroline how That Evil Blood Slut Rebekah is going to the Homecoming Dance with Matt, as per his suggestion.  Caroline, apparently, thinks Matt is just too sweet and innocent to dance with an Evil Blood Slut.  (Really, Caroline?  Because he wasn’t so “sweet and innocent,” when he conspired with your mother to KILL YOU!)

Don’t think we forgot!

“Is this some weird family component of the sire thing?”  Caroline asks, frustratedly.

And I’ve gotta say, I simply adored Tyler’s response.  “I’ve got glitter all over my hands .  . . If I’m sired to anyone, it’s you.”

I guess that’s what they call it, nowadays . . . siring. 😉

(So, basically, becoming a Ripper has made Stefan a better dresser.  And becoming Klaus’ b*tch has made Tyler funnier.  In conclusion, EVIL IS AWESOME!)

Speaking of That Evil Blood Slut / Barbie Klaus, she’s over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, wearing her token red dress, we got a peak at last week . . . a dress that looks oddly similar to the one Caroline ends up wearing . .  . both to this dance, and to the “Masquerade.”

“I look WAY better in this than that chick I ate, who was wearing it last.”

Elena approaches Rebekah from behind, and attempts to bond with the super depressed Lady Vamp.  When Rebekah admits that this is her first Homecoming Dance, since she and Klaus have always been too busy running from Mikael to do anything resembling a real high school experience, Elena gallantly thanks her for helping the Scooby Gang KILL KLAUS.

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Then Elena offers Rebekah her old Original Witch necklace,  as a token of her affection and friendship, before LITERALLY STABBING HER IN THE BACK with that trusty white oak ash dagger!

“I’m sorry, I can’t leave anything to chance either,” says Elena, as Rebekah falls to the floor . . . just slightly more undead than usual.

“Does this stake in my back make my ass look big?”

OUCH!  Even Damon thought that was cold, as he wrapped the dead chick up in a blanket or rug, or something.  Talk about Katherine-esque!

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Nevertheless, Stefan’s words have caused Elena to worry about whether her humanity WILL screw up the Kill Klaus plan.  Knowing Elena’s track record of SH*TTY PLANS gone awry, Damon can’t actually disagree with her.  But he can promise her that, she won’t screw THIS plan up, since, from this point on she will no longer have any part in it.

“Do you trust me?” Damon asks.

“Yes,” Elena replies, unequivocally . . . which, if you know these two at all, you know is a pretty HUGE step in the progression of their relationship, both as friends and, MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, for me, anyway, as lovers .  . .

“Then, you have nothing to worry about,” Damon replies.

Eeeek, did you REALLY have to say that, Damon?  Now, you’ve pretty much ensured that both you AND Elena will have something very significant to worry about, by the episode’s end  . . .

The Flood

One thing ALL the seniors at Mystic Falls High are going to have to worry about, is natural disasters.  After a flood magically appears probably because Klaus made it so at the school, the students find themselves without a suitable locale for their dance that night.  But, no biggies, Tyler can hold it at his house. . . .  You know, because that’s what filthy rich people DO, when the going gets tough .  . . they invite an entire student body into their living room.

That said, “Tyler’s” generous gesture reminded me a little bit of Logan Echoll’s “Alterna-Prom” bid, on Veronica Mars.

If you watched the show, you know exactly to what I’m referring.  If not, you can  just skip this comment, entirely . . .

Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Matt too finds himself in need of a contingency plan . .  . considering that his “Original” Date, is a bit “DEAD” at the moment.  (Man!  That sucks, Rebekah.  Here’s hoping you stick around long enough to go to NEXT year’s Homecoming . . . though, I doubt it.)  Have no fear, Matt.  “ELENA” can be your date.

“Aww man!  Now I have to take ANOTHER hot girl to the dance.  My life sucks!  I so wish I was back at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.”

Initially, I was annoyed by this development, since I REALLY wanted Elena and Damon to go to the dance as dates.  And yet, considering that “ELENA” was actually Ka . . . well, more on this later . . .

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The Wake

“I’m picturing all of you naked right now.  It helps that I’m not wearing any pants.”

Wow, “Tyler” throws a rockin, Homecoming Dance. .  .  complete with My Morning Jacket, providing the music for the evening, and more people in attendance than could possibly attend Mystic Falls High, EVER . . . especially considering the death rate at that school.  This, of course, makes Caroline FURIOUS.  She can’t date a guy who’s a better party planner than she is?  What would SHE contribute to the relationship?

“Aside from the obvious, of course.”

Of course, as Tyler admits, he didn’t actually plan this party .  . .  Klaus did.  And it’s not a Homecoming Dance, it’s more like a WAKE .  . . for Mikael . . . an event for which Klaus has been preparing for a thousand years.   (Hmm . . . interesting . . . is this your clever way of telling us that the members of the band, My Morning Jacket, are vampires? ;))

Odd though it was, Klaus’ wake for Mikael sure beat the one Matt through for Vicki, which more or less consisted of this . . .

Meanwhile, “Elena” and Matt arrive at the dance.  And Matt wonders out loud whether their attending together is “weird.”  “Elena” then tells Matt to “act normal,” and “not tell anyone” . . . a rather obvious indication that doppelganger hijinks have just ensued, for those who are paying attention . . . (Wow, lately Matt has been more involved in the Kill Klaus games than Caroline.  What exactly is this show coming to?)

The Cannibal

Klaus and Stefan make their first encounter, since the whole “Emotions Flip Switch” thing.  Klaus promises Stefan that, by way of saying thanks for delivering Mikael to him, Klaus will grant him freedom from his own compulsion, upon Mikael’s death.

(Awww!  How generous of Klaus!  Personally, I would have settled for a Wii Entertainment System, and one of those fun little “Just Dance” games.)  Then, Klaus and Stefan make out . . . Just kidding!

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon and Mikael are shooting the breeze, and discussing Mikael’s all vampire diet.  Apparently, Mikael’s decision to hunt “the predator,” instead of the prey, stems, in a weird way, from his guilt for creating the vampire population to begin with.  Talk about eating your feelings!

This conversation is interrupted upon Stefan’s entrance, and instruction that Mikael’s “body” must be delivered to Klaus.  Damon responds that Stefan is no longer a part of the plan.  And then Mikael EATS HIM

Nom, Nom, Nom . . . tastes like Ripper.”

. . . well, really he just gnaws on his neck, a little bit.

I love how horrified Damon looked by the prospect of someone SNACKING ON HIS BROTHER, particularly given how many women and men, his brother has similarly snacked on.

My brother is going to have one hell of an ugly hickey . . .”

Damon suggests to Mikael that a neck breaking would have been a more humane way to temporarily take him out of commission.  I don’t know, I think the Vampire Hickey Method was great . . . It sure beats all those boring stakings, we’ve witnessed, of late . . .

“You wouldn’t feel that way, if I shoved this up your ass.”

The Betrayal

Back at the party, Klaus and Tyler are doing the whole “Hybrid / Sire” bonding thing, when Klaus lets Tyler in on a little secret . . . he has Baby Hybrid brothers, now!  And they are all at the party, waiting patiently to kill Tyler’s friends and lover.  Now, THAT’s sibling rivalry, for you.  But Klaus is not a total douchebag (just about 99.9999% of one).

“Don’t worry, Tylerpoo.  You will always be my favorite.”

Klaus then (1) compels Tyler’s mother to go to church, and PRAY for the Scooby Gang; and (2) he gives Tyler the opportunity to warn his friends about what’s about to go down, likely figuring that, by the time they try to do something about it, it will be too late, anyway  .  . .

Tyler then brings Caroline to one of his twenty or so BEDROOMS to have wild, hot, and dirty sex, YAY to talk about what “Caroline’s friends” are planning to do to Klaus.  Caroline claims she doesn’t know.  Actually, for once, she’s not lying.  But, she tells Tyler, that, even if she DID know, she wouldn’t tell him, because, as Klaus’ sire he’s Team Evil, now, and, therefore, can’t be trusted.  Tyler responds to this by .  . . VERVAINING HER IN THE NECK!

Would this be a bad time to ask, if I could borrow fifty bucks?  No?  Gee, thanks!”

Talk about COLD.  Apparently, this is a very bad day for Vampire Barbies.  It’s an OK day for Human Ken dolls, though.  Tyler finds Matt and commandeers his help to do what he, as Klaus’ bitch, literally no longer can: (1) bring Caroline to safety; and (2) warn the rest of the Scooby Gang that the Big Bad Hybrid, has brought some Big Bad Reinforcements, along to the party with him.

“Listen, Matt.  I’m going to do something very nice for you.  I am going to allow you to fondle my unconscious girlfriend.  I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?”

The Battle Royale

Here’s another important scene for you, that seems fairly useless, on first watch.  Klaus sees “Elena,” and stops by to metaphorically whip out his member to her, and remind her what a SUPER EVIL SUPER VILLAIN, he is.  When Klaus notes that “Elena,” seems nervous, she replies, “No, I just don’t like you.”

BAZINGA!”

Oooh . . . SASSY!  Klaus then warns Faux-lena that, whatever plan the Scooby Gang has cooked up against him, it’s going to fail, miserably, because . . . well . . . because clearly, while Klaus has been away on Hybrid business, he’s also been watching Seasons 1 and 2 of The Vampire Diaries on DVD.  There’s actually a bit more to this conversation.  But we don’t get to hear it yet, because we are busy watching Damon de-heart some newbie hybrid security guard.

“I hope you enjoyed your two seconds of screen time, Klaus’ extra!”

Our hero then enters the Lockwood house to find Klaus’ bitch, Tyler, on his way out . . .Wall  Slams and Bite Fights Galore ensue.  It’s kind of sexy, actually.

“Hey, Ty . . . mind if I throw a breath mint in their, before we finish fighting?  That’s pretty rank.”

Then Bonnie has to ruin tthe Glorious Tamon Moment with her Witchy Migraine making fingers, which she uses to make Tyler pass out.

Wow, I guess he’s REALLY not a fan of My Morning Jacket . . .”

And another one down . . . another one down .  . . another one bites the dust.

“I’m practicing my Thriller Dance.  What do you think?”

They really are just dropping like flies, this week, aren’t they?  I had to laugh when Damon bitched at Bonnie for Witch Migraining Damon, in addition to Tyler.

Dammit!  I have a Bonnie in my ear!”

Silly Damon!  Haven’t you learned by now, Bonnie’s going to take every single possible opportunity to torture you, at every chance she gets?

This is also the part of the story, where we learn that DAMON is the one holding the pretty, pretty Originals-killing peni$ dagger, since HE is the only vampire still standing with “permission” to enter the Lockwood mansion . . .

The Showdown

The moment we’ve all been waiting for finally arrives, when Klaus finds himself face-to-face with Mikael . . . having instructed his hybrids to bring the rest of the party outside, in preparation for this epic confrontation.  Of course, said confrontation would seem a whole lot more epic, if Mikael could actually cross the threshhold into the Lockwood Mansion.

“Might I be invited in for a bite to eat? I’ve brought this delicious doppelganger tart for you to try.”

Now, the Big Bad Pair are just standing a few feet away from one another, having a pissing contest.  Mikael goads Klaus a bit, reminding him what a coward he is, and explaining to him that, while those trusty hybrids were sired by Klaus, they could still be compelled to rip him to shreds, by Original Mikael . . .

Gay for Klaus . . . but ZOMBIES for Mikael.

Oh, and it seems Mikael has an ace up his sleeve . . . Elena . . . at knifepoint.  Hello, Blood Bag!  This pissing contest just got REAL . . .

You know, I talk a lot on this website about Ugly Cry Faces, but you know who has a GORGEOUS Cry Face, Joseph Morgan  . . . in fact, in the GORGEOUS Cry Face department, Joseph gives Ian a REAL run for his money!

HAWWWWT!

Klaus really gets those waterworks flowing, when Mikael starts telling him how nobody really cares about him, and that he can only earn loyalty by controlling it.

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Well, that’s only partly true, Mikael, I happen to know a lot of TVD fans, who care about Klaus, a whole bunch.

Klaus doesn’t really believe that Mikael would kill Elena, since she’s the lead female character on The Vampire Diaries his “ace in the hole.”  And decides to call his bluff.  Mikael then, tells Klaus that his impulses are what keep him from being great.  And so . . . MIKAEL KILLS ELENA  . . . on impulse, of course (which, I would have been a lot more shocked by, if there was actually a chance in hell that she would actually die).

O Face Alert!”

But it looks like the joke is really on Mikael, because, moments later, as Damon pops up inside the house, with his peni$ dagger, Elena comes back from the dead . . . Oh, wait . . . that’s KATHERINE!  And she’s holding those wolfsbane grenades we saw Damon and Elena making at the beginning of the episode.  “Ba-boom,” she says, gleefully, as she blasts those Baby Vamp Teen Wolves.

SUCKAS!”

“Baby you’re a fiiiiiiirework.  Come on show them whaaat you’re worth . . . without limbs.”

Things start happening pretty fast, then.  Damon BEGINS to stake Klaus, actually getting as far, as to have the knife in his chest (Honestly, I’m not sure, how he didn’t die instantly from that.  Peni$ Dagger officially sucks.)  But then STEFAN tackles Damon to the ground.   OUCH!

This causes the Peni$ Dagger to fall to the ground, and Klaus to get it.  Klaus then rushes out of the house, and stabs Mikael, causing him to burst into flames .  . .  (Well, that’s one way to clean up a dead body.)

It looks like one of those commercials for Tums antacids. 

Wow, nice knowing ya, Mikael, you were . . . not nearly as bad ass, as I hoped you would be.

You do have an excellent tan for a vampire, though . . .

Then, Klaus, who oddly enough, like his brother Elijah, seems to be a man of his word, at least, to some extent, generously frees Stefan from his compulsion, giving him the opportunity to face what he has done, should he ever decide to turn back on his emotions.

I’ll never forget you, Klaus . . . (unless you compel me to do so, which, under the circumstances, I probably wouldn’t  mind that much).”

But . . . will he?  More on that in just a bit . . .

The Break-up

Caroline awakens in some random Bedroom.

“I’m so glad that pesky vervaining didn’t mess up my hair or makeup.  I may win prom queen yet . . .”

Soon after, Tyler pops in, braced for a lecture.

“Well, this is awkward.”

As expected, Caroline is quick to scold Tyler for vervaining his girlfriend to keep her out of danger, as opposed to . . . oh . . . I don’t know, telling her to go home and watch Dancing with the Stars, or something.  But Tyler didn’t do that, because he KNOWS Caroline, and KNOWS that she would never be able to willingly leave the house, knowing that her friends are in danger.  In other words, Tyler stabbed his girlfriend FOR HER OWN GOOD.  (How very Damon from “The Last Dance,” of him.)

Caroline then admits that she is having issues with the fact that Tyler seems so very cool with being gay for Klaus.  So, Tyler, does his best to explain to Caroline why this is so.  And, for the record, I think he makes a pretty good argument . . . a selfish argument, sure.  But a good one.

You see, for Tyler, the coolest thing about being a hybrid, is that he can change into a werewolf at will,  or, not at all, if that’s what he chooses.  This means,  he never has to endure the painful transformation we witnessed him and Caroline experiencing together, last season.

So, what if Tyler is destined to spend the rest of eternity as Klaus’ b*tch?  At least that won’t result in him having to crack all his bones every month, while dirty, naked, and smoking hot, looking?  It’s a pretty fair trade, as far as Tyler is concerned . . .

I’ll drink to that.”

Tyler hopes that Caroline will forgive him his Klaus’ b*tchness, just as she forgave his killing that random slutty chick, back in the “Masquerade,” when their relationship truly began, his monthly werewolf-ness, that whole, “left her locked in the cage a few minutes too long,” thing, the “shooting” Stefan thing, and the almost killing Damon thing.  But, nope, apparently, GAY FOR KLAUS is the straw that breaks the Hybrid’s back.

All it takes from Tyler, is one look at Caroline’s face, and he knows the two are dunzo . . .

“One goodbye f*&K?”

“Think about it, and get back to me later . . .”

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised at Caroline, who is usually SO much less judgmental.  After all, Katherine didn’t NEED compulsion OR a sire relationship, back in early Season 2, when she forced the Vampire Barbie to spy on her own best friends, Elena and Stefan, and bring news back to her.  You would think that she, of all people, could understand the notion of being forced to do the bidding of those who are significantly more powerful than you . . .

In addition, to being a Forwood fan, who just LOOOOOVES watching these two crazy kids get naked on a regular basis, I’m upset by the Forwood breakup, because I suspect it will be what throws Tyler off the rails into full-fledged villainy, just when we were starting to examine the complex layers of his character.  Being Klaus’ b*tch is one thing . . . but being the Robin to Klaus’ Batman, is quite the other . . .

“No me gusta!”

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The Comfort (and the Cockblock)

“Is it hot in here, or is it just us?”

We get our Delena scene a little early this week, in that it’s the second to the last scene, as opposed to the usual last one.  And, while I was hoping for something a bit more substantial (like a kiss, or a love declaration) given this is a pre-hiatus episode, I’m still fairly content with what we got.

We find poor Damon by the fire, brooding, angry, and incredibly distraught over the fact that Klaus is still alive.  After all, despite having seemingly thought of EVERYTHING, and corrected all the mistakes of Plans Past, Damon and his gang still lost.  More adorable soulful crying ensues.

Fortunately, for Damon, Elena knows him well enough to know exactly what he needs, cupping his face, and comforting him, in a way that is sweet, romantic, and above all, surprisingly optimistic, given all that’s happened.  The biggest development in the Delena relationship this week, is the creation of this “we” Elena refers to.  Elena used to use Damon’s name every chance that she got, typically as a means for lecturing him, or setting his own motives and desires apart from her own.

But now, Elena views her and Damon as a unit, a team . . . a couple(?)  “WE will survive this,” Elena assures Damon, as she strokes his cheeks.

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“He’s never coming back, you know.  We’ve lost him, for good,” Damon says bitterly about his brother.

“Then we’ll let him go,” replies Elena.

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My,  my, my, have the tables turned!  Back during “The Birthday,” Damon was telling Elena that Stefan wasn’t going to come back to himself in her lifetime.  He was instructing her to let go.

Then, gradually, as the season progressed, Elena gave Damon hope that his brother would eventually return to himself.   But now, it’s Elena who seems willing to be free of Stefan, while Damon is still mourning his brother’s loss .  . .

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It seems odd that all of this is going down, just moments after Stefan’s been given freedom from Klaus’ compulsion.  But, hey, I’m a Delena fan.  Who am I to complain about a thing like that?

Speaking of me being a Delena fan . . . WE WERE COCKBLOCKED AGAIN!  AGAIN, TVD WRITERS!  Why do you hate us, so?  Damon’s and Elena’s faces were inches apart.  They were clearly about to kiss, when, RING RING RING, it’s friggin Katherine!

“Should I throw my phone in the fire, too?”

(And I never thought I’d say that about Katherine.)  Now, she’s two for two on her cockblock attempts.

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What Katherine says to Damon on the phone is fairly insignificant.  What IS significant about the scene, though, is who is in the car with him . . .

The REAL Deal

“You know, a few weeks back, you’re brother banged me in this car.  And, if you want to feel closer to him, that might be a good way to do it.  Just sayin’.”

“He still doesn’t know where it all went wrong,” says Katherine, frustratedly.

“He doesn’t need to know,” replies Stefan.

“I’m a little carsick.  Would you mind opening the window, so I don’t puke blood all over your face?”

When then flashback a bit, to learn that, during their meeting, Klaus told “Elena,” that, if Klaus died, the hybrids would be compelled to kill Damon.”  Katherine then went to La Casa de Rich and Awesome to wake him up, and tell him what was about to go down.  She instructed Stefan to turn back on his emotions and FEEL something for his brother, who Katherine loved, just as much as she loved Stefan.  (I KNEW IT!)

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And so, Stefan is able to fight compulsion, once again, in order to do the unthinkable . . . allow Klaus to kill Mikael and win, in order to save his brother’s life.

“If he comes back to himself . . . it won’t be because he loves me, it will be because he loves you.”

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How tragic it is that it was this action that caused Damon to see his brother as irredeemable?

I find it interesting that Katherine views “humanity” as a vampires’ greatest weakness . . .

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. . .  while, Klaus believes that weakness to be “love.”

Personally, I think a vampire’s greatest weakness is sh*tty planning abilities . . .

Katherine instructs Stefan to turn his emotions back on fully (now, apparently, they are only on half mast), because she likes the “old him” better.  But Stefan isn’t quite ready to do that, and I can’t say I mind.  After all, like I said, Ripper Stefan is funnier than regular Stefan.  He also has better hair and is a better dresser.  In fact, I’ve been waiting for Stefan to be a VOLUNTARY Ripper for nine episodes.  And now, it looks like we will finally get just that.

Speaking of Stefan, now it’s HIS turn to have a contingency plan . . .

The Aftermath

“Whaaaaaaaaazzzzupppp!”

Just like in the beginning of the episode, Stefan calls Klaus again, this time to “thank him,” for his freedom.  Klaus is smug, and tells Stefan he’s very welcome, with a big goofy grin on his face. Then he opens his little coffin storage container, and finds it EMPTY!

“You know, I’ve been wearing this black getup for about three episodes, now.  Do you think Damon has any shirts he can lend me?”

(Now, I’m just wondering how Stefan managed to move all those coffins, and when, between being staked and eaten, all those times, he’s had time to do so!)

“We . . . are . . . family.  I got all my sisters with me . . . except one.”

“I’m still waiting for my homecoming date.  Do you think he stood me up?”

Anywhoo . . . remember how I said Ripper Stefan has better one liners than his more angelic counterpart?  Well, his last two lines pre-hiatus, might be his best ever.  “As someone who has been one step ahead of everyone for 1000 years, were you prepared for THIS?” Stefan asks with a smirk, as Klaus hangs up the phone.

GAME ON!

As for the promo for TVD’s post-hiatus episode, ‘The New Deal,” I’ve only been able to find the shortened U.S. promo for it, so far.  And, honestly, it feels like a bit of a cop out, considering that about 10 of those precious 20 seconds are spent on the DATE, and scenes from THIS episode.  Nonetheless, here you go . . .

I’m sure they’ll give us something more substantial soon.  But, for now, since it seems we have quite a few TVD-less weeks ahead of us, let’s discuss the first half of the Season a bit, in the comment section, OK?  What are your thoughts, on Mikael’s less-than-monumental demise?

“Goodbye, Cruel World . . . again . . . for good . . . maybe.”

On Forwood’s tragic breakup?

“Why couldn’t I just have said yes to the Goodbye F*&K?  Dammit!”

On Delena becoming a “we?”

On Katherine becoming Stefan’s conscience?

Oh, and how long exactly do you think it’s going to take Stefan to open those precious little coffin lids, most notably Elijah’s?

Because, it looks from the promo, like he takes his sweet time doing it, while our friends in Mystic Falls remain sitting ducks for Klaus?  I don’t know.  If it were me, I’d be de-daggering those family members so fast, my head would spin . . .

But, hey, who are we to judge, right?

Until next time, Fangbangers . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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