The Rapping Hamsters are SO the New E-Trade Babies!

While at the movies this evening (I saw Get Him to the Greek, in case you were curious), I had the rare opportunity to view the above-pictured commercial on the silver screen.  Although I’ve seen it quite a few times by now, it never ceases to bring a smile to my face, a giggle to my lips, and some serious rump shaking to my tushy.  It almost makes me want to buy a Kia Soul . . . almost.

What can I say?  I guess I am just a sucker for hoodie-wearing CGI animals, and old school rap from the early 90’s.  The song the hamsters rock out to in the commerical is called “The Choice is Yours” by a group called Black Sheep, pictured below.  (Check out the guy on the right!  That is some SERIOUS hair!  No baseball hats for that guy . . . or any headgear, for that matter.)

I’ve always wondered what Marge Simpson would look like as a black man . . .

Now I know.

Then again, perhaps my love for this commercial simply stems from my lifelong dream to cruise the streets of New York City in a Giant Toaster . . .

 . . . and /or a Giant Front-Opening Washing Machine . . .

Whatever the reason, this commercial is simply the BOMB DIGGITY!

There are a lot of SERIOUSLY tough hamsters in that advertisement!  But you know which one I REALLY wouldn’t mess with?  THIS Hamster . . .

That hamster would probably get into a knife fight with the E-Trade Baby, with little provocation . . .

Speaking of homicidal hamsters . . . have you seen THIS commercial yet?

Don’t worry, Spooky.  I’ll feed you!  I don’t watch the World Cup AT ALL!  So, let’s just put the chainsaw down, OK?  Hey, I’ve got an idea!  Go down to the garage, and warm up the Giant Toaster.  We can go for a ride . . .

The One Where Jesse Conveniently Turns Evil, and Everybody Keeps Saying the Word “Funky” – A Recap of Glee’s “Funk”

Awww, I’m sorry Jesse St. James!  Drawing on your face like that was immature and wrong (not to mention, bad for your complexion).  You know what else is “immature and wrong?”  Quitting the school you just transferred to a week or so ago, because people were “mean to you” there, and cracking eggs on your ex-girlfriend’s head because YOUR FRIENDS told you to . .  . Guess that means, we’re even.  Here’s hoping your face breaks out from all the scribbling I did on it . . .

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend transfers schools to get away from you, and then breaks up with you in front of ALL of your friends, by singing a Queen cover song, that not-so-subtly implies you were just another notch on the bedpost for him?  Yeah, we really feel for you Rachel!  But whatever you do, PLEASE don’t break out the Suicidal Beanie Baby dress again!

You and that lamb on your head have so much to live for!

There was a lot of talk amongst Glee fans this week, about how the show’s producers switched this week’s episode, “Funk” with last week’s “Theatricality,” so that the Gaga-themed episode would coincide with the American Idol Finale.  Many attributed that random switcheroo to the off-putting weirdness that ultimately developed into what I would hereby like to refer to as “Jesse-gate.”  However, seeing as Jesse didn’t appear AT ALL in “Theatricality.”   And, in the episode prior to that, he was being all sorts of sweet to Rachel, and even told Ms. Corcoran he cared about the head Gleek, I’m not sure that switch was completely to blame here.  Simon Cowell agrees with me . . .

 . . . but Randy and Paula clearly don’t.  (Hey Paula!  You’re not even on Idol any more!  You no longer get a say in these types of disputes!)

Exploring Jesse-gate

As I’ve already suggested above, this week’s installlment of Glee opens with our Glee kids’ nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, breaking into their auditorium.   The purpose of the break-in, you ask?  Well, it appears that Vocal Adrenaline heard a rumor that New Directions was poised to beat them at Regionals, and wanted to psych out their biggest competition.  This also gave Vocal Adrenaline’s not-so-former star, Jesse St. James the opportunity to be a poorly constructed plot device inform the Glee kids that he was back working for the enemy, and that he and Rachel were totally dunzo.  And just in case Jesse’s big speech wasn’t enough to nail the final coffin into his temporary relationship, he had to go and do this . . .

Careful Jesse!  Something tells me microphones aren’t the ONLY thing that girl has had in her mouth, recently . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Another One Bites the Dust” was good.  It just wasn’t my favorite Vocal Adrenaline performance.  For that, I’d have to go with “Highway to Hell.”  In this song’s defense, the fact that I was shouting four letter words at Jesse the entire time the group was performing, probably didn’t help matters . . .

As if this whole abusive and completely illogical scene wasn’t hard enough to watch, later on in the episode, Rachel receives a call from Jesse, telling her to meet him the parking lot.  She runs out all happy and slow motion style, which, by the way, I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL, seeing as the dude COMPLETELY humiliated her just moments earlier.  And that’s when THIS happens . . .

There were two things (aside from the obvious, of course) that really irked me about the “Rachel egging scene.”  First, how FRIGGIN OLD do those Vocal Adrenaline kids look?  Aside from Jesse, these guys seriously look to be pushing about middle age!  It’s like that Chinese Olympic gymnast controversy in reverse.

“Yeah, if you believe those Vocal Adrenaline ‘kids’ are 16, then we’re 45!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR twenty-something’s playing teens . . .

 (Yes, I’m looking at you, my sexy Puck Man!)  However, when your “high school kids” look like they are about ready to register for AARP benefits, THAT is a problem!

My second issue with the scene came into play when Jesse said “I loved you” to Rachel, before cracking that egg on her head.  Jesse, what exactly did Rachel DO to make you NOT “love” her anymore?  I mean come on!  The beanie baby dress wasn’t THAT bad!

Hmm .  .  . then again . . .

Will Schuester has a cute butt.  Alert the media!

 I guess one positive (depending on how you felt about this particular plotline) of Rachel getting her heart stomped on by the conveniently turned-evil, Jesse, was that it inspired Will to seek revenge on Sue Sylvester.  His maniacal plan of genius?  To get her to FALL IN LOVE with him . . .

 . . . only so he could DUMP her before her Cheerleading Cheerios were set to compete in Nationals.  This whole plotline was BIZARRE on SO MANY LEVELS.  For one thing, it seemed so ENTIRELY out of character for Will to even CONCEIVE of pulling this off, let alone actually do it.  For another, Sue just doesn’t strike me as the type of gal who would fall in love, over little more than a few good butt wiggles and some free protein powder, particularly with the guy she seemed so intent on MURDERING in EVERY OTHER EPISODE.  On a positive note, the plot device did bring us THIS . . .

Thanks MikkoBayani!

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen as tight and adorable an ASS as the one Matthew Morrison was showing off in this scene.  I know some pretty fit girls who couldn’t pull off wearing THOSE pants . . .   Then again, should I have expected anything less from this guy?

Eventually, Sue succumbs to the Charms of the Hot Ass, and agrees to go on a date with Will.  But then he pulls a Jesse, and stands her up.  And suddenly, Sue is so heartbroken that the guy she hates,  hates her back, that she holes up in her house, and cancels Cheerleading Nationals.  The Cheerios got pretty torn up over it, which, in itself, provided for some light comedy, in the form of Brittany’s inside out cheerleading uniform and ridiculous “I’m sad” hair-do.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage a screencap on that one.  So you will just have to take my word for it. 

Ultimately, Will apologizes to Sue.  She gets out of bed, and goes on to win Nationals with her Cheerios.  And they all lived happily ever after?

Funk Master Puck is SOOOO NOT a Loser!

In order to retaliate for Vocal Adrenaline’s acts of violence against the Gleeks, Puck and Finn decide to put their differences aside and band together to get revenge.  Their plan?  Slash the tires of the ENTIRE Vocal Adrenaline team, all of whom just so happen to drive identical Range Rovers with super obnoxious “Voc Ad” vanity plates.  (Man, what a perk!  No wonder these 40-year olds don’t want to graduate!)

In a surprising show of decency, Bad Mommy Corcoran . . .

 . . . gives up the opportunity to have Puck and Finn expelled from school, provided they pay for the damages they caused.  So, these two Bad Ass Dudes get jobs working at Sheets’ N’ Things, working for none-other-than the Former Mrs. Schuester . . .

 . . . who kind of seems like she has the hots for Finn, because he looks like her Ex-Husband did when HE was 27 16.  Pretty random, right?  But at least it gave us the opportunity to see this . . .

Thanks bangbangxo!

“Losers” never looked so pretty!  Later, Finn and Puck perform together AGAIN (along with Mercedes) in the Glee choir room.  This time, instead of a Beck song, they choose one by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch . . .

 . . . and during the number, Puck got so excited, he started HUMPING THE FLOOR!

And while it wasn’t a BAD performance, it just didn’t feel true to its roots.  After all, when covering a song sung by a former underwear model, isn’t shirtlessness kind of required?  To prove my point, here is the music video for the ORIGINAL “Good Vibrations.”

Thanks highwishs!

Quinn Febray and the Case of the Disappearing, than Reappearing, than Disappearing Again, Baby Bump

Someone once said that you could judge how well the stock market would do in a given year, based solely on what length of women’s skirts was in fashion at the time.  Using that same logic, I’ve come to believe that you can judge the success of a Glee episode based solely on (1) the size of Quinn’s baby bump that week; and (2) which Glee cast member she was bunking with at the time.  This week, Quinn’s baby bump was fairly small for her solo number “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World.”  Then it looked insanely large / about to pop during the finale number, “Give up the Funk.” 

Watch and compare for yourselves . . .

Thanks Mr. GleeMusicTV3!

(Oh, and in the words of Artie . . . the “Unwed Motherhood” Backup Dancers?  “Kind of disturbing . . .”)

Thanks again MikkoBayani!

Oh, and Quinn is randomly living with MERCEDES now . . . her fourth home since the season began.  Make of that what you will!

That’s all she wrote folks!  Tune in next week for the Season Finale, when, given the recent trend in their personalities, Jesse and his Middle-Aged Vocal  Adrenaline team mates will probably start devil worshipping and try to offer Rachel up as a human sacrifice .  . .

All snarky comments aside, I CAN’T WAIT!  My Gleeks better WIN THIS THING!

 

 

Glee’s “Safety Dance” a.k.a. Why Dancing in Malls is COOL!

I have to say, after a few lackluster episodes, it was really nice to see one of my favorite new shows of this year, Glee, back on its game this week.  As far as I’m concerned, the high quality of  the recently aired “Dream On” episode, can mainly be attributed to three things.  Or, perhaps, I should say, three people.

First, Joss Whedon, who directed the episode.

Who would have thought the guy who taught Buffy Summers how to pound stakes into vampires’ hearts, was also so adept at choreographing musical numbers?  Then again, didn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer have a musical episode, once?  I actually think the episode was called “Once More with Feeling.”  (I tried to find a video of it to show you.  But when I looked on YouTube, all I found were a bunch of bad fan videos and high school musical productions.  So, you’ll just have to take my word for it . . .)

Second, Neil Patrick Harris, who acted, danced, and SANG in it.

Third, and, most importantly, for purposes of this post at least, Harry Connick Jr.- lookalike, Kevin McHale, who plays the loveable, wheelchair-bound, Artie Abrams on the show.  This kid is just plain AWESOME, and can do no wrong, as far as I’m concerned!

In the first half of the season, Kevin’s character, Artie, updated the Billy Idol song, Dancing with Myself, giving it a unique jazzy, blues-esque, feel.  This week, he updated yet another 80’s classic, namely Men Without Hats’  Safety Dance. 

In doing so, he proved to the world that just because you are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life, doesn’t mean you can’t dance.  (OK . . . actually . . . maybe it does . . . but the episode was all about “dreams.”  So, cut the kid some slack, all right?) 

Words can’t express how much I LOVE the video you are about to see, particularly because it takes place in a MALL.  You see, I’m a Jersey Girl.  So, malls?  They are kind of my thing . . .

(Special thanks to Msikklegunn2, for posting this.)

Speaking of dancing in malls . . . while I was watching the Glee video, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another music video that featured, “Random Mall Dancing.”  Do any of you guys out there rememeber that bizarre, but oddly compelling, music video for Fatboy Slim’s Praise You?  Please allow me to refresh your memory . . .

(Thanks for allowing embedding, toxicblast!)

(I actually think that “dance group” performed in my mall, once . . .)

While on my “mall kick,” I took it upon myself to research what the ORIGINAL music video for Safety Dance actually looked like.  I thought to myself, “I bet this video took place in a mall, too!  After all, the song was written in the ’80s.  And ’80s teens LOVED their malls.  I saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High!  I know how it is!”

 Unfortunately, I was wrong . . .  There were most certainly NO malls in the original Safety Dance video.  Instead, the whole thing kind of made me feel like I was watching a deleted scene from Lord of the Rings.  And I REALLY didn’t like Lord of the Rings . . .

They look mad at me.  Do you think they are mad?  Hopefully, this video will make them feel better . . .

(Video posted by falecomoeditor.  Thank you!)

Give me mall-dancing and Artie, over a medieval-looking village and skipping hobbits, any day!  Well played, Glee!

Glee’s Noah “Puck” Puckerman – Yet Another Addition to My Ever-Growing List of Current Television Boyfriends . . .

“I don’t care that you are giving me the ‘LOSER’ sign right now. I am still in love with you . . .”

Wednesday nights are currently television-lite for me.  I don’t have any shows to recap, which saddens me a bit (but probably improves upon my ever-dwindling sleep schedule – Recaps take a LONG time to write!).  It also causes me to get a bit nostalgic for a time, not too long ago, when Wednesday night television, literally rocked!  Of course, I am talking about one of my favorite new shows of last year – GLEE!.   

This cheese-tastic, 80’s and 90’s loving, musical powerhouse graced my television set, every Wednesday night, from May through November of 2009.  It took only one episode, for me to become a total “Gleek”.  During those fun-filled prime time hours, it wouldn’t be at all unusual to find me bopping around the apartment like a drunk girl at a bar, singing at the top of my lungs, or clapping and hooting when the first bars of songs I recognized were played on screen.  After the first season finale aired, my typical television withdrawal-fueled depression was tempered, only by the fact that I now have EVERY song ever aired on the show in high rotation on my iPod.

Musical obsessions aside, one of the major draws of the show, for me, anyway, came by way of a certain mohawk-wearing, bad boy jock, with the body of an Adonis, and a last name that sounds like a kiss.

Here are 10 reasons, that I have decided to elevate Noah “Puck” Puckerman to fake boyfriend status:

(1) Mohawk Man: Puck sports a hairstyle that went out of style around the time that I was born.  But he makes it look GOOD!

Nice try, Vanilla Ice.  But SOME things should be left back in the ’80s,  where they belong . . .

(2) Varsity Boy: Puck is a total, card-carrying, jock.  This  means, as his faux-girlfriend, I get to wear his slightly oversized varsity jacket, when we go out on dates . . .

(Personal sidenote – Back in high school, I was on the track team, and actually had my own varsity jacket.  This didn’t stop me from secretly hoping that the right high school athlete would let me wear his . . . )

(3) Underdog: Puck spent most of the first season on the unrequited end of a love triangle.  In my book, brooding men, who want what they can’t have, are a total turn on . . .

(4) Father Figure:  Rather than run away screaming (as many lesser men would do), Puck has shown that he’s willing to step up the plate and help Quinn to raise their baby.  He even raised money to help her to pay for her medical bills.  So what, if that meant getting all the kiddies high, by selling them pot brownies?

That just means he’s a good cook!

(5) Abs-haver:

If I even have to explain this to you, you have no business reading this blog . . .

(6) Shalom Sayer:  Puck is Jewish.  And it is high time that television portrayed Abraham’s people as something more than math geeks and mama’s boys . . .

Say what?  You didn’t know Jews were cool?  Have all 80 installments of my Hanukah song taught you nothing?

(7) Non-Perv Maker: Sure, Puck is only in high school.  But the actor who plays him, Mark Salling, is a twenty-something, like me.  This makes me feel WAY less guilty for drooling over him.  The fact that he and I could date in real life, without me (a)  being mistaken for his mother; or (b) being charged with a crime, is a definite selling point for our make-believe relationship.

(8) Renaissance Man: Puck plays three different sports at the varsity level, cleans pools, bakes brownies,  sexts like a champ, sings AND plays guitar.  Is there anything this guy CAN’T do?

. . . currently working to single-handedly solve the Health Care Crisis.

(9) He doesn’t mind getting dirty . . .

Hint, hint, wink, wink . . .

(10) He gave me this . . .

Need I say more?

Glee returns to Fox on Tuesday, April 13th.  Watch with me.  But keep your mitts off Puck, OK?  He’s MINE!