Tag Archives: A Few Good Men

July 4th Movie Quote Contest (a.k.a. The post my lazy butt came up with at the last minute, because I drank too much on July 4th)

Have you ever noticed how there is nothing AT ALL to watch on television during the entire July 4th weekend?  Case in point:  Earlier this evening, I was flipping through channels in search of decent programming.  The viewing selection on my small screen was SO bad, that I actually watched an infomercial . . . on a motor scooter for the elderly . . . for a full half hour.  It was only 10 p.m.

Four glasses of wine in my belly, and I was actually about to purchase this . . . another two glasses, and I would have bought a spare one for my pet cat.

But you know what DOESN’T suck during July 4th weekend?  MOVIES!

July 4th weekend is a time when film production companies tend to release their highest budget films, in hopes of scoring big at the box office, and, thereby, achieving that much coveted “blockbuster” status.  It is also a time when television networks tend to air some of Hollywood’s most successful blockbusters, during prime time hours.  Networks tend to do this because (1) why bother putting out new content, when everyone is too sunburned and beer-logged to watch it; and (2) the few people who ARE watching are so happy to find something decent on television to watch and so very drunk, they won’t care at all that it’s a movie they have already seen 25 times.

For this reason and because I have had too much to drink to be genuinely creative, I have decided to run a little informal contest / game here at TV Recappers Anonymous.  The winner gets . . . well . . . to be honest, the winner gets nothing, because I don’t have anything to give him or her.

However, having a contest win of any kind under your belt WILL provide you with massive “street cred” on the blogosphere, not to mention something to brag about at all your upcoming July 4th parties!

OK . . . Here’s how the game works.  Got a pen and paper handy?


I’m going to show you a YouTube video featuring 100 famous movie quotes.  As you watch the video, jot down as many movies and quote-uttering actors as you recognize.  Then, tally up your points.  You get one point for each movie you correctly identify, and one point for each actor. 

And remember NO CHEATING!  If I hear later from your friends that you paused this video and started trolling around IMDB for the answers, I am going to find out your home address, and personally mail this to it . . .

Don’t think I won’t do it, either! 

If you’d like, feel free to comment here on how many points out of the possible 200 you received.  If not, don’t worry, I won’t be insulted . . .

 .  . . well, maybe I’ll be a little insulted.  But I’ll get over it.

This would actually be a pretty cool game to play with your friends on July 4th, assuming the party you are attending is extremely lame.  Additionally, I’m pretty sure there is a way to turn this into a drinking game.  I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet.  (Your suggestions in that regard, of course, are welcome too.)

So, without further adieu, here are 100 famous movie quotes in under four minutes . . . Good luck!

(At some point, I MIGHT add a comment to this post that includes the “answers” to this game.  Until then, you are on the honor system.  And remember, I’ll be WATCHING YOU!)

 Happy July 4th, everyone!


Filed under Top 100 movie quotes

Career in a Slump? Bad Publicity Got You Down? – Just Get in a Fat Suit and Dance with J Lo! All Will Be Forgiven!

Fat, bald, and booty-shaking is officially the NEW sexy!

Good ole’ Tom Cruise!  This guy has had more image makeovers than Madonna!  He first made a name for himself in the early 80’s, as a promising child star, in the movie Taps, alongside other soon-to-be big names, Sean Penn and Timothy Hutton.

 Then, a few years later, he reinvented himself in Risky Business, as a shy teen, who liked hookers . . . but disliked wearing pants.

As an early twenty-something, Tom Cruise starred in Top Gun,  a very “manly” movie about fighter pilots.  Soon after, he unwittingly became an icon for gay men everywhere, thanks to this little scene . . .

Then Tom did the “serious lawyer movie” thing in A Few Good Men.  And, even though I was still prepubescent when it came out, I’m pretty sure that it was this film (and the below scene in particular) that eventually inspired me to go to law school.  Not that Tom really cares, of course . . . (Nor should he.)

And what’s a modern day acting career without a little vampiric bloodsucking?  Here’s looking at you, Vampire Lestat in Interview with a Vampire!

Since when did Victorian Age vampires have access to crimping irons?

When you’re a Hollywood star, who is constantly bombarded by the media’s preoccupation with youth, mid-life crises tends to hit YOU a bit earlier than the rest of the world.  So, when Tom was staring down his late 30’s, he did what any self-respecting male A-list star does, upon being faced with his own mortality.  He made an action movie (or, rather, four).

(Insert annoying Mission Impossible theme music here.)

This was when things got a little hairy for Tom’s heretofore stellar media image.  First there was, that “Couch Jumping Incident”

Wow!  I truly forgot how bizarre and uncomfortable that was to watch!

This was quickly followed by that Today show interview with Matt Lauer, which I like to refer to lovingly as . . . “Glib”-gate.

And, yet, just when it seemed as if all hope had been lost for reviving Tom Cruise’s seriously messed-up career, out of the darkness of Hollywood, there emerged a little film called Tropic Thunder, and a very special character named Les Grossman.

The film procured mainly positive reviews.  In particular, Tom’s portrayal of tubby, potty-mouthed studio exec, Les Grossman, was extremely favorably received.  Les Grossman went a long way toward reviving Cruise’s seemingly stalled career.  The role singlehandedly illustrated his comedic chops, his ability to laugh at himself, and his general willingness to play . . . well . . . fat and bald. 

The problem was that not EVERYBODY actually saw Tropic Thunder.  This was why, in order to stage a COMPLETE comeback, Tom needed to do this . . .

And based on my brief perusal of the message boards and entertainment rags, Tom’s Master Plan for Image Upheaval REALLY WORKED!   Mr. Cruise’s little dance with J. Lo at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards received almost uniformly positive reviews.  Some even cited it as the best moment of the ENTIRE awards show.  And, in discussing the dance, virtually NO ONE (except me, of course) made ANY MENTION AT ALL of all that Couch-Jumping, Scientology proseletyzing hoohaa! 

Congratulations Tom Cruise!  American media clearly has a very short memory . . .

Let that be a lesson to YOU, Lindsay Lohan . . .

It’s time to get fat and funky, GIRLFRIEND!


Filed under MTV Movie Awards, Tom Cruise

“More of THAT Please!” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries “A Few Good Men”


Welcome back VD’ers!  (Don’t you like how I basically just called you all a bunch of venereal diseases?  Great way to make friends and influence people, huh?) 

It’s been WAY too long since we’ve had a “taste” of our favorite campy, bloody, teen drama, hasn’t it?  But, now, we are back, and (I think) better than ever . . .

There was a lot to love in this week’s “Back from Hiatus” installment of The Vampire Diaries!  For starters, we got a few GREAT booby shots of a Drunk Shirtless, Slightly Broody, and Highly Emotionally Volatile Damon Salvatore . . .

More of THAT Please!

We also got a drool-worthy, sexual tension-laced “shirt BUTTONING” scene between our favorite couple-not-yet-to-couple, Damon and Elena . . .

More of THAT Please!

(By the way, in addition to being AWESOME, shirt on AND shirt off, Damon also had the dubious honor of uttering my favorite quote from this episode, “Unrequited love sucks, man!”  — Great line.  But so untrue, Damon.  Unrequited love ROCKS . . . particularly when YOU are doing the loving!)

Then, there were not ONE, not TWO, but THREE senseless Deaths,  this episode . . . well, two-and-a-half, depending on how you felt about Alaric’s rebirth . . .

( . . . will live to write on chalkboards and be stultifyingly boring, ANOTHER DAY!)

More of THAT please!  (Well, more senseless DEATHS at least, less Alaric, he’s snoozy . . .)

Let’s not forget that tonight’s episode title was modeled after one of my favorite films . . .

“You can’t handle the TRUTH!”

More of THAT Please!

And, as if that wasn’t enough, we got Marissa Cooper’s Mom from The O.C.!

Much more of HER please!

(By the way, if there was ever an Emmy award for “Best Performance as a Slutty Trashtastic Kind-of-Bitchy Mom,” Melinda Clarke would win every year hands down.  Has she been typecast?  Absolutely!  But that doesn’t make her any less fabulous!)

So, without further adieu, lets take a peek at what happened on VD’s A Few Good Men . . .

A Few Good Lays . . .

If you didn’t think I was going to somehow find a way to include this picture in my recap AGAIN, you clearly don’t know me AT ALL . . .

When we first reunite with Damon, he is getting it on with a trio of drunken, horny, and “compulsed” Tri Delts (a REAL sorority, by the way, . . . I smell a Defamation Lawsuit!).  We quickly get the impression that this has been how Damon has been spending his hiatus time.  You GO DAMON!  The way I see it, the best way to get over an undead Vampire Bitch, who you’ve searched for, for about 100 years of your life, only to find out she DOESN’T want to be found by YOU, is to get UNDER someone else . . . or rather, in this case,  SOMEONE ELSES. 

Might I suggest the cast of Gossip Girl, DamonThey always seem up for a good roll in the hay  . . .

A Few Good Bings . . .

By the way, I found this picture on GOOGLE!   Put that in your pipe and smoke it, BING!

One of the things I am NOT liking about The Vampire Diaries of late, is its already burgeoning sell-out tendencies.  Seriously folks, how many times is our favorite television show going to double as an hour-long commercial for a certain search engine website that shall remain nameless? 

Is this supposed to be our punishment for having DVRs?  What’s next?  A discussion about herpes pills or “feminine hygiene” products?

“Aunt Jenna? Did you ever get that ‘not-so-fresh’ feeling?”

Anyway, shameless product placement aside, Elena and her Auntie are doing a little internet research to find out some important intel on Elena’s birth mother.  In our last episode, we learned that Elena’s birth mom and Alaric’s “deceased” wife shared the same name, Isobel.  This week, we learned that they are the same person (and are both played by Mia Kirschner)

“What can I say?  I get around . . .”

Elena and Auntie come across some old high school yearbook pics online of Elena’s mommy and her cheerleading friend, Trudie (Amanda Detmer), who, conveniently, currently lives just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Elena.  Stefan, hoping to protect Elena from learning about Damon’s involvement in Isobel’s disappearance, tells Elena to leave Trudie alone.  But Elena goes to see her, anyway.  Trudie, initially, seems friendly enough (if  you consider people who don’t invite you inside their home, spike your tea with vervain, hoping it will make you sick, and text cold-blooded killers to inform them of your arrival, friendly).  But, when Elena questions Trudie about her knowledge of vampires, the latter becomes really unwelcoming, and asks her to leave ASAP.

Unfortunately, for Trudie, she never gets the chance to send Elena the neighborly “I’m sorry for being a bitch to you,” apple pie, she would have sent, otherwise . . .

Always helpful in times like these . . .

 . . . because the killer she so brilliantly texted, comes to her house, just moments after Elena has left, pushes her down the steps, breaks her neck, and kills her.  Talk about UN-neighborly! (SENSELESS DEATH # 1)

A Few Good Boyfriends (with Moms that Hate You)

In other news, Matt’s and Caroline’s still-new relationship hits a bit of a road block when Matt’s Mommy (Melinda Clarke) returns to town and tells Caroline, in no uncertain terms, that she HATES Caroline’s guts.  So much for getting Mommy Dearest to fork over the cash for the upcoming nuptials . . .  ( SOMEONE’S going to be registering for their wedding gifts at the Dollar Store, in a few years . . .)

A Few Good Bachelor Brawls . . .

At the Town’s Founder’s Day Fundraiser, both Damon and Alaric put their very nicely-sculpted bodies up for auction.  (Is it too late for me to move to this town?)  Proving himself to be an even bigger D-Bag than we initially thought (but, a HOT d-bag, mind you), Damon inexplicably calls out Alaric during his bachelor speech, revealing, in no uncertain terms, how he gave Alaric’s wife the best lay of her life before she “died.”  (And you just KNOW that all that “sexual prowess” talk upped Damon’s auction price considerably . . .)

“It was for a GOOD CAUSE!”

Elena puts two and two together, and figures out that Damon had a hand in her birth mommy’s “death.”  She dashes out of the party in tears, with both Stefan and Damon at her heels.  (Must be nice, having hot guys always chasing you like that . . .)  Say what you will about Damon, but the look on his face when Elena confronts him about his murdering her mother is genuinely heartbreaking.  He really does have a soft spot for her . . . (swoon).

Later, Cold Blooded Killer Guy (CBK Guy for short), who Stefan instantly recognizes as being under vampire compulsion, warns Elena to stop looking for her mother.  Having delivered this Very Important Message,  CBK Guy walks into oncoming traffic and gets mowed down by a car.  (SENSELESS DEATH #2)  Stefan appears genuinely concerned for the zombie’s well being.  However,  Elena sees the death as an opportunity to get a free cell phone  . . . so she snatches the corpse’s.

“What?  Mine was running low on minutes!”

Back at home, Elena picks up her brand new cell phone and dials the last number called on it.  When a woman picks up, asking if “everything went as planned,” Elena utters “Isobel” into the phone.  The woman hangs up . . .

A Few Good Pieces of Jewelry

“They sure like their bling on this show . . .”

Back at La Casa de Damon, Alaric confronts the vampire about porking, and subsequently forking, his  loving wife.  As it turns out, Isobel was somewhat of a “vampire scholar” when she and Alaric were together back at Duke.  Isobel had traveled to Mystic Falls, convinced that she would be able to prove the existence of vampires there.  That was when she met, and screwed, Damon.  Damon and Alaric tussle for a bit, and Damon appears to puncture his lung, killing him.  (SENSELESS . . . SORT OF  . . .  DEATH #3) 

 Saintly Stefan then arrives on the scene.

I just figured it was high time that I included HIS pic in this recap.  I’m nothing, if not, fair, ladies . . .

Damon admits to Stefan that he didn’t kill Isobel, but rather, turned her into a vampire, because . . . “she was begging for it.”  (Spoken like a true rapist, Damon . . . it’s a good thing I like you . . . otherwise, you’d be dead to me, right now.  Oh, but wait . . . you ARE dead . . . so, nevermind.)

 Left alone with corpse Alaric, Stefan is alarmed to learn that Alaric is not-so-much dead.  At first, Stefan fears that Damon turned him into a vampire . . . and we all know THAT hasn’t worked out too well in the past.

R.I.P. Doubly Dead Vampire Vicki

And yet, Alaric explains that, before she disappeared, Isobel gave him this Big Ugly Ass Ring to protect him from the occult.  Because Alaric was wearing it when Damon “killed” him, it allowed him to “live.” 

So, let me get this straight, on this show we NOW have . . .

(1) a lapiz lazuli ring that vampires wear to allow them to go out in sunlight;

(2) a vervain necklace that HUMANS wear to prevent vampires from controlling their minds;

(3) a medallion that WITCHES wear to do spells and hurt mean vampires; and

(4) a Big Ugly Ass Ring that ALARIC wears to keep vampires from killing his boring butt.

This show is starting to look like the Home Shopping Network . . .

In the last moments of the show, we learn that Vampire Anna and her recently rescued Mommy, Vampire Crystal, are having a little Undead Reunion for fellow Tomb escapees at some house in Mystic Falls (including this unnamed hot African American vampire dude with gorgeous eyes, that I wouldn’t mind seeing again).  Could THEY be the ones behind that Cold Blooded Killer guy who did in Isobel’s high school bud, Un-neighborly Trudie?

Tune in next week, to find out.  See ya then, bloodsuckers!


Filed under The Vampire Diaries

Dawson’s Creek’s Pacey and Joey: The Fictional Television Super Couple That Ruined Me for All of My Future Relationships

           In honor of that not-so-fabulous upcoming February Holiday that shall remain nameless, I decided to pay tribute to one of my favorite television couples of all time.  Yes, boys and girls, before she met a man named Tom Cruise, before the “couch-jumping incident,” before Suri and scientology, Katie Holmes was just a girl named Joey Potter who fell in love with a boy named Pacey Witter.

              What follows is the Cliff Notes version (clips that make you go “awww” included) of the aforementioned couple’s relationship, which was carried out during the course of the show’s six seasons.  Special thanks go out to all the folks that posted these very special clips on YouTube, thus making my homage all the more complete . . .

 Season 1

            Like all great television couples, Pacey Witter and Joey Potter began the series hating each other.  Well, perhaps “hate” is too strong of a word.  But the two definitely didn’t exactly enjoy one other’s company . . . at least at first. 

                 When we first meet Joey, she is a shy and bookish tomboy from the wrong side of the Creek.  With a mother who died of cancer when Joey was only thirteen and a father in prison for drug trafficking, Miss Potter’s idea of a good time is climbing a ladder into the bedroom of her childhood pal, Dawson Leery (with whom she is secretly in love) crawling into his bed, and spending the evening watching old Steven Spielberg movies.

            Pacey is Dawson’s other best pal.  Son of the alcoholic local police chief, and the youngest of five children, Pacey begins the series as a skirt-chasing underachiever, who uses humor and sarcasm to hide his insecurities. At this point in the series, Pacey is best known for having a brief and highly inappropriate sexual relationship with his English teacher.

            Episode 11 – Double Date

            In Season 1, Pacey and Joey have little to do with one another, aside from the exchange of a few nasty barbs here and there.  After all, as I mentioned, Pacey is busy diddling the Teacher and Joey is coping with her unrequited feelings for Dawson.  And yet, in Episode 11, we see the first signs that things between the two may be about to change.  Forced to work together on an extra credit science project involving the mating habits of snails, Pacey and Joey find that they (gasp) actually enjoy one another’s company. 

             After a trip that the two take to the local pond gets hot and heavy, Pacey starts to think he may even have feelings for Joey.


            Suddenly jonesing for some Joey-loving, Pacey confronts Dawson, while the latter is at a carnival pursuing his crush, Jen Lindley.  Young Witter asks Dawson for permission to pursue Joey.  After Dawson gives his OK (which he later reneges upon), Pacey tries to kiss Joey, but is rebuffed.  As it turns out, she likes him as a friend, but does not return his affections . . . yet.


Season 3

            Most of Season 2 deals with the dramatic rise and fall of the relationship between Joey and Dawson (snooze), while Pacey is involved in a tumultuous fling with the annoyingly perky, and neurotically brainy Andie (double snooze).  However, at the end of that Season, Joey dumps Dawson, after he forces her to turn her own father over to the cops for dealing cocaine once again.  (A pretty good reason to dump someone, right?)

            Episode 36 – Like a Virgin 

               Despite that, as Season 3 opens, Joey throws herself at Dawson, hoping to give their relationship another shot.  And yet, Dumb Ass Dawson inexplicably denies her access to his manly parts.  After totally embarrassing the woman he supposedly still loves, Dawson goes to his best friend Pacey, now newly single after his girlfriend Andie was shipped off to the funny farm, and asks him to “look out for Joey.”  (Note to all of you men out there:  It is a BAD idea to have your hotter, sexier, funnier, and more charming best friend take care of the woman you love, while you are busy figuring out your issues.)

             Bad news for Dawson, but great news for us, because now the relationship between Pacey and Joey can truly begin in earnest.  The chemistry between the prospective couple is already evident in this heartfelt scene between them at the conclusion of the episode.


            Episode 44 – Four to Tango

            So, while Dawson is busy contemplating his navel, Pacey and Joey begin to develop a friendship.  In search of a college scholarship, Joey commandeers Pacey to partner up with her in a ballroom dancing class.  Pacey agrees to do this for Joey in exchange for her tutoring him in math.  Unbeknownst to Joey, Pacey, at this time, is engaging in a “friends with benefits” sort of relationship with the slutty Jen Lindley.

            Unfortunately, slutty equals sloppy, for Pacey and Jen.  And when Dawson finds a condom wrapper on the floor of his bedroom, shortly after Pacey has left, the former becomes convinced that Pacey is having an affair with Joey.  Hilarity ensues when the four confront each other at a ballroom dancing class.  There, Jen begins to suspect that romantic feelings are developing between Joey and Pacey.  She, therefore, breaks things off with her former sex toy.


Episode 47 – A Weekend in the Country

               In this almost sickeningly sweet episode, Pacey rallies the Capeside Scooby Gang to help Joey and her family to run a newly-opened bed and breakfast.  Much to Joey’s chagrin, he even contacts a famous hotel reviewer to drop in on the place.  Thanks mostly to Pacey, the bed and breakfast receives a favorable review.

              That night, Jen’s grandmother tells the Scooby Gang a story about the love of her life.  She explains that if a person truly loves someone, he or she could be content simply sitting for hours and watching that person sleep.  At the episode’s conclusion, Pacey returns to the B&B to find Joey fast asleep on the couch.  I think you can guess what happens . . . (No, not that . . . he actually just watches her sleep.)


Episode 48 – Valentine’s Day Massacre

                In this episode, Pacey once again rallies the Scooby Gang around him, only this time it is to attend a keg party thrown by one of Capeside High’s resident assholes.  When the party gets busted, the whole crew is thrown in the drunk tank.  As Joey scolds Dawson for his uncharacteristically bad behavior that night, a highly inebriated Pacey interrupts her, jealously chastising the pair for their agonizing on-again, off-again relationship, before puking in a nearby toilet.

            In the following scene, Pacey admits to his older brother that Joey is the kind of beautiful that “gives you butterflies.”  At the end of the episode, Pacey stops by Joey’s house.  But instead of telling her how he feels about her, he simply offers to teach her how to drive.


Episode 50 – Crime and Punishment

               In this episode, the budding artist Joey is selected to paint a mural to be displayed at Capeside High School.  When one of Capeside High’s resident assholes (coincidentally the same asshole who threw the party in Episode 48) defaces the mural, Pacey beats the crap out of him.  He then rents Joey a wall in town so that she has an outlet for her artistic expression.  Seriously, how many of your significant others would be willing to buy you a wall?


Episode 52 – Cinderella Story

               When a romantic weekend with a random college guy goes horribly awry, a heartbroken Joey calls Pacey in the middle of the night to rescue her.  On the drive home, Joey admits that Pacey and Dawson are the only two people in the world who really “know [Joey].”  Overcome with emotion, Pacey abruptly pulls the car off the road, and plants a hot wet one on an unsuspecting Joey.  Sparks fly . . .


Episode 54 – Stolen Kisses

              When the Scooby Gang travels to Dawson’s aunt’s house for Spring Break, Pacey finds himself overwhelmed by the vast amount of history that exists between childhood friends and former lovers, Dawson and Joey.  When he leaves the house in a huff, Joey runs after him.  Joey then admits that Pacey’s touch “makes her feel alive.”  Allowing her ten seconds to stop him, Pacey grabs Joey and the two share a passionate kiss with one another, before being discovered by Dawson’s aunt.


            Later that night, Joey and Pacey discuss the difficulties inherent in their relationship.  And yet, despite the problems they know it will cause in their social circle, Joey and Pacey find themselves overtaken by passion for one another.  This time, Joey grabs Pacey and kisses him!


Episode 57 – The Anti Prom

            Pacey and Joey’s new-found bliss is short-lived, however, and shortly after Stolen Kisses, the two break it off, in hopes of salvaging their now-broken respective relationships with a hurt Dawson.  At an alternative prom that the Scooby Gang puts together so that their homosexual friend, Jack, can attend with his boyfriend, Pacey and Joey share a heart-wrenching slow dance.  The fire between them becomes instantly apparent to everyone, including Dawson.


Episode 58 – True Love

              Unable to cope with the loss of his relationship with Joey, Pacey decides to run away, choosing to spend the summer at sea on his boat, aptly named “True Love.”  Joey is torn between spending the summer rebuilding her friendship with Dawson (zzzzzzz), and following her heart with Pacey (Yippeee!!!).  In the final moments of the episode, she makes her choice . . .



Season 4

            Episode 72 – A Winter’s Tale

            Joey and Pacey spend most of Season 4 as a couple.  However, as is the case with most television couples, the actual relationship is never nearly as exciting as the build up.  And yet, despite all this, Season 4 contains within it, one of the best Joey and Pacey moments of the whole series.  This scene effectively defines and encapsulates the pair’s entire relationship.  In this episode, Joey and Pacey finally decide to do the deed on a school ski trip.


             Is it any wonder, that despite nearly two entire seasons apart (Season’s 5 and 6 were probably the show’s weakest, in my humble opinion), these two crazy kids got back together in the Series Finale?   I was going to include a clip of this as well.  However, seeing as most of the finale episode was fairly maudlin (a big chunk of time was spent coping with Jen’s untimely death), I decided the hot and steamy sex scene was a nicer place to end.  Wouldn’t you agree?

            Suffice it to say that, in my mind at least, Pacey and Joey lived happily ever after. (Coincidentally, in my mind, Tom Cruise eternally remains Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee, his character from A Few Good Men.  A nice and naively idealistic place, that mind of mine . . .). 

           Of course, all I got out of this relationship was a whole lot of baggage and a bunch of YouTube clips to fawn over.  Happy V-day to me! 🙂


Filed under Dawson's Creek, Television Super Couples