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You’re not a weirdo, you’re “special!” – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Superfreak”

Who doesn’t like to start their day with a good old-fashioned threesome?

“You’re not a weirdo.  You’re special.”

“He’s not dumb.  He’s special.”

“She’s not ugly.  She’s just special.”

“They are doing bizarre things, because they are special.”

The above lines were frequently uttered in my childhood home, whenever I would make a derogatory or insensitive comment about someone or something that I found dissatisfactorily different.  I presume these responses were intended to make grow into a more open-minded tolerant adult.  And, eventually, I guess they did.  Initially, however, their only effect was to make me subconsciously despise the word “special.”

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about the things that make us “special.”  So, without further adieu, let’s let our Freak Flags fly, and take a look back at this “very special” episode.

“I’m Not G.I. Jane.  I’m Attachment Barbie!”

Before I begin, please enjoy this pictoral representation of the above statement.

=

but . . .

Poor Dr. Teddy! FINALLY, she had found herself a Hot and Smart Boyfriend . . .

 . . . who wasn’t hung up on another girl . . . ahem . . .

 . . .  ahem . . .

. . . He even provided her with FREE THERAPY!

OK . . . mostly just Sex Therapy, but still . . .

Then, just when she’s really starting to like him, HE LEAVES!

Leaves?  To go where?  I mean, I understand that Dr. Perkins is a recurring guest star “Trauma Specialist,” who was only hired to help the doctors at Seattle Grace transition back into performing surgeries, following the shooting.  But where does he live?  Timbuktu? 

 Do you mean to tell me that there are NO “Trauma Specialists” practicing in the entire West Coast?  Somehow, I find that very hard to believe .  . .  I mean, California alone is filled with enough “special” “traumatized” folks to keep doctors like Andrew Perkins busy for YEARS!

So, WHAT if he doesn’t work in the hospital anymore?  Can’t ANYBODY on this show sustain a healthy relationship with someone who has found *gasp* employment elsewhere?  Haven’t these people ever heard of the phrase “don’t poo, where you eat?”

(OK . . . I’m done ranting now.  I apologize.  I guess Teddy wasn’t the only one who got “attached” to Doctor Perkins.)

Anyway . . . at the end of the episode the soon-to-be absent Dr. Andrew, more or less, diagnoses Teddy as being “Relationship Retarded,” and chronically self-sabotaging regarding the men to whom she finds herself attracted.  Awwwww, how romantic!

“You had me at ‘Retarded!'”

“You Stink . . .”

“. . . but, hey, at least you’re hot!”

Lately, it  seems as though the men of Seattle Grace have been having issues with “personal hygiene.”  Last week, Derek Shepard arrived at work smelling like pee . . .

This week, Alex . . .

. . . wandered the hospital halls, reeking like Smelly Gym Socks . . .

You see, Alex smelled bad, because he was sweaty.  And he was sweaty, because he was using Seattle Grace as his personal gym — running up and down its stairwell, like Rocky . . .

And he was running the stairs like Rocky, because he was afraid of elevators.  And he was afraid of elevators, because he just saw that AWFUL M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie where the Devil hung out in one he almost bled to death in one.

Of course, only one man was smart enough to put all of this together, and figure out Alex’s Deep Dark Secret, THIS GUY . . .

Chief Webber – The Stink Detective

After solving the horrible Smell Crime, Chief Webber decided to “cure” Alex, by making him ride the elevators with him over and over, again, up and down, until he was “not scared, just bored.” 

Yes, Average American Citizen, when you are shelling out thousands of bucks a year to the healthcare industry, THIS is what you are paying for, Rich Surgeons riding elevators, over and over again, until they get “bored” . . .

 

It just warms my heart to know that my money is being spent to help “those in need” . . .

Lesson of the Day . . .

When trying to get unwelcome visitors to leave your apartment . . .

 .  . . just have Crazy Dirty Sex right in front of them  . . .

PicSpam provided by http://fuckyeahcallieandarizona.tumblr.com/

 (Then again, that might actually make them stay LONGER . . .).

Yeah, I’m sorry Callie and Arizona.  Once again, you had a lame and insignificant storyline this week.  But hey, isn’t Wild and Crazy PDA in front of the Mr. and Mrs. PTSD better than fighting over paint swatches?

Yeah, I thought so too . . .

If at first you don’t succeed, screw someone else . . .

When you work at Seattle Grace, a lot can happen in a single hour.  One minute you can be stalking pining over the Girl of Your Dreams . . .

The next you can be boning your best friend’s REALLY ANNOYING baby sister . . .

. . . while the Girl of Your Dreams (who was probably about to tell you that she still loves you) watches . . .

 . . . all because some patient’s wife told you that “Sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

(Ummm . . . Mark . . . just because it’s the title of an 80’s song, doesn’t make it Good Advice . . .)

So About that Patient . . .

There are a lot of things I could have said / jokes I could have made about this week’s Medical Marvel of the Week — a man with a rare form of HPV that caused his entire body to be covered with warts, giving him what looked like trees for hands. 

(Needless to say, if someone in the Grey’s Anatomy makeup department ever wanted to get into doing horror films after Grey’s went off the air, this would be the picture on the top page of the portfolio).

However, kinder, gentler, friends of mine warned me that HPV is a very REAL disease, and that making such jokes would be inappropriate . . .

So, to make a long story short.  He looked gross.  He made Lexie gag.  A spider randomly crawled out of his arm during surgery.  It made the apparently arachniphobic Bailey scream like a little girl.  They couldn’t fix him.  His wife left his ass.  So much for a happy ending . . .

And that “Other” Patient . . .

Through the course of this show, our Seattle Grace residents have dealt with men who swallowed Barbie heads, insane psycho killers, people who have sex with ghosts, someone with a 10-foot pole up his spine, and, most recently, a real life Tree Man.  Taking all that into consideration, it was a bit unbelievable that these same people would be so shocked, appalled, and freaked out by something as mundane and dull as a 27-year old virgin.

You know who shocked me MORE?  Her fiance!  And no, it’s not just because the actor who played him, Omar Gooding . . .

. . . just so happens to be the little brother of a MAJORLY FAMOUS actor with the same last name . . .

. . . or because he used to be on this very random show I used to watch on Nickelodeon when I was a kid . . .

 . . . I’m talking about the fact that the character was NOT a virgin, and yet, was willing to abstain from sex for TWO WHOLE YEARS . . .

. . . all because his girlfriend wanted to wait until marriage.  I mean, THAT’S GOTTA qualify you for Sainthood or something, right?

In fact, it was this guy’s superhuman fortitude, and NOT his fiance’s virgin status, that made me cringe, when I found out what was “wrong” with the girl in question. 

Fellow TV Watchers, have you ever noticed on television that, right before a character learns something from another character that’s going to DEMORALIZE his or her significant other, the character receiving the information always says “Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my [signficant other].”

I’m sorry, but that has to be the STUPIDEST thing to say EVER!  Word to the wise, secret keepers, when someone tells you they’d like to tell you something in private, DO IT!  Don’t try to be a hero!  If you do, you may just end up without a sidekick . . .

As it turns out, the “virginal” soon-to-be bride was experiencing medical complications, as a result of . . . swallowing a condom.

Well, understandably, hearing this made Mr. I Haven’t Had Sex in Two Years to Appease My Virginal Girlfriend’s blue balls EXPLODE!

However, in hindsight, he needn’t have gotten so riled up.  After all, his fiance had only swallowed the condom, while attempting to practice the fine art of giving him oral sex putting on a condom with her teeth . . .

OPEN WIDE!

Just a word to the wise Bride-to-Be, on your BIG Wedding Night, USE YOUR HANDS!

As it turns out, Bride-to-Be isn’t the only late twenty-something virgin in Seattle, Dr. April is one too . . .

 . . . and when the residents find out about it, at one of their late night alcoholic functions . . .

 . . . they give poor April a really hard time about it . . .

“Ummmm . . . April, if you ever need someone to ‘Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before,’ I am totally your guy . . . Would it help you to know that I just showered?”

April stands up for herself.  And in one of those Slightly Overdramatic Character Exposition Monologues that Grey’s has become so known for over the past five years, the 28-year old virgin proceeds to tell all of the show’s main characters what’s wrong with EACH OF THEM!

Clearly impressed, Meredith tells April that she is “liking [her] more and more.”

Are YOU?

“You are flaming out . . . It is NOT OK.”

Christina Yang is contemplating a serious career change, one that involves poo and plungers . . .

Talk about a “Game Changer.”  Christina Yang is definitely the last character we would expect to see like this.  When we see her this week, she is needy, vulnerable, and unable to sleep alone.  But more disturbing, is her new apathy toward toward medicine in general, and surgery, specifically.

It is very hard to watch this “New Christina,” who has been put on Derek’s rotation, but only because he demanded it (“If she goes, I go!”  He said to the rest of the board.)  She continually feigns lack of knowledge of surgical procedures, and when she does get inside the OR, she freezes AGAIN!

“Would you still love me, if I wasn’t a surgeon?”  Christina asks Owen, in one of their sweet little cuddle sessions we’ve come to expect from this season.  (These two are the NEW Meredith and Derek, it seems).

HELL NO, BITCH!  I would love you if you were a plumber . . .

 . . . but would YOU love you if you weren’t a surgeon?”  Owen replies.

“I don’t know . . . maybe,” Christina answer’s dolefully.

Toward the end of the episode, Derek commandeers her in an empty OR.  “You are flaming out,  And as someone who cares about you, it is not OK,” he tells her.

Derek admits to Christina that she is not someone he initially would have chosen as a friend mainly because she can be such a heinous bitch, sometimes.  And yet, here she is — his wife’s best friend / Twisted Sister, the woman who saved his life.  She is like family. 

And so, Derek stays with Christina.  He guides her through the surgical procedure she conducted on him on the fateful day that changed both of their lives forever.  She performs the surgery again . . . this time on a dummy.

It’s depressing . . . but oddly poignant.

Speaking of Twisted Sisters . . .

I know all you Private Practice fans out there ADORE Amelia Shepherd, but BOY did she bug me!  And no, it wasnt just because she unwittingly ruined Mark and Lexie’s chance at happiness.  Nor was it because her definition of love was bringing Derek a Tumor Patient she banged on the airplane on the way over . . .

No.  She bugged me because she was ANNOYING, and INSENSITIVE.  She said mean things about Christina, like that she was a “learning disabled” “dud.”  And she somehow managed to make the trauma Derek suffered as a result of the shooting ALL ABOUT HER!

“Why didn’t you call me?  Why didn’t you tell me?  Why haven’t you visited me?  MEMEMEMEMEMEME?”

So, I wasn’t so mad at Derek for being a total Ass to her, despite her having traveled ALL THE WAY FROM PRIVATE PRACTICE to see him.  And yet, I was touched by Derek’s little speech, about always wanting to protect his baby sister from harm.  Apparently, Derek has felt that way, ever since the night when his father was shot, right before his and Amelia’s eyes.  Amelia was only five at the time.

For Derek to tell Amelia about his being shot, would be to admit to his baby sister that the world is a dark and unforgiving place.  And, even though Amelia is clearly an adult now, Derek still isn’t quite ready to do that just yet . . .

So, I guess it ended up being all about HER, after all . . .

So, there you have it fellow Greysies!  Another episode bites the dust.  Next stop, SHIRTLESS AVERY!

*Sigh*  Is it next week yet?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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10 Things I Learned from Watching Grey’s Anatomy’s “Shock to the System”

“Is this going to be on the exam?”

I suspect that there are many of you out there who only watch Grey’s Anatomy for the “mushy-gushy relationship stuff” .  . .

 . . . the bizarro plotlines involving psycho serial killers . . .

 . . . the hot hallucinatory Ghost Sex . . .

. . . and the abundance of Sexy Shirtless Men . . .

(NEWS FLASH:  Nearly Naked Dr. Avery!  Coming Soon to a TV Near You, October 14th!  Never has the invention of HDTV been more appreciated . . .)

And while all of the above are perfectly valid reasons to watch this long-running show, what many fans fail to realize, is that Grey’s Anatomy is also a treasure trove of life lessons for us all!

So, without further adieu, let’s look back at the lessons we learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy, “Shock to the System.”

1)  If you wish to fake an emotional breakthrough with your shrink, so that he will clear you to return to work (or, at least, trade those LAME anti-depressants he currently has you on, for the AWESOME uppers you’ve been eyeing since you started therapy), bad mascara and crumbly tissues are not enough . . .

Particularly if, even after crying, you still look like you belong in a Banana Republic magazine advertisement . . .

Drastic times call for drastic measures.  And in this situation, Ugly Cry Face is required.  Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Then again, if your name is “Meredith Grey,” and you are on a show called GREY’S Anatomy, you’ll be back at work after two episodes, anyway.  So, you might not even need to resort to this . . .

2) Those who lie down with criminals  . . .

 . . . wake up smelling like pee . . .

(and sometimes unwittingly attract new boyfriends named “Vito.”)

3) It may come as a shock to you, but there are some TV Watchers and (patients at Seattle Grace) . . .

 . . . who stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy after the third season.

Shocking . . . yes . . . but entirely plausible.  As a result of their Grey’s -watching negligence, these individuals may truly believe that Christina Yang is still involved with Dr. Preston Burke . . .

 . . . and that Isaiah Washington was never fired from the show . . .

“Well, THAT was awkward!”

While we are on the subject, here are some other aspects of the show about which these erstwhile Grey’s fans might be confused:

“Who are half these people?”

“Where the heck are George and Izzie?”

 

“So, Callie is a lesbian, now?”

4) When trying to convince your colleagues that you aren’t Bat Sh*t Crazy . . .

 . . . screaming at them “That’s ME, I’m the CRAZY ONE!” and running around the hospital muttering loudly to yourself, “She never saw it coming!  She never saw it coming!”  OMG!  She never saw it coming!” will probably not help your cause. 

Oh . . . and while we are at it . . . just because one of your patients is crying . . .

 . . . doesn’t mean it has to do with YOU and YOUR PROBLEMS.  Strange as it may seem, THE WORLD DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!!

Regardless, of what HE might lead you to believe . . .

5) If you play a lesbian couple on a show that predominately caters to straight females . . .

. . . the best you can hope for in a storyline is some comic relief-esque banter involving room decoration and paint swatches.

Thanks for playing!  Better luck next time!

6) If Miranda Bailey is touching your boobies, in the middle of a hospital hallway .  . .

 . . . your secrets WILL come out . . .

. . . even if she has to wrench them from your body with a pair of barely sterilized tweezers!

7) When THIS GUY says you are not ready to do surgeries . . .

 . . . you are NOT READY TO DO SURGERIES!

No “ifs” “ands” or “buts” about it, MISSY!

8 ) Are you single?  Feeling lonely?  Unappreciated by the men (or women) in your life?

Worry not!  Getting the objects of your desire to notice you is EASY!

Just get STRUCK BY LIGHTENING, along with all the men of your dreams!

You’ll be beating them off with a stick in NO TIME!  (No really . . . you’ll probably end up wanting to physically beat them.)

9) If your boyfriend is a shrink, and most of your dates are spent with you just talking, and him just “listening” . . .

 . . .  you’re not in a “relationship,” you’re in “therapy.”  Then again, with healthcare plans being what they are today, WHO CARES? 

But, if he ever sends you a bill for his “services,” it’s probably time for you two to have “the talk.”  (The phrase “quid pro quo” might come in handy . . . just saying.)

And finally . . .

10) If you lost your husband’s baby during a tragic accident . . .

 . . . and haven’t told him yet, just bite the bullet and DO IT!

If he’s anything like Dr. McDreamy, he’ll be totally cool with it!  And if he’s not . . . well . . . you wouldn’t want his Ugly Ass Baby, ANYWAY!

So, there you have it —  Ten Lessons learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy.  Consider yourself SCHOOLED!

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

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You did WHAT???!!!- A Recap of the Grey’s Anatomy Season Premiere “With You I’m Born Again”

Can you believe that Grey’s Anatomy kicked off its SEVENTH SEASON this week?  That means the show is almost SIX YEARS OLD?  That’s not a Baby Show anymore.  It’s a BIG KID Show.  It’s a friggin FIRST GRADER!  And as for those of you who, like me, have watched Grey’s since its inception . . . seriously . . . how OLD are you feeling right NOW?

“I remember back when this show started, I still had all my REAL teeth!”

A lot can change in six years.  And, as fans of Grey’s Anatomy, it’s highly likely that WE have personally experienced many changes, ourselves, both in our personal and professional lifes, since the show began.  But while gradual change is commonplace, throughout the course of a human lifetime, nothing brings about quick, groundbreaking, whirlwind change, like the experience of personal trauma.  And nothing says “personal trauma” like the mass murder of your friends and colleagues by a GUN-TOTING, CRAZED, LUNATIC!

So, without further adieu, let’s take a quick look at the ways in which our favorite Seattle Grace pals have changed, since we last saw them . . .

 GO SPEED RACER! GO!

It seems that the experience of getting stalked by a Wackjob, having been the indirect cause of 18 deaths, and being shot and nearly killed, himself, has given Seattle Grace’s McDreamiest surgeon a NEED FOR SPEED . . .

(Just not Speed, like in the Keanu Reeves movie . . . because I sincerely doubt Seattle’s “greatest surgeon” would ever deign to ride a BUS.)

When the episode first opens, Meredith has to go bail Derek out of the Pokey, following his recent tango with the law.  The crime?  Reckless Endangerment — a criminal charge that almost was, but wasn’t, filed, because the Seattle Cops “worship” McDreamy (a.k.a. have big juicy Man Crushes on him).

Who DOESN’T?

All, I’ve gotta say, is that it is a darn good thing Post-It Wifey, Meredith, bails Derek out when she does.  Because, from the looks of it, our favorite surgeon was looking like a pretty strong contender for a rousing prison game of “Who dropped the soap?”

It’s a contact sport.

Still smelling of “Jailhouse Rock,” Derek, who is scheduled to return to work as Chief of Staff that day, heads directly to his favorite speech-giving location (The Stairwell of Power), and . . .

. . . QUITS HIS JOB AS CHIEF . . .

. . .  thereby passing the “Chief-ly” baton back to THIS GUY . . .

 . . . Old / New Chief Webber, who responded to the news by  .  . . going into his new office, and reenacting scenes from the film, Boogie Nights.

I know some fans took McDreamy’s decision to relinquish his chiefly duties as a sign of this “Toxic Impulsivity” he’s contracted since the shooting.  However, for the most part, I think his decision was a sound one.  As a surgeon, Derek is AWESOME!  As a chief .  . . not so much.  

While acting as Chief last season, Derek seemed much less like the McDreamy we had grown to love for five years, and much more like . . . McPoopyhead.

Besides, Derek simply didn’t have TIME to be Chief, not with his upcoming Crazy Insano Surgery of the Week — a surgery that I will lovingly refer to as the “Face Off.”

Yes, boys and girls!  Under the guise of removing a massive inoperable brain tumor  (Aren’t they ALWAYS massive and inoperable when Derek is involved?  Has this guy EVER operated on something “operable?”), Derek, along with his stalwart crew, literally REMOVES SOME TEENAGER’S FACE, by CUTTING IT STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.  And it is gross . . .  Fortunately, we don’t have to sit through too much of it, however. 

Because, after six seasons, I think our Grey’s writers have FINALLY learned what us fans have known since Season 1.  Namely, if we wanted to watch medical mysteries, we’d turn on House.  But we don’t.  We watch Grey’s for the hot men, the funny one-liners, and the juicy sex scenes.  And though it was, admittedly, a bit light on the “sex” for my taste, what we wanted was, more or less, what we got, in this Season Premiere.

Speaking of sex, after successfully performing the “Face Off,”  Derek, still reeking of blood and guts, was suddenly SUPER HORNY.  And so, he accosted Post-It Wife Meredith in the on-call room, and prepared to “Do the Deed.”  “Let’s make babies like the one you miscarried last season, but forgot to tell me about, ” whispered Derek in Meredith’s ear, as he feverishly removed his scrubs, and proceeded on to Grope Fest 2010.

Then his beeper went off . . .

“Seriously, BEEPER!  Are you effing kidding me?”

Apparently, Face Off Boy was in pain . . . Because, having your face sawed in half?  Kind of painful.  No . . . scratch that.  VERY PAINFUL.  And yet, after a few kind words from Derek, Face Off Boy is just fine . . .

 

That’s OK, Monkey.  I didn’t buy it either.   Apparently, Derek has become some kind of Super Hero, since last season.

After stopping Face Off Boy’s Excruciating Pain in under a minute, off dashes our Super Hero to save a woman from a burning building drive 125 mph in a 50 mph zone, en route to a wedding where he is supposed to be Best Man (more on that later).  Except, this time, when Derek gets arrested for Reckless Endangerment, Meredith LEAVES HIS ASS IN JAIL, and goes to the wedding, BY HERSELF!

It looks like Derek’s new prison friends are going to get a chance to play “Who dropped the soap?” with him after all!

Just a little going away present for our favorite Doctor, locked away in the Big Dog House.  You never know when such things might come in handy . . .

Still Dark and Twisty, after ALL THESE YEARS . . .

While Derek was busy speeding the streets, quitting his job, cutting peoples’ faces off, being a Super Hero, and hiding the soap, Meredith was  . . . well . . . she wasn’t doing much of anything actually, because Dr. Andrew Perkins . . .

a.k.a. McSexyShrinko

 . . . had not yet cleared her to perform surgery.  McSexyShrinko felt that Meredith had still not properly owned up to her inner demons, following The Shooting.  And one of those demons (though McSexyShrinko couldn’t have possibly known this, because she didn’t tell him), was the pregancy and subsequent miscarriage Meredith endured, during the traumatic event.

An “awkward position” to be in.

Believing that Derek has been through too much in recent months to cope with the loss of a baby as well, Meredith has borne the pain and burden of this secret, on her own skinny shoulders.  And, though she would never admit to it, it is obviously eating her up inside.

Yet, with all she is going through, Meredith finds it in her heart, to be there for her best friend, Christina, during the latter’s time of need.  Despite her initial misgivings about their relationship, and her belief that the pair was jumping into marriage so soon after The Shooting, Meredith ultimately gives Christina away at her wedding to Owen.  And when Christina nervously asks her best friend, if Owen is OK, prior to the wedding, Our Plucky Protagonist sweetly replies, “He’s perfect.  He is just perfect.”

And if a statement like that coming from an Avowed Cynic, like Meredith, doesn’t warm your heart, I don’t know what will!

Speaking of Christina . . .

Here Comes the Bride .  . . All Dressed in  . . . RED?

Aside from the fact that she is getting married to the guy we just saw her BREAK UP WITH at the end of last season, because she believed him to be “just not that into [her],” and more into SOMEONE ELSE . . .

. . . the main differences we notice in Christina, during the Season Premiere, are that she (1) doesn’t seem to care AT ALL that she, like Meredith, hasn’t yet been cleared for surgery; and (2) spends almost the entire episode READING BRIDAL MAGAZINES.

Later, in a groundbreaking session with Dr. Perkins, we learn that Christina is focusing on these magazines, in an effort to force herself into the proverbial box in her head that she has labeled: “The Simple Girl.” 

“I went to school with women like this,” notes Christina, “Women who only wanted to marry the guy, and wear the pretty dress.  I used to pity them.  But I’ve realized that, in life, you can either be a Simple Girl, or you can be  . . . Me.  But Simple Girls are never forced to perform surgeries with guns to their heads.”

We are instantly flashed back to an evening a few months’ prior, when Owen arrives at Christina’s home, to find her frantic, panic-stricken, and unusually vulnerable.  “You’re late,” she insists.

 “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” says Christina tearfully, as Owen scoots next to her on the couch, and tries in vain to comfort her.

“You don’t have to be alone ever again.  Let me stay,” offers Owen.

And then he does this . . .

It’s a simple and sweet moment.  One that truly reflects these two characters and the often silent connection they have with one another.  Sure, “not wanting to be alone” isn’t the healthiest reason to marry someone.  But I’ve certainly heard worse .  . .

And the wedding?  Well, it was pretty awesome.  From the adoring way, Owen looked at Christina . . .

“Please lord, don’t let me end up like that Dr. Burke guy.  It’s HARD to get a job in Hollywood as a redhead!”

“Be afraid Ginger Boy!  Be VERY afraid!”

 . . .to Christina’s red dress (because white dresses are “offensive and vaguely racist,” according to Christina)

 . . . to how touched the couple’s colleagues were by the moment . . .

 . . . everything was, as Meredith said, perfect.

Sure, it’s a long shot.  It’s ALWAYS a long shot.  But, who’s to say these two Crazy Kids won’t be able to stick it out for the long haul?

Oh . . . and just in case you were concerned?  Owen and Teddy are TOTALLY DUNZO.  And Teddy has (rather conveniently, I might add) found a NEW MAN.  Actually, I think you might know him . . .

It’s Dr. McSexyShrinko!

Speaking of couples that are TOTALLY DUNZO . . .

The Opposite of Bad Ass

Lexie’s and Alex’s coupledom started going down hill when Alex called out Izzie’s name during sex bleeding to death, from a  bullet wound.  Considering that Izzie has already been MIA for half a season now, and LEXIE was the one saving Alex’s life at the time, I would say this was a pretty classic case of The Boy Who Doesn’t Know Where His Bread is Buttered . . .

Warning:  The loaf of bread has NOT BEEN BUTTERED BY IZZIE!  Jackass!

Things went from bad to worse, when Alex decided to keep his bullet from The Shooting lodged in his stomach, so he could use it to pick up chicks.

Yes, we CAN blame Alex for being a tool.  But can we REALLY blame all those chicks for banging him, when he looks like THIS? 

So, apparently, we can now expect many more episodes, during which a Shirtless Alex walks around the hospital, letting random slutty nurses rub his belly, and finger his scars.

But the final nail in the coffin was when Lexie had a PTSD freak-out in the hospital, and Wimpy Alex just WALKED AWAY, like a b*tch!  “I’ve had enough crazy for one lifetime,” Alex tells McSexyShrinko, when questioned about the incident.

Well, considering that Alex’s first girlfriend gave him an STD . . .

 . . . his second one ended up being a TOTAL Nutbag . . .

and his third girlfriend cheated on him with a DEAD GUY . . .

I guess I’d be inclined to agree!

And yet, I couldn’t help but cheer, when Alex tried to hit on Lexie at Owen’s and Christina’s wedding and she COMPLETELY TOLD HIM OFF!

“You may think that you are Bad Ass, because you lived.  But I’m the reason you lived.  And while you were sitting on that operating table DYING, you were calling out the name of your ex-wife who left you.  I’d say, that’s the opposite of Bad Ass.”

I think Alex just pooped his pants.

Did I mention that, unlike Alex, Dr. Mark “McSteamy” Sloan has TOTALLY been looking out for / trying to take care of Lexie this ENTIRE TIME . . .

 . . . or that Jackson Avery is approximately her age, single, and, is now a Series Regular?

Oh, Alex!  You are SO YESTERDAY’S SCREW!

In other news . . .

Good Times Ahead for “Calzona”

After an entire episode during which Arizona worried that Callie would either propose marriage, or start bugging her about “making babies” again, Doctor Blondie was TOTALLY relieved, when Callie finally revealed was that she simply wanted Arizona to live with her on a more permanent basis.   

“I want you to move in with me. I love you, and you have a drawer . . . and a toothbrush . . . and I want you to have a whole dresser and a whole . . .blow-dryer. Or something.. more romantic than that or .  . .something,” mumbles Callie adorably.”

And, just in case some of you out there, missed it, the exchange looked something like this:

and, when Arizona happily accepted Callie’s Proposal of Cohabitation, it looked like THIS . . .

“Blow Dryer” GIF and Calzona PicSpam provided courtesy of: http://fuckyeahcallieandarizona.tumblr.com/

It’s SO HARD to SAY GOODBYE .  . . to  the Gas Man

Oh, Ben!  Dear, Sweet, Miranda Bailey-loving, anesthesiologist, Ben!  We hardly knew ye!  But, already, we loved ye!  We loved the way you made Bailey happy, giddy, and smiley. 

We loved the way you got her to blissfully sing in the elevator, after the two of you FINALLY did the deed.  In short, you were a godsend for our favorite Nazi!

Sure, we always knew that, eventually, you would have to leave.  Really, we did.  But that didn’t make it any easier to watch Miranda dump you.

Yes, you just so happened to be golfing while a young man died in Miranda’s arms.  But that wasn’t your fault!  And yes, Miranda now feels that she is “busy with the tape and the glue”  that are holding her fragile life together.  So, Sweet, Perfect, Ben seems like “too much for her right now.” 

 But, does it REALLY need to be SO HARD?  Does the breakup need to feel so permanent?  After all, glue dries.  Tape peels.  And relationships .  . . well . . . sometimes . . . they heal just not when one of the involved parties has already signed on to work on yet another Shondra Rhimes Medical Drama.

Gas Man, you will certainly be missed.  And maybe, just maybe, we will find it in our hearts to check you out on that OTHER show, which shall remain nameless.  But, for right now, at least, I can’t do that.  Call me, Dark and Twisty if you want, but I’m still a little bitter . . . 

I guess my glue just hasn’t dried yet.

Well, there you have it folks — Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 is officially upon us.  Are you as psyched as I am?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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