Tag Archives: Bad Boy

Redemption Maybe? – Vampire Diaries Season 4 Revamped Part 3 – Klaus Mikaelson

klausy smirk

“If you want to be bad, be bad with a purpose.  Otherwise you’re just not worth forgiving.”

These are the iconic words Damon utters to Klaus Mikaelson, during a mid-season conversation that’s about as “Meta” as TVD gets . . .

One could probably imagine a similar conversation taking place in the TVD writers’ room, around the time Plec and Co. got their greenlight to film the back door pilot to “The Originals.”

3 14 originals party photo

After all, Klaus had been the series’ main Big Bad for three seasons know, roughly 75% of the life of the show.   And now, there was a good chance the Original Hybrid would be blessed with a series of his very own . . . a series where the character would be featured, not as the show’s antagonist, but as its protagonist.

santa klaus

how you like me now

It was a tall order.  Fortunately, the writers  already had two templates as to how such a feat could be accomplished.  The first was another blonde villainous vampire, by the name of Spike, who made a similar journey from Season 2 Big Bad, to Season 4 Questionable Ally on the critically acclaimed TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

spike-on-buffy

The second was Damon Salvatore himself, the ultimate TVD Bad Boy MOSTLY Redeemed . . .

big bad vampire out here

Step 1 – Make the Villain Fall in Love . . .

Everyone remembers the first time Spike spied Buffy at a party, and was instantly plagued with an intense desire, both to kiss her, and kill her.  Damon felt the same way about Elena, the first time he laid eyes on her   . . . his brother’s girlfriend, who bore the same face as his lost love.  She seemed to be the ultimate pathway toward Sweet Revenge.

the almost kiss

So, too did Klaus experience this conundrum, firsthand, when, to get revenge on his errant sire hybrid Tyler, he compelled him to lethally bite his girlfriend, Caroline . . . potentially ending her new vampire life, before it even really had a chance to begin . . .

3 11 klaroline savior

When Klaus first arrives at the Forbes household, his motives are unclear.  Is he planning to let Caroline die, to teach Tyler a lesson in obedience?  Is he hoping to seduce her, thereby taking from Tyler, the one aspect of his life, over which Klaus, up to this point had no control?

klaroline lovers

Whatever Klaus had initially planned to do, it’s clear from the way he looks at Caroline, lying vulnerable on the bed, that he’s changed his mind.  Seeing this young woman, on the cusp of young vampire life, lying helpless before him, does something to Klaus.  It changes him imperceptibly.

2 19 klaus petrovacaptures

So, Klaus tells this dazzling woman, what no one else would, that vampirism, while “dark” and “monstrous,” can also be beautiful, because LIFE is beautiful.  And then, he gives her a choice . . . immortality or death.  This insanely powerful vampire, who has done nothing that wasn’t directly in his selfish interest, from the moment he set foot in Mystic Falls, for the first time, relinquishes control of his life and his Master Plan to Caroline, for reasons he may not yet entirely understand.

3 13 shh klaus rupertgrint

The result is a scene that remains one of my favorites in TVD history . . . And this is coming from a staunch Damon fan . . .

Klaus may have begun his wooing of Caroline back in Season 3, through expensive gifts, vacation promises, and pictures of ponies . . .

3 14 klaroline dances

3 11 klaroline gift from klaus 1 loveablesins

But it wasn’t until Season 4 that Klaus really started making headway toward winning Caroline’s heart.  And he did it in a way that the Klaus of earlier season’s would never have even considered.  He did it by listening to her, opening up to her, and by not taking advantage of her when he had the opportunity to do so  . . .

klaroline truce

Like, for example, when he was in Tyler’s body, early on in the Season . . .

Sure KlausiTyler comes off like a bit of a cad in this scene. But he’s also surprisingly chivalrous!  Michael Trevino does a great job conveying Klaus’ emotions during this season.  He’s clearly turned on and pleasantly surprised that the woman he loves is FINALLY attacking him sexually.  And yet, as much as he wants Caroline, there’s a part of him that can’t bear to have her under false pretenses.  So, he exposes his true identity, and, in doing so, loses the opportunity for Hot Hybrid Sex . . .

klaroline

blue balls

It’s the second “half-way” decent thing he did for Caroline in Season 1.  (Rescuing her from that anti-vampire cult, being the first.)  And there’s plenty more where that came from . . .

Let’s not forget that Klaus came as Caroline’s date to the Miss Mystic Falls Dance?

Just as Buffy reawakened the quiet poetic side of Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Elena awakened the selfless side of Damon, so too does Caroline seem to bring out an oddly lighthearted cheeky version of the usually single-mindedly power hungry Klaus.

klaus cheersHe smiles, he jokes . . . he makes a good show of pretending to care about things that Caroline cares about . . . things that would otherwise have no meaning for him whatsoever, like pageants, proms, and party dresses . . .

stole prom dress

And what girl wouldn’t appreciate a guy with the unique ability to be the Fairy Godmother to her Cinderella, while still looking like Prince Charming?

the dress

(Even if it does make you wonder what happened to all the girls who used to wear the dresses he stores in his closet?)

klaus dinner

3 10 klaus best respond to violence westhalder

3 12 bonnie klaus knew youd catch me

Of course, every budding relationship hits a bit of a snag.  And Klaus finds himself relapsing into old habits, when he, once again, is responsible for Caroline’s receipt of a lethal werewolf bite . . . a bite he issues himself, out of anger at Tyler, and Caroline’s brutal rejection of him . . .

calories

klaus tums

And yet, when all is said and done, Caroline and Klaus make amends, and end up parting as “friends (?),” with Klaus temporarily ceding the love of his life to the same young hybrid that’s been a thorn in his side all season .   . .

first love 2

in love 2

love saved 3

You know what they say, “if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, due to series cancellation, it was meant to be.”

So, why the ultimate change of heart, with respect to Tyler?  Especially, considering how intent Klaus initially seemed on keeping these two lovebirds apart indefinitely . . .

klaus moving on rebekahmkaelsn

I suspect it had a little something to do with Step 2 of our Redemption Plan . . .

Step 2 – Find a New Big Bad, So the Old One Can Unite with the Scoobies Against Him . . .

In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike joined the Scoobies after the ultimately corrupt initiative put a chip in his brain, preventing him from hurting humans.  This made Spike no longer a threat to Buffy and her gang.  It also gave him impetus to fight on their side, as it enabled him to kill the only type of being he still could . . . demons.

buffy_-_spike

Likewise, in Season 2, Damon promptly put aside his differences with his brother, so the two could battle a mutual, and much more powerful enemy . . . Klaus, himself . . .

2 20 damon klaus headnods laurenhoward

The writers must have had quite a difficult time coming up with a Bigger Bad than Klaus.  After all, we are talking about a 1,000-year old virtually unkillable vampire, who also possesses full werewolf powers.    But it wasn’t Silas’ strength that made him such a threat to the Scooby gang, it was his impressive ability at mental manipulation . .  .

silas big fat problem

Not only could Silas impersonate any person or thing, he could also see inside people’s minds, and expose their deepest darkest fears and secrets.  As a result, Klaus found himself reluctantly found himself in a role entirely foreign to him . . . that of VICTIM . . .

American Gothic

Sexy buff shirtless, victim . . . but victim, nonetheless . . .

Ahh yes, the infamous bloodline . . . another nifty way to align Klaus to the Scooby Gang, was for the writers to literally tie his survival to their own.  Thanks to some crafty mythology, Klaus can no longer die, because killing him would effectively demolish the ENTIRE CAST OF THIS SHOW . . .

laughing klaus

I bet Spike is wishing he thought of that one.  It sure beats his method of maintaining character relevance . . .

torture her

While, in previous Seasons, Klaus was the Ultimate Enemy, like Spike and Damon before him, Klaus suddenly found his own personal interests aligned with Damon, Stefan, Caroline and co.  And so, he helped them, in their quest to defeat Silas, by solving the key to the Hunter’s Map that would lead to the vampire cure.  (He hoped to use that cure on Elena, so her human blood could produce more hybrids.)

3 5 eleklaus

“Human blood bag for all eternity . . . BFF . . . same difference.”

A vulnerable, lovelorn, character, fighting on the side of good, to defeat the Big Bad, who sometimes becomes prey to the ultimate predator . . . Season 4 Klaus sure sounds like a hero to me . . .

3 1 klaus smirk tbtvdgifs

except when he isn’t .  . .

Step 3 – Keep the Former Villain Behaving Badly Enough That He Doesn’t Lose His Edge . . .

3 13 salvatore groupie klaus hissyfit

Heroes are great and all . . . but they can be SUPER boring.

4 10 nod off

So, when writers are tasked with redeeming a Bad Boy, they always must make sure he remains just evil enough to still be interesting.  (Plus, there’s the ever present issue of character consistency.  A guy like Klaus doesn’t just automatically start shaking hands and kissing babies, just because he fell in love with a pretty girl!)

shoots klaus

And so, for every kind, romantic, or selfless act Klaus committed in Season 4, he had to do something truly awful, just to balance things out . . .

klaus sex 2

Revenge Sex with Hayley . . . definitely not your finest hour, Klaus . . . (hot triangle tattoo notwithstanding)

No act was more awful than the Christmas Massacre Klaus committed in episode 9 of the Season.  Betrayed, once again by Tyler, and the hybrids, who Tyler systematically taught to break themselves of their bond with the Original, Klaus is BEYOND pissed.  This single calculated act has painfully exposed the Original Hybrid’s two Achilles Heels’ his pride and his loneliness.

utterly alone

And so Klaus lashes out in the only way he knows how, by ripping from Tyler everything he cares about.  Murdering 13 people in a single episode,  one of whom is a completely harmless human.  It doesn’t get much more villainous than that . . .

And yet, as Caroline once said, “Anyone who can love, is capable of being saved.”

3 11 klefandiaries love never dies

Can New Orleans be Klaus’ salvation?  Can Caroline?  How about that ridiculous plotline spawn in Haley’s belly?

stefan shrug

Throughout Season 4 of TVD, Klaus has shown himself to be capable of both exceptional good, and horrifying evil.  But is it enough to make him a relateable protagonist on his own series?  A series without Caroline . . . the woman, who made all this sort-of redemption possible?

itsdelenalove klaus caroline

Only time will tell . . . and for an immortal like Klaus, time is definitely on his side . . .

3 11 klaroline thousand b days faerywonderland

Speaking of everyone’s favorite Vampire Barbie, she’s next on my Re-Vamped list.

3 3 caroline petrovadiaries

See ya then, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com] [My Tumblr] [Fangirls Forever]

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The Psychology of Chuck and Blair: A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Unblairable Lightness of Being”

I’ll be the first to admit it.   After last week’s jaw-dropping, OMFG-uttering, dynamo of an episode . . .

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from this week’s installment of Gossip Girl.  And while, “The Unblairable Lightness of Being” certainly wasn’t the most action-packed of episodes,

or the funniest,

or even the sexiest / sluttiest,

it was certainly the smartest.

After all, this was the episode that delved into the complex relationship between Chuck and Blair — capturing every sexy, tragic, intense, magical, conniving, self-sacrificing, mutualistic facet of the coupling, in the course of a single hour.  Oh, and this was also the episode where pregnant Dorota (Blair’s Housekeeper / Surrogate Mommy) finally got MARRIED (and got her own place to live)!

Now if they could just stop making her wear that ridiculous French Maid Halloween costume all the time!  She’s a housekeeper!  WE GET IT!

And Little Eric got a life!  And (maybe) a potential plotline?

Little E = No longer just Little J’s bitch?

And Serena may have finally found her Daddy Dearest!

“There he is!  The one guy on this show, I WON’T be able to sleep with .  . .”

Oh, and did I mention there was NO DAN AND VANESSA STORYLINE?

Let’s get on with it, shall we?

A Nice Day for a White Russian Wedding . . .

When the episode opens, a very preggers Dorota is freaking out because her parents, having heard news of her recent engagement to Vanya the Doorman, have decided to fly out from Russia to visit.  The problem?  Dorota is just a few months shy of popping out one of these . . .

 . . . and her parents have NO IDEA!

When Blair’s mom suggests Dorota pop on over to the Justice of the Peace and nip this thing in the bud, Dorota won’t hear of it.  Apparently, her first marriage was done by a Justice of the Peace, and ended badly.  Therefore, she is determined to have a REAL wedding, complete with all bells and whistles of Russian tradition.

Hey, just like Fiddler on the Roof!  Traditionnnnn!  TRADITION!  Ooooh Ooh Ooh Tradition!

(Sorry . . . I got a bit carried away there . . . )

Anyway, Chuck . . .

“How’s my hair?”

 . . . (Who has TOTALLY been in the doghouse with Blair since he, you know, kinda-sorta prostituted her out to his Uncle, to keep his precious hotel.) decides he needs to make some sort of a grand gesture to win back Blair’s Gucci-encrusted heart.  His grand solution?  To throw money at the problem, of course!  Chuck offers to throw Dorota and Vanya an impromptu traditional Russian Wedding.

AGAIN!  SORRY!  It was just TOO EASY!

This way, by the time Dorota’s parents arrive from Russia, and learn that their baby girl is knocked up, she will already be married. ( RIIIIIGHT!  Because Dorota’s strict parents are going to be THRILLED  that they flew halfway across the WORLD to see their daughter’s wedding, only to learn that she went and got married without them.)  Anyway, blatant stupidity aside, Dorota asks Blair and Chuck to be the “happy couple” that escort Dorota down the aisle, as part of Russian tradition, of course.  (Don’t worry, I won’t do it again).  Afraid to heart Surrogate Mom’s feelings, Blair accepts, but not before throwing a withering look in Chuck’s direction.

“This is what I think of your hair, Chuck!”

When Chuck confronts Blair about their now-sour relationship, she  tells him that what he did was unforgivable, and that he’s basically a sh&*ty person.  Chuck replies that Blair is a sh&*ty person too, because she was willing to screw Uncle Jack, before even learning about Chuck’s deal with him.  Blair agrees about her sh&*tyness, and tells Chuck, that perhaps she loves him too much, because she is willing to do hideous slutty things for him.  Therefore, he can’t be good for her.  When Blair later admits that Jack did NOT agree to sleep with her that night, Chuck is elated.  He claims that now everything can go back to the way it was, with the two of them scheming, game-playing, and having lots of hot sex.  Blair is not so sure . . .

Then, at that random Russian version of a bachelor / bachelorette party, Blair runs into snoozy Dan (who, I must say, is significantly less snoozy without Vanessa around) . ..

“Hi!  You’ve reached the office of Dan’s Personality.  I’m not here right now, but . . .”

In a feeble attempt to be supportive, Dan tells Blair that she should be with Chuck, because he can’t imagine the two of them with anyone else.  Blair takes this to mean that she and Chuck MUST be together, as a result of their mutual sh&*tiness.  Blair informs Chuck of this, in a sexy scene involving the erotic putting-on of a necklace.  (No, I’m serious.  It was really hot!  These two could roll around in dog cacca, and it would STILL be really hot.)  The conversation continues, during an equally sexually intense scene involving a strategically-placed balloon.

At the wedding, when it comes time for the “happy couple” to escort Dorota down the aisle, Super Selfish Blair chooses this precise moment to break down in tears about how UNHAPPY she and Chuck actually are. (Ummmm, Blair?  What about the words’ “SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING” don’t you understand?)  She then runs away in a cloud of dramatic hysterics.  Dorota, who doesn’t want to lose her job and be deported cares very much about Blair, stops her wedding and comforts the youngun, telling Blair that her happiness as an individual is more important than her “happiness as part of a couple.” 

Blair’s mom overhears this triple- hanky moment, and decides to give Dorota the keys to a new apartment.  Said apartment was purchased for the housekeeper, by Mrs. Waldorf’s new husband, that nerdy teacher dude from Clueless.

You see, initially, Blair’s mom didn’t want to give Dorota the apartment because she is a cheap biatch thought it would be inappropriate to do so.  But now, realzing that Dorota is a better mommy to Blair than she will ever be, Mama Waldorf changes her mind. 

After the ceremony, Blair and Chuck share yet another close encounter, where Chuck begs Blair to give their relationship another chance, “We have to see this through to the end,” argues Chuck.

“It is the end,” remarks Blair sadly, before leaving Chuck alone on the dancefloor.  Ouch!

In other news,

Nothing You Can Say Can Tear Me Away from Bi-Guy .  . .

Little Eric’s new crush, who we initially thought was gay, and, later, thought was straight, turns out to be bisexual . . .

 . . . just like Anna Paquin . . .

because . . .

Papa’s Got a Brand New Nag . . .

Back in Serena Land, Little J is continuing on with her quest to break up these two . . .

 . . . so that she can have Natey-kins all to herself.

Except, she really doesn’t have to work that hard at it, because Serena is a TOTAL MORON!  First off, Serena STILLdoes  not realize that Jenny is scheming against her.  She, therefore, CONTINUES to feed Little J damning information to be used against the couple . . .

“Bravo Smartypants!”

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Serena has also begun to dig her own grave, by setting up clandestine meetings with her ex-beau, Carter Baizen.

(played by Sebastian Stan, who was dating, but recently broke up with, Leighton Meester, who plays Blair, FYI).

With Jenny’s not-so-altruistic help, Nate learns of these rendezvous, and is none too pleased, particularly when he learns that Carter has left Serena keys to his hotel room.  When confronted, Serena admits to Nate the true purpose of these meetings: to find Serena’s Continuously Absentee Biological Pop Pop .  . .

(who, from what I heard, will eventually be played by this guy, Billy Baldwin). 

Nate responds by giving Serena an ultimatum: “No more playing with Carter!”  Serena balks at this, and storms off.  Later, when Serena  is on her way to Dorota’s wedding, Carter stops her, and tells her that he has found her father’s home address.  Daddy-O is currently residing in Palm Springs.  However, if they want to see him, they (conveniently) have to leave ASAP. 

Serena complies, ditching the wedding in favor of the trip.  But when she tries to call Nate, to let him know what is going on, Little J picks up the phone.  Of course, she fails to deliver the message in the way it was intended.

In the limo, Carter admits that he has known of the whereabouts of Papa Van Der Woodsen for a week already, but kept this information a secret, because he just really wanted to get into Serena’s pants.  Serena kicks Carter’s ass out of the limo, and heads to Palm Springs alone.  But when she gets there, and knocks on the door, her father isn’t there.  This woman IS!

Dun, Dun, Dun!  It’s SERENA’S MOM!

Tune in next week, when it appears that the recently-single, Brooding Bad Ass, Chuck, will try to help Little J hook up with Nate, in order to further some bizarre revenge plot against Blair and Serena.

Until then, XOXO!

 

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“Your V is Showing . . .” – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Sixteen-Year Old Virgin”

You’ve really gotta hand it to Gossip Girl.  Even when the show seems like it’s being a hypocrite, it can surprise you, by proving that it is not afraid to call itself out on its own BS . . .

Of course, I am referring to the moment when the unabashedly sluttiest teen drama on television suddenly became all morally aghast, when its youngest cast member contemplated offering her V card to a slightly older man (Slightly older being 19, mind you). 

19!  He’s practically got one foot in the grave, already!

But as I said, our fave nighttime soap is nothing, if not self-aware.  And our Upper East Side sexpots more than redeemed themselves by the episode’s end.  Sure, “The Sixteen-Year Old Virgin” ‘s plot twists were a tad on the predictable side (I guessed two out of three within the first ten minutes.)  But that didn’t make it any less fun to watch . . .

So, without further adieu, let’s strap on our Jimmy Choo’s, sneak out of Daddy’s house, and get ready to get de-flowered . . .

Get thee to a nunnery, go!

Jenny Humphrey , circa 2080 . . . still grounded.

Contrary to what I might have thought upon viewing the conclusion of last week’s episode, Jenny did not , in fact, run away from home to shack up with Drug Dealing Damien / Poor Man’s Jared Leto.

Instead, she obediently followed her father to Brooklyn.  But all was not as it seemed . . .   After “good” Little J kissed her Daddy goodbye, and headed off to school, she (gasp!) REMOVED HER PONYTAIL!

Long hair = The Devil’s Playpen

So, of course, Jenny cuts class and heads off to La Casa de Drug Dealing Damien.  It only takes a few seconds of half-hearted necking, before Ole’ Horndog rears his ugly head (no pun intended).  “When I date someone, sex is usually part of the equation,” explains Jordan Catalano Damien, matter-of-factly. 

(Yes, Damien.  Because discussions about mathematical formulas are always such a tremendous turn-on for us girls.)

E = MC Screwed?

After some more subtle-as-a machine gun hints from the Suave Big D, Little J agrees to do the deed with him that night after school.  Stop me if you’ve heard THIS one before . . .

Unfortunately, for our Craptastic Cassanova, Big Daddy Rufus has grown wise to Jenny’s cutting class to canoodle with Sir F*cks A Lot.  So, like any Proud Papa, Rufus rallies the troops for a rescue mission.  Jenny’s Big Brother, Dull Ass Dan, can give two sh&ts about what, or who, his little sister is doing.  After all, he’s too busy contemplating whether or not to “go public” regarding the most boring relationship in television history . . .

Just looking at these two puts me to sleep . . .

Slutty Serena and Pornstar Pizza Delivery Guy Nate, however, go ABSOLUTELY BALLISTIC!  “Jenny can’t possibly cash in her V-Card!  She’s WAY TOO YOUNG!”  They exclaim, in horror.

Sidenote: If you recall, Nate lost his virginity at age 16 to Serena, as shown in flashbacks of the event (and in those now-famous promotional posters for the show), which were said to occur months prior to the show’s first episode.

Although not explicitly stated, it is implied that Serena lost hers MUCH earlier . . .

A photograph of Serena Van Der Woodsen and her first “serious” boyfriend . . .

Fortunately, Serena has an ingenious (and by “ingenious” I mean “mind-blowingly” dumb) plan to rescue Jenny’s Flower from Drug Dealing Damien’s evil clutches.  The plan involves Serena seducing Damien and Nate coordinating it so that Jenny will catch him in the act. 

 (Don’t you love how Serena’s schemes always seem to involve her getting naked?  If I recall, her equally “ingenious” plan to get her absentee father to notice her also involved her slutting it up with random guys.)

Oh, the sacrifices I make for the ones I love . . . (and kind of . . . sort of . .. like . . .  a little bit).

Damien, however, proved himself to be smarter than I thought he was, and didn’t fall for Serena’s not-so-nefarious plan.  But Nate takes matters into his own hands, by calling in the Daddy Squad.

Have no fear, Deputy Killjoy is here!

Rufus returns Jenny to the high-security prison that is his Brooklyn apartment.  There Dumbass Dan finally wakes up from his Vanessa-filled stupor long enough to tell Jenny not to “do it” with Damien, because she is only 16.  “When you were 16, you were in love with Serena, and everybody thought it was adorable,” retorts Jenny.

Touche, Little J!

Later, Serena berates Nate for not trusting her “ingenious” plan and for calling Rufus.  Nate responds that he had to prevent Jenny from screwing at all costs, because she is just so darn cute and innocent at 16.  “Not like me, who was such a major slut at 16!”  Serena seethes.

Hey, would you look at that shoe your wearing!  It fits!

Nate then proceeds to detail all of the people Serena had been rumored to have screwed prior to age 16.  Serena tells him not to believe EVERYTHING he hears, but doesn’t exactly deny having been sexually active prior to her encounter with Nate. 

All sarcasm aside, I LOVED this exchange between the two of them!  As I mentioned in my intro, Gossip Girl is well aware that it is a slutty and trashtastic teen soap.  For better or worse, the show is never afraid to own up to that fact, even during an episode like this one, which was obviously meant to promote more chaste ideals . . .

Need I remind you of this photograph ?

Nate later apologized to Serena for his faux pas, recalling how much he loved her, even at age 16, and how devastated he was by her sudden and abrupt post-coital disappearance.  He seemed sincere.  However, I couldn’t help but wonder whether Nate’s over-protectiveness of Jenny went just a bit beyond typical “brotherly concern.”  Watch out Serena, I smell a love triangle . . . AGAIN.

Although Rufus does a fairly good job of keeping Jenny locked up in her fairytale tower (where all the virgin princesses stay), the latter somehow manages to reunite with Drug Dealing Damien at the episode’s token hoity toity social event, a dedication of a museum wing to Chuck Bass’ Dead Dad. There, Drug Dealing Damien clocks Nate in his pretty boy face . . .

 . . . too pretty not to include in my recap.

. . . and escapes with Jenny directly to his apartment and The Bedroom of Abandoned Flowers . . .

Another one bites the dust?

And just when it looks like Little J is about to become minus one Big V, Don Juan Damien makes some “seductive” comment about how sex is “no big deal.”  Seriously?  Could this guy be a bigger moron?  Jenny comes to her senses and escapes.  And her Flower lives to see another day, which is more than I can say for the rest of the cast . . .

When Bad Acting Happens to Bad People . . .

Back on the Upper East Side, in Chuck and Blairville . . .

Still love these two . . .

Chuck is bonding with his “Mommy Dearest.”

Unfortunately, her complete inability to emote, and her monotone delivery of every single line she utters, proves her to have graduated from the Ben Stein School of Acting . . .

Bueller . . .  Bueller . . . anyone?

Unfortunately, Chuck is too preoccupied to notice his “mother’s” clear lack of a personality and soul.  After all, he is facing a boatload of sexual harrassment charges made against him by patrons of the hotel he owns.  Blair impresses me yet again, by not believing this hogwash for even a moment.  The timing of these law suits just seems a tad too convenient, coming right on the heels of the dedication of a museum wing to the late Bart Bass.  The couple’s suspicions appear to be confirmed when Chuck’s Uncle Jack returns to the scene with designs on Chuck’s hotel.

EEEEVILLL . . .

Perhaps to illustrate that his loss of Bass Industries’ to Lily Bass has left him destitute and desperate, the Elder Bass now sports a ridiculous mountain man-esque moustache and beard.  Uncle Jack confronts Chuck and causes him to doubt the veracity of Mamma Bass’s claims of maternity.  Chuck grows even more suspicious of Mommy(?), when she backs out of the museum dedication party upon hearing that Uncle Jack will be there. 

 Despite Blair’s protests, Chuck orders a DNA test to ascertain whether Mamma Bass is truly his Mommy.  However, when he is discussing the matter with Blair, Lady Bass overhears him.  With a stiff, heavily Botoxed face, we have to assume is “very hurt and angry,”  she (boredly) stalks off.  Chuck decides to have the DNA test done anyway . . .

Later, Chuck’s Creepy Lawyer, who also appears to have attended the Ben Stein School of Acting with Mamma Bass . . .

What can I say?  We have a great financial aid package . . .

 . . . informs Chuck that the ONLY way out of this scandal is to give up the hotel temporarily to another member of the family, until things die down.  Already, my BS meter is going off the charts.  Come on, Chuck!  Bad actors just can’t be trusted!

Of course, Evil Jack Bass is waiting in the wings to take over the hotel.  But “fortunately” Chuck has another option.  You see, the DNA test Chuck ordered proved Mommy- Can’t-Act-For-Crap Bass is, in fact, related to him.  So, Chuck promptly turns over the hotel to HER, to apologize for doubting her parentage.  Mommy Bass accepts . . .

In the final moments of the episode, in a plot twist, that, by now, should surprise, precisely NO ONE we learn that Creepy Lawyer, EVIL Uncle Mountain Man, and Mama Bass are in cohoots . . .

In other, really dull news, Dan and Vanessa have decided to go public as a couple.  In other, less dull, and slightly surprising news: (1) Lily and Rufus have reconciled; (2) Rufus never slept with that trampy neighbor lady; (3)  and Lily may have been seeing Bily Baldwin  . . .

Dr. Van Der Woodsen, NOT to screw his brains out, as we once thought, but to seek treatment for her OWN, as of yet, unknown medical condition.

So, in conclusion, Mamma Bass is an Ass.  And neither Little J, nor Drug Dealing Damien, nor Rufus, nor Lily are getting any loving . . .

Until next week, XOXO!

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Benjamin Linus is My New TV Boyfriend! – A Recap of Lost’s “Mr. Linus”

Just look at that come hither stare . . .  Who knew history teachers could be so sexy?

WARNING: This recap might not be particularly snarky.  After all, I am in love (with Benjamin Linus!).  And one of the side effects of falling in love is a complete loss of one’s sense of humor . . .

Who would have thought that the most uplifting, feel-good, episode of the entire Lost series, thus far, would belong to a character that will undoubtedly go down in history as one of the best television villians of all time?  For all those women out there (myself included) who have always dreamed of roping in and taming a bad boy, this episode was the ultimate fantasy come true.  If Michael Emerson does not win an Emmy for his performance in “Mr. Linus,” the entire Academy of Television Arts and Sciences deserves to suffer the wrath of Smokey!

And when it comes to the Emmys, Smokey does NOT mess around!

But in order to truly understand the full extent of Benjamin Linus’s current redemption, both in flash-sideways world, and in real time, we should probably go back and revisit the single worst moment in the character’s entire life: the death of his adoptive daughter, Alex Rousseau.

At the time, Benjamin Linus and his band of Others were living at the island Barracks.  Things were going peachy for Ben, until his nemesis, Charles Widmore, sent over his head minion, Army Drill Sergeant from Hell, Martin Keamy, to ensure Ben’s surrender and departure from the island.  By way of collateral, Keamy kidnapped Ben’s adoptive teenage daughter Alex, and brought her to Ben’s house with a gun to her head.  Keamy told Ben to either surrender immediately or watch his daughter die.  Ben thought Keamy was bluffing, and stayed put.  He wasn’t.

A Principal Without Principles . . .

Back in flash-sideways world, Ben and his father left the island, presumably before all the sh*t hit the fan down there.  Now Ben is a reluctant European History teacher at a high school, desperately seeking more excitement from his humdrum life.  In his opening scene, Ben teaches his students about Napoleon’s exhile to Elba, an obvious metaphor for Ben’s own meteoric rise and fall as “The Chosen” One on Lost island.  

I love when Lost gets all “literary” on us.  You can bet that this episode’s shout out to the above-referenced book (apparently the castaways on-Island library offers both this tome and porn), will send hard core Losties racing to their nearest bookstores in search of clues . . .

“Elba was where Napoleon faced his greatest test.  Exhile wasn’t the worst of his fate.  It was the truly devastating loss of power.  Sure, they allowed him to keep the title of emperor.  But without his power, everything was meaningless.  He might as well have been dead,”  Dr. Linus tellingly, instructs.

Flash Sideways Ben’s only joy comes from being able to run the school’s History Club, and tutor its student members, especially Alex Rousseau (who, in this timeline, is a precocious teen with aspirations to attend Yale).  That is until the school principal cancels the club, citing “budget cuts.”  (Really?  How “expensive” is some lame club where all students do is get together and talk about history?)

When Ben vents his frustrations to his colleagues, former Flight 815er Doc Arzt and new “Substitute” John Locke, the latter suggests that Ben take on the principal position for himself.    The opportunity to do this arises, when Alex admits to Ben that she saw the Principal engaged in illicit activity with one of the school nurses.  With Doc Arzt’s help, Ben hacks into the Principal’s computer and finds e-mails implicating the Principal in the aforementioned naughty conduct. 

Ben confronts the Principal with aims to blackmail him and usurp his position.  However, the Principal warns Ben that, if he does this, the former will take revenge on Alex (just as Keamy did — on a significantly smaller scale, of course) by single-handedly ruining the young girl’s chances of attending the principal’s alma mater, Yale.  This time, Ben chooses Alex.  As a result, he doesn’t get to be principal . . . but at least he gets his History Club back?

And thus, our Flash-Sideways World Ben has redeemed himself.  Something Flash-Sideways Sayid was unable to do last week . . .

Ben and Team Jacob, BFF (Best Friends Forever For Now)

If last week’s Lost episode focused on Smokey and his dastardly team of crazies, this week’s episode spotlighted the above-referenced opposing team, led by Ilana, the Candidate Bodyguard.

“And Iiiiiiiiii, eeeee iiiii, will always love Jacccob!” 

(Yeah, I’m not really a fan of Ilana’s, so far.  The character is a bit like the above song, only one-note, and a highly annoying one at that.)

When Miles “I Communicate with Dead People” (or, in this case, Dead Ash) Straum conveniently leaks to Ilana that Ben killed her “father figure” Jacob, she gets a little pissed off at our boy.  So pissed off, in fact, that she chains his leg to a stake and forces him to dig his own grave.

Speaking of death wishes, Richard Alpert, he of the guy liner and the never-aging face . . .

finds himself exhausted, from a life of serving Jacob, and always looking so damn pretty day in and day out.  His solution, therefore,  is to off himself, a la Bill Murrary in Groundhog Day.

Yeah, it didn’t work for him either . . .

Apparently, one of the rules of Lost island, is that, if you are Jacob’s candidate, you can’t end your own life.  Someone else has to do it for you.  I guess this would explain why former candidate Michael Dawson couldn’t shoot himself in the episode “Meet Kevin Johnson” but was able to die later when the submarine he was on exploded. 

Richard Alpert must have watched “Meet Kevin Johnson,” because he commandeers Jack and Hurley to light his ass on fire with a stick of dynamite.  Hurley bails on the plan, but Jack stays and sets the dynamite aflame.  Jack tells Richard that both of them are meant to be on this island . . . alive.  Therefore, he is certain that the stick of dynamite will not explode.  He is right . . .

Meet Jack Shephard – Man of Science  Man of Faith

While Jack and Richard are busy NOT blowing themselves to smithereens, Smokey is visiting Ben, offering him a means to escape Ilana’s clutches and join the Darkside.

Smokey tries to entice Ben, by offering him the opportunity to govern the island once again.  After all, just like Napoleon, Island Ben has always been a man driven by power.  Ben takes Locke’s advice and makes a break for it.  But he soon finds himself at a standoff with a Ilana. 

Instead of shooting her, as old Ben would likely have done without so much of a thought, a tearful Ben explains to Ilana how his anger over sacrificing his daughter to serve Jacob and the island, ultimately, caused him to kill Jacob, an action he deeply regrets.

When Ilana asks Ben why he has chosen Team Smokey, Ben admits that Smokey is “the only one who will have him.” 

The line is one of the most endearing of the evening, as it paints Ben as an outsider – one who, deep down, just wants to have friends.   Ilana must have agreed with me, because, instead of simply letting Ben go, she replies, “I’ll have you.” 

(Don’t you be taking Ben from me, Ilana!  He’s MINE now!  All MINE!)

At the episode’s conclusion, Jack, Hurley, and Richard, reunite with Ilana, Sun, Lapidus, Miles, and, of course, Ben.   And thus, Team Jacob is born.

Team Jacob is definitely the underdog in this matchup.  After all, there are no supernatural powers in this group (not aging is cool and all, but it doesn’t really help you in a fight, unless your opponent is one of the Golden Girls . . )

Yet, my money is still on Team Jacob.  I think they will be the Cinderella story of the season.  How about you?

Oh, and I almost forgot, in the last few seconds of the episode, something EVIL made its way through the ocean toward the Losties . . .

No, not that.  It was just Charles Widmore in a submarine.  Still, pretty scary, no?

Well, that’s all she wrote, Lost fans.  What did you think?  Are you ready to start the Michael Emerson Emmy campaign with me?  Is your money also on Team Jacob for winning the Lost ultimate showdown?  Do you think Charles Widmore will fight for Team Smokey, or does he have his own agenda to accomplish on Lost island?

Only time (travel) will tell . . .

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Taking Things SLLOOOOWW . . . : A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Hurt Locket”

 

Spotted: The most unintentionally relevant episode title EVER . . .

After all, there is no way the Gossip Girl writers could have possibly known, back when the script for this episode was being written, that a similarly titled film would go on to take home Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Original Screenplay awards at the Oscars, all by way of major upsets . . .

Or could they?

“I can see the future!  Now that’s what I’m TALKIN’ ABOUT, Willis!”

Tonight, we welcomed back our Upper East Side friends after a three-month hiatus.  Upon our return, we were treated to an episode about “taking things slow”  — an episode that, while not without its inherent sexiness and heartwarming moments, was . . . a little . . .  slow. 

Here’s what went down . . .

Reunited and it feels so . . . eh.

“Which one are you again?”

Remember a couple of episodes ago, when Serena was head over heels in love with Nate’s cousin, Tripp Archibald?  How about a few episodes before that, when she was in love with Carter Baizen?  Or a few episodes before that, when she was in love with Dan Humphrey?  Because Serena doesn’t seem to remember these things at all . . .

I wouldn’t mind so much, if the character just admitted to herself and the audience what she really is: a slut.  After all, there is nothing wrong with being a slut, per se.  Some of the greatest characters in television history were sluts!  For example, there was:

Blanche Dubois, from The Golden Girls;

Kelly Bundy, from Married with Children; and

Samantha Jones, from Sex in the City.

My problem with Serena is NOT that she is slutty.  But, rather, that she feels the need to justify her sluttiness by claiming that she is head over heels in love with every single man with whom she bumps uglies.  Her renewed relationship with Nate is no different. 

When the episode opens, Serena is on the phone with Blair, all hearts and roses about reuniting with Nate, after his time away from the city on vacation.  Blair cautions her friend about letting the “kitty out of the designer hand bag” too fast, if you catch my drift . . .

“Get your mind out of the gutter!  I was being literal!”

Blair urges Serena to take things slow, and play a little hard to get, so as to keep her blossoming relationship from going stale too quickly.  Unfortunately, Serena has about as much experience taking things slow, as she has with adding double digit numbers . . .

“Why bother learning to add when your boyfriends can do it for you?”

Serena is all set to disregard her friends sage advice, and head off to the Ambassadors Ball with her Beau- of-the-Week, when Nate, who has received similar “take it slow” advice from his buddy, Dan (Why anyone would take advice from HIM is beyond me!), disinvites Serena from the exclusive event.  Unaccustomed to being unceremoniously dumped, a pissed off Serena seeks revenge by asking a former beau from her “bad girl” boarding school days, Damien (more on him later), to be her escort to the ball.  A jealous Nate, who initially planned on attending the ball solo, ends up taking young Jenny Humphrey (more on her later too). 

 Hilarity ensues.  Long story short, Nate and Serena ultimately reconcile, and end up screwing in the coat check room (classy!), vowing never to take things slow again . . .

Now, I know I’ve just bashed the heck out of this storyline.  But I must say, these two were pretty hot together in that coat room.  No one ever said sex had to be smart to sell . . .

Make it Work, Pillheads!

Let me be the first to say, I like Jenny’s new beau, Drug Dealing Damien.  For starters, he bears an uncanny resemblance to Jared Leto, circa the mid 90s.

“Praise the Lord!  Jordan Catalano has been reincarnated, and returned to MY so-called life!”

Plus, I am always a sucker for a bad boy.  Up until this point, Chuck Bass more or less had the market cornered on redeemable bad assery on Gossip Girl.  And yet, as the series progressed, Chuck became increasingly well-behaved, leaving somewhat of a void in the series. 

While no one can match Ed Westwick’s deliciously deviant sexiness as Chuck, Kevin Zeger’s Damien follows in his footsteps quite nicely.  And I must say, even though Zegers looks a tad long in the tooth to be in a relationship with little Jenny, he and Taylor Momsen have good on-screen chemistry, something the actress never had with Chace Crawford’s Nate, in my opinion.

When the episode opens, Damien presents Jenny with a problem to solve.  You see, Damien has this gift box filled with expensive prescription medication and assorted designer drugs.  He needs to get these drugs to the daughter of the French Ambassador at Ambassador’s Ball, without getting narc-ed out by government security. 

Jenny, who is nothing if not resourceful, comes up with the “brilliant” idea of stitching the drugs into an item of clothing.  Suddenly, I am wondering whether I have inadvertently changed the channel, and stumbled upon a rather ill-conceived episode of Project Runway.

“This week, your challenge is to fashion a wearable garment made entirely out of pharmaceuticals.  Make it work, Designers!”

Although I loved Jenny’s idea in theory, her execution was a little off.  That pill-studded cropped jacket was the ugliest thing I have ever seen!  In addition to being completely grotesque, the jacket was also more than a tad dated, with its 80s era “bedazzled” pill sequins and high shoulder pads.

Heathers – The film that inspired Jenny’s jacket.

The original plan is for Jenny to wear the pill-filled jacket to the event, and switch it with the French Ambassador’s “sober” version of the jacket during the party.  The problem is that Damien, upon recalling what a whore Serena was back in boarding school, jumps at the chance to attend the party with her, instead of Jenny. 

At the ball, Damien has little trouble getting Serena into the ugly jacket, but finds himself in the unique situation of being unable to get her out of it.  Now, when even Serena Van der Woodsen won’t sleep with you, that’s pretty bad!

“Nice going, loser!”

With enough “I told you so’s” to buy a jacket that’s actually fashionable, Jenny ultimately comes to Damien’s rescue.  Finding the pilly jacket on the floor in the coat room (Serena and Nate tossed it there during their hard-core screwing session), Jenny instructs the coat check girl to make sure that its delivered immediately to its proper owner, the French Ambassador’s daughter.

Something tells me Little J’s foray into drug dealing will not be quite so easy the next time around . . .

Mamma Mia

Of course, my favorite storyline of the evening came from my favorite Gossip Girl couple, the always-intriguing and never dull, Chuck and Blair.  Every time these two are on screen with one another, I feel like I need to take a cold shower.  Unlike Serena and Nate, Chuck and Blair don’t need to be screwing to be sexy, the looks they give one another say it all . . .

I’ll admit that when the episode opened with Blair babbling about needing Chuck’s help to convince some snooty French dude to approve her charter for a “secret society” at NYU, I was a bit concerned.  How many episodes are going to revolve around Blair plotting to get herself into some pompous club or event?  Foruntately, Blair’s popularity “crisis” quickly took a back seat to Chuck’s identity one. 

If you recall, Chuck was told by his father that his mother died giving birth to him.  As if that wasn’t enough of a guilty burden for a young man to shoulder, Chuck was always convinced that his father held him personally accountable for his mother’s death.

Prior to the show’s Season 3 hiatus, when Chuck visited his father’s grave on the anniversary of the latter’s death, he found a woman there, equipped with his father’s favorite flowers(?) (must be a “rich guy” thing), and a locket with his father’s picture in it.  Said locket just so happened to be engraved with his mother’s first initial “E”.  Understandably, Chuck became obsessed with finding this woman. 

 Initially, young Bass’s pride kept him from admitting to Blair that he was investigating the source of the locket and its female wearer.  Yet, Blair, in a move that was surprisingly mature and altruistic for her often immature and self-absorbed character, recognized her boyfriend’s pain, and put aside her petty secret society bids, in order to accompany Chuck on his mission to find the owner of the locket.

When Chuck finds the woman, she denies being or knowing Chuck’s mother, despite the fact that her name also begins with an “E.”  The woman claims that the locket was something Papa Bass gave to all of his sexual conquests.  A heartbroken Chuck leaves the scene, but Blair stays behind.  In a speech that was both beautifully written and beautifully acted by Leighton Meester, Blair explains to the woman that she doesn’t buy her story.  She tells the locket owner that if she knows anything that can relieve Chuck’s guilt over his mother’s death, she owes it to Chuck to share that information.

Later a dejected Chuck comes to grips with the fact that he will probably never have a mother.  Blair gently comforts him, promising him that she will always be his family.  With Blair by his side, Chuck will never have to be alone.  What well-adjusted adults these two have become — quite a long way from the scheming and conniving Blair and Chuck of Season 1 (who I’ll admit, I miss a little bit). 

Still, I’m proud of these two.

At the end of the episode, we see the Locket Woman staring at yet another locket, this one containing a picture of her holding a baby.  With Blair’s poweful words fresh on her mind, the woman finally musters up the courage to contact Chuck on his cell phone, using a Blocked number.   

Oh . . . and I almost forgot . . . there was another, minor, storyline involving Dan’s dad, Rufus being mad at his new wife, Lily, for spending the night with her ex husband and then lying to him about it.  Unlike the mature Chuck and Blair, middle-aged Rufus decided to handle the matter like a jealous and horny teen, hopping into bed with a neighbor at the first possible opportunity, for a night of Revenge Sex.  Way to set an example for your children, Rufus!

“What do you expect from a guy with a dog’s name?”

Tune in next week, when Serena and Nate are sure to have more steamy sex, the heretofore absent Vanessa will likely make an appearance (zzzzz), and, hopefully, there will be plenty more Chuck/Blair scenes and Damien bad assery to drool over . . .

XOXO!

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Reunited, and it feels so . . . um . . . – Grey’s Anatomy Recap for “Blink”

I have watched Grey’s Anatomy for six seasons now.  (Yeah, it has been on for that long.  Doesn’t that make you feel old?  Because it makes me feel ancient.)  And when you’ve watched a show religiously for that long, it begins to feel somewhat like an old friend.  So that is how I think of Grey’s Anatomy, as a childhood buddy of sorts . . .

After all, we’ve been through a lot together, Grey’s and I.  And like I would for any good friend, I have stood by Grey’s through good times (all of Season 1 and most of Season 2) and bad times (that unfortunate story arc where Meredith “died” by drowning and literally chilled out with other dead people and a dog for three hours). 

I have supported my pal Grey’s even when it (a) made unwise decisions (the George and Izzie romance, Izzie’s brain tumor and related dalliance with Ghost Denny, and Derek’s unfortunate romance with the bland Nurse Rose), (b) got involved with a bad crowd of people (the rotating cadre of cardio docs, and the entire Mercy West crew . . .  except for that really hot one whose name I can’t remember.  He’s just so pretty), and (c) said mean and insensitive things (pretty much everything that came out of Isaiah Washington’s mouth during the whole f-word scandal).

Because Grey’s is such a good friend of mine, when the two of us got together on Thursday, after a long time apart, I was so excited that I took in stride the fact that it wasn’t quite itself . . . that a certain spark was missing.  And for that, I was ultimately rewarded.   Here’s what I learned during our friendly meeting:

Chief is still off the wagon . . .

As the episode opened, Meredith was heading off for another “surgery lesson” with Chief.  We learn that Meredith and Dr. Webber have been spending a lot of time together lately engaging in these “surgery lessons.”  And this continues to occur, much to the chagrin of her suspicious new husband-via-Post-It Note, Derek.  Thankfully (although it probably would have made things more interesting if they were), contrary to what the Ghost of Grey’s Episodes Past may have implied, “surgery lessons” are not a euphemism for “playing dirty doctor,” if you know what I mean.  Instead, these lessons basically consisted of Chief and Meredith watching old videos of Meredith’s dearly departed mother performing surgeries, while Chief waxed poetic about his former fling.

Apparently, Chief has been spending so much time watching videos and “doing paper work for the [Mercy West] merger,” that he hasn’t had much time to  . . .  um . . . be a doctor? Instead, he has been reassigning his surgeries to Bailey, who has been majorly covering his ass, ever since that unfortunate incident during which a wasted Chief cut into a patient’s bile duct, turning said patient yellow and nearly killing him.  To throw Derek off the scent, the usually honest-to-a-fault Bailey was even willing to lie and say she had a crush on Bile Duct Guy in order to explain her sudden obsessive interest in the patient’s health and well-being. Ultimately, at the episode’s conclusion, a guilt-ridden Meredith comes clean to Derek about the Chief’s drinking problem, which she witnessed first hand a few month’s ago, during the show’s Christmas episode.

Bailey’s still not getting laid . . .

Repeated visits with Bile Duct Guy notwithstanding, since her unfortunate separation from her husband, Bailey, much like the Chief, has been missing out on the opportunity to “play dirty doctor.”  Doctor McDreamy (he of the always oh-so-healthy relationships) seems unusually eager to put an end to Bailey’s self-enforced period of celibacy.  And, no, this isn’t a euphemism either.  (What happened to the old slutty Grey’s I used to know?)  Like Meredith and the Chief, Derek has absolutely no interest in surfing Bailey’s va-jay-jay, himself.  Instead, the altruistic doc commandeers another single surgeon to do the job for him.  Unfortunately for Derek, Bailey is not having any of that love crud.  In fact, she scares the man off completely with talk about her three-year-old son who pees on everything.  (Note to all the Single Ladies out there: pee stories . . . not a turn on).

McSteamy and Lexipedia are Splitsville . . . for now

When we last left our favorite May/December romance couple, Mark had just learned that he had a teenage daughter who just so happened to be pregnant.  When the episode begins, Mark, Lexie and Mark’s daughter,  whose name is Sloan (which, assuming she takes on Mark’s last name, would make her Sloan Sloan?) are living together in not-so-marital bliss.  When a reluctant Lexie performs an ultrasound for Little Sloan, she learns that Mark’s unborn grandchild has amniotic band syndrome.  In other words, the child’s legs are trapped amid wisps of amniotic fluid. 

Little Sloan, determined that her child “have feet,”  decides to have an operation to fix this abnormality, regardless of the inherent risks involved .  And so, despite the fact that Arizona, Callie’s current girlfriend, is a perfectly competent pediatric surgeon, in yet another ploy to get viewers to watch the failing Grey’s spinoff Private Practice, Mark flies Addison out from LA to perform the surgery.  However, once Little Sloan is on the operating table, Mark freaks out about the risks and forces Addison to close up shop and fly back from whence she came.  (Hey, at least she’s racking up those frequent flyer miles . . .)

After the Surgery that Wasn’t, Mark and Little Sloan have a father-daughter talk.   The latter convinces Mark that she must do whatever it takes to save her child’s legs.   Therefore, Little Sloan is determined to go under the knife again.  Lexie, playing the role of martryr, suggests that the pair fly out to LA so that Addison can perform the surgery for real this  time.  The father and daughter pair agree to do this, and in a moment of paternal bliss, Mark invites Little Sloan to live with him and Lexie permanently .  This way, the three can raise Sloan’s baby together  in Seattle.

When the 25-year old Lexie understandably balks at the idea of being the world’s youngest step-grandmother.  Mark warns her not to make him choose between his daughter and his lover.  But in making such a distinction, Lexie knows that Mark has already made his choice, and it is not Lexie.  Feeling hurt, alone, and reckless, Lexie searches desperately for an outlet for all of her pent up emotion . . .  which leads her to . . .

Alex has reverted, yet again, to Tool status

Speaking of euphemisms, Alex and former-Mercy Wester Reed spend most of the episode speaking in them.  “Let me scrub in [on your surgery], and I’ll take you out for a drink afterward and . . . you know,” offers Reed, who has been majorly crushing on  our resident “Saved” Bad Boy since she arrived at Seattle Grace.  Karev, who has been understandably uber pissed at his wife Izzie for being MIA for half-the-season, initially seems receptive to Reed’s offer to “play dirty doctor” with him.  And despite Meredith’s not-so-gentle reminder to him that he is, in-fact, still married, Karev continues to invite doe-eyed Reed’s thinly veiled offers of sex.

Yet, ultimately, Bad Boy turns her down, making us viewers believe he truly has changed . . . for about two minutes.  In the final moments of the episode, he entices his former screw buddy, the vulnerable and lovelorn Lexie, to the darkside with his come hither eyes, overwhelmingly masculine sexiness, and insanely hot body.  FINALLY, someone is actually PLAYING DIRTY DOCTOR!  Here’s hoping for lots of Naked Alex this year . . .  I honestly don’t care who with.

Christina is not a Playa

Unlike Lexie and Alex, Christina Yang would actually prefer being a real doctor to playing a dirty one.  We learn this when she nearly has an “O” when new “Cardio God” Teddy gives her the opportunity to perform a complicated heart valve surgery.  In what was, for me, the most intriguing storyline of the Episode, Christina goes on to perform the prized surgery solo. 

When Christina runs into some trouble on the operating table, Teddy ignores her student completely, opting instead to read a magazine during the operation.  When Christina’s beau, Owen, tries to intervene on her behalf, Christina pushes him away.  Yang ultimately successfully completes the surgery on her own.

After the surgery, Owen confronts Teddy and accuses her of having ulterior motives for not helping Christina through the difficult surgery.  However, when he speaks to Christina, the young doc is absolutely thrilled with Teddy and her methods.  Christina explains to Owen that, by letting her complete the surgery on her own, Teddy gave her back the confidence she had lost in herself, thereby making her feel alive again. 

When Owen explains that Teddy will be leaving Seattle Grace, Christina runs after her, like a lover in the last few moments of a romantic comedy.  Then, Christina, in keeping with her rom-com script, explains to Teddy that she will give the New Cardio God whatever it takes to make her stay.  Teddy turns to Christina, impulsively, and the two make out hard core (just kidding – It turns out this really isn’t a rom-com, after all.)  Actually, Teddy says, “I want Owen.”  (Gasp – GIRL, OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!!!!)

Without a moment’s thought, Christina pulls Teddy’s hair and begins to engage in a knock- down, drag-out girl fight with her.  (kidding again — Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.)  Instead, Christina caused my jaw to literally drop to the floor by replying, “Fine, then take him.”

And it’s moments like this one that remind me why Grey’s Anatomy and I have remained friends for so long . . .

 

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