Tag Archives: bugs

This Bug’s For You – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Galvanize”

galvanize

pocahantas

“Can you paint with all the colors of the wiiiiiiiiiiiiind?”

Aloha, Werebangers!  Since the main driving force behind Season 3B is to illustrate the consequences of our Beacon Hill’s Scooby Gang landing on a Hellmouthsuccumbing to a Kryptonite-Infused Meteor Shower,   dropping The Veil between the Natural World and the Supernatural One, temporarily sacrificing themselves as a tribute to the Supernatural Beacon Tree that is the Nemeton, it makes sense that this collection of episodes would seem a bit more disjointed and “freak of the week”-y, than the ones that preceded them . .  .

never the same stilinski stiles

Let’s see, so far, in addition to our usual round-up of Alphas, Betas, Omegas, Banshees, Were-hunters, Emissaries, and people who REALLY, REALLY HATE MOUNTAIN ASH .  . .

mountain ash

. . . we have met Were-Coyotes . . .

coyote

why am i naked

. . . Fly Guys . . .

firefly people

. . . Bug Tummies (who may or may not be related to the Fly Guys) . .  .

bug tummy

This is kind of like what happens to me whenever I eat burritos . . .

 .  . . Samurais (who also may or may not be related to the Fly Guys)  . . .

samurai

It’s like the Scream Mask on Steroids . . .

Scream-mask200

.  . . and Kira the Kitsune . . .

i so want to hit that

There’s a benefit to this type of narrative structure.  For one thing, the plot possibilities are endless.  (Consider how long shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Smallville, and Scooby Doo managed to stay on air!)  Freaks-of-the-Week also enable episode plots to be self-contained.  This means that new and casual viewers can join the fandom at any time, without getting bogged down in the quagmire of complex series mythology.

stiles-15

The downside?  End-of-the-season payoffs on these type of shows tend to be much smaller, and the rewards for loyal viewers, who stuck by the show since episode 1, are less substantial.

crying stiles

But hey, it’s only been three episodes.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Perhaps, all of these seemingly disconnected episodes are about to tie together in some brilliant way we have yet to discover.  Maybe the entire season is taking place inside Stiles’ Brain Tumor!

mischeivous stiles

not a tumor

On that note, let’s review, shall we?

nodding oh yeah

[As always, a special thanks to Andre, whose X-Men esque spectacular screencapping abilities, unique YouTube video-finding powers, magically delicious capacity for internet research relating to all things supernatural, and undeniably awesome propensity toward snarky commentary, have all clearly been brought on by his being born next to a Nemeton-Tree .  . . on a Hellmouth . . . surrounded by meteors.]

Making Mischief

mischief

“To be honest, I wasn’t sure this show had actual seasons.  But apparently, it’s almost Halloween!  YAY!”

It’s Mischief Night over in Beacon Hills and Scott and Stiles have just broken into the school to play a very kitsune-approved prank on everyone’s favorite teacher, Coach Crackhead . . .

stiles with wolf hat

four years younger

Meanwhile, over at The Hospital Run Entirely By Scott’s Mom, a child-killing psychopath is being wheeled in for an emergency operation by, you guessed it, Papa La Douche McCall.   Seriously!  This guy is basically a magnet for mentally disturbed, murderous, and basically sh*tty people.  He brings them wherever he goes, like some Pied Piper of Evil.

evil pied piper

“I’d like you to meet someone.  He murders kids who look just like our son, so I brought him to your hospital just for you.  You’re welcome!”

woah

“And to think I had honest-to-goodness sexual intercourse with this person.”

Papa La Douche wags his eyebrows suggestively at his ex-wife, as he casually tells her that the man she will be feeling up with her stethoscope is an Electrician Turned Child Blower-Upper with shrapnel in his tummy, and basically no remorse for his bad deeds.

yet another scott face

To her credit, Mama McCall maintains her composure, even as Mr. Bug-Eyed McCrazypants  totally invades her personal space and stares into her eyes like he wants to swallow her whole.  Bug-Eyed McCrazypants pretty much goads Mama McCall into asking him why blowing up tots is his favorite pastime, and he explains, quite tellingly, that “Their Eyes Were Glowing.”

sounds like your heart

“Sounds like your heart is two sizes too small.”

also i eat kids

grinch smile

“Yeah . . . I can see that.”

Then, he goes all batsh*t, and practically bites Mama McCall’s face off  . . .

glowing

.  . . once again reminding the Mother of the Alpha that she totally should have taken the job at Seattle Grace / Grey’s Anatomy, where she could spend her days humping doctors who look like Jesse Williams in the on-call room  . . .

jesse-williams-greys-anatomy-shirtless-scenes-01

. . . instead of having to put up with this crap . . .

mommy dearest

In other news . . .  glowing eyes, huh?  We know a few guys with glowing eyes on this show?  Don’t we?

alpha closeup

“SH*T!”

Greenberg Strikes Again

It’s a Beautiful Day in Beacon Hills!  It’s Mischief Day!  It’s Coach Crackhead’s Birthday!  It’s . . . a Day of Forgiveness?

we want t be in your cub

“We want to be series regulars part of your pack.”

um no

Not so much on that last one . . .  as Scott and his Scooby Gang totally reject the not-so-much Alpha anymore Twins from joining their Pack . . .

ep 7 in spanish

And why shouldn’t they?  After all, the Twins are responsible for the death of Boyd . . . and Erica  . . . and their entire range of emotions can pretty much be summed up in two expressions: Growl . . .

gotcha twins

. . . and Smirk . . .

twins - Copy

moon face

moon face 2

These are NOT the kind of dudes you want in the foxhole with you, when you are battling Lizard People, Skeletor, Gorillas on Steroids, and Crotchety Old Men . . .

matt and ma

darach

ep 6 alpha

funny face grandpa

Besides, Scott doesn’t need lame-o Growlers and Smirkers in his pack!  He doesn’t need anybody!  He’s The Hottest Girl in School!

hot girl

yay

Wait . . . what?

Yeah, apparently, that’s Scott’s new nickname!

BabyScared

(I hear gender identity disorder is particularly common among werewolves.  Basically, this is what happens when your private parts are covered in fur, and you can’t always see them.)

Elsewhere in school, Coach Crackpot learns an important lesson:

screw one

screw 2

screw 3

screws fall out

A lesson that inadvertently led to our first “Greenberg” reference of the season  . . .

not trusting

happy birthday

love greenberg

OK, I’m calling it right now.  Somewhere around season 7 or 8 of this show (if it lasts that long), Greenberg will be revealed as the Ultimate Uber- Big Bad of this show, and Coach Crackpot will be his first official victim . . .

hand down greenberg

(P.S. I like how, with all the bardo, and mental breakdowns and murder going on in Beacon Hills, Stiles and Scott still somehow find the time to pull elaborate pranks on their favorite Psycho Coach.  It’s kind of sweet, actually . . .)

punks evi

laughing

By now, we all know that being a teacher in Beacon Hills is a pretty dangerous profession.  Of course, it’s not nearly as dangerous as being a medical professional in Beacon Hills . . .

Just ask This Guy  . . .

bloody doc

“Is there a doctor in the house, or just Scott McCall’s mom?”

. . . who learned the heard way that joking about “accidentally” killing your psycho patient on the operating table, while he’s not quite unconscious, is the easiest way to earn a first class ticket to your nearest Morgue.

haha not funny

“That joke about my dying was hilarious.  You should have gone to clown college, instead of medical school.  Maybe you still can .  .  . IN HELL!”

Ever see those weddings, where, SURPRISE, a flock of doves fly out of the wedding cake and probably poop in it on the way out and it’s supposed to be “Oh So Romantic.”  Well, this is kind of a variation on that . . .

bug tummy

(Andre had a great screencap of this up close.  But I just didn’t have the “stomach” to use it.  TOO GROSS!”

puked on your shoes

Seriously, they are coming up with new and inventive ways to off doctors every week on this show!  (Perhaps, Jeff Davis secretly flunked out of medical school, and this is his subtle way of exacting revenge.)

Interestingly enough, this isn’t the first time Teen Wolf has used insects as a tool of doctorly demise.  Remember THE MOTHS IN THE CAR?

eating the moth

Except, this time, if we want to get technical about things, Bug Tummy didn’t actually murder Doctor Snarky by making him choke on flies and/or crash his car.  He just killed him the old-fashioned way . . . with a deft hand and a scalpel . . .

we all go a little psycho

See?  This is another problem with Freak-of-the-Week villains.  They croak before we ever get to really know them!  Bug Tummy is already dead (at least he is by the end of the episode), and I have so many unanswered questions about him.  Like . . .  why does he have bugs in his tummy?  Does he eat them?  Keep them as pets?  Did he just accidentally swallow them one night, while on one of his usual child-killing rampages?  How did he manage to stay awake under anesthesia?  How does he keep his model-thin figure?  Do bugs contain carbs?

light

The world may never know . . .

In other, seemingly unrelated news, that nifty box Derek and Peter Hale stole from the Mexican baddies contains .  . . wait for it . . . dirty nail clippings from Derek’s dead mom.

nail of mother

“Would it have killed her to add a little red polish?  Geez!”

Man, this show is gross . . .

Peter then wears the dirty nails, for reasons I still don’t quite understand, homoerotically stabs them into Derek’s backside . . .

fisting

. . .  and then Derek, sort of / kind of talks to his wolf mom in a dream / hallucination thingy?

is this a dream

“Worst . . . acid trip . . . ever!”

In which Beacon Hill’s School Security System Fails Yet Again

Bug Tummy steals an ambulance (the preferred method of escape for Beacon Hill baddies everywhere, like Zip Car for Evil People), and heads to . . . where else . . . the high school, of course!  In response to Bug Tummy’s presence, Lydia’s eardrums start being bombarded with incessant buzzing, which the Scooby Gang takes as a sign that they need to scour the school for Bug Tummy ASAP, before he murders everyone and Teen Wolf is forced to end prematurely without any Stydia sex scenes at all!  Oh the horror!

buggy

lydia looking at sky

no longe crazy

“Well, it was nice while it lasted . . . wasn’t it Lydia?  Looks like you’re the looney tune of your social circle, once again.”

At the school, despite being surrounded by hundreds of students, an entire troop of cops, and a pack of werewolves, Bug Tummy is able to (1) waltz in undetected . . .

waiting patiently

.  . . (2) hang out calmly in coach’s office, while Lydia the Banshee, who supposedly senses his near-dead presence, and Aiden the Werewolf with his GLOWING EYES and superior sense of smell, make out inches away from Bug Tummy’s grossly bloody, rather malodorous-looking, body   .  . .

aiden and lyd

“There’s something different about this room.  But I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

. . . (3) staple his stomach together (Well, at least now we know how he keeps his girlish figure.). . .

haha hah

“Now, I’m the hottest girl!  Eat that, Scott McCall!”

. . . (4) stop off in the chemistry lab to casually mix a few chemicals, and draw painfully cheesy,  and completely unnecessary Sesame Street-like, clues about his motives on the chalk board (more on that later)

. . . (5) stalk Kira in the library a midst the chaos of a pulled fire alarm, and

therehe is

. . . (6) escape without anybody ever laying eyes on him at all!

verbal keyboard smash

Now, that’s impressive!  So, impressive that I actually think Bug Tummy would make a great Alpha.  I mean, sure, he’s kind of socially awkward, makes weird, sometimes off-putting, facial expressions, has some issues with impulse control, and looks way too old to be a high school student.  But hey, the same could be said about Scott!

trust scott

Stiles tries to get his dad and the rest of the cops to stick around school and search for Bug Tummy some more.  But Stiles’ dad isn’t biting.  As much as Papa Stilinski is sort of/kind of coming around to the idea that pretty much everything that happens in Beacon Hills is somehow supernaturally related, he’s still not quite ready to buy into the idea that the annoying scream of a pretty red headed teen will solve all his murder mysteries . . .

wavinglyd

Parents can be so short-sighted sometimes . . .

With the adults out of the picture, the werewolves of Beacon Hills form their own search party, following their noses, just like Toucan Sam, into the school’s boiler room, in an attempt to literally sniff out evil.  Unfortunately, all these wolves seem to be able to smell is sex . . .

found

sad aid

my heart bleeds marlak

Then, Lydia figures out that getting all the school’s wolves into the boiler might actually have been Bug Tummy’s plan all along . . . to get all the Glowing Eyed kids into one place . . . and THEN BLOW THEM INTO SMITHEREENS!

danger

So, Stiles, our hero .  . .

batman catwoman

holding hands

. . . thinking fast, decides to pull the fire alarm, in order to get all his classmates out of the building before they can be turned into rainbow sprinkles . . .

confetti

meddling kids

Bug Tummy’s plan is foiled!  The children have been saved!  All is right in the world!  And Stiles is filled with the spontaneous need to dance . . .

dance

Really, it’s the dancing that gets him busted.  (Should have saved that for your bedroom, Stiles . . .)

busted

As for Scott, while the school and all its wolfy and non-wolfy inhabitants are being silently terrorized, and the apocalypse is becoming increasingly imminent, our hero . . . plots his Master Plan to Save the World from Bug Tummy . . . keeps his pack safe, by shuffling them off to a secret hideaway, where Bug Tummy can’t rip out their Glowing Eyes, and insert them into his abdomen as food for the creatures he has living in it enjoys a sushi dinner?

bad scott

Scott Gets a Little Culture . . .

I really like Kira’s house.  It’s uber modern, definitely Asian-inspired, has a real estate value of upwards of $2.5 million, and absolutely looks nothing like the cookie cutter, white bread, lower middle to upper middle class homes we’ve come to expect from the suburban neighborhood of Beacon Hills, CA . . .

asian inspired house

asian inspired house 2

. . .  which makes me wonder, just how much to teachers get paid to teach at Beacon Hills high.  Maybe they make a lot . . . simply because of the super high mortality rate.

try again fail better

Or perhaps, Kira’s mother is the big wage earner in this family.  After all, HE kept HER name.  And considering that she’s Japanese, and Kira’s dad is Korean, Kira’s kitsune traits are probably inherited from her mommy’s side of the family.

dinner

“I wear the foxy pants in this family.”

Hey, maybe she’s an “arms dealer,” like Allison’s dad!  He also seems way richer than a seemingly unemployed werewolf hunter should be  . . .

cool dad

“It’s expensive to look like this much of a bad ass.”

Anywhoo, Scott tries to use chopsticks, accidentally inhales a mouth full of wasabi, and hilarity ensues, which basically has positively nothing to do with the ongoing plot . . .

eating

Here Scott, eat my fish.  You’ll like it!”

Elsewhere in Adorable Town . . .

Stiles and Lydia Figure it out . . . Again

Lydia and Stiles are lounging on Stiles bed, wrapping each other’s fingers in balls of red yarn (kinky?),  as they discuss the Stilinski Family Board of Shame . . .

colored strings

blue just pretty

. . .  and what Lydia believes to be her first failure in her short career as a Banshee.  Seeing Lydia experience self-doubt, and insecurity . . . seeing her doubt her powers, and feel guilty about getting Stiles in trouble at school, by convincing him to pull the fire alarm . . .

stydia love

smiles

. . . shows just how far Lydia has gone as a character since Season 1. The Lydia we met back then  .  . . the proud, selfish, arrogant Lydia, who was concerned only with popularity and appearances, would never spend an evening geeking out in bed with Stiles, his yarn, and his detective theories.  She would never feel bad about getting someone else in trouble.   She would never question her own abilities and their consequences, or, for that matter admit to having those abilities and that intelligence at all . . .

awesome lyd pic

I love watching Lydia and Stiles together, because (as clichéd as it is that they always come up with the answers seemingly out of the blue at the last minute),as characters, they definitely bring out the best in one another.  Stiles makes Lydia more humble, more caring, more willing to be her true self.  He helps her untie the red “unsolved” yarn from her fingertips, and makes her feel more “solved.”  More whole.

red unsolved

In turn, Lydia makes Stiles more confident, more mature, and more self- assured in his intelligence, and problem solving abilities . . .  she also reminds him how to read, and gently (without judgment) keeps him from going insane.

stydia kiss 6

So, when Stiles tells Lydia he believes in her, despite her recent setback, I believe him . . . but kind of wonder where her parents are .   . . because, seriously, this girl never goes home.

Somehow, Lydia’s mere presence inspires Stiles to tramp back into school in the middle of the night, break into the chemistry lab . . . magically change into his “This is Only a Dream” Shirt for a split second . . .

http://colethewolf.tumblr.com/post/74036701586/colethewolf-i-dont-know-if-somebody-has

. . . and proceed to solve yet another “Freak of the Week” mystery, with his Lady Love Lydia by his side.

blood on floor

Yes, boys and girls, Engineer Bug Tummy, in addition to his bug cultivating skills and tendency toward invisibility, also apparently, is a master chemist, capable of masking his horrible scent, even to werewolves, as a result of his in-depth, knowledge of the periodic table that he just can’t help but share with the world, even if he is certain it will result in his inevitable capture / killing.

kira

draco malfoy facepalm

“Silly villain!”

Long story short, Stiles and Lydia find out that Bug Tummy wasn’t inside the school to capture werewolves at all . . . he was only interested in nerdy foxes with multiple tails and an impressive understanding of the concept of Bardo and eating with chopsticks  . .  . only interested in Kira . . .

Back at the Asian Inspired Dojo that is Kira’s Casa . . . .

Stiles and Kira eat pizza, and eye f*&k a bit.

eating pizza

“Should I be offended that you didn’t enjoy the taste of my fish?”

Then, Kira gets kidnapped, and Scott “You’re Going To Hear Me Roar Because I Am the True Alpha” McCall does nothing to stop it  . . . (though, in his defense, he’s sort of/ kind of unconscious at the time).

smash

“If you won’t eat Kira’s fish, I will!”

With the help of Lydia’s big mouth (Ears be damned!) and Stiles’ encouragement . . .

scream

scream 2

The Scooby Gang finds Kira tied up in some electrical warehouse thingy, where Bug Tummy is seconds away from electrocuting her . . . just because.

elect

electrifying

P.S.  Bug Tummy is also going to take pictures of Kira while he electrocutes her, using her Nokia phone because. . .  you know . . . product placement.

villains

Villains don’t like iPhones . . .

But Silly Bug Tummy  .  . . he messed with the wrong girl.  I mean, really, of all the girls you decide to electrocute you choose the one that has the kitsune-like ability to ABSORB ELECTRICITY!

galvanize

“This is SOOO going to help me get laid . . .”

Not too smart, Bug Tummy.  Perhaps, you aren’t the Good Prospective Alpha I thought you would be . . .

And so you’ll die.  Goodbye, Bug Tummy!  May glowing eyed children angels carry you to your much-deserved rest  . . . IN HELL!!!!!!

kind of dead

Meanwhile, Allison and Isaac are in Allison’s house, busily studying the beastiary in hopes of locating something about  the now-obsolete villain of the week.  Isaac cleverly suggests he’s Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies, i.e. The Devil . . . also the name of one of my favorite books from high school, coincidentally.

almost kissing

Then Isaac tries to kiss Allison.  And Allison, in order to show Isaac that she is Not That Kind of Girl, takes off her shirt for him . . . wait what?

off shirt

off shirt 2

her turn

“I am not the kind of girl who just makes out with her exes’ best friend /roommate /sort of adopted brother!  I have more class than that!  Get naked with him?  Sure.  F*&K him?  Absolutely.  But I will never ever kiss him!  Get that through your wolfy weiner, Isaac LAY-HEEEEE!”

not amused

Not amused . . .

Then Allison’s dad walks in, and wonders why his daughter insistently falls in love with canines, and kind find a nice human boy to hump in her bedroom, while her dad is downstairs, plotting the destruction of animal kind.

office guns

office guns 2

another werewolf

While Allison’s dad is hilariously scolding his daughter about her choice of suitors . . .

mwah haha

.  . . some weird samurai things are taunting Isaac in her bedroom?  Thus proving, once in for all, that having sex with Allison, or even thinking about having sex with Allison, is not without its consequences . . .

blue balls

Next week on Teen Wolf, everybody goes to a rave?

Nikki Minaj makes out with Stiles?

nicki

And a bunch of other bad stuff happens to our Scooby Gang . . .

Until next time, Werebangers!

stiles dancing at gay bar melchiors

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A Life Lived in Shades of Grey – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Fireflies”

bloody with purity ring

“Let [Scott] be the hero of his Black and White World.  Real survivors, you and I, we live in Shades of Grey.”

Ah, sweet Moral Ambiguity!  It’s a touchstone of every supernatural tale.  After all, these characters live in a world where monsters have the capacity to be heroes.

my hero

Heroes sometimes turn out to be monsters.

rawr

And, no matter how much evil you’ve done, during the course of your lifetime, your character’s likeability is almost always directly proportional to how good you look with your shirt off.

derek dream 1

Come to think of it, that’s pretty much true of every show I watch . . .

“Fireflies” saw four of the series’ main characters struggle with issues of morality.  Derek, Allison and Chris Argent each grappled with their instincts toward self-preservation, and shielding their families from harm, versus an obligation to protect innocents, and serve a cause greater than themselves.

allison bamf heir of slytherin

As for Stiles .  . .Poor Stiles!  Not only has his sixteen or so years of chastity left him incredibly sexually frustrated . . .

verbal keyboard smash

blue balls

 . . . now it might actually get him killed!

going to die

What’s worse?  Stiles responsible decision to get a condom last week, might have actually ended up killing his old friend from PRESCHOOL!

condom 2

Geez, writers!  What kind of messages are you sending these young impressionable Teen Wolf watchers?

sex better

Throw in some very smart fireflies, a couple of very unlucky in love lesbians, and the worst place ever to store a school supply cabinet, and you’ve got yourself another banner hour of Teen Wolf, wolfbangers!

stiles with wolf hat

Let’s review, shall we?

nodding oh yeah

[As always, special thanks to Andre for the kickass screencaps.  He truly knows how to capture the hidden beauty of dead virgins . . .]

Thug Bug Life

In a town comprised of werewolf packs, suicidal cats, servile psychopathic lizards, and kamikaze birds, it doesn’t surprise me at all that Beacon Hills has a Bug Mafia . . .

If nothing else, the first two scenes of this episode illustrated that the insect organized crime contingent is a force with which to be reckoned . . .

bug mafia

It’s 10 p.m.  Do you know where your children are?

your children

Because rest assured, if I was a parent of young kids in Beacon Hills, mine wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house after 5 p.m., at least until they turned 30.  I’d use straitjackets if necessary . . .

hide your kids

The moon is high in the sky.  Two young kids we’ve never seen before (and, most likely, will never see again) are “innocently” catching fireflies in jars.

cATCHING FIRE

better fly catch

It would be an adorable and relaxing scene, if we didn’t remember what show we were watching . . .

Sure enough, here comes the Big Bad Boyd Wolf . . .

big boyd wolf

Hey, did they change Boyd’s Wolf Look, this week?  He’s looking a bit more Mr. T than usual.  Perhaps, they’ve been feeding him this in bank jail . . .

mr. t cereal

Run into the poorly constructed shed, kiddies!  It worked for the Three Little Pigs!  Oh . . . wait . . . nevermind!

straw house

HIding kid

anxiety

Boyd is just about to say, “I’ll huff and I’ll puff.  And I’ll blow your house down.”

huff and puff

But then he decides, “Screw it.”

house toss

He lifts up the dinky shed, and tosses it aside like yesterday’s trash . . .

Fear not, kiddies.  Help is on the way!  It’s that stealth band of fireflies you captured, and nearly killed, coming to your rescue!  (Talk about a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome!)

firefl

While Boyd is literally distracted by shiny objects, the kids make their getaway.

hug strange man

“I’m sure it’s perfectly safe to hug this strange man we found lurking in the woods late at night.”

Elsewhere in the woods, a pair of amorous young lesbians on a camping trip aren’t quite as lucky .  . .

lamps

Not to criticize or anything, but if you knew your significant other was deathly afraid of snakes and bugs, why oh why, would you choose, THE WOODS, of all places, as the locale for your first sexual encounter?

no no on

Gee Lover, is that a hideously disgusting spider crawling out of your crotch, or are you just happy to see me?

making out

another bug

A couple of voyeuristic bugs appear on the side of the tent (Free Porn!), and the ill-fated (Emily?) is out of that tent, faster than you can say, “Are you a top or a bottom?”

lots o bugs

Very smart, Emily.  You found a couple of bugs in your tent, so you decided to run outside WHERE ALL THE REST OF THE BUGS ARE!

draco malfoy facepalm

What happens next is pretty darn disgusting . . . but also oddly impressive.  An entire swarm of creepy crawlies completely engulfs poor dumb Emily and LITERALLY MAKES HER DISAPPEAR . . .

creepy crawlies

ghosted shot

puke

Just like the scene with Heather, I’m pretty sure hallucination was at play here.  Last week, whatever took Heather, used her fear of broken bottles and glass stabbed bare feet to lure her to the window, where she was promptly snatched up.  This week, the same supernatural force seemed to use Emily’s fear of bugs to lure her outside her lover’s tent, using the classic “divide and conquer” strategy.

thinking damon bitemesomerhalder

It’s what happened after that, which confuses me a bit . . .

this is me thinking

What kind of creature has the power to make a person evaporate into thin air?  And why wasn’t the same thing done to Heather, who was bodily yanked from her home by something that, at least based on Heather’s expression, was at least partially corporeal?

stefan shrug

We all remember, from last season, the Stilinskis’ trusty rule.  “One times an accident.  Twice is a coincidence.  Three times is a pattern.”

sheriff thinksession

Pattern . . . here we come!

Omigod, you killed a Jonas Brother!  (You bastard!)

dead life guard

You know, everyone assumes this season’s serial killer is committing its crimes, because it hates virgins.  But maybe it just really, really didn’t like Camp Rock 2.

DEMI LOVATO, JORDAN FRANCIS, ANNA MARIA PEREZ DE TAGLE

jo bros

Poor Lydia!  Apparently, all her screaming has given her just as bad of a headache as it’s given all of us . . .

headache

She calls out to her mom, to tell her that she’s going to the pharmacy.  But her mom, of course, doesn’t answer.

lydia parents

No surprise.  I mean, this is the woman who failed to notice her daughter had a tatted up man in her bed, on the first day of school.

sex again - Copy

My new theory is that Lydia’s mom is actually dead, and has been for quite some time.  I think Klaus from The Vampire Diaries killed her . . .

drowned

klaus cheers

En route to the pharmacy, Lydia ends up taking a detour to the local pool, where the lifeguard is still on duty . . . sort of . . .  This is how you know Jeff Davis and co. have pretty sick senses of humor.  You see, this “guard” may have been a pro, when it came to guarding chastity.  But guarding lives?  Not so much . . .

dummy

“If only he had screwed me.  I would have turned into a Real Boy just like Pinocchio.”

Lydia immediately calls Stiles for help . . .

not ok 1

not ok 2

not ok 3

not ok 4

Source

 . . . causing Stydia fans the world over to cheer . . .

teen wolf allison argent stiles

As for Stiles, he’s just jealous that she dialed 911 first.  Damn those pesky authorities!

911 1

911 2

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Stiles may have missed that first call.  But he’ll be damned if he lets some slimy 911 police escort walk his lady up to her bedroom . . .

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That’s a job for Stiles, and Stiles alone . . .

The writers tease fans into thinking Stiles wants to ask Lydia a “Relationship Question,” when he really just wants to know why she still seems to be drawn to dead bodies like a firefly to a rabid werewolves face . . .

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Stiles and Lydia both wonder if Lydia is being controlled by Peter again.  But I’m pretty sure this a red herring.  On one hand, I do believe that Lydia’s “connection” to dead bodies Banshee .  . . she’s clearly a banshee. is what enabled the then-dead Peter to possess her, in the first place.  However, the kills she was drawn to last season, weren’t Peter’s kills, they were the kanaimas.  Likewise, I’m pretty sure this season’s victims were murdered by something other than Peter  . . .

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That said, there does seem to be some connection between the fear hallucinations the victims are experiencing prior to their deaths, and the hallucinations the Scooby Gang experienced at the party, care of Lydia’s Mysterious Wolfsbane Juice . . .

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Speaking of jumping to conclusions, Stiles immediately assumes that the Lifeguard was murdered by rabid Boyd and Cora.  So, he warns Scott, that the two must be taken down, ASAP, or more innocent people’s lives will be at risk.  Though Stiles’ conjecture ultimately turns out to be wrong, the assumption that Boyd and Cora are already cold blooded killers is necessary to make the rest of this episode work.  It raises the stakes, and makes the characters’ decisions seem bolder and more impactful than they would otherwise . .

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Werewolves and Hunters Unite!

Poor Isaac!  The guy has been chopped up, freeze-dried, nipple fried, and pretty much tortured in every way imaginable, these past two episodes, for the sake of “the team.”  And he’s still seems to have red shirt status, among his ever dwindling pack . . .

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Scott doesn’t even consider Isaac to be “real help,” when it comes to subduing Boyd and Cora.  Then again, perhaps, that has something to do with Isaac’s insistence on wearing that oh-so-fashionable scarf, on the escaped werewolves trail.  This is Werewolf Hunger Games, not Project Runway, honey . . .

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Still  . . . I must admit, the scarf does look pretty damn good.

Anywhoo, Scott suggests the wolf pack commandeer expert werewolf hunter, and erstwhile enemy, Papa Argent to help with the search.  Derek doesn’t think its a good idea.  So, he lingers behind Scott in his new, uber intimidating, Soccer Mom Minivan, to make sure Argent doesn’t try any funny stuff.

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“Pimp my ride, please?”

Come on, Derek.  You’re 24.  What’s with the 45-year olds car?  At least get an option for a sun roof, so you could stick your head out the window, while in wolf mode?

Isaac hopes to use these precious in-car moments with Derek to talk about their “feelings.”  Needless to say, it doesn’t go well . . .

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Though his attempt failed miserably, I respect that Isaac tried to get Derek to open up about his sister, Cora.  If anyone can relate to have complicated feelings about your blood relations, it’s the guy whose dad used to shove him in an icebox, but suffered an untimely death, due to lizard mauling …

As for Papa Argent, after giving Scott a warm welcome . . .

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I’ve seen that facial expression somewhere before . . .

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He tells his daughter’s ex, who his wife tried to have killed, in no uncertain terms, that he is OUT of the hunting business.  Of course, as Papa Argent is about to learn, the werewolf hunting business is like the mafia.  Everytime you try to get out, THEY PULL YOU BACK IN . . .

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. . .  you know by casually getting you to drive by teenage corpses, wearing purity rings . . .

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Now comes the educational part of our program, where we learn all about hunting werewolves in the woods . . .

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 . . . you know . . . just in case any of you viewers have an interest in taking on that sort of career.  (By the way, was that Papa Argent’s full time job?  I wonder what one gets paid for catching-but-not-murdering-unless-they-REALLY-ask-for-it supernatural creatures that most of the world doesn’t believe exist.)

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In other not important to anything other than this show news, did you know that fireflies in California (at least the ones not involved in insect organized crime) don’t typically glow?  They have no “fire.”  I guess that makes them just . . . you know . . . flies.

Scott helps out the cause by putting little strobe lights everywhere  (Because werewolves like disco?), and doing completely random flips in the air, for no logical reason whatsoever.

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But at least he’s not doing that ridiculous crab walk thing anymore.

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“Show-off!”

As for Allison, having been traumatized once by chilling in a cleaning supply closet with this . . .

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And again by learning that her mom nearly succeeded in murdering her boyfriend . . .

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Allison decides to cope with her Massive Case of the Sads, by doing what she usually does when she’s feeling blue . . . namely shooting up sh*t .  . .

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The difference is that NOW she’s shooting sh*t for GOOD, and not for evil . . .

Perched high above the world, Allison uses her bow and arrow to lure Crazy Cora and Boyd right into the Scooby Gang’s trap . . . an “empty school.”  You know, because the Scooby Gang has had so much luck battling baddies at the school, in the past . . .

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Isaac notices Allison’s handiwork, and is impressed . . . almost impressed enough to lend her his awesome scarf .  . . but not quite.

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They kill Virgins, don’t they?

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Back at the hospital, Stiles makes a not entirely unexpected, but still massively depressing, discovery . . .

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Dylan O’Brien knocks it out of the park in this quiet moment that is truly heart wrenching, yet understated, and oddly beautiful   . . .

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A lesser actor would have chewed the scenery here, breaking down into loud sobs.  But Stiles knows that emoting won’t bring his friend back.  And he doesn’t feel as though he deserves pity from Scott’s mom, who happens to be with him at the time, or anyone else.  I imagine a part of him might even feel partly responsible for what has happened . . . and wonder whether he could have somehow prevented it . . .

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Yet Stiles doesn’t dwell on these things.  Instead, he composes himself quickly, and focuses on the matter at hand.  Upon examining the two dead bodies, which, by the way, just seem to be lying around the hospital . . . Stiles immediately determines that the way in which they were killed is inconsistent with a werewolf mauling.  Rather, the deaths, both of which having resulted from a blow to the head, a strangling, and a gutting, seem almost ritualistic.

And then, of course, Stiles figures out what these two sorry corpses have in common . . . THEIR ADVERTISED VIRGINITY.

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That’s right folks, in Beacon Hills the new rule of  to live by is apparently f*&k or die . . .

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Sure enough, our poor bug hating lesbian is revealed to be a virgin as well  . . . a dead virgin.

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“Is it Friday yet?’

Though virgin sacrifices are nothing new in horror fare, they actually fly in the face of the teen slasher trope of virgins being the sole survivors of the story.  The sluts always die first .  . .

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Needless to say, I’m betting Poor Stiles wishes he was in a slasher film right about now .  . .

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MTV’s Favorite Antihero Becomes More Hero (and less anti)

Meanwhile, the decidedly non virginal Peter and Derek meet outside the school to discuss the whole Boyd and Cora situation.  An apt pupil of the “Save Your Own Ass” school of thought, Peter advocates letting Boyd and Cora “kill a few homeless dudes” to work off their rage.  Doing this will prevent Derek from having to murder members of his own pack, in order to save virtual strangers.

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Derek seems to seriously consider Peter’s argument.  After all, saving his own ass first, has worked OK for him so far . . . it helped him to become Alpha.

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But when the crew manage to successfully trap Boyd and Cora in the boiler room, just a few moments before sunrise, it seems as though Derek might just be able to get away without making the choice.

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And he totally would have been able to do it too, were it not for two ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS PLOT OCCURRENCES . . .

(1) The new English teacher for, some reason, feels the need to hang out at school ALL NIGHT grading papers, despite the fact that school has only been in session for about two days   . . . and   . . . on the first day a flock of birds destroyed her entire classroom . . .

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(2) Some genius thought it would be a great idea to put the school supply cabinet in the BOILER ROOM.  You know .. . because it’s always wise to put large stacks of paper near things that have a tendency to EXPLODE and/or CATCH FIRE . . .

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So, long story short, Mrs. McDamselinDistress winds up locked in the boiler room with a very hungry, very pissed off Boyd and Cora.

What’s a Sexy Derek to do?

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Ultimately, Derek does the “right thing,” by allowing Boyd and Cora to tear him from limb to limb, so Professor Future Love Interest can live to inappropriately text her students another day . . .

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Then, this happens.  And suddenly, I feel like I’m watching a commercial for Axe Body Spray . . .

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So, yeah, it’s pretty obvious these two beautiful people are eventually going to bang one another.  And I’m glad, for the sole reason that Derek Hale is simply too pretty NOT to be getting laid on a regular basis.

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Of course, right about now, getting Stiles laid is much more important.  Screwing Stiles has officially become a matter of life and death.  So, what do you say, Wolfbangers?  Anyone ready to take one for the team?

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Next time on Teen Wolf . . .

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See ya then, WolfStilesbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com] [My Tumblr] [Fangirls Forever]

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