Tag Archives: cake

High, Horny, Hot, Headless, and Hungry (HOORAY!) – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 3 Premiere “The Birthday”

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I get a bit over-excited when images of Naked Damon appear on my television screen.  For example, this evening, I was just minding my own business, watching the TVD Season Premiere, when the above picture popped up before me.  Then THIS happened . . .

Dammit!  It is REALLY inconvenient to have your head fall off, when you are trying to watch a show!   You know, if Stefan hadn’t come by to “put me back together,” I would never have been able to write this recap!

Well, hello Fangbangers!  It has been WAY too long, since I’ve had the opportunity to spend an evening with you!  I mean, I can’t believe how long it has been, since I used this picture in a recap . . .

Actually, I’m pretty sure, I just used this a couple of days ago  . . .

Fortunately, tonight’s TVD Season Premiere MORE than made up for the criminally lengthy summer hiatus, by giving us fangbanging fangirls (and fanboys) everything we could POSSIBLY want in a new TVD episode.

I mean, think about it,  there was a kickass keg party, Delena, obligatory nudity, Delena, SUPER HOT Forwood sex, Delena, homoeroticism galore, Delena, bloody bites and kills, Klaus antics, Ripper Stefan, Delena, people getting REALLY REALLY high and wasted on prime time TV, Delena, Team Bad Ass, Delena cool special guest stars, Delena, a massive cliffhanger, and did I mention Delena?

So lather up, My Lovelies, and break out your dancing shoes . . . because SOMEONE in Mystic Falls is about to turn LEGAL!

And it’s NOT Katherine . . . because she turned legal about 485 years ago . . . 

(By the way, special thanks to my good pal Andre, who has created all the fabulous screencaps you see here.  It’s a tough job poring over all those sexy scantily-clad bodies, for hours on end . . . But SOMEBODY has to do it . . .)

Always End Your Life Evening, With a “Little Southern Hospitality” . . .

“Why are you doing this to me?  Haven’t you read my blog?  I’m TEAM KLAUS!” 

Word to the wise, ladies . . . if a stranger shows up in your backyard, and feels the need to tell you that he’s “not a serial killer,” there’s a really good chance he wears women’s lingerie for fun, and has enough dead bodies in his closet to put on a stage production of “A Chorus Line.”

“Hey, I resemble that remark.” 

What better way to kickstart a season than with a gruesome double homicide?  I mean, come on . . . even if we HADN’T seen this Random Anonymous Girl’s head tumble off her bloody body in the trailers, we’d know she was a goner, the minute she stepped outside to retrieve her absentee dog, for one simple reason: WE’VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE!

Though, I must say, to Random Anonymous Girl’s credit (hereinafter “RAG #1”), she was a heck of a lot smarter than the First Kills in most horror films.  Consider this . . . Despite the fact that Klaus was ridiculously charming, with his faux Southern accent, and his lame, but oddly adorable, story about how his car broke down up the road, RAG#1 was not about to voluntarily let this stranger into her house.  NO SIR!

“Aren’t you even the least bit curious what a True Hybrid’s Weiner looks like?” 

Though RAG #1 is polite enough to let Klausipoo use her cell phone to call for a tow truck, since his phone is conveniently “out of juice,” she insists on bringing it outside to him, rather than letting him “come and get it,” himself.  Klaus complains that this is not what he considers “Southern Hospitality.” (The house in question is located in Tennessee.)  But RAG #1 isn’t Southern.  She’s from FLORIDA . . . land of Oranges . . . Mickey Mouse . .  . and people who don’t invite psychos into their homes, for no good reason.

“Suck it, Were Vamp!”

But, you see, here’s the problem with the whole “Vampires can’t enter homes unless invited” rule . . . Unless you are wearing your Trusty Vervain Necklace, a good vampire can MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING HE WANTS, including INVITE HIM INTO YOUR HOUSE.  So, you’re pretty much screwed either way, as RAG#1 quickly learns . . .

Inside the house, we meet RAG#2, who’s just as sassy as  RAG#1, and just as unwilling to be hospitable to the Poor Unfortunate Klaus . . .

“I’m not Southern either.  I’m from the Bronx, B*TCH!” 

 But it turns out, there’s a method to Klaus’ madness.   After all, he happens to know that RAG #1 and RAG#2 have a third roommate . . . a WEREWOLF ROOMMATE . .  . one who comes home once a month to “go through his changes” in the basement.   At first, RAG#2 tries to cover for her wolfy friend.  However, as soon as it becomes apparent that Klausipoo won’t take no for an answer, she eventually gives up the goods.

And that’s when Stefan comes in . . .

Mind if I borrow a cup of sugar?”

You see, the Original Were Vamp, is just too Big and Powerful to be bothered with such petty insignificant tasks as MURDERING PEOPLE, so he has his new boyfriend do the dirty work for him.  But Klaus isn’t completely heartless.  He rewards RAG#1’s “kindness,” by instructing Stefan to give her a faster, less painful, death than RAG#2.  (How sweet?)  Then, he gleefully skips off to his car (which, is in total working order, by the way), while Mini Me finishes the job .  . .

Source

Source

HOTTEST . . . DEATH . . . SCENE . . . EVER!

Uh oh!  It looks like SOMEONE needs a bib . . .

Always Start Your Morning, By Washing Your “Baby Elephant” .  . .

“My, how you have grown, Little Brother . . . (and I’m not talking about your height).”

From Tennessee, we head back to Mystic Falls, where Mopey Sad Emo Music is playing, while Mopey Sad Elena stares out the window, longing for her long lost Hungry Hungry Hippo of a Boyfriend . . .

*sigh* “I’m so sad and lonely.  I haven’t had sex, since Damon screwed my brains out, two nights ago ALL SUMMER.  I wonder if it’s possible for one’s hymen to grow back, from lack of use  . . .”

 But don’t feel too bad for Elena.  There is hope for her, yet!  After all, she is wearing her Trusty Ponytail.  And whenever Ponytail Elena comes to town, fun times are never far behind . . .

Source

It becomes apparent that, in Useless Aunt Jenna’s absence, Elena has assumed the “motherly” role in the Gilbert household.  Immediately upon waking, Elena heads to a Holy-Crap-When-Did-He-Get-So-Buff, Almost-Death-Definitely-Becomes-Him Jeremy’s bedroom to wake him up for his new job at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls .  . .

“Dreaming about Vicki Anna my Bon Bon has given me a Bone Bone . . .”

Elena then heads downstairs to help Couch Surfing Chunky Monkey Alchy-ric make some coffee, as she chats on the phone with an overly perky Caroline, who, despite it obviously still being very early in the morning, is already laden down with shopping bags.   (Because, even though Mystic Falls only has one bar / social establishment, it is somehow awash in shopping malls.)

“Is this where you pour the vodka?” 

Since Caroline is meeting Future Sex Toy Tyler for Lunch, she doesn’t have much time to talk to the birthday girl.  So, she simply reminds her about the evenings party plans, and instructs her to call Lizard Forbes, who, apparently has a new tip for her about Stefan’s possible whereabouts.

So, of course, Ponytail Elena has to head directly to DAMON’S BEDROOM to tell him all about it, right? (hint, hint, wink, wink)  Unfortunately, for her, though, Damon isn’t there alone . . . He’s got a LADY FRIEND with him . .  . one that might look a bit familiar to some of you.  ME!  IT”S ME!  No it’s not.  😦  But, I wish it was . . .

“I’m BAAAACK!  (For another twenty minutes, anyway.)” 

So, remember how last season, Damon compelled Andie to go away, and never come back, when he got too overwhelmed with his feelings for Elena to continue the Crazy Compulsion Charade, he had going on with a certain local newscaster?  Yeah, well, so much for that.  Now, she’s back to wandering around La Casa de Rich and Awesome, like she owns the place, and commenting about Damon’s Bad Champagne Breakfast Habits, while he bathes in his Teeny Tiny Tub.  (Champagne Breakfast?  What happened to the Bourbon Breakfast?)

Chicks dig champagne. Bourbon is for the bros, yo!

Then again, the fact that Andie is able to sass Damon the way that she does in this scene — even going as far as to say that she is “not his slave” (Oh, if only she knew!) — illustrates that our Bad Boy may finally be growing up . . . orrrr . . . maybe not . . .

Immediately, upon hearing Elena enter his bedroom, Damon struts toward her, in all his naked glory, not so subtly giving her a peek at the Baby Elephant (with the massively LONG trunk) responsible for blowing bubbles all over his unmentionables . . .

“Here’s looking at YOU, Ponytail Elena.”

Elena tries to carry on a conversation with Damon about Stefan’s possible whereabouts, but, honestly, she seems a bit distracted .  . . And how could she not be when that Baby Elephant keeps waving his trunk at her, begging her to come and play . . .

“Not now, Little Elephant . . . I’m busy . . .” 

“Damon, we really have to find . . .you’re weiner  . .  . sooo big . .  . must . . . touch . .  . ummm . . . wait . . .What was I saying?” 

Source

“Hey Elena, my eyes are up here!”

Damon initially blows off Elena’s Hot Tip from Lizard Forbes About Stefan’s Whereabouts, claiming that it will probably be another stale lead, just like all the rest.  And yet, after she leaves, we see him put the piece of paper containing the tip on a BIG ASS STALKER BOARD in his closet, which is completely FILLED with similar “Where in the World is Stefan Salvatore?” clues.  Apparently, he, Andie, and Alaric have been on the case, all summer, without Elena’s knowledge.  And you just KNOW Ponytail Elena is not going to like that ONE BIT, when she finds out . . .

Meanwhile, over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .

Come to The Mystic Grill: Where the Food’s So Good, Even the Dead Can’t Stay Away . . .

“Oh crap!  I’m starting to itch.  I think Ghost Vicki just gave me Ghost Crabs.” 

“I’m sorry about that.  I think I got them from this guy named Casper.  They don’t call him the ‘Friendly Ghost’ for nothing.”

Newly Buff Jeremy is hanging out in the kitchen at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, chatting on the phone with his BonBon . . .

She apparently, spent the summer somewhere elsewhere (Hogwarts, perhaps?), though I’m honestly not sure where she would go, considering her grandma is already dead, and I’ve come to the conclusion that she doesn’t actually have parents.

Speaking of BonBon and JerBear, have you ever noticed that HALF of their relationship takes place on technological devices, like Skype and the iPhone?  How NERDY is that?  Even if Jeremy WASN’T hanging out with his dead ex-girlfriends all the time, I would take this as a BAD SIGN for the future of their relationship.  I mean, cyber sex is fun and all.  But it doesn’t exactly keep you warm at night, if you catch my drift . . .

“I’m magically sending you a blow job sex vibes through the phone, JerBear . . .” 

Jeremy apparently, hasn’t gotten around to telling Bonnie about his Ghosts of Girlfriends’ Past, probably because (1) it’s pretty much HER FAULT that he’s seeing them in the first place  (That’s what happens when you piss off Dead Witches, by asking them for help every five minutes); and (2) he doesn’t want her to feel guilty . . . or jealous.

Enter Matt the Grouch, who’s insisting that Jeremy take over his section, because he doesn’t want to serve soon-to-be lovebirds his former best friend Tyler, or his former girlfriend, Caroline, who are eyef*cking eachother so intensely at their table, that baby werevamps may very well be inches away from popping out of Caroline’s vampire uterus . . .

“Harder . . . harder Tyler, yes!”

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?”

 Blatant eyesex aside, Caroline just CAN’T, for the life of her, understand why Tyler’s MOTHER would possibly think the two of them are DATING?  I mean, what on EARTH would give her THAT idea . . .

Source

“We’re practically f*&king together all the time, Caroline.  It’s not much of a leap,” explains Tyler with smirk, mixed with naughty thoughts, adoration, and longing.

As seems to be the norm on this show, we once again have a male character who’s caught on to the extent of his romantic feelings, more quickly than his female counterpart.  And the fact that a formerly, Wham Bam, Thank You Random Slut guy like Tyler loves Caroline enough, that he’s willing to spend the entire summer in the Supposed Friend Zone, just for the opportunity to be close to her, says an awful lot about how far he’s come since Season 1 . . .

Mommy LIKE! 

Speaking of a couple who  are trying to deny that they have the hots for one another, let’s check back in on Klaus and Stefan, shall we?

“Come with me, Stefan .  . . on a magical journey into my pants.” 

We’re Not in Seventh Heaven Anymore . . .

“Hey there, Stefan.  Can I just tell you, I’m a huge fan.  And I’m so honored to get to be a guest star on this wonderful show.  Wait. .  . you want me to WHAT?   STAND STILL, AND HAVE DARTS THROWN REPEATEDLY AT MY HEAD AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE PARTS OF MY BODY?  That’s not cool!  Can’t I be the guy who has sex with Caroline, instead?”

So, apparently, that werewolf who Klaus and Stefan have been looking for all summer has a name, and that name is Ray.  Unfortunately, for “Ray,” I’m just going to call him Seventh Heaven Guy, because that’s who he will forever be to me . . .

Seriously, don’t you want to just pinch his cute little face right off?  (I know Stefan does . . .)

Apparently, Klaus has been having a REALLY difficult time finding werewolves to join his Little Werevamp Club, considering Stefan and Co. killed most of them, last season.  Seventh Heaven Guy seems like his only viable option.  So, Klaus would really like the hairy blonde to take him to his pack leader.

“Hey, don’t I know you from that TV show with the guy from Teen Wolf, and the girl who dated Justin Timberlake?”

Watching Klaus and Stefan attempt to “negotiate” with Seventh Heaven Guy, you really start to get a sense of their “team dynamic.”  Sure, Stefan is technically “working” for Klaus, but there’s also a little bit of a Mutual Admiration Society going on here.  While Klaus acts as the Brains and the Mouthpiece of the Operation, Stefan stands beside him as the Silent Enforcer, patiently waiting to strike the pair’s next unwitting victim.  In some sense, this makes Stefan more frightening than Klaus, because you never really know what’s going on behind those cold, hungry eyes of his . . .

Another interesting thing about this NEW incarnation of Stefan, he KICKS ASS at compulsion.  Back in the first two seasons of the show, we almost NEVER saw Stefan compel anybody.  That was always more Damon’s bag.  There were a couple of reasons for this.  The first, was that, while on his bunny diet, Stefan didn’t have the strength to be particularly successful at compulsion.

He MAY have compelled the bunnies, though . . . 

The second was that Stefan was always “the good brother.”  And “good brothers” don’t mind control . . .

And yet, here, we learn that Ripper Stefan has compelled an ENTIRE BAR not to help Seventh Heaven Guy, while he is being tortured!  Now, that’s impressive  .  . .

Almost as impressive as a Double De-Hearting.  (We miss you, Elijah!) 

Speaking of compulsion, Seventh Heaven Guy claims he can’t be compelled, which is interesting, to say the least.  Is Seventh Heaven Guy on vervain, or is there something about werewolves (like Tyler) that makes them immune to compulsion?  Klaus was able to compel the girls in the first scene, but it is uncertain whether those two were ACTUALLY werewolves, or just friends with one.  (I’m assuming the latter, since Klaus would have probably wanted them as part of his army TOO, if they were the former.)

Source

Anywhoo . . . Stefan decides to elicit the whereabouts of his pack from Seventh Heaven Guy, by playing a little game called Truth or Wolfsbane.  However, he ends up just randomly throwing darts at his head . . .  which shouldn’t be funny, but TOTALLY IS!

Source

I wonder how much harder you have to throw a dart to get it to stick in someone’s brain, like that.  Surely, that should be worth extra points, don’t you think?

Reverend Camden would NOT approve . . . 

 While he’s retrieving his darts from Seventh Heaven Guy’s face, we see a little glimpse of Stefan’s old humanity, when he overhears Klaus talking to a random bar wench about how Damon is following him, and must be stopped.  Though Stefan promises to “take care” of his brother, you can tell, based on the expression on his face, that he also wants to protect him from falling into Klaus’ clutches.  Klaus, slyly accepts Stefan’s offer, and turns his attention back to Seventh Heaven Guy, who has finally given him the information he needs.

Klaus then lays Seventh Heaven Guy, Jesus-Style, on a dirty bar table . . .

Inappropriate?

 Once he’s got him in this precarious position, Klaus proceeds to indoctrinate Seventh Heaven Guy into his Big Happy Werevamp family, by feeding him his blood . . .

It sure beats Breast Feeding! 

 . .  . and KILLING HIM!

So, basically, after the first Were Vamp is formed, via sacrifice, subsequent were vamps can be formed pretty much in the same way regular vampires are, except they have to drink a HYBRID’S blood, instead of just a regular vampires.  Of course, this begs the question about the OTHER two individuals who drank Klaus’ blood (Damon and Katherine), who were ALREADY undead when they drank.  Could THEY turn into were-vamps too?

Hmmm . .  . I wonder . .  . 

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Tennessee (because, apparently, it’s like really close to Mystic Falls, Virginia .  . . or something) . . .

Have Blood, Will Travel . . . 

Stefan Salvatore: Turning Girls into Mr. Potato Head, One Dismembered Body Part at a Time .  . .

Source

“Hey Alaric, up for a game of soccer?”

Alaric and Damon arrive at RAG #1 and RAG #2’s house to find the two girls just chilling on the couch, waiting for Team Badass to arrive.  Then one of them gets so excited at the prospect of seeing Damon, that she loses her head.   (Wouldn’t you?)  Having spent eternity with his brother, Damon immediately recognizes this as Stefan’s Signature Kill.  Apparently, Ripper Stefan gets so hungry while he’s eating that he blacks out, and forgets what he’s doing . . .

Then, he wakes up, and feels guilty.   So, he decides to reassemble  all the body parts he previously ripped / ate off.  How chivalrous of him . . . but also kind of dull.  I mean, why just reattach the SAME head, to the SAME body, when you could MIX AND MATCH?

Psychopath Cannibal FAIL! 

Being the dutiful big bro, Damon kindly torches the house, to protect Stefan’s . . . umm . . . reputation or something?  (Then again, perhaps, he just knew RAG #1 and RAG#2 had a solid fire insurance policy?)

“It really is a shame to put this good head to waste.” 

Speaking of getting and giving head . .  .

“I hope you get lucky, tonight!”

You STOLE my balls, Care!  Give them back (or else, I’ll come over there and take them, by force)” 

Oh my goodness!  How WHIPPED is Tyler, that he actually allowed himself to get roped in to HELPING Caroline and Elena set up for the party?  (Caroline is officially my HERO!)  Elena mentions to her friends that she doesn’t think Damon is trying hard enough to find Stefan, at which point, Tyler can’t help but add his own two cents.  “Maybe he doesn’t WANT to find him?  I mean . . . he’s into you, right?  And you kissed him?  You probably messed with his head!”

Source

Now, I gotta say, as misplaced and inappropriate as that comment was (and we’ll get to that, in just a bit), Tyler has a point here!  Elena’s declaration that her smooch with Damon was a “goodbye kiss, without the “goodbye,” seems more than a little convenient, in light of recent events.  OF COURSE, it’s going to have an impact on Damon’s psyche that the woman he loves FINALLY made out with him, dying or not . . .  Then again, Damon IS, unbeknownst to Elena, searching for his brother, anyway  . . . so, perhaps, he’s just a bit more “evolved” than Tyler, who, as an only child (LIKE ME!) might not be able to quite grasp the notion of Brotherly Love . . .

Speaking of LOVE, Caroline is NOT TOO PLEASED with Tyler’s little gossipy comment  . . .

And I have to say, while I think it’s adorable that Caroline and Tyler have become close enough “girlfriends,” that Caroline feels free to gossip with him about stuff like this, if I was Elena, I’d be none too pleased with my best friend for sharing my PRIVATE SECRETS with her soon-to-be boyfriend.  Elena doesn’t seem too upset by it, though . . . which is oddly, un-Elena-like of her, don’t you think?  (Perhaps, the PONYTAIL has something to do with that?)

“My ponytail doesn’t care about secrets.  It just wants to f*ck Damon senseless PARTY!”

Speaking of boundaries, Caroline and Tyler, not only don’t seem to have them with Elena, they clearly don’t have any with ONE ANOTHER either.  Observe the candid nature of the pair’s conversation about Tyler’s decision to bring, “Slutty Sophie” (as Caroline calls her) to Elena’s party.  After all, Tyler explains, he’s pretty much been in a DRY SPELL, ALL SUMMER, because he’s spent most it painting Caroline’s toenails and braiding her hair, rather than getting himself laid  . . .

Source

Tyler’s not the only one who’s sexually frustrated.  Caroline’s crazed for weiner, as well!  And though the pair both chalk their newfound sexual urges up to “supernatural emotions,” I’d venture to guess it has much more with their both being victim to “normal teenage hormones” . . . not to mention the fact that they are . . . “both secretly in love with one another.” 😉

BAM . . . look who just got impregnated. 

Elsewhere, on the OVERWHELMING SEXUAL TENSION front . . .

“It’s Your Party, and You’ll Almost Kiss Damon Cry if You Want To.”

DAMON: “I’m going to pretend that I’m having trouble putting on your necklace, so that I can continue to blow on your neck, and sexily massage your shoulders.”

ELENA:  “And I’m going to lean backwards exaggeratedly, thereby making it much easier for you to ‘accidentally’ fondle my breasts.”

Elena is in Stefan’s room, for a change, getting ready for her party, when she sees Damon watching her through the mirror.  Though the Petrova Doppelganger is clearly, teary and emotional, she ruefully promises not to cry before they cut the cake.  “Hey, it’s your party, you can cry if you want to,” Damon jokes, with just the right amount of concern, sympathy, and lightheartedness . . .

Source

Damon notices a picture of Stefan and Elena on the dresser, immediately understands the effect it being their must have on Elena (Remember he TOO, is no stranger to pining for potentially lost causes.), and gently gripes about what a pack rat Stefan has become.  (This of course, is another difference between the brothers, since, aside from that MASSIVE SOAP DISH, Damon’s bedroom / bathroom suite is comparatively minimalist.)

Source

“Oh for Heaven sake!  Will you STOP bringing up the Soap Dish?”

The fact that Damon chose to “re-gift” to Elena the vervain necklace she had first received from Stefan to protect herself from DAMON, of all people, was incredibly sweet and meaninful.  Not only did it illustrate Damon’s understanding of Elena’s feelings for Stefan, it also called to mind the evolution of the DELENA  RELATIONSHIP.  After all, these two have a quite extensive history with that necklace . . .  For starters, there was the time back in Season 1, where Elena willingly took off the vervain necklace, to show Damon that he could trust her (and that she had come to trust him).

And, of course, who could forget the time Damon returned Elena’s necklace to her, in Season 2, only AFTER telling her that he loved her, for the first time, and compelling her to forget it . . .

I love how Elena ASKED Damon to put the necklace on for her, as opposed to the other way around.  I also love the way they stood in the mirror, after he did it, silently observing one another, with tension and longing . . .

Source

And I DEFINITELY love the way they CLEARLY almost kissed, when Damon first gave her the necklace, and how they bravely walked to the party, arm-in-arm together,  after the gift exchange . . .

ELENA: “My, what big lips you have, Damon!” 

DAMON: “The better to suck your face with, Elena.”

Geez! Do you think I used the word LOVE enough in this section? 😉

Speaking of love, there’s yet another new bromance in town . . .  (Am I noticing a pattern here?)

High Times with Matt and Jeremy (Drunk Times with Alaric and Damon)

First off, I want to say how INCREDIBLY lame it is that Elena’s so-called Bestie, Bonnie, couldn’t even be bothered to make it to her 18th birthday.  FRIEND FAIL!

Oh, WIPE YOUR NOSE! 

Beyond that, Elena’s birthday party was AWESOME!  They don’t have NEARLY enough ragers, in Mystic Falls, in my opinion.  I mean, sure, we’ve seen dances, and movie nights, memorials, and fundraisers.  But these kids are in HIGH SCHOOL for crying out loud.  And what’s high school, without a good old fashioned KEGGAR!  It was really cool to see these uptight supes let loose, for once.

I mean, we get to see Damon and Alaric drink ALL THE TIME!

But watching Elena grab Damon’s cup of bourbon, right out of his hand and chug it down . . .

 .  . . when he wouldn’t let ANYONE ELSE touch his stash . . .

Source 

 . . . watching Caroline chug wine straight from a bottle (more on her, later), and watching an unusually laidback Matt bond with Jeremy over some quality reefer, was just SUPER SATISFYING on so-many levels.  I mean, you can’t battle evil ALL THE TIME, right?

But, since we ARE on the subject of evil . . .

Dead Times with Sex Toy Andie

We knew Stefan was going to have to find a way to “take care” of Damon, in order to prevent Klaus from taking matters into his own hands.  But I don’t think many of us save those who figured it out from the trailers figured his manner of “taking care” of his brother would be this drastic . . .

We randomly find ourselves in the Mystic Falls news room, where Sex Toy Andie is working late, once again.  Suddenly, a light shines in her face, and Stefan materialized before her.  What’s kind of sad is how HAPPY she is to see Stefan, since, she of course, remembers him as the GOOD BROTHER . . .  Then he gets all veiny on her, and she’s probably considering suggesting some Botox options . . .

Enter Damon, who’s clad in blue, while Stefan is clad in his older brother’s trademark black . . .

He’s just received a phone call from Elena, who, after having been told by Caroline that she’s “letting her life pass her by,” finally FOUND his Stefan Stalker Stash.  And she is NOT PLEASED AT ALL!

“Wow, Damon has kind of girly handwriting.”

“Gotta go break up beer bong!” Damon snarks, in an exaggeratedly high pitched voice, that is one step above doing that thing where you blow into the phone and pretend there’s a bad connection, when you don’t want to talk to someone.  (Not that I’ve ever done that, of course.)

Anywhoo, BLACK-CLAD BADASS Stefan approaches Damon, with the words, “Hello Brother,” a nice throwback to Damon’s first words in the pilot . . .

The pair chat amiably for a bit about Stefan’s binge-eating, and Mr. Potato Head creation tendencies.  But Stefan is cold, stiff, and immobile, kind of like a dead guy . . . or undead guy, rather.  He’s not even moved by the mention of Elena, when, usually the mere utterance of her name is enough to spiral the “Good Brother” into hysterics .  . .

And that’s when EVVVVILL Stefan reveals his Big Take Care of Damon magic trick.  With a flourish of his hands, Stefan shows Damon a crying compelled Andie, who is shaking and crying, high above the two brothers on the rafters . . .

A surprisingly frantic Damon, tells her not to move.  Unfortunately (or, fortunately, depending on your feelings about the Sex Toy), Stefan has the compelled the news reporter to do just that.  And so Andie bungee jumps without a chord from the rafters, as Stefan pushes his brother up against a wall, so that he can’t catch her . . .

Sure, the scene was sad.  But, you must admit, that Damon’s face in this picture is HILARIOUS! 

I had always suspected that Damon had come to respect and care about Andie as more than a sex toy / slave.  But it really became apparent, when he leaned dejectedly over her broken and dead body, unable to do anything but say goodbye .  .  . both to his sort-of girlfriend, and his brother’s humanity . . .

 R.I.P. Andie!  Here’s a small tribute to your memory . . .

OK . . . so that was more of a tribute to Damon.  But HEY, it’s the thought that counts, right?

On a MUCH, MUCH lighter note . . .

Speaking of Sex Toys . . .

Bland-But-Slightly -More-Tolerable-When-He’s-Stoned Matt tries to flirt with Caroline, and is abruptly SHOT DOWN!

(Try not to take it personally, Matt.  Jer Bear still loves you!) 

As it turns out, Caroline’s WAY to busy being jealous of Slutty Sophie’s humping of Tyler on the dance floor to give two craps about her ex-beau . . .

Wow, who knew Tyler was so good at Dance Floor Humpage?  VERY impressive! 

Source

(Clearly, Caroline agrees with me.)

Tyler and Caroline get into a heated argument, after Caroline jealously compels Slutty Sophie to leave the party, therby MAJORLY cockblocking Tyler . . . then again, maybe not.  “If I shouldn’t be dating, all you have to do is say something . . . because I’m not about to get shot down again,” argues Tyler.

And so, just like with their epic first kiss, their second one, begins with an argument about “feelings,” turns into a wall slam, and then, BAM: mouth-f*&king!

Source

Horny as hell, and not-yet-quite adventurous enough to start having sex right on the floor of La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Caroline and Tyler escape back to Tyler’s bedroom, which, in hindsight, might have been their first big mistake of the evening.  Not that it matters, at the moment, though.  Because right now, Caroline and Tyler are having sex . . . supernatural .  . . super speedy . . . sexy .  . . grunty .  . . groany . .  . moany . . . rough sex.  And life is VERY GOOD!

 

Source

Life is significantly LESS good for Damon, who is having a VERY bad day . . .

Foreplay Tough Love for Damon and Elena . . .

“You’ve got some ‘splaining to do, Mister!  (Like why the heck didn’t you put all this crap on a computer?  What is this  . . . 1864?)”

Still raw from his run-in with his brother, and the loss of Sex Toy Andie, a not-drunk-enough Damon hobbles back into his room to find Elena (SURPRISE!) dangerously close to his bed. 😉

She’s FURIOUS with Damon for keeping his search for Stefan from her, and understandably so.  But, really, your heart has to go out to Damon in this moment.  Because Damon was always the guy who got to be blase about Elena’s feelings, because he was the one KEEPING HER ALIVE.

Up until now, Damon got to leave all the “emotional stuff” to STEFAN, like, for example, that time when he let Elena think Bonnie had died, so that KLAUS would believe it too.  Damon was OK with being the “Bad Guy,” because he knew he was doing the right thing, and that Stefan would be there to “comfort” Elena, where he couldn’t.  But now, Damon is stuck playing both Elena’s CONFIDANTE and PROTECTOR, and it’s weighing heavily on his conscience.  He DOESN’T want to ruin Elena’s memories of Stefan, no matter how much that might help him in the “getting laid” department . . .

And while the OLD Damon would have rejoiced in telling Elena that Saint Stefan, wasn’t so saintly anymore, the NEW protective Damon is wracked with guilt for the part he feels he’s played in Stefan’s return to the darkside, and how much he knows it will hurt Elena to know what her first love has become.  But still, she needs to know.  And so, he tells her . . .

“Those are not Klaus’ victims, they’re Stefan’s.  He’s left a trail of bodies, up and down the Eastern Seabord.  He’s flipped the switch, Elena.  So, stop looking for him . . . Stop waiting for him.  He’s NOT coming back . . . not in your lifetime.”

Once again, after delivering a speech like this, the OLD Damon would have just stormed out of the room, without a second thought, because THAT would be all that was required to “keep Elena alive.”  But we see Damon hesitate here, as Elena’s eyes begin to tear up.  He stops and reaches out, as if to hug Elena, but ultimately, things better of it and leaves . . .

And it’s an awful moment for the two of them, who are both missing Stefan, for their own reasons, and can’t quite bring themselves to reach out to one another, when they need eachother most . . .

So, of course, Damon responds to these newfound emotions by angrily trashing Stefan’s over-furnished bedroom.  (Now, THAT’S the dark, self-destructive Damon we know and love! ;))

Meanwhile, outside the party (if you could still call it that . . .) . . .

Chunky Monkey?  (Nahh . . . It’s Just Stoned Matt.)

Source

So, I’ve decided I wouldn’t have despised Matt nearly as much last season, if he was HIGH more often.  High Matt is HILARIOUS!  And I loved the Stoner Comedy Bromance of High Jeremy trying to drive High Matt home, and HIGH Matt inadvertently sitting on Ghost Vicki’s head, when he did so . . .

“I think my brother just farted on me.” 

And yes, yes, I know it was supposed to be all “creepy” and “scary” how Vicki ominously begged for Jeremy to HELP HER, and Anna stared stonily at him from outside his car.

But honestly, I found this storyline to be more comic relief, than anything else.  Particularly, when Matt came back to Jeremy’s house, after the party, to eat all of Alaric’s Chunky Monkey . . .

“You know, Useless Aunt Jenna always used to eat Alaric’s Chunky Monkey too . . . he didn’t seem to mind.”

CHUNKY MONKEY!!!!!!

 . . . and Jeremy tried to confide in Matt about the whole, “I see dead people” thing, . . .

 . . . and Matt pretty much chalked Jeremy’s visions up to loneliness and BAD WEED.  But, honestly, wouldn’t you, if you lived ANYWHERE ELSE BESIDES MYSTIC FALLS?

MATT:  “Don’t YOU wanna get WITH this?  Have I mentioned, I’m single?”

JEREMY:  “Yes, about 18 times.  And in the car, on the way home, you SANG it.”

A Plain Old Walk of Shame is Looking Pretty Good Right Now, Isn’t it Caroline?

Sometimes, karma can be a b*tch.  Like when you plan to sneak off on your new Boy Toy, while he’s still asleep, in order to avoid a “potentially awkward conversation.”

And your new Boy Toy’s mom comes in, and randomly shoots you with what looks like a Toy Gun from the movie Star Wars . . .

“Ummm . . . Tyler . . . I hate to break it to you considering we just f*&ked and all but I think your Mom is secretly Darth Vader.”

*breathes heavily* “Ty-ler . . . I am your Mo-ther.”

“You have a Collect Call from Ripper Stefan.  Do You Accept the Charges?  (Because if you don’t, he’ll eat you.)”

Some happy birthday, Elena has had!  After the party, she comes back to her kitchen to find Alaric bailing.  Because, you know, sitting around completely wasted at a party while underage kids drink and have sex, either makes you the WORST or the COOLEST chaperone ever, I can’t decide which.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Alchy-ric!  I mean, hey, you were a WAY better guardian than Useless Aunt Jenna!  At least you never let evil supernatural creatures who wanted to kill me into the house!  That’s a definite plus next to your name!” 

Alaric tells Elena that she can do a better job raising herself, and Jeremy, without him.  And while that might be true, I still think it was kind of lame of him to ditch her on her birthday, especially in light of all that had happened, during this episode . . .

But don’t worry, Ric, I’m sure I’ll love you again tomorrow . . . and the day after that .  . . and the day after that .  . .

Source 

(I’m not sure I’m entirely digging your new, “I’m Depressed” Hairdo though . . . You might want to get that checked out by a stylist . . .)

“I’m way too engrossed in my “Man Pain,” to engage in normal hygiene procedures, like showering, shaving and stuff . . .Maybe, I’ll consider doing those things, if I ever get another non-vampire girlfriend again . . .”

In the final moments of the episode, Elena heads upstairs to find a hand-drawn artistic card from Jeremy (Nice touch remembering he has Mad Art Skillz, Writers!), right next to Elena’s trademark stuffed teddy bear . . .

I’d sleep with them BOTH! 

Then, she ALMOST misses a call from Stefan the Mouth Breather, but manages to pick it up . . .

 

Source

For the past two seasons, TVD fans have been forever searching for signs of Damon’s humanity.  And, I suspect, this season will be about watching for the signs of the RETURN of Stefan’s.  The fact that Elena’s reminder to him that she still LOVES HIM, brings him to tears, tells us that he hasnt TOTALLY given in to his vampiric impulses  . . . yet . . .

Of course, on the other hand, if Stefan’s love for his brother, and his reassurance of Elena’s love for HIM are all that’s keeping him from going FULL RIPPER, what would happen if BOTH of those individuals ended up betraying his love .  . . together?

Ripper Stefan is at a precipice right now.  He could really go either way.  And Klaus’ prediction that, with each kill, Stefan will find it easier and easier to let go of his humanity, might very soon prove to be prophetic . . .

And there you have it folks . . . the Season 3 Premiere of TVD in a VERY LARGE nutshell . . . SOOOOO .  . . tell me . . . what did you think? 😉

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

45 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries’ Season 3 Premiere “The Birthday” – We’re Liveblogging It!

“Did someone say something about a Naked Liveblog?  Because I definitely could be down for something like that.”

“I’m not going to look at Damon’s package . . . I’m not going to look at Damon’s package .  . . I’m not going to . . .  HOLY CRAP THAT’S BIG!  I’m sorry.  What’s this about a Liveblog?  I got . . . distracted.”

It’s that time again, Fangbangers!  The Vampire Diaries is returning for it’s third season, this Thursday!  And you know what that means, right?

Yes, I know you’re hungry, Stefan.  But that really doesn’t answer my question . . .

Source

Now we’re talking.  I am definitely expecting some sex, this season, Caroline . . .  specifically, YOUR sex .  . . with TYLER.

Source

What else have you got for me?

Excellent point, Damon and Elena!  I am hoping to see some seriously sexually tense moments between you two, in Season 3 (and maybe MORE than sexually tense;))?

Source

(You know I’m rooting for you, Big Guy!  Just keep doing that “Eye Thing” you do, and I’m sure you will win her over, eventually.)

Anything else . . .

Source

In a minute, Stefan!  Can’t you see, I’m working here?

Oh, stop pouting!  It’s unbecoming of a man your age!  Come on!  What else can we expect from this season?

Source

A ghost threesome between Jeremy, Anna and Vicki .  . . Yes, I’m definitely looking forward to that!  (So is Jeremy, I suspect.)  Anything else?

Sure, Kat, I think it’s safe to say there to be SOME dancing.  Is that all?

Yes!  Stefan and Klaus!  Team Ripper . . . breaking hearts . . . and eating them . .  . one defenseless human at a time.  I’m expecting to see A LOT of that this season . . .

Source

Of course, a new Vampire Diaries’ Season Premiere ALSO means a new CRAAAAAAZY liveblog, courtesy of my brilliant blogging pals, Amy, of ImaginaryMen, Cherie, of SpideySense, and myself . . .

What’s a LiveBlog, you ask?  Well, it’s kind of like a chat room where you can talk (well, more accurately, “type”) about “The Birthday” with other fabulous fangirls (and boys), like yourself, while the show is airing.  Or, if you’re shy, just sit back, relax, and let us do the work for you!

Well . . . don’t get too relaxed.  Because then you won’t be able to watch the show! 

 In addition to covering the play-by-play of the episode, and repeatedly cooing over the hotness of the show’s cast  (Comments like “OMG!  HE IS SO GORGEOUS!” are, of course, inevitable, in these types of forums, and TOTALLY welcome!)

We aren’t blind, after all . . . 

 . .  . Amy, Cherie and I will also be regaling you with screenshots from the episode, hot photos of the cast, and fun live polls, in which can take part.

TYLER: *reads*  “Who’s the hottest character on The Vampire Diaries?  I’m going to go with choice “C,” Tyler!”

CAROLINE:  “Hmmmm . . . what are the other choices?”

TYLER:  “Hey!  Don’t make me BITE YOU!”

Of course, if you miss the LiveBlog, and want to check it out after the episode airs, you can do that too!

Source

Just to give you an idea of what you can expect from us, here’s an example of a LiveBlog we did back in May, for the show’s Season 2 Finale.

Well . . . at least one person seemed to enjoy it . . . 

(Oh, and just a quick note, because we had some confusion last year.  A LiveBlog is not the same thing as a LiveStream.  Unfortunately, the technology we have available to us from CoverItLive does not allow us to stream the episode to other viewers, over the internet.  It provides ”chat” services only.  There are a number of other websites that will stream the episode for you, of course.  However, us fangirls don’t have the resources – or the necessary legal approval – to offer you that particular service.  Sorry, in advance!)

No need to get all huffy, Damon!  I just didn’t want anyone to get confused.  That’s all! 

So, if you are up for celebrating The Vampire Diaries’ Season 3 Premiere with a bunch of kooky fangirl bloggers, who share a love of  both snarky commentary and shirtless vampires . . .

We love you too, Katherine! 

CLICK HERE at 8 p.m. on Thursday, September 15th! 

Until then, feel free to watch (and rewatch, and rewatch . . .) this extended preview for the Season 3 Premiere of The Vampire Diaries . . .

 . . . and THIS sexy new Teaser for the series . . .

 . .. and THIS brand new, SUPER SECRET scene from “The Birthday” .  . .

Oh, stop being so over dramatic, Stefan!   I said I would feed you, and I would!

See you on Thursday, My Fellow Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

15 Comments

Filed under Live Blogging Event, The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries: Pre – Season 3 Redux (A Chat About Promos, Spoilers, Speculation, Hopes, Dreams, Etc. for the Upcoming Season)

Greetings, Fangbangers!  In this FINAL installment of the Ripper Redux Series, before the Season 3 premiere, Amy (from ImaginaryMen) and I talk about the new promos, spoilers, and screencaps.   We also speculate about where we think each of our favorite characters will be heading, this season . . .  So, let’s get started.  Because we have A LOT of ground to cover!

(By the way, you can find links to our First Four Ripper Redux posts here, and a link to our most recent post comparing Elijah’s and Klaus’ relationship to Stefan’s and Damon’s here.  Happy reading!)

I. THE NEW SEASON 3 PROMO – APPETITES

               Source

A. CONCEPTUAL PORTION – (A.K.A. THE PART WITH THE BLOODY CAKE)

Source

Kjewls

First, let me start off by saying, I loved the promo.  It was everything you could want in an episode teaser:  sexy, evocative, funny, dark, mysterious, and, with just enough new scenes to, forgive the cliche, “whet your appetite” for the upcoming season.

(P.S. Special thanks to Cherie, over at Spidey Sense for letting me know this was available!)

Of course, I could have done with a few MORE new Season 3 scenes, and a few LESS Season 2 ones.  But hey, no promo is perfect, right?

Speaking of imperfect . . . (or perfect . . .  depending on your thoughts about public urination) was Klaus seriously PEEING in the first second of the new promo?

If you listen closely, there is a second, before the promo song begins (“Damned if you Do,” by the Kills, which I LOVE), where you can hear the distinct sounds of a were-vampire relieving himself on some nearby bushes.  I just hope he didn’t pee in Elena’s cake.

Imaginary Men

Ha – they were joking about that on Twitter too.  It seems more like Katherine than Elena. The way she’s lounging sexily and then stabbing the cake

Source

kjewls
True, but I think it’s Elena’s birthday cake, since her 18th Birthday Party will be featured in the premiere episode.

Then again, Kat and Elena have the same B-day.  And yet, this Doppelganger seemed miffed about the whole “Blood in Her Cake Thing,” just like “Little Miss I Don’t Want To Be a Vampire” obviously Elena would have been, whereas Kat probably would have LOVED a nice yummy blood cake.

The question is:  vampire blood or were-vamp blood?
ImaginaryMen

Klaus doesn’t just GIVE werevamp blood away – it comes at a price!

Source

kjewls
I wonder if they are hinting at Elena possibly turning into a vampire, by the end of the season.  I don’t think this should spoil anything, since the books are so different, but Elena DID become a vamp randomly during one of the books. Then she turned back??  It was . . . very weird.

ImaginaryMen

That would be kind of awesome, actually! Talk about torturing Stefan!! GoodStefan knows how much Elena doesn’t WANT to be a vampire, but RipperStefan may just want to eat her and make her be w/ him forever!

Source

kjewls

This would echo nicely back to the scene we looked at last week from “Children of the Damned,” in which DAMON was trying to PUNISH Stefan, by turning Elena  . . . and, of course, to Damon’s force-feeding of Elena during “The Last Day.”  And how angsty would Stefan be, if something like that happened . . . once he comes back to himself!   Talk about guilt!

Source

ImaginaryMen

Damon may be the one tasked with saving her from Team Ripper.

kjewls

Since you mentioned it . . .

C.  DELENA / STELENA / KLEFAN

kjewls

 Source

I really loved the role reversal in this portion of the promo.  Elena and Damon definitely gave off a boyfriend / girlfriend vibe, much like Stefan and Elena did in past promos.  But this time, it’s Stefan who’s going for the rough foreplay, hair pulling, and seduction of Elena to the “dark side.”  And, up until the end, she seems oddly amenable to it.  Much time has been spent by the TVD pundits on Ripper Stefan, but a slightly darker, more jaded Elena, would be fun too (I know Damon would appreciate it, for sure!)

               B. FORWOOD (A.K.A. Tyler and Caroline)

ImaginaryMen

‎ I did not see Forwood in the trailer at ALL ;-0

 Source

kjewls

‎Remember the part with the two people up against the wall, and the boy took off the girl’s shirt?  That’s Tyler and Caroline.

I suspect, it leads into the scene we saw in the first promo, where she jumps on him in his bed.

 ImaginaryMen
Yeah, I think so – I assumed it was Damon and – somebody.

kjewls

Then, you see another shot with a girl and a boy grinding in bed together. It’s rather . . . um . . . explicit 😉 . . . more explicit than we’ve ever seen on TVD, I think.

Source

ImaginaryMen


How in the WORLD did you guys make out that was Forwood???   That is literally two shadows against a doorframe! Hilarious!

kjewls

But if you look closely you can see Caroline’s blonde hair, the dress she wore to the party, and the negligee from the first trailer.

It just goes to show, we see mainly what we are looking for, in these trailers.  I just can’t help but wonder whether they will tame this scene down in the actual episode.  Remember Stefan and Katherine’s tomb sex in “By the Light of the Moon?”  That was definitely pumped up to be more graphic in the previews, than it actually was in the episode.

 Source

ImaginaryMen

Yeah, they are definitely teases.

kjewls

Yep . . .  that, and I still think it might be a dream in horny Tyler’s head.

Source

ImaginaryMen

‎That’s what you get when you’re racier than Twilight, but can’t be as graphic as TB . . .

(Note for a MUCH more detailed look at what’s in store for Forwood this season, check out this blog for the ULTIMATE, in T/C intelligence.  You won’t regret it, Forwood fans!  I promise you.)

kjewls

Speaking of graphic . . .

                    C. HEADLESS GIRL (AND FRIEND)

kjewls
And the award for First Decapitated Head on TVD goes too . . . That Blonde Screaming Girl Stefan Bit in the First Trailer!

Source

That was pretty shocking, actually. I may have squealed like a girl a little bit, when I saw that.  So, much for Stefan “not having to make a mess” with his kills . . .  (though, admittedly, her dead friend looks like a much cleaner kill.)

Source

If that image is any indication, we are in for a rather darkly comedic, and gory season . . . perhaps, more so than the previous two.

kjewls
‎ I like how you can piece together both trailers to get more information. We see that with the Caroline and Tyler scene, the headless girl scene, and my personal favorite, the one where Elena gets a peek at Wet Soapy Damon.  In the first clip, she just turns around, after seeing him standing there, in all his glory.

Now, we see that she turns back, and peeks through her fingers . .  . (as he FLASHES her?) . . .

Source‎

ImaginaryMen

So should we talk characters?  I’d like to start with Useless Aunt Jenna . .  Still Dead . . .

II. CAST OF CHARACTERS

       A. ALARIC SALTZMAN


 kjewls
Do you predict another love interest for Alaric, or will he stay celibate and drunk, this season?  If I were him, I’d go into the priesthood, STAT! Talk about having bad luck with the ladies . . .

Source

ImaginaryMen

‎ Yeah, if I lived in Mystic Falls, I’d run the other way if he came courting!

kjewls

I don’t know.  I think I could still go for some of that Alaric Chunky Monkey.

ImaginaryMen

I think he’ll get a new love interest – but not until later in the season. He needs to mourn and then take care of the Gilbert kids, and drink with Damon – of course.

Source

kjewls

On one hand, it’s nice that Alaric doesn’t have to be guardian of Elena and Jeremy.  This way, the two of them can spend time at La Casa de Rich and Awesome (a.k.a The Salvatore Boarding House) and each rebel, in their own way. On the other, it doesn’t really bode well for Alaric’s future as a character.  He is, once again, without a clearly defined role on the show.

“Can anybody find me somebody to love?”

ImaginaryMen

He can be Damon’s wingman.

Damon will need someone to hurl into walls.

That reminds me . . . I know we already talked about Jeremy in this post.  But I do have one more thing to say on this topic.  Can we have him be a bit LESS of a punching bag, this season, for a change?  Thanks . . .

kjewls

Damon can always hurl ME into walls .  . . among other things. 😉

I hope Alaric gets to make some more fun of Jeremy and Bonnie too.  (“Tomorrow . . . and the day after that . . . and the day after that.”)

Source

ImaginaryMen

Hee! I think that he’ll have roles in both Jeremy’s Witchy Girlfriends and Elena’s Stefan hunting

kjewls

Speaking of Jeremy . . . Can you say GHOST VAMP THREESOME? 😉

      B. VICKI DONOVAN, VAMPIRE ANNA, AND JEREMY GILBERT

Source

ImaginaryMen

YES PLEASE!!

kjewls

‎ A little birdie told me Vicki is back because she wants to ride Little Gilbert’s Littler Gilbert, if you catch my drift. 😉

And Anna is basically trying to cockblock the Ghost Sex. Normally, I DESPISE cockblocks.  But, I am actually Team Anna, where Jeremy is concerned.

ImaginaryMen

I’m Team Anyone BUT Bonnie ;-0.

ImaginaryMen

Does him having sex w/ a ghost do something bad to him, I wonder?

kjewls

Yeah . . . I wasn’t going to go there, but Little Miss Nose Bleeds A Lot is not on my favorite people list, for sure.  In fact, she’s right near Lizard Forbes on the Top of My Own Personal TVD Poopy List.

ImaginaryMen

I bet that his chemistry w/ Anna and Vicki will show what non-chemistry he has w/ Bonnie!

kjewls

That’s true. I thought Jeremy actually had pretty good chemistry with Vicki, in a drugged out, dysfunctional way.  And Damon should dance with Ghost Vicki (for old times sake, of course!)

HEY!  Maybe Ghost Vicki and Jeremy will make pottery together, and have sex near it, like in that movie, Ghost!

ImaginaryMen

Do we know if anyone else can see the Ghost Girlfriends or just Jeremy?

kjewls
Ummm, I’m wondering if Vicki will connect with Matt through Jeremy, by séance or something.  But I think, of the two of them, only Jeremy can see Vicki, since he’s “crossed over.”  In the show, Being Human only supernatural creatures could see ghosts, which would mean basically EVERYBODY, but Matt, Lizard, and Tyler’s MOM!

ImaginaryMen

I’d prefer if only Jeremy can see them .

kjewls
Yeah, I think I like that idea better, myself. It will make Jeremy seem a little crazy, Ghost Hijinks Ensue! And yet, we know BONNIE has seen Ghost Emily, and so have the Salvatore Brothers.

Source

So, they’d have to mess a bit with canon for only Jeremy to have Ghost Whispering Powers. Unless, of course, Vicki and Anna only WANT Jeremy to see them.

ImaginaryMen

Jeremy can see them bc he’s “died” a few times?

Source

kjewls

Well, I think this time, he can see them, because he ACTUALLY died.  It was different this time, because, even though he was wearing the ring, he was killed by HUMAN means (a gun, and a DUMBASS LIZARD), as opposed to supernatural ones.  So, the ring didn’t help.  Then Bonnie brought him back to life with the Power of Her Love *gags, barfs, takes deep breath, wipes face.  Speaking of Bonnie . . .

                         C. BONNIE BENNETT

ImaginaryMen

I actually loved the Ye Olde Witches basically telling Bonnie to F off in the finale – abusing their powers 24/7!

Source

kjewls

‎I know, Bonnie would probably ask the witches to cure her hangnail, if there was a spell for it.  And she’d get a nosebleed doing it too.

ImaginaryMen

Too bad she didn’t ask them to fix her Assy Bangs in S1 ;-0

kjewls

That was when i started disliking Bonnie I think.  Bad Bangs Bonnie. ;)‎  Then she fixed them. And I still didn’t like her.

kjewls

Speaking of Bonnie. NO LAME witch tricks this year!  No more salt moves, or feather flying, or SEX wind, or passing notes to Elena, and definitely NO MORE NOSE BLEEDS‎.

ImaginaryMen

‎No argument from me.  I would like Bonnie to be more Kick Assy and not just Assy

kjewls

Yes, I saw some potential for her to do that in the season finale.

Source

Perhaps, she will learn not to judge Damon anymore, now that Stefan is off being evil. And she can stop giving him headaches and setting him on fire.

Source

ImaginaryMen

‎ That’s true. I bet she’ll hold Stefan’s Ripper past against him BIG time. You know how judgy she is.

kjewls

‎It sucks, because the Bonnie in the books is adorable, and such a cool character. Book Bonnie is actually‎ more like Caroline in the TV series: bubbly, a little vapid, cute, sweet, etc.

kjewls

Speaking of Caroline, let’s talk about . . . her new boyfriend . . .

             D. TYLER LOCKWOOD

kjewls

Tyler’s and Caroline’s story will probably be our Romeo and Juliet storyline for the season.  “Two houses . . .  both a like in supernatural-y . . . One drinks blood .  . . the other is .  . . hairy.”

ImaginaryMen

Yes Tyler. I will be the Official Grudge Holder for biting Damon.  I just couldn’t get past his pussing out in the woods when the wolves locked up Caroline.

kjewls

Ahhh, true, but he felt “betrayed and confused.”  He didn’t know who to trust.  And he may have wondered how big of a role Caroline played in Mason’s murder.

ImaginaryMen

And then – what did he do when Stefan and Elena were at the lake house? Told their whereabouts or something?

kjewls

Worse . .  . he shot Stefan.

ImaginaryMen

RIGHT!  Ok, so there – I am holding TWO Grudges!  Nobody shoots and bites Salvatores and gets away with it!

kjewls

‎Still, you have to admit, he’s got a hot body, and better chemistry with Caroline than Matt.  That wolf transformation scene . . . so intense, and erotic.  And then that scene between them in the finale on the couch (a.k.a. Coed Naked Forwood Couch Cuddling). It was surprisingly poignant . . . at least, until Caroline took a peek at Tyler’s junk underneath the blankets. Then, it became hilarious. 🙂

ImaginaryMen

When he was freaking out about transforming and had no other werewolves to count on, I did feel bad for him.

kjewls

Right, and really, the werewolves he had to count on kind of sucked to begin with. . . except Lady Gaga’s New Boyfriend Mason.  Mason had potential.  They killed him off a bit soon, I think.

ImaginaryMen

‎ Yeah. Shirtless potential 😉

kjewls

Exactly, I wanted to see more Mason / Kat sex . . .

ImaginaryMen

He just – eh – I’ve never liked him (Tyler, I mean).  And I probably won’t ever.

                  E. CAROLINE FORBES

kjewls

How do you see her evolving?  She showed a lot of growth this season.  Turning into a vampire has made Caroline more mature, and thoughtful.  She puts others before herself, now.  And has become a vital part of the Scooby Gang.

ImaginaryMen
I liked Vampire Barbie.  I like S2 Caroline much more than S1.

kjewls

‎ But I’m not sure where else she can go from there.  She’s pretty kickass already, personality-wise.  This means she’s at risk for becoming Mary Sue-esque, if the writers don’t delineate more of her flaws throughout the season. Perhaps, they will do this, through her relationship with Tyler . .  . and to a MUCH lesser extent (*groans*) Matt.

ImaginaryMen

Well there’s the star-crossed lovers w/ Tyler, and she seems to be doing her BFF cheerleading for Elena in the promo.  I will miss her BabyVamp relationship w/ Stefan. I really enjoyed his taking care of her and guiding her. Plus they were just a wee little bit flirty sometimes!

Source

kjewls

They WERE good together. I wonder if that relationship will be explored further in future seasons, when Stefan’s back to himself.  Wouldn’t it be interesting if Caroline ended up being the one to influence Stefan to de Ripper?  Just as Stefan pulled her from the brink in early season.  He was the one who convinced her to dump Matt to protect him from her vampiric impulses.

ImaginaryMen

They definitely should explore their connection more

kjewls

Let’s talk about Elijah!

                F. ELIJAH (AND THE OTHER ORIGINALS)

kjewls

Elijah . . . has great hair . . . When will we get to see it again?

ImaginaryMen

SOON I hope!

ImaginaryMen

Do you think Klaus carts his family around? Or just leaves them in storage somewhere?

kjewls

Yes, I think, even if Klaus doesn’t revive him until later this season, we will still get to see him in flashbacks.

ImaginaryMen

Bc Damon and Elena won’t know Elijah is dead

kjewls

Damon and Elena will assume Elijah is still in league with Klaus.

ImaginaryMen

Well VictiMom will be happy. She luuuuurves romantic long-hair Elijah!

Source

kjewls

‎ Hmmm . . . I liked the short hair better.

But it will be interesting to see him interacting with the rest of his family . . . whoever they are.

ImaginaryMen

Can we talk about Klaus now?  Can we?  Can we?

kjewls

Sure!  Why not?

                      F. KLAUS

ImaginaryMen

‎ You know – Klaus didn’t technically LIE to Elijah – he did say he’d reunite them – and they’re all dead – so –

Source

kjewls

Yes, Klaus is a master of wordplay, for sure.  I feel like each week, Klaus should open one coffin, and introduce us to one relative, via flashback. How LOST would that be?

ImaginaryMen

‎ That would be AWESOME!

kjewls

I’m sort of kidding. But it would be cool to have big actors playing the siblings, since the roles will mainly be just cameos.

ImaginaryMen

Joseph Morgan should play all the male relatives too

kjewls

That would be really creepy, if they all looked like Klaus except Elijah . . . even the women.  Imagine Klaus in a long blonde wig and dressed in drag.

ImaginaryMen

‎HA! I said all the MALE relatives . . except Elijah.  Anyway – in the flashbacks I hope we get to see more of the Klaus/Elijah brother relationship.

kjewls

Yes, I think there’s a lot more intrigue, there . . . like . . . Why were they alone together in 1492?  I’d also like to see them interact with their dad . . . well, Elijah’s dad  . . . Klaus’ stepdad, I guess.

ImaginaryMen

‎Don’t forget his trampy mom!  BTW – if is real name is Nicklaus -I wish we could call him Nick instead of Klaus!

 kjewls

Exactly! It was just Klaus in the books.  So, I guess they felt wedded to that. Perhaps, they are trying to segway over to “Nick.”  Kind of like Alaric, gradually became “Ric.”

ImaginaryMen

So – do we think Klaus’ “decade” is arbitrary? Or he has some specific plan that will take 10 years?

kjewls

My impression was always that Klaus assumed that Stefan would be so taken over by bloodlust, he’d willingly go along with Klaus, long before the ten years were up.

ImaginaryMen

Since Klaus is such an epic planner – what with his fake curses and his thousand year attempt to transform – I believe he wants Stefan for 10 years for a very specific purpose.

Source

kjewls

I hope we find out Klaus’ plan relatively early in the season.  I thought the whole “moonstone” bit was dragged out a bit too long, last season.

                     G. KATHERINE PETROVA

ImaginaryMen

Well, part of Klaus’ plan is to catch up to Katherine again.

kjewls

Klaus will get Stefan to locate Katherine, on his behalf.

ImaginaryMen

that’s probably when we’ll see her again

kjewls

I hope bad Stefan and bad Katherine hook up.

Source

ImaginaryMen

that would be hot

kjewls

‎ I’ve been watching lots of Katherine clips for my upcoming Kat post, and I’ve come to the conclusion that, in her own twisted way, she really does love Stefan.

Source

ImaginaryMen

I believe that.  But what about her doppelganger, Elena?

                 H. ELENA GILBERT

kjewls

I’m hoping for an edgier, tougher, Elena, this season.

ImaginaryMen

Lots of Ponytail Elena!

kjewls

‎ She’s been through the ringer of life.  It wouldn’t be realistic for her to go through all she went through, and not be a bit more jaded and cynical.

Source

ImaginaryMen

I think we’ve seen it in her insistence on doing things w/ Klaus and Elijah her way. So now without Stefan to balance her out, and the various tensions w/ Damon – we’ll see more of that attitude coming from her.

kjewls

The guy she thought was the love of her life GAVE HER UP.  He chose his brother over her.  She’s a little pissed off.

ImaginaryMen

Really what we have here is both Damon and Elena stuck w/ choices that Stefan made FOR them.

                    I. DAMON SALVATORE

kjewls

‎ Right . . . I think Damon is a bit resentful of his situation. I mean he’s going to have blue balls all the time.  Here he is with this girl he loves and he CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Source

ImaginaryMen

And he’s a guest – in his own house@

kjewls

I mean, it’s always been that way for him, but now, there’s no easy “She’s with STEFAN,” explaination, so it’s even harder.   Plus, she’s always hanging out by his bed . . . taunting him

ImaginaryMen

ha! She really spends quite a bit of time in there. Speaking of his bed, what do you think that scrapbook things he’s poring over in the promos is?

kjewls

Hmmmm . . . maybe a diary of some sort, from John Gilbert, or Emily.  Wait.  Maybe it’s STEFAN’S DIARIES!  You know, I’ve always enjoyed Elena and Damon’s flirtatious banter, just as much as their angsty convos.  So, I hope we get to see a lot of Damon and Elena just teasing eachother, flirting, and being “friendly” with one another.  Of course, the sexual tension will eventually take over inevitably 😉

Source

ImaginaryMen

I thought when the season ended that Damon would totally be up for The Search when S3 started.  But from the first promo – it seems like he’s resigned. It’s like being related to an addict – you know what to expect so you just prepare yourself for the worst – if you let yourself get dragged into it again – you’ll just be disappointed.

Source

ImaginaryMen

It changes up a LOT of how we’ve been led to believe the Salvatores interacted, over the last decades.

kjewls

I think Damon DOES want to rescue Stefan.  But he doesn’t want to put Elena in danger too‎.  I mean, he spent all season protecting her from Klaus, and now here she is determined to run after Klaus again.

ImaginaryMen

that’s true!

kjewls

‎ Yep, so Damon’s worried for Elena.

He’s worried about his brother.  He’s really horny.

He’s forced to play hero when he’d much rather be spending his time dancing on the rafters to Depeche Mode cover bands, having great sex and de-hearting people.  It’s hard being Damon, in Season 3.

ImaginaryMen

On top of the Elena problems – he loves his brother and doesn’t know where he is.

kjewls

Right. That’s why i think Damon just APPEARS resigned to Elena . . . Meanwhile, he’s plotting with Alaric to go on a rescue mission on his own.  But of course, Elena will wrangle her way into the plan and . . . ROAD TRIP

ImaginaryMen

‎ Oooh that could be! And she’d HATE being left out on that!

kjewls

Right, so that will cause a big sexually tense fight between Elena and Damon, when she finds out he’s been lying to her, and essentially coddling her, like Stefan sometimes did.

ImaginaryMen

Will Damon be a Knight in Shining Armor? Bc if he’s going to get Stefan, he has to know that he’s bringing him back – to Elena.

kjewls

‎ You know, we dealt with that question a bit when Stefan was locked in the tomb.  And because he got out relatively quickly, it was never really addressed.  It will be interesting to actually see it play out here . . . during that episode Stefan told Damon to “look out for Elena”

ImaginaryMen

‎ True. That was a great scene w/ them screaming at each other and Stefan listening, and Katherine’s “you just made a big mistake”

kjewls

I think those words will echo in Stefan’s head.

ImaginaryMen

‎ Didn’t Stefan watch “Dawson’s Creek”??!!

kjewls

And I’m thinking that the thing that sets Stefan off into true Ripperdom will be something that he sees happening between Damon and Elena.

                         J. STEFAN SALVATORE

ImaginaryMen

Well, Stefan knows that Damon will do whatever it takes to protect Elena

kjewls

Yes, “he’s the one who will keep her alive.”  And the martyr part of Stefan will say that this is what is best for Elena.  After all, he’s not safe for her anymore.  And he will want to keep her away from Klaus, as a result  Yet, the darker part of him will be incredibly jealous and want revenge.

ImaginaryMen

I think that what will set him into Total Ripperdom won’t be seeing some sexual tension moment b/w them, it will be seeing that she’s safe w/ him and that he can go bc when it comes down to it – Damon will keep her safe from HIM.

ImaginaryMen

And Klaus will probably stoke that – bc he’s evil

kjewls

‎ Ooh, that would be interesting!  Like a showdown between the four, where Damon protects Elena from Klaus.

ImaginaryMen

He can use it as ammo to bait/taunt/torment Stefan.

Source

kjewls

And perhaps Klaus lets him, for that exact reason, just as Katherine did when she was in the tomb with Stefan.  Both will basically tell him,”You know what’s going on out there, might as well have fun in here”

ImaginaryMen

Yes, Klaus knows ALL about brother dynamics and love triangles!

ImaginaryMen

‎ So they’re saying that at first Stefan isn’t willing – then he goes all out Ripper?

kjewls

Yep, he’s half-hearted about it.  However, something happens around episode 3 or 4 that allows him to really enjoy being a Ripper.

ImaginaryMen

and once he starts enjoying it – I want to know will he WANT to come back?. I have this image of Delena finding him and rescuing him and him rejecting them!

kjewls

And CAN he?  I mean, even if there is a bit of humanity left in Stefan, he has to realize that his bloodlust makes him unsafe for Elena.  It’s part of why he tried to kill himself in “Blood Brothers.”

ImaginaryMen

There’s no doubt that Stefan is expendable to Klaus. He has “big plans” for him, but if he becomes a liability – he won’t think twice about killing him or whatever

Source

kjewls

Not that the WRITERS would ever kill Stefan.‎ That’s kind of the catch 22 of any series. We know that Damon Stefan and Elena will always be safe.  So, when they are in danger it’s kind of meh.  This is not to say Elena’s “death” in “The Sun also Rises” and Damon’s almost death in “As I Lay Dying” weren’t emotional and intense.  They just weren’t frightening.

Source

ImaginaryMen

which makes this storyline fun – Stefan can’t die – but can he change into someone irredeemable?

kjewls

‎ Hmmm . . . I kind of hope not, actually.   I like my characters with shades of grey. To me, Ripper Stefan was most compelling in “Miss Mystic Falls” when you saw the internal struggle going on inside of him.  Same with Damon and Katherine, their humanity made their villainy more compelling, once we actually got to see it.  The flashback from “The Dinner Party” was a bit too cartoonesque, for my taste.

ImaginaryMen

I think it will be fun to watch, if S1 Bloodaholic Stefan was any indicator

kjewls

Well, at least we know he’s going to behead some random chick, early on in the season.  So, it’s not like Stefan’s going to be all mopey and moody, all the time.  He’ll definitely be bad.  I just hope he looks in the mirror when he’s done and shows a bit of remorse, even if it’s only for a second . . .

Oh, and on a final note.  One request for Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec . . . MORE SHIRTLESSNESS PLEASE!

Source

(Thank you, in advance for your expected cooperation in this important matter.)

And that’s all we wrote folks!  Be sure to tune in when Amy and I, along with my favorite Forwood-ite, Cherie, of SpideySense will be liveblogging the season premiere on September 15th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.  More details on how you can participate in that liveblogging event, later this week.  Until then, enjoy your weekend, folks.  And, as always, Happy TVD-obsessing!

[www.juliekushner.com][FangirlsForever]

18 Comments

Filed under Live Blogging Event, The Vampire Diaries