Tag Archives: Canadian television

It’s Hard Out There for a Ghost . . . and a Vampire . . . and a Werewolf – A Retrospective of SyFy’s First Season of Being Human

On Monday night, the SyFy channel aired the Season 1 Finale of it’s critically acclaimed supernatural drama,  Being Human (based on a British series with the same name).  The show, which has just been picked up for a second season, chronicles the lives of three roommates, who WOULD lead fairly normal lives, were it not for the fact that they are a Ghost, a Vampire, and a Werewolf, respectively . . .

Nice hat!

Nice lipstick . . .

Nice boxers!  (Now, please take them off!)

Although I stopped formally recapping this show after Episode Three, (due to other recapping responsibilities, and my general inability to secure solid screencaps of the show, in a timely fashion *blushes*) . . .

“That smells like bull$h*t to me!”

 . . .  I watched it faithfully, each week.  And, as a result, I am proud to name myself as part of its fanbase.  Admittedly, the series was a bit slow getting out of the starting gate, as its writers struggled to find a balance between copying what made the British version of the series so successful, and striking out on their own.  However, as the cast developed their character’s distinctive voices, and the producers ventured outside the British series for episode inspiration, Being Human really began to hit its stride, with the episodes improving significantly from week-to-week.

“You like us!  You REALLY like  us!”

In honor of that sentiment, I thought it might be fun to take a look back at Being Human’s first season, as seen through the eyes of its three main characters: Josh, the Werewolf, Sally the Ghost and Aiden the Werewolf . . .

Wolfman Josh (played by Sam Huntington)

Poor Josh!  Life definitely hasn’t been kind to this guy.  Two years ago, he was a loveable, overachieving college graduate with his sights set on med school.  He was also engaged to be married, and had a younger sister who admired him, and parents who worshipped the ground on which he walked.  Sounds pretty good, right?

Cut to two years later, when we first meet the afore-described “Golden Boy” in Being Human’s pilot episode.  Now, Josh is a hospital orderly, who cleans bedpans for a living.  He hasn’t had sex for two years. (So much for being engaged!).  And his whole family thinks he suffered a nervous breakdown.  Did I mention he is also a werewolf?

In addition to being my absolute favorite character on Being Human, Josh also bears the impressive distinction of being the cast member most often naked on the show.  Given Sam Huntington’s fine physique, I suspect this is NO accident . . .

If the repeated appearances of Naked Josh on Being Human were inserted into the show, as a cheap ploy to increase the female viewership of a television station, that has, heretofore, been almost exclusively watched by geeks men, it sure WORKED ON THIS FEMALE!  In fact, every time Naked Josh “exposed himself” to my television screen, I may or may not have have reacted like this . . .

Anyhoo . . . in addition to the monthly “wolfing out” of his man parts, Josh underwent a number of intensely personal and painful transformations, during the course of the season.  In the first few episodes, we sympathized for Josh, as he coped the shame he felt regarding his true nature, and the anger and bitterness he experienced over the many ways in which being a werewolf prevented him from achieving his lifelong dreams and goals.  These complex, and super angsty, emotions that Josh kept bottled inside caused him to isolate himself from others. 

*sings* “All by my selllllllllf . . . don’t wanna be . . . all by my selllllf, any morrrreeeee.”

However, as the series progressed, Josh began to open his heart to his roommates, who taught him that, just because he gets a bit hormonal once a month, doesn’t mean his life is over.  (Surely, many of us girls can relate to THIS!)  This “heart-opening” eventually enabled Josh to reconnect with his baby sister . . .

  . . . and make a new werewolf playmate (who ended up being this TOTAL vampire-hating psychopath, who was responsible for scratching Josh, and turning him werewolf in the first place . . . but still . . . babysteps!)

Eventually, he even manages to fall in love again, with a nurse at the hospital named Nora.  And she falls in love with HIM too, once he finally figures out how to stop growling at, running away from, and butt humping her, of course!

Speaking of butt humping, it takes a real well-endowed wolf to impregnate a girl THIS way, on the first try .  . .

Way to go JOSH!  (You sly DOG, you!)

In a matter of days post ass-screwing, Nora is suddenly the human-equivalent of three months pregnant (Apparently, wolf gestation periods are WAY shorter than ours.  Who knew?  Plenty of people who regularly watch the SyFy channel did, I bet!  ).  This, of coruse,  is going to make it REALLY hard for the new couple to find time to decorate the nursery! 

In the season finale, Nora walks in on Josh during a wolfy transformation, and watches him endure it.  In an oddly calm moment, a Wolfed Out Josh blinks his big yellow CGI-created eyes at Nora, from beneath a locked door.  (This Wolfman knows a Baby Mama when he sees ONE!) 

Far from being freaked out by this revealation, Nora actually seems pretty relieved to learn that Josh has been acting like a crazy man around her, because he’s a werewolf, instead of just your run-of-the-mill a$$h*le.  But then she realizes that, during his transformation, Josh inadvertently scratched HER, in an effort to push her out of harms way.  Sorry She-Wolf!  It looks like the MONTHLY CURSE is on YOU . . . TOO!  (And now you have TWO of them.  LUCKY YOU!)

Sweet, loveable, socially awkward, and undeniably goofy, Josh is definitely a character with whom I wouldn’t mind spending a second season.  Except, I’d probably buy him a REALLY THICK PAIR OF GLOVES, before I got too close . .  .

A girl’s always gotta use “protection,” you know!

Vampire Aiden (played by Sam Witwer)

If Josh was the Being Human character who got the most Naked Time (though, admittedly, Aiden got HIS share of that too .  . .) . . .

. . . Aiden was the character that got the most TOTAL screentime. (Then again, if YOU were alive for as long as THIS vampire’s been roaming the Earth, YOU’D have a lot of ISSUES to address too!)

Well, hello, Charlie Chaplin!  I didn’t know YOU were in this show!

*sings* “Grease is the time.  It’s the place.  It’s the no-tion.  Grease is the way we are FEELIN”!”

Yeah . . . I don’t really have anything to say about that . . .

For Aiden, most of the season was spent struggling to maintain a non-human munching lifestyle, and cope with centuries of past wrongs, all while trying to avoid the clutches of his evil old Vampire Empire Building boss, Bishop (played by Mark Pellegrino). . .

I’m proud to report that it only took me THREE-QUARTERS of the season to stop thinking of THIS GUY as “Jacob from Lost.”

Though Aiden managed to lead a fairly “human” law-abiding life style, throughout the season, there were a few minor missteps along the way.  Like, for example, the time when he accidentally ate his human girlfriend, Rebecca, while they were screwing . . .

So, Bishop turned her, just to piss Aiden off, basically.  Then, Rebecca became this REALLY ANNOYING, SUPER UNLIKEABLE CHARACTER with whom Aiden still inexplicably hooked up, for most of the season.  That nonsense ended in the penultimate episode, when he finally staked her, at her own request, thereby, putting us ALL out of our misery . . .

SAYONARA, BLOODSUCKA!

Then, there was this OTHER time, when Aiden met this guy who SWORE that Aiden had killed his dad, back when the guy was only 10- years old.  (HE HAD!)  So, Aiden tries to take away the guy’s memory of the event, but ends up driving him to KILL HIMSELF, instead . . . OOPS!

Then, there was this THIRD TIME when Aiden befriended a little boy, named Bernie, who accidentally got into Aiden’s vampire porn stash, making Bernie’s mom think Aiden was a TOTAL Pedo!  Then Bernie gets hit by car, and dies.  So Rebecca turns him.  But Bishop makes Aiden think his new vampire son is running around EATING bullies, so Aiden kills the little vampire child.  (Am I noticing a PATTERN, here?)

“Hey, little boy!  What do you say I give you a REALLY untimely death?  Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

The season ends with Aiden killing Bishop, and becoming Sheriff of Area Five, Eric Northman Vampire Ruler of Boston.  (Be afraid, Ben Affleck!  Be VERY AFRAID!)

Broody, tortured, soulful, and super sexy, with a healthy dose of guilt and self-hatred to boot, Aiden is EXACTLY the kind of TV vampire, us fangbanging fangirls love to drool over!

Sally the kind of Whiny Ghost (played by Meaghan Rath)

Sad Sack Sally has a sob story to tell.  You see, a few months back, she “fell” down the stairs of her apartment, hit her head, and died.  So, she’s been literally hanging around the apartment in her pajamas, ever since . . . unable to move on to the Great Beyond, due to “unfinished business.”  Sally spends the first half of the season crying over her boring, and rather personality-free, fiance, Danny, who is renting the apartment, where he and Sally used to live, to Aiden and Josh.

To make matters worse, Danny has recently started boning Sally’s best friend . . . while Sally watches.  AWK-WARD!

Care for a Menage-a-GHOST?

Things with Sally become slightly more interesting (not to mention WAY less annoying), when she learns that Danny just so happens to be a Girlfriend and Fiance-Beating Sociopathic Cretin, who KILLED SALLY, just because she accidentally dropped her engagement ring in the sink!  Suddenly, it becomes a battle of “wits” between Sally and Sociopathic Cretin.  Sally, with more energy and intensity than she’s exhibited all season, haunts Danny’s ass FOR FUN!  It’s all INCREDIBLY dark . . . and oddly cathartic.  In return, Danny does everything in his power to try and get Sally out of the house, even going as far as to perform an EXORCISM on her, and light their apartment ON FIRE!

After a brief bout of zombieism . . .

That’s taking the “smoky eye” look a bit too far, don’t you think?

 . . . Sally (with the help of a vamped out Aiden) finally scares Danny into turning himself in to the cops for killing her. 

When this happens, Sally’s Unfinished Business is suddenly not-so-unfinished anymore.  In the Season Finale, a LITERAL door opens for Sally to travel into the Great Beyond . . . and she conveniently forgets to walk through it.  OOPS!

And that was Season 1 of Being Human in a VERY SIMPLIFIED nutshell. 

Thirsty for more?  You can now check out full episodes of the first season of Being Human on Hulu.com.  For those of you who would prefer a “quicker fix” of the show, check out these nifty little sixty second episode recaps on the SyFy website: here

Not only do these recaps come FULLY LOADED with excellent video footage from each episode, they are also narrated by a woman, who clearly has a gift for the delivery of deadpan humor.  This woman can make you roll on the floor laughing without EVER HAVING TO CHANGE THE INTONATION OF HER VOICE!  She’s the Ben Stein of SyFY.com!

“Bueller . . . Bueller.”

Some of my favorite gems from the recaps include lines like these: “Evil Greaser Aiden threatens Bishop,”  “Josh gets sniffed .  . . weird,”  “Rebecca yells at Aiden.  She’s forgiven . . . again.”  and “Aiden and his Sideburns refuse.  Then they leave.”

For those of you who had a chance to watch the First Season of Being Human live, I would love to hear your thoughts about it in the Comments section.  As for the rest of you, see you in Season 2!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Being Human

Oh, Eli Goldsworthy of Degrassi! – I Love You, You Sexy Psychopath!

A few years ago, Degrassi (a.k.a. The Little Canadian Show that Could) introduced us all to the remarkable talents of one, Nina Dobrev.  Nina eventually went on to star in my now – FAVORITE television show, The Vampire Diaries .  . .

You are hearing it here, first, my fellow teen television drama fans!  Munro Chambers will be Degrassi’s next Big Breakout Star. 

Week after week, this guy FLOORS me with his Mad Acting Skillz!  Munro intrigued me, when he first came on the scene, this past season, as the guyliner-wearing, sort of emo, hearse-driving, tortured artist, with a rebellious streak, and biting sense of humor, Eli Goldsworthy .  . .

He then won my heart, as the epicurean, closet romantic, whose sheer love of life, and unwillingness to take no for an answer, brought the uptight brainiac Clare Edwards out of her shell . . .

He frustrated me, when he pushed away the very some woman he so vehemently pursued, the following week.  Eli was afraid of letting Clare get too close  . . . fearing she would see beneath his cocksure facade, to the scars that lurked beneath the surface . . .

 And they were some UGLY scars!  When Eli finally admitted his true feelings for Clare, and entered into a relationship with her, she began to see his Dark Side.  But far from scaring her away, seeing Eli’s flaws, only made Clare (and us fans) love him more. 

When Eli antagonized bullies twice his size, until they kicked his ass.  And then he tricked those SAME bullies into getting ARRESTED through a very cunning bait-and-switch, involving Fake IDs, we questioned whether he had a Death Wish . . .

And when we met his parents for the first time, we wondered whether he was adopted (and kind of hoped that he was, for the sake of genetics) . . .

The Future of EClare?  Oh HELL NO!

And when we found out about Eli’s Big Secret, we were shocked and saddened.  Our hearts broke for this fictional character, who suddenly felt so very real to us, both in our minds and our  . . . ahem . . . other parts . . .

Eli became even more complex and multi-layered, when we discovered that the untimely loss of his girlfriend led to his struggles with hoarding . . .

I hate to say it, but as grossly messy as that room is, it also looks pretty cool!  Doesn’t it?

But just when us fans thought we had learned everything there was to know about Eli, he introduced us to a whole new side of himself, his PSYCHO SIDE!

This week, on Part 2 of Jesus, Etc., an old enemy of Eli’s found the Lord, and tried to use HIM to get into Clare’s pants . . .

Ummm . . . righteous?

Though this recent turn of events would be enough to piss off even the most calm and collected of boyfriends, the already volatile-natured Eli took things harder then most.  Throughout the episode, we witnessed the character slowly unravel, and gradually descend into madness. 

Watching Eli waver between agressively trying to protect his girlfriend from “The Jesus Guy” (through blustery anger and controlling manipulation), and placating her, with over-exaggerated declarations of love, and increasingly desperate demands for forgiveness, was both cringeworthy, and deliciously fascinating.  I didn’t know whether to turn away in horror, or wiggle closer to the television screen .  . .

“I feel like you are slipping away,” complains Eli, during one of his softer, more emotionally moments moments.

“Don’t leave me.  OK?  Please?”  Eli begs, during another one.

Amidst it all, were a trio of genuinely creepy moments, during which Eli would break the Fourth Wall, and stare directly at the viewers at home, with a look that was both inviting, and, at the same time, undeniably evil.

But it was not until the final scene of the episode, that things with Eli got REALLY psychotic (and, therefore, CRAZY FUN!).  Check out the “interesting” way in which Eli chooses to conclude the horror story, “Stalker Angel” that he’s been working on throughout the episode. In particular, pay attention to the the uncomfortably ironic similarities between the fictional story being described, and the Bizarre Love Triangle that is Clare / Eli / and the Born-Again (so-called “Angelic”) Fitz:

Eli:  The hero, Malcolm, realizes that he could never protect his heroine, Rachel, from Stalker Angel, so he has no choice but to . .

Clare: (interrupts)  . . . kill Stalker Angel

Eli: No, he kills Rachel.  He grabs his knife, cuts her throat, drinks her blood, and forever they are one!

Clare: That’s disturbing.

Eli: It’s brilliant.  It wouldn’t be much of a horror story, otherwise.

Clare: (with uncertainty) Of course.

Eli: It’s my masterpiece.  And I couldn’t have written it without you.  It’s all about YOU, Clare!

Clare:  (laughs nervously)  Great . . .just . . . try not to kill me, K?

Eli:  Don’t I owe you a driving lesson?  The HEARSE awaits.

Check out the scene in its frighteningly foreboding entirety here, IF YOU DARE!

The last shot of the episode, which features Eli loudly declaring his love for Clare, as he possessively wraps his arm around her, and glares sadistically at the camera, genuinely gave me chills!  After all, when it comes to Eli, I literally never know what he’s going to do next.  And THAT is was keeps me coming back to the show, week, after week.

Kudos to Degrassi for creating such a wonderfully relatable, and, at the same time, definitively insane, character, in Eli Goldsworthy!  And even bigger kudos to Munro Chambers, for bringing Eli to life on the small screen!  I can’t wait to see YOU in prime time, Mr. Chambers! 

Just . . . try not to kill me, K?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Degrassi: The Next Generation

Boozin’, Cruisin’, and Cradle Robbin’ – A Recap of Degrassi’s “When Love Takes Over (Parts 1 & 2)”

FIONA:  “Oooh, Adam.  I LOVE surprises!  You can’t tell, because I’m wearing a mask, but I’m totally winking seductively at you right now.  Where are you taking me?

ADAM:  “Oh . . . well . . . it’s a really cool place.  Lot’s of celebrities have been there:  Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr., Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears . . .

FIONA:  “Wow, it must BE a cool place, if all those famous people went there.  Is it some kind of Hollywood Party?”

ADAM: “Not exactly . . .”

Welcome back, Degrassi fans!  As you probably all know, last night was the mid-season premiere of Degrassi’s “In Too Deep” collection of episodes.  I’ve decided to try my hand at recapping it. 

Well, at least someone is excited about it . . .

So, here’s how it’s going to go.  I’m going to start with Anya’s storyline, cruise into Danny’s, and then, for the BIG FINALE, I’m going to address Fiona and Adam, which, let’s face it, is why you are all really here, anyway. 

So, without further adieu, let’s get recapping.  Shall we?

The Doctor is in (Anya’s Pants).

“Funny . . . this isn’t the way my last doctor tested me for strep throat.”

We kick off the season with Sav looking as DORKY AS POSSIBLE in his toga, and gold crown.  Honestly, I’m not really sure what the get-up has to do with Valentine’s Day (or should I say “Sweet Hearts” week).  But this Degrassi, and this is Sav.  And Sav likes to dress up . . . a lot.   (Remember that geeky cowboy outfit he wore to the Degrassi Hoe-down last season?  I do . . . but I kind of which I didn’t)  So, I’m just going to go with it . . .

“I better be getting paid extra for this.”

Sav’s here so we can all laugh at his outfit to tell everyone that, even though they can’t PDA with their loved one inside the hallowed halls of Degrassi, they CAN buy them cheap half-dead flowers, and take them out to the CHEAPEST DATE EVER, at the Romantic School Cafeteria.  YAY!

Anya’s buying some some flowers from Holly J, who’s probably concerned they will be for Anya’s EX-BEAU, and her current, sort of beau, Cheeseball Sav .  . .

“Buy my man a rose, and I will CUT YOU with its thorns.”

But Holly J. can breathe easy.  Anya just wants to buy flowers for her mom, who’s getting the results of her cancer treatment at the doctor’s office today.  Can anyone guess what those results were?  I’ll give you a hint . . .

OK . . . so Anya’s obviously thrilled.  But why does her mom look vaguely constipated?

Anya’s mom is CANCER FREE!  YAY!  This thrills Anya, put only partially so, as it means that her weekly sort-of dates with her own personal Dr. McDreamy have ended.  Before Anya leaves, she manages to get a peek at the Good Doctor’s date book, which has been conveniently left open on his desk, for her viewing pleasure.  I’ll admit that, when I read the date book at first, I thought it said, “Pizza WITH Leslie – 7 p.m.”  But, it actually said Pizza Leslie – 7 p.m., which by the way is the LAMEST NAME FOR A RESTAURANT, EVER!

The next day at school, Anya tells Holly J. that she’s TOTALLY crushing on Dr. McTooOld, and plans on stalking him that night at Pizza Leslie.  Does Holly J. want to come with?  You bet she DOES!

“Fine, I’ll go stalking with you.  But you’re buying dinner.  I’m poor now, remember?”

Honestly, I’m not sure WHY Anya would assume that Dr. McTooOld would make dinner reservations for JUST HIMSELF (Who does that?).   But, assume she did.  And that night, when she spied Dr. McTooOld alone, by the entrance to the restaurant, she nearly had an “O” right at the dinner table . . .

*sigh*  “Doctor and Mrs McTooOld.  It has a nice ring to it.  Don’t you think?”

But, so far, Dr. McTooOld hasn’t noticed Anya yet.  So, she has this plan for Holly J. to choke on something, so that he can give her the Heimlich, and, in doing so, lock eyes with his Lady Love.  (Way to put your friend’s life in DANGER, so you can get laid, ANYA!)  “I faked a pregnancy for you,” Anya helpfully reminds Holly J., as the latter reluctantly chokes on an olive. 

I think my favorite part of the whole scene, was when Anya called for a doctor, and that Old Guy sitting next to them got up from his chair.  So,  Anya snarled at him to sit down.  “I meant the HOT doctor, dammit!”  (AGAIN!  Way to risk your friend’s life, so that you can pork the Stud with the Stethoscope, ANYA!)  Then this happens . . .

ANYA:  “Get your hands off my friend, Dr. McTooOld.  You are MY MAN!”

DR. MCTOOOLD:  “But Anya, she’s choking!”

ANYA:   “Oh . . . yeah . . . right.  I forgot.”

HOLLY J.:  “Umm . . . there’s something poking my ass.   Do you have a medical tool in your pants, or something?”

So, Holly J. was “saved” by Dr.  McTooOld, who wisely reminds her to be more careful about her olive chewing.  Then some chicky, who’s way more age-appropriate looking for Dr. Too Old than Anya, arrives on the scene.  Dr. McTooOld gives Random Chicky a big old hug, and the two sit down to dinner together.  Oh well!

But Anya is not giving up!  At school, the next day, she calls what I thought was Dr. McTooOld’s cell phone at school to ask him out on a date.  But then loses her nerve, and hangs up.  So, when she gets a call back from “THE HOSPITAL” I was a bit confused.   Since when do First Year Medical Residents have their own line extensions at MAJOR state facilities?

  Maybe, he saw Anya’s number on his cell phone, but called her back on the hospital phone.  Or, maybe, it was just a coincidence.  And he was planning to call her anyway.  Maybe I’m spending way too much time thinking about on a two-second clip for this show .  . .

Anywayyyyyy . . .

Dr.McTooOld wants Anya to go out on a date with him.  And she is THRILLED.  As the site for their first date, she chooses Little Miss Steaks, where Holly J. works.  (And because the name sounds like Little Mistakes .  . . and that’s what this date is . . . a mistake . . . for Dr. McTooOld at least . . . I let out a little giggle here.) 

Because Dr. McTooOld thinks Anya is in college, she tells him she will meet him after her “college seminar . . . at college.”  And it sounded so lame, and was such an obvious lie, that I don’t know how a “smart” doctor like Dr. McTooOld, didn’t put two and two together.  But he didn’t . . .

And so, Anya and Dr. McTooOld went on their little mistake date.  Anya arrives at the restaurant, dressed like a middle-aged woman attending her 40th high school reunion.  The up-do hairstyle, and over large FLOWER necklace, were a bit much for a date at a steak house, where the waitresses dress like cowgirls, don’t you think?  I suspect Anya dressed like this, so she would look older.  But it just sort of made her look like a high schooler attending a 50’s theme dance . . .

At dinner, Anya immediately spills the beans about her LARP-ing obsession.  (Note to the ladies:  This is NOT first date material.  Please save this type of Deep Dark Secret, until AFTER date 3.  K?)  But, guess what?  Dr. McTooOld LOVES that Anya LARPS.  As it turns out, he’s a BIG Dungeons and Dragons fan!  OMG!  It’s a Match Made in Dork-dom! 

(All kidding aside, these two are actually pretty cute together.  And I’m willing to bet, that in real life, their ages are not nearly as far apart, as they are on the show.)

After dinner, Anya wants dessert (Hint, Hint, Wink, Wink).  But Buzzkill Holly J. arrives to tell her she can’t have any.

“Oh . . . that’s right . . . I have CURFEW,” says Anya.  *facepalm*

Now, Anya COULD have said that her SORORITY institutes curfew.  THAT would been a decent excuse for her verbal flub.  But, instead, Holly J. insists that Anya’s curfew is self-imposed, because she is so “conscientious.”  It was a nice try, but it made Anya sound kind of lame.  Not that her LARPing confession didn’t.

So, the date ends early, but it ends well, with a sweet kiss shared by two very attractive, but very nerdy, people . . .

After talking with Holly J., Anya is convinced she should come clean with Dr. McTooOld about her age.  So, she calls him and makes an impromptu office lunch date.  But before she can confess to him, he springs THESE on her . . .

They are tickets to a Renaissance Fair!  *facepalm*  The invitation comes with a fun-filled romantic evening, spent at a bed-in-breakfast nearby.  “I booked two rooms.  So, there’s no pressure,” says Dr. McTooOld quickly.  (Riiight, and you just know that when they arrive at their destination, one of those two rooms will magically disappear . . .)

Anya’s over the moon about the concept of sharing her love for all things Medieval with Dr. McTooOld!  But then, just when she’s ready to leave for her extended date.  This happens . . .

BUSTED!

Anya’s mom is not pleased about the prospect of her daughter getting down, dirty and Medieval, on her overnight with Dr. McTooOld.  And so, she marches her daughter right to the hospital, so that Anya can make her age confession, while her mom watches . . .

AWKWARD!

But, just when all hope seems lost for a long lasting relationship between Anya and Dr. TooOld, she pulls a Hail Mary, by inviting him out to lunch . . .

On their not-so-date, Anya tells Dr. McTooOld that she will be 18 in two months.  And then, they can hook up, without him having to worry about those pesky Statutory Rape charges.  YIPPEE!  Dr. McTooOld agrees to the plan, after all, not many women his age (which is 25, since I realize I haven’t mentioned it before) are big fans of Dungeons and Dragons, and LARPing . . .

“I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller . . .”

It’s your typical love story, really.  Boy meets Girl.  Boy likes Girl.   Boy asks Girl out on a date.  Boy finds out Girl is WAY taller than boy, which makes boy feel inadequate and effeminate.  Girl overhears Boy calling Girl a Giraffe to his friends.  Girl dumps Boy.  Boy gets Girl back, using his limited social skills and shoddy basketball-playing abilities.

Was it a cliched C-plotline?  TOTALLY.  And yet, here’s what I liked about it . . .

Dave’s been such an unlikeable tool of late, that it was nice to finally be able to root for him again.  The way he managed to segway from snarking with a girl about the pair’s shared supposed hate for Valentine’s Day Sweet Hearts week, to scoring a date, should be written up in some Girl-Macking Handbook, or something.  (By the way, what was with the couple making out in front of his locker?  Don’t they know PDA’s aren’t allowed at Degrassi?  What would SAV SAY if he found out? :))

Sadie.  I like her.   Usually, it takes me a while to warm up to new Degrassi characters, because they don’t always initially mesh well with the rest of the cast, and their acting inexperience shows.  But the actress who plays Sadie, actually seems pretty talented right off the bat.   And the character is cute, smart, and spunky.  Plus, her chemistry with Dave seemed natural, and not too forced.

Ahh, the Three Tenners.  Sometimes Connor and Wesley bug me a bit.   But they were ON FIRE this week with their Short Jokes!  And yet, even funnier for me, was how, after Dave and Sadie “broke up,” Wesley switched sides, and tried to list the many benefits of dating a tall girl.  “She looks older.  And can help you reach things in high places.” 

Oh, Wesley . . .

As for Dave’s and Sadie’s newfound relationship, methinks it’s about to verge into the Dreaded Love Triangle territory very soon because we haven’t seen THAT on Degrassi in about two episodes.  How about you?

And now . . . the moment you’ve all been waiting for . . .

They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab, But I Said, NO, NO, NO (and then Yes)

Remember a few seasons back when Declan was the school’s resident Drama Maven / Play Producer?  Well, it seems as though Eli has taken the reigns from him.  When we first see Adam, he is talking to Eli, about the upcoming school play, which Eli is producing, and in which Adam is playing the romantic lead.  Apparently, at some point, the female lead “Marisol” (whoever THAT is) backed out of the play, because she didn’t want to make out with a transgender person like Adam.

Other girls have read for the role.  But none are as good as “Marisol,” at least in Adam’s estimation.  Adam offers to resign from the play, to make things easier on Eli.  But Eli refuses the offer, because he is AWESOME. 

Eli then suggests that Adam ask FIONA to take the role.  (By the way, am I wrong in thinking that it was established that Fiona was a CRAP actress, back when Declan was directing things a few seasons back?  In fact, didn’t someone FORCE him to fire her from the play, and relegate her to Costume Design instead?  Am I completely making this up?)

The problem, of course, is that Adam is still REALLY PISSED at Fiona for bailing on the party he MADE JUST FOR HER, during the mid-season finale.  So, when Fiona first tries to talk to him at school, he’s kind of cold to her . . .

Fiona apologizes to Adam for skipping the party, by making some lame excuse about her Great Aunt dying.  And Adam doesn’t believe a word of it.  But he loves Fiona so much and wants to get into her pants so baldy, that he lets it slide.  So, Adam asks Fiona if she’d be willing to star in a play where she has to kiss him.  And when she AGREES, he makes this face . . .

“Awwwwww yeahhh, I’m the Pimp Daddy!”

We are then treated to a little clip of Fiona “auditioning” (Casting Couch Much?), and I’m surprised by how NOT SUCKY she is, especially considering what she was like the last time we saw her audition for a play . . .

“Why is ‘She takes her top off’ added in pencil here?  I don’t remember that from the original script.”

I’ll admit, I was cracking up laughing, when Eli starting baiting Adam, as he drooled over Fiona’s audition.  “You liiiiiike her.  You luuuuuuuve her,” crooned Eli, adorably. 

(By the way, if anyone out there has ever seen the movie Miss Congeniality, I’m pretty sure that this scene is a sendup to the classic one from that movie, where Sandra Bullock’s character has just been made over, and she starts singing to her prospective love match, “You really liiiiiike me.  You think I’m sexxxxxy.  You want to daaaaate me.”  Just sayin’.)

Oh, and as for those Degrassi Drama shirts Eli and Clare are wearing in this scene:  I WANT ONE!

No one should be surprised to hear that Fiona got the part, or that Adam “generously” offered to come over to her condo that night to help her get naked “rehearse.”

When Adam arrives at Fiona’s house, she acting flighty, and (SURPRISE, SURPRISE!) drinking like a fish . . .

Adam, of course, wants to practice the kissing scene first.  However, before Adam can tongue Fiona, he has a confession to make (insert dramatic music here).  He’s transgender. 

“Well . . . duh!”

Fiona claims that she immediately knew Adam was transgender, because she grew up IN NEW YORK, where EVERYONE IS TRANSGENDER.  (Yes, I’m from around there . . . and yes, I’m being sarcastic here.  I just find it funny how the media likes to portray New York City, as way more exotic than it actually is.)  Adam is pleasantly surprised that Fiona STILL wants to kiss him, even though she knows his backstory.  “”I’d rather kiss you than any other guy at this school BECAUSE I AM CLEARLY A LESBIAN,” says Fiona.

And then she spills champagne all over Adam’s crotch . . .

“Awwww yeah!  She wants me to take off my pants.  I’m a TOTAL PIMP!”

Fiona then rushes to get Adam some of Declan’s clothes, which were conveniently lying around the apartment for this exact circumstance.

YAY!  A Declan reference!

Fiona and Adam then share a sweet moment, while Fiona is fixing Adam’s tie.  (Ummmm . . . if they are just hanging out around the house “rehearsing,” WHY is he wearing Declan’s TIE?)  Adam wants to play Truth or Dare with Fiona.  She choose “truth.”  He wants to know why she ditched his party.  “You look at me, like I’m this perfect princess,” she admits.  “I’m scared that once you realize that I am not, you will get sick of me.”

Now it’s Adam’s turn.  He chooses “dare.”  Then THIS happens . . .

So, Adam is understandably crushed, when, the next day, Fiona tells him that their hook-up was just a “One Time Thing.”  Needing some manly advice, Adam regales Eli with the gory details of his Hot Night with Fiona.  He wonders whether Fiona only made out with him, because she was drunk, as Clare had more or less suggested, when he told HER.

  Eli thinks the opposite is true, “In vino veritas,” Eli explains, looking Super Sexy and Not-at-all-Effeminate in his Man Scarf.

I used this picture before, but it bears repeating . . .

Adam doesn’t know what the heck his friend is talking about.  So, Eli elaborates.  “When people are wasted, they do things they REALLY want to do, but wouldn’t have the guts to do, if they were sober,” Eli explains, more or less.  (I ad-libbed a bit here.)

That night, Adam arrives at Fiona’s place to return Declan’s clothes . . .

Declan Reference #2

He also tells Fiona that he is going to resign from the play, because he can’t bear porking Fiona’s character on stage, if he can’t pork her in real life too.  But wonder of wonders!  Fiona DOES WANT TO PORK ADAM!  Yippee!

Fiona invites Adam for dinner, and proceeds to chug down a glass of champage, like it’s going out of style . . .

“Thirsty?” Adam asks, with a bit of concern.

Fiona carelessly explains that in France EVERYONE drinks before a meal.  Remembering Eli’s whole “in vino veritas” speech, Adam suggests that Fiona DRINK MORE!  And his evil plan works!  Because THIS happens . . .

WOWSA!

Things seem to be going great for Adam, until Cock Block Holly J. comes along, and messes everything up, by point out how TOTALLY WASTED Fiona is!  Fiona insists she’s not drunk, however, and blows Holly J. off.  So, Holly J. reluctantly leaves with some concerned advice to Adam on how to take care of Fiona if she “goes off the rails,” and her personal cell phone number, if he needs her.

Adam shows up late for rehearsal the next day, and again, “kisses and tells” Eli and Clare about his Hot Night with Fiona, The Sequel.  But Clare’s concerned that EVERY Hot Night with Fiona seems to involve LOTS OF ALCOHOL.  So, she invites Adam and Fiona to double date with her and Eli at the Romantic School Cafeteria . . .

But when lunch rolls around, Fiona arrives to the double date late, and (SURPRISE) wasted!  (How do none of Fiona’s teachers realize that she’s drunk all the time?)

I had to laugh, when a slurring Fiona plopped down at the table and proceeded to HIT ON CLARE. “You have really beautiful eyes.  That top you’re wearing just doesn’t do them justice . . . Call me!”

ELI:  “You will NOT call her!  I saw the promos for the upcoming episode, and know all about Fiona and her . . . preferences.  I’m the only one allowed to tell you that you have nice eyes.”

CLARE: “I saw the promos too.  And you’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now, considering what they say about YOU!”

Afraid that a teacher will catch on to how drunk Fiona is (like I said . . . how have they NOT yet?), Adam pulls Fiona outside.  “Drinking makes it easier . . . being with you,” Fiona drunkenly explains to Adam, while the two are huddled together on a bench in the school hallway

“You are drinking because of ME?”  Adam asks.

“See?  You DO understand,” Fiona coos.

“No, I don’t,” scowls Adam, as he storms off.

The next day at play rehearsal, Fiona is late AGAIN, and Adam is heartbroken.  “I want what YOU two have,” he whines to a PDA-ing Eli and Clare.  (DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO SAV?  NO PDA!)

Then Fiona comes and conveniently tells Adam that she’s in LOVE with him (Where the hell did that come from?)  So, he forgives her for the 80th time this hour. 

Later on in the day, Holly J. tells Adam that Fiona is an alcoholic, and her family wants to ship her off to rehab ASAP.  They will be holding an intervention for her after school, and think Adam should come.  But Adam doesn’t want to lose Fiona, so he tells her that they’ve got to GO AWAY together NOW.  (Way to be an ENABLER, Adam!)

Adam and Fiona rush home after school to pack their bags.  But Fiona doesn’t get very far with hers . . .

Did I mention that RALPHED all over herself and the carpet!  (Ewwww!)  Realizing that he can’t deny Fiona’s drinking problem any longer, Adam sneaks off to call Holly J.  He has agreed to take Fiona to the intervention.   (Hopefully, he cleans her up first!)

“Hi.  I was wondering if you could tell me how you get vomit stains out of cashmere?”

After telling Fiona that he is taking her on an Exotic Vacation Getaway, Adam blindfolds Fiona, and drives her to the Intervention.  He doesn’t even let her change out of her pukey clothes, first!  Now, that’s just rude!

FIONA:  “Something smells funny.  What is that?”

ADAM:  “It’s YOU!”

To be honest, I was kind of excited for the intervention.  Because I thought, for sure, that Declan would be there.

DECLAN!

After all, his MOM came in for New York for the event, so why the heck didn’t HE?  Actually, Fiona’s Intervention was the lamest one EVER.  In fact, the only people in attendance, aside from Fiona herself, and Adam, were Holly J., Fiona’s mom, and Fiona’s . . .  maid?

“Where is my brother?  And why don’t I have any friends at my intervention?  And why is there vomit in my hair?”

Fiona is understandably pissed at Adam for betraying her.  So, she kicks him out of the “party.”  He’s understandably crushed.  And my heart goes out to the guy . . . really.

The next day, Adam is back to third-wheeling it with Eli and Clare, when Holly J. stops by to assure Adam he did the right thing.

Check out how Clare is in the background, pretending not to be listening in on Holly J.’s and Adam’s conversation,  even though she TOTAL is!

Holly J. informs Adam that Fiona has been shipped off to rehab.  Adam worries that the love of his life will never forgive him.  But Holly J. doesn’t seem particularly concerned.  To prove it, Holly J. TOTALLY violates every friend code in the BOOK, by giving Adam a page from Fiona’s JOURNAL . . .

The “journal” entry is a love letter Fiona wrote to an unnamed person, who “just left [her house]” and who she “can’t stop thinking about.”  “There are a million reasons why we shouldn’t work.  But, despite all that, I really, really hope that we will,” the letter concludes.

Adam, of course, is thrilled, because he assumes that the letter is about him.  However, those of us who saw the promos for upcoming episodes, are hesitant to rejoice with him.  After all, isn’t it possible, given what we know, that the letter is about Holly J.?

Watch this promo, and you’ll see what I mean . . .

And that was “When Loves Takes Over (Parts 1 and 2)” in a nutshell.  Now, that I’ve said my part, what did YOU think of the episode?

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under Degrassi: The Next Generation

Paint the Town Blood Red – A Recap of Being Human’s “Something to Watch Over Me”

“Hey, there Crazy Cop Guy!  Long time, no see!  Hey, remember that one time when you were 10, and I ate your dad?  Haha, GOOD TIMES!”

(Ummm . . . yeah . . .  so this recap . . . is ridiculously late.  Sorry about that!  Consider it a “Refresher Course” to prepare you for tomorrow night’s episode!)

With Friends Like These . . .

This past week’s episode dealt with the various ways in which one’s past can come back to haunt him, in ways he may never have expected.  It all started with Social Butterfly Aidan wanting to expand his Social Network.  After all, the dude had been on the planet for centuries, and STILL, his only Facebook Friends are Bishop and his motley crew of Evil Blood Suckers . . .

Bishops “Likes” include: Vampire Recruitment, Compelling waitresses to give you free food, Grave Robbing, and World Domination

 . . . Shut-in Sally, who’s Status Updates are always the same.  (ex.  “I miss Danny.”  “Gee, I wonder Danny still thinks about me.”  “Do you think I can have Hot Ghost Sex with Danny some day?”)

“Blah, blah, blah DANNY, blah, blah, blah SAD, blah, blah, blah, I LOVED HIM,” *sniff, pout, cry, repeat*

 . . .and Josh, who once a month, leaves embarassing, and incoherent ramblings on Aidan’s “Wall” . . .

EXAMPLE: Grrrrroworororor Nom, Nom, Nom, Tasty Bunny, GRRRRRRR, Yummy Deer, GRRRR

So, Aidan has this great idea to start a Neighborhood Watch.  (You know . . .  to protect the community from scary things that could really hurt them . . . like vampires, werewolves, and ghosts.)  Inherent irony of the situation notwithstanding . . . seriously?   THAT was Aidan’s grand plan to make Cool New Pals?  Was it Aidan’s INTENTION to collect the lamest group of friends EVER?  Because, really, how many “cool people” do you know who participate in the Neighborhood Watch?

Oh yeah . . . Granny over here looks like just the person I’d want protecting the streets from evil, while I sleep.

Seriously though, if Aidan and Josh REALLY wanted to start a social circle including a group of their peers, wouldn’t it have made more sense to start a Twilight book club?

Bella, Edward, and the rest of the Cullens “Like” this . . .

Most notable among the Neighborhood Watch attendees are . . . Josh’s Mini Me

 . . . some chick who looks like Daria Morgendorffer from that old MTV cartoon . . .

Man, I miss that show!

  . . . Danny . . . who, of course, leaves right away, after seeing how LAME this party is . . .  (Not that Danny isn’t ALSO lame, because he totally is!)

“Is this the Star Trek Fan Club meeting?”

 . . . and this Creepy Cop Guy with Mountain Man Facial Hair, who keeps staring intently at Aidan, like he wants to make out with him . . .

“Oooh, he must work out!  I wonder if he has a Cop Fetish . . . or a thing for Guy’s with Beards . . .”

Aidan and Josh Try to Pimp Out Sally . . .

The next morning, the three roomies are hanging out in the bathroom, discussing how Sally might not be nearly so uptight and annoying, if she got laid every once in a while.  So, Aidan and Josh decide to set Sally up with a ghost that Aidan met while working at the hospital.  His name is Tony.  But I would prefer to refer to him as the Ghost of Eighties Past . . .

At first, Sally is not down with boinking this Hair Band Reject.  She likes her men more boring, soft-spoken, and effeminate.  You know . . . like Danny.  But then, through some scientific miracle that I can’t even begin to explain, Ghost of Eighties Past is able to SHAKE SALLY’S HAND (and, from the looks and sound of it, give her a MAJOR GHOST ORGASM!) . . .

I hope he washed his hands, first!

Suddenly, Sally is totally down for “playing” with the Ghost of Eighties Past.  Things get even MORE exciting, when he tells her that she is not stuck in the house forever, as she previously thought.   (Oh, thank the LORD!  I couldn’t take much more of that!)  You see, Sally doesn’t have a corporeal form like you and me.  And, for that reason, she can go anywhere she wants, just by using her MIND! 

This, of course, THRILLS Sally to no end.  And, knowing that she can go anywhere, I bet you will never guess where she decides to go first?

Yeah . . . right back to the bathroom, where she was two seconds ago!  (Girl’s got the imagination of a peanut!)   After everyone’s peed and pooped, Sally decides to go downstairs and bother Josh, who is watching TV with his new friends Mini Me, and Daria Morgendorffer.  The problem is, only JOSH can see her, which basically makes him look like a TOTAL lunatic, in front of his new pals . . .

The Awkward Moment when you are watching TV with your pals, and a weird Ghost Chick sits on your lap, and starts talking to you about flying . . .

Finally, Josh and the Ghost of Eighties Past manage to convince Sally to get the HELL out of the house.  And so she does . . . and by out, I mean RIGHT OUTSIDE HER DOOR.  (I lied. Peanuts are WAY more imaginative than Sally . . .)

Sally is so VERY proud of herself for moving an extra two inches, that she begins dancing around in circles like a five-year old.  Ghost of Eighties Past, of course, sees this as a BRILLIANT opportunity to get into her sweatpants . . .

I mean that literally, of course, “Tony’s” bottom half ACTUALLY intertwines with, and becomes part of, Sally’s.  It’s kind of gross, actually.  Sally, of course, is APPALLED at the notion of screwing anyone aside from Dear Danny.  And she tells Tony as much.  Feeling rejected, Tony skulks back to his Mom’s Basement, where you just know he lived, until the day he died . . . at age 35.  As for Sally, she goes back inside to pout about . . . you guessed it . . . Danny.

Josh tries to put some sense into Sally, explaining to her, that life isn’t an old Demi Moore movie from the Early 90’s.  So, she’s never again going to be able to make “sweet, sweet . . . ghostly pottery” with Danny.  The sooner she gets used to that, the better . . .

Then Ghost of Eighties Past returns to apologize to Sally.  And I fell in love a bit more with Josh, as he defended Sally’s honor and chastity.  “Well, if it isn’t Casper the HANDSY Ghost!  Not THE PLAN, MAN!”  Josh growls at Tony (even though, let’s be honest, getting Sally laid was TOTALLY his plan!).

Once he’s certain that Sally isn’t going to get Ghost Raped in her own house, Josh leaves the Dead Pair to their own devices . . .

Sally reluctantly forgives Tony for being an Invisible Date Rapist, and ultimately agrees to continue her Ghost Therapy with him.  Since, Tony knows that Sally SUCKS at choosing travel destinations, he decides to select the next one . . . and it’s .  . . a cemetery.

Wow, morbid much?  Come to think of it, maybe letting Sally pick the destination all the time, wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.  Ghost of Eighties Past Tony has decided to show Sally her grave, so that she can FINALLY come to terms with her own death.  In Tony’s experience, doing this usually gives a Ghost the closure they need to cross over to the other side . . .

Unfortunately, for Sally, it just gives her grass stains on her ass!  So, Tony decides to let her pick the next destination for their Wild and Wonderful Ghostly Journey . . .  I’ll give you three guesses as to where they go.  But I’m sure you will only need one.  (And, no, it’s not the bathroom, this time.)

*sigh*  Danny AGAIN!  This time, she’s in his friggin house, staring at him, while he sleeps in his friggin bed.  Ghost of Eighties Past gets fed up with her (just like the rest of us) and bails.  We don’t blame him.

Back at the apartment, Josh tells Sally that he doesn’t think that her moving into Danny’s place will give her the closure she needs to move on to Heaven, or wherever it is she’s meant to go.  So, Sally heads back to the cemetery to do some thinking . . . Tony is there waiting for her.  He tells her that listening to Sally do nothing but bitch and moan about Danny for two days made him want to strangle her think about the love of his life, and whether she was doing “OK.” 

So, he visited her.  And, guess what, she’s doing JUST FINE, without the Hair Band Reject, who she dated ONCE 23 years ago!  (SURPRISE!)  Tony helpfully notes that, because his “ex” girlfriend was “open” to his presence, he was able to physically touch her  .  . hand.  (Don’t get too excited, this is SyFy, not Skinimax . . . ) 

But you KNOW how much Sally likes HANDSHAKES, right?

So, this is VERY good news for her.

Then, a Very Cheesy and WAY TOO Literal Door to the Otherside magically appears in the cemetery.  Everybody assumes its for Sally.  (Actually, NOBODY assumes its for Sally.  Because then there would be no more show.  And we’ve only had three episodes so far.  But we’ll play along . . .)

Sally tells the Ghost of Eighties Past that she knows the door is for HIM, not her.  And so, he thanks her, and heads toward the door, secretly wishing his Guest Star Appearance could have been longer than one episode . . .

Don’t be sad, Tony!  I hear they are filming a Ghost Version of Friends on the other side, and need someone to play Joey.  You’d be PERFECT!

At the end of the episode, Sally returns to Danny’s house.  (AGAIN?  SERIOUSLY?  ARE THEY KIDDING WITH THIS?)  She tries to “touch” Danny, but finds, to her chagrin that he may already be “touching” someone else, if you catch my drift . . .

The Awkward Moment when you realize that your best friend and your once-fiance might be f*&king, and that they might do it on the couch RIGHT IN YOUR LAP!

And now for the storylines that didn’t annoy me . . .

Keeping the Neighborhood Safe from Graffiti Artists

Awww, Josh!  You’ve gotta love him!  He may not always get the best plotlines on this show.  But he always makes do with what he has, by tossing out cute one liners, and charming us with HILARIOUS facial expressions!  This week’s storyline, no joke, revolved around Josh trying to catch a neighborhood grafitti artist.  His partner in crime on the hunt, was a guy who was pretty much exactly the person Josh WOULD HAVE BEEN, had he never been werewolf-ed.

While on the Watch, Josh chats with Mini Me, and learns that his alter ego is hoping to start his medical residency at the same hospital where Josh is currently working as an orderly.  If you recall, Josh wanted to go to medical school, but never enrolled due to his CHANGE.  Though Josh tries to be friendly and nonchalant, you can tell this conversation is really making Josh feel like crap about his life. 

So, when the pair actually do find the Graffiti artist in question, a highly emotional Josh goes all Wolverine on his ass! 

No, he wasn’t shirtless at the time.  Yes, I’m using this adorable image anyway.  Got a problem with that?

Mini Me looks on with amusement, which quickly gives way to horror, as Josh nearly rips the poor hoodlum in half, for doing nothing more serious than leaving a little extra paint on the wall.  Eventually, Josh comes back to himself, and skulks away, as the graffiti artist, thankfuly, regains consciousness. 

The next day at work, Mini Me is at the hospital awaiting an interview for the residency position, when he sees poor orderly Josh, literally sweeping crap off the floor.  Mini Me wants to take Wolf Boy out for lunch.  However, a miserably depressed Josh declines.  Josh later admits to Aidan that he no longer wants to do his transformations at the hospital.  He feels that, in order to maintain a “human” lifestyle,” he must embrace the wolf within him.  Only by keeping that part of his life completely separate from his REAL one, will he be able to completely ensure that no one he cares about gets hurt.

The bad news, of course, is Poor Josh now feels even more lonely and isolated than before.  The good news? I smell MORE OUTDOOR NUDEY SHOTS! 🙂

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Drive Insane . . .

After learning from Bishop that the Crazy Cop Dude who was giving Aidan the eye, during the Neighborhood Watch meeting, has been using police resources to peek into Aidan’s past, Aidan promises that he will “handle it.”  So, he meets Crazy Cop dude at a nearby bar, and confirms that the guy really is Batsh&t Insane, just as Bishop had feared . . .

Even though Crazy Cop Dude looks quite a bit older than Aidan, the former is ABSOLUTELY certain that Aidan is the evil criminal who murdered his dad in cold blood, back when Crazy Cop Dude was just 10-years old.  To prove his point, Crazy Cop Dude pulls out a police sketch of his dad’s killer — a drawing that he’s probably had stuffed in his pants for about 30-years now.  (EW!)

I assume this picture is supposed to look just like Aidan.  But, honestly, it looks more like Frankenstein to me  . . .

Aidan logically reasons that there is no way he could have killed Crazy Cop Dude’s father, as he wasn’t even “ALIVE” when the guy was murdered.  (Get it . . . he was UNDEAD, during that time!  Har, de, har, har)  Then, since awkward conversations always make Aidan have to pee, he excuses himself, and heads to the bathroom . . . Of course, Crazy Cop Dude follows.

Quick, Aidan . . . PEE ON HIS LEG!

Crazy Cop Dude REALLY wants Aidan to take off his shirt (as do WE!).  Unfortunately, his reasons aren’t NEARLY as fun as ours.  You see, Crazy Cop Dude remembers that his dad’s killer had a tattoo on his chest with the name “Celine.”  He wants to see if Aidan has the same tattoo.  Fortuntely (or unfortunately, depending on how much you really wanted to see Shirtless Aidan this week), Aidan manages to scamper away before Crazy Cop Dude gets a chance to undress him.

But just when we think our boy Aidan’s going to be A-OK, Crazy Cop Dude jumps him in some alleyway.  And then THIS happens . . .

Where’s the Neighborhood Watch when you need them, right?

Now, that Aidan’s been nailed to the wall, like some cheap piece of religious artwork, Crazy Cop Dude takes this opportunity to ogle his chest (YAY!).  And yes, as supected, Aidan does bare the incriminating CELINE tattoo on his chest.  But, honestly, I was too mesmerized by his hot pects and erect nipples to give that much thought . . .

WOAH!

Once Crazy Cop Dude has left the scene, and Aidan has finally managed to disimpale himself from the WALL, our Friendly Neighborhood Vampire rushes to the hospital for a quick drink . . .

And, honestly, I’ve got to say, given how LONG Aidan has been drinking blood, I’m a bit disappointed in what a Piggy Eater he turned out to be.  Aidan, take note:  there are WAY classier ways to dispose of a blood bag.  Watch and learn . . .

Any questions?

You know, Aidan should REALLY start thinking twice about visiting public restrooms, because when he gets out of the stall after his little snack (looking FABULOUS, in his Super Tight White Tank Top, I might add), yet another Creepo is waiting for him . . .

Bishop is in the Potty with Aidan.  Apparently, Big Bad Vampire Daddy REALLY wants to rub in Aidan’s face, what a “crap” job he has done so far in taking care of this whole Crazy Cop Dude thing . . .

*sings* “Nah-nah, nah-nah, nahhhh-nah, you’re a Sucky Vampire!”

Aidan insists that, contrary to appearances, he TOTALLY has everything under control.  You see, Aidan plans to compel Crazy Cop Dude to forget that Aidan killed his father, all those years ago.  Bishop thinks this is a TERRIBLE idea, as Aidan has always been pretty lousy at compulsion, and has undoubtedly become even worse at it, since he stopped consuming LIVE blood.  Bishop would prefer the more “honest” method of turning Crazy Cop Dude into a vampire himself. 

I notice that this seems to be Bishop’s answer to EVERY problem.  If Nike’s slogan is “Just Do It,” Bishop’s must be “Just Turn Them.”  What Bishop doesn’t realize, however, is that his plan presents a number of logistical problems — the most notable being this:  If EVERYONE on Earth is a vampire, who will be left to eat?

“Beats me!”

Not believing that his SIRE will make the right decision, when it comes to handling Crazy Cop Dude, Bishop (who in addition to being Head of Vampire Human Resources, and Local Funeral Director, is also, apparently, Police Chief) heads over to Crazy Cop Dude’s House to “talk.”

To be honest, I’m not quite sure why BISHOP didn’t compel Crazy Cop Dude to forget about his father’s murder, himself.  After all, HE would certainly be strong enough to successfully remove the offending memories, without screwing the guy up any more than he already was.  But, NO . . . Bishop is intent on getting another vampire for his growing collection.  And so, he offers Crazy Cop Dude the Vampire Recruitment Pitch. 

Crazy Cop Dude isn’t impressed.  But when he tries to escape, Bishop’s henchman is waiting for him . . .

But before Mr. Henchman can turn Crazy Cop Dude into Aidan’s Blood Brother, Aidan arrives on the scene and intervenes.  Henchman is ready to do battle with him, but Bishop smugly insists that Aidan and Crazy Cop Dude be left to their own devics.  Clearly, Bishop has bigger plans in store for his petulant vampire child . . .

So, Aidan tries his hand at removing the offending memories from Crazy Cop Dude’s brain . . .

“I’ve got a headache THIS BIG . . . and it’s screaming for Vampire Compulsion!”

The next day, Aidan stalks Crazy Cop Dude’s home a bit.  And when Aidan spies Crazy Cop Dude picking up the morning paper like a Normal Person, he is, understandably relieved . . .

Problem solved, right?  Well . . . not exactly . . .

Cut to the next morning, where Bishop is giving Aidan a few choice words about the events of the previous evening.  “You were right, Aidan.  YOUR WAY was MUCH more humane,” Bishop snarks, throwing a large brown envelope in front of his “child,” before exiting stage left.  And you KNOW what was in that envelope, don’t you?

THIS  . . .

OK . . . now THAT’s just gross!

Just as Bishop had predicted, Aidan’s botched attempt at helping Crazy Cop Dude, by plucking traumatic memories from his brain, had the unintended effect of driving him so BATSH&T INSANE that the poor guy offed himself.  Now, that’s gotta suck!  Whether or not you felt this result was inevitable, your heart had to go out to poor Aidan, as he flipped through those grisly photographs, and wondered whether he could have somehow prevented this from happening . . . 

(Kudos to Sam Witwer for quietly breaking my heart during this scene, with his understated, yet breathtakingly touching, performance.)

And, just because I don’t like to end my recaps on a truly depressing note, please enjoy this picture of Sam Witwer Shirtless and holding a phallic object .  . .

You’re welcome.

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Accepting the Monster Within – A Recap of Being Human’s “There Goes the Neighborhood Part 2”

Welcome back, fellow Humans!  (If that’s what you REALLY are . . . 😉 )  This week’s installment of SyFy’s newest hit series (ONLY hit series?), definitely wrapped up some of the storylines presented in the pilot episode.  However, it also presented our favorite supernatural roommates with some new, very interesting, problems . . . ones that will surely plague them for many episodes to come . . .

SHE is definitely going to be a problem!

If tonight’s episode had a “theme” to it, I’d say that theme had to do with the acceptance of one’s true nature.  For some, that acceptance can have negative consequences.  For example, Rebecca became an Evil Super B*tch, once SHE accepted her new bloodsucking nature.  And, we suspect, the same thing would happen to Aidan, if he decided to go back to his old vampiric ways. 

For others, acceptance of who you are, can lead you to a better life (or lack thereof).  Once Sally gave up trying to be heard as a human, she realized that being a ghost allows for other, more unique, methods of communication.  It also saves a TON of money on airfare!

I’m flying, WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE!

As for Josh, his refusal to come to terms with his wolfy nature, has kept him isolated from the people he loves — first, his parents and fiance, and now, his own baby sister . . .

The only thing hotter than a brooding werewolf, is a naked one . . .

Come on, Josh!  Be OUT . . . and PROUD (and stop covering your crotch, we wanna see)!

But enough of this philosophical mumbo jumbo, let’s get on with the episode, shall we?

Home Improvement for Dummies

Is that a pool of blood behind your head, Sally?  Or are you just happy to see me?

Ghost Sally spends much of this episode having funeral flashbacks, pining after her fiance (Does EVERYONE have a Long Lost Fiance on this show?), and breaking sh*t in the apartment, because she is feeling moody.  (I wonder if ghosts still get PMS?) 

After a whole lot of begging on Sally’s part, Aidan and Josh finally relent and invite their landlord, and Sally’s once fiance, Danny, to fix the clogged sink in the apartment, which Sally broke on purpose, precisely for this occasion!

“That’ll teach you to be cheap, and not get homeowners’ insurance!”

Sally gets pretty darn frustrated, when the man she loves LITERALLY doesn’t know she’s alive (because she . . . um . . .  isn’t).  When Danny arrives at the house for the first time, since Josh and Aidan moved in, Sally’s emotions go heywire.  This, of course, results in all the lights in the house EXPLODING!  (Nice one, Sally!)  Josh, who actually LIKES having working light fixtures in his home, is not amused, by this new development.

“Seriously!  You need to find some new hobbies!  Why don’t we invite over that kid from the Sixth Sense, and you two can hold a seance, or something?”

For his part, Danny can’t understand why in the world ANYBODY would want to live in this Ghost-Infested Death Trap he used to call home.  Clearly not a particularly savvy business man, Danny actually goes so far as to ask Aidan whether the apartment is as creepy as it seems.  “Every home has an echo of the people who used to live in it.  There’s a good echo here,” explains Vampire Aidan, causing Sally’s ghostly panties (not to mention, mine) to fall to the floor, as a result. 

*sings* “He really likes me.  He thinks I’m sexy.  He wants to date me.”

“Damn, I’m gooooood!”

 This, of course, brings up an important question:  Can ghosts have sex?

I didn’t think so . . . (Sorry Sally!  It looks like the vampire is MINE!)

Aidan, who is clearly angling to get supernaturally laid, throws Sally another bone, by asking Danny how his fiance died.  Danny, who is officially the WORST landlord and realtor EVER, not only explains in explicit detail how Sally fell down the steps and broke her brain, he even points out the SUPER CREEPY spot on the floor where she croaked!  In fact, Danny all but drew a chalked outline of Sally’s decaying body on the floor for Josh and Aidan to keep as a souvenir!  Now, if that doesn’t make a house fell like a home, I don’t know what does!

The next day, while the guys are out, Danny returns to the apartment to fix the sink.  He comes prepared, carrying a trusty Home Improvement for Dummies book under his arm . . .

Product Placement Alert!

But as good as Home Improvement for Dummies may be at teaching dummies like Danny to unclog a sink, I’m willing to bet there’s no chapter in it on “Ghostbusting” . . .

“Who you gonna call? (I ain’t afraid of no Sally!)”

And when Danny ignores Sally’s ghostly pleas for him to hire a plumber, Ghost Girl gets so mad, that she breaks the pipe beneath the sink, causing Danny to become soaked with water.  (But, hey, at least it’s not clogged anymore!)  Aidan arrives home, just in time to see Wet Danny escaping the apartment, like a bat out of hell. 

Later, Josh and Sally commiserate with one another, over the fact that they can’t be with their respective fiances anymore, because according to Josh “[We] are monsters, and [they] are not.”

Though things may look grim now, Sally’s romantic life may actually be starting to look up!  WAY UP!  Because, toward the end of the episode, Sally learns that SHE CAN FLY!  And you know what this means, don’t you?  She may actually be able to LEAVE THE HOUSE at some point (which is kind of essential, if you plan on getting laid, ever) . . .

See ya, Boys!  I’m off to Victoria’s Secrets to buy some lingerie.  I’ve been wearing this outfit for SIX MONTHS, and it’s high time I slipped into something ‘more comfortable.'”

So, I mentioned Josh, earlier . . .which, if you watched last week’s episode, may have caused you to wonder, whether he ended up actually eating his sister, Emily, after being locked in a room with her, during his werewolf transformation.  Well, allow me to fill you in, on THAT part of the tale.

All Bark and No Bite

“I smell a cliffhanger!”

So, as I mentioned, when we last left Josh, he was getting all werewolfy in a locked room beneath the hospital where he works, and his baby sister was locked in there with him.  He tried to call Aidan to rescue him, but Aidan was “eating dinner” at the time at Fangtasia Bishop’s Dungeon o’ Vampire Love,  and couldn’t come to the phone . . .

Fortunately, however, Aidan finished eating just in time to catch Josh’s frantic telephone message.  And so, the Sexy Vamp races to the “dungeon” and rescue’s Emily, just moments before Josh becomes a full-on Beast.  Realizing, the poor girl probably just had the worst night EVER, Kindly Aidan then takes Emily to a local diner for some coffee . . .

At the diner, Aidan explains to Emily, that Josh is “going through some stuff right now” (Understatement of the Year), but that he is going to be OK.  He just needs some “time” to eat more poor defenseless deer figure things out. 

However, when Emily confronts Josh after the traumatic event, offering him her help and support, Josh rebuffs her.  “My life is different now . . . You don’t know me . . . you can’t help me . . . Leave me alone,” He tells his own flesh and blood, in front of her new girlfriend (who, according to Emily is a Shiksa Goddess) . . .

Now THAT had to hurt!

Speaking of danger, you might be wondering what happened with Aidan and that “dead girl,” who police suspected him of killing (because he DID kill her) . . .

There’s a New Vamp in Town

Aidan learns that his one-night stand, Rebecca, is not so much dead, as undead, when she tries to EAT HIS ROOMMATE . . .

Fortunately, for Josh, Werewolf is not exactly Baby Vamp Rebecca’s new favorite food.  So, she ends up sparing his life.  But Josh still has quite the bone to pick with his roommate about his most recent brush with death.

“What’s the point of doing all this . . . playing house . . . and joining CostCo . . . if you are just going to keep killing all of our friends!”  Josh exclaims.  (The dude’s got a point, Aidan!)

When Aidan confronts Rebecca about the whole “We Used to Screw, Until I Killed You” Thing, he learns that his sort-of ex holds a MAJOR grudge against him, for leaving her for dead on that fateful night.  (Apparently, Jacob from Lost Bishop turned her into a vampire, and “oriented her to the lifestyle” the following morning.)

Aidan offers to help Rebecca cope with their mutual “curse,” and “be good.”  But Rebecca would prefer to be BAD, and EAT HER FAMILY for fun.  So, Aidan and Rebecca don’t exactly share the same “moral values,” which . . . I guess . .  is as good a reason to break up as any.  (Then again, being MURDERED by your boyfriend is also a fairly good reason to end a relationship.)

At work, Quirky Nurse Cara tries to hit on Hot Aidan, by making a very dated 90210 reference (not the new 90210, mind you, the VERY OLD one).

When Aidan doesn’t exactly appear to be wowed by Cara’s Dylan McKay joke, Little Miss Quirky gets very embarrassed, indeed.  “Oh my gosh, I’m older than you,” she mumbles.

“Oh . . . I don’t think that’s true,” replies the centuries old Aidan.  “I just never watched 90210, because I am a STRAIGHT MALE.”

But Majorly Obscure and Dated Pop Culture references are not enough to deter Cara.  So, she asks Aidan out on a date to the local bar, which is located nearby.  Aidan is obviously enticed by Nurse Cara’s scent.  (Then again, maybe he just REALLY likes red heads, I still can’t tell . . .).  However, Aidan fears that, if given the chance, he will eat Cara, just like he did Rebecca.  So, he tries to let the girl down easy.  “Oh, I’m not that much fun,” the actually SUPER FUN Vampire demurs.

“Me NEITHER!”  Cara responds excitedly.  (Woah, this Quirky Nurse is RELENTLESS!)

After work, Aidan heads to the funeral home where Big Bad Vampire Bishop conducts his daily business.  (How appropriate!)

Aidan gives Bishop the business about turning his ex-girlfriend, who Bishop obviously is using as a bargaining chip to bring Aidan back into the Vampire Fold.  “You don’t screw up often.   So, when you did, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.  [Rebecca] is quite a find,” remarks Bishop.

Once again, Aidan reminds the Head of the Vampire Recruitment Agency that he is no longer interested in that particular line of work.  (Cleaning up bedpans, is WAY more his style!)  And yet, the conversation with Bishop stresses out Aidan enough, that he finds himself in desperate need of a drink.  And so, off to the bar he heads.  Of course, the ever-persistent Nurse Cara is there, waiting for him . . .

As soon as Aidan gets one whiff of Cara, he’s ready to drain her dry.  And so, Aidan calls his Vampires Anonymous sponsor, Josh (who, does, after all, owe him, for the whole “Sister Rescue” Thing) to come to the bar, and save Cara from becoming dessert.  But, before Josh can arrive, Evil Rebecca comes over and TOTALLY cock blocks Aidan, by telling Cara, in no uncertain terms, that she and the closeted vamp used to bang.

A bit intimidated by Rebecca’s Mean Girl attitude, Nurse Cara eventually leaves Aidan, and heads back to her friends.  So, Rebecca decides to use this Alone Time to make another play for Aidan’s affections.  (Seriously, who DOESN’T want to bone this guy?) 

When Aidan rejects her, Rebecca gets even, by enticing a silly male human to go back to her place, and (we assume) die a very painful death, by draining.  Interestingly enough, Aidan “rescues” the guy, by beating the crap out of him, so he can’t leave the bar with the hungry female vamp.  This pisses Rebecca off, so she takes a bite out of Nurse Cara instead  . . .

Josh arrives just in time to see Cara nearly bleeding to death.  In the alley, just outside the bar, both Josh and the lurking Rebecca, plead for Aidan to turn Cara into a vampire (though they both, obviously, have very different reasons for wanting him to do this).  But Aidan refuses to turn Cara.  So, he and Josh rush the poor girl to the hospital instead, for a bit of “old-fashioned” human healing . . .

JOSH:  “You should have turned her.  Now she’s going to die because of you!”

AIDAN:  “Nah, she won’t die.  Because you are in SERIOUS need of a love interest on this show.  And so far, unless you plan on banging your sister. she’s the best option you’ve got!”

While the two supernaturally-inclined roommates await the still-human, Cara’s fate, Aidan gets pulled aside by Big Bad Vampire Bishop, who ALSO wants to know why he decided not to turn Nurse Cara into a vampire.

“Maybe I am sentenced to a lifetime in hell with you, but here, and now, I choose them [humans],” Aidan explains eloquently.

Eventually, Josh also comes to terms with Aidan’s decision not to turn Cara.   This is evidenced by his conversation with Ghost Sally, in the final moments of the episode. 

“We take for granted how good Aidan is . . . and how he must struggle every day not to be like THEM,” remarks Josh.

 “Do you think he should have saved [Cara]?”  Sally inquires.

“I think he did,” the Werewolf replies.

Eh, I don’t know about all that.  Personally, being a vampire, always seemed like kind of an awesome Lifestyle Choice to me.  Then again, what do I know?  I’m only “human.”

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Vampires, and Werewolves, and Ghosts, OH MY! – A Recap of Being Human’s Pilot Episode “There Goes The Neighborhood”

OK . . . so let me get this straight .  . . It’s a show about vampires . . . and werewolves . . . and ghosts . . . where almost the ENTIRE cast is in their twenties . . . AND there was male frontal nudity in the first TWO MINUTES of the pilot episode?  You had me at HELLO!

A few nights back, the Syfy channel debuted it’s U.S. incarnation of the hit British supernatural horror comedy series Being Human. (Well, more accurately, it’s a Canadian incarnation.  Though the show is meant to take place in Boston, it is obviously filmed in a place where people are more likely to say “oot and aboot” than “pahk your cahr in a Hah-vahd yahd.”)  As a lover of all things supernatural, who had never watched the British version of this series, I was excited to get a fresh and unfettered glimpse at the show, when I finally got around to watching it this evening.  (For better or worse, Monday is a crowded night for me in TV Land.)

Though comparisons between this series and its U.K. incarnation, as well as other television shows of supernatural bent (most notably, The Vampire Diaries and True Blood) are inevitable, and not always favorable, I, for one, enjoyed this pilot.  In fact, once the producers iron out a few of the “freshman kinks,” I think this has the makings of a pretty awesome series — one that has the potential to stick around for a long time. 

Freshman Kink #1 – Is that supposed to be a werewolf, or a leprechaun wearing cheap dentures?

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s bite into that pilot episode!

I’m really “torn” about this screenshot.  (No pun intended.)  On one hand, I’m loving the Dirty Naked Dude!  But the Butchered Bambi’s Mother?  Not so much . . . Next time?  Let’s stick to Bloody Humans, and leave the Furry Woodland Creatures ALONE, shall we?

Meet Josh.  He’s a lonely twenty something, who’s desperately in need of a female influence in his life . . .

Worst . . . Walk of Shame . . . EVER!

For the most part, Josh leads a normal, if slightly dull and unfulfilling life.  But once a month, he really “lets his hair down.” When that happens, his Freak Flag flies at full mast.  You see, two years ago, Josh was bitten by a werewolf.  This event caused him to leave all his family and friends behind, and seek shelter in the vast city of Boston.  Now, he spends his nights alone in a forest, and his days rightfully feeling pretty sorry for himself . . .

This is Aidan.  And, no, he doesn’t always look like an extra from the Maenad-induced Orgies on Season 2 of True Blood.  (True Blood fans know EXACTLY what I’m talking about here.)

There . . . that’s better.  Aidan is a REALLY OLD vampire.  And, unlike his friend, Josh, he is not exactly unlucky with the ladies.  In fact, he gets lucky with one in his very first scene . . . a bit TOO lucky, some might say.

Don’t let this image fool you.  Aidan is not a BAD vamp.  In fact, he’s trying to go “straight,” by cutting living human blood out of his diet, entirely.  He just has a bit of an . . . “addiction problem,” one that has been fueled by many years of unadulterated feeding.  Sound familiar, TVD fans?

Unfortunately for Aidan, dead humans aren’t quite as readily accepted by the human population as Dead Bambi’s Mother.  And so, Aidan is forced to call upon one of his former vampire “friends” to clean up his mess for him, while he heads off to work.  On the way there, he picks up Josh.  The latter is still clad in that ridiculous dress (which fits him perfectly, by the way) that he pulled off some old lady’s clothes line to cover up his nakedness.  (Really?  Has anybody actually used a clothes line, since 1952?)

I read that, in the British version, Aidan (a.k.a. “John”) and Josh (a.k.a. “George”) are “hospital cleaners” by trade.  But here, in the American version, they seem as though they might be low-level orderlies, of some sort.  The job is convenient for Vampire Aidan, obviously, because it gives him ready access to a non-living blood supply.  Josh’s rationale for taking the job is a bit more murky.  However, we suspect it has something to do with him having been “pre-med,” during his “pre-werewolf” days.  It’s also a fairly anonymous job — one where he likely won’t have to work through too many full moons.

Throughout the day, Aidan keeps trying to convince Josh that they should shack up together.  By doing so, they can help one another satisfy their sexual urges “be more normal.”  (Honestly, I’m not really sure how sharing an apartment with another “freak” makes one less “freaky,” but I guess, there wouldn’t be a show, without it, right?)

Let the Bromance BEGIN!

Though initially skeptical, Josh ultimately agrees to live with Aidan.  (And why not?  After all, we never got a chance to see where either guy was living to begin with.  So, for all we know, they may both have been homeless.) 

“I don’t cook (or eat).  I don’t clean.  And my credit sucks,” explains Aidan, before the pair head off apartment hunting.

(Best ROOMMATE ADVERTISEMENT, EVER!)

Inevitably, the first day of apartment hunting, Josh falls in love with a little duplex fixer-upper apartment, close to where the guys work.  It’s current owner is a young skittish-looking guy, who seems VERY eager to rent out the place.  “You can keep all the furniture, and move in today.  And, honestly, I don’t need a credit check,” says the landlord nervously.

As it turns out, this guy has good reason to want to be rid of the apartment.  You see, his fiance DIED there. (Insert Dramatic Music Here).

But, as we know, Dead Stuff doesn’t phase these two in the LEAST.  So, into the apartment they go!   There’s just one problem.  They aren’t alone . . .

“BOO!  Haha, scared ya, didn’t I?  Get it?  Because I’m a GHOST . . . yeah . . . never mind.”

Remember how the landlord said his fiance died in the apartment.  Well . . . she’s still there!  Except, now she’s in “ghost form,” and can only be seen and heard by . . . wait for it . . . supernatural creatures.  Ghost Girl (her name is Sally, by the way) is just THRILLED about the prospect of finally having a two-sided conversation.  So, she just starts talking the boys’ ears off.  Aidan doesn’t seem too phased by the idea of bunking with a ghost AND a werewolf.  But Josh is PISSED!  He wants to have sex with Aidan alone time, DAMMIT!

The problem, of course, is that Ghost Girl Sally CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE.  You see, she still has “unfinished business” on Earth (as most ghosts do).  Specifically, Ghost Girl Sally isn’t quite sure how she died.  And, until she figures that out, Aidan and Josh are stuck with her . . .

Friggin Ghostly Cock Block!

But our boys have more problems than just coping with a third-wheel Casper of a roommate.  As for Aidan, there’s that little problem of the coworker he killed . . .

The police have been milling about the hospital where he works, asking questions.  And everybody seems to know that Aidan and “Rebecca” were kind of an item.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, Aidan’s call to a “vampire friend” to “clean up his mess” resulted in him being tracked down by THIS GUY . . .

That’s Marcus.  He’s a Vampire Henchman of some guy named Bishop, who you will meet, in just a bit.  He keeps talking to Aidan about “coming back.”  Apparently, like in True Blood world, the vampires in Being Human are, at least somewhat, organized.  They have a leader.  They have a social structure.  And Blood Bank Sipper Aidan . . . well . . . I guess that makes him a bit of a deserter.

During lunch, Aidan gets cornered by a policeman, who seems to know WAY TOO MUCH about Aidan’s relationship with Rebecca. In fact, he all but accuses Aidan of murdering the girl.  And, just when I’m starting to yell at the TV screen, “YOU’RE A VAMPIRE!  USE MIND CONTROL ON HIM ALREADY, YOU MORON,” the cop sitting next to him does exactly that.

That’s right, boys and girls!  Big Bad Vampire Bishop is Jacob from Lost.  How’s that for a coincidence?  Now, don’t get me wrong, casting a Metaphor for God Character from a successful series, to play your show’s main (religiously named) villain is not a bad idea, all things considered.  And yet, if Stunt Casting was, in fact, the ultimate goal, there are a few other actors I think might have served this purpose even more effectively:

A girl can dream, can’t she? 

Anyway, Jacob Bishop mind controls  . . . or compels . . . or glamours (whatever you want to call it) Mr. Policeman to think Aidan is innocent, and leave the premises.  But he doesn’t do it out of the kindness of his heart.  He wants Aidan “back.”  (Here we go again, with that “come back” stuff, which sounds a bit sexual, if you ask me.) 

From flashbacks, we learn that Aidan used to be quite the naughty beast — crashing weddings with his pal, Bishop . . .

 . . . and proceeding to EAT the entire bridal party . . .

 Mmmmm, that Vince Vaughn is TASTY!

. . . well . . . except for THIS GIRL . . .

 .  . who we just KNOW is going to be important later, don’t we?

As for Josh, he’s having his own problems.  For starters, he’s getting all tongue-tied around the Cute Quirky Future Love Interest New Girl at the Hospital . . .

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met.  My name is Poor Man’s Claire Danes.  Nice to meet you!”

He’s also been spotted by his baby sister, who was visiting her girlfriend there, because she conveniently had a broken bone, or something,  (Yep, Little Sis is gay!  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)  Now, Emily (that’s her name, by the way) insists on knowing where Josh has been for two years, and why he ran away in the first place . . .

Of course, Josh ultimately decides NOT to come clean to his sister, a decision he will soon come to regret.  That night, Josh heads back to the hospital, to seek out the new conveniently located dungeon therein, where Aidan suggested that Josh could “safely change.”

Sounds good, right?  Well, it would be . . . . except, unbeknownst to Josh, his sister has followed him down to the dungeon.  And now, she is LOCKED IN THERE WITH HIM.  (Again, sound familiar TVD fans?)

When Josh finds out what happened, he starts FREAKING OUT, understandably.  His poor sister, who mistakenly thinks he’s sick, keeps trying to comfort him, only to finally get shoved violently out of the way.  Josh uses his cell phone to contact to Aidan, who has the key to the dungeon, and has promised to help out in situations like this. 

Unfortunately for Josh, Aidan has been swept up in a little intrigue of his own, having been practically kidnapped by Jacob Bishop and brought to some sort of Vampire Brothel . . .

(Unfortunately, it is not named Fangtasia . . .)

Once there, Aidan is taken into some seedy back room, where a slutty-looking girl slits her wrist, causing Aidan to become totally aroused, vampire-style . . .

(Something tells me, he won’t be answering his werewolf friend’s text messages any time soon.)  Josh also calls Ghost Girl Sally.

Unlike Aidan, Sally really WANTS to help her new roommate!  Unfortunately, her ghostly hand keeps going through the phone.  So, she can’t pick it up.  (Don’t you hate it when that happens?)

The episode ends on somewhat of a cliffhanger, with Aidan voyaging “back” toward the Dark Side, and Josh beginning his wolfy transformation, as his defenseless little sister looks on in horror . . .

SOMEONE needs a manicure!

And that was the Pilot Episode of Being Human in a nutshell.  Did YOU watch?  If so, what did you think?  Was it good enough to find a place on your permanent TV roster?  Or was it just a One Night Stand? 

 

Yes, I do recognize that using this picture again (especially in this context) was in poor taste.  It didn’t stop me from doing it, though!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Degrassi: In Too Deep — Anatomy of Two BRAND NEW Promos!

REJOICE, DEGRASSI FANS!  THE NEW PROMOS ARE FINALLY HERE! 🙂

Last night, Teen Nick aired two much anticipated trailers for Degrassi‘s upcoming new season, entitled In Too Deep, which is set to premiere on February 11th at 9 p.m.  The first trailer was relatively short (lasting only about 30 seconds).   However, it was comprised almost entirely of NEW footage, never before seen by Degrassi fans . . .

The second trailer was double the length of the first (clocking in at about 1 minute, 30 seconds), and was an amalgamation of scenes from the first trailer, scenes from the trailer that Teen Nick aired last season, and some extra “bonus” scenes . . .

So, now that you’ve seen them, let’s discuss what we’ve learned.  Shall we?

Fadam is ON! / Fiona is still drinking. / Fiona may be gay (and into Holly J)?

When we last left our favorite (and only) transgendered Degrassi student, Adam Torres, he was putting some major effort into wooing the object of his affections, Fiona Coyne.  He even went so far as to throw a genuine New York-style ball, fit for a Princess, in her honor.  However, up until this point, Fiona’s feelings for Adam have shown little evidence of venturing beyond the platonic.  She might be aware of Adam’s attraction to her, but she hasn’t done much to show that she reciprocates those feelings.  In fact, she BAILED on the party he threw for her — a major NO-NO, in Relationship World.

But if the promos we’ve seen for next season are any indication, all of that is about to change, BIG TIME . . .

Though Fiona and Adam’s first kiss may be the result of a drunken (at least on Fiona’s part) game of Truth or Dare (as suggested in the first promo), clearly their relationship extends far beyond this “momentary indiscretion,” as the season progresses.  We know, from last season’s promos (plus, many of those scenes were repeated in the new trailers), that Fiona and Adam (or Fadam, as the cool kids like to call them) engage in a full on, Horizontal Couch Makeout Session, later on in the season.  And it is this couch session that Holly J. unceremoniously interrupts. 

Sounds great, right? 

Well . . . maybe not . . .

When we first watched the earlier promos, many of us Degrassi fans speculated as to the “logistics” of Fiona’s and Adam’s relationship.  Specifically, we wondered how Fiona would react, when she learned  that Adam was born female (and still has lady parts).  Based on the promos we saw last night, Fiona’s knowledge regarding Adam’s trangender status doesn’t seem to be the issue . . .

Both promos feature Fiona telling Adam that “drinking makes it easier to be with [him].”

This line suggests three things: (1) that Fiona is still abusing alcohol; (2) that she is aware that Adam is transgendered; and (3) while that knowledge has not caused her to stop seeing him, it still makes her feel at least somewhat uncomfortable.

But here’s the REAL twist . . .

Could Fiona actually be a lesbian?  Is she merely using Adam to “safely” evaluate her attraction to people of the same sex, while secretly vying for her bestie, Holly J?  This would be an interesting plot development indeed!

Sound crazy and completely out of left field to you?  Here’s my take on why this might be a real possibility . . .

For starters, Fiona has always been someone for whom relationships seemed more about status and convenience, than about genuine attraction.  She briefly dated Riley (before he was officially out of the closet) because she thought he was a nice guy who would keep her away from the advances of douchebags.  The fact that Riley was gay, and would likely never want to be intimate with her, almost seemed like an added bonus, as far as Fiona was concerned.

Fiona dated the ultimatey abusive Bastard Bobby, back in New York, because he was rich, popular, and had the right family name. 

She hooked up with her brother Declan (INCEST!  GROSSSSSS!) , because she worried that she was losing him (He was her only friend, at the time,) to Holly J.  So, she assumed that, by being DISGUSTING, she  could scare her brother’s boyfriend away . . .

So, we’ve never actually seen Fiona exhibit feelings of attraction for a man of the opposite sex.  And, based on the promos, she does seem more open to beginning a relationship with a transgendered male, than most heterosexual women her age, and in her situation, probably would be.  In conclusion, what initially might have seemed like a bizarre “out-of-character” plot twist the Degrassi writers inserted into their story to appeal to a considerable fanbase of “Dudes Who LOVE HOT LESBIANS,” makes more and more sense to me, the more I continue to think about it . . .

As for Holly J. . . .

Apart from her scenes with Fiona and Adam, we really don’t get to see all that much of her in these new promos.  However, the above shot, seems to suggest that she gets injured at some point during this season.  She may even end up in the hospital, as a result of said injuries?  (Based on the white background, behind Holly J., I thought she might be laying on a hospital bed in the picture above.)

Could Holly have somehow been involved in the EPIC CAR ACCIDENT to which all the Degrassi spoilers keep referring?  And, if so, why did the hospital choose to cope with injuries, by merely pasting a cheap bandaid over them?  (Random Canadian Hospital FAIL!)

Ali gets in trouble again. /  She runs away from home, is robbed, and wears an UGLY wig?

When Alli told her parents that she wanted to be transferred to private school, she never expected that they would ship her off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Although we didn’t learn too much more about Alli’s predicament than we had already deduced from previous promos, these new trailers helped us fill in a few of the blanks as to what actually happens to Alli during this season.  First, we see her at home, in her school uniform, complaining, that while she tries to be “good,” bad things continue to happen to her . . .

Combine this scene, with the one from the earlier promo, in which she is arguing was Sav (“You are ruining MY life,” he screams at her.) and you can deduce that Ali got into some trouble at her All-Girls private school, and shamed the family, as a result.  She may have even been EXPELLED from that school.  After all, we do see Alli later on in the promo, talking to Clare, at what appears to be a Degrassi Dance . . .

There is no way of knowing for certain whether this “Dance Scene” comes before or after Alli runs away from home.  But we do know that she’s on the run at some point during the series, and is away from home long enough to be declared a Missing Person . . .

This information is all but spelled out for us, when we see Alli at home, threatening to run away . . .

We then see her out in the street dressed in that RIDICULOUS OUTFIT, ripping down Missing Person posters of herself . . .

I didn’t know Lindsay Lohan was on Degrassi!

After that, Alli gets mugged by some lowlife, who steals her purse and runs away (probably, because he thought she was Lindsay Lohan, and that he could see the purse on Ebay for some serious dough.  He was probably super disappointed, when he found out that the purse he stole belonged instead to “some chick from Degrassi”).

Then, finally, Alli’s dad, and Sav go out searching for her in the family car, during a rainstorm.  Presumably, they find her, and bring her back home  .. . just in time for the Degrassi Dance!

YIPPEE!

And now for the storyline, you’ve all been waiting for . . .

Eli flips out. /  He becomes super possessive of Clare.  / She dumps him.  / And he gets into a car accident on the anniversary of his dead girlfriend’s death?

Of all Degrassi’s upcoming season storylines, I’d say Eli’s and Clare’s is the one about which fans are the most excited.  And why not?  After all, the Degrassi: In Too Deep Season finale is set to air on April 22, 2011, precisely two years (maybe one in Degrassi world), since the tragic and untimely death of Eli’s former girlfriend, Julia, who was hit by a car.

I know that, in real life, this is the picture of a model in a bad black wig.  And yet, “Dead Julia” still gives me the creeps every time I look at her . . . kind of like that Freaky Chick from The Ring movies . . .

To add fuel to the Eclare fire, Degrassi Writer/Producer Stephen has publicly admitted that the Eli/Clare/Dead Julie saga will be featured prominently in the latter episodes of the season.  He also teased that something will happen to a creepy “picture” of Julia, and that Eli is in that picture as well.  Speculation as to what Sohn meant by this cryptic statement has ranged widely from the literal (a picture of Eli and Julia is stolen during the finale) to the practical (Eli accidentally ran Julia over with his car), to the outright BIZARRE (“Julia” is actually Eli in a black wig, a la Psycho)

This eye-catching shot from the extended promo seems to show a bereft, and tear-stricken Eli clutching Julia’s picture while standing next to his trusty hearse Morty.  The question is, where the heck is he?  The library?  (There are shelves of books shown behind the car); His garage? (Where else do you put a car indoors?)  Degrassi High?  (Did he DRIVE THE CAR INTO THE SCHOOL?)

In the promos, we see that things between Eli and Clare aren’t nearly as rosy as they were last season — back when the pair bonded over Eli’s hoarding issues, and Eli helped Clare cope with her parents’ impending separation.

Suddenly, Clare is talking about “taking a break” and “needing space” from Eli.  This is an unusual turn of events, especially considering that in previous episodes, it was Clare, who seemed the more “clingy” of the couple, while Eli was a bit more standoffish, and constantly required time alone to “sort things out.”

“Could someone tell me when exactly I became the GIRL in this relationship?”

Now, suddenly, Eli never seems to want Clare to leave his side . . .

Whenever they are together, he constantly has his arm wrapped around her protectively, as if he is afraid that if he lets go, she will get run over by a carhe will lose her forever . . .

The usually adorable Eli is suddenly saying creepy lines like the guys in the Lifetime movies do . . . right before they go after their girlfriend with a hatchet.  (“If I can’t have you, NO ONE CAN!”)

“You promised me you’d never leave me,” he tells her in one scene.

“We need some time ALONE together . . . just you and me,” he says to her in another.

It seems obvious that, as the date on the calendar creeps closer and closer to the anniversary of Julia’s death, Eli is becoming more unhinged.  He copes with these feelings, by sticking close to Clare, the only person who has the power him feel safe. 

But Clare almost makes Eli nervous.  After all, Eli presumably felt “safe” with his last girlfriend too, and look what happened to her!  So, just like Eli “hoarded” random objects in his room, to preserve Julia’s memory, he is, in essence, “hoarding” Clare now, to keep her out of harms way.

But Clare isn’t an old notebook, or smelly shoe.  She’s a person, who needs her own space.  Clare confides this in Alli at the school dance.  So, Alli suggests that Clare be honest with Eli about how she’s feeling . . .

Ummm . . . Clare?  1993 called . . . And they would really like that lipstick back!  (Seriously, why does the wardrobe department always insist on dressing this character like a 43-year old Soccer Mom?)

But was this the right advice?  In both of the promos, we see Clare confronting Eli, frustratedly telling her boyfriend that he is “suffocating her.”

Needless to say, Eli does not take this accusation (or possibly being dumped?) very well.  In the final scenes of both of the above trailers, we see Eli driving his car recklessly into the night, with tears streaming down his face . . .

Though a clearly anguished and incredibly guilty feeling Clare, calls Eli repeatedly on his cell phone, begging him to answer her, we can see that he does not do so . . .

Could THESE be scenes from April 22nd’s Season Finale, entitled “Drop the World?”  Could this be the Massive Car Crash Degrassi spoilers have been teasing us about since last year?  Is Julia’s picture in the car with Eli, while he’s driving?  Could Eli’s reckless driving, be construed as a suicide attempt, as a result of guilt over his girlfriend’s death?

I guess we will just have to wait until February 11th to find out.  (But until then, speculations and spoilers are always welcome in the comment section, and would be much appreciated. 🙂 )

[www.juliekushner.com]

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