Tag Archives: cheating on your spouse or significant other

Teen-y Porn, Pill Poppers, and Excess Parental Baggage – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Lady Vanished”

 

This picture is disturbing on so many levels.  For one thing, the actress on the far left is only 16.  For another, the guy in bed next to her plays her BROTHER.  The photographer really should have thought this one through a bit more . . .

WARNING:  Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl has been rated . . .

 . . . with heavy emphasis on the “F.”  Viewer (and reader) discretion is advised.

Food, Fake Os, Family and Fun!

“The Lady Vanished” began with Nate and Serena, more or less, doing what they did throughout the entire last episode: screwing eachother’s brains out.  Poor Nate!   Once cast as the show’s leading man, he has, of late, been relegated to the roll of Porno Pizza Delivery Guy. 

“Did someone order extra sausage?”

Since the show has returned from hiatus, all this guy has had the opportunity to do in terms of “acting” is give  smoldering looks to the camera and make mildly suggestive comments, while being ravaged by his current femme fatale, Serena.

Don’t worry, Chace Crawford.  We still think you’re pretty.

I’ve been told that Nate’s and Serena’s food-filled sex romp was a send up to this classic film . . .

 . . . which, I will admit, I never saw, because I was too young when it came out (and, from the looks of it, may still be!)

However, I was shocked to find out that the sexy hunk of man in the above-poster “grew up” to be none other than this guy from The Wrestler . . .

“This should be a lesson to all you kiddies.  DON’T DO DRUGS!”

Aside from being a super sexy scene, it was nice to see one of the Gossip Girls actually eating.  Because, as Blair mentioned during the episode, Serena hasn’t “eaten bread since middle school” or, likely,  anything else, for that matter . . . (well . . . except . . . nevermind.  This blog post has gone far enough into the gutter as it is.)

Serena and Nate are interrupted from their “meal” by the loud sexual moans of Blair Waldorf.  (Seriously, could this episode get any more pornographic?)  Of course, Nate and Serena immediately assume that Blair is having her own “meal” with Chuck.  However, when Chuck phones Nate, requesting that the latter retrieve the former’s cell phone from Blair’s and Chuck’s apartment, without Blair finding out about it, it becomes apparent that Blair is home alone, flying solo . . . WOAH!

“What?  I’m not man enough for you, in my neon orange peacoat?”

As it turns out, Blair is “just reading.”  (Isn’t that what everyone says, when they are caught?)  Her moans were merely intended to make a point about Nate’s and Serena’s inconsiderate “loudness” and sexcapades of recent days past. 

“Glad I got Chuck’s couch scotchguarded,” she remarks.  (I totally forgot N and S did it there last week too!  The writers were loving Leighton Meester, this week.  She got all of the episode’s best lines.)

While Blair confesses to Serena that her and Chuck are “not connecting,” Nate arrives with a lame excuse as to why he suddenly needs Chuck’s cell phone.  “I had to check a tweet,” he offers.

Good ‘ole Gossip Girl.  Always up on what the “cool kids” are doing . . .

Of course, because Blair almost got into Yale, and, therefore, must have an IQ above 20, she doesn’t buy Nate’s Tweety Excuse.  “I so miss dating a horrible liar,” she sighs.

Upon examining the phone, Blair learns that Chuck has been receiving calls from the woman who, last week, claimed not to be, but actually is, his mother.  And he has been ignoring her.  Chuck walks in on this exchange, and explains that he wants nothing to do with Mommy Bass.  Blair surprises us all, by supporting Chuck’s decision.  Serena “Buttinsky” Van Der Woodsen, however, is not as understanding.

Serena arranges a dinner date with Chuck, Blair, Nate and herself, and secretly invites Mommy Bass along for the ride. 

(I did a little research on Laura Harring, the actress who plays Chuck’s mom.  From this, I learned precisely two things: (1) she starred in that bizarre David Lynch movie, Mullholland Drive; (2) when you search for pictures of her on Google Images to include in your blog, more nudie pics appear than clothed ones.  Based on her not-so-hot acting during these past two episodes, I can’t say I am all that surprised.)

Anyway, Chuck approaches Mommy Not-So-Dearest, and hands her a large check in exchange for her leaving his life for good.  She takes the cash.  Later, Chuck admits to Blair that he HAD wanted a relationship with his long-lost mother.  Giving her the check was a test,  and she failed. 

Refusing to accept defeat, Nosy Nellie Serena pays another visit to Mommy Bass.

I just couldn’t resist . . .

You see, this whole “Chuck thing” was about SERENA all along!  Serena is hurt that her dad hasn’t made an effort to meet her, and she’s hoping Mommy Bass can give her some sort of an explanation for his action.  Mommy Bass does provide an explanation, but not exactly the one Serena wants.  As it turns out, it was Chuck’s Mom’s idea for Bart Bass to tell Chuck his mom had died during childbirth.   She was young at the time, and simply didn’t want any part in raising a child.

Horrified, Serena stalks out, immediately leaving a message on her absentee father’s machine, stating that she no longer wants to find him.  However, given that they have already offered the role of Serena’s father to this guy . . .

And the award for Baldwin Brother Who Aged the Best Goes to . . . BILLY!

 . . . I’m assuming Daddy Van Der Woodsen doesn’t regularly check the messages on his cell phone.

At the episode’s conclusion, Mommy Bass decides to stay in town and get to know her son; Chuck makes amends with her;  and they all live happily ever after . . . at least, until next week.

The Runaways

Meanwhile, Little Jenny Humphrey is hiding in her bedroom,  with Poor Man’s Jared Leto Drug Dealing Damien.  The two are messing around amid thousands of pharmaceuticals, while Jenny’s oblivious parents are still moping about the fight they got into last week.

And the Parent of the Year Award goes to . . .

Jenny is understandably a bit miffed when Drug Dealing Damien’s dad calls and he refers to Jenny as “his friend.”  However, she doesn’t have much time to pout about this, because her parents finally wake up from their self-indulgent stupors and realize that Jenny has an older boy in her bed.  Just to prove she’s “bad ass,” Jenny drops a bag of pills on the floor and tells her parents that they are hers.  When her father balks at the discovery, Jenny calls Hypocrite on his Aging Rocker tush.  “I know you didn’t spend all those years on the tour bus, reading,” she remarks.

“I WOULD HAVE . . . I just don’t know how to read . . .”

A surprisingly gallant Damien tries to deflect blame off Jenny, by admitting the pills are his,  and telling Mommy and Daddy Humphrey a sob story about his drug-addicted dad (a story he later told Jenny was true, but I’m not buying it).  However, Daddy Humphrey, a.k.a. Rufus, will not back down.  He uses Jenny’s rebellion as an excuse to escape the swanky Van Der Woodsen residence and return to Brooklyn. 

Although Rufus claims he is doing this for his daughter, I cry bullshit.  I’m pretty sure this has more to do with Mommy Humphrey’s “little white lie” to Rufus last week about her recent dalliance with Serena’s dad.

And yet, it seems that Mommy Humphrey isn’t the only parent getting a little action on the side.  Once Rufus has left the house, Lily learns from the doorman that Daddy Humphrey has been spending time in  Slutty Neighbor’s apartment, and has even left certain items of clothing there.

At the episode’s conclusion, Jenny leaves home and runs off to live with Drug Dealing Damien, who accepts her with open arms.

Shame on you Poor Man’s Jared Leto!   She’s 16!   If you even THOUGHT you would be cast in the remake of  My So Called Life, you could just forget about it now!

Which reminds me, didn’t we do the whole “Runaway Jenny” storyline two seasons ago? 

I guess this works for plotlines too . . .

In other news, these two reunited at a beach-themed party, and decided to make a go of it as a couple . . .

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ . . . .

Ooh, sorry, I must have dozed off for a moment there.

So, there you have it folks, another nearly R-rated Gossip Girl episode in the can.  Until next week . . .

XOXO!

 

 

1 Comment

Filed under Gossip Girl

All Work and No Play (Well, Maybe Some Play . . .) – A Grey’s Anatomy Recap

                So, I was all set to do this recap, when it occurred to me that I didn’t know what this episode was called.  The TV.com Episode Guide actually lists Thursday’s Grey’s Anatomy episode title as “I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked.”  Seriously?   Is that not the longest episode title you have ever seen?  Even if you boil it down to its initials (as recappers and fangirls tend to do), it is reduced merely to the highly unwieldy ILYSMBWYN.

             And yet, the title, untenable as it may be, pretty accurately describes how I generally feel about Grey’s Anatomy.  Because, honestly, who really watches Grey’s for the medical stuff?  We used to have ER for that.  Now, I guess we have that Mercy show . . .

            If I had my druthers, McDreamy and Karev would be out of their scrubs way more often than in them.  That being said, I was genuinely surprised at how much I enjoyed this installment of Grey’s Anatomy, particularly seeing as it contained virtually no nudity at all, and focused almost entirely on the career ambitions of our main characters.  Apparently, even though we, as fans, don’t give two poos about the Seattle Grace staff’s prowess as doctors, they care a heck of a lot . . .

           Here’s my take on what happened  . . .

Chicken pox = foreplay

                Our favorite lesbian medical practitioners, Arizona and Callie, are getting jiggy in the on-call room (one of the episode’s few opportunities to illustrate the obligatory “naked”ness of the series) when Arizona discovers a round boil on Callie’s body and instantly diagnoses her as having the chicken pox.  Apparently, when Callie was a little girl, her daddy was much too busy (doing whatever it is super rich hotel magnates do) to allow his little girl to play with “chicken pox kids” so that she could contract the illness at a younger, significantly more convenient, age.

             Arizona, who claims to also never have had the chicken pox (And here I thought that exposure to “the pox” was a prerequisite for becoming a pediatrician), literally avoids Callie like the plague, commandeering Lexie to be her caretaker.  Lexie and Mark take turns caring for Callie.  And by “caring,” I mean talking her ear off about how each of them cheated on their relationship but do not want to tell one another about their respective indiscretions. Later in the episode, Arizona and Lexie watch as Mark gives the Itchy Callie a much-needed (and very sexy, especially for a platonic duo) back rub.

            Clearly turned on by all that “rubbing,” Arizona confesses to Lexie that she actually has had the chicken pox before (so, maybe I was right, after all, about the whole “prerequisite” thing).  However, she lied about it, because she feared that caring for Callie while she was pox-covered would somehow make their relationship “less sexy.”  Ummm . . .  really?  Now, I would find this remark shallow coming from any human being, but particularly a person who has chosen a career in the healthcare industry.  Ultimately, Arizona crawls into bed with the Poxy Callie, confident that her relationship can stay “sexy,” ugly chicken pimples and all. 

                  While I was happy that the two reconciled, I have to say, I was a little pissed that Arizona never admitted to Callie that she had already been exposed to the pox.  Instead, Arizona “bravely” told Callie she “didn’t care” if “she got chicken pox” from her lover.  So, now, Callie thinks Arizona is a selfless and altruistic human being, as opposed to the self-absorbed airhead biatch she has just proven herself to be . . .

McSteamy = McHypocrite

            Speaking of self-absorbed airhead biatches, Mark proved himself to be one as well during this episode.  Throughout most of the show, Mark waxed poetic about loving Lexie sooo much and feeling soooo guilty over his indiscretion with former fling Addison last week.  He just “got caught up” in the emotion of it all and “couldn’t control himself.” (Riiiight.  Because, nothing says “aphrodisiac” like an unborn grandbaby suffering amniotic band syndrome and a long-lost daughter suffering from medical and emotional trauma, as a result.)  Seeing as Lexie appeared to feel equally guilty about her roll in the hay with the married Karev, and seemed to be equally in love with Mark, I really thought these two crazy kids could act like adults, and work it out.

            I was only half right.  When Mark admitted his fling to Lexie, she was understanding, and even a bit relieved.  “Now, we are even,” she explained, as she copped to doing the nasty with Karev.  Mark, on the other hand — a guy who is best known for cheating with his best friend’s wife — chose this moment as an opportunity to suddenly become completely judgmental and self-righteous. 

               Mark was appalled that Lexie could even think of cheating on him.  After all, all he did was tell her that he would choose his virtual stranger daughter over her any day, before fleeing the state and flying cross country to screw a former fling.  “I can’t even look at you now,” he seethed piously, as he stalked off, leaving Lexie alone to ponder her own misdeeds.

Izzie and Alex are Dunzo . . . for now.

            Lexie and Mark weren’t the only pair to call it quits this week.  At the opening of the episode, Karev wakes up in bed after an amorous night with Lexie, only to find that his prodigal wife, Izzie, has returned.  Having pretty much freaked out (understandably, to some extent), following her near-terminal brush with brain cancer and subsequent firing, Izzie seemed to be in a much better place than we had seen from her in a long time. 

                  The long-MIA doc was optimistic about taking on a new job opportunity at a hospital in nearby Tacoma (even if, as Derek snobbily mentioned, the hospital did not make it into the coveted Top Twenty ranking).  Additionally, she was thrilled about her newly clean bill of health, and actually seemed excited to rekindle her relationship with her husband ,Alex.  Izzie was even understanding of Alex’s indiscretion with Lexie, explaining to him that the two of them would work through this bump in the road together.

               Unfortunately, for Izzie, Alex wasn’t having any of it.  In what was likely the most heartfelt and, yet most backhanded, compliment ever, Alex explains to Izzie that he loves her, because she helped him to realize that he was a “good person.”  However, now that Alex knows he is a “good person,” he has decided that he is too good for Izzie.  And so, he hopes that she will leave and never come back . . . but she should be happy about it, of course.

              Although Meredith begs her to stay (for specific reasons that I will detail in just a bit), a heartbroken Izzie packs her bags and leaves Seattle . . . for good?

“That’s Chief McDreamy, to You!”

            Surprisingly, Meredith, typically the darkest and twistiest of them all, seems fairly happy and well-adjusted throughout most of this episode.  When Derek informs Meredith that he wants to go to the Medical Board and rat out Chief Drunky McDrunkerson for falling off the wagon, Meredith begs him not to do so.  She does this by adorably evoking the “Post It” Marriage that binds the couple together forever (hopefully). 

              Initially, Derek bows to the all-powerful Post-It.  However, when Chief fails to appear at an important and complex surgery (after Derek has confronted him by “subtly” placing a bottle of booze on his desk) Derek becomes more determined than ever to throw Chief Boozer under the buss, for the good of the hospital.  Of course, the fact that Derek would be made acting Chief of Staff in Chief Webber’s absence doesn’t hurt either.

            When Derek informs Meredith that his first action as Chief would be to hire back the wrongly terminated Izzie (see “reasons for staying” above), Meredith relinquishes her Post-It ultimatum on her friend’s behalf.  At the conclusion of the episode, a drunken, passed-out, Chief is unceremoniously demoted.  And so, Chief McDreamy begins his rise to the Seattle Grace throne  . . .

Owen makes a choice on Christina’s Behalf

            Once again, Owen and Christina showcased what was, in my humble opinion, the best plotline of the evening.  As you might recall, at the conclusion of last week’s episode, Christina had impulsively offered Owen up to Cardio God Terry in exchange for her staying at Seattle Grace as Christina’s mentor.  Teddy, still very much in love with Owen, refused to let Christina forget her not-so-tactful statement.  The more-experienced, but less lucky-in-love Doc proceeded to lord Christina’s words over her head, giving her the cold shoulder through most of the episode.

            This caused the normally cold Christina to grow unusually introspective.  At lunchtime, she interrogated the rest of the Seattle Grace crew, hoping for least one of them to admit that they were more passionate about surgery than their respective relationships.  “This is what you guys talk about during lunch?”  The New Hot Doc inquired incredulously.  (Sorry, buddy, you may be pretty to look at, but you are way too mature and, let’s face it, normal, to hang out with this bunch of crazies . . .)

            Ultimately, Christina finds the justification she is looking for, not in her friends, but in a patient of hers.  She commiserates deeply with a rather obnoxious opera singer with a tumor on his throat, who would rather die than lose his precious voice, even if dying would bring about an untimely end to his relationship with his doting gay lover.  Teddy, although she staunchly refuses to admit it, seems to commiserate with the ass-like patient as well, opting to remove his tumor in such a way that his voice is saved, even though doing so will create a riskier road ahead for the opera singer.

            In the last few minutes of the episode, Teddy gets plastered, and uses that as an opportunity to spill the beans to Owen about Christina’s insensitive earlier statement.  I immediately became concerned that Owen would do the “typical guy thing” and become all hurt and wounded over the remark, possibly getting drunk and sleeping with Teddy out of a pure need for revenge against Christina.  (After all, that’s most likely what I would do, in a situation like this . . .)

            Fortunately, Owen is clearly a better man than I am a woman.  Instead of shunning Christina, upon confronting his medicine-obsessed girlfriend, he grabs her and kisses her passionately, ”People do matter. I matter.  We matter. You don’t get to toss me aside. I won’t let you,” Owen insists resolutely.  And at that moment, the entire female population of Grey’s Anatomy fans’, myself included, allowed their panties to drop to the floor . . . .

            And that, my friends, is the reason why I continue to watch this show . . .

 

2 Comments

Filed under Grey's Anatomy