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And the EYES have it! – A Celebration of the Small Screen’s Dreamiest Peepers

I SEE YOU!

They say that the “Eyes are the window to the Soul.”  And that may very well be true . . .   But, lately, I’ve come to realize that a nice pair of peepers might very well be a window into something else . . .

My PANTIES! 

(Get it?  Because when I look at guys with beautiful eyes .  . . nevermind.)

There’s just something about an actor with really large, intense, and expressive eyes that makes you fall instantly in love with whatever character he’s playing.  You’ll fall for him, regardless of what selfish, evil, dumb, or generally douchebaggy thing he happens to be doing at the time.  Because even when the character is behaving badly, his eyes make him look like he’s feeling really guilty about it . . . Or, maybe they don’t make him look guilty at all.  But you’re so charmed by those pretty irises, you just plain don’t give a damn!

Today, I’d like to honor (in no particular order) some fabulous television actors, whose mesmeric eyes have the power to make me forgive them for all their evil deeds, and, occasionally, make me forget my own name . . .

[Note: As always, not all the YouTube clips included in this post are embedding-enabled.  So, if you want to watch them all (and I HIGHLY recommend that you do!) just click on those internal links, and AWAY YOU GO! :)]

(1) Ian Somerhalder  (Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries)

If you thought that I would be capable of writing an entire blog post about TV Eyes, without including Ian Somerhalder somewhere in it, you’ve clearly never read this blog before.  (WELCOME, New Friend! :)) In his role as Damon Salvatore, Ian’s eyes literally have the power to make thousands of women do his bidding.  (And I’m not just talking about the Fangirls at home, either . . .)

And yet, even without all that vampire mind control magic behind them, Ian’s eyes still have a very sensual power that’s entirely their own.

With them, he can charm you . . .

 . . . or make you fall in love . . .

 . . . or make you cower in fear . . .

. . . or break your heart . . .

Not bad for a single day’s work, right?

Cheers, You SEXY BEAST!

(2) Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman from True Blood)

Unlike Damon Salvatore, True Blood vampire, Eric Northman doesn’t have the luxury of simply using his hypnotic eyes to get a drink, save his loved ones, or get the girl.  After all, he’s the SHERIFF of AREA FIVE!  He’s got a community to run . . .  a business to keep afloat . . .

 . . . a “child” to keep in line . . .

. . . and enemies to vanquish . . .

But that doesn’t mean our favorite Viking Vampire can’t have a little fun along the way . . .

This is a guy who understands his power over women, and KNOWS how to use his eyes to get what he wants . . .

But with stares like these, can you really blame women (and men) from becoming puddy, under his gaze?

I’ll take your silence as a “NO” . . . 😉

(3) Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester from Supernatural)

Dean Winchester may not be a vampire — like his eye-catching compadres, Damon and Eric — but he has staked a few of them, in his day!

If demons spy these intensely determined baby blues heading their way, they better run FAST!  Because Dean Winchester has a Take No Prisoners attitude, when it comes to protecting his family, and a No Tolerance Policy when it comes to EEEEEVVIL!  He’s tough.  He’s snarky,  He’s super BAD ASS!  And yet, he’s very HUMAN. 

 

So, when Deam falters, or cries, or when those big saucer-sized eyes of his beg you for forgiveness, it will melt your heart . . .

(4) Mark Salling (Noah “Puck” Puckerman from Glee)

Noah “Puck” Puckerman doesn’t DO vampires.  He isn’t one.  He doesn’t fight them.  And I strongly suspect that he thinks that the entire Twilight series is for pussies.  And yet Puck shares one very important thing in common with undead bloodsuckers and debonair demon fighters.  His sexy eyes have power.  And they MEAN BUSINESS!

Oh, and Puck can do something those supernatural boys CAN’T!  He can SING!  Check out how Puck’s Eye-F*cking /Neil Diamond-crooning combination makes the typically uptight Rachel Berry turn to complete mush, in this next clip . . .

(5) David Boreanaz (Seeley Booth from Bones)

Lest you brown-eyed girls and boys think this article is biased toward men with eyes of blue and green, I’ve included a smoky eyed gentleman in this list, for your personal viewing pleasure.  We first met David Boreanaz as that bleeding-heart romantic bloodsucker with a soul, Angel, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer . . .

A few years later, “Angel” got his own show.  As a result, Boreanaz’s chestnut-colored orbs were rewarded with significantly more screen time, to meet their brood and smoulder needs.

Then after years (centuries?) of traversing in the Land of the Undead, Boreanaz was converted to “mere mortal” status, when he landed the role of FBI Agent Seely Booth on the crime procedural show Bonens.  Sure, Booth might not be as dark, broody, murderous or tormented as the eye candy previously mentioned on this list, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a catch!

*clears throat, loosens collar*

Booth is smart, tough, funny, a tiger in the bedroom, a charmer with the ladies, and a major fan of Classic Rock.  Did I mention he wears cool socks?

Woah, he has a Magic 8 Ball on his desk TOO?  I really have to start watching this show!

And if all that hasn’t sold you yet, this next clip most certainly will.  (And remember, focus on the EYES . . . just the EYES! ;))

 

(6) Julian Morris (Wren from Pretty Little Liars)

Julian Morris and those GORGEOUS peepers of his have been breaking my heart ALL YEAR!  I first encountered him in the role of Wren on Pretty Little Liars . . .

*Sigh*  He was just so ADORABLE . . .

and CHARMING . . .

and BRITISH . . .

and GOOD AT GIVING BACK RUBS!

And then, suddenly . . . POOF . . . he was GONE!

Then Julian Morris landed a role on the new ABC mockumentary, My Generation . . .

 . . . which got canceled after two episodes . . .

And so, with Pretty Little Liars returning to ABC Family in January, I would like to use this part of my post as an unofficial plea to bring Julian Morris’ eyes back to my TV!  Consider the following clip as evidence in support of my argument . . .

So cheesy, and yet, so VERY HOT!

(7) Chace Crawford (Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl)

Dear, Sweet, Nate Archibald!  Of all the scheming, conniving, lying and backstabbing characters on Gossip Girl, he is probably the most innocent and honest (some would say naive).  Sure, he was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth.  But that doesn’t make Nate arrogant, or cocky, or shallow . . .

At his core, Nate is a bleeding heart.  He values honesty and friendship.  But, above all else, Nate values romance.  And to understand the extent of Nate’s innocence, kindness, and capacity for puppy love, all one needs to do, is look into those translucent baby blue eyes of his . . . 

Admittedly, Nate’s probably not the smartest guy on this list.  But he’s definitely one of the sweetest.

(8 ) Michael Pitt (Jimmy Darmody from Boardwalk Empire)

By the time I started watching Michael Pitt as the Ivy League college kid, turned grizzled war veteran, turned hardened gangster, Jimmy Darmody on Boardwalk Empire,  he and I were already rather well acquainted . . .  After all, he was the guileless freshman football player, Henry, who won Jaded Jen Lindley’s heart on Dawson’s Creek . . .

Then, I got to see even MORE of him in the admittedly bizarre, but compulsively watchable, independent film The Dreamers, during which Pitt spent most of the film’s two-plus-hour running time butt naked, and engaged in kinky sex with an odd, but very attractive brother / sister duo . . .

I bet your wishing YOU saw it now, huh?

(I also saw him in M. Night Shlamalamadingdong’s AWFUL film The Village.  But we need not bring up such atrocities.  This is a TRIBUTE post, after all.) 

Please, don’t shoot me!  I promise not to bring it up again!

 When I revisited Pitt a few years later, in the role of Jimmy Darmody, I was impressed by how much he had grown, both as a human, and as an actor . . .

Who knew that cute little twerp, Henry, would grow up to be such a Rockin’ Bad ASS?

Yet, through all that growth and change, and despite all the diverse roles that comprise Michael Pitt’s impressive repertoire The Village, notwithstanding, one thing that remains a constant are his boyishly innocent puppy dog eyes  . . .

 .  . . even when those eyes are looking at you, like they want to put a cap in your ass .  . .

(Warning:  The following clip contains violence and offensive language.  But it’s REALLY AWESOME!  Viewer discretion advised.)

After all, if your life is destined to be cut short by a cold-hearted gangster, staring into those cobalt blue globes is definitely the way to go.  I mean, it could be worse . . .  Your last vision could end up being THIS . . .

(9) Jesse Williams (Jackson Avery from Grey’s Anatomy)

OK .  . . so you’ve just been shot by Jimmy Darmody, and lived to tell the tale.  But now you have to go to the hospital.  Who’s face would you most like to see peering over you, as you lay half-conscious on the operating table?  Because I know what MY answer would be .  . .

For me, Jesse William’s Dr. Jackson Avery has been the BEST thing about this season of Grey’s Anatomy, HANDS DOWN!  He is brilliant and cocky. 

He can be heroic. 

And he’s a loyal friend, who is more than willing to punch out the lights of the boy, who treated you badly.

Did I mention that he looks like THIS?

One thing I’ve always liked about Grey’s Anatomy, is that the show NEVER shies away from male objectification.  Those Grey’s writers, Boy!  When they’ve got it, they FLAUNT IT!  In fact, this season, there was an ENTIRE episode dedicated to Jackson Avery’s eyes and body, and their almost vampiric ability to get women to cater to his every whim . . . Not that there’s anything wrong with THAT!

(10) Matt Lanter (Liam Court from 90210)

This brooding bad boy of West Beverly is the Dylan McKay of 90210‘s next generation.  Like that other Lusty Lothario, Liam is not exactly the best at vocalizing his feelings.  He also has some MAJOR daddy issues, and an intense temper to match. 

And yet, beneath all that angst, when it comes to the girls he loves, Liam really is just an old softie . . .

With his supple skin and chameleon-like eyes, who’s hues range from grey to almost purple, Liam definitely has no trouble getting the girls to take notice of him.  And what nubile young high school student doesn’t want to reform a Hot Rebel with a Cause?  Especially, when he looks like THIS, beneath the sheets . . .

So, there you have it, 10 fabulous TV stars, and 20 amazing and awe-inspiring eyeballs!  What more could a TV Fangirl ask for? 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Feeling lonely and unappreciated? – Well, then it’s high time you were hit on by some Mad Men!

Ladies, prepare to be shamelessly objectified!

Last week on this blog, I penned (or, rather, typed) my very first love letter.  (I’m generally more of a smutty text message kind of gal).  In this letter, I expressed my most personal feelings and deepest desires to the men that I love .  . . the Mad Men.  I wrote the “letter” in honor of both the upcoming premiere of Mad Men‘s fourth season — which is set to occur this Sunday, June 25th at 10 p.m  — and the “best-of” marathons AMC is running on Monday nights, in anticipation of that event.

As you can see, Pete Campbell is VERY excited about the upcoming premiere.  As should you be . . .

Having given my love whole-heartedly to Mad Men, I think it’s high time I got loving some in return, don’t you think?  And, let me tell you, NO ONE makes a girl feel more LOVED and WANTED than THESE GUYS . . .

I don’t know about you, but I feel so violated by that clip show, that I might actually have to go on “the pill,” just from having watched it.

Maybe Peggy can get me an appointment with HER gynecologist.  He has such FABULOUS bedside manner, after all.

Mmmmmm . . . “The Town Strumpet” . . . That’s always been my favorite pet name. 

That little trip to the gyno’ put me in the mood for some music.  Freddy Rumson, care to “serenade” me?

Bravo, Freddie!  That was wonderful.  But I was thinking more along the lines of some show tunes.  Something from “Bye, Bye Birdie” perhaps.  You know who gives “great show tune?”  Sal Ramano, of course!

You know, for the life of me, I can’t understand why everyone thinks he’s gay!

OK . . . so maybe singing show tunes is not the most “manly” of pursuits. But hunting sure is!

In fact, I really can’t think of anything that makes me feel warmer and cuddlier than a man describing in graphic detail his brutal butchering of poor defenseless creatures.

Yeah .  . . I’m going to need a cold shower after that one . . .

And just in case those “sexy” videos weren’t enough to make you “feel the love,” perhaps this picture will . . .

Watch AMC’S Mad Men premiering Sunday, July 25th at 10 p.m., and feel lonely no more . . .

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OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 2 of 2)

A couple of days ago, I came up with a list of the top ten plotline cliches featured in teen-oriented television dramas.  In the first installment of this blog entry, I posted the first five of these cliches.  That list included: (1) the Pregnancy Plotline; (2) the Death of a Peripheral Character Plotline; (3) the Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline; (4) the Cheating on a Test  / Plagiarism Plotline; and, finally, (5) the “Bad Influence” Plotline.

This installment will focus on the following popular Teen Television Cliches: (1) the Love Triangle; (2) the Summer in Europe; (3) the Love / Hate Relationship; (4) the School Ski Trip; and, of course (5) the Prom.  So, without further adieu, what do you say we take off our creative thinking caps, embrace conformity, and get started?

1) “Can’t we all just . . . have a threesome, instead?” – The Love Triangle Plotline

The Storyline:  Girl meets boy.  Boy is attractive. 

Boy is also nice and sweet, albeit a tad boring (and, sometimes, a bit of a whiny b*tch). 

Or, conversely, Boy is total douche; 

but Girl’s parents love him;

He looks “good on paper.”

and Boy is sure to make Girl a very wealthy, but very bored, housewife, some time in the not-so-distant future, if she plays her cards right.

But then . . . Other Boy magically appears.

Unlike the original Boy, Other Boy is a little dangerous . . .

Maybe he’s from the wrong side of the proverbial “tracks” . . .

Or, perhaps he has a reputation for being a bit of male slut . . .

 . . . or a criminal.

 Or maybe he has a bit of a mean streak, so Girl isn’t sure she can really trust him.

But there is just something about the way Other Boy makes Girl feel . . .

She smiles and laughs more when she’s around him. 

(Click the internal link to watch.)

He makes her more fun!

And Other Boy continues to believe in Girl, and support her, long after everyone else has seemingly abandoned her (including the original Boy).

So, what’s a Girl to do, when she wants them both?

Who does she choose?  Well, that depends on the season . . . the Television Season, that is . . .

Examples: Joey, Pacey, and Dawson (Dawson’s Creek); Veronica, Logan, and Duncan (Veronica Mars); Marissa, Ryan, and Luke (The O.C.); Elena, Damon, and Stefan (The Vampire Diaries); Rory, Jesse, and Dean (Gilmore Girls); Blair, Chuck, and Nate (Gossip Girl); Peyton, Lucas, and Nate (One Tree Hill); Emma, Sean, and Peter (Degrassi: The Next Generation); Felicity, Ben, and Noel (Felicity); Casey, Cappie, and Evan (Greek); Lyla, Tim, and Jason (Friday Night Lights)

Why it’s a cliche?  Three words (One of them is a contraction).  Because . . . It’s . . . AWESOME!

When it comes to successful teen drama plotlines, The Love Triangle, is a surefire WIN!  After all, what girl wouldn’t want to have two totally hot guys, who are complete opposites of one another fighting over her!  Aside from allowing female fans to vicariously fulfill their deepest fantasies, Love Triangles provide the added benefit of making Teen Television watching a TEAM SPORT!  Boys have football and basketball.  Girls have  THIS . . .

Yes, boys and girls, choosing sides in a Love Triangle War is SERIOUS business!  (Girls have been shot over WAY less!)  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sheer intensity of THESE fan-fueled debates  . . .

About Blair, Chuck and Nate

About Elena, Damon, and Stefan

About Felicity, Ben, and Noel . . .

(The above video debate between these two twenty-somethings kind of goes off the rails, after the first five minutes.  But I love their obvious enthusiasm for a show that’s been off the air now for nearly a decade!  I also love their accents . . . and the very impressive “Portrait of Ben” one of them created.  Scott Speedman, himself, would be proud!)

2) “Go to Europe . . . because no one could possibly ‘find themselves’ in the States!”  – The Summer in Europe Plotline

“When in France, do as the French do . . . French kiss!”

(Here we go again!  Internal link clicking time!)

The Storyline: It’s close to the end of the Season.  Our female protagonist’s life is a mess!  It’s just jam packed with unresolved love triangles, family issues, and massive blowout fights with former friends.  And what better way is there to deal with all of your problems, than to run away from them?  So, our female protagonist jaunts off to Europe (usually Paris), leaving pining boys and cliffhangers in her wake . . .

 Once there, our female protagonist sees the sights . . .

and miraculously FINDS HERSELF!  When she comes back, she’s a COMPLETELY different person, than when she left.  Who knows?  She might even have a new completely random, doesn’t belong on the show at all boyfriend!

Examples: Serena and Blair (Gossip Girl); Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek); Brenda and Donna (90210); Holly (What I Like About You)

Why it’s a Cliche?  The main character’s temporary departure from his or her home base is a great way to bring about a Teen Television Drama’s summer hiatus.  If us fans are forced to spend an ENTIRE summer away from our beloved gang of characters, at least we can sleep better knowing that they aren’t hanging out with one another EITHER!  Plus, filming a scene or two “across the pond” makes for a great excuse for the show’s writers to say to their producer, “I’d like an all expense paid European vacation, please.  What!  It’s for THE SHOW!”

A summer in another country is also a pretty good excuse to suddenly change the entire personality and demeanor of a character, without any rational explanation whatsoever .  . .

“I got my new girlfriend and a frontal lobe lobotomy in Prague.  Doesn’t everybody?

3) “He Loves Me  . . . He Hates My Guts . . . He Loves Me . . .” – The Love/ Hate Relationship Plotline

The Storyline: He’s a playboy, and a real ladies man.  But he comes across as mean, and kind of shallow.  She’s a Type A personality, who comes across as cold and a bit uptight. 

They butt heads from the moment they first appear on screen together.  They fight, and call eachother names.  They insult one another, and play nasty tricks on eachother. 

But there is a passion boiling beneath the surface, that both he and she are trying desperately to deny. 

At the time, he and she are both involved with other people.  Their significant others notice the sexual tension laced beneath their supposed hatred, and try in vain to ignore it.  But the tension only grows.  Jealous and longing looks become prevalent.  Lingering touches, and moments of out-of-character “niceness,” between the two make each member of the pair begin to question their feelings. 

The guy in this scenario typically recognizes his feelings for her first. 

(You know the drill . . .)

But he usually keeps this to himself, out of fear of being ridiculed by the new object of his desires.  Then the two are placed in a dramatic situation.  Suddenly their mutual passion for one another overtakes them.  And they both give in to their desires.

Examples: Joey and Pacey (Dawson’s Creek); Buffy and Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer); Veronica and Logan (Veronica Mars); Seth and Summer (The O.C. – sort of . . . well . . . she hated him); Elena and Damon (The Vampire Diaries); Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl)

Why it’s a Cliche?  You know how everyone always talks about how hot Makeup Sex is?  A couple fights, and then they make up.  All that angst and sexual energy, built up from all that red-faced arguing, is just kindling for the inevitable Orgasmic Fire of “Getting Back Together.”  And THAT’S from a fight that might last a day!  You can just imagine how hot Makeup Sex would be if the couple fought nonstop for TWO SEASONS!

4) “When the temperatures get COLD, the action gets HOT!” – The Ski Trip Plotline

The Storyline:  I’m going to be honest, this one was less of a “storyline” and more of a “plot convention.”  (Hey!  YOU try to come up with ten of these things . . . It’s not as easy as it looks.)  But did you ever notice how virtually EVERY teen drama features at least one ski trip?  BIG THINGS always happen on ski trips too!  People get drunk, get laid, get raped, or cheat on their significant other!   And someone ALWAYS hurts their foot, and conveniently can’t ski!

Examples:

Dawson’s Creek:

Jenn hurts her foot, gets wasted, and almost screws Gay Jack. 

Pacey and Joey do it for the first time!

Boy Meets World:

Cory hurts his foot too!  And makes out with Linda Cardellini!

Other fabulous shows featuring wild and crazy teen ski trips include Degrassi: Next Generation (Darcy gets date raped), and What I Like About You (Holly comes to terms with her feelings for Vince).

Precisely NONE of these characters were ever shown ACTUALLY skiing . . .

Why it’s a Cliche?  There’s just something about being away from home and your parents . . . about sleeping in a log cabin, right next to the fire.  You relax.  You let your guard down.  You get a little slutty and make bad choices.  (Except in the case of Pacey and Joey . . . that choice was GOOD!)  Plus, it’s WAY cheaper to film on location in some fake ski lodge than say . . . taking your entire cast and crew to Europe.

5) “Question:  What happened at Prom?  Answer: EVERYTHING!” – The Prom Plotline

The Storyline: It’s the event of the WHOLE season!  The entire cast will be in attendance!  But not everybody is going with the person they WANT to be going with. 

 A couple will break up.  A couple will get back together. 

Someone will win prom queen. 

 

Someone’s heart will be broken. 

A couple will finally do it. 

Another couple will ALMOST do it, but decide to wait . . . Oh, and someone will get wasted and make an ass of herself.

Examples: Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., 90210, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl

Why it’s a Cliche?  For every high school girl, the Prom is the culminating social event of her entire pre-college academic career.  Even the most jaded of high school students (and I, myself, was already pretty jaded by that time) can’t help but dream of having the perfect dress, the perfect limo, the perfect Prom date, and the perfect slow dance.  For most of us, with all that build up and preparation, Prom itself ends up being pretty anti-climactic.  (The Post Prom Beach Trip, on the other hand . . . now, THAT ROCKED!).  But if we CAN’T have the perfect Prom, at least we can get the joy of seeing our television friends experience it for us.

So, there you have it – Ten Trashtastic Teen Television Cliches for your viewing pleasure!  Doesn’t it all make you feel OLD?

 

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Filed under 90210, Boy Meets World, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Felicity, Gossip Girl, Greek, nostalgia, teen dramas, Television Super Couples, The O.C., The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists, Veronica Mars, What I Like About You