Tag Archives: Courtney Ford

Sookie in Wonderland – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 4 Premiere “She’s Not There”


You’re not dreaming, my fellow Fangbangers!  True Blood is back on your television, and it’s weirder, wackier, more bizarre, and — if that final scene was any indication — SEXIER than ever!

Season 4’s premiere episode definitely had a different feel than the three seasons premieres preceding it.  Unlike the last two season openers, which began almost immediately, after the prior seasons ended, “She’s Not There” took a page out of the Sookie Stackhouse Book Series, in that it takes place ONE WHOLE YEAR after the Season 3 finale.  This gives the viewer, who ALSO hasn’t been to Bon Temp in about a year, the feeling that he or she watching the episode take place in “real time,” so to speak.


“If we drive fast enough (and don’t stop for gas . . . ahem), we can make it home in time for the season premiere.”

Another “page” Alan Ball took out of the books this time around, was its narrative perspective.  One of the main differences between the Sookie Stackhouse BOOKS and True Blood is that, while the former is written in Sookie’s voice (shrill, as it may sometimes be) . . .  the latter is told from a third-person omniscient standpoint, allowing the viewer to see and know plenty of things that Sookie doesn’t.  Here, however, because both Sookie AND the viewer have been gone for a year, we’ve ALL been left in the dark, as to what’s been happening in Bon Temps, while we’ve been away.  As a result, throughout the first episode, we are learning all the CRAZY, SOMETIMES RIDICULOUSLY OUT OF CHARACTER, changes Sookie’s friends have undergone this past year, right along with Sookie, herself.  And most of the time, it leaves us just as confused as she is . . .

Given all these aforementioned book / television similarities, it might surprise you to know that, based on the premiere episode, Season 4 of True Blood might end up being the season that takes the BIGGEST departure from the book series yet.  And the best example of that is probably the COMPLETELY wackadoodle manner in which the episode begins . . .

“I see Queen Mab hath been with you, Sookeh!”


“Why do I feel like I just walked into a commercial for feminine products?”

Coming into the episode, most of us Fangbangers had already seen the extremely controversial first eight minutes of this episode, as HBO had (unwisely?) released it to fans a few weeks before the series premiere.  I’ll come right out of the gate, and tell you I wasn’t particularly thrilled with it.  While I understand the writers might have seen this as the best way to keep Sookie out of commission for a year, while drawing on an element of the True Blood mythology we haven’t learned much about yet, I just found the scene itself strange, oddly derivative (the Lotus Eaters and Romeo and Juliet references were eyeroll inducing) . . .

 . . .  and sorely lacking the fun, humor, creativity, sexuality, and camp, we have come to expect from True Blood.

*takes deep breath*  OK . . . now that I got that off my chest, let’s frolic a bit in Fairyland, shall we?

When we last left Sookie, she was running in the forest, when Fairy Girl Claudine beamed her up into Fairy World . . .

You can fly.  You can fly.  You can FLYYYYYYYY!

As I mentioned earlier, at first blush, Fairyland looks like a cross between Ancient Greece and a Tampon Commerical.   Sookie and Claudine arrive there in a flash of light, and everybody applauds.  (They probably think Vampire Eric or Jason will follow behind them.  Unfortunately, they don’t . . .I don’t know about the fairies, but if I was there, I’d probably feel majorly ripped off.)

 Claudine then informs Sookie that she is her Fairy Godmother.  Of course, Sookie, being Sookie, is not shy about telling her “new friend” how much she sucks at her job.  Given all the crap Sookie has been through during the past three seasons, fans are inclined to agree with her assessment.

Next time, try hiding her in a pumpkin.”

While in Fairyland, Sookie runs into good ole’ Barry the Bellhop.  Remember him?  The dweeby fellow mindreader she met in Dallas during Season 2?  Apparently, he’s part fairy too.  But honestly, I was so mesmerized by the hot piece of man meat who functions as HIS fairy godmotherfather? that I wasn’t paying attention to poor Barry at all .  . .

Apparently, Sookie was in the bathroom, during the Fairy Godmother selection process . . .

Barry starts blabbing to Sookie about how TOTALLY RAD Fairyland is, as its the only place that doesn’t make him feel like a “Total Freak.”  (Umm . . . hate to break it to you, Barry.  Your best friend is a Fairy Godmother, who wears a loin cloth and a sparkly gold vest.  You’re kind of a Total Freak, anyway.)  When Sookie asks Barry how long he’s been in Fairyland, he says he “just got there,” a statement we will come to question in just a few more minutes . . .

As the two are talking, Sookie notices that all the fairies are handing out these strange glowing lotus flowers fruits called Lumineres(?), and all the humans are mindlessly gorging themselves on them.  This sends off warning bells in Skeptical Sookie’s head, and she holds on to hers, without taking a bite.  Meanwhile, Sookie encounters another familiar face Gary Cole Grandaddy Earl, and, by golly, he hasn’t aged a bit since Sookie last saw him. (Gasp!  Maybe he’s a VAMPIRE!)

He did manage to get rid of those pesky squiggly lines around his head though . . .

Granddaddy Earl is SUPER surprised to see Sookie looking all grown-up and sporting boobies, considering he was just at her seventh birthday party.  “That was twenty years ago, Grandaddy!”  Sookie exclaims.

“HUH!” Grandaddy Earl says.  “But I JUST GOT HERE!”  (See what I mean?  Who KNOWS how long Barry the Bellhop has been hanging out with Conan the Hot-barian?)

Now, if you thought THAT conversation was awkward, wait until you see what Sookie has to tell Grandaddy next . . .

“I’m sorry Granddaddy, but that ugly shirt you’re wearing wasn’t even in style, 20 years ago.”

Granddaddy wants to know if his wife, Adele, had a “PEACEFUL” death  . . .


Ummm . . .

“She died peaceful,” replies Sookie.  (No sense reopening old bludgeonings, right?)

Considering that Granddaddy Earl, like Sookie, is seemingly capable of mind reading (guess, in the TV series, at least, he is part-fairy too), you would think he might have pulled the above gory image out of Sookie’s brain.  But, fortunately, for him, he didn’t.  Sookie is able to use their mutual mind-reading powers to tell him that Fairyland is a trap, and that they have to leave.  The problem?  ALL FAIRIES HEAR WHAT SHE IS THINKING!

Enter the Big Bad Fairy Queen . .  .

Her name is Queen Mab . . . like in Shakespeare?  (Lame . . . I know.)  Anyway, apparently, she’s a little pissed at Sookie for that time when Vampire BEEEL accidentally got stuck in Fairyland, after chasing Sookie there, last season.

Now, she wants to close off the portal between Fairyland and Humanland, so her fairies will finally stop f*&king humans, and making fairy / human hybirds, like Barry, Sookie, and Granddaddy Earl.  Oh yeah . . . she’s also keeping the hybrid humans in Fairyland so she can .  . . HARVEST THEM?

Well, Sookie, for one, is not down with this harvesting sh*t!  And she doesn’t want to eat any stupid lotus flowers glowing fruit, either.  So,  she tosses the fruit on the floor.  And somehow, this action, causes the TRUE Fairyland to emerge from the Tampon Commercial Version.


When did I stop watching True Blood, and start watching The Walking Dead?

So, fairies are apparently SUPER ugly in real life.  And Queen Mab is THE UGLIEST OF ALL!

Coincidentally, this is sort of what I look like in the morning, before I put on my makeup . . .

Sookie shoots her magic glow fingers at Queen Mab, which, oddly enough, considering you would think ALL the fairies had glow fingers, seems to work.  Then her and Grandaddy Earl start running away from Fairyland, as the rest of the fairies throw bolts of light in their direction.  As they are running they meet Claudine’s brother, Claude, who claims to genuinely want to help them, escape, and keep the portal between HumanLand and Fairyland open.  In the books, Claude is described as breathtakingly gorgeous.

Ahhhh . . . did I miss something here?

“Hot” Claude, Granddaddy and Sookie continue to run together until they reach a metaphoric fork in the road  . . .

OK . . .  maybe it’s not so metaphorical.

Claude tells Sookie that Queen Mab is closing off the portal (possibly for good).  So, if Sookie wants out, she’s going to have to jump.  And because, ONLY SHE, and NOT Granddaddy Earl refrained from eating the lotus flower Luminere (?) fruit, she’s going to have to jump alone.  Sookie hesitates initially, because . . . well . . . that doesn’t look so safe.  But, fortunately, Granddaddy Earl pushes her down the “Rabbit Hole,” ignoring Claude’s warnings, by going along for the ride . . .

As the pair “land” back in the cemetery, both Bill and Eric awaken simultaneously, upon sensing Sookie’s presence on Earth, once again .  . .

Wake up, Eric!  Your future F*&k Buddy has arrived!  (And, no, unfortunately, I’m not talking about myself.)

Sadly for Granddaddy Earl, his decision to leave Fairyland has resulted in his imminent death, but not before he gives Sookie his pocket watch, as a gift for Jason.  Earl disappears from Sookie’s life, literally.  And she is forced to mourn his passing yet again.  It all makes for an odd, strange, and sad first ten minutes of the episode.

But fear not Fangbangers, things are about to get better . . .

Cuff Me, Police Officer Jason!  (Preferably to a bed . . . and YOU.)

“You are under arrest.  Up against the wall and SPREAD EM!”

Sookie arrives home to find her house all fixed up and fancy.  Apparently, it’s undergoing renovations, and the contractor performing them, refuses to believe she LIVES THERE.  In fact, he’s so sure she doesn’t that he CALLS THE COPS ON HER ASS.  Thinking absolutely nothing of the fact that her HOUSE HAS COMPLETELY CHANGED, Sookie sits down at her kitchen table, reads the inscription from Adele on her grandpa’s pocket watch, and cries, in a manner highly reminiscent of her Season 1 breakdown, after Adele’s funeral.

Then the cops come . . . or should I say the SUPER HOT COP comes . . .


OK . . . now I know that last season, Jason was riding around in cop cars, following Andy around, and genuinely wanting to be a police officer.  He even took the cop exam, for crying out loud!  But forgive me for thinking that the only time we would ever actually see Jason in a cop uniform would be as a stripper at a bachelorette party . . .

So, color me surprised to find out that Jason (and his SUPER TIGHT POLICE PANTS) has been called to Sookie’s house, while  on duty, to investigate a trespassing call.  Sookie is pretty shocked too, and even more shocked to learn that Jason PUT HER HOUSE UP FOR SALE, because she’s been gone for TWELVE MONTHS!

Time flies when you’re hanging out with the flipping fairies, I guess!  At first, Jason doesn’t exactly believe Sookie’s explanation as to where she’s been all this time.  (He’d always kind of been convinced that Bill killed her.)  However, Jason eventually comes around when Sookie gives him the pocketwatch from Granddaddy.   And suddenly, this show has gone from Tampon Commercial, to The Walking Dead, to Alice in Wonderland, to a Hallmark Commercial, and we aren’t even past the 15-minute mark yet . . .

“This is exhausting!  I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through the rest of this episode.  You know what would help though?  SEX WITH ERIC!”

Speaking of the  Beautiful Viking Vampire (and that Other One) .  . .

“I Never Gave Up Hope (that we would some day get to reenact the shower scene from Book 4)

“Beat it, Beeeeel!  This is MY season!”

Sookie’s and Jason’s kind of maudlin, would be way more interesting if Jason was shirtless during it touching heart-to-heart is rudely interrupted by the arrival of Vampire Bill (a.k.a. Beeeeeeeeel) on her doorstep . . .

Beel is all needy and apologetic.  “Oh, how I’ve missed you.  I haven’t felt your presence in a year.  I’ve been empty without you.  Now, people can finally stop saying I killed you.  I’m so sorry I hurt you, blah, blah, blah . . .”

You are putting everybody to sleep, BEEL!

Fortunately, Eric arrives on Sookie’s porch to spice things up . . . 

Not yet . . . BUT SOON!

Unlike BEEL, Eric never doubted that Sookie would one day return to his bed Bon Temps.  “I never gave up hope,” he says.  “Understand this . . . everyone who claims to love you: your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton, gave up on you.  I never did.”

It’s an AWESOME opening speech for Mr. Northman.  And Bill can’t help but look guilty as he says it, knowing full well that what he’s saying is true.   Even Sookie, though she tries to hide it, seems affected by the speech.  Then again, maybe she is just remembering ANOTHER sexually intense encounter she had with Eric on this very same porch, just last year . . .

Enter Andy Bellefleur . . .

He’s EXTREMELY ANGRY at Sookie for wasting Bon Temp’s finest’s time searching for her, while she was presumed dead.  Vampire Bill, who’s in the doghouse enough as it is, tries to cover for Sookie, claiming she was away on “Vampire Business” . . .

.  . . which only seems to make things worse for both of them.  After everybody leaves the porch, Sookie tells Bill that, even though a year has passed in Humanland, little time has passed in Sookiehead.  Therefore, the wounds of learning that Bill MANIPULATED SOOKIE INTO FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM, IN ORDER TO GET HER TO DO QUEEN SOPHIE ANNE’S BIDDING are still quite fresh.  Sorry Beel!  No more graveyard sex, for you . . .

Also in this scene, we learn that (1) Andy and Jason are now partners; (2) Andy has been taking V for “medicinal” purposes to help heal his broken arm; and (3) he’s apparently developed a nasty addiction to the stuff.  After so many seasons of seeing Andy “father” the often naive and immature Jason, it was intriguing to see the tables turned, for a change.

After all, if ANYBODY knows what it’s like to be addicted to V, it’s Jason Stackhouse . . .

Remember the Unfortunate Priapism Incident of Season 1?


Jason does!

Speaking of bromance . . .

Where Old Air Fresheners Go to Die . . .

There’s been somewhat of a mixed response on the message boards, regarding Lafayette’s NEW ‘DO.  Some think it’s “super sexy.”  I think it makes him look like Mr. T . . .

I pity the fool, who tries to rock this look.”

A year may have passed.  However, Lafayette (or, as I like to call him, My Laffy Taffy . . . or Laffy, for short) and Jesus are still going strong.  But trouble for the couple is looming on the horizon, as Jesus becomes increasingly insistent on Laffy “embracing his witchy roots” and joining Jesus’s coven.  Lafayette reluctantly agrees to go . . . but only for five minutes.  “Ten, if they got drinks,” he adds.  (I KNEW I LIKED THIS GUY, FOR A REASON!)

The coven meeting place reminds me of one of those stores in the mall, where they sell bongs, and peace signs t-shirts.  It’s dank, and dark, and looks like it smells of incense, mildew, and body odor.  The stench of the place emmanates from your television screen.  No wonder Lafayette remarks that this is a place where air fresheners go to die . . .

There are hugs all around, as Jesus introduces Lafayette to the rest of the Motley witch crew.  One of the coven members, is Holly, who you may remember from last season as the Witchy Waitress who tried to perform a spell to kill Arlene’s unborn Devil Baby.  And we all know how well THAT worked out . . .

I sure hope you are better at serving burgers than doing this . . .

The “head” of this coven is a frumpy, doubty, scatterbrained, 50ish coot, named Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter “Marnie.”

Definitely a Deatheater!

Marnie starts moaning, mumbling, chanting, and pretty much looking like your run-of-the-mill Faux Psychic Carnival Kook.  However, things take a turn for the weird / unusual / mildly confusing, when she starts calling out for our Laffy, claiming to be Vampire Eddie from Season 1.  She offers Mohawk Man a rose, and pretty much just shamelessly hits on him, in a way that only Vampire Eddie could . . .

Remember me?

Lafayette is understandably freaked out by the whole “Eddie” thing, but still fairly skeptical of Marnie’s Magical Powers.  In fact, he’s pretty much convinced that Jesus set up the whole thing.  The problem, of course, is that Jesus didn’t know anything about Vampire Eddie. 

I don’t guys, if I were you, I’d stick to the Ouiji Board . . .

Speaking of Dangerous Games . . .

Decapitating Barbies, Mutilating Animals, and Other Signs Your Kid Might Be Evil


Arlene comes home from work to find Baby Mikey sitting on the floor amidst a whole boatload of headless Barbie dolls.  (How creative?)  This only seems to confirm for Arlene that her Baby is Serial Killer Rene Reincarnated.

Terry, who was in the bathroom, while his infant son was busy murdering the entire Mattel family, doesn’t think there is anything wrong with his son’s new hobby.  “When I was a kid I used to put squirrel heads on lizards,” he remarks helpfully.

Ummm . . . yeah . . . that’s kind of /sort of A LOT WORSE than pulling the heads off Barbie dolls, isn’t it? 

It’s always the quiet ones you have to worry about.  (Then again, maybe it’s just the quiet ones, who come with Warning Labels.)

I must admit, I laughed uproariously when Terry told Arlene that her baby HAD to be good, if it had part of HER DNA in it.  Really, Terry?  Because, last I checked, Arlene was a pretty darn awful person . . . racist, self-absorbed, narrow-minded, obnoxious, a kind of lousy mom .  . . Do I need to continue?  At least, Rene was SMART.  (I mean he faked that really cool accent for an entire season, didn’t he?)

Speaking of taking heads off ladies . . .

Tara Thornton Kicks Ass, Takes Names . . . Changes Teams?

After having been beaten down by her own mother, possessed by a maenad, emotionally destroyed by the death of her first love, and abused by Crazy Train Vampire Franklin . . .

. . . Tara kind of went off the rails a bit, at the end of Season 3.  The last time we saw her, she had chopped off all her hair, and was heading out of Bon Temps to Parts Unknown.  When we see Tara again, she is fighting in a cage match, and beating the stuffing out of some chick named Naomi. 

Apparently, all this beating is a HUGE turn on for Tara (yeah, because THAT’S not unhealthy at all), because, in the next scene, we see her making out hard core with SAME girl she was beating senseless before . . .


While the pair are making out, some drunk pervy creeper in a long trench coat, propositions them for sex.  Naomi wants to immediately kick his ass, but TARA STOPS HER, and calmly tells the guy off. 

For me, the fact that Tara is able to calmly talk to ANYBODY is WAY more shocking than her newfound interest in the ladies.  In a later sex scene between the two toned chicas, we learn that Tara has lied to Naomi about her past.  She now goes by the androgynous name of “Toni,” and claims to hail from Atlanta.  After Lafayette texts her to let her know that Sookie is back in town, she fibs to Naomi that her grandmother just died.  Then, when Naomi tells her she should go “home” to be with her family, Tara refuses, arguing that she is better off where she is now.  She then returns to the task of fondling Naomi’s large (but miraculously still perky) boobs .  . .

How to Make an Omelete – Vampire Style

The Honeymoon Period is clearly over for lovebirds, Hoyt and Jess.  She seems bored and listless.  He’d rather hug creepy bald dolls in front of the television after work, than have sex with his hot vampire girlfriend.  Hoyt complains to Jessica that there is never any food in the house, because she never cooks for him.  As someone who’s idea of “cooking,” is poking a hole in the plastic wrap on my Lean Cuisine, before popping it in the microwave, I’m TOTALLY on Team Jess for this one. 

It is seriously not fair, how flawless she looks.  It makes the rest of us females look like . . . Queen Mab.

Jess reminds Hoyt that, as a vampire, she finds food gross, and, oddly enough, dead.  To her, going to the Piggly Wiggly is like going to the morgue.  (I’d probably feel that way too, if my local grocery store was actually called the Piggly Wiggly.)  Hoyt responds with, what I think, is an unnecessarily low blow, by telling her that he thinks her biting him and sucking his blood is equally gross, but he deals with it.

OK Hoyt . . . just so we’re clear . . . getting love bites from your supermodel girlfriend is SEXY AS HELL, and don’t you forget it!

Nonetheless, Jessica responds by agreeing to make Hoyt some scrambled eggs.  And by “make some scrambled eggs,” I mean she angrily breaks an entire carton of eggs over a frying pan (making sure to leave in all the shells), stirs it furiously, and plops it on a plate in front of her honey.  Now, I’ve been mad at Hoyt for the past few minutes.  But he earns major points for me by ACTUALLY EATING THE SLOP off his plate!


The brazen stunt must have won points with Jess too, because, before you know it, the two are laughing uproariously over the broken eggs.

“Am I the only one who finds that personally offensive?”

In other Diplomacy News . . .

“We always look forward to serving humans . . . and I don’t mean for dinner.”


Apparently, Russell Edgington has gone and given Southern vampires a bad name.  Gee, I wonder why . . .

Head of the Vampire council, Nan Flanaghan, is determined to do some damage control, and that means requiring prominent vampires in the community to reassure humans that they will not punch their fists through their back, and rip out their hearts, just because THEY CAN. 

Nan puts Pam on camera first.  However, since the latter isn’t exactly Miss Congeniality, the PSA comes off as a bit stale and phony.  (By the way, anyone notice a bit of love/hate sexual tension between Pam and Nan?  I’m sensing a hookup later this season!)  Fortunately, Nan has other ideas, regarding how to put a better “face” on vampirism.  “He’s who I want,” remarks Nan, pointing at Eric.  (Don’t we all, Nan.  Don’t we all!)

With a boatload of confidence and a sexy swagger to boot, Eric playfully removes Pam’s microphone from her neck, flicks her hair, and takes her place on the hot seat . . .


Eric expertly plays to the masses, calling himself a taxpaying small business owner (not a politician), who understands humans, because he used to be one.  He then promises to continue to serve humans at Fangtasia . . . but not for dinner.  It’s a great speech, and Eric’s sexy smile at the end, seals the deal.  How ANYBODY could hate vampires, after spending three minutes staring at Eric Northman’s face is beyond me.  (I couldn’t even remember my name, by the time he was done.)

Meanwhile, Vampire Bill was making a similar stump speech for the older, more conservative crowd, in Bon Temps.  His speech, appealed to their sense of history, their fear of change, and their desire to stick to the status quo.  It was Southern Gentleman Bill at his most boring best.  One not-so-old person who seemed to genuinely enjoy Vampire Bill’s speech was Portia Bellefleur.  Andy’s sister just so happens to be a local attorney, and head of the chamber of commerce.  Throughout the entire speech, she was eye f*&king Vampire Bill so hard, I thought she would give birth to vampire babies right there in the audience.

Oooh . . . tell me more about the Civil War, Vampire Bill!  It is SO SEXY!”

Our suspicions about a possible romantic involvement between Portia and Bill are confirmed, when Portia meets with Sookie later to help her get her house back from the company that has been prepping it for sale.  During the conversation, Sookie reads Portia’s thoughts, and they are basically one continuous string of “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL.”

To each her own, I guess . . .

Speaking of men, who may have temporarily moved on from trying to get into Sookie Stackhouse’s panties . . .

Sam Merlotte – Mad Like a Bull, Hung Like a Horse

Over at Merlotte’s everyone is thrilled about Sookie’s return . . .  except Sam.  He’s just PISSED.  We find him griping at Poor Sookie, about how selfish she was for, you know, almost dying and stuff.  (Granted, Bill’s dumb as dogsh*t “Vampire Business” excuse hasn’t put Sookie in the best light.  But STILL . . .  Girlfriend’s been gone for a year.  Pull your thong out of your ass, Sam!)  “A lot has changed around here, since you’ve been gone,” whines Sam.

“Yeah, you’ve gotten a lot more prickly,” replies Sookie.

As it turns out, a lot HAS changed in Sam’s life since he SHOT HIS HALF BROTHER in a drunken rage, last season . . .

Tommy Boy is now permanently disabled . . . has a TERRIBLE Elvis Presley Haircut . . . and currently lives with . . . MAXINE FORTENBERRY?

A lot of people thought the union of Maxine and Tommy was weird, and kind of creepy.  It ABSOLUTELY IS!  However, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. 

Maxine is a woman who doesn’t feel whole, if she doesn’t have a boy in her life to baby and boss around.  Now that her son Hoyt has up and left her for Jessica, Maxine is in desperate need of a surrogate son.  Enter Tommy, an illiterate disabled kid, from a broken home, who can’t read, and can’t take care of himself.  He’s Maxine’s dream come true!    From Tommy’s perspective, all he’s ever really wanted in life was acceptance and shelter, anyway.  It’s why he stuck by his trailer trash parents for as long as he did, and why he put up with all Sam’s emotionally abusive B.S.

Sure, Maxine Fortenberry is an overbearing, narrow-minded, prejudiced biatch, with no qualms about talking about Tushy Cushions in a public area, but she’s all Tommy has, right now . . . Of course, the minute Maxine finds out Tommy is a shapeshifter, in love with a vampire, she will probably kick him to the curb.  But for now, they are just one big happy family.

And yet, seeing Tommy with Maxine only serves to piss off Sam (who, more or less, created this situation) even more.  This is part of the reason Sam attends “anger management” with a group of people who all just so happen to be shapeshifters.  They meet up once a week, drink, talk about their problems, and . . . TURN INTO STALLIONS?

One of the members of this “group” just so happens to be school teacher, Luna, who Sam was eyeballing and smirking at the ENTIRE scene . . . Yep, we all know where THIS is going . . .

Witchcraft is for the Birds . . .

Lafayette is having a bad day.  A V-ed up Andy Bellefleur just physically accosted him, looking for vampire blood on “official police business,” not realizing that Laffy doesn’t deal anymore.  Fortunately, Jason was there to rescue our boy from getting his ass kicked.  But the loyal police partner insisted that Lafayette not breathe a word of Bellefleur’s obvious drug addiction to ANYONE.

So, our hero decides to chill out with a nice fun-filled evening of hokey witchcraft.  This week, Marnie’s bird, Minerva (McGonagal?) has died . . .

She wants the witchy crew to help send Minerva’s spirit to heaven (or whatever version of the Great Beyond thte Wiccans believe in).  She starts off chanting a very PC- funeral-esque type prayer for Minerva.  But then, something comes over her, and the words of the prayer change.  Now, she no longer wants to send the bird’s soul into the great beyond.  She now aims to BRING IT BACK TO LIFE!

The witches in the circle all look a bit confused, and freaked out.   Nevertheless, they comply with their “leader’s” wishes . . . all except Lafayette, who would much rather be home dancing . . .

When she notices that he is not participating, Marnie screams at Lafayette to join in.  Eventually, he does . . .

Then, it happens.  The bird comes BACK TO LIFE . . . for about 6 seconds . . . and  . . . it dies again. (Kind of like Granddaddy Earl.)

“I’m sorry that after all that trouble you went to, your bird is still dead,” Lafayette offers politely.

“It doesn’t matter,” says Marnie callously.

Yeah, real nice, MARNIE!  You’ll be sorry!  I’ll get you, my witchy . . . and your Little Laffy Taffy TOO!”

After the witchy meeting, one of the witches, heads to a newly renovated Vampire Bill’s house to report on what has been happening at the coven meetings.  (Ooh .  . . an undercover witch . . . I like it).  She’s all sweet and super polite to him, referring to him as “Majesty.”  At first, I thought it was just a term of endearment. 

“Your Majesty is the name I like to call my weiner.”

But based on next week’s previews, it’s much more than that. You see,  BILL COMPTON IS APPARENTLY THE KING OF LOUISIANA!

Does that mean Queen Sophie Anne DIED in her battle with Bill at the end of last season?

Anti-climactic much?

Tune in next week to find out . . .

Speaking of mutiny . . .

What Every Woman Wants for Christmas:  Jason Stackhouse in a Box

I thought martyrs got to be shirtless . . .

That’s better!

When we last left the inbred, meth head, werepanther, community of hotshot, the police force had just shot their leader Calvin Norris.  Crystal begged her new beau Jason to save these dirty uneducated freaks, so he decided to become their leader. 

Oh, Jason, you can do SO much better!

Except, eventually some time during the course of the year, the “leader” became more of an “absentee landlord,” dropping by every so often to give the community food, and the bare necessities of life.  While making one of his weekly dropoffs, Jason learns that the ONE COOLER in the entire community is broken.  But when he goes to investigate, one of the older Hotshot Kids bashes Jason over the head with a tire iron, and LOCKS HIM IN THE COOLER!

NOT COOL INBRED KID!  No one puts my Jason on ice, without taking his clothing off first answering to ME!

Meanwhile, over at Fangtasia . . .

Pam and Jessica – Bathroom Buddies For Life

After the Great Egg Fight of 2011, Jess and Hoyt decide to cut loose at the local vampire bar.  Admittedly, Jess is a bit better at “cutting loose” than Hoyt . . .


Remind you of anyone?

While Hoyt is at the bar getting Jess a drink, a VERY SEXY ADMIRER approaches, and hits on Jess the way ONLY men who KNOW they are super attractive can . . .


Super Cute Fangbanger offers Jess his body and his blood, in no uncertain terms.  Jess loyally turns the guy down, telling him that she has a boyfriend, but you can tell she’s a bit reluctant about doing so.  Super Cute Fangbanger can tell too, which is why he continues to eye f*&k Jess, while she dances with Hoyt.

The eyef*&king gets Jess SO hot and bothered that she has to escape to the bathroom to keep from jumping at Super Cute Fangbangers neck.  Ever the pot-stirrer, Pam follows Jess to the bathroom, under the pretense of concern for her well being.  “We were worried about you . . . not really,” she snarks.

Pam then proceeds to call Jessica out on the part SHE has been playing in the eye-f*&king with Super Cute Fangbanger.  In a decidedly ANTI-PAPA BILL moment, Pam encourages Jessica to escape from “married life” with Hoyt, and start to embrace her vampire hunter instincts, before she explodes.  Jessica responds by basically telling Pam she’s jealous that Jess has found love and she hasn’t, before storming out of the bathroom.  This is Pam’s response . . .



And finally . . .


What follows of course, is my FAVORITE scene in the entire premiere episode, for a few reasons:

(1) it involves Sookie and Eric (duh);


(3) it involves Eric outsmarting Sookie (always a treat); and

(4) it reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from ANOTHER well-known vampire show . . .

Basically, what I’m saying is that I like when hot guys sneak into my bedroom late at night, and dangle long objects in front of me . . . and all that statement implies.

We see Sookie in her bedroom, fresh out of the shower, and clad in her bathrobe.  She turns, sighs, and lets it fall from her body . . .

Well, that’s one way to keep your room clean.  Ladies and gentleman, Eric Northman has entered the building!

I think my FAVORITE part of the scene (even better than the key-dangling part, which I will get to in a bit), is the growl / groan of arousal Eric makes upon seeing Sookie’s naked form for the first time.  He remarks on what a strange, yet satisfying, sensation it is to know that his nightly dreams of her body measure up to the reality. 


Though she would clearly like to be, Sookie is clearly not immune to Eric’s charms.  Anna Paquin portrays Sookie perfectly here, as a woman who is simultaneously, aroused, repulsed, confused, and frightened by the Viking Vampire in her home . . . but IS IT HER HOME?

Sookie, at first, wonders whether she is dreaming, but realizes that she can’t be, as, after a year, Eric’s blood is no longer in her system (which, doesn’t exactly explain, how BOTH Bill and Eric were able to use their blood bond with Sookie to pinpoint the exact time of her return to Earth).  The obvious next question, of course, is how Eric managed to enter Sookie’s house, considering the last time he was there she had rescinded his invitation. 

“You don’t own this house, anymore . . . I own it . .  . which means I also own YOU,” Eric explains, detailing how his certainty that Sookie would one day return to Bon Temps influenced him to make this purchase.


I mentioned Anna Paquin’s acting skills in this scene, but Alexander Skarsgard’s are notable here too.  The way he looks at Sookie with complete desire, intermingled with smugness over finally having the upper hand in their relationship, and confidence in the disarming effect he is having over her, is Pure Panty-Dropping Perfection.  Add to that the surprising vulnerability of the words he utters next, “You don’t have power over me, anymore,” (which, implies, of course, that she HAD power over him, to begin with, and undoubtedly still does) . . . and  . . . well . .  . I think I just became pregnant.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t end this story, by cluing you in to Eric’s FINAL words to Sookie, the ones we have been waiting to hear him say to her for an entire year . . . the words that Vampire Bill says ALL THE TIME, but somehow they are SO MUCH SEXIER when Eric says them . . .

Wait for it . . .


And there you have it, my fellow Fangbangers, the very first True Blood episode of the fourth season.  So .  . . don’t leave me hanging . . . TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]


Filed under True Blood

True Blood Season 4 – Spoilers, Speculation, Screencaps, Shirtlessness, and SERIC!

Greetings, Fangbangers!  It’s about that time again!  Summer is almost here!  You know how I can tell it’s almost summer time?  By looking at a calendar, DUH!    Because all the stars on my television screen have suspiciously stopped wearing clothing . . .

SOOKIE:  “You know, it’s really rude to walk around looking all perfect, like that.  All you are doing is making me want to jump your bones the boys with normal-looking bodies feel bad!”

But summer time isn’t just about walking around naked.  (Well . . . it’s MOSTLY about walking around naked.)  It’s also about watching QUALITY summer programming (while naked . . . of course)!  You know, there was a time, not too long ago, when the phrase “Quality Summer Programming” was an oxymoron.  But, thanks in a large part to cable channels like HBO, AMC, Showtime, and . . . yes . . .even ABC Family, serious Summer TV isn’t so oxymoronic ANYMORE! 

Lafayette is very pleased with the new and improved state of summer television.

Perhaps, there is no better example of that than True Blood.  Produced by acclaimed showrunner Alan Ball, and based on the popular Southern Vampire Mysteries series penned by Charlaine Harris, this sublimely-successful television series is about to enter its fourth season.  And, if the collection of recently-released promos for the show are any indication, it’s going to be quite an AWESOME season, indeed.

Season of Seric, HERE WE COME!

The purpose of this post is to analyze and breakdown some of the promotional material HBO has released, during the past few weeks, regarding True Blood,  in hopes of getting a better idea of what to expect during the show’s upcoming season.  (Special thanks to my blogging pal / fellow TB fan / staunch Seric lover, Cherie, over at Spidey Sense, for coming up with the idea for this post.  So, if you don’t like it, BLAME HER!  Just kidding!)

I hope you guys are hungry!  Because we are about to BITE in to some SERIOUSLY juicy True Blood tidbits!


As most fans will tell you, each season of True Blood is, more or less, based on a book in the Southern Vampire Mysteries series.  Given that pattern, Season 4 should predominately follow the general plot outline of Book 4 in that series, which, appropriately, is entitled Dead to the World.  Without giving too much away . . . (SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT) . . . the main plotpoints of that book were as follows:

(1) The arrival of a nefarious witch coven, led by the super spooky Hallow, in Bon Temps, which led to a tentative alliance formed between the vampires and werewolves in the area to defeat that coven.

(2) Eric’s amnesia, as a result of a spell placed on him by the aforementioned coven, and how that amnesia affects his relationship with one Sookie Stackhouse.  (Hint: SHOWER SEX IS INVOLVED!)

and . . .

(3) Jason Stackhouse’s kidnapping by those wackadoo werepanthers from Crystal Norris’ trailer trash town of Hotshot.


Since, True Blood is never shy about killing off a good portion of their cast each year, every new season of True Blood will inevitably bring along with it, the addition of some . . . for lack of a better term . . . fresh blood.  And Season 4 of True Blood will be no different.  Below is a quick look at the newbies scheduled to spend this summer in Bon Temps . . .

Fiona Shaw, as Marnie “Hallow” Stonebrook

Harry Potter fans will undoubtedly remember Fiona Shaw for her portrayal of Harry’s prickly Aunt Petunia.  But in TB world she is Marnie, an unassuming, not particularly talented, palm reader, who may or may not, as a result of a bewitching possession, end up being this season’s BIG BAD . . .

Alex Breckinridge, as Daisy

Joining Marnie’s coven will be a young witch named Daisy, who is shown in one of the trailers below (I think) getting all teary eyed in front of Vampire Bill.  Daisy will be played by Alexander Breckenridge.  Many of you might recognize Alex from her role as Willa in the FX series Dirt.  However, as a Dawson’s Creek fan, I will always remember Alex as The Girl Who Kissed Dawson Leery And Then Puked, in a Fabulous Season 3 episode (particularly if you were a Pacey and Joey fan) entitled “The Valentine’s Day Massacre.”

Courtney Ford, as Portia Bellefleur

As Andy Bellefleur’s younger sister, an attorney who briefly dated Bill Compton until [SPOILER ALERT: The two found out they were distantly related], Portia Bellefleur has always been a consistent, if not necessarily important, character in the Sookie Stackhouse book series.  However, judging by some of the hot and heavy scenes her character seems to be enjoying in the promos, with Stephen Moyer’s Vampire Bill, something tells me the character’s role in the television series is going to be a bit larger than originally anticipated.

Portia will be played by Courtney Ford, who Vampire Diaries fans might remember as the Girl Who Shot Damon in the Backside with an Arrow, resulting in THIS fun little image . . .

Janina Gavankar, as Luna

Speaking of Love Interests, Sam Merlotte hasn’t exactly had much luck in that department, during True Blood’s first two seasons.  However, that may change when school teacher / fellow shifter Luna (a werebat in the book series) flies into town.  Fans of the Showtime series The L Word might remember Gavankar (who will play Luna) as promiscous lesbian, Papi.  And we all know how much Sam loves his promiscuous women! 

Will there be some Hot Doggy Style Sex in Sam’s future?  Only time will tell!

Vedette Lim as Naomi

Press releases gave us very little in the way of intel on this new character, except to say that she’s a tough-as-nails cage fighter, who ends up getting hot and heavy with her female opponent.  And we all know how much True Blood adores its hard core violent sex scenes with homosexual undertones!  You GO, Naomi!

Speaking of homosexual undertones, guess who just got bumped up to series regular?

Jessica Tuck, as Nan Flanagan

This no-nonsense spokesperson of the American Vampire League was perhaps best known last season for (1) eating out a lady in the backseat of her limo; and (2) sending a SWAT team full of guys dressed like extras from The Matrix to swarm Fangtasia.  And now we will get to see a lot more of her, I guess.  Could she become a possible love interest for Vampire Pam?  It’s certainly possible!

Also returning to Bon Temps this season will be the following relative newcomers: Lauren Bowles, as witchy waitress, Holly Cleary . . .

 . . . Kevin Alejandro, as Lafayette’s voodoo loving beau, Jesus . . .

. . . and Allan Hyde, as the Vampire Who Just Doesn’t Seem to Die, No Matter How Many Times He “Meets the Sun,” Godric (then again, maybe this will just be another flashback . . .)

That’s right Godric, KEEP THAT SHIRT OFF, and you will fit in just fine here!


Last year, in order to promote the show’s upcoming season, the producers of True Blood released a series of three-to-five minute long character-centric minisodes.  These short videos promised to tease what was in store for each of the series’ main characters, during the season.  Of course, in hindsight, while these videos were amusing (some, admittedly, more amusing than others), they actually ended up providing fans with very little, in terms of plot-line teasers. 

This year, as a part of its Waiting Sucks campaign, True Blood has once again decided to release a series of character-centric teaser videos.  Though significantly shorter in length than last year’s minisodes, these teasers are about ten times more informative than their predecessors.  Each of these 30-second shots (which feature a scene from the upcoming season, narrated by the script for that scene) contains suprisingly spoilery information about some of the season’s main plotpoints.

Let’s watch, and analyze, shall we?

(Special thanks to TrueBloodItalia, for providing these fabulous videos for our viewing pleasure.)

Bill and Eric – “New Coven in Town”

In Dead to the World, Eric’s amnesia is revealed within the first few pages of the story.  Apparently, True Blood has decided to start the season off a bit earlier in the timeline than that.  The above scene, I’m assuming, takes place fairly early on in Season 4, possibly in the first episode. 

In it, a clearly not-yet-amnesiac Eric, and Victim of a Ridiculously Bad Haircut Bill discuss the ramifications of a witch coven arriving in Bon Temps.  Never before have we seen Eric Northman this concerned about the arrival of another supernatural creature in his Area.  And, if the rest of the promotional videos are any indication, he is right to be worried . . .

Eric (and Sookie) – “Where am I? Who am I?  (and where are my clothes?)”

Knowing that Eric is meant to have amnesia in this scene, it is interesting to compare it to the one we just watched, above.  Alexander Skarsgard’s temperment has completely changed here.  Gone is the cocky confidence,dark sense of humor, all-knowing stare, and ferocious, “kill first, ask questions later” mentality that we have come to associate with the Sheriff of Area Five.  THIS Eric Northman looks more innocent, less sure of himself, more naive, and, dare I say it, MUCH younger than the one we’ve come to know and love, over the past three seasons of True Blood

In short, Mommy Likes this New Amnesia Eric . . . very much!

(Minor gripe:  In the book series, Sookie is driving home from work when she finds a NAKED Eric, running toward her home, clad in only his socks.  If you notice in this season, Eric is wearing . . . pants.   WHY, ALAN BALL, WHY?)

Pam, Tara, Lafayette, and Marnie – “Fix My Man”

This scene obviously takes place AFTER Pam has learned that Eric has amnesia.  She is clearly calling upon new witch Marnie to help her “FIX” her Maker, and return him to his former self.  The problem, of course, is that Marnie (or the thing possessing her) may have actually been the one to CAUSE the amnesia, in the first place.  And, therefore, asking HER for help, may not exactly be the wisest move Vampire Pam has ever made. 

The end of the scene, in which “Marnie” literally stops Pam in her tracks, and lets out an unearthly cackle, is particularly creepy.   Speaking of creepy . . .

Arlene, Terry, and the Demon Baby?

I’ll be perfectly honest.  Last season, I had absolutely NO interest in asshat Arlene, or her, “I may have been impregnated by my Dead Serial Killer Husband” storyline.  That being said, THIS PROMO genuinely gave me chills.  There is nothing I find more frightening then scary supernatural freaky kids.  I

 suspect that Arlene’s demon baby will join a long line of pre-pubescents that scare the stuffing out of me, including, but not limited to:  that chick from The Ring, the kids from The Grudge, all the Children of the Corn, those blonde tots from Village of the Damned, Rosemary’s Baby, the Omen kid, the kid from The Shining, Dakota Fanning’s character in Hide and Seek, and the list just goes on and on . .  .

You know who else is frightening me, lately?

Stepford Trash Wife Crystal and Bondage Jason

Oh, sweet, dumb, Jason!  I have a secret:  I never really liked your girlfriend!  To be honest, I just couldn’t figure out what it was exactly you saw in the plain-looking, not particularly charming, Crystal Norris. 

I suspect there was a part of you, who, after having countless girlfriends of yours DIE UNTIMELY DEATHS, wanted to date someone you could rescue, and actually keep alive, for a change.  Perhaps, Crystal, a werepanther, born and raised in an incestuous, crystal meth-producing, trailer park, seemed like just the girl you could save.

Except, now it looks like she’s tied you to a bed post, is rocking some REALLY unattractive curlers, and is getting all her werepanther friends to torture you and bite you, until you are “REBORN” as “ONE OF THEM.”  See,  Jason, you should have dated a TV Recapper, instead!  We are MUCH safer (and just a little bit less insane)!

Come on over to my place, Jason!  It’s not too late!

Speaking of Potentially Very Happy Couples . . .

Hoyt and Jessica – “I Pity the FOOL who messes with Hoyt’s girlfriend!”

Last season, Hoyt and Jessica experienced a happy reunion, after Hoyt finally forgave his girlfriend for trying to eat his mom.  But just because the pair are happy together, doesn’t mean everybody in Bon Temps is particularly happy for them!  Of course, this is far from the first time, Jessica has suffered the slings and arrows of vampiric racism at the hands of strangers.  However, this IS the first time that racism has been extended to include her human boyfriend, Hoyt. 

Under the circumstances, I’d say he handled it quite well, don’t you? 🙂  In other Relationship News . . .

Sam and Luna (Surprise!  She has a crazy, abusive ex!)

Awww, man!  Do we really have to suffer through another Crazy Ex Storyline, again?  No wonder Bon Temps is so incestuous!  There’s onlyabout five or six NORMAL/ non-psychotic people to date there!


In addition to all the juiciness illustrated above, HBO has also released not one, but TWO, new trailers for the upcoming season.  Admittedly, one is less informative, but (decisively more NAKED) than the second.  The other, in my opinion, gives us a bit more to work with, in terms of plot details.  Ready to investigate?  Let’s start sleuthing . . .

Trailer Number One – So Much Shirtlessness, So Little Time

After I got over the giddy glee of realizing just how much HOT NAKED MALE SKIN was featured in this brief, 39-second trailer, I was shocked to realize just how LITTLE information this trailer provided, in terms of actual Season 4 plotpoints.  I mean, think about it, all we got in the first ten seconds was a series of Scared “Good Guy” Faces . . .

For starters, here is Running Scared (but Shirtless, YAY!) Jason Stackhouse . . .

I can’t really tell whether this shot comes BEFORE his werepanther kidnapping, or after.   On one hand, Jason definitely looks STRONGER and more able-bodied than he appears in later parts of the trailer, leading me to believe he HASN’T been “infected” yet. 

On the other hand, if you look closely, Jason definitely has a big bloody bite mark on his stomach, leading me to believe either (1) he has already been bitten once, but has not been captured yet; (2) his transformation is complete, and, now healing from his bites, he has finally managed to escape his captors.  Since, I doubt, True Blood would want to spoil Jason’s triumphant ESCAPE from Hotshot so early in the series, I’m going to put my money on the former . . .

Speaking of Scared Good Guys, here’s Sam Merlotte . . .

I’ll be the first to admit that this is a pretty useless screenshot.  I’m only including it because of the cheesy Halloween decoration hanging over Sam’s head.  Am I to assume that this season DOESN’T take place during the summer (as previous seasons have), but, rather, occcurs during the fall and winter months?  Or is Sam just EXTREMELY lazy about taking down his holiday decorations . . .

:11-13 of the trailer contrast the Scared “Good Guy” Faces we saw earlier, with some equally useless, and generic, Angry Vampire Faces.  We have a probably pre-amnesiac Eric, a 1920’s costumed Queen Sophie Ann, and a very bizarre looking, Billy Idol-esque Vampire Bill.

80’s flashback, I presume?

At the :15 mark, our patience is rewarded with a nice shot of a Fresh-Out-of the Shower Sookie being ogled by a very turned on (and, most likely pre-amesiac Eric).  “Is this another dream?”  Sookie wonders dazedly. 

No Sookie.  Eric’s desire to separate you from that pesky towel of yours, and have his way with you, right on your Grandma’s old couch, is very real . . .


“Yowsa!  Those are some huge melons you’ve got there!”

We follow this up with another five seconds of random, uninformative, Fangtasia shots, one of a Very Happy, Dancey, Vampire Jess . . .

 . . . another of a fierce Pam . . .

(I suspect both of these are from the same episode, as the one-shot featuring Pam and Jess, above.)

 . . . and a third of Shooty Tara . . .

“I am in a very bad mood.  (SURPRISE!)”

My FAVORITE scene in the trailer doesn’t arrive until the 20-second mark, in which we see a shirtless, post-amnesiac, Eric looking at Sookie intently, and moving in for a kiss, one she seems more than willing to accept!

SQUEE!  *Does Happy Dance*

At 21 seconds, Vampire Bill can be found threatening a woman, who I initially thought was Queen Sophie Ann.  However, on second viewing, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is Alex Breckenridge’s witch, Daisy.  Hmmm . . . I wonder what “Big Mistake” she is making, according to Vampire Bill.  (Perhaps, SHE’S the one that gave him that awful haircut!)

“What do you want from me?  I got my Beauty School Degree online!”

Things start to get intense at 22 seconds, when we see Pam toss a purple shirted SOMEONE into the same Vampire Dungeon she used to hold Lafayette captive, during Season 2 . . .

Who dat?

We are also treated to a shot of a clearly, worse for WERE (Get it?), infected, and mustachioed(?) Jason.  In the scene, he is wearing a very ugly flannel shirt (boo!), and, presumably, trying to escape captivity in Hotshot . . .

My second favorite trailer clip arrives at the 25-second mark, when Sookie tells her half-naked growling pal, Alcide, to “Stop making that NOISE!”

Making sex noises in public is SO inappropriate . . . even in a slutty town like Bon Temps

That exercise in awesomeness is followed up by a Party Crasher Pre-Amnesiac Eric, making a VERY grand entrance at a coven meeting, one which may or may not be taking place at Lafayette’s house.

“I have ARRIVED!  (Anyone have six hours to spare for the best sexual experience of your human existence?)”

Speaking of sex (aren’t I always?)  check out Tied to the Bedpost, Bondage Jason, screaming his head off at the 27-second mark  . . .

“Why do I feel like I’ve been in this situation before?”

“Ohhhh . . .”

And because no True Blood trailer is complete without some good old-fashioned necking . . .

Way to go, SAM!

Check that off your list!

Uh oh!  Cheesy Fake CGI Werepanther ALERT, at the 30-second mark!


I think I’ll name it Fluffy .  . . or maybe Oreo.

We end the trailer with three quick-fire images of people beating the crap out of other people.  There’s Queen Sophie beating up Vampire Bill, in his own house . . . at least, I think it’s his house . . .

We’ve got Hoyt beating up that racist outside Fangtasia (from the episode clip we watched earlier).  And, finally, there’s SOOKIE PUNCHING AMNESIA ERIC?

Man!  Even the vampires end up in abusive relationships, on this show!”

“You’ll heal in five minutes.  You’re a vampire,” scolds Sookie boredly, when Eric questions her violent actions in the seconds moments of the trailer.  (Isn’t that what ALL the abusers say?)

Trailer Two – Witches versus Vamps (versus Weres?)

Though this second trailer is roughly the same length as the first, I found it to be a bit more telling, in terms of actual plot analysis.  Watch here, and see what I mean . . .

Right off the bat, we are treated to a shot of Sookie, nervously examining the rearview mirror in her car. 

At first, I assumed that THIS would be the scene where Sookie would find Amnesia Eric.  But then that THING attacked Sookie from the window of her car  . . .

(Why the heck does she drive with her window open?  Doesn’t she know where she LIVES, and what show she’s on?)

So, I figured out that I might be mistaken . . .

Given that the trailer opens with Sookie being, ONCE AGAIN, in danger, it is interesting that this scene is paired with Pam’s seemingly prophetic admonission that Sookie, “need[s] to be somebody’s . . . or [she] won’t BE.”

Woah, Pam!  Ease up on that red lipstick, next time.  Mmm Kay?

I also liked how Pam’s not-so-subtle suggestion that Sookie choose between her two vampire suitors, and choose FAST, is juxtaposed by images of BOTH suitors making a play for Sookie’s affections, in her home.  We’ve got Bill (zzzzzzzzz) . . .

“Miss Sookie, might I interest you in a rousing game of Chess?”

 . . . and then Eric (YAY!) . . .

“Miss Sookie, might I interest you in a rousing game of AMAZING SEX?”

During the trailer, when Sookie asked Eric what he wanted from her . . . and he looked deeply into her eyes and said, with all seriousness, “Everything,” I may or may not have melted into a little puddle in my chair . . .

We then get a generic image of Witchy Spell Stuff.  And, through this, we meet our new coven . . .

Notable members of this coven include, the soon-to-be-evil, Marnie . . .

 .  . . Holly . . .

 . . . Daisy (who we met talking to Bill in the other trailer), and, interestingly enough, Lafayette and Jesus . . .

“Et tu, Laf-e?”

I cringed a little bit at the hot, but, icky (because of what I know about their lineage) sex scene between Bill and Portia . . .  (I really don’t recall those two ever going that far with one another,  in the books.  But, hey!  That’s HBO, for you!)

“Well, I’d say it’s a really good thing vampires can’t procreate.  Wouldn’t you?  Otherwise, our baby would probably have three heads . . . or be like ARLENE’S”

We get a little humor (and some interesting spoilers), in the next few scenes.  During THEM, we learn that (1) the witch coven needs a dead body to complete one of its more complicated spells; and (2) witches have the power control vampires.

“Where the hell are we going to get a dead body?”  Lafayette inquires.

Given all that, Eric’s Party Crasher Scene from the first trailer, makes a whole lot more sense, in context, doesn’t it?

Like the above image, a lot of the ones that followed in this trailer, were ones we had already seen in the FIRST trailer.  That being said, I was intrigued by THIS image, of Tara going bat-sh*t on some Poor Unfortunate Soul . . .

Oh, Tara, who are you beating up THIS TIME?

Texting 911, as we speak . . .

. . . a second shot of the Billy Idol-like Flashback Vampire Bill . . .

. . . and an intriguing shot of Vampire Eric attacking Marnie.  (Could this be what prompted her to cast the spell on him?)

As with the first trailer, this one ends with a unique touch of Sookie’s Dry Meta Humor:  “Oh, GREAT!  Now, I have to deal with witches?”  She whines, as a decidedly naked (Alcide or Eric?) stands protectively behind her . . .

(My dear, naive, Sookie!  With an Amnesiac Eric Northman as your new vampire roommate, something tells me witches will be the least of your problems!)

And, there you have it, folks: a handful of new cast members, a slew of promotional one-shots, and two awesome trailers.  Not bad for a day’s blogging, right?

Thirsty for more?  Be sure to tune into HBO on June 26th at 9 p.m. for the season premiere of True Blood.  But, until then . . .



Filed under Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, True Blood

The Vampire Diaries – 10 Ways to Prepare for “The Return” on September 9th

Do you adore this new promotional poster for Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries as much as I do?  If so, you are going to LOVE THIS ONE!

Labor Day Weekend is just days away.  And you all know what that means  . . . summer is almost over.

But it ALSO means that the fall television viewing season is about to begin!  And would anyone like to guess what the FIRST show to RETURN will be?  I’ll give you a hint . . .

It’s The Vampire Diaries!  And it’s coming back to the CW on Thursday, September 9th, which is only ONE WEEK AWAY!

And yet, when hot shirtless vampires are involved, a week can seem like a REALLY LONG TIME!  That is why I have devised this fool proof ten-step plan to get you through the last Salvatore-less week of YOUR LIVES (at least until the next hiatus).  So, without further adieu, here are ten things you can do to tide yourself over, while you are waiting to watch the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries.

1) Rewatch ALL of Season 1!

Not only does today mark the final week before Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries premieres, it also marks the day that the Season 1 DVD was released in stores and online.  What better way to refresh your memory on old TVD episodes than to watch them in the comfort of your OWN home, on your OWN time schedule.  In addition to all 22 original episodes, the DVD also features: deleted scenes from the show, creator and director commentary, a gag reel, a webisode series, and much more!  You can purchase it here.

Low on funds right now, and not quite ready to shell out the “big bucks” for the Season 1 DVD?  Fear not!  You can find a fairly comprehensive (if I do say so myself ;)) recap of the Season 1 Finale, by clicking here

2) Watch Season 2 Promos (and then watch them again .  . . and again . . . and again)

In anticipation of the upcoming second season of The Vampire Diaries, the CW has been releasing titillating trailers for the series, throughout the summer.  You can probably find ALL of the trailers, by doing a quick YouTube search under “The Vampire Diaries Season 2 Promo.”  However, I’m going to post the three most popular ones, right here, for you to enjoy.  The first trailer, of course, belongs to my favorite character on the show, DAMON SALVATORE!

Watch him be deliciously DAMON-Y, to the tune of OneRepublic’s “Everybody Loves Me.”

This next trailer was the second one released in the series.  And it definitely wins the award for SEXIEST TRAILER EVER!  The song featured in the trailer is “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine.

But, if I had to choose a favorite trailer, it would have to be the this next one, because IT features BRAND NEW SCENES FROM THE SEASON PREMIERE!

For a more in-depth look at THIS trailer, click here.

3) Rock out to music from the show!

Nothing gets you in the MOOD for a show about sexy vampires, like the music you were listening to when you first met them.  CW shows are known for their amazing soundtracks.  And The Vampire Diaries is no exception.  Featuring a host of songs from  a”Who’s Who in Contemporary Artists” including Katy Perry, The All-American Rejects, Placebo, The Fray, White Lies, OneRepublic, and TONS more, The Vampire Diaries soundtrack has a little something for everybody. 

The official soundtrack for the show is slated to be released in October 2010.  However, you can check out the track listing here.

“But WAIT,” you say.  “How am I supposed to PREPARE for the season premiere by listening to a soundtrack that ISN’T EVEN OUT YET?”

Good point .  . .

Fortunately, I found this AWESOME website that lists EVERY SINGLE SONG featured in The Vampire Diaries (organized by the episodes in which they aired).  This website also offers you links to download the songs (and accompanying music videos) from iTunes and other popular music download sites.  Ready to rock out to some fangy tunes?  Just click here, and get ready to do some serious dancing!

4) Follow the stars and creators of The Vampire Diaries on Twitter.

These days, it seems like EVERYBODY (except me) has a Twitter account.  And the cast and crew of The Vampire Diaries are no exception.  And while I don’t actually “tweet” myself, I still like to visit the Twitter pages of the stars of my favorite shows on a fairly regular basis.  Why?  Not only is it a great way to get to know the real people behind the characters you love, it’s also a FABULOUS way to get the inside scoop on your favorite shows, from the people working on the front lines.  Sometimes, they even post set pictures and script pages there! 

Here are the Twitter pages for MOST of the stars of The Vampire Diaries.  (Paul Wesley doesn’t have one. 😦 )

For Ian Somerhalder (Damon Salvatore)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Nina Dobrev (Elena Gilbert)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Steven R. McQueen (Jeremy Gilbert)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Michael Trevino (Tyler Lockwood)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Candice Accola (Caroline Forbes)’s Twitter page, click here.

For Katerina Graham (Bonnie Bennett)’s Twitter page, click here.

For show creator  / writer Kevin Williamson’s Twitter page, click here.

And for show creator / writer Julie Plec’s Twitter page, click here.

5) Watch cast and crew interviews on YouTube.

If reading a star’s Twitter page helps you get to know what he is like as a person, watching that star interview helps you get to know what he is like as an actor, and how he develops his respective roles.  The cast and crew of The Vampire Diaries interview like CRAZY!  And folks on YouTube POST these interviews online like crazy.  A quick YouTube search of “[insert TVD actor’s name] interview” is sure to find you more content than you could ever watch in a lifetime.

But, just in case you AREN’T a vampire, are NOT immortal, and, therefore, have limited time to watch interviews, I have taken the liberty of posting a few for you here.  For example, here is a fun one featuring Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec discussing how they came about casting Nina Dobrev, as Elena, and Ian Somerhalder, as Damon.  (There is some GREAT audition footage of both actors in here as well).

Here’s a nice interview with Paul Wesley  . . .

 . . . and here’s one with Nina Dobrev . . .

 . . . and here’s one with Ian Somerhalder . . .

But, of course, the ULTIMATE TVD cast interviews would have to come from Comic Con 2010. . .

For THOSE interviews, and more information on THAT event, click here.

6) Watch video of the cast of The Vampire Diaries from BEFORE they were vampires . . .

Believe it or not, Ian, Nina and Paul weren’t ALWAYS on The Vampire Diaries

 In fact, they each already had pretty extensive acting resumes, by the time the show aired.  Sometimes, watching stars in some of their earlier work, can be as much fun as looking at your friends’ embarrassing baby pictures.  For this reason, I would like to introduce you to two non-TVD videos for each of the show’s main stars.

Check out Paul Wesley’s brief career as an angel in the short-lived ABC Family series’ Fallen (and watch him converse with a talking dog).

Angelic, Dog Whisperer, Paul Wesley, not your thing?  Perhaps, you’d prefer him evil, shirtless and doing pullups, his guest starring role as the nefarious Lucas on Smallville.

Before Nina Dobrev was Vampire Katherine, or even Elena Gilbert, she starred in a Nickelodeon version of High School Musical, entitled American Mall.

Watch her sing, dance (and act a little) here.

But even before American Mall, Nina got her start as Teen Baby Mama, Mia Jones on Degrassi: The Next Generation.

Watch her cope with a possessed high school pal, in this “very special” Halloween episode of the show.

And then, there’s Ian (sigh)!

Here’s a guy who could make even INCEST sexy.  And he DID, as Boone Carlyle, on Lost.  (OK, Boone and Shannon, weren’t blood-related.  But still!)

OK.  So, most of you probably already knew that Ian Somerhalder played Boone on Lost.  However, many of you may not have known that he also played Hamilton on the ill-fated Dawson’s Creek spinoff, Young Americans — a guy who fell in love with a girl, who he THOUGHT was a guy (even though his character wasn’t supposed to be gay  . . . weird).

7) Ogle Photos and Gifts of Your Favorite TVD stars!

One of the great things about being a television recapper, is that you manage to amass a FABULOUS collection of stills, photographs, and animated GIFS of actors and actresses from your favorite programs.  For your viewing pleasure, here are just a few of my favorite TVD photos and GIFS:

8 ) Get to know the NEW TVD characters (and the actors who play them) BEFORE the season starts.

By now, you are probably pretty familiar with the characters of The Vampire Diaries and the actors who play them.  However, this season, the writers will introduce at least TWO more characters (and actors) into the mix, with whom you might not be so familiar.  The first is, Mason Lockwood, Tyler Lockwood’s uncle, a fellow werewolf, and the black sheep of the Lockwood family.  He will be played by actor, Taylor Kinney.  You can hear what Taylor has to say about his new role, in his interview with TV Guide, here.

Another new character that will be introduced during Season 2 of TVD is Vanessa, a Duke University graduate student, with supernatural origins.  (She’s a “blue devil” — whatever THAT means.)  Vanessa will be played by actress, Courtney Ford

A bit more information on Courtney and her character can be found here.

9) Read the novels on which The Vampire Diaries are (loosely) based.

As you may or may not know, the idea for The Vampire Diaries television show was derived from the characters in a series of four books written by author, L.J. Smith — the first of which came out as early as 1991!  Those books were entitled:  The Awakening, The Struggle, The Fury, and Dark Reunion, respectively.  Although you will notice quite a few differences between those books and the CW series (the LEAST of which being that “Book Elena” is a blonde), the former are still interesting and intriguing in their own right, and, therefore, worth a read by TVD fans.

The books are sold in groups of two.  The first two, The Awakening and The Struggle, can be purchased here.

The second two, The Fury and Dark Reunion, can be purchased here.

As a result of the success of The Vampire Diaries series, L.J. Smith decided to add a new trilogy to The Vampire Diaries Series, nearly two decades after the first book was written.  The books in The Return series are entitled Nightfall, Shadow Souls, and Midnight,respectively.  The first two are already available in bookstores and online.  The third is said to be available some time in 2011. 

You can purchase the not particularly popular, Nightfall, here,  and the slightly better reviewed, Shadow Souls, here.

In addition to the aforementioned books, L.J. Smith has recently joined forces with show creators, Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec, to produce a prequel trilogy, based on the SHOW itself.  The first of those three books, which have been collectively entitled Stefan’s Diaries, will be available sometime in November 2010.  Howevver, it is available for preorder (but, so far, only in E-book format) here.

10) Purchase FABULOUS TVD-themed swag online!

Have money burning a hole in your wallet, and nothing to spend it on?  Or, perhaps, you have a birthday coming up in the near future, and could think of nothing you would want more than a little TVD magic to take home with you, and enjoy during the show’s off hours.  Fortunately, the internet is FILLED with fabulous Vampire Diaries -themed swag.  From t-shirts, to calendars, to book marks, to posters, to coasters  – if you can dream it up, it probably exists.  While a quick internet search of “Vampire Diaries Merchandise” is likely to find you more than enough swag from which to choose, I’ve decided to post a few of my favorite TVD items here, just for you.

For example, check out this AWESOME WWDD t-shirt.  (It stands for “What Would Damon Do?” of course!)

You can purchase this lovely article of clothing here.

This funky vintage tee can be found at the WB store website, along with other choice merchandise

.And finally, since you ALREADY count out the days of your life, based on when The Vampire Diaries airs (Don’t deny it!  I know you do!), why not do it with a Vampire Diaries’ CALENDAR!

So, there you have it, 10 ways to pass the time, while waiting for Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries to begin.  Happy fangirling (or fanboying?)!

(As if it bears repeating, The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 premiere episode, “The Return” airs September 9th at 8 p.m.  However, thanks to this post, we now have plenty of things to do to keep us busy until that time . . .  See you then!)





Filed under Spoilers and Sneak Peaks, The Vampire Diaries