“DUDE! Just start crying, and act like I scared you. Trust me, it is TOTALLY going to get you laid!”
Howdy, Fangbangers! The moment in the series that you’ve waited four seasons to see has finally arrived
(THE SHOWER SCENE?). It is the moment when Sookie begins to see Eric as more than just a super sexy stallion with fabulous abs, and the ability to give her mindblowing sex for six hours straight dangerous manipulative vampire who, ultimately, can’t be trusted. Throughout the episode, we watch Sookie grow closer to Amnesia Eric (IN THE SHOWER????). She finds herself instinctively wanting to protect him (FROM WATER THAT IS TOO HOT?), hold him tight (UP AGAINST THE WALL OF THE SHOWER?), and comfort him (BY RUBBING HIS MAN PARTS WITH SOAPY WATER?). The “L” word is even tossed out once during the hour (LOTS OF SOAPY WATER?)
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the week for The Shower Scene . . .
But at the rate things are moving between these two, that can’t be too far away . . . Oh, and some other stuff happened this week too. So, I guess I’ll talk about that, as well . . .
Well . . at least we won’t have to worry about seeing Joe Lee in his underwear anymore!
When we last left Tommy Boy, the
REALLY ANNOYING poor kid was on his hands and knees with a chain around his neck. (It may sound kinky, but it was actually pretty awful.)
Apparently, Ma and Pa Creepy Crotch were low on funds, and needed their Meal Ticket son to start dog fighting for them again. But the Creepy Crotches made one fatal mistake: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A HORMONAL TEENAGE BOY WHO CAN TURN INTO A PITBULL, AT WILL!
“Just because I’m not old enough to vote, doesn’t mean I can’t chew your face like a doggy biscuit.”
Soon enough, Tommy gets the upper hand in this fight. Within minutes, he has somehow managed to remove the chains from his neck, and put them around JOE LEE! Now, I must say, while I’m happy with the ultimate outcome (Those Creepy Crotches HAD TO GO!), I am a little disappointed with this so-called “Big Epic Fight Scene.” I mean . . . think about it . . .here we have THREE SHAPESHIFTERS at battle with one another. So, already the ten-year old in my head is coming up with all sorts of potential animal matchups . . . like a game of Shifter Rock, Paper, Scissor. (Now, if Tommy becomes a Bear . . . and Joe Lee a Tiger . . . and Mama Mickens a Lion, who will win?)
(The BEAR . . . obviously!)
But I guess Alan Ball and Co. decided not to do that, since it would make Tommy’s ultimate murder of his parents (He whacked them both on the head with a metal pipe, in a clear gesture of self-defense), less “poignant” and “meaningful.” Whatever . . . I just really wanted to see a Boxing Bear!
Of course, as we know, when it comes to Tommy, when the going gets tough, the tough whine to Sam. So, off drives our anti-hero (with his dead parental units rotting away in the back seat of a stolen truck) to Sam’s house. As douchey as Sam can be sometimes,
he looks way better with his shirt off than Joe Lee he truly loves his brother, and can’t bear to see him waste away in jail, especially for doing something that, in all honesty, will probably make the world a better place with less ugly naked people in it. So, when Tommy barges into Sam’s bedroom crying about the “little accident” he had, Sam vows to help him cover up his crimes . . .
“I have something important to ask you, Tommy. So, please, be honest. I look better without my shirt on than Joe Lee looks, right? RIGHT?”
Sam’s and Tommy’s Escape Plan hits a bit of a road block, when Sam’s truck gets pulled over by Sheriff V Addict, Andy Bellefleur . . .
Tommy contemplates turning himself in to Andy. However, surprisingly enough, it’s Closet Bad Ass Sam’s idea that he hide in the trunk with his parents’ corpses instead. (Talk about a Parent – Child Bonding Moment). Despite Sam’s vigorous protests, Andy seems insistent on searching Sam’s trunk (probably because he thinks there might be V in there). However, when Andy opens the door to search, he is greeted by . . . a crocodile . . . or is it an alligator . . . I can never tell the difference.
Andy understandably freaks out. And after Sam makes some lame excuse about wanting to “return the animal to the wild,” Sheriff V-Addict is more than happy to go back to his car and do some more drugs. Once again, I was a tad disappointed by the “Shifter Choice” here. I would have REALLY liked to see Tommy turn into a PIG, if only so that I could hear Andy scream THIS again . . .
Interestingly enough, Sam’s lie about returning the alligator to the wild, has some truth to it, since a nearby lake is precisely where the brothers bury Ma and Pa Creepy Crotch’s bodies. When they don’t sink right away, Sam tosses a handful of marshmallows in the water near the bodies, because, apparently, crocs/ alligators like marshmallows.
(So much, for Ma and Pa Creepy Crotch coming back as vampires in Season 5. Zombies, maybe?) This is great, since now I know what to buy my pet Crocodile for a snack. Thanks True Blood!
Tommy is kind of
turned on impressed by how good Sam is at covering up murders. So, by way of explanation, Sam clues Tommy in on his OWN double homicide of Lexi and Elijah from The Vampire Diaries his con artist ex girlfriend and her slimeball boyfriend.
Is it a bad sign, that I actually think this is the sexiest picture of Sam Trammell I have in my arsenal? Oddly enough, when he’s NOT bat shit crazy and shooting people, he just doesn’t “do it” for me . . .
There’s nothing like swapping murder stories, and burying corpses, when it comes to bonding brothers together. I suspect that this is the beginning of a beautiful BROMANCE . . .
Well, at least until Tommy inevitably turns into a Skinwalker, as a result of killing his parents . . .
So . . . yeah . . . for the past two seasons, I’ve found the Sam and Tommy storyline INCREDIBLY lame. However, as I’ve mentioned in other recaps, I think the Skinwalker concept has the potential to be VERY COOL, if done correctly. And, while I would rather, SAM have the power than Tommy, I suspect the latter will find more “creative” uses for it than Sam ever could . . .
That will teach you to have sex in front of your Evil Baby . . .
“Man . . . PTSD . . . Serial Killers . . . Maenad Possession . . . Evil Babies. Life was so much easier when I was on Gilmore Girls and dating that Lane chick . . .”
Is it just me, or did Arlene seem to handle the “Message from the Great Beyond” on her living room wall WAY better than she handled Evil Baby pulling the heads off the Barbie dolls or giving her Pink Eye . . .
In fact, Arlene actually seemed a bit relieved that (1) her husband no longer thinks she’s a TOTAL nutbar; and (2) since the message referred to the “Baby” in the third person, said Baby probably didn’t write the message. Awwww, Silly Arlene! Hasn’t she ever met those annoying people who always refer to themselves BY NAME when they talk? Can’t Evil Baby be one of them?
No matter. Suddenly, Arlene is clutching her Devil Spawn to her chest, and telling Terry that the Big Bad Scary Ghost Graffitti artist better not harm her sweet child, or she will just scream a it REALLY LOUD, using that grating voice of hers . . .
Interestingly enough, it’s actually Terry who’s idea it is to hire the Local Exorcists to come and chase the Evil away . . . Said Local Exorcists end up being none other than Tara’s Terrible Mama,
Skunk Head Lettie Mae . . .
Did an animal die on your head, or is your Ugly Ass Wig just really happy to see me?
. . . and the Reverend she started boning last season . . .
As far as Demon Hunters go, Lettie and the Rev are pretty underwhelming. Apparently, their idea of exorcising demons is singing folk songs and throwing salt around the house. That’s all? I wanted screaming, and chanting, and funny dances around the room! Honestly, Terry and Arlene should have hired Marnie and the witches, or that (now dead) pharmacy worker who took $800 dollars from Tara to “cure her and her mom’s” EVILNESS. At least THOSE GUYS would have put on a show!
I think my favorite part of the scene was when Arlene inappropriately told Lettie Mae how grateful she was that “you people” could do something like this for her. (Because, apparently it isn’t a True Blood episode, if Arlene isn’t saying something RACIST.) Seeing Lettie Mae’s furious response to her inquiry, Arlene quickly tried to cover up, by claiming she was merely referring to them being “very
black religious.” However, Lettie Mae was not fooled, and probably left one or two demons in Arlene’s house, just out of spite . . .
This, of course, brings me to later that night, when Arlene and Terry are SO HAPPY that their house is “free of demons” that they decide to SCREW IN BED, with their Evil Baby taking notes “sleeping” just a few inches away . . .
“What can I say, I’m an exhibitionist!”
Arlene and Terry just seem SO THRILLED and relieved about their new demon-free home, that you just KNOW Evil Baby is going to do something to piss on their parade. And PISS, he does . . .
Nope, that’s not the “Passion of Your Love” you smell burning, folks. It’s your roof . . .
The Ancestor F*&ker Strikes Again . . .
Bill must be better in the sack than I thought, if his great, great, great, great granddaughter is STILL willing to screw his brains out, despite it being TOTALLY NAUSEATING that they did it in the first place. I have to say, it smells
SUPER a smidge desperate, not to mention sad, when Portia barges into La Casa de Bill and, using her admittedly admirable legal research skills, begins providing Bill with an ORAL (no pun intended) report in support of incest. (Honey, what you are doing may not be illegal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t REALLY, REALLY gross!)
Unable to get his “grandchild” to listen to reason, Bill resorts to compulsion, glamouring Portia, not only to NOT be sexually attracted to him, but to be so repulsed by the New King of Louisiana that the mere sight of him makes her want to scream . . .
And SCREAM Portia does, as she dashes from the house like a Bat Out of Grandpa F*&ker Hell . . .
“Was it something I said?”
Speaking of victims of unwanted sexual advances by inbreds . . .
Good Gravy, HOYT!
Best . . . GIF . . . EVER!
When we last left Jason, he had successfully escaped Crystal and those inbred freaks from Hotshot, and was being rescued, by his best pal, and his best pal’s modelesque vampire girlfriend, who fed him blood to heal his wounds. The pair drove him back to his house, where Jessica, who’s surprisingly maternal, I might add, gently deposited our Sexy Shirtless Martyr onto a bed that thankfully did not include handcuffs, ceremonial face mud, or 14-year old girls wanting to get de-flowered . . .
Hoyt is so proud of his girlfriend for her Mad Healing Skills, that he is literally holding on to his heart. Mr. “I Don’t Need That Sh*t” has finally come to appreciate the wonders of drinking vampire blood. And, to celebrate, he would like very much to get laid . . .
Unfortunately, Jess’s crushing guilt over glamouring Hoyt to forget her recent infidelities has put a major damper on her sex buzz.
Hoyt senses Jess’s discomfort and wonders whether she killed another trucker. Oddly enough, Hoyt’s guess is not that far from the truth, since Jess’s Trucker Murder started out being kind of sexual too! Hoyt is just confused as to who drank who’s blood is all! When Jess offers to take Hoyt home with her, he pouts, and opts to stay at Jason’s. (Perhaps, he thinks he will have a better chance getting laid by Ghost Daddy, than by his own girlfriend.)
The next day at Merlottes, Jason fills Hoyt in on the horror that is a Werepanther Gang Bang . . .
Unfortunately for Jason, Hoyt’s been so hard up for sex lately that it doesn’t sound all that bad to him! As a result, Jason doesn’t quite get the sympathy he is seeking. He does, however, experience an epiphany of sorts, something akin to his religious conversion of Season 2, only MUCH FUNNIER! Jason recognizes something we’ve known about him all along
Alan Ballthe Lord is punishing him for HAVING SO MUCH SEX.
Remember Jason’s priapism . . . his addiction to V . . . that time when all his girlfriends kept getting killed, and the town thought he was a serial killer? Every bad thing that ever happened to Jason in True Blood history could really be traced back to one thing SEX ADDICTION . . .
You may be addicted to sex, Jason Stackhouse. But WE are addicted to WATCHING YOU HAVE IT!
My favorite part of the scene had to be when Jason impersonated the Lord himself, who is clearly smiting him, for being such a slut: “Jason Stackhouse, you have f*&ked too many hot women . . . see how you like it now,” mimicked Jason, in his best God Voice. Oh, also, Jason, apparently calls Hoyt “Bubba.” How adorable is that?
Speaking of Bubba TOTALLY kept interrupting Jason’s “Sex is Bad” story to complain about the “distance between him and Jess.” HELLO! Hoyt! Gangbanging Torture versus Little Lovers Quarrel? NO CONTEST!
There’s a Full Moon out in Bon Temps tonight, so we know that Jason is headed for some Big Trouble. But, for now, the Lord takes pity on Jason, and gives him a V-induced sex dream . . .
HEY! Where did your Gang Bang Scars GO, Ghost Daddy? This MUST be a dream!
My FAVORITE sex dreams of ALL TIME are the ones where you know that you are dreaming, and, therefore, have free reign to make things as AWESOME as you want them to be. They happen rarely, but when they do happen, they ROCK! Jason gets to have one of those dreams, this week. And Dream Jess starts riding him, like he’s a mechanical bull at a Honky Tonk bar . . . but not before admitting to him that he is, in fact, dreaming. This way, he doesn’t have to feel like he’s screwing over his best friend. EVERYBODY WINS!
Ride em’ Cowgirl!
But then Dream Jess starts talking about what sex positions Hoyt prefers DURING the act. And I don’t care how hot you are, that’s a SERIOUS SEX NO, NO! What’s worse, Dream Jess starts SHOUTING OUT HOYT’S NAME while she “O’s.” And THAT’S when things start getting REALLY weird . . .
Good Gravy, INDEED! Poor Jason! He can’t even have an innocent sex dream without being punished by the Man Upstairs for doing so. Then again, who knows? Maybe he LIKES having sex with Hoyt . . .
Free Agency – It’s Not Just for Athletes Anymore
We had this one seemingly completely random Alcide scene this week, in which some strange long-haired guy comes to his house in the middle of the night (
Hey Alcide! What’s with the tank top? Why the hell don’t you sleep shirtless? What’s the matter? You don’t love us anymore?), claiming to be the Werewolf Packmaster of Shreveport. Packmaster Marcus is, apparently, very intent on Alcide joining his little wolf club. But Alcide assures “Marcus” that he’s a LONE WOLF / FREE AGENT, and has no interest in running in this greasy-haired guy’s pack.
YOU GO ALCIDE! I can almost forgive you for keeping your shirt on . . . almost.
Ahhh . . . much better!
Book readers will agree that Alcide’s “lone wolf” status is a fairly significant departure from the series. And I can’t help but wonder how it will affect future storylines.
As for Marcus, those of you who saw the promos for later episodes in the season, will undoubtedly recognize him as Luna’s CRAZY EX BOYFRIEND. So, it seems that Alcide’s storyline will probably cross path’s with Sam’s at some point, for better or worse . . .
Over the River and Through the Woods, to Grandpa Goat Killer’s House, We GO!
After Marnie made Pam’s face fall off last week, my Laffy Taffy, Lala, had some choice words to say to her. “Hooker, you pissed off another vampire, and then took a nap!” He exclaims, when Witchiepoo (as Laffy calls her . . . and I will now call her, for the rest of her time on the show), wakes up wondering what went down . . .
“I have a killer headache. Being possessed is EXHAUSTING!”
When Witchiepoo explains that she had been possessed by someone who was “trying to protect them,” Lala thinks she’s full of crap, and leads Laffy and Tara out of the forest, and away from the Crazy!
“Don’t leave now! The party is just getting started. I brought TWISTER!”
Jesus somehow gets in his head the brilliant (read “ridiculous”) idea that his old mean grandpa in New Orleans can help them defeat the vampires. Jesus believes this to be true, because when he was a little kid, his grandfather made him stab his pet goat and lick the knife.
Ummm . . . OK?
The sex with Jesus must be really good, because Lala actually AGREES to go on this little roadtrip with his boyfriend to visit this Old Fart Animal Abuser. When they arrive, Old Fart claims that he was expecting them. Sure you were Grandpa . . . sure you were . . .
And now, for the juicy stuff . . .
“I Dream of Sookie”
“And I dream of Amnesia Eric!”
Peeping Toms are generally creepy . . . unless they look like Alexander Skarsgar, in which case, they are AWESOME!
We watch Amnesia Eric ogling Sookie’s sleeping form for a few moments, until Godric (He Never REALLY dies, does he?) appears out of nowhere, and starts stroking our Viking Vamp in an extremely homoerotic fashion . . .
“Awww! Amnesia Eric, you are SO CUTE! I just want to pinch your little cheeks!”
In distinctly un-Godric-like fashion, Yoda Vamp instructs Eric that his true nature leaves him incapable of love. Amnesia Eric argues that Sookie can redeem him. Yoda Vamp says, “NAHHHH!” So, really, as far as he is concerned, Amnesia Eric just just embrace his true nature, and Eat Sookie . . .
SUCKY , SUCKY!
And walk into the sunlight with Godric . . .
The image of himself making Sookie scream
(just wait until the SHOWER SCENE) upsets Eric so much that he wakes up with a start . . .
That’s it! No more Fairy drinking before bedtime!
horny scared Amnesia Eric rushes into Sookie’s bed, in desperate need of cuddles from his Very Bad Dream . . .
“I just want to be close to you, Sookie! That’s why I’m going to rub my head on your “flower.”
A completely guileless Amnesia Eric explains his dream to Sookie. And she, in turn, tells Eric what a nice DUDE Godric was. And how, in real life, he’d be TOTALLY cool with this Eric’s new discovery of his “sensitive side.” Wearing her little cupid shirt, Sookie strokes Eric’s hair like a mom comforting a little kid, but the hungry way she’s looking at him, tells another story, entirely.
Amnesia Eric seems particularly perturbed this week by what a Sex on a Stick
“Silly Amnesia Eric . . . Ghandi could never those abs! (Wait a minute, wouldn’t AMNESIA make him forget who Ghandi was?)
This prompts Amnesia Eric to inquire as to whether he can spend the rest of he evening in Sookie’s bed.
Clearly, wanting a little more Viking in her, Sookie agrees, provided that Amnesia Boy keep his hands and his fangs to himself. “I would never hurt anything as beautiul as you,” whispers Eric, as he cleverly pulls Sookie in for a tight affectionate spooning session. (So much, for keeping his hands to himself!)
“Hey Sookie, squeeze my nipples!” Firm, aren’t they? Before I got amnesia, I used to work out!”
“When my Grams tells me to run, I RUN! (She DIDN’T. And look what happened to her!)
Wanting to get to the bottom of this Amnesia Eric Thing once and for all (though, to be honest, I can’t imagine why . . . not with all the great sex she’s about to have), Sookie mindreads Witchy Waitress Holly to find out where Marnie, a.k.a. the Witch Who Made Eric Adorable and Pam . . . Not So Much keeps her shop. At first, Marnie is hesitant of helping Sookie. But, for whatever reason, when the Fairy Waitress explains that her favorite shows growing up were Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Charmed she decides to oblige . . .
What about BUFFY, Sookie? You mean, you weren’t a Vampire Slayer fan?
I actually really enjoy when Sookie puts on her “sweet country girl” act, in order to do investigative work. For one thing, it tends to make her voice and accent A LOT less shrill. For another, this was something that Book Sookie used to do all the time. So, it’s nice to see that aspect of the stories played out so well, by Anna P . . .
At first, it seems pretty obvious that, without her Moon Goddess Possessor, Marnie is nothing more than fraudulent, no-talent hack. She starts grasping at straws with Sookie, as most mind readers are wont to do. But, of course, Sookie’s Fiesty Dead Nana sees an opportunity, and decides to take it . . .
Grams proceed to give Sookie three important pieces of advice. Two I liked VERY MUCH. One . . . I didn’t AT ALL! Let’s see if you can guess, which one . . . Granny says:
(1) Watch out for your brother
he’s on the run from some Inbred Sex Fiends, and at serious risk for sprouting hair in some VERY unattractive places . . .
“Save me, Sookie . . . from my overused weiner, and from myself!”
2) Don’t give your heart to Vampire Eric. His amnesia is only temporary . . .
And, finally . . .
(3) RUN FROM THAT CRAZY B*TCH, MARNIE!
And run is exactly what Sookie decides to do, right out that door
and into Amnesia Eric’s pants.
Now, for the part you’ve all been waiting for . . .
Nothing Like the Taste of Vampire Tongue in the Evening . . .
Back at Sookie’s house, her and Tara share a little bonding sesh, in which Tara finally admits to being a Cage Fighting Lezzy, who’s girlfriend just found out that she lied about her name, when she received her Social Security checks.
(OK. . . explain this to me. Why is Tara getting Social Security checks, again? If it’s due to her age, she sure looks great for sixty-something!)
Shrink Sookie comforts Tara, just as she did with Amnesia Eric a few hours earlier. (WOAH! What’s with Sookie being all nice, wise, and advice-giving, all of the sudden. It’s weird . . . Maybe she has amnesia too!)
Sorry, honey! I just tell it like it is . . .
Sookie instructs Tara to fight to win back her girlfriend, and to always be honest. But Tara doesn’t exactly take to these Hallmark card statements. She cleverly wonders whether Sookie could ever forgive Bill for lying to her. (NO WAY! HELL NO! DON’T DO IT, SOOKIE! Not when you have a REAL MAN around the house . . .) Of course, Sookie pragmatically sidesteps the question. But, when she realizes that it’s almost vampire wakeup time, she quickly and rudely kicks Tara out
so that she can get down to having Shower Sex with Amnesia Eric.
Unfortunately for Sookie, however, this wakeup call came too late . . .
“Hey Tara, would you mind berating me, for a little while, I’m REALLY trying to close the deal with Sookie. And she seems to really dig my weepy vulnerable side . . . Just don’t make fun of my hair, OK?”
Oh, Tara! I was actually starting to LIKE you, this season. But I should have known that you’d be back to your self-righteous b*tchy self, before long. When Eric emerges, Tara holds a gun at him. And he bares his fangs at her.
(BITE HER, ERIC! BITE HER! SUCK HER DRY!) Despie having become quite the pathological liar herself, of late, Tara is FURIOUS with Sookie for laying all this B.S. on her about honesty, while she was secretly harboring a Viking Vampire in her pants
Tara then proceeds to helpfully recap EVERY SINGLE BAD THING Eric ever did on the show, since Episode 1 (undoubtedly saving many new fans from having to buy the DVD, in the process). Meanwhile, Eric looks on shocked and horrified. And Sookie just wants her friend to shut the heck up. Finally, Tara leaves . . .
And it’s time for my FAVORITE Seric moment of the evening.
With Tara finally gone, a tearful Amnesia Eric wonders whether everything she said about him is true.
Sookie, of course, can’t deny it. So, instead, she tries to bolster Amnesia Eric’s shaken confidence by telling him
what a big weiner he has. How capable of decency and genuine change he his, and how kind. She also tells him that she likes him . . . just the way he is, which, of course, reminds me of a SIMILARLY AWESOME scene on ANOTHER vampire show . . .
The parallels between Sookie and Eric’s first “Sookie-initiated” kiss, and Damon and Elena’s first “Elena-initiated” one, are actually quite striking. And if I didn’t only have one hour left to finish this recap, I’m sure I would bore you to tears with them. So, be thankful I’m in a bit o a rush.
Anywhoo . . . unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) Sookie’s incessant complimenting of Eric DOESN’T make him feel better at all. Or, perhaps it does, but he instinctively knows, if he plays his cards right, he can get MUCH more. So, a dejected Eric trudges out into the darkness alone. “There is a light in you that is so beautiful, I couldn’t bare it if I snuffed it out,” he says solemnly, as he’s leaving. All together now: AWWWW!
“Oh, come on, Sookie! You’re not REALLY going to let me leave, after a line like that . . . are you?”
So, out of the house runs Sookie, doing her best Fairy Godmother impersonation . . .
“Get in my panties, you Big Burly Hunk of Man Meat!”
Eric rushes into Sookie’s arms, and they share a sweet innocent embrace, that gradually loses its innocence . . .
Once those two started embracing like that, I had a feeling SOMETHING was going to happen. But I figured it would have to be Eric who initiated it. What ACTUALLY happened was MUCH better . . .
“Mmmm . . . your ear smells good. Let me taste it.”
“Mmmm delicious . . . I wonder if your tongue tastes the same way . . .”
You know, a few book fans expressed some annoyance here about the Seric coupling storyline moving too slow, or at least, significantly slower than it did in the book. But I actually felt like Sookie and Eric’s progression from sexually charged-antagonists . . . to unlikely roommates . . . to mutual protectors . . . to lovers came across as very natural the way it was done here. Particularly, in this episode, you could see Sookie’s feelings for Eric begin to grow and change. I think the clincher moment for her, was when Marnie asked Sookie if she was newly in love, and she blushed, as if the thought had never occurred to her . . . but then seemed to realize, at least subconsciously, that she WAS.
And of course, this wouldn’t be a recap of MINE without a sexy MAKEOUT GIF for you to enjoy, would it?
So, OF COURSE, Cockblock Bill has to screw this up, right?
“You F*&k with my Face, it’s Time to DIE!”
Poor Pam! She sure looked hideous with her falling off face, and creepy veil, didn’t she? “Just what the world needs, more beekeepers,” Bill snarked, when his adversary’s maker threw herself at his mercy. Pam was out for blood, thinking that Marnie deserved to die for her crimes against memory and pretty faces. But Bill, of course, didn’t agree (LAME!). He instead decides to bring Marnie in for questioning, using his Wiccan Mole, Katie, to catch her by surprise . . .
In jail, Marnie has another flashback, care of the CHICK WHO’S possessing her. It involves said witch praying with a bunch of other witches in her jail cell, when a bunch of priests and assorted religious figures, enter the room, and proceed to vamp out and eat her friends . . .
(Maybe it’s the naughty girl in me, but I kind of love the idea of Vampire Priests . . . almost as much as I love Bill’s suggestion that there are currently vampires working for Fox News. It actually explains a lot. ;))
King Bill interrogates the jailed Marnie, first over the loudspeaker, and then by glamouring her in her jail cell. (COME ON, WITCH POSSESSOR! You gave Eric amnesia . . . you took off Pam’s face . . . and Bill gets NOTHING? Have you no decency?)
There he is, Marnie! Make his weiner fall off!
(Come on! You know you want to do it!)
Unfortunately, both methods of interrogation yield the same result. Marnie genuinely seems to “lose time” when possessed, and therefore, genuinely has NO CLUE how to undo all the havoc she has wreaked. Pam is going to be PISSED!
King Bill calls a meeting of all the remaining Sheriffs in Louisiana (Eric is obviously too busy screwing Sookie to attend.). He warns them of the danger of witches. One Sheriff thinks witches are silly. King Bill does NOT APPROVE . . .
I must say, I was rather impressed by the diversity of the Sheriffs in this decidely Red State. Let’s see . . . We have a Blond GOD . . .
“At your service.”
A fairly hot teenager-looking dude . . .
. . . a woman who looks like she belongs on CNN as a news anchor (or, perhaps, at a Biker Bar . . . take your pick) . . .
. . . and a guy who is destined to play the Evil Pharoah in remake of The Ten Commandments (or Jafar in the live-action version of Aladdin) . . .
This last sheriff is arguably the most important, since he appeared in the Marnie Flashback, and knows first-hand the damage that witches can do.
Looks different with HAIR . . .
Out of all the sheriffs, he seems to be the only one willing to kill Marnie
(and as we see from the promos for the final half of the season, he doesn’t do a very good job). Eventually, the stress of the situation gets the best of Pam, and she starts monologuing about how important it is for the sheriffs to band together and KILL THE B*TCH! “She gave Eric amnesia!” Pam accidentally lets slip.
Now Bill knows Pam has been hiding something, as this is the first he’s heard of this information . . .
“I’m so MAD AT YOU, I COULD JUST EAT OFF THE REST OF YOUR NASTY FACE!”
Without much coaxing at all, Bill is able to elicit from Pam some even more pertinent information . . . that Amnesia Eric is
f*&king hiding at Sookies . . .
OH PAM! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? We’ve always been buds, and all. But I SWEAR, if you sick Bill on Amnesia Eric, and prevent me from getting my Shower Scene, I WILL CUT YOU! Just sayin . . .
And that’s all I’ve got for this week’s True Blood installment. Well . . . almost ALL . . Before I go, I’d like to leave you with a few parting gifts . . .
(3) And finally, the most tantalizing trailer in True Blood history . . .
Have a Fangtastic week, everyone!