The Vampire Diaries has FINALLY returned! Let’s celebrate with a LIVEBLOG!

It’s been a loooooooooong time, since The Vampire Diaries last graced our television screens . . .

Not quite 145 years .  . . but it sure felt like that long!

We have waited patiently . . .

(Admittedly, some of us may have been more patient than others .  . .)

And FINALLY our patience (or lack thereof) has been rewarded.  Because the wait is over, Fangbangers!  As for those Sexy Salvatore Brothers, well . . . THEY’RE BAAAAAAACK!

As you ALL probably know, The Vampire Diaries’ “The Descent” premieres January 27th at 8 p.m. on the CW.  The question is, how do YOU plan to celebrate?

Will you DANCE?

Or, perhaps, have a few drinks?

Do you plan on getting laid that night?

Maybe, you will get to do a ALL OF THE ABOVE!  (You lucky DOG, you!) 

But whatever you decide to do, momentous occasions like this simply don’t happen every day!  And when they do come around, it’s important to share them with fellow fangirls (and boys) like yourselves!  For this reason, my Brilliant, Gorgeous, Hilarious, and All Around Amazing Blogging Pals, Amy of Imaginary Men, and Cherie over at My Spidey Sense is Tingling, and I have decided to LIVEBLOG THE MID-SEASON PREMIERE!

What’s a LiveBlog, you ask?  Well, it’s kind of like a chat room where you can talk (well, more accurately, “type”) about “The Descent” with other fabulous fangirls, like yourself, while the show is airing.  Or, if you’re shy, just read along.  And let US do the work for you!

  In addition to covering the play-by-play of the episode, and repeatedly cooing over the hotness of the show’s cast  (Comments like “OMG!  HE IS SO GORGEOUS!” are, of course, inevitable, in these types of forums, and TOTALLY welcome!), Amy, Cherie and I will also be regaling you with screenshots from the episode, hot photos of the cast, and fun live polls, in which can take part. 

TYLER: *reads*  “Who’s the hottest character on The Vampire Diaries?  I’m going to go with choice “C,” Tyler!”

CAROLINE:  “Hmmmm . . . what are the other choices?”

TYLER:  “Hey!  Don’t make me go all werewolf on you, again!”

Of course, if you miss the LiveBlog, and want to check it out after the episode airs, you can do that too!  Here’s an example of a LiveBlog we did back in September, for the show’s season premiere. 

“Haha!  Those girls TOTALLY thought I was dead, when Damon broke my neck, back in ‘The Return.’  Silly Fangbangers!”

(Oh, and just a quick note, because we had some confusion last year.  A LiveBlog is not the same thing as a LiveStream.  Unfortunately, the technology we have available to us from CoverItLive does not allow us to stream the episode to other viewers, over the internet.  It provides “chat” services only.  There are a number of other websites that will stream the episode for you, of course.  However, us fangirls don’t have the resources — or the necessary legal approval — to offer you that particular service.  Sorry, in advance!)

So, if you are up for celebrating The Vampire Diaries’ mid-season premiere with a bunch of crazy fangirl bloggers, who share a love of  both snarky commentary and shirtless vampires . . .

 . . . CLICK HERE at 8 p.m. on Thursday, January 27th! 

(You never know WHO you might meet! 😉 )

[www.juliekushner.com]

The Vampire Diaries Bites into Comic Con 2010! (a.k.a. The post where I totally geek out over The Vampire Diaries)

Paul Wesley, Nina Dobrev, and Ian Somerhalder signing autographs at Comic Con 2010!

Yesterday, July 24th, at 4:15 P.M. PST, the cast of The Vampire Diaries literally took Comic Con 2010 by its teeth (fangs?), during a 45-minute panel session.  This kickass panel included:

 (1) a insightful Q&A session with the shows stars, producers, and writers;

(2) a “sizzle reel” featuring the hottest moments from the show’s first season;

 (3) a blooper reel, where the cast discovers the wonders of “gonorrhea” and Nina Dobrev falls on her bum in a fancy dress; and

 (4) EXCLUSIVE scenes from the show’s Season 2 premiere, entitled “The Return,” which is set to air on the CW on Thursday, September 9th at 8 p.m.

Nina Dobrev writes “Team Katherine” on Ian Somerhalder’s hand.  OMG!  These two are SO doing it!

AGAIN . . . I wasn’t there.

HOWEVER, thanks to a little help from my friends, most notably the ALWAYS AWESOME Amy over at imaginarymen (who seriously deserves an award for Fangirl Sleuthing Excellence), I’ve managed to gather quite a bit of fabulous intel about the event, including video clips and pictures galore! 

 But first:  THE SWAG!  To promote the upcoming season, the CW offered attendees of The Vampire Diaries panel, THIS:

How cool is that?  Honestly, I would cut off the fingers on my right hand to get that bag  (I’m a lefty, of course.)

On second thought  . . . maybe not . . . Eww! 

 (Please, don’t take me up on that offer, Vampire Katherine.)

As if that bag wasn’t enough, patrons at the hotel where the conference was taking place, arrived at their respective rooms to find THIS on their door . . .

Adorable . . . but a bit misleading.  Imagine getting a knock at your door, and THINKING it’s going to be the enchanting Ian Somerhalder, only to find out that its ACTUALLY a 300-pound maid named Rosa, bringing those extra towels you asked for.  That would seriously BITE!  (No pun intended).

Misleading or not, the door knocker provides some handy tips on how to view a sneak peek at The Vampire Diaries gag reel, which will be featured on the show’s Season 1 DVD.  That DVD won’t be released on August 31, 2010, but it’s available now for pre-order.  Fortunately, YOU don’t have to go through the trouble of going to the website and entering the code provided, because I have the video for you RIGHT HERE!

As for the ACTUAL panel event, it featured all of our favorite TVD stars!  In attendance at Comic Con were . . . wait . . . Why would I TELL you, when I can SHOW you!

Unfortuately, they haven’t posted the entire panel session in its entirety on YouTube yet.  However, you can catch a good ten minutes of it here and get a nice play-by-play, courtesy of the folks from E! Online and Give Me My Remote, here.

But just in case you DON’T have that kind of time on your hands, feel free to just sit back and watch my FAVORITE part of the panel, namely, where Ian Somerhalder talks about his FAVORITE Damon Salvatore Scene (which, also, just so happens to be mine . . .)

And just in case you FORGOT what that scene LOOKED LIKE . . .

You’re welcome!

Then, when it was all over, fans were treated to exclusive clips from the Season 2 premiere episode, “The Return.”  Notable scenes from the clip reel included . . .

[SPOILER ALERT, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW . . .]

(1) Vampire Katherine girlfighting with Witch Bonnie;

(2) Damon telling Stefan that he kissed Elena (complete with kissing noises to demonstrate how it all went down);

(3) Vampire Katherine making out with Damon and then telling him that SHE NEVER LOVED HIM; 

(4) Vampire Katherine telling Stefan she came back FOR HIM;

(5) Stefan telling Vampire Katherine he HATES HER; and

(6) Vampire Katherine staking Stefan in the stomach. 

Can you say, AWESOME!

Unfortunately, Amy and I were only able to find one video of this clip reel on YouTube.  And this one is maddeningly “Shaky Cam”-tastic.  For a second there, I thought I was watching Blair Witch Project or Paranormal Activity.  But hey, it’s better than nothing, right?

If all this talk about Comic- Con 2010 hasn’t quenched your thirst for The Vampire Diaries,  fear not, because there’s going to be a BOOK (well, a magazine)!  As it turns out, this week’s issue of TV Guide is honoring the event with FOUR exclusive covers, featuring FOUR different “Comic Con”-ed shows, one of which is . . .  wait for it . . . THE VAMPIRE DIARIES!

In addition to the super hot cover, and some sexy photos of the cast (like THIS one) . . .

 . . . the magazine will also feature a “Family Tree,” illustrating the various and complicated relationships between all of The Vampire Diaries’ characters.

Pick THIS up at your local grocery store, ASAP!  (I know I will . . .)

Did I mention that BOTH Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev are EXPERT Tweeters?

Get info on the show straight from their SEXY mouths (or . . . SEXY computers . . . whatever) on Twitter.com.  Click here for Ian, and here for Nina.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but before I leave you, please accept my parting gifts . . .

See you September 9th!

So You Wanna Be a Vampire? Read this before making your “life-changing” decision.

 

As a recapper of television shows involving vampires, and a voracious reader of “vampire literature,” people often write to me requesting information on how one should go about turning into a vampire.  I always welcome these questions.  After all, the decision to make the “human-to-vampire transition” is not one that should be taken lightly.  And I’ve seen far too many friends jump into this life choice, without having been truly informed as to all of its attendant consequences.

It’s like my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Grandmother Vampire Sara once said: “Life is short, but immortality is forever.”

Don’t believe Vampire Sara? Just ask THIS GUY . . . He’s ANCIENT!

Since, regretably, I do not have the time to answer ALL of your questions (I am only human, after all), I’ve decided to devise this list of Frequently Asked Questions on the topic of vampirism.  Hopefully this list will serve to shed some light on this increasingly prevalent issue.

1) How do I go about becoming a vampire?

There are some shows schools of thought that would have you believe that in order to become a vampire, all you have to do is be bitten by one.

Still other movies like The Lost Boys schools of thought would suggest that you can become a vampire, merely by drinking a few sips of another vampire’s blood.

Well GEEZ!  If THAT was the case, EVERYBODY would do it, now wouldn’t they?   Unfortunately, making the transition is not so easy.  For starters, in most cases, it involves you DYING!

NOT FUN!

So, how do you die?  Well in most cases, a hot vampire can kill you, by draining all of the human blood from your body.

If you are lucky, he will break your neck first, so you won’t actually feel any pain when he does it.  And if you’re REALLY lucky, he’ll let you dance with him, half-naked, first . . .

The next step involves YOU drinking vampire blood.  This part can be tricky.  Especially, if you are already dead, and therefore, not  thirsty.  So, I say, drink lots of vampire blood NOW, while you are alive.  This way, by the time you want to turn, it won’t be an issue anymore.

Not sure where to get vampire blood?  Call me . . . I have some L.A. connections . . .

But don’t wait too long . . . because I have a feeling my “connection” is going to “dry up” real soon.

For those of you with cash to burn, rumor has it that, somewhere in a remote village in Alaska, there is a medical clinic that can perform the procedure in three days.  So you can become immortal, and be back at work in NO TIME!  The procedure is performed by a well-renown plastic surgeon  . . .

. . . and a highly experienced anesthesiologist . . .

All it takes is a simple lethal injection, and a quick-as-a-wink blood transfusion.  The best part?   NO unnecessary bodily decay or unsightly death scars!   In fact, many local celebrities have already been spotted frequenting the clinic  . . .

Feel free to contact the Alaska Division of Tourism for more information on this exciting opportunity.

2) All the vampires I know are young and/or hot.  I’m old as dirt and ugly as sin.  Can I still be a vampire?

First of all, sir.  I am SURE you are NOT nearly as old or ugly as you say you are. (pauses to look at the picture included as e-mail attachment – gags reflexively)

Hmmmmm . . . OK . . . well . . . Surely, there are SOME vampires that are neither young nor hot.  Let me think about this for a moment . . .

Nope.  You are right.  Unfortunately, there just doesn’t seem to be a real market out there for old ugly bloodsuckers.   Sorry about that.  Thanks for playing.  Better luck next life time . . .

3) What about that whole “can’t go out in the sunlight” thing?  I’m kind of a morning person.  So, I’m not sure I could handle that.

I can see how the whole “sunlight allergy” and “dead until dark” thing, could put a real crimp in your social and professional life.  Fortunately, today’s vampires have found many ways around this pesky inconvenience.  For example, you could, wear ugly sun-repellant jewelry like those boys in The Vampire Diaries . . .

. . . or pour glitter all over your naked body, like a drag queen at a gay nightclub  . . .

And if THAT doesn’t work, just suck it up and hang out with other vampires, who keep your same hours . . .

After you’ve become a super cool vampire, you aren’t going to want to associate with us lame ass humans, anyway.

4) I’m a pretty peaceful person.  I just don’t know if it’s in me to kill other people for their blood.  How would I survive?

Wait . . . you mean to tell me that you DON’T lick and bite people for fun?  Clearly, you are missing out.

You see, nowadays, most vampires don’t need to kill to survive.  There are lots of other options available to you.  For example, you can take a little nip of your lover during foreplay.  Very sexy!

You can also “borrow” blood from blood banks, like that dude from Moonlight . . .

. . . Or drink that synthetic stuff that looks like beer, but tastes like orange soda . . .

And, FINALLY, if you HATE little defenseless animals, and have no heart, you can go out into the woods and drink from Bambi’s mother . . .

Personally, I think this is the WORST / most immoral of ALL the above options.  However, folks in the literary world seem to equate Deer-Sucking with sainthood.  So far be it for me to judge, right?

5) Will I have any special powers when I’m a vampire?

You mean, ASIDE from being IMMORTAL, HOT and TOTALLY AWESOME?  . . .  Plenty.  As a vampire, you will have super-human strength and speed.

You will also f*ck like a rockstar . . .

Some say that you can even fly.  But, as far as I’m concerned, the coolest vampire skill of all that you will obtain is your ability to control people’s minds.

Aside from being hot, young, and Olympic-caliber f&ckers, THIS is probably the main reason why vampires ALWAYS get their mate.  Call it compulsion; call it “glamour;” call it “persuasion.”  Whatever you call it, it always works the same way.  Stare at your target with your beautiful eyes.  She falls into a deep trance.  You tell her exactly what you want her to do.  She does it.  Now, how awesome is THAT?

6) Do I REALLY need to be invited in EVERY time I want to enter a new human’s home?

The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you are a completely rude turd, with no manners whatsoever .  . . no offense.  YES, you have to be invited in!  But the better question is, why is that a problem for you?  Is it your “thing” to just randomly go barging into people’s houses uninvited?  Talk about a BAD house guest.

Fish and YOU smell after three days . . .

Coincidentally, if you REALLY want to get into someone’s house, and the person isn’t inviting you in, just COMPEL him or her to WANT to invite you inside.  Problem solved.

7) I’ve been a vampire for many, MANY years now. All my friends are dead.  I’m bored.  What do I do now?

Ugh!  Type O, AGAIN?  I just drank that on Tuesday!

Simple.  Off yourself.  There are plenty of easy ways to do it.  For starters, you can, go on vacation someplace tropical . . .

Take a long walk into a short stake . . .

 . . . lose your head . . .

(I made this picture small, because it creeped me out too much, when it was larger.)

 . . . or just hang out with Buffy . . .

You’ll be chilling in Heaven in NO TIME!  Well . . . maybe not Heaven . . .

8 ) Any parting advice before I make “the change?”

Yes . . . invest in some good dental insurance.  You are going to have some f*&ked up teeth, for sure!

Well, that’s all I’ve got, folks.  See you on the “Other Side.”

 [What is Life Sucks Death Bites?]  [What is The Exquisite Corpse?] [ Who is Bellamy Jordan?]