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It’s a Nice Day for a Blue Tracksuit Dress Wedding! – A Recap of Glee’s “Furt”

Is it just me, or would Sue’s “wedding dress” look fabulous with a pair of those sneakers Steve Martin made for his daughter in that “Father of the Bride” movie?

 

Do you LOVE weddings?  Does the mere sight of taffeta and lace make you go gooey?  Do you weep with joy, every time you receive a calligraphy-adorned envelope in the mail, with your name on it?  If so, this was the Glee episode for YOU!  After all, this week’s installment of Glee offered not one, but TWO weddings!

Despite the episode’s title suggesting otherwise, Kurt and Finn didn’t actually marry one another, during Furt 😦 . . .  

Well . . . actually .  . . one wedding, and one rehearsal.  But still, you’ve got to admit, that’s a whole lot of HOLY NUPTIAL for a single hour of television!

As for those of you who HATE weddings . . . well, at least you got to watch a couple of guys beat the crap out of one another . . .

I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right?

And so, without further adieu, what do you say we strap on those high heels, pick up that bouquet, and get ready for that long slow saunter down the aisle?  (But since it’s a Glee Wedding, that “long slow saunter” will be more like a cheesy skip-hop, performed while waving streamers in the air, to the tune of a Bruno Mars song.)

Wheeeeeeeee!

An Indecent Proposal

“Ohhhh, Indecent!  Sounds kinky!”‘

Question:  What is the LEAST romantic location for a marriage proposal? 

If you answered in a high school classroom that reeks of chalk and body odor, you are clearly not part of the Hummel family!  The episode begins with Kurt’s Super-Adorable-I-Just-Want-To-Pinch-His-Cheeks-Every-Time-He’s-On-Screen Daddy, and Finn’s Ridculously Sweet Mommy invading McKinley High.

 (Is there no security at McKinley High?  So, basically, anybody could just waltz into this school, without so much as a “full body scan” or a groin-groping pat down?)

Principal Sylvester FAIL!

Anyway, Happy Couple, Burt and Carol, arrive at school to share some good news with Kurt and Finn.  Apparently, Burt just proposed to Carol in the SAME SCHOOL CLASSROOM WHERE THEY FIRST MET!  How lame romantic!  As luck would have it, the duo need to be married by the end of the week.  (Did anybody else get a whiff of Shotgun Wedding from this scene?  Because I did!)

Mini Kurt: Coming Soon to a Glee near you?

Since Burt has already spent  his life savings satisfying Kurt’s endless requests for Barbara Streisand tickets and designer hats, the couple wants to “save their money for  the honeymoon,” Burt and Carol cannot afford a wedding planner or a real band.  And, so, they hire the next best things . . .

Wedding Planner Kurt . . .

and . . .

Wedding Band, New Directions.

Upon hearing  that he has been given the opportunity to create the Poor Person’s Version of Wedding of his Childhood Dreams, Kurt becomes so ecstatic, that he stops spitting out little pink purses every time he speaks . . .

 . . . and starts puking veils, rings, and something blue?

Marital Masturbation?

There is a difference between “loving yourself,” and “LOVING YOURSELF,” if you catch my drift  . . .

When we first see Sue, she has just learned that her ex-boyfriend, Smarmy News Anchor, Rod Randall, is going to marry his Prissy-80’s hair wearing co-anchor.  “You are going to die alone,” 80’s Hair sweetly tells Sue.

 

80’s Hair’s comment about the prospect of Sue dying alone clearly impacts the Cheerios’ coach.  And so, our favorite track-suit wearing diva decides to take action . . . by doing something that will ABSOLUTELY ensure that her rival’s prediction will come true.  (Hey, if you can’t beat em,’ join em’ right?).  Sue makes a proposal of marriage to the ONLY person genetically capable of putting up with her unique brand of Crazy.  HERSELF!

Like Burt and Carol before her, Sue seems to be in a major rush to get herself to the altar.  Invitations are hastily drafted, and sent out into the world . . .

One of those invitations goes to Sue’s mother, a woman named Doris, who looks suspiciously like Carol Burnett.

The resemblance is uncanny . . .

Apparently, Doris has been so busy “Nazi” hunting, that she hasn’t had time to do insignificant little things like . . . oh . . .  raising her two daughters.  And so, because this is Glee, Mama Sylvester does what every cast member on this show does, when they want to justify being an MAJOR A**hole to the people around them  . . . she sings about it. 

The only difference is that, rather than sing a cool song, Mama Sylvester sings a lame one entitled  “Ohio,” with Sue chiming in for the two-part harmony. Personally,  I would have preferred something a little snappier like “Mama Mia,” or “Mama, I’m Coming Home,” or “She’s a Bad Mama Jama,” or “Mama Said Knock You Out,” or . . . well . . . any song aside from “Ohio.”  But, hey, you can’t get everything you want in this world, right?

At the “wedding rehearsal,” a very unsupportive Doris says so many AWFUL things about Sue, and her life choices, that Sue actually ends up disinviting her from the wedding!  Now Sue will not only be the bride, groom, and officiant at her own wedding, she will also have to be the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE!  Gee, I wonder who’s going to end up catching the bouquet?  Sue?  Sue?  Or Sue?

This is Sue Sylvester’s world.  The rest of us are just living in it . . .

Well, Bully for YOU!

Sue wasn’t the only cast member coping with a MAJOR A**hole this week.  Kurt barely had time to rejoice over the fact that he was FINALLY, after 16 long years, going to get to be . . .

 . . . when that Mean Ole Bastard, Karofsky, is all up in his grill, and snatching his bride and groom cake toppers right out of his hand, just because he can.

Will, who witnesses the Great Cake Topper Massacre firsthand, accompanies a clearly traumatized Kurt to Principal Sue’s office, where she does a surprisingly good job playing the role of school administrator.

I KNOW!  Crazy, right?

As it turns out, Sue, was also bullied quite a bit, back when she was in high school.  So, she is surprisingly sympathetic to Kurt’s plight.  And yet without proof that Karofsky has committed any actual physical violence to Kurt (beyond just pushing him into a locker and raping his face, with gross slobbery Neanderthal kisses), Sue’s hands are tied.  However, the new principal promises Kurt that the minute Karofsky lays a hand on Kurt, or anyone else at the school, for that matter,, he will be immediately expelled. 

On the way out of the meeting, Kurt callls issue with Sue’s repeated insistence on calling him “lady.”  “That’s bullying too,” Kurt explains matter-of-factly.

“A Bully?  Moi?”

 “As an apology, I’ll allow you to choose from the following nicknames: Gelfling, Porcelain or Tickle-Me-Doughface,” Sue concedes. 

(Yeah, I didn’t know what the f*ck a Gelfling was either.  But, according to Google images, they look like this . . .)

Kurt ultimately decides to go with Porcelain.  Although I, like Sue, would have much preferred “Tickle-Me Doughface.”

Clearly, Tickle Me Elmo agrees .  . .

Behind Every Great Man there’s an Even Greater (and sometimes much more annoying) Woman . . .

Upon hearing about the HORROR that was Great Cake Topper Massacre, Rachel commandeers Quinn, Brittany, and Tina to help Kurt.  “All of us have boyfriends on the football team,” Rachel explains.

Wait . . . Mike Chang is on the football team?  Brittany is ACTUALLY dating Artie?  How did I not know ANY of this?

Rachel’s master plan is for the girls to deny their “boyfriends” sex, until they agree to beat up Karofsky on Kurt’s behalf.  The only problem is that Rachel doesn’t put out.  So, her boyfriend, Finn, sits back and gets his toenails done while, “Rising Star of Popularity” Sam, along with Mike and Artie, do the dirty work, in the coolest, most disturbing, and unintentionally hilarious Boys Locker Room Fight Scene Ever!

Mike (apparently he IS on the football team!) Chang and Artie are up first.  They defend Kurt’s honor, by exchanging constipated facial expressions with Karofsky.  But then Karofsky PUSHES OVER ARTIE’S WHEELCHAIR!

OK .  . . now that’s just friggin EVIL!

So, in steps Alpha Male Macaulay Culkin Sam to SAVE THE DAY, by kicking Karofsky’s closeted ASS!

Oh, don’t worry, Macauley!  Your doppelganger is OK.  He just got a black eye.

And besides, Quinn found out what Sam did for Kurt, and she’s actually wearing his promise ring now . . .

You know what that means, don’t you?  Sam is TOTALLY going to get laid NOW!

EXPULSION!

Burt Hummel is at the school again (see what I mean about the lack of security!), taking wedding dance lessons from Kurt and Terrible Dancer Finn, when Karofsky pops by and “limp wrists” Kurt.  Burt sees this happen, and quickly figures out that Kurt is being bullied by this D-bag.  So, Burt PUSHES KAROFSKY INTO A LOCKER AND THREATENS TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM!

Then, Karofsky’s dad, Doc Arzt from Lost I thought he died in a plane crash! is called to the school to explain his son’s bullying ways.

“The smoke monster made him do it.”

Arzt admits that Karofsky’s been acting out a bit of late.  And when Sue expels the Douche for terrorizing Kurt and BEATING UP ON POOR ARTIE, Arzt seems to accept his son’s fate, at least at first . . .

“Marry YOU!”

Burt and Carol’s nuptials had EVERYTHING a Wedding Fangirl could ask for:  tear-jerking speeches, dancing, glitz and glam – THE WORKS! 

The wedding featured not one .  . . not two . . . but THREE musical numbers!  The first was a dance down the aisle to the Glee kids cover of “Marry You.”  The cover, though admittedly cheesy (I could have done without the bad down-the-aisle YouTube video inspired dancing and the streamers), was pretty awesome! 

Next came Will Schuester’s cover of Michael Buble’s version of that classic pre-sex song, “Sway.”  Although, it wasn’t the best version of the song I’ve seen, how could you not LOVE the image of a Pre-Sex Schuester?

But it was the third song that REALLY put the icing on the Wedding Cake that was this episode.  In it, Finn pays tribute to his new brother, Kurt.  In doing so, he officially forms the new holy union of “Furt” — a union that will hereby join the “Power Couple” ranks of Finchel, Puckleberry, Squinn, Mina, Bartie, and whatever other random couple Glee decides to make up in the future! 

 “No one has showed me, as much as you, what it means to be a man.  From now on, I’ve got your back,”  explains a teary-eyed Finn.  It’s about damn time, You Lazy Stepbrother, YOU!  Finn then breaks into yet another Bruno Mars hit.  This one is the super sweet, “Just the Way You Are.”

Speaking of Finn, did I mention he loves Rachel too much to tell her he actually DID have sex with Santana, while the pair was on a break — even though doing so might make him more popular?

Oh yeah, that decision is going to TOTALLY end up biting him in the ass later . . .

Kurt abandons McKinley, heads to Hogwarts Dalton

Back at school, Kurt is about to receive some bad news from Principal Sue.  As it turns out, the school board dismissed her decision to expel Karofsky.  (She has resigned in protest.  Welcome back, Principal Figgins.)

“Come on!  Don’t act surprised!  You guys knew it was only a matter of time . . . I’m still on contract with Glee for 8 more episodes!”

But with Karofsky still at the school, ready to terrorize Kurt at a moments notice , Kurt no longer feels safe at McKinley.  And so, conveniently, just in time for next week’s Sectionals Extravaganza.  Kurt’s Pa and Step Ma use all their “Honeymoon Money” That must have been one HUGE HONEYMOON they were planning, because private schools are FRIGGIN EXPENSIVE  to transfer Kurt to a school, where there is a No Tolerance Against Bullying Policy — a school where boys don’t use their fist; they proudly sing, prance, and play with wands . . . Hogwarts School of Wizardry Dalton Academy!

Killing Voldemort, one show tune at a time . . .

(Note: Kurt STILL hasn’t outed Karofsky for kissing him, which he REALLY SHOULD, especially since he isn’t planning on returning to the school.   It would serve that closeted Asshat RIGHT!)

You know what this means, don’t you?  Kurt is going to be a Dalton Academy WARBLER!  And the Warbler’s are AGAINST New Directions at sectionals!

Be afraid, fellow Gleeks!  Be VERY AFRAID!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Unleash Your Inner “Beiste” – A Recap of Glee’s “Never Been Kissed”

That’s right, Sue Sylvester.  Nobody said “Releasing the Beiste” would be easy!  For example, sometimes it involves seeing things you don’t necessarily want to see . .  .

“Sam Finds His ‘Mailman’ . . . Quinn Gets Revenge!”

Because it wouldn’t be a Season 2 Glee episode, if it didn’t have at least ONE shot of Chord Overstreet in his birthday suit, the episode begins with Finn and Sam in the personal training room, taking baths together . . .

OK . . . that’s not exactly true.  Finn was in a hot bath, and Sam was in an ice cold one.  According to Sam, this was because he wasn’t getting any “somethin-somethin” from his girlfriend, Quinn. 

Correction:  Sam was getting “something,” just not “somethin-somethin,” if you catch my drift .  . .

Therefore, Sam needed the cold bath, in order to “chill out.”

Fortunately for Sam, Finn (who is also getting “something,” but not “somethin-somethin” from Rachel) . . .

 . . . has a slightly less painful method of “chilling out” that he’d like to share with Sam.

Rather than sitting an ice bath, Finn “chills out,” while hooking up with Rachel, by imagining himself mowing down a mailman with his car.

(It’s important to note that when I said it would be “less painful” I meant for Sam, NOT for the Poor Imaginary Mailman .  . .)

Unlike Finn, Sam’s not down with the senseless assault of Imaginary Civil Servants.  He is, however, down for this . . .

Yeah, I didn’t get it either . . .

So, the next time him and Quinn are going at it, Sam starts picturing his football coach, Shannon Beiste, wearing the ONLY outfit his girlfriend has worn, more or less ALL SEASON (except when she’s in a Glee-themed costume).

Seriously!  When are those girls going to take off their uniforms?  Do you know how bad they must smell, by now?

Suddenly, Sam can makeout with his girlfriend for HOURS, without even thinking about sex.  (And that’s pretty darn impressive for a teenage boy!)

The only problem is that, now, Sam has fallen into the habit of calling out the Beiste’s name during Hookup Time with Quinn. 

“Oooooh SAM!  You are in TROUBLE!”

So Quinn — rather than logically assuming that Sam is (1) calling her a “Beast Beneath the Sheets,” or (2) “beast,” as in a synonym for “awesome” — immediately determines that Sam is crushing on his coach.  And so, she turns to Sue Sylvester for help . . .

After getting over the initial shock of imagining a high school boy crushing on her nemesis, Sue comes up with an “ingenious” (and by “ingenious,” I mean, “bizarre and kind of evil”) plan to get rid of Beiste, once in for all.  This plan will “send that Macauley Culkin stunt double back into your waiting arms,” Sue promises Quinn.

Now that you mention it, Sue . . . I do kind of see a resemblance.

They’ve even got that “Shower Thing” in common . . . scary.

Sue’s “Evil Master Plan” is for Quinn to somehow start a rumor that Beiste and Sam are “doing it” . . .

. . . so that Beiste will get fired.

Meanwhile, Tina has been using the “Beiste Technique,” as well, to “cool down,” during her lunch hour Sexy Times with Mike, and his INSANE abs.

You know what?  Just LOOKING at this picture makes me need to cool down . . .

I’m better now . . .

Now, suddenly, Quinn is calling out Beiste in the middle of the hallway for having an affair with her boyfriend, while Mike Chang is telling Beiste to stay away from his girlfriend.  “You crap on my leg, I will cut it off,” retorts the Beiste to her angry detractors!

Huh?

Schue Screws Up Again  (Surprise!)

“Man, I really need to get laid!”

When Mr. Schuester finds out that his kids have been using R-rated mental images of Coach Beiste to cure these . . .

. . . he is appalled!  After all, picturing your teacher in “compromising positions” is just WRONG!

If Beiste found out, her feelings could be REALLY HURT!  Besides, when these kids need “cooling off,” they should do what Will does . . . spank the monkey.

And yet, despite Will’s BIG TALK about how Beiste CAN’T find out about this whole “picturing her during foreplay” thing, because it will “hurt her feelings too much,” what does Will do, the first chance he gets?  He tells Beiste EVERYTHING!

“Oooh, apparently, my Monkey is not the only part of me that’s in serious need of a SPANKING!”

Being an insensitive MORON, Will tries to make everything “all better” for his colleague, by telling her to “not take it personally.”  (Really, Will?  Really?  Because I kind of think it doesn’t get much more personal than THIS.)

WILL:  “Awww, Beiste!  You seem REALLY upset about this!  You need to cool off.  Might I suggest picturing yourself wearing a tutu . . .”

Later, Will learns from a VERY celebratory Sue that Coach Beiste quit McKinley High . . .

“I am Queen of the World School, once again!  Huzzah!”

So, what does Will do?  Well, he blames HIS STUDENTS, of course!

“Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle an a**hole!”

Initially, Will demands that his students find away to convince Beiste to come back to McKinley.  However, he then pulls his head out of his ass, and realizes that he is completely partly to blame for her departure.  And so, Will goes to visit Beiste, while she is packing up her things . . .

Beiste Gets Her First Kiss . . .  and her First Serenade . . .

Will begs Beiste not to leave McKinley, because the students “like and respect her.”  Beiste calmly explains to Will that his “compliment,” is the equivalent of telling a girl — who just asked you, if you she think she is pretty — that she has a “really nice personality.”  Beiste further reveals the extent to which she was often teased by her classmates, when she was in highschool.

“All of us are scarred by high school,” insists Will.  “We’re just the only ones stupid enough to come back here.”

Actually “Will,” if this picture is any indication, you were probably pretty popular in high school.  In fact, I’m willing to bet that the only thing that could have “scarred” you there, was, possibly, an excess use of hair gel . . .

On second thought . . .

However, when Beiste admits that she is 40-years old, and has never been kissed, Will COMPLETELY redeems himself, in my eyes, at least, by telling Beiste that she is “beautiful both inside and out.”  He then plants a chaste wet one on her lips.  “And now you’ve been kissed,” he whispers sweetly.

The pair share a heart-warming hug, and then head back to the choir room, where the guys have a special performance prepared for Miss Beiste — one that they hope will convince her to stay at McKinley.  Introducing the performance is Puck . . .

And if THAT doesn’t make you want to stay in school, I don’t know WHAT WILL!

Puck tells Beiste that she is like a Nougat . . .

 .  . . hard and crunchy on the outside, yet soft and sweet on the inside.  In honor of the Beiste, the guys choose to perform a mash-up which possesses those same qualities.  “And we hope that it makes you smile.  Because when you smile, you look so pretty, and it lights up the room,” explains Puck.

Welcome back, Puck!  BOY, have we missed YOU!

The boys belt out a mash-up of the sappy sweet and very old school Stop in the Name of Love, by the Supremes, with the edgier and slightly less old school Free Your Mind, by En Vogue.  The combination of two songs, (which, on the surface, seemed completely mismatched) was actually pretty cool.  And the guys’ performed the hell out of them!  (Even The Beiste seemed touched by the gesture.)

My only minor complaint was with their costume choice.  I might have gone with something a bit more “rock-and-roll,” than the “Jersey Boys Chic” look they ultimately chose.

That’s not “Nougat,” that’s Fluffer Nutter!

The girls’ offered up a rousing mash-up this week too!  Their’s was a combination of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, and The Rolling Stones’ Start Me Up.  The result was a performance that was everything an Ode to the 80’s Rock Anthem should be . . . complete with big hair, leather, lots of dark eye makeup, and even a REAL Fog Machine . . .

While the guys’ offering this week, may have won out in the “heart” department, the girls totally had them beat, in terms of soul . . .

Speaking of Soul . . .

 . . . a re-Mohawked Puck returned to Glee this week.

McKinley High’s Favorite Bad Boy wasted no time reclaiming his rebel status, through his awe-inspiring tales of weightlifting, ass-kicking and food reclaiming.  (“I told him, ‘Leggo, My Eggo . . . So, he did!”)  He also found a new companion in Artie, who he planned to “help be cool” in order to “fulfill his community service requirement.”

Puck’s master plan begins with him and Artie performing a GORGEOUS rendition of Bob Marley’s “One Love,” outside during lunch.  The performance earns Puck and Artie $300 of cold hard cash, which their fellow students generously “donated” to Puck’s guitar case. 

(OK . . . I’m sorry . . . but I have to call B.S. here.  In my four years of high school, the ONLY time I ever gave cash to a fellow student was to buy a candy bar.  NO BROKE HIGH SCHOOL kid parts with their money that easily!  Then again . . . NO ONE in my high school looked like this . . .)

I stand corrected.  Here, Puck, take my credit cards too .. .

The next item of “Community Service” for Puck, involved him helping Artie get back together with Tina Brittany.

Oh yeah . . . did I mention that Artie is in love with Brittany now?  A night of meaningless sex will do that to a guy . . .

Puck and Artie win Santana’s and Brittany’s hearts by taking them to Olive Garden Breadsticks, and basically treating them like dirt.  (I’d love to say that doesn’t actually work.  But I’m afraid it does, particularly with shallow high school girls, like Brittany and Santana.)  Then Puck convinces Santana and Brittany to “dine-and-dash” with him, leaving Poor Artie with the check . . .

“It’s times like these when I wish my wheelchair had a faster motor.  I’d run those b*tches down SO FAST. . .”

Eventually, however, Puck’s probation officer discovers his lack of “real community service.”  Suddenly, our resident Bad Boy is threatened with the prospect of “highway trash pickup” or a “return to juvie.” The poor guy flips out!  As it turns out, Puck wasn’t quite the Big Cheese in juvie that he would have his classmates believe him to be.  “They kept taking my waffles,” pouts Puck adorably.

Leggo Puck’s Eggo, or I’ll CUT YOU! 

(Awesome little photo brought to you by frothygirlz.com )

But, just when a very frightened Puck is about to skip town AGAIN, Artie comes to his rescue.  The little guy offers to return Puck’s kind gesture of “community service” by (1) accompanying him, while he cleans up trash on the highway; and (2) tutoring him in Geometry.  A very grateful Puck takes Artie up on his offer. 

And they all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER . . . especially those folks who happen to be driving along the public roads, while Puck is “picking up trash” . . .

Community service, INDEED!

Kurt Vistis Hogwarts The Dalton School / Gets Face Raped

“Some of these guys look like they have pretty big  . . . wands.”

 When the episode begins, Kurt is having pretty much the WORST DAY EVER!  For starters, that Mean Ole Bully, Karofsky, keeps pushing him into his locker.

“I didn’t mean to do it.  It’s just that I tend to have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time.”

Then, Kurt is not allowed to perform with the girls, like he usually does, in the weekly Glee Club competition.  The truth of the matter is, Kurt is just plain tired of the way rampant homophobia and bullying are accepted at his school.  As the only openly gay male at McKinley, Kurt feels ostracized, and unappreciated.  So, when his classmates suggest he scope out New Directions’ competition for Sectionals (an all-boy singing group called The Warblers, from the all-boy school, Dalton) Kurt jumps at the chance.

(By the way, if anyone caught Mr. Schue’s lame but plot convenient explanation as to why this year’s Sectional competitors are different from last year’s, please pass that information along to me, because I totally missed it.  I mean, don’t “Sections” always stay the same, for competitions like these?)

When Kurt arrives at Dalton he realizes, to his chagrin, that all the students are in uniform, making it particularly difficult for him to “blend in” and “spy” on his enemies.  Fortunately, however, Kurt dressed as Harry Potter for Halloween this past year.   And, apparently, he has kept his costume in his book bag since that time.  So, all hope was not lost . . .

After being led by the hand into the school auditorium by a very sexy Blaine (played by Darren Criss), Kurt witnesses the Wizards Warblers perform a SUPER FABULOUS and HIGHLY HOMOEROTIC rendition of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.”

Coincidentally, this is EXACTLY what happened in Kurt’s Teenage Wet Dream, just this morning!

After the performance, the Warblers take pity on Kurt for his obviously hand-me down Gryffindor robes, and take him out for coffee.  Never one to beat around the bush, Kurt immediately asks the group whether they are ALL GAY?  Most of them are not, but Sexy Beast Blaine sure is!

Not that it matters, really.  Because this private school is completely accepting of people of all-sexual preferences.  “Hogwarts has always been TOTALLY cool with the gays.  Just ask Dumbledore!”  Later, when Kurt confides in Blaine that he has been the victim of bullying in school, Blaine instructs him to confront his enemy.  “I ran away [from public school bullying and homophobia], but you don’t have to,” Blaine concludes.

(WOAH!  This just in . . . I just found out that Darren Criss actually played Harry Potter in the fanmade “A Very Potter Musical.”  So all those thinly veiled Potter references the Glee writers made in the above-described scene?   TOTALLY INTENTIONAL!  Check him out . . .)

Anyway, throughout the rest of the day, like a good Gryffindor Wizard friend, Blaine keeps texting Kurt the word “courage.”  And it is this word that finally helps Kurt to confront the Evil Karofsky.   He REALLY lets this bully have it! 

Kurt tells Karofsky that he never has to worry about Kurt making a pass at him, because he is not Kurt’s type.  He further explains why.  “You are ugly, and sweaty, and will probably be bald by the time you are thirty.”

“Don’t push me.  You can’t push the gay out of me . . . You are just a scared little boy, who can’t face how ordinary you really are,” Kurt concludes.

And then this happens . . .

It was actually much less like a kiss, and more like Face Rape — particularly since Poor Kurt was a Boy-Kissing Virgin, at the time.  You’ve really got to hand it to Karofsky though, almost out of high school, and he’s still managed to maintain that First-Graders Philosophy on Dating, namely, “When a Boy teases or insults, you, it’s only because he likes you.”

And if that’s the case, than Karofsky must REALLY like Kurt, because he keeps beating on him, even AFTER the Face Rape occurs.  The dude even goes so far as to beat up on Blaine, when Blaine tries to confront Karofsky, regarding his sexuality, on Kurt’s behalf.  “Well, he’s not coming out of the closet anytime soon!”  Blaine snarks.

(By the way, kudos to Max Adler, the actor who plays Karofsky, for doing such a brilliant job with these super intense scenes!  You can check out his performance here . . .)

At the end of the episode, we see a newer, more confident Kurt peeking inside his locker for “courage.”  And, honestly, who wouldn’t be more “courageous,” after looking at THIS GUY’S FACE?

You’re welcome.

[www.juliekushner.com]

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