“THAT was awkward!” A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “How Insensitive”

 

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was just FILLED with squirm-inducing, uncomfortable moments.  Moments that were just ASKING for someone to say or do the wrong thing, out of sheer discomfort.  So, it was probably a good thing that the episode began with the Seattle Grace staff taking a crash course in sensitivity training, led by “The Nazi” herself, Miranda Bailey.

“I pity the fool who’s INSENSITIVE around my patients!”

 Here are just some of the awkward moments that our favorite doctors coped with this week . . .

Have 700-pound man, CAN’T travel . . .

Mere minutes after the crew concluded their half-assed class in sensitivity training, a 700-pound patient was delivered to Seattle Grace on the back of a flat bed truck.  In addition to some of the more obvious complications generally associated with carrying that much extra weight (heart conditions, breathing problems, diabetes, immobility, gout etc.), the patient also had a less obvious condition that was life threatening and required medical care.  Namely, a seriously heinous-looking rash was developing beneath his many layers of skin tissue and fat. 

And let me tell you, for those of you out there who are trying to diet, leave this episode on your DVR queue.  When the episode started, I was chowing down on my favorite cereal — two minutes later I had COMPLETELY lost my appetite!

Watch TV, make this face, LOSE WEIGHT!  It’s that simple!

When I started to write this recap, I was torn as to whether I would post pictures of the 700-pound man.  After all, I do have access to them.  And they would certainly help you, the reader, get a better idea of what our doctors were faced with.  Yet . . . quite frankly . . . it was GROSS!  And my blog has been so pretty up until this point — pretty and filled with hot shirtless men who weigh significantly less than 700 pounds.  Like, for example, Justin Chambers (who plays Karev on the show) . . .

So did I really want to do this to my readers and my blog?

Now . . . before you start calling ME insensitive (Shallow?  Maybe.  But insensitive?  Definitely not)  . . . I should tell you that the actor who played the 700 – pound man is not actually 700 pounds.  In fact, he is a very charming, sort of attractive, character actor named Jerry Kernion.  Here’s his REAL picture, sans fat suit.

But the makeup department at Grey’s Anatomy did an almost TOO GOOD  job of making the guy you see above, frighteningly obese and rash-filled.  What’s more, if I posted the actual picture, you might be so disturbed by it that you would miss the point that show was trying to make.  After all, the patient, named Bobby, was so sweet, self-depracating, and genuinely likeable, throughout the episode, that, after a while, you stopped seeing him as the grotesque product of latex and a BIG FAT SUIT, and more as a jolly chubster like this . . .

So that’s what I’ve ultimately decided to do.  Whenever I refer to the 700-pound Bobby in this blog, you will get a picture of The Nutty Professor for your viewing pleasure.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, back to the show . . .

So, 700-pound Bobby . . .

 . . . is being surprisingly light-hearted about this whole thing, smiling and cracking jokes, as the hospital staff pokes and prods him like an animal.  But the staff is so freaked out by their predicament, and so petrified of being thrown off the case for making insensitive remarks, that they come off as cold and distant.  Bailey tosses out Christina and Dr. “Hotness” Avery . . .

Sigh . . .

 . . . within about two minutes, for making fat jokes under their breath.  And that random Frankenstein-y Mercy West doc follows shortly after, for comparing Bobby to a rhinocerous.  But by far the Most Insensitive Comment of the Evening Award goes to Nu-Chief Shepherd, who suggests that the patient be sent home to die because, “Why should we expend our time and resources to care for a patient who doesn’t even both to care for himself?”

Special thanks go out to smileymileyfan35 for this awesome compilation!

Ultimately, Dr. Less-Than-Dreamy reconsiders his earlier position, when we learn that Bobby’s wife is pregnant.

This, of course, raises the inevitable question of HOW?  Down at the hospital cafeteria, home to some of Grey’s Anatomy’s most humorous moments, including this one . . .

Thanks LightSpectre!

 . . . the Grey’s crew tries to figure out the logistics of a sex act between a 700-pound man and a 120ish pound woman.  Karev even resorts to using a “model.”

Unfortunately, for Karev, Bobby’s wife ALSO eats in the cafeteria, and she hears the entire exchange!  OUCH!  To her credit, this woman slays the crew with kindness.  With a smile on her face, she tells them that she would be happy to let them in on the logistics of her sex romp provided the rest of the group share their sexual kinks.  “Then again, it’s probably none of my damn business,” she concludes icily, before stalking away.

She sure showed them . . .

Later Alex confronts the wife to apologize, but she is understandably non-receptive.  “You didn’t know him before this,” she explains.  “To me, he’s still the same man I married.  All he’s been trying to do all day is make you laugh, and you’re all so disgusted by him, you can’t even crack a smile.  I thought you could help him.  But you’re just making it worse.”

Taking the woman’s speech to heart, Alex visits Bobby . . .

 . . . who is now convinced he wants to die.  “No child deserves a father like this,” says Bobby.  “It would be better if he didn’t know me at all.”

Alex eases the tension by exchanging a few fat jokes with Bobby.  He then gives him some tough love, explaining that a decision to die would be a selfish one.  He would be leaving his wife to clean up a “700-pound mess.” Alex ultimately convinces Bobby to go through with the risky surgery by saying, “at least your wife and kid would know you tried.”

After a few nerve-wracking hiccups, Bobby survives the surgery and vows to make some major lifestyle changes.  We hope he does, because we like our Nutty Professor a lot . . .

 . . . and we want to keep him around.

The Gossip, The Big Fat Liar  . . . and Meredith

When Gossip Girl Derek  . . .

 . . . makes an offhand comment to Meredith about Owen refusal to support Teddy, when her job was on the line last week, he puts his Post-It Wife in a BAD position.  On one hand, Derek is her sort-of husband, and she should generally keep his confidences.  On the other, Christina is her best friend.  And if her best friend is dating a Big Fat Liar (Owen told Christina he had helped Teddy keep the job), she has a right to know about it.   To Meredith’s credit, she initially keeps her mouth shut.  But when she overhears Teddy THANKING Owen for his help and support, she can’t help but toss a withering look his way.

And so, like a petulant child, with his hand caught in the cookie jar, Owen  . . .

Sergeant D-Bag

 . . . reacts defensively by kicking Meredith off his surgical team for no apparent reason, and freaking out on Derek for divulging his confidences.  Derek confronts Meredith and the two get into a heated argument about the importance of openness and confidentiality in a marriage.  However, I’m with Meredith on this one.  If Derek didn’t want Post-It Wife to react to information that was obviously pertinent to the life of her best friend, he just plain shouldn’t have told her.  BAD DEREK!

Divorce Papers, PDAs and Foreplay

I know, I know . . . this is an OLD pic.  Just imagine Lexie with blonde hair, OK?

So Izzie finally sent Karev the divorce papers (because Katherine Heigl is off the show).  And Karev didn’t seem to think that this was pertinent information to share with girl he’d been screwing for the past four or five episodes.  But when Meredith tries to discuss it with him, Lexie overhears.  OOPS!  And she’s pissed!  When confronted with the issue, both halves of the screwing bunnies claim that their relationship is just about sex.  However, at the end of the episode, when Karev is signing the divorce papers and Lexie stops by, he plants a big sloppy wet one on her in public, which, in Grey’s world, equals TRUE LOVE!

 (at least until someone better comes along . . .)

Breaking up is Hard to Do . . .

We all knew it was coming.  It was just a question of when it would happen and how it would arise.  Honestly, the circumstances that brought about the Callie / Arizona breakup seemed a bit contrived to me.  But that didn’t make it any less heartbreaking when it happened. 

So, there was this cheeky little bike riding chick in the hospital who needed a knee repair.  And she starts TOTALLY hitting on Callie hardcore.  This was REALLY ballsy of the chick, I think, because (1) Callie is her doctor; and (2) your gaydar has to be PRETTY fine-tuned to pick up on Callie Torres’ same-sex tendencies.  I mean, she’s not exactly this guy . . .

Before leaving the hospital, the biker chick writes her telephone number in permanent marker on Callie’s hand.  (What, no cell phone?  Is this another 80s flashback episode, and I just didn’t know it?)  So, Callie, being the passive aggressive gal she is, shows Arizona the number and says, “Every time I looked at this girl, I just kept wondering if she might want to have a baby someday.”  (Riiiiiiight . . . because that’s the first thing I think about, when I find myself attracted to a perfect stranger . . . FERTILITY.)

After hearing this, Arizona agrees to move out of the apartment that the couple shares.  The two lovers cry, while hugging it out.  Love sucks!

“I miss my dad.”

Speaking of crying, Sandra Oh had me bawling like a baby this week.  It all started when she was asked to watch over a little girl who’s mother had experienced a heart attack. While the mother is undergoing tests, Christina bonds with the little girl — so much so, that when the mother is rushed into surgery, Christina chooses to comfort the crying child, instead of operating on her mother.

While the pair is playing cards, the little girl asks Christina what will happen if her mother dies.  Just as she is asking this, Avery enters the room, and silently lets Christina know that the little girl’s mother did not make it through surgery. 

Trying to keep her face impassive, Christina replies,  “If your mother dies, you will blame yourself.  You will think that you did not do enough to help her.  But that is not true.  You did everything you could.  Remember that.  And it’s going to hurt everytime you think about her.  But, over time, it will begin to hurt a little less.  Until, one day, you will find that you can think about her, without it hurting much at all.”

(And, wow, I just cried typing that.)

Avery . . .

Sigh . . . Are any of you routing for an eventual Christina / Avery pairing, as much as I am?

 . . . who overheard Christina’s speech, confronts her about it, wondering about whether she had experienced a similar death in the family, at a yong age.  (Long-time viewers, like myself, know that her father died in a car accident, when she was very young.  Christina was in the car and had to watch him die.  It was this experience that prompted Christina to eventually become a doctor.) 

Christina sloughs it off, claiming that she was merely “kicking ass at sensitivity training.”  However, later, when Meredith approaches Christina, she roughly pushes her away, asking to speak to Owen.  When Owen enters the room with her, she breaks down, “I miss my dad,” she admits tearfully.

(And I just starting crying AGAIN, as I typed that.  Hormones much?)

While I go find some tissues, I’m going to leave you with this clip from next week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy, which guest star’s Disney darling, Demi Lovato, as a schizophrenic patient with a penchant for self-mutilation.

Thank you Bluesky1234 for the late-breaking video!

Separating the Men (and the Women) from the Babies – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Hook Line and Sinner”

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about making choices.  The episode also featured a lot of “baby talk” . . .

  . . . and not nearly enough shirtlessness and/or sex for my taste . . .

A Shirtless Justin Chambers is a TERRIBLE thing to waste!

As is a Shirtless Jesse Williams, for that matter!

What choices did our characters make this week?  Let’s analyze, shall we?

To Grandpa, or Not to Grandpa . . .

In the past, Mark Sloan has been known throughout Seattle Grace as the Resident Man Child, a walking Mid-Life Crisis in Scrubs, if you will.  The moments he wasn’t in the operating room (and, let’s face it, we almost NEVER see this guy operate), Mark could typically be found trolling for women . . . .

 . . . making sexually suggestive (and slightly creepy) comments to anyone who would listen,

“Hey baby, did I ever tell you about the big yacht I own?  It’s IN MY PANTS!”

 . . . and starring in sex tapes with actresses and call girls . . .

(Oh, wait . . . that last one only happened in REAL life)

However, lately, viewers have begun to notice a “softer side” of Mark Sloan.  During the last few episodes, Mark has been toying with the idea of settling  into a serious relationship, and starting a family.  This idea was first brought to the forefront a few episodes back, when Mark’s long lost 18-year old daughter, who he heretofore never knew existed, arrived on the scene and announced she was pregnant.

Mark and his daughter (Little Sloan) had previously discussed Mark raising his grandchild on his daughter’s behalf.  However, Little Sloan got cold feet, and decided to put the baby up for adoption.  In the opening scenes of this episode, Little Sloan arrives on Mark’s doorstep about to give birth.   Fortunately for Little Sloan, Mark lives in Doctor Central.   So, she didn’t even need to go to the hospital to deliver her baby.   Dr. Teddy Altman . . .

 . . . (who Sloan just so happened to be screwing, while his daughter’s water was breaking all over his Welcome Mat), delivered the child, with nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bunch of towels.  Once the baby was born, a highly hormonal Little Sloan began to have second thoughts about giving it up for adoption. 

And despite the fact that Little Sloan had Bad Mommy written all over her (Her idea of “baby gifts” was a messy purse filled with enough lame dollar store doodads to LITERALLY choke a baby!  These “bite-sized” toys might as well have had “Swallow Me and Die” written on their surfaces), Big Sloan seemed to think it was a GREAT idea!  He was thrilled at the prospect of being able to have a grandchild in his life.  Fortunately, Arizona stepped in to show him the error of his ways. 

In a heart-wrenching scene, Mark is forced to hand the child over to his new adoptive parents.  Once it is all over, he and his daughter vow to remain a part of one another’s lives.  So, it seems as though Seattle Grace’s most immature resident may have FINALLY grown up.  (Oh, and did I mention that Little Sloan was significantly less annoying this week, than she has been in past episodes?)

Oh Baby or No Baby . . .

Speaking of Arizona . . .

 . . . she and Callie seemed to be having baby issues of their own this week, since Callie wants to have a child, and Arizona doesn’t.  Throughout the episode, Callie tried a number of tactics to get Arizona aboard the Baby Train.

First Callie tried guided imagery.  “Picture a beautiful baby,” she prodded.

“I’m picturing a trip to Spain, a glass of Sangria, and you in a bikini,” replied Arizona.  “Oh, wait.   We can’t go to Spain . . . or DRINK, because of the BABY!”

Callie then tried to psychoanalyze Arizona, patronizingly explaining to her that the real reason Arizona didn’t want a child was that she was afraid it would get sick and die, like Arizona’s own brother, or the babies she treats at the hospital each day.  Arizona is offended by Callie’s insinuations.  “I’m not broken.   . .  I just don’t want a child,” Arizona explains, before storming out of the room.

And even though the couple seemingly made up at the episode’s conclusion, I am not entirely sure that this is something they will be able to overcome, in the long term.

To Be a D-Bag, or NOT to be a D-Bag . . .

Remember all those times, when Seattle Grace was in financial trouble, and Derek self-righteously lectured Chief Webber on the importance of not letting the interests of money and prestige override the need for a comfortable work environment, where doctors can work together as a team?  Remember that “Back to School” episide, where Derek tried to demonstrate that Seattle Grace was, above all, a “teaching hospital”?  Well, it appears, that “power corrupts,” because the Derek of this week’s episode has completely turned his back on everything he once believed.

For what seemed like the umpteenth time in the past few seasons, ANOTHER “Cardio God” entered the hallowed halls of Seattle Grace.  And, once again, the typically tough-as-nails, Cristina Yang, turned into a puddle of sycophantic mush around him.  Karev was right when he said she treated well-renown doctors like trading cards . . .

Collect them all!

At least Cristina is not afraid to ADMIT her flaws.  (I loved when she called herself a Cardiothoracic Whore!)  This, unfortunately, is more than I can say for Derek . . . 

Apparently, Seattle Grace is still in need of a Head of Cardiologogy.  And while, Teddy, who has been performing the job on temporary contract, would seem to be the most likely choice for the job, the prospect of getting a bigger name (in this case, “Dr. Evans”) to fill the position, put dollar signs in McDreamy’s puppy dog eyes.

In Derek’s defense, a skittish Teddy was screwing up all over the place, this week, sneezing on patients and failing to recognize that they were suffering from sepsis, before operating on them.  And, yes, the DULL Dr. Evans did seem like a “good surgeon.”  However, he was a Crappy Teacher, forcing Cristina to sit on the sidelines and watch a surgery she had scrubbed in on, while he performed the entire thing on his own.  Not to mention that the absence of the well-liked Teddy would have certainly caused a good deal of upheaval amongst many of the doctors — most notably, Mark Sloan who she is currently screwing.  Under normal circumstances, a doctor’s popularity and good teaching skills should not be the sole reasons for her getting a job.  However, for a Chief who got HIS job on a platform of “education and togetherness,” such reasons should certainly be persuasive ones.

Fortunately, for Teddy, she ultimately got to keep her job.  However, at the end of the episode, when Old Chief Webber makes a point to congratulate Shepherd on his decision to award loyalty over prestige, Derek defiantly admits that he had originally offered Dr. Evans the job, not Teddy.  However, Dr. Evans passed on it.  I’m not a fan of what “chiefing” is doing to Derek’s character  . . . Here’s hoping that Old Chief Webber resumes his post REALLY SOON!

“Sober up quick, Chief McBoozy!  We need YOU!”

To Threesome, or Not to Threesome . .  .

In other D-baggyish news, Owen came VERY close to cheating on Cristina, by almost making out with a vulnerable Teddy, in an admittedly sweet elevator scene.  Interestingly enough, THESE actions are NOT the ones with which I take issue.  After all, Owen ultimately DID NOT cheat (only because his pager went off . . . but still).  And, Owen and Teddy do have chemistry and a strong history together, so I can understand his moment of weakness. 

What I COULD NOT abide, was what Owen did NEXT.  In a highly uncharacteristic move, Cristina plays the Girlfriend Card with Owen, asking that he plead Teddy’s case to McDreamy, so she can keep her job.  Owen AGREES to do this.  However, once he gets inside the Chief’s office, he pleads DR. EVANS’s case instead, asserting that Teddy would be “just fine” if Derek didn’t choose her for the position.  One could argue that Owen truly believed that Dr. Evan was the “better man” for the job.  However, I think this had more to do with Owen’s own concerns that he won’t be strong enough to not make out with Teddy, the next time the two of them are stuck in an elevator . . .  And, if that ‘s the case, that seriously SUCKS for BOTH Teddy and Cristina!

To Grow Some Balls or NOT to Grow Some Balls . . .

In still MORE D-bag news, Alex treated his sort-of girlfriend Lexie like total crap this entire episode, berating her, making fun of her, and STEALING her surgeries.  When Lexie solves a medical mystery and ALMOST allows Alex to steal her thunder, it takes a tough love speech from Bailey (Doesn’t it always?), for Lexie to finally realize that she is being mistreated.  At the end of the episode, Lexie confronts Alex, by giving him a serious “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR” – type talking to. 

Alex seems impressed.  He even gives Lexie a beer.  And you KNOW how boys hate parting with their beer.  But was it too little, to late?

Finally, in Bat-Sh&t Crazy News . . .

 . . . April continued to awkwardly fawn over the married Dr. Shepherd, much like the creepy school girl she played in that Glee episode a few months back . . .

I LOVED how Dr. Avery, a.k.a. Dr. Hotness . . .

 . . . totally called her out on her freak show behavior, not to mention skewered her with a few spot on impersonations.  “Oh, Chief Shepherd, you can spank me if I’m wrong. And I DO hope I’m wrong!”  He mimicked.

(Could somebody in the writing staff PLEASE give the funny and adorably sexy Jesse Williams more to do on this show?  A storyline?  A relationship?  A surgery?  ANYTHING AT ALL?  Need I remind you what he looks like with his shirt off?)

Anyway, methinks the slow boil of Bat Sh&t Crazy April is about to bubble over REALLY soon.  So, Derek should definitely hide his meat cleavers  . . .

 . . . and his BUNNIES . . .

 . . . both in the literal AND the metaphoric sense.  You can spank me if I’m wrong.  And I DO hope I’m wrong . . .

 

 

 

 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Physician Assisted Suicide are NOT FUNNY AT ALL – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Suicide is Painless”

Depression hurts.  Television recaps don’t have to  . . .

I’m going to be honest.  I’ve been putting off writing this week’s Grey’s Anatomy recap.  The episode aired two days ago now, and I’ve been staring at blank screen. 

It’s not that the episode wasn’t a good one.  It was.  It’s just that when I write these recaps, I like to try to make them a little bit funny.  And, really, there is NOTHING FUNNY about patients dying of cancer, or physician-assisted suicide, or PTSD, or war flashbacks involving explosions, punctured cartoid arteries, and lost limbs.  Sure, I could TRY to make some jokes about these things.  But that would probably just make me look like a total Poopyhead .  . .

 . . . and NO ONE likes a Poopyhead.

Then again, this past week, I had precisely the same problem with the most recent episode of Lost (Dead wives during the late 19th century, and philosophical discussions about Heaven and Hell / Good and Evil are not really funny EITHER!)  But my recap of THAT EPISODE remains my most popular blog posting to date.  So, I’ve decided to suck it up, and give it the “old college try.” 

Below, please find some of my thoughts on this “Very Special” episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  I’ll try not to bring you down too much . . .

What I Liked About The Episode . . .

(1)

Sara Gilbert was spectacular as this episode’s fairly big-name guest star.  Her performance as a young woman dying of cancer, who has made the decision to end her life through physician-assisted suicide, was understated, moving, and beautifully heartbreaking.  Gilbert transformed herself so much for the role, that you could almost forget she was once tomboy goth Darlene from Roseanne . . .

 . . . almost.

(2)

Kevin McKidd also did an excellent job portraying Dr. Owen Hunt’s struggles throughout the episode, as a doctor whose PTSD symptoms were re-emerging and once again beginning to adversely affect his work and personal life.  In the character’s highly Lost-esque war flashbacks, you truly experienced the doctor’s anguish and guilt over having submitted to his army superior’s request to let the latter bleed out, following an explosion, after the pair waited for hours, alone in the desert, for help they truly believed would never arrive.  Of course, moments after Hunt’s superior passes on, a helicopter does come.  Hunt is understandably both heartbroken and traumatized.

(3)

Say what you will about Dr. Owen Hunt, but his character has truly brought out the best in Christina Yang, in a way that the pompous and sleezy Dr. Burke never did.

“Shhhh, I’m an ASSHAT.  Don’t tell anyone!”

Formerly known for her hideous bedside manner, and frequent inability to connect with patients on any level, Dr. Yang supported Sara Gilbert’s character in a manner that was uncharacteristically warm, quiet, and appropriately sensitive to the patient’s difficult situation.  Some might have felt her honesty with the character and her husband regarding, the extra tests the hospital conducted on her, was brash and unnecessary.  However, I felt it truly illustrated her respect, and sympathy, for these individuals, as well as for her superior Teddy, who truly believed that what she was doing for her patient was the right thing to do.

(4)

Not-So-In with the “In Crowd”

I LOVED Old Chief Webber’s feeble attempts to fit in with the other residents.  “She’s hot!  I’d totally hit her,” says Old Chief.  (Never have unintentional references to domestic violence been so hilarious!)

(5)

Seriously?  I could watch this guy on the screen for an entire day and not get bored.  Why won’t the writers give him MORE TO DO?  Talk about a waste of awesomeness!  Dr. Avery’s speech to Meredith, which included not one, not two, but THREE mixed Dr. Seuss metaphors was PURE GENIUS . . . not to mention, adorable.  Come on, how many hot guys do you know, who can talk about . . .

and

while still seeming manly?

What I DIDN’T Like About the Episode . . .

(1)  See complaint above re: the writers not giving Dr. Hotness enough to do . . .

 . . . just in case you had forgotten what he looks like.

(2)

McDouche

It seems like every time they redeem a formerly-asshole character (McSteamy and Old Chief), they have to bring another one back down to D-bag status.  Dr. Shepherd’s “Is that all?”  comment when Meredith came to tell him about the complex surgery she was awarded, literally caused steam to come out of my ears.  Then, to make matters worse, he was a TOTAL PRICK to Old Chief and STOLE the complex coveted surgery from Meredith and “Second Shepherd” or whatever it is they call that sweetly dorky attending, nowadays!

And how much punishment did McDreamy receive for his bad behavior?  NONE!  Old Chief responding by giving Derek chiefly advice on how to balance surgeries with administrative work.  He even offered to SIT WITH HIM AT LUNCH.  (Then again, it’s not like Loser Boy has a whole lot of options . . .) 

But what really got my goat was Meredith!  Her surgery was stolen right out from under her nose, and she LAUGHED IT OFF!  I know Dr. Hotness Avery is charming and all, but even WITH his mesmeric Dr. Seussical advice, the OLD MEREDITH would have put a cap in Shepherd’s ASS for treating her that way!

Dark and twisty?  Or Stepford Wifey?

(3)

Dr. Owen HURTS

I know that I praised Kevin McKidd for his performance during this episode.  My beef here is definitely not with him.  I get that the Dr. Hunt character is supposed to be all complex and layered, and stuff.  But come on!  Lighten up a bit, would ya?  Life is good!  Izzie is gone!  This means that you’ve probably just been promoted got a raise!  Take a chill pill dude!  Attend a yoga class, have some sex with Yang . . . whatever it takes!

Speaking of sex . . .

(4)

“Why are we PG?”

Don’t fade to black just before we can get to the good stuff, Grey’s.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, most of your fans tune in for the hot people and the sex (the medical stuff is just gravy . . .).

(5)

Another baby storyline?  Meh . . . See my complaint above.  Lesbian sex is cool too, and might even up the male-viewing quotient.

That’s all folks!  See you next week!

Let’s TALK About Sex (But Not Actually DO IT): A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Push”

“I am dressed like this, and all you want to do is talk about your ‘feelings’?  Seriously?”

Watching Grey’s Anatomy tonight was like reading one of those relationship advice columns they put in the back of fashion magazines: there was tons of psychobabble, a few choice one-liners, and virtually NO ACTION! (Save for a single hot — but way too PG for my taste — Bailey and Gasman smooch, buried at the back end of the episode.) 

Playing the part of “Dear Abby” this week was Callie, who, like the aforementioned relationship columnist, sagely dealt out bite-sized morsels of free advice to her colleagues throughout the episode, until she found herself in a lovers’ quandary of her own . . .

So, without further adieu, let’s take a look at the lonelyhearts letters that found their way into Callie’s inbox during this episode . . .

Dear Callie,

My character has been an insufferable hypocritical tool for about a half-dozen episodes now.  First, I dumped my significantly younger girlfriend for an inconsequential guest star my daughter.   Then, I traveled to Private Practice LA and boinked a friend of mine, but bitched out my ex when she did the same thing.  Finally, I continue to berate and threaten my ex’s sort-of new beau for having the gall to screw MY WOMAN, even though I am currently screwing the entire nurse’s staff in the on-call room.  How should the writers go about redeeming me to the viewers?

Sincerely,

Dr. McSteamy Turdface

In the episode’s opening moments, Mark Sloan a.k.a McSteamy is working out his pectorals, like a man, and whining about his loneliness, like a cranky toddler.  Callie suggests that Sloan find himself an age-appropriate woman, and begin a mature adult relationship with her.  She reasons that such a relationship will enable Sloan to, ultimately, get married and produce an army of little baby Sloans, all with excellent hair and a talent for bedding members of the opposite sex.

Sloan sets his sights on Teddy, to whom he has said maybe two words, since she has first appeared on the show.

“Well . . . you’ve f&#ked every other character on this show.  I guess it’s my turn .  . .”

Initially, the spunky, but highly socially awkward, Teddy literally laughs in Sloan’s face when he asks her out.  However, a few choice words from Arizona cause the Cardio God to reconsider.  “Mark is like candy,”Arizona offers.  “You eat it and then you forget about it.”  In other words . . .

Teddy takes Arizona’s advice, and tells Sloan she would like to meet him after work for drinks (and a late night game of “hide the salami”).  But Teddy balks again when Sloan suggests “dinner.” After all, dinner with Sloan sounds less like a piece of candy that you suck on and forget, and more like a 16 oz. rib eye steak that’s tough to chew, full of bones, and often ends up stuck in your teeth afterward. 

Not a lollipop . . .

At the episode’s conclusion, Sloan makes his third and final offer: lunch.    Sloan explains he wants to date Teddy in broad daylight to make sure she is not a vampire, because he would ultimately like to get married and have lots of babies.  (Yeah, I didn’t really get it either . . .)

If a man I barely knew asked me out on a first date, by babbling on about marriage and children, you know what my response would be?

 But, maybe that’s just me  . . . Teddy actually seemed kind of turned on by the whole thing.  Go figure!

Dear Callie,

It has been a LONNNNGGGG time since I last went on a date.  To give you a better idea of just how long it has been, I have enclosed a photograph of the outfit I wore on my last date:

In fact, the only person I have ever had sex with in my entire life was my ex-husband.  Now I am dating this total studmuffin.  Tonight is my THIRD DATE (and you know what that means . . .).  Not only do I have no clue how to raise the “sex issue,” I’m also really scared of sleeping with him too soon.  After all, he is leaving the show soon to star in a stupid Shondra Rhimes pilot I don’t want to get hurt.  What should I do?

Very truly yours,

Frightened of Fornicating

Chandra Wilson was absolutely adorable during this episode: asking Callie to pick up condoms for her, because she was too embarrassed to do it herself, dodging Chief Shephard when he asked her about her lunchtime appointment, and freaking out at the suggestion of getting a Brazilian wax in preparation for her date (I too have had the “surgical field” conversation with my girlfriends.  It happens to be quite a divisive issue among the female population.)

At the end of the episode, Bailey and Gasman have their iconic third date at his house.  I loved how Gasman called Bailey out on her incessant monologues, and how she tends to use them as a defense mechanism to keep others at bay.  I also thoroughly enjoyed the new couple’s sex talk.  Sure, it sounded like something directly out of an After-School Special, but these two talented actors made the stilted dialogue work well.  What the heck is Shondra Rhimes doing, making us fall for this man, only to steal him away, once we become truly attached to him?  Shame on her!

Dear Callie,

I REALLY NEED to win the Harper Avery Award!  It’s been kind of a crappy year for me.  I just got back from rehab, and my new pipsqueak of a boss keeps kicking me while I’m down, and reminding me of my new lower status in the medical world.  If I won the Avery Award, I could rub it in his pretty boy face.  How do I get that award, dammit?

Sincerely,

Former Dr. McBoozy (Future Avery Award winner?)

I know it sounds terrible to say this, but the whole massive tumor storyline was neither particulary unique nor interesting. (The actor and actress potraying the husband and wife pair grappling with a terminal illness, did a great job, however).  I’m also getting a bit tired of the constant medical one-upmanship aspect of the show. 

 I’d be a bit concerned if I checked into a hospital where all the doctors ever did was show off their techniques for one another and screw each other in the on-call room, instead of ummm . . . you know, trying to make me healthy?  And why does every technique these doctors perform have to be “new” and “never done before.”  What happened to the basics of healing?

In short, Owen’s and Richard’s fight to care for the right to operate on the massive tumor patient was lame.  As was Derek’s excuse for choosing Owen’s “fly by the seat of my pants” technique for the surgery over Richard’s methodical one.  What made this storyline bearable was Cristina Yang. 

I love how she played these two men off of one another for her own personal gain.   I also enjoyed her little dig at Dr. Hotness Jackson Avery for talking up his grandfather’s purportedly altruistic reasons for creating the award in question.   “This has been a message from the Harper Avery Foundation . . .” – classic! 

Also, classic was Meredith’s threatening Owen, after she caught him acting jealous of Sloan for dating Teddy, when he is SUPPOSED to be involved with Cristina.  “[Christina] is part of my team,” asserted Meredith.  “Hurt her and I’ll kick your ass!” 

While Meredith proved herself to be a loyal friend to Cristina, she was significantly  less of one to her half-sister Lexie.  Big Grey merely stared at her sibling, dumbfounded, when Lexie broke down in tears in the bathroom, upon realizing that Sloan was moving on, and that she was not yet over him.  Would a pat on the back have been too much to ask for?

Clearly, Meredith never owned one of these, as a child . . .

In other news, Arizona,  Perky Patron of all things Pediatric, does not want children EVER, but Callie does, and that biological clock is just ticking away.  I smell trouble brewing on the horizon for these two . . .

Does this mean we can’t watch Saturday morning cartoons in bed together anymore?

So what did you think of this episode?  Are you happy about the prospective Teddy / Sloan coupling?  Will jealousy make Owen reevaluate his feelings for Teddy and Christina?  Can Bailey and Gasman possibly make it work when they are on two different television shows?  How do YOU prepare your “surgical field” for date three?